Chasin’ that hillbilly dollar
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/10/08
Tarnation, look at the logo on that bag o’ grain on the porch in the final panel! It looks like Target, having saturated the suburbs with its big box stores, has decided to expand into America’s rural hollers and rustic shack-based communities.
Family Circus, 8/10/08
Oh, man, Mom, you do not want to look too closely at the front seat of that little car.
Funky Winkerbean, 8/10/08
I think it’s intriguing that what Summer took away from her mother’s message was not “Don’t get knocked up when you’re sixteen” but rather “Your dad has a good track record when it comes to dealing with teen pregnancy, so make sure he doesn’t die of prostate cancer before you inevitably get knocked up when you’re sixteen.” Nevertheless, in the first panel of the bottom row she does look appropriately horrified at the thought of her mom going at it with some dude in the back of a van.
Mark Trail, 8/10/08
OKAY, MARK, I’LL BE SURE TO INSPECT MY CAT FOR FLEAS! NOW CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SHOUTING?
August 10th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
I know it’s Foob World and we should expect to be horrified … but how can we not cringe at the look those two Patterson sibs give each other before stripping down on the lawn?
August 10th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Funky Winkerbean — Damn zombie never shuts up.
August 10th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
FW: If I’m going to be remembered after I go, it won’t be when I look like the absolute worst I’ve ever looked.
Les, when your fudge factory comes back as being cancer-ridden, write Summer a letter or something. Seriously. The video stuff is CREEPY.
August 10th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Saturday’s quickie was indeed quick…only 18 posts before Sunday’s thread was started.
When I saw today’s title, I thought he was going to comment on Satuday’s strip, where silas was chasing down a $1.11 tab from 20 years ago.
August 10th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
I think Mark is shouting to make himself heard over poor Andy’s wimpering and that big squirrel’s gleeful taunting of poor, wimpering Andy.
August 10th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
MT- That squirrel is clearly prepping to jump on Mark’s face, claw at his eyes, and feast on the goo inside just so that Mark finally has a reason to shout.
August 10th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Oooh! Dilbert made a fart joke! Albeit, it followed an unnecessarily long, vague and unfunny build-up … but Wally smells are always good comedy.
By the way, how subtle is today’s hint that Marmaduke is balling Eva Braun?
August 10th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
“Fleas have been around for thousands of years” – I’d guess more like 100 million, but hey, what’s five orders of magnitude between friends?
Poor Andy looks so miserable in his bathtub, with those squirrels laughing at him. It breaks my heart, it does…
August 10th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
“A flea and his offspriong can produce 8 million pests during the summer.”
Help control the pest population. Get your fleas spayed or neutered.
August 10th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Okay, I just have to say this…notice that Summer is watching a 16 year-old VHS tape…now this is supposedly, oh, 13 or so years in the future. Who the heck will have a workable VHS player in 2021? I can hardly find one NOW! Man, even DVDs will probably be obsolete by then! And many unused VHS tapes have been known to deteriorate over time…shouldn’t Les have had that thing converted to DVD long ago??? And it didn’t look like it was particularly locked up safely like in a firebox or whatever. Wonder a very young Summer didn’t use it to tape Hannah Montana back in the day!
August 10th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
MT: I’m also amused by the vague “It’s a Fact!” box. I might start off all kind of true anecdotes with “Most people in the early days…|
August 10th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
OMIGOD SOMEBODY MADE THE KITTENS IN A STEWPOT SHIRT!
http://maryworthstylemavin.blogspot.com/2008/08/my-parents-went-to-santa-royale-and-all.html
August 10th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Snuffy Smith: So apparently the residents of Hootin Holler (That’s where they live, right?) ride atop terrifying hellbeasts for their simple errands? Clearly hillbilly life is a lot more badass then I’d tought.
Seriously, what is that? Is it supposed to be a donkey? If so, then clearly a blind person described a donkey to a special ed child, who then described it to the guy who draws Momma, who drew a sketch and sent it to the folks at Snuffy Smith for reference.
August 10th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Seeing Meridith and Robin running around naked together didn’t bother me near as much as seeing Liz naked with the dress held up in front of her.
Dee was unzipping the dress as the kids walked up. Why didn’t she tell them to scram and close the door before Liz took the dress off and had to hold it in front of her.
The look the kids gave each other elcipses Helga’s smile the other day as the creepiest moment of the week.
August 10th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
#14: Obviously, Dee wanted her wee offspring to see Liz’s naked body, so that both could learn at a young age what physical perfection truly is. Now Meredith knows what she will be expected to attain, through diet or surgery, and Robin knows what he will be expected to woo and win for his own Patterson family unit. The strain must be kept pure!
August 10th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Flea season started three months ago. If you’re just checking now, well, your pets and home don’t have fleas, they have a flea civilization. One that’s probably well into the flea atomic age.
August 10th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
15-I think Robin will one day be glad he has the right to marry, even if he only marries in spirit.
August 10th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
Mark Trail is more fun to read if you imagine what what the dialogue would be like if you replaced Mark Trail’s encyclopedic knowledge of fleas with actual human emotion.
The opening panel could have Mark Trail shouting, “GET THE FUCK OVER HERE, YOU BASTARD!” followed by, “See? I’ve got food! Good boy. Good boy.” followed by Mark Trail shouting, “GET THE FUCK OVER HERE, YOU BASTARD!” again.
In the bottom panels, Mark Trail could be saying, “Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy?” followed by “BATH TIME, MOTHERFUCKER!” and then finishing with, “You like that, don’t ya, bitch?” while the dog — noticing the squirrel — prepares to make another run for it.
August 10th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
FC: I wouldn’t worry about the front seat, I’d get that oil leak checked out.
August 10th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
“Thanks, Lisa. I like how a dozen years post-mortem you can still manage to emasculate me from beyond the grave by suggesting a screening test likely to leave me impotent and incontinent following unnecesary surgical treatment.”
August 10th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
10 hottoddy – I thought that despite the jump forward FW was still effectively set in the present. But I only read what FW I see here. But I guess since pain and human suffering are timeless it doesn’t really matter when FW occurs.
August 10th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
It’s actually meant to be a hillbilly necktie party; Maw was too dumb to hang Paw from a tree or someplace where his neck will snap or he’d at least die a slow death of strangulation. Hence he will survive to be even dumber another day.
Oh, the comedy!!!!
August 10th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
That squirrel is GLOATING about the poor dog’s misery. What payback! Artwork worthy of Slylock Fox today!
August 10th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Am I the only one highly disturbed by that hillbilly woman’s breasts?
August 10th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Re: Snuffy Smith
Dear God, what kind of abomination is that animal?! Is there some kind of fur-horned blue donkey species I’ve never heard of?
August 10th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
I wouldn’t look too closely at the trail Jeffy’s leaving, either.
August 10th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Bats :[ — from yesterthread or two-days-ago-thread (who knows) no apology needed – I thinks the world of your graphic work!! Bein’ a nurse is hard. Keeping people in bed and from falling is harder than many think. Some elderly are Houdinis and make it OVER bed rails and onto the floor. Anyway you gave me an opportunity to say “BOXCAR-SATURN….” does it get much better than that?!
August 10th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
FW: Lisa also mentioned that when she was 16, Batiuk drew her as a sheep wearing eyeglasses. Hawt.
Don’t worry about those tapes aging, Les plays them every night when he takes little Les out for air. There’s a reason he hasn’t dated in 10 years.
August 10th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
that donkey is FREAKY. But as to Reepicheep-chan , I think what you think are her breasts is actually a weird scarf/neckerchief thingy she happens to be wearing…
August 10th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
More information on fleas can be found on the Internet.
August 10th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Yes, that scarf is part of her daily wardrobe.
August 10th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
Meredith is almost six, right? Isn’t she a little too old to be running around naked in the front yard? And especially too old to be running around naked in the front yard with her little brother?
I think once you’re in school, no more nekkid. You never know when a classmate could drive by.
August 10th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
FC: Just how did he get the bathroom door open?
August 10th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
We’ve corrupted my 12-year-old. He looked over my shoulder and said, “What, the squirrels didn’t get any lines? Doesn’t that break some sort of rule?”
August 10th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Oh, it’s a gamut of emotions today. A gamut I say!
Sad — Lisa in her cancer video
Sadder — Andy in his flea dip
Saddest — Desolate Snuffy behind his “NO” circle
Happy — The squirrels, and their fleas
Happier — Aunt Sukey at Snuffy’s comeuppance
Happiest — Les daydreaming about his prostate exam
August 10th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
#10 hottoddy Les just bought the new hi-def Ouija6000. It can simulate any dead relative. The precursor was shown on an episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force – the one where Shake kills himself to mess with Meatwad’s mind.
FC “WHO defecated in the sink?!” “IDA KNOW!!!”
FW “Yeah, Baby. Your conception was so meaningless I often wondered if you’d have a soul. But you ended up my favorite mistake. It still didn’t wash away the shame of having sex with your bio-Dad, though. He was a total loser! But I’m sure you’ll turn out fine. Now go console Les – I mean the man who’s been like a father to you. You can still call him “Dad,” if that helps.”
August 10th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
I don’t think the best way to remind a man to have some other guy shove a finger up his butt is via the man’s 16-year-old daughter. I mean, a post-it note would have been much more discreet.
Then again, since Les and Summer seem to have an “unusual” father-daughter relationship anyway, perhaps it does make more sense than I realize.
August 10th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
27. Nurse with a penis: can I make it up to you (and I use “nurse practitioner” because it fills the space more than “nurse”)? And because I get to poke (ahem) fun at Batuiuiuk, too:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2751094978/
Yes, a little BOXCAR! is good for the soul…
August 10th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
RE: FOOB. I see Michael married a gal just like the gal that married dear old dad: an impatient rageaholic.
August 10th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
#36 – I can’t believe I’m gonna defend the F’bean strip … but Summer IS Les’s bio-daughter. The mistake was a boy Lisa gave up for adoption, who she finally got to meet mere seconds before expiring from sheer ennui.
August 10th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
That Family Circus was actually funny at panel 3. But just to make the point clear, so the idiot readership could understand the joke, just to slam the obvious home, some people feel they actually have to write something. It’s a visual medium folks. If I want to have a joke explained to me I’ll watch TV.
August 10th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
BG&SS: No comment about the out of place the use of the word “bodacious” is from his mouth? Or the fact theat the donkey is laughing at the “misfortune” of Barney?
Family Circus: What… the… Heck?
Funky Weatherbean: You know, I read “PSA” as “public service anouncment”, and I was really confused. Frankly her meaning a prostate exam makes very little more sense.
Mark Trail: (My translation): “I LIKE EXCLIMATION MARKS! IT MAKES ME SOUND IMPORTANT WHEN I YELL!! ” Actually two of the three panels that do not have exclimation marks actually qualify as they present an interesting unusual fact.
August 10th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Bah. Sorry.
BG&SS: No comment about how out of place the use of the word “bodacious” is from his mouth? Or the fact that the donkey is laughing at the “misfortune” of Barney?
August 10th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
# 27 Nurse and # 38 bats — I just visited a newspaper forum where trolls abound (shudder). Thank you for your gentle civil interchange that culminated in that very funny takeoff. You two give me renewed hope for humanity *sniff*
August 10th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Barney and Snuffy — In the pedant patrol dept., I think the intention was “logo on that bag.” (Which might contain potatoes?)
And it’s disturbing to realize that the interior of my small local food coop looks kinda like the interior of that store. Yikes! I do like the mule’s expression in the last panel.
August 10th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Notice how we have the poor MT dog being mocked by squirrels while he goes through washing hell, poor ol’ Snuffy looking desolated at being treated like a (more zippers) mule by his beloved wife, and Dee all shocked that her kids are frollicking nek-kid* in the front yard for all to see? How come?
Because — It’s HUMILIATION DAY in the comics today! Or, as they call it in Funky Winkerbean: Sunday.
*(well, for FOOB it’s got to be a contrived pun!)
August 10th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Prince Valiant: Giant crab! It’s an awesome marauding giant crab!! I never read this strip except on rare occasions when I want to be confused and /or bored (seriously, I never know what’s going on… haven’t they been on the same plotline since 1937?) but this latest bit of crustacean carnage made me very happy, seeing as how crustaceans are my primary area of study. “When Crustaceans Attack” was just precious. I was going to clip this from the newspaper and put it on my office door at the lab, but then the paper got thrown away by mistake… anyone know where I can find a copy of it on da internets? I can’t find this one anywhere.
FOOB: Okay, this made me angry (even more than usual). If the kids are being a nuisance (and I can’t even see that they were doing anything particularly annoying in the first place), why exactly doesn’t Dee want them to space out in front of the TV? What else are they going to do, besides rummage in the fridge and run around naked? A good deal of my childhood was spent in front of the ol’ advertising box, and I suspect it was usually when my mother wanted me out of her hair for a while. I wasn’t complaining, seeing as how I actually liked TV in those days. *sigh* Anyway, Dee just struck me as being rather more idiotic than usual today. “Kids, you’re being a pest by your very existence today! The Golden Vagina must NEVER be disturbed before the holy nuptials! Now go, find something constructive to do with your time instead of sitting quietly watching TV… I must attend to the Lizardly One.” *retch*
FW: Forgive a rookie Mudgeon here, but I’m confused. If Summer is Lisa & Les’s biological spawn, who’s this other dude who knocked up a 16-year old Lisa? And when was Summer supposed to be born? Also, that video is extremely depressing and/or very creepy. At first I thought that Lisa was addressing Summer as her “mistake” child, which came across as highly insulting. But instead of offering a slightly more optimistic message of “you can do better, and don’t do what I did,” this comes off as simple moaning on Lisa’s part (”oh, why?!”), with the expectation that Summer will inevitably make the same mistake. Way to reach the young people, Batiuk.
August 10th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
#47 The Sparrow – There’s a newspaper that puts Prince Valiant on its site, but unfortunately said site is such a bloated mess that I just threw together a viewer script instead.
August 10th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
P.S. Intrigued by today’s Prince Valiant and the 50s version of The Mysterious Island, I looked up giant crabs on Wikipedia. The results were disappointing; only one kind of crab gets anywhere close to this size, the Japanese Spider Crab, which has a legspan of up to 4 meters/13 feet, but a body size of only ~37 cm./15 in., which makes it look less like a stereotypical crab and more like something out of Half-Life. The next largest crab is the Tasmanian Giant Crab, which only gets up to 46 cm./18 in. shell width, and has clearly been ‘roiding it up (which makes it, too, look like an FPS monster, specifically the giant pink demons from DOOM.)
August 10th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Snuffy Smith: OK, I admit it. I have often wanted to tether Mr. Wondercat outside the food store for pick-up when I’m done, and for the exact same reason. It makes me feel vaguely uneasy that my reaction to this strip was empathy, followed by eye-narrowing jealousy that there are no hitching posts in front of my local Stop N Shop.
August 10th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Love me some Prince V!! It really is the same story from 1937, but I just like the way it’s drawn
August 10th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Snuffy: Man oh man, that is one smug donkey. At least Paw can take solace in the fact that he won’t be the one carrying the loads of generic-looking food items Maw buys.
August 10th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
47. The Sparrow: I think this is courtesy of commodorejohn’s viewer:
http://timesunion.com/comics/index.asp?feature_id=Prince_Valiant&feature_date=2008-04-20
Dayum! That is one big crab! Crabcakes for all! But what astonishes me even more is that Val & Co. are apparently en route to the Wedding of the Century! You will note that instead of his customary green livery, Gawain is wearing teal with lavender trim! What a fashion-plate! Da ladies are gonna swoon!
August 10th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
48, 49: Thank you so much, Commodorejohn! That .gif is much better resolution than what was in the paper, to boot. :D Yay for giant decapods. I knew about Japanese Spider crabs (gorgeous creatures that they are), but I’d never seen a Tasmanian Giant crab before! *whistles* 13 kg, wow. Now that’s a crabcake.
Incidentally, I’ve been trying to figure out what the artistic reference was for our crabby friend in Prince Valiant… the overall shape and general number of frontal teeth sorta suggests a blue crab, but obviously the color-monkeys got it all wrong. But seeing as how this is a mutant, angry crab of unholy proportions, this becomes something of a moot point.
August 10th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith- Where is Barney Google? Is he pulling a Judge Parker?
August 10th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Prince Valiant: It *wasn’t* a *rock*…it was a rock LOB-STER!
August 10th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
FW: Interesting how Summer is idly running her thumb over the remote buttons in panel 3. It’s not too late, Summer. Monk just started ten minutes ago, you can probably still get into the episode without missing too much. No wait here comes panel 4 NOOOOOOOOOO
Zits: Nice view, Connie. Now close the window.
Curtis: Curtis is faking a toothache so he can escape Gunther and his name-forgetting and lame stories and leave to “go to the dentist”.
August 10th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
Hate to say it, but Fox Trot (here) has used that Paige back-to-school joke before. And the same thing for “studying” during the school year. I think it’s been getting a bit stale ever since it went Sunday-only. It feels so wrong to snark on it, though, since there’s so much worse out there.
(Speaking of which, more of my FOOB
antifanfic here)August 10th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
CanuckDownSouth. You’re a good artist. Do you ever publish anything that’s fully inked, etc.? If so, you should link to it.
August 10th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Again with the cancer… and the teenage pregnancies. Any more improbable melodramatic tragedies and Funky Winkerbean will turn into Degrassi: The Next Generation.
August 10th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
The twist this time will be, on the very same day Les learns he has prostate cancer, Summer will be at home peeing on a stick.
August 10th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
#60 Norm said –
. . . which would make it Canadian, fulfilling Norm’s prophecy.
August 10th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Poor dog. Dinner, dancing, ass grabbing and soaking by an uncontrolled hose. Now I know how Mark’s dates must feel…
August 10th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
#47: Lisa had a bastard kid after being put up for adoption, he of course was adopted by the principal of Westview (Westhill) High, and discovered his birth mom about 3 weeks before she kicked the bucket. Summer was somehow the product of sexual union between Les and Lisa. If I remember correctly Lisa wasn’t even a regular character until she was already attending high school with a baby bump and went on a pity prom date with Les.
August 10th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
MT: Most Landseers actually love water and don’t mind getting a bath. But now there are products you apply to the dog’s skin that kill fleas for a month, so the bath isn’t necessary.
Snuffy Smith: That laughing donkey reminds me of something. Have any of you seen an animated cartoon called “Buried Treasure” made in the 1920’s, starring Everready Harton?
August 10th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
PV: Sheesh, all they need to do is attack its weak point for massive damage.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
#54 The Sparrow – Fascinating. I’d wish I knew half that much about crustaceans if they didn’t strike me as a sort of unholy undersea bone-golem given unnatural animation. At least they’re much cooler and less freaky in still images :)
August 10th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Red–the strip was originally called “Barney Google”. At some point they introduced Snuffy Smith, his mountain cousin, and Snuffy eventually ran Barney out of the strip, kind of like what that litttle rat bastard Winthrop did to Morty Meekle.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Unlike other readers, I didn’t see MT’s squirrels as happy– rather, I thought they were shouting,”WHERE’S OUR FLEA-BATHS, DAMMIT?”
It’s hard to tell, because squirrels have very high voices.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Snuffy Smith is wholly unrealistic. He should be pointing out to his wife that the stewed tomatoes she picked out are two cents more expensive than the dented cans of sour, watery no-name whole tomatoes he just found; that his mother used to buy Raisin Bran without raisins because it was cheaper that way in 1935, so why is she wasting money on the stuff with raisins; and that he doesn’t understand whyyyyy she buys kitchen cleanser and bathroom cleanser instead of just using good old bleach?
When my father did that to my mother, she stared at him, hard and long, then picked up her purse and marched out of the store, leaving him behind with a half-full cart. After all, if he, who had never boiled an egg in his life, knew two days out of retirement how to shop better than she did after shopping every week for forty-two years, he and his superior intellect could finish the job.
He never tried that again.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Hey, I’m anonymous.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Foob — Maybe I’m missing something, but couldn’t Dee have avoided all the “don’ts” and simply said “play in your rooms”? Presumably there are picture books, stuffed animals, and other indoor accoutrements of childhood therein. And blocks…they could have built a cute little dungeon just like the one in Anthony’s basement.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
JP — My uncle worked in publishing, but this golf/advance connection, he never told me about.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
Rooms? Those kids share a closet, my friend; their former bedroom is now a resource room for Michael’s writing.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
MW: I’m really looking forward to the next few weeks. It has been FAR too long since we’ve seen Chinbeard act like an insufferable ass.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
Rusty-You should not refer to someone born out of wedlock as a bastard. It is not that person’s fault that…….
Wait a minute. Her child was Darrin. You were right.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
I was thinking that using the term bastard was redundant, but not because it was Darrin. He seems to have not survived the 10 year leap.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Funky Winkerbean supposedly skipped forward in time to not dwell on Lisa being dead. Guess what? Didn’t work at all.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:55 pm
He’s been seen since the great leap forward. He was one of those people helping the comic book guy move. He mentioned he was married to the girl who deflowered him in high school.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
I never figured out how the principal adopted Lisa’s child but nobody figured it out until the end.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:01 am
FC: SPOILER ALERT:
Because Bil Keane only likes White GOP KKK members, we will be going into a vacation from the Early 80’s, instead of doing any Olympic Strips.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:14 am
Monday’s Foob……Mike says Liz has so many friends he’s never met, yet he knows instantly who two of them are when they show up at the wedding.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:39 am
The Monday blahs (and a few observations):
MT: as Kelly finally graps the gravity of their situation, Mark continues to flea-dip Andy. Life is good!
MW: yes, Toby, those “happy” surprises are so much more enjoyable than “sad” surprises.
MC: wow, Toby’s been busy! A guest spot here…no, wait, that’s an amoeba. Higher on the intellectual scale than Toby.
RMMD: the Morgan family might as well be taking an Alaskan cruise for as frosty as Rex is being. Gee whiz. Meanwhile, mass murderers Nolan and Wilson are still on the loose, 8 victims killed, 11 injured!
August 11th, 2008 at 12:45 am
72-Poteet No, you haven’t missed anything. They could have been put at the kitchen table with colouring books, or sent to the Lego pile. But in the Foobiverse, anticipating children’s actions and providing them with sensible guidance on what to do to not get into trouble is Bad Parenting.
It’s Bizarroworld with mildly more physical attractiveness.
59-Hank I’m an amateur who hasn’t got the hang of inking at all :-) This is the first time I’ve tried to put my doodles/ sketches online, so I’ve nothing else to link to.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:50 am
82. LTBF: and Mike makes it sound as though there’s something not quite kosher about knowing all of his sister’s friends.
Mike, you do not want to know the folks from the BDSM group.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:51 am
First new comics to arrive:
FOOB: Yes, it is, indeed
The Return of MTIGUFFIN!!
I hope, for an act of appropriate revenge, the Mtiguffians leave part-way through the ceremony, expecting everyone to keep going back and forth all that way for bits of the ceremony to commense. Or expecting the entire wedding party to move to Mtiguffin, leaving everyone else behind.
FW, the musical: …in my beautiful, my beautiful balloooooooooon…
FW: Oh, great, it’s the damn “mainstream” comic book world again! It’s not just creepy dads that’re stifling in this strip, it’s also the notion of comic books. Isn’t the media’s tunnel-vision coverage of San Diego comiccon enough??
Mibbit on comic books:
Love the medium, hate the genre.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:51 am
I think Mark may be shouting because Andy has grown to the size of a bear and is beginning to melt. Just a thought.
August 11th, 2008 at 1:42 am
GA — Gaaah, another weird female being with the face of an eight-year-old and a body ten years older. And I really don’t want to know why she’s called “Hoogy.”
August 11th, 2008 at 1:45 am
8/11:
9CL: No criticism? What the heck else can a McEldowney female character DO besides being hypercritical, for cryin’ out loud?? — Oh, yeah: sex.
Agnes: Don’t give Obama supporters any ideas, Aggie!
DtM: Obviously, the prospective babysitter has only read the old Dennis the Menace panels in the collections.
DT: “…so let’s just stand here and watch the gory fun!” (Sadistic, isn’t it?)
GA: Yeah, and having commentary by Andy Rooney near the end is going way too far! (In the actual show, too!)
MT: And it’s worse than that — a pack of vicious dogs are in there, and the ladies have no whistles!
Big Furshlugginer Dog: Because Marm does things that are impossible!
R&R: Do they have some kind of side deal with Warner Brothers or something? I’m curious how they’ll sneak a Tasmanian Devil reference into the proceding…
RMMD: Rex is such a downer, he should be in FW. Just cheer up, doc, you’re reading the Wilson & Nolan Daily News.
S-M: Oh, poor Vulture is falling to his doom! How could this get any worse? Oh, no! There’s a pack of vicious dogs down there, and the Vulture hasn’t got a whistle!!
Ziggy: Doc (continuing): “Uh, you name isn’t ‘Thripshaw’, is it?”
August 11th, 2008 at 2:17 am
12 Gold-Digging Nanny
Oh, what a wonderful site. I’ve been reading Mary Worth and Me, but have not found this one.
August 11th, 2008 at 2:27 am
47 The Sparrow
I think Dee just wants the kids to do something, other than what they want to do, to get out of her hair. I think she wants them to be “creative”, some how, despite never letting them know what it is.
There was a Science Fiction book my mother used to quote from about how children were raised somewhere which was ‘They stood in the corner and hummed until they were adults”, or something like that.
Dee would like that world.
August 11th, 2008 at 2:36 am
58 CanuckDownSouth
Cool FanFic. I will love to see where you go with this.
I agree with Hank. I would be good to ink them.
Either that, scan them in, up the contrast, and change them to b/w. That’s what I have to do with my daughter’s, huntingbyrd, cartoons for her blog.
August 11th, 2008 at 3:32 am
PSA stands for prostate specific antigen, a protein produced only by the prostate. A PSA test naturally determines the amount present in blood or urine, and elevated levels could mean trouble.
Fortunately for Les, prostate cancer is very rarely fatal because it grows so slowly. Many men die of other causes without even knowing they have prostate cancer. Also, prostates are not vital to living, so they can be removed (along with the seminal vesicles) if the cancer cannot be killed by other means. If this is foreshadowing and not just Funky Winkerbean’s daily dose of grim, it looks good for Les.
(I actually wrote a report about this… I didn’t expect to see it pop up in the “funny” papers though.)
August 11th, 2008 at 3:41 am
Okay, I don’t get it.
#1 Apparently Lisa was sixteen and pregnant at one point in this strip, which should have gotten it banned from everyplace in the country and Batuik burned at the stake.
#2 Les is Summer’s real father, meaning Lisa actually had two children.
WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE GO?
Or did it die? …..It probably died. And it died of painful parasite worms over a period of three years, right?
August 11th, 2008 at 4:44 am
#27 Nurse with a penis says:
August 10th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Oy. That Houdini comment brought back memories…
*shudder*
I learned very early in nursing school that one of the most valuable skills a nurse could possess was knowing when to duck. The few times I got cold-cocked were the times I flat didn’t see ‘em coming.
Nurses should get hazardous duty pay.
August 11th, 2008 at 6:13 am
FOOB: I’m pretty sure everyone at this wedding is going to be a friend of the bride, seeing as how Anthony has no friends.
August 11th, 2008 at 6:19 am
Snuffy Smith’s cactus mule sure looks like a painful ride.
August 11th, 2008 at 6:26 am
9CL: They’re thinking of Paul Drake and his operatives.
Archie: Raj got hold of some bad fish ride.
’shaft: County fair’s no good. They’ll be able to find their way home from there. You need to go to the state fair.
‘bean: So, Mopey Pete couldn’t hold a job. Not very surprising. Actually, if what I hear on the radio’s correct, this is the beginning of a week-long Buckeye-wank over the 75th anniversary of Superman. The creators lived in Ohio, you know! Feh.
Sam Driver, professional killer: I wish Sam were a sandbagger, too. It’d be more interesting to see him ordered to clandestinely kill on the orders of Roy Marsden.
Duck: How dare an American be anything but reviled by foreigners?
Rex: “Good, Wilson and Nolan have been captured.”
Sally: Pratfall down the stairs, Sally?
August 11th, 2008 at 7:46 am
10. VCR tapes are still out there for the taping, and I can truthfully say that it is possible for a 24-year-old tape (with commercials for “Back to the Future — Now Playing”) to play on a conventional working VCR deck.
Am I bad person who thinks the Tank McNamara/Prickley City storylines with our favorite characters in Chinese custody will be boring?
Curtis: It seemed like six months to me as well.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:04 am
Ack! Josh, have you seen the Sun today? Oh, the humanity! This is it, damit. I tried to be loyal. I tried to be local. I’ve survived the reformatting of the front page, the steady shrinking of the book reviews, the slow leakage of the opinion page, those stupid stickers for Mattress Discounters slapped on the front section. But as Rex is my witness, this is the nail on the Tibetan coffin. I’m getting the Post.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:17 am
81: This FC has to be more recent. Consider Mommy’s hairdo. Consider the fact the kids are obese and sitting in front of a TV set instead of getting out and being ACTIVE. Perhaps the kids are watching the Olympics after all.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:23 am
Okay–I’m a bit late on this one, but I had no internet this weekend.
I will admit that for my wedding reception, I got a deal on the liquor because our next-door neighbor owned a liquor store, and the food was cheap because my mom’s best friend owned a catering business. I even got a free bartender, because my dad’s friend volunteered.
But THIS?!
Is flucking ridiculous.
And as for Elly–she needs to predecease her dad.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:24 am
91 Rainbird: There’s been many the moment when I would like that world as well.
Actually, I’m beginning to doubt my other parenting skills, as I have on more than one occasion told my daughter to find something to do other than pester me (ok, I didn’t put it quite like that) or watch TV. And yes, we used to let her run through the sprinklers nudie in the backyard–though by the time she was six I did require her to keep her bathing suit bottom on. Then again, I also let her use the backyard sprinkler as a shower, complete with soap and shampoo.
Argh! I am Dee.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:27 am
A3G: For a prison, they sure do have lax security. Any shmuck in a mustard windbreaker can walk right in and visit with the inmates.
‘Shaft: C’mon, ask to be grown up!
DT: Uhmm…I’m not really sure I want to watch some poorly drawn woman be ripped apart by some equally poorly drawn dogs.
FC: Oh no, are we going to have to endure another family vacation? Also; if you had four kids, why the hell would you get a room with only one bed? Maybe you should spring for a couple rooms at least, Bil.
FOOB: “You know, the town she ran from to get her bland lovin’ on?”
GA: Sheesh, is it even possible for these women to be any more Stepford Wife than they already are?
JP: Guess you shouldn’t bet $50,000 without seeing what the guy can do first, eh Mr. Cheatham?
MT: Please let the lion be in there, please let the lion be in there.
MW: Awesome jack, Prof., but it pretty much proves that you were off partying in 1983 instead of teaching college as you claim.
Pluggers: Jesus Christ monkey balls, my very soul just shuddered.
PC: Yadda yadda, girl in prison, whatever, wait… a coyote wearing a speedo and he needs help with it? What is this, Prickly City fanfiction?
SFx: Holy carp, Weirdly has a mic small enough to be attached to a moth? The government will be contacting him shortly.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:51 am
JP: Watch out, Sam. Sure, you read a few paragraphs of the magic golf book and hit the ball a country mile, but Cheatham’s read the whole damn thing at least twice.
(Btw, RBMA.com seems to be having some trouble displaying the color comics today)
#100 Lu: For the sake of curious lurkers/occasional posters from outside cities who have no way of seeing the print copy, what hath the Sun wrought?
August 11th, 2008 at 9:07 am
Funky Winkerbean:
Here’s the deal. When Lisa was 16, she got pregnant by knocking boots with Frankie, athlete/thug from rival HS Walnut Tech. He promptly dumped her, and Les befriended her. He was her labor coach. She went into labor one night at Montoni’s, and they drove her to the hospital in the pizza delivery van.
She gave up the baby for adoption and moved away to live (I believe) with her grandparents.
The baby was adopted by Ann and Principal Fred Fairgood – and given the name Darrin.
Lisa and Les met up again as adults (in NYC, I think). They had a long distance relationship, and eventually, he chased her around Europe for a summer to ask her to marry him.
Shortly before they got married, they were living together and Lisa went to go mail a chapter of Les’ book for him, and the post office got bombed, and she was injured.
They ended up getting married at Montoni’s on Halloween – wearing Batman and Robin costumes. Ann, Fred and Darrin were in attendance.
Cut to Darrin’s high school years/Lisa’s cancer years…
She tutors him in French, he hangs out at Montoni’s, she gives birth to Summer, and several dozen subplots later, Darrin turns 18 and Lisa is terminal.
It’s a race to the finish, but they figure out that they’re mother and son just before she dies.
Of course, I think we’ve seen Darrin all of twice since the flash forward – who knows what he’s up to.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:12 am
Funky: What are the odds that Summer knew beforehand where and how she was conceived? I am lucky, I guess, that this subject was one I never broached with my parents. “Mom/Dad, where/how was I made.” You get answers like: “Well, I once had the football team pull a train on me…”, “Acid is a bitch, kid”, “Your grandpa was feeling very horny one day and…”, “I used to give it out for candy in my neighborhood”, and the ever popular “Cheap, fricking condom!”
August 11th, 2008 at 9:13 am
So, the lesson is…don’t ask and hope they don’t tell.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:27 am
Today’s FOOB: Oh, its Mr. and Mrs. Crow.
Plenty of people coming in from Mittagitgackiwaki.
I’m sure Liz and Blanthony’s wedding will be filled with plenty o references to how far superior the Indian is to the dumb white-man.
Sitting on the bride’s side today Mrs. Crow?
Why don’t you have a seat right here next to the box of fire-water and pox blanets.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:29 am
Oh no! Half the comics are down! I blame fleas.
Onward!
BB: 1) What kind of training exercise puts soldiers in the field with live grenades? 2) What kind of live grenades would explode close enough to singe someone’s trousers but not, y’know, kill them?
BH: Wow! Epic coloring-monkey fail. Use that 55-pixel brush much?
DtM: Notice that Alice is glaring at Henry during her statement, not at their less-than-menacing offspring. I can only conclude that the “hazard pay” isn’t for putting up with Dennis, but for having Mr. Henry “Handsy” Mitchell drive the sitter home afterward.
(WT)DT: Shirl Locke, meet Chuck Wagon.
GA: I sense a great market in the Gasoline Alley-verse selling women’s tops with non-slip straps. I can almost see her Hoogys.
Big Dog: 1) Marmaduke has a cell phone?!
2) Marmaduke can push those little buttons with his big old pads?!
3) He can spell?!
3a) All of the above are true, but he still only says “arf arf woof whuf whuff”?!
4) WHY IS HE STARING AT ME!?!?
MW: AAIGH! Where’s the other half of her FACE?!
Momma: Why don’t real women wear skirts like Mary Lou’s that flip up in the front when they sit down? Then again, I should be grateful they don’t, because in the Mommaverse, all you’d see down there is some hideous squiggle.
OBH: Last-panel Ruthieism aside… by what possible motherly criteria could soft drinks be out, but milkshakes OK? Does she have something against carbonation?
Pluggers: I must apologize to my parents who live in Florida, because in order to avoid the possiblity of ever seeing anything like today’s Pluggers, I must never venture south of the Mason-Dixon line again.
Won’tcha Let Me Take You On An RMMD-Cruise: I think the word Rex is looking for is “squicked.”
6C: Huh?!?
S-M: I hope Jameson’s wearing a really durable shirt. And that Spidey knows a good dry-cleaner, ’cause web-fluid doesn’t wash out in water.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:41 am
Fleas have been around for thousands of years? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that Mark Trail is skeptical of evolution, but given his distrust of the scientific method I wonder what “many treatments” he has in mind that likely flout a hell-bound veterinarian’s approval.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:41 am
Prince Val – All Hail the Giant Crab! Awesome! Really looking forward to the new story, the last one was a hoot.
FOOBs – The key line here is “My sister has lots of friends.” LJ is running out of time to remind us what Saints the Patterfoobs are. First, everyone in Millborough had to donate to the Settleocalypse. Now it’s time to remind us AGAIN how really, really popular they are.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:45 am
MT: Is this the first time MT has advocated killing an animal?
August 11th, 2008 at 9:52 am
Alright, I’m going to have to somewhat repeal my previous stance on the 8/6 FOOB strip. I’m not a big fan of it, but considering the flak that’s been posted in Koffee Klatch about it, I’ll allow Lynn being slightly off-handed about it. I mean, there was one insane lady who said she physically ripped the original Lawrence storyline out of the treasury she’d bought for fuck’s sake. People are freaking insane, but this is certainly not news to me.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:10 am
MW: Ian’s been gone so long that Toby’s first wifely duty is to trim his beard with her teeth.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:12 am
101: Today’s one is EXACT to the 1980 one, the only change being Thel’s hair. (And they could not be watching the Olympics, since the US boycotted the.)
August 11th, 2008 at 10:20 am
#114 Tweeks_Coffee – I am right there with you on the FooB August 6 strip. The people writing in to complain about even the oblique mention of equal marriage are truly frightening.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Mark Trail is a young earth creationist. Who’da thunk it? If that strip turns into a daily Chick tract, I may have to start reading it religiously.
As for Jeffy, with that huge smile on his face, if he were ten years older I’d suspect he just discovered masturbation. But as it is, it was probably only one of the most satisfactory bowel movements ever.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:45 am
You know, if Hoogy’s implying what I’ve decided to believe she is implying, Rover is the Sting of Gasoline Alley.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:46 am
103 athena
Don’t worry, I am Dee as well, although I do let my child play video games when I’ve run out of ideas. We live 2 miles from the nearest town, and 15 miles from most of her friends, so, other than play in the community pool (unheated), there isn’t a lot for her to do, in the summer, other than bug me. :)
August 11th, 2008 at 10:50 am
107 kalki
I don’t think I have ever asked how and where I was conceived. Ugg.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:51 am
The Spectacular Spider-Brick 110
Silly. This is Beatle Baily. They have never gone to war because they use grenades that only singe pants. Wow, you mean there are kind that maim and kill you? Oh, I don’t think I would like to use those with my men. Too dangerous.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:51 am
And now, ladies and gentlemen…the highlight of our Millborough Bus Company tour…the home of Michael Patterson. Beloved author, son of the Blessed Mother Elly and best hope of mankind.
Why, here come the children of St. Michael to welcome..what the boxcar? Uh please put away your cameras. Guys, seriously. You’re gonna get us arrested. Uh. Ladies and gentlemen, you’re witnessing a fertility ritual honoring the nuptials of St. Michael’s sister Elizabeth and cinnamon bun king Anthony Caine. Yes, I know it looks like she’s posing but put the damn camera away.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:53 am
107, 101: We’ll talk about it some other time, Damn Rubber Broke.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Dear God, what life must Toeby have had before meeting Ian that the purchase of a documentary would cause such excitement? I’m almost afraid of the day she gets a library card.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:03 am
#12 – I guess this gives a fresh new meaning to “Salad, Stew, Dessert.”
I have to go puke now.
Wow, some people from Boom-chack-a-lacki made it to the (horp) wedding thingy! Where’s Jesse, though? Probably sulking in his room, still majorly pissed off at Liz.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:04 am
#110 – Maybe the milkshake vs. soft drink thing is about caffeine? I’m pretty sure that’s why Sprite exists though.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:05 am
#118 – What did the chemist say to the bartender?
“I come in here periodically.”
*Rim shot and butter tarts*
August 11th, 2008 at 11:08 am
121 Rainbird – One of the nice things about being adopted is that I can’t ever accidentally* ask my parents how I was conceived. In fact I can pretend they’re both completely celibate seeing as there’s no evidence to the contrary.
*Presumably this would require a concussion, a 5th of vodka, and a gun to my head.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:08 am
9CL – Um…does this mean this damn storyline can be over now? Please?
A3G – You can tell it’s his brother because they look exactly…oh, wait, that criterion doesn’t work here, does it?
AS – uh no it does not work that way
BB – Ha ha! Sarge’s anus is shredded and his buttocks are studded with bits of shrapnel, and all things considered he got off damn lucky! Ha ha ha!
Crankshaft – Since when did “fortune teller” equal “Joan of Arc?” I mean, I know they called her a witch, but she wasn’t actually one.
Curtis – Does this mean we can be done with the inexplicable and creepy “hot for teacher” storyline? Please?
DT – So…most gruesome Dick Tracy death yet? I’m betting.
FC – Why would you bother? The most impressive thing in DC is right out the damn window.
FOOB – They’re facing that damn bush again in the last panel. At least they’re not thrusting their crotches at it this time.
FW – Oh goody, we’re in for a week of photocopied and slightly altered non-Batiuk art! All the classic Golden Age goodness plus the marvelous misery of Funky Winkerbean! I can’t wait! (Please, God, let him wind up using that story wherein Jimmy Olsen’s brain is swapped with a gorilla’s…)
GA – So…hypersexualized child, or baby-faced adult? At any rate, cripes, Rover, when a lady built like that tells you to “come to bed,” the answer is not “be there in a minute.”
Luann – shut up shut up shut up it’s not even fucking earth day
MF – NEWS FLASH: PEOPLE IN OTHER COUNTRIES HAVE OPINIONS ABOUT AMERICAN POLITICS. WHO KNEW?
MT – Uh oh! Cherry and Kelly are going to have to get the rocks off to clear out the opening! …obvious innuendos aside, though, I’m still hoping for a Journey To The Center Of The Earth knockoff. Maybe we can have a Sunday strip about the ecology of the Central Sea, what with its Plesiosaurs and giant porpoises. Somebody call Rick Wakeman!
Marmaduke – More pressing question: why are you wearing plaid pants?
SF – What in God’s name does Ted have on his apron? I don’t think it’s Klingon, but it’s got to be something nearly as dorky…
Edison Lee – THIS JUST IN: CREDIT CARDS ARE NOT, IN FACT, FREE MONEY HANDED OUT BY A LOVING FINANCIAL SPIRIT THAT EXISTS TO MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:09 am
Sunday Snuffy: Does the donkey not realize that he’s laughing at Snuffy, but, being similarly tethered actually shares the same fate? What a jackass!
JP: Not a big deal, really. Sam either gets Judge P the extra advance or he doesn’t. It’s not a double or nothing. It’s a win-or-status-quo. Sam isn’t an idot for accepting the bet. Cheatham was an idiot to have offered something for nothing.
Today’s art has Cheatham’s bald, hulking, troll-like mass crouching down to a miniature Sam, asking if he bags sand, or some other oblique golf reference. Too bad Cheatham doesn’t resemble a Founding Father, or we’d have a real story line here.
$50,000 wasn’t enough, eh? You want $100,000 advance for a new, untested author? Go ahead. When the book bombs, you have to refund it all, you know.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:10 am
FOOB
When I was Michael’s age, I hadn’t met any of my brother’s friends and he hadn’t met any of mine.
Of course we were adults. We didn’t live with our parents and our parents didn’t live through us.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:13 am
FW – “Hello, Summer – this is your mother, Harietta Seldon. By this point, I project that you began smoking dope and sucking cock within the past six months. I calculate there is a 98 percent chance this will lead to a crystal meth addiction and crack baby by 2010 unless you take the following measures to avert disaster…”
August 11th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner
The knife was freshly sharpened. Jesse sat on the edge of the bed, staring at his reflection on the blade.
He had loved her. It wasn’t a first crush but a first love. Miss Patterson had come to Mtigwaki, taken a boy who didn’t fit in, and given him the missing piece to the puzzle of his life. And then, she left.
It was supposed to only be for the summer. Then the news came: she had fallen in love with one of her own. She rejected her job, the First Nation people who had accepted her, and she had rejected Jesse. The pain stung like a polar bear blowjob. Now, he was in Milborough and it was the day of her wedding.
Officer Paul emerged from the bathroom. “Jess, you should put that away. We don’t want anyone to see it before they ask for the rings.”
to be continued…
August 11th, 2008 at 11:22 am
FOOB: The same can be said of funerals.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Luann
A car that runs on plastic bags? You mean the kind that are made out of petroleum?
Ok. The bags go in an onboard retort(*). Heat them until they vaporize and run the engine on the vapors. Just a guess – this thing may not be exactly pollution free.
(*) For those who would rather go shopping or drink moonshine than do chemistry, a retort is like a still.
Afterthought – During WWII some Europeans may have done this using wood chips or charcoal.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:32 am
If Mark Trail leads to a storyline of urine-drinking and cannibalism, I may actually finally find it interesting.
Rainbird-92, I am trying out the BW/contrast trick now, thank-you!
August 11th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Dear Lord, the Family Circus kids are about to run amok here in DC! If I see them on the subway platform on my way home tonight, I’ll do the world a favor and push them onto the tracks.
Police Officer: Who pushed the Keane kids onto the Metro tracks?
Perky Bird: Ida Know!
August 11th, 2008 at 11:35 am
DtM – “It’s that slut from your office on the phone – she says those cheap condoms you buy have been breaking again and she needs money to get another you-know-what.”
FC – “Get off your asses, you little melonheads! We need you sitting beside us when we make our plea before Congress for more funding for family planning!
MT – So, after all Kelly’s antics, it’s seasoned outdoorswoman Cherry who winds up getting them stuck in a cave with a mountain lioness and her cubs? At least the storm hasn’t knocked out the lights in there.
Blondie – Blondie packing heat! But this would work much better if, instead of an Olympics joke, it was a “How-dare-you-fuck-my-best-friend-Tootsie-you-pig” joke instead.
FOOB – What is Paul doing at the wedding? And why is he schtupping an elderly white woman these days?
Crankshaft – “Your fortune: You will all be blown to bits in approximately two seconds when I trigger the dynamite vest I am wearing.”
August 11th, 2008 at 11:41 am
130 – Commodore – I thought Edison Lee wasn’t terribly funny, but it did hit the nail in terms of credit cards. Edison tries to sell the cards on what they buy, same as the credit card companies. As you point out, they’re not free money. So the bank always wins. The punchline is the fine print (”for me”). But I find it hard to believe that scamming 15% per annum on a few hundred dollars for all of two accounts would be lucrative or exciting, even for the bank.
Spidermess: How did Spidey disable the anti-grav device, actually? He just threw a web out there. Was that it? I had my hopes pinned on this Vulture guy, but now I’m thinking if his vulnerability was not to touch his back in any way whatsoever, he’s really just a glass jaw waiting to get cracked.
Surprised doesn’t quite capture it, Honey! Would “apprehensive”, “revolted”, “disgusted”, “put-upon” or “horrified” do the trick? Lay it all out, Rex. You hate spending time with those – women. Anything that takes you away from your ambiguously homosexual lifestyle, eh? Who knows, though, maybe June found this one cheap because it was sponsored by the San Francisco Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual Medical Association.
Oh, and June, patients? Who will take care of the sick and the dying? Isn’t it time that One-Eye-Jack, you know, the only patient that Rex has seen in two years, has a check-up or has to renew his prescription for the pain killers he’s addicted to?
Three reasons Rex is nervous:
1. Maybe Rex is not enthused with the whole cruise idea because all his vacations end the same way. On the run from some maniacal killer, fighting floods, or trying to save a collegue from an acute case of some rare disease while fighting a blizzard. Bleah, who needs it.
2. Rex has seen Speed II, with Keanu Reeves, and wasn’t impressed. June could fill in for Sandra Buttocks if need be.
3. Rex thinks that Doc from the Love Boat showed medical prowess that Rex could only dream of, and is leery about being upstaged.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:42 am
133 – Cheech – I get it – Foundation reference. Deep.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:44 am
MT: The craziest thing about this “Mark Trail” is how plausible it is. I totally believe that Mark would give this long dissertation about fleas aloud in a stentorian voice when his only “audience” consists of his dog and some terrified squirrels.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:49 am
You know, I do actually know when and where I was conceived… Montego Bay, Jamaica; February 1974.
I also know that although they wanted another kid, my father wasn’t planning to have me so soon after my sister was born, but that my mother had other ideas…
So I was 50% “unplanned”.
And I’m 100% OK with that.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:52 am
First, Blondie shoots the mailman in the forehead, then he survives the pain and agony of a full on groin hump from her husband, and all he gets is an “Oh, I’m so sorry.” Cliff Claven shall have his vengeance, woman!
Note that the mail guy’s mail bag is being thrust in the opposite direction of Dagwood. If Dag collided with him, the mail bag would have been sent in the opposite direction – just observing Newton’s laws and all.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Doonebury – Okay, Zonk, just bring me the hot fudge vinaigrette on the side.
DT – This will turn especially gruesome, given that it will take at least two weeks for the dogs to maul Shirl Locke to death. Marmaduke, however, would have devoured her in seconds.
FBOFW – So, not only has Lynn Johnston forgotten how weddings work, she apparently has no concept of how people interact. We get more realistic dialogue when Rob talks with Bucky and Satchel.
PBS – Go for it, Pig! You’ve already brought youth to Bela Karyoli in panel 3.
A3G – Starring as Eric’s brother will be Christian Bale, who again lost roughly 178 pounds for something almost no one will see (i.e. The Machinist, Red Dawn)
Curtis – Over already? Can’t we get his teacher to change races again?
MF – Right, he’s only leading the polls in Europe (Pay no attention to those Gallup polls!). Who needs to get along with allies, anyway?
MW – Hooray! Ian has finally joined the story. C’mon buddy, bloviate away!
Phantom – Kit, perhaps it’s time to start having confidence in people. Better, yet, it’s time to have the strip taken over by Andre and the Jungle Patrol ladies – you can just drop in to give them backup during their many adventures.
SM – if there’s anything that could make falling from such a great distance a deathly dull affair, it’s this strip.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Sunday Snuffy: Gee, if I only had them thar oppos’ble thumbs. Hey, I does, doesn’t I? Gee, Ah kin untie this here thingy and walk around jus’ like a man, ’stead of some’un beast thar. Yeah, y’all ain’t laughin’ now, are ya, Eddie Murphy?
August 11th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
#134 Dingo – Haha, yes. I look forward to further installments.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Curtis: Black, white, whatever. What irks me is that this chick’s hair has gone grey. So she’s aged about 32 years in six weeks. Meanwhile, Curtis hasn’t even changed his clothes. I’m also trying to fathom a 13 year old gettin’ hot for plus-size 50-something teacher with coke-bottle glasses who casually mentions her excessive bodyodor.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
#88 Poteet: She’s called “Hoogy” because that’s what her father called her. Her maiden name was Hoogy Boogle. And she married a guy named Rover. And they had a kid they called Boog.
“Skeezix” really doesn’t seem like all that terrible a name after that, does it?
Oh, and yes, she does have that little-kid-face-with-super-hot-body thing going on, just like Amanda Lynn and Ada and all the other women in the strip born after 1975.
Mark Trail said fleas had been around for “thousands of years.” Sadly, Mark is one of those people who sincerely believes that the planet Earth is only 6,000 years old.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
MW: Tobey Thought bubble: ( Planning a happy surprise for you ! Seafood scampi for dinner – and then right after the stripper comes out of the cake, I’ll give you a used dvd . Nothing’s too good for my man !)
FOOB : Those people aren’t friends. Remeber, this is payback time.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
MT-#23-Crankenstank: I read it differently. I was touched by the concern that the squirrels seem to have for our pets, particularly our dogs. It’s like they each come onscreen with a psa for good animal care.
Keep your dog healthy so they can chase us another day!
And we can give them rabies!
Foob– Sigh. Yesterday Dee proved once again that her degree in pharmacy studies was clearly done by mail order from some off-shore diploma mill, for she should have known that if you don’t like kids, and can’t cope with their logic and behavior, the pharmacy actually sells condoms.
Today we find Michael, resplendent in mom jeans tuxedo pants, monopolizing Lawrence from his we-don’t-need-to-marry honeybun with inane comments about how Liz didn’t completely inform him of all her acquaintance.
You know, there was a time I looked at FBOFW with a kindly, somewhat amused eye. But the revealing of Lynn’s psyche in public has utterly revolted me, yet it feels like when my kids found a dead bird. Yuck, but look at all that gross rotting going on. Let’s check tomorrow and see if it gets any more horrible.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Oh, yeah, almost forgot: “Bodacious” used to show up in BG/SS quite a lot when I was a kid, and in the same context it’s used in the 8/10 Sunday page. “Maw made a bodacious pie!” “Parson, that wuz a bodacious sermon!” “I just stole a bodacious chicken from Lukey!” “Jughaid’s gittin’ a bodacious birfday cake!”
I’m guessing maybe John Rose uses it less than Fred Lasswell did, probably because the only time you ever hear it used outside the strip is to describe breasts.
Like Hoogy’s.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Ha ha! Ditto still wears diapers and smears feces all over himself! Ha ha!
August 11th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
140: Actually, Keanu wasn’t in Speed 2. Lead role was Jason Patric. Who made me miss Keanu…and that’s saying a lot.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
110, Spider Brick and 127, Jude:
Actually, milkshake over soda makes perfect sense, but only if you’re a neurotic, overprotective early 21st century mother. What’s our dear Ruthie being protected from? Why the scourge of modern life, high-fructose corn syrup!!! It’s far better to give your kids a steady diet of good old cane sugar (organically produced and equally exhanged) than it is to allow even one drop from the Devil’s Juice Box to sully their pefect little forms.
Ruthie could get a diet soda, I suppose, but that would only allow her to consume aspartame!
August 11th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Marmaduke was able to figure out how to get a cell phone, get to the text messaging feature, and despite not having thumbs was able to type a message,
But alas, he still has a limited vocabulary.
August 11th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
#152 – “Git up, Snuffy, yore crushin my Bodacious smokes!”
(This spoken by Harold, Snuffy’s second cousin)
August 11th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Sad to say I remember the Funky strip where Lisa was recording this tape and in it she DID give Summer a mini-lecture about a cancer caught early being a cancer that can be cured, and reminding her dad to get his PSA.
August 11th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Monday! Week’s almost over!
MW: “Hello,
ChinIan honey. What did I do today? Not much. I had some stew and dessert with Mary, I bought you your desired DVD, and tried out all the different shirts in the purple-interlocked-hearts collection you bought for me. How about you?”c’Shaft: What’s the joke here? “Coin-operated fortune dispensers are not, in fact, magic?” “Old people often don’t feel good and thus inconvenience younger people?” “Sad Sack and Mrs. Sad Sack are dumb enough to believe what a county-fair ‘fortune teller’ tells them?”
A3G: Anything can happen at LhasaLand, Eric, but remember that TENTH ENEMY HAS THE KEY. (I also sincerely believe that at the gift shops at LhasaLand, the employees greet you with a cheerful BUY SOMETHIN’ WILL YA.”)
Foob: Actually, she did, Mike. You were just too busy tikka-tapping away at your Brilliant Novel (with your left ring finger and right thumb) to remember. So she SLUPP CHOMP GLUP CHEW EAT’d one of your children. You used to have three, not that we expect you to remember.
Edison: Yes, it’s an unfortunate state of affairs that many people are forced to buy medical care and other basic necessities on credit, but making fun of them is not the way to help the situation. I really don’t think that anyone’s going to read this strip, and say, “oh, we don’t have to use our credit cards to buy food and healthcare? Really? Wow, my life is so much better!” IT’S NOT PLAN A, YOU MORON.
FC: At least we don’t have that damned pennant again. (If you recall, famously when Bil or whoever has sent the Keane Kollective to DC or anywhere else, he has one of the kids carry around a pennant with their current location on it, just in case you can’t tell.)
FW: Huh. A ratio of 100% unbearable smirks to 0% soul-crushing despair? I never thought I’d say this, but maybe Batiuk should stick to the misery-as-punchline so I don’t have to restrain myself from trying to punch those assholes and looking like an idiot for slapping the newspaper.
JP: Note that cloudless sky? The artist has clearly been to Arizona, because that’s totally accurate.
GT: Bliss. Nonsensical narration, non-Euclidean sports action, hulking monstrosities playing human roles, eyes with the traditional Milford Disappearing Pupils (just look at panel 1)… delightful. I wish it was Marty Moon in panel 3 and not, um, Not-Marty, but you can’t have it all.
August 11th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
155-Bryan (Spiderbrick, Jude) I could see the “no soda” rule not being too ridiculous if the milkshake is treated as an after-meal dessert, and Ruthie is expected to drink water, juice or something healthy with her meals. It’s not spelled out that way, but it doesn’t mean it has to be corn-syrup-phobia or ignorance of “milkshake does not equal glass of milk”
August 11th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
YAY! Diesel Sweeties is no longer running in print!
August 11th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
155 Bryan: If that milkshake doesn’t have HFCS in it, they’re at a really classy restaurant. Almost any ice cream that they use at restaurants is going to be made with HFCS and not sugar, and chances are good there’s some kind of flavor syrup in it (I mean hell, just adding Hershey’s to it or whatever) which contains more of the same. I think the idea is that at least it contains a little bit of nutritional value, with the actual milk and all, but it could just be kind of nonsense. I don’t really get it either.
For the record? I wish HFCS didn’t exist because I know how bad it is, but hell if I can stop myself from eating and drinking it, sometimes in rather large quantities. So honestly I don’t see a lot wrong with the implied hysterical overprotective mother you conjured for us, even if she is somewhat on a fool’s errand. Though there certainly are genuinely hysterical overprotective mothers out there. I don’t really know where I’m going with this.
August 11th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Mark Trail: Mark’s just a rigorous writer. He can’t find any citations in the literature for fleas back before a few thousand years.
August 11th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Oh Noes! Kelly and Cherry are trapped inside after a rockslide completely closes up the entrance to their cave. Their well lit cave. Which would mean there is another entrance to the cave. And the sun is shining into what would otherwise would be a pitch dark blackness punctuated by their dialogue balloons….
August 11th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
@cheech wizard: You beat me to it. Gomen nasai.
August 11th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
FW — So, 10 years into the future, Les still has a working VHS VCR? And the tape is still playable after sitting under the TV all that time?
August 11th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
127 CanuckDownSouth said:
If Mark Trail leads to a storyline of urine-drinking and cannibalism, I may actually finally find it interesting.
I’ll settle for hot girl-on-girl action as Kelly and Cherry are force to confront their repressed lesbian love.
August 11th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
165 – The illumination is probably coming from the lioness’ glowering eyeballs.
Pibgorn – Looks like Robert E. Howard is guest-authoring today.
August 11th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
140 Hogenmogen:
Rex doesn’t want to go because he’s afraid the cruise ship laundry can’t double-starch his collars the way he likes.
August 11th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
FBOFW: Please.. the “who’s who” would be surely as mind-numbingly interesting as the “who’s that”. Michael’s world rotates around “who and what’s mine”. In Liz’s world and wedding all that matters is “what’s that”, which is what people are going to be whispering as they stare upon the splendor of the bride and groom. The Mitexplicits came to the wedding just to spy and report back through uploading videos on their website. I’m looking forward to their special-edit viral Liz-Anthony-”Never gonna let you go” Rick Astley homage.
August 11th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
#110 The Spectacular Spider Brick and everyone who commented on Monday’s One Big Happy: Wait, are we seeing the same strip? High fructose corn syrup? NO! Look at panels 2 and 3 again. Ruthie’s just pinched off a loaf right there in the booth at Denny’s. I don’t mean meatloaf, people!
August 11th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Well, now that the other strips are back up at the Chron, I have to ask:
FW: Is that supposed to be a punchline?
MT: So, what’s so finger-lickin’-good on Kelly Welly’s fingers? Ooh, wait, I don’t want to know.
August 11th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Canuck Down South @ 137 wrote:
Oh, there will be urine drinking, all right. But not for the reason you think.
August 11th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
DT: Apparently, shooting a pack of bloodthirsty dogs trained to kill people to save the life of a bank robbery conspirator is completely out of the question?
FW: It looks like Michael Patterson syndrome is contagious. First, Judge Parker caught it, and now Funky Winkerbean’s own Droopy McSad has fallen victim.
H&L: You know what I liked second best? Rolling in dung.
Yeah, yeah, low-hanging fruit and all that…
August 11th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Mark Trail is reminding me of this Fenslerfilm GI Joe PSA, as he maintains his creepy grimace and coherent monotone narrative (not including the last panel where he’s shouting) even as he is chasing a dog.
August 11th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
140. Hogenmogen re RMMD: honestly, any of those possibilities work for me, because I have no idea where I’m going (hell in a handcart aside):
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2754337456/sizes/o/
August 11th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
149. Paul1963 and others: I don’t know that Mark Trail is a creationist or a young-earth believer. He’s just never seen a live dinosaur. And if he did, you know that the first thing he’d do is give it a good flea-dippin’. Because fleas killed off the dinosaurs.
Enjoy the Outdoors!
August 11th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
I’m a day behind, but in the Sunday JP, isn’t that character supposed to be wearing white?
(”Scratch Golfer” ref ftw!)
Monday riffs:
A&J: looks like the kid takes after his dad after all.
Zits: guess Jeremy reads RMMD, judging by his look of O_O.
SF: meta-Ces strikes again!
Olympic jokes on the funny pages in PBS, MG&G, Blondie, and Overboard. Only PBS goes on past the pre-lims. Is there a repechage in this event?
MC: Squishy ftw! (and no love for Jim Rat during Ancillary Characters Week? *sad*)
August 11th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
158: I promise you that you will see the pennant later.
August 11th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
#140 – Little does Rex know that’s it’s actually an Olivia Cruise.
Better bring Niki along, Rex.
August 11th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Man! I just had to call Eastern Illinois University. All the paperwork is finally done and I start my job at the gaming company this coming Monday. Have an apartment 3.5 miles from work. Everything is in place. All that wasn’t done was notifying EIU that their new instructor wouldn’t be showing up for work. What’s really funny is that I got a call from Indiana University last Friday and a community college in Chicago today. I go with no offers for months on end and suddenly I’m the ball’s belle. Why am I writing this to all of you?
I swear I’m living at Charterstone in Santa Royale and I keep looking out the door for that damned meddler. Someone has to come along and sweep the tablecloth out from under the dishes and send my life crashing against the wall. Where is she? Where’s Mary Worth? My computer’s F10 key doesn’t send!
August 11th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
#181 Dingo: Did it feel good to make “The Call” to EIU?
August 11th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
SSmith – (Sunday) Shouldn’t the slashed circle be over a picture of Barney Google? He’s the one who shows up once a year, tops.
Mark in Boston @65 – I thought his name was Peter B. Everhard. I’ve only seen bits and pieces (haw haw) of the cartoon BURIED TREASURE (aka THE ADVENTURES OF EVERHARD), so I never saw the donkey. The hero was a ringer for Mr. Jeffries (aka “Jeff”).
commodorejohn @130 – [FW] No! Giant Turtle-Man! Or maybe the one where Jimmy wears drag to go, um, undercover. Hm. Giant Turtle-Man it is, then! [EdLee] Actually, credit cards are free money handed out by a loving financial spirit that exists to make your life easier when they’re Toby’s credit card. Gee,thanks, Internet!
August 11th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Zaq, Bryan, Jude, Spiderbrick…
When I was a kid I wasn’t allowed to have soda except on special occasions, but milkshakes were OK. However milkshakes were dessert; no sweet drinks with food, ever.
Now, you could argue that sodas are purely empty calories whereas milkshakes, though they are sugary, have some nutritional value. And you’d be right.
But in my case we weren’t allowed to drink soda because my father hated soda. Why do people expect parents to be rational? Who raised you?
August 11th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
110, The Spectacular Spider-Brick,
Regarding Beetle Bailey, the army uses practice grenades that just have a small black powder spotting charge in them (just enough you can see where/when they’d go off). One of those would probably just singe the pants.
August 11th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Me @183 – Hey, where’s the rest of me??
(Quoting Daffy Duck, of course.)
Anyway, back to Monday, if my system is quite finished spazzing and then locking up to keep me from going back and trying to get back in and at least explain what’s happening…
Marvin – So is he talking or not? And am I caring or not?
My Cage – I always award points for an animal character who behaves like some sort of actual animal. So I hereby dispense two points here.
PCity – If anyone asks for my opinion, they can use this fourth panel on every installment of this strip from now on.
RMMD – It’s one thing for his family to keep the vacation from Rex, but you’d think his Wilson & Nolan Newsletter would have at least mentioned it.
Shoe – Um, how far under her eyes?
SFx – I think Slylock should just ignore the moth, and let Count Weirdly go insane listening to Max Mouse reading a book and eating cake while Slylock stares at everything with bulging eyes and wishes he had a mouth.
August 11th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I actually can empathize with today’s Family Circus. That doesn’t make it funny, but I can empathize.
Today’s Born Loser has an obvious answer: The loneliest number. Sorry, ‘70s flashback.
It’s kind of creepy, in today’s Luann, that Brad is making his “sex face” at his sister.
I don’t get today’s Beetle Bailey. What, so Beetle threw a grenade, and Sarge farted?
Deja vu in today’s Spider-Man. In today’s reprise of yesterday’s strip, we learn that Spider-Man’s no-kill policy has been waived. Jameson is safe, however … unless Spidey catches sight of a TV through an open window and gets distracted.
August 11th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
#183 Muffaroo-who-walks – Ooh, how about the one where Lois becomes a centaur? Or marries Satan?
August 11th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
FOOB: “Elizabeth will be ever so glad you came” implies that the Crows’ presence is a bit of a surprise. Were they among the 10 or so who didn’t RSVP?
Why is Lawrence wearing a Mask of Comedy in the last panel?
August 11th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
#184 Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator: But did you take a massive dump in the booth that you drank your milkshake in like little Ruthie has? Or am I the only one who sees that? Maybe I’ve been around babies too much, but the third panel is definitely the “I’m making doody” face.
August 11th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
# 181 Dingo — Yay! Re the phone call, I hope you greatly enjoyed being in Smug Mode. (RED DWARF has permanently changed my vocabulary.) And may everything work out wonderfully for you! Metaphorically, you have now moved OUT of Charterstone. Enjoy your new freedom.
August 11th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
189-Joolz The dialogue in FOOB seems designed to bring new readers up to speed with all the characters who show up. There’s a lot of “who is this who is doing X” and a lot of “X has a business as Y, so is doing Z”. I think it’s just stilted by being contrived to yet again show they’re connected to Liz, not implying they didn’t RSVP.
Apart from the rank materialism on display (today being something of an exception), somehow, the last few weeks of a strip doesn’t seem like the right time to catch new fans. But if it were, wouldn’t you make sure the details were right? (Crow vs Crane)
And for those who would like to think the Settleocalypse is mere delusion, more here
August 11th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Snuffy Smith: Paw tied up in front of the store with the rope around his neck? Finally this strip will live up to its name.
August 11th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
190 Baka Gaijin
Wow, it’s like you were THERE
Or rather, no, no I did not, but you are totally right. That’s a poop face.
August 11th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
#194 Bunnë: Thank you. I can go to bed now, vindicated in the knowledge I can spot the “I’m making poopy” face.
August 11th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
FBoFW “My sister has lots of friends! Some of them I’ve never met before! I don’t know how that happened since I was such a little pile of shit to her when we were kids! But whatever, I never treated her decently until Mummie became the Decider and decided to match her up with Anthony so she can own all the horses in Milborough! Seriously! Somehow moving back home from The Wilds of the North has made Lizardbreath my best pal even though she never does anything with me or Dee or the kids, or anyone else for that matter! All she does is try on that damn wedding dress! And it’s MY turn, goddammit! It’s MY turn to wear the pretty veil this time! Lawrence, when are we gonna tell Weed about our affair? Before or after he prints the wedding photos? ‘Cuz that would make an AWESOME final prank on my sister for him to tear up all the photos in a jealous fit!”
Oh Lynnie Baby…you just don’t know from plot twists, my little Buttered Tart.
August 11th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
MW – Well, I may a mad pleasure loving babe, but if I got a freeking DVD about Scotland for my “special” birthday present, there would be violence and tears.
Hey, the guy may wear a jacket with elbow patches but I think it must take more than a documentry on kilts to thrill him.
Ewww, I just reread the last sentence; considering who he is married to, perhaps kilts would be a thrill.
August 11th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Ah-ha! Finally figured out what it was about that Snuffy Smith that was ringing a faint but nagging bell of familiarity in the back of my head. It was the “Mmm, cookies.”
I think it’s ‘Mmm-Fashnik’, like ‘Mmm, cookies.’
August 11th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
“Can you please tell me what, exactly, caused the St. Bernard to maul Mr. Trail?”
“I can’t really say, but if I had to guess, Officer, I’d say years of pent-up agression towards the oversized squirrels whose constant taunting made poor Andy’s life a living hell. Now would you please just shoot the son of a bitch so we can cut off his head and test him for rabies?”
August 11th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Dingo, @181
Why am I writing this to all of you?
Because we really do care.
I’m jazzed for you, Mr. Gaming Company employed guy.
August 11th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
MT-
That squirrel is Shocked! Shocked, I tell you, at Mark’s tone of voice.
August 11th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
How do you know when you’re a latte-drinking, prius-driving, obama-voting liberal elitist? When seeing the word “bodacious” makes you cringe. Actually, when just seeing Snuffy Smith makes you cringe.
August 11th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
#198: Dawn’s doing research now?
August 11th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
How has only one person mentioned that Snuffy title panel
That is the saddest thing I have ever seen outside of Funky or Ziggy
August 11th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
#202 Sorako-chan – Actual, I’m pretty sure anybody left of Bruce Tinsley cringes at Snuffy Smith.
August 11th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Sunday MT: Actually, that speech balloon is coming from Andy’s shoulder, or more accurately, the helpfully altruistic flea living on Andy’s shoulder.
August 11th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
commodorejohn @205 – The ones who really cringe at the word are those who, like me, have seen the animated version of Snuffy Smith from about 1960 — there were also Beetle Bailey cartoons, and of course the wretched Popeyes from the same studio — where Snuffy’s disembodied head sings the title song, which starts with him barking like a seal, and about the time the blood returns to your head, he says he’s bodacious. I’m sure there are a lot of people who switched the whole thing off right at that point, but I was always toughing it out, waiting, hoping the next cartoon would be a good one. Turner’s cartoon library had many good ones — it’s a mystery why they even bothered with the King Features flubs. Ah, the golden days of watching TBS on weekend mornings, before the VCR age kicked in (at noon, of course, or possibly midnight). It was only about three years after that that I was taping black and white Popeyes from Pat Robertson’s local station in Virginia. But enough nostalgia.
@188 – Another big favorite for me is the Jimmy Olsen story where Olsen, disguised as Bizarro Jimmy, goes on a teenage dance show and invents punk rock. His act includes opening a box of flies and swatting at them with his guitar and singing a song that goes something like, “Go away, little girl / Me hate you, little girl / Me glad you so ugly, little girl.” He concludes his act by declaring that he’s just been putting them all on — “Who care, punk kids? You??” Alas, as always happens, his calculated effort to offend turns into an unqualified showbiz success. All the kids in the audience run up and don rubber Bizarro masks, which Jimmy had on hand, for some unexplained reason, and Bizarro Jimmy’s failure to bomb sends him home in disgrace. Me hate happy ending.
August 11th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Dingo @181: What Anonymous @200 said-Ditto from me! Is your new gig at that Gaming Company everyone’s talking about? Just kidding man, it sounds like a great place and they are providing you with excellent perks. It also sounds like they’ve done everything except re-animate Telly’s corpse to present you with a giant sized Player’s Club card. All the best Amigo, you deserve it. Red
August 11th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
FC – Considering the unnaturally great view from that Motel 666, why not a compromise? During commercial breaks, the kids will about-face so they can see the window, and Dolly will mispronounce as many major monuments as she can see, while Billy makes wrong guesses about what they are (”Look, Daddy! It’s a Masonic occult emblem!”), Jeffy shows that he doesn’t understand that things look smaller because they’re farther away, and PJ can hold up his end of the all-important “standing around with one finger in your mouth” activity. If they work efficiently, they can do a week’s worth (including Sunday) before the end of “Six Feet Under.”
Muke – Jesus H. Christ, in addition to everything pointed out by Spider-Brick @110, his dog pals even spell it all out in English (foreign dogs use different words in barking — in Mexico, for instance, it’s “Gau! Guau!”). From the look in Marmaduke’s eyes, “arf arf whoof whuf whuff” is the canine equivalent of The Black Spot. We can but hope.
FBasset – Jumping Jock Flash is a gas, gas, g… crap, I just can’t do it. There’s nothing here. Nothing! Not even a rudimentary hemi-semi-demi-joke to focus on. It’s like slogging through an endless, featureless void, praying for a drop of humor, and getting only the world’s dullest dog, staring at us and explaining situations so bland and trite that we might as well go out and get amusement from looking at real dogs, or photos of them. Who is this strip intended for? I’d have thought that by now all the faithful readers would have drowned from standing around in rainstorms, looking up.
DT – !! When she’s being torn apart by savage dogs, Shirl Locke develops almost normal-looking eyes! No wonder Tracy is standing there whistling. (On behalf of family papers everywhere, they’d better make sure there’s no ‘wardrobe malfunction’ — just good old, wholesome, death by canine.) Arf, arf, whoof whuf whuff!
August 11th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
We’re five seconds away from a tragedy in the “Family Circus” Sunday logo. Dolly is patiently explaining to Jeffy how he has failed to achieve even in the modest task which was his charge, i.e. holding up the goddamned logo. Jeffy will no doubt misinterpret Dolly’s words and turn himself upside down, causing blood to rush to his already-overloaded head. As the stricken tot is taken away on a stretcher, his siblings will react much as they do here: Billy, smiling smugly knowing his status as alpha male is unchallenged; Dolly, offering unwanted advice to the paramedics; and dear sweet hopeless P.J. lost in his own private wonderland of complete, oblivious idiocy.
August 11th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
I want to apologize to everybody for leaving Dennis, Viscount of Stokington stagnant for so long, but I was caught up in some military training and then broke my back, so I’ve been busy.
But it’s back! With shocking plot twists and startling developments. Let me tell you, if you’ve ever wanted to see Dennis the Menace and the Phantom team up to swindle Dagwood’s boss out of a fortune, I suggest you tune in.
August 11th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
#211 Captain Thunder
Whoah! Sorry about your back!
And welcome back!
August 11th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
#210 Joe Blevins – I’ve never heard “trgedy” used to mean “comedy” before. Is this a regional dialect thing?
August 11th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
199 Captain Thunder: If Mark Trail starts copying plot points from Stephen King novels, it’ll only get better. I look forward to next Sunday’s installment, where he details the fascinating biology and complex behavior of aliens living in the sewers of small towns. “DOWN HERE WE ALL FLOAT! WE ALL FLOAT, AND YOU’LL FLOAT TOO!”
August 11th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Yay, Captain Thunder! Welcome back! Sorry to hear about your mishap, but I hope your return to the funny pages means you’re feeling much better now.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Family Circus: I’d like to see Mark Trail bait a trap with Jeffy from Family Circus.
Mark Trail: I’d like to see Jeffy from Family Circus used as bait in a trap by Mark Trail.
Rex Morgan: I’d like Jeffy from Family Circus to contract a rare disease that only Rex can cure.
Family Circus: I’d like to see Jeffy expire from a disease that Rex Morgan, MD, is unable to cure.
Marmaduke: I’d like to see Marmaduke eat Jeffy from Family Circus.
Family Circus: I’d like to see Jeffy’s corpse stick in Marmaduke’s throat and suffocate him.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
I’m pretty sure if someone didn’t RSVP in the positive for The Debacle, Elly would hunt them down and demand a yes at gunpoint.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Excuse me, a “yes” and a Salad Spinner.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
The “r” and the “n” in the text beneath The Family Circus in my local paper bled together, making it seem like the father is saying “For the last time, shut that dam thing off and let’s go sightseeing!” Cursing in The Family Circus? He’s very close to snapping…verrrrry close.
Speaking of which, Blondie has had enough of Dagwood’s crap:
http://anothermonkey.blogspot.com/2008/08/4-my-mudgez-blondie-shoots-dagwood.html
August 11th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
137 CanuckDownSouth
I like where you are going with your story. ANother thing you might do, to make it easier to read, is to not put the text in until after you have scanned it in, and do it in type.
Huntingbyrd, my daughter, does leave the text in her blog, but erases it after she has put the type on top. People who have seen it both ways say it is easier to read.
Or, as some one suggested, you could draw with a blue pencil, and then trace over it with ink, and scan that in.
Probably too much information.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
#137 CanuckDS –
You might experiment with scanner settings, too — it looks like you’re scanning as color images, and I bet 8-bit greyscale would look a lot crisper.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
211: Captain Thunder – By my binoculars and macintosh! I thought you and Master Dennis had been permanently marooned in the sargassum, or spirited away by hottentots! Good to have you back.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
In other news, I’m sure Josh finished the Comments of the Week hours ago, and is now wracking his brain to come up with yet another original clever title — knowing full well we’ll jump all over him if he repeats.
If it were me (and thank the Lord it’s not!), I’d just cycle through the world’s languages, in hopes that by the time I reached Xhosa, Alsatian would have come back in vogue.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
I sent Josh a stunningly fabulous T-shirt design almost a week back. I bet he’s spending this time using it to create lots and lots of merch we’ll all fall over ourselves to buy, so he only has to put up one Metapost.
But don’t y’all worry your purty li’l heads over the COTW… I think my (WT)DT comment from today has it sewed up.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
I noticed while looking for the link to Canuck Down South’s blog (someone buy that girl a scanner, already!) that Poteet called today’s foob spot on! http://joshreads.com/?p=1669#comment-558783 Unless he actually sees the comics before everyone else.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
#225 Pester –
Poteet can tell the future with her all-seeing Third Eye. Frankly, not many gals can pull off that look, but she rocks it!
August 11th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
A Brief Announcement:
I will be filling in for C. Sandy Cyst over at The Family Circus Of Values from tomorrow through next Tuesday. Feel free to mock my pathetic attempts at humor.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
Oh, I know why Josh hasn’t posted COTW yet! He’s waiting for my take on today’s FOOB:
Hey Lynn! This lame pun is below even your usual standards! Suck it!
So where’s my prize money?
August 11th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
commodorejohn #227
We may never have to read the real comics again, what with the Family Circus of Values, and Mary Worth and other such blogs.
How wonderful that such things exist.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
??????????? ??????!
August 11th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Re: #230 –
So Wordpress previews Cyrillic correctly, then screws it up when you post. You try my patience, Wordpress!
August 11th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
# 230 Uncle Lumpy,
Is this your attempt at a comment of the week?
August 11th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
Uncle Lumpy-I know! It even stumbles on simplified Chinese! You try Mary’s cassarole, Wordpress.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
#232 Rainbird –
So?
August 11th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
CanuckDownSouth
Your art is great! My suggestion is — if you have Photoshop (or “GIMP” for that matter) — to use “levels” rather than “contrast”. It allows you to pick exactly where white and black are, as well as 50% grey… don’t know if that makes a lot of sense, but it’s actually pretty easy. Just poke around. You’ll be an expert in 10 minutes.
If you are drawing in graphite pencil, a photo actually works better than a scanner — the graphic is a little reflective, and the scanner uses very bright light.
I use blue pencil and then black ink… you don’t need to erase anything. I have more tricks, if you want to know…
August 11th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
CanuckDownSouth: The “curves” adjustment is pretty handy too.
Anyhoo, Here’s the first installment of “Mary Worth Hand Puppet Theater” Starring Pebbles Flintstone as Toeby and the Groten’s fisherman as Professor Ian Cameron, Ph.D.
August 12th, 2008 at 12:01 am
Ooh, Red — Multimedia!
August 12th, 2008 at 12:04 am
There is just something delightfully sick about sharing drawing, scanning, Photoshop et al. techniques so that we can mock legitimate comics…
Oooh, must go watch men in tight swimsuits!
August 12th, 2008 at 12:08 am
tuesday’s foob was actually nice and touching. The fact it was Foob still made me barf, but an otherwise nice strip.
When we were having pictures made at our wedding, we all got together and the photgrapher took the shots we wanted. She didn’t roam around like somebody taking random photos at a frat party.
August 12th, 2008 at 12:17 am
Bunne, Greenback, and everybody I’m forgetting: Hey, thanks for all the tips – I have about reached information overload. It’s HB/4B pencils (except for some attempts at pen for words), several pics, cropping, then the GIMP. I will try “levels” – today’s used “contrast”.
The story will go on – there’s a *lot* that needs to be said about Lobotomized Liz
August 12th, 2008 at 12:21 am
239: My brother and sister-in-law hired the ‘roving’ sort of photographer. She got the necessary poses, then she wandered around during the ceremony and reception. With her white shirt, cargo pants, and cameras strapped to her, she looked like she was on safari.
August 12th, 2008 at 12:21 am
LTBF-239 arrgh! LJ has ruined me. In a pocket universe, disconnected from any previous FOOB, this would be touching. The fact he’s proud that she’s settling down with an emotionally adulterous stalker creep – ick.
August 12th, 2008 at 12:22 am
I just know we’ll get the new posting in once I try to comment on the Tuesday FOOB & FW. Josh is (UNintentionally) just waiting for my comment to steal my thunder (or at least light drizzle) with a new thread. Or…. until I get my longer Chron-based comment(s) in, thusly shifting attention away from much more of my snarky work.
Oh, well, might as well surrender to fate, so….
FOOB: …………….
HA! Fooled ya, Fate/Whatever!!
Better yet… placeholders! That’s it!
FOOB: God, how much more of this Patterson-worshipping glurge can I take??! Shut up, Ellie/Mikey/John-Rod/April (how could you?!)
/Kortney/Fate/Whoever!
FW: Superheroes yadda yadda cancer yadda yadda pizza yadda….Boxcar!
August 12th, 2008 at 12:43 am
(Okay, for real this time…)
FOOB: Well, the 1st panel’s nice, except for what she’s actually doing that he’s proud of! The ending is just sickly-sweet wordplay (at least not a pun!)
FW: I guess I can’t begrudge him that. It’s not like he can come up with his own characters in a decidedly NON-superhero universe (of his own choosing)(fantasy is allowed, however. I’d be a hypocritical Bone/Cerebus/etc. reader if I didn’t), written for a not-beholden-to-corporate-interests publisher, dealing with fairly real-world subject matter, making it about relationships between characters, appealing to anyone who can enjoy a good prose novel/TV show/movie/better comic strips than this one and not just fanboys, created for reading instead of collecting/speculating, possibly in the form of a graphic novel all along or anything. So writing (not drawing!) the most famous superhero — though one as dull as dishwater (or overlong CC coment) — is cool, I guess.
(Okay, now I know there’s a new thread about to render all this missed)
August 12th, 2008 at 1:04 am
LBTF and CDU re Tuesday FOOB: yes, this is an amazingly nice, simple and touching strip. No overly googly eyes from John, no injected Lips o’ Lasciviousness from Liz. Just kind of a “day-um! look at us” reflection.
Of course, I am honour-bound to mess with it:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2756125234/sizes/o/
August 12th, 2008 at 1:41 am
# 225 Pester and # 226 Uncle Lumpy — I am deeply honored by your comments, but I cannot tell a lie (this time, anyway:-). My local paper doesn’t publish on Monday, so it carries the Monday Foob on Sunday. I wish it would carry something potentially more useful, like the front page from a few days later, but no such luck.
August 12th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
FOOB: “You’re a beauty — I’m so proud of you.” What the hell does that mean? “You’ve grown into a thoughtful, intelligent woman (ha!) — I’m so proud of you.” “You’ve gotten everyone to do favors for this wedding and I’m getting of pretty easy — I’m so proud of you.” “You’ve chosen a good man for a husband (ha!) — I’m so proud of you.” OR “You’re a beauty — I’ve looked forward to this day for years.” “You’re a beauty — your grandmother would be very proud seeing you in what remains of her dress.” You don’t beam pride to your daughter because you think she’s a babe.
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:09 pm
HA HA HA! THAT FUNKY WINKERBEAN STRIP WAS FUNNY! :-D
This is why Funky Winkerbean is one of the funniest strips in America today. You can just feel the Schadenfreude dripping in every panel of that strip. You know that divine justice will play out when Summer gets pregnant, gives away her baby and eventually gets struck down with breast cancer herself just like her mother.
And once again, what does that stupid Cleats comic strip do this past week? Stupid, unfunny jokes about skipping rope. IT’S NOT FUCKING FUNNY, BILL HINDS!
Hear me loud and clear, Glens Falls Post-Star Editor-in-Chief Ken Tingley, drop Cleats and bring back Funky Winkerbean NOW!
DEATH TO CLEATS!
LONG LIVE FUNKY WINKERBEAN!
BRING BACK FUNKY WINKERBEAN TO THE GLENS FALLS NY POST-STAR NOW! @-0