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Get ready for … CAKEAGEDDON

Mary Worth, 1/14/13

Could Dr. Jeff’s instincts about Mary’s platonic male cake-making partner have been right? If John’s really just a widowed amateur cakemaker, looking to win a contest and break into this high-pressure, rewarding world, then why is he rubbing his hands together and sneering like a supervillain in panel two? “I want to show you my design, Mary … it’s a giant laser, made entirely out of cake, and capable of destroying a city with a push of a button! Who’s just some retired innkeeper with a dumb William Powell mustache now, eh? Eh? MOO HA HA HA HA!”

Family Circus, 1/14/13

Good lord, this is one of the saddest Family Circuses I’ve ever seen. Dolly and Jeffy’s purposeful stride, Dolly’s narrowed eyes, and Grandma’s stricken expression pretty much make it clear that the Keane Kids simply walked out on their grandmother in mid-anecdote. “We get, it, Grandma, things were different when you were our age. How about telling us what things were like when you were old enough to be interesting but not old enough to be boring? What were the cool drugs? What famous dudes did you mess around with? Did you ever stab a man in self-defense, or for fun? We’ll be in the other room, watching TV and picking our noses, any time you want to come and get real with the reminiscing.”

Shoe, 1/14/13

Notice the contrast between Shoe and the Perfesser’s reactions in panel two. Shoe displays this strip’s Trademark Goggle Eyes Of Horror at hearing that Roz holds no strong opinion about a feature in his newspaper. He’s genuinely shocked that a citizen isn’t interested in the opportunity to make her opinions known to the world. The Perfesser, meanwhile, maintains his soul-numbed, heavy-lidded expression. He knows he works for a second-rate publication that’s part of a dying industry. He knows nobody cares about what he does and that once he dies his life’s body of work will be instantly forgotten. This is what the world has to offer. It is what he has come to expect.

Dick Tracy, 1/14/13

A metaphor for our fallen nation: now that “Lake Freedom” has been drained, we need some kind of elitist college professor just explain to us how to open a metal box. CAN YOU HEAR THE EAGLES WEEPING?

225 responses to “Get ready for … CAKEAGEDDON”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    Monday’s Pearls Before Swine is schmaltzy, corny and

    and

    and

    I think I have something in my eye

    http://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2013/01/14

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Circus Family

    Fifty years ago, Grandma Keane shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

  3. teenchy
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    MW: Dunno about William Powell, but I am so imagining John with Frank Nelson’s voice.

  4. Anonymous
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#242): Yeah, but these guys aren’t archaeologists, they’re “mudlarkers”. Or is that a type of archaeologist? Because I mentally put these guys down as scavengers, seeing as there’s no attempt being made to map exactly where they’re pulling things up out of the mud.

  5. gleeb
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#4): That was me.

  6. pugfuggly
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    MW Looks to me like John skipped the creepy build-up and just went full Aldo. I can’t wait to see Mary’s expression when he reveals his plan: a 5′ tall cake crafted perfectly in her image, wearing nothing but a few well-placed fig leaves. ‘That’s the nature’ part, he’ll explain, his eyes intense but emotionless.

    FC “Yeah, Grandma’s always a drag when she gets back from her funerals. Well, lucky for us, she says this is the last one she’ll be going to….well, second last, anyhow….”

  7. KreatureFeatures
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    MT: Oh my God, has Mark ever been so happy? Getting “tips” from two guys named after fish, avoiding Rusty, Cherry, and Doc, and writing a crappy article no one will read – it’s a triple-high Monday in Lost Forest.

  8. nescio
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Shoe: I think that’s a standard expression for someone resigned to wearing a magenta sweater and saddle shoes.

  9. Liam
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    FC-You should hear her story about how she helped out with the war effort. She spread her legs for victory.

    JP-”So we are going to need to get in bed with another producer. You’re going to have to put out some extra effort maybe even take it in the rear.”

    MT-Why would Mark need tips? He just used a fishing rod to snatch a gun out of someone’s hands.

    MT 2-”Rod Bassy” Worst porn name ever.

    MW-”I brought my own ingredients with me since everyone else’s ingredients are inferior to mine.”

    RMMD-Loaded? How can a gun be loaded? It’s an inanimate object. It can’t drink and get drunk.

  10. Chareth Cutestory
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: John’s apartment number is 3B, a clear shot across the bow at the makers of Apartment 3-G. Well, maybe not, but having this imagined intrigue is more interesting than either of these strips is currently producing right now.

  11. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    JP – Sometimes, I think that the author has to be messing with his critics. Last week we had one of the strip’s big tropes, as the whole Parker family sat around and marveled at the “obscene” size of the check they received in the mail. Today we have one of the strip’s minor tropes – the painfully dull narration box with overly excited punctuation. “Sam goes to the office to check mail!”

    Luann – Really, Gunther should be easing into this whole ‘interpersonal interactions’ thing. Instead, he is being thrown to the deep end with this hussy. Beak lips, giant hair helmet with prehensile tail – all the signifiers are there that this isn’t some ‘nice girl’, this is an ‘evil slut’ who is likely to bite his head off and drink the blood gushing out of his neck at any moment.

    9CL – Edda’s dialogue in Panel 1 is today’s entry in the debate as to whether the characters are simply using articulate turns of phrase, or ostentatiously running through their thesaurus to show off how many pages it has. I think it comes down clearly on the “verbal masturbation” side.

  12. Liam
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    FC-”I like Other Grandma’s stories better. They start out with ‘When I was a pre-op boy.’”

  13. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    MT: Rod Bassy? I guess I won’t cast aspersions on that name, because Mark is likely to find it reel al-luring. In fact, he can probably use that for the hook for his story. I’m waiting with baited breath to see if Catfish’s reel name is “Bob.”

  14. wossname
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    DT/GT – When the box is opened, revealing bars of gold bullion, the Mudlarks’ fund-raiser turns out to be a rousing success. Maybe this year they’ll make the playdowns! Wait, what? Mudlarkers? Never mind.

  15. half nelson
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    FC: Grandma was a Rollng Stones groupie. She still gets a Christmas card from Mick.

  16. gleeb
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Dick: Anyway, looking more closely, isn’t that guy the fella from Mary Worth who drove around endlessly looking for his confused parent? You know, the guy who ended up messing with Cue?

  17. pugfuggly
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    ASM ‘Kraven has been nabbed by Spiderman and the Police’. That’s a little generous, isn’t it Text Box? I mean, after Kraven gave himself up, the police put the cuffs on him, but as far as I can tell Spidey didn’t do jack shit.

    A3G Greg, sensing that Margo’s mood might turn violent at any moment, camouflages himself in the hopes of quietly sneaking away.

    FW When these two met it was love at first sight for Darin, if love at first sight was be looking in a mirror that gave you boobs.

    MT Quick question: if you don’t know what lures or tackle Mr Rod Bassy and his friend Catfish (really?) are using, who on earth is giving him the endorsements?

  18. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#17): as far as I can tell Spidey didn’t do jack shit

    Don’t worry, Spidey will have plenty of shit to do once he turns back into Peter Parker the janitor and begins the process of cleaning the elephant dung off of the stage for the next show.

  19. K-Paul
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Hey Grandma, I heard that Grandpa was a jack of all trades. Was that what led Grandpa to an earrrrrrrrly grave?

  20. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#17): FW When these two met it was love at first sight for Darin, if love at first sight was looking in a mirror that gave you boobs.

    He probably went to the same cloning outfit that Jeff used over at Crankshaft in order to create Girl Jeff. The only difference is that Darren left the “Use Identical Hairstyle?” box unchecked on his application.

  21. pugfuggly
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#4):

    According to the online dictionary, a Mudlarker is “one who made a living by picking up odds and ends in the mud of tidal rivers”, or the modern more definition: “one who wastes his/her time in the mud of tidal rivers”

  22. seismic-2
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#16): As I recall, that guy was a fishing guide. I think he’s been kidnapped.

    @Liam (#9): FC: Dolly and Jeffy just got fed up when Gran kept rambling on and on when telling the part about how she served in the US Army Whore Corps and won the war by screwing the Mozart-singing Nazi in the POW camp. Well, to give the Melon-heads a break, no one has ever been able to hear that story without getting bored senseless and walking out.

    MW: I don’t like the way John Dill is rubbing his hands together when Mary starts to take off her jacket and tells him to “prep well”.

    A3G: I just love it when Margo goes all Helen Clark on us.

  23. Lake Neuron
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    This may be old news, because the episode may well have been a rerun, but “MAD” — not the old sketch comedy show, but the 15-minute animated show on Cartoon Network — did a funny mashup of “Family Circus” and “Modern Family” over the weekend, including the sinister revelation that Jeffy, like Billy Mumy in that old “Twilight Zone” episode, has been running things for years, and papa Keane begging Ed O’Neill to rescue him from the Kompound. (No, they didn’t use the word “Kompound.” I’m paraphrasing.)

  24. Lake Neuron
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

  25. Atheist amongst the flock
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): PBS: I don’t get it at all. So I can’t even say it is corny.

  26. pugfuggly
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#18/20):

    ASM: No wonder Spidey was so concerned about that woman getting trampled! What gets blood out of canvas tenting? Nothing.

    FW: I imagine that Westview would be the only place in America where a business like that could thrive. It’s at the epicenter of the nations depression/ narcissism faultline…

    also, thanks for being my unofficial editor, apparently. I need to finish my coffee before I start commenting here in the morning…

  27. Larry Fine
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    FC: “Gee, Jeffy, Grandma’s stories have really gone downhill since she got dementia.”

  28. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Pakistan’s dictator, General Zia ul Haq didn’t die after all! He lost some hair, emigrated to the US, and waited to strike. Now at last the time has come when he can take over the world with his deadly Cake Cannon! Muhahahahahaha.

  29. lynn
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Cake aged Don? Who is Don?

  30. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    SBp: man, I wish I had that script. and the insurance to cover it.

    Frazz and HotC could be misconstrued today, but I’m just not feeling it.

    RwO: gotta draw the line somewhere, I guess.

    SFx: *golf clap 4 the classics*

  31. Dennis Jimenez
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    FC – Just a quick look today reveals that Gammy not only suffers from Althheimers – but her association with the Keane clan has perfomed a total soul suck, removing the very spark of humanity from her – where is the sweet angel of death already?

  32. lynn
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, in Dick Tracy, the mudlarkers have found the Ark of the Covenant. This should be fun when they open it at the University.

  33. pugfuggly
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#32):

    “THIS STRONGBOX BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!”

  34. seismic-2
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @Atheist amongst the flock (#25): This. The lag time for the strip must be slightly under one month.

  35. Greg
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary is disrobing in panel two. And John is about to barf into his hands. Who’s the REAL supervillain??

  36. S. Stout
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    FC: Don’t worry Grandma, the ghost of your dead husband will get revenge for you like he always does. Ida Know and Not Me, you’re up.

    Luann: Luann goes to the library to make out with her phone, then spies on people. Ladies and gentlemen, our protagonist!

    MW: I’m pretty certain baking a cake was a giant euphemism that Mary never picked up on. John’s newest foreplay design: naked and covered in cake frosting.

  37. Sock Puppet
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    “I want to show you my design.” We can hope against hope that “design” is not a euphemism for “penis.” And sigh wistfully, fully aware of our folly.

  38. Dennis Jimenez
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    MW – I’m predicting this is going to morph into a story line on Meddlin’ Mar’s carpel tunnel syndrome – she not only will be infirmed – she will go to the Santa Royale tunnel and carp about it – compulsively – cuz it’s a syndrome – an it’s funny – Aldo Klast funny – Tommy the Tweaker funny – Shattering Swans funny – Fat-Assed Chinbeard Windbag funny – funny….

  39. Droopy Says
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#5): I don’t know what’s going on with the mudlarkers, but from the context my guess is that they plan to do business with the university. In that case they’d want to preserve the archaeological value of the find.

  40. Horace Broon
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    A3G: Margo’s sudden attack of hiccups in the second panel got me thinking: Who decided that comic strip drunkenness was best represented by hiccups anyway? As far as I’m aware people don’t actually hiccup when they’re drunk, any more than they spontaneously and temporarily gain red noses, or have pink elephants flying round their heads.

    FW: His first clue was her reaction when she came home to find he’d hung a sock on the bedroom door.

    Marvin: This would be an intriguing view into the canine mind, which of course would have different standards of cuteness than humans. Except he’s talking to Marvin, so he’s got a point…

    MT: My prediction: Rod Bassey, Catfish and their pal Turbot McNet owe their success to fishing in a manner that is unethical for very technical and dull reasons. We can look forward to two weeks of them explaining this to each other followed by three weeks of Mark figuring it out.

    SFx: Ever so casually bases a puzzle on the fact the strip started 26 years ago. Not that Weber’s bitter the comics page didn’t have a big silver aniversary celebration or anything.

  41. TheDiva
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    DT: Special cameo by my high school hair!

    MW: Mary’s about to realize that the “help” John Dill has in mind is not what she’d planned. And the truth behind Mrs. Dill’s “tragic” demise. And why he has an unusually large and bloody chopping block in the kitchen and the Sweeney Todd cast recording on repeat play.

  42. Anonymous
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    MW: “I call it the Cakeinator!”

  43. MsMollyD
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    I think the Family Circus is even sadder than you think: Grandma’s life was a terrible downward spiral of despair after her childhood. Now, haunted by the spirit of her dead husband she ekes out the remainder of her days in a house filled with lies, as her friends slowly abandon her. She’s only trying to prepare the children for the horror of growing up.

  44. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G: And just like that, Apt. 3-G moved down one letter in the alphabet and became “Blue Velvet.”

    Chickweed Lane: I’ll admit I had to look up “ordure” (it meant what I thought it did). But Brooke is into bears?

    Dilbert: The pointy-haired boss’ secretary is making the mistake of believing that anybody pays attention to what you say on Twitter. Unless PHB is a Kardashian, this is not the case.

    Hagar the Horrible: Somebody’s been spending time with the grandkids watching “How to Train A Dragon.”

    Herman: Reminds me of the time we got one of those bubblers at church, the kind with the big carboy on top. I suggested to a new mom that we could baptize her little girl by sticking her under the faucet. The suggestion was not well received.

    Creepy Luann is creepy.

    Mark Trail: Mark looks way too interested in a guy named Rod.

    Mary Worth: Contrary to what Josh says, I think John Dill believes he’s Chef Luigi: Then let’s-a get-a started! I want-a to show-a you my-a designs-a! I have-a, how you say, six tousand of-a dem, all-a about-a pizza pie!

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: I’m really hoping Delores isn’t keeping an AR-15 Bushmaster under the bed.

    Slylock Fox: The Krazy Kat style here is much too late. I’m thinking it’s closer to A-I-D-J than A-I-B-G, am I right?

  45. Rusty
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @Atheist amongst the flock (#25): Those are the names of the children who were killed at Sandy Hook.

  46. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

  47. Pozzo
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    My guess — Aldo Kelrast faked his own death, had his face changed and has been biding his time. Oh, it’s taken a while, but his master plan to lure Mary back into his clutches is coming together nicely.

  48. The Ghost of Jarrod
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1):

    PBS — Yeah, why be so obvious? And why does the image appear to be blurry, as if I’m looking at it through water?

    -

    Luann – So we’re just gonna drop the Ann Eiffel thing? Is that what we’re gonna do? It is? Okay.

    Doonesbury – Learning to write when you have nothing to say is the key to a long and slightly lucrative career.

    JP – And by “fishing,” he means “sex.” Also “weed.”

  49. The Ghost of Jarrod
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @Atheist amongst the flock (#25):

    See: Newtown, Connecticut.

  50. hogenmogen
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Shoe: I think I’d hate this strip more, but I sorta don’t have much of an opinion.

    SHOCK! GASP! GOGGLE-EYED HORROR!

  51. sporknpork
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Roz doesn’t care about some stupid poll. All that matters now to her is that the Perfesser blink first so she’ll win. Although no one really truly wins in this universe.

  52. Nekrotzar
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#42):
    That reminds me, where’s Perry?

  53. Verline
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Why is Mary taking off a coat if she lives in the same building as Mr. Cake? Even if it’s a different building, is it that cold in Santa Whatever, California? Didn’t they just go to a pool party? I prefer to think she’s taking off her coat rather than removing what has been suggested (shudder) by the rest of you astute curmudgeons.

  54. hogenmogen
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#40): Many people hiccup as a result of ingestion of carbs. I get them when I woof down a plate of pasta or rice. Scotch has unfermented sugar, and most mixers like cola or juice have even more sugar. Sometimes people hiccup when they’ve been drinking, and that stereotype has stuck.

  55. TheDiva
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    9CL: Today’s “McEldowney-to-Human translation:”
    Amos: You never talk dirty to me. Why is that?
    Edda: Really? I don’t say nasty things during sex?
    Amos: No, you don’t.
    Edda. I guess I’m not used to using those words around you.
    Amos: Well, I’d like it if you did. I find that a real turn-on.
    (Unfortunately translation removes the pretension, but not the squick.)

    A3G: This is getting uncomfortably close to an after-school special about date rape.

    BRSG: I must work the phrase “they’re using a piano-playing cat for evil!” into my conversation somehow.

    FW: We interrupt the boring antics of our late-middle-aged losers to bring you the boring antics of our thirty-something losers!

    Luann: Spying, gossip, and cell phone use in the library? Remind me again why we’re supposed to like her?

    PBS: And I feel like a total dipshit for having to look up the significance of this one. Nicely done, though.

  56. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

  57. hogenmogen
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    MT: Oh, please, let this Bassey guy’s award winning fishing techniqe involve throwing dynamite into a lake! That would be the best Mark Trail EVER.

  58. hogenmogen
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @Verline (#53): Well, she can’t just walk through Charterstone dressed in a leather domina outfit, can she? And the revealing is oh so SEXY! Look at Mr. Dill’s eager anticipation! And you should see him from the waist down!

  59. Little A.
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    CURTIS: Either Curtis’ father is sitting on a rat, or on Barry. Same thing, actually.

    Yes, I posted this a few hours ago.

  60. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-B(oring) — “Are you sure this is how the Cake Boss got started?”

  61. remmy
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    9CL: what the FUCK!?!!

  62. hogenmogen
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    DT: Don’t get your hopes of treasure get too high. In fact beware, it could be an enchanted trap for an ancient evil, watched by by a secret society of guardians, who have pledged to keep it from ever being opened, but also watched by another secret society of evildoers who worship the power within and who have been desperate for a way to get at it!

    Or it could be pre-Wright Brothers plans for a rudimentary jet engine. Fantastic for its time, but ultimately worthless today.

  63. Nekrotzar
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#54):
    I get crazy hiccups whenever I eat something ridiculously spicy, like pickled habaneros, or Dave’s Insanity Sauce. For some reason my wife finds this hilarious.

  64. DAS
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    DT: Speaking as “some kind of elitist college professor” (well actually an assistant professor at a state school) myself, I think the university would not be the first place I’d go to open a box like that. The professor is probably going to be too busy teaching, writing grants, attending meetings, etc. to figure out how to open such a box unless s/he can milk the whole act of box opening into a talk at a national conference and 1-2 peer reviewed publications. And by the time all that is done, whatever cash or wealth is in the box will simply go to the banks to pay back the loans you’ve taken out to live on while said professor is working on opening the box, the final opening of which will be held off until the online publication of the accompanying paper “The Hermeneutics of Box Opening: Personal and Professional Experiences in the Amateur Safe-cracking Industry” (the ironies in the title will be noted in the second paragraph of the paper).

  65. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    MW: John Dill lives in apartment 3B. And what’s left of his hair is black, so if he’s got two roommates, he’s the Margo of the group. The mind boggles at what his Tommie and Lu Ann are like.

    FC: Can there be a worse feeling in the world than when Dolly and Jeffy—I repeat, Dolly and Jeffy—walk out bored in the middle of one of your anecdotes?

    DT: Curtis must really be stuck on the Moon Maid story if we’re going to spend the week with the destitute man’s Indiana Jones plundering an internment camp.

    MT: Wait, wait, I’m sorry for holding things up but… the ace fisherman’s name is “Rod Bassy”? Rod Bassy? Rod FUCKING Bassy? Are we next going to see a hunter named “Gunno Deer”?

    Archie: These are awesome drawings. You can practically smell Jughead’s underarm funk.

    JP: The “permanently” that Sam adds after a beat makes it sound like he murdered Avery. Gloria won’t think that, though. She knows her boss, and he doesn’t have that kind of initiative.

    GA: If you want to root for police brutality, you’ve come to the right place.

    BB: Looks like both of them made a resolution to be less subtextual and more blatant.

    6C: When snowmen give up pipe smoking for steroid injections.

    S-M: “Kraven is nabbed by Spider-Man and the police.” Um, yeah. Don’t you wish you had a narration box to paper over your failures too?

    S4th: Is this the part where Sally sweeps everything off her desk in one swift motion and takes Alice right then and there?

    SFx: Sometime not too long from now, Count Weirdly will be back to running some kind of fake science con game for beer money. It will be hard to justify. We now know that he’s mastered not only time travel, but metafictional jaunts from strip to strip. With the patent on that one he could retire now.

    A3G: Ooooh, Margo’s bedroom. This is where the magic over the top drunken buffoonery happens.

  66. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#49): Ah, thanks. I had a feeling it was something like that, but wasn’t sure.

  67. terrapin
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    MT: “So he’s called ‘Catfish’ is he? Catfish have whiskers, which are the fish equivalant of facial-hair! Well, you have a date in Fist City, Mr Catfish!”

  68. hogenmogen
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    A3G: Margo isn’t drunk. Where’s the lampshade on her head?

  69. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#62):

    Or it could be pre-Wright Brothers plans for a rudimentary jet engine. Fantastic for its time, but ultimately worthless today.

    I don’t know as I’d call that worthless. Impractical, probably. But if these hypothetical plans even came close to being workable they’d fetch a pretty penny at any auction house.

  70. Señor Tortilla
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    PBS: I got the significance and confirmed it after I guessed correctly, but come on…Pearls Before Swine? A bit tasteless in a way, I suppose.

  71. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Family Circus. When you consider the strip is now supposed to take place in the present day, Grandma Keane would be an aging baby boomer. The kids are probably leaving because they don’t want their ears sullied by her tails of counterculture ribaldry.

  72. hogenmogen
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @DAS (#64): If any intrepid explorer type ever brought you a locked strongbox, I suggest giving them a paper clip to jam around in the keyhole. All those movies could not have lied to us.

  73. Mibbitmaker
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#55): The Diva Reads 9CL So You Don’t Have To

  74. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#68):

    She will be wearing one in tomorrow’s strip, and Greg will comment on what a cliche that is. I think there is a trope for that, but I forget what it is called.

  75. hogenmogen
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#69): Sure, but you’d have to prove how old they are or who they belonged to. Found at the bottom of a lake only means that the box was waterproof. It could have been dropped there two weeks ago.

  76. PriceCheck
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    I think Shoe might be freaking out because Roz’s eyes have started glowing blue.

  77. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Hey, if a dumb William Powell moustache was good enough for Louis Calhern, it’s good enough for Evil On-the-Make Cake Guy!

  78. hogenmogen
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#74): You mean doing a cliche, but then announcing that it is a cliche, thus absolving you of the guilt, because you recognize it as a cliche? The Simpsons is masterful of that. A3G, not so much.

    Greg wants Margo on the bed standing up? But then he told her to sit down? These two mannequins trying to copulate have strange and complex rituals, indeed.

  79. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#78):

    Yes. Aka “Lampshading” the cliche.

  80. hogenmogen
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#73): And I thank her for it. Last week, I broke my rule and I actually read a strip. I lost my appetite and I’m 15 pounds lighter. Of course, I think I lost my small intestine in the deal.

  81. hogenmogen
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#79): The way that inanimate objects around A3G flow with a rationale all their own, I would not be surprised if lampshades temporarily appeared on anyone’s head.

  82. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @DAS (#64): I think you mean “the ironies will be explicated in all their many variants and then beaten to death with a shovel in a fit of imputed Sprezzatura over the next three pages of the paper.”

    Or you could just say that if you take it to the local university, you’ve got a 50/50 shot of finding Amos or somebody who can help.

  83. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn – Two physics fails today.

    First – there are three identical swords stuck in the ground. Genie picks up one, and uses it to slice through the other two, effortlessly, with a one-handed swing.

    Second – they are actually cutlasses, not swords, since the blade is curved. So they wouldn’t hit the ground and stick straight up in that fashion.

    Of course, it doesn’t matter since it is all just Fairy Porn. There really isn’t any reason to destroy the other two swords, or ruin the edge on the one she is wielding, other than to give the opportunity to draw her posing in that costume.

  84. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#Y193): What a splendid opportunity! I feel we are obliged to help this honest fellow!

  85. Mibbitmaker
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    MW: “This IS my design, Mary… See? It’ll be my giant hands crushing the competitors in this very cake baking contest! Hope you have plenty of red icing, Mare!”

    FC: “…We don’t give a rat’s caboose about when you were little, Gran’ma! As far as we’re concerned, your youth — your whole life — is a sham! Nobody cares, crone, so just go over into the corner and die already so the universe can go on like you never existed, waste of space!”
    Then Gran’pa threw a lightning bolt Dolly’s way and she died a painful, firey death, the end.

    Shoe: Alternate punchline: “I think opinion polls are getting too meta.” Of course, the facial expressions remain the same.

    DT, meta: I certainly hear Chester Gould weeping. For the reason stated.

    MT: I never thought I’d see the day: Elrod going all Dick Tracy on the furshlugginer naming! Makes one already miss the simple, staccato names like Rick Smith or Dan Jones.

  86. Calico
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#6): “Granma always does this after she takes her pills and drinks some of that funny brown stuff she keeps in a bottle between the chair cushions.”

  87. Calico
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#33):
    What’s in the friggin’ box, chapter two!

  88. Lenoxus
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    I’m surprised Josh said nothing about Shoe’s grammar mistake. Well, the fewer said about that, the better.

  89. DariaFoxendorffer
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    “Roz, do you think the Treetops Tattler’s editor should know it’s ‘more opinion polls or *fewer*’?”

    “Shut up, Perfessor!”

  90. seismic-2
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    DT: One word: Necronomicon. Let’s hope “the university” is Miskatonic.

  91. Ratiocinator
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    9CL: “Well Amos, obviously if you didn’t shave I would have to murder you in the most grisly fashion imaginable. Still wouldn’t swear, though!”

    Judge Parker: You realize that the way you phrased that makes it sound like you murdered Avery, right Sam?

    MW: In addition to the hand-rubbing being done by John, what are we to make of Mary’s hands? They’re clenched into fists and being held up in front of her face. Whoever the intended victim of her punching is, I’m just glad it isn’t me.

    RMMD: “Also, what if some nosy person walks in and starts bugging me about having a loaded gun? I’d have no way to get them to shut up! Oh wait, that’s what’s happening right now.”

    *BLAM BLAM BLAM!*

    Slylock: If Slylock tries to apprehend the perpetrator of this vicious brick assault, he’ll alter the course of history as he knows it. Thus, he must passively observe the events unfolding without being of any help whatsoever. “So this is what it’s like to be Spider-Man,” he muses.

    Spider-Man: Yes, Spidey helped the police catch Kraven by lying there motionless. Whatever you say, guys.

  92. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#Y209): As a gentleman, I must, of course, take your word for it. It sure looked badlynnish, though.

    // Probably, Peanut Gallery, the scoundrel!

  93. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#Y193):

    If you will allow a critique – I get that your target is a scammer and that the whole point is to expose them and turn the tables. And this is a female scammer (or someone impersonating a female) who is using their feminine sex appeal to rip people off, and thus that the target is literally within the definition of some of the words used to describe them. However, you do use a number of terms that are misogynistic red flags (“lets humiliate this bitch”) and that may detract from the overall acceptability of your presentation. They could easily be replaced by gender-neutral derogatory terms that still convey the desired contempt for email scammers.

  94. gnome de blog
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#21):
    That’s all we need to know about Gil Thorp’s coaching career.

  95. gnome de blog
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Once again the fabulous shape-shifting Gloria Sanchez has a new look. Not her best one though.

  96. Ratiocinator
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @K-Paul (#19): Actually, it was because of his store front preaching. He’d talk about saving souls and all the time leeching, dealing in debt and stealing in the name of the Lord.

    So finally the people of Hootin’ Holler got sick of it and dispensed brutal mob justice on Grandpa, or “Parson Tuttle” as he was known there.

  97. Mooncattie
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    RMMD – “I’m talking about those crazy dancers downstairs that are scratching each other’s eyes out over my husband! Keep them away from this room!”

    MW – If the cake design turns out to be Mary Worth tied to a set of chocolate railway tracks with a dark meringue train with cow-catcher icing bearing down on her, I, for one, am ready to award the ribbon to Snidely right now.

    S-M – It’s really one of the happiest endings ever. Kraven gets to beat the crap out of Spider-man, he gets the girl, and he’ll be a bigger celebrity than ever after his slap-on-the-wrist visit to the slammer is over. AND he’s got an elephant that says “AROOOOO”. All we need is for Moe the Monkey to fling some feces at Jameson and we’ll all go home happy!

    MT – I remember those endorsements. “Mmmm, that’s great bass!”

  98. Red Greenback
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @Nekrotzar (#63): *sigh* Dave used to sauce insanely.

    Sorry. I couldn’t leave that low-hanging fruit unplucked.

  99. Atheist amongst the flock
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Thanks all for the explanation.

  100. Ratiocinator
    January 14th, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#55):

    9CL: Today’s “McEldowney-to-Human translation:”

    I would be happy if this became a regular thing, TheDiva.

  101. Ian C.
    January 14th, 2013 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Goddammit, Shoe-bird Editor Thing, polls is a “count” noun, not a “mass” noun. You want to know if there should be more opinion polls or fewer. Thanks for illustrating why the newspaper industry is a joke, you uneducated talking bird-thing buffoon.

  102. zaratustra
    January 14th, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    DT: Surely one of those intellectuals will know the secret of these “padlocks”, whatever that means.

  103. lynn
    January 14th, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#92): I have many faults but I seldom lie, and even more rarely admit it.

  104. Liam
    January 14th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    FC-I don’t understand why these kids are bored. They are now stand ins for Jeff Keane’s kids which means that grandma might have been a hippie.

  105. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 14th, 2013 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#54): That’s me. If I guzzle sip bourbon too quickly, I start hiccuping. Has nothing to do with inebriation.

  106. Uncle Lumpy
    January 14th, 2013 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#11):

    Today we have one of the strip’s minor tropes – the painfully dull narration box with overly excited punctuation. “Sam goes to the office to check mail!”

    For a long time, Judge Parker used narration boxes always and only when a new day began — the only way to mark the passage of its endless days. They dropped the “only” back in the Dixie Julep days (sigh – life is brutal), but the “always” still holds.

    BTW, that link details eight days of Parkertime over 17 months of realtime, ending in June 2008. Anybody wants to update it, knock yourself out.

  107. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 14th, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Apparently, Nancy has been praying to her deity (Yahweh? Ernie Bushmiller? Cthulhu?) to keep Phil Fumble around as a father(?) figure.

    And yet, she has never once asked the Almighty One to find her friend Sluggo a forever home with a mother and a father.

    Do I think this makes Nancy a selfish and self-centered little brat?

    HELL YEAH!!!

  108. Mysterious shirtless lawyer
    January 14th, 2013 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    “If John’s really just a widowed amateur cakemaker, looking to win a contest and break into this high-pressure, rewarding world, then why is he rubbing his hands together and sneering like a supervillain in panel two?”

    I’m guessing, it’s because he’s like totally gay!

  109. Alter Ego
    January 14th, 2013 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    love is… suddenly realizing what those leftover parts were, after you replaced her brakes.

  110. Amos Snarkadder
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    A3G – “Hic”: She is speaking Latin; or in Margo’s case, pig Latin.

    Luann – Hey, Luann, you’ve got your phone – why don’t you record them? You know, like your creepy friend, TJ.

    Cranked shaft – That’s not actually funny, is it?

    FW – Marriage: Sharing your Clairol Nice ‘n Easy Hair Coloring.

  111. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Josh on MW: ” Eh? MOO HA HA HA HA!” ???

    Evil Chick-fil-A cows from Canada?

  112. Anonymous
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Shoe – I can buy beer drinking, cigar smoking birds in saddle shoes and v-neck sweaters, but a journalist who uses the word “less” when he should use “fewer?” Never!!

  113. Chaze
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    112 c’est moi. Out of practice.

  114. exapno
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Luann Everyone notice that Evans is drawing Gunther a little differently now? Sudden his face is slimmer and he is sitting up more…um…erect. The ultimate irony in this strip would be Gunther getting laid before anybody else in Luannville.

  115. Aviatrix
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#17): Red Bull and Viagra.

  116. Aviatrix
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#115): Rod Bassy’s endorsements, that is.

  117. Sparkle Plenty
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    MT: At least the new story is close to home. MT will get to spend some time with his wife. And maybe he’ll take Rusty along to watch Rod reel ‘em in.

  118. Sequitur
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @exapno (#114): The only way Gunther is going to get laid is if he becomes a chicken embryo.

  119. Aviatrix
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#65):

    Um, yeah. Don’t you wish you had a narration box to paper over your failures too?

    It’s called Facebook.

  120. Sequitur
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Who likes calamari?

  121. Aviatrix
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#83): She is currently inside a video game, I believe. The troll pressed the enter key to activate the swords.

  122. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#30):

    Frazz and HotC could be misconstrued today, but I’m just not feeling it.

    Frazz moreso, but it’s not Agnes levels of delightful squick.

  123. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#119): Ah, that’s what Zuckerberg makes the big bucks for.

  124. King Tut
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    They forgot to color in the bird’s eye in Shoe…

  125. Calico
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1):
    Oh Lordy, I just saw it.
    Yes, I think I got some cat hair in my eyes too.

  126. Aviatrix
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (Y242): I agree. In this case “figure out” means not so much how to open it, but how to open it with minimum damage and immediate action to preserve the contents. Or they just want to get out of the rain, and the university is closer than Starbucks.

    @Anonymous (#4) & @wossname (#14): Mudlarks is the school team name for their baseball and football teams. The archaeology and women’s volleyball squads are the Mudlarkers. Don’t ask about the swim team.

    Jumble: A woman broke her ankle in the parking lot at my community centre this morning. It took a little over an hour and a half for an ambulance to arrive. It was a treacherously icy morning and I guess there were people worse off elsewhere who weren’t under the care of a lifeguard, like maybe Rex was trying to resuscitate them.

    MW: What has Mary filled two bags with to bring to her meddle? Does she, as Liam intimates, suspect John is using the wrong sort of sugar? Or did the cocoa-coded car conversation mean much more then we knew, and she’s moving in?

  127. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#118): Gunther has always reminded me of Eraserhead, so…there’s precedent.

  128. Calico
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    John Dill and Mary will grace the competition with something like this:
    http://blogs.villagevoice.com/forkintheroad/2011/11/fudgie_the_whal.php

  129. Calico
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#116):
    How big (and long) is Rod’s rod?
    “Bassy” is either the stupidest or most apropos last name for this guy.

  130. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#121):

    Wait, why is she inside the video game? I thought that the Troll’s wish was for him to be his ‘real life’ genie, complete with Barbara Eden costume? If all he wanted was for her to wear his costume in-game, couldn’t he have saved his wish and just drag-and-dropped the costume onto her? And if she is just a video game avatar, doesn’t that open up all sorts of questions about ….

    Oh, wait. Fairy porn. Nevermind. Don’t her boobs look hot in that top when she holds her sword that way?

  131. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#91):

    Whoever the intended victim of her punching is, I’m just glad it isn’t me.

    She’s taking up Mark Trail’s punching slack. I mean, look at John.

  132. Mason
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    DT: Because it would be wrong to take a bolt cutter and snip this lock that’s thinner than what you’d use on a school locker.

  133. Damien
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: you can pretend the “z” in Roz’s name is actually a 2 and she’s really a robot from the Star Wars universe and her (non-)reactions are simply the output of her computational unit, but even that won’t make the strip entertaining.

    Dick Tracy: Fun fact: Lake Freedom used to be called Lake French.

  134. Mibbitmaker
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Lynn Johnston, upon reading Mark Trail: “Rod Bassy? More like Rod ASSy!”

  135. Mibbitmaker
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    MT: Catfish seems like a reasonable nickname for a fisherman. What else would he do for that nickname, hunting? Then he’d be “Catfish Hunter”!
    Rimshot, veal, duck, etc…

  136. Sequitur
    January 14th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#135): From experience, I know that “duck” is the operative word.

  137. Master Softheart
    January 14th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#9): “FC-You should hear her story about how she helped out with the war effort. She spread her legs for victory.”

    If Bill Keane decided to do a flashback plotline on how grandma sang for, slept with, and was then tragically parted from a POW Nazi lover who went on to become an opera star, it would be breathtaking. If it were all done in daily single panels built around a pun or comic malapropism, it would perhaps qualify as the greatest artistic accomplishment in the history of comics.

  138. Baka Gaijin
    January 14th, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @teenchy (#3): YEEEEeeeeEEeeesssssSSS!

    @pugfuggly (#6) on Mary Worth: OMG! How creepy yet probable.

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#44) on Herman: I’m beginning to see why you’re between flocks…just kidding.

  139. Not Just Any Dipstick
    January 14th, 2013 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    MT – See ‘MAD’ fisherman technique, from just a couple years back. Can you spell “grenade”?

  140. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#83): … they are actually cutlasses, not swords, since the blade is curved…

    I am compelled to be pedantic here. First, cutlasses ARE swords. Those are not cutlasses, however. While cutlasses were often curved, it was not a definitional requirement. They are often straight, or nearly so. And they almost always have a heavy, basket like guard. What McEldowney is attempting to depict is more like a katana, the Japanese long sword, distinguished by it’s lack of a hand guard.

  141. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    January 14th, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    MT – WTF? Fishermen named Rod Bassy and Catfish?

    Just when you thought this strip couldn’t get anymore lame, Jakelrod hits a new level!

    // I wonder if Catfish’s real last name is Chavez….

  142. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 14th, 2013 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#11):

    Beak lips, giant hair helmet with prehensile tail – all the signifiers are there that this isn’t some ‘nice girl’, this is an ‘evil slut’ who is likely to bite his head off and drink the blood gushing out of his neck at any moment.

    Aw now why do you have to go getting our hopes up?

  143. TheDiva
    January 14th, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#130): I’m still trying to figure out the purpose to any of the events in this arc beyond “hey, let’s put the female characters in genie costumes!” and “boy, my critics are losers!” Because if there is one, I’ll be arsed if I can find it.

  144. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 14th, 2013 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#140):

    Yes, I meant that it was a curved weapon. A cutlass can be straight, but is designed for slashing, not stabbing, so a curved shape is often useful. A gladius would be a stabbing weapon – short and sturdy.

    Would it be true that, while not all cutlasses are curved, all curved swords are cutlasses?

    With regard to my criticism of the strip – a curved sword would not land so that it stuck straight out of the ground that way, and would not be able to be cut in half by striking it with another sword. It would fall over, and you would lose the edge on your cutting sword.

    Of course, the bottom line is still Fairy Porn – Doesn’t she look hot with that top in that pose, especially if you are obsessed with something as lowbrow as insanely violent females in fetish costumes attacking things with swords?

  145. Baka Gaijin
    January 14th, 2013 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Jerry Fox, from Cleveland (#71): Or Grandma’s pining for her lost love, who’s embarassing hobby was cake decorating.

    @Mooncattie (#97) on Spiderman: There’s still time for poo flinging. There’s always time for poo flinging.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#107): I never thought about that. Now I’m all sad. I hope you’re happy.

  146. bbofun
    January 14th, 2013 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    To those snarking about the names of the anglers in Mark Trail- The lead character is MARK TRAIL. He’s a NATURALIST. I’m surprised the kidnapper in the last arc wasn’t named Jack Ransom.

    To those snarking about how the narration box in Spider-man lies- Hey, Spidey was instrumental in the capture of Kraven. If he hadn’t been there to get punched, knocked ou, and tied up in front of an elephant, then that elephant would never have run wild and thrown Sherry off his back, and Kraven wouldn’t have realized he loves her. See? Spider-Man saved the day!

    To those snarking about 9CL- you’re absolutely right. Carry on.

    And now, some looks into THE FUTURE [Puts on turban]

    A3G- After Greg leaves, having tucked Margo in bed, Evan steps out, having watched the whole thing from the closet. he attempts to assault Margo, but Greg remembers he forgot something or he locked himself out of his apartment, and saves the day.

    GT- Mia starts to see the peacock, as well, and starts to get her confidence back. She creates patches for the boys’ and girls’ teams of a peacock 9or possibly just multi-colored bands) and Milford goes on to two winning seasons. The peacock disappears, with no explanation.

    RMMD- “Rex Morgan” will be used on Fox news as an example of how the liberal media is glorifying strippers and demonizing guns. And calling for universal health care.

    Pibgorn- will continue to suck.

  147. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#98): Dave’s Insanity Sauce is practically weapon’s grade hot. I like hot & spicy, but the bottle of DIS I have in my fridge has lasted for years – I expect to bequeath most of it to my heirs.

  148. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 14th, 2013 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#138): Oh, it was not well-received at all…

  149. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 14th, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#146): I do believe we’ve just been visited by Carnack the Magnificent, from beyond the grave…

  150. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#140):

    distinguished by it’s lack of a hand guard.

    I am compelled to be pedantic here. . . . =-)
    -Your friend in pedantry,
    Grammatica

  151. tallyHO
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#141):

    MT – WTF? Fishermen named Rod Bassy and Catfish?

    They are probably professional fish rasslers who probably enter their competitions to a booming, bass heavy version of “Hooked on a Feeling”. Their colorful trunks and their flamboyant, glittery capes flowing in the wind as they find a good place to sit for the day’s fishing.

    Rod most likely will find any reason at all to jump to trash talk to Catfish, as he is a bottom dweller, as fish rasslers go.

    Catfish with his penchant for swirling his villainous, handlebar mustache most likely revels in the crowds disdain for his presence in fish rassling competitions. As they boo him, he smiles grow wider, with that big mouth of his (sort of like Kraven!). Rod being the good guy everyone loves is probably cheered on even when he takes a camp chair and beats it over Catfish’s back.

    //i haven’t yet to read today’s strips so my assessment may be wrong.

  152. You Knead plenty of Dough to Loaf
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#146):
    If MARK TRAIL is such a “NATURALIST” then why is he wearing clothes?
    (A question that has been on Kelly Welly’s mind for many years)

  153. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#141): MT – WTF? Fishermen named Rod Bassy and Catfish?

    Just when you thought this strip couldn’t get anymore lame, Jakelrod hits a new level!

    // I wonder if Catfish’s real last name is Chavez….

    Catfish was to the American West what Crock was to the French Foreign Legion:

    http://d1g4sq00ps2bp3.cloudfront.net/images/6705.jpg

  154. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#144): Would it be true that, while not all cutlasses are curved, all curved swords are cutlasses?

    Short answer: No.

    Curved swords are typically associated with cavalry, and they are usually called sabers, although there are many kinds and many names for them. Cutlasses are almost always associated with ships and naval conflict. They tend to be shorter and heavier than other swords, and, as I mentioned earlier, usually have a full, basket shaped hand guard. Because of the impediments of rigging and confined spaces on sailing ships, a shorter sword was thought to be more useful than a long one. They are often curved, though not as much as a typical cavalry saber, or Eastern scimitar. The last US Navy model (1917) is almost straight, making it useful as a stabbing as well as a slashing weapon. A cutlass is the dress side arm of a USN Chief Petty Officer, on very formal occasions. Commissioned officers carry a long, straight sword on such occasions.

  155. SF_Reader
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    MW – Yesterday Mary compared her interests and Dr Jeff’s interests. Are we suppose to believe that a doctor saving children from malnutrition and malaria is the same thing as helping some fat schlub win a cake decorating contest?
    I can only hope that Mr Dilldo’s hand rubbing is an indication of psychosis.

  156. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

  157. Shrug, Contemplaint Brooke's Sex Life
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#1y45):

    “Without digging into his biography further than [Brooke's] very non-informative Wikipedia entry, it only takes about a five minute relationship to father a child.”

    Yes and no. When Brooke is in 9CL mood, five minutes sounds about right (four to praise his prospective partner endlessly, one for said partner to then rip off Brooke’s attire and ravage him).

    However, when Brooke is in PIBGORN mood, the relationship takes much more than five minutes, since Brooke has to first convince prospective partner to (a) don fetish wear and (b) consent to be being implaced by stalagmites, swords, spears, demonclaws, etc.

  158. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#150):

    A misplaced apostrophy? It’s not the end of the world, is’t?

  159. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#154): The swords depicted by McE ARE rather odd, and don’t precisely match anything I’m familiar with from history. (Obviously, it’s a hobby of mine.) The lack of a hand guard is typical of a katana or yataghan, but that strange sharp curve at the end of the blade is hard to explain. It would make the thing virtually useless as a stabbing weapon, would’t aid significantly in slashing, and would add to the weapon’s weight. I’m sure it would be very clumsy for fencing.

  160. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#158): I shall probably recover from the shame, but it will take hours, and many mojitos.

  161. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#159): wouldn’t

    Apostrophes are not my friends, now.

  162. Peanut Gallery
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#128): Fudgie the Whale! Did you know they used the same mold for Santa?

    (Also, Aldo Kelrast: Captain Kangaroo lookalike? Discuss!)

    But Cookie Puss is truly horrifying. And probably NSFBG.

  163. pugfuggly
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#86):

    “Granma always does this after she takes her pills and drinks some of that funny brown stuff she keeps in a bottle between the chair cushions.”

    “An’ an-uther thing…why do schtamps cost so musch these days? Back when I wassa li’l girl I cou-…HEY! where dya think yerrrr goin’, mellonheadssss…?”

    @gnome de blog (#94):

    That’s all we need to know about Gil Thorp’s coaching career.

    Ah yes, the Mudlark credo: ‘Search through enough mud and excrement and someday you might find something of slight value’

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#141):

    I wonder if Catfish’s real last name is Chavez….

    Maybe he’s a Native American and Catfish is his last name. “Mr Catfish was my father” he’ll say “You can call me Rudiger”

  164. Shrug, With Both Foot and Hook in Mouth
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#65):

    “MT: Wait, wait, I’m sorry for holding things up but… the ace fisherman’s name is “Rod Bassy”? Rod Bassy? Rod FUCKING Bassy? ”

    Well, yeah. Originally Elrod was going to call him something like Hightestmonofilamentline Skipjacktuna, but he was persuaded to be subtle.

  165. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#154):

    I understand the association with the Cavalry – you need a curved sword rather than a stabbing one, to minimize the risk of it becoming stuck in the target and you being forced to abandon it when you ride off for your next victim. Use by the cavalry would also mean less of a chance that you are engaging in sword-to-sword combat – you are most likely riding down a fleeing victim – and thus less need for the basket guard on the hilt. A slashing sword can more quickly disable your routed foe, with less arm movement, and allow you to ride down the next one.

    In the Pibgorn context, with the emphasis on penetration metaphors, and the wordplay on the term “Enter”, Brooke should have drawn straight, stabbing swords (Maybe a shorter Gladius would have been more accurate than a Long Sword, we’ll skip that discussion for now). The lapse in accuracy and research says a lot about what is more important to him when drawing his little pornographic fantasies.

  166. Peanut Gallery
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#154): “He pulled a knife on me… It was about that long. It was really an assegai.

    Let’s hope B. McE. never gets hold of the word “assegai.”

  167. Cutlass
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    What’s with all this talk of swords. I’m a firkin’ Oldsmobile.

  168. Anonymous
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @half nelson (#15): The sad thing (for us aging Stones’ fans), that could be a real life scenario.

  169. Baka Gaijin
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#154): The real question is not whether that’s a cutlass or a scimitar or a Pontiac Firebird. The real question is who will use it to kill the cast of “Luann” except for Ann Eifel and Tiffany.

  170. Liam
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Archie-Nothing snarky here just a sad truth.

    MT-I’m hoping that Catfish is a blues singer.

    FW-”I don’t gloat over people who can’t even read a tv listing in the first place.”

    A3G-They better do a ‘coming out of the closet’ style joke directed at Evan since he is hiding in the closet.

    A3G 2-Oh my god I can see their hips.

  171. Peanut Gallery
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Cutlass (#167): But you’re not my father’s Oldsmobile!

  172. Morgan Wick
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    *Oh no! If Wilbur is really secretly a sneering supervillain out to destroy the world, Mary’s only hope will be to call in Spider-Man to do nothing while coincidental other circumstances save the day in his stead! I call Wilbur falling for Aunt May.

    *”Well, back when I was the age you want me to tell you about, we didn’t have these reefer things, I never met anyone famous, and I never had to stab anyone because men in those days respected ladies. I just put together rifles for the war effort, married your grandfather as soon as he came back from it, and started pumping out babies. I had a perfectly boring life and we LIKED IT that way. In fact, why are you even asking these questions? Your parents are dropping the ball at keeping your lives as staid, plastic, and manufactured as possible! You’re probably going to ask about the details of how we “pumped out babies” now! I knew that TV thing was the corrupter of young minds.”

    *Everyone in Shoe seems so shocked – SHOCKED! – at everything all the time.

    *”I know! Social media is where it’s at! Let’s collect random tweets and run those in our relic of the 18th century!”

  173. Peanut Gallery
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

  174. Chip Whittle
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    You know, of the Daily Ink vintage strips, I don’t know what’s harder to adjust to: a Judge Parker where stuff happens or a Hi and Lois where all the joy hasn’t been drained from life.

    At least 1940 Mandrake somehow turned the George Washington Bridge into a drawbridge, so that’s nutty.

  175. Morgan Wick
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

  176. Anonymous Botch
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    So what’s the other mudlarker holding? A weakbox, needing no professorial assistance to open?

  177. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Morgan Wick (#175):

    I was attempting to cleverly subvert that trope by combining it with this one: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LampshadeHanging

  178. Government Cheese
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    MW: He’s just excited because his new design is a penis cake.

  179. hogenmogen
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: I forget which show did it, but there was one skit asking people on the street if they ever found any useful information from “man on the street” interviews. The interviewer had to keep a straight face and take each person’s opinions very seriously.

    The overwhelming opinion was “no”, by the way.

  180. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (y#236): Isn’t Darrin the “technology Batiuk doesn’t understand (i.e. anything after 1982)” whipping boy? Why doesn’t he have a DVR?

    DVR? Hell, by this time they should be watching the streaming video on their laptops.

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#20): Perhaps that explains the white-ification of Cayla. She’s not turning into Dead Lisa as we thought, but into Female Les. (Yes, you may pause to shudder right now.)

    @remmy (#61): Don’t you mean “what is the sexual congress, the making of the beast with two backs, dancing the mortise and tenon”?

    //Given the ways sex is referred to in this strip, it’s no surprise that Edda doesn’t talk dirty to Amos. Foreplay would take a week.

    @Ian C. (#101): you uneducated talking bird-thing buffoon

    Is it wrong that I want to find someone to yell this at?

    @Mysterious shirtless lawyer (#108): I’m not ruling it out, because she may have been a beard, but he’s probably not gay, as this story arc began with a mention of his wife’s death. He’s just weird, albeit in a rather boring way. And in Mary Worth. Which are probably the same thing.

    @Sequitur (#118): The only way Gunther is going to get laid is if he becomes a chicken embryo.

    Applause!

    @TheDiva (#143): So far, the plot, such as it is, seems to be “something is wrong with fairy-genie land, and it’s probably those trolls on the internet who are to blame.” So it’s a metaphor, in other words.

  181. tallyHO
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#154):
    or Eastern scimitar.

    some things never cease to amaze me.

    As i read @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#144):’s comment which you quoted, the word “scimitar” popped into my noggin. Other than that, I barely know anything about which you write.

    Fortunately, you brought up that very sword, too. It is weird/cool how many words we know but which we forget–temporarily– because we rarely use them.

  182. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#146):

    To those snarking about the names of the anglers in Mark Trail- The lead character is MARK TRAIL. He’s a NATURALIST. I’m surprised the kidnapper in the last arc wasn’t named Jack Ransom.

    I don’t care who you are, that is COTW worthy right there! /Larry the Cable Guy

  183. Downpuppy, Marker of Snails
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @DAS (#64): The important thing about the Muddy Strongbox is the growth rate. It doubled in volume between panels. By the time they get it open, it could be the legendary Man Sized Safe.

    This being Dick Tracy, we have no idea what’s inside.

    Unlike A3G, where Greg is about to open the closet & find an immense, reeking, severed My Little Pony head.

  184. Morgan Wick
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

  185. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#166): Let’s hope B. McE. never gets hold of the word “assegai.”

    I’m not much worried about that. His female characters tend to be slim-hipped.

  186. demoncat
    January 14th, 2013 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    mw. and by prep i mean make sure the cake is able to hold the ex lax i will be putting in to help the judges rule in our favor. shoe shoe is shocked that roz thinks that little about him and his rag she has no opinion at all. fc. grandma is thinking forlorn my grand kids think i am boring and old .mean stupid dumb heads

  187. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#181): I’ve always been fond of “falchion” and “claymore”, but, oddly enough, seldom get a chance to use the words in ordinary conversation.

  188. Shrug, Spelled Backwards Isn't "Serutan"
    January 14th, 2013 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @You Knead plenty of Dough to Loaf (#152):

    “If MARK TRAIL is such a “NATURALIST” then why is he wearing clothes?”

    I’ve always felt that if God doesn’t want people to become nudists, because if He did, we’d be born with no clothes on.

  189. Liam
    January 14th, 2013 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Don’t be nervous. As Jesus Christ once said ‘All things are possible with Mary Worth’.”

  190. Shrug, with the Gospel Truth
    January 14th, 2013 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#189):

    But He was just quoting Camus, of course.

  191. Liam
    January 14th, 2013 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    DT-A mysterious metal box that only people at the University will know how to open. Why do I smell the beginning of an H.P. Lovecraft story.

  192. You KNEAD a lot of DOUGH
    January 14th, 2013 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#158): @Nehemiah Scudder (#160):

    Don’t feel too bad. My english teacher once told me I had misplaced an apostrophy. I spent hours looking through my desk and all over that classroom but never did find that apostrophy. I’ve had countless sleepless nights thinking about where I misplaced that thing.

  193. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 14th, 2013 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#158): ‘Tis not, of course—I’m just teasing my good friend Rev. Scudder. (Once you’ve shared cocktails at the Tilted Kilt, what are a few misplaced apostrophes among friends?)

  194. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    January 14th, 2013 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

  195. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    January 14th, 2013 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#118):

    Another COTW contender methinks!

  196. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#193): You might well say, and I think you just did say so, rather well, if I might take the liberty to so aver, that a misplaced apostrophe is, as it were, no big deal, and as such, something that a friendship forged over mixed drinks and clams at the Tilted Kilt, or similar emporia, and similar fare, could well endure, and, even, in spite of such a sad said solecism, thrive and prosper, but you will, I am sure, agree with me, and all decent people, pedant or autodidact whatever, that a run on sentence, or comma splice is an abomination before all decency, as Albert Camus often remarked — don’t you concur?

    // Dave used to diagram sentences. (sigh)

  197. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 14th, 2013 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#196): I concur indeed, sir, with only slight amendment:

    as Albert Camus often remarked; don’t you concur?

    (Yes, that’s a question of style over correctness, but as a recovering Dash Addict, I must practice dash self-discipline and content myself with a semicolon if it serves the purpose–which in this case it does.) (D’oh!)

  198. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#197): Your amendation gratefully accepted; a semicolon is one of my favorite punctuation marks; considered as a strong comma, or a gentle (but not weak!) period, there is surely a reason that it is the sole unshifted punctuation on the home keys of the traditional QWERTY keyboard.

  199. Aviatrix
    January 14th, 2013 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    I miss you guys over at the new thread. Or is there a rule I don’t know about not continuing discussion on a metapost?

  200. tallyHO
    January 14th, 2013 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#187):

    You know, if you could squeeze them in to conversations more often then you’d be a cut up at parties.

  201. tallyHO
    January 14th, 2013 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#187):

    Now see, at best I could only manage something like:

    “So I said to him, “Chop, chop, old chap! There’s no axe-cuse to not be cleaver!”

    I’d leave the audience in stitches but that’s all.

  202. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    @You KNEAD a lot of DOUGH (#192): That is a sad story indeed, and a lesson to us all to be careful with such things. But I believe I can help you. I am, after all, an ordained minister, on the Internet. If you look on your keyboard, just to the right of the blessed semicolon, and to the left of the ENTER key, you will find your missing apostrophe. Use it wisely.

    // Unless, of course, you use a Dvorak keyboard, in which case there is no help for you: you are going straight to hell.

  203. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#199): I miss you guys over at the new thread. Or is there a rule I don’t know about not continuing discussion on a metapost?

    An interesting question. Sometimes metaposts become the new Main Thread, sometimes they don’t. Perhaps one of the cardinals will explain how this works?

  204. Liam
    January 14th, 2013 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    9CL-”I’m sorry but I’m the writer’s fantasy of the perfect woman and his fantasy doesn’t swear.”

  205. Alison
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    “Mark Trail”: I dunno why everybody’s picking on “Rod Bassy”. This is the best name for a fisherman ever. I would really like it if everybody in this strip had a name relative to what they do (Mark Puncher, Rusty Nevergofishing, etc).

    “Family Circus”: Look, Grandma, if you’re boring the hell out of children as easily amused as Dolly and Jeffy, your stories must be astonishingly boring. Stop looking so offended and find some better stories.

  206. Old Folkie
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    @DAS (#64): Speaking as a fellow (retired) assistant professor at a state school: that was uproariously funny, and painfully accurate.

  207. Liam
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#199):

    Me personally I like to save the metapost for random inconsequential stuff that doesn’t really have to do with the comic discussion.

  208. tallyHO
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus:

    It seems like Grandma may have told the two kids:

    “When I was a little girl our grandmas told us to take long naps while sitting like this….kkkzzZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz!”

    Then about 5 minutes later when she kept on snoring, the kids bailed on her.

  209. Government Cheese
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I guess having a chat with a member of the opposite sex means you are both an item in Luannworld.

  210. tallyHO
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    Waitasecond!

    While it says “Cakeageddon” on today’s entry, since this could be Mary getting Busy with Chefspian, John Dill–the man who cooks at will–shouldn’t the entry be entitled:

    Cake: A Gettin’ It on!

  211. Liam
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    FC-”This coming from the woman who was a groupie.”

  212. Alison
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#209):
    It seriously does. Luann could ask a guy, “Can I borrow your pencil?” and it immediately would be all over the school that they liked each other.

    Forgot to comment on “Pearls Before Swine” in my first post. I thought it was very well done. (I knew what it was right away because I recognized some of the names of the kids.) I liked that it was subtle instead of hitting you over the head with a bloated self-important “Look at me tackling true-life issues” attitude that some people have when they do tributes, which really just cheapens the tribute and makes it all about the person doing the tribute instead.

  213. MWDG
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    MW: Here are some ideas to wrap up the John Dill/Cake storyline

    • Mary asks John Dill to “deflower” Dawn
    • After one date John asks Mary to run off to Vegas and Marry him…she does and then he decapitates her
    • John Dill and Mary become the Chris Brown/Rihanna of Charterstone
    • Outside the bumboat Jeff challenges John Dill to a fist fight over Mary… John easily beats the leaving daylights out of Jeff much to the crowds delight… at the end of the fight John, Wilbur and Mary Pee on Jeff’s hapless body and then Mary writes in sharpie all over comatose Jeff how much she hates him and his kids.

  214. Liam
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    MW-”My design will show up all those people who made fun of me in school and said I would never amount to anything.”

    MW-I noticed that Dill’s apartment is 3B which makes me think that there must be a 3G and I wonder what that is like.

  215. Old Folkie
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#187): “Claymore” is also the title of a Japanese anime series wherein beautiful women kill demons with swords. Let’s hope Brooke never sees it…

  216. Peanut Gallery
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#202): But I need my Dvorak keyboard so I can play the New World Symphony!

    The road to hell is paved with misplaced apostrophes.

    @Liam (#207):

    Me personally I like to save the metapost for random inconsequential stuff that doesn’t really have to do with the comic discussion.

    Good idea… hey waaaait, that’s what I do on the regular post!

    @Liam (#214):

    I noticed that Dill’s apartment is 3B

    So, I wonder who are the other two Bastards he lives with.

  217. Peanut Gallery
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#T29):

    I can totally do random inconsequential and nothing to do with the comics! I do that on normal threads.

    Oops, I see you beat me to that one. This time travel stuff is tricky.

  218. Sgt. Stoned
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    MT: Rod Bassy, eh…and his buddy Catfish. Would that be Catfish Hooker, by any chance?

    DT: The way this strip has been going lately, the mysterious box probably contains kryptonite.

    MW: John’s “design” probably involves slathering Mary’s nude body with icing and slowly licking it off. Uhoh, I think I’m making myself sick.

  219. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 15th, 2013 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#165): I understand the association with the Cavalry – you need a curved sword rather than a stabbing one, to minimize the risk of it becoming stuck in the target and you being forced to abandon it when you ride off for your next victim. Use by the cavalry would also mean less of a chance that you are engaging in sword-to-sword combat – you are most likely riding down a fleeing victim – and thus less need for the basket guard on the hilt. A slashing sword can more quickly disable your routed foe, with less arm movement, and allow you to ride down the next one.

    In fact, the most recent US Army cavalry doctrine (1914), by one George S. Patton calls for a straight sword with an emphasis on thrust rather than slash. This is especially (and counterintuitively, to my thinking) effective against lancers, according to Lieutenant Patton. This particular field manual repays close attention, as it contradicts the advice given by the mostly British experts in the 1911 Britannica.

  220. Charly
    January 15th, 2013 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    MW: The inky black nothingness behind both actors meant that the filming had gone on, what, 12 hours, thirteen? Patricia, the prop manager, had hastily propped up two first-generation iPads and a restaurant counter bell on the plywood drawers.

    It had all sounded so good on paper – an L.A. noir, part Chandler, part Beloved Oscar Bait actors, all Steven Spielberg. But it was a shitstorm from day one and only devolved from there. The scriptwriter was a joke – in and out of rehab out in Utah, maybe a genius, who knew, but could barely string a sentence together on his bad days. He’d been a type of literary wunderkind in the ’90s, but a post-structuralist does not a good screenwriter make.

    Dame Mirren had absolutely no chemistry with Paul Giamatti – even with a dye job and a Hitler mustache, he could be her soon – and even actors of their caliber couldn’t deliver such disjointed soulless dialogue with anything like panache. And what the fuck was a iPad – two! – doing in a film set in the 1930s?

    “If we prep well, we’ll be on our way to a win.” Spielberg’s ears bled. After Lincoln? Not bloody likely.

  221. Charly
    January 15th, 2013 at 2:32 am [Reply]

    (he could be her son, though such a Kafkaesque transformation holds interesting possibilities, to be sure)

  222. NonnyMus
    January 15th, 2013 at 5:49 am [Reply]

    Re: The Real Mystery in Dick Tracy

    The female mudlark has a mud-covered box too. So why are they only going to take the male’s box to the university? Can’t women get an even break in Lake Liberty’s mud?

  223. You KNEAD a lot of DOUGH
    January 15th, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    what is this metapost of which the speak of and where can I find one?

  224. NonnyMus
    January 15th, 2013 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    Technically only bipolar disorder is a roller coaster. Depression is a long slide, mania is an out of control rocket and schizophrenia is a roomful of angry, noisy midgets throwing gumdrops and shuriken at each other while dancing the merengue.

    You’re welcome!

  225. NonnyMus
    January 15th, 2013 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    @NonnyMus (#224):

    Sorry this comment should’ve gone on today’s post. Hmmmmmm…

Comments are closed for this post.