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Why the Norse conquered England

Funky Winkerbean, 1/9/13

As threatened, Crazy Harry is about to do some kind of emotionally scarring sybaritic dance, probably while naked. He’s already basically making sweet love to that comics anthology, right in plain sight of everybody. John, powerless to stop his employee, is desperately trying to minimized the damage. “Can’t let the children see,” he thinks. “We’ll be shut down for sure if any of the children see.”

Hagar the Horrible, 1/9/13

All simple sheep-herding peasants who tend flocks on pastureland within a day’s march of the coast of the North Sea: prepare to have your livestock raided, your family killed, and your village burned to the ground.

Dennis the Menace, 1/9/13

“Plus she’s really, really skinny. Why does she talk about dieting all the time? Sometimes I worry that she has an eating disorder!”

261 responses to “Why the Norse conquered England”

  1. brendancalling
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    I can’t believe you missed the long-awaited HOT TJ AND ANN ACTION.

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Mother Goose & Grimm — Mark Trail makes a cameo appearance (sort of):

    http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=Mgoose&feature_date=2013-01-09

    (Is “Mark Trail Mix” really any better than Ralston Purina’s “Tom Mix Mix”?)

  3. Mr. Fogarty
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    @brendancalling (#1):

    Agreed.

    TJ now has opened this up to a sexual harrassment case.

    Little does Ann know that TJ is recording this all on video and plans to take her to court over this. A MILF attacking the biggest homosexual in Luannville will certainly get her fired.

    Or lead to a foursome with Brad, TJ, Ann, and Toni.

    One can dream.

    Mr. Evans certainly does.

  4. Liam
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Curtis-Edidna became the Sahara Desert which is slowly taking over Africa.

    FW-He takes his clothes off when he does it and there is nothing scarier than a naked, however old, Harry is.

    Gil Thorp-It’s a sign that someone is missing a peacock. You better call that nature guy who lives in the southern part of the state to deal with it.

    MT-”I’m not happy that Mark is coming back. I’m upset. Now he will go back to emotionally neglecting me.”

    MW-”No but in the brief time that I looked at you I accidentally drove into oncoming traffic.”

    Luann-Sorry Ann but TJ only has eyes for himself.

  5. tb4000
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Holy fuck, Billingsley. That’s how you end it?

  6. Dondi's Dad
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Lucky Eddy should have suggested “Why don’t you count sheep? Works for me!” so that when Hagar answers that he has no sheep, he can say “That’s OK, I can’t count!” That way, they could have had a punch line.

  7. brendancalling
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Fogarty (#3): I always thought Gunther was the biggest homosexual in Luannville, what with his fear of kissing Rosa (or for that matter even holding hands with her). TJ’s more that guy that slips a girl a few roofies.

  8. hogenmogen
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Funky: Oh, to his ultimate demise, skunk-head John looks back over his shoulder such as Lot’s wife of Biblical fame. And, similarly, is also turned to a pillar of salt. O sorrow, o misery.

    Who am I kidding? I’d laugh like hell if that happened.

  9. Mumblix Grumph
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    HTH: I had a friend who was a shepherd. He kept falling asleep while taking inventory.

  10. Mibbitmaker
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    MW: “Oh, for Christ sake, Jefferey, give it a rest with the dramatic close-ups, please!?”

    FW: Rated X.
    – not NC17…. X!

    MST3Kwanzaa 2-part finale shortly……

  11. hogenmogen
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    DTM: I can’t help but notice that Mrs. Mitchell serves the kids iced cake, while she herself is having green beans. Dennis is rather on the plump side. Although it seems enjoyable now, Dennis, she’s setting you up for a lifetime of terrible habits and painful, chronic illness – scheduled to set in the day you turn 18 and she can cast you out of the house.

    And telling white lies to his mother for treats? That’s at least a tiny bit menacing. Maybe if I said “paying false praise for personal gain” maybe that would tick the menac-o-meter up a notch.

  12. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#2): …and “Six Chix Mix” is made of ground up bits and pieces of the half dozen cartoonists who write/draw the Six Chix comic.

  13. Christopher
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace: Dennis’s mother eats healthy while stuffing her son with sweets in the hopes that she’ll outlive him.

  14. Comrade Denny
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    GT: So as grief and depression give way to denial and delusion, I must ask, how will this affect Scott’s outside jump-shot?

    Phantom: Gah! This strip has fallen into the blow-by-blow trap where each day extends the story by 30-40 seconds and the dialogue summarizes the previous days’ “action” (which itself is nothing but summarized dialogue). Pro-Tip: Unless you’re name is Dick Locher and those 30-40 snippets are horse pills of violence and insanity, learn how to use transitions.

  15. KreatureFeatures
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Creepy background note on Ann Eiffel’s character from Greg Evans himself: “Ms. Eiffel was sent away to manage a store in Tokyo (where she was) hitting on young women in school girl uniforms.” He explains why this statutory rape took place off-camera: “… mine being a “family strip” and all.” But this is now more like bad porno than a family strip.

  16. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Luann – Please let her be kissing him out of relief for giving her an excuse to leave the hell of managing a fast food franchise. Then, we can end this storyline and get back to something less objectionable, like Gunther’s creepiness, or Luann’s intimate relationship with her laptop. Basically anything that is just disturbing and annoying, but that avoids the headdesking stupidity of the Ann and TJ plot.

    FW – Beating a dead horse here, but how long ago was it that we were lectured about how the term “comics” was an unfair derogatory, and that we should stop infantalizing fans of graphic novels?

    JP – In a competent narrative, Randy would proceed to elope anyway, or April would object, or something would happen. But Judge Parker prefers to simply present the possibility of conflict, then instantly resolve it before anyone has to break a sweat over it. For example, next week the Senior Judge Parker will be driven to the bank on Monday, and panic that he doesn’t have a pen to endorse his huge check with. On Tuesday, he will be handed a pen by the homeless man lying in the gutter outside the branch office, and be able to endorse the check on his back. The homeless man will insist that the Judge keep the pen as a gift.

  17. Hibbleton
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    MW: Is there something about Jeff and cakes that we don’t know? If there is, I hope it’s along the lines of ..”Susquehanna!!”

  18. Marc
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    9CL- If this is what reading Lord Byron leads to, I’d hate to see what happens when these oversexed nutjobs read misattributed Albert Camus quotes.

    A3G- Meanwhile, Evan seals himself inside Margo’s closet and slowly runs out of oxygen.

    Mark Trail- How nice of Mark to call Cherry and let her know that he is ok. He seems to have broken her heart though as she was so excited at the possibility that she would not only never have to see that neglectful nimrod again, but could also collect his life insurance. Then she could abandon Rusty and Doc, and run away with Ranger Tom Martin to the big city in the Northern Part of the State.

    Mary Worth- Dr. Jeff looks drunk enough to drive them into a tree at any moment now.

    Funky- I assume that Crazy Harry’s happy dance involves him whipping out his genitals in some matter. That on it’s own is extremely disturbing, but even more so is that Owen the Idiot seems to really, really want to see this dance.

    Luann- A female coming onto TJ will only serve to enrage him further.

  19. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#15):

    Ewww. So the strip is basically like a Spice Channel movie from the 90s – a porno with all the sex scenes edited out. No wonder it makes no sense. “Wait, why are they suddenly friends, when we just saw them screaming at each other? And why is that tall vase placed right in the middle of the coffee table, right in front of the couch?”

    You have to assume that he has similar back stories on all the other characters, that he writes (and sketches) into his notebook but leaves out of the strip. I’ll bet the “Luann and Quill’s Skype videos” chapter is laminated so the pages don’t stick together.

  20. Marc
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail- There is nothing quite like wrapping up and recapping a bizarre and idiotic series of events, while making empty promises of “stories,” over a great lunch of mustard straight from the jar.

  21. Old Folkie
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    MW – I finally figured out why Mary’s facial expressions look deranged. Her wide eyes and raised eyebrows convey fear, yet she is smiling, therefore portraying schizoid emotion…
    Luann – WTF?!

  22. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#18): A3G- Meanwhile, Evan seals himself inside Margo’s closet and slowly runs out of oxygen.

    Just before he loses consciousness, he finally notices a half-dozen skeletons, also wearing blue suits and clutching comically oversized presents.

  23. Amateur
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Ever get the feeling that Curtis’s mom really hates him?

  24. Mibbitmaker
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    MST3Kwanzaa 12-13 1/9/13
    ~FINALE, pt. 1 — The Riffing~

    P1
    CROW: “Is that one of those find-something-in-the-picture puzzles?”
    MIKE: “Oh, the essence thrives — until the pollution sets in”
    SERVO: “This story is brought to you by the good folks at BP.”

    P2
    CROW: “Uh-oh, wall o’ text!”
    MIKE: “Well, yeah, narration!”
    SERVO: “Oh, the narration thinks it’s better than me?!”

    P3
    MIKE: “It’s like that scene from From Here to Eternity, only without the couple!”
    CROW: “Oh no, this is a metaphor for them having sex!”
    SERVO: “Thanks to the polar ice caps, there’s gonna be alot more of Maya!”
    CROW: “Forever until beach erosion takes over, that is!”

    P4
    MIKE: “Complicated…. or contrived?”
    SERVO: “Biology sure got more complicated for me now!”
    MIKE: “Lives on, except with most nasty divorce cases.”
    CROW: “Wha’ — ‘The END’?! Th-that’s it?!”
    MIKE: “I guess it works as a metaphor…. I guess…”
    SERVO: “That bush baby’s looking mighty smug there!”

    (they get up to leave the theater)

    CROW: “I just wonder why they brought up all the ‘plain’ business?”
    SERVO: “For a rather plain ending, I take it….”

    (door sequence begins)

    Continued……

  25. seismic-2
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    HtH: Nice dodge there, but we all know the real reason Hagar doesn’t count sheep is that he doesn’t know how to count.

    FW: In Westview, a “happy dance” is Le Sacre du printemps.

    JP: Of course April will understand. What bride could possibly object to sharing her honeymoon cruise with her mother- and father-in-law?

    GT: Yeah, it’s a sign, Mia. It’s a sign for you to smile, back away slowly, and frantically look for the nearest police car.

    Luann: Right, Gregg, women are heartless, shallow, evil, manipulative bitches. I think you’ve made that abundantly clear by now.

  26. hogenmogen
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    MW: Dr. Jeff is at first enraged that his not-girlfriend would be gleefully “icing the cake” with another man. In the second panel, he has realized that her control of him and his not-sexuality is total and that the rest of his life will be spent with his balls in a jar somewhere, giving us the wide-eyed stare of ultimate horror.

  27. Pozzo
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Judging from the green glop Alice is ladling onto a plate, she took cooking lessons from Mary Worth. No wonder she’s so skinny — I wouldn’t eat that crap, either.

  28. Crankenstank
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    There’s a reason Hilda has banned Hagar from having sheep in their cabin.

  29. OMEGA SUPREME
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Luann: Awww snap! This is the moment all of us Anne Eiffell/TJ ‘shippers have been waiting for! No, it’s not, there’s no such thing. Nobody cares. At least Greg is sexualizing someone over the age of consent.

  30. hogenmogen
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#25): I think it’s already been dropped that April’s mother and father will be along for the ride, too. It stands to reason that more intervening parental figures could only make the trip more enjoyable.

    Actually, from a practical standpoint, I’d go for it. If my in-laws were coming on my honeymoon, I’d definitely make a point to invite my own family. The two pairs of parents would be hanging out together while I could get some time alone. In the JParkerverse, the families will absolutely hit it off famously. And get prizes.

  31. Verline
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Seriously, and maybe I’m missing something, but could Funky Winkerbean be any more boring? I’d rather go to a Power Point Presentation meeting with flip charts and introductory games than read this “comic”. I once watched water boil for fun (sad, but true), so calling FW boring is really saying a lot.

  32. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Frazz: *awaits the inevitable discussion on what edition she should be using*

    Dilbert: not safe for commodorejohn

    Luann: bow-chikka-bow-bow.

    PBS: *SNURK*

    A&J and R&R share a joke about dog pee.

    SBp: must be one HECK of an extension cord. (wouldn’t a Dust Buster have made more sense, and still preserved the joke?)

    DT: *sniffle*

    JUMBLE: and after she left, the shelves needed to be BIRKEN-STOCKED. *bows*

    MG&G: WIN!!!!! (all that hair, and able to withstand the Fist O Justice.)

    Ghost-who-cat-walks: unlike, say, that purple guy who stabbed you repeatedly with a stick a few minutes back.

    RwO: Scalia is a dick at home as well.

  33. Kimble
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Is it me or has Aristotle transformed into Sir Richard Branson?

  34. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . . nope. not going there. not two days in a row.

  35. The Ghost of Jarrod
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Luann – Wait until Brad finds out about this. He’ll never forgive TJ for cheating on him.

    Luann 2 – If Evans takes the opportunity to make Ann and TJ the evil protagonists of this strip, I take back everything bad I’ve ever said about him. (I’m not worried; he won’t.)

    MG&G – Figures that Mark Trail would be taken out by a biped who’s covered in facial hair.

    Argyle – What is this, comics crossover day?

    Doonesbury – Funny, Jeff’s writing process seems eerily similar to my own. This could be why I’ve got to bang out 500 words quickly in order to make deadline. This could also be why I’m not doing that, and instead commenting on the comics.

  36. Illustrator Steve
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    MT – That must be one cheezy restaurant Mark and Bill choose to dine in since the waitress didn’t even provide glasses for their beers!

  37. cheech wizard
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    LuAnn – Called it! Hateful, angry sex, here we come!

    Curtis – Ohhhkaaayyy …so events like Hurricane Sandy were actually a domestic issue? Sounds like in real life Maya would be a recurring visitor to the county lockup, not to mention the subject of some hellacious restraining orders.

  38. hogenmogen
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#25): I think it’s already been dropped that April’s mother and father will be along for the ride, too. It stands to reason that more intervening parental figures could only make the trip more enjoyable.

    Actually, from a practical standpoint, I’d go for it. If my in-laws were coming on my honeymoon, I’d definitely make a point to invite my own family. The two pairs of parents would be hanging out together while I could get some time alone. In the JParkerverse, the families will absolutely hit it off famously. And get valuable cash prizes.

  39. Illustrator Steve
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    MT – Due to contractual requirements Mark never goes out to eat without wearing his 8 inch diameter Jackelrod button on his sports coat.

  40. seismic-2
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#30): April’s Mom is deceased. Her Dad lives in Mexico and is dying of cancer, and the idea was that the cruise would take April and Randy there so that they could be married in Acapulco (was it?) and he could attend. However, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be going with them on the cruise. Of course, there’s no way of keeping Katherine from going on the cruise. She didn’t just book a suite, she bought the ship. And Mexico, too, just in case.

  41. TheDiva
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    FW: John will use any excuse to get the young boys into his “special back room.”

  42. Dood
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace: “Women, amirite?”

  43. Baka Gaijin
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    The Ann/TJ kiss…sent me to clownsf***king.com to get that terrible image out of my head. The horror, the horror.

  44. hogenmogen
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @Verline (#31): I’m sorry, I’m calling BS on you. A watched pot never boils.

  45. bbofun
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    9CL- When Older Amos (I don’t care what his name actually is, he’ll always be “older Amos” to me) says “I also like your…um…blouse” was he trying not to say “breasts”? Because I can’t think of any other reason for the pause.

    Actually,I hae to say, this strip ALMOST works- they aren’t actively making out at the end, it’s almost the sort of thing a man could say to get his paramour to sit in his lap- it’s just that the joke is so lame. How about “He didn’t have my inspiration” or “his muse obviously didn’t have as nice…um…blouses as you”?

    ASM- KLONKK! is my new favorite sound effect.

    Do you think Stan (or whoever) suddenly realized he missed the opportunity during the Clown-9 arc to have Spidey KLONKKed by an elephant, and that’s what this has all been about?

    A3G- I’ve worn a Santa-suit. There’s NO WAY the shirt Ari was wearing under it isn’t soaking with sweat.

    GT- “I mean, what sort of ham-fisted, pathetic creator would have a peacock running around my backyard if it wasn’t my dead brother, or a sign? That would just be stupid!”

    JP- Waitaminute! If the Parkers are going on a cruise ship, by the laws of soap strips, the ship will have to sink, right/ or be boarded by terrists, or something, right!

    Oh, wait, this is Judge Parker. They’ll just be given the ship at the end of the cruise.

    MW-Look at Dr. jeff’s eyes in panel two (not that you have much choice)- those are the eyes of a child who thinks he’s being neglected.
    Mary- “Oh, Jeff- did you want to design cakes, too?”
    Jeff- “I- yeah, yeah. But it’s okay.”
    Mary- “Aw- let me just help John right now, okay. And then next week, i’ll help you design a cake! Won’t that be fun!”
    Jeff- “Yeah- yeah- okay. Thanks, Mary. And can we get ice cream, too?”
    Mary- “Of course we can! What goes better with cake than ice cream?”
    Jeff- “Yayyy!”

    And- SCENE!

  46. Illustrator Steve
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    MT – “Thank heaven…Mark called, he’s fine and on his way home…right after he stops by the magazine office for a few weeks!”
    (Doc): “NO! He’s probably outside!”
    (Rusty): “OH boy! Maybe Mark will find some neat antique arrowheads on his way home! That is if he doesn’t run into any of those gosh darned sheep killing kidnapper fellows!”
    (Sassy): “ARF! ARF, ARF, ARF! Grrrr-WOOF!!” (translated: “Yeah, and maybe he’ll trip and fall off a cliff and get stuck in quicksand on his way home too! Now, THAT will make a good story!”)

  47. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Fogarty (#3): Does sexual harassment exist in the Luannverse? I mean apart from the sexual harassment routinely inflicted on readers by way of innuendo, which is standard operating procedure where Greg Evans is concerned.

    It will be mildly entertaining to watch TJ throw up on the floor tomorrow, though.

  48. endless sky
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    FW: Of course Harry has to get undressed for the happy dance – he’s already messed his pants in excitement.

  49. Illustrator Steve
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    MT – “Thank heaven you’re finally awake, ranger Tom…Mark called, he’s fine and on his way home!”
    (Ranger Tom): “BUMMER!”

  50. Sequitur
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Lesson from Kwanzaa story – bush babies are killers.

    Got it.

  51. TheDiva
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    9CL: No matter how much he dresses it up in big words and literary references, Brooke’s attitude towards woman basically amounts to “heh-heh, titties.”

    Curtis: So the next time you take your kids to the beach, remember that they’re playing right on top of Edidna and Maya getting biz-zay!

    Luann: So, this has all been the longest set-up for a “powerful older woman is debased and forced to perform sex acts on employee” porno ever.

    MT: “I weep one waxy tear in gratitude!”

    MW: “No, but…I feel the cold hand of plot contrivance forcing me into unreasoning jealousy!”

    SM: I’m trying to find a way to connect the movement in panel two with that in panel one in a way that doesn’t involve some form of teleportation, but so far I’m not successful.

  52. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    no one can resist the Labrador face.

    hug ALL the puppies!!! (you will die of teh kewt.)

    poems are hard.

    sometimes, you just need to dance. (pg-13ish)

    I .gif you FENNECS!!! *dies of teh kewt*

    ikkle corgsqui.

    hovercorgi.

    lets see, we have hovercorgies, a bullpuppy .gif for bb,u, fennecs, bacon, beer, boobs and a Lab. Somethings missing, it needs something to make it a complete perfection of squee. OH! right.

    a little something for Poteet.

    *nirvana*

  53. Dood
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: So, is Randy off to borrow Sam’s free-cruises-for-life card?

  54. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#37):

    Yes, actually there is often a need for restraining orders on natural disasters to prevent this sort of thing. For example: http://www.theonion.com/articles/hurricane-katrina-returns-to-new-orleans-to-apolog,2572/

    SM – So, last week Kraven was able to break out of the webbing by flexing. And this week, the webbing is strong enough to stop a charging elephant in its tracks. I guess complaining about the “spider sense” not noticing an elephant about to squish him is really only the second worst continuity problem in today’s strip.

  55. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Curtis: wait, WUT?!? this whole acid trip of a tale was just to explain the continuing existence of Love Is?!?!?!?!?

  56. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#16): The homeless man will insist that the Judge keep the pen as a gift.

    I won’t jinx you by naming it – but the piece ending with that sentence deserves recognition of some sort.

    // Perhaps the local BPOE can help! (They are, after all, benevolent, protective, orderly, and ungulate.)

  57. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    @Mumblix Grumph (#9): *snurk*

    well played.

  58. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Wasn’t it the Danes who conquered (about half of) England?

  59. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Great job, Josh. Now you’ve tainted my joy in comic-book store naked happy dances. Next you’ll tell me that Marvel killed comic-book Peter Parker.

  60. Illustrator Steve
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    MT – (Rusty Trail): “Mommy? Since Mark is on his way home does that mean Ranger Tom Martin has to pack his things and won’t be sleeping in your bedroom any more?”
    “No worrys, Rusty. You know Mark as well as I do, he’ll get a phone call the moment he enters that front door and be off again within minutes after a quick leisurely stroll around the pond! Hell, that worthless sack of giant beaver droppings hasn’t even SEEN the interior of my bedroom in, what’s it been, at least four or five decades!”

  61. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#60): Giant droppings? I hope they come from standard sized beavers. Standard sized talking beavers. You know, beavers.

  62. Mibbitmaker
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    MST3Kwanzaa 12-13: Conclusion

    (door sequence concludes)

    CROW: “Wow! What a disappointing story! No real wacked-out insanity, just a ‘feel-good’ romantic analogy!”

    MIKE: “Just be grateful this was Curtis, and not 9 Chickweed Lane or Pibgorn!”

    SERVO: “Mike’s right. At least this was kinda lovely –”

    CROW: ” — In its own way.”

    SERVO: “Yeah, not like Brooke McPerv’s idea of love: sexed-up couples with weenie, easily-controlled men and emasculating sex goddesses who occasionally bare their hideously-purportioned teeth in a show of pure evil!”

    CROW: “Yeah, but this ending is a confounding idea of twuuuuue luuuuuuv!”

    MIKE: “And….?”

    CROW: “I just…. hate to see a smug Mary Worth happy about it, that’s all.”

    MIKE: “She does do that.” (pause) “speaking of smugness and pure evil….”

    (Deep 13)

    TVF: “Dr. F, you were wrong.”

    DrF: “How so, Frank?”

    TVF: “That story had both love and magic. Magic: You know, a witch turned people into stuff — and love: those two lovebirds are together forever (*snf!*)”

    DrF: “Oh, c’mon, Frank, you really think non-people are a proper destiny for, you know, people?”

    TVF: “You may be right. It’s kinda like that I Dream of Jeannie movie where Jeannie and Anthony have to meet for the first time all over again? All that neat ’60s stuff that we watched and loved was for NOTHING! And it wasn’t even Major Nelson, IT… WAS… TRAPPER!!!!”

    DrF: “Oh, great! I try to drive Mike and the ‘bots crazy,” (TVF yells “Trapper!” more in background) “and I aim for TV boy here, instead!”

    TVF: “That’s ‘TV’s Frank’, Clayton! DO YOU NOT KNOW ME ANYMORE?!” (blubbering off)

    (DrF gives frustration take to camera and pushes button)

    TVF (voice-over): “*SIGH!* ~ Dave used to not know me anymore!”

    (closing credits)

    STINGER: The January 2 strip, panels 1 and 3.

    THE END

  63. Anonymous
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Kwanzaaganza: Nice little story this year. Too bad it will be spoiled by Billingsly bitching about African-American authors who don’t get published — without providing a list of recommended authors, books, or links.

  64. Anonymous
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    reads “Luann” commentary…..

    Wake me when they have the spinoff with Tiffany, Ann, and Shannon.

  65. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Luann: Just wait until B-wad finds out about this. He will have a FIT…….just imagine. TJ is cheating on him!

  66. Marc
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#45): MW: Mary is going to keep Dr. Jeff in cake baking limbo the same way Mark Trail does with Rusty. She’s just going to keep him hanging onto that little thread of hope that today might be the day they bake a blobby pink cake together.

  67. Illustrator Steve
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    MT – Mark arrives back at the cabin to find no one living there. It seems one of Rusty’s ancient arrowheads had been determined as being the oldest known human made implement on record and thus deemed the most priceless item on the face of the earth. Upon selling the gem for an undisclosed amount, Cherry, Doc and Rusty where able to purchase their dream home! A $10 million dollar condominium overlooking central park in NYC.
    Mark immediately desides to challange that historic record claim in court since he knows for a fact that his boss, Jackelrod, has MANY recycled storys and clip art that are, without ANY doubt, the oldest known known human made things on the face of the earth, not to mention the lamest!
    If Mark wins his case he plans on buying HIS dream home. A gigantic beaver damn located somewhere nearby a nearby city in the southern part of the state with multi-room beaver dens including a nearby annex located directly below the T. Rading Company showroom comlex.
    But first, Mark needs to check his area because…IT WILL MAKE A GOOD STORY!

  68. groddeck
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    GT – Is that a question mark in Scott’s ear in the last panel? Even his body parts are trying to alert people to his mental status.

    Or it could be a nice, almost subtle touch by the artist. Nah.

  69. Ranger
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Ghost Who Lioness Sits: Nobody gonna break my stride. Nobody gonna slow me down, oh no.

  70. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    3G – Life in the unseen bottom half of the 3G world is more interesting than in the part above the waist. I’m pretty sure Ari’s patting Greg on the butt in the first panel.

    Crankshaft – Eating batteries will give Rose energy and aid cell growth.

    Curtis – The bushbaby turned into poop, the other element that pervades everything in the world.

  71. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    love is… …booty flag at full staff and wagging vigorously.

    Marfield – I was just wondering how long it would be before Marvin started looking like a tasty cat turd to the dog, walking around upright and think-talking “Why ya lookin’ at me like that, Bitsy, ol’ buddy?”

    Mary – Looks like this was the final impetus needed to spur Dr. Jeff into that life of random bloody murders he’s been contemplating for so long.

  72. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Nancy – Commitment? Phil can’t even commit to keeping his face the same for three days running.

    Spider-Man – Yeah. No surprise that webbing that could be pulled apart by a man without breaking a sweat would be enough to stop a mere rampaging elephant. Who says this isn’t the Marvel age of consistency?

    Family – Billy’s clearly been using too much “snow.” He looks like he’s ready to snort his own dotted line.

    @OMEGA SUPREME (#29): At least Greg is sexualizing someone over the age of consent.
    That Ann Eiffel’s as hot as, well, Betty Crocker.

  73. Calico
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

  74. AhClem
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#45):

    Oh, wait, this is Judge Parker. They’ll just be given the ship at the end of the cruise.

    No, the Parkers and Drivers just get piles of money. Rex Morgan is the one with the free boat collection.

  75. Amino Man
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    ASM – Sherry provided by guest artist Brooke McEldowney

  76. Calico
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Aw, the end of the Kwaanza story made me choke up a bit!

    Once a man like the sea I raged
    Once a woman like the earth I gave
    But there is in fact more earth than sea.
    - PG

  77. Calico
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    CS – Oh. someone just end our misery.
    Nothing that a little Senokot or Metamucil can’t take care of.

  78. Calico
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#4):
    Accidentally? He’s looking for an active train crossing too.

  79. FeralCanadian
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    “No but… my younger sister used to decorate cakes, until one day she fell in a vat of angel food cake batter. It was so viscous we couldn’t rescue her in time and she suffocated…”

  80. Oregonian
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Dr. Jeff’s hands tightened on the steering wheel and a cold current of fear shot down his spine. The cake baker was a “he”! Mary – his beloved Mary – was getting involved with a man who bakes cakes!

    With a sudden flash of mental clarity, Jeff realized that the signs had been there all along. If only he had paid attention! All that intimate bedroom talk about “frosting”… The things she had made him do with a long, wooden spoon… The role-playing games where she got to be Betty Crocker and he had to be Duncan Hines… It was all so clear now. So painfully clear.

  81. Don Shrug, Going Deeply Into Hock
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#18):

    “9CL- If this is what reading Lord Byron leads to…”

    *************

    I would to heaven that I were such a mark
    As I am blood, bone, marrow, passion, feeling –
    Because when Brooke quotes Byron for a lark –
    I sense old Georgie in his coffin reeling,
    (And scarcely have the heart to write the snark,
    While thinking of the Burbers coyly squealing)
    I say — McE is seriously insane,
    And so, for God’s sake, no more CHICKWEED LANE!

  82. SDL no more!
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Wikipedia makes no mention of Stan Lee‘s father being killed by an elephant, but we Spider-Man True Believers can read between the lines. Which family member died from napping and watching TV is still anybody’s guess.

  83. Perky Bird
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Now that I’ve learned that the sea and the shore are really two disembodied people making sweet, sweet love for all eternity, I’m wondering, does that make sea foam Nature’s KY jelly?

  84. Little Guy
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#63): @Anonymous (#64): Twas me! Cookie Flush!

  85. Shrug, Dying for a Good Laugh
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#22):

    “Just before he loses consciousness, he finally notices a half-dozen skeletons, also wearing blue suits and clutching comically oversized presents.”

    That’s pretty good, Ernest Scribbler, but it might be even better if they were postmen. I mean, it still wouldn’t be the funniest joke in the world, but it could lead up to it.

  86. half nelson
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    I just heard a TV commericial for a law firm offering “tax relief,” pointing out that “the IRS is brutal.” That expression really has legs.

  87. Shrug, Now With More Snack Snark
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#12):

    “…and “Six Chix Mix” is made of ground up bits and pieces of the half dozen cartoonists who write/draw the Six Chix comic.”

    Is it true that “Gorp” is made from ground-up bits of “Gil Thorp”?

  88. Shrug, Presenting the Party Line
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Verline (#31):

    ” I once watched water boil for fun (sad, but true), so calling FW boring is really saying a lot.”

    True Story: I was once at a party where a friend whose last name was “Boyle” explained that no matter how much he drank, so long as he was around other people while doing so, it didn’t seem to affect him. “Ah, ” I said, “you’re telling us that a watched Boyle never gets potted.”

    // I don’t get invited to many parties any more. I wonder why?

  89. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#14): The current “Hello Kitty” storyline is beginning to seriously creep me out. It’s as though Kit has designs on the lioness. What the heck did he put on that dart — a date rape drug? Because the Phantom has a history of doing weird things to big cats:

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aLzwvFGTR20/TK0capYX6UI/AAAAAAAAEuo/WA3k3hDOtOA/s1600/2.jpg

  90. Red Greenback
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Dr. Jeff doesn’t have a problem with that. He just isn’t quite sure how to deal with the frustration of being cakeblocked.

  91. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Don Shrug, Going Deeply Into Hock (#81): Fulgent, effulgent, & refulgent.

  92. Baka Gaijin
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#73): The untold story: the ferry captain was catching up on his November and December comics reading during the auto-piloted cruise phase. The Port Authority police found him in a fetal position surrounded by crumpled Mary Worth strips, whispering “Life is brutal. Life is brutal.”

  93. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Dying for a Good Laugh (#85):

    Sheesh, I was only borrowing a joke, I didn’t expect some kind of Spanish Inquisition!

  94. Shrug, Still Chuckling
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#62):

    Your MST3K riffs are always laugh-out-loud funny. Are you sure “Mibbitmaker’s” secret real identity isn’t Joel Hodgson or somesuch?

  95. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Presenting the Party Line (#88):

    +100

    One of those setups that you wait your entire life to have fall into place like that.

  96. Doctor Handsome
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    Crazy Harry’s Happy Dance is still less disturbing, and less frequently seen, than his Crippling Depression Dance.

  97. cheech wizard
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Brooke’s Big Booke of Mafturbation – I don’t know where this story is going, other than the troll guy is going to turn out to be some kind of demon. Everyone turns out to be a demon in these things. The only one who isn’t is Geoff, and he probably flunked out of demon school at the outset because he couldn’t even spell his own name.

  98. Master Softheart
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Setting aside speculation that Ms. Eifel either plans to use her sexuality to stop her employee’s attempted blackmail (and I can’t help but think that this plot direction would be perfect for other office-oriented strips… I’m thinking Sally Forth should consider this as a way of dealing with her underlings in the art department and Dilbert’s boss should consider it with Wally) or simply finds TJ’s oily incompetence irresistibly sexy (possibly due to some kind of airborne nymphomaniacal infection from 9CL), the key thing in today’s strip is that she managed to at least temporarily banish that horrible, hydrophobic rictus from TJ’s face. I for one would like to thank her and honor her sacrifice.

    Come to think of it, I begin to wonder whether the queasy, implausible, omnipresent lust that pervades 9CL might be inspiring other cartoonists. For a cartoonist deluding himself into believing that the format of a “family comic” prevents him from allowing any of his characters sexual release, this must be an ironic and cruel punishment.

    why doesn’t Dilbert’s boss ever try wacky stuff like this? It would inject some much-needed freshness into the strip

  99. popamatic
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Nice of Mark to always carry a sport coat with him, just in case sophisticated dining is in order. I guess he had that coat rolled up in his duffel bag all this time. And where is Andy? You just know he is out on the sidewalk, tied to a lamppost and staring intently in the window. What we also need to know is where they are dining, as they seem to be drinking Castlemaine XXXX beer, the only beer in yellow cans that I know. I want some, haven’t been able to find any in the states.

    Oh wait, Coors Banquet beer is in yellow cans, too. That changes things.

  100. Doctor Handsome
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    “Count sheep?! I’m suffering from insomnia, not impotency!”

  101. Shrug, Kicking Out at Two
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @SDL no more! (#82):

    “Which family member died from napping and watching TV is still anybody’s guess.”

    I hadn’t realized former ASTOUNDING/ANALOG editor John W. Campbell, Jr. was related to the Stan Lee family.

    (Campbell died while watching television, reportedly pro wrestling. Peter Parker’s first attempt to earn money from his Spidey powers was as a pro wrestler. See, if all fits together.)

  102. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Presenting the Party Line (#88): It’s only fair to respond with the story of the time Dad got bit. He was having back problems and couldn’t get comfortable at night, so in order not to torment Mom with his tossing and turning, he unrolled the old mummy bag on the living room floor. He woke up at some point with the feeling that he’d lain on a burr, which he sleepily picked off himself and went back to sleep. He woke up again later, with a sort of burning sensation, turned on the light, and saw a dead black widow spider on the floor. This is when things started happening. I’ll skip the lengthy part about trying to reach our doctor, and getting ready to go to the emergency room for a shot that would make him sick but save his life, while my oldest sister was having him put ice on the bite. By the time our doctor was reached, it was observed that the red area around the bite had gone down dramatically, from a couple of inches in diameter to about the size of a quarter. It was decided that no further action need be taken, and we all went back to bed. Dad checked the sleeping bag carefully.

    So. The awful postscript. Dad was talking to a couple of musician friends about it, telling him the story I gave above. “It cleared right up,” Dad concluded. “I still have trouble with my back, though.”

    Without wasting a moment, Bob turned to Ann and said “His back is worse than his bite.”

    so we killed him

  103. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Master Softheart (#98): Ann Eiffel will soon be punished beyond the limits of a civilized society when she has sex with TJ and discovers that his “O” face is more of an “EEEEE” face.

  104. Sophia Pygea
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#89): Walker, a catamite! Who knew!

  105. Shrug, Rhyming "Moon" and "June" with "Spitoon"
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Aside from other in-grave-spinning-quality insults to the memory of Lord Byron, are we supposed to believe for one moment that Byron could not come up with a rhyme for “blouse,” when Sondheim used up four such just in one song (“Everybody Ought to Have a Maid”)? House, spouse, mouse, grouse.

    There’s also “rouse” and “carouse,” which should fit easily into any poetry created by or about 9CL characters. And “dowse,” which (in cold water) is the only way to slow down the perpetual boinking activity. And “louse,” short for the crabs they should be exchanging, and “cows,” who are not safe around these characters at times when their preferred human boink partners are not available.

  106. Sophia Pygea
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Rhyming “Moon” and “June” with “Spitoon” (#105): Just thank God he didn’t work “plows” in there, visually.

  107. Shrug, Being Sheepish
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    HtH: When sheep get insomnia, what do they count?

    //I suppose the obvious answer is “Shepherds,” but Jean or Alan or who?

  108. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#93): Sheesh, I was only borrowing a joke, I didn’t expect some kind of Spanish Inquisition!

    Oh, no. No way, buckaroo. Ain’t happening. No one exp… argle brargle smurgh ghet… — Albert Camus

  109. Calico
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#92):
    Thank God no one was killed on this one, nor did anyone lose limbs as far as I’ve heard.
    One person was seriously injured, though. : (
    (Fact – I LOVE ferry boats)

  110. Jim in Wisc.
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    Dennis: So, Alice has an eating disorder? Wanna bet Dagwood Bumstead is her BFF?

    Luann: … umm …

    Pibgorn (a/k/a “Bigporn”): How is it I never discovered this strip before this week? Man, that McEldowney is one sick puppy.

  111. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#104):

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#89): Walker, a catamite! Who knew!

    I don’t think that word means what you think it means:

    http://i420.photobucket.com/albums/pp288/dadwhowalks/The%20Phantom/phantom_0003.jpg

  112. Calico
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#53):
    I’m waiting for the whole wedding party to come down with Noro.

  113. Sophia Pygea
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#111): So, he goes both ways (tigers, humans).

  114. Sophia Pygea
    January 9th, 2013 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#111): I’m a little concerned that you have a collection of these pictures.

  115. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Here on the island of Hawaii, we’ve had a big influx of cattle egrets, which pose a threat to nesting Hawaiian stilts, I think. My brother was visiting, and I told him about this problem, emphasizing that this was something new. Fortunately, he asked the right question – “Didn’t you have them here before?” – so I could reply “Egrets? We had a few, but then again too few to mention.”

  116. Chip Whittle
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Gotta say, in that jacket Mark Trail really sells the image that says, “I’m your celebrity partner all this week on Password Plus!”

  117. Sequitur
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

  118. Baka Gaijin
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Master Softheart (#98): Scott Adams won’t have Pointy Haired Boss do anything sexxxxy to prevent the drop in productivity in American businesses when workers across the country lose their lunches at their workstations. On the other hand, you’ll know when Hewlett-Packard starts sponsoring Dilbert…

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#103): I didn’t need to have that thought put in my brain. TJ’s O-face. Ugh.

    @Calico (#112): Do you really think that’s much of a punishment? With real mink towels and swans necks to use for “cleansing,” they’re not doing much suffering. Hell, they’ll probably hire people to puke and, uh, “spray paint” the toilets for them. @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#115): It’s not often you get a setup like that in real life.

  119. Liam
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    Curtis-So the woman is turned into sand and the guy is turned into water and they are still aware of what is going on. I wouldn’t call this a happy ending I would call this a “Nightmare Fuel” and “And I Must Scream” ending.

  120. Downpuppy, Marker of Snails
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Fogarty (#3): I’m not entirely sure, but I think TJ was fired before being kissed.

    Thus, rather than harrassment, it’s just the courtesy of a reacharound.

  121. Baka Gaijin
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#118): Whoops, sorry. Unexpected sneeze got me clicking the “Post” button instead of the “Preview.”

  122. Tom the Sailor Man
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#93):

    NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!

    (Somebody had to say it. Apologies to the Reverend Scudder)

  123. Randy
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Say, Mark? “Doing” a story means sitting your ass down and writing one. You know–the actual “work” writers are supposed to be doing instead of gallivanting off on fishing trips (that never seem to entail actual fishing). Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

  124. Government Cheese
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Romance at WeenieWorld? Oh indeed! Oh, this tale is particularly naughty! Lusty, baudy, deliciously risque! I am ravished to say, bordering on an indecent, saucy, randy, suggestively off-color tale of rrrrribaldry! Isn’t it?

    Now that Mr. Evans has taken this plot to a new heights, I’ll continue following this tale of forbidden romance with my “Tales of Ribaldry” outfit I recently purchased – take a look:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Fredrik_av_Hessen.jpg

  125. Liam
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Curtis-Let us the end story with the thought the water Curtis put on his cereal, because the family is too poor to afford milk, is Maya.

  126. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#114):

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#111): I’m a little concerned that you have a collection of these pictures.

    Are you implying something?

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_0WGbbAaNY6w/TBnWP9d8i8I/AAAAAAAAFVM/tdLGMEiNdwU/s1600/Girl+Phantom+3.jpg

    Kit is a metasexual (he likes big cats, young boys and female relatives).

  127. Liam
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    MT-Yes, Mark, write a story about the little island republic that is in desperate need of help that all of your six readers will read. At least that is what your editor tells you but instead the editor files your stories into the trash can.

  128. Sophia Pygea
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#126): I’m imagining thats sort of what a guy visualizes when they engage in solitary vice? A feminine form of himself?
    Guys?

  129. Comrade Denny
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#89): Tell me about it! He certainly seems anxious to get the lioness out of Llongo jurisdiction and into the Deep Woods — perhaps to give it the ol’ Bandar Tongue? Looks like Bangalla needs to pass its own Mann (Who Cannot Die) Act.

  130. Sophia Pygea
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#125): Maya will return to Edidna when Curtis stops to water a tree on the way to school.

  131. Sophia Pygea
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#124): Let’s suggest a new project: ‘The Decameron’ as interpreted by Greg Evans.

  132. Sequitur
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    When I play golf my ball always seems to end up in the Edidna trap.

  133. Liam
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Curtis-This ending explains why I thought I heard screaming this morning when I was taking a piss.

  134. Sophia Pygea
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#132): That’s a hazard you just have to accept.

  135. Voshkod
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#131): I don’t think he has enough regular characters to tell ten stories about.

  136. Sophia Pygea
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#132): If Sequitur’s club swings both ways, his ball winds up in both the Edidna trap and the Maya hazard. NTTAWWT.

  137. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mark puts on his best lunchbag-colored blazer, even though he and Bill are at a dive bar that only serves Budweiser in the can. As Cherry reminds us, Keep America Beautiful.

    Ziggy: Why is Ziggy going to a gym run by a guy who looks like Uncle Fester with breasts? If that’s what he wants, he can just let genetics take their course.

    C-Shaft: Crankshaft may seem like a callous asshole here, but appearances can be deceiving. His hope is that a few exemplars of his “humor” will induce vomiting in Rose.

    Archie: Since Betty is wearing a filmy pink teddy for her, ahem, date, I guess she and Archie are staying in for the night. Or at least Archie will stay in for as long as he’s able.

    BC: Wiley really won’t appreciate being left off the prehistoric Mount Rushmore, and may start a breakaway republic.

    RMMD: Wow, it looks like Delores really is going to treat the guests to the striptease many of them are no doubt hoping for. It will probably be confrontational and performance arty, but some people are into that.

    BB: Miss Buxley abducted a girl to serve as Sarge’s concubine for the night. I’d be more uncomfortable if I weren’t certain Sarge would let her off with barely a peck on the cheek.

    GT: “We’ve always been an NBC family, which is why our parents named him after Leno.”

    Luann: Trust me, Ann, the job isn’t that good.

    S4th: Looking at it optimistically, maybe Nona has decided that brooding and sullen will get her through the transition to adolescence better than bubbly and scatterbrained.

    Curtis: And yet, whenever I yell “Hey get a room you two!” at the sea and the sand, everybody on the beach stares at me like I’m a lunatic.

    Marvin: … and instead of starvation the wolf would die of sepsis within a few hours.

    A3G: So Virgin bought out the Bond franchise, right? I can’t think of any reason for Richard Branson to appear and start talking up Greg to Margo.

  138. Sophia Pygea
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#135): He has enough characters if he breaks up the couples; you know, Luann/Quill, Bernice/Delta, Brad/TJ, Mr. DeGroot/Shannon, etc.

  139. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    Based on the green glop she’s spooning onto her own plate, I’d say Alice Mitchell stays scary thin with the help of the Charterstone diet.

  140. Government Cheese
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#131): Hmm, that would be an interesting project, indeed. I’ll have to procure a new wig to read through that one.

  141. greghousesgf
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Has counting sheep ever actually worked for anybody?

  142. Liam
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    BC-So is future generations us?

  143. Sophia Pygea
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#141): I play “A my name is Alice” when I can’t sleep. Always out before the second time through the alphabet. No sheep, though.

  144. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Master Softheart (#98):

    (and I can’t help but think that this plot direction would be perfect for other office-oriented strips… I’m thinking Sally Forth should consider this as a way of dealing with her underlings in the art department and Dilbert’s boss should consider it with Wally)

    Your ideas for Dilbert would certainly uncover new wrinkles in the structure of the tech/whatever company they all work for. Some papers in the South might drop it, but that’s the price you pay for being on the cutting edge.

  145. bats :[
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#46): yeah…my imagined fourth panel was Rusty, initially being excited at Mark’s return, only to turn weepy like Cherry when he admits to himself that Mark will undoubtedly find yet another reason to weasel out from taking him fishing.

  146. Shrug, Harshing His Own Mellow
    January 9th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#128):

    “I’m imagining thats sort of what a guy visualizes when they engage in solitary vice? A feminine form of himself?”

    I don’t think I’ve ever fantasized about a woman with muttonchop whiskers, no.

  147. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#143): B is for Basil assaulted by bears. . . .

  148. Voshkod
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#138): Perhaps. I suppose it’s a safer project then Greg Evan’s interpretation of Gravity’s Rainbow or Brooke McEldowney’s interpreation of the 1967 Eugene, Oregon, Yellow Pages.

  149. Sophia Pygea
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Harshing His Own Mellow (#146): Well, you don’t know what you’re missing, then.

  150. Voshkod
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#147): Now you’re talking. I’d love to see The Gashlycrumb Tinies reinterpreted by some of today’s comic artists.

  151. Illustrator Steve
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    MT – “Do you think the people on the island will get some help?”

    “Yes, Bill, I hope so… I going to do a story about them!”

    “Oh, so by you doing a story about those poor miserable pathetic impoverished island people living under the control of a gun toting corrupt regime, you plan on lining your own filty pockets with not only comfortable sized regular pay checks, corporate perks, monthly bonuses and five year product emdorsement contracts but also from the eventual book and movie royaltys? Not to mention what you will be paid for appearing on Leno and Letterman! You know, Mark, you really are a cold hearted, uncaring, numb as a stump bastard, Mark Trail!”

    “Yes, Bill I….huh?”

  152. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#150): L is for Lio, drawn by Tatulli. . . .

  153. Downpuppy, Marker of Snails
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#151): But on the + side, it will probably get enough attention on the main island that they’ll send a couple boats over to round up or slaughter Otto, his gang, and everybody who talked to Mark.

  154. Voshkod
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#152):

    L is for Luann, died unloved of old age,
    P is for Pig, cooked up with some sage.

  155. Bootsy
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    FW: Happy dance? Is that a thing?

  156. Wally Winkerbean
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Correct me if I am wrong, but is part of Crazy’s Happy Dance include pitching a tent in his pants?

    Sure looks like he has a pup tent going there in panel one.

    Or maybe the start of a two-man one.

    Know what I mean?

    Nudge Nudge Wink Wink(erbean)

  157. Illustrator Steve
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    MT – (Rusty): “Cherry? WHEN do you think Mark will get here?”
    (Cherry): “Any day now, Rusty. Bill Ellis said Mark left the yacht when they arived back in Miami and is planning on doing the last leg of his journey by canoeing the Itercoastal (or InTRAcoastal) waterway from south Florida to somewhere in the southern part of our state where he will go to a nearby city to check his area before continuing to LOst Forest. Should be oh, I’d say mid july or so as a good guess. Why, Rusty?”
    “Oh, no special reason, I just wanted to be ready for my next major dissapointment when gets here and makes promises to me that he never fullfills, that’s all. Oh yeah, plus the fact I need time to arm all of my homemade booby traps I have placed all around the cabin before he gets here! Ain’t that right, Doc?”
    (Doc): NO! He’s probably outside!”

  158. bats :[
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#89): I still love the illustrations of the lioness. OTOH, this new Animal Planet series, “Drug-Addled Animals I Have Known,”…

  159. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    as seen in Crankshaft. (slighty naughty for work.)

  160. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: I was going to complain about Spidey’s webbing working on an elephant but not Kraven, but then I realized that elephants don’t really do side-steps to kick lame superheroes. I have suspended my disbelief so far it’s swinging from the ceiling.

    Andy Capp: Hahaha! A woman who can’t cook!

    Apt. 3-G: Hmm. I’m not usually one to get into kerning and pixels and whatnot, but today’s dialogue really looks like parts of it were erased and rewritten. Perhaps someone can help me figure out what it originally said?

    - I’ll get glasses _____, Ari.
    - No hurry. I’ll _____ with Margo.
    - So, my dear, _____ change of heart when it comes to Greg.

    Beetle Bailey: Hahaha! A woman who’s ugly!

    9 Chickweed Lane: Fun fact: Lord Byron had a pet wombat (among other things) who slept in the soup tureen on his dining room table. Source: Will Cuppy, who is never, ever wrong.

    Luann: Hahaha! A woman who likes TJ! (alt: a woman who uses sex appeal to get what she wants, since liking TJ is…improbable.)

    Mark Trail: Well, now that I’ve showered, shaved, and changed into new outdated clothes, it’s time to pitch stories over dinner with my editor. My wife? What about her? Oh yes, son, I suppose I have one of those too, if you insist. But only if you insist.

    Mary Worth: I think Dr. Jeff is convinced the UFO’s are going to come soon.

    Pibgorn: Hahaha! A woman who thinks she can beat an internet troll! (Kill me.)

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Hahaha! A woman who wears a shawl! No, wait. This is Rex Morgan. That shawl could turn out to be an important plot point, because why not.

  161. Calico
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    FW – Look at how excited Owen seems to be in panel one!
    Comix Corner – go for the comics, stay for the pathetic sexebitions.

  162. Calico
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#159):
    I’m absolutely stunned and insulted by this image! What a sin!
    *Look at the price of gasoline back then!*

    ; D

    Tips, etc.

  163. Dood
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Isn’t a story about a group of islanders living under a despotic regime that relies on kidnapping and extortion as a means of enhancing its trade balance more of a New York Times piece rather than Woods & Wildife material? I mean, you do have the rifle-fishing angle, but that’s a sidebar at best.

  164. bats :[
    January 9th, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

  165. Horace Broon
    January 9th, 2013 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Never let it be said that this feature doesn’t give the public what they want.

    Curtis: What. The. Hell?

    MW: Dr Jeff isn’t jealous of Cake Guy, at least not in the conventional sense. That haunted look in his eyes reflects the realisation that, while he thought Mary could be weaned off her addiction using Wilbur’s advice column – the methadone of meddling, if you will – she’s back on the hard stuff again.

    Pluggers: You’re a Plugger if you’re completely covered in fur.

  166. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 9th, 2013 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#165): no one plugs like Gaston. . . .

  167. bats :[
    January 9th, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#160): Tycho Brahe, in addition to having a silver nose (dueling accident), also had a pet moose that Tycho delighted in getting drunk. The moose eventually slipped on stairs, fell and broke a leg, and died.
    Some astronomers are assholes.

  168. Aviatrix
    January 9th, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#163): Mark Trail’s real income is as a political analyst for The Economist. He does those little Woods & Wildlife pieces as a way to relax in between international trips. You didn’t think he was supporting a family on what he gets paid writing about threatened duck families on condominium sites, did you?

  169. Comrade Denny
    January 9th, 2013 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#163): The problem is that the Times has a long history of animosity toward the República d’Otto in its coverage and might not be amenable to a piece that portrays its ruler as a tough but honorable Robin Hood-type. It’s better suited for Counterpunch, really.

  170. Red Greenback
    January 9th, 2013 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    HtheH: “Because Carly Fiorina’s 2010 Senate campaign ad, that’s why.”

  171. Aviatrix
    January 9th, 2013 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#169): My hat is off. Subtlety for the win.

  172. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts!
    January 9th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#5):

    Your comment could be directed to Jackelrod about every Mark Trail arc as well.

  173. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts!
    January 9th, 2013 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    MT – WTH? So Mark was kidnapped, released, and takes time out to lounge with EditorBillEllis at a bar instead of rushing home to see his family?

    // On second thought, I’m not surprised at all.

  174. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 9th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#128):

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#126): I’m imagining thats sort of what a guy visualizes when they engage in solitary vice? A feminine form of himself? Guys?

    I usually visualize a robotic version of myself:

    http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20081027083103/marvel_dc/images/7/73/Justice_League_of_America_Vol_1_13.jpg

  175. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 9th, 2013 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    bats :[ #167,
    I’m not sure if it’s the alcohol to blame there or the fact that moose aren’t really built to handle stairs.

  176. Sophia Pygea
    January 9th, 2013 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#174): The stands full of spectators doesn’t inhibit you, then.

  177. KreatureFeatures
    January 9th, 2013 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail nods dumbly, as Bill the Editor lies: “We can relax! I took the suitcase of cash back to the bank. Don’t ask me where my spiffy new jacket and $100 haircut came from! Lunch is on me.”

    I predict Bill is never coming back. He and Kelly Welly will soon be bonking on some tropical island, and Mark’s story will sit, unpublished.

  178. tallyHO
    January 9th, 2013 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#22):

    If Evan’s Adventure is in the “Twilight Zone” “Apartment 3G” then he isn’t just inside of Margo’s closet clutching his package along side skeleton which are also clutching their oversized, wrapped gift boxes.
    Soon, Evan will discover that the next time he sees Margo it will be when she opens up her huge present Christmas present and she will be looking down at him and the other dolls that exist in Margo’s Ex-Boyfriend Bedroom Playset. Evan is the latest addition to it, the Golden Slicker Evan doll.

  179. Baka Gaijin
    January 9th, 2013 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#136): BURN!!!

    @Wally Winkerbean (#156): He’s on the other end of the rope in Beetle Bailey. Sarge wants in on that pup tent.

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#160): You know, I’d prefer a wombat in the soup tureen were I somehow forced to dinner at a Charterstone apartment. Much rather prefer. Actually, I’d prefer the aperitif to be a Clorox Colada, and make it a double.

  180. Sequitur
    January 9th, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Today at lunch I was relaxing and listening to the “Spa” channel of XM Radio when they played a song with surf and wind sound effects in the background. I could imagine the wind blowing the sand into the surf and thought, “Horrors! Such pornography on the airwaves!”

  181. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 9th, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#155): You’ve never met a linux admin who’s code finally worked after three days banging on a keyboard.

    Yer damn right I did a “happy dance”.

  182. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 9th, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    FW – I think that the Happy Dance will likely take the form of those horrible Naked Dancing Baby GIFs that used to appear all the time next to ads announcing that Obama had just signed the “Free Money For Idiots” act. When he is finished, Harry will sheepishly peel the shredded pieces of paper off of his dick and put his clothes back on, while Two-Tone re-crates the soggy, soiled Flash Gordon Sundays with Jungle Jim Toppers, while mentally kicking himself for showing them to Crazy in the first place.

  183. Mr K Martin
    January 9th, 2013 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    FUNKY WINKY: The Unspeakable horror of the Happy Dance is now over. Soon the Flash Gordon comics will be pregnant.

  184. Calico
    January 9th, 2013 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    JP – annnnnd, another lesson in what to look for in passive-agressive situations…

  185. Jasper
    January 9th, 2013 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    MT- WTF Elrod. From beginning to end, terrible plot. Up next, Mark will be at Lost Forest just long enough to deny Rusty that long awaited fishing date and deny Cherry intimacy before an incident takes him to a city in the southern part of the state.

  186. Adam Bahm
    January 9th, 2013 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Hello fellatio!

  187. Shrug, Noting That Wombat Spelled Backwards is Almost "Notlob"
    January 9th, 2013 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#160):

    “9 Chickweed Lane: Fun fact: Lord Byron had a pet wombat (among other things) who slept in the soup tureen on his dining room table. Source: Will Cuppy, who is never, ever wrong.”

    I love Cuppy, and he was never wrong for certain higher values of “wrong,” but I think he was just kidding about Byron.

    On the other hand, Dante Gabriel Rossetti famously had *two* wombats. Some people just can’t resist the temptation of keeping up with the Joneses, or the Byrons.

    I love the line in this article:

    “From about 1803, a steady trickle of live wombats reached Europe.”

    //I assume they later fixed the leaks in the wombat pipeline, so that they could start to gush out instead.

  188. Comrade Denny
    January 9th, 2013 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @Jasper (#185):

    …before an incident takes him to a city in the southern part of the state.

    You know, it is about time for Mark Trail to tackle the phenomenon of urban homesteading — it’s been a “thing” for over twenty years now and there’s no lack of facial or otherwise unkempt hair in that scene! … Elrod’ll ignore issues of race, class, and gentrification, naturally, and focus instead on how those filthy hippies heavy-metal poisoned themselves by growing their taters and ganja on old industrial sites.

  189. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 9th, 2013 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @Mr K Martin (#183): Soon the Flash Gordon comics will be pregnant.

    It looks like Prince Vultan will finally get the opportunity to use his invasive vaginal ultrasound wand on Flash…

    http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a321/sardaukar1/PDVD_003-20.png

  190. tallyHO
    January 9th, 2013 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    Nancy The Fritzi’s boyfriend’s name escapes me right now (Dooley, Sprocket? Whatever) but the guy is being drawn differently day-to-day, week-to-week.

    Eventually, Fritzi’s boyfriend will morph into Dilbert. It is just his evolutionary path. I mean, just look.

    Someone should make an evolutionary chart. Make sure to include a rock at the beginning of the timeline and Dilbert at the end.

  191. tallyHO
    January 9th, 2013 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Jasper (#185):

    Oh. I see Mark Trail walking through the door of the cabin to the open arms of Cherry and Rusty. (with Doc off somewhere continuing his madcap genetic experiments).

    After saying how great it is too be back AND before Cherry and Rusty can make requests of him, Mark will point blank, unequivocally declare that he just went through an arduous ordeal in which he “was constantly using, to the point of needing a vacation from using, his pole.”

    So, he will lay down the dictum that he has no desire whatsoever to use a pole and will forbid both Cherry and Rusty from bring up uses for his pole. Then he walk away from them, go sit in his easy chair, whistle a tune with a smile on his face and thinking of Senorita Momjeans while waiting for a stack of pancakes to be put on his TV tray.

  192. yaoi huntress earth
    January 9th, 2013 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: When you think about it, Brooke is the Laurel K Hamilton of the webcomic world. Both do folklore creatures in a modern setting (vampires and fairies) with clever ideas that never really get explored, author avatars that have lots of sex (Geoff and Anita Blake), lovers who have little to no life outside their partners, structureless stories with no real plot, uber-powerful characters that can pull powers out of their asses (Anita and Drusilla), both had promise as writers but let their work fall to satisfy their own masturbation fantasies and egos and humiliation of strawmen (their critics).

    The only differences is their genders, LKH’s pathological hatred of blond white women and Brooke’s characters talking like a drunken Fraiser Crane and torture/bondage fetish.

  193. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 9th, 2013 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#190): Someone should make an evolutionary chart. Make sure to include a rock at the beginning of the timeline and Dilbert at the end.

    But one rock won’t do. It has to be THREE rocks. (Ernie Bushmiller always drew three rocks in the strips. No one seems to know why…)

    And the boyfriend’s name is “Phil” as in “Phil Fumble.”

  194. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 9th, 2013 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Noting That Wombat Spelled Backwards is Almost “Notlob” (#187): If Cuppy is Always Right, I am Always Wrong. It was the Rosettis who had one or more wombats – Cuppy only mentions one.

    But this part is wonderful:

    The Wombat slept in a silver epergne in the middle of the dining-table – a good-sized epergne, I should think, as Wombats often run to a length of forty inches. The Reverend Charles Lutwidge Dodgson used to call and there is a possibility that he turned the drowsy creature into the Dormouse of the Mad Tea Party, though I should think that if he wanted a model for a Dormouse he might have used a Dormouse. Christina put a Wombat into her poem, “Goblin Market,” probably the same one.

    So there you have it, never happier to be wrong than for one of my favorite animals, the wombat.

  195. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 9th, 2013 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#118): The countless times I’ve tried, and failed, to set up that “egrets” joke is evidence of that!

  196. bats :[
    January 9th, 2013 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

  197. tallyHO
    January 9th, 2013 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#193):

    And the boyfriend’s name is “Phil” as in “Phil Fumble.”
    Right, right.
    For a bit there, I was going to refer to him as “Fulcrum of Forgettability”.

  198. Majicou
    January 9th, 2013 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: And so our hero achieved his dream of spewing fluid all over his girlfriend forever, or at least until the beach eroded and they broke up.

    FW: It’s particularly vital that nobody witness Crazy’s “happy dance,” because, well… let’s just say Crazy has Jungle Jim toppers.

    H&L: Headline: “Nobel Prize for Physics Awarded to Baby for Quantum Gravity Theory”

    Marvin: Any wolf that ate Marvin would soon die from fecal coliform infection, but we would salute that animal’s sacrifice.

    MW: Driving off a bridge in 3… 2… 1…

  199. tallyHO
    January 9th, 2013 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#193):
    <iBut one rock won’t do. It has to be THREE rocks. (Ernie Bushmiller always drew three rocks in the strips. No one seems to know why…)

    Yeah. I didn’t know this until I began reading this version of the strip.
    Actually, maybe it was in yesterday’s strip, Fulcrum Forgetmeplease referred to the town as being called “Three Rocks”. I presume that is a RetCon of some sorts that squeezed meaning from the triple stone theme.

    As it goes, for three rocks, from a drawing perspective, it makes sense to have the rocks grouped in threes. And, there is a chance it just evolved into an in-joke in the comic. I know there are “Nancy” historians out there. Maybe others know the divine answers that lie in the riddles of the strip. Like, does Sluggo have family? If so, they must be a collection of goofballs. What would be awesome is if Sluggo called that hypothetical, dad, mom and brother: Fuggo, Muggo and Bruggo.

  200. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 9th, 2013 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#189): Of course, I meant to say “TRANSvaginal ultrasound wand.” (Since I still manage to confuse “fats” with “trans fats,” I beg your indulgence…)

  201. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 9th, 2013 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#199): I believe Sluggo Smith (or “Smif”) has kinfolk living in the rustic hamlet of Hootin’ Holler.

  202. seismic-2
    January 9th, 2013 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#199): Like, does Sluggo have family?
    In the comic books (which may or may not be regarded as canon by the comic strip fans), I’m pretty sure he didn’t. (I wouldn’t be willing to wager all that much on my memory of those comics, though.) Insofar as I recall, every time when we saw him at home (a run-down shanty), he was alone. In one short “add on” story at the end of the book, though, I remember that reference was made to his having a mother who made him get out of the house while she cleaned it that day. That was a one-page gag rather than an extended story, and it was probably written for hire by someone who had no experience with or knowledge about Nancy comics, so I would tend to ignore it.

    Phil Fumble appeared in the comic books a lot, back in the day.

  203. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 9th, 2013 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#15): Evans and McE: two approaches to the same dilemma: how to write a comic in which your characters are creepy sex fiends when editors and the general public will not approve?

    Evans: Keep the salacious details generally to yourself, occasionally hinting at them with tidbits in your blog and releases of “unofficial” sketches of the characters.

    McE: Get rid of the editors and block the general public from commenting, and wank away.

    It’s at times like this that I appreciate the comparatively wholesome naughtiness of Oglaf.

  204. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#197): And the boyfriend’s name is “Phil” as in “Phil Fumble.”

    Of course. Everyone knows that. Sheesh, tallyHO, you really dropped the ball on that one.

  205. Liam
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    A3G-Why do you need glasses? Ari’s been drinking the stuff straight from the bottle for the past few weeks.

    MT-”I’ve already called my friends in the military to begin bombardment of the island.”

    JP-April will understand completely and this guy will be spending his entire marriage sleeping on the couch.

    Gil Thorp-While the coaches are talking about the time they burned down the tattoo parlor and killed the owner and his assistant.

  206. Zerowolf
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    Luann: And TJ now gets further with Ann than Brad ever dreamed of going with Toni. Rosa and Gunther go further than Quiill and Luann ever did. Moral of the story: The Degroots are not allowed to breed and the world breaths a sigh of relief/

  207. Liam
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    FW-”The dance is special but it’s not as special as the two of you.”

  208. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#148): I can’t imagine McE doing anything to do with Oregon. His world consists of New York and the major cities of Europe, plus one pond.

  209. Zerowolf
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    FW: Since the Crazy Harry Happy Dance is the most interesting thing to happen in this strip in months, naturally it will occur all “off camera.”

  210. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#160): Fun fact: Lord Byron had a pet wombat (among other things) who slept in the soup tureen on his dining room table. Source: Will Cuppy, who is never, ever wrong.

    Surely it was a hedgehog? ’cause otherwise that’s a damn big tureen.

  211. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#174): I have to say, it’s refreshing to see a comic book cover in which the two female characters aren’t twisted around like Silly Putty so that readers can enjoy the sight of their boobs and butts at the same time.

  212. Zerowolf
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    MW: Here we go with “retired hotel manager, blah, blah, blah…” The Moy/Giella OCD is right on schedule.

  213. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#182): You know, if Crazy Harry gets this excited just by the comics showing up in the store, what do you think he’ll do when it comes time to sell one?

    Shriek at the would-be purchaser while snatching it from their hands? Hover over the pile of them glowering menacingly? Dissolve into puddles of tears as they go out the door?

  214. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#189): God DAMNIT. Seeing that picture made the “Flash! Aw-WAH” theme song from that movie launch in my head. ::growl, stomp stomp::

  215. Liam
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    Luann-TJ is shocked because he can’t go through with his plan of breaking into Ann’s house raping her and then murdering her.

  216. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

  217. Lenoxus
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    Something which never happens happened: this Hagar made me laugh even without commentary. There’s something funny about imagining him self-righteously giving the table a pound of his fist as he explains things. Just me, huh?

  218. Zerowolf
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    JP: It’s a sign all right, a sign your grief has made you completely delusional.

  219. Zerowolf
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Bristol Cities rhymes with titties, what do you mean he couldn’t find a rhyme?

  220. Droopy Says
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t it time for the Wee Falk Leprechaun to show up and explain The Phantom? “For those who have only been paying attention for the past two months, Kit has discovered that the lionness is a real animal and not an immortal ghost, and rather than act on this knowledge he, um . . . damn, didn’t he think the Llongo elders were running a scam? Something to do with mineral rights? Help me out here, somebody, and while you’re at it fetch me another drink.”

  221. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    Luann is…..Angry Make-up Sex!

  222. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 9th, 2013 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    I just woke from a nightmare of TJ and Eiffel having sex on the Weenie World floor while Pibgorn characters hover around giving advice and we’re all compelled to watch.

    Nice way to start the morning, I don’t think.

  223. Mr. O’Malley
    January 9th, 2013 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    Talking about jokes that take years to set up, a while back we went to this area outside of Flagstaff where they had all kinds of interesting things to walk to like a volcanic cinder cone and a prehistoric Indian village and so on. This place happened to be on an Indian reservation. After a few hours hiking around we got back to the parking lot, and my wife wanted to use the toilet facilities, except there was a big sign on the restrooms saying that they were closed for installation of electric lighting.

    “Well,” I said brightly, “Here’s a case of someone wiring a head for an Indian reservation!”

    Unfortunately there was no one there to hear this sally (which I had been saving up from Utah Phillips about 20 years earlier) but my wife, and she never laughs at my jokes.

  224. seismic-2
    January 9th, 2013 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    I have often heard urban legends about this headline. The story goes that for no particular reason it occurred to a reporter who then waited for years to use it, only to have it killed by a less-inspired (but better-thinking) editor. However, it seems to be the case that apparently at least one newspaper, somewhere, sometime, did in fact use it.

  225. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 9th, 2013 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    MW “You don’t have a problem with that, do you?”
    “No, but-”
    “Well, that’s a good thing, Jeff, because if you do, you just go pound sand!”

    BG&SS, Eds. I love it that Loweezy’s steamy romance novel “Love an’ Tears” is written in Hooterite pidgin.

    MT “I’m going to do a story about them!”
    Mark talks a lot about these “stories,” but have we ever seen even one? I think Mark strings Editor Bill Ellis along about writing these stories the way he strings Rusty along about fishing with him.

    Luann It looks like Ann is probably making a desparate attempt to bribe TJ with her sexual favors. But I’d like to dream that Ann is giving TJ a kiss to congratulate him on becoming even more evil than she is.

    Crankedshaft You know, that’s not really a joke, now is it?

  226. tallyHO
    January 9th, 2013 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#204):

    …Phil Fumble…you really dropped the ball on that one.”

    Hotchey Motchey!

    That is a good call!

  227. MWDG
    January 9th, 2013 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    MW: I can only imagine the tricks that John Dill learned from prostitutes and lonely business women (and perhaps men)who stayed at the wondrous hotel he managed. Who can blame Mary after being stuck in a decade long “relationship with sad, impotent, feeble, dyslexic, catatonic, fecal-minded Jeff she getting her freak on with Charterstone’s resident super stud, John Dill.

    Next we will see Mary blowing smoke rings from a blunt while John Dill lays next to her on a filthy bed strumming a banjo. Perhaps an young Asian prostitute shares their bliss and provides them with opium.

  228. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 9th, 2013 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#196): Whoa! Get that Greek a toga!

  229. Jamus The Bartender
    January 9th, 2013 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I feel so filthy. And not in a good way.

  230. tallyHO
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    @MWDG (#227):

    Y’know, somehow this never it occurred to me.

  231. tallyHO
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth An Altered States reality where all of the characters live in a little condo complex known as Sugarcone.

    Sugarcone
    ACT I, Scene 1:

    Doctor Jeff, in his best bad Cary Grant impersonation:

    Mary, Merry, Mare-ee!
    You can’t spend every free meddling moment in the company of meddle magnets! You must make more time for me!

    Mary, with an astonishingly, solid white hair helmet going on:

    Jeff, if someone needs my help, what ever on earth brings them to me, does so with a Higher Purpose in mind. If a Higher Power calls me then I must do what it commands, get close to it and try to take it down! It is my destiny to achieve so much, much more!

    Doctor Jeff, eyes a poppin’, sweat beads a flowin’:

    Well, pardon me for questioning your Higher Authority, Your Majesty! As you well know, Mary, I have needs! Not little needs either. Big ones! If I don’t get them fufilled…well, I…I…

    Mary:

    Aloud, she utters: Gasp!
    Thinking to herself, she frets:

    “I hope he’s not thinking what I think he’s thinking about thinking about doing!”

    //this is all in good, clean fun by the way…or is it?

  232. Mr. O’Malley
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @MWDG (#227): … smoking a whacking great cheroot
    And wasting Christian kisses on a heathen idol’s foot?

  233. Baka Gaijin
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#230): You know, me either. That there is an unsavory visage. A rather unpleasant one even without direct mention of anyone’s withered up ladybits. The implication of them is revolting.

  234. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#216): Here’s the relevant section from Rosetti’s poem:

    Curious Laura chose to linger
    Wondering at each merchant man.
    One had a cat’s face,
    One whisk’d a tail,
    One tramp’d at a rat’s pace,
    One crawl’d like a snail,
    One like a wombat prowl’d obtuse and furry,
    One like a ratel tumbled hurry skurry.
    She heard a voice like voice of doves
    Cooing all together:
    They sounded kind and full of loves
    In the pleasant weather.

    I linked to the whole thing above, but…I wouldn’t.

  235. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    Things I have researched in the past two days for stupid jokes at this website:

    -Eastern Orthodox Christmas traditions
    -The death of Freddie Mercury
    -The rules of Aristotelian drama
    -Versions of “White Lightning” on YouTube
    -Will Cuppy’s use of wombats
    -The poetry of Christina Rosetti

    Things I have learned:

    -The Rosettis, not the Byrons, owned a wombat
    -Tycho Brahe had a pet moose that he liked to get drunk.

    My life has been well-spent.

  236. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#235): Verily, thou art an inspiration to young people everywhere. And a reproach to their elders.

  237. Poteet
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

  238. Peanut Gallery
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#169): That Counterpunch article claims that “Lon Nol’s middle name was Corruption.” That’s unconscionable!! It completely spoils the palindrome. If he must have a middle name, it should be something like Otto or Bob.

  239. bats :[
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

  240. Peanut Gallery
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#180): Only love can make it rain the way the beach is kissed by the sea.

    @Shrug, Noting That Wombat Spelled Backwards is Almost “Notlob” (#187): I’ve heard tell that Sir Gerald Nabardo has a pet prawn called Simon… and Marcel Proust had an haddock!

  241. Calico
    January 9th, 2013 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#178):
    Ha, that is extremely creepy! And yet so funny.

  242. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#236): If that’s true, then I’m a reproach to myself. Which kinda makes sense, actually.

  243. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#201): And not so coincidentally, “Sluggo” is also a brand name for a molluscicide containing 1% iron(III) phosphate.

  244. tallyHO
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#231):

    Sugarcone
    ACT II, scene 1

    Doctor Jeff wanders through his condo looking like an addled Andalusian, tongue lolling, eyes half-mooned

    Doctor Jeff thinking:

    Mary must realize that if she doesn’t meddle with me more often, I may just fall off the wagon.

    Doctor Jeff’s condo living room is decorated like a giant Radio Flyer. He exits the room and walks toward a closed door. He opens it and walks inside.

    In the middle of the room sits one large, above-ground swimming pool. In it is a small rowboat called the “S.S. Three Sheets”. There’s no outboard motor nor any oars. There is only a single tin cup attached to the boat by a string.

    The pool is filled to capacity…with the most volatile and voluminous Long Island Ice Tea known to man. Yet, only one man knows of it, Doctor Jeff.

    Doctor Jeff: Mary, keep me from my Big Needs! He says aloud, while stepping into the boat while licking his chops.

    //only one more, i promise.

  245. Aviatrix
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#208): Don’t forget wormholes, and the surface of the sun.

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#235): My far-thinking financial adviser asked me what I plan to do when I retire. Do you think I could get away with, “sit on the couch and read Internet jokes”?

  246. Mibbitmaker
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Still Chuckling (#94): Thanks hugely for the compliment, but, nope, I’m none of the Best Brains. I do add my own riffs while watching MST3K on youtube, though.

  247. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 9th, 2013 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#201): Sluggo Smith is also distantly related to Knucklehead Smith and (probably) Justin Timberlake:

    http://nightdeposits.blogspot.com/2008/08/separated-at-puberty.html

  248. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#245): So, if you’re like me, you’re planning on doing in retirement what you did in your “working” life?

  249. tallyHO
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    Sugarcone

    ACT III, scene 1

    JOHN DILL scampers about his condo, squirting here, squirting there. He’s intent upon adding the best possible flourish to his design. Brandishing a large, two-handed frosting piper, he makes little cranberry colored rosettes. He is seemingly chosing to make them in random places atop his large sheet cake. But, he has a look of determination in his eyes. He knows exactly what he is doing. In fact, the only thing he does not know is when the cake decoration will be finished.

    MARY knocks upon John Dill’s front door. She knocks again. Then thrice.

    Mary thinks:

    Oh, I do hope he is home. There is no way we will ever win this contest if he isn’t at my beck and call.

    Mary tries the door knob, grabbing it and holding it firmly, she turns it slowly. Opening the door, she sticks her head in John Dill’s living room and says,

    Yoo hoo! John! Tis I: she inhales deeply MARY!

    There is no response. So, Mary takes it upon herself to just barge in and nose around the joint. She’s aghast. She can’t believe how beautiful his condo is. It is meticulously decorated in bright and delightful colors. She looks about and sees prancing ponies on the walls. Raising her right eyebrow, she realizes why his cakes look so appetizing and delicious. John Dill has impeccable taste in frosting!

    In the bedroom, which is one door and a short hallway away from the living room, John is carefully spreading a combination of rainbow-hued sprinkles with one hand and tiny, ball bearing like balls which are supposedly safe to ingest. The combination adds a sheen between the rosettes, the prancing, pastel ponies and the repeated letter “M”.

    John, whose voice sounds like Jack Benny, says to himself:

    Three cheers to Mary for inspiring me to enter this contest she so dearly wishes for us to win. This time spent speaking with her on one phone call has allowed me to become fond of Mary. Ha. Perhaps I should say, I’ve become fondant of Mary Worth!
    No. No. That sounds weird.

    While cackling gleefully, he tosses up both hands, sprinkling sprinkles and shiny balls everywhere.

    Mary hears the laughter and approaches John’s bedroom. The door is a jar, the doormat is made of Nutella. Mary cautiously steps over the doormat and gently, quietly pushes the door open.

    There stands John Dill, with a pastry piper dangling from each hip. His arms are extended and his hands reach for the ceiling.

    Mary thinks to herself:
    Could he already be worshipping me?
    She begins to smile as her cheeks begin blushing….when suddenly…
    she surveys his bedroom and sees past the lone, solitary figure next to a giant sheet cake. She gasps and audible gasp.

    John Dill, who’s half deaf, does not hear Mary. Instead he says aloud, well, really loudly:

    I need one more rose for this cake and my masterpiece will be complete! One more rose!

    He grabs a piper in each hand, flipping each up like he’s seen gunslingers do a dozen times in his favorite Western Films, like “The Good, the Bad and the Nummy”. He aims each downward over his oversized pink frosted sheet cake and expertly creates a pillow-sized rose.

    That’s it! A rose! A Rose for Mary!

    Unbeknownst to John Dill, Mary stands behind him, with her fragile hand badly, barely covering her mouth in a way that is believable as gestures go.

    Mary thinks:

    His entire condo is one big dessert table! His bed is a cake! He wants me to lay upon it! Oh, my! Whatever shall I do?

    //The End? No. It is the beginning of boredom and the goal of the “punchline” was met. Three acts, three scenes. Blah, blah, blah. That’s all.

  250. tallyHO
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#249):

    one post edit:

    when it says:

    Yoo hoo! John! Tis I: she inhales deeply MARY!

    It probably should state:

    “Yoo hoo! John! Tis I: She pauses and inhales deeply then exhales and makes a sound that would make angels say in chorus: Shut Up already!

    Tis I: MARY!

  251. Sgt. Stoned
    January 9th, 2013 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    MT: (Mark to Rusty)–”Hey, sport, what say we go fishing? Ha-ha! Just kidding!

    MW: And to think that Dr. Jeff once had an opportunity to shag the awesome Jill. What a dork!

  252. Droopy Says
    January 10th, 2013 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: In the real world, Kraven would have used this opportunity to swap the fake and real tiara . . . no, wait, in the real world, running away from the elephant wouldn’t have put him in a position to catch Showgirl Sherry.

    Flunky Whatsit: Ah, the zen of Funky Winkerbean: how do you scar the souls of people who have no soul?

    Phantom: “Trust me,” says the masked man who shot and stabbed the lionness, drugged her, carved her up and now leaves her with the prospect of having purple-furred cubs.

    Family Circus: “And the mittens make it look like I have opposable thumbs, just like normal kids!”

    Pluggers: “Because before they were Lockmart they were Lockheed, and before that they were part of General Dynamics, who took them over from Convair, where they were part of Consolidated, who started out as Gaullaudet.” Pluggers hate to admit that change has been around longer than Pluggers.

    Mock Travail: I love Cherry’s thought balloon. Thinking “Jackelrod” seems the perfect response to the crock of jackelrod she’s just endured.

    Phantom: For a change Kit has done something right: he’s made sure no one is around to hear him talk to the cat. It keeps people from doubting his sanity, especially after watching him revive a starving, traumatized lion. I still don’t understand the lack of a WTF look on the cat’s muzzle, but that’s the Phantom for you.

  253. Backup
    January 10th, 2013 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    I swear, unless Crazy Harry brings out sparklers and flamethrowers this is going to be very disappointing.

  254. bats :[
    January 10th, 2013 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#252): hey, you mocked The Phantom twice! In a single post!
    (nicely done!)

  255. Droopy Says
    January 10th, 2013 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#254): And to think I could have made it a trifecta of snark:

    Phantom: One question goes unanswered: What language does Kit use to speak to the lion? Is this monologue in Bandar or the English tongue? Or is it a cat tongue, which would probably be ineloquent thanks to fur balls? And why doesn’t this sequence end with the lionness purring out the Feline words for “Purple is my favorite flavor!”? Okay, that’s two questions. I never said arithmetic was my strong point.

  256. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 10th, 2013 at 4:56 am [Reply]

    249. tallyHO

    What will Mary do?

    Well, become a platypus maybe, since Dill wants her to lay.

    Or perhaps an owl. Or a mantis. They lay, don’t they?

    As for Luann : Eiffel is my heroin (sic) of the day.

  257. Droopy Says
    January 10th, 2013 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#256): Oh, no, you can’t tempt me into breaking my New Year’s resolution not to look at Luann. Not even if TJ is bashed in the mouth, staked out on an anthill (preferably the one from Them!) or reduced to addiction and degradation. But if his blackmail plan backfires, fine, I hope it turns out that Ann Eiffel says “You got me fired, you–darling! I hated this job and couldn’t get out of my contract, but now Weenie World has released me with a lovely severance package, and I can move to a better career! And they’re putting you in charge here, after they re-hire B-wad!”

  258. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 10th, 2013 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    I’ll just say this: she got that grin off TJ’s face, she did!

  259. gleeb
    January 10th, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Cold, huh? Maybe you should have worn a hat and had gin for breakfast like that other guy.

    3-Drinks: Margo doesn’t believe in limits. Too limiting.

    ‘bean: That’s it, Batiuk! Pad this thing out til April! Beats working, huh?

    Between Fiends: So, why can’t we see any of that, instead of two-week long stories about ordering coffee?

    Dick: So, instead of exciting Moon action, we’re spending a week showing Tracy giving a gift with which he hopes to bankrupt some restaurant?

    Parkers: Now we learn that Alan Parker can’t go back to Mexico after he killed a man there.

    Rex: I though women tended more to poison themselves.

  260. Morgan Wick
    January 10th, 2013 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    With this and the previous day’s posts, Funky Winkerbean has now passed Pluggers for tenth place on the all-time list of Josh’s Most-Snarked Comics.

  261. gnbman
    February 16th, 2013 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    Wait, Trixie Tang? Who knew that Dennis the Menace takes place in the same universe as The Fairly OddParents? Even odder is the fact that Trixie seems to be granting upper-middle class peasants the pleasure of her company.

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