The Comics Curmudgeon

49 responses to “Monday one-liners”

1. Uncle Lumpy
   August 12th, 2008 at 12:56 am [Reply]

   YEAH AND MAKE IT SNAPPY, OK?

2. zenvelo
   August 12th, 2008 at 12:57 am [Reply]

   I take it Rex Morgan is reading the obits, and his creators were in a murder suicide…..

3. Aesahaettr
   August 12th, 2008 at 12:58 am [Reply]

   *snicker* “toss a grenade…”

4. shadowfax
   August 12th, 2008 at 12:59 am [Reply]

   I don’t think those are dogs. Based on their mandibles, I would suspect they are some sort of canine-preying mantis hybrid. But definitely not dogs.

5. Cody
   August 12th, 2008 at 1:00 am [Reply]

   The listening device is in Max’s stomach. THE LISTENING DEVICE IS IN MAX’S STOMACH.

6. DaveyK
   August 12th, 2008 at 1:00 am [Reply]

   With our freedom at stake, you’d think the US would arm soldiers with actual grenades rather than firecrackers.

7. Weaselboy
   August 12th, 2008 at 1:00 am [Reply]

   Nice home security system you got there, Slylock. Any masked nobleman can open a window and toss in a moth.

8. Joe Btfsplk
   August 12th, 2008 at 1:01 am [Reply]

   Dick Tracy – The dogs appear to be shredding just Shirl’s clothing, rather than Shirl herself. This is going to be even less pretty than I was expecting it to be.

9. zooby
   August 12th, 2008 at 1:02 am [Reply]

   Cheer up, Rex! I’m almost POSITIVE there will be a few young, male stowaways you can bond with on this cruise. And by “bond” I mean “bone.” Clearly.

10. Turtleboy
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    Tuesday’s DT: Don’t these guys have guns or something? How the hell do the cops keep snatching whistles away from them so easily?

11. Turtleboy
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    RM: That’s because Mommy just discreetly promised to get him a male prostitute!

12. bats :[
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    Gah! Missed the new post by that much!
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2756125234/sizes/o/

13. Turtleboy
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    Luann: I think I’m going to just avoid this strip for a while.

14. Batman Beatles
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    Luanne: What is going on? Earth day was months ago! *Hits comic strip with fist* Stupid comic strip! Be more funny!

15. DarkAudit
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    DT: Saving Shirl by committing cold-blooded murder, hmm?

16. Red Greenback
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    Josh: Re. your above Slylock Fox comment. Are you allowed to give yourself COTW? Because you should.

17. Weaselboy
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    MW: Ian, you can’t say “hmmm” with your mouth open!…oh Lord, look at what this blog has driven me to.

18. poopypants
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    i’m new to reading Rex Morgan. could someone fill me in on why the hell he’s such a sour puss about spending vacation time with his wife? is it because she hasn’t bought him the perfect dvd online at enormoushop.com?

19. Red Greenback
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    Dick: With those whistles in their mouths, I imagine the dialog sounding something like:
    “Ssssshirl Lockesssss, Sssssthe Dogssssss!”
    “Wissssssoutssss a Whissssssstle, Ssssssssshesssss dead meatssssss!”
    “Sssssthey’llsss tearssss hersss sssto piecsssssssessssss!”

20. CanuckDownSouth
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:39 am [Reply]

    Bats-12 that’s great! Weed’s last bit really makes it.

21. Joe
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    poopypants: The reason Rex Morgan is a sourpuss about going on holidays with his wife is that he is, quite simply, a homosexual pederast who finds everything about women disgusting.

22. Red Greenback
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    Dick: Ooh, you know what would be fun? Have Dick and Swat stand on opposite sides of the room and one stop whistling while the other one whistles and so forth until the stupid dogs die of exhaustion running back and forth. That would be awesome!

23. Joe Btfsplk
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    #6 DaveyK – No, that was a real grenade. This is Snorkel’s ass we’re dealing with here; it would take a bunker-buster to do any serious damage to that thing.

24. WarOfTheBees
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    A Dick Tracy/Marmaduke crossover! Just what no one wanted!

25. Slylock Foxy
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    June’s increasing seductiveness just smacks of sheer, hilarious desperation. It’s like with every drawing the artist is telling us in growing panic, “See? They’re a normal couple! With a healthy sex life! Everything’s completely fine.” Meanwhile, Rex is ignoring June’s millimeter-wide tank top straps and come-hither smirk in favor of a newspaper and a really good sulk.

26. Nurse with a penis
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:32 am [Reply]

    12  bats :[  — way funny.  I’ve been trying to avoid all foobage; thank you for making it palatable.

    MW – The thing I noticed about Toby and Ian’s place that it seems to be more tastefully decorated than Mary’s.  Except for the pink Barbie® Dream House curtains in panel one.

27. Sheila Sternwell
    August 12th, 2008 at 4:57 am [Reply]

    Lovin’ the little Passive-Aggressive Notes shout-out! Nothing says passive-aggressive quite like RMMD. And FOOB. And 9CL. And… okay, pretty much everything on the comics page except the Snoopy reruns.

28. Chip
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: “We leave in a week” means the cruise plot will be NEXT summer’s story line.As for surprises, wait til “little princess” finds out she’s staying home!

29. Pearl
    August 12th, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Shirl’s a robot, right? I mean, those eyes… And the fact that she’s grabbing that dog by the tongue.

30. Sully
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Re: The blessed conclusion to FOOB

    What do you wanna bet the final line of dialogue in the strip will be spoken by Elly, and will be “For Better or For Worse”?

    Just throwing it out there…

31. CatMoran
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    #30 Sully – I just threw up a little, because I think you’re right. D:

32. CatMoran
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Um. Perhaps I should clarify, I threw up at the idea of FOOB ending with Elly being more sappy than is humanly possible, not at Sully being possibly correct.

33. Paul1963
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Oooh, the Viscount is back! Huzzah!

    So, is wossname in Funky Winkerbean supposed to be replacing acclaimed writer James Robinson on Superman, or acclaimed writer Geoff Johns on Action Comics?

    The Baltimore Sun has dropped The Phantom, Apt. 3G, Rex Morgan and Zippy the Pinhead in order, they say, to consolidate all the comics onto one page. This was the result of a survey for which I missed the enrollment deadline. It appears that they’re squashing the remaining strips a bit in order to fit them all on the one page, too, as many of yesterday’s looked a bit off–like they’ve been reduced vertically, but kept the same width.

    Sully @ 30: I’m reminded of an episode of Drawn Together where most of the characters were trapped in a van in a mall parking lot. Xandir made some lengthy inspirational speech that culminated in the words, “we’re together..” and was interrupted by Spanky Ham, who said, “If you say ‘drawn together’ I swear to Christ I’ll bust your head open and eat what comes out!”
    I leave it up to you whether it should be Elly’s brains or Lynn’s that get devoured.

34. Mr. Nice Guy
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    I haven’t been following Dick Tracy, so I must confess I am confused by the appearance, in the second panel, of Franklin D. Roosevelt in a SWAT cap, with Tracy standing beside him doing his Roosevelt impersonation.

    I’m sure if I were a regular reader that it would all make perfect sense.

35. survivor
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    OMG – Count Wierdly’s plan is absolute genius this time!

    Slylock Fox: “Hey Max, turn off all the lights but one.” (Count Wierdly listens)

    Max Mouse: “Okay, Slylock. Now, what?”

    Slylock Fox: “Now we stand in the pitch dark and stare at the light for an hour or so.” (Count Wierdly listens)

    -time passes-

    Slylock Fox: “Ha! I’ve captured the bug. Turn on the lights, Max”

    Max Mouse: “Hey Slylock! Where’d all of our possessions go?”

    Slylock Fox: “Uh-oh.”

36. Joshua
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know if anybody here has ever seen the comic Criminal, a gritty noir series written by Ed Brubaker. But there’s a Dick Tracy parody in it called “Frank Kafka, PI” that deliberately makes no sense at all, something that the characters in the main story frequently comment on. In fact, the most recent issue reveals that the creator of Frank Kafka, PI is a chronic insomniac and writes and draws the strip during his long, sleepless nights that are driving him slowly insane.

    Frank Kafka, PI still makes more sense than Dick Tracy.

37. Josh Zapin
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    It looks like the Dick Tracy of today is much more violent than our parent’s Dick Tracy. Maybe that’s what happens when Warren Beatty and Madonna get a hold of the character!

    JZ
    Josh Zapin
    Co-Founder, Zingerding.com
    The Internet’s Funny Pages
    Read our latest blog post about How a Comic Strip Funded a Political Campaign at http://blog.zingerding.com

38. Andy
    August 12th, 2008 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    I haven’t seen any mention of “Just Don’t Hit Zerbina!”. This is pure comic genius:
    http://www.yo-god.com/comics/comics.htm?545

39. Mr. Nice Guy
    August 12th, 2008 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    #37 Josh Zapin: I used to read your parents’ Dick Tracy. I believe it was every bit as violent as the Tracy of today. I remember one episode in which the villain had Tracy tied up on the roof of a building, with a giant lens set up to focus the sun and burn him to a crisp. I don’t remember the details anymore — Tracy escaped, I know that — but I believe the operation of the lens was graphically demonstrated at some point, leaving a charred and smoking skeleton of some poor unfortunate.

    People were thrown out of Diet Smith’s Space Coupe to die in the vacuum of space. More than once, I remember Tracy shooting a bad guy in the head. The bullet was shown coming out the other side, all wobbly because it had lost velocity pureeing the bad guy’s brain.

    I do believe the artist in those days drew fewer deformed hands. Thalidomide babies were still babies in those days, and had not yet filtered into the mainstream of society.

40. Harold
    August 12th, 2008 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    Sully @ 30, for many months my money has been on those words being Gwampa Chinnuts’ first coherent non-monosyllabic utterance since the stroke, spoken just as the Crappy Couple recites their vows. Then again, I think LJ has decided to make Gwamps the scapegoat for her male hatred, though not exclusively so. So I doubt Gwamps or any other male will get to utter the key phrase.

41. Tess
    August 12th, 2008 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    Count Weirdly is one of my favorite Mad Scientists.
    Since the moth is obviously just a diversion designed to play upon the fox’s desire to solve childish mysteries.

    Knowing the gum shoe would immediately determine that he must turn all the lights off to attract the tiny bug.

    In the shadow of the inky darkness Count Weirdly’s hired thug will attack.

    Yes, the ruse will work perfectly. That inane vulpine went right for it. Right for it. Like a moth. To a flame.

42. giraffe-o
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    Oh, man, look at Slylock’s dilated pupils. He is tweaking hard.

43. Canaduck
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    WITHOUT A WHISTLE, SHE’S DEAD MEAT!

    Am I missing something? Aren’t Dick and his pal actually holding whistles in their mouths? Isn’t yelling with a whistle clenched in one’s teeth harder than actually blowing said whistle, or maybe throwing it to Shirley?

44. Crankenstank
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    A little Hawaiian capital punishment for the poor moth, a pawn in the spy-vs-spy machinations of Weirdly and Slylock.

    (Hawaiian capital punishment is what Mrs. Crankenstank and I used to call the denouement of most Hawaii 5-0 episodes, where, in a state without the death penalty, McGarrett would administer justice from the barrel of his .38 to make up for this shortsighted aspect of the state’s laws.)

45. Junior Tracy
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy may be stupid, but at least it’s gratuitously violent.

    In Tuesday’s strip, Shirl Locke is saved by Tracy’s quick thinking; he swipes Baskerville’s magic whistle and gives it to Shirl. However, she will doubtless be horribly disfigured in such a way as to ensure her reappearance as a villainess – the “One Armed Bandit”, perhaps?

46. poopypants
    August 14th, 2008 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    JOE – thanks! time for some cruising.

47. Gary
    August 14th, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    I love how Count Weirdly always plays upon Slylock’s obvious mental disorders. This time, it’s paranoid schizophrenia, as Slylock is convinced Weirdly is watching him through a camera attached to a bug. It’s almost as clever as the time Weirdly tricked Slylock into thinking Max was a robot. How much do you want to bet Slylock’s hat is lined with aluminum foil?

48. LanceThruster
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Last panel of the Dick Tracy/Shirl Locke storyline should be, “It’s a man, baby!”

49. Cathy Viviano
    July 4th, 2009 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    June and Rex go on a “cruise” with their daughter Sarah. As an avid comic reader, I recommend that June get pregnant ASAP.
    Giggity. hee hee.
    :)

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