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Chronological discontinuity Saturday

Mark Trail, 2/2/13

Usually Mark Trail flashback fashion takes us to the depths of the Eisenhower administration, which is why I am 100% amazed and flabbergasted (in a good way) by “Catfish” here. Now, none of us like to stereotype, but admit it: you probably imagined Catfish would be would be an angry, beefy guy with a mullet or perhaps a chubby fellow with a big white beard; either way, he’d be wearing overalls, obviously. BUT NO! No, Catfish is a bald sprite of a man who went back in time to 1987 and stole a sweet Ocean Pacific t-shirt out of my bedroom. He is such an odd bird in the sartorial world of Mark Trail that I am pretty much willing to forgive whatever crimes against competitive fishing ethics are going on in that van.

Herb and Jamaal, 2/2/13

Meanwhile, today’s unannounced “Classic Herb and Jamaal” is a repeat from barely two years ago! Although maybe even that appearance was itself a repeat from back when someone might have actually said “online talk rooms” and believed himself a vaguely with-it human being.

Archie, 2/2/13

I’m going to pass over the ostensible action of this strip — is Mr. Lodge’s “antique doo-dad” the table itself? How does one break a table? Wouldn’t even gluing a broken table-chunk back onto the table leave a visible seam? Does Jughead not know the world “table”? — and just point out that Archie really can pull off those skinny plaid yellow pants, though pairing them with the baggy sea-foam sweater is a bit suspect.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/2/13

Oh hi there, would you like a little secret illegitimate daughter in your grueling stroke recovery storyline?

Family Circus, 2/2/13

I genuinely love how unimpressed Jeffy is by Dolly’s dramatic theological musings. “I don’t know much about celestial courtesy, girl, all I know is that I just ran out of clean tissues and your shirt looks awfully inviting.”

315 responses to “Chronological discontinuity Saturday”

  1. NonnyMus
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that Mark looks in the van and gets bonked on the head. It’s the Mark Trail thing to do.

  2. Downpuppy
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Ponder Dolly’s question and you realize Snot Important.

  3. Ratiocinator
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    9CL: I’ll give props when they’re deserved, even to characters in this strip. So that was a pretty nice throw. But tomorrow I plan to go back to making fun of you guys, and your creator.

    ASM: Some of you may be asking why Peter didn’t just do this in the first place. Fortunately I have an answer to your question: Peter is stupid. So, so stupid.

    FW: “I’m his daughter, and I’m here to join the rest of the family in being horrible to him. You didn’t start without me, did you?”

    Garfield: If the chocolate was so irresistable, why didn’t he eat it before the model was finished?

    JP: Sam’s right. Neddy isn’t using, she’s selling. She’s parlaying her share of the wealth into establishing herself as Europe’s top drug lord. And nobody better get in her way or, as is commonplace in the drug business, she’ll unleash the skunks!

  4. CanuckDownSouth
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#Y83): And keep in mind that Holly (1) had to redo the actual assignment for (2) no more than half-credit, still placing this plagiarism storyline well above the special cheaters get replacement assignments tailored to their desires and strengths world of FW.

  5. Holly Folly
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Most message boards or chat rooms I go on involve poeple asking for advice, or getting feed back on an idea they had, or sharing funny or amusing content. Which leads me the question, what kind of forum is he on? It’s the porn kind isn’t it? (It is.)

  6. Motorposus
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    The element of surprise keeps me coming back to Mark Trail. The story line lurches along awkwardly, but suddenly out pops this petite, Picard-ish gentleman wearing a child’s vintage Health-tex shirt. I haven’t been so delighted with a seafood-oriented character since “Clambake”!

  7. Timmaaay!
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    The joke is that it’s “Go bless yourself!”, right?

  8. Izzy
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    But… but… but catfish are the only fish with hilarious mustaches and beards…! Damn it, Mark Trail, the ONE time I want you to play by your own weird rules!

  9. Chyron HR
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    MT – “Crimes against competitive fishing ethics”? Oh, you naive boy, you don’t want to know what kind of illicit deeds are taking place in that van.

  10. Ratiocinator
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @Izzy (#8): Now I’m hoping that queek is able to find some cute pics of catfishes.

  11. Patrick
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    “You know it’s unbelievable, but you just gotta look.” What a coincidence – that’s exactly how I feel about “Herb and Jamaal”!

  12. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Frazz: there’s an old yet obvious meme that could go here, but I try to avoid the 4Chan stuff.

    9CL: nice shot, given Edda’s modest endowment.

    A&J: Basement Cat has been Summoned!!!

    Doons: KLANG!!! (ironic as well, given that I’m reading it online.)

    PBS: works for me.

    R&R: is about dog farts.

    SBp: srsly? does anyone actually say that to their kids these days?

    FW: strokestrokeinceststroke?

    JUMBLE: well, got one team right, at least. Aldon Smith has put on some serious weight in two weeks. *snicker@prettyBrady*

    OBH: win.

    Pluggers: are in denial about being morbidly obese.

    RwO: *snurk* I am SO sending that to a librarian that I know.

    6Cx: this is how CCLs get their start.

    rMC: d’awwww. *digs Normley flag out of storage and waves it for old times sake*

  13. Weaselboy
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    ASM – Caution: Objects in mirror clinging to your truck are stupider than they appear.

  14. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .better than strip clubs and sports bars.

  15. Doctor Handsome
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    “Trail” is an outdoorsman, and “Bassy” is a fisherman, so I’m assuming “Catfish” pretends to be a hot woman online, to seduce gullible dudes. This storyline might be good after all.

  16. PriceCheck
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Rather than looking hopeful or nervous like you would expect of somebody who’s about to rediscover her long lost father, Miss Plot Twist seems to be filled with an intense despair. Normally, this would be because she was already aware of the fact that he had suffered a stroke (which is obviously a perfect time to make yourself known to him and his reeling family), but since this takes place in Funky Winkerbean we know that it’s just the general universe crushing down on every hope and dream she’s ever had since childhood.

  17. TMcG
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    A3G: Ari’s last breaths were wasted by telling Greg he forgot one important item when Greg hurriedly got dressed after smelling smoke.

  18. Brian
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Apparently the Keane household is even more repressed than previously suspected. Dolly’s shirt contains a censor bar over her future lady bits. Just in case.

  19. Liam
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-But that truck is not headed to San Francisco.

    A3G-”Then come, Greg, let us make love like our Grecian ancestors.”

    Dick Tracy-Those should be fresh bodies in there.

    Curtis-”And anyone who hurts Mom’s feelings has to die,” says Barry.

    FC-You’re no angel, Dolly, and Jeffy is no god.

    MT-There is something familiar about this Catfish guy. He looks like another character in here except he’s bald.

    MW-The Great Mary approves of your offering to her.

  20. Doctor Handsome
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    If angels are anything like you and me, they’re probably saying, “Who the fuck is Dolly talking to?”

  21. wossname
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Congrats to Dan and all the funny folks on Josh’s float! Also to the equally funny folks on Aviatrix’s counterfloat!

    Archie – At first glance, I read this as “You broke Lodge’s antique poo pad?” I like my way better.

    Sly – You know, grumpy man in window, if you’re going to throw out whole strings of wienies, and chicken legs with only one bite out of them, in a can with no lid, you really shouldn’t be surprised when the raccoons arrive.

    Also, @Aviatrix (#Y17) – if you’re still here – re the discussion a few days ago about sexing comic strip animals, note hairbow on little girl raccoon. And I applaud your determination to avoid endless hours playing on the intertubes, but I hope you’ll drop in from time to time sooner than December!

    A3G/FW – Certain artistes apparently don’t get that dialogue balloons are for, you know, dialogue, and not onomatopoeia. “Pant pant” and “Ding! Dong!” do not belong in dialogue balloons.

    Pluggers – He’s not fat, he’s incredibly slim. A 48” waist on a rhinoceros is tiny!

  22. seismic-2
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Taken by itself and read out of context, the second panel of today’s A3G is perhaps the gayest single panel in the history of comic strips. Come to think of it, even when you put it back in context, it still is, and maybe even more so.

  23. Illustrator Steve
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    MT – So besides being the world’s greatest bass fisherman, Rod Bassy is also a fishing merit badge counciler at the Scout camp in the southern part of the state. …And by the BSA uniform he’s wearing I’d say this fishing tournament is taking place between 1950 and 1968.
    Likewise, what Rod doesn’t want Mark to see in that van is his fishing merit badge class whom are all obediently seated in his van waiting for their que to be Rod’s cheering section in the fishing tournament bleacher seats. When questioned about this by Mark, Rod explained that no where in the Scout laws is there anything that states, “thou shall not cheat”!

  24. Vince M
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    MW: Somewhere the Pink Panther is in the shower, obsessively scrubbing himself and wailing “It won’t come off!!!”

  25. TheDiva
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    FW: Fred’s unbelievably miserable and a prisoner in his own body, but don’t you worry–Batiuk will use this opportunity to systematically destroy his character, making it okay for him to endure the humiliation and suffering to come.

    H&J: Meanwhile, Herb (is that Herb? I’ve just realized I have no idea) attempts to engage in an online affair, and is met with disappointment.

    MT: The combined body mass of Catfish and Rod Bassy is about the same in all three panels, but the ratio keeps changing.

  26. Doctor Handsome
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    In delicate situations like telling a stroke victim he’s your father, it’s best to ease into things. Be sure to yell, “DING! DONG!” as you let yourself in.

  27. bbofun
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    MT- But- but- I thought Catfish was going to be a beautiful 20-year-old student! She sent me a picture and everything!

    FW- Oh, good. Another reason for Fred’s wife to hate and abuse him. And the laughs just keep on comin’!

    A3G- “Chest…pain… mustache…falling out…white suit…though…stays clean…even in fire and smoke…thanks…to…Scotchguard…”
    Or possibly he stole the suit from Alec Guinness (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0044876/).

    ASM- And after clinging to the back of a truck for a few hours, Peter will have the proportionate lung capacity of a coal miner! (Or, if he rides on top of the truck, the proportionate facial skin of a grizzled old sea cap’n!)

    DT- Toad’s baseball team has the same ethnic mixture as your typical Hollywood WWII army platoon.

    JP-”It can’t be drugs! Not Ned! She takes after us- she’s an alcoholic!”

    GT- Time for Scott to show his peacock to the whole team.

    RMMD- Oh, right, Junior- forgot about him. Distracted by the boobies.

  28. Liam
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    FW-”I was put up for adoption years ago and recently my adopted mother died of cancer and in a video message from her she told me the story of my adoption.”

  29. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    for the Bloom County fans.

    Menswear Dog for Fashion Police.

    brainmush for bb,u.

    goat vs puppies. puppies just don’t understand.

    stalker corgi.

    the power of corgi eyes.

    squee. . .

  30. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    and some lolsnark to go with it!

    Kilts vs Skirts. Know the Difference. (one for the lads.)

    for the furries. (slothsquick?)

    ‘mudges have been posting ASM lols again, I see.

    Ghost In The Shell is just that darn good.

    when a doggie comes along . . . .

  31. Liam
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    MT-”And by friend I actually mean lover.”

  32. pugfuggly
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    MT Is it just me, or is that man really tiny? Like, really tiny? Then again, Rod seems to be able to increase his size when he feels menaced, so perhaps these two are actually some kind of shape-shifting demons? Why would demons spend waste their supernatural powers on fishing tournaments? Well, this is the Trailverse, where a Bass-shaped trophy is about the highest award you can get…

    H&L When Jamaal found out there was an IRC associated with PenisHeadFanatasties.alt.net, he just had to check it out.

    FW Wow, I am really looking forward to seeing the family gather ’round to hear Fred’s long-winded apology and explanation

    “mmmm thooo serrrrry eeee nvr t-t-teld yuuu sunnnr ‘mbut disssss…iyyy serpoooose iiii scccccccchud egplaaaaane…ert wezzz bikkk nnn der smmmmr offff ninnntin svernty-toooo. Disssssco wzzz k-k-kinnng, gazzz wizzz t-t-tenty cnts a gallnnnn, nnnnd iyyyy w-w-wuzzz firsssssh outtttta t-t-teeeechr collllje….”

    (yes, I realize I am just now making fun of stroke victims)

  33. lorne
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    So which anachronistic comedy duo is waiting to emerge from Bassie’s van? Cheech and Chong, Lloyd and Harry, or Mickie and Mallorie?

  34. TheDiva
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    9CL: If it weren’t for his frequent flights of pretention and ego, Brooke’s occasional indulgences in childish humor might be kind of cute.

    A3G: “Don’t mind me, I’m just having a heart attack! It’s kind of pleasant, actually…pant…pant…”

    C’shaft: Aaaaand….now Crankshaft disappears with no clues other than the odd smell coming from Keesterman’s crawlspace? Please?

    Luann: In separate bathrooms. They’re in separate bathrooms, that’s the only logical implication of this strip, la la la I can’t hear you….

    MW: “But where will you put the incense and blood offerings?”

    Pluggers are fat and getting fatter.

    SM: *hours later Peter unsticks himself, dirty, cold, and covered in bugs and refuse*
    “Well, THAT wasn’t the smartest idea I ever had…”

  35. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#3): Peter Parker/Spiderman has the cognitive abilities of a spider. A stupid smashed spider.

    @Holly Folly (#5): It’s the special interest board devoted to those who have huge heads shaped like penes (penises) and the difficulty finding hats that don’t look like huge condoms. Meg Griffin is an honorary member.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#12) on Pluggers: Serious denial. He needs both belts simultaneously worn to encompass his chicken-fried steak bloated girth.

  36. Shrug, with the proportional humor of a spider
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @lorne (#33):

    Well, can’t be Olson and Johnson; they’d be up in the Northern Part of the State.

    Maybe an entire platoon of Keystone Cops?

  37. kim
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    do Herb & Jamaal know that “chat room” is not a copyrighted phrase? Maybe all the vagueness in this strip is just them trying way too hard to not get sued.

  38. John C Fremont
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    A3G – That’s definitely not Aristotle talking about pants in that second panel. I think it’s one of Conan’s “If They Mated” pics. This time it was Matthew Broderick and Tim Curry. Pant, pant, indeed.

  39. Mysterion
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Yeah, I really wouldn’t want to get into a van with those two…

  40. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @Vince M (#24): COTW contender.

  41. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    John Dill announces he was inspired in the first panel. I was inspired to regurgitate. Repeatedly.

    Ari Papablowhardius turned into a young Colonel Sanders so gradually I hadn’t noticed until now.

  42. pugfuggly
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#21):

    At first glance, I read this as “You broke Lodge’s antique poo pad?” I like my way better.

    “With all the fancy food I eat, my poo is far too valuable just to flush down a common toilet. So I bought an antique poo pad, where I can deposit my feces so it can be admired by visitors until which time it can be retired to the poo cellar.”

    @Doctor Handsome (#15):

    “Trail” is an outdoorsman, and “Bassy” is a fisherman, so I’m assuming “Catfish” pretends to be a hot woman online, to seduce gullible dudes. This storyline might be good after all.

    So that’s how they win those tournaments. ‘Catfish’ goes online on freshwater chatrooms and convinces young bass to meet up with a sexy pickerel ‘just under the red boat’

  43. Rusty
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    FW: Looks like Montoni’s scored another waitress.

    I’m hoping she just casually dropped the Fred’s daughter news, but that she is also a Jehovah’s Witness and would like to discuss religion.

    And Fred looks to have aged about two time jumps since the stroke.

  44. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Drabble: This one hit a little too close to home to be funny. Besides, I’m not that fat. Or bald. // I do like Hawaiian shirts though.

    MT: I sympathize. Getting a figure like “Catfish” the right size before pasting him in is not easy. Of course, nobody pays me for my mashups.

    xkcd: Got it. “tar –help” // To be fair, I did have to use “man tar” first, but I’ve only been using Unix-like systems for about twelve years.

    Pluggers: I read an article a while back in a dead tree about how people are getting so fat that leather craftsmen who make custom belts for sale at fairs and flea markets are having a hard time. You have to use a single strip of leather, apparently, and cows just aren’t that big.

    // Couldn’t you just do some kind of spiral cut on the hide?

  45. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#42) on Archie: The Palace at Versailles’s historical poo cellar is under the Hall of Mirrors. The secret entrance is behind the third mirror on the left.
    ProTip: Bring Windex to return the shine to those mirrors.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#44) on Pluggers: I think if you’re so fat you can’t find belts, maybe it’s time to invest in suspenders and/or sweat pants.

  46. Liam
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    FC-Dolly, why don’t you head a few strips over and ask Mary Worth yourself.

  47. Dave Dahl
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    MT joins Friday’s Doonesbury in making Manti Te’o references.

  48. debussy fields
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    FC– With her arm fully extended upward, her thumb is directly in line with her eye brow. Mr. Potato Head, you’ve met your match in Dolly Keane.

  49. Horace Broon
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Yay! I made it onto the float!

    Blondie: Um … It’s not just me who thinks this doesn’t even begin to make sense on any level, right?

    JP: And yet it was one of the first things you thought of. Way to have faith, Abbey.

    Phantom: “So, since you’re not doing it, which means the troubles won’t stop being over, I guess you were right in the first place. What were we talking about again?”

    Pluggers: Are morbidly obese, and don’t plan on doing anything about it.

    RMMD: Rex, being about as compassionate as Melissa, reckons that straight-up lying to Delores so she feels better now is a plan with no down side.

  50. Horace Broon
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#21):

    There’s no excuse for “Ding! Dong!” but I’d let “Pant! Pant” slide, along with “Burp!” and the classic Schulz “Sigh!” since they’re all human utterances of a sort.

  51. Weaselboy
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#49): Re: Blondie. No, it’s definitely not just you.

  52. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#45): @Nehemiah Scudder (#44) on Pluggers: I think if you’re so fat you can’t find belts, maybe it’s time to invest in suspenders and/or sweat pants.

    But that is not always an option. The article I mentioned featured a security guard who bought belts from flea market craftsmen because ordinary stores could no longer match his circumference. He had to wear a black leather belt as part of his uniform.

    // I wonder if he needed a Sam Browne belt? That would present an interesting engineering challenge.

  53. Anonymous
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Boy, Catfish and Rod Bassy sure are acting suspicious! I think something FISHY is goin’ on! Ha Ha!

  54. Stroker Ace
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    MT – Help them move a couch into the van, Mark. Just like in ‘Silence of the Lambs’.

  55. tb4000
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    FW: her decision to actually yell “ding dong” in lieu of pressing the buzzer was a very poor attempt at softening the blow.

  56. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    ASM: Way to protect your precious secret identity, Peter; no one would suspect anything if they saw a random guy stuck with spider-webbing to the back of a speeding semi.

    A3G: I’ve never actually been in a burning building, so maybe I’m off base here, but I imagined the situation to be more a matter of “let’s get the hell out of here!” than “let’s hang around and discuss how we’re doing.”

  57. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#52): I wonder if he needed a Sam Browne belt? That would present an interesting engineering challenge.

    An interesting math question, too. Imagine a security guard, perfectly spherical in his torso (we will disregard his arms, legs, and head for the moment.) If he wears a belt around what we might refer to as his equator, and that belt is x units long, how long would a proper Sam Browne belt shoulder strap be?

    // You may use your slide rule. Please show your work.

  58. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#49) on Blondie: I couldn’t get past Dagwood missing an antenna.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#52): A security guard so fat he couldn’t easily find a belt? With him around I’d feel about as secure as a tiara guarded by newspaper Spiderman.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#56) on Apartment 3-G: Miss Manners can suggest the proper etiquette for fire evacuations. Get out the ivory stationery and fountain pen with blue-black ink.

  59. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    MW: So Mary finds a lonely widower, recently retired, rather at loose ends. She praises him extravagantly for his middling talents, and then she pressures him to pursue a goal. This pursuit, of course, gives the lonely man something to do, but it also gives his life meaning. And Mary joins him in this pursuit, linking her presence to his new joy, ambition, and fulfillment. Whereas he once spent hours by himself, wondering what to do, now Mary keeps him company, flattering him, attending to him, devoting herself to his goal, close by his side in the warm, intimate confines of his kitchen. And soon, she’ll be astonished that John Dill is in love with her, professing utter surprise that he could have mistaken her devotion for anything other than neighborly kindness.

    Either Mary is a stone-cold bitch, or she doesn’t know nearly as much about human psychology as she pretends to.

  60. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Alley Oop: Doc Wonmug needs to fix those time portals, stat, before Wizer puts on a Phish concert.

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Because riding on top of a semi is dangerous, even for a weak-ass superhero? Because it’s dirty? Because you don’t know if the truck is going to San Francisco? Because it’s blazingly obvious that you’re up there? Because James Gandolfini found his keys in the puddle, and now he’s pissed?

    Apt. 3-G: Boy, even the funny pages tribute to Captain Beefheart is looking bad these days.

    // “Forget it! We’re sticking together!” “Mighty white of you.” “No, that’s you.” “Hahaha!” “Hahaha!!” “Hahaha!!!” “Seriously. I love the high from toxic fumes.”

    Archie: Having superglued my fingers to one another, I can attest that a giant vat of elementary-school paste like Archie has is simply insufficient for picking up a table.

    9 Chickweed Lane: Not to keep questioning McEldowney’s artistic merit, but to land a paper airplane in Edda’s cleavage, Amos would have had to fire it from across the stage, so what the hell did he think was going to happen?

    Hi and Lois: It’s Groundhog Day. I know you’ve all been dying to know what Octoraro Orphie had to say, so here it is.

    Judge Parker: “No, Abbey, it can’t be drugs…Not Ned!” “Yeah, she’s really more into Scotch, isn’t she?” “Johnny Walker black label, just like her daddy taught her.”

    The Lockhorns: Admittedly, having opposable thumbs puts Leroy one up on me.

    Mark Trail: “Business partner?” Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Kudos in any case to this strip being the first to break the Human-Ferengi barrier line.

    Mary Worth: “What’s that I’m carrying, Mr. Dill?” “That’s-a spicy pink ‘meat-a balls.’”

    Nancy: Usually, I don’t agree with the nostalgia act in Nancy, but Buddy Holly is one of my favorites. I went out of my way to visit the Surf Ballroom on a sloppy winter’s day back in the early 90′s. In honor of the Day the Music Died, here’s one of Buddy’s greats.

  61. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#44): …and that’s why I never bothered to learn Unix.

  62. Little Blue Bicycle
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    FE: Let’s not be quick to judge. In the Batiuk universe, Fred might have fathered the mysterious stranger as single teenager, only to have her caught in a time warp for decades. Look out the door and see if you see Dr. Walter Bishop.

  63. Little Blue Bicycle
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    MT: “‘Mark Trail,’ guest starring Ian Gomez as Catfish. Brought to you by Gorton’s!”

  64. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    in honor of the current Mary Worth storyline, My Little Pony is rerunning their “cake episode”

    (I lol’d when I saw that in the TV menu., let me tell you. )

  65. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Laugh all you want about the latest FW crisis taking shape – and it is ridiculous – but this does happen. I had a parishioner struggling once to deal with a sister from a long-ago one night stand wanting to meet her father.

  66. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

  67. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#61): …and that’s why I never bothered to learn Unix.

    And yet — I’m only presuming — you bothered learning big chunks of Greek, Latin, Aramaic, and Hebrew? NTTAWWT. I admire you for it. It’s only a bother if it isn’t fun.

    // UNIX is fun. (Look for my t-shirts and ball caps at Cafe Press!)

  68. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

  69. Leonard
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    MT: Watch out for “Catfish” – he’s growing by the second! In panel one he comes up as high as porn star fishing champion Rod Bassy’s chin, in panel two he’s up to Rod’s eye level, and in panel three he’s already as tall as Rod! Before long he’ll be catching up to those huge panel-high squirrels and fish we see almost every day!

  70. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Leonard (#69): Are you saying that Catfish is “a grower, not a shower”?

  71. ScienceGiant
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @Little Blue Bicycle (#62):

    I was thinking this bastard child was lifted from Game Of Thrones. Brace yourself, Fred Fairgood. Winter is coming.

  72. Anonymous
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#32): FW: Yeah, I know where you’re coming from, Pug.
    Before reading your comment, I was seeing a Batiuk 3-panel strip of poor ol’ Fred out of his wheelchair, on the floor, his wife, son and newly-announced daughter standing around him but not helping him because they are so appalled at his sinfulness.

  73. UncleJeff
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    #72: Sorry, that was me.
    I am so so so sorry (for the “anonymous” error and for giving Batty an idea for a strip.

  74. Écureuil Écumant
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    MW: I gotta admit putting that pink plastic St. Francis-model vibrator atop the cake was a stroke of John Watersesque berserk genius.

  75. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#4): Ugh, I had forgotten that. The Funkyverse is so loathsome that my brain rebels at some memories. I am looking at that poor stroke patient today and thinking he probably would be better off in the nursing home where I worked decades ago. And it wasn’t a top-tier nursing home.

  76. Liam
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Garfield-This is far better than Dill’s cake and this was made by a cat.

    Doonesbury-Trudeau is right. For that split second I had no idea how to function. I think I even forgot my name.

  77. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#65): I’ve heard there are also uncharming scammers who show up after funerals claiming to be a child of the deceased and hoping the elderly surviving spouse is alone at home, knows nothing about DNA, and will quickly pony up to avoid public embarrassment. Ugh.

  78. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#59):

    Either Mary is a stone-cold bitch, or she doesn’t know nearly as much about human psychology as she pretends to.

    Couldn’t it be both?
    // Hey, I know! Let’s “Ask Wendy”!

  79. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    MT “Trail, this is ‘Catfish’… He’s my friend and business partner…”
    “Glad to meet you, ‘Catfish’! And this is my son, Rusty… but we call him ‘Can’t Fish’!”

    MW “That’s quite a resemblance. Especially when I get carried away with the blush.”

    A3G Tomorrow: “Choke… choke…”

  80. Peter Armstrong
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    MT- Catfish as played by Jackie Earle Haley, reprising his role as the sexual child predator from “Little Children”.

  81. The Real Dan
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    We finally find out that Spiderman’s real super power is hitchhiking. That’s why he’s so pathetic when it comes to fighting crime. Next time a super villain can be thwarted by having someone travel across the country with no cash, Spidey will be there.

  82. Another Kiwi
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    MT: First we had Bassman say “no way you can see in my van”, then it was “wait until it’s tidy”, then Crawdad or whoever turns up and he’s all “it’s a real mess you can’t see inside it”. Spider senses tingling at all Mark?

  83. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#76): Doonesbury-Trudeau is right. For that split second I had no idea how to function. I think I even forgot my name.

    Holy minced oath! Where am I? How long was I out? — Gary: Don’t even kid about such things!

  84. KreatureFeatures
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#34):

    hours later Peter unsticks himself, dirty, cold, and covered in bugs and refuse …

    … and greets the many policemen called by the drivers passing the truck on the three-hour drive.

  85. seismic-2
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#44): I started using UNIX in the late 1970s. We had an early version of the BSD documentation with the “demon” on the cover. The manual was usually to be found next to the console, opened to the tar page. Even the gurus couldn’t remember all the options.

    Now, some 35 years later, it’s no better.

  86. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    FC “Teacher says, every time God sneezes an angel gets his cold.”
    // Hmm… such a deep theological question. Hey, I know! Let’s “Ask Padre Dan”!

  87. Lynette
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    We soooo need a new shirt with one of MW’s greatest quotes from today’s strip – “I’m flattered to be glorified in sugar!”

  88. Fashion Police
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    We are quite impressed that Professor Papagoras was able to slip into his winter-white suit as the flames engulfed his building, although mildly disappointed that he was forced to flee his apartment sans necktie. No doubt his heart palpitations result from the stress of knowing he is insufficiently dressed.

  89. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#60):
    Octoraro Orphie looks like a nice beaver.

    @Baka Gaijin (#58):

    Up until the last panel, it seemed like it was going somewhere. Where it ended up is confusing.

    Funkity Winkerstanker:

    What would have been funnier is if the first panel had “Ding Dong” in a balloon with no tail and with a couple of notes around it. When the kid answers the door, the visitor is unseen, just heard. Then in the last panel it is Captain Cupcake!
    “I’m his son. Yahooo!”

    //it is a mix-up of delightful snacks which put any cake decorating contest to shame.
    Oh wait. Wrong strip. Did I just read Funky Winkerbean?

  90. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#67): What, do I look like an Anglican? To tell you the truth, only a few churches (Catholic, Lutheran, Anglican/Episcopalian) make their seminarians study the original languages. Most of the rest of us spend our time studying scripture as literature, which is faster and more effective.

    So I know a little Hebrew and Greek, and only a little more Latin than I’ve picked up from you pinheads. And nobody needs to know Aramaiac. Nobody. (Other than the people who still speak it.)

  91. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#77): Haven’t run into that one in person, but I’m sure it’s been attempted.

  92. kakenrip
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Thankfully, Mr. Lodge’s antique poo pad is also invisible.

  93. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#86): All I know is that there is at least one (maybe two) Native American origin stories that involve God snorting out man in a farmer’s blow. I can’t remember if he then mixes it with mud, or if humanity’s just a little Godsnot.

  94. KreatureFeatures
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#59): Mary’s a caketeaser.

  95. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#93): “humanity’s just a little Godsnot.”

    well, that explains Huffington Post, CNN and most of the rest of the headlines.

  96. Notebooked
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    …Has one of Archie’s eyebrows pounced onto Jughead’s face, or is Jughead just growing a Magnum P.I. moustache?

  97. Notebooked
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#93): “Creation myths of dismembered gods were quite common, if only for the ribald humor they were bound to create. Hey, kids, what do you think they made your home town of?” ~ Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

  98. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

  99. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#93):

    … or if humanity’s just a little Godsnot.

    I’ll remember that on Ash Wednesday when I hear the priest, “Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”
    // Well, that’s certainly more earthy than, “We are stardust…”

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#90):

    What, do I look like an Anglican?

    We took a vote and you’re now our official chaplain, our own Presbymudgeon.
    // or is that Presbytergeon… or Presbysturgeon… or…

  100. Keregi
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    When I saw Mr. Dill was “glorifying” Mary in sugar, I was really hoping it would look similar to Botticelli’s Birth of Venus, but with Mary’s head in place of Aphrodite’s. Instead it looks like Mary, dressed as a monk, carved out of Pepto Bismol.

  101. Majicou
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    9CL: I’m torn between a grudging acknowledgement that McEldowney managed to write a whole strip in clear, reasonable prose and the observation that his Creatures of Pure Art are childish idiots who can’t even be bothered to keep their minds on their damned art.

    Garfield: Speaking of math problems, here’s another–how fat does Garfield such that ingesting that much theobromine won’t even make him sick?

    // And yes, Firefox, theobromine is a word.

  102. Allen
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    My guess is that they’re gay–which is almost certainly frowned upon within the macho fishing competition world–and inside the van is a complete, gay, love shack. And they catch fish with, uh, OK, let’s not even go there.

  103. CanuckDownSouth
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#56): @Baka Gaijin (#58): Actually, in one of Miss Manner’s collections (pg 540, Excruciatingly Correct Behavior) she classifies a fire alarm (real or accidental) as a come-as-you-are party, tells the letter-writer to not sweat what to wear, but next time to chat with the people in caftans and running shorts and avoid anyone in a business suit after midnight as they are surely up to no good. #swearimnotmakingthisup

  104. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    From the world of Mark Trail, homoerotic car-repair division.

  105. Droopy Says
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#44): If a Plugger needed an extra-long leather belt, a spiral cut in a hide would have problems. When buckled it would have a shape similar to the frustum of a right cylindrical cone (a ring-shaped cut would give a result closer to a frustum). This shape would result in fit problems, though, and the Plugger would complain . . . huh. You’re onto something here.

  106. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#104): is that a young Sam Driver reading the manual?

  107. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    MW “I’m flattered to be glorified in sugar!”
    Mary won’t be as flattered to learn she’s also been rendered in a life-sized butter sculpture… that John has been “honoring” in the privacy of his apartment.
    (Rejected by the Iowa State Fair.)

  108. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#99):

    // Well, that’s certainly more earthy than, “We are stardust…”
    Has there been a Ziggy crossover with David Bowie? Not sure if that would be wonderful, like Bowie and Bing Crosby, but, now I’m curious.

  109. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#108): And the Amazing Spiderman from Mars?

  110. seismic-2
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#108): Yeah, David Bowie and Pantless Ziggy singing the hits of Hoagy Carmichael and Joni Mitchell. That would be truly awesome, in its audacity.

  111. Ukulele Ike
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#99): “No need to call him ‘Padre’…he’s an Anabaptist!”

    Thanx & a tip o’ the hat to Chaplain Tappman, Catch-22

  112. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#90): Most of the rest of us spend our time studying scripture as literature, which is faster and more effective.

    Tired of memorizing Greek irregular verbs? Does Hebrew give you a headache? Throw away those dusty tomes!

    Try Scripture as Literature! Apply directly to the brain! Apply directly to the brain! Apply directly to the brain ! New! Improved! No knowledge of ancient languages required!

    Faster and more effective! Now, with Salvitol®!

    Scripture as Literature! Ask for it by name!

    Call now! Qualified providers are standing by. Contains Opiate of the People™, may be habit-forming. Side effects may include delusions of holiness. Consult a qualified theologian if rapture lasting more than five hours occurs.

    // Sorry, but “faster and more effective” sets me off. It always does.

  113. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#112): well played, sir. well played indeed.

  114. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#105): If a Plugger needed an extra-long leather belt, a spiral cut in a hide would have problems. When buckled it would have a shape similar to the frustum of a right cylindrical cone (a ring-shaped cut would give a result closer to a frustum). This shape would result in fit problems…

    I thought of that. But, you see, really fat guys never wear belts exactly around the equator, as it were, but above or below it. So the curve of a spiral cut belt could be adjusted to to its intended place on the spheroid in question, if you see what I mean.

  115. ByJove
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    FW: Poor Darin. His father just had a stroke, and now his mom is about to have a coronary.

    Let’s see, the long-lost daughter is close enough to have gotten wind of the stroke and to get over to the house, yet Darin knows nothing about her. Must be in for the reading of the will.

    And I can see it now: “Oh my god! We adopted you because we though he was sterile. If we had only known!!”

  116. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

  117. SKJAM!
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    Toad is showing far too much common sense in “Dick Tracy” today. The correct response of spunky homeless kids to finding an out-of-place skeleton is to crawl inside and investigate personally, staying just long enough to nearly be caught by the villain.

  118. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    and while we are on the subject,

    SPOON ME JESUS!!

  119. Majicou
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    FW: Long-lost daughter seeks reconciliation? Nah, too upbeat. How about long-lost daughter produced by incest, left in a dumpster, and then raised by a hobo who died of recursive cancer (cancer of the cancer of the cancer of the…) at the very moment Fred suffered the stroke? Oh, and the hobo sexually abused her, and she’s pregnant now. And the fetus has cancer.

  120. Anonymous
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#98): “yaoi fishboi”

    I think you mean “shota”? Yaoi would be much less work-safe, I tell you what.

    In other news, what little Japanese I know is entirely unfit for polite company!

  121. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#120): yeah, perhaps “shota” would work there as well.

    thought that one was more of a swishy fishy than a newly hatched one, so went with the yaoi.

    and I understand the feels. “Yatta”, “Sugoi” and a lot of otaku terms. *chuckles*

  122. seismic-2
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    FW: “Fred Fairgood is my father. While he was the principal at Westview High School, he started banging this student named Lisa…”

  123. Anonymous
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#121):

    I was expecting something completely different, given the description, but since I’m not actually at work my thoughts were more along the lines of, “Eh, even if it is yaoi I’ve probably seen worse.”

  124. Austria
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    FC: Try “Gesundheit.”

    FW: HHHHNNNNNNGGGGGGGHH. You know, I used to be able to take this strip. I could at least put up with it. Not so much anymore. It’s gone past “so bad it’s good” straight into “so bad it’s unbearable.” Please, Funky, just stop while you’re ahead. Please.

    Luann: Called it. Who called it? I ca–…….ew.

  125. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    H&J: “Oh well, back to being a sixteen year old Korean girl.”

    FC: Bad cold Jeffy’s got. It’s turned both his shirt and his sneakers snot green.

    Curtis: Well, it’s been a pretty easy ride for Barry so far. A little mental scarring with the help of his musical namesake is only fair.

    Pluggers: Plugger math: Calculating what size belt will hold up the best during your inevitable suicide attempt.

    MW: “Bet you’d be even more glorified if I covered you from head to toe in caramel. Did I say that out loud?”

    WofI: Your only purpose is to provide a target for easy lawyer gags. A footstool could see it coming.

    JP: “I mean it would be hilarious for Woody Wilson to try and depict it, but it can’t be drugs.”

    BB: Do mess halls really have a centralized flatulence vent? Obviously Camp Swampy put theirs in an inconvenient place.

    DtM: When Mrs. Wilson winks twice, that means “afraid” is code for “optimistic.”

    S-M: So is this the first semi that Peter has seen since he left Vegas, or did he just now decide to stop worrying about the whole secret identity thing?

    OBH: Stay in the closet? Ruthie, your gay toys know they don’t have to live like second class citizens.

    A3G: “Too late… for me… Take my secret… list of… herbs and spices.”

  126. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#122): That development would give Darin the opportunity to enhance his troubles with a taboo affair with his half sister.

  127. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#85): So, yeah, I LOL’d at the xkcd strip too.

    // I would use tar if you held a gun to my head.

  128. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#34):

    Luann: In separate bathrooms. They’re in separate bathrooms, that’s the only logical implication of this strip, la la la I can’t hear you….

    Agreed. Otherwise we might actually have to start feeling bad for TJ.

  129. bbofun
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#21): @Horace Broon (#50): I just figured illegitimate daughter had yelled “ding-dong” from outside. It seems as likely as anything else that’s happening here.

  130. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#49):

    Blondie: Um … It’s not just me who thinks this doesn’t even begin to make sense on any level, right?

    The only explanation I can think of is that a filing error caused them to run three random panels from a Sunday strip on Saturday.

  131. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#110):
    How about pantless Ziggy and Bowie performing “The Little Drummer Boy” and Ziggy is the drum?

  132. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#55): The young lady is very free with her “ding dong.” Runs in the family.

  133. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#59): Galactic cock tease. She knows exactly what she’s doing. She names her Shower Massage for the current dude she’s causing blue balls, literally getting off and screaming his name while bathing. Mary Worth is the geriatric cock tease extraordinaire.

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#99): My vote is for Presbymudgeon.

    @Majicou (#101) on Garfield: I saw a Scotti dog eat a pound of chocolate and survive to live almost a decade longer. I saw a black lab eat 2 chocolates and stroke out. Some animals are more tolerant of theobromine than others.

  134. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    “I understand Fred Fairgood is dead or comatose, so I can now ethically show up and claim to be his offspring. Don’t worry, I do this all the time.”

    Just another cameo from me. Only by staying all the way away from the CC and most comics can I find time to do the stuff I have to do to get through school and life at the moment. Pains me, as I regard this as my community (sad, yeah), but there are hundreds of comments here every day now, and it’s doing me in! So I’m mostly hanging at Duck & Cover, at Dean Booth’s parallel New Yorker Caption Contest, and on Twitter as myself, kiptw. (If you decide to follow me, and it’s not obvious who you are, give me a clue so I can tell you from the PR firms and carpet salesmen who keep feigning interest in me.)

    But the real reason I’m here is that I’d feel guilty if I didn’t post this link, which may already have gone up, for all I know. It’s to a massive site for scans of old comic books that are in the public domain. Comic Book Plus, it’s called, and if you’re not already clicking on it, let me just mention that they have three issues of Space Western (Charlton Publishing) up there. If Cowboys and Martians aren’t enough, how’s about Cowboys and Martians and Nazis?? Excelsior, and I hope I can get back some time. Meanwhile, I’ll perform cursory check-ins and read Josh’s posts.

  135. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#103): That bitch has an answer for every eventuality! Why isn’t she in charge of FEMA?

    @SKJAM! (#117): Wow, I never thought of that. Most Scooby Doo Mysteries wouldn’t last longer than the first commercial if they acted like those Dick Tracy kids.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#125) on Pluggers: Given the weight of the typical Plugger, that belt had better be made of woven Kevlar and two radial steel belts.

  136. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

  137. commodorejohn
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    I dunno, I’m pretty sure even researchers using FORUM on TOPS-10 systems in the ’60s wouldn’t have used the phrase “online talk room.”

    Also, didn’t Mark Trail ever learn not to go in vans with shady people you’ve only just met? Cripes, they didn’t even have to offer him candy!

  138. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#99): I’ll take Presbysturgeon, thanks. Or as I sometimes like to say, “I’m a member of no organized religion. I belong to the United Church of Christ.”

  139. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#101): I’m pretty sure that if you take 9CL seriously, you’ll grow hair on the palms of your hand.

  140. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#112): I understand. It’s the Tourette’s in you.

  141. Liam
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    FW-”Hey weren’t you the hooker I lost my virginity to.”

  142. Droopy Says
    February 2nd, 2013 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#114): Yeah, that would work, although I’d hate to be the leather worker who had to measure the Pluggeroid’s cross section. At this point I’m sure a Plugger would take two belts and duct-tape them into one section, then pat himself on the back for his ingenuity (which would be a win-win situation for a Plugger, because he could complain that his bursitis made it hard to reach his back).

  143. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 2nd, 2013 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#134): Wow. That’s gonna get plundered. By me.

  144. NoahSnark
    February 2nd, 2013 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    I do believe the angels say “It’s those Keane kids, right? We find them irritating to.”

  145. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile at Camp Swampy…

    Hey, this thing still works!

  146. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#141): Oh ha ha HA! COTW contender for sure.

    @Droopy Says (#142): You guys are putting way too much time into Plugger belts. The obvious solution to have a foot or two of leather on each end and a big woven elastic section between them. It will fit today and, if designed correctly, will stretch to accommodate the next hundred all-you-can-eat meals the Plugger will eat. After the Plugger passes on, the belt can be sold to the local bungee jump.

  147. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 2nd, 2013 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#123): I’m truly annoyed that I didn’t think of “bishifishi” for the tag until far after I posted. :-D

  148. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#146): You’re missing the point of the Plugger joke (oxymoron). The Plugger is delusional. He hasn’t seen a size 46 or 48 belt since the Nixon administration.

  149. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#124): As they say in baseball, if you call it you better not drop it.

  150. Alter Ego
    February 2nd, 2013 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    love is… letting him watch porn as noisily as he likes.

  151. Alison
    February 2nd, 2013 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#34):
    Re: “Luann”. Don’t worry, Brad and Toni are definitely in separate bathrooms, or else they are taking turns with one bathroom. It is “Luann” after all. I wouldn’t be surprised if tomorrow’s strip showed Brad coming out of the bathroom wearing a towel and a shower cap and telling an impatient-looking Toni, “Okay, I’m finished. Your turn.”

    “Mary Worth”: I hope John Dill loses the contest and the judge tells him why: “We really liked your cake, but we hated that cake topper. Why would you put some old lady on top of your cake? Ruined the whole thing. Better luck next year.”

  152. Ratiocinator
    February 2nd, 2013 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#98): Wow, I never expected you to be able to find that many! Thank you!

    Ironically, I think the very first picture of a real catfish is the cutest, although I did laugh at the comic with the fishcat. XD

  153. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    February 2nd, 2013 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    I suspect that the Herb and Jamaal creators are on an extended (perhaps undeclared to their syndicate? stay classy, guys) vacation and, before leaving, went on a quest for the “best of” H&J of recent memory, as determined by reader reactions over the internet, including this site, which is why we’re seeing so many obvious repeats. Either that, or the H&J creators at some point just decided that they had drawn a sufficient inventory of strips and we’re in perpetual reruns until somebody notices or print media collapses, whichever comes first.

  154. exapno
    February 2nd, 2013 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

  155. Peanut Gallery
    February 2nd, 2013 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    A3G – “Don’t be ridiculous, Ari! There’s no time to go back for your pants!”

  156. Liam
    February 2nd, 2013 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    Love Is-Picking his head for lice.

    Pluggers-This is disgusting. How dare they show that big erect horn in a family newspaper.

  157. Liam
    February 2nd, 2013 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    Herb and Jamaal-And sadly this guy doesn’t even have a fantasy life.

  158. Gringo
    February 2nd, 2013 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    MW: And in panel 2, John Dill morphs into Frank Nelson (“Yeeeeeesssss?”).

  159. Northern lurker
    February 2nd, 2013 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    JP: nope can’t be drugs. Neddy pays for those with the money she earns stripping. Right now she’s at a pool party in San Diego.

  160. Girl Reporter
    February 2nd, 2013 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#52):

    // I wonder if he needed a Sam Browne belt? That would present an interesting engineering challenge.

    When I lived in Chicago I was dining in a neighborhood restaurant while, as it turned out, a Mr. International Leather contest was going on in the upstairs party room. There must have been a dinner break upstairs because all at once the downstairs was awash in gentlemen sporting very impressive garments constructed of leather straps and metal connectors. None of these gentlemen looked like the chiseled Tom’s of Maine (isn’t that the name of the illustrator Dingo was always going on about?) drawing on the event poster in the window I noticed later. Bless their hearts, they were all straining both the spirit of the “no shirt no service” rule and the garments themselves. Interesting engineering challenges indeed.

  161. Calico
    February 2nd, 2013 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    And so, Dolly did sayeth, “Get me 18 million dollars by Friday.”

    THIS is how you break a table (at 4:40)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xi-P-HWubbI

  162. Calico
    February 2nd, 2013 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#19):
    Haha, I know, panel 2 of 3G just speaks volumes in and of itself, doesn’t it?
    I’d love that on a T-shirt.

  163. Calico
    February 2nd, 2013 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#138):
    Is Rod Bassy an Efishcopalian? I don’t think that would sit right, it being Phish’s 30th anniversary and all.

  164. Liam
    February 2nd, 2013 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    A3G-I see Ari dying of a heart attack like Pliny the Elder did during the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius.

  165. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    They mess up the dialogue in Funky. This is what the dialogue was suppose to be.

  166. bats :[
    February 2nd, 2013 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#160): actually, the illustrator that Dingo admired was Tom of Finland. I’m pretty sure Tom of Maine sells toothpaste, but squeezing something only to have a thick, viscous, white material ooze out is a natural mistake. :D

  167. Droopy Says
    February 2nd, 2013 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#148): What would really happen is that the Plugger would say “Mmm! Now I have a reason to wear good, old-fashioned suspenders!”

  168. Girl Reporter
    February 2nd, 2013 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#166): Thank you for seeing what I did there.

  169. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2013 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#148): True. Pluggers tend to live in a state of denial.

    @Liam (#156) on Pluggers: Between untreated diabetes and sagging gut, that’s the only thing horny on that Plugger.

    @bats :[ (#166): Ha ha. I’d love to see The Consumerist post on the mixup in the factory between these two product lines.

  170. wossname
    February 2nd, 2013 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    When I looked at MT this morning, I was as stunned as everyone else at the edgy costume choice by Catfish. When I saw it again this afternoon, I decided it’s more likely that some color monkey won the lottery and decided to make a dramatic exit from his dreary job at Jackelrod Enterprises LLC.

  171. Downpuppy
    February 2nd, 2013 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#151): As Karen Moy said “We’re sluts, Emma. We’re dirty, dirty sluts.”

  172. Shrug, With a Waist of Time
    February 2nd, 2013 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#44):

    “People are getting so fat that leather craftsmen who make custom belts for sale at fairs and flea markets are having a hard time. You have to use a single strip of leather, apparently, and cows just aren’t that big.”

    Couldn’t craftsmen use buffalo hides for belt stock? (I suppose rhino hide would be a bad idea, both because of the endangered speciesness of rhinos and because the Plugger who inspired this musing is himself a rhino.)

    If that doesn’t work, we need to fund a crash program teaching cows to drink sugary pop and eat junk food so they will grow fatter. (This will not work in New York city, of course, but fortunately relatively few cows live there.)

  173. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2013 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, With a Waist of Time (#172): Naugahyde! Naugas come in all different sizes and colors. Their wipe-clean hides would make perfect Plugger belts.

  174. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    Yo, bats :[, Nehemiah Scudder and others! Think you’re better then Scott Adams? Well, on his website he has a place to do mashups of his Dilbert comics.

    To do a mashup you have to be registered but that’s free.

    What fun!

  175. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 2nd, 2013 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#165): Excellent!

    // But you didn’t post your groovy BB/Weirdly mash. (Or did I miss it?)

  176. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#175):

    It was right there @Sequitur (#148): staring you in the face.

  177. Arabella
    February 2nd, 2013 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#173): Weren’t all the naugas killed off in the 70s to make recliners?

    FW: Did I miss some foreshadowing? Unexpected events just don’t happen in Funkyville.

    Drabble: Ralph has a 60 inch HDTV. So I am now officially the last person to watch TV on a c.1992 Zenith.

  178. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#175): Whoops! Wrong one! @Sequitur (#145):

    Got to get new bifocals.

  179. John Small Berries
    February 2nd, 2013 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    So now we’ve got a dude named Catfish in Mark Trail? I can’t wait until we meet Rod’s friend Crappie. “Naw, he ain’t named after the fish. Y’see, this one time we were out on the lake, far from the Port-O-Johns…”

  180. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 2nd, 2013 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#174): He’s had that for several years now. Much fun indeed.

    // I am not yet ready. When the time comes…

  181. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 2nd, 2013 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#178): So it was. I’ll have to get my trifocals checked. Nice stink lines around the Count!

    // Bifocals! Ha! You kids get offa my lawn!

  182. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2013 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#177): Yes, the naugas were believed to have been hunted to extinction in the 70s. Like the formerly-extinct coelacanth, naugas were discovered by accident in 1992. Maybe there’ll be a Sunday Mark Trail on naugas to fill in the gaps in my knowledge.

  183. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#182): A friend of mine had a stuffed Nauga he got at a thrift shop. It was apparently a prop for a furniture store.

  184. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#182): Not only that, you can adopt them as well.

  185. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, With a Waist of Time (#172): …we need to fund a crash program teaching cows to drink sugary pop and eat junk food so they will grow fatter.

    I shall follow your future political career with the greatest interest!

    “Shrug: Fatter Cows for Freedom!”

  186. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#181): The stink lines were in the original. I debated about removing them but being the lazy lout that I am I decided to leave them. Besides, they also can be radiation lines.

  187. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#177): My TV is from a year starting with “2″ I’m pretty sure. But since I bought this model specifically so that I could easily carry it on the bus, I bet it’s also smaller than yours.

  188. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

  189. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#188): Ah, yes, but I fear your humor may be too subtle for the Mary Worth crowd.

    // Maybe if you eased an Albert Camus gag in there…

  190. Peanut Gallery
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#166): That was the basis for a great in-joke in the background of one of Alison Bechdel’s Dykes to Watch Out For strips: A tube of toothpaste labeled “Tom’s of Finland.”

  191. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    FW — I think “Ding! Dong!” is a pretty good way to describe herself, since she didn’t bother to call or email or fax or write ahead.

  192. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#189):

    Well, we all know the famous Albert Camus line, “Poop ‘em if you got ‘em.”

  193. Liam
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    MT-”It’s a mess because we had sex in it. Hot ass thumping sex.”

    MT 2-That’s catfish? I figured he would have a long mustache giving him an appearance like a catfish.

    FC-Sorry, Dolly, but no matter how many times you signal for one a taxi won’t come to take you to another comic.

  194. Mibbitmaker
    February 2nd, 2013 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    MT: I’m probably going to do another “I like (character), he reminds me of…” Letterman immitation sometime in the next couple days, but for now, let me say welcome to this strip’s
    pint-sized Terry Moore.

    FC: I was going to give the answer of “go bless yourself”, but I’m not sure if God would take it the right way, even from angels.

    FW: Alright, I’m definately going to go back and read more of the FW book with the strips from the Nixon era featuring Fred Fairgood the way he should be remembered, and not a soap opera pile-on.

  195. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#170): BWAHAHA! If I could, I’d put a congratulatory garland around his neck.

  196. Alter Ego
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#156): I LOL’d at your Love Is caption. That was brilliant.

  197. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    MT — I hope the cheating will turn out to be at least a little bit interesting and creative and not too reflective of really low IQs on the part of the judges. In other words, please don’t just have Rod Bassy march up to his van after the tournament, throw a couple of huge van-smuggled bass into his cooler, and yell “I WON!”

  198. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#160): Well, shoot. That’ll never happen here.

  199. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#151):

    “Luann”. Don’t worry, Brad and Toni are definitely in separate bathrooms, or else they are taking turns with one bathroom. It is “Luann” after all.

    Yes, it is “Luann.” And yet again the poorly executed “tee-hee sexy, but not-too” schtick. Since when does anyone take a shower to remove makeup?

  200. Mibbitmaker
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    A&J: Your turn, Solange…

    9CL: An unironic laugh, and a Nelson Muntz “Haw, haw!” to the Burber girl.

    Curtis: Barry is the worst kind of momma’s boy — the kind Greek tragedies are written about.

    MW: Mary’s been Aldoed by a ’70s advertising character, and — she likes it? Dr. Jeff, I’d be really worried now if I were you!

  201. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#200): If only Aldo had had the foresight and skill needed to fashion a Mary Idol from marzipan, his story might have ended much differently.

  202. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    FW: What. The. Fuck.

  203. Peanut Gallery
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

  204. Muffy the Poodle
    February 2nd, 2013 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Someone is unclear on the concept of “make-up sex.”

  205. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#203): Yay, thank you! It’s always great to see that again.

  206. silverwheel
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    I swear, the third panel of today’s Archie looks like a word balloon was removed. Why else would Reggie’s mouth be open in such a fashion? Is this supposed to be a look of bemusement/comedy? Is Archie trying to channel the confusing visual stylings of Mark Trail?

  207. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    MT — Since we’ve been discussing MT sartorial choices, I just googled images of bass fishing competitions, and sure enough, nobody in the photos is dressed even remotely like Patch-Boy Rod. (Some are dressed in the bright lemon yellow favored by Sir Roger in PV.) But the real question is why our three fish-obsessed protagonists are not wearing any headgear, because the photos are full of hats.

  208. seismic-2
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    Archie: The attempt to repair the table was a total failure, assuming that what broke off was in fact the fourth leg that’s still missing in Panel 3.

    FC: When God sneezes, it unleashes a gamma-ray burst that can be detected on the other side of the universe. And let’s don’t even think about what happens after He’s eaten a couple of bean burritos.

  209. tallyHO
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    doonesbury.

    what say you?

    //it ain’t political

  210. Sequitur
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#209):

    The blank panel
    Staring you in the eye
    “I am the future” the panel mocks
    “Get an ipad now”
    Before you are left
    in
    ..the
    ….bottom
    ……of
    ……..the
    ……….paper pit

    //or not

  211. Droopy Says
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: He’s phoning late? It’s clearly daytime where he is. That makes it 5:30 PM, PST, at the latest, which makes it no later than 8:30 PM in New York. What has the well-built MJ done to make her go to bed so early? And not only does it figure that Parker would use his webbing to create a hammock, but how long will it take someone to notice him and call the California Highway Patrol?

    Flunky: Yes, your dad had a daughter. She can be the son he never had.

    Family Circus: It’s a bit late in winter to have autumn leaves start to fal–OH MY GOD DADDY KEANE IS THROWING A MELONHEAD! When did they have a fifth kid and why did they behead the spawn?

    Pluggers: Cheap & Dumb Bastards, Installment #6754. Just imagine what the heat is going to do to the paint, the wooden handles and the wheel. And pity those poor lawn chairs, crushed under all that Plugger lard.

    Shoe: Here’s a joke in search of a punchline. Or a punchline in search of a joke. You decide, because Brookins didn’t.

    Mary Mirthless: Don’t be surprised when disaster strikes, John&Mary. You two are old enough to know it’s not nice to fool Mother Nature!

  212. Baka Gaijin
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#184): I always thought they were bigger, like Spamalopes. What you learn on the Internet these days.

    @Peanut Gallery (#203): Oh pooh. Does he have the word “Manners” in his nom de plume? Settles that question.

  213. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#209): I find it ironic that both times I read it it was online.

  214. Sequitur
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#212): You’re thinking of the guy in the costume back in the 1970′s commercials.

    Real naugas are small. It takes over 120 naugas to make a sofa. No wonder you see so few of them today.

  215. Sequitur
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    SFx: I call shenanigans! Weirdly could be ambidextrous or more likely he was building a left-handed bird house.

    //Slylock, you are so lame with your accusations.

  216. tallyHO
    February 3rd, 2013 at 2:35 am [Reply]

  217. tallyHO
    February 3rd, 2013 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#215):
    Weirdly’s Here!

    //wasn’t that a Foxy’s Midnight Runners song?

  218. Baka Gaijin
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:36 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#214): Oh. That was a little before my time. Johnny Carson with hair color? How old is that photo?

  219. Baka Gaijin
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:56 am [Reply]

    * * * COMICS CURMUDGEON ALERT * * *
    ALERT TO ALL COMICS CURMUDGEONS!
    PLEASE BE SEATED PRIOR TO READING
    BLONDIE. APPROPRIATE USE OF TECH-
    NOLOGY TERMS MAY SHOCK THOSE OF
    WEAKER CONSTITUTIONS.
    * * * END OF ALERT * * *

  220. Baka Gaijin
    February 3rd, 2013 at 5:13 am [Reply]

    Arriving in San Francisco in a sling, Peter discovers a new side to his sexuality. Or rather, “is forced to discover” a new side…

    To avoid the embarrassment of losing, the Dill-Worth team should drop that monstrosity in butter cream frosting. If one of them slips in the mess and breaks her osteoporotic hip, the YouTube video would go viral!

    How often has Miss Buxley “gone roadside” to admit “I’ve done a lot of carpet putting.

  221. Cloudbuster
    February 3rd, 2013 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    MW: The knuckle-biting ordeal of the cake-carry has been so clumsily and obviously foreshadowed that almost anything will fail to satisfy. If the foreshadowing was just a tease to build some undeserved tension, the reader feels cheated. If the foreshadowing was a prelude to failure, well, we still feel cheated because the foreshadowing removed all sense of surprise. Plus: stupid cake decorating contest and hideous, giant, pink Mary-cake (No, wait, those are the enjoyable things about this plot!).

    In fact, the only way I will not feel disappointed is if Aldo pops out of that cake halfway to the cake table.

  222. Cloudbuster
    February 3rd, 2013 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#220): I’ve always figured Miss Buxley’s “carpet putting” skills are what landed her the job in the first place.

  223. Dartpaw86
    February 3rd, 2013 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    @Holly Folly (#5):

    A forum is for message Boards, he’s in a chat room. Big difference.

  224. Dartpaw86
    February 3rd, 2013 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    So Herb and Jamal’s message is “If you’re curious about porn, look it up and you’ll be surprised how filthy it is” Isn’t that the perfect subject for a family newspaper strip?

  225. Widdle Jeffy
    February 3rd, 2013 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    What else can parents give their ids?

    Religion.

    Dope slaps upside their heads when the malaprop too much.

    Kicks in the ass when they wander all over the neighborhood leaving remnants of their journey.

    Cash.

    The belief in a higher, unseen, authority: which one? Ida Know. Not Me.

    Come on, you can do better than just things and time.

  226. Baka Gaijin
    February 3rd, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#222): Heh heh heh!

  227. seismic-2
    February 3rd, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#214): In that photo, who is the blond between Johnny Carson and the Nauga? Is it “matinee lady” Carol Wayne, or is it some Naugahyde spokesmodel?

  228. CanuckDownSouth
    February 3rd, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    OK, I’m mystified by the sepia flashback bit in FW. Did that scene happen in a comic long, long ago? Did Fred make jokes about a kidnapped daughter? Is this supposed to have any relevance to Darrin, considering that he wasn’t in the scene?? If Darrin’s supposed to know about his dad’s history of making daughter jokes, couldn’t they have a flashback with Darrin in it??!

  229. Sequitur
    February 3rd, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#218): & @seismic-2 (#227): The picture is said to have been taken around 1966 and the blonde is unidentified. That’s all I know.

    //Naugas and blondes was a popular game at that time.

  230. Baka Gaijin
    February 3rd, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#229): They had color pictures back then? Wow.

  231. TheDiva
    February 3rd, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#211): Also, doesn’t MJ kind of have a job that requires her to work evenings, specifically around 8pm? Or did the theater fire her after deciding she attracts too many costumed weirdos?

    C’shaft: Lena’s attempts to murder Crankshaft become more obvious.

    FW: The popping noise you hear is attempting to retcon without the clutch fully engaged.

    Marvin: And that’s how Marvin was eaten by wolves.

    MW: Hurry up, it’s already melting!

  232. gleeb
    February 3rd, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Sure, that’s the hand he has the pencil in, but I wouldn’t put it past M. le Comte to build a birdhouse with his off-hand for the experience.

    ‘bean: So, who the fuck is remembering this? Batiuk used to be just laughably bad, but he’s slipping even from that.

    Beetle: “Carpet putting”. Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?

    Sam & Abbey’s Lurid Kitchen: When Sophie says “one second”, she means seven weeks of actual strip-time.

    Archie: The Andrews realize they prefer to watch movies with their pants off.

    Dick: Just “some kids”? Yep, Tracy covered up for his grandchild. Don’t take Jim Doherty to see that.

    Rex: She expected to get cancer? Must be from Ohio.

  233. Liam
    February 3rd, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    For Better or For Worse-And Michael you’re a Daddy and a writer and your house is on fire and you have to rescue your manuscript that you emailed a copy to your mother.

    Dustin-You can promise to take your son fishing and then find ways of getting out of it.

    Lockhorns-Loretta’s hoping that next time the bowling ball will hit Leroy in the head.

    Lockhorns 2-Leroy isn’t looking for a signal. He has finally had enough and is going to jump.

    Lockhorns 3-To increase subscription Playboy is having the Playmates going door to door to sell subscriptions.

    A3G-”Balderdash. My doctor says that I have 20/20 vision.”

    Dick Tracy-”We have to wear these hazmat suits because of the lead glass and not all the bones.”

    MW-”Sadly this statue of me is only a few inches tall and made of sugar but it’s a start.”

  234. greghousesgf
    February 3rd, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Why do the FC brats have only one nostril??
    Archie, you have enough waffle marks on your head, you don’t need them all over your pants too.

  235. Droopy Says
    February 3rd, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#234): This way, the melonheads can only get one finger gooey at a time.

  236. Midtown
    February 3rd, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#232): FW: If anyone searches the archives and finds that this scene ever actually appeared in the strip, I’ll do a Crazy Harry Happy Dance in the street.

  237. Sequitur
    February 3rd, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#230): Yeah. And now I think more about it the blonde is Anesta Krautz who was in a lot of movies about World War II.

  238. Arabella
    February 3rd, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#214): @Sequitur (#229): It pains me to admit that I remember Johnny (with his ever-present cigarette) looking like that. I also remember the naugas. I don’t recognize the blonde lady, but her attire and hairstyle are typical of 1966.

  239. seismic-2
    February 3rd, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#218), @Arabella (#238): I remember Jack Paar. Just shoot me now.

  240. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 3rd, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    You know, if we got Andy Capp declared an ASBO, we could free up some space on the funny pages.

  241. Baka Gaijin
    February 3rd, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#237): I’d have no problem finding her on The Hitler Channel The History Channel then.

  242. Anonymous
    February 3rd, 2013 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#233):
    Mary, we are just Sugar Mice in the rain. *Sigh*

  243. Calico
    February 3rd, 2013 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    #242 T’was me. Deleted biscuits yesterday.

  244. Calico
    February 3rd, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#165):
    When my now-departed friend was in hospital, every AM while I was there helping and visiting I parked my car in the blue (!) section of the lot and walked past a special spot reserved for “Funeral Director.” I thought of FW and Westview every time I passed that space. How could one not?

  245. Uncle Lumpy
    February 3rd, 2013 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#239):

    I remember Steve Allen. Off my lawn, everybody.

  246. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    dead tree SG: unspeakable filth!

    Overboard, guest-written by Mutts. *d’awwwwww@foreber home*

    Crank: /fail, despite Alien ref.

    usual online:

    Frazz: I’ll put in a fiver for the Kickstarter on that.

    9CL: nicely done. *very* nicely done.

    A&J: I am the same age as the the SB, so it’s easy to remember.

    Doons: I saw that one coming. also, KLANG!

    NAoQV: now set in Lost Forest.

    SBp: invertebrate sex. won’t somebody think of the CHILDREN?!?

    Zits: I’d get that phone.

    RwO: points for the concept. I smiled. then I thought “sculpture doesn’t work that way!!!”

    JP: cheerleader Sophie and Abby’s boobs. it’s good to be a Sunday.

    Bizarro: a second Bumble sighting!!

    MT: manasqueeeeeeeee!

    PMP: o_O srsly, wtf?!

    Ghost-who-listens: Action Girl Savarna is actiony!

  247. Little Sequitur
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#245): *Sticks toe in lawn*

    (Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee)

  248. Uncle Lumpy
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @Little Sequitur (#247):

    You damn kids! Why, I’ll …

    [Sputter; shakes cane]

  249. Poteet
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    May cosmic blessings shower upon all those responsible for the reruns of CUL DE SAC, especially Richard Thompson. Today’s strip is soooo wonderful.

  250. KreatureFeatures
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    MT: It’s clear now that there is a trained manatee in the back of Rod Bassy’s van. The manatee is released during fishing tournaments to stealthily swim around and release the catches of Rod’s competitors.

  251. Poteet
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    MT — Yay for manatees! I recall two things from a Florida visit years ago — first, that slow boat speeds are required as well as suggested in certain areas because of manatee collisions, and second, that when one is happily gaping at the manatees at Mote Marine, it is especially fun to see them let loose, happily and with no restraint, impressive bubble streams from their nether ye.

  252. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#249): I think you’ve been drinking a little too much mitten juice there.

  253. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

  254. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

  255. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

  256. Poteet
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    9CL — Years ago, my parents used to clip and send me the best of the good Solange strips from 9CL, which meant I only saw 9CL very occasionally and thought it was a wonderful strip and wished my paper carried it. Then I arrived at CC and started reading it daily. Oy.

  257. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Arlo&Janis: That Superbowl in three years will be an “L” of a game. (And the one before that could be IL.)

    Pickles: That was a close one! Opal’s torrid affair with Ed Crankshaft was nearly exposed!

    Shoe: She’s a bird-lady! Whoa, whoa, whoa, she’s a bird-lady!

    MW: And because… Count Weirdly!

  258. the REAL Mark Trail
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    todays Mark Trail is another one I did that was inspired by a recent trip to the beach. My girlfriend and I were enjoying a very expensive dinner with some friends when a female friend went through a list of animals she liked… one of which was the manatee! A Sunday page was born… I researched only to find that this animal isn’t very bright, and so fat, it can’t even turn it’s head around to look at its hind quarters! Yet it is a very peaceful animal… on a side note, one of it’s natural predators is jungle cats!! I REALLY wanted to draw a fight scene between a manatee and a jungle cat… BUT…

    http://www.facebook.com/groups/228474710549025/

    ‘James Allen

  259. Poteet
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    MW — For a couple of summers decades ago, I was “Mother Nature” because I was the nature counselor at a camp. The kids came up with that highly-flattering nickname and I took them on hikes and did my best to answer all their questions (not easy far from a library and long before the Internets.) So now I have something in common with Mary Worth, and all that’s left is to slather on pink paint, don a robe, cradle a bird, and descend into gibbering madness.

  260. Poteet
    February 3rd, 2013 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#259): Wait a minute, what’s that pink waterfall flowing down the cake? Is Mother Mary Nature peeing? Gibbering madness, here I come…

  261. Poteet
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    FW — Whatever the heck is going on, close that door! It’s winter and your dad needs to stay warm.

  262. Sequitur
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#259): Now I know not to try to fool you, Poteet.

    Because it’s not nice to fool mother nature.

  263. Not Worth It
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#59): Why isn’t “Both” an option?

  264. Calico
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    The original Mother Nature Chiffon ad (I remember this like it was yesterday):
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLrTPrp-fW8

  265. Calico
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Mary is a free-floater!

  266. Uncle Lumpy
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#264):

    Except nobody was ever fooled into thinking that gunk was butter — they named it after a fabric fer Chrissake.

  267. Poteet
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#262): @Calico (#264): I remember that ad too. After the contest, maybe Mary will start sticking daisies in her hair.

  268. seismic-2
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#258): The comics pages’ most frequently appearing manatee

  269. Poteet
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    PV — I hope there are many more raging peasants back there beyond the frame — otherwise, I don’t like the odds.

  270. Inkwell
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Anyone know if there’s a set time that Josh posts on Sunday? I notice it tends to come later than weekdays, but that’s as much attention as I’ve ever paid.

    Yes, I am impatient.

  271. A New Day
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Dear Lord, please let the next three guys who wander through Mark Trail be called Alligator, Crawdad, and Shrimp Etouffee.

  272. Baka Gaijin
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#270): Pfwhew! I thought it was only me going through some kind of personal time warp. Maybe Josh saw his shadow yesterday and won’t comment for another 6 weeks.

  273. seismic-2
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#270), @Baka Gaijin (#272): Maybe in honor of today’s A&J, Josh is waiting for us to reach comment CCC.

  274. Old Folkie
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#256): I’m with you – if 9CL was more about Solange and less about Eddamos, I’d be a fan. BTW, best “fourth wall” joke in a long while.

  275. seismic-2
    February 3rd, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#273): That’s for “Comics Curmudgeon Commentary”, of course.

  276. Mibbitmaker
    February 3rd, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#239): I remember finally getting to see Johnny on the Tonight Show in 1977. I really wanted to as far back as 1973 (a couple articles in a MAD special I got for Christmas had Tonight parody segments in them). Let’s just say, between those times, I was quite unhappy with Johnny’s blacked-out “appearance” on the MTM show when it first aired.

  277. Sequitur
    February 3rd, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#268): Let’s see. Fat, check. Can’t turn his head to see his rear, check. Is peaceful (he prefers peace but Dennis won’t give it to him), check.

    Yep, we got ourselves a gen-u-ine manatee here.

  278. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 3rd, 2013 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#221):

    “In fact, the only way I will not feel disappointed is if Aldo pops out of that cake halfway to the cake table.”

    I’d rather see Aldo crash his car into that monstrosity!

  279. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 3rd, 2013 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Blondie – Three letters for you Dagwood: DVR

  280. Brooke McEldowney\'s public defender
    February 3rd, 2013 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client may be a pretentious self-important twit who produces offensive and grotesque comics, but I present as Exhibit A today’s strip to show that he is NOT an irredeemable sociopath. You only need to find reasonable doubt on one of the two elements. Thank you so much.

  281. Peanut Gallery
    February 3rd, 2013 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    JP – “Sorry Sophie, but when your mother uses the phrase ‘plenty of money,’ I just can’t control myself!”

    SFx – At least Count Weirdly’s pink cake has chocolate frosting.

  282. Baka Gaijin
    February 3rd, 2013 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#281) on Slylock Fox: If nothing else, The Count knows food.

  283. Majicou
    February 3rd, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Man, these cat-only strips are extremely tolerable. I can certainly look at them without being filled with rage and disgust. Far and away, they’re the most acceptable thing that Brooke ever does.

    FW: I must admit, kidnapping didn’t cross my mind as a reason the daughter was long-lost. It also doesn’t cross my mind that that was just a joke.

    H&J: Jamaal’s porn addiction is so severe that it doesn’t take long for him to turn to the “kiddie” section of the local hole-in-the-wall sex shop. “Porn is porn, right?” he thinks, feeling the remnants of his soul fray to nothingness.

    Nancy: How much do your kids know about meth? Probably not as much as Nancy.

  284. Sequitur
    February 3rd, 2013 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Here I am, waiting for the new Joshisms when suddenly, Ripley’s!

    SHANTI DEVI, from Delhi, India, is the only female mechanic in India!

    Those females don’t break down very often.

  285. Sequitur
    February 3rd, 2013 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Momma: She was referring to the shovel.

  286. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 3rd, 2013 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    MW Again with “We have to get the cake to the display table,” and “We’ve practiced it often enough.” It’s not like this is a dance… or is it?
    It’s… it’s… the Dance of the Sugar Muse, Mary!

  287. Horace Broon
    February 3rd, 2013 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#269): If there’s one thing fiction has taught me, it’s that no trained force of warriors with armour and halberds has ever been able to withstand a ragtag mob of enraged peasants. In fact, it’s amazing the feudal system lasted as long as it did.

  288. seismic-2
    February 3rd, 2013 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#287): Especially when the rag-tag mob of peasants is being commanded by a tactician who is so brilliant that he is known is “Little Ox”.

  289. Sequitur
    February 3rd, 2013 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    It’s time to…

    SNARK ON A COMIC I’VE NEVER READ BEFORE!

    Dixie Drive: Eh, yeah. He can also fart Pi to fourteen decimal places.

    //I don’t think I’ll do that again.

  290. Trillian
    February 3rd, 2013 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Archie: One of my biggest comic strip pet peeves is that strips featuring teenagers continue to assume that the parents are Baby Boomers. Rocky came out in 1976. Your average parent of a real life high schooler in 2013 was a child when that movie came out, and it’s possible that some parents were not even born yet. Their grandparents went to Rocky on a date while the parents stayed home with a sitter! Does Archie have a 30-year-old “big sister” like Jack Nicholson?

    …Oh, these Archie strips are actually reruns from the 90′s? Never mind.

  291. Baka Gaijin
    February 3rd, 2013 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    I’ve heard they broadcast “food porn” on Food Network. Showing the Dill-Worth cake would be a foodie wang shriveler.

  292. Sequitur
    February 3rd, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#291): Just because they broadcast “spotted dick” doesn’t mean it’s food porn.

  293. Baka Gaijin
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#292): I wouldn’t know. I’ve only heard about Food Network, I’ve not seen it.

  294. Sequitur
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    So here I am sitting around minding my own business and not bothering anyone when my brain says to me, “I don’t remember what today’s ‘Barney Google and Snuffy Smith’ was about.”

    So I go and reread it.

    I’ve got to stop listening to my brain.

  295. Sequitur
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#293): My personal advice is if you ever are presented with the opportunity to view the Food Network, look for other opportunities.

    And there aren’t even any clowns on it. Well, except for this one.

  296. Baka Gaijin
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#294): That, my friend, is your brain’s desperate cry for booze or other forms of intoxication.

  297. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#258): If you haven’t seen it yet, Calming Manatee is a site that offers pictures of manatees… and they are indeed rather calming. (Or at least the earliest ones were; the site’s become more popular so I’m not sure to what extent it’s still true.)

  298. Calico
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#266):
    I have never liked margarine. It’s pretty much putting melted converted plastic in your system – like eating John Dill’s cake.

    Marie Worth – “Let them eat pink, oversweet cake!”

  299. Alte Ziege
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Here’s an interesting article from the BBC about The Phantom: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21266631.

  300. Horace Broon
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    FC: Remember, giving your kids “things” or “time” is an either/or proposition! So quit your job! Now! So you can spend more time with them! You can listen to them complaining that they’re ostracised at school because they don’t have the correct trainers and gadgets!

    JP: “And by a second I mean several months. Shouldn’t we have a caption to remind the readers who I am?”

    MW: Is that supposed to be a waterfall in the last panel? It looks more like somebody left the cake out in the rain. All that bright pink icing flowing down. I don’t think John Gill can take it, ‘cos he took so long to bake it, and on top he sculpted a colossal pain.

    OTF: I was going to snark about making topical references to ads from nearly thirty years ago. Then I realised 1984 is nearly thirty years ago, and now I’m too depressed to bother…

  301. Sequitur
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#296): Oh, there’ll be time for that. The Super Bowl starts in a couple of hours.

    I guess to placate Josh I better root for the BALTIMORE Ravens.

    Or not.

  302. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Trillian (#290): That’s one of my pet peeves, also. It’s one of the things I appreciate about Sally Forth; Ted and Sally are very clearly Gen-X, to go by the pop cultural references Ted frequently drops.

  303. Uncle Lumpy
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#298):

    When I was growing up in Wisconsin, margarine was illegal. At least the yellow kind. You could buy a bag of beige fat with a bright orange dye-dot in it and theoretically massage it to even yellowness, but nobody I knew knew anybody who ever did that.

    There were enormous margarine-only superstores right across the Illinois border on US 41, and grandmas like mine would pilot their ’51 Fords down there for a trunkload of Blue Bonnet to distribute to aunts and uncles at Sunday dinners. “Oleoleggers”, they called them, and the State Police were on the lookout. Margarine was pretty badass back in the day.

  304. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#295): For some reason, my doctor’s office always has a TV with the Food Network playing in the waiting room. It’s not bad. I wouldn’t bother with it at home, as I’m too snobbish to watch much TV anyway, but I admit I’ve picked up a couple of good ideas from watching while waiting.

    Since my state, Alabama, has consistently run 2nd or 3rd as the fattest in the country for many years now (Mississippi and West Virginia being our main rivals) it may seem odd that a doctor’s office would show such stuff. I think they just basically gave up on fighting the obesity thing. “If everyone is going to be enormously fat anyway, we might as well teach our ‘Bama blobs how to make delicious, well presented food to stuff their bloated bodies with,” is the thinking, I suspect.

    // And who knows, maybe someday we can beat those fat bastards from Miss and W.Va.!

  305. Sequitur
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#303): Did Wisconsin do the same with those “cheese food” products?

  306. Sequitur
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    NEW THREAD!

  307. Poteet
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

  308. Alte Ziege
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#301): But Josh also has roots in Northeast Ohio, home of the Cleveland Browns. The Browns, with sell-out crowds and a rabid fan base, was moved to Baltimore to become the Ravens. Cleveland was without an NFL team for 3 years until the Browns were reformed as an expansion team. It’s never been the same. I’m rooting for the 49ers.

  309. Baka Gaijin
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#301): Ah, yes, that’s tonight. Very late night my time. Most of the ex-pats will be arriving late to work tomorrow morning.

    Also, Sunday’s post is up!

  310. I Can't Believe It's Not Shrug!
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#303):

    You might want to look for a copy of the old Ace pb THE MAN FROM UNCLE: THE INVISIBILITY AFFAIR (#11 in the series). One of the co-authors behind pen name “Thomas Stratton” was Wisconsin resident Gene DeWeese (the other half was Robert “Buck” Coulson), and there’s a lovely scene in which Napoleon and Ilya, investigating THRUSH activities in Wisconsin, are convinced by a local UNCLE guy there to smuggle in some margarine as a favor to him — which ends up being Very Useful in a subsequent battle with THRUSH baddies.

  311. Master Mahan
    February 3rd, 2013 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    “Friend and business partner?” I appreciate your desire for privacy, Rod, but there’s really no need to be coy. Mark Trail has about as much understanding of human sexuality as a dog has of classical music.

  312. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 3rd, 2013 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#295):

    The gal working on that thing reminds me of a Juggs Parker character!

    // I’d like to see more of her!

  313. Mardou Fox
    February 4th, 2013 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    MW: I had no idea that the windows of buildings were so interested in what was going on inside of those buildings.

  314. Morgan Wick
    February 4th, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    With this, Archie passes Marmaduke and Herb and Jamaal passes Shoe for sole possession of 21st and 25th place respectively.

  315. Brendon Casler
    February 4th, 2013 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    Rod Bassy’s hands are awfully tiny. Does that help him fish (presumably with a rod, for bass)?

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