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C’mon, you could have least added a “BAM” in there

Blondie, 2/13/13

Ha ha! It’s funny because … OK, you know what, I have literally no idea why this is funny. It’s funny because Blondie feels a need to project a facade of false confidence to her husband, but with her best friend and business partner she can stare the harsh truth in the face, the better to overcome adversity? Or, wait wait, is it funny because Blondie said “Kick it up a notch,” which is the catchphrase of popular television cook/pop culture personality Emeril Legasse? That would be much more depressing, to be completely honest.

Heathcliff, 2/13/13

Now, it’s been a while since I’ve read any Superman comics, but as far as I can remember he reacted to the presence of kryptonite by grimacing in pain as the life force was sucked out of his body, not by regarding it with heavy-lidded ennui while sitting a few feet away from it. Is Superman too cool to writhe in agony when exposed to kryptonite now? Are there any superheroes left who aren’t too cool for stuff anymore?

Spider-Man, 2/13/13

I guess there’s always Spider-Man, who’s not too cool for anything. “Something’s wrong! I’ve got to find out what it is! Are my sneakers not the right brand? Do I not listen to the right music? Are my friends lame? God as my witness, I will figure out why Daredevil doesn’t want to hang out with me!”

Gasoline Alley, 2/13/13

Say, were you wondering what’s up with Rufus and Joel’s dialectical antics in Gasoline Alley? Well, it seems that Rufus has decided to marry his mule Becky! Don’t worry, though, it’s just a trick to fulfill the requirements of a will so he can get some money, it’s not a sick sex thing. This is as funny/horrifying as Gasoline Alley will be for some time, so feel free to continue ignoring it.

Pluggers, 2/13/13

Pluggers may not have many friends, but they sure are on a whole lot of pills.

302 responses to “C’mon, you could have least added a “BAM” in there”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    MT — Inspired by Bluegill’s offhand comment , Mark decides to write a fishing guide companion to the Maurice Sendak book, Where the Wild Things Are. (“Where the Big Ones Are!”)

    @commodorejohn (#y298): @Poteet (#285): I would love to know how the crappie got its name.

    Same here. I’d also like to know how the jewfish got its original name. And when did people start calling it a Goliath grouper instead of a jewfish? OT Goliath was a Philistine, so apparently the jewfish was compelled to change
    its religion at some point.

    Incidentally, there’s a community called “Jewfish” in Key Largo, Florida.

  2. Liam
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”But I thought everyone wanted my help.”

    FW-Volume two? You mean there is that much of a demand to know about Harry’s life.

    Blondie-Kick it up a notch with extreme prejudice.

    RMMD-”I hope you’ll be in bed with me in twenty one minutes.”

    MT-”He seems to know where the big ones are,” Bluegill says eying Mark’s crotch.

    A3G-”I hope Margo’s unconscious. How else are the doctors supposed to take advantage of her.”

    A3G 2-How can you lose something that you never had?

  3. gleeb
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    If it’s just to satisfy a will, why doesn’t Joel marry the kitten he’s always carrying around?

    Slylock: Well, Sergio Aragones lives in California.

    ‘shaft: Listen. Ed Crankshaft has become unstuck in-actually, forget about it. Ed’s a miserable jerk, but otherwise, he’s quite dull.

    ‘bean: Ah, Batiuk’s got a book to pimp.

    Sam Driver, Driver!: Ah, there will be a tender scene as Sam shows Sophie the finer points of running down the peasantry.

    Baldo: Cruz has a robot fetish.

    Brevity: What does the phrase “jazz Hans” add to this? It’s unnecessary, and distracts from the joke.

    Dick: Soon we learn if Sweatstain is a right guy or if he wants pointless revenge. I say pointless because Toad doesn’t know anything; all she did was break a window.

    Bobby Ottewill, Peacock Pope!: If you’re too pushy, Bobby will put the roundball interdict on ya!

    H&J: And taking the bus would mean Rev Hepcat would have to interact with – ugh – people.

  4. btown
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Judging from the look on that Plugger’s face, his prescription is for sodium thiopental

  5. Liam
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley-You can travel together under the name “Becky and the Sexy Stud”.

  6. Ratiocinator
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    9CL: “This is grave indeed.” The instant I read that the “No Normal Person Alive Today Would Ever Utter These Words In That Sequence” alarm began clanging up a storm inside my brain. And as I read the rest of Juliette’s speech bubble, it just got louder and louder and LOUDER and…

    FW: Wait, he has a multi-volume autobiography? Is that something that really gets published in the really real world? And I have a follow-up question if the answer is “yes”: have any of the people who have written autobiographies like that NOT been egomaniacs?

    Garfield: You don’t exist, Jon. You’re a character in a comic strip. If it makes you feel any better, though, Liz and Garfield don’t exist either.

    Luann: Wow, PMS’ing much, Luann? I got no good snark for this…he sent you a valentine, but it hasn’t reached you yet and he can’t guarantee it’ll get to you by Valentine’s Day, so that makes him an asshole? Really?

    Slylock: ANSWER: Trick question, because none of them live in Africa! All of these animals live in the San Diego zoo!

    Actually no, wait, I’m wrong. The puzzled human lives in Africa, and is just visiting.

  7. Chareth Cutestory
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley: You just keep those blinders on, Becky, and don’t ever take them off. Please.

    Pluggers: Message 5 asks, “Did you get the valtrex and viagra prescriptions? Come over to my place.”

  8. nescio
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    If you ever wondered why Pluggers are called Pluggers, the prescriptions are all for suppositories.

    Blondie needs to kick it up a notch so she can afford to buy Dagwood some reading glasses.

  9. S. Stout
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Blondie: This strip is turning into Hi&Lois: apparently the middle class going bankrupt is comedy gold.

    Luann: It’s funny because Quill stays up till 2 AM every night to talk to this insufferable bitch.

    S-M: Of course they don’t get along, Spidey’s only hobby (TV watching) is the one thing Daredevil can’t do.

  10. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#7): Message 5: “The spider caught two flies. One white, one black. Just get over here.”

  11. pugfuggly
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Blondie Is Dagwood’s eyesight going, or is the notion of a new caterer in town so exciting to him that he’s literally licking the newspaper page?

    Heathcliff Yes, new Adorable™ Brand Puppies have been genetically engineered to look cute, bark quietly and cause nausea and discomfort to nearby felines.

    ASM No need to stress, Daredevil: this is Spiderman we’re talking about. A simple ‘Your shoe’s untied’ or ‘Hey, look over there!’ should buy you ample time to get away at a leisurely pace.

    Pluggers Hey Dogman, check the warnings on that last patch of pills you took before getting in the car to pick up the next one. I suspect there may be something about ‘extreme drowsiness’.

  12. BeanMachine
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    I love how the sound of Spider-Man getting kicked is just “KIKK!” If this storyline ends with Spider-Man getting shot (and it will), the sound effect will be “GUNN!”

  13. Dennis Jimenez
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Blondie – I’m sorry – I see Blondie and Tootsie and I can’t get Jenna Jameson and Chasey Lain out’a my head….

    Heathcliff – And he loves Lasagna! This strip is incomperable….

    S-M – Are you BLIND! Can’t you see I only want to help? Yeah – I’ve seen how you help….

    GA – Great ass – loves donkey – looks great in a bondage harness – kind of digs a bit of the lash….

    Adios Amigos,

    DJ.

  14. Clint Brawny
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    As unfunny as strips such as Beetle Bailey, Crock and Garfield are, I feel I can vaguely remember chuckling at them at least once over the years.

    The same cannot be said of Blondie.

  15. anonymous
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Let me ponder “an article about an aggressive new caterer opening up in the area”.
    There is SO much wrong about that sentence. Let me deconstruct:

    - Are there such entities as “aggressive caterers”? Do they harangue, threaten, and harrass wedding planners, rich housewives, and whoever else in this economy still sit and dither over ‘which catering company should I pick? which one, oh, which one?’ and the loudest, the pushiest, the most ‘aggressive’ catering company is the winner?

    - Would there BE an ‘article’ in the paper on these relentless monsters? Would there BE a headline in the paper : “Carp Catering moves into Podunk, bent on dominating the lucrative local bar mitzvah market. Reactions from local caterers has been mixed, ranging from two suspected suicides to several “no comments”.

    - Is there still a NEWSPAPER in existence in Blondie world? Since Dagwood has gone so high tech and all the last couple years, why is he looking at the obsolete dead tree edition? Shouldn’t he be reading it on his tablet?

    - What kind of town can support an ‘aggressive new caterer’ who is determined to be the king of the hill or die trying? Is this a town of the idle rich who mindlessly throw one party after another, bored, and need to be woken up to the fact that some people who mass-produce finger sandwiches and hot buffets are new and innovative?

    - Is Blondie going to be approached in her shop by a sinister Martha-Stewart type in a trench coat, who will say, ‘nice little hole in the wall you got here, Mrs. Bumstead. Shame if anything happened to it.’ And Blondie would say, ‘maybe we can work out a deal, pull out a gun from under the counter (but too late!)’….in which case, the next newspaper article Dagwood comes across would read ‘body of local deli shop owner found in river’.

  16. Ranger
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Heathcliff looks like he’s about to shit on those puppies.

    ASM: What’s wrong with DD? I don’t know, maybe the fact HE CAN’T SEE has something to do with it?

  17. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Pluggers may not have many friends, but they sure are on a whole lot of pills.

    Pluggers have plenty of “friends.”

    Especially on days when the USPS delivers dog-man’s monthly supply of methadone to his house.

  18. anon
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Where I live, catering is done by established restaurants and hotels. There aren’t that many ‘locals’ who do this. Every bored housewife dreams of running a nice little operation out of her own kitchen. They “advertise” in the Pennysaver, and when their nice little operation INEVITABLY fails, there will be a public notice of bankruptcy also in the paper. I would go with the restaurant or hotel, not some unknown strangers churning up who knows what, or where, no matter how pushy they got.

  19. Chareth Cutestory
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#10): Wow, we must both be on the same Pulp Fiction wavelength this week! I was going to make a joke for Monday’s strip about that Plugger’s gimp scratching at the door trying to escape.

  20. bbofun
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    A3G- Greg hears Margo that Margo hasn’t asked about him, and his ego insists that it must mean she’s unconscious. This is the first behavior he’s exhibited that suggests that he is ACTUALLY an actor. (I’m an actor- I can make these jokes.)(Because it’s true.)

    DT- So, we’re to assume that Sweatbox is kidnapping Toad (a sentence which has never appeared before this moment). On the other hand, wouldn’t it be sort of great if he didn’t? It would be right in keeping with the way this arc has been going- constantly suggesting Sweatbox is a bad guy, without ever having him do anything (kinda like how Spider-Man is supposedly a hero, despite lack of evidence).

    FW- Self-publishing can be a terrible thing.

    JP- “…when I pick it up tonight.” Which, in real time, should be about when the swallows come back to Capistrano.

    MW- is a Columbia picture, apparently.

    SF- Hmmm- are we going into an arc about depression, here? Honestly, if anyone can do it well, I’m betting on Ces.

    9CL- Looks like Brooke’s decided it’s time for another “big arc”- buckle up, folks, we’re in for a bumpy ride of poor continuity, lack of research, and general bone-headedness. Or, as Brooke calls it, “ART.”

    PIBGORN- Speaking of bone-heads…

    Luann- Speaking of bone-heads…

  21. wossname
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    MW – And so was born the cult of the Blessed Virgin of Ganache, as the figure on the cake began emitting holiness waves. Pilgrims who bathe in her fount of frosting are healed and can throw away their crutches.

    RMMD – Wow, that Rex is quite the healer. He cured clinical depression in 10 minutes, without even getting out the smelling salts.

    HotC – I love today’s strip, because (confession) while I do know “Star Wars” and “Star Trek” are not the same thing, I always have to stop for a minute and think about which is which. (“Wait, is that the one with Carrie Fisher with the cinnamon bun hair? Or the one with Mr. Spock and Capt. Kirk?”)

    JP – Uh, Sam, doesn’t that mean you’ll be stuck at school all day? Oh, wait, you’re a Spencer-Driver – the butler will come pick you up.

  22. Holly Folly
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    My first thought upon seeing Rufus was my god, Andy Capp has not aged well.

  23. pugfuggly
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    A3G “Has she asked for me? No? Oh God, she must be unconscious!”
    “Um, no, she’s awake…”
    “Her memory, then! She must have amnesia and…”
    “No, no, she seems pretty lucid”
    “Is her tongue damaged? Is she not able to ask for me because her tongu-”
    “Her tongue seemed to be working fine on that male nurse…”

    FW Hmm….the sepia seems to be creeping in. Did this scene take place in the past or does Mr Dinkle just suck the colour out of a room like a reverse Wizard of Oz?

    MT Hey, do you remember that Simpsons episode where Marge starts a campaign against Itchy and Scratchy and the result is a bland cartoon involving the titular characters offering each other lemonade and practicing good manners, with absolutely no conflict at all? Do you think someone’s been sending the Jackelrod angry letters?

    MW Ok, now to get rid of all that pent-up sexual tension with a little roll in the flour bin!

  24. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Frazz: that’s more like it. *golf clap*

    A&J: a bit of meta, a bit of nostalgia, a bit of pointing out how bad the Hanna-Barbera animation really was back in the day, and a bit of wondering wtf he isn’t watching anime.

    AD: unspeakable filth.

    rCdS: ahhh, the toils of being a Creature of Pure Art. *snikker*

    HotC: Heart just made one of the classic blunders.

    LaCuc: KLANG! (with chocolate)

    Lio: he has a switchblade. hooligan.

    SBp: is for Poteet.

    Zits: switch to the Brian BLESSED!!! version?

    Mutts: guest-starring Connie from Zits.

    RwO: KLANG!!!

    6Cx: “Quick, Ma, the Flit!”

    SFx: featuring slowsquee.

    Retail: can’t win territory.

  25. Hibbleton
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    A3G: “No, she’s only mumbled the words, ‘kill, kill.’ Ha, ha, that’s just Margo being Margo, but seriously, put on this cross, for your mother’s sake.”

    MT: That Ron Bassy sure is assy (in the NYC area sense of the word, ‘stupidly lucky’).

    MW: No, Jill. It’s not a rum cake.

  26. Mibbitmaker
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Blondie: The only other cooking catchphrase Blondie knows is “Save the liver!”, but that was only from an old late-night show involving excessive bleeding, so she wants to stay clear of that.

    Heathcliff: Hell, adorable anything is kryptonite to Heathcliff. “Try dealing with Nermal”, says Garfield.

    S-M: “That can’t be the real Daredevil! He gave me a “KIKK”, and even I know that’s an illiterate way of spelling ‘kic’!”

    GA: They almost got into another strip, but Snuffy Smith was disappointed that it was for money.

  27. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . filling her in-box, no matter what day it is.

  28. Esther Blodgett
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Luann: I’ve acted this way with a guy, but only after drinking about 12 shots of vodka. Which may mean this strip is finally getting its act together.

    Pluggers: Don’t realize it’s not multiple messages; they just don’t know how to erase the tape on the answering machine.

  29. Nekrotzar
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    It’s too bad that “Frisco” has no distinctive landmarks to allow the artist to establish a sense of place, like maybe a pyramidal skyscraper, an unusually curved street, or even just a distinctive bridge. But no, this city gives him nothing to work with.

  30. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    9CL – Without wading back into the “is thesaural masturbation clever or not?” conversation, today is entry #537 in “why these insufferably pompous twits would be impossible to tolerate in real life”. Because, Juliette would never get up and say “I’ll be right back, just have to use the bathroom”. She would be sure to clap her hands to get everyone’s attention before announcing: “Due to the inevitable rigors of my rarified diet of Unicorn farts and Faerie dust, my digestive tract has perforce informed me of the requisite duties attendant upon my daily repast. I shalt be but a nonce, ‘ere I grace you again with my presence!”

    What really annoys me is the reference to her “mouthbreathing bio students”. I’m not sure what subject she is supposed to teach? As a Burber, I assume she is far too sophisticated to waste her time teaching anything but Pure Art. So, is she denigrating biology students specifically? Or just showing overall contempt for all of humanity?

    Jules, if the students you are teaching do not live up to your standards, do us all a favor and quit again. Look at the name on the school’s stationary. Is it “Dartmouth”? “Harvard”? No? “The Local Community College”? Yes? Then either do your best with the students that are taking your class, or refund their money and shove your pretension up your ass.

  31. Marc
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    9CL- Mouth breathing bio students? What the fuck? Oh it’s because they’re studying science and not the arts, and didn’t use ridiculous words to beat around the point they were making to try sbd sound smart. Therefore, they are scum, unworthy to lick the dirt off the bottoms of Brooke’s penny loafers.

    A3G- Did she suddenly spring out of her sedated state to ask about me? Well, did she, did she, did she?

    Funky- Why does this sad sack loser have an autobiography? Why would anyone buy it? And why would you want him to sign it? The guy never won a battle of the bands in his life. In fact he’s probably the worst band director in history.

    Luann- What. A. Bitch.

    Mark Trail- Living up to his name, Bluegill failed to catch a single bass, and came back with some pretty crappie fish. Get it? Crappie? I’ll just leave now before the rotten tomatoes start getting thrown.

    Mary Worth- If it helps, I had total faith that you would win no matter how bad your cake might have been. Mary Worth never loses.

    Blondie- I feel like the only way this makes sense is if it was done as a mad lib, but whoever filled it in, didn’t see the rest of the dialogue first.

  32. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Most people would take a minute to say something like, “What an asshole!” or “What do people in San Francisco have against calling it ‘Frisco’?” or “Why does my wife fall asleep every time I call her?” But not Peter Parker. There’s Something Wrong and he’s going to find out what it is, if it kills him. I’d suggest starting with therapy.

    Andy Capp: Ha ha ha, Andy’s drunk and old! He’s just like…oh, God.

    Apt. 3-G: If somebody’s “doing quite well,” they’re typically not in “Critical Care,” a phrase that went out of fashion twenty years ago. I don’t think Tommie’s going to do so well in nursing school.

    Archie: I don’t know what’s more depressing here, a husband who won’t lift a finger respond to a possible home invasion, or a TV with rabbit ears and no remote control.

    9 Chickweed Lane: Oh goody, just when I thought this strip couldn’t get any more pretentious (or wordy). At least it’s not about Amos’ raging hard-on, yet.

    Cul de Sac: Alice may be interested to know there’s a Tom Waits song about her. (N.B.: I would pay good money just to hear Tom say “Otterloop.”)

    Today on Garfield: acting out episodes from newspaper Spiderman!

    I’m afraid Luann is going to try some personal growth or development again. Hold me.

    Hieratic Mark Trail: ! ? ! ! !

    Mary Worth: Speaking of faith, is that a halo around the Mary Worth/St. Francis/Pepto Bismol statuette?

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Mark my words, this storyline is going to end with Ginger pointing a gun at Delores. Somebody will wind up dead, in jail, or getting screwed by Rex Morgan, M.D. (Watch out, surfer dudes! No one is safe!!)

    Nice to see Shoe and Archie are on roughly the same timeline.

    Sinfest: “I’m overcome with feels.” Gotta write that one down…

  33. Greg
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: The dog-man keeps checking to see if the Viagra is ever going to kick in. *jiggles around in pocket* It’s not. But he’ll keep checking, often. Because he’s a Plugger!

  34. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#y2): At the risk of repeating myself, a marriage between Rufus and Joel would probably be legal (I can’t seem to find “Gasoline Alley, USA” on any of my maps). Whereas a marriage between a man and a donkey wouldn’t be considered legally binding.

    Granted, they’re both asses, but if Rufus wants his aunt’s money, he’d better “marry up” with Joel.

  35. Squeak
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    It’s funny because Dagwood is getting his news from a newspaper while wearing a bow tie at the breakfast table, and it’s 2013.

  36. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Blondie –

    Business Partner – “Kicking it up a notch might not be enough. I read that these agressive new caterers are ex-strippers who are raising money for their friend’s cancer treatments. I hear they go the extra mile to make sure they leave the customer with a smile on their face, if you know what I mean!”

    Blondie – “Hah! They fucked with the wrong caterer, this time! Junior Varsity, it’s time to step up to the big leagues. Wait ’til they get a load of these!”

  37. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#25):

    put on this cross, for your mother’s sake.

  38. pugfuggly
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @anonymous (#15):

    Didn’t you ever see that Sopranos season 3 bonus episode, where Christopher and Paulie decide to open an aggressive catering business to help cover their gambling debts? But of course Christopher snorts some H and forgets to take the mushroom puffs out of the oven and Paulie gets frustrated that his souffle won’t rise and beats his sous-chef to death with a meat tenderizer, and the have to call Tony over in the middle of the night to clean up the big mess they made. Che puzza!

  39. True Fable
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    One way or another, Rufus was determined to get him some ass.

  40. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#34): I think we’re in Utah, where polygamy is against the law.

  41. Hibbleton
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Love is.. Letting him in the “inbox”…which is sometimes the “outbox”

  42. Dood
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Well, there’s heartworm, rabies, avian flu…

  43. Horace Broon
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#21):
    MA-rylujah! MA-rylujah! Marylujah! Marylujah! Marylu-u-ujah!

  44. Alice
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Luann: In which the title character proves she isn’t mature enough to handle even a long distance pseudo-relationship. At this point even Gunther’s prospects for a happy love life are looking better than hers. How depressing is that?

  45. Revenge4Aldo
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    ASM Daredevil just doesn’t want Spider-man to share in a sweet IPO he heard about.

  46. Dood
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Al Pacino, Phil Silvers and Twiggy all think you two kids are just grand.

  47. Dood
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    It’s apparent that one of Spider-Man’s super-skills is being the ultimate cock-blocker.

  48. Horace Broon
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    A3G: Yeah, this guy’s got James Bond written all over him. It’s going to be the first Bond film where the amusingly-named female lead ends up siding with the villain just to get away from the needy whining.

    ASM: Speaking of getting away from the needy whining of a supposed action hero…

    Crank: “I don’t know; is the guy in the photo dead?”

  49. anty a
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth: I have cognitive dissonance. How do I reconcile, “Ted Forth is an idiot,” with, “Any idiot could see that Sally is sick”?

  50. Droopy Says
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    “Mouth-breathing bio students”? My guess is they enrolled in her class for the breadth requirement, under the mistaken impression that they wouldn’t have a hard time. Unfortunately they’re dealing with a Burber, who will combine incomprehensible statements with psychotic test standards. While dancing.

    (I was in a class like that once. We started out with fifty-one students. Two-thirds of them dropped the class by the end of the second week. It had a lot to do with the instructor having an acid flashback in front of the class. The rest of us were history majors and couldn’t avoid the class. One low point was an exam where I lost points because, as the instructo rlater told me, my answers weren’t broad and cosmic enough. I do not know how to give broad and cosmic answers on a multiple-guess exam. The only student who enjoyed the experience . . . I think McEch may know her, because now that I think of it, she acted a lot like a Burber.)

  51. TheDiva
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Pluggers have empty, depressing lives, which they will extend by any means necessary.

    SM: The proportional clueless persistance of a spider.

  52. word-doctor
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Tiger: In world with non-gendered rolls… little girls will still be bitches to each other.

  53. Comrade Denny
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Different kinds of Kryptonite have different effects on Supes. In case case, it’s Hipsternite that induces heavy-lidded ennui while sitting a few feet away from it. “I was into Kryptonite when it was just green.” “Truth, Justice, and the American Way were way better before they went commercial.” Etc.

  54. Old Folkie
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    MT: 29 lbs a “good catch for the first day”?! He’s already exceeded the recognized maximum weight of a bass…

    Pluggers: A Plugger with an answering machine? I thought they all had rotary-dial phones on party lines…

  55. Pozzo
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Given being the choice between being the superhero who produces the sound effect “KIKK!” and the one who comes out with “FWIP,” I’m choosing “KIKK!” every time. I mean, c’mon; “FWIP” doesn’t even have an exclamation point!

  56. Francisco Arrowroot
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure having an answering machine that plugs into the wall in the first place makes you a Plugger.

  57. TheDiva
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    9CL: No, no, Juliette, your line is “I invite you to partake in these confectionary treats, which have been created using sugar grown by an obscure Caribbean indigenous tribe, and which have been lovingly hand-crafted by a convent of nuns living in seclusion in the Himalayas.” (Also, why the random bio students slam? Are Burbers required to display contempt for the plebeian masses on a regular basis?)

    A3G: “I have to lose her for some strange convoluted reason after this arc is over!”

    C’shaft: I’m surprised Crankshaft can be photographed and has a reflection.

    FW: I suppose in a world where Lisa’s Story is a bestseller, anything is possible….

    Luann: You go, Luann! Clearly a man who isn’t willing to pay the exorbitant costs for overnight international shipping to make sure you get your little three-dollar bit of pasteboard on the exact day commemorating a semi-obscure Catholic saint you know nothing about and probably never would have even heard of if it hadn’t been for rampant commercialization, he’s not good enough for you. Your super-special snowflakeness deserves better!

    MW: Even the fondant sculpture of Mary is glowing in anticipation of the weeks of glory, laud, and honor that will be bestowed upon her now.

    Pibgorn: Pibgorn became a hardcore porno so gradually I never even…well, it’s not like it had all that far to go anyway.

  58. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Daredevil has enhanced senses, and Peter really, really needs to wash his “lucky Spider-Man costume”.

  59. Dartpaw86
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Becky: I’m a horse and even I know that’s sick.

  60. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Hagar — Poor hand-eye coordination is a definite liability when you’re trying to fight enemy soldiers on a battlefield. Especially when one of them* points a sword at your crotch and threatens to whack off your willy.

    *He must be related to Lorena Bobbitt!

  61. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#32): Andy Capp: Ha ha ha, Andy’s drunk and old! He’s just like…oh, God.

    So… The essence of your theodicy is that things are the way they are because God is old and drunk?

    // It WOULD explain a lot.

  62. RolloSuplex
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    FW- Working for a sheet music retailer, I was curious to see if we had any of the Batiuk books he’s trying to shill. And oh. My. God! We DO have it! (Strike that earlier statement. Now I know there is no God) This thing is real, people! However considering the nice layer of dust covering our stock of Harry L. Dinkle books, we probably shouldn’t worry about these abominations reaching the general public.

  63. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Why Blondie, how did you guess that Emeril was your new competition?

    GA: In retrospect, it was inevitable that Gasoline Alley would start supplying its own bestiality fanfic.

    FW: Okay, why is everything in flashback sepia? Are we seeing ten minutes into the past, before Harry collapsed from a terminal hand cramp?

    9CL: Juliette is courteous to a colleague who may be making her an accessory after the fact while shoveling contempt on students whose only crime is coming to her for an education. Kissing up and kicking down. It’s the Burber way.

    BC: Oh well, at least the target of Grog’s affections won’t be as discomfited as the cat Pepe le Pew was always chasing.

    JP: Come on, Sam. Lexus? Jaguar? With the self-satisfied look on your face, you must want to drop a high-end brand name on us.

    H&L: This is the first sign of intelligence I recall seeing on Ditto’s part. A bitchy intelligence, but still.

    DT: Yeah, again, telling kids to reach into the back seat of your car isn’t a great way to deflect suspicion. Of course if he’s successful in abducting Toad it will be because she’s never seen an afterschool special or spoken to a responsible adult.

    GT: One player is spitefully keeping the ball from another player out of some idiotic resentment, at the expense of the team as a whole. If only there was someone whose job it was to coordinate the team.

    PBS: Ouch! Sorry Pastis, but Kevin Fagan scooped you on that one by a few days.

    Lockhorns: Tired of “playing the field” Loretta “checked out the stands” and “had sex” with Leroy “under the bleachers” later marrying him because of a “false pregnancy.”

    A3G: The last panel raises the question of whether Greg is Margo’s client/wannabe boyfriend or her long-lost 8 year old son.

  64. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#50): “instructoriater” — I know it was a typo, but it kind of works. I’ve had a few intructoriators.

  65. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @RolloSuplex (#62): I just looked up the title “I Never Promised You a Rose Parade.” Rather than being Harry Dinkle’s autobiography, it appears to be a Funky Winkerbean reprint collection from when it was relatively funny. So is Harry aware that he’s a fictional character? Does he believe that he’s also the author of said fiction, and everyone’s fates within it? Because if I were him I wouldn’t be spreading it around.

  66. Midtown
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Sally4th: This is turning into a PSA for hypothyroidism.

  67. crazy fungus
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley: rufus wants a piece of ASS

    Heathcliffe: has no eyes

    Shermans Lagoon: sherman. Is obviously a smart organic gardener, he is providing GREENHOUSE GASSES via partially digested doritos for his plant

  68. crazy fungus
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Stoney Rock Axe- heyyyyy, whack off your own willy; dude!

  69. Not-Pope Dan
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @Pozzo (#55): “FWIP,” like everything Spiderman related, is sluggish and lethargic, neither desiring nor deserving an exclamation point.

  70. Not-Pope Dan
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#61): [Holds up mirror in front of Nehemiah Scudder's face]

  71. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#47):

    It’s apparent that one of Spider-Man’s super-skills is being the ultimate cock-blocker.

    It’s a little-noticed superpower of his, because he usually just uses it on himself.

  72. Mikey
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    ASM: So all’s we need now is deaf Marvel superhero “The Blue Ear” to show up in the strip. That will complete the “Deaf, Dumb and Blind” superhero trifecta!

  73. Lumaca Morente
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    I donated to Harry Dinkle’s kickstarter campaign and I am still waiting for volume 2 of his autobiography.

  74. Mibbitmaker
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    BC: I think he knows.

    9CL: “Eat my big words, mouth-breathing beefwits!”

    Lio: She would later, also, pull a knife. However, instead of cutting out a picture from a wall poster…. Well, let’s just say, when Lio dialed 9-1-1, the paramedics couldn’t come save him since Lio doesn’t speak, the end.

    Luann: Luann lives the stereotype of the eternally unreasonable female, for the express purpose of pointing out how cluelessly cruel guys are supposed to be. Instead, she just embodies the best argument for staying single!

    Popeye: Popeye, look out your good eye! You know, the one that’s actually still there!

    Ziggy: That’s no good either — the eggplant Benedict just resigned.

    FC: Jeffy Keane, MD.

    A3G: “Margo’s fine, awake, and chatting up a storm. She just doesn’t care about other people!”

  75. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#65): Meh. Rose Marie’s autobiography “Hold the Roses” is a much better read:

    http://www.publishersweekly.com/978-0-8131-2264-9

    (Rose Marie was “Sally Rogers” on The Dick Van Dyke Show!)

  76. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    9CL — IIRC, the vet talking with Juliette was a former mouth-breathing student of hers, according to Wiki. In fact, I think it is the very student that caused Juliette to quit teaching for awhile. I don’t think any slam against us science majors was actually intended in this case.

    Judge Parker — Any bets that Sophie will run over somebody within the next few weeks? Not that it matters — our protagonists will still get a pile of money in the end.

  77. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Not-Pope Dan (#70): Hey, I may be old, but I’m sober as a god!

  78. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @crazy fungus (#68): whack off your own willy

    Not nice.

    Are you related to Chris Browne or Lorena Bobbitt by any chance? Or do you just have poor hand-eye coordination?

  79. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#6): Wait, he has a multi-volume autobiography? Is that something that really gets published in the really real world?

    Sure, if by “autobiography” you mean “diary,” then Samuel Pepys is your guy! Otherwise, no, this is not a thing that happens, unless you count large print books which were split into volumes due to size. And knowing Batiuk, he counts the large print books split into volumes due to size.

  80. Mibbitmaker
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#65): Actually, I have to give Batiuk credit here for a pretty clever inside joke there. I thought the pun was somewhat better than the usually intollerable malapropisms we get from him these days.

  81. Illustrator Steve
    February 13th, 2013 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    MT – Centerville bass fishing tournament, End of day one as reported below:
    Everyone has gathered on the dock to see the big catch of the day.
    Bluegill shape shifts from a young blond UPS worker in panel #2 into a smaller and shorter middle aged UPS 20 year veteran in panel #3.
    WHERE the hell is Rusty???

  82. RolloSuplex
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#65):
    Excellent point! Now I wonder if this is a Tommy Wesphall/St. Elsewhere situation where the entire Funkyverse is a product of Harry’s demented imagination.

  83. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#32): Oh Tom Waits, if you’re reading this, please consider a Cul de Sac opera/concept album for your next big project. You’re voice could bring so much to it. “Have you heard about Bucket Head Kevin…”

  84. Illustrator Steve
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    MT – WHO’S the hairclubformen fellow that’s trying to blend in with the group of purple people? I’ll betcha his name is ‘Combover’.

  85. Old School Allie Cat
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    MW – I’m so stunned that they won, mostly because nothing says Spring like a sugar-cast old meddling biddy atop a Pepto Pink Nightmare Cake.

    Luann – Sister, you put the “cunt” in controlling. Quill needs to go find a Sheila to play his didgeridoo til his billy boils over. Or something.

    A3G – Because the Comic Slurper has been a little withholding, I’ve missed a lot of the last two months of this strip. But to paraphrase Gil Thorp, I wouldn’t say I was missing anything.

    I haven’t been around much the past few months. I need to warm up my funny muscle a little before I’m lobbing softballs out of the park.

  86. Droopy Says
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#64): Yeah. I suppose I could call his kind a teacher, but only by stretching the point–the bozo did teach me how to deal with unavoidable lunatics. (The instructor did show one moment of intelligence. He failed to show up for the class session following an unpassable midterm. I’ve always wondered if he absented himself that day because he knew a couple of students planned to beat him up. I wasn’t one of them . . . but if the jerk got mugged in front of the class, everyone present would have testified he tripped and fell.)

  87. Wade
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    MW: Why is Roger Delgado’s “Master” from Doctor Who tugging at Dill’s sleeve? Is he signaling it is time to unleash the terror of the infamous PINK Dalek behind them? Will Dill and Mary be forced to carry it up and down staircases as it spews pink zappy-stuff crying, “Exterminate! EXTERMINATE!” (Cue theme music.)

  88. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#83): Tom Waits needs to finish his Rod Bassy and Catfish opera/concept album first:

    http://gypsyfirechicklet.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/fishing-with-john.jpg

  89. Illustrator Steve
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    MT – It’s pitiful to see Mark on his knees staring at Rod Bassy’s ass like that in panel #1!

  90. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Today’s Garfield presents major logistical problems for “Garfield Minus Garfield”, but is a veritable bonanza of opportunity for “Garfield Minus Jon”.

  91. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    muddy Westie.

    sometimes, it’s obvious when a feeder upgrade is necessary.

    ikkle big kitteh.

    meanwhile, in Pluggers.

    a Monday for bb,u.

    a little something for LUBJEM FEJF and the other words-games fans.

    a long, cool, slow glass of squee.

    ikkle big kitteh and mom.

    TDP is a retriever. Duck Tolling, but still a retriever.

    corgi in a hoodie.

  92. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    ok, fine. The Daily Puppy. *squee*

  93. Not-Pope Dan
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#83): That would be awesome.

  94. Not-Pope Dan
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#88): You can’t fool me, that’s Spaulding Gray holding out the bread.

  95. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Wade (#87): Don’t be ridiculous. A pink Dalek would say: “Decorate! DECORATE!”

  96. Sock Puppet
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    “Our Becky? I mean – my Becky?” Alas, Rufus and Joel were having Becky in common with nary a care in the world, but now the threat of monogamy has allowed jealousy to rear its ugly head. In keeping with its usual value system, Gasoline Alley gives us the important moral: bestiality is fine; fight the real enemy: Marriage.

  97. Stroker Ace
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Blondie – “We need to kick the competition in the crotch” would have been better. A raunchy, dominatrixy Blondie would be great fun: “Box lunch? On your knees, worm!”

  98. Doodle Bean
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    So Daredevil tries to murder Newspaper Spider-Man not once, but twice and NSM’s reaction is curiosity?!?!?

  99. Fritz Basset
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    The evil Fred Basset, urban gang leader, http://www.gocomics.com/fredbasset/?utm_source=GoComics&utm_medium=free_email&utm_campaign=user_comic leads his group of miscreants on a bloody rumble with the Bloods.

  100. Austria
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    BC: Still not as depressing as Funky Winkerbean.

    FW: ……..I have this book. What.

    Heathcliff: I like how the box just straight-up says “Adorable Puppies.” Not “Free To A Good Home,” not “Puppies,” but “ADORABLE Puppies.” The distinction is important.

    Luann: C,WAA.

    MW: The glowing isn’t from the holy radiance. It’s from the radioactive icing.

  101. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Happy Valentine’s Day everybody. Hope it’s full of love and laughter for you.

    As for me (I mean me, personally) – my girlfriend and I have just reunited, so, yes, tomorrow…and we’re both taking the day off work…will be good.

  102. CanuckDownSouth
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#6): Multi-volume autobiographies / memoirs? Not very often. I think Churchill did one, but then he did have rather a lot to write about.

  103. aprilglaspie
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Tommie to Greg: “Are we talking about the same Margo Magee?”

    Stroker Ace @97: You’re talking about Aunt Fritzi, right?

  104. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    webcomic wander:

    QC has a visual joke about Scotch today, and the new OotS has a subtle punchline that I almost missed, but on second glance was adawwwwwwable.

    I now return the board to it’s normal deadtree comics snark.

  105. Government Cheese
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’m sure most can hear the choir music in the back of their heads when looking at panel 2. I personally have the Champions League theme song when I read today’s strip. If you don’t watch soccer, here’s a clip:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4fkePjPlnY

    Luann: Sorry, Luann, that your long-distance relationship with Max Headroom isn’t working out.

  106. Hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: We need to kick it up a notch!

    Tootsie: We’re already wearing padded push-up bras. You want us to turn into Judge Parker?

  107. Hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    The Amazing Daredevil: I may be blind, but you’re freaking deaf! I said “Stay the fuck away, moron!”

  108. Hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    GA: Joel can’t marry Rufus, because … you know, two dudes, that’s unlawful. Beastiality, when of one male and one female, seems perfectly accepted in these parts.

    I don’t get why Becky is so shocked at the proposal. She, as a mule, is a product of interspecies mating between a horse and donkey. Maybe the kids will be centaurs. Or with the luck of this strip, just a mule head on a floppy human body.

  109. Hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    I thought plugger voicemail was the neighbor shouting “Hey Larry! The delivery guy left your heart meds in my mailbox again! Don’t you need to take those daily? Larry?? Larrryy???”

  110. Hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    “We need to kick it up a notch.”

    “Yeah, right now we sit at a table while a strange client makes some unreasonable demand. We provide an exclamation point or two. We need to expand into question marks, the lucrative interrobang industry and corner the niche market for semi-colons and amperstands.”

  111. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    One of the many hit singles by Tennessee Ernie Ford (1919-1991) was “Mule Train.” But odds are good he never asked his best friend if he could marry the friend’s donkey.

    (Today is Ernie’s birthday — bless his pea-pickin’ heart!)

  112. La Cieca
    February 13th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    The new caterer is Mary Worth and she’s repped by Margo Magee.

  113. Government Cheese
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @La Cieca (#112): Sounds dreadful. Salmon squares and pink cake? Also, who would you lodge a complaint with?

  114. junk science
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Does the fact that Becky appears to be sentient and to understand human language make this better or worse?

  115. Hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    “Adorable puppies are his Kryptonite.”

    Or maybe he stays away because to an animal, they’re just barking, jumping, shitting things with teeth and claws.

  116. Poteet
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#108): I think it may be not so much shock as horror. And if so, I don’t blame her. Becky is a good-looking mule, and mules are reportedly pretty smart, smarter than donkeys or horses. Rufus has the approximate IQ of a salt shaker and he looks like the tragic result of a twisted attempt to breed a human being with a potato. Becky deserves better.

  117. LP2004
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#102): The one multi-volume autobiography I’m familiar with is Isaac Asimov’s (In Memory Yet Green and In Joy Still Felt) from 1979/1980. As he told the story, people had been suggesting for quite some time that he write an autobiography, on the grounds that anyone who could write so many books must be an Interesting Person. Asimov resisted, on the not-unreasonable grounds that anyone who wrote so many books must not do anything besides write, and who’d be interested in that? Evidently someone must have dangled enough money in front of him to get him to change his mind.

  118. Liam
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    MW-Faith and right the meddling buttons to push is all you need.

    MW 2-And from that day forth John Dill was a convert in the Cult of Mary Worth.

  119. Uncle Lumpy
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#113):

    … who would you lodge a complaint with?

    Something’s gonna lodge somewhere, and it’s not gonna be pretty.

  120. Nick O\'Teen
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    The fifth call a Plugger gets is probably Rachel from cardholder services.

  121. Baka Gaijin
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @nescio (#8) on Pluggers: Ha ha, ew.

    @Dennis Jimenez (#13) on Gasoline Alley: Dingo-tastic!

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#36): Hmm. That’s one scrimmage I want to see.

  122. Anonymous
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @BeanMachine (#12):
    As in Tommy Gunn, porn star?

  123. AhClem
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    SM – The third panel is desperately crying out for a “Christ, what an Asshole!” thought balloon from Daredevil. Bats:[ ? Anybody?

  124. Calico
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    #122 was me.

    MW – Christ, get a room already at your former No-tell Hotel, John.

    FW – Volume TWO?
    Harry fancies himself as the Norwegian writer who recently completed his 6 volume (that’s right) autobiography, ironically called “My Struggle.”

  125. Calico
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @anonymous (#15):
    Coming soon on The Food Network – “America’s Most Aggressive Caterer.”
    Tootsie looks completely dead inside.

  126. Liam
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    A3G-Don’t tell him about how Margo’s hand fell off when she was picked up.

    MW-And the cake glows with the heavenly light of Mary Worth.

    JP-And hilarity shall ensue when she fails her learner’s permit test.

    JP 2-Remember when the test administrator tells you to get into the car don’t just head straight towards the back seat.

  127. Liam
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers-A Pluggers’ fifth message is from the Grim Reaper reminding them of their appointment together.

  128. commodorejohn
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#108): Ye gods I’d hate to see what kind of awful mule-yokel centaur-abominations would result from such a coupling. It might put me off my centaur fet-

    Um.

    Nothing.

  129. Little Guy
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Run, Quill, run! Run far far away around the world from this…. wait, wha?

  130. Shran
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Umm, Luann, you are aware that it’s even Valentine’s Day yet, right?

  131. Liam
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-”And I know just the person that can help me. Mary Worth lives around here I think.”

  132. pugfuggly
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#125):

    Maybe they could put ‘America’s Most Aggressive Caterer’ on HBO instead.

  133. Baka Gaijin
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    Having heard the sleeper code phrase, “Congratulations, John!” the Cake of Infinite Pinkness has initiated its countdown. When its nimbus changes to light red, 10 seconds remain until the half-megacalorie pastry bursts violently, spreading rancid buttercream from Ground Zero to the gates of Charterstone.

    The fifth message on the Plugger answering machine is the one dentist out of five who doesn’t recommend Trident to patients who chew gum.

    Rose of “Rose is Rose” fame. Her O-face and her “What am I doing with my life” face are the same. Don’t ask how I know. Please don’t ask how I know.

  134. Liam
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    9CL-”Take that you mouth breathing readers who don’t recognize my obviously superior intellect to yours.”

    9CL-”Cookies?” “Oh so that’s what those are. I could not recognize your latest failed attempt at cooking.”

  135. giraffe-o
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    G.A. : Rufus watched that Budweiser Super Bowl commercial, and got inspired by the guy carrying on a relationship with his horse.

  136. Alter Ego
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    love is… nude Skyping.

  137. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @giraffe-o (#135): Unfortunately, the relationship he had with the Clydesdale ended badly. And now he’s sadder Budweiser.

  138. Reedzilla
    February 13th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Meanwhile, the box with “Ugly Puppies” scrawled on it slowly floats downstream in the river behind the house.

  139. Alter Ego
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

  140. Alter Ego
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Alter Ego (#139): (The full set of those is here.)

  141. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#108):

    Or with the luck of this strip, just a mule head on a floppy human body.

    A traveling theatre troup wanting to stage a production of “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” will be in luck.

  142. Liam
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Love Is-Having to clear your internet history.

  143. The Ghost of Jarrod
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Strawman main character is a strawman. Seriously, this strip only makes sense if you assume that Luann is its main antagonist.

    ReFOOB – It’s funny because Lynn is going to force Michael to marry Deanna some day.

    Doonesbury – To be fair, DARPA has invented some fairly useful Bond gadgets in its time.

    JP – I hope Sophie doesn’t have a car accident. They’d have to replace the gold-plated Mercedes with a platinum-plated Lexus.

  144. sully
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    I must admit, I’m enjoying this week’s Annoying Spider-Bore strips. As long as Daredevil continues to shove, kick, or generally beat the shit out of the titular character daily, I’ll continue to look forward to the next installment.

  145. Nomstrosity
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    I want to find out what business ships out boxes of adorable puppies on demand and invest heavily in them.

  146. Tophat
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Yet, if Lois’ line was “we are going to have to kill so many people,” that would be the best comic in the paper by far today.

  147. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#108): Prior to your comment, I always thought Becky was a donkey (or an ass). However, Gasoline Alley’s Wikipedia entry says Joel “drives a wagon drawn by a mule.” Although the mule isn’t mentioned by name, I assume they’re referring to Becky.

    And female mules have been known to give birth to viable offspring. No word on whether or not any of the offspring have included centaurs. Or a creature sporting a mule head on a human body.

    Or my favorite: a monstrosity with the head of Rufus and the body of a mule.

  148. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    BFD: …says the guy with a mutated tomato for a nose. Hey, that makes him a tomato picker! Ha ha! Take notes, Bartlet, that’s called a punchline. You might want to work one into your strip sometime.

    CtC: Isn’t he dead? No, sorry, that’s just my interest in this storyline.

    Dr.Q: The response they wanted: Imma… wha… buh… buh… BOOBS!!!1! The response they got: Is that a VW Thing? I haven’t seen one of those in years!

    JitC: Seriously? If women really liked that kind of behavior, I’d be swimming in p… uh, pools. Swimming pools full of adoring females. Yeah, that’s what I was going to say.

    PUD: Attention all hands! This is a level 3 clown alert! Not safe for Baka Gaijin!

    Simon: If this strip turns all political now that the new guy’s taken over, I’m going to go Ted Nugent on someone’s ass. (Did I say that?)

  149. seismic-2
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    GA: Tomorrow: a wedding ceremony between a stupid, sexless creature, and a mule. Hey, I know where there’s just the perfect cake for such an occasion…

    DT: Will this story arc end up with Toad’s waiting in vain to be served a bowl of rainbow swirl ice cream?

    ASM: Peter, remember when you went to the Avengers’ headquarters, and and soon as you showed up they all immediately got on a plane and left? Maybe people are trying to tell you something.

    Questionable Content: What the hell sort of Highland single malt are they drinking? I must go buy a bottle of that.

    FW: What is that garment with the pinned-up sleeve today? From the front it doesn’t look like a sweatshirt or a band jacket – it looks like a “real” jacket. Do all the items of Becky’s business attire have “Westview Band” embroidered on the back? I don’t care, of course, but thinking about that keeps me from contemplating the fact that Harry Dinkle expects to sell more than a single copy of Volume 2 of his autobiography. Did he order as many copies of it from the Kent State U. Vanity Press as Les did of Lisa’s Story?

  150. Écureuil Écumant
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    GA: Judging by the pixelation bubbles around Becky’s head, she’s either got her a snootful of ‘shine or been munching those meadow-muffin mushrooms. Either way, if Joel and Rufe play their cards just right, they might git theirselves a two-fer.

  151. bats :[
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#85): I absolutely agree with you about Luann, including your colorful French terms. The girl’s a bitch, and a sucker for fabricated “holidays,” primarily intended for making Hallmark and Hershey buckets of money. Oh, well.
    Maybe Quill will send her a case of Vegemite, including instructions for using it.

    9CW: speaking of colorful French phrases, how is it that Juliette is So Fucking Smart (and a Burber to boot) that she must bend so low as to teach freshman Bio at a local college? Harvard/Stanford/Mayo Clinic/God Himself isn’t clamoring for her Huge Intellect? I’m shocked.

  152. Dood
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Four out of five Pluggers strips feature at least one anthropomorphic dog.

  153. Écureuil Écumant
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Phbbbbgorn: Looks like the Checkered Demon’s been workin’ out…

  154. Bootsy
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#81):

    NO! He’s probably outside!

  155. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#128): nothing? We’ll just see about that! (sfw)

  156. Dood
    February 13th, 2013 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Did Blondie go to the Chicago School of Economics and Catering?

  157. commodorejohn
    February 13th, 2013 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#155): Hmm. Not bad, but I’d rather not find out where the crop fits into the picture.

  158. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 13th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#157): maybe Jamus can write a story to help make it clearer?

    (there was an adorable little goat-taur on that site as well that I almost posted instead, but Ms. Stern there was more amusing.)

  159. Liam
    February 13th, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    Love Is-Uncomfortably having to explain to the cops that you and your girlfriend/wife are just two naked eight year olds and there is nothing sexual whatsoever with what they do.

  160. Alter Ego
    February 13th, 2013 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#101):
    “Why so glum, chum?”
    “My Valentine’s Day was full of love and laughter.”
    “Well, what’s wrong with that?”
    “I undressed in front of the woman I love. And that’s when the laughter started.”

  161. Not-Pope Dan
    February 13th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Wondered what various comments here meant when they referred to “Burber.” This led me to research the 9Cl cast list. I regret it.

  162. Cyranetta
    February 13th, 2013 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    MW: Is it only due to Mary’s participation, or do the winning cakes in Santa Royale contests regularly become beatified?

  163. Majicou
    February 13th, 2013 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Agnes: A rare behind-the-scenes look at Brooke McEldowney’s writing process.

    B1/2: A marriage so dysfunctional that it violates the laws of physics in its search for ways to be more horrible. Retrocausal anger! The end of the arrow of time!

    9CL: Meanwhile, in the bio department…
    Student #1: Man, I got stuck with that old bitch Burber.
    Student #2: Really? Ah, I’m sorry. You should’ve registered earlier.

    JP: “I’ll ride with you, sweetie! I’ve led a rich, full life.”

    Luann: You slightly miscalculated the time frame for delivery of international mail, you monster.

  164. Mr Frog
    February 13th, 2013 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Feeb: So I take it we can add the legally-blind to the list of things Spidey’s Spider-Sense can’t protect him from?

    Spider-Feeb (2): Geez, after getting pounded straight in the ribs twice while following a man who’s repeatedly made it violently clear he doesn’t want to be followed, I think we can safely assume that both Peter’s Spider-Sense and common sense are as nonfunctioning as he is.

    // If this entire storyline consists of Spidey getting mercilessly beat up while failing to horn his way in on whatever Daredevil’s deal is, I’ll be a happy guy.

    9CL: Can we get some more words in here? There’s still some space left between the speech balloons in panel two, and I’d hate to see it go to waste.

  165. Steve
    February 13th, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Bitten by a radioactive Barry Wilkins, Peter Parker has developed a sixth sense – a Barry Sense – that warns him when things are happening to him for no good reason.

  166. seismic-2
    February 13th, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Not-Pope Dan (#161): From your screen name I assume that you may not be a Catholic, and from your comment I am certain that you do not read 9CL. I would suggest that you both become a Catholic and start reading 9CL, so that you can truly enjoy Lent by then giving it up.

    @Majicou (#163): Luann: You slightly miscalculated the time frame for delivery of international mail, you monster.
    Remember, he’s talking to the girl whose letter to Australia was returned for having insufficient postage. During Lent, sinners are forced to read this strip, as penance.

  167. Majicou
    February 13th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#148): Have you been reading the alternate-universe newspaper again?

  168. Liam
    February 13th, 2013 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley-”I ain’t sharin mi wife with you.”

  169. Not-Pope Dan
    February 13th, 2013 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#166): Right on the first count, wrong on the second. (‘Tis I, the Right-Venerable Dan, in disguise.)

    I regret that you’re wrong on the second count. Lord, do I.

  170. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    B.C.

    In Wednesday’s strip, Grog groks a tumbling tumbleweed. Maybe they could ask Gasoline Alley’s newest supercouple — Rufus and Becky (a/k/a “Recky”) — to be their children’s godparents.

  171. Shrug, Musing on Animal Husbandry
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#3):

    “If it’s just to satisfy a will, why doesn’t Joel marry the kitten he’s always carrying around?”

    It’s a male kitten. Nothing queer about old Joel.

    ///(I have no idea if it is male or not, actually, just wanted to adapt the old “pukka sahib and the ostrich” joke for the delictation of CC.)

    //////The kitten is presumably under age, though, while the mule may very well be over eighteen, so there will no need to lie about the bride’s age on the certificate.

  172. Droopy Says
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#163): A rare behind-the-scenes look at Brooke McEldowney’s writing process.

    Such looks need to be as rare as possible. Or burned beyond recognition.

  173. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    MW: It’s only Wednesday, so that means we have at least three more strips of John and Mary congratulating each other on the Triumph of the Cake, before we can wrap it up on Sunday with a bogus quote from the Internet.

    // But, who knows? There was at least two (three?) weeks of self-congratulation after the kidnapped little girl from Goleta was rescued, and there wasn’t even any heavy lifting involved.

  174. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#163): JP: “I’ll ride with you, sweetie! I’ve led a rich, full life.”

    Fixed it for you…

  175. Perky Bird
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): A little late to the party, I know, but as I understand it, the jewfish was so named because people thought it was big enough to swallow a person, like the fish that swallowed Jonah. (why not “Jonah’s fish,” then, I don’t know.) However, people began to think the name might be offensive to Jewish people, so they changed it to Goliath grouper, because (like Goliath) the fish is so large. At least that’s what I was told during my training when I used to volunteer at an aquarium many moons ago.

  176. tallyHO
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    In Defence of Spider-Man and his Alter-Ego Peter-Parker

    Normally I would not do this but I’m gonna defend Spider-Man’s unbelievable actions.

    Earlier last year he fought a clown who constantly, repeated kicked him from one end of the street to the center ring of a circus. That must have been like getting a thousand cuts and being expected to slow dance with Lot’s wife, after she got pillared. The ignominy! The humanity! Clowns don’t make fools out of others who dress funny. Even Spider-Man didn’t deserve what Clown-9 gave him, what Clown-9 did to him.

    And, who among us could live with not knowing who Clowns 1 through 8 were? I think it would eat us alive. The frustration of that alone would be mortifying. But, then to have a second rate 1950s-esque Joker-wanna-be just go to town on his webbed head must have taken him down a peg.

    Spider-Man had to go to Vegas! He had to take the chance that he could kick Kraven’s rear! He sorta didn’t accomplish that, true. But, there was monkeys involved and another elephant. We know how Comic Strip Spider-Man fares when dealing with elephants, and with bricks.

    So he had to go to San Francisco by any means necessary to accomplish something. For the love of Pete, and for the adoration of a donkey, he needs to succeed at doing something superheroic!

    Admittedly, I type this while clenching my teeth but I admire his stick-to-itiveness. He’s has every reason in the world to give up, mooch off of his wife and bask in the glow of a tv set. But, he puts himself out there.

    There’s no union for superheroes. He has no dues to pay. He’s just a man with the
    proportional abilities of a spider who tries to what he can to make the rest of the comics section look like it is competent. That burden is a thankless weight to bear. There are no plates of pancakes waiting for Comic Strip Spider-Man. There is not Big Box of Beer awaiting for him to return home. There is no cake waiting with a sugary treat made in homage to his visage.

    No. The Comic Strip Spider-Man must just spend his (amazing free time-filled) days trying to accomplish at least one thing even it if takes him weeks to do so.

    Swing on, Spider-Man! Swing onward and downward and upward and sideways! Do the things a spider can’t!

  177. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#21): Star TreK has KirK and SpocK; hows that for a mnemonic?

  178. Baka Gaijin
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#149) on Spiderman: Are you implying that Spiderman offends the senses? That he needs Right Guard or another product in Gillette’s deodorant line?

    @Cyranetta (#162): I love it! Beatified cake!!!

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#173): Based on the size of the cake and the brilliance of its glow, the tiresome back patting could last months.

  179. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    @Not-Pope Dan (#169): Come on, Rt. Ven! While I no longer keep the Institutio Christianae Religionis on my night stand*, I’m fairly sure that Reformed folk are allowed to give up stuff for Lent. It’s symbolic, is all. Go ahead, have some fun! Deprive yourself of 9CL! I double-dog dare you!

    // *I’m holding out for the Kindle version.

  180. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#30): @Marc (#31): Juliette Burber exists both because McE believes that part of being an English professor is being a pompous, pretentious git, and because he likes the idea of having (yet another) author avatar to assert that anyone who didn’t major in the humanities (specifically, the arts and literature side of it – he clearly isn’t interested in history, for example) is just a lunk who is incapable of deep or intricate thought.

    I have to say, though, that if Dr. Burber lectures as she talks, it’s no wonder her students come across as mouth-breathing idiots. There’s nothing like teaching introductory courses to improve the clarity of one’s speech; if you can’t figure out how to say something briefly and clearly, it’s on your own head when you end up grading forty terrible papers written by forty confused students. You just know she’s one of those teachers who asks a complicated, jargon-filled question; gets impatient when no one answers it within three seconds; repeats it in even more complicated phrasings to similar effect; and then huffily sighs with irritation before writing out the Proper Answer on the board.

    I kinda want to see her evals on RateMyProfessor now.

    //FWIW, the majority of my academic colleagues speak pretty casually in all but the most formal of academic situations (such as job talks or giving papers at conferences), and have little tolerance for overwrought pedantry. Dr. Burber would be the subject of amused mocking behind closed office doors, is all I’m saying.

  181. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#176):

    Mr. HO, Esq.:

    If they charge me with murder,
    Or want of good sense
    (We are all of us weak at times)
    Let TallyHO conduct my legal defense,
    I’ll be absolved of any crimes.

    // Well done, sir!

  182. Victory Garden
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Girls, amirite?

  183. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    9CL translation today provided by yours truly:

    Juliette, I’ve broken the law. If I tell you, you either have to report me or be considered an accomplice. But I think I should tell you, because you gave me money.

    Wow. You interrupted me while I was grading a bunch of bad papers from students I don’t respect to tell me that. I don’t know what to say.

    …Want a cookie?

  184. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    (That translation further illustrates what a freak of a professor Juliette Burber is. I don’t know any of my colleagues who wouldn’t relish the opportunity to take a break from grading and eat cookies, especially if the papers were bad. Being implicated in a possible crime would strike many as a fair bargain, even.)

  185. Calico
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#151):
    Case of Vegemite – Best. Valentine’s. Gift. Ever.

  186. Calico
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#150):
    Haha, I read that litlle blue Liberty Caps grow quite profusely in Cow Pies, and that they are quite strong.
    Been there, done that. Non merci.

  187. Hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Oh my gosh! She’s totally right! I’d dump Quill’s video image if he didn’t get a Valentine’s Day card to me by February 13th, too! I know that he sent it like three weeks ago, but damn it, he didn’t use FedEx!

  188. bats :[
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Since most of today’s comics were disappointing (or worse), I’m taking the queek route…

  189. Calico
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#137):
    OMG COTW
    *Whinny!*

  190. Hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    Blandie: We need to kick it up a notch, we’ve got aggressive competition.

    Tootsie: It’s me. I’m going solo. I’m sick of being bossed around. I’ve stolen your recipies and clients and I fucked Dagwood. You want aggressive? I lured him in with free pastrami, and I fucked him HARD. Yah blonde bitch, I’m playing that game!

  191. bbofun
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#179): Isn’t the point of “giving something up” for Lent to give up something you enjoy, like chocolate or booze or watching people struggle to get shopping carts untangled?

  192. UncleJeff
    February 13th, 2013 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    A&J: Arlo’s newspaper doesn’t carry “Reply All.”

    Love Is….: a reminder of the great “Rejected Love Is” strips (….when you don’t get anything in your “in box” after you let him into your “out box”.)

  193. bbofun
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and if Juliette is an English professor, why in heaven’s name is she grading bio papers? Or is it a course in writing biographies? I mean, it’s been a while, but don’t even community colleges have their teachers be educated in their subjects?

  194. Dood
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: I’m picturing Sophie’s first drive as more of a parade, with the smallfolk of Parker-Driver-Spencer-ville anxiously showering her route with dollar bills in tribute.

  195. Hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    MW: And John goes out with cheers all around, and embarks on his victory tour. Eventually, he hires a crew to carry his cake for him. The cake slowly begins to deteriorate. The once proud figure atop the pink abomination has become melted and lumpy. The crisp corners of the flowers are round and saggy. The hired crew is not as careful as he and Mary were on that brilliant day that seemed so long ago. The jostling has tilted some of the layers into uneven, cracked cylinders. The food coloring of 50 shades of pink begins to run and fade. Then comes the inevitable end, when John thinks he is entering a sold out performance in front of adoring fans, only to find a few sad faces who won free tickets by correctly guessing the answer to “Who sung the early 80′s hit ‘Turning Japanese’?” “It was the Vapors,” mumbled John. That is cold comfort to him as one of the winners asks if they may actually take home a piece of his pompous pink perfection. That is the final straw, and John begins to weep.

  196. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#193): I think she’s actually a pre-vet or biology instructor…

  197. Hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#194): Oh yeah! Headed by her baton twirling, pom-pom waving friends and follwed by a marching band. With ELEPHANTS!

  198. Hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#191): “Isn’t the point of ‘giving something up’ for Lent to give up something you enjoy”

    Does this mean that I have to give up watching Spidey get his ass kicked? Awww.

  199. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#123):

    Same goes for Today’s Luann!

  200. Rubrick
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    Occam’s Razor, Josh: IT’S NOT FUNNY.

  201. Liam
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    Love Is-”Hello. My name is Mr. Love Is and I am a registered sex offender.”

    Blondie-”We need to kill the competition.”

  202. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#191): What a preposterous idea! Who’d sign up for a deal like that?

    // This religion wheeze is just a passing fad, I tell ya.

  203. demoncat
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    ga. rufus is kind of right for the will just said married did not say he had to be married to another human. though he must really want that money to risk beastality

  204. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    @demoncat (#203): What’s the risk? That the mule will give him some STD?

  205. yaoi huntress earth
    February 13th, 2013 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    9CWL: My guess is that the woman is having an affair with an underaged musical prodigy and is now carrying his child. She plans to dump her husband and kids to start a new life with him.

  206. Peanut Gallery
    February 13th, 2013 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

  207. Liam
    February 13th, 2013 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    Garfield-Sorry, John, but there is no room in your comic strip for these weighty philosophical thoughts.

  208. Joshua
    February 13th, 2013 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    @demoncat (#203): The will is (presumably) a legal document within the GA-verse. Whoever the residuary beneficiary is would undoubtedly challenge the bequest to Rufus if he claimed the $100,000 by means of an illegal marriage. (I can’t imagine that human-animal marriages are legal in the GA-verse.)

  209. bats :[
    February 13th, 2013 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

  210. DaveyK
    February 13th, 2013 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    Hey Spidey, here’s a hint for you: All the cool kids are spelling “kick” without the “c” and with an extra “k” despite there being no onomatopoetic difference between the two spellings.

  211. Beetle Bumstead
    February 13th, 2013 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    I liked it better when Blondie was a real estate agent. Somehow ‘realtor’ being a glorified high-end hooker didn’t seem so bad. Now that she’s a caterer, it just seems like she and the other MILF she hangs out with just go to shows and do lap dances when they aren’t refreshing peoples’ drinks.

  212. wossname
    February 13th, 2013 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#177): Thanks for the mnemonic idea. But by the time I remember the mnemonic, I can (ploddingly) remember which one is “Star Trek” and which one is “Star Wars.”

  213. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 13th, 2013 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#193): @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#196): I don’t remember her field, but if she is indeed an English professor, it’s not unlikely that she’s teaching an introductory course, in which you get students in all majors. If she’s an English/lit prof, that would help explain her disdain for mere biology majors who dare to take her classes alongside her exalted English students.

  214. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 13th, 2013 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#212): Yeah, that’s generally the problem with mnemonics for me. I find them mostly useful for remembering the order of things, because if I can’t remember the names of said things, then I’m probably not going to remember the mnemonic either.

  215. Zerowolf
    February 13th, 2013 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#20): “poor continuity, lack of research, and general bone-headedness. Or, as Brooke calls it, “ART.””

    Which is not to be confused with the poor continuity, lack of research, and general bone-headedness that Batiuk calls “writing.”

  216. commodorejohn
    February 13th, 2013 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#213): It was my impression that she was Professor of Causing Erections in Elderly Faculty Members as Some Sort of Weird Dominatrix Academia Fetish.

  217. Frosty the Milkshake
    February 13th, 2013 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    (V)asoline Alley: Good Lord, is this some kind of off-the-wall callback to that ridiculous bit of bigoted garbage from J.D. Hayworth that gay marriage will inexorably lead to men marrying horses? (This has nothing to do with my marriage proposal to Pinkie Pie so shutup shutup shutup.)

  218. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2013 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#204): @demoncat (#203): What’s the risk? That the mule will give him some STD?

    I hope Becky has the sense to kick Rufus in the family jewels if he tries any funny business with her:

    http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7158/6795056261_77f3b14a1c_z.jpg

  219. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#50): She was probably fucking the professor.

  220. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    @Beetle Bumstead (#211): I don’t remember Blondie ever working as a realtor. I thought that was Lois Flagston from Hi & Lois.

    Incidentally, the “other MILF” in Blondie is her longtime neighbor — and business partner — Tootsie.

  221. SurrealKangaroo
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: “We need to kick it up a notch or else Guy Fieri can’t have us on Triple D….and yes that was a double entendre”.

  222. Jamus The Bartender
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    Averytown Episcopalian Newsletter Weekly Prayer List

    ——Luann De Groot sent a valentine to her boyfriend Quill, who lives in Austrailia, but she has yet to receive the one he sent, which mean he didn’t plan well enough in advance. Remember her in prayer.

    ——Peter “Spider Man” Parker is trying to help his friend Attorney Matthew “Daredevil” Murdock fight crime, but he will have none of it. Remember them in prayer.

    ——Juliette Burber is encountering some kind of legal difficulties involving her business partner, and she seems to think cookies will solve it. Remember her in prayer.

    ——Local housecat Heathcliff has been chased up a tree by some adorable puppies( aw!). Remember them in prayer.

    ——Gasoline Alley trashman Rufus wishes to marry his mule Becky in order that he might collect on a will of some kind. Please pray for him and help him remember that marriage is between a man and a woman, not a man of one species and a woman of another. That is wrong. Remember them in prayer!!

    Hey, wait a minute…..
    Cassandra Cat, Church Secretary

  223. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    FW: Lulu.com strikes again!

    Luann: Quill should send Luann a video of him and some sheila getting their freak on. That would learn her.

    Bigporn: This really can’t get any much more explicit for McEldowney’s spinster readers (no wonder really, that he closed down the comments on the strip) to use for their masturbatory fantasies. He needs to sell Pibgorn branded vibrators or something.

  224. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#206): Be orgulous!

  225. tallyHO
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#220):

    Yeah. Tootsie is Herb’s Sweet Patootie. (Bwah!)

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#181):

    One, like @bats :[ (#188): pointed out, today’s strips sucked. The ones I read earlier are all just filler or forgettable or both.

    Two, people are being awfully hard on Spider-Man as a character in this storyline.
    I’m of the opinion he’s just hanging around and things happen to him. And, at least he’s not cavorting with Funky Winkerbeaners or just standing around in Mark Trail’s neck of the woods. He does try to do something.

    Three, I haven’t bothered posting too much or bothered reading most comments this week. So, I had to add something when I had the time.

  226. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#175): Rebranding Jewfish as Goliath grouper was probably the best PR move since Crappie Bill’s Seafood changed its name to Crabby Bill’s Seafood.

  227. Dawn Weston's Evil Twin
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    Of course you won, Mary! Toby is one of the judges.

  228. The Ridger
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @Jocelyn Knockersbury (#79): Well, I don’t know. Peter O’Toole is doing his in volumes, though Vol 3 is taking a distressingly long time to come out.

  229. Brit Expat
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: “Oh, John! Give us a kiss!”

  230. Totally not Aviatrix
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#117): The only one I know is William Shatner’s, which together with Asimov’s provides a lot of evidence for the egomaniac theory.

  231. The Ridger
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#193): She has biology majors taking her course for their required English credit. She’ll make them regret it, oh yes, she will.

  232. The Ridger
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#196): That could well be. I refuse to look it up.

  233. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#225): Tootsie is Herb’s Sweet Patootie. (Bwah!)

    And Mr. Beasley has been playing “Post Office” with Blondie for years.

    Beasley being the mailman who looks enough like Herb to be his twin brother. Come to think of it, have we ever seen the two of them togeher?

  234. Frosty the Milkshake
    February 13th, 2013 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Wimp: Works even better if you imagine Daredevil with Cartman’s voice, screaming, “Go away, Pip! Nobody likes you!!”

  235. Fritz Basset
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Clint Brawny (#14): Family Circus affects me in a similar way. I laughed, once, at the strip where the kids are sitting on a bed and saying “We were talking about the good old days”. Then the Keane Machine ran the same strip a decade or so later. No laugh this time.

  236. Chip Whittle
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#193):

    Oh, and if Juliette is an English professor, why in heaven’s name is she grading bio papers?

    Well, for one, she’s a bio instructor.

    There was one strip where she got all Burbur Smug with a student yet I could sympathize wholly with her: the student whimper-asked whether she was going to be grading on a curve. She informed the (premed) that she did not want her surgeon to be someone who passed only because the instructor gave away free points on the final exam.

  237. Poteet
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    9CL — My work brings me into contact with bio students sometimes, and the ones I meet are generally hard-working, unpretentious, not sex-obsessed, not clothing-obsessed, and easy to talk with. If that’s “mouthbreathing,” I’ll take it over whatever it is the Burber Women breathe with.

  238. Baka Gaijin
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#191): “Watching people struggle to get shopping carts untangled?” Over here in Europe it’s watching people struggle to get shopping carts into the rack. They exit the cart corral just fine.

    @Frosty the Milkshake (#234): So true! And COTW contender to boot.

  239. tallyHO
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#233):

    Yeah. That is still as perplexing as Thirsty’s Doppleganger in “HI&Lois”.

    Oh.
    Yeah. Herb and Tootsie don’t have kids though, do they?

    I have no clue who Elmo belongs to? You know, the kid who spends an inordinate amounts of time hanging with Dagwood.
    In-Freaking-Ordinate amounts of time!

    Count Weirdly couldn’t shift that time around to make it seem acceptable by “normal” conventions. This is the same Count Weirdly who upon hearing about “mores” would fire up his Giant LASER and keep a shooting while telling Slylock Fox it is nothing more nefarious than a tanning spa.

    “A turtle man gotta getta tan,man!”*

    *sung to “Rubberband Man”
    …sorry about that.
    I was gonna leave at not knowing who Elmo’s parents are.

  240. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#91): All of those squee-pups are cuter than the poor little monkey face who won Westminster.

  241. Poteet
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    9CL — Just read previous comments and wait, that black-haired woman is a veterinarian? Wonderful. That raises the probability that this storyline will rage-explode my head to about 92%.

  242. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#209):

    LOVE IT!!

  243. I speak Jive
    February 13th, 2013 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#236): My first thought on reading the “mouthbreathing bio students” remark was that it was just another case of McE showing his belief that anyone who isn’t a creature of Pure Art is a beefwit. I didn’t realize that Juliette taught biology, and that puts a whole different spin on the remark. What kind of person would have such contempt for the students who major in the subject she teaches? I know I would never want to take a class from her.

  244. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#179): I did give something up: beer. That’s quite enough sacrifice for one year, don’t you think?

  245. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#184): I ride that train, also.

  246. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    a thought from the penultimate Top Chef episode:

    DANG, but Padma looked good in that knit cap and the Inuit-inspired jacket.

    that is all.

  247. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#244): Oh. Gosh. I had no idea. Sorry, man. Hang in there.

    // Thank Crom for single-malt scotch, I say.

  248. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#240): my thoughts as well.

    REAL DOGS!!!

    LET THEM WIN!!!

    *pant*

    ok, better now.

  249. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#188): *hearts*

  250. Sgt. Stoned
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: It’s funny because Tootsie (black lipstick) has gone Goth.

    S-M: Daredevil (thought balloon)–”From what I hear Kraven is still free to lend me a hand!”

  251. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#190):

    I lured him in with free pastrami, and I fucked him HARD.

    Dagwood: Boy howdy, did I have a great pastrami sandwich today! I did something else, too, but for the life of me I can’t remember what.

  252. Droopy Says
    February 14th, 2013 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    @Crankshafts funky smelling corpse (#219): It’s possible they were sleeping together, in which case I hope they formed a mutual infection society.

  253. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 14th, 2013 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    SM: Let’s see… Yet another strip where the main guy has a HOT WIFE and he chooses not to spend time with her! Peter Parker is a FUCKING IDIOT!

  254. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 14th, 2013 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    A3G: What the hell was in that FUCKING BOX?!!

  255. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 14th, 2013 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    @Crankshafts funky smelling corpse (#223): He needs to sell Pibgorn branded vibrators or something.

    Nah, they’d look good – all bright colors and swoopy lines – but just as you were getting into it they’d suddenly morph into a flogger or a really boring amateur porn tape.

  256. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 14th, 2013 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#243): It also makes me wonder where she teaches. You can only get away with that kind of open arrogance if you’re a Big Name working at a Research I university; anywhere else and that sort of contempt for students and teaching would have lost you your job when you first began the tenure review process.

    It’s also worth remembering that this woman talking to her is, in all likelihood, a former bio student of hers. Nice one, Professor Burber.

  257. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 14th, 2013 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#yy324):

    Forgot Ballard Street, can’t forget Ballard Street!

  258. Droopy Says
    February 14th, 2013 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    Abusing Spiderman: Bad news, MJ, your hubby is in San Francisco, chasing another man in tights. Or maybe that’s good news, because it gives you grounds for divorce. Think of it as a way to free up the couch.

    Flunky Wankers: Fuck you, Batiuk, you aren’t even pretending to try.

    Family Circus: “An’ Daddy said it was just our secret, but I know you’d want to hear it too!”

    Mary Mirthless: Please let the surprise be a psychotic clown with a double-barrel pie shooter.

    Phantom: Yes, he’s serious! Grab Kit’s legs and make a wish!

    Shoe: This would be funny if we could see her eating Buz’s great-great-grandchildren, either raw or with secret sauce.

    Pluggers: Pluggers wouldn’t embarass themselves like this if they took fewer pills.

    Mock Travail: It was so nice of that duck to take pictures for Rusty. Too bad we didn’t get to see Rusty taking pictures of Catfish, but I guess you can only pack so little excitement into Weekday Trail.

  259. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 14th, 2013 at 12:27 am [Reply]

  260. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 14th, 2013 at 12:29 am [Reply]

  261. Poteet
    February 14th, 2013 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#209): Excellent.

  262. tallyHO
    February 14th, 2013 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    Ruminations on LUV by Mistopher Trendy

    “Whens yo missus spends years not complainin’ ‘bout the condition yers condition is in, it is best to NOT assume she relishes livin’ in squalor in Hootin’ Holler.
    No amounts of luvin’ gonna keep her from eventually admittin’ she wants more ta life than this”
    xx ohno!

    Blondie
    Pastrami+ Anchovy= Baloney!

    Spider-Man
    Marvel Two-In-One Valentine’s Day Greeting:
    I’d swing to the ends of my marriage for you, you Daredevil you!
    …….
    Missing your sticky love makes co-dependency more difficult. Come back soon, my
    tacky costumed love!

    Mary Worth Remember those scenes in the movie Mean Streets
    when that character was filmed rolling through a crowded, boisterous bar? The perspective for the scene was the audience being right in front of him as he walked towards the screen?

    That was surreal, too, John Dill. Surprise! It’s all downhill from here! Mary’s gonna take your money and your walk of shame will be infamous!

    mark trail
    Oh No! Rusty!
    These photos would be great if not for you letting those giant animals get in the frame. All of them are ruined! Looks like the pancakes will have to wait while we reshoot tomorrow. Hopefully we don’t catch any cheating going on then, like finding one of those eerie scuba divers that harassed Jonny Quest and the gang!

  263. comcis fan
    February 14th, 2013 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    MW: How weird that they held the cake competition in the Santa Royale Planetarium.

  264. Baka Gaijin
    February 14th, 2013 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#251): Yup, that’s about what I’d expect him to say.

    @Droopy Says (#258) on Mary Worth: AAAAHHHH!!!!! PSYCHOTIC EVILSCARYCLOWN!!!!! AAA…wait. I might be able to get behind that as long as the pie shooter is on the “Biddie Blaster” setting or greater.

  265. Poteet
    February 14th, 2013 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    GA — I suspect that between strips, Becky suffered a strong blow to the head. No mammal with a fully-functional brain would have a crush on Rufus.

  266. Poteet
    February 14th, 2013 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    MW — Ooo-kay, I guess that hash was pretty good stuff.

  267. Baka Gaijin
    February 14th, 2013 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    Thursday’s Mary Worth Thoughts

    You got that right, John. This is surreal. Ten thousand bucks for a local cake bakeoff? Yeah, you’re dreaming. When you awake, it’s going to be your right hand not Mary Worth’s mouth on your dick.

    And the special prize for the winning Dill-Worth team is a tanker truck full of Pepto-Bismol.

    Ten grand. That barely covers the weeks and weeks of practice cake baking and the special “accurate in size and density”: cake weights Mr. Dill ordered from Switzerland.

    Due to overwhelming crowds, the awards ceremony has been moved to the planetarium.

  268. yaoi huntress earth
    February 14th, 2013 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    9CWL: If anything, this arc proves that being educated, upper-class, attractive and artsy does not prevent you from being trashy.

    Dustin: Anyone else think that the creator originally wanted to make Dustin younger? He definitely has the mentality of someone who hasn’t been in high school yet (between 10 and 14).

  269. Baka Gaijin
    February 14th, 2013 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    Help me understand today’s gripping Apartment 3-G. Margo’s mother is a janitor who lives in Flushing. Her father lives in the Park Avenue penthouse the Diff’rent Strokes gang vacated. Where are they “flying in” from?

    I think Dagwood’s giving Blondie a subtle hint. First declaring her a smelly fish then some vinegar and water salad dressing…

  270. crazy fungus
    February 14th, 2013 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    187 Hokey-moan; that’s LOGISTICS

  271. Baka Gaijin
    February 14th, 2013 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    Aaah so. The Forth’s mortal enemy is a pair of mental health professionals. Makes total sense.

    The big Fishing Competition Caper is going to be busted wide open by a Rusty Trail picture. Seeing how subtle things are in this strip, it’ll probably be a snap of Bluegill in a scuba suit posing with a 29 pound bass.

  272. crazy fungus
    February 14th, 2013 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    267 Baked Gin- they already used the pepto bismol on the cake

  273. Baka Gaijin
    February 14th, 2013 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
    * CURMUDGEON HEALTH ALERT *
    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    For continued vigorous good health,
    avoid reading today’s Luann. It is
    a unusually strong emetic.

  274. NonnyMus
    February 14th, 2013 at 3:04 am [Reply]

    Based on Blondie’s and whatsername’s hairstyles and clothes, their primary market is hipsters. Good luck with that!

  275. Beetle Bumstead
    February 14th, 2013 at 3:24 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#220):
    Right you are, Rocky. I still think of Blondie as a flapper from the early ’30s, just as flappers were going out of style. Which brings me to:

    @Clint Brawny (#14):

    Did you ever go back to the Blondie cartoons from the early 1930s? They were hilarious! Dagwood was the Dilbert and Freak Bros of his day. The back story was that he was a dissolute party animal forced to take a job to support his gold-digger wife, Blondie. Dagwood getting disinherited from the Bumstead fortune by his father for marrying Blondie Boopadoop was a great moment in comic history. The absurdities of white collar employment during the Depression was edgy for its time. Dagwood’s benders turned into binge eating.

    Or am I getting him mixed up with Thirsty of Hi and Lois again?

    But yeah, I have not seen a Blondie written after 1938 that I thought was funny.

  276. Alfred E. Neuman
    February 14th, 2013 at 3:38 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#273) warned:

    “* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
    * CURMUDGEON HEALTH ALERT *
    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    For continued vigorous good health,
    avoid reading today’s Luann. It is
    a unusually strong emetic.”

    Too…too…laaate… BLAARGH!

  277. Majicou
    February 14th, 2013 at 4:02 am [Reply]

    @Frosty the Milkshake (#217): Man, don’t fool yourself. Pinkie Pie won’t ever settle down.

  278. Dale
    February 14th, 2013 at 4:11 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL must be written in something other than English, then translated by someone whose native language is not English.

    Is “finished with your business” the same as “done for the day”?
    Mark planned on imposing himself on Brassy for a second day.

    ———————————–

    29 pounds is probably total weight, not just one fish. no idea how it all fits in that bag and can be held at arm’s length. it would be easier than 40+ pounds of money and a rifle.

  279. Mr. O’Malley
    February 14th, 2013 at 4:38 am [Reply]

    @Beetle Bumstead (#275): The thing about Blondie is that in my lifetime it’s always been around, it just cycles through the same series of jokes over and over again, it’s never really been funny but you’re used to having it around and usually don’t really think about it.

    One interesting thing about it is the glacial pace of adopting changes in people’s lifestyles. Dagwood was going to work hanging on to the the rear platform of a bus decades after anyone in the US had seen a bus with a rear platform. He didn’t get a car until sometime in the 1980s. Then his chronic lateness was grafted on to the carpool.

    Dagwood taking a bath was a stock gag long after most Americans switched to showers, although it doesn’t turn up too often these days. Dagwood has a computer at work but apparently not at home. There’s no microwave in the kitchen. Nobody ever takes photographs. When Blondie goes shopping they go downtown to a big department store called Tudbury’s, and Dagwood has to carry all the packages. Most American cities stopped looking like this in the mid-1960s. I don’t remember any that have Blondie at a supermarket, although there may have been a few.

    I think that another thing that’s dated about it is the humor. If you listen to radio comedy from the 1930s, there are a few shows that are still fresh, but most of the average ones follow the same pattern. You establish a set of idiosyncrasies for each character: someone is a tightwad, someone is a blowhard, women like to overspend on clothes, men want to play poker, etc. Then you concoct plots that select a pair of characteristics and set them against each other. The plot proceeds like clockwork up to a climax, followed by a heartwarming denouement. Nowadays you could program a computer to write them.

    Many of these shows were very popular in their time, but when I listen to them now they just seem mannered and odd, not humorous at all. I haven’t seen the Blondie movies so I don’t know if they were like that too.

    The strip is like that in a small way. Each strip is like a selection of fixed elements: Dagwood asks for raise, Mr. Dithers kicks him in the pants; Dagwood’s appetite, carpool; Herb borrows tools, poker game. Some strips extend just one theme.

    Coupled with the strange lack of any kind of sense of what decade it is, it makes for a truly bizarre result. Yet because all of us have been reading it since childhood, we don’t realize how weird it truly is. It’s one of those things like the British have customs that are strange survivals that everyone has forgotten where they came from, like rolling cheeses down a hill, and to outsiders they just seem totally insane.

    Now I want to read some of those early strips!

  280. Droopy Says
    February 14th, 2013 at 5:11 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#273): I take it that today’s Luann is somehow more nauseating than the time Pitt High School’s vomitorium team, the Mighty Maggots, elected B-wad as their cheerleader after holding try-outs in the school cafeteria. Since today is Valentine’s Day and the strip is Luann, I’ll go out on a limb and guess that it involves Luann herself having a romantic experience. Now somebody hand me a rope, because if TJ has orchestrated the experience I’m going to hang myself from that limb.

  281. gleeb
    February 14th, 2013 at 6:49 am [Reply]

    3-G: Wow, that smarts. So insignificant even Tommie forgets about you.

    ‘shaft: Noodly son-in-law knows it is insanity to express love in a Batiuk strip. No doubt the florist will be stricken with a wasting disease by the end of the day.

    Curtis: The kid actually has a point. It doesn’t snow much in the Antarctic, because it’s too cold. And again because it’s too cold, the existing ice and snow doesn’t melt.

    Dick: Oh, Sweatsock, why? She knows nothing, and you’ve just tipped your hand.

    Luann: Dude never went back to the antipodes, did he?

    Pooch Cafe: NEWSPAPERS!

    Id: Well, it looks like some guy called Wong pissed off whoever writes this thing nowadays.

  282. Marco Polo Shirt
    February 14th, 2013 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#279):

    Nice post. Don’t forget their 1940s hairstyles–they never change.

  283. CanuckDownSouth
    February 14th, 2013 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#269): didn’t Margo’s dad take up with her bio-mom after the whole secret was revealed (and there was some confrontation leading to (ex-?)wife going away… to therapy?), so I’d assume they were on vacation together like rich folks are wont to do in comic strips.

  284. Little Guy
    February 14th, 2013 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    Curtis:Any other kid, and s/he has a point. But because it’s Curtis…..

    Heck, I’m sure deGresse got into trouble when he wondered why Pluto was a planet.

  285. Marmaduke Franz Ferdinand
    February 14th, 2013 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    One thing I don’t get: why do they never put Daredevil’s sound effects in Braille?

  286. tymime
    February 15th, 2013 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    The trouble is, people use the phrase “it’s his/her kryptonite” in such a way that nobody knows what it actually means.

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