The Comics Curmudgeon

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Glorious army brigade band shows might of workers and peasants!

Beetle Bailey, 7/8/08

Let’s forget, for a moment, General Halftrack’s terrible problem with alcohol. Is it standard operating procedure at American military bases for the assembled troops to file by, band playing, while the commanding officer and his adjunct stare grimly down from a raised dais? This to me evokes not so much “America’s all-volunteer military” as “Moscow, circa 1982.” Actually, that does explain a lot about Halftrack’s ashen pallor, and his terrible problem with alcohol.

Luann, 7/8/08

Possible jobs for TJ that would justify his current outfit:

Extremely natty pimp
Nathan Detroit in dinner-theater production of Guys and Dolls

Have the DeGroots considered that Brad, who is TJ’s closest friend and who has lived with him for some time, might actually know where TJ gets his money, and that they could ask him without any embarrassment on their part? Ha ha, just kidding, we’ve watched Brad’s attempts at romance over the past couple of years, he obviously knows nothing about anything.

Marmaduke, 7/8/08

“And the way he expresses his dislike for things is with massive amounts of excrement, so you’d better brace yourself.”

Sally Forth, 7/8/08

Hmm, perhaps Alice needs to wait a bit before telling Sally about the hidden cameras. Or about SeeTedInseminateSally.com.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 8, 2008 at 05:41 pm and is filed under Beetle Bailey, Luann, Marmaduke, Sally Forth.

234 responses to “Glorious army brigade band shows might of workers and peasants!”

ratnerstar
July 8th, 2008 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

It’s lucky that SeeTedInseminateSally.com doesn’t actually exist, because otherwise I’d be getting a nasty email from corporate IT right about now.
teegee
July 8th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

Fred Garvis, male prostitute.
Rusty
July 8th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

TJ is pimping out Aaron Hill. To older men, of course.
teegee
July 8th, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

Wait, that would make him T. J. Hooker …
tb4000
July 8th, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

Oh, TJ…keep that pimp hand strong. Those bitches better have his money.
mr.navy.bean
July 8th, 2008 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

why is there a harp in a marching band? Recalls Woody Allen’s playing of the cello in a marching band.
Mac
July 8th, 2008 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

Oh, it will exist. It will.

I don’t know why, and am somewhat ashamed to admit it, but I’m charmed by the quiet marching band. A violin and a harp? And what is presumably a flute of some type but really looks like a pixie stick.
Rusty
July 8th, 2008 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

BB: I’m pretty certain each branch of the armed forces has minimum fitness standards, including body weight, that have to be complied with. Why has Sarge been allowed his fat-shit status over these many year?
bats :[
July 8th, 2008 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

Sadly, I kind of like Marmaduke today. Just because I like seeing dogs and cats sneeze and carry on when they get a whiff of something objectionable (what a dog might find objectionable is another story).
On the down side is the possibility of getting a faceful of Great Dane snot and saliva if he were to sneeze within 15 feet of you…
Mr. O'Malley
July 8th, 2008 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

I know that people here don’t discuss Jumpstart very much.

But yesterday and today seem like a comment (given the time lag in comics publication) on the appearance of the mysterious morphing Foobtial dress.
Red Greenback
July 8th, 2008 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

Happy “Call Me Aldo” Day, everyone!
teegee
July 8th, 2008 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

It appears as if Marmaduke is trying to scratch his eyes out after seeing what he did just before that woman closed her legs.
PeteMoss
July 8th, 2008 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

“Luck be a fireman tonight!
Luck be a fireman tonight!”
Mr. O'Malley
July 8th, 2008 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

6,7. As I linked in the previous thread @161, such bands are commonly encountered in Paraguay.
jvwalt
July 8th, 2008 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

BB: “Moscow, circa 1982″ would also explain the bright red banner adorning the General’s reviewing stand. What, couldn’t the Amalgamated Walker Funny Factory be bothered to draw a couple of stripes and a star or two on that bad boy?
Mibbitmaker
July 8th, 2008 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

AAUGHH! My latest comment lost to a new thread! I’ll try to repost the best ones the best I can…. best……

FC: “I voted for Lincoln. Though I prefered his primary opponent John McCain. (updating Bob Dole joke from 1996)

Tiger: Scene from a play called “The Keane Kids’ Pet Graveyard”. The scene is subtitled, “How It All Began”.

A FOOB Update: Liz still CAN’T. More updates as information becomes available.
lorne
July 8th, 2008 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

Clearly “Luann” is trying to drum up interest by going meta on the backstory of a character they never bothered to think up much of a backstory for. Surely all America will soon be joining in the fun and wondering “What’s TJ’s job?”.
Though if they want to ponder a real mystery, they could reflect on the cryptic name of the strip: “Luann”. What does it mean? Is Luann the name of a character? I can’t recall seeing a character by that name in this strip.
McManx
July 8th, 2008 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

BBailey — An Army post marching band with a string section? Finally, after all these years we have definitive proof of what we’ve really always known –Mort Walker doesn’t know a fucking thing about military life.

Marmaduke — I’m not so sure that the woman is offended about the perfume remark or horrified that she is staring down at the ass-end of a Great Dane.

SForth – Sally is so obsessed with privacy issues that she’s missed the point of Ralph’s query — if Ted can’t do the job, Ralphie baby is ready to knock her up big time.
hobbit
July 8th, 2008 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

What are the wavy lines around the “snorts” in Marmaduke supposed to represent? I have several ideas, but they all involve some serious carpet cleaning on the part of Marmaduke’s owners after the events of the comic.
PeteMoss
July 8th, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

Mrmdk – I think the little girl has it all wrong. Marmaduke is “presenting.” Maybe the perfume is some type of canine pheremone.
PeteMoss
July 8th, 2008 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

Son- “So, Dad, did you see any combat when you were in the Army?”

Dad- “Well, I did get beat up a lot ’cause I played the harp in the Marching Band. And that’s why I’d rather you joined the Peace Corp, son.”
Ubiq
July 8th, 2008 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

Obviously, Beetle Bailey is set in an alternate universe where the Soviet Union conquered the United States. Pretty obvious why, actually.

And my guess is that Marmaduke is trying to cover up the smell of the perfume by snorting a few kilos of the cocaine he found on that drug dealer he ate yesterday morning.
Steve
July 8th, 2008 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

What is it about Ted Forth? He doesn’t have any friends, he’s a colossal asshole, he can’t hold a job.

At first I thought the author just didn’t understand the male point of view, but she goes out of her way to make him look bad.

Am I missing the joke here?
bats :[
July 8th, 2008 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

14. Mr. O’Malley: while generally not marching (but still standing and often strolling), mariachi bands can feature harps and always have violins.
The brass (trumpets) in mariachi groups weren’t introduced until the 1930s or so, when the live music had to start competing in volume with the blare from radios; prior to that, they were string-and-vocal ensembles.
Jeanne
July 8th, 2008 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

Foob: She’s only missing 10 RSVPs and she’s freaking out? Have these people never thrown a real wedding where you call at least 20 people 2 days before the wedding and get 10 answering machines, 5 no answers and Oh, did I forget to send the card? Oops Sorry,
Team MP
July 8th, 2008 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

MF- I need some help understanding today’s comic. I realize it is Mallard Fillmore so that’s asking a lot, but it’s either the standard fare of really lame joke or one of the most offensive strips I’ve ever read. Is Tinsley a) saying that Obama is shooting himself in the foot by bringing up the fact that he’s black? b) making fun of Obama because he honestly believes that no one has brought up race? c) encouraging Republicans to spread lies/fear about Obama because he’s black? d) ready to get picked up for another DUI?

If b is true, is he saying that Obama wants Republicans to bring up race? Where is that thought balloon coming from? If “b” is the correct answer, then Obama should be thinking that, not someone else. The duck thinking that implies “c.” At least to me anyway. Do other people see it that way?

ugh. The worst part about all of this is that my paper got rid of Mallard Fillmore for a few weeks but then brought it back because people complained about a lack of telegraphed jokes a month after said jokes’ subject left the regular news cycle.
SuperPenguin
July 8th, 2008 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

BB: Not to beat a dead horse (actually, who doesn’t like a little deceased equine flogging?), but I too was intrigued by the odd band. I put my 6 years of higher education in music to work, and I believe that the first soldier is playing a viola, not a violin (although with cartoon proportions, it is difficult to tell). The harp in question looks more to me like a lyre or kithara (associated with Apollo) than any modern or semi-modern harp I have seen. Oh, and the piccolo/pixie stick players are doing it backwards.
Dingo
July 8th, 2008 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

That cat, TJ, is a bad mutha…

[Insert 'mudgeon shout here]

Hey, baby, I’m just talkin’bout TJ.

(And he can dig it)
Brick Bradford
July 8th, 2008 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

BB–Maybe the gag is that they’re playing string instruments to coddle the general’s hangover?

Maybe the gag just doesn’t work?

gotta love the marching celtic harp, though.
Islamorada Girl
July 8th, 2008 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

23. Yes, yes, you are.
theMarc
July 8th, 2008 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

ASM: …Is the Vulture going to try to pick up some chicks? Twenty-some stories off the ground?

BB: What instrument is that guy next to the harpist playing? A Pixie Stick?

Curtis: Someone needs to stage an intervention for Mr. Ray Billingsley. The man clearly has an unhealthy addiction to quotation marks.

JP: So Judge Parker is forcing his “friend” to play a game that said “friend” hates so that Parker can get more money. Seems like a pretty asshole-ish thing to do on your first day back from vacation. And by “vacation” I of course mean “several years of not appearing in his own damn comic strip”.

Luann: I would say that maybe TJ’s pretending to be a prohibition-era gangster, but that would require an iota of style and/or competence on TJ’s part.
Lisa
July 8th, 2008 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

17 – Lorne, The strip is named after the main character, Luann, who is Brad’s sister. She’ll show up.
theMarc
July 8th, 2008 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

32 – Lisa: I think lorne was joking about not knowing who Luann was, as there’s been little to no focus on her as of late.
Moss_Moses
July 8th, 2008 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

23. Steve, one point you’re missing is that the author of Sally Forth isn’t a she, he is Ces, who posts here regularly. So if he’s pandering it’s to the opposite sex, the opposite of the same sex pandering of Cathy.

I made a bet that Judge Parker and Sam Driver would finish their meeting before Mary Worth and Doc Jeff reunite but that is looking a bit dicey now. Farewells in JP time can take several days and Ron Amalfi is toast now so that touching Jefferson Cory/Mary Worth reunion could happen tomorrow.
Dagger
July 8th, 2008 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

Perhaps TJ’s job is breaking in Dick Tracy’s clothes.
Champ
July 8th, 2008 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

Maybe Sally’s chances of being impregnated would improve if she didn’t dress like a school marm and had hair that looked as if it had actually been cut by, you know, a person, instead of a spastic cocker spaniel.
Hawkeye
July 8th, 2008 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

Luann: Yet for some reason, the DeGroots aren’t even the least bit curious where someone TJ’s age would even find a zoot suit.
Shoshi
July 8th, 2008 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

13 PeteMoss
>Luck be a fireman tonight!

Or, perhaps, “Fireman be a lady tonight”?
PeteMoss
July 8th, 2008 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

Mallard Fillmore – I think what Tinsley is trying to say with his oh-so-subtle use of satire and wit, is this: “Dang Liberals! I just know they’re hypocrytical liars. I just know it. Just look at ‘em, with their speeches and ideas and all. Dang ‘em.” If you pay regular attention to this strip, you may notice that the title character tends to get a bit political from time to tune. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
kippetje2000
July 8th, 2008 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

I can just see the limp-wristed excitement later this month when Sally waves her EPT result around the office. Its double ++ if she’s pregnant, right? Seems like a double negative for anyone reading this strip. Unless of course she has another girl….Ted Forth would just waste away to nothing…That would be great.
Thursday Next
July 8th, 2008 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

25-Jeanne_That was my first thought, too. 10? That’s an issue? I’ve done my fair share of event planning. 10 will neither make or break you. Caterers give you a set price for maybe 10, 50 or 100.

Unless they were the only 10 people she invited, all having a hard time between “celebrating” the train wreck that is Liz and Anthony, and braving the wrath of Elly, the caterers will simply make the meal for the rounded up contracted number of meals, and there’ll be 10 people’s (ok, 20 with a guest) worth of leftovers.

So the servers go home with a tupperware. Or not, if the legendary 10 show up. So what. Why did Lynn think she needed a number there, anyway? Zero affection between L&A, but a very specific number of guests to hypocritically accuse.
PeteMoss
July 8th, 2008 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

38. Shoshi

Much better. Or maybe “Brad be a Lady tonight?”

Now, can you riff on “Sue me?”
Shoshi
July 8th, 2008 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

26 Team MP — It’s pretty much “b”. The thought balloon is supposed to be coming from Obama (see how it curves in his direction at the bottom?). And it’s not just the “black” thing he is referring to, but also the funny name thing.

I agree that people *have* brought up these “issues”, but probably not official Republican representatives.
kippetje2000
July 8th, 2008 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

All kidding aside, Goats are doing great things in life.
Check out “Goat on a Cow” http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/episodes/2007/07/29
No pictures, just an eerie goat encounter….
Shoshi
July 8th, 2008 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

42 PeteMoss — Well, in the first part, we can simply substitute “firehouse” for “races” and “Brad” for “Adelaide”. However, I don’t want to touch the verse about “You gamble it here, You gamble it there.”
PeteMoss
July 8th, 2008 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

If Ziggy orders the coffee with an attitude, does the waitress just pour it on his melon-head? That’s worth the extra two bits.
Rachel K
July 8th, 2008 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

Oh, you laugh now, but when the inevitable Cherry Poppin’ Daddies reunion hits, TJ will be miles ahead of the curve!
Uncle Lumpy
July 8th, 2008 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

#23 Steve –

The guy in today’s strip is Ralph, Sally’s former boss and current co-worker, not Ted.

Pardon me if you already know this, but it seems odd to call Ted Forth an asshole when there are so very many other nouns available. Ralph is unquestionably an asshole, doesn’t have any friends, can’t hold a job, etc.

Ted’s a sweetheart, driven (though not very hard) by obscure passions. Eruptions of manliness (kicking his mother-in-law to the curb, for example) are as exciting as they are rare. He’s a good Dad and an even better child. I put him right up there with B.D., Margo Magee, and Bucky Katt as one of the most interesting characters in the comics.
Jamus The Bartender
July 8th, 2008 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

Slylock Fox: Okay…
1. In the first picture, the blonde has a cowlick, in the second, it’s gone.
2. In the first, she’s wearing Chanel #5, the second, cocoa butter.
3. In the first, she’s an aspiring musician studying cello at NYU, in the second, she’s trying out for the Pat’s cheerleader squad.
4. The first blonde likes it when you kiss and bite the nape of her neck. So does the second.
5 The first blonde thinks i’m a nice guy, but she just broke up with her boyfriend and is afraid of getting serious right now, and anything would just be on the rebound. The second has this thing she does with her tounge…
6. The first blonde is doing volunteer work for Obama ‘08, the second one is voting for McCain. I told her i’d call her. Yeah, right.
Luann: I’m guessing TJ’s off to Charterstone…
FOOB: Damn. I knew there was something I had to do at the post office….ah well…fuck it…
monsieurjohn
July 8th, 2008 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

Yes, parades do happen on army bases, but as McManx pointed out, the string section is unrealistic at best.

And Lt Fuzz is wearing the wrong rank on his shoulders, unless his torso has been promoted to major.
Shoshi
July 8th, 2008 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

48 Uncle Lumpy–Not to speak on Steve’s behalf, but what I got from his comment is that he doesn’t consider Ted to be the kind of man other men look up to. He’s not the sort you’d want to emulate. As you say in your post, he doesn’t often display “manliness”, and perhaps that is why Steve sees him as contemptible.
Lisa
July 8th, 2008 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

33- Oops! :o[
AeroSquid
July 8th, 2008 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

The phrase: ‘What’s TJ’s job ?’ will be right up there with ‘Who is John Galt ?’
AeroSquid
July 8th, 2008 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

BB: Geez, first sloppy proofreading, now the the rank on Fuzz. Good catch, monsieurjohn.
AeroSquid
July 8th, 2008 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

…sez the person who put an extra ‘the’ in his post.
Madeline
July 8th, 2008 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

Curtis: Whoah. Billingsley keeps piling on the stereoptypes here, doesn’t he? First: ASIANS ARE SMART. Now: Smart people who get good grades can’t be party animals? How does Curtis know that Andy isn’t an A++ student who, after he’s finished his work on cold fusion for the day, blows off steam with some crazy, Lohan-esque partying? Can’t two of Andy’s favorite things be math AND parties? Can one not appreciate geometry AND Jello shots? If no, it is a sad, sad world we live in. AND IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT RAY BILLINGSLEY.
PeteMoss
July 8th, 2008 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

MT – In panel 3, Mark shows he sure knows how to grip a trout. Cherry’s going to need a lot of patience.
PeteMoss
July 8th, 2008 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

So what’s so unmanly about wanting to be like Ted Forth. Ok, I don’t try to emulate his rather outrageous hand gestures, but still, I like the way he was able to quit shaving and lounge around the house for like a year, and then be completely satisfied working retail for months and months. He’s got a kind of Zen thing going for him. The Zen of Ted, I call it.
Shoshi
July 8th, 2008 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

58 PeteMoss — I love it!

Dagwood is my hero for very similar reasons, so it wouldn’t be ME saying Ted doesn’t have it goin’ on.
odinthor
July 8th, 2008 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

#27. Superpenguin.

The harp in question looks more to me like a lyre or kithara (associated with Apollo) than any modern or semi-modern harp I have seen. Oh, and the piccolo/pixie stick players are doing it backwards.

OMG! I thought cythern/kithara too! A beer for my friend, barkeep! Tut tut about what we hear the piccolo/pixie stick players are doing together in bed; but here they seem to be playing vertical flutes of some sort. Or maybe it’s a slide whistle. I suppose the glass harmonica group is farther back in the band. Anyone like to orchestrate for this combo?

Luann. — TJ gets his money from Brad. No, don’t ask. Don’t. No, I said “don’t“. But word is that those BeBa cythern players can tell you all you need to know about it.

SF. — Well, I still say that Sally should impregnate Ted.
Mooncattie
July 8th, 2008 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

I got a horse to boot
His name is Brad DeGroot
I burned down his house
Now it’s time to scoot!
Can do! Can do!

I apologize to everyone
milnor
July 8th, 2008 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

Geez, it’s been hours, and, according to Go Daddy,

SEETEDINSEMINATESALLY.COM is available!
trey le parc
July 8th, 2008 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

Luann: Again, am I the only one that finds it somewhat creepy that this “teen” strip is drawn by a middle-aged man? I mean, I imagine FW’s creator to be a middle-aged mope and I know Foob’s creator is an embittered middle-aged whatever, and I suspect JP’s creator is a middle-aged man with a serious thing for Abbey’s ass, Neddy’s teddy, Gloria’s silky thighs and heaving chest, that busty Rusty with the shrunken cocktail dress and whatever DD bit player that wanders by…uh, what was my point?
Hank
July 8th, 2008 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

RE: Curtis. This strip makes less and less sense each day. Why would kids who failed math be taking a class that other kids are taking as an advanced placement course?
Stephen Baraban
July 8th, 2008 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

STONE SOUP–Val Stone’s police officer boyfriend, Phil, walks in on her at the beauty salon, & exclaims “wait, you’re not naturally red?” (Val’s hairdresser/confidante quickly replies “we’re just doing deep conditioning, that’s all”.)

Doesn’t Phil know for sure what Val’s natural hair color is, via, you know, having seen her pubic hair at some point or other? In a recent strip, Val states that no, she doesn’t want to get married; she likes things just the way they are. Phil says, you know a lot of men would kill to find a woman like you. (Punch line–Val: And don’t you forget it!)

But what sort of man would kill, wound, or even cause a minor abrasion on behalf of the kind of tepid relationship evidenced by today’s, um, strip?
Shoshi
July 8th, 2008 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

65 Stephen Baraban — I hope this won’t mess up any relationship(s) you may be in, but the truth is that women can and do dye their pubic hair.

Paul Rhymer, the brilliant writer of the old time radio program, “Vic and Sade” wrote a little rhyme about that.

Jingle for Clairol — Buy a second batch and have a snatch to match.

(SORRY!)
Shoshi
July 8th, 2008 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

65/66 PS, PLEASE do not imagine the hairdresser saying the same line about deep conditioning in any other context than head hair.
Ace Diamond
July 8th, 2008 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

TJ apparently is apparently taking fashion advice from “The Two Coreys”
AeroSquid
July 8th, 2008 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

The Hangover March as it should be envisioned:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3094/2650762587_f06a033323_o.jpg
Ces
July 8th, 2008 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

#23: At first I thought the author just didn’t understand the male point of view, but SHE goes out of HER way to make him look bad.

Funny, I don’t remember having a sex change. Maybe I should check under my belt again.
Woodrowfan
July 8th, 2008 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

Funny, I don’t remember having a sex change. Maybe I should check under my belt again.

or the pubic hair dye job went horribly, horribly wrong…

boy, if I had a nickle for every time I heard THAT
Chris
July 8th, 2008 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

I had to March in parade a few times, and it blew. we had to practice standing in formation, when we should have been practicing blowing shit up.
Ted Forth would have been playing the flute in the marching band, and been the star of everybody’s favorite barracks past time, “blanket party”. Sarge would have had his fat ass beat to shit, because the “Top” or First Sargent would have made the whole damn company do extra PT to get fat boy into shape. Adfter a week or two of double training, we’d have kicked fat boys ass for even sniffing a hot dog.
commodorejohn
July 8th, 2008 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

#70 Ces – I dunno, you better double-check just to be sure. They can be harder to detect than you’d think.
Luprand
July 8th, 2008 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

Huh … looking at Beetle Bailey (seeing as everyone else is), and I had no idea PDQ Bach even wrote a march for viola, lyre, and milkshake straw.
Rusty
July 8th, 2008 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

63: Even creepier is the thought that Luann’s creator modeled the strip after his own daughter, and did a in-depth series about Luann getting her first period. I have two girls (twins age 8) and I’ll be the last to know when that happens.

Also, why does he constantly draw his characters with a glass at their mouths while talking? It’s one of the three or so poses he constantly depicts.
sprocket23
July 8th, 2008 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

Folks, it’s obvious that TJ is televangelist Joel Osteen.

Same plastic smile, same product-enhanced hair, same snazzy suit. Even his initials are a giveaway: “Televangelist Joel”.

Now Luann can have her best life now.

Oh, and hate to be the buzzkill on this one, but you all are missing the gag in BB: the ludicrous notion of having a harp, a viola, and a piccolo in a band is precisely the “humor”– they are playing softly to accommodate the general’s hangover. Wouldn’t make much funny to have trumpets and tubas.

But, if I have to explain it, it wouldn’t be funny. Wait, it still wouldn’t, but at least there is some internal logic to the gag.
juggernaut
July 8th, 2008 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

Dude – nothing screams “army marching band” quite like a fiddle, harp & pixie stick ensemble. Rock on!!!!!
Joe Blevins
July 8th, 2008 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

I only read “Luann” through this blog and can barely identify the characters, but god how this current storyline depresses me. While pundits bemoan the death of the American grownup, the comics page remains an Oedipal purgatory where children are never ever ever allowed to cut the cord and grow up and establish themselves as individuals. Isn’t the whole point of growing up to be able to separate onesself from one’s parents and forge an identity of one’s own choosing? Aren’t we even trying to raise the next generation to be self-sufficient?

I’m so bummed out by this that I can’t even express myself coherently. But “Momma” and “Crankshaft” and FOOB and now “Luann.” It’s too much. I want to advise the grown children in these strips. I want to tell them: get the hell away from your awful, awful parents. Tell them to go fuck themselves. Put them in the cheapest, most shoddily run nursing home you can find. Move halfway around the world without telling them. Leave no forwarding address.

Maybe I’m being unreasonable. I don’t know…
Froborr
July 8th, 2008 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

Hi all, I just discovered this place last week, read the whole archives, but this is the first post I’ve read comments on.

63. RE: Curtis. This strip makes less and less sense each day. Why would kids who failed math be taking a class that other kids are taking as an advanced placement course?

When I took bio in summer school (gah, was that really 1996?), our class was a mix of students who were taking it because they’d failed it during the previous year, and students who were taking it early in order to get ahead and free up more room for electives and advanced placement classes.

But that’s not the same as it *being* an advanced placement class. The only advanced placement math classes in the U.S. are Calculus AB, Calculus BC, and Statistics. There is *no way* Curtis has taken one of those, even to fail it.

Still, Andy might be taking Algebra or Geometry or something over the summer so that in two or three years he can take AP Math. If it was like my school district, they’d stick him in with Curtis.
Muffaroo
July 8th, 2008 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

Shoshi @66 – I’m utterly gobstruck to learn that Rhymer wrote that… and yet, I can easily imagine Vic Gook saying it. What a world; what a crazy world.

Froborr @79 – Hi, Froborr. (Said in the tones of all the other guys at an AA meeting.)

Hey, did Curtis already drop the hawt-for-teacher bit?
LTBF
July 8th, 2008 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

FC-I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the same joke (Dad, did you vote for lincoln) in that strip before.

First PBS snarks on Foob, then FC…who will it be tomorrow?
Poteet
July 8th, 2008 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

# 66 Soshi — BWAHAHA! And I thought Clairol was so staid.
Mordock999
July 8th, 2008 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

#78 – Hey, Joe.

You’re NOT unreasonable at all.

In fact, I think you hit the nail right on the head.

Problem is though if Greg Evans allowed the kids in LUANN to “grow up”, those “awful, awful” reallife parent/readers of the strip would howl in protest.

Sad…,

__________

DEATH to TJ!
Jeanne
July 8th, 2008 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

61: Mooncattie,
Nicely, Nicely Johnson just rolled over in his (fictional) grave
Poteet
July 8th, 2008 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

# 78 Joe — To the extent I care, I wish Luann would graduate and go to college. She’s looking and acting more like a college student now, and it seems unfair that her brother is being allowed to advance through life, however pathetically, while she is stuck forever in high school. But the extent that I care is small. Every so often I inflict this same comment on other Mudges, and then I try to shut up about it for another several weeks.
Norm
July 8th, 2008 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

EXPRESSIONS OF TJ

Happy: squinting eyes, wide repulsive grin
Sad: squinting eyes, wide repulsive grin
Angry: squinting eyes, wide repulsive grin
Indifferent: squinting eyes, wide repulsive grin
Aroused: squinting eyes, wide repulsive grin
Melancholy: squinting eyes, wide repulsive grin
Rage: squinting eyes, wide repulsive grin
indichik
July 8th, 2008 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

TJ is the Kramer of Luann.
Francis
July 8th, 2008 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

I like the way the girl in Marmaduke is using her dog’s random violent behavior (which happens all the time, stimulus or no) as a way to insult her parents’ houseguest without having to take any responsibility for doing so. I expect to see future installments in this series:

cartoon: Marmaduke chewing up a couch cushion.
caption: “He’s disgusted by the way the tip of your nose turns up like a pig’s snout.”

cartoon: Marmaduke slobbering all over a tennis ball.
caption: “Wow, he really can’t stand how shrill your voice is.”

cartoon: Marmaduke ripping out the old woman’s heart.
caption: “I don’t think he likes you, or I wouldn’t have been able to train him to do this.”
Shoshi
July 8th, 2008 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

82 Poteet — Just to clarify, it wasn’t an actual jingle, it was a little rhyme written by Paul Rhymer.

80 Muffaroo — Yes, so can I. And if you listen closely, you will hear a number of instances when Vic, or someone else, is about to say something risque, but gets cut off.
LTBF
July 8th, 2008 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

78-I wouldn’t put momma in with the others. The joke is Momma is supposed to be an overbearing hag, like the Ray Ramano’s mother, with lazy Francis cowering in fear.

Foob, Crankshaft and to a lesser extent LuAnn have some grounding in reality and charcter devlopment. So we should see some independance from the kids.

But, sadly, we don’t.
UncleJeff
July 8th, 2008 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

Froborr@79: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Frrrrooooooooborrrrrrrr
Sheila Sternwell
July 8th, 2008 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

#48 Uncle Lumpy – Yes! Thank you! This is why I have a lock of your hair affixed to a small doll on an altar… but I’ve said too much.
Johnnycakes
July 8th, 2008 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

SeeTedInseminateSally.com – the goatse.cx of the comics world. Or was that javaworld.com?

P.S. Josh, I’m apparently very bad at keeping secrets.
Crankenstank
July 8th, 2008 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

Hey Josh, thanks for the plug for my new website! You should read our business plan!!!

So, would you describe Sally Forth as Very Web 2.0…?
cheech wizard
July 9th, 2008 at 12:05 am [Reply]

78./Joe Blevins: Welcome! But haven’t we met you before in “All the Pretty Horses”? Or perhaps an Austin Lounge Lizards song?

“Blah blah, blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah, what ol’ Blevins said to me.”
Mibbitmaker
July 9th, 2008 at 12:24 am [Reply]

Early sneak-peak at 7/9:

FOOB: Actually, they’re sharing a group AAAGHH!

I actually found this one funny. A new FOOB strip funny. Probably the last time, too.

FW: One o’ them damn little red x’s in a tiny square. Maybe the SFGate people are sparing us a really awful Winkerbean today?

Nah… they never did that before!
Aaron T.
July 9th, 2008 at 12:30 am [Reply]

86 Norm: Much like Knute’s never-changing expression: squinty-eyed, huge, toothy, gaping smile.
P
July 9th, 2008 at 12:32 am [Reply]

FC: Thanks a lot Bil, now I will need to go to therapy to get that nightmare photo of Jeffy out of my head!
Vakar
July 9th, 2008 at 12:41 am [Reply]

23, 48, 70: Please, speak no lies about Ted, or about Ces, for that matter. One is my hero, and the other may not be fictional. Not sure, still have the fact checkers working on it…
Vakar
July 9th, 2008 at 12:46 am [Reply]

Okay, prediction about JP before I even see Wednesday’s installment. This is the set-up for a wacky prank on Sam. But to have the big reveal on April 1, 2009, they have to start NOW, because it’s Judge Parker, and it’s only nine months away. Thirty seconds a day and all that.
bats :[
July 9th, 2008 at 1:00 am [Reply]

Hump-day (ahem) funnies!

JP: Shall we tell Steve, or just let him be surprised?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2652152362/

MW: WTF just happened?! Mary cut bait? Or Ron cut bait?
What the hell?!

Phantom: Andre’s a loony.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Until he runs out of food, or develops a seafood allergy.

RMMD: this just keeps getting better and better…

9CL: boy, Amos sure knows how to pick ‘em…Isabel is just as vacuous as Edda! Maybe time to spend less time on Laura Petri slacks, Amos, since it’s apparent that you have no idea what to do with them or the women who happen to be wearing them.
Putz.

FOOB: for the love of God, just DIE…ALL OF YOU!
“I say, we will have no more marriages:
those that are married already, all but one, shall
live; the rest shall keep as they are.”
If Hamlet only knew…
Salvor 'Catering' Hardin
July 9th, 2008 at 1:22 am [Reply]

FOOB: Is it too much to hope that the anointed one’s wedding will be catered by Téodor? Maybe his careful, careful planning is why 10 missing RSVPs is such a big deal.
Poteet
July 9th, 2008 at 1:32 am [Reply]

# 89 Soshi — Understood, but Clairol can’t stop me from deciding the “jingle” belongs to them:-).
Adjuster
July 9th, 2008 at 1:34 am [Reply]

PBS: if there’s no PBS cartoon after July 9, I gotta say that’s a cool way to go. Even better if July 10th is drawn by Jeffy.
Farley's Revenge
July 9th, 2008 at 1:49 am [Reply]

Wednesday’s FOOB: Whose wedding is this, anyway? From all the work April is doing, Liz is marrying her sister. WTF is that slackard Anthony doing? Probably at Half-Priced Books, looking for another used copy of “The Joy of Sex” because he gave the copy he had to Ted Forth.

And after the group hug, there’s a group grope, followed by a group wallow in a tub of ice cream. Fun times in FOOB-land once again.
Poteet
July 9th, 2008 at 1:57 am [Reply]

Foob — Right now would be a great time for that giant flaming meteor to hit the Patterson house.

Pluggers — So is today’s panel the idea of the artist himself? Oog.

DT — This. Is. So. Very. Very. Pathetic.
gainsayer
July 9th, 2008 at 1:58 am [Reply]

@10 – I guess you don’t see Jump Start here much since it doesn’t, you know, suck. . . Except when they veer into a “Klondike Ike” storyline.
Poteet
July 9th, 2008 at 1:59 am [Reply]

Luann — I was going to speculate that TJ was a gigolo specializing in older women. But honestly, as a woman of a certain age myself, I cannot utter such calumny. No older woman would be that desperate. No woman of any age would be that desperate.
Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
July 9th, 2008 at 2:03 am [Reply]

7/8/08’s Spiderman made me laugh. HARD. I’ve never laughed at Spiderman before. But today’s is freaking hilarious. I’m laughing just thinking about it. I don’t think it’s supposed to be funny. But it just is. I want to see where the Vulture is going to pop out of next to commit his next heist… rather than yet ANOTHER day of, “You have the flu! Don’t go out!” “All right, you win!”
loki_skywalker
July 9th, 2008 at 2:12 am [Reply]

FOOB: Aaaaaand the Bridezilla strips start right about…now.
Pepperoni Détournées
July 9th, 2008 at 2:17 am [Reply]

109: Great idea, though I hope not. I love PBS. Weds PBS: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Foob: Y’know, Lizardbreath, no one forced you to plan a “major event” (eyeroll). Eloping is still married, only without all the BS. Of course, since you’re desperate for your grandpa, who you don’t visit, to see you in your grandma’s now-unrecognizable gown, you could always have a small wedding with a really big dress.

Where is Blandthony? Pulling an Elly: patting himself on the back for being such a “good guy” and bagging a Fatterson babe.
kippetje2000
July 9th, 2008 at 2:44 am [Reply]

JP: Boy it sure looks like Gloria would really enjoy helping Sam keep his balls clean in Tucson. Hefting his bags, handling his club, offering advice on his stroke. I bet he’s crap at his short game though. The Judge should be taking Steve on that golf trip. I hear he’s got a hell of a handicap.
Dingo
July 9th, 2008 at 2:45 am [Reply]

Dios mio! I believe that I’ve found TJ’s occupation. He’s a writer over at Fleshlight. This Flash video file is sooooooo NSFW but the more I watched it the more I laughed. This woman does a great job of continually letting us know that you should buy the Sandee Westgate Fleshlight and nothing else. I dare you to watch this video and not remember Eleanor Roosevelt hawking butter. I double dog dare you to watch this and not think of Mary Worth peddling the wares of the Bum Boat restaurant on late-night cable television.

Just squeeze… and release. Squeeze… and release. BWAH-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Frank Parsnip
July 9th, 2008 at 2:55 am [Reply]

A3G: In a scientific study done by Johns Hopkins University, there is a 70% positive correlation between Gabriela thinking that there are “evil spirits” nearby and the actual presence of Margo.

Sex Organ, M.D.: This is going to be a true Rube Goldberg situation. Apparently Max got the disease from the wrestling mats and (oddly) not from hanging about the hospital talking patients out of cooperating with the health department investigation. And the whole point of him speeding home and screaming in rage isn’t going to lead to an alternate death by heart attack? With this motorcycle cop going after him, we’re going to be treated to 3 to 4 weeks of the officer dying from MRSA picked up from Max … and a 3-year trial of Max for cop murder.

MT: Kelly Welly wants to get “animal pictures” but interprets that broadly to include penned-up experimental subjects of Doc’s, views of the mountains behind their tents, and shots of a horse going fucko bazzoo. And yet she misses all the talking animals everywhere throughout the Lost Forest.

MW: Ron’s a happy boy: “Yes, and thank you Mary for providing the paparazzi with photos that prove I’m as straight as any other Republican politician.”

MF: What on earth is that supposed to be a picture of representing Tinsley’s concept of “the Media”? Is that supposed to be the UN building?!?

Slylock Fox: I found today’s fish trivia and drawing informative and funny.

Jugs Parker: If we’re lucky, this extended plotline will involve Sam Driver squaring off against Dewey Cheatem in-house counsel Busty Duncan O’Reilly again. Lots of long walks in the windy desert for their negotiations if we’re really lucky. Perhaps in the style of “entertainment lawyers” shown on TV, most of the discussions will be poolside.

Curtis: As per my predictions, those within 3 seats of Curtis ought to wear raincoats or garbage bags, just like at the Gallagher concerts. He’s spraying flop-sweat worse than Cathy.

DtM: I’m starting to like this “Uncle Charley” guy… he’s actually a bit menacing. Somewhere under those completely cheesy cowpoke clothes are a whole lot of cool tattoos.

Blondie: Actually pretty good today. Almost of a My Cage vibe with it, which is unusual for a legacy strip. Perhaps Ed Cage is ghostwriting?

BB: Yes, a bottle of champagne might be worth using for a celebration, but this is a huge bottle of pain killers. A foil-topped bottle of pain killers. The alcoholism in Halftrack’s life has finally started to infect the vocabulary of all those around him with so many euphemisms that they can’t communicate anymore.

FC: Vampire Jeffy needs the extra protection or else he cannot attack Wesley Snipes. He needs to do that to get street cred among the other IRS agents.
True Fable
July 9th, 2008 at 3:22 am [Reply]

Time to snark.

A3G Oh yeah; forgot about the Hippy Dippy Couple.
Cathy (Must Die!) Just when I think Cathy’s artwork can’t get any worse, I see the upraised hand in panel 1 and wonder for a moment why that big blobby mistake didn’t get whited out and the usual Pointy Finger wasn’t drawn in place. But no, she’s daring to do something DIFFERENT! A hand raised with palm allegedly open! Oh, Cathy; you daredevil you. Eat shit and die.
C’haft Fine, kid. I was going to hand you some serious benjamins for your wedding too, but since you don’t want hand-me-downs, you aren’t going to get them after all. I’m going to buy a new playground for the goats. Nyah.
Curtis How do you keep ‘em down in the ‘hood, after they’ve seen double D?
DtM Dennis the Menace, meet Tex the Traumatizer.
(wt)DT Voice Scrambler. Lip Reading. Captain Obvious. Leaden Styling. Typical Dick.
F Minus F Minus takes on Foob, Rex, Baldo, Luann, 6 Chix, Zits, and Scenes from Suburban Hell. At its own risk, I might add.
FC He even looks like a sun. Don’t fire until you see the flare of his single nostril.
FBoFW Elly doesn’t care if she knows what’s happening or not; if there’s crying and moping and complaining about being overwhelmed to be had, she’s going to by God claim her stake on part of it!
FW don’t care. move on.
GF bwahaha!
JP Oh good lord; take Abbey with you, okay? Keep her out of trouble and make her HAPPY for a change. Sophie? Pffft. Sophie will be fine, staying up late and cheating the staff at Texas Hold-’em sessions in the pantry.
Luann Evans snarks his own strip!
MT Tomorrow, Kelly Welly will be tied to the next campfire on a big spit as Cherry finally reveals her Dark Side.
MW Is mutual brushoff anything close to mutual orgasm? Because in Mary’s world it sure seems to be.
RMHI You’d better listen to her, Max. She’s wearing black lipstick and wearing the latest in lace doiley collars!
Rubes Squick! SQUICK!
Mr. O'Malley
July 9th, 2008 at 4:49 am [Reply]

24. bats :[ Yes, mariachi bands (the term is supposed to derive from the French “mariage”=”marriage”, from the brief French rule over Mexico) frequently have harps. However, mariachi bands tend to stay put when they play, possibly strolling around between numbers.

But Paraguayan harpers do really march, e.g., at village celebrations, because Paraguayan harps are lighter even than Mexican harps. Also, in Paraguay there is often a second player, called the “golpeador”, who beats out a rhythm on the soundboard, and can assist in carrying the harp.

Harps are found many places in Latin America, deriving from the Spanish Baroque tradition, as distinct from the modern orchestral harp, which is a late 19th century French invention. But Paraguay in particular has developed the harp as a national instrument.

Celtic harps mostly likely have a common origin with the old Spanish harps, but began a separate line of development several centuries ago.

Paraguayans also have some recorder-like wind instruments,as shown in BB.

Thus we can conclude that, considering the age of the strip, Gen. Halftrack probably owes his appointment to Pres. Alfredo Stroessner.
Mr. O'Malley
July 9th, 2008 at 5:10 am [Reply]

JP: I’m guessing that Dewey Cheatem is going to be a sexy golf-playing publishing woman.

This plot is ridiculous. This jaunt to play golf at a five-star resort in Phoenix is going to cost more than $25K anyway. And a first novelist doing a whodunit isn’t going to have much leverage—$25K is already ridiculous.

That said, just a couple of days ago I was reading a volume of the reminiscences of Erle Stanley Gardner, and he really did lead a life somewhat resembling an Oriental potentate. Reading between the lines, though, he was playing a lot of angles. For example, the Perry Mason TV show collected for having everyone in the show drive a Chrysler product.

But I’m afraid that this version of the life of a writer has long since gone the way of the Chinese river dolphin.
John C Fremont
July 9th, 2008 at 7:03 am [Reply]

A3G – Great. Now we’re going to have to wait until Friday to see Jack Davis lock up the gallery.

MT – First panel; Moss.
Second panel; Moose.
Moss. Moose. Moss. Moose. Notice the subtle differences. For instance, even though they both drink from a lake and often have stuff dangling from their mouths, the moose seldom wears a hat.

Phantom – Weirdest male bonding sequence ever.

RMMD – Jamie Lee Curtis gets angry. Meanwhile, MRSA spores spread rapidly on a policeman’s helmet.

JP – Sam has to play golf. Gloria’s cleavage is amused.
Mordock999
July 9th, 2008 at 7:12 am [Reply]

Today’s Luann – 07/09/08

Wow, DeGoofs.

You people ACTUALLY think???

_________________________

DEATH to TJ!
Braniff
July 9th, 2008 at 7:30 am [Reply]

FC–Here’s what was censored–that’s right CENSORED–from today’s panel: Dolly knives her brother and then Billy (not recognizing his brother) yells, “OMG, she killed Kenny, you bastard!!”
Pozzo
July 9th, 2008 at 7:36 am [Reply]

Great — now I’m stuck with images of TJ posing in front of his mirror, trying out “hep” pick-up lines like “23 skidoo!” and “Greetings gate; let’s palpitate!”
athena
July 9th, 2008 at 7:50 am [Reply]

re Apt 3G: Since when did smoking crack give you the giggles? Or are we back to the drug in question being the devil doob?
Elliott Mitchell
July 9th, 2008 at 7:57 am [Reply]

Did Lt. Fuzz steal his jacket from General Halftrack, maybe after a boozy night of don’t ask don’t tell? His helmet is still displaying the appropriate single gold bar but that’s a star on his shoulder!
Bobo D. Clown
July 9th, 2008 at 7:58 am [Reply]

I have to say that it is alarming to me that the military band in Beetle Bailey includes a harp and a violin. Will Miss Buxley be doing a performance art piece later in the day, rolling around in melted chocolate naked (while Sarge drools over the chocolate from a corner of the panel)?
Whippersnapper
July 9th, 2008 at 8:17 am [Reply]

Foob: April is in charge of flowers, centerpieces, and addressing the invitations? Sounds to me like she IS totally responsible for a major event here, Liz. How ’bout you do something besides whine and model your grandmother’s mangled wedding dress?

DT: Who the hell is Sheriff Lipreader and how does he use the mole under his mouth to read lips?

MW: That’s right, Mary. Anyone who doesn’t drop everything to be at your beck and call isn’t worthy of you. Now just dig a moldering wedding dress out of a crawlspace and find a bland, manipulative creep to marry. Maybe Anthony Caine has a widowed grandfather.
man behind the curtain
July 9th, 2008 at 8:20 am [Reply]

LuAnn — Whatever it is that TJ does for a living, it has to be more interesting than the lives of Ozzie and Harriet (AKA the DeGroots.)

A3G — A case of the giggles. Can the munchies be far behind?
Alan Bryan
July 9th, 2008 at 8:23 am [Reply]

When graduating from basic training our “flight” was part of a squadron and the squadrons assemble and pass in review in front of the commanding officer and spectators.

What’s missing here is at the point when you actually PASS the C.O. as Beetle is doing you would be commanded to do ‘eyes right’ and salute the C.O.
Neither is being done here. Also the band would be stationary until all the squadrons are done and then they would pass last.

Mort Walker doesn’t have a clue.
commodorejohn
July 9th, 2008 at 8:36 am [Reply]

#78 Joe Blevins – Preach it.

9CL – Isabel, if you just initiated the end of this stupid storyline you’re now my favorite character in the whole damn strip.

A3G – Authentic drug lingo!

A.D. – Wow, B.C. just took a turn for the insane.

Baldo – Ho ho, those white people! Always with the wanting special treatment! …why the fuck am I reading this thing? People said it was good.

Crankshaft – Run, girl. Run. Get in the car and don’t stop until you hit the coast. Scratch that, don’t stop when you hit the coast. Go to friggin’ Japan or something, just get away from these people.

Curtis – My God, we’re actually going there.

DT – Wow, it sure is lucky the ghost of J. Edgar Hoover knows how to lip-read!

FOOB – “Totally responsible for a major event?” You’ve never been responsible for an event in your whole life, you bitchy marionette.

GA – I swear, this had better be building up to a massacre.

HOTC – “Well, this is just a fun, animated kids’ movie…nothing blows up and there’s no weird, violent, zombie-super-hero fight scenes. I mean, with a silly word like Akira for a title, how could it be anything but goofy?”

MC – Yeah, well, he’s not the only one.

Peanuts – Well, Frieda, this was the McCarthy era. A.k.a. the dog era. People who liked cats were damned queer Commies.

SM – What the…dude, you’re the Vulture. The one thing you have in life is your ability to fly. And you travel via the sewers? Twerp.

Zits – Well if he’s dumb enough to leave his inappropriate Internet activities obviously linked to his real-life identity, he deserves to get caught.
risk
July 9th, 2008 at 8:56 am [Reply]

@marmduke:

I’ve seen enough nature documentaries to know that that pose does not represent dislike. I think Marmaduke likes your perfume grandma. I think he likes it a lot.
Bravochimp
July 9th, 2008 at 9:24 am [Reply]

You don’t get it, see? T.J.’s no run-of-the-mill Joe…every palooka wants to be him and every dish, tomato & looker wants to be with him. All you goons keep the crust, see, ’cause this Johnny on the spot is all is all eggs in coffee with the dames. Just ’cause a fella gets togged to the bricks don’t give you the right to give him the business, see? And don’t blow your wig over his cabbage, see, ’cause you and me both know that it ain’t nothing but a trip for biscuits. So cool your heels & have some dog soup, see, ’cause this crazy casanova’s the bonafide clam-bake.

Whew.
Brick Bradford
July 9th, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]

DT–I’m pretty sure Locher is getting up and killing a pint of cheap rye whiskey before starting the work day. Jeez. Note to Shirl Locke–voice scramblers don’t work when someone is standing four feet away and can overhear your side of he conversation–who needs lip reading?
Love the line of dashes though.

Mallard Suckmore–If Locher’s doing a pint Tinsley’s knocking off a quart.

FC–Jeffy is all done up like the Gorton Fisherman–or the serial killer in “I Know What You Did Last Summer”. Dolly better look out for her little friends.

Archie–he’s been doing two stone cold babes for 50-60 years, getting away with it, and we call his strip dumb?
Goat
July 9th, 2008 at 9:28 am [Reply]

The U.S. Army Band has violins in the Strolling Strings. The ensemble has violins, violas, cellos and one string bass… but no harp or flutes. (Didn’t Norman Schwartzkopf say “Going to war without the French is like going deer hunting without a harp”?) They do have an accordion.
Widdle Jeffy
July 9th, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

Is Jeffy regressing even further?

I thought he was at least 5 years old and could dress himself.

Next thing you know, PJ will be changing Jeffy’s dirty diaper. But because he is a toddler he will get shit everywhere. It will bring about a great IdaKnow NotMe segment.
tb4000
July 9th, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

Curtis: Well, now we know he’s a boob man.
Straw
July 9th, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

Blondie: I admit it, I actually laughed. I’m curious about that hobo hash, too!

BB: Why am I not surprised that the Pentagon wants to keep its commanding officers as drunk as possible?

Peanuts: Is it true? Do people really hate naturally curly-headed cat owners? Well, F you all!! *sob*
Anonymous
July 9th, 2008 at 9:42 am [Reply]

Loot Fuzz made General! At least his shoulder has. His head is still a 1st lt.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 9th, 2008 at 9:43 am [Reply]

7/9

MF: Tinsley maintains a sliver of dignity by not drawing any people today.

BB: Clearly there’s some event coming up and the Pentagon wants Halftrack passed out drunk so he doesn’t embarass them.

H&J: “Ha. My best friend’s wife despises him. Oh, that’s precious.”

RMMD: How will Max Mallory try to get out of this ticket? “Officer, my wrestling mat is pregnant. I mean my wife is MRSA. I mean…”

S-M: No no no! I refuse to accept this heist. Nothing this stupid is allowed to happen in any medium.

S4th: …and a zillion actresses on a zillion shows since then. Guess the Forths don’t watch the US version of “The Office.”

DT: When brilliant detectives become moronic criminals.

GA: “Yup, an automygraf for me, one for my mother, my sister, my aunt. So that makes two automygrafs all tole.”

Luann: No, sorry Mrs D. If TJ was in the Mafia, he’d have had a tragic fishing trip a long time ago.

6C: Toplessness arrives in the newspaper comics with a stunning lack of eroticism.

Big Dog: So apparently Marmaduke has been chowing down on a jazz musician.

OBH: Oh, Morpheus is just a little reserved. He’s not that creepy. His brother Destiny kind of spooks me, though.

Peanuts: Frieda must have seen Catbert and Bucky Katt coming.

PBS: Hey, just like the animator in “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.”

A3G: We now bring you the hilarious conclusion of “Dude, Where’s My Art Career?”

Blondie: “Yeah, we tried washing the hobo off before we butchered him. Guy just had so many nooks and crannies…”
Randalll
July 9th, 2008 at 9:45 am [Reply]

TJ is a michael Jackson impersonator.
Mr. Fogarty
July 9th, 2008 at 9:47 am [Reply]

TJ has got to be turning tricks with guys he is finding on craigslist.
Shoshi
July 9th, 2008 at 9:50 am [Reply]

130 Bravo, Bravochimp! Great work!
towanda
July 9th, 2008 at 9:50 am [Reply]

A harp and a violin in an Army marching band? Choose your own comment:
1) I thought “don’t ask, don’t tell” was still in effect.
2) No wonder we’re losing the war in Iraq.
Calico
July 9th, 2008 at 9:50 am [Reply]

#9 – I agree -our large Pom dog does this faux sneezing thing when she wants something. Which is often. I can tell when the sneezes are fake or real.
As for Marm, though, I think he got into his owner’s coke stash.

And speaking of rampant drug abuse, I see the lil’ gal in Snuffy Smith is going to marry a meth head. Oh, the joy of it all. I hope you have dental insurance, hon.
Sock Puppet
July 9th, 2008 at 9:54 am [Reply]

You know, I’ve read the whole archives here now, and I don’t recall a single entry about the horrors of Heathcliff. Of course, that cat is such an unmitigated asshole that making the mistake of reading it can put me off the best of good moods.

The only time it’s tolerable — still not remotely funny, mind you; that would take a talent its author clearly doesn’t possess — is when it’s like today’s, with his owners (hostages?) insulting him.

Actually, now that I think about it, I can’t think of anything funny to say about Heathcliff, despite its abyssmal rottenness. So I guess I just answered my own question about why Josh doesn’t cover it. But I’m going to post this comment anyway ’cause I already typed it out.
Calico
July 9th, 2008 at 10:02 am [Reply]

#133 Just wait until Dolly breaks out the bucket of plaster of Paris, the blowtorch, and the Iron Mask.
“Ida Know!”

Or maybe she”l be in a good mood and just stick with the liquid latex.
T. Chicana
July 9th, 2008 at 10:09 am [Reply]

#23: I don’t think Ted Forth is an a-hole. He’s just a man-child. I can’t explain his delicate little lady hands, though.
Sequitur
July 9th, 2008 at 10:09 am [Reply]

#48 – Hey! Uncle Lumpy. Don’t forget Rat.
Vakar
July 9th, 2008 at 10:10 am [Reply]

PBS: I accuse… Lynn Johnston… in the Drawing Room… with a Butter Tart!!

Keane wouldn’t be looking for payback, he’s a happy-go-lucky guy. But Lynn J., Ice Queen of the North? Pastis got on the wrong side of her, and that’s a one-way trip to the cooler. Poor schlub probably never knew what hit him.
Smarmy Duke
July 9th, 2008 at 10:10 am [Reply]

All those snorts, Marmaduke’s on coke again!
Darkefang
July 9th, 2008 at 10:14 am [Reply]

DT: Just give it up already. If you have to draw the reader charts and diagrams to explain the action in the strip, you’ve derailed. Just have Dick feed her to some man-eating dogs or whatever horrific murder you have planned, and move onto the next confusing and poorly drawn story.

S-M: If local businesses really wanted to foil the Vulture’s crime spree, maybe they could fool him by not sending their money to the bank in big sacks with dollar signs on the side.
Paul Arrand Rodgers
July 9th, 2008 at 10:14 am [Reply]

RE: Marmaduke.

Coke is one hell of a drug.
Dave
July 9th, 2008 at 10:24 am [Reply]

So the front line of the band attached to Halftrack’s…brigade?…whatever…consists of a violin, a harp, and some guy eating Pixie Stix.

Somehow, this seems absolutely appropriate.
tb4000
July 9th, 2008 at 10:25 am [Reply]

Sally Forth has officially become way too self-referential.
Calico
July 9th, 2008 at 10:27 am [Reply]

#147 – Did Lynnie hit Pastis with either a Mallory subpoena or a bucket of butter tarts? Inquiring minds want to know.
T. Chicana
July 9th, 2008 at 10:31 am [Reply]

Foob: When Liz was going on and on (and ON) about “not wanting to rush into anything” and “taking things slow” did she not know that her Gwamps had one foot in the grave and the other one on a Butter Tart? What did she THINK would happen?
And now, it couldn’t even be a fall wedding. It has to be a month away. If she spent even half the time that she spent blathering about “going slow” planning and looking into vendors, etc. maybe she could’ve had a normal wedding. Did I say normal? Never mind!
Calico
July 9th, 2008 at 10:37 am [Reply]

#143 – “Unmitigated Asshole”
I thought that phrase was reserved exclusively for Mike Patterson.
Calico
July 9th, 2008 at 10:39 am [Reply]

With any luck, there will be an Industrial grunge band at The Wedding, Elly will faint, and everyone will get food poisoning.
Oh, if only.
T. Chicana
July 9th, 2008 at 10:44 am [Reply]

156 Calico: I hope that crazy uncle will bring his hose-a-phoneum as the musical entertainment and possibly show up blind-drunk.
Hogenmogen
July 9th, 2008 at 10:44 am [Reply]

Malice Fartmore: Tinsley constructs a fantasy world in which media types are supposed to scrutinize one candidate more than another, or is it that they’re scrutinizing that candidate’s critics? Or – wait, which side is he really taking? I’m more confused about that than I am about the fact that there are voices coming from an unmarked grave stone.
Calico
July 9th, 2008 at 10:46 am [Reply]

#157 – haha, I had forgotten about Uncle Phil from Montreal.
Maybe Crazy Cortney will crash the wedding as well. Blind drunk too, of course.
Hogenmogen
July 9th, 2008 at 10:49 am [Reply]

And I wasn’t in the CC melee yesterday, but 7/8/08 Malice seemed to say that the right wing doesn’t mention at every opportunity that Obama’s middle name is the same as the last name to a dictator that we went to war with.

Never mind that half the Reps in the south fly a Confederate flag, which the US also went to war with. Oh, the bizarre reality that somehow comes up just short of “delicious irony”.
Sequitur
July 9th, 2008 at 10:55 am [Reply]

I think Blondie should cater the FOOB wedding. Hold it! Beter yet… T.J.!
kalki
July 9th, 2008 at 10:57 am [Reply]

T.J. touches people for a nominal fee down at the dock.
Bootsy
July 9th, 2008 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Forgive me if this has been pointed out, but the guy in Beetle Bailey is not playing a Pixie Stick. He is smoking Alan from A3G’s “drug” pipe.
Hogenmogen
July 9th, 2008 at 11:00 am [Reply]

Today is a great Spiderman. The Vulture, who’s only evident power is that he can fly, has reduced himself to crawling under streets through raw sewage where wings are not only useless but cause significant disadvantage. And yet, two beefy security guards with guns can’t seem to fend him off. Meanwhile, Peter Parker’s flu enters week number ten.
isrw
July 9th, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

Wednesday 7/9 Curtis:

Perhaps if women did not have eyes, staring at their chests would be more defensible. This situation is posited by our recent Curtis strips.

Unfortunately we are unable to resolve the question, because portraying a child of Curtis’s (admittedly somewhat indeterminate) age goggling his eyes and saying, internally, “Hamina Hamina” is in itself indefensible.
Sequitur
July 9th, 2008 at 11:05 am [Reply]

BB: I don’t think it’s a pixie stick. I think it’s small blow gun and he’s getting ready to dart the general.
Hogenmogen
July 9th, 2008 at 11:18 am [Reply]

I’m not sure what’s up with Beetle Bailey. Is Buxley is misinterpreting the champagne (for good news) as “pain killing smooth respite of alcoholic beverage” (for bad news)? Or, is it really bad news and Walker just couldn’t draw or wouldn’t be allowed to draw a realistic looking bottle of “Johnny” (with the gold label)? If that is true, then how are they able to repeatedly insinuate that the commanding officer at Camp Swampy is an insufferable alcoholic and yet his enabling friends at the pentagon keep feeding him the poison that will put him to an early grave?
Sequitur
July 9th, 2008 at 11:24 am [Reply]

BB 7-9-08: “The Pentagon” isn’t the 5 square building in Washington D.C. It’s the General’s favorite liquor store near Camp Swampy.
queek
July 9th, 2008 at 11:24 am [Reply]

101: I knew someone would be going there, and I was hoping it would be you, bats. My first thought on panel 3 was “Gloria adopts the ‘here Steve’ position”

Isabel and Margo, twins separated at birth? Or just sisters in attitude?

The “Tom of Finland” Cop has moved from FW to RMMD, were he’s more likely to find a proper partner to dingo with.

PBS: “dibs on the iPod” for CotW.

GF: it’s slapstick week! I lol’d at today’s effort.
Perky Bird
July 9th, 2008 at 11:30 am [Reply]

That poor moose in Mark Trail must be starving. It looks like it’s resorting to eating a small rubber ball and a chicken’s foot. Lost Forest’s lakes must be horribly polluted.
Hogenmogen
July 9th, 2008 at 11:33 am [Reply]

Marked Trail: Is there any dangerous activity that Kelly hasn’t wanted to photograph?
Moss: Look out, it’s a mountain lioness and her cubs!
Kelly: I want to take a picture. Go up and pet her!
Moss: Not a good idea, Miss Kelly.
Kelly: Let’s see what happens when I startle your horse – it’ll be a blast – get it? Ha ha!
Moss: Y’all fractured her foot.
Kelly: Ooh, I need to get a pic of that grizzly!
Moss: Miss Kelly, I wouldn’t…
Kelly: What’s this? A chemical munitions dump! Let’s play!
Orange Doorhinge
July 9th, 2008 at 11:36 am [Reply]

MF: I think the goal of Mallard is to annoy “liberals”, which causes great mirth in the “conservatives”. “Ha! I bet today’s MF really pi$$d-off those liberals!” they chortle.
Uncle Lumpy
July 9th, 2008 at 11:44 am [Reply]

#169 queek said:

. . . find a proper partner to dingo with.

Dingo — you’ve been verbed. Now you have to buy us all cake.
Shoshi
July 9th, 2008 at 11:50 am [Reply]

167 Hogenmogen — I took it as the first (misinterpretation of champagne, because she only sees the General drinking to drown his sorrows). Which I thought was mildly amusing.
Shoshi
July 9th, 2008 at 11:51 am [Reply]

172 Orange Doorhinge — I had a slightly different take–that the purpose of MF is to console conservatives, who always feel that they are under siege.
gnome de blog
July 9th, 2008 at 11:51 am [Reply]

133 Widdle: Jeffy is 3.

165 isrw: Curtis is 11.
Hogenmogen
July 9th, 2008 at 11:52 am [Reply]

I haven’t heard much snark about Mary Worth today. She’s strung along and dumped. Ron is now eclipsing Aldo as my favorite MW character ever. Unfortunately, he won’t be sticking around, as he is going to be busy boffing his secretary, who is about 6 decades younger than Mare. I would have liked for Ron to have come to fisticuffs with his rival, Jeff. But sadly, the Worth way is always take the most boring alternative.
Hogenmogen
July 9th, 2008 at 11:53 am [Reply]

174 – Soshi – That is a probablility, but then why would the General be frowning? He would have instantly recognized that champagne is for celebrations and “Johnny” Gold is to drown one’s sorrows.
Calico
July 9th, 2008 at 11:53 am [Reply]

#171 – Here, kitty kitty…
Shoshi
July 9th, 2008 at 11:55 am [Reply]

177 Hogenmogen — I don’t even understand how this story line came as far as it did. When Mary and Ron had dinner, he said then and there that his new position would prevent him from having time for socializing. I thought THAT would have been the end of it, and didn’t expect him to try arranging another DATE (yes, Mary, admit is WAS a date) so soon.
Mel
July 9th, 2008 at 11:57 am [Reply]

114: Frank Parsnip
Thank you, thank you for your MT comment … and if I didn’t have a child in the house, I would work “fucko bazoo” into nearly every conversation.

MW: So one well-documented dinner, two missed ones, and we are at “take care of yourself (because I won’t)”?

Wow. Not only does Ron “not like seafood” he doesn’t even want to “try the veal.” No doubt yesterday’s secretary was actually giving him the list of her services and now she is under the desk handling the “executive branch.”
Hogenmogen
July 9th, 2008 at 11:57 am [Reply]

143 – Sock Puppet – I see what you mean about Heathcliff. I’ve made some comments way back when, but they’re not really all that great. It has to suck in just such a way to elicit some snark.

Heathcliff would be hilarious if he were a big dog.
Shoshi
July 9th, 2008 at 11:58 am [Reply]

178 Hogenmogen — I interpreted it as his being nonplussed at Buxley’s comment. And perhaps a little guilt for lying to her about what was in those bottles he’s always drinking.
Hogenmogen
July 9th, 2008 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

How about this for previous Heathcliffs – Heathcliff goes for the long distance hairball spitting world record to qualify for the Beijing games this summer!

Heath is a sick mass murderer!
Smash
July 9th, 2008 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

I think TJ is a stripper. I would certainly explain the wild oufits and cheery outlook.
I can’t believe SF is going forward with a baby. Why don’t they just hire cousin Oliver and call it a day!
Dr. Shrinker
July 9th, 2008 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

Can anyone explain the joke in today’s Frazz? Why are “30 pairs of goggles” a “Blondie punchline?”

Now if it was “one enormous, firm and bouncy set of goggles”…
shaagnik
July 9th, 2008 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

does it seem weird that the front line of the marching band includes a violin and a harp? who marches with a harp?
Hogenmogen
July 9th, 2008 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

A plugger has no friends, lives in a car, eats off a cinder block and is envious of his peers trapped in the anonymous corporate machine. A plugger longs to enter the Dilbertesque world of isolation, lonliness and lunch box food. For all his efforts, he can at least achieve the lunch box food.
dreadedcandiru2
July 9th, 2008 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

FOOB Update: For anyone interested in posting to Coffee Talk, there’s been a bit of a snag. The partner of the person in charge of it had a stroke, the symptoms of which she recognized from remembering all the research Lynn ignored.
Calico
July 9th, 2008 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

#182 – Yes, it has to suck like cheap wine. Kinda.
I’ll take a look at Heath and see what I can come up with. I am, however, no Paulie Walnuts when it comes to cats, so make take some practice dissing a feline, albeit a cartoon one.
Calico
July 9th, 2008 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

Well, here’s an attempt at a start – Heathcliff’s ultimate nemesis:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2mbeSAmUP4
Red Greenback
July 9th, 2008 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: Is this a repeat? Could’ve sworn I’ve seen it before. And why does a RHINO need to wear a hardhat? …and how can a RHINO open a thermos? Or drive a truck or work on a house for that matter and I’d hate to be around that Plugger portable toilet at the end of the workday and… and… I don’t get it.
Sock Puppet
July 9th, 2008 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

#182/184 Hogenmogen – Thanks for your efforts. I think an improvement over the chainsaw cartoon would be Grandpa eyeing the chainsaw, with the kid (Iggy, I think) saying, “He’s looking to upgrade from a squirt bottle.”

‘Cause, y’know, squirt bottles are used to discipline cats, and … okay, keeping my day job.
Little Guy
July 9th, 2008 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Nicely hitting the “One Month And Counting” Wall I alluded to yesterday. That’s the only thing that synchs with reality.

No preacher pre-Cana marriage counselling? Only 10 non-RSVPs with a month to go? Geez, we used *three* different timelines to figure out what needed to be done when by whom.

PBS: I was in serious lurker mode yesterday, so believe me when I say that I thought it would be cute if Pastis ended up the character to off.

Curtis: Nice booty, but she’s no Abbey Spenser.
Dingo
July 9th, 2008 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy, I noticed that (#173). I’ve joined the Dixie Chicks, Xerox, and former Senator Rick Santorum.

What kind of cake? Lemon? Something pink with lots of sprinkles ala Family Circus?
Flipper
July 9th, 2008 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

Curtis: Ms. Honeystump’s line in panel 2 should have been “It’s not so hard when you concentrate on baseball.”
Widdle Jeffy
July 9th, 2008 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

Oh my god, Jeffy is three?!?

How can Bil and Thel allow Dolly to take him to her watersports club?

Perverts.
True Fable
July 9th, 2008 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

#130 Bravochimp – Wow, that’s the bee’s knees! Thanks for including the primer, I was going nuts trying to figure out dog soup on my own. :-)

Oh, you don’t wanna know, either. Let’s just say that Marmadick feeds forty.
True Fable
July 9th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

AHEM!! Your attention please!

Will all those planning to attend the Foobacalypse Wedding, Reception and Treacle Lake Regatta, please sign up? Since Liz Dumbass didn’t make out her own invitations, I managed to wrangle a deal with April The Put Upon! We’re ALL INVITED! Bwahahaha!!!

Yes, this event is something no ‘Mudgeon would want to miss, and I will most certainly be there in my natty Fable best, accompanied by my best trained ninja goats and a case of Really Good Booze. There’s plenty of room on the flatbed I borrowed from the Greater Metropolitan Roopville 4th of July Float to hold the magmacannons and Aquanet 55 flamethrowers and other fireworks you might have, and still leave room for a bigass POD to hold all the fancy dresses you ladies will want to bring to the Social Event of the Season! It will be hauled by one of those bigass Supercab pickups with cupholders aplenty, so come aboard the express, y’all! We’ll give Milborough the sound thrashing it deserves, and make the Shawna-Marie nuptials of last summer look like a limp warmup.

Who’s with me? Who’s taking their own wheels, or ‘borrowing’ the neighbor’s? Don’t worry about the return trip gasoline; we’ll commandeer the pumps at Mayes’ Gas Station and Cinnabun Emporium!
DAS
July 9th, 2008 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

MW: I know that Moy and Giella are probably the odd couple of the comics, but the disconnect between the dialog in today’s MW and the bland expressions of happiness on MW’s face is just, well, jarring.
Dingo
July 9th, 2008 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

True Fable, I shall wear my Uncle Jack’s green polyester leisure suit with brown shoes and dance all the dances with Julia. At some moment during the festivities, I’ll sidle up behind Elly and utter, “Can you believe the audacity of that girl? Wearing white?” and attempt to get her to choke on a cocktail olive.

It’s gonna be a boxcar of a night.
gleeb
July 9th, 2008 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

64 (Hank): Re: Curtis. Before my senior year of high school, I took gym class in advance. I couldn’t fit it into my 12th year schedule otherwise. So it was me and a bunch of other kids who had failed due to attendance.

Pigborn: I don’t care what the explanation is, what McDowner has drawn here is a man getting head from Gregor Samsa.

9CL: Yes, a musician who does not know the name of famous contemporary. Very believable. Besides the supposedly humorous remark which tells us nothing new about the character, there’s no reason for this to exist, except to draw out the story. I guess it’s called writing.

A3G: I’m on Haley’s side. He probably did look pretty goofy. Shame they didn’t show it to us, though.

’shaft: This I don’t believe. Ed’s gotta kill about a plate a week, just through his own haplessness.

Curtis: She obviously removed her eyes when she realized no one was looking at them anyway.

Dennis: Farming is hard work, and creates a hearty appetite. Nothing less than a whole hog will satisfy Uncle Charlie.

Cathy/Edge City: Which of these two couples do you want to see suffer more? Bunch o’ self-absorbed bourgeois swine, the lot of them.

‘bean: “New guy”? Hasn’t Bull been the town’s pathetic losing football coach for years? Why hasn’t “Coach” heard of him, if only to castigate and ridicule him?

Pearls: I hope this means an end to the “bad pun followed by rat threatening cartoonist” cartoons. That formula stinks on ice.
Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
July 9th, 2008 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

I’ve said this on another blog, but:

Mary Worth: What I want to know is, how is it that DOCTOR Jeff Corey has time to go on all these dates with Mary and go sailing, when Ron, who is just a city councilman, doesn’t? Isn’t Jeff ever on call? Doesn’t he ever have to cancel or leave a date at the last minute, being a DOCTOR and all? You’d think he was even busier than Ron.

People get sick at all hours and need a doctor. But what kind of city council constantly has meetings going on at dinner time? Don’t the other members have families and don’t want to miss dinner as well? It’s like they’re all scheduling their meetings at the most inappropriate times.
True Fable
July 9th, 2008 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

#201 Dingo – Excellent! I knew you would have something wonderfully and snarkily appropriate in mind!
PeteMoss
July 9th, 2008 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

The summer before my senior year in HS I took some math class volutarily. I didn’t have any great academic motivation. I just figured out that if I got that class out of the way, my senior year was going to be as fungible as pie* and as smooth as a baby’s resume*. Seriously, I think I had one half-way difficult class and the rest of the day I would barely need to keep awake AND I could get away with 2 lunch periods or something like that.

See why Ted Forth is kind of a roll model for me. Sure, throw in Dagwood Bumstead, too. Both are true Zen Masters.

*Thanks again, Muffaroo.
spike
July 9th, 2008 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

#201 Dingo: It’s gonna be a boxcar of a night. COTW!
Huntch
July 9th, 2008 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

#70 – Well, you certainly ain’t no Wally Wood, that’s for sure!
Baka Gaijin
July 9th, 2008 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

#195 Dingo:

What kind of cake? Lemon? Something pink with lots of sprinkles ala Family Circus?

As long as those are plankton sprinkles ala Lio!
PeteMoss
July 9th, 2008 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

I propose a MW spin-off: “Ron Almalfi, Town Councilman.” Oh it could be ever so exciting. Not so much about Ron but about his friends, Frank Tuluti, Town Public Information Officer; and Wynona O’Hara, Town Auditor. Maybe one of them solves crimes or knows CPR or something. It’ll be great once it’s out of development or whatever. Like driving a train to the dentist*

* See 205.
Lez Patterson
July 9th, 2008 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

http://www.fborfw.com/strip_fix/archives/003243.php

Oh my god, all Elly, Liz, and April need to do is cut off their noses and it’s like we’re reading a “Cathy” strip. I include the self-loathing that usually comes with such activity.
Hogenmogen
July 9th, 2008 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

Something about this Judge Parker story line is wrong. Ok, there are a truckload of wildly improbable things, but those are obvious and have been duly pelted with metaphorical rocks and garbage by the faithful CC posters. I mean something less tangible.

Maybe it’s the way that Sam won’t do the nasty with his obviously lonely wife, citing his heavy workload, but drops everything for two or three days on behalf of a pro bono case he does for the Judge.

Maybe its the way that the Judge is leaning on Sam, instead of his own son for this kind of a favor. In fact, why did the Judge write Sam in to his novel as a character, but Randy was strangely absent?

When Randy reads it, he dies a little inside.
T. Chicana
July 9th, 2008 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

188 Hogen Mogen: This Pluggers makes me uneasy. I eat lunch alone in my cubicle most of the time. Does that mean that I’m some kind of elitist snob? I sure don’t feel like one! Eff you, Pluggers! They think they are better.
T. Chicana
July 9th, 2008 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

MW: Mary needs to read the book He’s Just Not That Into You.
“If a man is into you, he is never ‘too busy’ to see you.” Take that, hussy-biddy!
Hogenmogen
July 9th, 2008 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

#203 – Howabominable – Jeff has so much free time because he is so much more efficient than his peers. Instead of doing research or reading charts, he dispenses quick, off-the-cuff vague advice like “wider course of antibiotics”. They die. He’s got an open evening for the Bum Boat.

You wouldn’t beleive how many of his patients he had to kill in order to clear enough time to go to Cambodia/Vietnam for four months.
Foolster41
July 9th, 2008 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

(I havn’t read the comments in quite a while.)

Zits: What’s more frightening than the image is the aparent wistfulness in the dialog. He WISHES he could get “hands-on” during the human reproduction unit. Ew.

Sally Forth: If you are going to actually try the URL, please do us all a favor and NOT tell us what you find.

Luann: Heh. When I saw this and before I read the comments I thought “pimp” too, or maybe 30s era gangster.
Shoshi
July 9th, 2008 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

210 Lez Patterson — Interesting you mention Cathy. A few months ago I read the Cathy collection that documents her courtship and marriage to Irving. Earlier today I was thinking that Lynn’s clumsy attempts to convey pre-wedding tension and stress and hyper-emotionality makes Cathy look good by comparison! It made me (gag) appreciate Cathy’s technique!

I began to tell my husband this thought, but I got as far as “clumsy method of conveying the emotions” when he broke in with, “CLUMSY? There ARE no emotions other than boredom, arbitrary shock [the blank stare]…oh yeah, and anger.” I realized then that Lynn is using “anger” to convey the range of emotional tension prior to a marriage.
Shoshi
July 9th, 2008 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

216 — I should have said, “make Cathy Guisewhite look talented by comparison”
Trogdor
July 9th, 2008 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

65 (Stephen): Don’t you mean, why would kids who “failed” math be taking a “class” that other kids are taking as an “advanced placement” course?
Trogdor
July 9th, 2008 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

I meant 64 (Hank) – looked back and copied the wrong number and name. My bad.
yeff
July 9th, 2008 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

It’s sad to see that Sally Forth is falling into the same “I know how to liven things up. Let’s have a baby!” trap that has plagued FBOFW and the TV show “Friends”.

I’m sure that many readers of the strip were looking forward to the day where Hilary went off to college and Ted and Sally would then be free to engage in a little thin-armed Afternoon Delight. That’s another way to liven things up around the Forth household.

- yeff
T. Chicana
July 9th, 2008 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

220: It’s a good dynamic with Hilary, though. I was 13 when my mom got pregnant with my little brother, and I had the same bratty, apprehensive attitude Hilary does. That’s totally true-to-life.
Hogenmogen
July 9th, 2008 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

#209 – Pete – First story line of Ron Amalfi, Town Councilman: Wynnona discovers an old 5.25″ floppy in a storage room marked “Location of contaminants buried in Santa Royale”. Ron argues that they should just dig up the barrels without causing a disturbance but Frank demands that the public has a right to know. The discussion rages at mild intensity for four weeks, with Frank posed in awkward but angry looking disco maneuvers. Wynnona then points out that none of the machines owned by the Town of San Royale have a 5.25″ drive, so they chuck it in the trash.
Captain Wrong
July 9th, 2008 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

It’s obvious, TJ is a smooth criminal.
PeteMoss
July 9th, 2008 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

#222 Hogenmogen, print it damn it! That’s funny page drama in spades! Oh, can we work in a comical town hall cleaning lady that can read minds and speaks in an accent? Maybe she can “read” the 5.25″ floppy…with her mind! She then blackmails Almalfi.

Just a thought.
Nil Zed
July 9th, 2008 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

you know, most people ask potential renters to fill out an application. Even if they already know they are gonna rent to you, they usually want the information about your job in order to prove you can pay the rent. And the next of kin information in case, you know, the house burns down.
gnome de blog
July 9th, 2008 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

199 TF:
I too shall attempt the long trek from the Upper Left Coast, heading north to Hope, BC to pick up Trans-Canada 1 all the way to Toronto.

I’ll bring the tuxedo, just in case. But casual seems more in keeping with a Foob wedding, so I’ll probably go with a dove-gray shadow stripe suit, bow tie, and the ruffled shirt to complement all the butt-bows.
queek
July 9th, 2008 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

173, 195. I think I originally meant to put “dingo around with” but got distracted. glad that it got a chuckle out of someone regardless, especially Dingo. :-)
Vince M
July 9th, 2008 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

186: Took me a while to figure it out, but it looks like Frazz realized his talk about not buying lots of ’stuff’ rang untrue with owning so many goggles – his equivalent to Blondie’s assumed Imeldaesque shoe collection.
Big Mega Ed
July 10th, 2008 at 12:22 am [Reply]

This whole new plotline with TJ might explain why we haven’t seen ol’ Dirk in awhile. He’s probably sucking up mud buried in some swampland in the outer edges of Pittsville. Kind of makes that you-know-what-eating grin a little edgier, doesn’t it?
whitegoat
July 10th, 2008 at 12:49 am [Reply]

MW: I don’t get the “town councilman” position. If Santa Royale is a smallish entity and therefore still a”town” as opposed to a “city”, then the town council probably meets once a month. (They may have a workshop session on an off week, but that’s just to pass out confidential information that the town councilmen can use to promote their own business interests before the info becomes public.) But I just don’t see how this town counsel business is going to keep Ron so busy that he can’t have a social life. Also, I am assuming that the business suit and office and office assistant are all related to his job (he does have a job, doesn’t he?) and not to his position as town councilman, because I suspect that there isn’t a town anywhere that provides an office and secretarial help to it’s part time councilors. Mary, this guy is on a major ego trip, and you’re out to lunch, and not just at the Bum boat, if you buy his line….too busy, yeah, right.
Gulielma
July 10th, 2008 at 10:56 am [Reply]

Actually, the Santa Royale Town Council never meets, because Mary Worth solves everybody’s problems. Ron’s assignment was to romance her, but he didn’t have the stomach for it.
Gulielma
July 10th, 2008 at 11:03 am [Reply]

Continuing 231: Once Ron gained her trust, he was supposed to arrange a little accident.
eiaboca
July 10th, 2008 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

http://www.defenselink.mil/home/photoessays/2005-01/p20050121e01.html

It’s called a “pass in review,” and at the very least the navy does it.
Big Bob
July 11th, 2008 at 11:24 am [Reply]

Other jobs for TJ:

Michael Jackson impersonator (post-Jackson 5, but certainly pre-face cave-in)

Mime

Asshole

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