The Comics Curmudgeon

52 responses to “Metapost: Your COTW served up for your pleasure”

1. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
   January 18th, 2013 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

   Congrats floaters!

2. tallyHO
   January 18th, 2013 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

   Huzzah!

   Much, much funniness from Crankenstank and the Floaters.

   Congrats!

   //the COTW is funny because it is true-ish. Spidey from the comic strip is becoming more like Electric Company Spider-Man.

3. Artist formerly known as Ben
   January 18th, 2013 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

   Congratulations to the float folks. Well-earned.

4. Artist formerly known as Ben
   January 18th, 2013 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

   As for me I’ve been forced to do my comics snarking on a later schedule because I can’t really use the web at work until they’ve successfully run that Java update. Let’s hear it for Larry Ellison, people. Anyway…

   Zits: As Jeremy demonstrates his oral capacity and lack of gag reflex, Sarah all at once realizes why Pierce is always giving him money.

   MT: Not very popular in the community. I think I know all I need to, now.

   MW: Mary sees that John is already getting full of himself. He’ll need to be taken down a few pegs. It won’t be pretty, and some blood may be shed.

   C-Shaft: Pam and Jeff wonder, “Should we even react to that? The joke is based on spelling, and it’s not like we can see his word balloon.”

   9CL: We have an adage here on Earth, but it can easily be applied to natives of your planet. “Shut the fuck up.”

   JP: “This has got to stop. Neddy needs to learn that her mother and I aren’t made of money. Oh wait, we are. Shred this, won’t you Gloria?”

   BB: If Sarge is in his fifties, he could have been in the mosh pit at some of the earliest Black Flag shows. There’s something to think about.

   6C: So you started dating your husband when he was in the larval stage? In what state is that even legal?

   Luann: Bernice seems pretty high on joining the Unification Church, but I bet it’s just an excuse to sever ties with Luann.

   Momma: Again the family sexual dynamics of the Hobbs family rear their ugly head.

   Lockhorns: “We’ll schedule another session to address your issues with cunnilingus, Mr. Lockhorn.”

5. KreatureFeatures
   January 18th, 2013 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

   These are all Josh-worthy COTWs.
   pugfuggly’s comment really took the cake for me.
   There are some funny people hiding behind crazy monikers out there.

6. Aviatrix
   January 18th, 2013 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

   Thank you all for your supply of funny. It has slightly lifted my disappointment-induced sadness over John Dill’s cake design. Crankenstank, you made my list, too. Also keeping me laughing this week were:

   McManx: I would marvel at Kraven’s daring escape except in the Spidey universe, the cops probably lost Kraven while they were circling the building looking for a parking place.

   Steve: They’re not real cops: one has an eight-pointed badge and one has a nine-pointed badge. So, male strippers.

   lawn: If Kraven isn’t a “hardened criminal” by the end of today’s strip, there’s something wrong with him.

   [Old Man] Muffaroo: I imagine when the birds in SHOE learned of Cassat’s demise, they looked bereft, as if the bottom had dropped out of their world, leaving them in a swirling black void of despair. Then some other bird pointed out that a door is not a door when it is a-jar, and they had the exact same reaction.

   Comrade Denny for President: John Dill is going to bust out a trapezoidal cake with two-tone tan-on-taupe frosting and script (“Ceci n’est pas un gâteau.”) and FUCKING BLOW THEIR TINY LITTLE MINDS!!!!

   seismic-2: Remember, this is a cake design contest, and so we see from the video that one of the top designs last year was… round. Yes, a round cake! Circular, even!!! The innovation, the unprecedented audacity – where on earth did she get her inspiration? I hope there is an interview with her at the end of the video. I also hope the interviewer asks her about pi.

   Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol That 3rd panel looks like Gil was a window seat on a Southwest Airlines 737 flying through hell. Who makes fireplace fires that big, anyway?

   pugfuggly: I was hoping that they would just completely forget about Evan and this whole storyline without a word. Then, two years from now, Margo will open her closet and find a desiccated corpse. [more]

   Nehemiah Scudder: I never had the patience or attention span to write real spaghetti code. The best I could do was write elbow macaroni code. It was confusing, but short.

   Peanut Gallery: Macaroni code would be code in multiple languages, right?

   public class Foo {
   Procedure Bar ();
   begin
   INTEGER I
   10 FOR I = 1 to 10
   printf (“%d\n”, I);
   20 NEXT I
   end;
   }

   The last two may need to be a case of ‘you had to be there’.

7. bourbon babe, unbuckled
   January 18th, 2013 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

   All very funny—as are the riders on the Aviatrix Special! Congrats, float-folk! Throw cake!

8. Aviatrix
   January 18th, 2013 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

   @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#7): Uhh the pink horror! Uhh the roses! Make it stop!

9. Droopy Says
   January 18th, 2013 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

   enaLdeewkcihC9: Whatever little planet he’s from, I’m sure it’s a much better place now. And a lot littler, as long as the “from” remains true. (Fat bald nuisance is McEch’s take on the Great Gazoo and Q, right?)

10. Aviatrix
    January 18th, 2013 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (Y274): The Parkers could blackmail the Nigerian scammer, using some technique that is lots of lawyers so as to make it totally legit.

11. Sequitur
    January 18th, 2013 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    Should I congratulate Crankenstank and “Those Who Float” or laud a Ripley’s?

    I know, I’ll do both!

    CONGRATS CRANKENSTANK and “THOSE WHO FLOAT!!” (funny stuff)

    and

    The OBASHI CORPORATION of Japan plans to have an Elevator to a space station orbiting the Earth OPERATIONAL BY 2050!

    Oh, good. Just in time for the current Apartment 3G story line to end.

12. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 18th, 2013 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    Yay! The new phone book’s here!

    Oh, and the COTW, too. Very funny!

    @Aviatrix (#y161): Interesting reaction. I just wondered what Fred Basset would be like with a joke in it.

    @Liam (#y185): Those pink abominations are just the practice cakes.
    Somebody took “sponge cake” a bit literally, I think.

    @OMEGA SUPREME (#y208): Where does Dick Tracy take place anyway?
    Alternate World Chicago.

    @Sophia Pygea (#y248): I read an article once about how Thurber used to doodle all over tablecloths and such. One fellow wanted to preserve the tablecloth, but it was also rather dirty with food. His wife said she would take care of it and took the cloth. Some time later, she brought it back out, freshly laundered, and she had preserved all Thurber’s lines in needlework. A fine solution, I thought!

    @Aviatrix (#6): Hey, thanks! I like your float lots! I wonder why that is?

13. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#6): Also good choices. And it’s looking more and more like pugfuggly could get his wish, re: Evan’s dried up corpse.

14. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    @McManx (y12): Phantom — Now we’ve got a new lion coming up. That guarantees about another six weeks of this convoluted story line trying to establish why these guys are trying to sabotage their own operation. Fear of success?

15. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#4):
    

    MW: Mary sees that John is already getting full of himself. He’ll need to be taken down a few pegs. It won’t be pretty, and some blood may be shed.

    In that case, I hope they stick with the pink cake with the pink icing.

16. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#15): Of course they will. Mary leaves nothing to chance.

17. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#14): Missed some markup there. It’s supposed to read:

    Phantom — Now we’ve got a new lion coming up. That guarantees about another six weeks of this convoluted story line trying to establish why these guys are trying to sabotage their own operation.

    Fear of success?

18. Peanut Gallery
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#6): Indeed, I specialize in “you had to be there” jokes, so thanks for letting me ride the auxiliary float!

19. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#16): I guess Mary can claim it’s a “natural” food coloring.

20. tallyHO
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#19):
    Unicorn blood.

21. Calico
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    For Aviatrix Re: #198 YT –
    And there’s this choppy old gem I just found:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0-ARiMzC20
    *Sigh, Dave used to love watching Betty Crocker videos on Youtube*

    Check out how this woman smacks the flour into the bowl x 2 – yikes

22. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#6): Thanks for your kind words. I also thought of “rotini code” — twisted but short, but the blandness of elbow macaroni won out as a contrast.

    // A horrible thought struck me about Peanut Gallery’s contribution. I’m scared to try it, but I think that just might compile in GCC.

23. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 19th, 2013 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    JP: When this strip first ran in Pravda as American Plutocrat Bloodsuckers, the KGB objected to this storyline as too over the top.

24. Droopy Says
    January 19th, 2013 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: How hard can it be to catch a handcuffed man in leopard tights and a lion-mane cape? I’m sure Parker will give us the answer some time next month.

    FW: If we were lucky, what’s-his-name would have died, and we’d have a strip with dialog-free yet meaningful looks mopes.

    Family Circus: And when he returned Jeffy discovered the fish lying on the floor, a note clutched in one fin. Mommy never told Jeffy he’d driven the fish to suicide.

    Mary Mirthless: So John Dill can sculpt a figurine out of saccharine? Or is this going to be like “The Mystery of the Wax Museum,” with Lionel Atwill coating Fay Wray in molten sugar?

    Mock Trail: “Most fishermen are good people! We have lives and families, just like other people! We even take our children fishing, just like other people! Right, Trail?”

    Phantom: Henchmen with maniacal laughs! That’s what we all live for.

    Shoe: Careful, Rot*, or they’ll show you how to cure your turkey-wattle.

    *for once, it isn’t a typo.

25. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 19th, 2013 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    Wow, the cake really is going to feature a figure of Mary. The cellulite will be marzipan.

26. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 19th, 2013 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    FW: She means that the sooner you die, the luckier you are. If he was lucky, he would have died when he choked on that pork chop in 1987. Then he wouldn’t be here.

27. jnik
    January 19th, 2013 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    Is it just me, or has anyone else noticet that Funky Winkerbean has shown more of its main characters die in 40 years than Gasoline Alley has in 94 years?

28. Calico
    January 19th, 2013 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#24):
    “Spiderdick” is making me snerk out loud.

29. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 19th, 2013 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    Congrats to the floaters!

    And a big rude gesture to both 9CL and FW for making me ranty this morning, but not in the enjoyable way.

    Brooke, I guess you think that if elderly people, small children, and the disabled are unable to work, they should just die on the street. How nice of you. May you step on Legos barefoot and have a bus run over your drawing hand.

    Batiuk, I suppose you mean your “joke” to be “Ha ha, they think doctors know things when they’re really clueless! Haw!” Yet you have drawn doctors demonstrating that they do know what they’re doing, as they are not blindly charging ahead with some random, poorly chosen response, but are following established protocols and waiting until they have sufficient data to act safely. May you also step on Legos barefoot, and when you seek medical help, may you end up at a cheap clinic where they don’t follow such protocols, and thus accidentally amputate your left pinkie toe.

30. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 19th, 2013 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    Also, HARUMPH! Harumph, I say.

31. Johnny Q
    January 19th, 2013 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: How about designing a wedding cake with Mary and Aldo Kelrast as bride and groom figures!

32. Droopy Says
    January 19th, 2013 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    enaLdeewkcihC9: It’s like Lucy van Pelt’s psychiatrist booth, only without the art or humor or human interest. Okay, it’s the anti-Peanuts.

    Bigporn: There is nothing sexual in McEch’s work. Only beefwits would acuse him of politicizing Art. His limitless creativity should not be mistaken for plagiarism. Brooke McEclowny, master of implausible deniability.

33. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 19th, 2013 at 2:47 am [Reply]

    9CL: Ah, yes, because artists never engage in mutual criticism each others’ work, and learn and grow thereby, and all critics are by definition hacks and wannabes. Way to shout out to the public that you’re a shut-in who can’t bear even a whiff of criticism, Mr. Delicate Flower.

    (I swear, this is the sort of complaint that’s normally made by reality show contestants who are heartbreakingly short of talent yet think they are God’s gift to the world, or by tweens hurt by people unimpressed by their LiveJournal portfolios of notebook sketches. Grow up, man.)

    Also, I wish to point out the irony inherent in a person who repeatedly complains about people who make negative comments on the internet (in comments threads, mind you, where responding is indeed possible), is… making negative comments on the internet (and in a venue where comments are blocked).

    Additional thought: Perhaps he is envious of internet commenters’ ability to form witty and trenchant critiques of weak and self-important work? I mean, “He who cannot…” etc. etc.

34. Baka Gaijin
    January 19th, 2013 at 3:37 am [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#5): Did they take the pink cake with the nature theme? That could be considered torture under the Geneva Convention.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#7): Seconded!

    @tallyHO (#20): Salmon square squeezin’s.

35. Baka Gaijin
    January 19th, 2013 at 3:42 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s Strips

    OMG! Spiderman is unironically hilarious, showing instead of saying. It’s better than I’d imagined.

    “The city is too quiet.” I’ve heard many descriptions of New York City but that’s not one of them.

    Mrs. General Halftrack completely missed the point. She’s such a frigid bitch her husband seeks female companionship with a computerized telemarketer.

36. Baka Gaijin
    January 19th, 2013 at 4:06 am [Reply]

    Saturday Mary Worth Thoughts

    Judging by all the men she attracts, Mary Worth should be the cover girl for “FrigidOldBiddiesWhoDontWantSex.Com”.

    Since I’m not all horny for Mary, I can see that cake is less creatively designed than what someone could get at the local pet store for a pomeranian’s birthday.

    No one’s going to write a song about “all that sweet pink icing floooowing down…” Maybe one about “the pink cake that won’t fit in the garbage caaaaaaaaaann…” or “the pink cake that caused all that diarrheeeeeee-aaaaaaaah…”

    Oh gad. Mary Worth can’t be so oblivious she can’t see Mr. Dill mooning over her. Can she?

    Is that the Checkov’s Fridge? Being large enough to store a human body until spring thaw, in the third act Mary could put her suitor on ice once she catches on that he wants to fuck her.

37. Doctor Handsome
    January 19th, 2013 at 4:48 am [Reply]

    Big Laffs all around, as always.
    Extra Big Ups to pugfuggly.

38. Aviatrix
    January 19th, 2013 at 4:49 am [Reply]

    JP: That poor girl, forced to live on only $120,000 a year. I certainly hope her parents pay her rent and tuition over and above that paltry allowance.

39. Aviatrix
    January 19th, 2013 at 4:58 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I’m guessing he’s demoing his CPR technique on some willing nymphette.

40. Aviatrix
    January 19th, 2013 at 5:00 am [Reply]

    MW: 100 points to everyone who postulated a cakevin Mary’s likeness! And ten points to Moi and Giella for remembering that the contest has a theme.

41. Baka Gaijin
    January 19th, 2013 at 5:15 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#41): Too bad the artist didn’t remember the theme isn’t “Bargain Bin at the Winn-Dixie.”

42. Liam
    January 19th, 2013 at 6:45 am [Reply]

    A3G-New York City quiet? The city hasn’t been quiet since September 11th, 2001. Oops sorry about that Greg that hasn’t happened to you guys yet. Spoilers.

    Crankshaft-And your Gardening Angel knows something that it wants to plant.

    FC-You see what happens, Klaus, when you’ve pissed off Seth Macfarlane.

    FW-If he’s not lucky he will become Crankshaft.

    FW 2-”He would be in another hospital. A better hospital.”

    Gil Thorp-The way she says it makes the peacock sound like some sort of crime boss or drug dealer.

    Love Is-They’re wearing clothes. Why are they wearing clothes?

    MT-The rooster in the second panel is an allusion as to what Rod’s favorite lure is. It’s his big cock.

    MT 2-”I don’t need luck. I brought Rusty along with me as a bargaining chip. Maybe I’ll finally be rid of this dead weight once and for all.”

    MW-You already have this all pink abomination that is your cake. Adding anything else to it can’t hurt the design anymore.

    MW 2-”Do you think we used too much pink on the cake? I don’t want the flowers and the garland to have disappeared.”

    RMMD-Now comes the moment of overreacting when we all know that Mark is just demonstrating CPR to these people.

    Archie-At last an honest critique of Mary Worth’s cooking. It’s got to be Mary Worth who else makes unidentifiable lumps of solid color.

    9CL-”He who can take criticism allows others to leave comments. He who cannot take criticism leaves the comment section blocked.”

43. Da Coconino Kid
    January 19th, 2013 at 7:25 am [Reply]

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    January 19th, 2013 at 4:02 am [Reply]

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44. Liam
    January 19th, 2013 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Did anyone else have a sort of feeling that they were going to be on the float this week?

45. Da Coconino Kid
    January 19th, 2013 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    Did anyone else have a sort of feeling that they were going to be under the float this week?

46. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 19th, 2013 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    @jnik (#27): Yet they’re still not going fast enough.

47. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 19th, 2013 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#29): “thus accidentally amputate your left pinkie toe.” This is good because Batiuk draws with his feet.

48. sporknpork
    January 19th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Congrats, Crankenstank, and the rest of the floaters!

49. gleeb
    January 19th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    H&L: It’s funny because Thirsty is a terrible drunkard who votes more or less at random.

    Phantom: Why are these guys in the mining-scam business, anyway? They should be lion catchers; they’re great at it.

    ‘bean: If he were really lucky, he’d have been in Pickles, and could lead a happy life. But instead, it’s misery and crappy pizza for ol’ Fred.

    Slylock: The duck and the elephant are into water sports.

    Archie: Are they eating off two tiny tables, or are those trays on a big soapstone table?

    Dick: And Tracy has ways of making a historian talk!

    Thorp: Yes! Mia has gone through the Dark Night of the Basketball Game and is ready to accept The Peacock as her personal savior!

    June Morgan, RN: Oh, dear. Rex has really taken this “stripper” thing to heart, hasn’t he? Or maybe he’s just trying to dance fully-clothed.

    Spidey: When will mankind learn that you can’t trust cartoon chimps?

50. Where's Waldo, Heck, Where's Kraven?
    January 20th, 2013 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#yy24):

    “Spiderdick: How hard can it be to catch a handcuffed man in leopard tights and a lion-mane cape?”

    Depends on where you’re looking:

    Main steet of Dubuque, Iowa: Should be easy.
    Casino district of Las Vegas, NV: Could be tricky.
    Castro Street, SF, Saturday night: Hopeless. Blends right in with the crowd.

51. Ezekiel
    May 24th, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Today, I went to the beach with my children. I found a sea
    shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said
    “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to her ear and screamed.
    There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear.
    She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is entirely off topic but I had to tell someone!

52. www.fetica.org
    May 24th, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

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