The Comics Curmudgeon

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I am immature

Wizard of Id, 7/3/08

This is one of an alarming number of Wizard of Ids that make me laugh due to sheer immature misanthropy, but since I’m the Comics Curmudgeon, after reading it I paused to see if I could figure out how to make it even more immaturely misanthropic. And the answer quickly became pretty obvious: the punchline in panel two should clearly be not “your sister” but “your mom”. Am I right? Is there no room for “your mom” jokes in the funny pages? Some sort of conspiracy of good taste? Would not every strip benefit from a healthy dose of “your mom” jokes?

Mary Worth, 7/3/08

“This reminds me of a similar situation! I have a suggestion … why don’t you convince Mr. Abner’s long-standing girlfriend to go out on a date with another man, and have her picture put in the paper, humiliating him, and then she shouldn’t return any of his phone calls when he tries to work things out? Because that’s what happened to me, and I feel totally 100 percent fine, so I’m sure he’ll feel fine when it happens to him, right? Yeah, I feel pretty great. Doing fine. Yup!”

(Alternate punchline: “I have a suggestion … I’m going to go do your mom. Later!” See, isn’t that a nice change of pace?)

Curtis, 7/3/08

Hmm, “Honeystump,” that sounds kind of suggestive, but what sort of specific thing could it be a reference to? Well, I suppose … no, wait that’s disgusting; or maybe — no no no ew no! But it could be yargh that’s not an image I need in my head so early in the morning. Thanks, Curtis, thanks a lot.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 3, 2008 at 09:36 am and is filed under Curtis, Mary Worth, Wizard of Id.

283 responses to “I am immature”

isrw
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:40 am [Reply]

Ms. Honeystump holds her purse the English way, with one pinkie extended.
Greg G
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:40 am [Reply]

It’s not only the “honeystump” images that are abhorrent. Just think of the noises.
isrw
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:43 am [Reply]

Comics shorthand can sometimes be so hard. The chart Dr. Corey is tussling over with his fellow physician clearly displays a line graph. This patient is headed down with the stock market.

Also, the other doc has some sort of armless hand up on the corner of the chart. Maybe the line is more a result of his compromised drawing skills.
Mac
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:46 am [Reply]

I don’t think anyone is mature enough to contemplate “Honeystump”. And yet, innocent “Yo Mama” jokes are verboten on the comics page.
Nekrotzar
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:47 am [Reply]

Here’s an even better image.

Mrs. Honeystump.

Ms. Honeystump’s mom.
Bryan
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:51 am [Reply]

“I have a suggestion … I’m going to go do your mom. Later!”

OK, that made me shoot Diet Coke out of my nose. Ow.
skullcrusherjones
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:57 am [Reply]

Wait, Winnie the Pooh has honeystumps. Just look at him, he doesn’t have hands, just stumps to stick in hunney trees.

Honeystumps, suicidal donkeys, single moms. A.A. Milne is sick bastard
isrw
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:01 am [Reply]

Mark Trail today features a spectacularly odd treatment regimen for the horse Kelly terrified with her noisy pans a couple of days back. Apparently Buck will be placing a bandage around its leg — the bucking “put a fracture” in said limb — and he will then release the horse, on its own, to head back down the trail.

Aside from “return ponies” owned by miners in the Rocky Mountains, I am unaware of horses being abused in quite this way. The return ponies weren’t walking on broken legs, either.
Notavampire
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:02 am [Reply]

Maybe every comic strip in existence could end with the “Your mom” punchline… Just think of the possibilities when you put that in that Curtis strip. As everyone tries to figure out what the hell Curtis is referring to, the author grins maliciously in his study. He then gains publicity the next day when he reveals that Curtis was actually talking to himself, because he knows Ms. Honeystump is his biological mother and that his father’s wife is gonna be mad and it’ll all end in mass suicide, ending the strip once and for all. The author then gains millions from his new strip, “Zombie-Curtis and the No-Drug-Do-Gang”, set in a post-apocalyptic world where the nuclear-powered Zombie-Curtis fights evil drug-dealers from a made-up planet called Honeystumpatron who insult Zombie-Curtis’s mom every day.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:03 am [Reply]

Curtis: Ms Honeystump is still dressed for her nighttime pole-dancing job.

9CL: Well, that was short and to the point. And if Isabel really intends to seduce Amos, she needs to get used to saying, “Well, that was fast.”

GT: There’s something very strange about seeing a high school kid graduate early in July. But then, this is Gil Thorp. (Wonder what kind of parade of wackiness Rubin has planned for the sports hiatus.)

H&L: Those bees look like moths and they live in a half-deflated volleyball. Not a species I’m familiar with.

GA: But he needs to dress like a stereotypical Frenchman to do the voice. Pierre is a method actor. Accent on “meth.”

6C: That’s a bold, anti-consumption message, Ms Flatscreen.

DtM: “Nope, sorry, that’s just me farting.”

Archie: Hiram Lodge looks even more psychotically angry than usual today. These tragic office shootouts aren’t generally carried out by the CEO, but there’s a first time for everything.

FW: Looking at the sickly yellow sauce on that slice, I’d say the pizza hasn’t changed so much as it’s turned.
roler
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:03 am [Reply]

I’m proving my maturity here by commenting for the… second? time ever just to say that I am THOROUGHLY in favor of more “your mom” jokes in the funny pages!!

If I’d been drinking my diet Coke when I read your alternate Mary Worth punchline, I’m sure I’d be in pain now too!
One-eyed Wolfdog
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:04 am [Reply]

“No… the pizza… it’s changed. This ‘pepperoni’ tastes like… people!”
Michelle
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:04 am [Reply]

Sure she’s comic-hot…but Ms. Honeystump HAS NO EYES! SHE HAS NO EYES!
Hawkeye
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:05 am [Reply]

I never thought I’d see the day when I almost laughed out loud at “The Wizard of Id.”
Ned Ryerson
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:11 am [Reply]

Honeystump is an anagram for Python Muse.
Calico
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:11 am [Reply]

Curtis – at least, thank God, they aren’t referring to Paul McCartney’s ex.
kippetje2000
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:13 am [Reply]

Im hot for teacher.
I got it bad, so bad,
Im hot for teacher.
Heh. Curtis looks ‘tardy!
Randalll
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:15 am [Reply]

Ripped from todays headlines: ‘Teacher sleeps with 14 year old student.’ Curtiss documents how it began.
Calico
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:15 am [Reply]

Heh-heh. A Lolita converse. Heh-heh.

Mary Kay, where are you when we really need you?
migellito
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:16 am [Reply]

would it be too much to ask for the Wizard of Id to have medieval themed jokes?

yeah.. i guess it would.
Calico
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:17 am [Reply]

Curtis has an eight ball in his pocket, and I’m not talkin’ drugs!
migellito
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:18 am [Reply]

Calico – well, we can’t actually SEE all of her legs.
Festus
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:21 am [Reply]

Curtis could have it worse.

He could be going to summer school in the parochial system and be subject to Father Honeystump.

Come here little boy and we will keep you from going to hell. Touch the magic, religious stick and you will be saved.
Shoshi
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:23 am [Reply]

Josh, you took the thoughts right out of my head, regarding “your mom”. That was exactly how I was thinking to “improve” the Wizard of Id strip!

And, you seem to be right about the conspiracy of good taste. But readers don’t want strips with good taste; readers want strips that taste good.
Shoshi
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:23 am [Reply]

PS — In other words, they want “your mom”.
Shoshi
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:25 am [Reply]

Yes, and add “Honeystump” to “session” and we can only imagine what she’s teacher of. Now at least we have the answer to the question of why the kid who loves math is in summer school.
rhymes with puck
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

MW: “Yes, yes, I remember this one time I saw a situation like this with a child in Vietnam. I suggest you have your shrewish girlfriend come take you home and then send your son over to fix things six months later. Either that, or turn this graph upside down – see, now he’s getting better!”

Wizard of Id – Another acceptable alternative punchline…”Mary Worth, because I like seafood!”

RMMD: And the lawyer confirms his douchebagginess by wearing one of those damn blue tooth thingamabobs.

Argyle Sweater: Hah! That’s funny because policeman eat donuts! Now that’s the kind of edgy, original humor that will get him a desk calendar!

FC: Billy is an abused child.

Luann: And today Brad and TJ officially become the Bert and Ernie of the comics page – not that there’s anything wrong with that.
anthom
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

When did Ian Fleming start naming characters in “Curtis”?
zenvelo
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:36 am [Reply]

I do like that Mary Worth is using the loooong coke straw today, that way she doesn’t have to bend so close to the mirror.
Obadiahstarbuck
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:42 am [Reply]

Instead of striving for greater levels of immature misanthropy, maybe Wizard of Id would benefit from something more sophisticated, like a heightened atmosphere of Faulkerian Southern-gothic? To that end, the final bubble should probably be revised from “Your sister” to “My sister.”
Mr. Coffee Nerves
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:44 am [Reply]

FW: Who is this guy bitching about the pizza? I mean, if its’ the original “Tony” from Montoni’s — the one that never got beyond a small town in Ohio — then what’s his beef?

FOOB: Man, Lynn was a minimalist back in the day. I think the formless void that is the Keane household has more furniture.
Xopher.tm
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:45 am [Reply]

So… Curtis is now lusting after Jon Arbuckle’s rejects?
Ambino
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:47 am [Reply]

“This reminds me of a similar situation! – I have a suggestion… put away this giant graphing calculator and get me the patient’s chart. I think I can use the quadratic formula to help him!”

Teachers always said there was a practical use to math and I never believed them. Thank you, Doctor.

And is it just me or are they standing in a restaurant? I think the kitchen is just behind them, and Dr Corey is going to stalk Mary during her “date” with “Ron.”
man behind the curtain
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:48 am [Reply]

MW — I remember a similar situation. Get Mr. Abner’s children over here stat. Once they begin fighting over him he’ll be dead in no time and we can get a paying patient into his bed. And tell Mary Worth that she’s meddling is needed double STAT.
Calico
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:49 am [Reply]

#27 & 28 – LOL on all accounts.

Zits – I’m so sorry, Jeremy – it looks like Rex Morgan got ahold of you again. My sympathies.

MT – calling PETA – this is so not funny. Actually, it angers me.

FW – the pizza has cancer.

FOOB – Pot, kettle, black. ‘Nuff said.
Holy Prepuce
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:49 am [Reply]

The resident talking to Dr. Corey seems happy as a clam about Mr. Abner’s lack of progress, and the women behind him are positively giddy. I hope that if am ever “not responding to the standard treatment,” the medical staff does not find it such a cause for joviality.
dh
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:50 am [Reply]

Dude, “your sister” is definitely funnier and more shocking than “your mother” in this context. The Wizard of Id guy made the right choice.

Note for example that “your mother” is pretty much universally used in a way analogous to “bite me,” or “up yours.” The strip would read as “I have a date tonight.” “You do? What woman is desperate enough to go out with a loser like you?” “Up yours.”

I mean, that’s kind of funny too. But in a different, less shocking way.
Calico
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:54 am [Reply]

Wiz of Id would be funny too if the punch line were “Your brother.”

Thanks, I’ll be here all week.
Shoshi
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:55 am [Reply]

30 Obadiahstarbuck — Well, if we’re going to go the Faulknerian route, what’s wrong with changing the line to “my mother”?
Calico
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:55 am [Reply]

Was, I mean. I need summer skool too, with Ms. Honeystump helping me with my homework.
Hogenmogen
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:00 am [Reply]

Why does Bung look so glum in the second panel? If I were putting the consummate “Fuck you, Capt. Pompus, right after I stick it up yer sister’s hole!” I’d be grinning the patented TJ shit-eater’s grin so wide and gleeming that dismayed Captain Jerkoff would get a tan.
Dingo
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:00 am [Reply]

Who here remembers Radio Days and the substitute teacher the boys saw dancing naked through her bedroom window? With a name like Honeystump, Curtis has a Crying Game moment in his near future.
Dingo
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:01 am [Reply]

“I have a date tonight.”

“You do? What woman is desperate enough to go out with a loser like you?”

“Mary Worth”
Hogenmogen
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:02 am [Reply]

MT: They’re going to bandage up the horses leg and send him back down the trail. Doesn’t anyone in that camping party know how to treat a horse?

You shoot him.
DrBear
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:03 am [Reply]

When did Curtis move to Florida?
AlmostAGhost
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:03 am [Reply]

Is that the most literal “your mom” (sister, whatever) joke ever?

She’s soooo desperate!! No euphemisms there, no, not like normal Your Mom jokes.
Sully
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:06 am [Reply]

Honeysrump… Honeyschtupp… nothing like a sweet ass blondie to distract a bro’ from his studies.
I hate Curtis. I hate Curtis’ hat. Dear lord, how I hate that hat.
StrangeRover
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

Curtis, there’s only one thing to do now…. PLAY WITH THE COBRA!
Eric the Baker
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

Curtis: I think Lynn Johnson, when considering potential ‘Liz Patterson in the classroom’ storylines, could learn a lot from today’s Curtis. I would love to see some of Liz’s male students all ga-ga over her. Nah, it’ll never happen.

Foob: Elly, think about where Saint Michael might have learned this behaviour. It should be too hard to figure out who he sees “Glorping” her way through dinner.
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:09 am [Reply]

This talk of old punchlines you can add to anything makes me think of this comic from Mitch Clem.
Norm
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:11 am [Reply]

#37 – Actually, All Wizard of Id strips would be funnier if they ended in “Up Yours”.
Laura c
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

MT: And the mountain goats says “I shall crush you all! Crush you like ants!”
Laura c
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:15 am [Reply]

Mountain goat, that is.
cheech wizard
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:19 am [Reply]

MT – Ok, ever since this blog got me reading Mark Trail again, I’ve seen talking animals, a man being french-kissed by a bear, ducks the size of a Piper Cub and a miracle-working puppy. Today, we have what appears to be a mountain goat tripping over a stone. I guess realism just isn’t MT’s strong suit.
Perky Bird
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:20 am [Reply]

Sneding a hose with a fractured leg down the hill on its own with only a bandage? Moss Green is clearly the Rex Morgan of the vet world.
Brent
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:21 am [Reply]

26, Shioshi:

Yeah, normally one needs to pay extra to have a “session” with “teacher”.

47, Sully:

“Honeyschtupp”… you’re taking the words right out of my head.
StrangeRover
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:22 am [Reply]

“I have a date tonight.” “You do? What woman is desperate enough to go out with a loser like you?” “Up yours.”

Yes, that’s actually the perfect comic strip.

Let’s see how some other of today’s strips could use, “Up yours!”

FC: “Mommy how long before you give me back my skateboard?” “Up yours!”

Foob: “Where are your manners, Michael – You’re eating like a pig, now slow down.” “Up yours!”

Mary worth BOTH PANELS: 1. “O.K. See you tonight, Ron.” “Up yours!” 2. “Dr. Cory, Mr Abner is not responding to standard treatment.” “Up yours!”

See how well this works? It’s like the fortune cookie thing!
cheers
s
mojo
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:26 am [Reply]

I second #9 Notavampire’s suggestion of adding “…your mom” to every comic strip punchline, similar to adding “…in bed” to every fortune cookie fortune.

It’ll get old really, really fast, but it will still be an improvement much of the time.

Of course, the Andrews Sisters already did that to Mary Worth, huh?

Hold tight, hold tight,
Hold-tight-hold-tight boodli-yaka-saki
Want some seafood, mama?

et cetera.
Hogenmogen
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:28 am [Reply]

Wiz:
Yesterday, I thought Hagar had been scraping the bottom of the joke barrel. “Ha ha! You’re dressed stupid! Oh no, here comes your big brother dressed the same way!”

Today we get what’s underneath the barrel, now that the bottom has been scraped out. See, it would be funny if Bung was actually dating the sister, but Wiz of Id doesn’t do story arcs. So it all boils down to the question of why any newspaper would reject a new and fresh strip in order to keep constant duds like these grinding it out year after insipid year.

And Josh – “Your mom” would make almost every strip funny, except “Momma”, where it would be more of a literal response. There’s really no hope for “Momma”.
blueberrygrrrl
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:31 am [Reply]

What Mr. Abner needs is a puppy!
Muffaroo
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:32 am [Reply]

The first half of my comments – hot off the press and already in a dead thread. Woe.

MT – The Zen Ibex (Baa Baa Ram Dass) can meditate in this position for hours. Om! Om on the range!

MW – Oh, Dr. Jeff, not another seafood prescription! Let go of the past, and embrace modern medicine, you lovesick fool!

You Just Might Be a Plugger if – you have a fake ID that says you’re 65.

RMMD – Irony alert! Hit the mats! — no, wait, DON’T hit the mats! — god, this is so ironic.

Shoe – Ha. I had my sign changed back in the 80s. I’ve been an Ophiuchus for more than 20 years now.

SFx – It’s a funny picture, but my first glimpse of it showed me the rotting corpse of an opossum, covered with maggots, being picked over by carrion birds. Six differences pale into insignificance next to that.

Zippy – You guys can sneer all you want. This stuff’s classic! Dare I hope that one day it’ll use the line, “Oh no! I’m still lost — and now my ass hurts!”
Jake
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:32 am [Reply]

One-eyed Wolfdog says:
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:04 am

“No… the pizza… it’s changed. This ‘pepperoni’ tastes like… people!

Tony: “Why are there little green wafers on this pizza?!?”
Muffaroo
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:35 am [Reply]

Curtis, redux – “And now my life’s an empty stage
Where Honey stumped and Honey played
And love threw up…”

Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator @50 – Painfully funny comic you linked to there. My idea for a fortune cookie game is the “Arnold Schwarzenegger” version, where you read the fortune, then say (in an Arnie voice) “… with an Uzi.”
Ross
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:37 am [Reply]

Pluggers: You’re a plugger if you’re a cheap, misogynistic jerk.
Anon
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:41 am [Reply]

GA – I see that M. Les Chats doesn’t speak proper French (”Nes pas?”) just like his American counterparts don’t speak proper English. I suspect this is Jim Scancarelli’s way of revealing to the world that France, too, has hillbillies – they call them collineguillaumes, I believe. next time you pick up a bottle of French wine, check out the label – “appelation” is the French equivalent of Appalachian.
avatarjk137
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:42 am [Reply]

Y’know, here on the Curmudgeon, Mrs. Honeystump is Caucasian. In my paper this morning, the ’stump’s hair and skin had been colored so she looked decidedly African-American. Is it just my paper discouraging interracial lusting, or has anybody else seen something to that effect?
gh
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:43 am [Reply]

Phantom —

I keep waiting for Mr. Hey-You-Kids-Get-Off-My-Oil Rig to ask “So what’s with the costume?”

Maybe too many Mardi Gras has jaded him.

Kit could always say, “I’m from Africa. This is my traditional native garb. We weave our own spandex.”

What’s the plural of Mardi Gras anyway? Mardis Gras? Mardi Grases? Bootsy! Trotzenbonnie! Big Sims! Help me out here.
Shoshi
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:46 am [Reply]

41 Hogenmoge — I think he’s supposed to look smug. See how his eyes are closed and his mouth is in an attitude of disdain. However, if I had to date that creep’s sister, I’d probably look pretty glum, myself.
cheech wizard
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:46 am [Reply]

FW – “The pizza’s changed! When I had the place, we never topped it with spinach, feta cheese and tofu! Why don’t you guys just change the place into a mail-order confectionery? It’s pretty clear you’re already packing fudge in the back room!”
Sunny Paris
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:46 am [Reply]

Gosh, I remember when I was in marching band in the suburbs of Cleveland and cut out every single comic making fun of Wally playing the trombone, because gosh-dang it, I played the trombone, and it made me so happy to know that the comics pages reflected me– a Northeastern Ohio high schooler playing trombone on a muddy football field for a losing football team in the snow.

Somewhere in Northeastern Ohio, an angry, cantankerous, cancerous former pizza store owner is cutting out today’s strip and proudly taping it on his refrigerator.
commodorejohn
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:52 am [Reply]

A3G – Things I Learned From Apartment 3-G, #327: “dope” makes you act like a mouse and bump into stuff (doubtless while trying to squeeze into a hole in the baseboard.)

AS – Wow. This strip usually sucks, but today is just…wow.

Crankshaft – um what

Curtis – Since there’s no way this would be taken to its obvious conclusion, are we just going to sit through a summer of Curtis being distracted by his teacher’s breasts? Because really, Billingsley, that’s what we have manga for.

FOOB – Wow. The hypocrisy is palpable.

FW – Yeah, yeah, sure don’t see where this is going. Blah blah, Funky sold out, compromised his integrity as a pizza artisan, gripe grumble moan, who the hell cares? This is quite possibly the least tragic occurance in Westview history, but they’re already treating it like Holocaust Mark II.

GA – Either they’re hiring midgets or Kitty just got really big. Either way, I look forward to the total shattering of Rufus’s innocence. Sorry, bud, but there ain’t no Santa Claus, either.

Luann – That’s a disturbingly cougar-ish expression on Mrs. DeGroot’s face in the last panel. But I suppose she is the kind of woman who goes to swingers’ conventions.

Momma – Francis was an “oops.”

MC – Don’t fret, Maureen. Just about every parent goes through this at some point. You’re nobody’s Plugger yet.

Peanuts – I don’t usually comment on Peanuts, because it’s so good. However, in light of the recent complaint of one Ms. Lynn Johnston that emotions cannot be properly conveyed in sequential art format, I choose to point out today’s offering from none other than her mentor WHO BY THE WAY SHE WAS FRIENDS WITH AND CALLED SPARKY DID I MENTION THAT YET ALSO BILL WATTERSON SUCKS BECAUSE HE STOPPED WHEN HE WAS STILL GOOD I HOPE YOU ALL REALIZE THAT THAT IS WHY SHE IS BETTER THAN HIM

Popeye – Insanity.

RMMD – Holy hot wife of a doughy lawyer, Batman!

SM – I’m not an expert on women’s underwear, but…is that corduroy Mary-Jane’s wearing? Doesn’t seem like comfortable pajama material to me…
Shoshi
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:56 am [Reply]

57 StrangeRover — I can’t believe how funny I find that. I guess I’m even more immature than Josh. I can’t wait to see this punchline applied to other strips. It can be like a Garfield Minus Garfield dealie–two jokes for the price of one.
Darkefang
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

A3G: In panel one, Margo’s thanking Jack for helping her learn a new business. Suddenly, in panel two, her shirt is completely unbuttoned. I’m not clear exactly what business Jack is in the process of teaching her, but I’m pretty sure she’s afraid that crash means that her mom is about to walk in on the lesson.

Archie: The girls are all awful whored up to just be hanging out at Pop’s. I guess they’re hoping that if Mr. Lodge catches an eyeful of those skimpy black dresses, he’ll be calling them mommy.

Luann: During this storyline, there’s been a lot of talk that TJ wants to hook up with Brad, or that once he moves into the DeGroot household, he’ll try to hook up with Luann. Or possibly that he’s interested in some kinky brother-sister action.

It’s clear in today’s strip that TJ is actually interested in another DeGroot. Nancy is clearly a mom he’d like to… uhh… cook for.

MT: Panel two is an example of the kind of step-sibling you end up with when your mom gets remarried to Torgo the caretaker.

RMMD:
Justin awoke before dawn, he put his boots on
He took some wrestling mats full of ancient pee
And he walked on down the hall
He installed it in the basement, and… then he
Paid the security guard, and then he
He walked on down the hall, and
And he came to a door… and he looked inside
Father, yes son, I want you to contract MRSA
Mother… I want to…
colonial
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

FW — Les is talking to Hal Linden or John Aniston (Jennifer’s dad) in panel 2.
Nil Zed
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

66avatarjk137 – man, can you get that scanned in?
Comixchick
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

#3 – isrw, judging from the patient’s rapid financial decline, I have a feeling Dr. Cory’s “suggestion” will be along the lines of Los Angeles’ (see “Skid Row” and “indigent dumping” for details).

#66 – avatarjk137, if you’ve seen “Wanted,” Angie’s character was brown in the comic book, so your answer is “it’s not just your paper” … I’m smelling a comic conspiracy!
cheech wizard
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

66/avatarjk137 – More to the point, which paper did that?
Chris
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

hey Curtis, the big secret is miss Honey stump used to be Mr harry Bear, before the Surgery. Those are awful perfect to be real!
Justafoob
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

I really thought that Liz’s last name was Patterson, not Honeystump.

More importantly, does Granthony know that she has a thing for ethnic pre-pubescent boys? Well, I guess he does at some level because she is interested in him.

Nevermind.
Steven
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

La Honeystump is the Biology teacher.
TheDiva
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

Actually, I think Curtis just realized he’s going to be far too disturbed by Ms. Honeystump’s bright red malformed lips to concentrate on his studies.
Aesahaettr
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

Wizard of Id: Instead of replacing “Your sister” with “Your mom,” try the other direction: “Your daughter.” The Duke’s parenthetical eyes and blip of shock suddenly indicate a man who has simultaneously realized that his little girl is a confused young woman desperate for sexual attention, and that he needs to commit a murder.
bats :[
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

28. anthom: dang, you beat me to it! I was going to say that “Licma Honeystump” is the name of the new Bond Girl in the next film… (Come on, with a title like Quantum of Solitude, it could happen!)

35. Calico re MT: I agree. I’m waiting for some of our horse-folks to weigh in here. Kelly needs to be thrown off a cliff for fucking around like this.

Well, then. Back to reality. No. Back to Judge Parker…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2634353340/sizes/o/
man behind the curtain
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

LuAnn — I think fellow Mudges may be on to something. Having no family, TJ may have some Oedipal attraction to Mrs. DeGroot. And she’s probably yearning for any kind of action she can get. Plus, TJ, being the antithesis of any other DeGroot, is just the “bad boy” to provide some excitement to her life. We should be witnessing some interesting dynamics inside that house. More than enogh to put “Big Brother’ or “Surreal Life’ to shame.
Onion Honeystump
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

what the guy who’s name I don’t have the time or desire to look up who writes Id really meant
Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth: Maybe it has nothing to do with Mary Worth. Maybe he’s referring to his illness in Vietnam. Maybe we’re about to be treated to a storyline involving DOCTOR JEFF! SUPER DOCTOR EXTRAORDINAIRE! that is completely devoid of Mary’s presence and just consists of him solving cases. Even at the slow pace of Mary Worth he would heal more people in a week than Rex Morgan has healed in two years.
Eric the Baker
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

#83: bats :[ — the title of the new Bond film is actually “Quantum of Solace“. I read some tripe about it being named after the small emotional feeling you have remaining for an ex after a breakup, or something similar.
Aesop
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth: The chart is obviously a graphical representation of the patient’s health. Down, down, down, because Dr. Cory is too busy worrying about his love life.

Curtis: Honeystump’s jeans are very ill-fitting and old-ladyish. I wouldn’t really say she’s very attractive. This is also the first time I’ve noticed how Curtis’s hat defies gravity.
Justafoob
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

The last whole week of FBOFW has been a setup (like we haven’t experienced THAT for the last 20+ years).

Mikey was an evil male just like John (and all the other evil men in LJ’s lifte) but through the proper mothering techniques, he lost his balls and got into lock step through the firm hand of Elly.

Hup Two Three Four.

Isn’t that a good lesson to spend a week of your dwindling newspaper presence, Lynn?
AhClem
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

Things at the winery must be pretty bad, or else Trudi wouldn’t have had to take a second job as a summer school teacher in a third-rate comic strip. Maybe her brother (whose name I can’t recall and don’t care to look up) and his ponytail could temp as a villianous punchee in Mark Trail.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dean Booth
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

A rose by any other name? Not so much:

Southern Sheriff: “What do they call you up North, boy?”

NY Investigator: “They call me Mr. Honeystumps!

And CsOTW by any other name would be as funny. Congrats to those on the float!
PeteMoss
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

Rocky – “We don’t use extreme obscenities.”
Gen. Halftrack – “Your Mom.”

No, wait…

Gen. Halftrack – “Why did you call me a pathetic old goat?”
Rocky – “Your Mom.”
Calico
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

#54 & 55 – While making lunch today I was thinking that Elrod really may be going senile. No, I’m serious.
Next thing we know everyone in Mark Trail will have cancer, including the fractured horse.

#57 – That’s even better than the standard “In Bed” or “Barney Rubble” retorts/answers.

I dunno if it’s my hypoglycemia kicking in, but you all are especially damn funny today. Cheers, Eddie!
PeteMoss
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

Garfield – “Excuse me, sir, where might I find the whipped cream trees?”
Jon – “Your Mom.”

Ok, you’re right. It can get a little old.
bats :[
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

87. Eric: shoot, Eric, you’re right!
(Gads, that title actually means something? I thought they were just going through the dictionary: “Okay, let’s pick two words…and one starts with ‘q’ and the other with ’s’, because ‘q’ is rare and mysterious, and ’s’ is friendly and popular.”)

Those rejected:
Quagga of Selfishness
Quadriplegic of Servitude
Quasar of Salaciousness
Sorako-chan
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

Despite what the strip leads you to believe, Curtis is actually being distracted by Ms. Honeystump’s thunder-thighs and sky-high waisted jeans. Or perhaps the writer is sky-high and waisted. I can’t tell.
t007
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

MT: Ooooh! Flying Goats!
Shoshi
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

94 PeteMoss — But see how much better this is:

Garfield – “Excuse me, sir, where might I find the whipped cream trees?”
Jon – “Up yours.”
PeteMoss
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

98 Shoshi

Now that does work better.

Montoni – “No…the pizza…it’s changed.”
Wes- “Up yours.”
PeteMoss
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

Moss Green – “I’ll ride one of the mules.”
Kelly Welly – “Up yours.”
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

A3G: That’s a famous line from one of the Marx Brothers’ movies: the context is the same! Harpo is downstairs fiddling with a radio, which starts to play at top volume, Stars and Stripes Forever. Margaret Dumont says to Groucho, what’s that? He says, Sounds to me like mice!

As I said, the context is the same!

One of you ‘mudgeners will remind us which movie that’s from, I am ashamed to admit I can’t remember.
Calico
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

How about “The Quilt of Serendipity”?

And, to Joey in Baldo – “Up yours.”
Hogenmogen
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

The FOOB strip when John was wanking off on the lounge chair in the mall plus today’s strip with Mikey gobbling up his spinach because he didn’t like it gave me an idea for a new strip. Lynn should really try this, as it is clear that her own imagination has run dry.

We see Granthony ooh-ing and aahh-ing for like six panels on Sunday. Then we see him look down at Liz slurping and smacking away.
“You really gulp that stuff like it’s caviar, Liz. Don’t rush, you might choke.”
Last panel “But then I’d have to TASTE IT!”

No, do not call me at 3AM to say that this image has given you nightmares. There’s oh so much more unpalatable revulsion happening in Mary Whorth, even without creative editing.
Yitzchok
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

Curtis: Ms. Honeystump is apparently descended from actual bees in another cartoon by that very same name.

I refuse to read those strips, though. Maybe someone else could summarize them for me.
Batman Beatles
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

Foob: I like Michael’s logic. That’s how I take nasty medicine. One big gulp and it’s gone.
Perky Bird
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

# 93 Calico:
“Fractured horses”? Didn’t Marc Chagall paint those?
Harry Worth
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

How about a line in Mary Worth where Ron is talking to he?

“Up Yours?”

“Oh, please do.”
Harry Worth
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

To he?

That should have read “talking to her”

It is this darn cold medicine.

Really.
compass rose
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

#83 Bats – love the stuff on the desk

#101 Duck Soup
Marthas Rolling Pin
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

Mr. Abner just needs some po’k chops and some Kickapoo Joy Juice.
zadig
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

Two comments about Ms. Honeystump:

a. She’s called “honeystump” because that’s what will be left of her in a future strip when Curtis, in one of his dancing frenzies brought on by that “rap” junk, accidentally bumps into her and her toothpick-sized-waist snaps like a twig.

b. It’s a sad commentary when even the artist for an African-American-centric strip like Curtis thinks white-blonde = sexy. He couldn’t draw a gorgeous woman of color?
Shoshi
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

107 Harry Worth:

Mary: So where would you like to go tonight?
Ron: Up yours.
Red Greenback
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

(I£)MW: “This reminds me of a similar situation! I have a suggestion… Vietnamese leeches and Russian roulette thera…Whoa!… Who put this frickin’ isopod on the chart?!?!”
PeteMoss
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

113 RG
That’s no isopod. That’s my wife!
Krazy Kat
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

It’s “Yo’ MAMA!” get it? Just “Yo’ MAMA!”
And from now I’m I’m going to go by Mr. Honeystump, ladies.

Oh yeah, Hi everybody, I’ve been away but now I’m back.
Beasley
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

Interestingly enough, today’s (7/3) “Curtis” features a summer school teacher who….as we can see on the main CC page….is apparently white. Or is she? In the Palm Beach Post, that same character is rendered with blue hair (not foolin’) and is clearly black. Yet the source of Josh’s strip shows her to be clearly white!
PeteMoss
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

Your a Plugger if you send a giant chicken into a restaurant to see if it’s fowl…

…up yours.
Shoshi
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

I guess the Curtis race/colorist issue won’t be fully resolved until Sunday, when the colors are specified. (Assuming Honeystump shows up Sunday.)
Shoshi
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

“I’m Ms. Honeystump, and I’m your teacher for this session.”
“Up yours.”
Marthas Rolling Pin
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

It’s Sly Reference Thursday:
Strange Brew 3-G
Sally Forth on a Rope
PeteMoss
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

Curtis – Come on, folks. This isn’t about race. It’s about tits. Tits, tits, tits, tits.*

*George Carlin’s ghost made me write that. Damn hippy-dippy poltergeist.
Orange Doorhinge
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

#60 Blueberry Girl: Good one!
PeteMoss
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

Tank MacNasportscomic – Could that be a “shout out” to Mary Worth in today’s panel two? “Cooter’s Recycled Meals?”

I’m sorry.
PeteMoss
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

#60 & 120

Moss Green’s horse also needs a puppy.
Steve the Pocket
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

I sometimes think this whole blog could get by entirely on the unintentionally-sexual (or intentionally-sexual, in Ms. Honeystump’s case) stuff in newspaper comics. It might not end up having an entry every day, but there would still be a fair bit of activity.
Galuaboy
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

Crock: I wasn’t aware of this “comic” strip before people started snarking on it here, so my apologies for probably plowing old ground, but shouldn’t a strip set in a specific time and location, let’s say, oh . . . the French Foreign Legion in the flippin’ desert . . . avoid modern anachronisms like going to the mall, playing video games, surfing the web, and pigging out on fast food? Is that too much to ask? Why go to the effort to set your strip in a specific time and locale (I’m talking to you Hagar) then just blatantly ignore your own conventions? Why am I even worried about this? See what you ‘Mudges have wrought?!!
Little Guy
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

S4th: Okay, Ces. Admit it. You’re a fan of “Swingtown”.
Craig
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

I think “your wife” would be a more misanthropic response.
AeroSquid
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

Honeystump ? A stump covered in honey to hold the bionic prosthetic in place ?
John DeGroot
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

I don’t think that ‘your sister’ is the artist’s lame excuse for not injecting ‘your momma’ into his strip. ‘Your sister’ is a device that has been used in various media. On an episode of Hanna Montana, Jackson falls in love with a girl who is the sister of his friend. Hilarity ensues!

Also, there is the old cliche comment, “Sure, you might like [insert minority group her] but would you let one marry your sister?”

Thanks, you’ve been great. Drive carefully and come back soon!
Tweeks_Coffee
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

#126 – Galuaboy: Welcome to the club. There’s occasionally cookies, but normally everything’s stale. There’s a chair in the corner for quiet weeping when you realize the time and effort you put into comic strips everyday.
Donald The Anarchist
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

Curtis I have complete sympathy for Curtis. My high school Bio class was one of the standards for TAs from the local colleges, and one semester the TA in question either never wore a bra or it was just too thin, because her nipples stuck out prominently…every single morning. My main memories of that class are cells, animals, nipples, erection, dozing off (it was at 8 a.m.) nipples, musn’t stare, nipples. Luckily our tests were multiple choice, not written answer.

Of course, the “I’m dead” is a bit unlikely. Once a high-school boy is focused on breasts, thoughts of academia go out the window. The punchline is evidence of far more self-awareness than he’s shown so far.
commodorejohn
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

#130 John DeGroot – Aren’t Hannah Montana and hilarity mutually exclusive?
Calico
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

#106 – Beautiful.
At least I wasn’t speaking of “Fractal Horses” or the like.
(Whinny!)
Shoshi
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

130 John DeGroot–
>On an episode of Hanna Montana, Jackson falls in love with a girl who is the sister of his friend. Hilarity ensues!

Even moreso, on an episode of Hanna Montana, Hanna’s brother poses as her boyfriend, leading their father to say, “You guys didn’t tell me you were dating!”

>Also, there is the old cliche comment, “Sure, you might like [insert minority group her] but would you let one marry your sister?”

The best version of this that I’ve heard, is a joke that ends with a Southern Jewish gentleman replying to his buddies, “Frankly, I wouldn’t let my daughter marry ANY of you goyim.”
Brent
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

126, Galuaboy:

The French Foreign Legion is still active. But, yeah, contemporary references don’t seem to fit with most of the atmosphere of the strip… they just aren’t necessarily anacronisms.
cheech wizard
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

111/zadig: He couldn’t draw a gorgeous woman of color?

He can, and often does. Why shouldn’t he mix it up now and then?
Red Greenback
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

A perfect fit!
The Restless Mouse
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

Ms. DORIS Honeystump. Or maybe Regina.
Isaac
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

Mrs. Honeystump has a ridiculous, almost comically large bulge in the front of her pants. Makes me wonder whether the “stump” in Mrs. Honeystump’s name is creepily accurate.
commodorejohn
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

#139 Restless Mouse – That’s not what that kind of bulge looks like, though; I think it’s supposed to be the outline of her pelvis, which is if anything even weirder.
PeteMoss
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

Honeystumps’ big,
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tits’ not small,
No, no, no.
Honeystumps got
A big, big taste.
A big, big crunch
For a big, big bite!

Make Post Honestumps™ an important part of your complete breakfast.
AeroSquid
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

I thank all the gods that there is no Mr. Honeystump. Wait…..mebbe there is. Oh yeah. Mr. Honeystump’s Ukranian Bee Pheromones. I get e-mails from him every week. He says my stinger needs constant injections of Bee Pheromones.
Isaac
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

#141 If what you say is correct, her pelvis is literally in front of the rest of her body.
I doubt Curtis is going to have the hots for teacher once he sees her in profile, then.
Red Greenback
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

Ms. Honeystump doesn’t have a camel toe, she’s sporting a Hagar Potato Foot!
Red Greenback
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

142-PeteMoss: Curtis wants to spend the night playing “Honeystump Hideout”
gnome de blog
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

Belated congrats to Henning & the Floatriders, but Uncle Lumpy deserves at least an honorary tiara and sash for calling Dick Tracy the Ted Forth of crimefighters. IMHO that was the comment of the year!
vooodooo84
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

I think “Ms. Honey-stump” is an Iraq war vet
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=180362
Mountain Mama
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

This is how sensitive I am: I saw today’s SF and immediately thought: “Oh, no! The birds are going to get the baby ‘possums!” And I was concerned.

I also can’t watch the ASPCA/Humane Society commercial with Sarah MacLachlan either.

Why, yes, I am just a big ball of goo where animals are concerned. Why do you ask?
Mountain Mama
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

This is how sensitive I am: I saw today’s SF and immediately thought: “Oh, no! The birds are going to get the baby ‘possums!” And I was concerned.

I also can’t watch the ASPCA/Humane Society commercial with Sarah MacLachlan either.

Why, yes, I am just a big ball of goo where animals are concerned. Why do you ask?
Mountain Mama
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

Well, hell. How did I do that? Sorry.
PeteMoss
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

150 MoMo
I can’t watch that dang Sarah MacLachlananan commercial either. When those critters look at you with those sad, sad eyes (sometimes only one eye) I just gotta go back to reading the friggin’ funny pages and solving the Jumble.
Daily Comics Reviewer
July 3rd, 2008 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

I swear over at the DCR we don’t read your site until after we have finished our posts for that day. This must be a sign then that great minds think alike.

It is kind of cool and edgy to see Curtis angling for that teacher/student sex joke we so rarely get in the funny pages
Chat Noir
July 3rd, 2008 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

Her name aside, Miss Honeystump looks kinda like if Marcie clumsily tarted herself up to win Peppermint Patty from Charlie Brown once and for all.
commodorejohn
July 3rd, 2008 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

#142 PeteMoss – I am very glad I’m not fond of Honeycomb cereal, because I will never be able to eat it again.

#144 Isaac – Indeed. Billingsley’s usually pretty on top of things artistically, so I’m a little surprised at the anatomical weirdness on display today.

Does anyone think that this whole summer school storyline in Curtis is an attempt on Billingsley’s part to break out of his usual cast? I mean, except for the Kwanzaa strips, the entire cast of Curtis consists of…lessee…Curtis, Barry, their parents, Chutney, Michelle, Gunk, Derrick, “Onion,” ~~‘Onion,’~~ Gunther, and Mrs. Nelson, I believe. Perhaps he’s trying to shake things up a bit?
Moss_Moses
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

I’m confused about Doctor Jefferson Cory’s employment status. He retired long ago. Why the hell is he in walking around Santa Royale General working as though he were still employed there? Shouldn’t he be at home raising funds for SE Asian cleft pallete victims and obsessive/compulsively calling Mary’s answering machine with pathetic, grovelling messages? Perhaps he’s filling in for Drew in his absence.

That bucking bronco is just going to trot back to Lost Forest and Doctor Davis will fix that legbone fracture the horse put by bucking too much. Isn’t that kind of like Mark telling Andy where to meet him? These animals in LoFo are smarter than the people, especially the brain dead evildoers.
Muffaroo
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

“What woman is desperate enough to go out with a loser like you?”

“Your mouth.”
Violet
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

I was trying to decide which of today’s comics had the most ideal replace-the-last-panel-dialogue-with-”your-mom”-setup but I am utterly torn between Archie and B.C.
Muffaroo
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

Okay, I dood it. Here’s the comments I posted in that dead thread nobody’s talking about at 11:21 this ayem:

Blondie – Well done. This one blindsided me.

Bitter Old Crank – Ed’s way with similes is like… crap, I dunno. Wait, that’s it: crap.

Curtis – Poor Curtis has one of those stiffies that uses up all his energy. Wackiness to ensue when he finds that Ms. Honeystump’s name used to be “Roger.”

DT – Why does the henchman on the viewer’s right have a woodpecker on the side of his head? And will Mr. B’s continued sentence finish up tomorrow, or will it keep going until it ties in with the Sunday strip?

DIesel Sweeties – Just out of curiosity, what gender are any of the characters in this strip? Are they real people, or talking inaction figures?

FC – Billy, don’t bother Mommy, or you’ll be “walking into” another “door.”

FOOB – True story; maybe fifteen years ago, a comic artist we knew was acquainted with Lynn, and reported that the thing she was proudest of was her realistic drawing.

FW – Uh oh. You guys shouldn’t have changed the mayo.

GA – Now they’re going to explain “cartoons” to ol’ Rufe, and he’ll be so surprised he’ll actually shut his mouth, assuming it can.

GT – Sounds like Dr. Pearl knows the actual lyrics to “La Cucuracha.”

H&J – I had no idea that one of the “You Want It WHEN?” guys had gotten a sex change operation.

JP – See? SEE? He’s going to read the manuscript! I predict the ensuing fantasy sequence will take three to four months, especially with the first panel of each day’s strip wasted with a shot of Sam looking at the pages.
Vince M
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

87,95: ‘Quantum of Solace’ is actually the title of one of the short stories in Ian Fleming’s ‘For Your Eyes Only’, and one I never thought they’d use as a title (seeing as how they scrapped ‘Licence Revoked’ as a title figuring much of their audience wouldn’t know what ‘revoked’ meant)

Never figured they’d use the story either – it’s nothing but Bond listening to someone telling him a tale of a romance gone bad. I expect they’ll have to embellish it a bit…

I really would like to see the Quagga of Selfishness make an appearance on Pearls Before Swine.
Shoshi
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

Where can I see the daily Archie comic?
Mathlord
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

161: Shoshi, try the following link.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/artsandliving/comics/
Red Greenback
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

I know what Ms. Honeystump’s given name is: It’s Eileen! … See, it’s funny because her surname is Honeystump. … I’ll just leave this thread now.
sismit
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

I like the fact that after less than a month of reading this blog, I am unable to read the comics without thinking ‘hm, i bet the CC is going to make fun of this little turd….”
Mooncattie
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

MW – It’s apparently Casual Thursday down at the hospital, so why is Dr. Cory dressed like the Bringer of Death? That is one SOLID BLACK jacket he’s got on. He’s also beginning to look somewhat younger and healthier – his hair isn’t messed up anymore, and most of the grey is gone. Grovelling on answering machines obviously agrees with him! Meanwhile, Mary commits a social faux pas by measuring the venom in her Peruvian blow darts with her elbows on the table.
Mr. O'Malley
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

Finally an explanation appears for the non-appearance of the Christian Singles girl.

Somehow they got the wrong Josh!
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 3rd, 2008 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

#61 Muffaroo,
I at first saw Slylock the same way you did, and it freaked me out. I think it’s because we’re so used to seeing anthropomorphic, cartoony animals in it. The black-eyed possum is so out of place, you’re just like, “What is it?”
cheech wizard
July 3rd, 2008 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

Bozo the Clown is dead. Though the news is sad, Firesign Theatre fans will appreciate a particular quote from the newly late Larry Harmon, who popularized the character.
PeteMoss
July 3rd, 2008 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

“Learn to draw the Christian Singles Girl’s figure.”

Once she’s rendered in illustration, she might get a cameo in Curtis.
Muffaroo
July 3rd, 2008 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

cheech wizard @168 – Is Bozo the Clown truly dead as long as there’s a surviving local Bozo? The guy who does Dr. Madblood in the Norfolk, Virginia area was Richmond’s “Bozo” up to about 1975, for instance, and of course the Chicago Bozo’s still with us. (And to me, the real Bozo was Pinto Colvig anyway, and he’s still on all those little record sets. Mom threw ours away — I remember thinking of the pictures burning in our incinerator [it was a simpler, more natural time -ed] — but since then I’ve gotten dubs from friends, and found all the pictures online. Thanks, internet!)
Talking Squirrel
July 3rd, 2008 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

MW: In Panel 1, we see where Mary has clearly omitted her Polident in preparation for tongue-thrusting her dentures out of her mouth at a moment’s notice, so she’ll be ready to rock when tonight’s date starts to get steamy.
cheech wizard
July 3rd, 2008 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

Muffaroo – Bozo will always be with us, in one way or another. But Larry Harmon is the guy who popularized the character and is largely responsible for our image of him, even though the Chicago Bozo is probably the one seen by the most children.

Speaking of local Bozos, there’s a story about either the Chicago or Detroit Bozo that many of my college friends here in Michigan claimed to have witnessed as kids. The children on the program were engaged in some sort of contest that involved carrying an egg perched on a spoon held in their mouths. One little boy dropped his egg and, this being live TV, said “Aw, shit!”

“That’s a Bozo no-no!” the clown scolded.

“Cram it, clown!” the kid supposedly replied.

Anyone else out there know anything about this?
PeteMoss
July 3rd, 2008 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

172. cheech wizard
I grew up in Dallas and can’t recall which Bozo was on our local channels, but I do recall hearing that same story as far back as the early seventies. Since then, I’ve assumed it was just another urban legend but I really, really, want it to be true.

From now on, I’m going to tell people who’ve crossed the line, “That’s a PeteMoss no-no!” And they’ll probably reply, “Cram it, Clown,” or “Your Mom is,” or, simply and elegantly, “Up Yours.”
Talking Squirrel
July 3rd, 2008 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

I remember that story was going around in the early 60s. Back then it was supposed to have happened in Chicago. Larry Harmon says it was Boston, but his version of the story is an outlier (and there are a LOT of different versions out there.)

The version you told is almost identical to the one I heard back when it supposedly happened, except I heard the kid got two out of three buckets in the Grand Prize game and said “Oh Shit” when he barely missed the farthest-away bucket and hence the grand prize.

Snopes says it never happened — but they can’t prove a negative.
Shoshi
July 3rd, 2008 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

BOZO legend:

http://www.snopes.com/radiotv/tv/bozo.asp
Mountain Mama
July 3rd, 2008 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

OMG!!!!!!!! Liz Patterson is ranting about Anthony on Craigslist!!!!

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/205576820.html

NFSW, BTW.
Shoshi
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

Mountain Mama, it CAN’T be Anthony:

“no kids, no psycho ex-wives, and he’s tall and cute”

:-)
gnome de blog
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

News flash: TJ burns Chateau deGroot to the ground. Ma, Pa and Luann go to live in Brad’s old house. Brad moves in with Toni, turning a deaf ear to his mother’s continued objections.

TJ flees for his life. In the long tradition of outlaws and charlatans, he makes his way to California. He finds work as the pool boy at Charterstone, marries Dawn Weston, and lives happily ever after. Sort of.
Mountain Mama
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

Shoshi,
She’s changed some distinguishing characteristics so her mother won’t figure out who’s being talked about.

:-)
odinthor
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

Didn’t didn’t the now late, but better late than never, Larry Harmon obtain the rights to the likenesses and whatever of Laurel and Hardy? And not make very good use of them? Let’s see, so his heirs and legatees, or estate, will now “own” L&H…and, um, probably not make very good use of them. Ah, well—another fine mess!
Pepperoni Détournées
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

150 and 152: thanks. Now I have that song running through my head, accompanying video reels of those big, sad eyes pleading at me to come take them home…

My one consolation while watching that commercial is that the animals filmed in it are being taken care of by the ASPCA, and will probably find good homes.

One Saturday morning I was watching TV and it came on, and I cried half the morning, because by the time I finished crying, it came on again. I couldn’t bring myself to turn the channel. XBF came out of his room when he finally woke up, took one look at my almost-swollen-shut eyes, and freaked out: “Oh my god, WHAT HAPPENED?!” Then he watched the commercial, and even his cold, dead heart opened up a teeny bit.
Muffaroo
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

I’d heard the “cram it, Clown” story too, only a friend related it as being Denver’s “Blinky the Clown.” Details on request, not that I expect that. It was later than the 60s, so it can’t possibly precede the Bozo version.

Of course, he told it as if he’d seen it, and I was trusting in those days, so I related it as something he’d seen, and I never understood why they were trying not to laugh at me. And I never got into the college of my choice, either.
Donald The Anarchist
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

# 150, 152, 181 I can’t believe how effective that commercial is. It’s even MORE tearjerking than the Jason Alexander one where he delineates the abuses suffered and “Everybody Hurts” plays in the background.

The ironic thing is, I’m not the world’s biggest Sarah MacLachlan fan, but for some reason, her songs are incredibly effective as background “sad” music. Both episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that use her songs wield them with extreme effectiveness.

Maybe Sarah could lend her talents to FBOFW, and Joss Whedon could take over the writing, and Daniel Clowes or Peter Bagge could draw. C’mon guys, won’t you be a hero to a poor strip that’s seen better days? Your efforts might help bring back interesting characterization and real humor back to a lifeless, barren, fictional landscape. Won’t you do what you can?
AhClem
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

#163 Red Greenback -
In Asia, she is known as Irene.

#168 cheech wizard -
“Clone ME, Dr. Memory!”

I grew up watching Bozo in Detroit, and heard the “Up yours, clown!” story many times, but I never actually saw it happen. Probably an urban legend.
Doug Puthoff
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

7-3 GT: I am a student a Milford High I’ve just seen Elmer Vargas, Boy Illegal Alien, get a diploma without having to go through final exams. I am mucho pissedoffo now. I hope there’s rioting in tomorrow strips–or Andrew Gregory shoots Elmer, at least.
Dingo
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

HONEYSTUMPS

What you gon’ do with all you thunk?
All that junk this spring you thunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you punk!
Curtis, meet Miss Honeystump.
Honeystump, Honeystump, Honeystump,
Honeystump, Honeystump, Honeystump,
Honeystump, Honeystump, my lovely little
Honeystump (Check it out)

I drive the bruthas crazy,
These summer schooler lazies,
They treat me really icy,
‘Cuz their grades be greatly dicey.
Mary Worth and Toeby
Parker in a robe, he
Talk of literaturin’
Drinkin’ glass of mirin.
Curtis, I ain’t jerkin’,
You wanna pet my merkin?
Yo’ Daddy oughta told ya
No playin’ wit’ the cobra.
Lynn Johnston keep on takin’
And Lizardbreath ain’t taken
Blandthony keep on datin’
At night he masturbatin’.

Honeystump (stump), Honeystump,
Honeystump, Honeystump (stump)
You love me Honeystump (stump)
Honeystump, Honeystump, Honeystump (stump),
Honeystump, she got you.

Honeystump got you spillin’
(Oh) Spillin’ all your seed and spendin’ time on she.
She’s got you spillin’.
(Oh) Spillin’ all your seed on me, up on me, on me

What you gon’ do with all you thunk?
All that junk this spring you thunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you punk!
Get you love drunk off Honeystump.
How your grades become morass?
Could be you give too much sass.
I’m a make, make, make, make you cream
Make you cream inside yo’ jeans.
Cos of Honeystump (ha), Honeystump, Honeystump, Honeystump (what).
Honeystump, Honeystump, Honeystump (ha), my lovely Honeystump (Check it out)

I met a girl down at Cisco.
Had MBA, said let’s go.
I could be your ‘neer, you can be my study
Let’s get rich, make lots o’ money.
Milky Mike Patt / Lawrence? Cocoa poof
Milky cocoa glama
Sweet jus’ like Obama
Mike get jiggy wit’ cocoa poof
Stone Season reviews go through the roof.

What you gon’ do with all you thunk?
All that junk this spring you thunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you punk!
Curtis, meet Miss Honeystump.
Honeystump, Honeystump, Honeystump,
Honeystump, Honeystump, Honeystump,
Honeystump, Honeystump, my lovely little
Honeystump (Check it out)
cheech wizard
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

184/ Ah Clem – No doubt Harmon violated Robot’s Rules of Order and was asked to leave the future immediately. Pity…
indichik
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

#47, Sully – The yellow part of Curtis’s hat, to me, resembles an ear of corn, with the green part representing the stalk. But why, you ask, does it magically balance on the very tippy-tip of his head? Look, I just likened Curtis’s hat to an ear of corn, okay? I’m not sure anything can be discussed rationally after that.
Poteet
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

# 152 Mountain Mama — My first reaction was fury at whatever heartless fiend had blinded the poor mama possum. Then I realized she was okay. I see possums fairly frequently, and their eyes are indeed black, but somehow not black like that.
Brent
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

140, 141, 144, 145:

That bulge… that’s a front butt. The Foobs get their asses on backwards like this all the time.
Muffaroo
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

Thank you, AhClem! You’ll be receiving a handsome simulfax copy…
elyse
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

do ALL the pattersons have eating disorders? or is april just naturally fat? (go look at her creepy ‘paper doll’ page for proof of chub)
LTBF
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

59-If the Duke actually had a sister the strip would have been funny because we could relate to the joke. But the only females in the kingdom are Blanche and Rodney’s girlfriend.
Brent
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

192, elyse:

Yes. All the Pattersons Pattersnarf their food like starving dogs. That’s why today’s flashback was so funny… Elly, herself, has been known to stuff her face and even talk while she’s doing it (not to mention that Sunday flashback weeks back where Elly sneaks down to the kitchen to stuff chicken down her gullet exactly like Mike is doing today). This really is the pot calling the kettle black.

Oh, and that image of April was drawn by a girl Lynn knows. It may be up on the official page, but it is really just fan art.
P
July 4th, 2008 at 12:14 am [Reply]

4th of July Comics!
BB: Ummmm, Mort, this is a strip about the Army, so why would we not celebrate 4th of July?
FC: Dolly needs to go to North Korea!

And a little side note, on this day 5 years ago, Mary Worth wanted us to Read the Decoration of Independence (Could not Resist!), however, it looked more like a Stalin Cartoon!
Link Here:

http://ab8.thebeaconjournal.com/Archives/07-04-03/G2.pdf
Frank Parsnip
July 4th, 2008 at 12:14 am [Reply]

Curtis: I went to http://www.honeystump.com and found that instead of naked photos there were a bunch of comic strips about bees. Really. My guess is that Billingsley was making a plug for his good friend Harry Martin.

There’s also a HoneyStump band — from the photos I saw, it appears that its some sort of death metal outfit except without the chicks: http://www.perrific.com/concerts/HoneyStump/100304/HS1.html. Has anyone from the Lincoln, Nebraska area been able to check out their show?

I figure it’s like one of those Gallagher concerts in that the front three rows ought to wear raincoats or armor or something… and perhaps the students within three rows of Curtis ought to do the same this summer whenever Ms. Honeystump leans over to look a lesson plan or attendance list.
Uncle Ed
July 4th, 2008 at 12:16 am [Reply]

#74 Jennifer’s dad, John Aniston is a soap opera actor. He has appeared on “Love of Life” “Search for Tomorrow” and is currently on “Days of Our Lives.”
bats :[
July 4th, 2008 at 12:54 am [Reply]

TGIFourth of July!

DtM: kind of fun, kind of nice without being too treacly.

FC: OTOH…WTF? What the hell is Dolly supposed to be singing? (Honest to God, I have no idea.) I swear it isn’t a patriotic song, but of course let’s have the Keanes throw in an American flag to show how red-blooded they are.

MT: Kelly is a fuckin’ psycho.

MW: ah, it’s all clear now…Mary prescribed a wider course of antibiotics for Jeff. Of course, this was in an alternate universe in which she was a doctor, and he was a punch-drunk boxer (note the double black eyes)…

RMMD: “….and we’re not going to tell anyone where you got them or where we’ve taken them. I hate the thought of suing myself.”
Asshole.

S4th: no, using the “Imperial March” makes it absolutely cool. Get with the program, you snivelly, girlie-handed Rebel sympathizer.
Max
July 4th, 2008 at 1:06 am [Reply]

Apartment 3-G (July 4th): “Help me, Margo, your mother is going limp!”

Here’s a hint, Jacky-boy. If she’s “going limp” on you, she’s probably not really a she.
Dingo
July 4th, 2008 at 1:14 am [Reply]

I suppose Family Circus is attempting to make me smile with a mondegreen. Instead, that child is fucking stupid.
Journeyman Softheart
July 4th, 2008 at 1:17 am [Reply]

GT: His father addresses him in the formal “Usted?” Could a native Spanish speaker tell me if this reflects a rite of passage or the coming of adulthood, or if the Thorp(e) team just isn’t quite up on foreign language. Um, or, I suppose, that the family relationship is actually much more deep and complex than we thought. Or than anything has ever been in Gil Thorp.

GF: Rather cruel, but it’s Bucky – I admit that I laughed.

Darn, that’s why I still haven’t achieved the rank of Master.
Poteet
July 4th, 2008 at 1:47 am [Reply]

RMMD — Now that the stinky gym mats story may finally be drawing to a close, I only hope Rex won’t go on to explore the health impacts of smelly algae blooms, mouse droppings, fecal-matter contaminated salad greens, and other nauseating problems.

MT — Kelly must die. Where’s Chennux when we need him?
Tom Bombadil
July 4th, 2008 at 1:57 am [Reply]

GT: Get a load of those sunglasses, did Brendan steal them from the Gasoline Alley cat? I guess Elmer is going to make ends meet in Mexico as an Elton John impersonator.
Mibbitmaker
July 4th, 2008 at 2:30 am [Reply]

Sally 4th of July:

MT: Wacky, zany, irrepressible Kelly Welly has turned into…. Kelly Helly…. or Margo Magee. Watch as her hair suddenly gets tied into a bun!

A3G: Oh, no! (shakes fist at…)Albert Pinkham Ryyyyyyderrrrrrr!! Come back to finish the job, have ye?! “Revennnge! Reeeveeeeeeeeeennnge!!…”

9CL: (addressing the characters) I don’t care what he calls himself this time — WHY do you people keep on LISTENING to that twit??? STOP it!

DtM: Uncle Sam: “Right HERE!” (pushes cake slice right into Dennis’s face)

DT, middle panel: Now there’s the image of nightmares!

FOOB: Those 1st two panels: The ultimate representitive of Lynn Johnston’s view of the genders: “I hate them both!” –Misogynist/misandrist!!

FW: This strip’s reputation was ruined a long time ago (only, in this case, by self-importance).

GA: Awfully darned nice of them to prop up Walt’s corpse for the holiday. — What? He is? Really?? …huh.

GT: Sounds like they got ZZ Top for the graduation party afterwards.

HotC: “A Very Tom Batiuk Fourth” holiday special.

JP: Where was Sam Driver when we really needed him — with Mike Patterson!?

MW: Looks like Doc Jeff took 57,676,446,980 CCs of the Kool-Aid. Bad dosage, Doc. (The proper dosage is: zero CCs!)

NS: Great job, Mr. Contrivance, AKA Wiley.

R&R: Nah, I like 1940s animated cartoon versions better {i.e.: Kickin’ the Conga Round (Popeye), Hollywood Steps Out (Tex Avery, WB, 1941), etc.} and at least one Three Stooges short of same vintage.

6C: That’s odd… a panel containing a green, psychedelic flower arrangement is this strip’s punchline. Weird!

The… Mind of Edison Lee — Where a little boy can have a much bigger pair of hands than adult Ted Forth!

Ziggy: George W. Bush has that set.
Nurse with a penis
July 4th, 2008 at 2:41 am [Reply]

MW – It’s the details or the lack thereof that make me ponder. In real life I am an RN (in fact I am just home from my shift and my dogs are tired). Tonight I happened to have a conversation with one of our infectious disease doctors. We talked about what some blood cultures grew and what particular antibiotics would be indicated. Unlike in Santa Royale General AFTER they’ve tried everything else! HOSPICE is in order after you’ve tried everything else. Antibiotics are wide-spectrum and narrow-spectrum. NOT WIDER-COURSE or NARROWER COURSE. Even Rex Morgan would know that!!! Another thing about Santa Royale General is that none of the health care workers have stethoscopes. NO ONE IS AUSCULTATING THESE PATIENT’S LUNGS PEOPLE!! SOMEBODY CALL JHACO!
Now true confession: I wouldn’t love Mary Worth as much as I do if it were more accurate.
Orange Doorhinge
July 4th, 2008 at 2:47 am [Reply]

Oh noes! I’m getting emotionally involved in these stupid stupid comix!

MT: Cherry said she could handle Kelly, but Kelly’s already crippled a horse (on purpose!) and all Cherry says is “Don’t do it again!” to which she gets a villianous reply…So, *handle* the beeech! It’s time to turn and ride away Cherry. Leave Kelly alone on foot in the LOST forest. I’m sure she’ll get plenty of good photos.

MW: SO, changing antibiotics is a LAST RESORT that only the most brilliant and experienced of doctors would suggest! Or Mary Worth.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 4th, 2008 at 3:02 am [Reply]

7/4 Independence funniez

A3G: Alan’s not even there now. Who knew Gabriela was so sensitive to contact high?

BB: Nice try, Sarge, but you’re not fooling anyone.

Shoe: “There, I wrote a sentence. Time to hit the bar.”

MW: That young (read: non-geriatric) resident must be getting the willies right about now. That dead look in Dr Cory’s eyes can only mean that he’s been hitting the Ketamine again.

Popeye: Yeah, laugh it up Uncle Moneybags. If she can’t do any spells, everyone’s going to think your witch exhibit is just the world’s drabbest drag queen.

PBS: Pastis is my idol.

Big Dog: Lady, you’re lucky he didn’t knock you over and tap that ass.

Garfield: “King of the Hill” still does this better.

BC: Let’s all welcome Sexy Armadillo to the cast.

Phantom: By “help” I assume Diana means a Queer Eye style makeover.

SSmith: Hands down the most disturbing gay sex reference I’ve seen in the comics this year.

Momma: “Shoulders? Do I look like the artist gave me shoulders?”

9CL: Well played, Thorax.

SFx: An unidentified human was found electrocuted in his bed, every hair burnt in its follicle. Betty Bunny says that the man refused to pay protection money to Count Weirdly. The Count claims that he wasn’t involved, and the man was struck by ball lightning. Why doesn’t Slylock believe him?
A Lemur
July 4th, 2008 at 3:17 am [Reply]

MW: It’s apparent that over at St. Doofus where Dr. Jeff works, the sign the reads ‘Number of days since our last medical accident’ remains firmly stuck on ‘0′.

…”DR. JEFF! DR. JEFF! THE PATIENT WON’T RESPOND TO THE ANTYBIODICS!!! WHADEVER CAN WE DO???? HE’S DOOMED I TELL YOU DOOMED!!!”
“Quiet Man, I’ve got to think. There must be a solution here. Wait. Wait. This is crazy, it’s a long shot, but it just. Might. Work. What if we tried…different antibiotics?”
“Oh gawd Dr. Jeff, that’s brilliant! No wonder you graduated top of your class from Eastern North Dakota School of Medicatin’ and Veternary Science, while I got my degree from the Internet.”
A Lemur
July 4th, 2008 at 3:32 am [Reply]

…either that or the Interns are goofing with him again… “Oh, MAN, Bob, that was hysterical. The daffy old quack really doesn’t have a clue. No wonder they made him Chief of Medical Pronouncements in charge of organizing the golf outings.”
Jack Parsons
July 4th, 2008 at 4:04 am [Reply]

Would not every strip benefit from a healthy dose of “your mom” jokes?

No, but your mom would.
Mr. O'Malley
July 4th, 2008 at 4:39 am [Reply]

207. Slylock knows that the Count owns a copy of The Secret Papers of Nikola Tesla.

And in reference to another strip, our local paper reports a controversy re the use of artificial turf in school athletic fields and park areas. Pro: artificial turf doesn’t require watering, and we are going into a major water shortage. Con: artificial turf can spread MRSA.

Maybe some of our medically trained people could comment on this. From what I’ve read, the biggest factor in spreading MRSA is lax standards in hospital sanitation. Does artificial turf really pose a significant risk in spreading MRSA?

Since Mean Lawyer’s Kid is using those wrestling mats for sound insulation on the walls rather than rolling about on them, the risk factor would actually be pretty small, I should think.

I always thought the traditional approach for low-budget sound-proofing was egg cartons. Or else “I’ll fix it in the mix.”
Hobbes Fan
July 4th, 2008 at 5:16 am [Reply]

(sorry if this one’s been done and I just missed it)

“I guess there is an advantage to going to summer school…we won’t have to do that stupid ‘primal battle/first day of school’ joke that we repeat every September.”
Moss_Moses
July 4th, 2008 at 8:03 am [Reply]

It’s becoming clear that Judge Parker is in an ego-fueled pissing contest with MIchael Patterson. He needs to double $25,000 cheque of literary trailblazer, Michael.

Why do doctors in the comics always overlook the full regiment of antibiotics? Doc Jeff is dispensing advice for a patient based on his personal anecdotal experience. He’s up there with Doc “Wingbone” Davis in terms of employing the scientific method.

Kelly sure put Cherry in her hired ho place! You go girl! She spooks horses, doesn’t she?
True Fable
July 4th, 2008 at 8:09 am [Reply]

First of all, let me just say that Dean Booth is a Comics God for that marvelous Goat Close-up.

Snarking briefly for the holiday:

FC What the hell? What song is this child butchering now?
FBoFW Lynnie Baby, how can you NOT see how STUPID you are making YOURSELF look, not to mention your idiot characters? 30 Seconds of FAIL.
FW I’m going to call it like this: Mr. Montoni is going to return, take the pizza place back and kick Funky’s ass all the way to Kentucky or somewhere.
GA America and Walt Wallet: born on the same day, same year.
WTFGT Ahhhh. THIS is the story climax, didn’t see that coming, no.
JP Judge Alan is NOT going to let that Patterson creep get an equal deal to his own. No Fuckin Way.
Luann So, TJ is gonna find himself between a DeGroot sammich! Too bad the bread slices are the DeGroot women, huh TJ?
MT Threaten her anyway, Cherry! I want some fireworks today!!!! and HEY! where’s the GOAT, dammit!
MW Jeff, you pathetic limp noodle, you.
MG&G Hard to tell this one apart from the actual S-M comic strip.
PBS Gold.
Phantom Disturbed? You’re married to a man who wears his striped underwear and tights to bed, and you’re accusing Pipe Man of being disturbed??
RMMD Yo, Dad. You’re lame.
dreadedcandiru2
July 4th, 2008 at 8:24 am [Reply]

#214 – True Fable: Then Funky will fall off the wagon, get divorced, end up broke and homeless and wind up hanging out with Apple Annie. In short, he’ll be living like a character in a comic strip written by Tom Batiuk. Also, smirking will be involved.
Eric the Baker
July 4th, 2008 at 8:37 am [Reply]

Phantom: It nice to see that Andre DuPierre shops at Harbor Freight! http://www.harborfreight.com/cpi/ctaf/Displayitem.taf?itemnumber=90350

Though I doubt he’d be using the aluminum version. The classic steel version would be much more effective as a platform defense tool.
Gabacho
July 4th, 2008 at 9:10 am [Reply]

#201 Journeyman Softheart and Gil Thorp – Could a native Spanish speaker tell me if this reflects a rite of passage or the coming of adulthood, or if the Thorp(e) team just isn’t quite up on foreign language.

I am not a native Spanish speaker but I am a frequent one and my partner Garbanzo is a native of old Mexico. Amo Usted is utter babble. A papa might say te amo, mijo or simply te amo.

In some more old fashioned families, like Garbanzo’s, in Mexico, the children address the parents as “usted” but even then the right construction would “lo amo”.

Just a side note, in parts of Colombia where people use “vos” instead of “tu” for the informal, families will often use the formal “usted” as an intimate way of speaking to one another. Idiomatic I am told.
soundman
July 4th, 2008 at 9:19 am [Reply]

I wonder how the principal at Curtis’ school arranged to hire an inflatable blow-up doll to teach summer school.
3D
July 4th, 2008 at 9:26 am [Reply]

Is it just me, or does Ms. Honeystump appear to have a F.U.P.A.?

F.U.P.A. song
cheech wizard
July 4th, 2008 at 9:39 am [Reply]

RMMD – So how dense is this guy not to realize that all the victims are friends of his son who’ve been hanging out in his basement? Where’d he get his law degree – University of Phoenix?

And what’s got Shady McLawyer more upset? The realization that his own flesh and blood might be exposed to MRSA? Or the fact that his whole case is going to go down the tubes when it turns out he’s the one actually liable here. I’d love to see this storyline conclude with Shady getting served by the new lawyer the victim’s families have hired to represent them – but Rex Morgan is incapable of irony.
I'm not actually as ignorant as this comment makes me seem.
July 4th, 2008 at 9:42 am [Reply]

Curtis doesn’t stand a chance – did you notice the Ms. business? Honeystump’s probably gay.
AeroSquid
July 4th, 2008 at 10:10 am [Reply]

Blondie: Herb – “It’s okay Elmo. Mr. B will laugh about it and you will be the new owner of that Huffy bike in my basement.”

Curtis: Why have’nt they taken Curtis into the clinic for tapeworm testing ?

DTM: Cake ? Cake ? When Lincoln crossed the Mississippi to kill General Lee did he think about cake ?

FW: Cost cutting measures such as…..welll….have you noted the lack of stray cats lately ?

MT: Dear Lord ! The last time I saw that look (panel 3) was when I defied my Ex.

MW: Noooooooo !!!!!!! Cory, you fool !

My Cage: Just sign the EEO complaint form now, Norm.

Zits: Is it wrong to live vicariously through the irrational haze emitted by your teenage son’s hormones ? Yes.

Luann: “This is DELICIOUS, TJ. Ummmm….where’s Puddles ?”

Pibgorn: Pibgorn makes my head hurt.

BC: Aardvark/Armadillo sex ? Armadark ? Aardillo ?

Bloom County: Ha! The Soviets are trying to shut down our nuculer power plants !

Brenda Starr: I have’nt read this comic since Dondi appeared in the same paper. Is she still hanging around with that freckled chick in the french beret ?

DT: What the hell is up with Tracy’s CRAB HANDS ?

FOOB: That’s right. Clean his room. He’s a male and you are just reacting to your conditioning.

Garfield: “Looks like an F5 tornado.” “Yup.” “Best we take cover in the bean silo.” “Yup.” “No cats allowed.” “Yup…huh ?”

GA: Walt. Dude. You need to go to the light.

WofID: Your’e hubby is in the Golden Kingdom with an opium pipe sticking out of his butt.
Doug Puthoff
July 4th, 2008 at 10:16 am [Reply]

Speaking of MW, remember folks, tomorrow is the big day–ALDO DAY! Celebrating the first appearance of America’s favorite stalker in MW.
gleeb
July 4th, 2008 at 10:24 am [Reply]

Pigborn: What the Hell?

A3G: Gabriella’s been hittin’ the dope, that’s what’s happening.

Beetle: The punch line is essentially, “Your mother”.

’shaft: Ed jealously protects his role as biggest nuisance in the neighborhood.

Dick: Tracy doesn’t use sissified Latin terms like modus operandi.

Dilbert: Why is that impulse wrong, Alice? You destroyed yet another one-joke character before he could be ridden into the ground.

‘bean: What reputation? Is Tony getting into more elite canasta groups or scoring a higher class of 70-year-old tail because his name is on a chain of pizza joints? Being upset over how a business is being run is understandable, but have a sense of proportion.

GA: Once again, Gasoline Alley pulls out more Independence Day stops than anyone, but you have to remember, Walt Wallet actually knew Jefferson.

Phantom: Poor old Dupierre. You’ve got to have striped underwear and a mask if you’re going to dish out vigilante “justice”.

Rex: “The MRSA is coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!”
John C Fremont
July 4th, 2008 at 10:31 am [Reply]

# 195 P – I’ve never seen that Fourth of July Mary Worth before. Hey, now I remember what I was doing 5 years ago – NOT reading Mary Worth! Ah, good times.

# 219 3D – Loved the FUPA Song! That was even funnier than Rex Morgan!

MT – I see Kelly found the mescaline.

Phantom – I Googled Andre Dupierre. He has a Facebook page. But then again, who doesn’t? Oh, the kids today.

RMMD – You can tell Max is really scared. His hair has turned white and it’s standing on end. Warner Brothers cartoons have taught me well.

SFx – Goodness, gracious, great balls of – oh, nevermind!

DT – *M.O.; See “Haley’s.”

FC – How in the world would that little twerp know that song?! (Gee, I guess it doesn’t take much to get me angry these days. Crap, I’m no plugger. I’m turning into Crankshaft! Nooooooooo!!!)

Happily Fourthily of Julee!! (He says again this year.)
cheech wizard
July 4th, 2008 at 10:33 am [Reply]

224/gleeb – That’s Luciano – a bug Pib accidentally enlarged in the original episode. You have to remember that as a wood fairy, Pib’s natural size is about 3 inches tall and that before hooking up with Geoff, she hung out with all sorts of butterflies, bees, mice and such.
anonymous
July 4th, 2008 at 10:45 am [Reply]

#198 – An Explanation from an Old Movie Geek:

In 1946 there was a movie about 3 husband hunting sisters called “Three Little Girls in Blue” (this movie plot has been used umpteen, umpteen times in other movies), set in turn-of-the-century Atlantic City. A second-tier musical, one of the songs was “On the Boardwalk In Atlantic City”. Picture 3 Gibson-girls types in long skirts, pre-WWI.

Why, you ask, is the retarded Dolly stumbling along mishearing lyrics to a song popular before her parents were born?

…. After some speculation, it occurs to me she is playing a cassette tape that belongs to her grandmother! They are available in music catalogs, in collections called “Old Tyme Radio Hour Favorites” and such and are actually played during social hour for senior citizens in nursing homes .

I suppose it’s a nice change after decades of mishearing nursery rhyme songs, and logical in that Bil Keane or whoever is aiming his work of art directly at the grandparent crowd who need comic strips to chortle at as they drink their Ensure….”hey, Myrtle, remember “On The Boardwalk In Atlantic City?”
The Mighty Monarch
July 4th, 2008 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Luann: Remind me again, why did the DeGroots want Brad to move back? They seem to appreciate TJ a lot more. Seems to me that if Brad shacked up with Toni while TJ used his Queer Eye to enrich the DeGroots’ lives, then everyone gets what they want.

MW: This is a bit of a n00b question, but how the hell did Mary save Jeff’s life? Today’s strip makes it seem like she gave him random medical advice, which makes him seem like the most incompetent doctor ever:

Jeff — Put Mr. Abner on wide-spectrum antibiotics!
Other Doc — Uh… why the hell would we do that? If the guy needed antibiotics, he’d be on antibiotics. We’re not idiots.
Jeff — I speak from personal experience. You see, Mary Worth saved my life.
OD — By telling you to go on antibiotics?
Jeff — Yes.
OD — So you had the same illness as Mr. Abner?
Jeff — … Beats me.
OD — Is Mary Worth a doctor?
Jeff — No.
OD — Any medical training?
Jeff — No.
OD — So what does this have to do with Mr. Abner?
Jeff — Mary saved my life.
OD — So let me get this straight. You want to give Mr. Abner an unnecessary treatment because you had to differ to a layperson to treat your own illness, which probably was completely different than what we’re dealing with now.
Jeff — Yes.
OD — You’re an idiot.
commodorejohn
July 4th, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

A3G – Help me, Margo, help me get her out of my arms…

Archie – The ALGJU3K, only able to find frontal shots of Wendy’s founder Dave Thomas, has come up with a rather poor synthetic profile shot for him. That’s alright, ALGJU3K, just keep trying. You’ll pass that Turing test one day.

A.D. – Er, what?

FC – Wow. This is a new low in lame malapropisms in a strip that consists solely of lame malapropisms.

FOOB – “If men were only taught as boys to do things for themselves, this problem wouldn’t exist?” Fuck you, Elly. No, seriously, fuck you.

FW – Wow. And here I thought it’d be Crazy Harry the post-office employee who introduced the term “shooting spree” to the Westview papers.

H&L – Note to KFS coloring monkeys: if you don’t want it to look like the exceedingly lame fireworks show is taking place on the Moon, it would be advisable to color the water a different color than the sand.

JP – Hey, all you naysayers comparing Judge Parker to Michael Patterson: the Judge actually asks for critical analysis of his work. So there.

Luann – Oh Lord. I think our predictions – all of them – were on the money. Pretty soon Luann’s going to find out about T.J.’s other recipe for “blueberry crumble” and Mrs. DeGroot is going to “formalize the adoption.” Yikes.

Popeye – Somehow I can’t quite picture Circe reciting that. Even in Greek. Maybe she bought some cheap-o discount grimoire of dark secrets?

SFx – haha YES. This is awesome.
Gabacho
July 4th, 2008 at 11:24 am [Reply]

#222 AeroSquid Brenda Starr – Brenda is still glorious and glamorous. Hank, the freckled chick who is as gender ambiguous as Pat of SNL, has not played a big role recently but she is still around.

In the current series, Brenda is in Kazookistan with Basil St. John’s son by another woman (Wanda Fonda), looking for Basil. It’s as over the top as ever.

People drink, smoke, apparently have casual sex and certainly have amazing adventures in this strip.

I advise you and all other ‘mudges to follow this wonderful series at http://www.gocomics.com/brendastarr/

Sally Forth – “a tad menacing”? This is why I love Ted. Unlike others here, I actually believe him to be a heterosexual male, just a really whacky odd sort of such, and he is at his best when says things like “a tad menacing.”
queek
July 4th, 2008 at 11:45 am [Reply]

JP: Wilson has been reading the CC. $25,000 advance, *indeed!*

MG&G: Mike Peters has also been reading the CC.

A&J: great Acme riff.

yesterday’s Frazz was wonderful.

Jump Start beats out HotC and SF by a smidgen for best 4th of July-themed strip.
Dicky
July 4th, 2008 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

Baldo: Why is that one faceless background person also well-shaded? It sort of frightens me. Is he about to reap the soul of that jovial child in front of him? Turn about and change this celebration into a sea of blood and death?
Red Greenback
July 4th, 2008 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

FC: More information about the lyrics for “Onthe boardwalk at Atlantic City” CANNOT be found on the internet.
Minnie
July 4th, 2008 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

MW July 4: It’s a comfort to see what the doc bases his life-and-death medical decisions on, after all those years of training.
Deena in OR
July 4th, 2008 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

234-Red:

Au contraire! http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/ragtime/atlanticcity.htm

We had the title wrong. It’s “of Atlantic City”, not “at Atlantic City”. Thank you, IMDB!
AeroSquid
July 4th, 2008 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

Brenda Starr: Wait…Basil is still around ? Does he still have to inject himself with Balck Orchid serum ? And what is Brenda doing with his son ? Some sort of couger hunt thing ? What about Dice Donimo ? Is he still sniffing around our star reporter ? Damn ! I’ve wasted so many years NOT knowing !!!!
AeroSquid
July 4th, 2008 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

BLACK Orchid….sorry.
Brick Bradford
July 4th, 2008 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

The version of the Bozo story I heard (in Buffalo, NY) had the kid telling Bozo a dirty joke comparing a woman to a frying pan (I ain’t goin’ there). When Bozo told said kid that this was a Bozo no-no the kid supposedly responded, “Eat shit, clown”.

I want it to be true, but I doubt it.
AeroSquid
July 4th, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

DOMINO ! Damn !
AeroSquid
July 4th, 2008 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

COUGAR !!!!!!!!!!!
AeroSquid
July 4th, 2008 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

We need spell check !!!
Eric the Baker
July 4th, 2008 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

Today’s thread is an example of why I love CC and the ‘mudges. I love learning about stuff like the soundtrack lyrics of old movies, and the meaning of Ian Fleming story titles. Not only do I feel it makes me a well rounded person, but it’s also self-serving. I can justify the time I spend reading comics, snarking and reading CC, by pointing to what I learn here.

Shaky logic, I know, but one takes what one can get!
LTBF
July 4th, 2008 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

229-True, but Parker is asking someone with zero experience in the publishing business who is also a good friend (and a character in the book) to give his opinion. Hardly an objective or experienced person. It would be like Wed reading mike’s book.

While he is at least soliciting publishing advice, its still pretty useless. I doubt John Grisham got to demand his own advance on his first book.
AeroSquid
July 4th, 2008 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

Dondi: Hahahaha! Dondi has been captured by gypsies and is begging for food !
AeroSquid
July 4th, 2008 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

The Yellow Kid: Whoa ! The YK is insulting Irishmen !
AeroSquid
July 4th, 2008 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

Nancy: Sluggo’s funny balloon somehow managed to float all the way to Castro’s palace ! (If ANY of you remember that one, sound off !)
Paul1963
July 4th, 2008 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

Gasoline Alley: Walt celebrates his 111th Independence day.
Since the comicspage.com message boards are no more, I’ll have to find somewhere else to write the storyline that will apparently never appear in the actual strip itself–Walt finally passes away, quietly and with dignity. I’m thinking Livejournal or Wordpress.

Vince M. @ #160–I was sure some marketing drone would nix the title Quantum of Solace before the trailer came out, but there it was, with that title intact, at the preview of Hancock I attended Monday night.

I’m reasonably sure the 7/3 Family Circus is another one lifted intact from the archives. Skateboarding was big for a while in the mid-70s, too.
LTBF
July 4th, 2008 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

FC-How many six year olds are even familiar with “Under the boardwalk”?
AeroSquid
July 4th, 2008 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

GoComics.com has a message board (inspired by the CC)
cheech wizard
July 4th, 2008 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

A3G – Looks like Gabriella got into Alan’s dope – sort of like a squirrel chewing on a power line.

FC – On the Atlantic City boardwalk? Why is Dolly singing a song about whores? Must be one her mom taught her.

MT – “I have a deadline to meet! Also, a riding crop and I’m not afraid to use it, jah?

Big Dog – They sure have some strange July Fourth customs in Marmaduke-land. Sacrificing people to a giant statue of the Egyptian god Anubis just is not the American way.

Phantom: “Criminals would rule this city if not for me!”

See! He did chase off all the oil execs!

Pluggers: Pluggers are fat and don’t care what they look like.

DtM – Alice is clearly looped. In fact, she looks like she’s giddily telling Dennis that the fireworks are like “what daddy does when mommy is very, very nice to him!” And Henry just smiles.
Gojira
July 4th, 2008 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

#235, etc. re: Dolly’s tune in the FC: Not sure that’s the right song. Dolly’s singing “On the birdWALK in that Lantic City…”, but the song is titled just “Atlantic City” and the lyrics don’t include the word “boardwalk.” At first, I thought it was some kind of takeoff on the Drifters’ “On the Boardwalk”, but that song doesn’t mention Atlantic City.

Maybe the Keanes are secret agents and it’s some kind of code.
Red Greenback
July 4th, 2008 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

Thanks Deena in OR!

“That Lantic City”

Ext. Sunny fourth of July day in park

Dolly Keane: (walking briskly along singing to the evil spirits only she can see)
“On the birdwalk in that Lantic City…”

The Neighbor Boy-Ricky:
“Uh-oh, don’t look now!”

Dolly:
“..where the dear little anteaters pray…”

Rick’s cousin from out of town-Micky: (of course , too late, he’s already roused by Dolly’s warbling)
“Who is that enchanting creature?”

Ricky:
“Ease up, friend, she’s crazy as a shithouse rat!”

Micky:
“I like my women a little crazy, besides, she reminds me of a young Tori Spelling! Va va va voom!

Dolly: (fast approaching)
“..like a starburst, waiting on the pie. He knows I want to eat….”

Ricky:
“Serious, dude, they don’t let her out of the “Kompound” very often. Must be a good day, but what puzzles me is…”

Dolly (closer, closer)
“…got eggs, she’s knows its a dozen…”

Ricky: “…the pail. I hear she carries her own excrement in that thing and word on the street is, when the singing stops, you’d better be dressed like a front row Gallager patron. We’d best be seeking shelter!”

Dolly:
“…….?”

Rick and Mick:
“GAAAAAHHHH!

Rick:
“Holy Crap! She must have been saving that batch for a couple a months! GAK, GAK!”

Micky:
“Disgusting!… but I still think she’s cute.

Dolly:(off frame, voice fading into distance)
“…ground round, get ground round, I get ground round (yeah!)..”
Brent
July 4th, 2008 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

248, LTBF:

“Under the Boardwalk” I could potentially believe, because that gets airplay. Dolly is singing “On the Boardwalk in Atlantic City”, which is a far less known song from an old musical.

235, Deena:

Yeah, that’s right, I’m saying that the preposition is “in”, not “of” or “at”. Google tells me so with a “On the Boardwalk * Atlantic City” search (asterisks are your friends in phrase searches where you’re not sure of a preposition). I’ll take the word of sites dedicated to classic musicals over the word of IMDB on this.
Calico
July 4th, 2008 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

I don’t have a lot of snark today because I’m gardening with Mary Worth and Thel Keane, but I wanted to mention a couple of things that cracked me up recently:
Uncle Lumpy’s main posts
Nekrotzar’s essay on what Dee tells Liz about her impending fate when married to Granthony (so good, I saved it on my PC)
Dingo’s depiction of Ron Amalfi doing Mary until she can’t take it any more
And many many others!
Happy Birthday USA!
Calico
July 4th, 2008 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

#229 – I actually saw a video of ball lightning once-trés weird, but magnificent too.
I hope Bob W. Jr, goes for the Tunguska Blast next.
BTW, Dude, I learn more from you than Jackelrod’s Sunday nature lessons now.
AeroSquid
July 4th, 2008 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

Craiglist/Anthony/Lizardbreath/Edited:

This is a long rant, so bear with me or hit your back button. Damn Cat ! STOP IT ! I’m frustrated and in no mood for your shit either, so if you don’t want to read it, well…

So I’m dating a nice guy now (I’ll call him Granthony) and it SUCKS. No other way to explain it, it just SUCKS. He’s no challenge. He agrees with everything I say. He’s got a psycho ex-wife and a little smart ass kid that thinks her Quebec’QUA (that sounds klingon) mother is going to return one day in the Mall . Anyone ever seen that Friends episode when everyone had to pee on the jellyfish wound ? YEAH, my boyfriend does NOT like pee sex. I suggest toilet bondage and he throw’s up. He’s just too nice. Nice is boring. I’ve never heard him raise his voice (except that time when we went to that erotic bakery and the eclairs were bigger than his penis). He’s never aggressive. He has no edge. He won’t even drive over the speed limit (WE LIVE IN FUCKING CANADA !) and that annoys the poop out of me, yet I sit in the passenger seat and keep my mouth shut like a good little foob clone… watching everyone whiz by us. WHOOOOOSH!

And don’t get me started on the sex. Oh, excuse me… BABY MAKING. After he squirts stuff in my BABY MAKING CHAMBER (note I didn’t mention anything about ME squirting stuff), he rolls over and says “Oh, that was nice….PRAISE GOD !” with a little sigh. I KID YOU NOT, he says it EVERY TIME and then he sighs like he has just woken from a refreshing nap. Then I have to put Lesbian midget bondage pee porno to get off while he microwaves Hotpockets!!! I finally got so tired of sex through a hole in the sheet and him looking like a Woodchuck on LSD and groaning like 65 Dodge Dart in need of an oil change as he came, that I threw him down on the couch one night and mounted him….anally. At first he was terrified – yes, TERRIFIED. He thought something had possessed me. SATAN ? And he did– it was sheer MADNESS. I scared the poop out of him that night. And then he sighed and said “Oh, that was wrong…then he got on his old 80’s cell phone…*beep* *beep* *beep* MOM ? “.
Eric the Baker
July 4th, 2008 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

FC: More appropriate would be for Dolly to be marching along, (on this Nationalist holiday in the US,) singing, to the tune of Colonel Bogey’s March, (you know the one that is whistled in Bridge on the River Kwai).

Hitler Has Only Got One Ball

Hitler has only got one ball,
Goering has two but ver-y small,
Himmler’s are somewhat sim’lar,
And Goebbels, has no balls, at all.
Calico
July 4th, 2008 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

Hahahah! Hot Pockets (cue three note jingle)

BTW again, anyone been reading Doodles by Mac & Sack lately? Are they still around?
Dean Booth’s PS of a while ago with the Lion shitting the Koala out was another great Mudge moment.
AeroSquid
July 4th, 2008 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

HOT POCKETS !
Shoshi
July 4th, 2008 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

“On the Boardwalk in Atlantic City”, the song mentioned as being from the 1946 movie, “The Little Girls In Blue”, apparently also made an appearance in the 1991 movie, “Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken”. However, I’m guessing Dolly’s familiarity with it *does* stem from Grandma’s records.

Apparently this are the lyrics:

On the boardwalk in Atlantic City,
We will walk in a dream,
Cinderella, you will find your fella,
Someone that you’ve waited for!
In romantic enchantic Atlantic city,
Down on the old (not the new but the)
New (not the old but the)
Jer-(not the “yer” but the)
–sey (not the “bee” but the)
Shore (not the land but) the shore.
Deena in OR
July 4th, 2008 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

Brent-
You’re right! I’m posting from work, so was kinda doing my search surreptitiously. Ah well, I sit corrected :)
John C Fremont
July 4th, 2008 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

Hey! Bruce Springsteen recorded the song “Atlantic City.”

The Assistant Director for the 1944 movie “Atlantic City?” Bud Springsteen.

Coincidence? Well, yes, of course, but still.

(Thank you, IMDB!)
bats :[
July 4th, 2008 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

205. Nurse with a penis: I think it’s also a blessing that the workings of a hospital, aside from volunteers delivering magazines to patients ~~and then meddling them to death~~, are kept to a minimum in MW.
MORE CHARTERSTONE PARTIES!

214. True Fable re FC: oh, thank God, it isn’t just me! I know you have a real musical flair, and if YOU couldn’t figure it out…
…yeah, this is just as crappy as every other FC panel.

re Phantom: true, but with Diane’s association with the Phantom for so long, she probably is familiar with the entire spectrum of Quaint to Odd to Eccentric (I think is where stripey underwear comes in) to Disturbed to Nuts to Fuckin’ Nuts.

220: cheech: hell, does Max even KNOW (or give a damn, right up until about 10 minutes ago) who his kid’s friends are? “Knock off that racket! I’m trying to sue somebody!”

227. anonymous: thanks for clearing up that mystery. Good lord, how convoluted and obscure!
(And lie if you must, but you really AREN’T Bil Keane, are you?)

I think the issue here is that Dolly is singing just an amazingly obscure song. There are a lot of choices from Granma’s time — why doesn’t she just choose a more popular one?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2637150940/
Orange Doorhinge
July 4th, 2008 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

#228 Mighty Monarch: But they’ve tried EVERY THING ELSE!
Brent
July 4th, 2008 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

FW: Hey, Montoni! If you didn’t want your reputation to be ruined with bad pizza, you shouldn’t have given a guy named Funky control of your business. Really, what we you thinking?
commodorejohn
July 4th, 2008 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

#255 Calico – Oh, an SFx/CfC on the Tunguska explosion would rule. Especially if it talked about Nikola Tesla’s potential connection to the event.

#265 Brent – What I’ve always wondered: is “Funky” actually his given name?
Greenbrastic
July 4th, 2008 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

# 219 Ms. Honeystump does indeed possess a glorious FUPA, brazenly accentuated by her stretchy mom jeans.
Muffaroo
July 4th, 2008 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

Patriotic Friday Funnies:

9CL – So what are they doing? Swiftly mailing these messages back and forth via some fast comical version of the USPS? Or is this taking place over a period of weeks? Not that it matters. It’s still boring as, um, butter.

AD – Ah. The scent of romance, I guess. Drink, drink, mark, drink.

Crock –

cac·cia·to·re adj.: Prepared with tomatoes, onions, mushrooms, herbs, and sometimes wine: chicken cacciatore.

In other words… wha-?

DT – As the henchmen turn into classic figure/ground illusions, Tracy comes to a stunning realization: his laxative isn’t working! Time to “dump it” with “M.O.”!

Doonesbury – Looks like Leo needs to get into one of those comic strips where everybody can read your thought balloons. Garfield, maybe, or Marvin. Then he’d know there are worse things than being stared at, pitied, ignored, or whatever.

FC – Ha ha. C’mon, Dolly, say “frigidator” and “pusketty” again. You bloody 53-year-old midget, you.

Fred Bassett – And that would be funny, because …?

Luann – I want to see TJ give two thumbs up and say “Eyyyyyy!”

MF – I’m ever so impressed that he didn’t just go with two flags and a picture of a rocket instead of trying to be funny.

MT – Kelly’s cross-eyed with rage today, instead of being cross-eyed with mischievousness, coquettishness, happiness, ennui, enthusiasm or perplexity.

MW – Antibiotics, eh? Well, that’s got to work better than my plan, which was to buy every single “Get Well” card in the Hallmark store. You’re a genius, Dr. Cory!

S-M This is the most exciting strip in a long… oh, wait, this is Mother Goose and Grimm. My bad.

1BH – So the Joker got together with Cruella DeVille 49 years ago, eh?

Piranha Club – I don’t want to spoil anybody’s innocent fun, but is he going to repeat every joke from Thimble Theatre in this sequence?

Formerly Known as Ben @207 – The armadillo’s (armadilla?) been in the strip for decades.
Mibbitmaker
July 4th, 2008 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

FC: Let’s see…. Dolly badly botching the lyrics to a song that only elderly people are likely to know, ending up in a malpropism.

That’s it! Dolly is starting her Crankshaft training.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 4th, 2008 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

#228 Mighty Monarch,
Mary went to Vietnam where Jeff was lying delirious in bed, suffering from something or other. Mary overruled his incompetent Hanoi doctors and changed his treatment somehow. Then she dragged his ass home and later sent his would-be-stud son in his place. I’m sorry for the sketchiness of detail, but there’s only so much I can remember without severe migraines.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 4th, 2008 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

#268 Muffaroo,
Yeah, but she’s never looked so hot before. Or maybe it’s the Spanish fly I mixed into my iced tea.
Hank
July 4th, 2008 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

RE: 257, Eric the Baker: Did really mean to imply, by calling Independence Day a “nationalist” holiday, that July 4th is facist or jingoistic? Because, those are the generally accepted meanings of nationalist, as opposed to, say, “patriotic”?
Poteet
July 4th, 2008 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

Judging from the reaction, I think a lot of us needed Ms. Honeystump. It’s July, no Aldo in sight, and the competition is Kelly Welly and Shirl Locke. Ew.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
July 4th, 2008 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

#272 Hank: Regardless of EtB’s intentions, I hereby submit that Independence Day is indeed a nationalistic movie. Bill Pullman, ladies and gentlemen, President for Life!
gnome de blog
July 4th, 2008 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

220 Cheech Wizard said:

Rex Morgan is incapable of irony.

Woody Wilson writes Rex Morgan. He also writes Judge Parker, where he’s doing a nice little snark on Michael Patterson’s book writin’ career. Rex the character may not be capable of irony, but I’ll betcha Woody is.
Brent
July 4th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

266, commodorejohn:

I don’t know. I just figure that if it isn’t a descriptive nickname then it’s a sign of disturbingly twisted parenting (which might also explain his alcoholism).

272, Hank:

I think perhaps he means National. A National Day is the proper phrase to refer to a country’s day that celebrates their founding or independence… without getting into the specifics of what a specific day is called (for example, Canada’s National Day is currently called Canada Day, but used to be called Dominion Day).

There seems to be a tendency these days for people to add syllables to words that could already do the job. Sometimes, as in this case, is radically changes the meaning.
The Mighty Monarch
July 4th, 2008 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

#270 – Artist formerly known as Ben – I appreciate the recap! Now I know that Mary’s medical meddling was previously limited to the opposite side of the world. Dr. Jeff’s still out of his gourd to base his treatment on her, though.
Random Pedant
July 4th, 2008 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

Hank 272: One expects that, by calling it nationalistic, he meant it is associated with nationalism (”loyalty and devotion to a nation; especially: a sense of national consciousness exalting one nation above all others and placing primary emphasis on promotion of its culture and interests as opposed to those of other nations or supranational groups”).

Not fascism (”a political philosophy, movement, or regime that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition”), nor jingoism (”extreme chauvinism or nationalism marked especially by a belligerent foreign policy”). All fascism is nationalistic, and all jingoism is nationalistic, but most nationalism is neither fascist nor jingoist; in fact, most nationalism is called patriotism by members of the nation in question.

[/pedantic]
Eric the Baker
July 4th, 2008 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

I did indeed mean it in the sense that Random Pedant at #272 describes. I had thought about putting on a disclaimer, but was quite tired when I posted that last one.

Simply said, Random Redant summed up my meaning very well. Thank you.

BTW, the words to the song that I posted are understood to be the words that would have been sung by the men in the movie. From what I understand, the movie bosses decided that implying it was enough, and backed off from actually putting the words in there, in order to not offend.
Eric the Baker
July 4th, 2008 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

damn, I meant, Random Pedant at #278, not #272.
John DeGroot
July 5th, 2008 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

It seems that hot babes are impossible to draw in Curtis-land. They have fairly attractive bosoms and wear those mom jeans (as parodied on SNL) and top off their slightly butterface body with a muppet-like head.

If that is Curtis’ first schoolboy crush on a teacher, it only serves to bolster the theory about some black males who will take a over look the fact that a woman is homely simply because she is white. The same applies to many Mexicans. In both cases, the white woman also tends to be on the chubby side.
Funky smelling crankshafted corpse
July 5th, 2008 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

Curtis: If it had been “Miss Honeypot” that would have made lots of sense idomatically. (And it actually is a slang word from the 18th century).

Sad that he missed by so little.
Paul1963
July 7th, 2008 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

Eric the Baker: Here’s a slightly different set of lyrics to the Colonel Bogey March, courtesy of British comics writer Garth Ennis:

Hitler has only got one ball.
The other is in the Albert Hall.
Himmler has something sim’lar
And poor Goebbels has no balls at all!

Ennis used Hitler’s missing bit as the McGuffin in his hugely entertaining and terribly, terribly wrong-on-so-many-levels series, Adventures in the Rifle Brigade: Operation Bollock.

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I am immature

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