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VICTORY! But at what cost?

Mary Worth, 2/12/13

YES! Mary and John have overcome almost no adversity whatsoever to TRIUMPH in their cake battle against other cake bakers! And they did so by working as a team, by joining together as one, by functioning almost as a single organism, by … oh my God .. panel one … MARY’S ARM IS JOINING INTO JOHN’S ARM OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THEY ARE MELDING INTO A SINGLE BEING. That look Mary’s giving him in panel two, it’s like, “Yes, John, soon I will be you.

Gil Thorp, 2/12/13

Say, what’s going in Gil Thorp? Oh, you know, Scott is having a great season because of his magical peacock but he doesn’t want to share it with the other guys because it might be the reincarnation of his dead little brother blah blah blah BORING. More interesting to me is today’s revelation that the Mudlarks are beginning to transition to full-body fishnet-stocking uniforms.

Better Half, 2/12/13

Stanley may be too lazy to woo other women, but he can still fuck his food, I guess. It’s just lying right there on the plate in front of him!

Spider-Man, 2/12/13

Yep, this seems like an appropriate reaction to an offer of help from Newspaper Spider-Man!

316 responses to “VICTORY! But at what cost?”

  1. Ratiocinator
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    ASM: We have been the voiceless for too long, commiserating with one another about how annoying Peter Parker is but never having the satisfaction of being able to tell Parker so to his face. Well, today is a great day, my fellow ‘Mudgeons! Today Daredevil has spoken for us, and it was GLORIOUS!

    Garfield: Jon is apparently desperate to store food in places the perpetually hungry Garfield can’t, or won’t, check. The less thought given to what other bodily orifices he may have used for this purpose, the better.

    JP: Huh, if Sophie’s learning to drive then she’s older than we thought, and those of us who have commented on her having nice boobs a few strips ago can now feel a little bit less ashamed of ourselves. But how did she age so fast in the world of Judge Parker, in which time moves at approximately the same pace as that of a comatose slug gradually sliding backwards down an incline?

    Luann: You’re right, Quill, they do deserve each other.

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley

    In a nutshell, the current storyline has Rufus looking to “marry up” in order to inherit a deceased aunt’s estate. Unfortunately, no living* unattached female
    in town wants to “do the deed” with our hero.

    When he discovers that gay marriage in Gasoline Alley is now legal, dope-at-the-end-of-his-rope Rufus proposes to his (ba)boon companion, Joel. But the latter isn’t certain whether he and Rufus will be able to overcome their myriad philosophical differences — especially those which center around their disparate religions**.

    After a friendship that’s lasted well over five decades, will Gasoline Alley’s two most ineligible bachelors finally be able to come together in conjugal*** connubial bliss?

    *Surprisingly, Rufus isn’t into necrophilia.
    **Rufus is a Rastafarian and Joel is a Lutheran (Missouri Synod).
    *** “Fetch me th’ jug, Rufus!”

  3. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    BigPr0n: I hadn’t really noticed the penishead before now, but it’s rather blatant today.

    9CL: at least they went offstage to fuck, instead of right there on the Bosendorfer.

    Dilbert: management is stupid, and they don’t know it. day elebentyseventh and two.

    IP: Champions players take note. Don’t spend all your points on Damage Classes, combat levels and defenses. Skills are handy to have, and give the GM something different to do.

    Lio: next, on Chopped. . .

    PBS: goes well with Lio.

    SBp: prison set up fail. bunks, smaller rooms, dirty floors, cellmate kicking your butt, etc.

    Zits: Pierce gets Jeremy’s name in 5″ gothic letters on his face, hilarity ensues.

    JP: covering Sophie’s age jump nicely.

    Mutts: a week’s worth of miss-attributed sayings by Camus?

    6Cx: NSFBG!!!!!

    Retail: Cooper, you yutz. Take the opportunity for some sweet, sweet chocolate love when it drops into your lap.

  4. Christopher
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: Daredevil recognizes that Spidey does his best work while unconscious.

  5. Comrade Denny
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    JP: “And by “Took care of it myself’ mean, ‘Wrote the words “Sophie” and “insurance” on a wadded gum wrapper and tossed it on my assistant’s desk.’”

  6. Chareth Cutestory
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Better Half: Physically cheating or emotionally cheating? Not sure which would be more horrifying to watch happen.

  7. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#1): if Sophie’s learning to drive then she’s older than we thought

    Not necessarily, a Parker-Spencer-Driver is allowed to drive (natch!) at the age of 12. Some find this a bit hypocritical, as they are allowed to whip the servants starting at the age of 10, but have to wait two more years before they can drive off in a cloud of dust when they finish.

    Another trope this strip loves to wallow in is showing us just how little actual work or effort is required for our heroes’ lives. Before Avery signed the movie deal without even bothering to read it (because he instantly trusted Sam with his life), we spent a week showing that Sam didn’t really write the contract, his assistant slapped it together over lunch based on a template she downloaded from the internet. Today, we have Sam bragging that he actually “saw to it himself” that Gloria went on the internet and spent 3 minutes on the insurance company website adding a new driver to the policy.

  8. wossname
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Archie – Archie’s medical excuse is totally valid, since it’s obvious from panel 2 that he’s been stricken with a rare form of sudden-onset dwarfism.

    Phantom – OMG, it’s just like Androcles! Except isn’t this a different lioness from the one whose transmitter Kit removed? But that’s OK, let’s stipulate that lioness #4 told all the other lionesses.

  9. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    So, uh, hmm. Did Daredevil detect the characteristic sound of Spider-man web-swinging up to him as he himself was swinging with some speed? That is mighty specific. Spidey might want to think about his actions that led to Daredevil being able to recognize that particular sound, and listen to the man, and back the fuck off.

  10. Mumblix Grumph
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Oh My God!!! Mary’s team won! What a totally unexpected turn of events!

  11. CanuckDownSouth
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Thorp: not only full-body fishnets, but fishnets that don’t fold or curve along the creases in the clothes, violating any reasonable geometry and … ahh! the Mary Worth non-Euclidean plague is spreading!

  12. Liam
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    MW-Of course Dill’s team won. Did you see what those other cakes looked like? They did not represent nature in any way whatsoever.

  13. btown
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    MW: Shouldn’t the announcement for “winner of the pinkest cake ever to have a Mary Worth figurine on top of it” be for “Mary Worth’s team”? Or just “Mary Worth”? After all, who is going to receive congratulations for the next 2 – 3 weeks, all while (ironically) baking and eating white or gray cakes?

  14. nescio
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    “I pledge you my drool” was actually one of Stanley’s wedding vows.

  15. btown
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    And for the best comic strip representing the pace of nature…the win goes to…Mary Worth!

  16. Old Folkie
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    9CL: If the page turner carries off the performer, do the concertgoers get ticket refunds?

    PigPorn: I an SO done with this strip.

  17. Big Bad Dave
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Mr Dill seems to have got over the death of his wife then, I see. It’s amazing how a local cake show can help overcome grief

  18. Doctor Handsome
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    “The best representation of Nature in the medium of cake goes to Worth and Dill, AKA Team Cronenberg.”

  19. Revenge4Aldo
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    @He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus (#9): He could smell a mixture of sadness and desperation.”Hmm, must be Spiderman,” Daredevil thought.

  20. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#16):

    I’m sure Brookie is pleasuring himself right now over managing to get the middle left panel just right. If she kisses him on the forehead, that counts as a blow job, right?

  21. Ranger
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    MW: Congrats to Mary Worth and Vincent Price on their well deserved victory. Don’t let the fact that all the other competitors were DQ’ed diminish your enthusiasm.

  22. tb4000
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “Are you all right?” “No, I have cancer.”

    I do dig this chick.

  23. MattF
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    ‘Nature’, represented by Mary Worth standing on a bed of roses, with a stream of blood running from her feet.

  24. Doctor Handsome
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    In case you were wondering how well Newspaper Spider-Man’s powers work, a blind man with normal human strength just threw sort of a stiff-arm in the midst of an uncharacteristic freak-out, and Spidey blindly swung into it with such force that he’s apparently broken some ribs, lost his grip on his webline if that’s possible, and is suffering from full-body convulsions as he plummets to his doom, all the while asking, “?”

  25. S. Stout
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Luann: No one loves this 5 year old, and then they wonder why she’s bratty all the time. I’d call her Hot Potato, but Brad already has all the potato nicknames.

    S-M: Daredevil is now my most favorite superhero. Can we just follow him from now on?

    Better Half: I’d have sex with my dinner if I was in that marriage. Anything to get out of it.

  26. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Thorp artist Rod Whigham certainly has his hands full with writer Neal Rubin’s COCKS AND JOCKS storyline. (Wait, that came out wrong!) What I’m trying to say is, I’m having a really tough time telling all of these characters apart. But I think Rod is doing a bang-up job under the circumstances, and we shouldn’t hold it against him. (Sorry, couldn’t resist that last one!)

    Incidentally, February 12, 1733 is the date when Georgia was founded by James Edward Oglethorpe and became the “lucky” 13th colony. Too bad JEO didn’t vainly insist on naming the newest colony after himself — “Oglethorpia” sounds like the perfect place for one of Milford’s playdowns. (I’m not sure where Milford is located, but it could be an away game!)

  27. old goat
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Mary is Borg. John has been assimilated into the Worthasphere Collective. Don’t get much uglier than this.

  28. felixthecat
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    @MattF “‘Nature’, represented by Mary Worth standing on a bed of roses, with a stream of blood running from her feet.”

    At least we know that at Mary’s age it isn’t menstrual blood.

  29. bbofun
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    A3G- “You’re going to be okay- unless, of course, you’re in a profession where hideous, claw-like hands would be detrimental to your career.”

    DT- If it wasn’t obvious that “Sweatbox” is the villain, this would actually be a lovely scene- I especially like how he just OWNS the name “Sweatbox,” rather than hating it. But, since we know he’s a bad guy, this is just creepy. (I would still love it if this is all a huge mis-direct by Curtis and Staton, and Sweatbox is actually a nice guy, just with an unfortunate physiological condition.)

    FW- So, it’s to be a week of music puns, then? Can’t decide if that’s better or worse than a week of seeing Comic book Guy “batching it.”

    RMMD- At this point, I honestly hope we never actually meet Junior. Or maybe Honey could accidentally shoot him?

    Cranky- No, nature abhors YOU. And your entire misbegotten family.

  30. bbofun
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    MW- Mary begins to eclipse John dill in the second panel. None of the glorious light of recognition shall shine on him! All for Mary- ALL FOR MARY!

  31. Marc
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    9CL- If any audience members are upset that tye show they paid to see keeps getting interrupted, well then those beefwits just don’t understand how creatures of pure art operate.

    A3G- Now we’re slippin into the twilight zone…..

    Mark Trail- Ahh the ultra rare, slate grey, LoFo bass. Rod Bassey should win for sure with that fish. This success has come with a price however. Mark seems to have finally gone off the deep end. He always talked to himself, but now he’s referring to himself by name in these conversations.

    Mary Worth- Nobody does a totally predictable, and 100% anticlimactic outcome quite like Mary Worth.

    Funky- Which unspeakable horror will befall our “heroes” at this convention? Will Becky lose another limb? Will Harry Dinkle lose another one of his 4 remaining senses? Will his wife ever develop a personality? Tune in and find out, and hate yourself for doing so.

    Luann- The box contains Brad’s favorite hot wheel. The fire truck. Toni will somehow find it romantic, and the last shred of credibility this strip might have been hiding somewhere, dies.

  32. Liam
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    JP-”I wouldn’t leave something like this with my secretary to handle.”

  33. Liam
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-”I don’t have a peacock. My girlfriend says it’s a good size.”

  34. Dan
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    It’s time for some two-fisted action in the mighty Marvel manner! Keep a close eye, true believer, and you just might catch old hornhead using his patented “halogen bike light in the armpit!” And don’t forget to tune in tomorrow for more pugilistic pulchritude when your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man strikes back with his world-famous Spider-Sulk, safe in the comfort of his hotel room!

    Excelsior!

  35. Hogenmogen
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    SM: If I recall, Spidey got a similar reception when he visited the Avengers’ hideout, and his reaction from Thor wasn’t warm and fuzzy. Beating up other supers seems like an appropriate greeting.

    Or they all just hate Spiderman. Yeah, that one.

  36. Stroker Ace
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Better Half – Since the ’30′s the National Restaurant Association has been encouraging America to ‘Enjoy life – Eat out more often’. Take the hint, Stanley.

  37. Hogenmogen
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    SM: And if some dude grabbed his crotch, then held it out for me to shake, I’d probably say the same thing.

  38. Pyzimber
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary’s arm isn’t melding into John’s, but rather the arm is giving John a little butt-cheek squeeze. Oh, Mary, you saucy minx!

  39. Doctor Handsome
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    The art in Better Half may be simple, but at least the word “MENU” is facing the reader on the correct menu here. I’d hope readers of this site, at least, would know better than to take shit like that for granted.

  40. Holly Folly
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Man, Spiderman, I’m starting to feel really bad for him. Like, Daredevil couldn’t even manage a polite no thank you. Do you think that at the end of the day Spiderman cries himself to sleep in the fetal position while brokenly singing “I am Beautiful no matter what they say, words can’t bring me down?”

    Yeah, me too.

  41. Doctor Handsome
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus (#9): Daredevil smelled pussy.

  42. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    9CL – Don’t worry folks, the concert will resume in about 30 seconds, just as soon as Amos gets a glimpse of her navel or armpit or whatever and is instantly transformed into an insensate, twitching heap on the floor.

  43. TheDiva
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    GT: Real team players let other people in on their bizarre good-luck routines.

    MW: “John Dill’s Team”? Uh-oh. You’d better revise that to “The Magnificent and Immaculate Mary Worth Who Graciously Bestowed Her Aid on the Lowly John Dill” if you don’t want your brain to explode.

    SM: Best. Second Panel. Ever.

  44. Not-Pope Dan
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Just to clarify for the record: ministers do not, as a rule, hang out in treetop bars drinking beer and reminding weird bird-humans of the Ten Commandments. This is not a thing.

  45. Hibbleton
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    MW: And the winner is: “The Pink Nightmare!” Next week on Comedy Central’s “Best of the Worst” a group of oil rig workers compete for top prize in fashion week’s spring line.

    JP: I don’t care what hints of clothing Manley has drawn, nothing is shear enough to shape around a woman’s breasts that way. Abbey is sitting nude at the breakfast table. I’m okay with that -just wondering where are her nipples?

  46. Dood
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Yep, they are up early. Oh, you mean Abbey and Sophie?

  47. StriderGirl
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Zits: How is it that Pierce still has any areas of untattooed skin left at all?

  48. Not-Pope Dan
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G: As I understand it, the Republican objection to Obamacare stems from rules removing weird scribble-paintings and pastel wall colorings from hospital rooms. No matter what anyone tells you, the over-sized fluffy pillows can stay, though.

  49. Tophat
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    To be fair, Daredevil did just karate chop Spider-Man in the armpit, which seems just impolite, regardless of how much of a goober someone is. Or maybe his IBS is acting up.

    Also, someone clue me in… how does a hideous pink cake featuring Mary Worth about to take a dive down a Slip N Slide have anything to do with the beauty of nature?

  50. Greg
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    GT: As the blond guy in the last panel is running with his fist clenched, forget all the mumbo jumbo about a magic bird–punching your opponent for a rebound is highly effective too. No wonder the Mudlarks are winning!

  51. gleeb
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#29): I agree on both points about Sweatbox. I don’t think we have seen anything yet that actually makes him a criminal. It could all be misdirection, or an attempt to protect his late brother’s good name, which would mean that young Toad is going to gain another mentor with unfortunate physiology.

    And yeah, he completely embraces being an enormously sweaty guy.

  52. TheDiva
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    9CL: Only beefwits are capable of keeping it in their pants, I guess.

    C’shaft: “Plus your father and I deliberately tracked mud in the house just to spite you, so there’s that.”

    FW: If you can’t be funny, just lampshade the fact that you’re not funny.

    Luann: “How come YOU’RE not proposing to me, Quill? Huh? Huh?”

    Pibgorn: I know it wouldn’t kill them, but I can’t be the only one who wants to see the caliph lop off both of their heads.

    Pluggers lack restraint.

  53. gleeb
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Did I miss anything or are Bizarro and Arlo and Janis the only comix to observe Lincoln’s birthday? You’d expect <Gasoline Alley to do so, seeing as Walt Wallet knew the rail-splitter personally, but they’re still drawing out some story about Joel and a will.

  54. Binder's Butter Beans
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Why is CakeTopper Mary suddenly facing the wrong way? What on earth could have happened during that cake transfer? Ten points off, Team Dill. Still … the only other entrants dropped their damn cake, so I guess we have to give the prize to you. Gawd, why do we keep holding this contest ….

  55. Digger
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    MW: Well, the contest is over. Let the four weeks of Mary crowing about how she inspired John Dill begin……now!

  56. James Edward Oglethorpe
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#2): I’m sorry, folks, but I don’t want to live in a world where I belong to the same church as Joel from Gasoline Alley. Excuse me
    while I go look for a bridge to jump off…

  57. dmsilev
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Cake in the state of nature is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short – Thomas Hobbes

  58. Pozzo
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Daredevil’s still blind, right? So Spidey just got his butt kicked by a blind guy. Sounds about right.

  59. sully
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    So, Daredevil is blind, and of normal human strength. Spider-Bore is sighted, supposedly with super strength and senses, but Daredevil shoves his sorry ass aside like a rag doll. Sounds about right for this strip.

  60. Steve
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    S-M: That’s what she said!

  61. Liam
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    FC-Or you could all gather together in one room.

    RMMD-Prettiest little chemo patient.

    MT-I think Mark is looking forward to the chance of trying out Rod’s rod.

    A3G-’Finding Margo’ is that anything like ‘Finding Jesus’?

  62. Illustrator Steve
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    MT – I assume the eye wear Rod Bassy wears while fishing is the type that fishermen use to keep the water’s reflecting glare of the sun out of their eyes. Considering all the times Mark has gone fishing or has been cast adrift in a boat or paddled his canoe across the southern part of the state, I have not once seen him wearing any type of anti-glare eye wear. Could it be that Mark is incapable of seeing his or any other type of reflection, or is it simply because Jackelrod is a dufus? (It took him twenty years to finally add life jackets to his clip art, and that was only after enough people complained about his total disregard for boater safety, and don’t even get me started about how many years it took him to take Mark’s pipe away by finally giving him the type of gum wrappers people chew to quit smoking pipes!).

  63. bunivasal
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Superhero comics always get so much flak for their portrayal of women as grotesquely flexible contortion-monsters . It’s nice to see some gender equality in that regard.

  64. Illustrator Steve
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    MT – “I look forward to riding you tomorrow.”
    “I hope you get some good pictures of that, Trail!”

  65. Mibbitmaker
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    MW: Team Worth won. How — *YAAAAAAWWWNN!* — exciting.

    BH: Stanley: “Oh, so you’ve seen the ‘American Pie’ movies…!”

    S-M: Spidey: “Oh, so you’ve seen my comic strip…!”

    GT: The Mudlark strategy of dressing themselves up in netting was proven to fail when the opposing team kept trying to sink a basket into the Milford players to score points. Far from causing the opposing team to ignore the actual point-scoring hoop, it only resulted in way too many Mudlark injuries. One attempt at a slam-dunk even resulted in a player getting a concussion.

  66. Liam
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    MW-Of course Dill won. Would you want to deal with the wrath of Mary by selecting another cake.

  67. Not-Pope Dan
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @bunivasal (#63):

    Superhero comics always get so much flak for their portrayal of women as grotesquely flexible contortion-monsters . It’s nice to see some gender equality in that regard.

    Been reading Pibgorn, have we?

  68. Currer Bell
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Am I a freak for thinking the A3G storyline is kind of exciting right now? I am on the edge of my seat waiting to find out whether the fire was intentional or an accident, and what will be Evan’s fate. I should probably get some nice cushiony diapers because with the pace of this strip I will be on that seat edge for a very long time.

  69. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

  70. Illustrator Steve
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    MT – “Before you put those lures away the judges insist on checking them for fingerprints, Rod. …Say, those bubbles coming to the surface next to your boat look like the type of bubbles people exhale when they are breathing underwater with SCUBA gear!”.
    “YOU have outstayed your welcome, Trail!”

  71. Liam
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-”We play together. We shower together. So why won’t he show us his peacock. Is he ashamed of it’s size.”

  72. Illustrator Steve
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#71): He can’t show you the peacock because it’s used by a competitive network.

  73. Notebooked
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    “Stand back, Spider-Man! You’re not dragging me into your horrible miasma of terrible villains and stilted dialogue! I still have a comic book career, damn you!”

  74. Cloudbuster
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @Digger (#55): Well, the contest is over. Let the four weeks of Mary crowing about how she inspired John Dill begin……now!

    NOOOOOOOOO!!! *sob*

  75. Jessy
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    MW: Nature is Pepto pink and ugly? I will never leave the house again.

  76. Cloudbuster
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @bunivasal (#63): Superhero comics always get so much flak for their portrayal of women as grotesquely flexible contortion-monsters . It’s nice to see some gender equality in that regard.

    People who complain about superheroine poses in comic books are the kind of sick degenerates who just want to watch the world burn!

  77. Illustrator Steve
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    F Minus – I KNEW there was somthing familiar looking about that popcorn I got at Cinemagic the next time I went to the movies!

  78. Dennis Jimenez
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    GT – Sports wagering tip – never bet on the team in Argyle….

  79. Liam
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”Get away from me. I’m trying to take over this comic strip. I’m going to prove to the world that Daredevil is a much better superhero than Spiderman.”

    MW-Now comes the next four weeks of praise and offerings being heaped upon Mary.

  80. mojo
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    MW: So, Valuable Life Lesson Learned from today’s Mary Worth: No matter how old you are—no matter how unsure you are of your abilities—if you enter a contest you will win it.

    Well, that sure makes life a lot easier.

  81. Dennis Jimenez
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    MW – I like to think of her as Venus de Oleo….

  82. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Nice to see that Irma the waitress found temp work at Hi & Lois after being unable to find work at Garfield for the last several years.

  83. Dennis Jimenez
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    S-M – No means no….

  84. Cloudbuster
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#69): In my Bible, Mark 16 does not read like that! I obviously have a crappy translation.

  85. Liam
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Better Half-”I’ve seen the way you’ve been eying the peach pie.”

  86. Liam
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”If people see you near me they might think we’re friends and that will ruin my superhero cred.”

  87. Dartpaw86
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Jonh and Mary enter a contest and win, um… isn’t the whole point of Mary Worth to have morals and Mary turn people around?

    I get it! John after winning goes crazy from power and plots to take over the world, so Mary has to become a secret agent and TAKE HIM DOWN! By persuasion.

  88. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    GT – Gil is probably safe in having his team wear those uniforms with the webbing, given their unblemished record of missing the playdowns every single year. Another, better coach might fear that his team would hit a buzzer-beater to quality for the post-season, and then attempt to celebrate by cutting down the nets, resulting in a few unintentional circumcisions.

  89. LP2004
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @Tophat (#49): I think the judges realized that if they wanted to still be alive to enjoy the Beauty Of Nature tomorrrow, they’d better award the first prize to Mary Worth’s Minion’s team.

  90. teenchy
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    BH: Stanley’s not the only lazy one; isn’t Harriet just cut/pasted from that 2/6 panel?

  91. Poteet
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    S-M — That’s what SHE said!

  92. Vince M
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    MW: Apart from the all-blue tentacle cake, we haven’t seen the losing entries with the “nature” theme – I just have to think they’re made to look like slag heaps, derelict factories, Chernobyl…

  93. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Sorry I didn’t check in earlier folks, but I was out cashing in my savings bonds and and buying all the undiluted Maker’s Mark bourbon I could find.

    // You can sell that stuff on eBay, right? It’s my new retirement plan, you see.

  94. AhClem
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    MW – In tomorrow’s strip, Mary rushes into the audience, shouts a stream of obscenities at the heckler, shoves pink frosting down his pants and kicks him across three rows of seats.

    If that actually does happen, I will forgive Karen Moy for the entire story line thus far.

  95. Poteet
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#2): Your proposed solution is marvelous. Go for it, Rufus and Joel! And then use Dead Aunt’s money to move to an undisclosed location where you can live blissful intertwined lives and never appear in GA again!

  96. peppy
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    GT: I thought it was practice & those would be Pinnie (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pennie_%28soccer%29). Though I have to admit I don’t follow the story-line outside of this site. Losing! The only way to insure that the Mudlarks win is an intra-squad scrimmage.

  97. Not-Pope Dan
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#93): Admittedly, I lost my appetite for whusky a while ago, but watered-down Maker’s Mark=George Dickel, IMNSHO.

  98. Poteet
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    MW — It will take a little while to get over feeling bitter about seeing only one other cake over the course of this entire cake-obsessed story. *bitter bitter bitter*

  99. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Not-Pope Dan (#96): There was another well-respected brand that went from 86 to 80 proof a few years back, maybe it was George Dickel. I know Jack Daniels did the same. There seems to be a cycle here: You come out with high octane special brand, 90 proof or better, it gets some name recognition, then you go to 86, and then 80, and then you introduce another special high proof brand.

    Kind of a marketing analog to the Hawthorne Effect.

  100. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Hi&Lo: It looks to me like Thurston got “sunny side up” instead of “over easy”, as did his friend Hiram. // Ever notice how when restaurants advertise breakfast on highway billboards, eggs are almost always shown “sunny side up”, even though few people order them that way? I suppose it is visually more striking.

    RMMD: “Your husband has a very soothing, reassuring personality.” I believe the word is “somniculous”.

    Zits: I find that using a pencil, the kind with the hexagonal shaft, works well if you hold it at a slight angle to engage the sprocket. Or, better yet, try a retractable ball-point pen with a tapered shape. Once you get the tape aligned, you can spin it back into the reel very quickly. It should only take a couple of minutes. // An hour? Mr. Zits deserves Jeremy’s scorn!

  101. Illustrator Steve
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#93): They may water down Maker’s Mark but they’ll never water down “Bourbon Babe Undeluted” because she’s the genuine deal.

  102. Calico
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#16):
    You almost owed me a new keyboard after I saw your “PigPorn” mention.

  103. Legend of the Arctic
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Let me state for the record that a love affair between Mary Worth and the pervy cake designer would NOT be a good example of the “beauty of nature.”

  104. Poteet
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    MW — That long descending, um, thing on the cake reminds me more of the Rolling Stones tongue logo than “nature,” though I suppose that tongue is nature too.

  105. Calico
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @MattF (#23):
    This is a cake I’m sure Brian Warner would appreciate.
    *Now identify his stage name for $200*

  106. Poteet
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    9CL — Y’know, Amos, there are medications you could take to control that.

  107. Poteet
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    MW — Some men look better without ‘staches, and Mr. Dill, I suspect you are one of them.

  108. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#100): You meant, of course, “undeluded”. Concur.

  109. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#106): Or maybe with the full Santa? How about a good Hootin’ Holler Sut Tattersall?

  110. Calico
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#94):
    MW – yes, I’d like to see Mary take some cues from other celeb beatdowns.
    James LaBrie of Dream Theater comes to mind.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzsSZly1FZU

  111. The Ghost of Jarrod
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#1):

    It’s Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome. (WARNING: Link goes to TV Tropes. Do not click if you don’t have the rest of your day free.) Fortunately, most kids who suffer from SORAS stop aging at age 22 until it becomes plot-relevant and/or the actor playing them can’t fake it with Botox anymore, so at least Sophie has that going for her.

  112. Horace Broon
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    A3G: How later is “later”? The last time we saw Greg he was wandering around the hospital fully dressed, which suggested to me that they considered him a visitor rather than a patient. Then Tommie mistook his idiocy for smoke-inhalation, and arranged for him to see a doctor. She then spends five seconds checking how Margo’s doing, and by the time we check back in with Greg, he’s tucked up in bed and possibly sedated. They must have a really quick admissions procedeure.

    JP: Sam hasn’t had an opportunity to be really smug about how much money he’s got in a while, and if “I can afford insurance for a teenage driver” is all he’s going to get, he’ll take it,

    MT: “I just wish the one the size of the boat in the first panel hadn’t gotten away!”

  113. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#22): Her real name isn’t “Lisa”, is it?

  114. Droopy Says
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Abusing Spiderman: Tomorrow we’ll find out that DareDevil knows about Kingpin’s plan, and did Parker a favor by pushing him out of danger. I think we’d all like to do Parker a similar favor, but much harder. Got piledriver?

  115. Amos Snarkadder
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    MW – Well, okay. That’s over. Time for a pool party! Anyone have a cake?

  116. Calico
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#31):
    Well, we’re not done with this plot until John comes on to Mary, and she spurns his affections. John goes downtown and flings himself off a building.

  117. The Amazing Spider-Shrug
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#24):

    “In case you were wondering how well Newspaper Spider-Man’s powers work, a blind man with normal human strength just threw sort of a stiff-arm in the midst of an uncharacteristic freak-out, and Spidey blindly swung into it with such force that he’s apparently broken some ribs, lost his grip on his webline if that’s possible, and is suffering from full-body convulsions as he plummets to his doom, all the while asking, “?” ”

    So, better than usual for him today, then?

  118. Calico
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#115):
    The hotel he used to manage.

  119. Will
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    SFx: The bush? What bush?
    A3G: Did we ever see Evan leave the apartment? I thought he got trapped when Greg poured Margo into bed.

  120. Revenge4Aldo
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    MW This cake story will really hit its stride when a prison warden, relaxing by watching a public access cake competition, recognizes escaped convict Marion “The Meddler” Worthowski.

  121. Brock Sampson
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    GT: Maybe we were weirdos, but my high school basketball team wore those netting-type pullovers over our t-shirts in practice all the time when we were scrimmaging against each other. We’d split into two sides and had black ones for one team and yellow ones for the other. The netting was so that they could stretch to fit anyone and not be baggy around your shirt underneath. Fortunately I don’t remember anyone ever wearing one without a shirt.

  122. Calico
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Stroker Ace (#36):
    Sounds like the NRA (HAHAHAHAHA!) sort of came out of the era when Brigade systems were beginning to be developed and utilized in Europe and North America, thanks to the likes of Escoffier.

  123. Marc
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#115): Well at least we’ll have that to look forward to then. I was afraid that this was going to wrap up without even the slightest bit of tension. John Dill jumping off the roof of the Santa Royale Super 8 Motel should do the trick.

  124. Amos Snarkadder
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    FC – Or, on the other hand, you could just sedate them heavily, and skip this whole routine.
    “Me time,” Thel. Try it.

    FW -Yes. We know. Sadly, we know all too well.

  125. Uncle Lumpy
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#115):

    Well, we’re not done with this plot until John comes on to Mary, and she spurns his affections. John goes downtown and flings himself off a building.

    If Mary Worth goes all Der Blaue Engel on us, with Dill holding onto his Concierge desk for dear life after Mary humiliates him, I will forgive this whole sorry mess.

  126. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#100): I wish I’d said that, and I agree 200 proof.

  127. Shrug, with a Chaser
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#93):

    “Sorry I didn’t check in earlier folks, but I was out cashing in my savings bonds and and buying all the undiluted Maker’s Mark bourbon I could find.
    // You can sell that stuff on eBay, right? It’s my new retirement plan, you see.”

    Push it to the eBay types as “a step up from those 600 cases of Billy Beer you already have stored in the garage.”

  128. Shrug, on the Record
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#99):

    It took Mr. Zits so long to rewind because he kept interrupting the process to play “the good parts” over and over, and sing along.

    ///Is there such a skill as “playing air cassette”?

  129. Huckleberry Fink
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#26): writer Neal Rubin’s COCKS AND JOCKS storyline

    “Cocks ‘n Jocks” sounds like the female equivalent of this restaurant and bar in Clearwater, Florida:

    http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3188/2885572188_c9db3d4a4d_z.jpg

    Cocks=Cocktails (Get your mind out of the gutter, mister!)

  130. KayJayWhy
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone else notice that the little Mary Worth figurine is suddenly packing an Uzi? I have to say the judges’ dialogue feels much more natural when you consider that they’re being forced by an armed cake topper to award first prize to a team so lackluster that they can’t even remember both members’ names.

  131. Deb T
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @Mumblix Grumph (#10):

    I too was shocked at Mary’s team’s win with that pink monstrosity. Have the writers ever watched a cake competition? I admit I haven’t but have seen enough ads to know the A-1 cakes aren’t volcano shaped Pepto Bismal colored heaps.
    Also, was the competition just for decorating? Did anyone eat any of that goo slathered mess?

  132. Dood
    February 12th, 2013 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: I’d like to see Daredevil try that in response to an offer of help from Mary Worth.

  133. seismic-2
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    SM: “NO! Get away from me now! I have super-enhanced senses to make up for my loss of vision, and you stink worse than that Sweatbox guy in the strip above this one!”

    Better 0.5: There never was any passion in this relationship. He now looks at food the same way that he used to look at her, and the food that he’s looking at is a tofu-and-eggplant casserole served on a bed of salmon squares.

    MW: This cake represents the beauty of nature only in the sense that it’s a beautiful thing that nature doesn’t look like that.

    FW: I can hardly wait for this weekend’s grand finale half-time show at the band director conference, when the all-star marching band forms a giant wheelchair and rolls down the field, in a tribute to stroke victims.

  134. AhClem
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Deb T (#130):

    Also, was the competition just for decorating? Did anyone eat any of that goo slathered mess?

    It wasn’t about the decorating, nor the eating. It was all about … The Transfer.

  135. Government Cheese
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    MW 1 – Mary has taught us all that one can have their cake and eat it too.

    MW 2- Meanwhile, Dr. Jeff sits in the audience, fuming at what appears (to him at least) that a old-timey romance is in the works. Dr. Jeff then gets so worked up that he feels he’s about to turn into the Hulk, and as a result, tears off his shirt. However, instead of turning green and monstrous, he just exposes his manboobs to the audience. Chinbeard eyes on in interest.

  136. Liam
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    MW-And seeing Mary win suddenly silences the hecklers and makes them want to know more about her and want to be like her.

    Curtis-Good now tell that to all the people who are currently living in the ghetto.

    Blondie-It’s funny because Dagwood is obsessed with food.

    Doonesbury-Way to tell off your creepy uncle.

  137. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mark this date, for it was on Tuesday, February 12, 2013, that Mary Worth hit a new level of anti-climax.

    (“Tell me about it”–Dr. Jeff.)

  138. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    JP: And in other exciting developments, the Spencer-Driver family discusses car insurance!

  139. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#y328): I would have to be a resident in good standing of the Parkerverse to afford that stuff!

    @Illustrator Steve (#100): Aw, thanks! (For better or worse, I might actually be highly concentrated.)

  140. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    MW: You know, John Dill’s mustache reminds me of someone.

  141. Lumaca Morente
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#131): LOL! Sounds like a job for bats:[!

  142. Government Cheese
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Unlike Moy and Giella, Evans does like to paint the main characters in a loseresque sort of way (Dawn is an exception, of course. Isn’t that brutal?). So I predict that Brad will propose, Toni will get all pissy and say no, and Dirk will walk into the house stating “It’s time to take out the trash”, and proceed to throw Brad out of the window. TJ will continue cooking whatever it is he’s making in the kitchen.

  143. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#137): quick, someone add the Gecko to the strip!

  144. Mikey
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#22): Funny, this is the exact same line used in conversation by 50% of the customers in Montoni’s…

  145. Liam
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    MW-Nothing says nature like a cake with a female figure peeing.

  146. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

  147. Dood
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#137): You can bet they didn’t pay too much for it.

  148. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    MW: Yesterday Mary thought they had a good chance of winning, while John Dill was absolutely convinced they were going to win. Today… they win. I’m not sure I can keep up with all these twists and turns.

    GT: Waiting to find out what Fashion Police has to say about fishnet basketball uniforms.

    S-M: I’m amazed that more people don’t simply swat Spidey away. Sure, he’s got super strength and Daredevil doesn’t, but 90% of the time even he doesn’t remember that.

    Pluggers: Grandpa Pooch still has both thumbs, but he’s missing two other fingers. Matters of junior’s vocabulary aside, I think it might be time to bid those carpentry tools a fond farewell.

    C-Shaft: Unseen headline on The Paper: “Married couple loathe dirt, each other.”

    Garfield: For the love of humanity, never let this man past second base.

    Blondie: And that’s when the rest of the carpool opted to break Dagwood’s fingers to keep him from driving again.

    Shoe: I assume the other guy is randomly quoting commandments to prove that he’s actually a priest or minister, and not someone who just mugged one.

    Luann: “They deserve each other” is so cunningly ambiguous that it earns Quill several points from me.

    OBH: “That’s nice, but we’re looking for someone a little older and more fashion conscious for our new dominatrix.”

    A3G: “As a matter of fact I did find Margo. I’m carrying what’s left of her in a jar as we speak. Want to say hi?”

  149. Liam
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Blondie-”I don’t like the way he eyes us when he listens to that cookbook.”

    Hi and Lois-That’s what you get when you are served by the waitress from “Garfield”.

    A3G-”Margo’s going to be fine. She’s going to live on a farm now where she will get to frolic and scamper to her heart’s content all day.”

  150. Liam
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”You’re going to be okay unlike some of the other people in here. We’re taking bets on how much longer the guy next to you is going to last.”

  151. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#95): Ex-veep Dick Cheney can put up (with) Rufus and Joel until they find a place of their own.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#108): @Poteet (#106): Or maybe with the full Santa? How about a good Hootin’ Holler Sut Tattersall?

    Heck, I’m even okay with a “Full Monty” Sut Tattersall — as long as the beard covers his naughty bits!

  152. Dood
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Will John and Mary move on to artisanal bread competitions? John’s well-known for his Dill dough.

  153. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#147): Shoe: I assume the other guy is randomly quoting commandments to prove that he’s actually a priest or minister, and not someone who just mugged one.

    Hey. Works for me. To be safe, though, I also carry the certificate I printed off the Internet.

  154. Mikey
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#16): Pibgorn: From the back I though the Genie was Spider-Man

  155. seismic-2
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#137): A stduent driver will now be behind the wheel of the Road Queen as it careens down the highways of the Parkerverse. Peasants will be crushed, right and left. Not to worry, though – Sam has seen to it personally(*) that Sophie is added to the car insurance, so any tire damage to the Road Queen will be adequately compensated. The families of the crushed peasants will of course be required to make restitution to the Driver-Spencer clan for any emotional stress they may have caused. This restitution will take the form of additional SUVs with lifetime free gasoline cards. And that’s how car insurance works, in the Parkerverse!

  156. Perky Bird
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    “John Dill’s team?” So John and Mary couldn’t even come up with some lame-ass team name like “The Dilly-Dallies?”

  157. Hogenmogen
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @Holly Folly (#40): “Words can’t bring me down”

    Yeah, that’s why Daredevil re-emphasized his point with a crack on the rib cage. He wants to take Spidey down.

  158. Hogenmogen
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#155): John is sitting there thinking “team”? What did that old crone do to deserve a sliver of my glory? Lift a f*king cake?

  159. cooby
    February 12th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#12):

    Laughed so hard I almost choked

  160. Hogenmogen
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    MT: I can’t WAIT until we go OUT again tomorrow!

    Bassy: Don’t you have anyone else to stalk, Trail?

    MT (looks around the empty lake): I can GET some more pictures of YOU tomorrow! THIS will make a GOOD story!

  161. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers… have opposable thumbs! But it’s NOT considered freakishly abnormal for them to have three fingers on each hand, er, paw. (What a world, what a world…)

  162. Anonymous
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    Uh, is it a stocking if it’s worn on the torso?

  163. Baka Gaijin
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    I was getting a little despondent thinking about Mary Worth predictably winning the cake contest, then I thought, “Side salad!”

  164. Daniel
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    SM Hey! I coined the phrase “Better than a punch in the armpit” YEARS ago!

  165. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    JP: Hi folks! Sam Driver here, ace attorney, and friend to the hereditary Judge Parker dynasty. Spiderman may be having trouble with Daredevil and Kingpin. Rex Morgan’s new friend has cancer. Thirsty can’t get his breakfast the way he wants it. Dagwood has an oil painting of a 1200 pound man in his attic. Marten’s mom’s a lush. Scary Gary can’t get a date. Jon Arbuckle can.

    But I have some GOOD news! I just saved a bundle on my car insurance!

  166. Calico
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#154):
    Again, Lindsay Lohan…or Chris Brown,,,or any of Bieb’s new hard tokin’ buddies.
    *crash*

  167. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#154): Oh, I get it: It’s car ensurance; it ensures that Sophie gets to do whatever the hell she wants!

  168. Hogenmogen
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#111): A3G: His hands were burned, apparently, although I think he only briefly grabbed a hot doorknob. I don’t know any hospital that would force him to spend the night, and I question Greg saying “I’ve got to find Margo NOW! Oh, my hands are burned? Ok, I guess I’ll sit in the waiting room for 3 hours, then check in as an in-patient and drift pleasantly off to sleep without knowing if the woman that I broke down a door for and ran into a burning apartment to save is alive or dead. I guess that kind of news can wait for a while.”

  169. Calico
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#159):
    And we can have PANCAKES made by a Rube Goldberg machine! Bwuuuuck!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hViacS2ch88

  170. Uncle Lumpy
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker — Somehow, Sam Driver resists the charms of Flo from Progressive and Erin Esurance.

  171. Mikey
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#117): Unfortunatley he used to manage a single story dump of a hotel and ends up only badly breaking an arm. Infecton sets in leading to amputation. After much rehab and effort he is fitted with a special prosthetic baking arm. Mary encorages him to continue his spectacular career and he and Jim enter the Cake-Off event in the Paralympics. They win gold with their ‘Game of Thrones’ themed cake. The end….(???)

  172. Anonymous
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Love Is… sex on the beach.

    In other news, holy carp, four of the last five strips have had a them wearing clothing.

  173. Calico
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#169):
    Personally, I think Flo is hot, in a Katy Perry sort of way.

  174. Calico
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#166):
    Girlfriend needs to move to LA!
    “To protect and serve”

  175. Mikey
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#170): @Mikey (#170): “Life is Kugel”… sorry…..

  176. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    Phantom — This is beginning to look like a refry of “Androcles and the Lion.”

    If this is the same lioness Kit saved earlier, I predict she will now spare his life instead of attacking and eating him.

  177. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#169): But you just know he’s a sucker for that damned e-Trade baby.

  178. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#175): if you’d read bats :[ transcripts, you’d think differently.

    om nom nom*

    *on the lion tounge*

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#176): par-boiled.

    *Erin Esurance fan*

    it’s truly amazing how much of the R34 of her is with Flo.

  179. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#175): Good call. I bet you’re right. Explains why she’s so hungry and fierce, what with the hangover from the Bandar sleeping potion, and jungle surgery, and all. But will she see stripey pants as a friend after all that?

  180. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Hagar/Hi & Lois/Beetle Bailey* — THREE waiter/waitress gags in one day? Either Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries has food servers on the brain… or someone forgot to tell the rest of us that February 12, 2013 is “National Waiter/Waitress Day”!

    *Yes, Cookie is shown serving food to Sarge, so he IS technically a food server (or waiter). And since the mess hall is usually empty except for Sarge, I’m assuming Cookie is his personal chef as well as his waiter.

  181. Majicou
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    Frazz: Yes, Pretentious Name is an obnoxious little fuckstain determined to disrupt the educational process at every turn, but it’s okay because… um.

    ML: Do you mean the airport? We call it the airport.

    9CL: Creatures of Pure Art are about as dedicated to their art as an AD/HD 6-year-old is to his homework, apparently.

    Doones: Sigh… literature is brutal. As is whatever Jeff is shitting out onto his monitor.
    // But then, Trudeau isn’t acting like Jeff’s output is deathless prose. Advantage: Trudeau.

  182. wossname
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#175): Hey, I said Androcles back at @wossname (#8)! But my question — a question I’m hoping some Mudgeon will answer so I don’t have to go through the Phantom archives — is: Wasn’t there some reason we knew this is a new lioness?

  183. Liam
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    MW-And so the winning cake is of an old woman making water. Looks like Dill has a promising future in the Santa Royale erotic cake industry.

  184. Hogenmogen
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    JP: The Judge Sr. is writing a screenplay. The Judge Jr. is eloping, but bringing along some family. The future in-law may be a fuguitive. Neddy is spending tens of thousands with some friend that she never mentioned to her mother. Now, Sophie is learning to drive.

    Can they throw in any other half-thought-out plot lines before they actually do anything, or are they going to just rehash any and all of these for another week?

    “I’ve tried to call Neddy, but she’s not home!”
    “Did you try her cell phone?”
    “No. Have you spoken to Randy about the wedding cruise?”
    “Not yet! I’m going to ask him why his future father-in-law is living in Mexico!”
    “Yes, please let me know! In the meantime, are you going to teach Sophie how to drive?”
    “I’d love to! Just after I read the Judge’s screenplay!”
    “That’s going to be great! Has Randy’s mother cooled down, do you think?”
    “I’m sure she’ll be all smiles on the cruise! Say, what do you think of Neddy’s new friends?”
    “I’m sure they’re fabulous! Can you believe Sophie is old enough to drive?”
    “I will respond to your Sophie comment, and may I ask a side question about another sub-plot?
    “You sure can! Is it ok if I respond in kind?”

  185. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 12th, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    MW – Congratulations! First Prize is, of course, a free dish of Rainbow Swirl ice cream! If you and your elderly companion will just come over here to this side room, the men with the white coats will be along soon to … serve you. Right this way! Please, don’t damage the other cakes belonging to the more qualified contestants – I mean, the losers! Losers!

    (Mary is too busy basking in the glory of her own reflection to notice what is going on, until she wakes up in a nursing home three days later – and with nary a dish of ice cream in sight!)

  186. Hogenmogen
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#181): They kept killing the old lionesses. They’d get a new one (I don’t know from where – Wambisi*Mart’s Lioness Dept?), put in the shock thingy, and let them hunt by the tribal land.

  187. Hart of Johnny
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    I don’t read comic books, but I might start if comic book Daredevil is as great at newspaper Daredevil (i.e. he constantly gives Spider-Man the Heisman).

  188. Hogenmogen
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @btown (#15): “And for the best comic strip representing the pace of nature…the win goes to…Mary Worth!”

    The PACE of nature? I thought it was the CALL of nature!

  189. Little A.
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    LUANN: Now it has been suggested many times here on this site that Toni’s little niece (whom I happen to be fond of, for her obnoxious spunk) is actually her daughter, by (perhaps) Dirk. So if she really loves Brad, and wants to marry him, and that little monstor is really her daughter, she is going to have to tell him who that little creature’s mother really is… which will create all sorts of plot problems for this strip which of course will get resolved in six days… if they get resolved at all. If they are brought up at all. This is why we keep reading this strip… the potential excitement, the pathos, the tragedy, the warm humor, the authentic human relationships… stuff like that. To paraphrase Holden Caulfied, about a movie he went to see; it was so lousy he couldn’t take my eyes off it. This strip, like Mark Trail and Mary Worth, is so lousy we can’t take our eyes off.

  190. Hogenmogen
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#181): “Trudeau isn’t acting like Jeff’s output is deathless prose.”

    He is. The Red Rascal shall NEVER DIE!!

    i didn’t get the turn of events that sent Jeff from living large to living in mom’s basement. Did something happen to his royalties or did he just overextend? Sounds like Red Rascal should have a movie trilogy and video game franchise.

  191. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#177): @Uncle Lumpy (#170): But you just know he’s a sucker for that damned e-Trade baby.

    Sam is also a huge fan of the Geico “Gecko” lizard. In fact, he has an expensive pair of lizard skin boots he wears on special occasions.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#178): I’m actually a fan of bats :[ mashups, but I’m also a “glass half full” kind of guy.

  192. Dood
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Ah, the dooty of nature.

  193. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#190): I think he overspent—and also took an advance on the next novel, which he has yet to produce.

    But here’s my Doones question: I’m perplexed by the geography. Mike is in Seattle, right? But Alex was just there to see him. And Joanie and Rick live in DC–but now Alex is living there? Visiting? Isn’t she in grad school at MIT—had an apartment in Boston and all?

    Perhaps Trudeau needs to just call the whole thing “Springfield” and be done with it.

  194. Dood
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of car insurance, doesn’t Mark Trail use All-Southern-Part-of-the-State?

  195. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#182): Sorry, I didn’t come across your original comment until after I posted. I almost said “The Lion and the Mouse” (which is basically the same story):

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lion_and_the_Mouse

  196. Old Folkie
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#183): ROTFL! Brilliant!

  197. un malpaso
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    If I was Daredevil, I’d at least use just a TAD more tact.
    Something like,
    “Spider-Man? Um… nice of you to offer to help, but I’ve kinda… got this, and… oh, hey, check out that sweet 90 inch plasma screen in that Best Buy over there! 200 dollars?!? They’re practically giving it away! Hey, I’m blind, and even I’m getting blown away by those crisp edges and brilliant colors!
    That looks like the deal of the century, buddy. You might want to get in line, like, right now. When they’re gone, they’re all gone, knowwhatimean? Anyways… catch you later, got some rescues on my platter, couple of things on my to-do list. But be sure to let me know how that TV looks, buddy. With that thing, we are so ON for the Oscar party! Your place, Brooklyn, right? I’ll bring some chips. Later!”

  198. Alfred E. Neuman
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s strip, today!:

    MW— John and Mary have their prize taken away when their cake fails the mandatory post-contest chemical analysis. Under questioning, Mary admits she added steroids to the ingredients after she heard Mark McGwire claim that steroids create a superior batter.

  199. AhClem
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    JP – I can’t wait to see the faces of the DMV people when Sophie shows up for her road test driving Sam’s massive mega-bus RV.

    “Parallel park this thing? Are you joking? Do you know who I AM?”

  200. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#52):

    Pibgorn: I know it wouldn’t kill them, but I can’t be the only one who wants to see the caliph lop off both of their heads.

    As queek has pointed out, in the genie’s case it would be more like getting his head castrated.

    //Dear God, this is an absolute goatfuck of the Scheherezade story.

  201. Dood
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Betcha Sam’s insurance agent is the best in the business: Snoopy.

  202. Mr Frog
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    9CL: In the first panel, Amos frantically fidgets with his hair, desperate for something to distract him from his cravings. In the second panel, he finally gives in, effortlessly whisking Edda offstage with his inhuman strength. In the hidden third panel, he devours Edda’s entrails in a forgotten broom closet, his hunger for the flesh of the living sated… for now.

    Spider-Lump: The proportionate swattability of a spider, everyone!

    // I imagine DD detected Spidey’s approach by his distinctive aroma of BO and stale potato chips.

  203. Alfred E. Neuman
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Little A. (#189) said: “… Toni’s little niece (whom I happen to be fond of, for her obnoxious spunk)…”

    I hate spunk.

  204. Liam
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    JP-Shouldn’t the test be taken at the DMV? When I got my learner’s permit the test was done at the DMV.

    JP 2-”You’re up early Soph and you are wearing different clothes than you did yesterday. That tells me you are still virginally pure that pleases me.”

  205. Amos Snarkadder
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @ Little A #189
    I’ve never suggested that Shannon was Toni’s child by Dirk. I’m convinced that Shannon is Toni’s child by Jonah, her brother. Which would in fact make Shannon her niece.
    // Convenient!

  206. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @Dan (#34): Nice Stanspeak.

  207. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#153): Sounds like the kind of thing you’d want to get laminated.

  208. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#182): Wasn’t there some reason we knew this is a new lioness?

    We were led to believe she was a different lioness — but a good writer like Tony DePaul would know how to play with the readers’ expectations.

  209. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#203): I hate spunk.

    I hate spunk, too.

    It’s a real pain in the ass when you’re washing bedclothes.

  210. Droopy Says
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#182): We don’t know whether or not it’s a new lionness. This one was captured after Stripey Butt said good-bye to #4. We’ll know for certain if it’s a recaptured #4 if it (a) shows scars from where Walker jabbed it and cut it or (b) presents a purple cub and names him in a paternity suit.

  211. bats :[
    February 12th, 2013 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#66): It’s not so much wrath as carefully-constructed planning…

  212. Apres Shrug, les snarkeres est Tristram
    February 12th, 2013 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#182):

    “Wasn’t there some reason we knew this is a new lioness?”

    Because the old Lyonesse sunk beneath the waves back in Arthurian times?

  213. Baka Gaijin
    February 12th, 2013 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    When they cut into the Madonna di Pink, watch the hilarity when they find out it’s mainly ear wax, used kitchen sponges, and Red Dye #2.

  214. Alfred E. Neuman
    February 12th, 2013 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#209) said: “…I hate spunk, too.

    It’s a real pain in the ass when you’re washing bedclothes.”

    Padumpum!

  215. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Apres Shrug, les snarkeres est Tristram (#212): Because the old Lyonesse sunk beneath the waves back in Arthurian times?

    They probably should have built dikes to keep out the ocean — the same way Hollandaise did.

  216. bats :[
    February 12th, 2013 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#141): I think the death rays from her eyes were last week! ;)

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#198): booooooooo! booooooooooo! (okay…it’s funny)

  217. Liam
    February 12th, 2013 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#211):

    Ahhh! Nightmare fuel!

  218. Majicou
    February 12th, 2013 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Hey, Luann, be sure to tell the kid that you’re only stuck with watching her because you couldn’t come up with an excuse not to. Emphasize that she’s your absolute last choice. Say it over and over.

  219. Lumaca Morente
    February 12th, 2013 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#216): I was picturing Mary getting stiff-armed by Daredevil. But who would be a match for Mary? Who?
    How about Mary v. Lioness #4?

  220. Lumaca Morente
    February 12th, 2013 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t realize until I looked at bats:[‘ (where does one put the punctuation?) wonderful creation that John Dill is actually Mandrake the Magician. That explains a lot.

  221. Lumaca Morente
    February 12th, 2013 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#218): I don’t think the kid is that crazy about Luann, either. But then, who is?

  222. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 12th, 2013 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#211): The glasses. Nice touch there.

  223. demoncat
    February 12th, 2013 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    mw did any one ever think mary and john were not going to win. for no one denies mary worth as her smile shows while john is recovering from the shock and knowledge he now is forever in marys debt

  224. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 12th, 2013 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#207): Thought of that, but it’s just as easy to print out a new one. Besides, that way I get to change churches every couple of years! Hate being a clergyman in the same old church all the time. That’s probably why ol’ Benedict resigned. After his successor is chosen, he’ll probably pop up as a Rastafarian or UU or something.

  225. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 12th, 2013 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

  226. Shran
    February 12th, 2013 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    ASM: NO! Don’t lightly tap me! It hurts!

  227. RolloSuplex
    February 12th, 2013 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    FW- I feel it is my obligation to point out that the Ohio Music Educators Association Convention was actually LAST week. (my employers were one of the many vendors at the convention, or perhaps “vendos” in Batty-speak) Considering this convention is over I have no idea where Dinkle, Dink’s hapless wife and One-Arm really are. Since the convention was in Columbus this year the only thing I can come up with is that Harry is beyond senile and they’ve taken him to the new Casino on the West side because he’ll never know the difference.

  228. CanuckDownSouth
    February 12th, 2013 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#224):

    UU might not be enough of a change :-) the daily mash, an Onionesque UK site

  229. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 12th, 2013 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#228): Ooh! Thank you. Hadn’t run across them before.

  230. Grossman
    February 12th, 2013 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    Daredevil may be blind, but Spider-Man just smells of dangerous incompetence.

  231. Poteet
    February 12th, 2013 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#211): Thank you for proving my earlier comment was correct, and that John Dill would have looked better without that ‘stache. If he had lived.

  232. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 12th, 2013 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#168):

    A3G: His hands were burned, apparently, although I think he only briefly grabbed a hot doorknob.

    Greg made the mistake of touching Margo. More symptoms of radiation sickness to come.
    And what news of Prof. Popacoronari?

  233. Sgt. Stoned
    February 12th, 2013 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    MW: Waddaya mean, no adversity?!? They had to LIFT A FREAKINING CAKE! Wasn’t that one of the labors of Hercules?

  234. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 12th, 2013 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#152):

    Mary Worth: Will John and Mary move on to artisanal bread competitions? John’s well-known for his Dill dough.

    Yeah, but it takes hours to rise.

  235. Mikey
    February 12th, 2013 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#234): Bada-Bing!! ‘*Rimshot*!!

  236. Alfred E. Neuman
    February 12th, 2013 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#199): Float-worthy!

  237. Illustrator Steve
    February 12th, 2013 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#108): OOps, you’re right, I meant undeluded.

  238. Illustrator Steve
    February 12th, 2013 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#194): Yes. He CHECKED HIS AREA and found an agency SOMEWHERE IN A NEARBY CITY.

  239. bats :[
    February 12th, 2013 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    If he were any younger, I would’ve expected him to scream “EW! COOTIES!”

  240. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2013 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#211): Just before his face goes completely blank, John Dill looks exactly like actor Terry O’Quinn (“John Locke”) from Lost.

  241. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 12th, 2013 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    MW I have one remaining wish for the cake design competition. I hope the young heckler who yelled, “Don’t drop it, Granny! Ha ha!” approaches Mary, stooped with shame, to apologize, and says, “I’m sorry I called you ‘Granny,’ Mrs. Worth. And I want to just tell you that you totally rock!
    // I really miss those after-school specials!

  242. tallyHO
    February 12th, 2013 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#180):

    Maybe they had their weekly bored meeting and realized all of the characters they use in the strips are actually avatars for each of the members. So, they whipped out some napkins and voila! Another lunch they could write off!

  243. seismic-2
    February 12th, 2013 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#193): I think Alex and Leo had a commuter courtship and now have a commuter marriage. Alex is in grad school at M.I.T., which allows her to interact with the Walden crowd (as does Leo’s friendship with his former Lieutenant and fellow wounded vet, BD), but Leo is enrolled in community college and working at a sound studio in the Washington DC area. (We saw that his Mom’s trailer court is local to Walter Reed, when he was in rehab there.) That allows Alex to interact with her Grandmother, who just started a job as a Congressional staffer, and with Jeff Redfern (as she does today), since Jeff moved back in with his parents. Alex makes it out to Seattle less often, which is why her Dad and Kim didn’t know she was pregnant until last week.

    But yeah, it would be easier if they all just moved to the southern part of the state. I’m sure Zonker could have some interesting conversations with the ginormous chipmunks.

  244. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#242): Let’s hope they left their waiter/waitress/food server a generous tip.

  245. Sequitur
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#198): Well played, sir. You just revealed the Cardinal rule.

  246. Henry B.
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#234): And Mary kneads it! Do you hear me? She KNEADS it! Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Know what I mean? Know what I mean?

    Whoa, I do know what I mean, and I’m making myself puke thinking about it.

  247. seismic-2
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Greg, we’ll keep you overnight for observations, but you’re going to be OK! Your burns could have been much worse. You’re lucky the burns were localized to your hands, and you escaped without any deep tissue damage. And you’re sure lucky it wasn’t one of those freaky fires with the pink smoke! Everyone who’s exposed to that stuff dies of cancer within weeks.”

  248. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#101):

    I like my Bourbon Babe neat!

    // As is her delightful snark!

  249. Mister Putter
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth reminds me of Agent Smith from the Matrix taking over people.

  250. Ratiocinator
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#7): Oh, I didn’t actually start reading it day to day (as opposed to just catching it whenever Josh covered it here) until the middle of the fishing-trip-in-weed-country story.

    That…kind of makes me start to actively dislike Sam.

    I mean, if God (known to the denizens of the JPverse as Woody) chooses to drop money in his lap, I’m not gonna fault him for taking it because I think most of us would do the same if it wasn’t hurting anybody else.

    And while watching strip after strip reminding us how rich these people are (“Do you think we’ve talked about the gigantic sum of money on this check long enough yet?”) gets annoying because in addition to it not doing anything to advance the story it doesn’t make you feel too good if you–unlike them–are struggling financially in the real world, it doesn’t necessarily make them bad people. In order for me to see them as bad people I would need to see them figuring out how to KEEP every last cent of that money they could through the use of offshore accounts and making contributions to politicians who promise to lower taxes that are already low, and so on. Or telling poor or homeless people that they needed to stop being lazy and pull themselves up by their bootstraps (although how the Parker and Driver clans might react to somebody like that we’ll probably never know, since a poor or homeless person would have to appear in the strip first, and that ain’t gonna happen).

    But if he’s taking credit for somebody else’s work, yeah, he’s kind of being a dick.

    @Old Folkie (#16):

    9CL: If the page turner carries off the performer, do the concertgoers get ticket refunds?

    Haha, don’t be silly! That would imply that they were people, who mattered!

    @tb4000 (#22):

    RMMD: “Are you all right?” “No, I have cancer.”

    I do dig this chick.

    I want to see a spinoff with her. And I seriously do hope she pulls through.

    @Liam (#61):

    RMMD-Prettiest little chemo patient.

    Yeah, there was a comment a while ago here (apologies to whoever made it since I don’t remember your name, I just remember that I hadn’t seen it before and don’t believe I’ve seen it since) from somebody who was a cancer survivor, and so she knew firsthand that going through chemo causes you to lose not just the hair on your head, but your eyebrows and eyelashes too.

    Much as I enjoy a drawing of a pretty woman, in real life Delores would look much worse.

    @Cloudbuster (#76):

    People who complain about superheroine poses in comic books are the kind of sick degenerates who just want to watch the world burn!

    Except when they’re complaining about Rob Liefeld, in which case they just have good taste.

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#111): Thanks for the warning, but it comes too late as I’m already addicted to reading stuff on TV Tropes.

  251. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#240): Yes! I knew that face looked familiar!

    (And now the tough question: Wait, did I really find Lost‘s John Locke sexy?)

    @seismic-2 (#243): Thank you! I was mostly confused by the East Coast placements.

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#248): Neat? Oh, dear, I hate to disappoint you, but….

  252. Liam
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-Where’s the Kingpin saying that Daredevil will be history in a minute?

  253. Midtown
    February 12th, 2013 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @RolloSuplex (#227): Wow! Thanks for the inside info. The Funkyverse almost collided with real life (misssed it by THAT much) But…the question remains. Where are the musical threesome? I think they slipped off to NOLA to watch the parades.

  254. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#201): ooo!

    nicely recursive snark!

    *applaz*

  255. Meriweather
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    The cake best representing the beauty of nature! With a vengeful Earth goddess standing atop a tower of twisted skulls, the blood of those who trespass in her demesnes running like a river from her steps–

    That’s what that is, right? We’re fresh off of judging the cake that best represented the beauty of peyote and things are a little fuzzy right now.

  256. Amos Snarkadder
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    Fun fact Only eleven states have official state dogs.
    Sad fact More states have official state cakes.

  257. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#251):

    OK, how ’bout on the rocks then?

  258. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    o wow. just wow.

    I saw the headline, Sea slug’s ‘disposable penis’ surprises and figured that there was no way that the article could live up to it.

    boy HOWDY was I wrong. (and to no great surprise, it was a Japanese study. I expect the manga by fall.)

  259. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#257): “On the rocks” is probably a pretty apt description of my life sometimes!

  260. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#258): Hey! Aren’t you watching Westminster?

  261. Peanut Gallery
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    @Binder’s Butter Beans (#54): Yes, the only other cake in the contest was the one that hit the floor, so Dillweed & Mary “won the win” by default. As Homer Simpson once said, “The two sweetest words in the English language! De-FAULT! De-FAULT! De-FAULT!”

  262. Peanut Gallery
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    Popeye – What could be more terrifyingly grotesque than Swee’Pea? A Swee’Pea doll.

  263. commodorejohn
    February 12th, 2013 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#258): Well golly, looks like King Missile had it right all along! Who knew?

  264. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    @Little A. (#189):

    Well, people are suckers for watching a train wreck. Hence the popularity of “Honey Boo-Boo”!

    Can’t find a bigger train wreck than that show!

  265. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @Henry B. (#246):

    You wife, is she a sport? Wink, wink, know what I mean?

  266. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    SM – If Dare Devil is blind, why does he have eye holes in his headdress?

  267. Ratiocinator
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#266): I always figured it was to make people think whoever was under the mask was sighted, and thus make it even less likely that anybody would suspect Matt Murdock.

  268. Peanut Gallery
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

  269. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    Just how bad do the folks in Hootin’ Holler smell?

    Discuss.

  270. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2013 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#266):

    If you’re referring to Daredevil’s mask having eye-holes, it’s because Matt Murdoch wants to keep his blindness a secret from the world. Since a blind man is the last person you’d suspect of being a superhero, why would said superhero want to call attention to that fact?

  271. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#270): “Matt Murdock” (Thanks, Ratiocinator!)

  272. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#268): Does the clown nose make it NSFBG?

  273. Sequitur
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#268): Mary likes a wooly willy.

  274. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#260): I’m not, actually. forgot that it was on, was watching MSU beat the Smelly Weasels like a rented mule.

  275. Ratiocinator
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    @Hart of Johnny (#187): Here’s a Daredevil story for you. The person who posted these scans forgot to tell us that Daredevil begins this one with a case of amnesia; while you pick up on that after a few pages, it makes more sense if you know it right away:

    http://scans-daily.dreamwidth.org/4228471.html#cutid1

  276. Ratiocinator
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

  277. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#273): …a wooly mammoth willy.

  278. Ratiocinator
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#275): Oh, and while I’m still reading through them myself, I’ll post the links to part two…

    http://scans-daily.dreamwidth.org/4228776.html#cutid1

    …and the conclusion…

    http://scans-daily.dreamwidth.org/4228903.html

  279. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#270):

    I guess that actually makes sense, but then again, I’m not familiar with “DD”, so I didn’t know that.

  280. Damien
    February 12th, 2013 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    Mary is actually grabbing John’s ass in the first panel, hence John’s look of slight confusion, which turns into pure glee in the second, while Mary herself seems to be silently saying: “oh yeah, boy, you’re getting your worth!”.

  281. Backup
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    I’d say Margo is too tough to die, but I get the feeling that if she thought she’d make a bigger killing in Hell, she’d die just to get rich off it.

  282. Poteet
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    2/13 MW — That halo around the Figure Mary cannot be an accident. Before that second-panel triptych, I fall to my knees. Giggling.

  283. Baka Gaijin
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#272): Nope. If it were I’d never be able to watch network news during the Edward Kennedy years. For a while there he had a big ole red honker.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#277): Mrs. Worth is old enough to have seen actual woolly mammoths. And their willies.

  284. Poteet
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    FW — Volume Two of his autobiography??? Aaaand with that, FW moves ahead of 9CL on my Loathe List.

  285. Poteet
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    MT — I’m trying to decide what nickname I’d use if I were in this storyline. I’m torn between Topeka Shiner and Crappie.

  286. Baka Gaijin
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#285): Mine would be Outta Here.

  287. Poteet
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:39 am [Reply]

  288. Droopy Says
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    Abusing Spiderman: Find out what’s wrong, Parker? DareDevil is telling you exactly what’s wrong. In Braille. Let him hit you enough and the lumps will spell it out for you.

    Funky Boringbean: Harry Dingle wrote a two volume autobiography? I had no idea insomnia needed such a drastic treatment.

    Family Circus: “It’s a suicide note, Jeffy. Now follow through so Grandma doesn’t think you break your promises.”

    Shoe: I can see why this strip has bird characters. Birds are as toothless as the jokes.

    Phantom: By now Lionness #4 has come to think of a shot in the ass as foreplay.

    Mock Travail: Trail, if Bluegill had any luck, he wouldn’t have that bad case of “blue gill,” now would he?

    Mary Mirthless: And now that the contest has ended, John Dill will suggest that he and Mary cut the cake.

  289. Poteet
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    A3G — So Critical Care is different than Critical Condition. Huh.

  290. Matt
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    Those fishnet stocking uniforms in Gil Thorp are actually a rare moment of high school varsity sports authenticity on Whigham’s part. Referred to as ‘pinnies’ they are a cheap mesh top that goes over the jersey for the purposes of differentiating between teams when conducting practice games as an alternative to the dreaded ‘shirts and skins.’ One could say the artwork of Whigham is becoming almost Fincher-esque in its obsession to detail, but the chiseled 25 year old blue chip prospects wearing the pinnies negates an otherwise commendable attempt at amateur hardwood verisimilitude.

  291. Morgan Wick
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    Why The Better Half is better than other similar comics: With any other comic, Josh’s reaction would be “Ha ha, it’s funny because he’s fat!” But since this joke is as much about Harriet’s desperate attempts to find a reason for her antipathy towards her husband that she can use to turn it into full-on Lockhorn-esque hate as anything having to do with Stanley, Josh has to reach into the “literal-meaning” bin to snark on this one.

  292. seismic-2
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#289): Wherever Margo is, you can be sure she’s being critical.

  293. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#69): Um, Spiderman, you do know that Jesus is Jewish, right? That is… no bacon?

  294. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#284): Volume Two covers up to middle school. It’s a thirteen- volume set.

  295. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#200): //Dear God, this is an absolute goatfuck of the Scheherezade story.

    Yes, yes it is.

    And that’s all I can say about it at this point, sadly. It crossed the line so decisively into WRONG the instant this plotline appeared, that anything else simply adds to the wrongness, rather than changing it.

    As I said at the outset, who’s the next victim for McE’s retconning? Rosa Parks? Joan of Arc? Mother Teresa? Mary Magdalene?

  296. Dale
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#285):

    Sunfish.
    Cutthroat and Rainbow trout are available.
    Minnow is rather bland.

    Keep your list to types that are more or less native, or the situation will rapidly get out of control.

  297. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    MW: I see now why the writers spent so much time dwelling on the “drama” of the cake transfer; they had no idea how to depict the actual judging of the cakes themselves in a way that combines dramatic tension with the inevitability of the Marycake winning.

    I mean, jeez, it’s been weeks of obsessing about the cake carry, and here we just get “Oh, look, here’s the winner, let’s move on now, this part is the boring part, right?”

    FW: Shouldn’t it be “baching” it, assuming that it’s short for “bachelor-ing” it?

    //I will admit that when Mr. Rana is out of town I will often order myself a pizza. But that’s because I like tomato sauce and sausage and he does not, not because I’m a loser living above a second-rate pizza parlor.

  298. commodorejohn
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:25 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#285): I would love to know how the crappie got its name.

  299. yr obt servt
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    RMMD:

    “Are you all right?”
    “No, I have cancer…but I also have a cameo in Funky Winkerbean next week.”

  300. Uncle Lumpy
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#297):

    … when Mr. Rana is out of town I will often order myself a pizza.

    When Aunt Lumpy (a marvelous cook) is away, I console myself with a huge mess of liver and onions and a bottle of red. Works for both of us.

  301. Mr. O’Malley
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:39 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#210): We know that they captured this lioness by feeding her a side of bacon – no that was Mark Trail – a big hunk of meat anyway, so she’s probably not very hungry right now. The previous lioness was last seen chasing a zebra so this is probably a different one.

  302. Dale
    February 13th, 2013 at 3:36 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#297):

    batching -

    I’ve never seen it without the “t”. Makes the pronunciation obvious.

    I’m puzzled (actually concerned) by all the discussion about the meaning.
    To me, it’s always meant a married guy whose wife is temporarily away and therefore he is responsible for feeding himself.
    It does not mean he is a loser.

    If his wife doesn’t come back or he starves – different issues.

  303. commodorejohn
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:28 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#302): It’s Skunkhead Comic-Store Guy. He is a loser, and anything about him can safely be interpreted in a manner that emphasizes just how big of a loser he is° without risking unfair treatment.

    ° How big of a loser is he? This big of a loser.

  304. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:06 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#302): To be honest, I don’t see a married guy fending for himself as that unusual, either. But this is John (I think that’s his name?) in FW we’re talking about, and he most decidedly is a loser. He’s a character in FW, at the very least. ;)

    //Speaking of FW, how vain does a person have to be to not only write an autobiography, but one with multiple volumes? That you sell?

  305. Mr. O’Malley
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:24 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#302): That was my understanding of “batching” as well. Your wife is temporarily away, so you have to revert to cooking the kind of stuff you made before you were married like green beans with cream of mushroom soup and tater tots.

    I think it’s more unusual to use it to refer to unmarried guys like Moondog in Monty who lives like that all the time.

    But Comic Book Guy is a real loser. He can’t even open a can of cream of mushroom soup for himself, so he has to haul his sorry ass down to the pizza dive for some warmed-over stale pizza by the slice. If he had any real batching chops he would have picked up a frozen pizza from Safeway and thrown it in the oven. It’s ready when half the six-pack of PBR is gone.

  306. Terryfic
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:30 am [Reply]

    Tarzan: is sniffing what amounts to his underwear.

    9CL: Juliette is offering her guest dog food.

  307. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:45 am [Reply]

    A&J: Oh… it hurts.

    9CL: “This is grave indeed…” — Heh, heh. Oh McE.. I can never stay mad at you.

    Pluggers: Me too. “Hi, this is Rachel, from Card Holder’s Services…”

  308. comcis fan
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:49 am [Reply]

    MW: Oh no! It’s a St. Mary cake topper schwing! And right in front of the Dill Team cake posse!

    FW: Ah yes, another unlikely Westview celebrity author, another book signing. Who wouldn’t want to read 250 riveting pages of turkey sales, misplaced trumpets and shrewish band moms?

  309. NuAnn
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:55 am [Reply]

    Today’s 9CL proves that Brooke has forgotten everything about visual storytelling. Even beefwits don’t need the story retold in consecutive panels. Ugh.

  310. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2013 at 6:15 am [Reply]

    Yesterday’s Hi&Lo reminded me of those cereal ads when I was a kid, always ending with, “…part of a complete breakfast.” Showing the bowl of corn flakes with strawberrys, beside a plate with two eggs (always sunny side up), two strips of bacon, toast, jam, stack of pancakes, maple syrup, half a grapefruit, glass of milk, cup of coffee…

    I always wondered, who eats that much for breakfast? And why bother with the corn flakes?

  311. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2013 at 6:18 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#310): Damn! Forgot the orange juice. No wonder I’m still hungry.

    // Ooh! Are those buttered grits?

  312. Droopy Says
    February 13th, 2013 at 6:36 am [Reply]

    @comcis fan (#308): And The Harry Dinkle Snorey is in hardback. Odds are it was published by a vanity press, and his basement is stacked with cartons of volume one. But there are educators who have written interesting books about their careers. “Want to know why the typical high school marching bland goes blat-blat-blat while the kids stumble into one another? Hearken to my sordid tale of MILFs and DILFs–of band turkeys stuffed with hallucinogens and aphrodisiacs–of all the shocking perversions performed by parents desperate to see their child dress up like an organ grinder’s monkey–”

    Oh, who am I kidding? It’s going to make Anne Murray’s All Of Me look downright lascivious.

  313. Droopy Says
    February 13th, 2013 at 6:54 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#301): True, the lionness in Phantom might not be a recaptured #4. One of the many things we don’t know is how much time passed between Walker releasing #4 and the conspirators capturing this lion, or whether or not #4 caught lunch, or how far she may have travelled since bidding Stripey Butt a fond farewell. I guess whoever wrote this thought that such mere details would slow down the story, and obscure important things like the month Walker spent trying to sedate and capture the lion, or the time loop of last week’s walk to the cage.
    .
    Today we did learn that the conspirators haven’t had the time to implant the new lion-zapper, which means they haven’t had the chance to examine her neck for a fresh cut, scab, stitches and dried blood. If the Androcles theory is right, it will take Walker’s keen powers of observation to notice this. Remember he’s the same master of stealth who left his white horse tethered by the side of a road, alerting everyone to his presence. Remind me again of the difference between Kit Parker and Peter Walker, okay?

  314. Vince M
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#302): Without the “t”, you’re at home composing fugues on the hammerklavier.

  315. gleeb
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Well, Sergio Aragones lives in California.

    ‘shaft: Listen. Ed Crankshaft has become unstuck in-actually, forget about it. Ed’s a miserable jerk, but otherwise, he’s quite dull.

    ‘bean: Ah, Batiuk’s got a book to pimp.

    Sam Driver, Driver!: Ah, there will be a tender scene as Sam shows Sophie the finer points of running down the peasantry.

    Baldo: Cruz has a robot fetish.

    Brevity: What does the phrase “jazz Hans” add to this? It’s unnecessary, and distracts from the joke.

    Dick: Soon we learn if Sweatstain is a right guy or if he wants pointless revenge. I say pointless because Toad doesn’t know anything; all she did was break a window.

    Bobby Ottewill, Peacock Pope!: If you’re too pushy, Bobby will put the roundball interdict on ya!

    H&J: And taking the bus would mean Rev Hepcat would have to interact with – ugh – people.

  316. gnbman
    February 22nd, 2013 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    Here’s a wallpaper-ish thing, if you guys want to celebrate the shame Newspaper-Spider-Man brings to Spidey’s legacy. http://i.imgur.com/LxutkDY.jpg

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