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Can’t live with ‘em; can’t live without ‘em

Women, amirite?

Phantom, 2/17/13

OK, so the Phantom adheres to the quaint old ‘50′s-TV-cowboy “shoot the guns from the bad guys’ hands” ethic, while Savarna just stone cold kills the bastards, no fuss. But the Ghost Who Negotiates ought to know that while employers may set terms and conditions (like uniforms, mmm…) for their workers, they can’t go around telling independent contractors like Savarna how to deliver their services. What I’m saying is if he hasn’t got a W-2 job on offer here, he’d better let Savarna continue her reign of bloody 1099-MISC slaughter, or there’ll be hell to pay with the IRS.

Lockhorns panel, 2/17/13

At last we know what keeps the Lockhorns together: as devout Catholics, death is the only permissible exit from their loveless hell of a marriage. But really, Father — a penance enhancement for Leroy? Isn’t Loretta enough? You’ve just heard the endless catalog of her horrifying sins against this poor man; have you no mercy? Don’t pretend you can’t hear me, Padre, I know you’re still in there!

Sally Forth, 2/17/13

Ted tries desperately to charm Sally out of her Seasonal Affective Disorder. I know you’re probably wondering, “Why should Ted and Sally have all the fun? Why can’t I enjoy the full-on Charles in Charge theme song karaoke binge experience?” Well, faithful reader, wonder no more:

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/17/13

Apparently cancer stripper Dolores’ gender-sniffin’ powers work only on the preborn, otherwise how could she have missed out on Honey’s Big Secret? Or maybe Honey is always extra-careful to put the seat back down? Seriously, is there any other way to read this? “Rex, I want you to know I’m not like the other girls. Not like other girls at all, CHECK IT OUT DOC!

Poor Rex instantly shrivels back to his tiny prepubescent boyhood, to relive his psychosexual development in light of this revelation, and maybe get it right this time.

Crankshaft, 2/17/13

This has nothing to do with women, or of course humor — I just thought you’d enjoy seeing Ed Crankshaft in pain. Was I wrong? I don’t think so!


Hey, Josh is once again abandoning you for his annual winter sojurn at scenic Undisclosed Location. No fundraiser this time around, but I’ll be here through next Sunday. If you have any site issues, drop me a line at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net and I’ll do what I can to help.

♫ I want Charles in charge of meeeee … ♫

– Uncle Lumpy

190 responses to “Can’t live with ‘em; can’t live without ‘em”

  1. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 17th, 2013 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    What the….

    Stumbled across first post again?

  2. tallyHO
    February 17th, 2013 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    I’m switching it around. Instead of giving up Ziggy, I’m giving up Free Will.

    I, too, want Charles in charge of me!

    //I just couldn’t stay away.
    Thanks ahead of time, Uncle Lumpy.

  3. Poteet
    February 17th, 2013 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    LOCKHORNS — Just seven Our Fathers??? I got fifteen Hail Marys when I was ten for confessing to deliberately looking at a little black and white burlesque ad in our local paper, and the lady had on a bikini, for crying out loud.

  4. Poteet
    February 17th, 2013 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    Welcome, Uncle Lumpy! I’m going to resist that CHARLES IN CHARGE thing, though. Yep, I’m going to resist. Resist. Resist…….well, it is kinda catchy.

  5. Poteet
    February 17th, 2013 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    MW — Now we know why that cake won — it’s a shape-shifting entity. Look at how it subtly transformed itself in just five panels. It probably has some of Mary’s very special DNA. *shudder*

  6. Poteet
    February 17th, 2013 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#3): Hahaha, the priest in that confessional when I was ten would have given Rex about six hundred Hail Marys.

  7. CSB
    February 17th, 2013 at 4:44 am [Reply]

    LOCKHORNS – You know, it’s not unheard of for Catholic churches to organize trips to Rome for the choir, where they are (at least in the case of my mother’s trip) given the opportunity to sing at the Vatican.

    I’m just saying that if something like that was in the Lockhorns’ future, it might explain the sudden announcement of Benedict XVI’s retirement.

  8. Lenoxus
    February 17th, 2013 at 6:46 am [Reply]

    You haven’t seen a spoken-word interpretation of the Charles in Charge until you’ve seen one Hunter Davis do it as Ian McKellan.

  9. Stroker Ace
    February 17th, 2013 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    RM MD – Dude looks like a lady. Karaoke THAT, Forths!

  10. Liam
    February 17th, 2013 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    RMMD-Rex is afraid of a woman’s sexuality. I’m surprised that he has a child and another one on the way.

    JP-And have you told your bride to be about what happened and what is her reaction.

    MW-And where are the other cakes. This is a cake competition and the only cake we saw was falling to the floor.

    FW-Petrified like these jokes.

    FW 2-”Take my wife, please.”

  11. Mr. Fibuli
    February 17th, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    They sure shook up the cast of Charles in Charge between the first and second seasons.
    Jennifer Runyon can also be seen as the girl Bill Murray is attempting to seduce at the beginning of Ghostbusters.

  12. Notebooked
    February 17th, 2013 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    [cigarette smoke rising to the roof, sipping a glass of whiskey] I want…Charles in charge of me…[tears falling to the floor like a gentle spring rain striking the asphalt] I want…Charles in charge of me.

  13. The Divine O’F
    February 17th, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy, can you please answer a question that has been driving me crazy for a few weeks? What was going on with Dick Tracy when Walt Wallet came to visit and they talked about old times together? Isn’t Walt about 115 years old? And then the whole interlude was just dropped. Do you have any idea what the artists were trying to do with that? Any guesses, anyway?

  14. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    February 17th, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Just get Crankshaft in *my* dental chair, and you all can enjoy his pain. His endless, endless pain.

  15. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    February 17th, 2013 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    If they’re such devout Catholics, why don’t Leroy and Loretta have kids?

    Because they never have sex, of course.

    Glad we cleared that up. The thought of them screwing is migraine-inducing.

  16. Shran
    February 17th, 2013 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: “Is it safe? No? Well, too bad!”

  17. Revenge4Aldo
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    ASM “It’s not you… it’s me.” Oh Spider-man, I’ve been here before. It means the person is being nice and the problem is really you.

  18. pugfuggly
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    Phantom knows that all ethical dilemmas can be answered by asking ‘What would Princess Diana Do?” Well, all dilemmas except those involving choices in romantic partners anyhow.

    Lockhorns “Of course I got back at the father and God by leaving a nice puddle of piss here on the church floor. Take that, Lord.”

    S4th I have a follow-up question: how are you even able to speak after nine hours of singing sitcom themes? Your larynx should be trying to choke off your air supply to save itself by now.

  19. Liam
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth-”Ted, you know how you’ve been asking me why we don’t do more things with our neighbors and why they constantly look down their noses on us. It’s because of things like this.”

  20. Liam
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth-”Plus it helps drown the screams from our neighbors that we were holding hostage.”

  21. sully
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    NOTE TO SELF: Never appear alongside Scott Baio in a sit-com, unless you want to suddenly disappear, or never get work as an actor again.

  22. Jesse
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    I have a special place in my heart for 80s sitcoms and their theme songs. And Scott Baio, definitely Scott Baio! Thank you Uncle Lumpy for making my morning. :)

    Jess

  23. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    MT — Gorillas, meh. I’m still waiting (with bated breath, mind you) for The REAL Mark Trail to devote an entire Sunday Mark Trail to the chromodoris reticulata of Japan and its disposable penis:

    http://www.codewit.com/society-culture/5446-sea-slug-chromodoris-reticulata-discards-its-penis-after-sex-and-grows-another

  24. Amos Snarkadder
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Cranked Shaft: I’ve heard that people have died in dental chairs. It could happen, couldn’t it?

  25. Holly Folly
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    All I can think of when Ted says they sang a spoken word version of Charles in Charge is that they were both trying to sing like William Shatner. Aaannd now I can’t stop hearing that. Thanks Sally Forth.

  26. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns — “Seven Brides for Seven Our Fathers”… Wasn’t that a movie with Jane Powell and Howard Keel?

    RMMD — What if Honey is hiding a disposable penis (like the chromodoris reticulata of Japan) under her towel? HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE???

  27. Huckleberry Fink
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#26): “Disposable Penis” would be a great name for an all-female metal band.

  28. Amos Snarkadder
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur Weston should go in Mary’s place. Wilbur, John Dill, and Chef Pierre – that should make a good story for Wilbur’s “I Should Be Dead, But I Survived!” At least for one of them.

  29. Amos Snarkadder
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    MT: And then there’s the Southern Part of the State gorilla. There is only one known juvenile living in the vicinity of Lost Forest. Once he reaches maturity he’ll be entered into a selective breeding program. That is, if they can find a mate that isn’t too selective.

  30. Old Folkie
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    MT: 50,000 gorillas are “critically endangered”? Bah. At one point, California Condors were down to 22 birds – now THAT’S critically endangered!

  31. TheDiva
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: The only thing that could make this better would be if the dentist was Steve Martin from Little Shop of Horrors.

    Lockhorns: Standing in the corner? What, did Leroy borrow a hymnal without asking or sneak some communion wafers without permission?

    Phantom: Let’s face it, the only reason today’s strip exists is for the Rule 36 Phantom art.

  32. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    @Jesse (#22): I’m still waiting (with Baio-ed breath, mind you) for Uncle Lumpy to post a video of Scott Baio’s “Wrong Hole.”

    “Wrong Hole” also seems to sum up the happenings in today’s Rex Morgan rather nicely.

  33. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Fetish for…?

  34. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    PBS: ok, since I’m assuming that Pastis is not referencing Bocca Musica’s “Enormous Penis”, what song are those lyrics to? They’ve been changed a bit, since the googles are worthless, but I know they’re from something. help?

  35. The Ridger
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Well, it’s also possible to read this as Honey meaning that she not only strips, she also fucks, but I have to admit that I thought of the exact same thing as you, Uncle Lumpy!

  36. TheDiva
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    9CL: These two are getting married and will possibly procreate. There is no justice in the world.

    BRSG: Maybe it’s the helmets. Messes with their vision.

    FW: I suspect Batiuk has somehow forgotten how to tell jokes, so he goes back to his past strips for hints. “Okay, there was something about band candy here…maybe band candy is funny? I don’t know, let’s give it a shot…”

    Luann: So, eventually all the men in Luann’s life come to their senses and realize they’d be much happier with other girls. There’s hope for Quill yet.

    MW: “New York’s not for me, John, it’s full of interesting people (some of whom aren’t even white!) and there’s no Bum Boat and there’s a chance you might get food that’s something other than colorless mush…”

    Pluggers long for the good old days of Hays Office censorship.

    SM: Why don’t more superheroes give Spidey the “It’s not you, it’s me” dismissal?

  37. Majicou
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Frazz: First, vinegar and baking soda will not get you an A. When I was in school, that shit would get you an F for “lazy fucker.” Second, Mentos and Diet Coke don’t produce blue smoke, so I have to wonder what kind of chemical warfare this little cockdribble is trying to pull.

    Pluggers: …visit the cleanest porno theater in town and blame society.

  38. Kevin
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#34): the closest song I can think of is “The Old Philosopher” by Eddie Lawrence. Vaguely similar concepts, but that’s about as far as it goes.

  39. Majicou
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#34): Who? That’s a Da Vinci’s Notebook song.

    @Kevin (#38): Well, lift your head up high!

  40. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Frazz: I thought she was always drinking coffee?

    A&J: CIDU

    AD: featuring a proto-McEldowny.

    GF: I would be amused by a painting of dogs playing Scrabble.

    SBp: Watterson did it better.

    Bizarro: *snurk* (and also rather naughty, in a squicky way.)

    FW: *throws coprolites*

    MG&G: guest written by Wiley Miller. also, the answer is “yes” due to tourism.

    Mutts: yes, yes they do!

    6Cx: it’s funny because no one is reading a newspaper, amirite?

    SFx: NSFBG!!!

    Retail: googling for ideas at deadline, are we?

  41. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    I had a mix tape in college that just randomly included the Charles in Charge theme and the Denver the Last Dinosaur theme among the normal songs.

  42. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @Majicou (#39): yup, that’s the song, but I’ve only seen it done by a local RenFest group. It’s a blast as the two guys try to outdo each other with various “euphamisms” at the end of the song. The girls usually stop them after “yogurt slinger.”

    “tallywacker” is such a fun word. just sayin’.

  43. bbofun
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    FW- At conventions like this, aren’t the sessions usually about a particular subject the speaker is particularly well-versed on? Not just auditions for “The Chuckle Hut?”

    RMMD- Rex knows all there is to know about the crying game.

    MW- “Go to New York without me, John- and leave the $10,000.”

    ASM- “I’m poison. Box office poison, that is- that’s why they’ll never make a sequel with me. Hell, you got 3 movies and a re-boot! All I got was that awful ‘Electra” movie and I wasn’t even in it!”

  44. bbofun
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Holy crap, I just realized- you know why we haven’t met “Junior” during this whole Rex Morgan story? HONEY IS JUNIOR! S/he’s been siphoning rent money for his sex change! It all makes sense now!

    And now I need to scrub myself clean. Should take a day or so, and lots of scalding hot water.

  45. Rusty
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Now we know what it takes to get Crankshaft to take off his hat.

  46. tb4000
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I know the requisite gag is to say Honey has a dick, but the much more mentally scarring rationale would be she doesn’t, and that Rex is actually seeing a vagina for the first time because, you know, everytime he and June get intimate his eyes are tightly shut.

  47. Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-)
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Since virtually every Catholic church I know of ripped out their old-fashioned confessionals after Vatican II (about 50 years ago), Leroy and Loretta obviously belong to the SSPX, a breakaway schismatic Roman Catholic group committed to bringing back the “good old days” of confessionals, Latin Mass and mild anti-Semitism. Explains a lot.

  48. Peanut Gallery
    February 17th, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#3): Not that you’re still steamed about it, of course. :-)

  49. teenchy
    February 17th, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#27): It’s been done, if not as a band name then definitely as a song title.

  50. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 17th, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    the stress of finding lols on Saturday is to find epic ones to keep faith with bb,u and her theory that my Saturday squee is the best.

    the stress of finding lols on Sunday is finding *any* worth posting.

    fun with blizzards.

    no wonder there’s nothing on most of the lolsites. My Little Brony has 7+ new pages since yesterday. o_O

    feels you will have dem. *d’awwww*

    WANT!!!

    aaand, TDP is a retriever.

    happy Sundog.

    a corgi named Linus! ^. .^

  51. Mibbitmaker
    February 17th, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-) (#47): No wonder their favorite actor is Mel Gibson!

  52. Mibbitmaker
    February 17th, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Phantom: “Okay, Mr. High and Mighty, I’ll stop killing bad guys if that’s so bad. I’m sure they prefer the humane and ethical way of being scarred for life by your Phantom ring there, Ghost-Who-Shouldn’t-Stand-in-Judgment!”

    S4th: “It’s about being silly.” As it goes with Teddy boy. Many an old Looney Tunes/Merry Melodies character has pointed at him from on the TV screen, saying, “I like him, he’s silly!”

    RMMD, meta: I don’t know, UL…. if Honey were all Crying Game, I think Rex would actually like it! “Finally, MY kinda ‘gal’! Hey, June?!…. I’m leaving you and my unborn child for my Dream ‘Gal’! Toodles!” Then, after the divorce, Rex and Honey will find a state they can marry in.

    Crank: Omigod! Crankshaft’s disease is SPREADING! Acute Malapropitis spreads through the mouth, not surprisingly.

  53. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 17th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    What I’m saying is if he hasn’t got a W-2 job on offer here, he’d better let Savarna continue her reign of bloody 1099-MISC slaughter, or there’ll be hell to pay with the IRS.

    Somebody’s bitter about their quarterly tax payments…

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Whatever, pointy ears. Just so long as you don’t break out into “Every Rose Has Its Thorn,” we’re cool.

    Apt. 3-G: I empathize with Tommie, I do. It’s not easy neglecting as many patients as she does in one day.

    Archie: Right up to the last panel, I’m thinking: coffee enema? Coffee enema. Anyhoo, dunno about killing fungi, but coffee grounds do make great compost for your garden.

    Crock: The truly terrifying thing here is if, as many strips do these days, this one buys jokes from independent writers, somebody got paid to come up with a twenty-years-out-of-date gag for use in a poorly drawn strip about French legionnaires in a north African desert they haven’t occupied in fifty years at a minimum. This is why we can’t have nice things, America.

    In tomorrow’s installment of Dick Tracy: Toad settles Sweat Baux’s hash with little more than a six-pack of Mitchum’s extra-strength anti-persperant cream and pluck.

    Hi and Lois: Dear Ask Wendy: I’m confused as to why someone would pay $50 to have his tiny driveway shoveled out, particularly when he has a teenaged son living at home. Can you kindly supply me with a platitude so I can go on living? Signed, T. Who Totally Doesn’t Need The Money For Booze

    The Lockhorns: I want to make absolutely clear that I have never heard the confession of either Loretta or Leroy Lockhorn. Oh my, no.

    Luann: “And that, dear Diary, is why I’m sticking with loving Puddles from now on.” “Warf?!

    Mary Worth: Six months later, John Dill was shoved in front of a train in midtown Manhattan. He left no survivors and a sickening pink paste. He was eulogized by Mary Worth at a memorial service in Santa Royale in a speech using nothing but erroneously-sourced quotes from Albert Camus.

    Piranha Club: This is actually a rather clever parable describing how the mortgage derivatives scheme worked, except for the government bailout of Uncle Sid, of course.

    Pibgorn“And that, dear Diary, is why I’m sticking with loving Puddles from now on.” “Warf…”

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: I think it’s super that they’re willing to validate pre-op transgender individuals in this strip. For that matter, they recognize the asexual with Rex. More power to them, I say.

  54. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 17th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @sully (#21): I dunno. Nicole Eggert went on to appear in Clan of the Cave Bear and Baywatch, and is credited with saving Corey Haim’s life at least once.

  55. cholling
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    “Penance enhancement”? Is that the kind of products they advertise late night on EWTN?

  56. the REAL Mark Trail
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Todays Mark Trail is one I did a few months ago. Being a huge King Kong fan, I jumped at the chance to do a page on gorillas. I secretly wanted to drop in a likeness of the original Kong from the ’33 film, but I figured I’d save that for another time. Anyway, as the page says, park rangers in Africa have witnessed gorillass destroying poachers traps!
    ‘James Allen
    http://www.facebook.com/groups/228474710549025/

  57. David Schraub
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    “Singing the ‘Charles in Charge’ Theme 147 times” isn’t a euphemism for taking 147 bong hits; it’s an effect.

  58. commodorejohn
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#54): Is The Adventures of Super Aryan Cave-Feminist Clan of the Cave Bear something you want on your resume?

    Anyway, whichever set of plumbing Honey’s towel was concealing, maybe the real surprise is that apparently it’s blindingly luminescent and/or radioactive.

  59. the REAL Mark Trail
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#23):
    I DID find te article interesting, Rocky but some things the syndicate would prefer I not cover.

    Now, personally, I wonder if it hurts when the slug discards its penis?

  60. bats :[
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

  61. seismic-2
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    Crank: Ed still has his teeth? There is no justice in life.

    MW: Is that blonde chick actually worshiping the graven idol to the beauty of nature cake?

    9CL: God, I hate these people.

    Luann: So help me, I read this strip as “Aaron Hill, my first crush, he’s in Hawaii now as a stunning woman,” maybe because I always figured that was his destiny.

    Phantom: I think this “I’m better than you are” story line is mighty lame and completely undercuts some of the best stories of recent years, but I really do like Terry Beatty’s art work on the Sunday strips, as shown by the angle and perspective in the throw-away panel where Kit is dragging the body. For instance, in that last panel, having the Phantom’s arm cross over the panel broder and overlap the previous panel makes it look as if he really is standing where we are, instead of being within the frame. If McEldowney had done that, he would have devoted two and a half pages of explanatory text to congratulating himself about it.

  62. Mibbitmaker
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Yesterday:
    Love is… singing Rutles songs.

    Today:
    9CL: Burberism is NOT a democracy.

    NS: “one side” means the side Wiley disagrees with, of course.

    JP: Burbers WISH they were Katherine!

  63. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#58): Kind of like opening the trunk in Repo Man, then?

  64. bats :[
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

  65. Doodle Bean
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Ted knows there is no problem consumer electronics cannot solve.

  66. Buck Ripsnort
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#18): Phantom: Her choice of drivers wasn’t that good either.

  67. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 17th, 2013 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

  68. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    February 17th, 2013 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    Can Fashion Police (or someone) please explain to me what June is wearing? Is it some sort of insane hoodie-swimsuit? Or is she just wearing a hoodie over a swimsuit with no pants? Or is she wearing skin-tight skin-colored leggings? Or did Dolores interrupt her in the middle of getting dressed?

  69. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    February 17th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Also, I find Rex’s palpable terror in the penultimate panel hilarious. Look at him, with an apparently sexy woman advancing on him while clad only in a towel, confiding intimate secrets in a sultry voice, and Rex is throwing up his arms and pleading with her not to come any closer. He’s TERRIFIED at the thought of what she might do if he doesn’t flee immediately. It’s a miracle June got pregnant at all.

  70. Fashion Police
    February 17th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (#68):
    She is, in fact, wearing a hoodie over a bathing suit. We are not impressed.

    We are, however, impressed by Judge Parker’s secretary. We have always been fond of the Miss Jane Hathaway look.

  71. seismic-2
    February 17th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (#69): Well, you have to remember that “female anatomy” was covered in the chapter of Rex’s medical-school correspondence course that the postman never delivered.

  72. sully
    February 17th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#54): Exactly my point. Nothing of importance to show for it.

  73. Ratiocinator
    February 17th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: If a “?!” is called an “interrobang”, then what is a “!!”? A “bangbang”?

    RMMD: Damn it Uncle Lumpy, I had a “Honey has a penis” joke all written up only to see that you beat me to it. Anyhoo, I think you’re wrong about Rex’s reaction: he’s thinking “Why can’t June’s crotch be like that?”

    9CL: So she went from mad to horny after hearing the words “Oh, that’s real mature. Come over here and say that”? Burbers are strange.

    ASM: “Yes Spider-Man, I’m poisonous now. I could have just yelled that it was dangerous to get too close to me when I first saw you, but instead I decided to hit you for some reason. Probably because you’re Spider-Man.”

    FW: You can’t see it, but after Harry tells that joke in panel six, everybody in the audience is staring at the EXIT door from panel five longingly.

    JP: “I felt dumb as a bag of hammers! Which, coincidentally, is exactly what Katherine threatened to swing at me with if I didn’t invite her to the wedding. I couldn’t say no to such a strong argument!”

  74. Liam
    February 17th, 2013 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-”Honey, there seems to be something the matter with your body. You have those bumps on then end of your breasts and you have hair growing between your legs and some strange type of opening there.”

  75. The Ridger
    February 17th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (#68): She is wearing a hoodie over that hot swimming suit she spent so much time buying. Of course, it’s such an odd choice that even the color monkeys have gotten confused and sometimes color in her legs as though she’s wearing a weird pair of trousers that have superman-style trunks.

  76. Francisco Arrowroot
    February 17th, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Apparently I’m not the only one for whom “Singing the theme to Charles in Charge is a euphemism (or occasionally a substitute) for sex.

  77. Poteet
    February 17th, 2013 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    I have a confession. It was very late at night when I wrote #4 and I was tired and I decided to just lie about the CHARLES IN CHARGE clip and actually listen to it today. I just listened to the entire clip and it is not “catchy,” per my #4 lie. The audio of that clip could be blasted through a loudspeaker to force terrorists to surrender. Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Pardon me, I need to lie down for a bit.

  78. Calico
    February 17th, 2013 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Jimmy Fallon as Bob Dylan, singing CIC theme song
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X-ikxX3fqI

  79. seismic-2
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    JP: Randy, you’re a judge! You can’t go around like that, just freely admitting that you’re as dumb as a bag of hammers. Act judicial, Randy! You’re as dumb as a bag of gavels!

  80. pugfuggly
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#67):

    That’s what SHE said! Ha ha ha!

    Naw, I’m kidding. I’m pretty sure she was killed on impact.

    I’ll just show myself out….

  81. Poteet
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    MT — I think Mark should spend at least six months hanging around with gorillas so he can learn what emotions are.

  82. Ratiocinator
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    Slylock: (I’m cross-posting this, here and at The Slylock Files.)

    Gonna be semi-serious today and point out that this doesn’t prove anything. Shady’s obviously a slob what with the bone and the apple and for some reason a fish skeleton lying on his floor, so it stands to reason that he would just leave his DVDs scattered around on the floor too instead of keeping them on a shelf or a table or something. The burglar could have broken the glass, shards of which landed on the DVD cases, and then only left with some of the DVDs while leaving others behind, under the glass.

    Somehow there was a DVD case on the window sill while the window was still closed, right before it got broken. This proves that Shady has the ability to make solid objects temporarily intangible, but not that he’s a thief.

    Meanwhile, while Slylock unfairly persecutes (are those two words together redundant?) this innocent Shrew, the real robber is striking again, in Six Differences.

  83. Poteet
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    S-M — I know “Pete” is not an option, but there has got to be a better nickname than “Wallcrawler.” This isn’t LORD OF THE RINGS.

  84. Calico
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#79):
    Let’s make that Anvils! LOL

  85. tallyHO
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#59):

    I know.

    Granted more often than not they are not hard to come by but they don’t grow on trees. So, disposing them willy dilly seems more than a little silly.

    //too Wonka-ish? By halfway through the last sentence…yeesh.

    @Poteet (#77):

    That’s interesting. It isn’t “catchy” to you? So you are immune to the annoying aspects of it? It is more annoying and ludicrous than a lot of theme songs. It goes from “our” to “I” at the end, doesn’t it?

    [begin Ken Burns’ Documentary Narration:]
    Given the time it was written, the theme song was like some form of anecdote to Joan Jett and the Blackhearts. America was in the throes of rapid changes and the children of America needed someone to trust when the roles models forced upon them let them down.

    While Punk Rock, early Hip Hop and Heavy Metal provided a salve which would allow the youth to feel like they belonged, there were also nefarious forces which threatened to pull the fabric of Young America apart at the Neon-colored seams. Synth Pop, the Madonna and the David Bowie were out there, influecing, too.

    Who could the youth of America turn to, to confide with when the choices were so many and the consequences of making the right choice so dire?

    It made what was then Young America feel like they had a friend they could truly trust. He meant them no harm. He was just Charles. Yet, My Oh My, he was Charles.

    Life is difficult and back then the youth of America could turn into jaded ne’er-do-wells at the drop of a skinny tie. Not only did Charles prove that babysitting was not the purview of young girls or old women, he proved young men could help raise someone else family and not be seen as pervy.

    Charles paved the way for L. L. Cool J, he himself a trailblazer who fortunately did not need to follow in the footsteps of Mrs. Drummond or Uncle Charlie (no relation to Our Charles).

    Television, and TV theme songs, have not been the same since.

  86. Mars
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    Grr. Today’s “Luann” reminded me exactly why I hate “Luann.” All these guys are horrible characters; they’re flat and wooden with no personalities or human traits; they only exist for Luann to lust after. And this new one is the worst one yet; he’s a string of hackneyed Australian stereotypes bunched together with duct tape and called a person.

    It’s been obvious for a while the author favors Luann and Guenther for some reason, yet for this reason he will probably keep them apart until the moment he’s forced to retire at 94. Greg Evans doesn’t know how to tell a story, only how to prolong one as long as possible.

    Also, where is her Elvis impersonator boyfriend? He got left out for some reason.

  87. Alison
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: The first panel with Luann’s dad in the Superman suit is frighteningly close to those pictures of Nicolas Cage posing in a Superman suit for Tim Burton’s never-made “Superman” project in the 1990s. Also, while thinking about her past lovers, how come Luann doesn’t include that little fat guy who gave her a ring?

    “Adam @ Home”: “Look, the characters are laughing! That means there was just a joke, so now all the readers will laugh, too!” Umm…that isn’t how humor works. It really isn’t. But I see that only the dog knows this.

  88. Alison
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @Mars (#86):
    Ah, Mars, I see we have the same question about the Elvis guy.

    My other question about him was, was his name actually “Elvis”, or was that just what people called him? Because I remember him being called Elvis but I can’t remember if that was in the strip or not.

  89. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    Maker’s Mark caves to protests, shelves planned drop in proof.

    hah!

    *does happy dance*

    *checks calendar for next payday and considers buying some.*

  90. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#78): *fliptake*

    that was awesomely well done.

  91. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    so, if I put Hungarian style dumplings into coq au vin, does that count as fusion cooking?

    *ponders*

  92. John C Fremont
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @teenchy (#49): Hey, I remember when Beavis and Butthead watched that video!

  93. KreatureFeatures
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Oh sure, when it’s a human-like mammal, put on your pink shirt and weepy mommy face, and cuddle and nurture it. Put if it’s a slimy fish like a bass, just go ahead and yank it from its habitat, display it as a trophy for the bloodthirsty dockfolk, then toss it into the flames for tonight’s meal.

  94. Night
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Cool, making fun of trans people. That’s definitely why I read this blog. Thanks, Uncle Lumpy!

  95. seismic-2
    February 17th, 2013 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#88): Mini-Elvis is named “Elwood”, isn’t he? And I remember at least one strip in which the kids in Luann’s peer group story hour at the library asked him whether he was Elvis.

  96. Sequitur
    February 17th, 2013 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Were I commenting today I would probably say something about Ripley’s!

    A GIANT ARMCHAIR measuring 22 feet high was displayed in a shopping mall in Shanghai, China!

    And that’s the truth. *Pttttt*

  97. bats :[
    February 17th, 2013 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

  98. Ratiocinator
    February 17th, 2013 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @Night (#94): I don’t think anybody here meant it as an insult to trans people.

    I certainly didn’t; I don’t think there would be anything wrong if Honey were a pre-op TS, and I don’t think that my joke implies there would be.

    It’s just that the setup is right there, you know? She says that she isn’t like the other girls, and then shows him her naked body. Any Mudgeon worth their salt would reach the same conclusion, and joke about it because it’s almost definitely not what’s going to happen tomorrow and she’s just going to say something boring like “I’m not like other girls because I’m hotter” or “I’m not like other girls because I want to have sex with you” or whatever.

    As for me saying that Rex would be more interested in her if she had a penis, it’s a running gag on this blog that Rex is secretly gay and living in a sham marriage to June because of all the subtext that’s piled up over the years, so I was just going with that. I think that’s making fun of the comic strip rather than making fun of LGBT folks.

  99. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 17th, 2013 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Hägar [Sat] – You’re supposed to mix ox blood into your dirt floor. Then you’ll have a durable floor you can sweep. Considering how small your place is, maybe you could get by with the blood of a dog and a duck.

    love is… …pretending he’s still alive on some damn island somewhere. [Sat]

    Mary – I only saw Saturday’s. Is she finishing every strip with a line from a Gershwin song this week?

  100. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 17th, 2013 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff – Saturn! Margo! Boxcar! HEATHCLIFF!!

    Pluggers remember when the only black people in movies wore uniforms and acted scared of ghosts all the time.

    Questionable – Weren’t you listening? That WAS “on-line” dating.

  101. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 17th, 2013 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    Soup – Ow.

    Rx – Honey’s not like the other strippers. She gets nekkid.

    CHRIST that Charles in Charge thing just goes on and on. I must have heard the theme three or four times now, which is at least three more times than I ever heard it up to now. Luckily, I have already forgotten it.

    @Mars (#86): …he’s a string of hackneyed Australian stereotypes bunched together with duct tape
    Oh, no, I’m sure he’s held together with platypus tape. Because he’s from AUSTRALIA!!

  102. Zerowolf
    February 17th, 2013 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    A3G: We secretly switched LuAnn’s cell phone for a land line to see if anyone would notice….

  103. Uncle Lumpy
    February 17th, 2013 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Night (#94):

    Nope — Honey is who she is. Making fun of Rex, which is presumably why you’re here?

  104. Zerowolf
    February 17th, 2013 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    JP: A woman appears in half the panels and not even a ta let alone tatas to be seen. Standards are slipping, I tell ya!

  105. Downpuppy, Sloooooowly
    February 17th, 2013 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    We’re used to 24 hour stories that run 5 months. Spiderman has finally achieved something super: an entire week that’s less than a minute in strip time.

    The scary thing is that they seem to be competing. Soon, someone will start a story that Never. Progresses. at. All.

    Unless it’s already started* : The Judge Parker Jr. wedding story. Because that sucker already feels like forever, & nothing has happened.

    *Or stopped, to an outside observer. Clearly, this stuff is relativistic.

  106. $$$Westview Oncologist$$$$$
    February 17th, 2013 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – Finally a woman that can satisfy Rex’s special needs.

    Lockhorns – Am i the only one that things this abrupt revelation of the Lockhorn’s faith to be related to the Pape’s abdication??

    The Phantom – Your killing days end here!…..what? near you crotch???

    Crankshaft – I’m sorry the Marathon Man joke here is too obvious.

  107. $$$Westview Oncologist$$$$$
    February 17th, 2013 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    Personally I think this blog could use MORE tranny humor!!!

  108. Grossman
    February 17th, 2013 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    The Lockhorns have been seen going to church before, and the ministers there are obviously wearing protestant vestments. Maybe those “Catholics Come Home” ads are working. If Leroy hasn’t been to Confession in a while, that could explain the harsh penance.

  109. debussy fields
    February 17th, 2013 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    MW– If they make a movie of this episode someday, the part of John Dill can be shared by the following people, all of whom take turns with the role in today’s strip: Walt Disney, Brent Musberger, Walter Cronkite, and Salvador Dali.

  110. tallyHO
    February 17th, 2013 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy, Sloooooowly (#105):
    The scary thing is that they seem to be competing. Soon, someone will start a story that Never. Progresses. at. All.

    Each should all be better than that, too. A person should be able to read the collected strips from start to finish and get the story. I find it hard to imagine how frustrating it would be to read most of those serial strips in collected form.

    Maybe they’d be an easy read but there is no indication that they would be any better than the dailies.

    Maybe I’m wrong… I am not sure.

    Has anyone read any of the latest collected serial strips and could chime in? Dick Tracey, The Phantom, Rick Morganstein, PI (or whatever), etc.

  111. Majicou
    February 17th, 2013 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#78): Fallon needs to release an album of himself singing 80s TV theme songs in the style of legendary musicians.

  112. seismic-2
    February 17th, 2013 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy, Sloooooowly (#105):
    Soon, someone will start a story that Never. Progresses. at. All.

    I’m looking forward to a story that never starts at all. I’m hoping it will be in Gasoline Alley.

  113. The Ridger
    February 17th, 2013 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    I have to say, I’m really enjoying Li’l E and the devilgirl in Sinfest lately. Today’s episode is particularly sweet.

  114. Majicou
    February 17th, 2013 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    Just to show how rubbish human memory is: I could’ve sworn that the grandfather on the later seasons of Charles in Charge was played by John Mahoney. I can even remember some of his dialogue in that role. But now I learn that it was actually a guy named James T. Callahan. I’ve also learned that there were no fewer than three poorly-disguised pilots for would-be spinoffs in the last season.

  115. Sequitur
    February 17th, 2013 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    If Nehemiah Scutter and pastordan were dinosaurs.

  116. Majicou
    February 17th, 2013 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    RePreTeena: Take it from a Pandemic 2 player, you’ll never infect the world with a symptom like vomiting. Waaaay too visible.

  117. Poteet
    February 17th, 2013 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#85): I did not mean to imply that the CIC theme song is worse than other TV theme songs — the evidence is out there to refute any such rash declaration. For some reason the CIC song shrivels my particular nervous system, but to any Mudges to whom the CIC song brings back fond warm childhood memories, yay, I’m happy for you.

  118. Zerowolf
    February 17th, 2013 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

  119. tallyHO
    February 17th, 2013 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#117):
    Oh, good gravy!
    I have no fond memories of the song. I find it hard to believe anyone does.

    Maybe there are some who cherish it. It wouldn’t surprise me if there is a cult out there somewhere.

    I have made fun of it since the show was on the air. Its absurd.
    So, don’t feel like you should or shouldn’t like it. One, it does matter. Two, if it is annoying to you (which was my understanding) then fine. It is an annoying song.

    TV show theme songs are probably considered “good” if they are memorable and can remind people of the product. It is like they are commercials.

    Of course, that serves no greater good.

    Trivia: I want to say Rosie O’Donnell (?) claims to know most tv theme songs by heart and can sing them on the spot. But, even she would probably admit that isn’t important and is kind of silly (hope so, at least).

    If music is annoying to someone’s ears. It just is. We’re all wired differently.

  120. tallyHO
    February 17th, 2013 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#119):
    Bah.

    Corrections:
    Its absurd.
    It’s absurd.
    One, it does matter.
    Hell, no it don’t matter none at all.
    Rosie O’Donnell
    I hope I’m not confusing her with Rosey Grier. The world is filled with so few Rosies/Roseys. You’d think all that chanting of “Ring around the…” would have led to some pollination of the name.

    Oh well. That is the corrections for the day.

  121. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 17th, 2013 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#113): Lily and Pebbles has been an interesting sub-plot, that’s for sure.

    *hoody dance*

  122. Sequitur
    February 17th, 2013 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#119): I didn’t listen to Uncle Lumpy’s Youtube ditty. Why? Because it was a song with Scott Baio. I never watched the show. Why? Because Scott Baio was on it.

    He was barely tolerable on Happy Days. He was reprehensible on Joanie Loves Chachi. I was not about to watch a show where Scott Baio was put in charge of anything. They were not tricking me by calling him “Charles” or any other name. So there.

    //Did I just rant? I usually don’t rant. That was kind of fun. Not Ted Forth fun but still, fun.

  123. Zerowolf
    February 17th, 2013 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @Grossman (#108): I suspect the Lockhorns are whatever religion is required to make the joke work. I’m sure in the not too distant future we’ll have them at a Bris and Leroy will comment that he converted to Judaism when he married Loretta. because sound of her voice made his foreskin fall off

  124. Alison
    February 17th, 2013 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#95):
    Elwood! that is it. And yeah, I recall that Luann’s friends were rude to him. In fact, Luann herself wasn’t that nice to him either, even though he never did anything particularly horrible. Maybe Elwood should hook up with Tiffany. They’d have stuff in common. (“So, everyone hates you and thinks you’re evil? Me too! So, why do they hate you?” “Um, I think it’s because I like make-up and I want to be an actress. Why does everyone hate you?” “I dunno, because I’m short and I look like Elvis, apparently. Say, want to go have dinner together?” “Yeah!”)

  125. John C Fremont
    February 17th, 2013 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#122): But – but – what about Bob Loblaw?!

  126. Peanut Gallery
    February 17th, 2013 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @cholling (#55): Ha! Good one.

  127. Liam
    February 17th, 2013 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth-The three theme songs I would sing in various styles are the “Addams Family” theme, “The Ballad of Jed Clampet”, and the “Gilligan’s Island” theme. I was even doing a spoken word version of the “Addams Family” theme this morning.

  128. Sequitur
    February 17th, 2013 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#125): Well, yeah! What about Bob Loblaw?

    //You made me look at a Scott Baio clip.

    ///That’s one.

  129. Uncle Lumpy
    February 17th, 2013 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#122):

    I was not about to watch a show where Scott Baio was put in charge of anything.

    Yeah, but when you clap at him, he does that adorable pointing thing that says, “You’re important, but I’m who decides who’s important!” I mean you gotta love that, right?

  130. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 17th, 2013 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#59): some things the syndicate would prefer I not cover

    That’s probably the conversation King Features should’ve had with Wilson and Nolan before Ginger dropped her towel today. (Unfortunately, it’s business before pleasure when you have a syndicate to run!)

    I wonder if it hurts when the slug discards its penis?

    A simple organism (like Rufus from Gasoline Alley) probably doesn’t experience pain the way you and I do.

  131. commodorejohn
    February 17th, 2013 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#130): A simple organism (like Rufus from Gasoline Alley) probably doesn’t experience pain the way you and I do.

    That’s what I told the judge, but for some reason he wasn’t buying it…

  132. Peanut Gallery
    February 17th, 2013 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#91): Are you cooking it with the heat generated by making helium out of hydrogen?

  133. Sequitur
    February 17th, 2013 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#129): Not if it’s Scott Baio doing it.

    //Yaknow, this “Scott Baio” thing could get out of hand like EVILSCARYSCOTTBAIO kind of out of hand.

    Okay. I’m cool with Scott Baio now. I’m still not going to watch “Charles in Charge” or listen to the theme song. I’ll listen to the Pinky and the Brain theme instead.

  134. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 17th, 2013 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

  135. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 17th, 2013 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#99):

    Is she finishing every strip with a line from a Gershwin song this week?

    Yes. George Gershwin. As told to Albert Camus.

  136. Rusty
    February 17th, 2013 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#122): Well said. I have never seen an episode of CIC because the Chachi character on Happy Days was the first fictional character I can remember wanting to punch in the throat.

  137. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 17th, 2013 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#133): you could always try this for a dose of comedy.

  138. Sequitur
    February 17th, 2013 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

  139. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#135): Oddly enough it was a line from Cole Porter’s original version of “I Get A Kick Out Of You” — I get no kick from cocaine — that influenced Brooke the most while he was working on the current storyline.

    Especially the cocaine part.

  140. demoncat
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    lockhorns. leroy should not have to serve a pennance he did it with marrying lorretta. rm honey is not like the other ladies for one she is willing to try and steal a married man like rex . and two she also may not be a woman at all given rexs expressionn

  141. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    C-Shaft: Wow. If anyone deserves an appointment with Orin Scrivello DDS, it’s Crankshaft.

    RMMD: “Boy, when you said you weren’t like the other girls you weren’t kidding. No circumcision either.”

    Curtis: “So Michelle, who are you wearing?”
    “I’m glad you asked. This ensemble is from the Dick Tracy collection by Themesong.”

    BC: The invention of the Mary Sue was one of the great events of human prehistory.

    FW: At times, even though he knows that puerile humor is just a crutch for hidebound literalists, the creator feels an urge to revisit these things called “jokes.” The concept is faint in his mind, but he knows the phrase “band candy” is inherently hilarious.

    SFx: Slylock quickly sees through the staged burglary. Still haunting him is the question, “How can anyone live like this?” He quickly resolves that imprisoning Shady is the most humane thing to do for the suspect.

    S-M: Something tells me this isn’t the first time Peter has heard the old “it’s not you, it’s me” routine.

    GA: Riotous President’s Day auto dealership ad outtakes, volume 1.

    H&L: Okay, fine, use the car. But since those bangs of yours change length from panel to panel, why not make them shorter before you get behind the wheel?

    Marvin: Both dogs give up when they take account of the pitifully low stakes.

    Ziggy: Oh, I thought the lawn gnome had just stopped by for a family visit.

  142. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    @Mars (#86):

    Also, where is her Elvis impersonator boyfriend? He got left out for some reason.

    Ms de Groot can expect to hear from his lawyers.

  143. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#115): Not me at all! I’m renowned for my imperturbability.

    // Heh. Heh.
    I’ve got a little list — I’ve got a little list
    Of society offenders who might well be underground,
    And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!

  144. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#53): To give credit where credit is due, the Crock gag writer gives us a two-fer. The generic trash talk show joke is indeed twenty years out of date, somewhere in the Jerry Springer era. The Liz Taylor gag is more like thirty years out of date.

  145. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    @Grossman (#108): Not completely irreconcilable. Some very conservative, very traditional Lutheran churches have confessionals.

  146. Sgt. Stoned
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns: The Lockhorns are indeed devout Catholics. And they practice the most effective form of natural family planning: mutual hatred.

    Phantom: Savarna should shoot “Walker” and turn him into a real ghost–one who doesn’t walk, or talk or do much of anything. Sort of like “The Amazing Spider-Man”.

    MT: Now we know for sure that apes are smarter than Mark.

  147. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#142): Are you kidding? It took Elwood Druit’s entire legal team to keep him OUT of today’s strip.

  148. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#113): Ain’t they fun?

  149. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#115): In my defense, I’ll point out that you’re just recycling snark.

    Wait, that doesn’t help me at all, does it?

  150. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#118): I gnash my terrible teeth and roll my terrible eyes at you.[*]

  151. Sequitur
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#143): I never said which dino was who. I find it interesting that you picked out the dino that you thought was you.

  152. Sequitur
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

  153. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#143): Me, I’m known for irascibility. I’m more of a “let the punishment fit the crime, the punishment fit the crime” kind of guy.

    A-ha-ha-ha-erk!

  154. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#151): The whole comic is recycled, no?

  155. tallyHO
    February 17th, 2013 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#144):

    So that “Crock” is ambitiously lazy?

  156. Sequitur
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#154): Aren’t we all more or less recycled?

  157. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#50): Aw, that’s sweet! I do appreciate your Satursquee—but I’m never disappointed when it comes to squee!

  158. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#156): The carbon atoms used to create today’s Crock were thoroughly commingled with those breathed by HITLER.

    True story, bro.

  159. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    Busy weekend, so oversnarpologies, but two quick things:

    Love the wily gorillas, but can we have a new Sunday MT when they figure out how to trap the poachers themselves?

    And my national composition conference is in Vegas this year, and I was kind of excited about going—but that pales in comparison to the potential thrill of the Santa Royale Convention Center!

  160. Sequitur
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#158):

    “Ah, now you gone and made me read Crock.” ~ Albert Camus

  161. tallyHO
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

  162. mary_worthless
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#28):
    Yeah, but the cake frosting would be mayonnaise if Wilbur went.

  163. Sequitur
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    What happened when queek and Wilbur collaborated on a marketing idea.

  164. seismic-2
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#158): And when he drew today’s Funky Winkerbean, Tom Batiuk was breathing many of the same oxygen molecules that had been exhaled by Leonardo da Vinci! They must have been the ineffective ones.

  165. Bitter Scribe
    February 17th, 2013 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    Am I crazy? I thought that Sally Forth was cute. And I hate karaoke.

  166. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    I had forgotten just HOW BAD the first episode of Worst Cooks was.

    *bogglez*

    I truly do pity Ann and Bobby to have to put up with contestants that they have.

  167. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @Bitter Scribe (#165): she’s more handsome than cute, but that’s a different story.

    (one that sadly isn’t on the site anymore.)

  168. commodorejohn
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#167): There was a story? This I don’t remember!

  169. Liam
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft-Is it safe?

  170. Calico
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#127):
    The Brady Bunch theme is pretty cool – different arrangements for various seasons, and a fun song to improv/riff on

  171. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#168): *grumble*

    *stillbummedaboutlackofcommentarywhenitwasupbitchmoan*

  172. bbofun
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    Luann- (Sorry for the late snark, but I rushed my earlier posts and really needed to get this down.) It is, of course, painfully obvious that Evans is playing into the Luann/Gunther shippers here. What’s funny is how clever the commenters on GoComics feel they are that they have “deciphered” that Luann still has feelings for the little wimp. Honestly, there are comments like “I think she doth protest too much in panel 6!” and “I think Luann cares more than she admits for the Gunth man” (yes, someone actually calls him “the Gunth man”). I wonder what it’s like to read Luann un-ironically, and to truly care that much about the characters. I imagine it feels- happy, in a way I may never feel again.

    I need a Tanqueray, stat!

  173. Old Folkie
    February 17th, 2013 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    I never even heard of “Charles In Charge” until today – much less watched it. I consider myself lucky.

  174. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 17th, 2013 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#155): “Ambitiously lazy” is Crock all over.

  175. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 17th, 2013 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    @$$$Westview Oncologist$$$$$ (#107): I have it on good authority that we’re supposed to rise up against tran… wait. Now that I look more closely, I see it’s actually tyranny we’re supposed to rise up against. I guess that makes more sense.

    @tallyHO (#110): I’m scanning a Li’l Abner book we’ve had since the 1960s, and Capp (I presume) skillfully edited the stories down so they really move along by removing redundant panels. It’s instructive to compare them with the day-by-day strips. I think he made the right choice.

    @Sequitur (#122): He was barely tolerable on Happy Days.
    You apparently had a higher level of tolerance than I did.

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#135): Now you’re messing with me. George was no lyricist.

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#153): I really enjoyed rewriting that song for our production. (For those not totally sick of it, details at my web-log.)

  176. Alison
    February 17th, 2013 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#172):
    “I wonder what it’s like to read Luann un-ironically, and to truly care that much about the characters. I imagine it feels-happy, in a way I may never feel again.”

    I bet it feels horrible! Ick!

  177. Rusty
    February 18th, 2013 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#172): I used to feel this way about the sitcom Home Improvement. I yearned for the easy acceptance of whatever Tim Allen thinks is important, and to laugh about it with family and fellow workers. Also, religion.

  178. Poteet
    February 18th, 2013 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    GA — As long as we’re into it, let’s keep pushing this perverse theme. I want to see Rufus’s future mother-in-law and maybe a couple of his new sibs-in-law.

  179. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 18th, 2013 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#151): @Nehemiah Scudder (#143): I never said which dino was who. I find it interesting that you picked out the dino that you thought was you.

    And yet, I did NOT pick either. I simply denied not being gruntled. I find it interesting that you picked out the dinosaur that you thought that I thought that you thought was me.

  180. Poteet
    February 18th, 2013 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    MT — Move it along, fishname folks! I’d like to be through with you by late summer.

  181. Poteet
    February 18th, 2013 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — Fortunately for the Crank, the requirements for teaching driver’s ed at Batiukville High School are not onerous. If you have a driver’s license, are over 21, and are not currently on parole, you’re in.

  182. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 18th, 2013 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#175): Ages ago, I read an essay by Asimov, in which he castigated Gilbert for condemning the pool hall shark to play “extravagant matches… on a cloth untrue with a twisted cue and elliptical billiard balls”. Dr. Asimov pointed out that the balls should have been properly described as “ellipsoidal”.

    // Reading that changed my life forever.

  183. seismic-2
    February 18th, 2013 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    A3G: “In the wee hours…” So we’ve finally moved forward in action to early morning on Dec. 26? Just checking.

  184. js
    February 18th, 2013 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    Leroy has to stand in the corner because he just confessed to pressuring Loretta for anal and the priest just can’t listen to any more of it.

  185. Poteet
    February 18th, 2013 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    S-M — Is this a special kind of missile that hovers politely to allow time for pointing and discussion?

  186. Poteet
    February 18th, 2013 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    A3G — I’m not getting an intensive-care-unit vibe from this. I’m not even getting a hospital vibe from this. I’m getting a very-weird-dorm-with-Craftmatic-adjustable-single-beds vibe from this.

  187. Hogenmogen
    February 18th, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Look at my “package”, Savarna! I’m a lover, not a killer.

    Savarna: Look at my pistol, aside my sensual hip, attached to my right butt cheek, so desperate to get in to the frame that she is willing to go solo without her equally hot and curvy twin.

    Phantom: I’ll have that weapon you’re wearing.

    Savarna: !! …. Oh, the pistol. You’re no fun, Stripey.

  188. Vince M
    February 18th, 2013 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#122): Yeah! And what’s up with the name? Is it pronounced “BAY-yoh” or “BUY-yoh”?

  189. Night
    February 18th, 2013 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#103):

    Man, that “not like other girls” crap is like something straight out of a porno.

    Whatever, I just didn’t think it was funny. My bad, I guess!

  190. Vince M
    February 18th, 2013 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#125): Okay, I’ll say a good word for Bob Loblaw’s Law Blog.
    But Chachi? Gah. His showing up on ‘Happy Days’ finally made the show officially, unequivocally not in the 1950s or any definable past.

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