The Comics Curmudgeon

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Rex at sea

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/13/08

I’ve been having a pretty good day so far, and coming home to find out that Rex kicked off today’s installment of his namesake comic strip by saying “Speaking of cruising…” just made it that much better. Even though the plot being expositioned up seems to involve less sex with anonymous 18-year-olds in the park and more yacht-related high society hijinks, I’m still pretty excited about it. Rex’s shifty-eyed look in the final panel would seem to indicate that he’s Lenore Foster’s connection for banned performance-enhancing drugs before each year’s regatta; of course, this calls into question which drugs might enhance yachting performance. Gin?

Curtis, 8/13/08

Oh, look, Ms. Honeystump’s emblackenation has spread to his classmate Venus!

If I may talk seriously for a moment: some readers have speculated that these mysterious racial shifts have been designed to accommodate editorial grumbles about the merest hint of miscegenation. Truly, I think you’re giving the comics coloring world far too much credit, in terms of thinking that weird things actually happen for reasons. The online versions of the King Features strips are not colored by the artists, nor do the artists offer guidance for same. The colorists can only use the internal context of the strip to help them make their choices. When you realize that they often ignore explicit in-strip cues to product howlers like this and this, well, do you really expect some sort of multi-week trans-strip consistency?

For Better Or For Worse, 8/13/08

“I’ve known you both for a long time. I’ve seen you guys through a lot of crazy circumstances. You know, like when you were transparently lusting after her even though you were married and passive-aggressively browbeating your wife into having a child she didn’t want! And when you were still married and propositioned her right after she was nearly raped! And when she moved back to Millborough specifically because she heard you were getting divorced, but continued to string along her boyfriend! I gotta say … this feels like it’s gonna work. I say that because I’m a terrible, terrible person.”

Crankshaft, 8/13/08

Oh, that Crankshaft! Trying to warm up to his new housemate, he offered to “take [her] on [his] favorite ride!” By which he almost certainly means his penis! Ha ha, I have to go lie down and weep now because I thought of that.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 13, 2008 at 05:22 pm and is filed under Crankshaft, Curtis, For Better or for Worse, Rex Morgan, M.D.. |

278 responses to “Rex at sea”

Farley's Revenge
August 13th, 2008 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

So Anthony’s marrying the “right” girl. Note not the girl he loves but the right girl. Somewhere along the way he decided Liz was “right” for him and I guess he intended to see to it that one day she was his.

I didn’t think he could get any creepier, but he did.

And Gordon? Way to go on enabling the psycho. You rock, dude.[/snark]
Skeltometer
August 13th, 2008 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

Surely you will find yourself in one of the rings of Dante’s hell for that Crankshaft comment. I just threw up a little in my mouth.
hawksgirl
August 13th, 2008 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

I assume the colorists only have one skin-tone appropriate color left. When it runs out, the strip is going to start looking like a comic version of the Simpsons.
gnome de blog
August 13th, 2008 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

If that’s a sample of June’s suburban housefrau wardrobe, I’m looking forward to her idea of cruisewear.

I hope Rex insists on his extra-stiff starched collar and cinched-up tie though. Gotta admire a man with principles.
Sorako-chan
August 13th, 2008 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

Foob: If you look at the color version of the strips from this week, you may derive some pleasure from the knowledge that Anthony is about to walk into a wedding dressed in horrible, horrible lavender, while everybody else got the memo to wear horrible, horrible teal.
Cedar
August 13th, 2008 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

# 1: Note that Anthony is marrying a girl, and not a woman. Anyway, is that one of the limos that Gordo has promised? Why is he driving it? Why would a guy who owns a used car lot have a limo liscense?
CanuckDownSouth
August 13th, 2008 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

Gordo actually helped toss Liz at creepy married stalker-thony. He darn well should be pleased with the settlenuptials! At least he’s being punished with extremely early male pattern baldness.
Sorako-chan
August 13th, 2008 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

Luann: Oh my god- TJ has a mini-me!? With a pony tail!? He hasn’t been given permission to breed!
CanuckDownSouth
August 13th, 2008 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

6-Cedar For the same reason that a landscaper would be able to supply flowers, and a pharmacist with no hobbies can remake a complicated garment like a vintage wedding dress. In the Foobiverse, you WILL have sidelines that are useful to the Pattersaints. Or else.
Nekrotzar
August 13th, 2008 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

Well, you learn something every day. I had no idea that ‘regatta’ is the street name for ‘laudanum’.
Eli
August 13th, 2008 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

#2: Alas, I had the same thought with no prompting from Josh, because my brain hates me.

I also had roughly the same thought on the last panel of Rex Morgan, because my brain is not very smart.
CanuckDownSouth
August 13th, 2008 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

Actually, I think it’s been pointed already, but whyohwhy is Gordon giving Anthony sage advice? His BOSS is his best friend? His dad has taken to his bed in horror after seeing the colour scheme for his tux? Or is already in prison for assaulting the uncle who provided them?

(BTW, I did update Foob’s Paradise early today, indicated way down on yesterthread.)
UncleJeff
August 13th, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

What Gordo was thinking: Hey, if I were getting married for a second time I sure wouldn’t be thinking of tying in with the Patterson clan.
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
August 13th, 2008 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

6-Cedar – Your question brings to mind a question I had the first time this came up: why would a used car dealer have a fleet of limos? But then I figured I’d have a drink and forget about it. That was nice.
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
August 13th, 2008 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft: It’s funny because I actually call my penis the “grumpy-go-round”.
Captain Thunder
August 13th, 2008 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

Considering the enthusiasm that Rex shows for the “regatta” in panel one, and given that I agree with Josh in regards to Rex’s “cruising,” I think it’s painfully obvious that “regatta” is code for “annual white-collar debauched orgy and key party.” In that case, Lenore Foster’s needs for “regatta time”? Birth control, and by the barrelful. Rex is just pissed because June has inadvertently reminded him of the potential consequences of his (and Lenore’s) depraved lifestyles.

Regatta Time! The one occasion where it’s acceptable for Rex to wear a skimpy bathing suit while riding a float with several other similarly-clad men. Possibly Mardi Gras-esque beads will be involved. But June wouldn’t dream of showing any skin, no matter how many beads you hurl at her. She’s not that kind of woman, and besides, you’re kind of…old. June don’t need no Puberty Pete, thank you very much.
Telemachus
August 13th, 2008 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

Carnivals have something that Crankshaft actually enjoys? I can only imagine that it’s something that involves the suffering of others, like mowing down pedestrians with his car, or pegging the carnies with softballs instead of trying to hit the milk bottles.
Farley's Revenge
August 13th, 2008 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

#6: Good point. He still sees Liz as a girl, which means he’s been obsessively stalking a girl all these years. And everyone in the FOOB-verse is okay with that to the point of encouraging him on.

Man. That whole neighborhood is dysfunctional. Liz never stood a chance. All she had left, in one final act of defiance to her fate, was to choose hideous colors so everyone would look as awful on the outside as they were on the inside.
your father isn't mr. cohen
August 13th, 2008 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

Oh, how I want that last panel of Rex Morgan on a t-shirt!
mafketis
August 13th, 2008 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

” I just threw up a little in my mouth ”

A _little_?
belgium
August 13th, 2008 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

“I know what she wants…she wants semen-er, seamen! They’re homonyms!”
PeteMoss
August 13th, 2008 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

I like to imagine that Gordo asked Anthony if he’s nervous because of all the farting in the limo.

I’ve got to hand it to Anthony’s mustache for not having anything to do with shitfest.
AMC
August 13th, 2008 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

The message is always in the bottle for Rex. He’s going to be blasting “The Bed’s Too Big Without You” for the cabin boys, who will do the Reggatta de Blanc out from the drinks Rex will be spiking with some vintage Rohypnol.
BigTed
August 13th, 2008 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

Hey, when did Curtis get those giant R. Crumb-size feet? Keep on truckin’, sad little dude!
Tracer Bullet
August 13th, 2008 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

Of course he’s talking about his manroot; his name is Crankshaft.
BigTed
August 13th, 2008 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft’s “favorite ride” will turn out to be one of those super-fast roller coasters that sometimes give people strokes. Luckily, he’s secretly taken out a huge insurance policy on his friend there.
boojum
August 13th, 2008 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

FOOB:
The right girl? Maybe Anthony saw the revival of Follies (it is about a burlesque show) and — in a rare moment of self-awareness — is remembering the song:

The right girl.
She makes you feel like a million bucks
Instead of-what? — like a rented tux…

She sees you’re nothing and thinks you’re king,..

She’s with you, no matter how you feel,
You’re not the good guy, you’re not the heel.
You’re not the dreamboat that sank — you’re real…
When you’ve got
The right girl.

Of course, being Anthony, he’s completely missed the song’s bitterness and irony. Self-aware stupid is stuill stupid.
boojum
August 13th, 2008 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

Stuipid prueview…..
Joe Blevins
August 13th, 2008 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Ah, yes, the hospice sailboat regatta! Not to be confused with the hospice rodeo, the hospice pie eating contest, the hospice donkey basketball game, or any of the other fun, vaguely hospice-connected activities which dot the social calendar each year. Have fun, everybody, and try not to think too much about your own inevitable decline and death — which, admittedly, will be tough because the word “hospice” is on all the t-shirts.
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 13th, 2008 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

It goes to show how liberal Canada is because in most states in the US a man could not legally get married in a suit that color.
Donald The Anarchist
August 13th, 2008 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

FOOB Ya know, I think Anthony’s gonna be fine. He doesn’t really seem to want anything out of life any more. He has a daughter, and she hasn’t done anything to disappoint him so far. And now he has Liz to do all the parenting work. Just as long as Liz doesn’t expect anything fun or interesting to ever happen again, they should be fine. And someday, when they’re old and grey, Liz can look at HER best friend with the trademark Patterson Zombie Stare and bitch about how hard and thankless parenting is…
Zaq
August 13th, 2008 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

Huh. Usually at least one or two of the soapies advances the plot a little bit…

Judge Parker yesterday: “Wow, you outdrove me!”
Judge Parker today: “Wow, you outdrove me!”

Mary Worth yesterday: “I hope Ian likes his gift!”
Mary Worth today: “I hope you like your gift, Ian!”

Spider-Man yesterday: “I’m going to catch the Vulture!”
Spider-Man today: “Here I am, catching the Vulture!”

Phantom yesterday: “Look! Andre’s got a Leeroy Jenkins complex!”
Phantom today: “Look! Andre’s got a Leeroy Jenkins complex!”

Mark Trail yesterday: “Oh no! We’ll be stuck in here!”
Mark Trail today: “Oh no! We’re stuck in here!”

Apartment 3-G yesterday: “Tim, I’m here to rescue you!”
Apartment 3-G today: “Tim, let me rescue you!”

Dick Tracy yesterday: “I’m stealing your whistle so the dogs will eat you!”
Dick Tracy today: “The dogs are eating him since I stole his whistle!”

At least Rex Morgan is moving a little tiny bit, instead of a) rehashing yesterday or b) doing what they said they were going to do yesterday. And Gil Thorp, but no one ever knows what’s going on with Gil Thorp.
AMC
August 13th, 2008 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

Which one of the Spice Girls was Ho Spice?
yeff
August 13th, 2008 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

All Crankshaft needed was that Captain Hammer-esque moment (ie, from “Doctor Horrible”) while walking to the Tunnel of Love:

“And by ride I mean my penis.”

Close it out, Crankfshaft. Seal the deal. Might be the only chance you get.

- yeff
mafketis
August 13th, 2008 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

“All Crankshaft needed was that … moment (ie, from … while walking to the Tunnel of Love”

Well if Crankshaft’s penis is the Grumpy-Go-Round is Rose’s vagina the Tunnel of Loath?

No complaining please, you can’t possibly hate me more than I hate myself for that one.
Dono
August 13th, 2008 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

Some months ago, Lynn Johnston had this thought pop into her head: “I want to do a Liz-wedding storyline in the worst way!”

And by golly that’s what she did.
Brick Bradford
August 13th, 2008 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

It seems to me that Marmaduke is doing a guest spot over in Dick Tracy, acting out the horror we always knew was lurking just below the surface.
Joe Blevins
August 13th, 2008 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

FOOB: What’s this? A Gord/Anthony superstar team up with no other characters in sight? That’s dangerously pushing the envelope of doughy, pale, white guy blandness even for THIS strip.

Somewhere on the bridge of the Starship Foobiprise, sirens are going off. WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP! Crew members are begging the now crazed, Ahab-like Lynn Johnston to turn back from this destructive course! “Captain Johnston,” they cry out in anguish, “have you gone mad? You’ve taken the two least interesting comics characters in history and put them together in a small space for FIVE CONSECUTIVE PANELS! This is madness! Don’t you realize that their combined boringness will create a massive swirling vortex, and the entire Foobiverse as we know it will implode!” But the madwoman will not listen to reason. “Forward ho,” she says, her tone becoming steely and robotic. And the emblandening continues…
CortJstr
August 13th, 2008 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

I just assumed that Crankshaft’s favorite ride was the car ride home, so he could be as far as possible from children having fun. Children’s laughter is like being punched in the crotch by nails on a chalkboard to Crankshaft.
teegee
August 13th, 2008 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

FBOFW: Ok, Gord’s response in panel 4 makes absolutely no sense. Unless, of course, there was no room for the thought balloon:

“Yes, because I’ve had the best marriage a guy could hope for.”.. , at least for a fucking dickweed like me, but I’ve seen enough situations where assholes get hot chicks, so it’s not really “hope,” per se, but if some psycho hot-chick comes along who likes my certain brand of dipshittiosity, then, fuck yeah, I’ll marry a second time. Especially since you didn’t stipulate that I had to end the first marriage.
teegee
August 13th, 2008 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

Ok, 40 (me) … Gord’s wife didn’t die or something, did she? I won’t apologize for not memorizing his life arc, but I will acknowledge that my “end the first marriage” didn’t make sense if she did. Unless he killed her, and he’s thinking “damn … I didn’t need to do that?”
Albert Camus
August 13th, 2008 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

Substitutes for Crankshaft’s favorite ride, rejected for various reasons during Tom Batiuk’s brainstorm:

1. Bury-Go-Round
2. Contrary-Go-Round
3. Concealed-Carry-Go-Round
4. Malaria-Go-Round
5. Glengarry-Glen-Ross
AbbeyRoad
August 13th, 2008 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

FOOB: And so Gordon joins the the endless parade of characters who are trying desperately to convince us all that Anthony and Liz are right for each other. The last 2 weeks have been spent listing the increasingly ridiculous amount of things that people are donating to the wedding because they are such wonderful people. The next 2 weeks will consist of the entire cast of characters giving long-winded laudatory speeches about how right this match is so that by the time the wedding rolls around we’ll all be so sick of it that we’ll just give up and agree. All I can’t say is it’s not going to work Lynn! You can’t make me like either of them!
Uncle Lumpy
August 13th, 2008 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

#41 teegee –

Gord’s wife didn’t die or something, did she?

What difference would it make? She married Gordon.
Muffaroo for hire
August 13th, 2008 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

Coloring strips reminds me that when Fred Ladd was having old black and white cartoons colored ineptly by underpaid Koreans, there was at least one Ko-Ko where someone said “Sold to the man in the blue tie” and the tie was shown as red. I’m not sure if it would have helped to have colorists who knew English or not. I don’t think they cared anyway — the tracing was really badly done. I know I said that already, but it bears repeating.

MT – Hey, Kelly, that’s not just “a stupid cave.” With you in it, it’s a veritable Fortress of Stupitude. If we could shoehorn Cathy and Brad in there, it would be The Stupidarity.

MW – “A few days later”? I can’t take this breakneck pace — I feel like years have just been taken away from my life. This is bigger than Funky Winkybinky’s Great Leap Sideways!

Monty – Good lord! I thought this was a family comic! I expect this kind of filth from Ziggy, but not here!

Pluggers – I’m reminded of a much funnier panel gag, in “Out Our Way” when the youngest Willet had to hang up laundry, so he artfully arranged the delicate items and used clothespins to spell out “Undies Ballet.” Humorous times, those were. Where have you gone, J.R. Williams? (rhetorical question)

S-M – Thank heaven Peter has the ability to plummet to earth with the proportionate terminal velocity of a really big spider, thus beating gravity at its own game. He’s zooming through space like he thinks there’s a TV set down there.
Muffaroo for hire
August 13th, 2008 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

Abbey Road @43 – “You can’t make me like either of them!” Well, there you go. They really are made for each other!
PeteMoss
August 13th, 2008 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

# 32 Zaq

Excellent analysis! you get a pass for today. Your homework assignment, however, is a one-page exegesis on Ziggy and, for extra credit, translating the Spanish-language Cathy back into English.
PeteMoss
August 13th, 2008 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

# 29 Joe Blevins
ha ha! Just what the hell is going on here? Is this like a Viking hospice? Do they force some “terminally” ill people out on some wooden boats and then fire flaming arrows into the sails? Lenore Foster must be a patient calling Rex to beg for her life. “Please, Rex, I can get the money together for operation! I’ll pay…triple if you give me enough time! Please, Rex, for God’s sake please don’t just send me on…the Regatta!
commodorejohn
August 13th, 2008 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

#43 AbbeyRoad – Damn straight. Try all you want, Lynn, we will never give in!
butterflyfish
August 13th, 2008 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

I hate that you made me go to the Official FOOB site to see whether Gordon’s wife had died. I hate that there is a picture of April eating a book. I hate that all of the drawings of Elly make her look like she’s on uppers and that there’s a g–damn Farley memorial. What I hate most of all, however, is that this strip exists.
PeteMoss
August 13th, 2008 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

Snark all you want, mudges, but once April starts singing “Sunrise, Sunset,” I bet I won’t be the only one losing my composure…*sniff*
Flying Monkey
August 13th, 2008 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

#6 Cedar- Here in Kansas, Limos seem to be a somewhat common item for used car dealers and shade tree mechanics to have on hand… It’s an easy side business once you manage to buy the first one.

When I sat down today with our local paper and read ALL SIX COMICS they print (Yes, Six. That’s not a typo for sixteen or sixty.) I only had Family Circus to snark on. Yes, Jeffy. Lincoln really was that big.
mumbles
August 13th, 2008 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Leave it to a foob like Anthony to get marital advice from Karl Rove.

Yeah, I know this is an old joke but it makes me feel better to remind myself that the Gordon character is, like, 32 years old.
gnome de blog
August 13th, 2008 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

#47, Pete Moss:
Would somebody please translate Modesty Blaise back into English so I don’t have to?
Weaselboy
August 13th, 2008 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

Foob: The fifth panel kinda reminds me of the end of Thelma and Louise. Well, I can dream, can’t I?
bats :[
August 13th, 2008 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

Well, heck, I did a Rex (what is that exactly? “doing a Rex”?) the other day, and forgot to post it! So it’s Two-fer Wednesday, sorta kinda like Pizza Hut!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2761505384/sizes/o/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2760657647/sizes/o/

(Hey, the MRSA story started off slow, too!)
Perky Bird
August 13th, 2008 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

The fact that Anthony is wearing a perfectly coiled little pile of dog poo on his lapel says it all.
Zaq
August 13th, 2008 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

PeteMoss: If I were in form (that is to say, not at the finale of three months of non-schoolwork), I would so call your bluff on that Ziggy paper.

As for Cathy, I think “ACK!” should cover it.
Shermy Glamrocker
August 13th, 2008 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

I suspect Crankshaft’s favorite ride is the Budweiser Beer Garden, where they will get completely shitfaced.

THEN the penis will come out.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 13th, 2008 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

If Rex has convinced some upper class twits–and this is a distinct possibility–if he’s got them convinced that they need his prescription to buy Tanqueray, he and June will never have money worries.
Gabacho
August 13th, 2008 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth – I know this is a painful setup for stealing Toby’s identity, and I know that this is Mary Worth we are talking about, but who sits around expressing a wish for a DVD?

I mean, if you want the DVD, don’t modern people just go online to Enormoushop and bloody well order it? Or look if it’s in the bin at Costco? Or at the library? Seriously, is he not right or something?

I for one can’t wait for Toby’s identity to be snatched, and her too.

Rex Morgan – oh, Rex heard the cruising right. A few years ago, Garbanzo and I went on a cruise. We are clearly a couple and we spent half the time fending off the married fathers of several on the boat and while Garbanzo’s a bit of looker, you’ll just have to trust me that I am no near occasion of sin.

Seriously, it was like a Larry Craig fundraiser.

Ladies, if you’re on your honeymoon and your husband suddenly starts spending a lot of time in the gym, put your lawyer on speed dial. It’s closet queen heaven.

Crankshaft – this actually made me laugh today. I like her. Who is she?
Talking Squirrel
August 13th, 2008 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

RMMRSA: “Which reminds me, Lenore Foster is coming in today…”

Thus are the workings of June’s twisted mind revealed. She hears Rex mention cruising and she jumps to a mental association that he must be getting ready to come out. That immediately reminds her that Lenore is coming IN.

Rex’s pouty expression in the last panel is evidence that he knows EXACTLY what Lenore wants … and damned if he wants to give her any! But perhaps the Count can contribute a freezer-stiff for a little necrophiliaction.
Nate
August 13th, 2008 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

It might be the last day of summer school, but that doesn’t mean you have to let Krusty the Klown give you crap about your face and humongous feet, even if they ARE the size of skis. God, grow a pair!
Red Greenback
August 13th, 2008 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

My favorite ride is the hospice sailboat regatta.
Professor Fate
August 13th, 2008 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

FOOB: is it too much to hope for – in this parade of people giving things to Liz and the Bland one that the kid Liz gave grampa’s Harmoica comes to the wedding blowning like mad on the dingus and then reachs into a bag and takes out Paul’s Head holding it aloft screaming “For you Liz! I killed him. The great betrayer for youuuuuuuuu”

And someone notes after the police take him away that he lost his head.

kill me now please.
CanuckDownSouth
August 13th, 2008 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

Gabacho-61 Depends on the interpersonal dynamic. Could be the DVD is something a bit expensive, he knows they can’t buy stuff like that every day, but as a birthday gift, sure. Or they could tell each other wish lists and not just go buy those items.

For example, my family knows that a CD from one music group, or a DVD of a particular show’s season, will always be a nice birthday or Xmas gift for me. I could buy either one (online only – these won’t show up at Target), but I never do. Other family members have known wishes for books and so on.
kelsy
August 13th, 2008 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

Unfortunately, glancing at Rex Morgan before reading the title of today’s post made me read “Sex at Sea”. Probably one of the many signs I’ve read too much Comics Curmudgeon.
bats :[
August 13th, 2008 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

61. Gabacho: I’ll throw in with CDS here. mr. bats :[ (and a number of my friends) are hellaciously difficult to “buy for,” and we’re getting to the age that none of us really want stuff that gets tossed in a drawer and forgotten. (It also doesn’t help that most of us are notorious for wanting something and just getting it for ourselves, regardless of price.)
For us, it is really better to make a list, or name one or two things that we’d like to have and hope that someone might get it. Then if a friend really would like to give something, it’s something that wanted and appreciated.
Chocolate is never wrong….
Gabacho
August 13th, 2008 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

#66 & #68 – Well, I guess normal people do make suggestions about things to people who might buy them gifts. I guess even I do it.

But I don’t care for Ian and Toby. So it’s bad when they do it.
Sheila Sternwell
August 13th, 2008 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

#68 bats: “Chocolate is never wrong” is the best life philosophy I’ve ever read.

Every day I come back to RMMD hoping the MRSA storyline hasn’t really ended, and every day I’m disappointed. Not just because it was a great story, but because last week I got a wound in a hospital, and it was infected with Teh MeRSAs! Now that I can relate, deeply, to RMMD, the plotline is pulled out from under me.

Rex Morgan, you will not break my heart again.
Red Greenback
August 13th, 2008 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

Curtis: “… and your hat looks like a side view of Mallard Fillmore’s head”
CanuckDownSouth
August 13th, 2008 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

Bats and Sheila Ahh, chocolate. A Canadian candy store chain had Christmas ads in their store windows:

“99% of the world loves chocolate
… and you’re agonizing over what to give?”

The foobtacular Anthony, I’d bet, is in the 1%. He likes Vaseline on toast. (shamelessly grabbed from the Simpsons)
RaB
August 13th, 2008 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

Here’s my idea:

Someone with the skill and software create a music video composed of selected FOOB wedding panels set to Billy Idol’s “White Wedding”.

Ok, so it would only stay up on EnnuiTube for about 15 minutes before the FOOB Mafia found and killed it…but what a GLORIOUS 15 minutes.
ever2seek
August 13th, 2008 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

i’m simply staggered by the crankshaft version of pot calling kettle black. in a grumpathon, my money’s on the old lady, 5:1.
P
August 14th, 2008 at 12:08 am [Reply]

FC: You know you could have stayed home with your Grandmother, Billy. So STOP COMPLANING AND SHUT UP!
Poteet
August 14th, 2008 at 12:38 am [Reply]

RMMD — The best characters in RMMD, by far, are June’s breasts. Always cheerful and perky even when June is not, always standing up bravely in spite of the odds (the odds including spaghetti straps and loose nighties), June’s breasts are things of beauty and joys forever. Except to Rex, of course.
Vakar
August 14th, 2008 at 12:41 am [Reply]

76: I’m not a religious man, but that makes a mighty fine prayer. Perhaps it could be a creed: “We believe in the power of June Morgan’s breasts, hallowed be their bra.”
Batman Beatles
August 14th, 2008 at 12:50 am [Reply]

Foob: Yep. While everyone else gets to do the fun stuff, Deanna is stuck babysitting. Sucks to be you, doesn’t it?
commodorejohn
August 14th, 2008 at 12:51 am [Reply]

#76 Poteet – I can’t argue with that. Man, if you could just get June and Abbey together in the same strip and then ditch all their hangers-on…yowza.
CanuckDownSouth
August 14th, 2008 at 1:00 am [Reply]

Aaah! My eyes!

The teal&lavender in Thursday’s FOOB hurts. I beseech you, find a B&W version – keep a safe distance from Yahoo’s FOOB. It may be safest to avoid all Yahoo sites today.
CanuckDownSouth
August 14th, 2008 at 1:06 am [Reply]

FOOB I loved babysitting preschoolers as a teen. They’re a hoot. I figure to anyone who spends a lot of time around little, imaginative kids (like, y’know mothers), having an hour or two where your biggest priority is keeping them amused, even getting to play with your own children, ought to be fun instead of horrifying.

However, childcare is to Deanna what getting *ahem* alone with his wife is to Rex Morgan.
Batman Beatles
August 14th, 2008 at 1:16 am [Reply]

Foob: Well it would be nice if Michael you know, helped a little instead of yakking with his friends. I know I’d kick my husband’s rear end if he left me all alone to tend with hyper children at a formal function. Elly could help too.
Poteet
August 14th, 2008 at 1:17 am [Reply]

# 77 Vakar — I like the prayer! However, I’m not entirely sure June wears one. Today, for example, her breasts (maybe they should have names) seem to be on their own, so to speak.

# 79 commodorejohn — I SO agree with that.

MT — Now the alleged mountain lions have morphed into odd-looking deaf bears. Make up your mind, Elrod ball!
Uncle Lumpy
August 14th, 2008 at 1:22 am [Reply]

#83 Poteet –

Maria (R) and Theresa (L) — this is widely known.
bats :[
August 14th, 2008 at 1:24 am [Reply]

Some Thursday observations:

FC: the pennant! the pennant! Oh, thank God, now we know where we are!
(While I love D.C. and all the museums and such, if I were a dipshit like Billy, I’d agree with him — he’s the oldest (what? seven?) and this is his folks’ idea of a great vacation? something that PJ, and likely Jeffy won’t remember, that Dolly will remember in his idiotically twisted way, and that Billy will view as only a little less than summer school? Yep, what great “rememories” this trip will make!)

JP: I don’t know anything about golf, but even I know Sam is a certified lousy player. Either that, or he’s an idiot savant where driving is concerned.

MT: ruh roh.

MW: I’m banking on the DVD being bad, so that the ID theft will only add insult to injury. Possibly even worse, Chinbeard will have to attempt, however pathetically, to console Toby.

RMMD: if you rearrange the letters, “Lenore Foster” spells “Mary Worth”….Mary’s sailing Jeff’s boat, and needs some appropriate “stimulants” that only Rex can prescribe so she can participate in the regatta!

Naw. It’ll be better than that. Maybe Rex will be crew for Lenore, and they’ll come down with scurvy. Or even better (and a tip of the…um…nevermind…to Poteet, whose mind works like mine):
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2762164846/sizes/o/

FOOB: feh. Not worth snarking.
Mars
August 14th, 2008 at 1:28 am [Reply]

S-M: OH COME ON.

He’s had valid excuses in the past — “i’m sick,” “it doesn’t work when I hit my head,” etc….but there is NO WAY he could NOT have felt that one coming.

It’s gone beyond one of his powers and become a catchphrase. “My _____ sense is tingling!” *laugh track* Don’t tell me they just keep forgetting to put it in there.
Vakar
August 14th, 2008 at 1:37 am [Reply]

83: Oh, yeah! Mmmmm…..

WAIT A MINUTE, am I ogling a drawn figure? What happened to my pride?!

Holy June says pride is a sin. Oh yeah, mmmmm…
BenG
August 14th, 2008 at 1:41 am [Reply]

FOOB- Having been fully indoctrinated in the ways of the Foob parent, Deanna has learned to be annoyed and mortified by childhood mirth of any kind. If only her mother could fall in line. Instead, our poor D looks on in bug-eyed horror as she witnesses her offering them some measly little treat to take help distract from the mind-numbing boredome of being forced to sit on a couch doing nothing for hours on end.
True Fable
August 14th, 2008 at 1:45 am [Reply]

(WT)DT Oh for God’s sake, Dick! SHOOT THE DAMN DOGS, ALREADY!
FC Okay, Billy. Let’s just say you won’t have to worry about any more learning after we visit Arlington Cemetery.
FBoFW Dee, too stupid to have any DVDs or games to keep the children occupied before The Big Event, chooses to freak out when her mother gives them candy. Dee, like Lynn, doesn’t realize candy won’t damage them anywhere as badly as wearing teal and lavender clothing in public. On purpose.
FW Mopey Pete is either about to lose his job because he has severe writer’s block, or he is about to give Lois Lane cancer.
WTFGT Gil finally admits to his secret obsession with the sandwich shop boy.
JP Sam is a lucky man?! Trust me, pal: Sam doesn’t get lucky NEARLY as often as he could.
MT Dinner is served.
Marmadick See (WT)DT above.
MW Wait, did I miss something? Didn’t she just order that thing a few minutes ago in Mary Worth time? How’d it get there so fast?
RMMD I’ve noticed that Rex Morgan never unfastens his tie even in his own house. Geez, even I’m not that fastidious. Plus, I don’t have a June Morgan around wearing a little halter-chemise thingie, either. It’s a wonder there even IS a Sarah Morgan.
S-M So much for the highly-touted Spider Sense. Why is it that it only works if he needs a taxi cab, but if a super-villain is about to put the smackdown on him, it doesn’t so much as give him a brief little buzz? Why do I care?
Zits Paging Dick Tracy, paging Dick Tracy.
Gabacho
August 14th, 2008 at 2:11 am [Reply]

Brenda Starr – Okay, ‘mudges, we are now into cross dressing nephews named Slippery. Plus the best ret-con job ever. If you are not following this strip, you owe it to yourselves to pick it up.

http://www.gocomics.com/brendastarr/

Brilliant is an understatement.
Mibbitmaker
August 14th, 2008 at 2:16 am [Reply]

Must See TV Thursday, but comics:

9CL: Did Dingo take the time off from CC to write today’s strip? (My apologies, D)

Agnes: That doll belongs in FW! (No apologies, Batiuk)

A3G: Tim sounds like an Obama campaign worker (rimshot!!!)

BC: Nice way to spiff up an old visual gag, Mason. I especially like the disclaimer.

Cleats: She’ll really like this yo-yo trick: the “passive-agressive”. (Note: I really wanted to make a Tommy Smothers reference here)

DT: Big deal! They just rip up clothes. Those aren’t Kujos, they’re Djinn-Djinn from “I Dream of Jeannie”.

FOOB: Dee’s mom, always the pain in the ass! All that sabotaging the wed…ding………. Sabotaging the Lizthony wedding, eh? I got the old bird all wrong — she’s cool!

FW: You need to be OCD to write Superman. That fits.

Manos: The Hands of Gil Thorp: Panel 1: “But to prove I’m not gay like Rex Morgan, I’m gonna goose you from a distance.”
Panel 2: Sub Standard? Couldn’t have said it better myself.

MF: Rip-off of somebody’s Mitt Romney joke, itself a rip-off of an old Jimmy Carter joke.

MT: FORCED IRONY ALERT! FORCED IRONY ALERT!

MW: see: above MT comment.

Ghost-Who-Thought-For-A-Minute-That-He-Was-In-An-American-Chopper-Episode: Uh… Wrenchy… you know, that boat might be useful… in one peice…. for someone not using it for illegal activity….Wrenchy?…. could you stop…. could….. Oh, nevermind! Carry on…

Popeye: Swee’Pea single-handedly settled Iraq and Afghanistan, defeated al-Quaeda, solved the energy crisis, brought humanity back to Darfur, stopped the Russian invasion of Georgia, and… Oh, who am I kidding? He probably willed Putin to do that.

RMMD: One of her original crew members? John McCain.(rimshot!!!)

Zits: Awfully cookie-cutter the last couple o’ days, isn’t it?
Mibbitmaker
August 14th, 2008 at 2:34 am [Reply]

I’ve got better names for June’s breasts: July and August.
Frank Parsnip
August 14th, 2008 at 2:37 am [Reply]

A3G: Yes, there is someone who needs help far more than Tim does… the shrieks of Tenzin in the next room being tortured by bald white guys wearing bathrobes is really terrible to hear. Apparently some dumbass used Tenzin’s full name on an international phone call, and the Billy Corgan brigade arrested him within minutes.

MT: HA! The mountain lion scenario I had been predicting since last week has finally come through for us. But what the hell is up with them needing to light anything to get additional light? The cave is already apparently providing enough glow (apparently from radioactivity within its rocks) that we can see the pink blouses worn by both Cherry and Kelly.

MW: Let’s enjoy the “FRUITS OF HER SEARCH“. Normally they have to just enjoy the fruits of Ian Chinstrap’s searches, which consist usually of the nut and berries he finds when he and the other Yeti walk about the forests. Today, their sustenance will come in the form of a documentary about Scotland, a place inhabited by giants and “little people” both.

Sex Organ, M.D.: That old joke about the gassy granny who went to the doctor because of her “completely noiseless and odorless” farts? It was Lenore Foster. The crew had to jump ship to stay alive. For those unfamiliar with the joke, after taking some medicine the granny returns to complain that the farts now smell terrible but are still noiseless, to which the doctor (presumably Rex) tells her: “Now that we’ve fixed your sinuses, let’s see what we can do about your hearing…”

Spider-Man: Where’s that spidey-sense now, asshole?

Foob: If you don’t know history, you’re doomed to repeat it. So, perhaps we shouldn’t complain too much about Anthony — in a couple of years, he’ll “Rod” Lizzie by forcing her to bear some more of his horrible little children and then start hitting on the women he meets as a rape hotline volunteer. Sure it sounds gothic, but don’t think for a second that Lynn Johnston is one to shy away from painful truths such as Farley’s death or Grandpa Chinnuts’ health. Oh, and if Mike and Deanna’s kids get all silent around Anthony, there would probably be a reason for it. Keep an eye on him.
jnik
August 14th, 2008 at 3:07 am [Reply]

9CL: Is this one of Starbucks’ exciting new products?
Yaoi Huntress Earth
August 14th, 2008 at 3:30 am [Reply]

Crackshaft: I know a great ride for the both of them: The Amazing Wood-Chipper. It’s extra fun if you go in head-first.
Geeves
August 14th, 2008 at 3:33 am [Reply]

I’ve been reading this site for a coupe of months now, and I wanted to catch up on some of the comics on here that don’t run in my local paper. The first site google directed me to was comics.com and thats where I stumbled upon Soup to Nutz. Please for the love of god, tell me some one else has witnessed this abomination! Not to get to dramatic or anything, but this cartoon literally makes me want to cry.
LTBF
August 14th, 2008 at 3:44 am [Reply]

The other day mike was saying how many friends his sister had. Let’s take a look at what her friends have done so far.

Flowers-Bought by Lawrence, Mike’s friend
Limos-Provided by Gordon, Mike’s friend and Anthony’s boss
Pictures-Taken by Weed, Mike’s friend
Hair styling-done by Weed’s girlfriend
Tuxedos-Anthony’s uncle
Decorations-Elly’s former employees
Reception-Provided by Elly’s friend

So far, none of Liz’s friends have done squat for this wedding. If it weren’t for Mike’s buddies, she wouldn’t have a wedding.

Why are all of Mike’s friends forking over for this? I don’t remmeber anybody opening their wallets when he got married.
A Lemur
August 14th, 2008 at 3:45 am [Reply]

MT: Wait until they find out that the cave is also a rattlesnake den, hosts bats carrying rabies, is leaking poisonous fumes from old mine tailings and is acutally a back door to the lost city of the Dwarves and the orcs want their Balrog back…
Mordock999
August 14th, 2008 at 4:40 am [Reply]

Today’s Luann – 08/14/08

Brad’s right, Luann.

You ARE

and will ALWAYS remain

a total friggin’ DITZ.

_______________________

DEATH to TJ!
Trilobite
August 14th, 2008 at 4:41 am [Reply]

I arrive through thunderstorms and power outages to bring you Thursday’s comics, only slightly damp:

Gil Thorp: If you don’t mind, I’m going to take a moment and savor how the only two named restaurants I’ve ever seen in Gil Thorp are “The Bucket” and “Sub Standard.” Milford: Where Health Inspectors Fear To Tread.

Mary Worth: Yesterday, Toby claims “It wasn’t easy to find”…today she admits “It was actually as easy as clicking a button.”

Poor girl. Her failure to maintain even such a simple, innocuous lie in the face of Ian’s almost-soporifically casual interrogation does not bode well. What if Ian asks her whether his beard looks good? WHAT WILL SHE DO THEN?

Rex Morgan: So, Lenore Foster is an old woman who still races in the regatta, and needs a crew. Well, now this storyline makes perfect sense — in a similar situation, who wouldn’t try and recruit their doctor to sail for them? Besides anyone who’s at least marginally sane, I mean.

The Pastel Horror that is FBoFW: Dee’s mom is giving the kids megadoses of allergy medication (“Mommy’s candy”). By the time they awake from their antihistamine comas, the wedding will be over and they won’t remember a moment of it.

…actually, that sounds pretty good to me. Where did I put my NyQuil?
Alfred E. Neuman
August 14th, 2008 at 5:16 am [Reply]

I’ve been somewhat in arrears with my snarks. My Thursday observations follow the colon:

9CL— Today’s strip offers a theme for snarking. For your amusement, I’ve provided fill-in-the-blank snarks below based on this theme. See if you can identify the theme and use it in a snark.

A3G— “No, Tim, if you want to get better, you have to DRINK the __________.”

FOOB— Another example of poor grandparenting by Deanna’s mom. The obvious thing to settle them down is to give them __________ ______.

GT— “Sub Standard Subs and Gyros”? Wry humor in GT? What’s next, __________ ______?

DTM— Dennis, if you keep eating like that, you’re going to need a _________ _____!

SF— “Red Bull wouldn’t do it for us. What we need are some good, strong __________ ______!”

See if you can improve on these (it won’t be hard). Meanwhile, the cappuccino’s on me. Well, no, not in THAT way. I mean, let’s all drink some cappuccino. Yeah, that’s what I meant. Bottom’s up! Well, no, not in that way either. Jeez, this is getting pretty lame. I guess I should have just held it in.
Turtle Tamer
August 14th, 2008 at 5:57 am [Reply]

I would hate for these “professional colorists” to start taking charge of my life. If I randomly started peeing blood one day, I’d shit myself. That’s when the real horror would start.
gleeb
August 14th, 2008 at 6:46 am [Reply]

BC: No, according to biology, I’m an animal, and this strip hurt me very much, you nepotist bastard.

Jim Henson’s Tank McNamara: OK, OK! One character likes yo-yos and the other does not. Move on, sir!

FC: I remember this one from the old Dysfunctional Family Circus. Looks like both Bil and Jeff are semi-retired.

‘bean: Ha! Mopey Pete can’t even fill-in the template “[Villain] tricks Superman into range of [Kryptonite-delivery device].”

Gil: I would never eat at a place that admits itself to be substandard.

Marmaduke: They just enjoy seeing Phil eventually get mounted.

Phantom: Wrench o’ Justice!

Spidey: A guy who calls himself The Vulture fights dirty? Who knew?
mafketis
August 14th, 2008 at 6:50 am [Reply]

Alfred 101,

“buckets of pee” works for me every time (changed to the singular for DtM and (maybe) A3G
SchrodingersDuck
August 14th, 2008 at 6:58 am [Reply]

The one saving grace about today’s FOOB is that, by the look of things, Gord has decided to drive over the edge of a cliff, and is taking Anthony with him.
John C Fremont
August 14th, 2008 at 7:02 am [Reply]

# 76 Poteet – I coudn’t agree more. Thank you for putting my heart’s deepest thoughts into words. (Okay, hearts don’t think, they just expand and contract, but you know what I mean. I’m sure June Morgan’s breasts know what I mean!)

# 85 bats :[ – I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one to focus on that odd pennant. It just seems so Eisenhowery.

MT – It’s like a Far Side cartoon waiting to happen.

MW – Ew! Toby’s staring at Ian’s neck-high chest hair – and I think she likes it! Eww! (Or maybe she’s just a vampire and she’s staring longingly at his neck. Yes, that’s better.)

Foob – They’re actually saying the words “nudge” and “poke” outloud? Oh, I get it. It’s a guessing game. A Monty Python reference, a Hanson reference, a Tony Joe White reference, and a reference to Grins and Smiles and Giggles and Laughs, that “delicious” breakfast cereal from the seventies.
notToby?
August 14th, 2008 at 7:11 am [Reply]

Reading MW today, I am starting to think that they ARE going with a plot other than identity theft. Chinbeard is going to reveal how easy it was to order his new Russian bride.
Braniff
August 14th, 2008 at 7:49 am [Reply]

FC–News! News! PJ found the pennant!!! Now do the Keanes know where they are going?
Scot
August 14th, 2008 at 7:56 am [Reply]

concerning Curtis and the random colorization..

Scott Adams mentioned this problem in one of his Dilbert books..one of his cartoons featured a night security guard who was raiding cubicles, taking food and snacks..

the people who colorized the Sunday comic decided to make this guy black! which was not Adam’s intent!
;)

here is the strip:

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u45/scottychaos/dilbert.jpg

Scot
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 14th, 2008 at 8:02 am [Reply]

A plugger’s cappucino enema involves a turkey baster & Folger’s Crystals.
mafketis
August 14th, 2008 at 8:14 am [Reply]

Crankshaft : Uh oh! Crankshaft’s taking Rose to the Capuccino enema stand!

FW : I know what’ll fix this writer’s block, a Capuccino enema!

MW : What I really wanted for my birthday was a Capuccino enema.

JP : What’s say we quit with the golf and go back to the clubhouse for a Capuccino enema?

MT : “Cherry, I’ll stay here and take pictures while you give that mountain lion a Capuccino enema.”
Ducky
August 14th, 2008 at 8:14 am [Reply]

BC-

When did Peter become twins?
mafketis
August 14th, 2008 at 8:16 am [Reply]

Okay, one more.

FOOB : The bakery donated the wedding cake and the coffee shop is giving free Capuccino enemas to everyone at the reception.
Tweeks_Coffee
August 14th, 2008 at 8:37 am [Reply]

A3G: They’re obviously brothers since you can plainly see that they have the same hair color. Or maybe they both just have the mood-hair gene. This betrays my previous theory that Eric’s hair, in a chameleonesque response, was attempting to blend in with his hideous jacket.
BB: “Except yours denote that you’ve had a rabies shot and mine are for corpse identification purposes, but what’s the difference?”
DT: Good idea, Dick, wait until the guy is half-mauled to call animal control. Great detective my ass.
FC: Just in case you forgot since yesterday and you can’t identify the capitol in the background, there’s a pennant for your reference. How many of those damn things does the Keane Klan have by now?
GT: Wow, Gil’s showing an interest in his students during summer? What’re the odds that he’s just drunk and is mocking Jimmy?
MW: If this DVD doesn’t turn out to be a hardcore porn, I for one will be sorely disappointed.
Pluggers: *sigh* Okay, I’m going to do this for you only once, Pluggers. This would’ve been much improved if the cartoon was of a mom watching her kids playing in a wading pool, or running through in the backyard. There, you can thank me later.
S-M: That spidey-sense has a heckuva blind spot.
tAS: Ooh, so close! About half the dialogue here would’ve been suitable.
Brick Bradford
August 14th, 2008 at 8:45 am [Reply]

Gabacho–thanks for the Brenda Starr link. I wonder if one of those “bodice costumes” is what makes June Morgan’s breasts so constantly perky in spite of any visible means of support (or husbandly interest).

Hey–what we need is a June Morgan-Brenda Starr–Abby Driver crossover with………..wait for it……THE JUNGLE PATROL!
Brick Bradford
August 14th, 2008 at 8:51 am [Reply]

DT–What A Rat Bastard. Doesn’t the law frown on letting surpects die a horrible death while the cops stand by and do nothing whatsoever to help?

Rex–June is watching her vacation circle the drain. We’re watching the hope of June in cruise wear do the same.

MT–Pleeeeeeaaaasssseee don’t hurt the kitties!

MW–That’s right Ian, shame the poor thing for having too easy a time finding your lousy documentary. Apparently nothing this side of bleeding feet will satisfy you, you sanctimonious prick.
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
August 14th, 2008 at 8:55 am [Reply]

116 Brick B
If it did, every DT storyline would have to be rewritten.
Hogenmogen
August 14th, 2008 at 8:55 am [Reply]

#12 – CDS – Excellent artwork. Excellent!
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
August 14th, 2008 at 9:01 am [Reply]

61 Gabacho
Love the cruising story, or rather the cruising at the cruise story. Makes me want to stay home more than ever.
smacky
August 14th, 2008 at 9:01 am [Reply]

I read the first panel of today’s Dick Tracy as:

Animal control!
The Goddamn Bank!
On the double!

…which at least showed he was a little upset.

For the record, he knows Shirl is a mole, right? So he probably saved her from the dogs to kill her later in some convoluted passive-aggressive way, like crushed by a piano or falling into the smokestack of a passing cruise ship.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 14th, 2008 at 9:01 am [Reply]

9DQ: Since I doubt the latest style trend among ballerinas is kicky kerchiefs from the Worth-Trail Collection, I can only guess that the gag has slipped down off Edda’s non-chin. Seth, if you want to shut up a Burber woman, you’re going to need one of these. [not pornographic, but probably NSFW]

Archie: Since one can’t whistle with one’s mouth in that position, I can only presume Jughead is yodeling. Which makes me very glad this is a comic strip and not a TV cartoon.

Blondie: HA HA HA HA! Again, the Olympics are invoked in an incongrous context, for humorous result! Oh, Young & Whoever Else Is Responsible For This Godforsaken Schlock, what’s next, Arbor Day humor?! I don’t know if my splitting sides can take it! (For those of you who haven’t picked up on this yet, the preceding comment was sarcasm. This week’s Olympic-themed strips have actually made me want to poke my eyes out with a javelin.)

BH: Feeling sleepy during the day? Have you tried a cappucino enema?

Curtis: Oh, thank God, Curtis’ mom is still black.

(WT)DT: You knew they were going to use dogs, what, three weeks ago? And you didn’t have Animal Control standing by? If they’re anything like SWAT team, though, they’ll show up wielding little goldfish nets and stand around wailing “What do we DO?!”

thorps. Actually, “Sub Standard” is the third restaurant we’ve seen in Milford. Let’s not forget the upscale “Cafe,” patronized by none other than Gail Martin, the Rock ‘N Roll Carole King.

MW: “You would not believe how hard it was to find Amish beard fetish porn before the Internet! Now, it’s as easy as clicking F10 with your elbow!”

SF: “Have you ever tried a cappucino enema?”

Shoe: “Have you ever tried a cappucino enema? Or, y’know, skipping a meal once in a while, you fat fuck?!”

S-M: “UNNNHHH! *hurk!* *gasp!* Why– Hey! I can breathe better! I’ve been trying to loosen that ball of phlegm for, I dunno, feels like months now! Thanks, Vulture! Thanks a lot! You’re a swell guy!”
Anonymous
August 14th, 2008 at 9:02 am [Reply]

My God, giving candy to kids.

On a special day.

What a ninny.

Don’t you know you give them a carrot or a glass of water and they will settle down.

Iris, you are trying to take this wedding down a path that is not within the realm of acceptable FOOB behavior.

Keep it up and you will wind up with the last character who tried to buck the Lynnsystem.

Farley never knew when to say when.
smacky
August 14th, 2008 at 9:09 am [Reply]

122: That’s not Iris, that’s her evil twin, Mike’s wife’s mother.
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
August 14th, 2008 at 9:10 am [Reply]

90, Gabacho
Is it my imagination or is there a new artist? It’s been years since I’ve read this strip, but it looks pretty different there from the sample strip on Wikipedia, which is only 3 years old.

The art now looks more like it used to in the early days.
smacky
August 14th, 2008 at 9:12 am [Reply]

MW: My grandmother isn’t up to speed on computers, but if she successfully ordered something from Amazon by herself, she wouldn’t goddamn brag about it like she did something special. Toby is such a short-bus alumnus.
Toeby Cameron's designated ID Thief
August 14th, 2008 at 9:15 am [Reply]

Screw the “Sean Finnery” documentary on Scotland, I like Hagar’s version much better.
bunnybonnet
August 14th, 2008 at 9:15 am [Reply]

FOOB: This is like watching an impending wreck – it’s horrible, but you can’t seem to look away. I hope this comic dies a quick death after this long, drawn-out, vomitrocious wedding storyline. LJ must be living in some fantasy world if she really thinks that everyone should marry their childhood sweetheart and live happily ever after. Give me a break. Life isn’t like that.
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
August 14th, 2008 at 9:17 am [Reply]

122, 123
I think her name is Mira, and she’s the evil one.

Still, this strip today was kinda funny. Or… no, let me rephrase that. It made sense.

I have friends whose parents are constantly coming over with sickly sweets for the grandkids. “You’ve been bad, no dessert tonight. Oh hell, here comes Grandma with a Ding Dong. Never mind.”
Anonymous
August 14th, 2008 at 9:18 am [Reply]

yeah, so it’s pretty much essential that we have a T-shirt with “It’s regatta time” on it. Um.
AMSTERDANG
August 14th, 2008 at 9:19 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: Am I the only one who has heard that a “grumpy” is an activity involving two consenting adults, whereby one gives oral sex while the other is sitting on a toilet for its, uh, intended purpose? Knowing that and imagining Crank’s shaft is enough for me to stick a fork in my mind’s eye.
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
August 14th, 2008 at 9:22 am [Reply]

124, me, re: Gabacho
Oh I get it. The art has been modified to emulate the older strips. For the retconning. Gotcha.
Anonymous
August 14th, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]

MIra Iris.

Giving candy to kids on a special day is EVIL.

I hope Deanna goes and slaps that shit out of their hands before they get any of that crap in their mouths.
I am Toeby Cameron, at least I have her credit card numbers
August 14th, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]

Spidey’s vaunted “Spider Sense” again fails at the exact crucial moment at which it would most come in handy. And, after years of battling villians, does Spidey not understand that you don’t simply release the bad guy without first webbing him up?
tom
August 14th, 2008 at 9:26 am [Reply]

FBoW: Anthony’s father left the family when Anthony was a kid, they never see him.

RMMD: The regatta sounds like the perfect place for Rex, teenage boys in shorts and no shirts. If he helps this old bag crew her boat he can pick the boys.

Oh in today’s “Mary Worth” they’re going to watch the DVD. So tomorrow we get to see the much talked about Sean Finnerty. Figure about a week for the 90 minute DVD.
Anonymous
August 14th, 2008 at 9:26 am [Reply]

Lynn, you are leaving a lot of threads hanging.

What is going to happen to ssss hhhhhhaaaaaa nonnnnnn? What about the Kelpfroths? Lovey? The noble natives of Mitzigaynor?

So sad that the strip is ending up like it is.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 14th, 2008 at 9:31 am [Reply]

8/14

FW: You down with OCD? Yeah, you know Pete!

Popeye: Looks more like Swee’Pea is meeting with sixty Fred Astaire impersonators.

9CL: “Cappucino enema”? I actually heard a joke about something similar on 2 1/2 Men once. And you know what? Once was enough.

MW: Perhaps the story will take a turn from the telegraphed phishing angle. Instead, Toeby finds that she has accidentally ordered a flick from Ian’s past career in Amish-themed porn.

Phantom: Andre’s getting bored. Quick give him more shit to break.

RMMD: The best thing is that Rex Morgan is exactly the kind of strip where Lenore Foster could turn out to have an eyepatch and/or six inch nails.

S-M: Guys, why don’t you just flip a coin to decide who’ll be the top tonight.

Shoe: Again, I’m gonna Just Say No to the Perfesser’s irritable bowel.

GT: Double your fun with a sprinkling of Curtis/Margo scare quotes.
Mimi: You’re going for a “sandwich”? We just had “lunch.”
Jimmy: He’ll start at “catcher” next year again for “state.”

WofI: Obviously these two heads with feet are damned souls in some Danteesque hell, thus explaining why there’s no hope for love in their lives. Or joy, for that matter. One of them rationalizes his misery by pretending to be a frog, a creature he resembles not a whit.
Mr. Coffee Nerves
August 14th, 2008 at 9:33 am [Reply]

LTBF says: So far, none of Liz’s friends have done squat for this wedding. If it weren’t for Mike’s buddies, she wouldn’t have a wedding.

Why are all of Mike’s friends forking over for this? I don’t remmeber anybody opening their wallets when he got married.

They all got their own SIGNED copies of St. Mike’s book! In the Foobiverse that’s like a box full of Honus Wagner T-216 baseball cards, doubloons from the Spanish Main, moon rocks and the first draft of the “Mona Lisa” where she’s flipping off the artist.

I’m guessing that Mike isn’t helping with the kids because he’s set up next to the gift table with a sharpie and a case of soon-to-be-remaindered books.
I am Toeby Cameron - really I am!
August 14th, 2008 at 9:33 am [Reply]

You’ve got to admit, Sub Standard is kind of clever.

Jimmy’s next line is “With all due respect, Coach, if you’re not gunna buy anything, beat it. I’ve got paying customers standing here.”
Old School Allie Cat
August 14th, 2008 at 9:41 am [Reply]

FOOB – What’s Deanna’s beef? As a pharmacist, she’s forever dispensing “candy” to get people to settle down. So now, all of a sudden, she gets picky?

Also, Dee somehow managed to get out of being one of Liz’s brideslaves. Nice work, there. Kid-wrangler is much less taxing, and far less contact with Liz.

FW – I’m only sticking with the Pete storyline long enough to find out if he got Chien pregnant on prom night ten years ago. If he fucks like he writes, I’m going to say the answer is no.

‘Shaft – Ha, ha – their brittle old bones will barely stand the impact of the multiple bumps!
SpiffBereft
August 14th, 2008 at 9:41 am [Reply]

“…he almost certainly means his penis!”
That’s just great! Thanks to you I’ll always think of “crank” and “shaft” as euphemisms for “penis”!
Oh. wait a minute…
Toeby Cameron's online identity
August 14th, 2008 at 9:59 am [Reply]

#135 – Anony, LJ can’t wrap up every single story line of all the ancillary characters, it’s simply not possible in this or any medium. And, it’s unlikely that it would be interesting if it were attempted.
With Foob, all’s well that ends.

And the sooner the better, may i add.
D.A. Pennington
August 14th, 2008 at 10:01 am [Reply]

Today’s FOOB: If by “Candy” she means Flinstone chewable valium, the Ma, by all means give them the whole bag.
Calico
August 14th, 2008 at 10:02 am [Reply]

#36 yesterthread – My Mom and I have a couple of friends, longtime partners, who do not watch TV. One of them said to us once that CNN is just a long-running ad for itself, which I find to be more true every day. Same with the website, laden with ultra-poor grammar, useless “news” blips, and of course ads and blogs endlessly congratulating itself.

But hey, this means it sounds like FOOBland!
britbike
August 14th, 2008 at 10:04 am [Reply]

The kids are already wild and wound up. The last thing they need is sugar. Why not give them some speed while you’re at it? And anyone who doesn’t know what that means has never been around kids hopped on on sugar. Save it for after the ceremony, to distract from the endless toasts. Screaming kids are WAY more fun then–at least at this wedding.
Toeby Cameron\'s online identity
August 14th, 2008 at 10:05 am [Reply]

#139 – Old School – Ha! That’s great, I now I imagine Mopey Pete (“Mopete”) to have whatever ailment anyone mentions.

“Do you ever get writer’s block?”
“Only if someone brings it up.”

“Do you ever get migrane headaches, Pete?”
“You’re giving me one now – no offense.”

“Do you ever get random itchiness all over your back?”
“Occasionally, why do you ask?” scratch scratch.

“Do you ever get erectile dysfunction?”
“Darn it, Chien, you’d have to ask now, right after I opened the condum.”
Calico
August 14th, 2008 at 10:08 am [Reply]

Josh – don’t forget the time Beetle and Sarge were blue from losing their breath over too many mutual blowjobs (they forgot to color over the cyan “placeholder”, I guess).
Phisher - Toeby Cameron edition
August 14th, 2008 at 10:09 am [Reply]

Foob: Everybody knows you don’t give kids hard candy. Such an event calls for chocolate, of course. Then they can get hands, faces, dresses and furniture all covered in crap-colored splendor. Yes, yes – DO IT, MIRA!
Calico
August 14th, 2008 at 10:11 am [Reply]

Maybe the candy will make the heathens crash.
If not, try Ritalin or espresso.
Darkefang
August 14th, 2008 at 10:25 am [Reply]

Blondie: The zombie robot that draws Blondie is going to give the Olympics the recognition it deserves, no matter how stupid and boring it makes the strips.

Curtis: Y’know, in most strips that feature a sibling rivalry, threats made by one to another are generally either comedic, or lead into a punchline. Not Curtis. Billingsly wants to make sure his readers know that there’s nothing even remotely humorous about threatening bodily harm on little brothers.

DT: I’m sure the taxpayers of whatever the hell city Dick Tracy takes place in are happy to know that their hard-earned money is being spent on equipping the dog-catcher with a two-way communicator wristwatch.

Surely Dick knows that dogs trained to kill people are just going to be put to sleep by Animal Control. So why not just shoot them now? Oh right, if you kill them now, then who’ll commit the grisly murder of Baskerville?

Foob: At last, Iris gets her revenge, even if it is a bit passive aggressive. After years of condescension by the Pattersons, she’s ensuring that Michael’s hyperactive idiot spawn are going to disrupt Liz’s magical free wedding. And maybe if a few guests have their best formal attire ruined with little chocolate handprints, they’ll be forced to treat Iris as more than grandpa’s diaper changer.

GT: With her husband running off at the first available opportunity and making cryptic comments about being interested in a sub shop employee, it’s no wonder Mimi’s cracked open that new case of Schlitz before noon.

MW: There’s no better way to cap off a romantic birthday dinner with your wife than watching a movie featuring sheep and hairy-legged men wearing dresses.

RMMD: If I’m reading this correctly, this old lady likes to sail, but her friends are all dead, so for the week before the regatta every year, local boys wake up after “camping trips” with Rex to find themselves chained to a yacht.
Old School Allie Cat
August 14th, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

“Here, kids – I know that candy makes you thirsty – wash it down with this Red Bull and Vodka!”
mere cog in the machine
August 14th, 2008 at 10:27 am [Reply]

Foob: If this running sore of a strip truly wants to shake itself out of it’s bland Canadian doldrums and emerge as a cutting edge satire, then “Here…have some candy” will be the last thing those two little snotnoses hear before they dream they are hatching zuchinis and wake up with their Sponge Bob pajamas around their ankles. Now THAT’s comedy!
Thursday Next
August 14th, 2008 at 10:28 am [Reply]

#144-britbike: the kids are on overdrive because they’re on overdrive. There is no link, scientifically, between sugar intake and overactivity in children. The most sensible thing, of course, would be to take them all out for some time at the playground, or a game of frisbee or tag, but FOOB has already established that a steady course of “Best mother ever” is a reliable cover to “Completely sucks at this.”

That said, Deanna asked for help, and Mira stepped up. If her methods don’t work, that’s too bad. Wasn’t the point that Deanna had other things to do? Why, then, is she micromanaging a woman who has raised children of her own?

And for that matter, what the hell is Mira doing hanging around, anyway? I never understood how she came to be sewing, and volunteering, at that, for this wedding. Who on earth gets involved in her son-in-law’s sister’s wedding? She’s clearly there only as plot device as a target for abuse. Which is especially rich, as Lynn wants us to see Mira as a candy-giving, color-changing shrew, and also wants us to conveniently forget that she sewed those dresses for free, and seems to be on hand to do babysitting not only for her own grandchildren, but the child of the groom.

Isn’t it weird how the Pattersons just keep looking worse and worse?

#139-Old School Allie Cat; dear god, is there really a FW character named “Dog” in French? Is it because she’s ugly, or because she’s a bitch?
Perky Bird
August 14th, 2008 at 10:29 am [Reply]

MW: “The Fruits of My Labor”? That sure is a strange name for a documentary on Scotland.
Old School Allie Cat
August 14th, 2008 at 10:33 am [Reply]

#152 – Thursday Next – her actual name is Heather, but back in high school, she liked wearing all black, including a spiked dog collar, hence, Chien.
Sully
August 14th, 2008 at 10:33 am [Reply]

Re: For Wedding or For Worse:

A few strips back, Rod, I mean, John, was bitching about how much this interminable affair (sorry, bad choice of words), function, was costing him. What is he paying for, exactly? Without going into painful detail, we have been force-fed the information that just about everything you can imagine has been donated by friends and acquaintances out of their undying love and admiration for the first family of Foobville. Seems to me it’s a fooby freebie!
Astroboy
August 14th, 2008 at 10:36 am [Reply]

FOOBs – yes, Lynnie, we get it. Mira gives candy to children, therefore she is E-VIL. In fact, everyone except the PatterSaints are E-vil. Except Gord AN’ Tracy. AN’ Lawrence. AN’ possibly Shan…non.

By the way, where the hell IS Shan…non?
JB
August 14th, 2008 at 10:38 am [Reply]

How about we take Toby’s “It was actually as easy as clicking a button” and have June say “It’s actually as easy as flicking a button”, referencing July and August? “licking”, maybe?

I’m going straight to hell for even suggesting soft-core RMMD, I know…

AMC (#33) asked:
Which one of the Spice Girls was Ho Spice?

Umm…all of ‘em?
Poteet
August 14th, 2008 at 10:41 am [Reply]

# 85 bats — BWAHAHA! I’m honored by the “tip.” And your skill at dialogue is impressive. Your people talk like real people. It’s like you’re the Anti-Toby.
D.A. Pennington
August 14th, 2008 at 10:45 am [Reply]

If people are wondering where Shannon is, she is out protesting the movie “Tropic Thunder” for its insensitive use of the word “Retard”.
Poteet
August 14th, 2008 at 10:45 am [Reply]

# 156 Astroboy — I’m betting Shannon will show up at some point. There are lots of Secondary Characters yet to check in, and limited time, so she may only be a face in one of the worshipful throngs.
Nekrotzar
August 14th, 2008 at 10:46 am [Reply]

Today/s FBOFW would have been so much more entertaining — and Diane’s horrified look in the last panel would have been more appropriate — if Mira had said “Here … have some arsenic.”
Calico
August 14th, 2008 at 10:53 am [Reply]

#149 – Maybe that’s foreplay for the Camerons.
Slainge mhath!
Shoshi
August 14th, 2008 at 10:56 am [Reply]

I think Prof. Chinbeard might be Dr. Cory with false whiskers and some kind of spray-on gray hair. Look at his face in panel 2 of today’s strip.

If this is true, what kind of sick game is going on at Charterstone?
mafketis
August 14th, 2008 at 11:00 am [Reply]

Dodgems????? Is this another wierd Batiukism like “solo car date” or was he trying to avoid the term ‘bumper cars’ because people would immediately associate Crankshaft and Rose as bumping nasties?
CanuckDownSouth
August 14th, 2008 at 11:01 am [Reply]

Today, after months of following CC, was my first laugh at 9CL. Not at the snark on it, but the strip itself. Of course, like some writers have only one good book in them, maybe this strip has only one good laught and I will spend the rest of my days going back to it and being disappointed over and over.

Don’t have time for snarkage this morning – meeting in half an hour. But I did update Foob’s Paradise. I also put in some remarks below the strip for the heck of it.
Client No. 9
August 14th, 2008 at 11:01 am [Reply]

MW: Please let there be porn on the DVD.
groddeck
August 14th, 2008 at 11:09 am [Reply]

#166 – Have you been eavesdropping on my reaction everytime I get something from Netflix?
Anonymous
August 14th, 2008 at 11:09 am [Reply]

So sad that the children in the Fooberverse don’t know how to behave.

Once my kids hit three, they knew how to act in public. They didn’t run around like banshees. And they did not have to be bribed.

They acted like total maniacs at home but knew when we went out, they had better behave or Mr. Spanky would come out and make their life miserably.

Spare the rod Lynn and spoil the child, and lose the husband. A lesson you seem to have lost.
commodorejohn
August 14th, 2008 at 11:22 am [Reply]

9CL – I laughed.

A3G – “That old man. He’s got, like, a dozen different incarnations of the Hero of Time he has to give incomprehensible advice to, so you really ought to be saving him instead.”

BS – I like the Dick Tracy-ish labeling of things.

Crankshaft – “Taking [her] on the dodgems?” That’s one I’ve never heard before. I assume it was in fashion shortly after the term “boogie-woogie” got sanitized?

DTM – At the beginning of the MST3K Teenage Caveman episode, there was a short where Joel and the ‘bots came up with do-it-yourself ipecacs. Looks like they missed one.

DT – Yep.

FC – Third guest strip for The Family Circus Of Values is up.

FOOB – Oh God. Lynn, as long as we’re at the End Of All Things here, would you mind taking a strip or two to explain just what the fuck is wrong with you?

FW – Laugh if you want, but this is still less ridiculous than Michael Patterson’s setup. Also, it’s pretty charming that he’s using MacWrite.

GT – Wow. They’re so high-class, they have separate drawers for chips and soda!

MT – haha hahaha HAHAHAHA

MW – In case you hadn’t already guessed, Ian is calling his wife lazy for buying something online. Chinbeard, how we have missed thee!

NS – Bullshit.

SM – Gee. You know, if only Spidey had some sort of precognitive reflexes, this could’ve been prevented. But hey, how likely is that?
Calico
August 14th, 2008 at 11:37 am [Reply]

Heh heh heh – I just found this.
Watch at your own risk.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUzkOxgmmc4
commodorejohn
August 14th, 2008 at 11:38 am [Reply]

P.S. I submitted “take on the dodgems” to Urban Dictionary; let’s see what comes of that.
Paul1963
August 14th, 2008 at 11:46 am [Reply]

Gabacho @ 90, Bunne @ 128 & 131: If you look very closely at the first panel of the Brenda Starr for 8/14, you’ll see that it says “from Feb. 1979.” Apparently, Schmich and Brigman have decided to handle this flashback by actually reprinting material from the storyline being recalled, rather than by redrawing it.
Searching back through the archives, I see they used 1965 strips last week to recount Brenda’s first meeting with Basil and his tale of the black orchid serum.

The “cross-dressing nephew named Slipper,” if I recall correctly, actually had two female identities, one of whom stole the other’s car, which got a giant banner headline on the front page of the Flash: GALAXY GAL STEALS POP STAR’S CAR! So Galaxy Gal was really Slipper Veil, who was really Slippery St. John.
Ow, my brain…

Parenting tip to Deanna Patterson: Withholding all sugar from your children will only make them want it more, consume more of it when they can, and make them even more hyper when they do. Unless they’re diabetic, the occasional sweet treat won’t kill them. Try this: “Just two pieces, Robin. Just two pieces, Meredith. Mom, that’s enough. Don’t make me call The Home.”
prospero
August 14th, 2008 at 11:48 am [Reply]

Don’t know about y’all, but I’m fairly certain I’ve never seen a person of the black persuasion in Dagwood before today. And what’s the occasion? Office Wastepaper Basket Basketball.
Anonymous
August 14th, 2008 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

Just wanted to let everyone know, Bill Watterson has been following the frenzy surrounding the revamping of FBOFW from the beginning and has decided to do the same with Calvin and Hobbes.

Calvin is going to be put in therapy this time and Hobbes given to Good Will.
Joe Blevins
August 14th, 2008 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

I’m not sure where “Curtis” is supposed to take place, but is it possibly downstream from “Dilbert”?
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 14th, 2008 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

#166 – Scottish porn? “Sure and that’s Sean Finnery, Toby, but wha’ in the hell is he doin’ to that sheep?”
Zaq
August 14th, 2008 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

Thursday snark:

S-M: Have you ever noticed that the Spider Sense is completely ineffective against blunt trauma? If you’re a D&D geek like me, you could say he’s got DR 5/bludgeoning. An alternate explanation, proposed by my father: “See, it’s just like a spider. A spider never notices when you’re coming down on it with the shoe or the newspaper, and neither does Spidey.” Proportionate reflexes of a spider, indeed.

MW: I can never decide which ridiculous accent I need to give Chinbeard in my mind’s voice. Surely though, we must all agree that he deserves one. Suggestions?

GT: No no NO! You’re supposed to be randomly flying all over the place, Gil, not going to some traitorous non-Bucket restaurant and still talking about goddamn baseball! At least the art is soothingly nonsensical. I’m reasonably sure that the window in panel 1 is closed, and Mimi is a ghost manifesting through it.

FC: I’m 95% certain that this exact panel was used years ago. I recognize it from Dysfunctional Family Circus. Of course, since it was from DFC, I have no idea if the caption is recycled as well, but I’d be very surprised if it wasn’t.

RMMD: Huh. Actual new information. No complaints here.

MT: If Kelly Welly doesn’t decide that she needs to get some close-up pictures of the lions, I’m going to be disappointed.

Foob: I’m surprised the kids are that wound-up and excited. I remember when I was little and I had to do something Important And Boring, I was always flopping around listlessly, whining, not running around squealing with glee… oh look at me, assuming that Lynn is even TRYING to write realistic human beings. Silly me.
commodorejohn
August 14th, 2008 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

#177 Zaq – I think Chinbeard talks like King Richard from Disney’s Robin Hood, only much smugger.

Also, yes, this whole FC storyline is a rerun from…1980, I believe.
Anonymous
August 14th, 2008 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

Scottish porn?

Why, just lift up those kilts.

Are you happy to see me or is that just some haggis?
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 14th, 2008 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

D’you know what’s worn beneath the kilt?
Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
August 14th, 2008 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

Phantom: How much longer before it’s revealed that Andre is actually a Klingon marooned on Earth and that this is how he maintains his sense of honour?

Dick Tracy: Someone don’t bother shooting the dogs, just shoot Tracy instead. When I think this can’t get anymore stupid, I’m proven wrong.

9CL:Made me laugh today. The strip I liked the best was the Sunday strip with the couple approaching their first anniversary. The rest of it I’ve felt rather indifferent to until I read the Ouija board channelling bit.

the rest of the strips I usually have something less than positive to say about: They are all so excruciatingly bad that I don’t even know where to turn except away. Horror is too pale a word.

June Morgan: She needs to strike off on her own. Ditch Rex and that spawn of theirs and go find Abbey and……
kingklash
August 14th, 2008 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

Hello, Curmudgeons! Due to unforseen circumstances, and billing disagreements, I have been without the Internet here at work for a little over a month. And during the meantime, the Oklahoma City paper dropped Rex, Judge Parker, Gasoline Alley, and Apt 3G from the comics page, they say because there was little interest in them. They even ran a poll as a pretext (i believe) to drop them. Why didn’t they just say that ink costs money, and running a Sudoku puzzle and crosswords was much cheaper. And without the ‘net, I was left hanging about infected gym mats. You guys should see what the Sunday paper looks like. Blorgh! It’s been a week since the new connection was installed, and I’m still getting caught up on things, and getting the old iMac browser to behave. But I really missed this place. I’m feeling much better now.
Perky Bird
August 14th, 2008 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

# 164 maketis:

Just be thankful he didn’t use the French term “les autos tamponneuses”. We would have had old folks writing in complaining about talk of feminine hygiene products in the comics.
Anonymous
August 14th, 2008 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

An aside on the ads on the sides: I am in love with the noise bot girls.
Sobek
August 14th, 2008 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

Okay, all snarking aside, what could Crankshaft’s favorite ride possibly be? I can’t picture him on a roller coaster, or a tilt-o-whirl, or anything at an amusement park, really. He probably means mescaline.
Junior Tracy
August 14th, 2008 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

“Emblackenation”, eh? Maybe someone could emblacken Mary Worth, a la John Howard Griffin.

I’d pay to see that, especially when Mary finds out about the Stonebridge restrictive covenant and “whites only” meddling rules.
Gabacho
August 14th, 2008 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

#172 Paul1963 – I did not realize that these were the original strips. That makes it even cooler about the gender bender named Slippery St. John. It’s good to have Brenda Starr back in my life. I thought I had run out of role models when I turned 50, I mean beside Judy Dench and Ted Forth, which is just tragic.

Mary Worth / Scottish Porn – Well, here’s one take on Scottish Porn (NSFW except at Affect Advertising)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUpJxVdMR1o

And then of course the Rolling Stones changed the lyrics to the ancient Scottish Love Song from:

I said, Hey! McLeod! Get off of my ewe
Hey! McLeod! Get off of my ewe
Hey! McLeod! Get off of my ewe
Don’t mess around ’cause two’s a crowd
On my ewe, baby
mere cog in the machine
August 14th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

I think the pathetic sight of those two hopeless nimrods Anthony and Gordon tootling along side by side in their canuck-mobile should really have laid last week’s bowtie debate to rest. Gordon looks like a jaunty kid-feeler with his strangely soulless eyes while Anthony makes George Will look like a frigging action hero. If that’s what’s wearing a bowtie these days I wouldn’t wrap a fish in one.
Old School Allie Cat
August 14th, 2008 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

#188 – merecog – Gordon is definitely sporting the

“pedosmile”

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=spot_the_pedo
Tom Allen
August 14th, 2008 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

The Strib doesn’t publish Rex Morgan or Mary Worth, but it does have Judge Parker. So I’ll have to ask you all: are regatta and phishing storylines as fascinating as golfing and book contracts? I keep waiting for the foreshadowed rattlesnake (or maybe a cougar or two from Mark Trail) but all I get is links-related negotiation.
PeteMoss
August 14th, 2008 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

On today’s installment Gil Thorp(e), Coach Gil orders a Sub Standard tuna salad sandwich with a Sub Standard bag of generic corn chips and soda while providing former substandard student Jimmy with some substandard advise on completing a substandard college degree program in physical education and getting a substandard job as a substandard public school coach who also teaches substandard sex education. The future may be less than you think!
Bud
August 14th, 2008 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

That’s Gordo?!

Christ, I thought that was Father Granthony!

The years have not been kind, fat man…
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 14th, 2008 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

I think the kind of emblackanation Mary Worth deserves is the kind they gave Joan of Arc.
Vakar
August 14th, 2008 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

9CL: Barista, Breve Santorum to go, please! Mmmm… Frothy!

Agnes: Someone watches Mythbusters.

A3G: “Tim, you can’t be serious! Richard Gere couldn’t be that important!”

FOOB: Has Dee even met small children before?

FW: Man, OCD is a bitch.

GF: Heh heh.

GT: “Sub Standard”? That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in Gil Thorp! I think it was intentional, too!

MW: “Things are almost too easy to find! Like casual sex with strangers! Why, just the other day, I… Wait, never mind.”

Phantom: Shirtless men with visible nipples: Uncomfortably risque! Cartoon character saying ’suck’: Shocking! Big dude with a giant wrench smashing heads and other stuff: Family entertainment!

Zits: Hey, Dad? A little credit for at least changing his clothes, ‘K?
Vakar
August 14th, 2008 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

193: COTW. !
bats :[
August 14th, 2008 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

9CL: a few months ago, “Cow and Boy” had a strip concerning coffee enemas. I think I saved it.
God, I’m sick.

169. commodorejohn: bravo on FCoV; I can’t get my posts to post on the site, so I’ll just shower you with praise and Tootsie Rolls here.

CDS: this is a great spin (and insight) on Foobville. It’s definitely a lot more interesting than the “real” place, even if you aren’t “peeking” into people’s windows. Need I say “More! More!”?
Calico
August 14th, 2008 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

#180 – Ida Know!

FC – Billy is so pissed off, I think he’s aiming for a “Speed” redux.
commodorejohn
August 14th, 2008 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

#196 bats :[ – Aw, thanks :)
mere cog in the machine
August 14th, 2008 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

189 Allie: Thanks for the big “ick”! Pages like that always make me feel better about myself: I may be obnoxious, backstabbing, indolent, and deceitful, but at least I’m not THAT!
DAS
August 14th, 2008 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

“of course, this calls into question which drugs might enhance yachting performance. Gin?”

I am always afraid that the hysteria around performance enhancing drugs in sports will extend into academic pursuits. Will they start testing scientists for caffeine consumption?

Blandthony being not nervous because he’s marrying the “right” girl (c.f. comments above about “right girl” vs. “woman he loves”): Blandthony manages to give Nice Guys(TM) a bad name.
Anonymous
August 14th, 2008 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

Some older yachtsmen need help getting the mast up.

The blue pill helps them enhance their performance.
gnome de blog
August 14th, 2008 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

188 merest cog said:

I think the pathetic sight of those two hopeless nimrods Anthony and Gordon tootling along side by side in their canuck-mobile should really have laid last week’s bowtie debate to rest. Gordon looks like a jaunty kid-feeler with his strangely soulless eyes while Anthony makes George Will look like a frigging action hero. If that’s what’s wearing a bowtie these days I wouldn’t wrap a fish in one.

I can tie a bow tie in under a minute without a mirror, if that gives you a clue how often I wear one. If you want to lump me with Anthony, Gordon and George Will, you’re entitled to your opinion. As Johnny Cash once said, “Drive on.”
mere cog in the machine
August 14th, 2008 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

202 Gnome: Please don’t think I am “lumping you in” with that crew. I am perfectly willing to concede that some bowtie wearers are decent, productive human beings. But you must admit that the first panel of that strip is not the best advertisement for your sartorial choices. And doesn’t the fact that so many bowtie wearers are, ah, sensitive, give at least a little weight to my blanket condemnation, wrongheaded though it may be?
gleeb
August 14th, 2008 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

154, re Chien: Huh. I only started reading the ‘bean shortly before the latest jump forward. I thought she was pretending to be Chinese or something, and just didn’t know she was calling herself “dog”.
PeteMoss
August 14th, 2008 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

Crankenshaft: Dodgems? Oh yeah, that’s a bit like a merry-go-round, only people can pay money to throw volley balls at you while you ride it. Sounds like loads of fun, ’shaft.
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 14th, 2008 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

#197 – Nothin’s worn, lassie, it a’ works perfectly.
bats :[
August 14th, 2008 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

I like to think that the Regatta is put on as a fund-raiser for the Hospice (as opposed to using it as a “Make a Wish” opportunity for its clients). Of course, there’s always “fund-raising within fund-raising,” so get ‘em now before they’re all gone!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2762663213/
PeteMoss
August 14th, 2008 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

MT, panel 3 – Awwwww! But what is a bear cub doing in that picture? I think this mountain lion is sleeping around a little in Lost Forrest. I’m surprised one of the cubs isn’t sporting sideburns and shouting about fleas.
rhymes with puck
August 14th, 2008 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

FBOFW: How DARE that non-Patterson approved bitch of a grandmother give those kids candy on a day of celebration! She’s just a meddling, heartless harridan!

Luann: Yo, Brad, you’re still living with your parents and you’re afraid to kiss your girlfriend – I think you may want to reconsider your qualifications to talk about what adulthood means.

FW: Synopsis of Pete’s first Superman story – Lois gets cancer and dies, Superman mopes about it for 10 years.

MT: ooh, CATFIGHT!

Spider-Man: Spider-sense powers, deactivate!

Pluggers: Pluggers don’t swim?
Dean Booth
August 14th, 2008 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

Whenever I see two or more people (or animals) in a comic panel, I think about them having sex. Does that make me a bad person? …or eligible for the priesthood?
UncleJeff
August 14th, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

#197: Ian Anderson at a Jethro Tull concert in the early 80s…referring to his kilt-wearing lead guitarist:
“I once asked Barrie what’s he got on under the kilt and he said ‘take a look.’ And so, I took a look and let me tell you it was gah-rooooooooo-some. And then I took another look and it grew some more.”
Shoshi
August 14th, 2008 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

FOOB – Not to defend anyone or anything related to this train wreck, but I think the reason Dee is upset might be because candy precisely will NOT keep the kids calm or clean?
Marthas Rolling Pin
August 14th, 2008 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

CDS, count me in with the adoring crowd. Thoughtful story line, bite without bitterness, and lovely drawing on the characters. You’ve given Grandpa Jim more life than Lynn has in years.
blammers66
August 14th, 2008 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

Yep – by Saturday, or perhaps next Monday, it’ll be highjinks aplenty when Robbie, completely plugged from his Grandma-induced sugar fix, dives into the river to save Grampa Jim, who (after being left alone because he is having one of his fits and NOBODY wants to be around him) has fallen in the creek as he tries to sail a toy boat, by grabbing Gramp’s necktie with his teeth and dragging him to safety. Lil’ Robin will be lauded as a great hero until John discovers that Grampa Jim has been choked to death by the tie.
chl
August 14th, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

@214

Actually on Monday Lynn is indeed going to throw a monkey-wrench into Elizabeth’s wedding.

SPOILER

A monkey-wrench shaped like an old, dying man.
Brick Bradford
August 14th, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

FOOB–At first I thought it was Iris giving the little hooligans candy as well. Then I figured out it was Mira. They apparently go to the same godawful hair stylist–or the aforementioned FOOBification of all reality has progressed. Everyone is devolving into Elly, I tell you. I can feel my nose widening as I type.

You know, my wedding day just flew by! I wish to God this one would!
Anonymous
August 14th, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

Why should we be the ones to point out that a six year old and four year old should be able to behave.

That’s what happens when mom works 90 hours a week and is strung out on oxycotin and dad locks himself in the den to “write”. The kids are raising themselves.

Francoise has an excuse. She has to run around and practice her parkour skills so she can get out of her basement prison to eat.

I think we should worry when Gwampa is running around screaming like a banshee and the only way to get him to stop is to give him a plate of prime rib.
Little Guy
August 14th, 2008 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

215: Oh frabulous day! I can’t wait to see how Lynn skirts the fine line of “We can’t get married! Granpa Jim is *dead*! and “We can’t let Granpa Jim overshadow our Day of Truw Wuv!”

9CL: No, this strip need a capacchino enema, along with a pencil trick.
bubbles3660
August 14th, 2008 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

“I’ve seen you guys through a lot of crazy circumstances.”

Like the time I broke you out of that Turkish prison.
CanuckDownSouth
August 14th, 2008 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

215-chl, 218-Little Guy I call hospital bedside ceremony, and Gramps clings to life just long enough to give The Blands his blessing.

Actually, if she does something like this, it would at least be a plotline instead of a laundry list of favours. Overwrought, but a plot.

So it’ll probably be false alarm or Jim quietly slipping off during the “For Better or For Worse” speech.
Paul1963
August 14th, 2008 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

Little Guy @218: If Grandpa Jim has the unmitigated gall to die on the day of the Wedding of the Century, they’ll simply prop him up with his eyes open so as not to spoil all the pictures. Then they’ll stick him in the freezer thoughtfully provided gratis by the local appliance store until the Pattercaines have embarked on their three-day, two-night honeymoon at the Millborough Days Inn (courtesy of the manager, who once bought some shit or other at Elly’s store). Once they’ve gone, Jim will be taken out of the freezer and placed in his bed. Then, and only then, will the authorities be notified. The coroner will be only too happy to falsify Jim’s date of death on the death certificate, thus assuring that the date remains Anthony and Liz’s for all time, as John once fixed one of his fillings and only kept him waiting half an hour past the time of his appointment.
The funeral, like the wedding, will be covered entirely by the generosity of the Pattersons’ friends, who have long since accepted that their lot in life is merely to serve She Whose Butter Tarts Are Fit For The Very Gods Themselves.
Then, John will choke on one of the free shrimp at the post-funeral gathering, starting the cycle all over again and allowing Lynn one final dig at his real-life counterpart before taking the strip into reruns.
chl
August 14th, 2008 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

@ 220

Kind of a combination of the two. The week of the 25th ends on a strangely meta note.
monkey.dave
August 14th, 2008 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

Geez, am I the only one here who thought that today’s FOOB was actually funny?
Anonymous
August 14th, 2008 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

No, monkey.dave.

There are lots of grandmas in Canada that got their daily chuckle out of the FOOBs.

The ones that are going to be crying harder at Lizgranth’s wedding than they did at their own miserable kid’s wedding. God damn it, when are they going to call me.

I mean I sit and I sit and I sit.

They could at least call from their cell phone.

Nope.

They just want me to fade away and die.

Where was I again?
commodorejohn
August 14th, 2008 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

#215 chl – Wait, seriously?

Not that such an event would be all that surprising, but still, do you have a camera in Lynn’s house or something?
chl
August 14th, 2008 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

#225 commodorejohn

yeah, sort of.
Astroboy
August 14th, 2008 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

#160 poteet – I dunno, I’m getting a feeling that Shan…non has been flushed down the memory hole along with various non-Caucasian characters.

It appears that the only one of Lynnie’s non-PatterWASPs that’s invited is Lawrence. And a couple of token Mitigwackians. The “special stories” that she got all the acclaim for. Just a coinky-dink I’m sure (not.)

Lovey? too Jewish
Liz’s various boyfriends of color (oops, I mean COLOUR)? Not good enough for the Golden Hoo-Ha and down the memory hole
Shan…non? Sorry, she might do something to disrupt the wedding.

The requirements for an invite appear to be: pasty-white Gentiles or characters who gained LJ some fame.
Captain Thunder
August 14th, 2008 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

A brand new Dennis, Viscount of Stokington is up, featuring the return of the Phantom and a most mysterious coffee-shop owner!
True Fable
August 14th, 2008 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

Something to break the monotony of the long drive to Milborough: Goats!
PeteMoss
August 14th, 2008 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

# 226
foob mole?
Red Greenback
August 14th, 2008 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

Yikes! Talk about your color monkey royal screw-ups, I can’t believe y’all missed this one.
PeteMoss
August 14th, 2008 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

#229 True Fable
One of those goats has a huge, green flea on it’s shoulder. Get it into Mark Trail’s wooden tub, stat!
PeteMoss
August 14th, 2008 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

#231 RG
Wait a minute. I remember this episode. That’s Blondie’s cousin, Sabrina. Hijinks to ensue.
JB
August 14th, 2008 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

230 — PeteMoss:

It appears so, yes…chl is hinting at having seen all of the upcoming Foob-strips, and is giving semi-spoilers.

While I don’t care, really, I suspect we’re about to hear Pope Josh say “Cool it”.

On the other hand, were it re: a strip about which I give a flying rip, say PBS or Frazz, I’d likely pitch a Royal Canadian Fit (and I’m not even from Canadia).

I’m pretty sure at least a few people here read Foobville for reasons other than snarkitude, and they’re about to let chl have it, I’m sure.
commodorejohn
August 14th, 2008 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

#234 JB – I dunno, man. It’s not like we haven’t been predicting that since the end of the strip was announced. If it is true, it’s so unsurprising I’d hardly even classify it as a spoiler.
chl
August 14th, 2008 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

#234 JB

Oh my apologies. Seriously.

But I don’t think anything was said that wasn’t already obvious. I’m just hoping the wedding storyline will be finished by the end of the year.
PeteMoss
August 14th, 2008 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

# 226 Hey, chl, while you’re skulking around the compound, why not take a look in Lynn’s medicine cabinet and report back.

Seriously, she’s got to be upset that a hack like Judge Parker is getting a hundred grand advance for his pulp fiction schlock while Michael St. Patterson, Bard of Milborough, wrote an instant classic, Little Grass Thatchie on a Prarie of Endless Miserie an’ Tedium: Shlelaighlie’s Story, and only got a $25 k advance. What an injustice. Of course, Patterfoob did get paid in Canadian.
chl
August 14th, 2008 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

#237 PeteMoss

I wish Lynn had done more with incorporating Michael’s novels into the plot; like, I was imagining she would write the FBOFW storyline into the books, and that’s how they’d incorporate the re-runs strips. But she used a photo album instead. Alas.
True Fable
August 14th, 2008 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

#234 JB – Well, what chl said was among the many scenarios I’ve suggested as well as other people. Anyone who comes here to discuss Foob without snarking on their mind has got to realize s/he is in the wrong house of worship.

Whatever Pope Josh says goes, otherwise what the hell. Personally I’m still hoping for my number one option, that of Dick Tracy showing up and putting each Foob and Foob acolyte in different imaginatively gruesome death scenes, then have Sarge get the boys at Camp Swampy to dig foxhole graves to bury them in, Rex Morgan arrange for it all to be covered by a nice putting green so Sam Driver can use Biff’s biplane and fly overhead with a banner that reads, “So Long, Assholes!” as Margo puts a torch to all of Milborough.

Yeaaaaahhhh…!
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
August 14th, 2008 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

231 — No kidding! That is one hideous green blouse in the title panel… :)
Orange Doorhinge
August 14th, 2008 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

MT: Get your 1930’s camera, Kelly! You can photograph Cherry moving rocks one by one, then being eaten by the Mountain Lion. They go for the intestines first, I’m told. Imagine that on the cover of your wilderness magazine.
dreadedcandiru2
August 14th, 2008 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

Final fate of the Foobs: Speaking of weird codas, the last first-run strip tells us what all the Pattersons who survive the Settlepocalypse get up to later in life. I’m personally hoping that Mike gets burned at the stake but I expect he’ll be the greatest novelist EVAH!!!!
commodorejohn
August 14th, 2008 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

#242 dreadedcandiru2 – So LJ is going to steal the ending device from Animal House?
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
August 14th, 2008 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

242 — It’ll probably be something out of Harry Potter… Liz and Theresa run into each other at Gordon’s car lot, and acknowledge each other by nodding before heading their separate ways.
Art Vandelay
August 14th, 2008 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

SpiderTVwatcher: If only Spiderman had some sort of material that he could shoot out that would trap bad guys before he turned his back on them– some sort of rope or sticky substance that he could hit them with that would trap them just like flies in a spider’s… something or other.

FOOB: Why is Deanna wearing a burlap sack to the wedding? And her mom is wearing some sort of marching band jacket. And yet they still look better than the garishly colored bridal party. Anyway, the moral of today’s comic: the only decent mom in the world is Elly Patterson. No one can compare to her.
True Fable
August 14th, 2008 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

All I know is, I am hoping like hell for Paul to show up at the last minute to investigate Jim’s death only to discover he must arrest Elly for plotting to give Liz a sizable dowry with the insurance money, but Iris discovered the paperwork Elly filled out when she visited last and realized Elly planned to blame Iris for Jim’s death, so she tipped off Paul. Then Granthony will fold like a fan and confess his part in the scheme too since it was Elly’s idea and she owns his horses. Liz is so thrilled at Paul’s newly-displayed Mountie charms she throws herself at his feet and begs to be taken back to Mtiwackitobacci but Paul says “no thanks, we’re having a new white trash-type teacher flying in next week, and I’m planning to actually hit a home run this time.”
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
August 14th, 2008 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

196, Bats :[
I used to make jokes about coffee enemas while in college. Then later I read that they are a real thing people do to cope with the ill effects of chemotherapy. Then I stopped joking about them.

Chemotherapy takes the funny out of anything. (Witness FW)
Zaq
August 14th, 2008 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

239 True: My dream scenario’s just a little bit simpler: Let Tom Batiuk write the strip for a week. When Lynn gets back, everyone will be dead or dying from cancer except Grandpa Chinnuts (because the elderly can never die).
dreadedcandiru2
August 14th, 2008 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

#243: commodorejohn — It sure looks that way. Too bad nobody will end up getting fragged.
LTBF
August 14th, 2008 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

I think we can all agree that Lynn “Pulled a Pastis” with her comic strip.

Shannon was placed on the lap of the teacher in a wheelchair and shoved down a steep hill. That’s why she and Liz’s mentor aren’t here.

If the spoiler about jim croaking is true, would you please go to Elly’s coffee shop and let them know about it?
Randalll
August 14th, 2008 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

I know its pretty small stuff, but Brad has a new Shirt!
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 14th, 2008 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

I hope it’ll be something out of Harry Potter: Snape kills Anthony.
CanuckDownSouth
August 14th, 2008 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

248-Zaq That would be so. cool.

There must be at least a dozen ways I’ve read proposing how to end the strip more interestingly than even this possible sorta-expected twist can be. At least a half-dozen that would be OK on a real comics page, too.

Oh, BOXCAR. It’s gonna be “See, just like April said! This ‘act of God’ confirms we were so *right* to do this. Oh, I’m so glad we didn’t wait!” And LJ says they don’t want to turn on the treacle … they’ve been saving ti up.
spike
August 14th, 2008 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

A “Caroline-in-the-City” series finale for FOOB? How…uh…predictable. Is it now 9 days and counting?

#250 LTBF: Rat would be pleased.

#221 Paul1963: LOL

Calico: Hope the recuperation is continuing to go well!
Islamorada Girl
August 14th, 2008 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

Who wants to bet Shannon sings at the wedding?
Huh? Huh? Yeah, you think?
Martingirl
August 14th, 2008 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

I really hope you aren’t just funnin’ us, CHL.

If I keep reading this drek through the week and nothing happens on Monday but more Wedding glurge, I am going to be mighty pissed.
Orange Doorhinge
August 14th, 2008 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

FOOB: The wedding will go on, and we’ll see Grandpa looking down from heaven (young again holding hands with a young grandma) approving of Anthony.

I don’t understand why they don’t lock all the kids in Anthony’s basement gulag.
Les of the Jungle Patrol
August 14th, 2008 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

The minor character I most want to see return is the accountant from the last wedding. Remember the slightly overweight chick who stared on adoringly as the centers of the foobiverse found each other (because fat folks don’t get their own love)? She could show up and say something pithy. And then I can roll my eyes in horror.

What was her name? Julia?
Cedar
August 14th, 2008 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

Wait–If Jim dies, then we probably won’t have to see Mike’s speech, or get an insipid song performed “by April” put on the website. Wow–Grandpa Jim’s pretty noble, giving up his life for us like that.

Where’s this spoiler coming from? I’m not sure if I believe it yet.
gnome de blog
August 14th, 2008 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

203, mere cog:
Hey – no harm, no foul.

I do think you miss the mark, though. I hardly take Dork I and Dork II in rented promwear and pre-tied bow ties as an “advertisement for [my] sartorial choices.” That’s like comparing store-bought tomatoes to home-grown. I’m sure George Will would agree.
Cedar
August 14th, 2008 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

#253 Oh I agree! Even if the ending has to involve Anthony and Liz getting together, there must be hundreds of more thoughtful, more realistic, and more intelligent ways to write it than what we’ve seen here.
LTBF
August 14th, 2008 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

I don’t mind the wedding. It is everyone just giving her free stuff because she is such a great person.

And as I said earlier, it is people who aren’t from her circle of friends doing this. Even the bookstore people don’t know her.

I’ve always thought Lynn should have trained someone to take her place and this would have been a good handing off place. By the way she writes about her kids, we can see why neither of them wanted to be another second generation cartoonist like the Keane or Walker kids.
PeteMoss
August 14th, 2008 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

# 259 Cedar
Sure, we’ll SEE April lip sync the words to “My Boo” (or whatever), but the voice on the website will be that of 7-years-old Chinese singer, Yang Peiyi.
Bryan
August 14th, 2008 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

Say, does anyone remember that device that Oliver Wendell Jones created in Bloom Country that turned white people black and black people white? I think Oliver and the boys pointed it at Jesse Helms and Louis Farrakhan. Maybe he’s up to his old tricks in Curtis.
Alfred E. Neuman
August 14th, 2008 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

#104, 111, 113 mafketis, #110 One-eyed Wolfdog— Hilarious use of the snark theme-of-the-day! Here’s one more:
PBS— It’s a good thing for Rat that Patsis stuffed him into the cup nose first, otherwise he would have ended up having a cappuccino enema.

#247 Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator— I agree that “coffee enema” isn’t particularly funny. “Cappuccino enema”, now that’s funny!
BTW, the science behind the medical use of coffee enemas isn’t very strong. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee_enema
Pendragon
August 14th, 2008 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

James Lipton + Heroin = Ian Cameron
PeteMoss
August 14th, 2008 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

# 266 Pendragon
Are you sure that equation shouldn’t be -
James Lipton (- Weed) + Heroin = Ian Cameron
bats :[
August 14th, 2008 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

257. Orange Doorhinge: it would only be cooler if Ben Kenobi and Yoda and Anakin Skywalker were with them (the real Anakin, not that snotty-nosed Hayden Christiansen…).
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
August 14th, 2008 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

FOOGH: I mean Foob. Or do I? Anyway, I for one wouldn’t mind seeing Mrs. Dingle at the wedding, if her health is good enough. And Jessie the little Canadian American boy, who must be well in to his teens by now.
aprilp_katje
August 14th, 2008 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

CanuckDownSouth, I’m loving your Foob’s Paradise series! I hope you don’t mind I linked you to my blog. I wish you could have broken into the studio in Corbeil eight weeks or so ago. :)
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
August 14th, 2008 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

DT: Today we have somebody being eaten alive by vicious dogs while everybody else stands around and whistles and nearly everybody on this blog is concerned with the FOOGH wedding!
Hubris
August 14th, 2008 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

This Crankshaft chooses an implied, rather than overt, reference to the 1893 Chicago World’s Columbian Exposition. And by “this Crankshaft,” I mean every Crankshaft ever created.
dale
August 15th, 2008 at 1:09 am [Reply]

Luann
Brad doesn’t live with his parents. He does rent a house from them.
Brad does spend a lot of time at his parents’ place: to eat, do laundry and avoid contact with people more socially adept than he is.
Dr. Weird
August 15th, 2008 at 2:38 am [Reply]

273 Dale –

Brad has moved back in with his parents since TJ burned up the house they were renting. Brad’s would-be girlfriend offered to let him stay with her, but his mom nixed this for… some reason or other.
chl
August 15th, 2008 at 10:37 am [Reply]

#256 Martingirl 257 Orange Doorhinge 259 Cedar

You misunderstood (or I wasn’t clear) – but I never said Jim died. Maybe he does, who knows, we all know Lynn likes to draw shit out as much as possible.
dale
August 15th, 2008 at 10:57 am [Reply]

274 – Dr. Weird
You’re right. I forgot. Would you settle for I was right until ToeJam burned the house?
Muffaroo for hire
August 15th, 2008 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

One-eyed Wolfdog @176 – When they say “the Scottish porn,” it’s because they’re too superstitious to refer to “MacFelch” by name.
Alex Hallatt
August 17th, 2008 at 8:42 am [Reply]

King Features have a choice of whether to colour their cartoons or not. After 6 weeks of my cartoons being coloured I decided to do my own.

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