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Saturday sadness

Beetle Bailey, 2/16/13

Ha ha, it’s funny because if Beetle hadn’t mouthed off, Sarge wouldn’t have broken his arm! Ha. Uh. This is awful.

Apartment 3-G, 2/16/13

Now this is hilarious because it’s just emotional abuse, you see. “I can’t imagine the world without Margo! Who would tell me what to do and where to go? Who would tell me when my haircut is stupid or I’m chewing too loudly? A MARGO-LESS LIFE WOULD BE MEANINGLESS!”

Programming note! I’m heading off on a vacation and Uncle Lumpy will be entertaining you in my absence! Be nice to him as he brings his usual avuncular hilarity to your computer screens. I’ll be back on Monday the 25th!

149 responses to “Saturday sadness”

  1. gleeb
    February 16th, 2013 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    3-G: Plus, if Margo were to find out Tommie hadn’t made herself uncomfortable by sleeping in a chair next to her bed, there’d be hell to pay.

    ‘bean: Not just band crap, but lazy band crap.

    H&L: Still out on their wild Valentine’s Day dinner, the Flagstons have to be reminded what their offspring look like.

    Dick: Sweatsock has made the mistake of thinking some guy who was on a teevee show decades ago can get on teevee on demand whenever he wants.

    Thorp: THE PEACOCK SPEAKS! Scott Fowler is chosen new Peacock Pope!

    Mark: No, tomorrow is Sunday, and Mark’s gonna tell us all about lichens or something.

    Rex: In a secondary tragedy, Honey has athlete’s foot, and is going to spread it to Rex and June.

    Webslinger: So, Our hero’s first step in stopping the notorious Kingpin of Crime is to attack a blind man. Keep flyin’ high, Spidey!

  2. Ratiocinator
    February 16th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    So, Sarge broke Beetle’s arm because his feet were slowing him down and Sarge was pissed. But now Beetle’s arm is broken, which is going to slow him down even more. This kind of seems like getting the opposite of the desired result, doesn’t it?

    A3G: “I can’t imagine a world without Margo!” (Cue imagine spot where everybody around the world is holding hands and singing, long-extinct species of animals miraculously return to life and breed, wars and conflicts everywhere end as the combatants adjourn to make sweet, sweet love to one another, rich people everywhere pay for gourmet meals for all the homeless in their areas, and Crock finally goes away for real.)

    9CL: “You still haven’t told me what you did. And I think you should, inasmuch as we’re going to be bunkmates in the slammer. And by bunkmates I mean that you’re going to be my bitch. Oops, I stopped talking pretentiously! Um…not that you appear to find the prospect of becoming subservient to me in a carnal manner at all offputting–on the contrary, from your smiling visage I gather that you derive considerable excitement from the mere mention of becoming my pleasure thrall. If this was indeed what you desired you could have merely requested it, you know. There was no need to abscond with a bovine. It surely hasn’t escaped your notice that we both reside within the confines of a Brooke McEldowney comic strip; in here, everybody is kinky and oversexed!”

    ASM: “Never! I refuse to release my death grip on your ass until you tell me what’s wrong!”

    Meanwhile, below:

    “Oh look, Spider-Man and Daredevil are about to plummet to their deaths because Spider-Man’s being an idiot again. How droll.”

    FW: Uh oh, is Batiuk saying that Flute Divas are high maintenance? Or, perhaps, is he implying such about divas in general, including none other than our very own TheDiva?

    Big mistake, Batiuk. BIG mistake….

    Luann: So Luann is upset to the point of “I’m probably going to break up with this jerk” over not getting a cheap piece of cardboard from her boyfriend, but is ecstatic about getting ugly boomerang-shaped jewelry?

    All of my preconceptions regarding what women do and don’t appreciate have been SHATTERED! Into MILLIONS OF TINY PIECES!

    She is also, I notice, rockin’ a Star Trek: TOS/reboot movies uniform, specifically that of male science or medical personnel. It’s probably left over from last night, when she wore it for Quill. It’s probably Quill’s fetish, much like the Princess Leia gold bikini thing except even more nerdy.

    Slylock: Aw, isn’t that cute? She thinks she’s amphibious, and she’s about to learn she isn’t by almost drowning! These are the kinds of moments I’ll look back on in my golden years!

  3. KreatureFeatures
    February 16th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    C’mon, Mary, go to New York. Just think of all the maudlin platitudes you can spout while visiting the 9/11 memorial.

  4. Bluerosebud
    February 16th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Actually, it’s funny because Sarge attacked Beetle for taking it easy–you know, obeying his doctor’s orders. See how hilarious that is, because Beetle actually needs to rest because his feet are covered in parallel scars and exuding the gold stars of pain, and Sarge put his arm in a cast because he didn’t put himself through further agony?

  5. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    February 16th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    You know, I started reading this Dick Tracy story with high hopes.

    I’m stupid.

    I hoped 9CL would resist the urge to jack in Thorax into the story.

    I’m stupid.

    I’d hoped at least one of the comics would make me feel I hadn’t wasted brain cells reading it today.

    I’m stupid.

    The only thing I’m waiting for now is to find out if Alex gets a job on the drone programme in Doonesbury. But I doubt Trudeau will touch the drone programme.

    Well, at least there’s Tom the Dancing Bug.

    Hiya, Unca Lumpy!

  6. KreatureFeatures
    February 16th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    FW: Dick Cheney and his boy-toy contemplate weaponizing bad flute music.

  7. Mibbitmaker
    February 16th, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    World without Margo: Everyone in her circle of friends acquaintances everyone in the general area having a GIANT PARTY!

    Meta: Looks like Johnny Carson is off on one of his many vacations. Luckily, pre-Late Night David Letterman is guest-hosting!

  8. Chyron HR
    February 16th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    FW – You may make us feel, Tom, but you can’t make us think laugh.

  9. Old Folkie
    February 16th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    A3G: So Tommie went through her whole day with her purse on her shoulder? Don’t the nurses have lockers or something? (at least I think it’s a purse – hard to tell since you never see below the shoulders)
    FW: Enough with the esoteric band jokes!

  10. Shran
    February 16th, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    BB: Harry Browne, the Libertarian Party’s candidate for president in 1996 and 2000, once said – “Government is good at one thing: it knows how to break your legs, hand you a crutch and say ‘See, if it weren’t for the government, you wouldn’t be able to walk.’” Apparently, Greg and Mort Walker recently heard this, thought it was hilarious and so decided to have their government stand-in (Sarge) physically butcher one of Beetle’s appendages. You know, for laughs!

  11. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 16th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Is “broke” a euphemism for “amputate”? Because Sarge also cut off Beetle’s left hand just below the wrist.

    Still no word on why the characters in Beetle Bailey have five toes on their feet but only three fingers (and a thumb) on their hands.

  12. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    February 16th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    You know, I sometimes despair of my own art in my cartoon strip, since people’s faces come out lumpy and so on (not Lumpy; and Red’s face in today’s strip is a particularly awful example). But at least I’ve never turned a woman into an acromegalous monstrosity like Tommie in the second panel.

  13. Arabella
    February 16th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    FW: (ahem) As a former high school flute player, I feel compelled to defend our honor. We were no more high-maintenance than those wussies on clarinet. However, the piccolo player was a bit of a prima donna.

  14. Liam
    February 16th, 2013 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-They’re not fighting. They’re fucking.

    FW-Will it teach you how to clean a flute after it’s been stuck up a pussy?

    MT-”I want you kidnapped and away from me as soon as possible.”

    Gil Thorp-Scott’s dead brother is now reincarnated into a creepy homeless person.

    MW-Who meddles the meddler?

    JP-”How dare she gives away money. She should know that money is given to us and not to be given away.”

    RMMD-And this is how pornos start.

    RMMD 2-A beautiful naked wet blonde. Who would mind except for Rex.

  15. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 16th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    AD: stealing a ‘gag’ from Marvin.

    Lio: I *heart* this strip.


    FW: this one time, at band camp. . . .

    JUMBLE: too easy. (*groan* @ yesterday’s answer!)

    RMMD: ah yes, the start of elebentyeight pr0n scenes! (yum!)

    RwO: win. LOVE the sidepanel. *applaz*

    6Cx: coming soon to a Sunday Slylock Fox.

  16. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 16th, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . threesomes with Hope and her two friends.

  17. Ratiocinator
    February 16th, 2013 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    RMMD 2-A beautiful naked wet blonde. Who would mind except for Rex.

    Isn’t Niki blonde? (Or is that spelled “blond”, depending on the gender?)

    When was the last time he was in the strip, anyway?

  18. Poteet
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    9CL — I assume we’re about to find out why it is sometimes ethically or aesthetically necessary to steal a cow. I can hardly wait.

  19. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#y147): I learned to drink them as an adult (my parents weren’t boozers). Went to my wife’s grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary celebration at an American Legion up in Shawano, and the blue-hairs were knocking them back at 11:30 in the morning. Well, when in Rome…

  20. tb4000
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Rex has NO idea what this is.

  21. TheDiva
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Yay, we get to stay at Uncle Lumpy’s for the week! He’s going to let us stay up late and eat popcorn and watch movies and take us to the zoo….

    A3G: Much like a loyal dog, Tommie curls up and sleeps at her master’s feet at night regardless of how she’s been treated through the day.

    BB: I tried imagining how this would read if the implied abuse was between domestic partners, then realized that might be the case to begin with.

  22. bats :[
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

  23. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#22): Really, hasn’t whoever thinks up Dick Tracy storylines no idea of the simple fact that a “confession” under duress is no confession at all?

  24. Poteet
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    MW — Today’s strip calls for a Gershwin number — I hope some gifted Mudge will answer.

  25. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#17): A naked wet Blondie once tried to arouse Dagwood while he was eating one of his signature sandwiches.

    It didn’t work.

  26. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    punny loldog.

    brainmush for bb,u.

    a smile for Poteet.

    ikkle falcon. (floof!)

    puppy eyes, ur doin it rong.

    TDP is a NEWF! *squeegasm*

    a darling Clementine.


    i can haz snugglez?

  27. sully
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Beetle’s injured arm seems to be wrapped in bandages, not in a cast. It seems Sarge didn’t break Beetle’s arm, but rather lacerated it with a straight razor, or doused it with lighter fluid and set it ablaze, or threw corrosive acid on it, or bit it repeatedly, or stabbed it with a bayonet. Oh, the hilarity.

  28. Inkwell
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: After a crushing Valentine’s rejection, a baby kangaroo drowns herself. Perfect time for a puzzle!

  29. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    MT “Maybe he will do that tomorrow!”
    If only. My guess is “never” or “in a few days.” Prepare for a week of Rusty asking Catfish each day if he can take a picture of the inside of the van.

    Luann TJ made the dinner? Shall we assume that includes the MRE he mailed to Quill? It must have been quite romantic for Quill, watching Luann stuff her face.

    A3BURNUNIT When do we get to see Margo? Is she bandaged from head to foot, or just slightly charred?

    Cranked shaft Ha ha. That’s funny because the cheese was contaminated with Listeria, and everyone will think Ed’s confusion and disorientation are just his usual antics.
    “Help me, Pam, I think I’ve got Listerine!” Ha ha.

  30. Liam
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    A3G-”I’ve grown accustomed to her face.”

    Pearls Before Swine-I see a red and I want it painted black.

  31. Liam
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#30):

    That’s supposed to be ‘I see a red door and I want it painted black’.

  32. Ratiocinator
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#25): You’d think she would know better.

  33. TheDiva
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    9CL: Oh, I can’t wait to see how Juliette’s hoity-toity way of talking plays out in prison. (What am I saying, it’s the Burber’s world and we just live in it. She’ll have her pick of the bitches.)

    C’shaft: On the lighter side, Crankshaft may die of food poisoning.

    FW: Hey, why don’t you pick on the trumpets? They were the real bastards.
    (Useless fact: I did actually play flute in high school, and still do for our church choir on occasion. However, I don’t consider this a personal attack, not because I don’t think Batiuk would actually be that petty, but because he’s too lazy to do his research.)

    Luann: Damn, if Luann had any more “me me me” dialogue, she’d sound like Beaker.

    MT: “Talk louder, I want to make sure the moose get this!”

    MW: Mary realizes she now must crush John’s dreams as thoroughly as she encouraged him. Nobody must be allowed to leave the Charterstone Village.

    Pluggers hate anything new and different. And spending more than two dollars on anything.

    SM: “Come on, Darey, we can talk this out! We can get couples counciling!”

  34. Liam
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-What do you mean ‘crashing down’? Are you implying that they are on drugs? Do you think that is why they are so high?

    A3G-No mention of the instant sex change that happened in the background. We have a guy walking to something in the first panel and instantly changes to a woman in the next one.

  35. Liam
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    MW-Some advice for you, Mary, is to treat Dill the same way you treat Jeff when asks to put the beds together.

  36. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Two compelling reasons for us NOT to read Saturday’s 9 Chickweed Lane: “Stopette” and “Borax.”

    Anyone else here remember the French deodorant Stopette? Or that future Prez Ronald Reagan used to be a commercial shill for Borax?

    There I go dating myself again…

  37. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#36): well, at least it’s going out with someone you love, right?

  38. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    HtH: That is not a broom. Mrs. Horrible has been hitting the gløgg too much.

  39. Liam
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey-”And if nature knows what’s good for it it will shut up.”

  40. Ellie
    February 16th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Oddly enough, I have no trouble at all imagining the world without Margo.

  41. Liam
    February 16th, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    A3G-”Sure Margo abuses me and Lu Ann emotionally but it is her way of telling us that she loves us.”

    A3G 2-”And by special friend I mean the type of friend that you sleep with. Explore your sexuality with.”

  42. Old Folkie
    February 16th, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#36): Ayup, I remember “Death Valley Days,” sponsored by “20 Mule Team Borax”
    Grabs cane and shuffles off…

  43. Peanut Gallery
    February 16th, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    BB – Someone who was in the military gave me the impression that in a situation like this, Sarge would be court-martialed for damaging government property.

  44. Roy
    February 16th, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    A3G: Anna Freud called it “Identification with the Aggressor.” I always love it when 3G returns to its roots in psychoanalysis.

  45. Jonathan
    February 16th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Why does Beetle Bailey’s doctor need him to remove his pants in order to examine his feet and arm?

  46. Little Blue Bicycle
    February 16th, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    A3G: Just to clarify the continuity, is it still New Year’s Eve/Day in A3G York?

  47. ByJove
    February 16th, 2013 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Arabella (#13):

    … always nagging the band director to play the “Stars and Stripes Forever” even during the Christmas concert.

  48. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 16th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#24):

    MW — Today’s strip calls for a Gershwin number — I hope some gifted Mudge will answer.

    Old man, John Dill, listen you,
    Never tell me dreams come true,
    Just try it, and I’ll start a riot.

    Wilbur Weston, don’t you dare,
    Ever tell me he will care,
    I’m confident, it’s the final fondant.
    Don’t want to hear from any cheerful Albert Camus,
    Who says another will come my way, it’s all gateau perdu.

    He’s baking cakes of pink, but not for me.
    A sugar topper, but it’s not me,
    With cakes to beautify,
    I’d found more ways to pry,
    Than any pool party could guarantee.

    I was a fool to slip, let him get away,
    Hi ho! Alas! And also lack-a-day!
    Although I shouldn’t care,
    He bakes with Chef Pierre,
    I guess he’s not for me.

    It all began so well, but now it stinks,
    This is the time a meddler needs a fix,
    When my every plot,
    Ends up for naught,
    And there’s no joy for me.

  49. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 16th, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Imagine a world without Margo
    It might be like living in Fargo,
    Or possibly down in Key Largo,
    The difference would hardly matter.

    A world without Margo McGee
    Is absurd, existentially,
    It’s a logical incongruity,
    Like pancakes made without batter.

    – Albert Camus

  50. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 16th, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    A3G: “You must be exhausted, Tommie! You’ve been carrying around that shoulder bag for the last 14 hours!”

    JP: Sam’s picking up Sophie at 5? See ya in a few months, Soph!

  51. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 16th, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#21): And when Uncle Lumpy dozes off in front of the TV after that long, busy day, we can sneak the liquor-cabinet key out of his pocket!

    @Little Blue Bicycle (#46): I thought this all started on Christmas Eve–remember that the Professor had on a Santa hat and was volunteering at a soup kitchen?

  52. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 16th, 2013 at 11:52 am [Reply]

  53. Cloudbuster
    February 16th, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#17): Isn’t Niki blonde? When was the last time he was in the strip, anyway?

    He was last seen committing felonious assault outside a party full of underage drinking and roofies. By all rights he’s someone’s prison bitch right now.

  54. Cloudbuster
    February 16th, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#18): If you’re a PETA member, there’s never a bad reason to steal liberate a cow. She’s obviously a vegan, eco-warrior, radical, animal-rights terrorist veterinarian.

  55. Ratiocinator
    February 16th, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#53): Um. Now I wish I hadn’t asked. 0_0

  56. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 16th, 2013 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#43):BB – Someone who was in the military gave me the impression that in a situation like this, Sarge would be court-martialed for damaging government property.

    As someone who was in the military, I assure you we were not regarded as property. We were cannon fodder, of course, but that’s different.

    Sarge would be liable for court martial under the UCMJ Articles 93 (Cruelty and maltreatment), Article 128 (Assault), and Article 134 (General Article – being an evil violent jerk). There are a few other articles that might apply, but he would never be charged under Article 108 (Military property of the United States — Loss, damage, destruction, or wrongful disposition). Soldiers, like corporations, are people, my friend.

    // Unlike corporations, though, they are not property.

  57. Cloudbuster
    February 16th, 2013 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#33): I did actually play flute in high school

    “There’s a million lines here, but I ain’t touching a one of them.” — Crock

    //I had no I idea I’d get to reference that quotation so quickly!

  58. Cloudbuster
    February 16th, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Jonathan (#45): Why does Beetle Bailey’s doctor need him to remove his pants in order to examine his feet and arm?

    That’s nature’s way of saying Beetle is everyone’s bitch.

  59. lawn
    February 16th, 2013 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    MW: It looks like John isn’t going to get the chance to decorate Mary’s “cupcakes” with his “frosting.” Plus, are we sure this isn’t all a rerun from 1962 or so, when ten grand was actually a lot of money?

  60. Majicou
    February 16th, 2013 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#33): [FW] Hear, hear. I didn’t know any divas in the flute line. Spot whores, occasionally, but no divas.

  61. bbofun
    February 16th, 2013 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @Little Blue Bicycle (#46): It’s actually Christmas Day! The spirits did it all in one night!

    ASM- Apparently, the radioactivity that gave Daredevil his enhanced senses and the radioactive spider-bite that gave Spider-Man his powers are reacting with each other, resulting in a display of bio-luminescence. Or they’re about to explode.

    A3G- Tommie LITERALLY cannot imagine a world without Margo, as Margo has beaten any hopes and dreams out of her over the years. Luann, on the other hand, is just stupid, and so needed no training.

    FW- Oh, I bet this is HI-LARIOUS to all those band directors out there. No, actually, I don’t.

    GT- Who’s the mysterious voice? Is it-
    A) The owner of the peacock, trying to find it?
    B) Animal control, checking into reports of a peacock?
    C) One of his teammates, in disguise, pretending to be a reporter or a scientist or some other hare-brained scheme?
    D) an actual reporter (Marty Moon?) looking into reports of the magic peacock?
    E) Someone who just ran over the magic peacock?

    Tune in Monday for the exciting answer!

    RMMD- I’m going to give this to Nolan- Honey’s expression and demeanor are significantly different than the first time this happened- she looks troubled, not seductive. I’m just wondering where she’s keeping the gun.

    MW- Here’s the deal- is Mary aware of John’s crush on her? If she is, she should have said something before this- if not, why is this a big deal? Just tell John you’re happy for him, but you don’t want to be a professional baker.

    And, hey, what’s going on with the “Ask Amy” (or whatever it is) column? Isn’t Mary supposed to still be writing it, while Wilbur travels the world eating sandw- um, interviewing people who “should have died?”

    SF- And Ces proves he is, indeed, the anti-Batiuk.

  62. I speak Jive
    February 16th, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#36): I would enjoy seeing Thorax and all the Burbers trampled by a team of twenty mules.

    Pluggers – I am ashamed to admit it, but I kind of like Sheila Roo. She seems to be subversive and open-minded. However, I really loathe that chicken woman.

    Funky Winkerbean – Lately I have noticed that Batiuk’s drawing has become really lazy. He seems to draw only two types of noses – all of the men have hook noses, and all of the women have generic upturned noses. And why do so many of the women look like androgynous teenage boys?

  63. Irrischano
    February 16th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Actually, I believe Beetle’s broken arm is a result of Sarge’s strong fundamentalist and violent tendencies causing him to lash out against Beetle’s masturbation habit in the most drastic way possible.

  64. seismic-2
    February 16th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    BB: Well, to give WalkerBrowne Industries its due, when Beetle gets mutilate and mangled, at least they show us that Beetle has been mutilated and mangled. Over at A3G, however, we just have to take Tommie’s word for it that Greg’s hands are badly burned, since we haven’t seen anything below his sleeves, either before or after Greg was treated for the injury. Not only can’t Frank Bolle draw burned tissue and scars, he can’t even draw bandages. He’s lucky he works where he does, such an artist would have no future at all on BB!

    A3G: On the other hand, Frank Bolle is the undisputed master of drawing those new high-tech collars that fasten themselves when you just turn around.

    JP: “You think Ned might be giving money away to someone else? Actually giving it to someone else, instead of getting it from them??? Oh my God, Abbey and I were wrong – Neddy is on drugs!!!!”

    FW: Among the ten million ways that Cul de Sac‘s Richard Thompson is a better cartoonist than Tom Batiuk is that Thompson at least knows how to spell “oboe”.

  65. endless sky
    February 16th, 2013 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Sally: Oh, Ted. (snif) Our little boy is growing up.

    Drabble: My neighbors removed their Christmas tree only this week. They have an indoor cat who apparently enjoyed climbing it. (!?) I was worried it was becoming a fire hazard.

    Zits: LOL

  66. seismic-2
    February 16th, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#36), @Old Folkie (#42): You mean this. In Death Valley Days, a 20-mule team was the way to haul tankers full of borate ores over difficult terrain and through formidable environmental conditions, back to a rail station where it could be shipped off for industrial processing. In the current GA story line, a 20-mule team is the bride’s party at a wedding.

  67. Miz Chickapea
    February 16th, 2013 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#49):

    You’ve inspired me (and may John Lennon forgive me!)

    Imagine there’s no Margo,
    It’s easy if you try,
    No one to bellow at us,
    No one to make us cry,
    Imagine all the roommates
    Living happily.

    Imagine there’s no harpy,
    It isn’t hard to do,
    Like living here sans Ari,
    Which we might have to do,
    Imagine the whole building
    Settling into peace.

    You may say I’m a coward,
    But she got burnt pretty bad,
    I hope some day she’ll kick off,
    And we’ll have happy pad.

    Imagine no abuser,
    I wonder if I can,
    No one to scold at Tommie,
    No one belittling Lu Ann.
    Imagine all the roommates
    Being self-assured.

    You may say I’m a coward,
    But my heart is growing stout,
    I will take the high road,
    And pull her all her plugs out.

  68. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    February 16th, 2013 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Is there any attempt at coherence here at all? So Honey (that’s her name, right?) is hosting a party where lots of people are showing up. She gets into a fight over a doctor, pushes a cheeky woman into the pool, and then decides, right in the middle of the party she’s hosting, to wander into the doctor’s apartment, without his or his wife’s permission, and take a shower, so the wandering doctor can come in and find her naked.

    Yes, I know. But I also know that doing this as a method of seducing Rex is NOT what’s happening here, because that’s just not what happens in this goofy comic strip. Honey took a shower because JUST ‘CAUSE, and Rex’s shower was just right there!

  69. pugfuggly
    February 16th, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    BB “What about my my concussion? Is that why I have no memory of having this arm broken and getting this tourniquet on, making it necessary for you to have to explain it to me again and again?”

    A3G Tommie is so upset about Margo that she didn’t even catch that little ‘special friend’ innuendo the nurse made. Looks like Lady Che Guevara in the back there caught it though.

    MW Mary in New York, getting taught by another person, giving her advice and pointing out her mistakes? Yeah, somehow I don’t see that happening.

    ASM So apparently ‘Frisco’ is full of cranky old ladies and sarcastic dickheads. Seems to be a nice city for visiting superheros, though: just look at the sparks fly between those two!

  70. Liam
    February 16th, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Luann-Sorry but Brad is holding out for TJ.

  71. seismic-2
    February 16th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#68): We saw from the look in Honey’s eyes in the Sunday strip and again today that she is a wacked-out homicidal loony, just like Dixie Julep, the stripper in the other Woody Wilson strip, JP. God, I miss Dixie Julep. And Eduardo Barreto.

  72. Droopy Says
    February 16th, 2013 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    9 Dickweed Lane: As a total beefwit, I see the cattle rustling as a McMetaphor for rape. If “Why buy a cow when milk is so cheap?” is a rationale for sex without marriage, then “stealing a cow” would represent abduction, confinement and rape. With ballet steps. If I’ve called it, please shoot me, because I couldn’t live with the thought that I understand what goes on in McEch’s mind.

  73. commodorejohn
    February 16th, 2013 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    Is Tommie’s haircut ever not stupid?

    I mean, it’s more stupid now than her ’60s do she had before I Dressed in the Dark, but even that was not exactly a look that said “here is a serious, thoughtful person you should respect.”

  74. Peanut Gallery
    February 16th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#56): That’s good to know. I suspect that the person I heard this from had a drill sergeant who used the “government property” bit as an exaggeration.

  75. Peanut Gallery
    February 16th, 2013 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#61):

    It’s actually Christmas Day! The spirits did it all in one night!

    “Ari was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that…”

  76. NoahSnark
    February 16th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    This storyline seems like an obvious setup to a “Margo takes over Hell” story arc.

  77. tallyHO
    February 16th, 2013 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#69):
    Looks like Lady Che Guevara in the back there caught it though.

    Love it!
    I didn’t notice the blue, background people until you pointed them out.

    Seriously, Bond James Bond saved everyone. Though maybe Prof. Grandpa Soulpatch got people out of the building, too. It was never said. What was inferred is that BJB had to rescue Ari, too. So, he is all kinds of hero, that Mr. Bond is.

    Too bad his publicists either started the fire or were rescued from the fire and is now on her deathbed.

    Later, I shall drink to the memory of Margo! Surely, I will forget she exists between now and Monday.

  78. Liam
    February 16th, 2013 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    DT-”And I want you to come out as a homosexual too. That will ruin your career more than confessing to a murder.”

    MW-”How can I explain to John that my dream is to be a meddler.”

  79. Joshua
    February 16th, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#78): See the January 22 strip. The character is already out of the closet.

  80. Liam
    February 16th, 2013 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#79):

    It’s a joke on how Sweatbox is old fashion in his views of sexuality.

  81. seismic-2
    February 16th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    Luann: So Mr. and Mrs. DeGroot were Shannon’s babysitters on Valentine’s Day? I hope they had a good chance to discover what a total monster their maybe future step-granddaughter really is. On the other hand, these are the people who raised Luann, so they probably didn’t even notice.

    A3G: Speaking of plot developments I’d like to see, I hope Tommie’s staying in Margo’s room means that she will be able to recognize that the person in a nurse’s uniform who is administering an IV to Margo isn’t in fact anyone on the Manhattan General staff. It will of course be rival publicist Aunt Cathy, who has come to finish the job herself, after Evan has disappointed her once again.

    DT: Oh, and George Takei really did write the murder confession, and for the last 60 years he has been killing off everyone associated with Camp Freedom and stuffing their bodies in the Baux family crypt. So there!

  82. Liam
    February 16th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    A3G-And how is the Professor doing? You do remember the Profess? The guy that you couldn’t believe that you forgot about the other day.

  83. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 16th, 2013 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “If anything ever happens to her, she’s taking all of us with her. I distinctly remember her saying that.”

    HOTC: Dean apparently isn’t having any more of a latency period than Alvy Singer did.

    Ziggy: You know what? If you want to be birds of prey, go out and prey. Don’t rely on Ziggy of all people.

    FW: If Batiuk isn’t setting up a skin flute joke here, I have no idea what he is doing.

    Archie: Apparently Moose tried to ride a model plane and its attendant glue on the way to this “thought.”

    Popeye: Since we saw Olive blowing up the balloon by mouth yesterday, we now know that she’s a helium-breathing alien. Things make a little more sense now.

    RMMD: Mind? This is Rex Morgan we’re talking about. You’re lucky he even noticed.

    GA: Not. Touching. That. One.

    H&L: “I’ve always thought that kids were horrible and grotesque our own included. This fourth glass of wine has made me come around, though.”

    DT: Sweatbox is trying to blackmail an actor into confessing to a murder that was committed when he was, like, three. I’m starting to think that even by Dick Tracy villain standards he’s not too bright.

    FC: Oh, Billy will be happy to tie them together again for you.

    SSmith: Tooth Fairy? I don’t think she has much occasion to visit Hootin’ Holler. Jughaid seems to have as many teeth as he ever has or ever will.

    S-M: As fun as the fight itself is, half the crowd is just sticking around till they can see the makeup sex.

  84. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 16th, 2013 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#81):

    It will of course be rival publicist Aunt Cathy, who has come to finish the job herself, after Evan has disappointed her once again.

    Or it could be Evan himself, crossdressing in anachronistic nurse’s whites like the Joker did.

  85. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 16th, 2013 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#72): Oh God, don’t give Brooke any ideas that might play out in Pibgorn.

  86. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 16th, 2013 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#61): On Thorp I’m going with F) Clambake incensed about being replaced by a damn bird.

  87. Alison
    February 16th, 2013 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: I see Luann’s best friends aren’t even pretending to be happy for her and her going-nowhere relationship with Oz Boy. Could it be Delta and Bernice have some sense in their heads after all? Hooray!

    “Mary Worth”: As usual Mary can’t even muster up a “I’m happy for you” when someone else is excited. The only thing that matters is that she, Mary, isn’t excited, so she just stands there thinking grumpy thoughts. Hey, have we ever seen an arc about Mary attending someone’s birthday party? Because I can just imagine it: all the other guests cheer and say, “Happy birthday!” while a frowning Mary stands there thinking, “But it’s not MY birthday”.

  88. Droopy Says
    February 16th, 2013 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#85): If it happens, I’ll save you a place on my firing squad. I hope TIA is an acceptable expression of gratitude for that service.

  89. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 16th, 2013 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Who’s the guy dress in drag talking to Tommie?

    A3G-2: Will we ever find out what was in that GODDAMNED BOX?

    MT: Mark sure has a very unhealthy obsession with the inside of Bassy’s van!

  90. seismic-2
    February 16th, 2013 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#72), @Artist formerly known as Ben (#85): Metaphor be damned – in Pibgorn, this scenario would be depicted by the actual abduction and rape of a cow.

  91. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 16th, 2013 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @Miz Chickapea (#67):

    In a word: EXCELLENT!

  92. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 16th, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G: So yesterday Tommie went from blubbering to dry-eyed and stone-faced in an instant, and today we discover that hours later, she still hasn’t bothered to go find the Professor, or Margo. Something tells me she’s in cahoots with Evan. Come to think of it, maybe she is Evan. Have we ever seen them together?

    Dick Tracy: I’m not sure Sweat Baux has thought this one through. Best case scenario: George Takei: Okay, I totally killed a dude seventy years ago, when I was five. Sweat Baux: All right, little girl who I introduced myself to and then kidnapped, you can go free. George Takei: Yeah, what I said before? Pretty much bullshit. More realistic: George Takei: uh, how do I know you’re not just going to kill her anyway? Sweat Baux: Do you have any idea how much work it is disposing of a body? I’m schvitzing just driving the fucking car! George Takei: Never call this number again.

    Herman today is probably the dirtiest I’ve ever seen it, which admittedly isn’t saying much.

    Mary Worth: Mary’s thinking about the time she shot the Mafia capo and corrupt police captain in a restaurant in Brooklyn, when she became a made man.

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Isn’t this where we came in? Has this strip become twisted, like a Moebius strip? Because given a choice between seeing Honey drop her towel and getting into time paradoxes, I know which one I’d take.

  93. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 16th, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#89):

    Glibporn: And McE has a very unhealthy obsession with succubi!

  94. Frosty the Milkshake
    February 16th, 2013 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    BB: “Wait, Sarge decimated my arm to ‘tell nature to shut up’? …What?”

    DT: I can see how Sweatbox has gotten away with murder all these years; that plan is pure genius.

    …Remember when Locher finally left the strip and we were excited by the prospect of good writing and artwork? At least we got the good artwork. The writing continues to be “a crime is planned or discovered, and Tracy mulls around until the culprit does something stupid in public and then Tracy goes to the scene to shoot him.” Only with celebrity guest stars, tolerance posturing, and plot threads that get abandoned for weeks (the Moon Maid Vigilante, et al).

    Spider-Wimp: The spectacle of mid-air buttsecks. Meanwhile, a weary public awaits your death-plunge.

  95. MacElwankery
    February 16th, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#93):

    that and penis-headed golden genies. the guy keeps aiming for sublime and hitting inane.

  96. Calico
    February 16th, 2013 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    I think Sarge actually hobbled poor Beetle as well. : (

    John Dill, leave the cake-punching to Mr. Mark Trail.

    JP – “I’ll see you tonight after school…about 5 P.M., after you have the car electroplated with gold!”

    MT-Love the moose on the left-as if he is saying “OOOOOOOhhhhYEAHHHH.”

  97. endless sky
    February 16th, 2013 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#92): So THAT’S how the Sopranos ended! Thanks!

  98. Calico
    February 16th, 2013 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    3G – Looks like a nice homage to Mr. Phil Collins circa 1983, a la this:

    The blue girl in panel two, I’m not sure, although “Bluegirls come in every size, they’ve got pretty blue eyes…”

  99. Bob Earl
    February 16th, 2013 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    3G: “real special friend” Does that mean they’re Lebanese?

  100. Poteet
    February 16th, 2013 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#26): Yay! You find excellent spiders.

  101. Poteet
    February 16th, 2013 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#48): Thank you, thank you, thank you. *chortles*

  102. Poteet
    February 16th, 2013 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#48): You even did the intro! So classy.

  103. Majicou
    February 16th, 2013 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#90): And he would give a long, rambling spew about how it’s not smutty because it’s based on the myth of Pasiphae or Zeus and Io or some damned thing.

  104. Poteet
    February 16th, 2013 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#54): In that case, the suspense is about (1) Why one particular cow was selected for the honor — maybe she was closest to the door or gate, and (2) Whether we will see the cow, and (3) If so, what a Brookeian/Burberian cow will look like, and (4) Given our previous experience with the unicorn, whether the cow will talk. So much to look forward to.

  105. Droopy Says
    February 16th, 2013 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#104): I’m betting the cow, being a McEch female, will have a mouthful of fangs.

  106. Shrug, with an Ironic Graze
    February 16th, 2013 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#103):

    9CL bovine sex scene alert: Beefwhoopie for beefwits.

  107. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 16th, 2013 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    No one’s brought this up yet, but there’s a strange convergence today. In Marvin, Bitsy finds out his secret admirer is a cat. In Marmaduke, the title hellhound finds himself Catfished by a cat. WTF? Has the prospect of a hillbilly trashman marrying his mule just pushed us all into anything goes territory?

  108. Sequitur
    February 16th, 2013 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    I opened up a can of tuna when out flew a Ripley’s!

    NICOLE DELIEN from North Fayette, Pa, has a rare illness that causes her to sleep for up to 2 months at a time!

    I’ve felt that way after reading Mary Worth plots.

  109. Sequitur
    February 16th, 2013 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#107): The Rufus/Becky nuptials will be annulled when Rufus won’t know how to consummate the marriage.

  110. Sequitur
    February 16th, 2013 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#104): The question is will McEldowney try to top this.

  111. I speak Jive
    February 16th, 2013 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#104): @Droopy Says (#105): And no chin. But its legs will be meticulously detailed and lovingly shaded.

  112. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 16th, 2013 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#102): You’re welcome! What would it be without the intro?
    // That song is a favorite of mine, but I claim my theme song as “Someone to Watch Over Me.”
    //// But, of course, thinking of Mary Worth watching over me is just creepy and unsettling.

  113. seismic-2
    February 16th, 2013 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#104): I’m eager to see how Brooke will turn the libretto of Mozart’s The Abduction from the Seraglio into the storyline of Moozart’s The Abduction from the Silo.

    No I’m not, honest.

  114. Sequitur
    February 16th, 2013 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#113): I’d say, “Yes, you are” but on second thought after mulling it over, “No, you aren’t.”

  115. Zaratustra
    February 16th, 2013 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “I can’t imagine a world without Margo! Really, I can’t. She’ll know if I do.”

  116. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 16th, 2013 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

  117. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    February 16th, 2013 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    56. Nehemiah Scudder

    “That is certainly not your leg! That leg belongs to the army!” (or words to that effect)

    - Joseph Heller, “Catch 22″

  118. Sgt. Stoned
    February 16th, 2013 at 8:41 pm [Reply]


    Snuffy Smif: Snuffy steals Jughaid’s “Tooth Fairy” money (put under the pillow by Loweezy) and replaces it with an IOU>

    H&L: Apparently, neither Hi nor Lois and EVER seen any of their children sleeping, not even as infants, having left their upbringing to the tender mercies of transient teen-aged hired help.

    MT: Mark–”Yes, Rusty, maybe tomorrow Catfish will let you into his van and I am not the least bit worried about a total stranger entertaining you in the back of his van.”

  119. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 16th, 2013 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    The punchline for Saturday’s Heathcliff was supposed to be used for today’s Beetle Bailey (and vice versa!):


  120. Dr. Pill
    February 16th, 2013 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    @Frosty the Milkshake (#94): Perhpas the Moon Maid vigilante will swoop in and save Toad, eh?

  121. tallyHO
    February 16th, 2013 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#118):

    Kudos for bringing up those particular three.

    Each was creepy.
    In H&L, the babysitter is taking pictures of the children sleeping? Hi and Lois are okay with that?

    Rusty. He’s been kidnapped before.

    Waitasec! What’s this?
    Some Wisdomizing from the Feeblosophic Musings of Mistopher Trendy

    Younguns has their ‘spectations too high nowadays. I reckon we parents are ta blame for that. So, I figger it is good to knock ‘em down a peg once in a while.
    It’s probbly fer the best that they learn that gamblin’ dedts kin be papered over quicker an’ wif less fuss than tryin’ to drape terlit paper aroun’ the Pope!

    Believe you me, I speak from ‘sperience!

  122. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 16th, 2013 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Wizard of Id reveals that Mister Ed was a used horse salesman in a previous life. Which could explain why he was reincarnated as a talking horse. And it probably explains why Ed was “saddled” with a loser* like Wilbur Post.

    *But not as big a loser as Wilbur WESTON.

  123. tallyHO
    February 16th, 2013 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    I really, really, really want to take over Snuffy Smith!

    Are you listening, John Rose!???

    You can retire and retire happy and I’ll…well, I can promise to make it funny…”treating it right” might be open to interpretation though.

    Give me the Head of Barney Google and Snuffy Smif will be blockbuster bonkers, I tell ya!

  124. tallyHO
    February 16th, 2013 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    At the risk of Thread Killing….

    Margo in a3G
    If this were a soap opera, Margo would be put into a coma while something else occurred. That resulting storyline would go one until Margo wakes from the coma and someone is caught red-handed with trying to take over her agency.

    Obviously, Evan the Golden Coat–who hasn’t been shown for almost two months (in A3G Time that is only hours). When he shows back up, will he get caught or try to take over the agency? Or, will he have a very lopsided fisticuffs with Bond James Bond (who is at a distinct disadvantage if his hands are burnt)?

    Mercy me! Whatever will become of Margo and the Girls of Apartment 2G…I mean, 3G?

  125. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    Jim Scancarelli (Gasoline Alley) toys with the notion of man on mule sex,
    while Brad Anderson (Marmaduke) and Tom Armstrong (Marvin) both bring up the prospect of cat on dog sex.

    It’s only a matter of time before Rule 34 makes it into mainstream comics.

  126. tallyHO
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#125):

    You mean babies are delivered by storks in comic strips these days?

    //because the storks are being screwed by Ziggy?

    //i’m sorry.
    Not to Ziggy, mind you.
    I gave up reading the strip for Lent, but, that doesn’t mean I should not continue to ridicule him!

  127. Sequitur
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#126): No, no. The storks are obstetricians.

    And just because he runs around without pants doesn’t mean Ziggy goes around screwing storks. Sheeze, storks have more self esteem then that.

    Actually, Ziggy goes around screwing fire hydrants. I have no idea why.

  128. tallyHO
    February 16th, 2013 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#127):
    You’re right.
    Storks are taller than Ziggy anyhow.

    The fire hydrants…Ziggy is a different kind of Plugger.
    That’s what I’ve heard.

  129. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 16th, 2013 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    @MacElwankery (#95): Wait, penis-headed golden genies and succubi are sublime? Coulda fooled me.

  130. tallyHO
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#129):

    I don’t know how you guys read that Non- Chick Corea Comic.

  131. tallyHO
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    Since I’m probably not gonna bother with much tomorrow. (if I can help it!)
    I figure I’ll comment on tomorrow’s strips tonight.

    Snuffy Smif (it is the Future! sigh).

    No, seriously, panel two is a pretty rude burn.
    The last panel sounds bodacious…not really.

    Dennis the Menace
    Last panel: Mega burn.

    Funkminister Winkerbean
    All that setup for a bag of chips box of fossilized candy. Oh, I initially grabbed my sides thinking I was laughing that hard. I think that is just a shooting pain that needs to be attended to.

    spiderman It does not compute, dude!

    shorter mary worth
    I have do some dishes. Go to NYC without me, John.

    mark trail the answer will be revealed if park rangers are ever found dismantled.
    I keed. I keed. I love our big, fuzzy cousins, the park rangers.

    The shrew had a computer?

  132. Shady Shrew
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#131):

    “The shrew had a computer?”

    Don’t go judging The Gaming of the Shrew, you!

  133. Droopy Says
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: What, DareDevil has been poisoned and his touch is deadly? And he couldn’t find a few seconds to scream “NO! I’M CONTAMINATED! STAY CLEAR!” Okay, no complaint, except I don’t think the artist realized that when DareDevil hit Spiderdick, he touched him.

    Funky OneNote: If you’re lucky, Boring Becky, you’ll catch the Black Death instead of Harry Dingaling and his stale jokes.

    Family Circus: If only Thel had a snow blower. She couldgrind up those mindless nuisances and spew their bloody remains all over the nieghborhood drown out the mindless chatter with the soothing roar of a two-stroke motor.

    Pluggers This is why Pluggers stay home and watch old Charles Bronson movies instead of mopping their kitchen floors.

    On The Fastrack: I don’t need autocorrect! I can make mistakes all on my own!

    Shoe: Ah, so Mort urned to be an undertaker.

    Crock: “Richer than Liz Talor’s divorce lawyer?” Is this an ancient rerun, or did Junior lose contact with reality a few decades ago?

    Mark Trail: Darwin weeps as he recalls the time Trail fell into a pit. If you don’t believe the LoFo tribe was out-evolved by gorillas, imagine Rusty in Trail’s arms!

    Phantom: Yeah, Kit, you can’t team up with Savarna, except for the times you did. Who was it that shelled that prison for you?

  134. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#129):

    Well, the genie wasn’t just “sporting a woody”, he WAS a woody!

  135. Droopy Says
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#131): “It does not compute, dude.” Isn’t it good to know that Lost In Space still inspires some artists? No, of course it isn’t good. It’s rather tragic.

  136. Chip Whittle
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#18):

    9CL — I assume we’re about to find out why it is sometimes ethically or aesthetically necessary to steal a cow. I can hardly wait.

    There’s gotta be a Wodehouse novel where the plucky young dopey protagonist steals a cow. I’m gonna go find that now and call me when McEldowney’s done.

  137. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#134): Woody from Toy Story is more interesting than the Djinn of Djizz, or whatever his name is.

  138. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#136): Cows? No. Pigs, several times, but always the same pig. A cat, at least once. A dog, I’m pretty sure once or twice. No cows, though, more’s the pity.

  139. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#136): Oh, wait, there was a cow “creamer”…

  140. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:45 am [Reply]

  141. tallyHO
    February 17th, 2013 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    Mein Gotte!

    It is like I want to see what that previous exchange is all about but I know I’ll just be confused!

    Every time I look at the strip, I get dizzy. You tease me with Wodehouse. You tease me with cows. Monday…I’ll try to resist until Monday.

  142. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 17th, 2013 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#141): It’s pretty stupid.

    Vet comes to former professor, who helped said vet establish her veterinary practice. Vet says, I broke the law, and because you own a partial share in the practice, you are probably an accomplice. To save yourself, you should arrest me. Just as the vet is about to finally explain what exactly she did, Thorax shows up with the news that a local cow has been stolen. Vet makes an “eep” face, revealing that this is the big crime.

    In the actual strip, there’s also lots of long-winded attempts at erudite wordplay, the professor’s mocking of her former and current students, strange non-sequiturs, and the revelation that the professor’s daughter will do anything for cookies, and that the vet once dumped an annoying classmate in the trashcan when she was a child.

  143. Dale
    February 17th, 2013 at 1:33 am [Reply]


    It’s time to talk about the ownership of the prize and the tax implications.
    Can one winner claim part of their share, but not all?

    Did Chef Pierre know that his trainees might be old people who are not likely to be looking for long-term jobs? (Even if he isn’t a total asshole?)

    Stay tuned.
    Does John Dill’s love of cake baking exceed his lust for the local cheesecake? Does anybody remember Our Gal Sunday?

  144. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 17th, 2013 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    Rex Moron, Medical Disaster: So what’s next, Rex’s wife walks in on him and naked Honey? Hilarity ensues!

  145. tallyHO
    February 17th, 2013 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#142):

    yikes! the very idea that something like that exists is enough for me to stay away.

    You are all brave souls, each and everyone of you.

  146. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 17th, 2013 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#145): I don’t know so much that it’s bravery as a sense of sick fascination. ;)

  147. Poteet
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Miz Chickapea (#67): Nicely done!

  148. Poteet
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    9CL – A comic strip about really obnoxious women and the men who richly deserve them.

  149. Poteet
    February 17th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#146): I missed the trashcan strip, so thanks. It’s helpful to know that the vet is a Burber-in-spirit, even though she doesn’t share the sacred genes.

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