The Comics Curmudgeon

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Effective parenting

For Better or For Worse, 6/27/2008

OK, after a full week of this, we get it: Michael’s a brat and Elly’s overwhelmed. But how on earth do those other comic moms do it? Let’s go see!

Curtis, 6/27/2008

Oh, you do not mess with Diane Wilkins — Curtis knows it, Greg knows it, and I’m willing to bet God knows it. I give author Ray Billingsley a lot of richly-deserved grief, but his characters act like people. Who doesn’t know — and secretly fear — a force of nature like Diane?

Funky Winkerbean, 6/27/2008

Linda Lopez-Bushka is quieter, but no less effective. Jinx has been thwarting Bull’s incompetent attempts to bond, so Mom shows them both how it’s done. And engineers a pleasant summer in a quiet house with the soaps on and her feet up.

Crankshaft, 6/27/2008

With this strip, Crankshaft finally reaches the lower limit of what can reasonably be called “wordplay.” Jeff Murdoch there is Ed Crankshaft’s son-in-law, an ineffective, self-pitying drudge who hates his vicious harridan of a mother, yet is moving her into his home, possibly because it’s the only way he can cause her pain. It’s true: Ed Crankshaft is the comic relief in this strip.

Gah, I can’t close the week on that note! Let’s see some bonus panels!

Family Circus, 6/27/2008

Yes, Billy, and “LAME” is an adjective. But look how the tyke’s melon head has grown, and the mouth with it! A few months more and its blackness will consume the entire frame, matching the artwork to the captions at last.

Judge Parker, 6/27/2008

Judge P. comes back after eighteen months and promptly leaves on vacation. Who does this guy think he is — Josh?

– Uncle Lumpy

This entry was posted on Friday, June 27, 2008 at 01:26 am and is filed under Crankshaft, Curtis, Family Circus, For Better or for Worse, Funky Winkerbean, Judge Parker. |

172 responses to “Effective parenting”

Xenocrypt
June 27th, 2008 at 1:33 am [Reply]

“With this strip, Crankshaft finally reaches the lower limit of what can reasonably be called ‘wordplay.’”

inf(what can reasonably called wordplay) = FOOB.
Jonathan
June 27th, 2008 at 1:33 am [Reply]

Is Curtis’ mom trying to force him into a life of homosexuality with that last panel?
Craig
June 27th, 2008 at 1:36 am [Reply]

I must say, I am deeply uncomfortable with the words “Play with the cobra!” as a mother’s response to naked lady magazines.
Xenocrypt
June 27th, 2008 at 1:36 am [Reply]

First? Wow, and with a math joke. I’ve become everything I’ve ever hated.
Xenocrypt
June 27th, 2008 at 1:39 am [Reply]

A mistyped math joke, moreover. But that’s normal. ( be called wordplay…)
Sally Villarreal
June 27th, 2008 at 1:47 am [Reply]

I think Crankshaft hit the lower limit of what can be called “stuff.” Does his Mom expect him to move all the furniture by himself. Other than some bland dorm-style furniture, the only hint that a teenage once lived there is a sad looking peace sign poster.
Vakar
June 27th, 2008 at 1:48 am [Reply]

Too… much… Billy… back up the camera, holy shit ZOOM OUT!!

Ahem.
True Fable
June 27th, 2008 at 1:52 am [Reply]

9CL Yay! I like Mark, it’s about time we got away from Whiny Fussy Edda and watched the Wispy Haired Wonder for a while.
A3G You slipped all right, Gabriella, and it nearly cost you your life! Margo’s got her Man Hunting Claws out! While Eric’s away, the intensely scary maneater will play! Just look at her eyes in panel three if you don’t believe me.
C’haft You can really tell it’s a comic strip because I’ve never known anyone to NOT use their extra bedroom to store stuff in. I mean just LOOK at how pristine that place is. And this woman is supposedly a pack rat?!
DtM Maybe she gets them from the Girl Scouts, kid. Ever think of that, huh, didja?
(WT)DT So is the janitor in on it or is he going to blow the whistle on Spooky Eyes?
FC AAAugh! Close Up! Do Not Want!
FBoFW Oh good lord; how is it such a weak spined, waffly fucktard like Elly ever earn the title of Most Admired Mother in Comics or whatever the hell those pinheads at Coffee Squawk claim? For that matter, how did For Better Or For Worse ever become such a well-loved comic? Oh yeah. Pinheads, right.
FW Round Three: both Jinx and Bull knockout this incredibly stupid mother.
(WTF)GT Elmer is an Asshat.
JP What in the world is going on in the last panel? Is Sam’s world getting eaten up by the Ink Bandits?
Luann Brad, you stupid butthead. TJ burned up ur house! Why the hell are you worried about him? Relax, he’ll agree to marry you some day.
Marmadick Not even the Kama Sutra wants to cover THAT situation, pal.
MW HA! Now what, are you going to CRAWL back to Jeff and ask for dinner at the Bum Boat? I hope he laughs in your face and tells you to fuck off, Mary!
Phantom Kit goes all macho despite the atomic wedgie he’s getting in his stripeys.
RMMD Man, that Rex has an angle into any situation, doesn’t he?
S-M How many superheroes do you know ask permission from their spouses before they do anything? What a fucking WIMP. I’ll bet if the Avengers knew what Spidey’s home life was like, they’d take turns kicking his butt for fun.
jvwalt
June 27th, 2008 at 1:56 am [Reply]

One of these mornings, we’re all going to wake up to the sight of a gigantic Billy Head looming over the horizon. The mouth will open wider and wider until it swallows the earth, and we will all perish in the gaping maw of Billy, the Planet Eater.

No, wait — that’s just the plot of M. Night Shyamalan’s next flick.
Mibbitmaker
June 27th, 2008 at 1:58 am [Reply]

The above strips first…

Mothers:
Ellie: So weak, it’s pathetic.
Diane, Linda: So harsh and controlling, it’s chilling.
Old Lady Murdoch: Not as comeupancy as yesterday, but still shrewd enough to reinstate my faith in mothers, shaken by the 3 above.

FOOB: A rerun… making John….. sympathetic? ….In 2008?? – - Well, now I’ve seen everything! (Bob Clampett/WB suicide gag)

Curtis: Omigod, she’s going to bite him, isn’t she??

FC: Actually, that’s a pretty brain-teasingly good joke today! Only problem is — Billy looks like he’d rather be in Dick Tracy. Back away from the camera, Billy…

JP: I really laughed at that comment, UL. Good job! … I’m gonna miss you being Josh’s fill-in in the future, though……
;o)
geogeek
June 27th, 2008 at 2:03 am [Reply]

Xenocrypt: play on xenocryst? I can only hope there’s someone else out there reading the comics from the point of view of a crazed geologist.
Xenocrypt
June 27th, 2008 at 2:07 am [Reply]

geogeek: No, actually, it’s a kind of puzzle–a cryptogram in a language other than English. But I just like the word. It starts with an X! (Note: I am not the Philip K. Dick fan who apparently uses the same name, checking this before I picked it would have been a good idea).
Yaanu
June 27th, 2008 at 2:09 am [Reply]

Thanks to years of desensitization thanks in part to The Internet™, I can now look at the words “Play with the cobra” and immediately think that Curtis’ mom is actually encouraging him to look at skin pics.
Mibbitmaker
June 27th, 2008 at 2:17 am [Reply]

S-M: Petey, you’re a red-and-blue blur when your sitting still, too.

A3G: “You must join us for dinner, Sr. Davis! Bring Sr. Wood, Sr. Elder, and Sr. Severin, too!”

Adam: (in a British accent) “You’re no fun anymore!”

Shoe: Well, if “cat-aholic” Penny is a bird, too, then she’s probably dead by now.
Thinks He's Brenda Starr
June 27th, 2008 at 2:24 am [Reply]

When I read Crock, I got confused. “I had my id stolen,” he says. Is this becoming some sort of surreal, Freudian discourse? I don’t think I can handle that from the comics.
Gihyou
June 27th, 2008 at 2:24 am [Reply]

Three of those same shirts? Is the judge out of rags he uses to clean up after his pet?
Alfred E. Neuman, D.D.S.
June 27th, 2008 at 2:46 am [Reply]

DT— Mr. Burns from “The Simpsons” puts in a guest appearance as a bank robber. I’ll bet that the robber’s actual name is Mal O’Cclusion.

Curtis— Possible new CC t-shirt slogan: “Play with the Cobra!”

PBS— Second possible new CC t-shirt slogan: “I will scrub your toes.” Or put them together on one t-shirt: “Play with the Cobra, and I will scrub your toes.” Baffle your friends and impress your fellow ‘Mudges with your insider’s knowledge. Or… oh never mind.
Mibbitmaker
June 27th, 2008 at 2:47 am [Reply]

DT: Nobody gets hurt??? How could they when the guy with the gun can’t even handle the furshlugginer thing in that stubby, malformed hand enough to actually use it?

HotC: “Pink”? The sound of the lights coming back on is a color?!?

MF: Oh, well — even a habitually unfunny, smug reactionary has to get in a good one once in a while.

MT: A flea on the bear’s back is joining in on Cherry and Kelly’s conversation — from a distance — while said bear is sniffing out a Jack Elrod ball. Seems normal to me…

MW: She was disappointed in Dr. Jeff just a minute ago, too. You’re screwed, Ron!

Popeye: That short old guy with the Fred-Flintstone’s-rich-Texas-uncle moustache has gone plum loco!!
Tom Bombadil
June 27th, 2008 at 2:51 am [Reply]

MW: Will tomorrow’s paper have a photo of Ron and Dr. Jeff sharing a romantic dinner?
Mariko
June 27th, 2008 at 2:53 am [Reply]

Crock–
I feel kind of sad for Hitlermustacheszky. I mean, can you imagine having your Id stolen? The ego and superego wouldn’t know what to do.
Bobdog
June 27th, 2008 at 3:12 am [Reply]

Hmmm …”noun” is also a noun. And “adjective” is a noun. So is “adverb.” Pronoun, strangely enough, is a noun (though it has lost its amateur status). Wait a minute …. Omigosh! Every part of speech can be described with a noun. Billy — you’re genius! You just made sentence diagramming a hell of a lot easier.

That the example:
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

Before we would have had to describe this as definite article, adjective, adjective, noun, verb, adverb, definite article, adjective, noun. So complicated! And we haven’t even gotten into an example with sub-ordinate clauses.

But now thanks to some Keane insight we can just say:
Noun, noun, noun, noun, noun, noun, noun.

Easy.
Bobdog
June 27th, 2008 at 3:25 am [Reply]

My mind is still a little blown that an actual Judge Parker is appearing in Judge Parker — I thought he was a myth.
Resumé Man
June 27th, 2008 at 3:29 am [Reply]

Not being as big a follower of newspaper comics as most here are, I was not aware that Crankshaft contained a character named Jeff Murdoch. This infuriates me. In my world there is room for only one Jeff Murdoch — he of the nudity buffer, the giggle loop, the melty man, Captain Subtext, etc.
Uncle Lumpy
June 27th, 2008 at 3:35 am [Reply]

#23 Curriculum Vitaman –

They’re the same guy — he’s hit a rough patch.
Hawkeye
June 27th, 2008 at 3:37 am [Reply]

JP: Say whatever you will about anyone else in this strip, but with Hawaiian shirts like that you just can’t ‘mudge the Judge.

…I can’t believe I just said that.
Uncle Lumpy
June 27th, 2008 at 3:43 am [Reply]

Poor Judge can’t budge his grudge fudge.
Muffaroo
June 27th, 2008 at 5:02 am [Reply]

Crank – In the words of Elmo, “I wish I had that stuff in my room.”

FOOB – That reminds me, looking at the younger, nearly nubile Ellie, and having just watched a few minutes of Beverly Hillbillies, I have to say, over the years, she’s as good as morphed from Elly May to Elmo.
Muffaroo
June 27th, 2008 at 5:27 am [Reply]

A3G – Judging from appearances, Jack’s project involves frequent time travel to the 1950s.

DT – Special guest appearance today by J. Edgar Hoover.

GA – Ironically, the TV exposure will lead to Rufus’s getting sent up the river for the stomping death of a rich philanderer with a giant head.

JP – “…This strip will self destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Sam.”

Marmaduke – Another day, another position in the Marma Sutra.

Non Sequitur – I’m reminded of the faux-Bergman faux-strip “Wøødi” from The 80s: A Look Back (which came out in 1980) (translated from Swedish):

Woody: Life is an endless tunnel without light.
Poor Schlub: It’s true!
(Poor Schlub takes out gun and blows his own head off)
(Woody turns out to the audience, sadly)
Woody: Death, too, is an endless tunnel without light.

Pluggers: – You just might be a Plugger if you’re a bear who needs a ladder to climb a tree.

SFx – To draw a baby hippo, start with a regular hippo and add some drool.

Zits – Jeremy has no garbage footprint.
Mr. O'Malley
June 27th, 2008 at 5:34 am [Reply]

FOOB: Chicken drumstick, mashed potatoes and peas (frozen, steamed). Is this the menu to set Michael on a literary career?

Pretty much the same joke was in Edge City a few weeks ago (more than one month ago, so I can’t link to it).

Not a criticism of EC, it’s not exactly the world’s most original joke.

It was part of the “daughter won’t eat mom’s cooking” arc.

I believe a very similar premise is found in Wharfinger’s 17th century play The Courier’s Tragedy.

I wonder if LJ rushed her old version out to show that she dominates the comics page territory.

Just as the hyena matriach maintains her control over a field of rotting corpses, so Mutual of Omaha keeps a connection with each and every one of its insurance clients…
gleeb
June 27th, 2008 at 6:37 am [Reply]

GA: “Remunerations”? They have to pay to have commercials broadcast; they don’t make money on them. Your double-talk doesn’t make any sense, Scancarelli.

Duck: They went through the syndicate, dumbass.

Mark: In any other strip, this would be foreshadowing a bear attack.

Phantom: It’s great to see some whacking but, “guns up”?

Zippy: You want me, as a Baltimorean, to say “Screw you, Griffith,” but I don’t care about your little microcephalic town. Get yourself another boy.
John C Fremont
June 27th, 2008 at 6:50 am [Reply]

JP – But why is Carl Betz wearing Judge Parker’s shirt? I am so confused.

Now I can’t get the theme from Judd For The Defense out of my head.

FC – Giant Billy head! Giant Billy head! Giant Pantsless Billy head!
Honey
June 27th, 2008 at 6:54 am [Reply]

Was anyone else’s reaction to the last panel of todays 9CL eeeeewwwww?
Brian
June 27th, 2008 at 7:11 am [Reply]

Yes, but that’s par for the course these days.
The Mighty Monarch
June 27th, 2008 at 7:13 am [Reply]

9CL: No, no, no, this is all wrong. Drop the first panel, and add a flashback panel at the end with Janice, alone, furiously sucking face with a grapefruit. Show, don’t tell, Brooke.

FW: We all know who round three goes to. That’s right. Cancer.

MW: It’s been said before, but it can’t be said enough: Mary, you ignorant slut!
InkAllergy
June 27th, 2008 at 7:19 am [Reply]

Reading the comics (and this blog) without being fully awake can lead to awful misinterpretations…

I took the Crankshaft to be some kind of horrible masturbation joke. C’mon, “… deal with stuff in your old bedroom…”?

I think I need coffee first before reading this blog.
Bill Brohaugh
June 27th, 2008 at 7:22 am [Reply]

FC: Billy is not reading a dictionary. He is reading a Calvin & Hobbes collection and a specific classic strip, and apparently Bil Keane is, too.
Frank Parsnip
June 27th, 2008 at 7:34 am [Reply]

Jugs Parker: I bet Sam especially appreciates being dragged out of the office on a mysterious pretext to go see JUDGE PARKER wearing loud shirts and talk about his vacation plans. Parker forgot his hearing aid when he was talking with Katherine — that’s not what “retired” judges wear, that’s what retarded judges wear.

Mallard Fillmore: I always simply write to him at “wanker@DUI.com” and it always gets forwarded to Tinsley.

Sex Organ, M.D.: Rex’s thought process gets drastically slowed down by the sudden presence of roses a couple of days ago. “But, wait a second, you said you have a son?!? How can that be?” asked Rex. “C’mon, it’s all about appearances,” said Max. “You’re one to talk with your ‘attractive’ wife…”

A3G: Jack Davis is going to be there for Margo when she finally gets sick of Eric running about Tibet with his tow-headed Tenzin.

MT: Doc’s experiments have worked to get this bear to work as an enormous relay antenna, capable of broadcasting Cherry’s every word back to Mark’s ears. Mark set this up with Doc so that he could use mundane forest animals to monitor Cherry’s cheatin’ heart.

MW: Speaking of “cheatin’ hearts”, Mary’s got Dr. Jeff weeping into answering machines while she dreams of a white-haired Ted Danson. At what point is any of this “wrong” to Charterstone’s resident meddler? Let’s touch base with our guest comic-strip umpires, Jules and Vincent:

Jules: Whoa… whoa… whoa… stop right there. Eatin’ a bitch out, and givin’ a bitch a foot massage ain’t even the same fuckin’ thing.
Vincent: Not the same thing, the same ballpark.
Jules: It ain’t no fuckin’ ballpark either. Now look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine, but touchin’ his wife’s feet, and stickin’ your tongue in her holyiest of holies, ain’t the same ballpark, it ain’t the same league, it ain’t even the same fuckin’ sport. Foot massages don’t mean shit.
Vincent: Have you ever given a foot massage?
Jules: Don’t be tellin’ me about foot massages – I’m the foot fuckin’ master.
Vincent: Given a lot of ‘em?
Jules: Shit yeah. I got my technique down and everything, I don’t be tickling or nothin’.
Vincent: Would you give a guy a foot massage?
Jules: Fuck you.
Vincent: You give them a lot?
Jules: Fuck you.
Vincent: You know, I’m getting kinda tired, I could use a foot massage.
Jules: Man, you best back off, I’m gittin’ pissed.
Zacj
June 27th, 2008 at 7:39 am [Reply]

Verb is only a noun until you verb it. Verbing weirds language.
Frank Parsnip
June 27th, 2008 at 7:44 am [Reply]

True Fable: From a couple of days ago, I stand corrected, there is nothing more fun than a barrel full of goats! What was I thinking?!? Given the reddish-pink of the entire section of town where Gary was kissing Tommie, I can only guess that my terrible typing fingers meant to write: “more fun than a monitor full of goatse”. (Yikes!)
schlimmerkerl
June 27th, 2008 at 7:47 am [Reply]

Her and Michelle Obama. But that’s a *good* thing.
Little Guy
June 27th, 2008 at 7:50 am [Reply]

Diane Wilkins vs Dr Julii Burber. I think I mentioned this before. I’ll be as Lex Luthor in Superman II if it goes the full 15 rounds.

FW: Round three: Bull’s wife is drafted into running the concession stand and supplying refreshments. I know how these things work.

Frank & Earnest made me LOL two days in a row.

JP: The creators are covering all the readership fetishes, especially those who like to fantasize about retired judges in Hawaiian tiki shirts.
Little Guy
June 27th, 2008 at 7:51 am [Reply]

Diane Wilkins vs Dr Julii Burber. I think I mentioned this before. I’ll be as ___________ Lex Luthor in Superman II if it goes the full 15 rounds.

“Gene: I’ll say ’surprised’.”

(Preview is your friend…)
man behind the curtain
June 27th, 2008 at 8:12 am [Reply]

MW — Disappointed again. Now where’s that cucumber I bought this morning?

A3G — I recognize a facial reemblance between all 3 characters. I hope we aren’t about to witness an incestuous 3-way.
Someone from Texas....
June 27th, 2008 at 8:36 am [Reply]

To Mr O’Malley from Yesterthread: Glad somebody else explained that “SAHM” means Stay At Home Mom.

But I prefer your suggestion about The Late Great Doug Sahm. He would have made a great cartoon character–witness this drawing of him & band, by The Late Great Jaxon.
http://www.austinchronicle.com/binary/11cb86bc/music_TCB-35123.jpeg

Alas, Elly could never be so cool…
bk
June 27th, 2008 at 8:40 am [Reply]

“A verb is a noun.” Jesus. Jokes on Laffy Taffy wrappers jokes are edgier.
bk
June 27th, 2008 at 8:41 am [Reply]

Yeah, ruined that sentence.
Calico
June 27th, 2008 at 8:45 am [Reply]

What’s all this from Coffee Blark about Granthony’s “Sexie” moustache? Jeez, it was more like old carpet growing out of his lip, or maybe was even a Halloween paste-on.

Please don’t make me read all those letters. I’ll need insulin if I do, I swear.
Hogenmogen
June 27th, 2008 at 8:52 am [Reply]

FC: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Billy has been reading George Carlin and Steven Wright and comes up with a weak composite. You can drive on a parkway, park on a driveway. There is no other word for “Theosaurus”. “Abbreviation” is a pretty long word. Yadda yadda.

But Billy doesn’t explore dual purpose words, like “shit” or “piss” that are both noun and verb.

He also misses words that are both adjective and noun. Examples include:”mellonhead” and “asshat”.

Look at that mellonhead idiot!
That Billy is such a mellonhead.
I’m tired of the Keane kids and their asshat hijinx.
Billy is such an asshat.
Calico
June 27th, 2008 at 8:53 am [Reply]

FC – Someone please take a pin to that head.

MW – Now let’s watch HER grovel for a change.

Hagar – ran out of colors, did we?

JP – I think Judge P has gone senile. He’ll wear the shirts on the beach under his robe, but forget to put on swim trunks, and scare everyone else off.

FC – …and Crazy is an adjective, Billy.
Sequitur
June 27th, 2008 at 9:11 am [Reply]

#21: Bobdog
Sung to the tune of “Spam.”
Justafoob
June 27th, 2008 at 9:14 am [Reply]

I hope Elly did eventually give poor Mikey his dinner.

If she hadn’t, it would have scared him for life and kept him from becoming a world class writer.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 27th, 2008 at 9:21 am [Reply]

9DQ: I don’t know what it is about Janice, but I find her oddly attractive. Maybe it’s her less-than-perfect hair. Maybe it’s the way she can sit on a man’s lap with her knees hooked over the chair back. Or maybe it’s the fact that, of all the women in this strip, she seems to be the only one with a functioning chin.

A3G: I get the idea Gabriela would like to show Jack her “Señor Wences” act. “You like?” “Is nice… mmm mmmm mmm…”

Archie: Hot Dog is sitting on the porch waiting for you not because he’s devoted to you, but because he doesn’t have thumbs and can’t open the door by himself, idiot.

(WT)DT: Yeah, this is totally plausible, because the police department would absolutely: 1) put its electronic bank surveillance in a non-secure area 2) that’s wired for outlets with only one plug in them 3) that the janitor would not have been told not to unplug, 4) allowing him to do so exactly when the bank robbery was going on, 5) for the second time in a row, 6) despite the fact that Dick Tracy is RIGHT THERE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH HIM. I know we’re supposed to suspend our disbelief, but to buy into this lame plot development, I have to hang mine like Saddam.

FC: Even this close up, Billy’s piggy little nose has no nostrils? How does he smell? “Awful!” *rimshot*

H&J: “Then my wife grew one, and I learned to shut up.”

MT: It’s a good thing they managed to stay dry by stretching those giant tarpaulins over everything, because who needs a tent with, y’know, sides and stuff? Everyone knows in LoFo, rain only falls straight down.

Marvin: Great. Not only is an infant still in diapers able to grasp the concepts of both music videos and dreams, but she’s skilled enough at lucid dreaming to wake herself up, break the fourth wall and narrate for us?

MW: She’s disappointed? Disappointed?! One does not get disappointed at losing the opportunity to counsel a bereaved acquaintance. One is disappointed when a romantic interest breaks a date. Stick to your guns, Cory, you had that old two-timing whore pegged all along.

NS: Any chance we could send Wiley through the Tunnel of Humor anytime soon? No? Thought not.

Stripeybutt: The Phantom can punch men hard enough to make permanent indentations of his skull ring on their chins, and he wants us to believe this guy is being “protected” by his overalls? I predict a run on Dickies in Mawitaan when word of this gets back.

SF: I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised to find out that Ted Forth throws like a girl. I am surprised, though, that panel 3 doesn’t show him whining “Owie!” and nursing a sprained wrist.

Shoe: Sorry, but nobody would ever misinterpret “she made my eyes water” as a good thing. “She made me tear up,” maybe, but nobody would ever say that, either. FAIL

6C: This is the perfect formula for comics fun… all the incisive wit of The Lockhorns with the visual style of a clinically depressed Hot Topic employee.

S-M: Just like he is in the sack! Bada-bing!
Hogenmogen
June 27th, 2008 at 9:22 am [Reply]

Bad Duck: Mallard upgrades from political hack to self-infatuation and narcissism.

Incompetent Quack: “My son is an all-state track star! Why?”
I dunno, does he run really fast?

Rex’s position is that for the sake of Max’s son, he should let Rex do damage to the lawsuit. Max’s position should be that after winning a huge multi-million dollar settlement, taking 30% fee and misappropriating another 30%, he is in fact securing his son’s future better than if he gave up the location of the wrestling mats and the mysterious figure known only as “Dipstick”.

Big Dog: I couldn’t express the beastiality sexual overtones better than several previous posters. No one has considered that this panel is actually a little bit funny. Of course, there could be no joke unless Marm was a really BIG DOG (roll canned laughter).

Lazy Cat: Three identical panels. Garf too lazy to even bat away a ball of yarn. That’s what keeps ‘em tuning in each day, right Davis?

Nature Boy and his two lesbian friends: Does that bear understand Kelly’s hostility towards him?

Old Lady: “We have an emergency town council meeting tonight. We’re trying to change the laws regarding playing phone messages at loud volumes out windows. Apparently, some biddy has been disturbing the peace like that and we’re going to run the ol’ hag out of town.”
The Divine O’F
June 27th, 2008 at 9:31 am [Reply]

32 Honey: My reaction to the last panel of 9CL was also EWWWW, followed by WTF???? I mean, I keep trying to imagine what she was doing with the melon and with which body part, and every possible answer weirds me out. Does anyone understand it?

BTW, in case anyone has wondered about my general absence here it’s because some months ago I lost my will to snark. Most of the ever-snarkables suddenly became unreadable to me. I can’t even look at the new Gil Thorp without getting a headache, Dick Tracy makes my whole brain glaze over, and RMMD is… well… I’m pretty sure that its boringness could actually turn a reader to stone. The only commonly-mentioned strip I’m even following anymore is MW. When that’s the most interesting storyline around, it’s time to move on to something else, maybe stamp collecting.
cheech wizard
June 27th, 2008 at 9:44 am [Reply]

Phantom – Kit beats the crap out of the wrench guy, then turns him over to the authorities. The oil company so pleased to have apprehended a freeloader who’s been living on their platform and using their supplies, that they reward Kit and Diana with an additional two week’s stay there.

JP – The transformation of stodgy Judge Parker into an umbrella-drink sipping lounge lizard has rent the very fabric of the JP universe! The Nothing is taking over! Goodbye, Sam. And take your red-haired luckdragon with you.

9CL – Just what is it about this unwashed little hairball that has both men and women pining for him, anyway? For that matter, what do Edda and Isabel see in Amos? Or Pib and Dru in Geoff? It’s like the male ideal in the McEldowney world is some sort of hapless geek who spent his formative years getting his head stuffed in the toilet.

Oh, I get it – Brooke’s projecting his fantasies here.
Sequitur
June 27th, 2008 at 9:45 am [Reply]

#54 The Divine O’F
Sounds like you could use a comic enema.
Stick it in FOOB.
I
June 27th, 2008 at 9:45 am [Reply]

MW: …Mary’s fashion choices, continued from yesterday…look, what do you people think Mary should be wearing, anyway? A muu-muu? A tank top with a skull emblazoned on it? A three piece suit? When you’re as old as Mary, fashion isn’t really an option anymore. You want to be comfortable and coordinated. After all, the general public doesn’t care what you look like any more, so you dress for your like-minded contemporaries. Yes, the Blair catalog in the Sunday newspaper supplements features spiffy senior citizen body coverings. You can order a seafoam green windbreaker with coordinating polyester stretch pants (complete with a seam sewn down the front), and a ‘camp shirt’ of white, pink, and green stripes which will handily coordinate with your PINK stretch pants. Being old ain’t for sissies, but getting dressed should be easy.

Luanne: TJ moving in with Brad and family? Well, I guess. TJ has been tolerated by them for years, though they consider him a troublemaker, and I think they’ll do it. I’m all alone here, but I kind of like TJ, idiot grin and all, because he isn’t a suffering lump like Brad. He (TJ) comes from a dysfunctional family, but he isn’t BAD. He took Luanne to the prom once, after her date stiffed her, and they had a good time, and it was all perfectly proper. I’d like TFJ more if HE had a girlfriend – he’s always talking about ‘the ladies’ like The Fonz, but we never see him with any. Anyway, if he and Brad move in with mommy and daddy, as has been stated before, there goes the Three’s Company scenario that would have come about if they moved in with Toni…..
Straw
June 27th, 2008 at 9:50 am [Reply]

I think it would be a bit of a downer to find out that my coach was forced there by his wife so that he could bond with his daughter, my team mate, who was forced there by her mother so she could bond with her dad.

Does this level of dysfunction trump the archetypal screaming/violent parent in the stands? I guess we’ll have the whole summer to find out.
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
June 27th, 2008 at 9:58 am [Reply]

FC: Yes Billy, “verb” is a noun. “Cow”, too, is a noun, and not a cow. This is the difference between what Ferdinand de Saussure called the signifié and the signifiant. Your mind has been opened, young Billy, and you are ready for Linguistics 101. Later I will tell you some things about grammar that will blow your freakin’ mind.

Only a handful of words are examples of themselves… “word”, “noun”, “sesquipedalian”… there’s a term for that. Does anyone remember what it is? The term for a word that is an example of itself? Come on, language geeks, I know you’re out there.
Bootsy
June 27th, 2008 at 9:59 am [Reply]

# 54, Oh your Divinitiness! Don’t leave us!

A3G: 3 panels o’ pointing!

MT: Bears! Bears! Bears! They always make Kelly do something foolish and unpredictable!

Calico, if you do read the Coffee Glurg, I’ll loan you my insulin pen.
Poewar
June 27th, 2008 at 10:00 am [Reply]

Ted brains a guy just to get a kid’s toy, and never stops smiling in the process…

Best

Sally Forth

Ever!
cheech wizard
June 27th, 2008 at 10:01 am [Reply]

Bunne – 5 syllables? I’m guessing here.
DAS
June 27th, 2008 at 10:03 am [Reply]

“the magazines with naked ladies in them”? I see that Curtis’ barber carries skin-mags from the Herb and Jamaal universe …
tb4000
June 27th, 2008 at 10:03 am [Reply]

Luann: I agree about TJ….he’s a constant thorn, but they all know that if he managed to go back to his family, he’d be even more screwed up.
Topliff
June 27th, 2008 at 10:12 am [Reply]

Luann: Could today’s strip have been drawn any lazier? The only difference in the three panels is Brad’s arm and facial expression. Slylock Fox could not find six differences. Today’s art makes Garfield look like it was done by Pixar.
spike
June 27th, 2008 at 10:27 am [Reply]

Good thing Mary didn’t pick up the phone when Dr. Jeff phoned. Now she can simply return his groveling, simpering message with a devil-may-care flourish. The real fun begins when Jeff insists that they have dinner at La Rosa, since Mary obviously has developed a taste for better food than the fare offereded at the Bum Boat. Jeff and Mary will run into Ron and his new squeeze–emergency council meeting indeed. It will be interesting to see Mary attack ol’ Ron for breaking their date, gasp suddenly and remember she’s with Jeff, who, by then will have left the building.

#21 Bobdog: Ha! Ha! Ha! Grammar school children everywhere: Rejoice!
anonymous
June 27th, 2008 at 10:36 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: We don’t get this strip in the paper, so I’m only going by the panel depicted above of a guy moving back into his childhood room. Why, I don’t know, but judging by the look on his face, he’ll next be looking for a ceiling beam or light fixture he could toss a rope over, and bringing in a chair he can kick away….

Luanne: I can’t believe Brad and TJ are going to move in with Brad’s parents. WHAT ABOUT TONI’S INVITATION??? Are they going to just not do anything about it? All I can think is, Brad is going to move out of the parents into Toni’s, leaving TJ with the parents. How or why is the question.
Little A. of The Bronx Jungle Patrol
June 27th, 2008 at 10:46 am [Reply]

Dear Divine O’F:

Stamp collecting has a bad rep. There seems to be a common belief that it’s done alone at home on Saturday night under a dim light, in a corner someplace, while everybody else is out dancing or socializing or eating pastafazool in the latest trendy restaurant… As a stamp collector for over fifty years, let me say… that’s only partly true.

Stamp collecting, like reading comic strips and collecting comic books, has brought enrichment and joy to my life, although if I still had the 500 old comics (old in 1960!) that my mother made my give away in 1960, my life would be much richer… I learned a lot from stamp collecting. Do you know where Sverige is? I do. I knew that when I was 7 years old.

In those days, that and 15 cents got me in the subway, except that in those days I was not allowed to ride the subway by myself.
dimestore lipstick
June 27th, 2008 at 10:48 am [Reply]

Funky threw me there for a minute this morning.
“Girl’s softball” + “lifestyle choice”?
I thought Jinx’s parents were trying to force Jinx into becoming a lesbian.
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
June 27th, 2008 at 10:52 am [Reply]

54, Divine O’F… you’ll be missed, but I totally understand. Most of those strips I only see here, myself, because I have no will to put myself through that.

As to 9CL, I thought it was pretty funny. Her face, with those big eyes, and the thought of her at home trying to french-kiss a grapefruit, was pretty funny. Especially the idea of a grapefruit as a stand in for Mark’s tiny, hairy head.

Maybe she should have french-kissed a kiwi fruit.
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
June 27th, 2008 at 10:55 am [Reply]

62 cheech wizard

sesquipedalian

…a word I learned from the same friend who told me there was a term for words that are examples of their definitions. Wish I could remember the term…
Sequitur
June 27th, 2008 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Luann: Have you ever had Eddie Haskell living with you?
commodorejohn
June 27th, 2008 at 11:00 am [Reply]

9CL – I haven’t gotten in a whole lot of smooching in my time, but I’m reasonably sure a grapefruit would be a lousy practice target, since, you know, it has nothing resembling lips, only vaguely resembles a human head in general shape, and is much, much smaller than the head of anybody she ought to be frenching. In other news, man, I wish I were good enough with Photoshop to take the inane dialogue and scruffy hobo out of the past couple strips and just have the cute chick left.

A3G – “Then you must join us for dinner, Señor Davis! And we will talk about ‘project,’ if you know what I mean.”

AS – HA HA DID YOU NOTICE PLUCK RHYMES WITH FUCK HA HA HA

Baldo – Hey, this love for the Impala is all well and good, but let us not forget the true pinnacle of American automotive design, the 1957 Bel Air.

Crankshaft – I don’t think I could possibly sum it up better than Uncle Lumpy did; the hate in this strip is palpable. Instead, I’ll choose to wonder what the “joke” is. Is he supposed to be unable to come to terms with his hippy youth? Is that what the peace sign on the wall is about? Or is he unable to deal with the idea of clearing out his stuff, despite having spent the last several months bullying his poor mother into getting rid of most of hers? Whatever the case, fuck you, Jeff.

Curtis – Mrs. Wilkins has expressed her dislike of Gunther’s barbershop before, but I’m at a loss as to why. Does she fear a “Floyd The Barber” scenario? Is she distrustful of people with phallic heads? I don’t get it.

DT – I really love the way everything is labeled in this strip. I guess Locher figures that, with his art, it’s better not to risk another “Cow Tools.”

FC – OH GOD MAKE IT GO AWAY

FOOB – Elly Patterson: unable to actually discipline her children, she resigns herself to nagging and yelling at them instead. Explains a lot, doesn’t it?

FW – Oh, so it’s not a plot to make Jinx miserable, it’s a plot to make Bull and Jinx miserable. Charming.

GT – Elmer, when you do the “talk to the hand” thing, you do it to the person you’re trying to put down, not the camera off to the other side of your body.

HTH – I’ve never understood the apparent humor in this scenario. It’s not that complicated, and I’ve never understood why it’s supposed to be embarrassing (although that may have something to do with growing up on a hobby farm – you get used to the notion pretty quickly when your dad raises cows.) Is this just a holdover joke from some past era of mind-boggling prudery, or what?

H&L – Classy.

Luann – Oh, screw it. There’s no way anything interesting is coming out of this scenario. Can we get back to Bernice the aspiring incestuous bisexual?

Marmaduke – no no no no no no no no no

MW – Ew. If there’s one thing I didn’t want to see in this strip, it’s Mary’s pubic chair.

NS – Um…ha ha?

Popeye – *mind boggles*

SM – You know, as thoroughly as Peter can screw up something simple like crime-fighting, I can’t wait to see how bad he screws up his marriage.

Ziggy – I…um…I laughed at Ziggy today. I’m so ashamed…
Justice Abby
June 27th, 2008 at 11:05 am [Reply]

The next job for Uncle Lumpy is taking over the bench for the vacationing Judge Parker.

With sitting in for JP, Josh, and as a utility infielder for the Pittsburgh Pirates — Uncle Lumpy has proven to all of us that he can come through in clutch situations and bring home some laughs, jurisprudence, and a game winning single.
Gabacho
June 27th, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

Sally Forth – Faye is one of the best characters ever. Today is a classic.

Mary Worth – The only way this could get better is if Mary turns on her Motorola Hi Fi and puts on Connie Francis singing “Who’s Sorry Now” while drinking a pitcher of Manhattans.

If Mary were 20 years younger, I would recommend Jane Oliver and a joint, but she’s not.

I have no idea what music you young folk listen to when romantically disappointed but surely there’s something.

I really hope Jeff seeks “closure”
Buck Remus
June 27th, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

Why did Gil Thorp yell “bugs” into his CB radio yesterday, as his retired scout-friend smugly prevaricated about the joys of retirement? Anyone? Perhaps Billy can tell us what part of speech it was , and we can then guess, if no one knows for sure.
Hogenmogen
June 27th, 2008 at 11:16 am [Reply]

Luann: The Degroot parents strictly forbid their 20-ish son to live in sin with a woman of the same age. Let TJ-The-Chronic-Priapism live under the same roof as our jailbait dauther? Sure!

RMMD: Why doesn’t Rex just ask attorney Max this hypothetical:
“Why are you suing the Health Department? If your house was being robbed, would you sue the police? If your house was burning down, would you sue the fire department? Oh, you would? Never mind.”

Spidey: “Maria Lopez” – yeah she’s about as Latino as June Morgan.
TheDiva
June 27th, 2008 at 11:16 am [Reply]

C’shaft: At first I thought it was extremely odd that the mom (whose name I have no interest in remembering) hasn’t bothered to remodel her child’s former room, or even bother to take down the old hippie poster. Then I realized the old bag is so bitter and unpleasant she probably doesn’t have any visitors to put in a guest room, and doesn’t seem like the type to channel her energies into something productive like sewing or exercise.

FOOB: Are we supposed to be feeling sorry for Elly here? This is her Palmolive, let her soak in it.
Laura c
June 27th, 2008 at 11:16 am [Reply]

I’ll say one thing for Joe Giella — he sure can draw old lady furniture. That padded chair thing is a keeper.
Steve the Pocket
June 27th, 2008 at 11:19 am [Reply]

#29: Au contraire: http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20080522&name=Edge_City

Apparently they keep the archives stored permanently. You just have to change the URL by hand. (I realized that when links in months-old posts were still working.)

#63: Well, maybe Jamaal and Gunther are secretly the same person. They do have the same shaped head and everything. Think about it! Have you ever seen them together?

Also, I don’t know which is more unusual for a newspaper comic strip in today’s Chickweed: the mention of “tongue action” or Mark referring to straight people as “the dark side.” Either way, bring it on!
Hogenmogen
June 27th, 2008 at 11:21 am [Reply]

#59 – Bunne – Examples of words that mean themselves – do proper names count?
Rex Moron
Mary Worthless
Barfield
Dick Tracy
LTBF
June 27th, 2008 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Do we even know anything about TJ’s family? Does he have a job?
Rasheed
June 27th, 2008 at 11:22 am [Reply]

Herb & Jamaal: THAT’S a mustache??? I thought they were nosehairs!
Steve the Pocket
June 27th, 2008 at 11:24 am [Reply]

Addendum, re: Chickweed. I just realized, that can’t be very pleasant. She must have had to cut an opening in the grapefruit to stick her tongue into… ugh, the only worse affront to your taste buds than sucking on a lemon is sucking on a grapefruit. That’s some real dedication right there.
Tanya M
June 27th, 2008 at 11:26 am [Reply]

#59 / 71 Bunne – Words that describe themselves or are examples of themselves are called autological.
Shoshi
June 27th, 2008 at 11:30 am [Reply]

10 Mibbitmaker — “FOOB: A rerun… making John….. sympathetic?”

No, he’s not sympathetic–he’s trying to STARVE her son!
Shoshi
June 27th, 2008 at 11:33 am [Reply]

Mary Worth–Heh. So now she’ll call up Jeff and accept his dinner invitation!
spike
June 27th, 2008 at 11:38 am [Reply]

#59 Bunne: Is the term “autological”?
spike
June 27th, 2008 at 11:40 am [Reply]

Sorry, Tanya. Guess you win!
bats :[
June 27th, 2008 at 11:42 am [Reply]

36. Bill B.: does Billy even have the wit to read “Calvin and Hobbes”? I think not…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2615419467/
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
June 27th, 2008 at 11:55 am [Reply]

Spike and Tanya…

YES that’s it!

Thank you! And Tanya — that’s for the link to the Grelling-Nelson paradox. That’s some good paradox there. Brain food, yum.
Moss_Moses
June 27th, 2008 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

Ron Amalfi, elected/appointed Santa Royale City Councilman, is making a grevous mistake by blowing off his date with Mary Worth. Mary’s disappointed negative thought bubbles negate yesterday’s dreamy Taliban decapitation bubble and their relationship is over before it even started. The only remaining question is when she will end the special friendship break with her sniveling, groveling special friend. Does she call him back and give in to his pathetic whining? I would like to see him squirm some more first.
Red Greenback
June 27th, 2008 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

Big Ass Dog: C’mon, this is what we were all thinking.
T. Chicana
June 27th, 2008 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

FW: Why is this mom so smugly congratulating herself? Since when does “Signing Up Your Family for Activities they Don’t Have Any Desire to Do” = “Mother of the Year?” She just thinks she so smart because her actions have provoked anger, sadness and hate? Oh, wait…it’s FunkyWinkerbean. What was I thinking?
Wally Winkerbean
June 27th, 2008 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

FW: Why is this mom so smugly congratulating herself? Since when does “Signing Up Your Family for Activities they Don’t Have Any Desire to Do” = “Mother of the Year?” She just thinks she so smart because her actions have provoked anger, sadness and hate? Oh, wait…it’s FunkyWinkerbean. What was I thinking?

Don’t you read FBOFW?

Moms know best.

Always.

Dads are putzes who play with their choo-choo and don’t help out.

You might as well stick the kids in softball with a trained chimp doing the coaching.
T. Chicana
June 27th, 2008 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

C’Shaft: “I wish I could deal with these psychological scars from the abuse I endured in this room that run so deep that they’ve physically crumpled my body.” Ha ha ha, boy this really makes me chuckle. SICK BATIUK!
cheech wizard
June 27th, 2008 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

FW – “Oh year? Well, I just signed you up to kiss my ass! Now hand me the fuckin’ remote.”
Buck Remus
June 27th, 2008 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

my bad….”Bugs” McCoy. I mean, of course that’s the name of the retired scout. Death to Gil Thorp.
Marthas Rolling Pin
June 27th, 2008 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

#86 Shoshi, that was my reaction to FOOB, too. Looked like yesterday’s rerun was to set up today’s, with John coming off once again as the unfeeling bastard.
Dicky
June 27th, 2008 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

SF: I found this hilarious today. Maybe I’m just inherently violent, but the thought of Ted smacking a midway attendant hard enough with a ball such that they could loot the stand amuses me to no end.

RMMD: I’m still hoping that Max’s son is Dipstick.

55, cheech wizard: Don’t forget that Amos is also desired by Seth.
man behind the curtain
June 27th, 2008 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

GT — Not a bad idea. I guess Elmer is good enough to merit a bottom-dollar pro contract and a trip to Rookie ball. But eventually he’s got to show some talent or it’s adios. On the other hand, as a US high schooler, if he’s drafted he would have to sign with the team that drafted him and take their offer. But if he gets deported, as a foreign player he would not be subject to the draft and can sign with the highest bidder. So if he’s really telented, Gil isn’t doing him any favors.
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
June 27th, 2008 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

FW
Today’s strip reminded me of a friend who, along with his wife, coached girls volleyball for 13-year-olds last year.

He hated, hated, hated it. There were 3 warring cliques within the team, which is pretty impressive considering there were only 6 girls. One day, a pre-game get-psyched pep exercise unexpectedly ended in tears and people not speaking to each other.

What is it with 13-year-old girls? And I thought being a boy was rough…
Poteet
June 27th, 2008 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

FW — If I were organizing a summer softball program (and in my case, that’s about as likely as that dumb meatball fire started by TJ in Luann), the last thing I’d want would be some passive-aggressive mother signing up a highly-unwilling resentful daughter and husband as participants whether they liked it or not. Family therapists could use FW for handbooks on how not to live.
man behind the curtain
June 27th, 2008 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

LuAnn — I think Toni’s invitation was a test to see if Brad was man enough for her. The fact that he didn’t even put up a fight to his mom’s out-of-hand rejection of the idea should be enough to send her back to Dirk.
Justafoob
June 27th, 2008 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

You know Elly, spare the spatula, spoil the child.
El Santo
June 27th, 2008 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

Ohhh, ICE BURN on that last comment, Uncle Lumpy!
LTBF
June 27th, 2008 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

When my son was five we signed him up for soccer. I signed up to be an asistant coach and my wife signed up to be a team mom.

Well, I got to the first practice and was shocked to see we were listed as the head coaches. I said i had only signed up to be an asistant and they said nobody signs up to be a head coach so they make everyone a head.

I have zero orginizational skills and am not cut out to be in charge of anyhting. Luckily, there was akid on the team who was very good at soccer and I let his dad run the practices. My “coaching” was limited to making sure everyone got equal playing time at games.

My son has not wanted to play soccer since. Luckily, he is good at baseball and I let his coaches run things.
Wolf Shepherd
June 27th, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

Bizarro – LOL

Curtis – dirty mags… play with the cobra… When did masturbation jokes go mainstream?

MW – Mary’s getting dumped. (I hope, I hope, I hope.) Oh the irony!

MG&G – They screwed up the punchline! Home Depot doesn’t have greeters. Wal-Mart has greeters! Sheeesh!
Donald The Anarchist
June 27th, 2008 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

FW She married Bull. This sums up my estimation of her judgement.

FOOB The problem w/ lack of dinner as a punishment is that unless the kid is mind-bogglingly stupid, he knows they have to feed him sooner or later. It’s one of those punishments that make the kid feel oddly triumphant when they suffer through it. “See? You couldn’t starve me into respecting you!”
JP Please let this be foreshadowing. Please let someone slip something into the Judge’s bag as he’s going through customs. Please let this lead to the funniest international rescue attempt ever seen in the funny pages. Oh, who am I kidding? They literally couldn’t think of any plots for a week and stuck this in as filler. Worst. Episode. Ever.

Crankshat (Yes, the misspelling is intentional) I wonder if it would make him feel better if he just laid waste to his old room w/ a sledgehammer. I know it would make ME feel better.
LTBF
June 27th, 2008 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

Of course, this being the comics, Jinz will turn out to be a natural at softball despite never having played before.

Or, with this being FW, she will be killed by a line drive.
LTBF
June 27th, 2008 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

I’ve never understood not feeding a kid dinner as punishment. Granted, he won’t starve by breakfast, but it still seems cruel. Not allowing desert or no TV is one thing, but denying basic nutrician is another.
Darkefang
June 27th, 2008 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

Great things about today’s Sally Forth:

- Ted’s girlish throwing technique

- Ted’s Michael Jordan-esque tongue wag as he concentrates on his target

- Faye peering over the counter at the comatose and bloody carny

- The idea that such a limp-wristed toss could possibly hurt, much less render someone unconscious

Phantom: If your punches can’t penetrate a pair of overalls, it might be time for you to look for a line of work that involves less melee combat, Phantom.

#67 – anonymous

Luanne: I can’t believe Brad and TJ are going to move in with Brad’s parents. WHAT ABOUT TONI’S INVITATION??? Are they going to just not do anything about it? All I can think is, Brad is going to move out of the parents into Toni’s, leaving TJ with the parents. How or why is the question.

Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure the bluehairs would revolt if a comic strip portrayed something as immoral as an unmarried couple living in the same house. And since the bluehairs are the main source of income for most newspapers, their opinions are what matter.
bats :[
June 27th, 2008 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

100. Dicky re RMMD: from your lips to God’s ears. (Or at least Count Morgu’s pointy ones…)
Justafoob
June 27th, 2008 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

There has been instances of POSSLQs in the funnies.

Liz and her evil college boyfriend (who’s name I thankfully can’t recall) lived together.

Of course he was a man and because Liz wouldn’t go roadside he found a normal girl who would.
LTBF
June 27th, 2008 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

Did Cathy and Irving ever shack up without benefit of clergy or was there any hint they were doing the nasty?
LTBF
June 27th, 2008 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

114-It was Eric. He had a roommate that they kicked out so she could move in his room. He seemed like a bit of a dork, but quickly found solace in the open arms and legs of Liz’s freind, whose name I can’t remember. They still live together and seem to be one of those “anti-marriage” couples.

Weed and his girlfriend also live together.
T. Chicana
June 27th, 2008 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

#114 Justafoob: But remember, Liz the Prissy Tease had to have her “own space” when she lived with the evil two-timer Eric. She displaced Rudy out of his room and then she got pissed that he made a mess of the living room, where he had to sleep on some back-breaking fold-out couch. The Golden Vadge had to be protected at all costs!

MW: I hope that Mary is planning on busting in on the so-called “emergency town city council,” the same way she did at the Vietnam children’s clinic. She’ll find out the the “emergency meeting” consists of some crazies having coffee at Denny’s.
The Divine O’F
June 27th, 2008 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

56 Sequitur: ewwwww!

60 Bootsy and Bunne too: I’m glad to know that I’m not forgotten here. And I guess I spoke too forcefully. I didn’t mean I was leaving this site, just that I’m pretty much not reading the comics anymore, except for perennials like Mutts and Doonesbury. Which means I won’t be posting much here, except about peripheral matters. And maybe Mary Worth.

68 Little A: I did not mean to disparage stamp collecting. My bff from high school is a stamp collector. I just meant that maybe it is time for me to do something completely unlike the things I’ve been doing. And I too remember when the subway was fifteen cents. *sigh.*

And everyone else: she was supposed to be FRENCHING the grapefruit? Well, I guess that’s better than the image that came to my mind.
Bootsy
June 27th, 2008 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

You might as well stick the kids in softball with a trained chimp doing the coaching.

# 95 Hold on there, Wally Winkerbean! Now you’re getting into Gil Thorp territory.
indichik
June 27th, 2008 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

#111, LTBF – One could almost say spanking is the more humane punishment – at least it’s over in an instant. Whereas making a kid go hungry all night is more like a form of mild torture, since it lasts longer. Which is not to side with either Elly or John in this strip — they’re both incompetent ninnies, and should have come up with a better form of discipline in the first place.
commodorejohn
June 27th, 2008 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

#118 The Divine O’F – Dare I ask what you thought she was doing with the grapefruit?
Tom S. Fox
June 27th, 2008 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

“Play with the cobra?”

Dear god, please let this pun be not intended!
Justafoob
June 27th, 2008 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

Of course, by sending Mike to bed without supper, he slipped off into his fantasy world where he became king of all the wild things.

Plus, when he came back from his flights of fancy, his dinner was there.

and it was still hot.

We are being given the rare glimpse of when a true writing genius found his muse.

Thank you Lynn.
Sequitur
June 27th, 2008 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

Curtis: I really don”t think Curtis is a mongoose but it’s interesting that Diane thinks of herself as a cobra. I’ve never seen her wear a hood (‘though she might live in one) and I doubt she has the patience to do that little swaying dance to hypnotize her prey. However, she can spit venom. Hmmm. Maybe Barry is the mongoose. Or, forget it.
Hogenmogen
June 27th, 2008 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

What is it with all the philatelists coming out of the closet on this blog today? Next thing you know, tomorrow will feature random comments about numismatics. I mean, let’s not get crazy here!

#120 – indi – Elly actually did admit a few days ago that she shouldn’t have made the threat in the first place. That was supposed to be a joke. You may laugh now. Actually, in my home, we punish our kids by making them eat their dinner, and that seems to be a deterrent if you pick the right tone of voice with which to threaten it.
Hogenmogen
June 27th, 2008 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

124 – Seq – only the male cobra has a hood.
Hogenmogen
June 27th, 2008 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

123 – Justa – I just read that story to my kids three nights ago. You aren’t evesdropping on me, are ya?
Les of the Jungle Patrol
June 27th, 2008 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

#109 “See? You couldn’t starve me into respecting you!”

That was my response to anything that my parents could come up with. I was a bitterly angry child for some reason. I decided that no form of punishment would break me. I would never be sorry. They couldn’t make me change my mind about anything.

My poor parents.
gnome de blog
June 27th, 2008 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

101, man behind the curtain said:

So if he’s really telented[sic], Gil isn’t doing him any favors.

If he’s really talented, the scouts would have found him without Gil’s help.
Les of the Jungle Patrol
June 27th, 2008 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

This is probably old news around these parts but the author of Gil Thorp is also the author of Left Behind! Which explains a lot about Gil Thorp, actually. So is it Gil Thorp who is secretly the anti-christ? Or choach Kaz?

Or the guy who hit himself in the head (Tyler Jay?)? or clambake? the mind reels!

Though, honestly, if I were looking on the comics page for the anti-christ, I’d be thinking Margo or Mary Worth. Since this sect of christianity would never accept a woman leader (even an evil leader), I think I’d have to go with Mallard Fillmore. Or Clambake.

(This news gleamed from http://slacktivist.typepad.com/slacktivist/2008/06/lb.html )
The Divine O’F
June 27th, 2008 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

121 commodore john: no, really, you don’t want to know.
Professor Fate
June 27th, 2008 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft: Ed’s body language screams sucidal depression. I wouldn’t be suprised if his mother came back to find him hanging from the rafters.

FW: I figured out this strip – it’s located in hell – everybody in this strip is already dead they just don’t know it yet. Unknowing their true state they wander about in a blank fog of misery of bland pizza.
commodorejohn
June 27th, 2008 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

#130 Les of the Jungle Patrol – It’s very old news, actually, and I made that same mistake myself, since a lot of papers, including the Duluth News-Trib, haven’t updated the author/artist information since then. Actually, since 2004 Gil Thorp has been written by Detroit News columnist Neal Rubin, which means that he’s been responsible for all the classic GT craziness we’ve come to know and love here. Hats off to you, Mr. Rubin!

#131 The Divine O’F – Eh, I don’t think it could be worse than what I thought you thought.
Flealick
June 27th, 2008 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

Wow, Billy’s head is getting dangerously close to the circular boundaries of his strip. I think, a la Bonsai Kitty, someone is trying to control the shape of his growing head, hoping to give his ginormous skull more Charlie Brown-esque proportions. (The “humor” of the caption shows that cranial shape is the closest trait of Peanuts for which Keane can hope to aspire)
Sequitur
June 27th, 2008 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

126: Actually, if you check it out, the female cobra can do the “hood” thing but it’s not as big as the male’s. So, welcome to “Cobra Forum.”
Sequitur
June 27th, 2008 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

Oh, by the way, FOOB’s Michael snuck out of his room and went over to Blondie’s for grub. When Elly came into his room (with a plate of food) he was gnawing away on Dagwood’s hambone.
spike
June 27th, 2008 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

#132 Profesor Fate: Your keen observations of C’shaft and FW makes so much sense. I think you meant to type “Jeff” instead of “Ed”, though.
Sequitur
June 27th, 2008 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

132: I like your idea about FW. Where do the people go who have died in FW? Do they go to earth? Do they show up in another strip? Wow, we got a whole new concept here.
Canaduck
June 27th, 2008 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

Hey Billy, guess what? “Cat” is actually a noun, too, not a cat! “Funny” is not actually a funny word! The word “retarded” isn’t actually retarded–it just describes someone who is, like you! And your joke!

Welcome to language, kid!!
Canaduck
June 27th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator:

Oh, damn it all, I see you got to my point before I did, and you did a better job of it, too! Oh well!
Donald The Anarchist
June 27th, 2008 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

#138 They’re in a better place. They HAVE to be.
spike
June 27th, 2008 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

#138 Sequitur: Where do the people go who have died in FW? Do they go to earth? Do they show up in another strip? Wow, we got a whole new concept here.

Pittsburgh?. [with sincere apologies to Bill Watterson.]
D. E. I.
June 27th, 2008 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

Can’t . . . take . . . it . . . anymore . . .
Professor Fate
June 27th, 2008 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

137 – thanks – I’m alas not as careful in using the preview function as I should be given my almost but not quite dislexia thing – and names constantly elude me despite my efforts.

138 – considering that someone who looked like Marcel Marceau took Lisa away I’d guess they go to France – but I’m not sure.
jayjaybear
June 27th, 2008 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

In light of the extended Discovery Channel Boom-de-yada discussion of yesterthread, and in the spirit of comicdom, I offer today’s XKCD.

I accidentally posted this IN yesterthread…
Braniff
June 27th, 2008 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

FC–Why is Billy studying the dictionary? Did he do so poorly in school that he has been sent to summer school for remedial education classes? Or is he in some stupid talented-and-gifted program? Given that he’s never aged a year, I’d say it’s the former and not the latter.
commodorejohn
June 27th, 2008 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

#145 jayjaybear – Heck, today’s xkcd is awesome even without the contextual appropriacy.
Alfred E. Neuman
June 27th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

#104 man behind the curtain Re: Luann— I wondered why Toni would ask Brad to move in with her right in front of his parents. If she really wanted him to move in, she would have asked him privately, so I think you’ve uncovered a new plot twist. She indeed may be “testing” him. I’ve always felt that people who “test” their friends and significant others are being gamey and manipulative, so Toni has gone down a notch in my estimation.

Here’s how this arc would be resolved in the ideal Neumanverse: Brad and TJ move in with the DeGroots, where TJ impregnates Luann, leading to a new story about the DeGroots raising their only grandchild (they’ll never get one from the eternally celibate Brad). Later, Ben comes back on the scene looking for a place to stay, and dim-bulb Brad tells him about Toni’s spare room. Ben moves in with Toni, which immediately raises the ire of the insanely jealous ravenously incestuous bisexual harridan Bernice. She constantly spies on Ben and Toni, and when she catches them in “the act”, she rushes in and begins to spank Brad. This immediately increases the sexual arousal of all three, and they proceed to engage in the most explosively orgiastic arc in the history of the comics. When it’s all over, Greg Evans tosses down his pen, saying, “I can’t top that!”, and brings the strip to a close.
H-Bob
June 27th, 2008 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

Judge P. comes back after eighteen months and promptly leaves on vacation. Who does this guy think he is ? George W. Bush, obviously !
DAS
June 27th, 2008 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

Re: XKCD — am I a geek because after reading this comic the first thing I thought to do was google “taft slash fiction”?
DAS
June 27th, 2008 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

#148, A.E. Neuman

I figured that 9CL should have a similar final story arc … everyone realizing that all the “relationship drama” they’re having is pointless with things merely ending in one big final orgy in which Edda takes Seth to “the dark side”, Seth finally gets to experience Amos, etc. You just know that Brooke is itching to do such a story.
Red Greenback
June 27th, 2008 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

(?)Thorp(?): Aaarrrggghhh! Look out , Elmer! It’s zombie Robert Goulet! Protect your brain!!
Mountain Mama
June 27th, 2008 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

“You can wordify anything if you just verb it.”

I have wanted that on a T-shirt for lo, these many years. Bless you, Conley.
Anonymous
June 27th, 2008 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

Luann” T.J. doesn’t have any place to go… Can he stay with us? He’s a great cook… and a demon in the sack!”
cheech wizard
June 27th, 2008 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

151/DAS – Actually, Brooke recently said on his blog that he’s got a final strip in mind for 9CL – culminating in what he described as what may be the filthiest comment in history to pass between mother and daughter (Edda and whats-her-twat). He wouldn’t say what it is, although he admitted the syndicate editors would never let it fly.
cheech wizard
June 27th, 2008 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

Mountain Mama – ????? Where did that pop up? I didn’t see it in today’s GF or the merchandise page. And what about “You can food anything if you just eat it!”

I need to find my spork. Got a hankerin’ for monkey.
Alfred E. Neuman
June 27th, 2008 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

#151 DAS & #155 cheech wizard— I’d like to see both of those. I know the syndicates wouldn’t permit it, but wouldn’t it be nice if authors/artists could create adults-only internet versions of their strips in order to show how creative they could be? Like “Pluggers”, they could even base their stories on the raunchy suggestions of their readers. Oh well, dream on…
commodorejohn
June 27th, 2008 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

#148 Alfred E. Neuman – Ha ha, that would be awesome.
bats :[
June 27th, 2008 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

156. cheech wizard: ” You can wordify anything if you just verb it.” comes from the 17 April 2003 Get Fuzzy strip.
(Yes, I googled this to get the information, and it’s amazing how many folks have taken these words to heart.)

Hot Cup o’ Monkey for me!
Shoshi
June 27th, 2008 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

128 Les of the Jungle Patrol — So you were, basically, Calvin?
Dingo
June 27th, 2008 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

I believe play with the cobra will now be part of my everyday language.
cheech wizard
June 27th, 2008 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

159/bats – But is it on a shirt, like MM suggested? I couldn’t find one.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to my book. I’m reading “The Hartlepol Monkey Incident” right now.
jayjaybear
June 27th, 2008 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

DAS, you’re a brave man.

“Why Mr. Taft! Let me help you out of that tub…”

“Thank you, thank you, Maria. I’ve…ah…noticed you dusting on the backstairs for a while…”

Okay, I’m stopping now because I’m creeping me out.
Orange Doorhinge
June 27th, 2008 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

When we kid were BAD we’d be sent to our rooms WITH supper. I used to deliberately act up when Mom was serving beets, or creamed corn or anything I hated. Then I’d dump it out the window and call the chickens over. Good times good times. The eggs tasted odd, though.
FOOBed again
June 27th, 2008 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

I suppose if we didn’t know what was to come, these old FOOBs would be kind of pleasant in a bland way. I mean, here’s Elly, a young mom who doesn’t have much confidence in her parenting skills or know what her authority should be over her kids. If we ddin’t know, or could forget, that she was going to turn into St. Elly the Self-Congratulatory, who spends whole days bragging about what a good job she did….oh never mind. We can’t forget and we shouldn’t.
Toy Cobra
June 27th, 2008 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

I like how Sam’s jazzy sportcoat is having a conversation with Judge P’s Sans-a Belts. It’s like a garmento version of Mark Trail.
FOOBed again
June 27th, 2008 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

<b?#115 LTBF: I seem to remember that Cathy asked Irving to move in with her at one point about 10 years or more ago, but he freaked out and dumped her. Then he ended up getting engaged to someone who looked just like her, then he turned up as a consultant to Cathy’s place of work and recommended that she be let go, which she was. Then he tried to date her again. Then her company hired her back at some point, Irving dumped the Cathy-clone, and he and Cathy got back together and eventually tied the knot. However, whether or not they did the nasty then or if they have even done it ever up to this point, I don’t know…..
Anonymous
June 28th, 2008 at 12:50 am [Reply]

Re 150: Nah, I did it too, although I just looked up the Taft part.
Gulielma
June 28th, 2008 at 10:27 am [Reply]

JP: “A crime fighting judge?” If you want to fight crime, become a cop or a superhero. Do your own damn job.

FBoFW: Ha ha, young kids act up. Yeah, I know. That why I never had kids of my own.

Piranha Club: Sid cooks dinner, it’s lousy, but still better than what Effie makes.

Jump Start: What’s meant to be hilarity around Crunchy’s never seen but impossible dog Snugaboo and his graduation from obedience school.

FW: Ha ha, Bull and Jinx bound over Mom’s manipulation of them! AND we get to see Jinx and whatever Les’s kid is called together. Kill me now.
alamo
June 28th, 2008 at 11:01 am [Reply]

fc — and jeffy is an idiot!
KC
June 29th, 2008 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

It appears that all Curtis has done all day is play with the Cobra.
regisgoat
August 28th, 2008 at 6:55 am [Reply]

I’m way late here, but it seems to me that “That’s It! Play with the Cobra!” ought to be on a t-shirt.

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