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Rebel in a smock

Apartment 3-G, 3/2/13

Oh hey look, the actor playing James Bond, one of the highest-profile roles in modern movies, is sleeping/“experiencing love” with his publicist, which probably isn’t a violation of any kind of ethical standards, at all! Anyway, if were you wondering what exactly the deal was with Evan and his weird cruel aunt who ran the rival agency he was secretly working for, too bad! It’s all about Margo lying to her new boyfriend about her dead fiance for no good reason now.

Beetle Bailey, 3/2/13

Most ancillary Beetle Bailey characters are created to mock/cash in on/acknowledge the existence of some pop cultural phenomenon that’s already several years old by the time they’re introduced. Rocky was originally meant to symbolize the rock and roll music the kids like so much today, but has since become a sort of general agent of subversiveness. Today’s strip acknowledges that rock music and modern art have a lot in common, in that they’re both plots by angry hipsters to make squares feel stupid.

Heathcliff, 3/2/13

Ha ha, Heathcliff likes to warm up with a few layups, using a dog that’s all stiff and has … blank, lifeless eyes, and … OH MY GOD HEATHCLIFF IS PLAYING BASKETBALL WITH A PUPPY CORPSE

282 responses to “Rebel in a smock”

  1. btown
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    MW:People say my cooking reminds me of their mothers: white!

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Pluggers — He’s also wearing his sweater in honor of the famous Beatles song “Norwegian Wool (This Sweater Has Blown My Mind)”.

  3. Downpuppy, Sloooooowly
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    While few actors sleep with their publicists, there’s a long tradition of them going the extra mile as beards.

  4. Angry Hipster Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    You forgot to add that it’s a BLOATED puppy corpse.

  5. tb4000
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    JP: Abbey’s tits exude a horn like sound whenever someone she’s excited to see is near. That is the only viable explanation for the two sound effects in the panel. The ONLY one.

  6. Sciencegiant
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    BB: so is Walker having a go at us? Is he being meta here and saying people who don’t get the strip are dumb? Because I refute the notion that Greg is a hipster.

  7. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Normally, I expect Beetle Bailey to be a few decades behind the times, but now that it’s actually a century out of date on art trends, I’m kind of at a loss…

  8. TurtleBoy
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff takes me back to the halcyon days of long ago, when we were a nation of innocence peopled by clown-shoe wearing dogcatchers toiling away in multistory mauve mansions with gratuitous prominent labeling. Where have we gone wrong, America?

  9. Nate
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    (A3G) I’ve solved the crime: it was Colonel Mustard in the Blandatorium with the stilted dialog!

  10. Mibbitmaker
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    BBailey: “You’re beefwits, fellahs!”

    9CL: Meta, PETA, brawny and dummy, McEldowney.

    Crank: Cranky returns freshly on Darkgate, to the cheering of Mort…

    CdS, Very Classics: Just ask Mohammad Ali!

    DT: Her softball’s sweating! And she wants the softball that’s just like her now-dead abductor?!

    Doones: And, finally some equal time….. I’m pretty sure…..

    FW: Players NOT produced by Saint Lisa?! Blasphemy! Oh, well, what do you expect from a coach that confuses basketball with polo?

    MW: Their mothers were lousy cooks.

    H&L: “All in the Family”, technophobe style (and without the funny the show brought).

    Luann: Unironic chuckle today — esp. after the dour H&L!

    RMMD: Hey! If Junior is overweight, that’s a cruel, meanspirited crack…!

    S-M: Oop, we just shifted, Zippy the Pinhead style, into a cornball romance comic!

    MT: The plot thickens!
    ……Thorry, I’m lithping today for thome reathon….

  11. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    A3G: What is it about the art today that makes me think that Margo is about to ask Greg when he’ll be settling down and making her some grandkids?

  12. Old Folkie
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Brooke McEldowney makes an appearance in Beetle Bailey!

  13. Dartpaw86
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    What artist paints right in the middle of a gallery with visitors?

  14. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    A&J: *snikker* tbh, I’d probably flame this if it was in MG&G or several other strips. But, Mr. Johnson pulls it off.

    rCdS: heeee.

    Dilbert: *wince* that’s Beetle Bailey territory right there.

    Lio: To the 4th wall, and BEYOND!!!

    PBS: “Elvis isn’t dead, he just went home.”

    R&R: I loved that ad as a kid.

    SBp: NSFBG!!!

    Zits: I’m going to assume that is is still Jeremy’s thumb in panel 2. . . .

    Bizarro: ROFL! OK, that might have cured my current monstergirl kick, but still, tiz wonderful.

    DT: d’awwwww. (heartwarming endings in our Dick Tracy?!?!?)

    6Cx: d’awwwwwwwwwww!

  15. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Love is. . . .mons venus ascendance and descendance, repeatedly.

  16. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#10): *golf clap @ 9cl snark*

    cleverly played, sir.

  17. CanuckDownSouth
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    MW: People often say that because if their comments get around, only a mother’s love could forgive having their cooking compared to this Soylent White mush

  18. Chyron HR
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    He doesn’t understand art rock!

    (laughingwomen.jpg)

  19. Rusty
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    BB: It must be arts & crafts day at the camp.

    Unlike Garfield, Heathcliff isn’t afraid to be shown as an actual badass.

  20. Jon the Red
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Of course Heathcliff’s puppy is dead…did you expect it to live through being dribbled?

  21. Black Drazon
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Batman collects trophies that remind him of brighter days, no matter how dark things get: giant coins and the uniforms of former companions. Dick Tracy… Dick Tracy only collects those things that have tasted blood.

  22. pugfuggly
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    A3G Aaaawwww…look at those crazy kids. They go together like mustard and blueberries! And it’s good that they’re starting off their relationship right by leaving the past behind them, and for taking a very literal definition of ‘past’ to include everything up to yesterday.

    BB Good that Rocky is addressing his PTSD in a creative way. I think that last painting might be getting closer to the source of his torment.

    Heathcliff “Why do we let him in here anyhow?”
    “He’s donated so much over the years, they put him on the board of directors.”

  23. Illustrator Steve
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    MT – Meanwhile, in a cemetery somewhere in the southern part of France, Jacques Cousteau is turning over in his grave.

  24. Black Drazon
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Sinfest: I think the series’ booth trope has confused this comic a little, see, I thought the Sisterhood spokeswoman here was offering to tell us about “Porn Exploits” like how, this one time, Ron Jeremy had a pogo stick, but it wasn’t actually a– no, I can show myself out, why?

  25. Horace Broon
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    FW: “We need more Specialest Snowflakes! Nothing good can ever happen in Westview without the involvement of Les Moore or his progeny!”

    MT: WHAT A SHOCKING TWIST THAT NO-ONE COULD POSSIBLY HAVE PREDICTED WEEKS AGO!

    MW: “Although Mom always gave me my hot milk in a mug and didn’t call it soup, because she wasn’t crazy.”

    MW 2: Mary doesn’t want any because she’s laced it with enough sodium pentathol to make Baron Munchausen stick to the facts. Tom’s going to open up to her, all right.

    Phantom: I accept that the Ghost-Who’s-Fatalistic never considered he might be eated by a caged lion as part of a poorly-described mining scam. I’m less sure about his assumption that his ancestor never expected to be shot by pirates.

    RMMD: The trademark Rex Morgan “Not my problem” half-smirk.

  26. TheDiva
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    A3G: Because if there’s one thing handsome, high-profile actors have a problem with, it’s experience with women. (Yeah, I know, gay, but if homosexuality exists in Apartment 3-G’s 1950s fantasyland, it certainly wouldn’t be acknowledged.)

  27. BigTed
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    “Beetle Bailey” has cleverly cartoonized several art forms from the early 20th century — geometric abstraction, drip painting and cubism — so, yes, Beetle is stupid not to recognize trends that would have seemed “modern” to his great-grandfather. He should at least understand the first painting, which is clearly an old Pepsi ad.

  28. Zerowolf
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#y48): They’ve all re-routed the car exhaust into their passenger compartments and are committing mass suicide. Just another heart warming tragedy courtesy of Batuik

  29. Zerowolf
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    MW: My mother was a horrible cook.

  30. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    A3G: Oh my fucking god YES, Eric is finally getting his dead ass back to this strip where it belongs. Please come back with a beard and a sherpa please come back with a beard and a sherpa…

  31. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Pluggers hit a bit close to home, considering that my father has his good wool shirt that serves the same function.

  32. Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-)
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Dead puppies aren’t much fun. No no no.

  33. John C Fremont
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Phantom – Those two mining company guys are around the corner cueing up The Doors. They may be evil corporate goons, but they really took that drama class to heart.

    A3G – Yeah, yeah, but what about Evan? And Aunt Cathy. And that Skyler person. And (dramatic organ music) what about Naomi?

    MW – You know what I enjoy when I’m sick? Having someone study me from 2 feet away while I drink hot liquid from a spoon. If she keeps talking, though, I guess it’d drown out the slurping and swallowing noises so, uh, hooray for platitudes, I guess.

    MT – “Ooh, neat! Room 237 comes in a convenient travel size!”

  34. Illustrator Steve
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    MT – “…HEY, WHY is there SCUBA gear in here!?…”

    Rusty can answer his question by choosing from the answers listed below:

    A.. the SCUBA gear is a decoy meant to fool Rusty into believing that Rod Bassy and Catfish are cheating…(those two guys….what practical jokers they are!)

    B..Placed in the van by Catfish to get Rusty away from them, knowing he could not resist taking the SCUBA gear and pawning it for more arrowheads.

    C.. Catfish stopped at numerous yard sales on his way to the tournament.

    D.. Comes in handy when trying to untangle Manatee from the boat’s propeller.

    E.. Used as items to bribe the judges.

    F.. Why wouldn’t it be in the van? Any law against storing SCUBA gear in your van?…I didn’t think so!

    G.. None of your fuc_ing business~!

  35. Zerowolf
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    A3G: No, because he’s dead. Which is the fate of every man who dates Margo.

  36. Zerowolf
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    GT: Just what this strip needs, more peacock.

  37. Illustrator Steve
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    MT – Great, now I suppose in Monday’s Mark Trail we’ll see the Creature from the Dark Lagoon(tm) climb out from under the very-poorly-drawn ™ rear seats of the van where all the water is spilling out from.

  38. TheDiva
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    9CL: Twinkly is apparently not a real cow, but a particularly bland version of those painted fiberglass cows that were big on the public art scene several years back. Also, for all you folks who ship Big-Eyed, Leggy, Long-Haired Girl #15/Broad-Shouldered Beefcake #3, today is your lucky day.

    C’shaft: It’s probably not wise to create a comic around someone who bores people to sleep, but what do I know?

    FW: Your ipecac for today: Bull suggests Les and Cayla should procreate.

    Luann: “Don’t worry, Mom and Dad, I plan to get all my information on sex and relationships from my peers and the Internet.”
    “That’s our girl! Why, you’re such a wise, mature soul you don’t even need us anymore! Have fun, sweetie!”

    MT: Damn, look at the size of that interior! That’s not a van, that’s a TARDIS! Clearly Rod Bassey is a Time Lord who’s using his technology to go back in time, steal his opponents’ prize catches, and pass them off as his own!

    MW: The Santa Royale Community Players present Oedipus Rex.

    Pluggers look ridiculous.

    SM: Wow, really slow news day in New York…

  39. Illustrator Steve
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    MT – “Hey, WHY is there SCUBA gear in here!? Hmmm, if you ask me, things sure do smell awfully FISHY around here…VERY fishy, indeed!”

  40. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#38): 13-3 is OTP!!!!

  41. Leave it at that
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    MW – “A boy’s best friend is his mother.”

  42. Illustrator Steve
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    MT – This must be some sort of new Mark Trail reality show because if it weren’t why in hell would Rusty be narrating everything out loud while no one else is around to hear him? …Except, of course, for the reality show camera crew.

  43. Liam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    A3G-Why not? We’re not going to be getting any sort of resolution on it at the pace we are going

    FC-It will give Mommy plenty of time to get rid of his dead body.

    MT-Because they like to go diving when they aren’t fishing, Rusty. People can do more than one thing.

    MW-”So tell me about your mother,” Mary asks going into full on pseudo-pyschological counselor mode.

    MW 2-MW-”All I want to do is to feast on your soul as you tell me every little detail of your life. Slowly I will drain you until you are one of my followers.”

  44. Vince M
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Moth to the flame, Rusty to the van…

  45. nescio
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Wait, were the dogcatchers tortured on The Rack, or are they just wearing stilts?

  46. Cleve Barrister
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    MW-Yeah, if your Mom is named “Donner”

  47. Raggedy Ann Witch Legs
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    I have a question for y’all. Which comic strip would you say currently has the worst art? Define “worst” however you like.

  48. Liam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    MW-”My cooking has been known to cause people to blurt out things that they would rather keep hidden.”

    A3G-”And let us look forward to the exciting and unknown 1970s.”

  49. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    I thought Rocky was originally supposed to be less a representation of early rock & roll culture, and more of a James Dean/Marlon Brando type of “rebellious youth” in general.

    Sad that I know this. But hey, either way, it means one thing…Beetle’s been around since the Dawn of Time. Or it at least seems that way.

  50. Gabacho
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth – Yes, Mary, your “cooking” will remind almost everybody born after the Second World Way of their mother’s cooking, because let’s face, Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup tastes pretty much the same everywhere.

  51. Sequitur
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    MT: Hey, look! The keys are in the van! Let’s see what happens when I turn it.

    Hey, the engine started!

    What happens when I move this shifty thing from P to D?

    Holy Crapping Pancakes! The van’s moving! And I’m headed for the lake!!

    Help, Mr. Wizard!

  52. MySpoonIsTooBig
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @47- For worst art, i’d say either Marmaduke, Mother Goose and Grim, and a certain duck who shall not be named. At least the bad art in soal opera ones like Mark Trail are fun to mock, the ones I named are just plain painful.

  53. Brock Sampson
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    A3G: This is a rather strange way to start a conversation about an article in the newspaper. WHAT WAS THE ARTICLE IN THE NEWSPAPER ABOUT?

  54. Jasper
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    MW- Porn fetish combo. Mother-son, granny porn, fisting, food porn, and Mary breaks out the strap-on that hasn’t seen action since the Aldo days.
    Mary- “don’t worry Tom, I make my own lube.”

    Speaking of creepy, is that slacker Jeremy Zits mother hanging out with his female friends?

    MT- The logistics of Trailverse confuse me. The boys are out fishing, yet the recently used wet scuba gear is in the van. Must be the wet back up gear. And how does ole Catfish transport the catch of the day and all that scuba gear from the van to the predetermined “hot spot” completely unnoticed?

  55. Ratiocinator
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    9CL: That last panel was actually fun for me to look at, if only because at first I thought Sven was hauling the fully grown cow around in his arms and I was like “Holy shit, he has SUPER STRENGTH!”

    Twinkly, meanwhile, is in the background, following along again and quizzically cocking her head as she looks at Sven’s ass. “He’s taking my baby again, just like that other human. Should I fuck him up? Most mother cows would, but I’m too damn lazy. I’m the Garfield of cows, really. It’s all I can do to plod along listelessly behind people who take my calf.”

    ASM: In that first panel, MJ looks like she’s just as wet as the people who got splashed by the missile.

    FW: Bull knows exactly who can turn his team’s fortunes around: a zygote extracted from Cayla’s body immediately after its conception!

    JP: Abbey knows who it is because only one person on the planet has access to a car with a horn that goes “HONK! HONK!”–Neddy! All other car horns in the Parkerverse play “La Cucaracha.”

    Luann: I can’t get past that idiotic first word bubble without asking you ‘Mudges something: does ANYBODY have ANY idea what they’re talking about? What in the blue fuck could Luann and Quill possibly be doing of a sexual nature on the internet that could be described as “risky” for any reason? Can you get pregnant online now? Did that happen without me hearing about it? What the fuck is going on??!!!!

    Slylock: That dog understands that it’s no big deal he missed the bus, right? They won’t be expecting his kind at any school until the glorious anthropomorphic animal uprising.

  56. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Raggedy Ann Witch Legs (#47): Reply All.

    nuff said.

  57. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#55): “risky” as in your cootch showing up on websites all over the place after you flash it at your online ‘friend.’

    “amateur camgirls exposed!!!”

    “jailbait galleries!!!”

    etc.

  58. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    DT— “…has a bright future ahead of her…” is my most hated sports cliche’, because “ahead of her” is completely redundant. Where else is her future? Behind her? I suppose one could adopt an existentialist point of view and say, “She is experiencing a bright future in the here and now.” But that makes no sense either, except maybe to Brooke McEldowney. Look for Dick to appear soon on ESPN 14, announcing children’s softball games. When he’s asked about his career change, he’ll say, “Well, you know, right now, you know, I’m undecided, so I’m just, you know, announcing these one game at a time.”

  59. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    MT: “Mr. Catfish was telling the truth! This van is messy!”

    MW: Oh, look, poor pathetic Tom Harpman has a ridiculously skinny table because he has no friends. Just like his pathetic countertop, with its knives and its empty pots. Won’t someone save this man?

    A3G: As Josh points out, it appears that we’re not going to find out why Evan wanted to kill Margo, or even if he did want to kill her. Was Aunt Cathy involved? How did they discover it was Evan?

    So, could some of the immensely clever folks here provide some form of explanation? Just, you know, make shit up; I’m good with that.

  60. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @Raggedy Ann Witch Legs (#47): I agree with queek: Reply All, according to any and every definition of “worst.”

  61. Ratiocinator
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#57): Oh okay. But unless one of them got hacked, there’s no way that would happen unless Quill was the one to post it, right?

  62. Liam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    A3G-”Don’t worry when we eventually break up, Greg, I will never mention you again.”

    Gil Thorp-”And that bird’s plumage is pretty awesome too.”

    MW-Mary doesn’t eat things she makes for other people because she drugs the food.

    JP-”And by dusting I mean masturbating. I’ve got to be really loose for Abby.”

    JP 2-That woman’s breasts are so perky and firm that you set the vase on top of them.

    Archie-Here’s hoping that tomorrow we get to see Betty in the gym shower.

  63. Zerowolf
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @Raggedy Ann Witch Legs (#47): Sylvia is my pick for the worst.

  64. seismic-2
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “We’re going to see Shamu!” Is that what the kids are calling it, these days?

  65. Ratiocinator
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#62):

    ”And by dusting I mean masturbating. I’ve got to be really loose for Abby.”

    “For Abbey? Marie, I’m right here! Are you saying you’d like for us to be more than employer and employee? Oh, thank god! I’d wanted to ask you that same thing for so long, but was afraid of a sexual harassment suit! Do you mind if I record it for Sam? He let me watch video of him and that Avery guy, which I don’t mind telling you was super hot!”

    (Yes, I know you meant Neddy, but it’s still fun.)

  66. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @Elinibito (#y171):

    “An impressive share, I just given this onto a colleague who was performing somewhat analysis on this. And he the fact is purchased me breakfast because I found it for him.. smile.” etc etc etc

    Why does a robot from a “cheap handbag outlet” site eat breakfast anyway?

  67. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Oh, now she cares? Maybe she should have thought of it before she fell asleep on John Eric Nehemiah Peter.

    Apt. 3-G: No, Greg, you don’t have to worry about a guy named Eric. But you’re gonna have a problem with a guy named Davey B. if you don’t return that jacket, know what I mean?[*]

    Bizarro: I find myself wondering about the physics here more than I’m comfortable with.

    9 Chickweed Lane: Wouldn’t going on Christian Mingles be easier?

    Dilbert: Okay, as far as threats go, “I’m going to break your eggs” is a pretty good one.

    Judge Parker: Either that’s a car horn, or “Juggs Parker” has just got to a whole new level.

    Mark Trail: – You do know this is/is not a gay van, right?
    - What is this, a joke?
    - You should be more worried about what’s dripping out of that bench.
    - I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE!
    - Oh, that old thing?
    - I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS VIOLATION OF MY 4th AMENDMENT RIGHTS.
    - You should be more worried about why the interior dimensions of this van are larger than its outer dimensions.
    - I like to scuba dive, so I keep scuba gear around.

    Mary Worth: Just when we thought this story couldn’t get more squick…

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Shamu’s dead, Rex, Shamu’s dead.

  68. Ratiocinator
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#67):

    Shamu’s dead, Rex, Shamu’s dead.

    I thought that a new Shamu took the old one’s place after a certain amount of time had elapsed. That Shamu was to Sea World what The Phantom is to Bangalla.

    That Shamu was “The Ghost Who Swims” and “The Orca Who Cannot Die”.

  69. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#68): I think what I saw is that “Shamu” is whatever enslaved killer whale starring in that night’s show.

  70. Liam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#65):

    That tells you how much I care about the comic when I can get the characters confused.

  71. bbofun
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    JP- Neddy has announced her arrival by squeezing the newly-enlarged funbags her friend the doctor installed.

    RMMD- “No, we’ll let a character we’ve never even shown wrap up the storyline- it’s not like WE’RE going to get any material goods out of it. But I figure we can cash in on my new-found fame and get free tickets at Sea World. KA-CHING!”
    (Honestly, is this the last we’re going to see of the Internationl House of Strippers? *sigh* I miss them already.)

    @Ratiocinator (#55): Re: 9CL- Your eyes weren’t deceiving you. Sven IS carrying the full-sized cow- Brooke isn’t using perspective. Note the bridle on the cow he’s carrying- that’s Twinkly. Her calf is following. You may wonder not only how a man could carry a full-sized cow, but why it wouldn’t be struggling. It’s because Brooke’s a hack. (Plus, now Sven is an accomplice, as well. But, of course, as the object of lust of a Burber-by-proxy, such things are his lot in life- and he should be happy about it.)

    @TheDiva (#38): Re Spider-man- Yeah, the only way MJ could be watching a live news story about something happening across the country would be if there was some sort of national news channel that people could watch…oh.

    @Raggedy Ann Witch Legs (#47): I’ll admit Reply All is pretty damn bad. Crock is up there, too. I have a particular hate for 9 to 5 (http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=9_to_5), not only for the unfinished nature of the art, but because, a lot of the time, it looks like he’s just drawn (or copied) a generic panel that vaguely fits the joke.

  72. Baka Gaijin
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#5): OMG! You’re right, you’re completely right.

    @Illustrator Steve (#42): Rusty takes after his adopted father who suffers from lack of inner monologue-itis.

    @Jasper (#54) on Mark Trail: Magic!

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#67) on Mark Trail: Shamu may be dead but Abe “Fish” Vigoda is not.

    // Really. That guy is giving Methuselah a run for his money.

  73. Liam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    A3G-”Now let us never speak of Evan being caught and his subsequent trial and sentence to prison. Or the excitement and firing that happened when I told his creepy aunt that I knew that she worked for a rival publicity agency and was poaching my clients. Let’s never speak of these thrilling and exciting events again.”

  74. jim, some guy in iowa
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#71):

    9 cl : also, too, note the fully developed udder

    er, wait, was that a judge parker reference?

  75. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#61): yup, that’s usually how it works.

  76. Ratiocinator
    March 2nd, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#71):

    Re: 9CL- Your eyes weren’t deceiving you. Sven IS carrying the full-sized cow- Brooke isn’t using perspective. Note the bridle on the cow he’s carrying- that’s Twinkly. Her calf is following. You may wonder not only how a man could carry a full-sized cow, but why it wouldn’t be struggling. It’s because Brooke’s a hack. (Plus, now Sven is an accomplice, as well. But, of course, as the object of lust of a Burber-by-proxy, such things are his lot in life- and he should be happy about it.)

    OMG you’re right, and on the second look I see that the bovine he’s carrying has udders, removing all doubt since Rocky is male.

    Okay, I’m not sure whether to laugh or facepalm at something this ridiculous actually happening.

  77. Ratiocinator
    March 2nd, 2013 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#75): So when Luann said that she knew the dangers, she was implying that she didn’t entirely trust Quill not to do something like that, then?

    Yet today she’s saying that, along with Google, she relies on Quill for answers and advice?

    I’m getting mixed messages here.

  78. Baka Gaijin
    March 2nd, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#67) on Rex Morgan: Shamu is dead, and so is Bonnie Franklin of “One Day at a Time” fame.

  79. seismic-2
    March 2nd, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    MW: “People often say my cooking reminds them of their mothers!”

    CHARTERSTONE WHITE IS OLD WOMEN!!! [/Heston]

    JP: The sound of Neddy’s honking isn’t onomatopoeia, it’s ono-META-poeia.

  80. Ratiocinator
    March 2nd, 2013 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    By the way, as an only-recently-born calf, should Rocky be capable of walking around on his own?

  81. Liam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    MW-”People often say my cooking reminds them of their mothers.” A statement that opens up a whole world of psychological problems.

  82. Vince M
    March 2nd, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#56): Seconded. Or possibly, by this point, forty-fifthed.

  83. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

  84. Liam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Really. What an odd thing to say. It sounds like your saying it in an attempt to get me to lower my guard and to blurt out something that you can use to break me down and then build me back up into one of your followers.”

  85. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#77): lets just say that it’s hard to get the pics/movies back after the break up.

    “you deleted all of them, right?”

    “of course, honey!”

    *uploads*

  86. Ratiocinator
    March 2nd, 2013 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#85): Heh, yeah, I guess so.

    And I can kind of see Quill at least being tempted to do something like that after Luann told him “I would have gotten your Valentine if you’d sent it on time“, as well as responding to Quill asking if it really made that much of a difference if it got there on Valentine’s Day or not by saying “Apparently not to you. I’m hanging up now, because you suck.”

  87. Vince M
    March 2nd, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    “Worst” is in the eye of the beholder, and “Heathcliff” is definitely a contender for me. I’ve groused about it before here in fact – the generic, ‘Laff-A-Day’ single panel design, the constant staging of the cat doing some often baffling action* in the foreground, with humans stiffly standing by, explaining what’s going on for our benefit in the most blank-faced delivery possible. I’ll draw an occasional cartoon for my own amusement, and when I see I’d used this formula I chide myself for laziness.

    *see: Professor Birdpipe

  88. I speak Jive
    March 2nd, 2013 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Raggedy Ann Witch Legs (#47): Close to Home. Horribly ugly drawing. It’s also worst in its alleged humor.

    Pluggers – How did anyone find enough yarn skeins in the same dye lot to make a sweater that enormous? (Knitters will know what I mean.)

    Today’s Dick Tracy has three panels of people sitting and talking. Those panels are more interesting visually than the A3G strips that showed the explosion and fire.

  89. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    the now-composted Family Tree also featured some seriously ugly art. However, regardless of stylistic issues, it was still recognizably humans. We can’t always say that about Replay All.

  90. un malpaso
    March 2nd, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Good to know that Beetle Bailey is still on the cutting edge of social criticism, seeing as how abstract art is pushing 100 years old.

    *Suddenly realizes that many zombie comic strips are OVER 100 years old. Shudders in terror. Feels a new affection for the relatively youthful Beetle Bailey.*

  91. Fashion Police
    March 2nd, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Miss Magee’s actor fellow looks more like a real estate agent than James Bond.

  92. Fashion Police
    March 2nd, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    Seriously, we have doubts that it is even possible to make menswear fabric in that color.

  93. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 2nd, 2013 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @Raggedy Ann Witch Legs (#47):

    Which comic strip would you say currently has the worst art? Define “worst” however you like.

    Gosh! Where to begin?
    Well, Mary Worth has these odd perspectives and occasionally characters with weird anatomy…
    But, A3G has a limited palette, and all the colors have an undertone of bile…
    Then, the cast of Luann is composed of potato-head people who are assembled by choosing a nose, two eyes, and a pair of lips each from column A or column B…
    And although Dilbert is sometimes funny, Scott Adams is just not an illustrator.

  94. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 2nd, 2013 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#71): Re: 9-to-5: Aww, he’s just following the New Yorker practice of making up captions to go along with the panel. (Seriously, I think Bob Weber Jr. draws the second panel of Moose and Molly first, then backfills the set-up in panel one.)

  95. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 2nd, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#78): Didn’t “One Day At A Time” take place in Santa Royale?

  96. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 2nd, 2013 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @un malpaso (#90):

    many zombie comic strips are OVER 100 years old.

    Serious question: which ones? The oldest ones I can think of are Blondie and Gasoline Alley, which started in the late 20′s or early 30′s. Even Krazy Kat would only be 100 this year…

  97. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 2nd, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#59):

    A3G: As Josh points out, it appears that we’re not going to find out why Evan wanted to kill Margo, or even if he did want to kill her. Was Aunt Cathy involved? How did they discover it was Evan?

    So, could some of the immensely clever folks here provide some form of explanation? Just, you know, make shit up; I’m good with that.

    They’ve all gone where everyone else in A3G goes and never comes back – something Dakota. Or Tibet.

  98. Baka Gaijin
    March 2nd, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#83): NOT!!!!!!!

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#95): Oh no no no. A woman living without a man in her life? No sir, no siree, not in Mary Worth’s Santa Royale. She’s have meddled Ann and Schneider into wedded bliss if it killed them.

  99. Baka Gaijin
    March 2nd, 2013 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    There’s a rapper named “Lil Poopy.” I clicked. It’s not Marvin.

  100. Ratiocinator
    March 2nd, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#98):

    NOT!!!!!!!

    Yes queek, for a guy who is scared by EVILSCARYCLOWNS, I’m not sure Harley Quinn is the person to help, given that she can be both evil and scary. (Not as bad as her boyfriend, though.)

  101. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 2nd, 2013 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    FW Yeah, Bull, just wait for that post-coital telephone call. Bleagh!

    MT Yikes! That camera is the size of Rusty’s head!

    MW “People often say my cooking reminds them of their mothers.”
    Especially people still sorting out their issues of parental abuse and neglect.

  102. Baka Gaijin
    March 2nd, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#100): EEEEE!!! [QLUNQ!]

  103. Uncle Lumpy
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#5):

    Abbey’s tits exude a horn like sound whenever someone she’s excited to see is near.

    Hence the term, “hooters.” This is widely known.

  104. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#59): Crock made them do it.

  105. Jamus The Bartender
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    Averytown Episcopalian Weekly Newsletter

    —–The Straight Up Buddies For Christ and the Averytown 4-H Club need volunteers Saturday March 2 to help local college professor and farmer Juilette Burber with some farming chores, coffee and cookies to be served afterwards, followed by a lecture on “Why Slamming Cows In The Ass With A Baseball Bat Is A Bad Thing.”

    —–The Ladies Auxiliary is hosting a Mother/Daughter tea this Sunday after services, guest speaker Nancy DeGroot will be speaking on the subject of online decorum in a speech entitled “Internet Manners:For God’s Sake Stop Doing That!!”

    —–WEDDINGS!! Joel the trash guy has the honor of requesting your prescence at the wedding of Rebecca the mule and Rufus the other trash guy, Monday at ten am after the trash run. Reception to follow at Goldberg’s Bar And Grill. (Pastor Linus Van Pelt would like to state that he is in NO way involved with the marriage ceremony–C. Cat, Church Secretary)

  106. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

  107. Lenoxus
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    Has Margo ever looked more like an alien than she does in the first panel here? “I know, Greg-unit. I ‘feel’ the same human ‘feelings’ as you.” (Cocks head back into place.)

  108. Joshua
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @un malpaso (#90): I don’t think there are any currently running comic strips that are more than 100 years old except for “The Katzenjammer Kids.” There are a few ninetysomething strips (“Gasoline Alley,” “Barney Google & Snuffy Smith,” “Popeye”) but no others over 95 that I know of.

  109. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#103): it is known. *nods*

  110. Liam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    MW-”My mother has died recently and I’m still pining away for this girl that I loved. I was forced to leave her when my family was forced to enter the Witness Protection Program because my dad witnessed this violent mob rub out.”

  111. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

  112. Joshua
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    9CL: I’m going to give Brooke a pass on today’s strip. The idea behind the strip is apparently that the vet is attracted to Sven because he’s so strong. And how does Brooke convey the idea that Sven is strong? By having him carry a full-grown cow. That’s an attempt at humor, not an attempt at realism.

  113. Jamus The Bartender
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

  114. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#111): Where does she find this? Where?

  115. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#108): Thank you for “The Katzenjammer Kids.” I knew I was overlooking one.

  116. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#114): *checks*

    nope, still XY chromosomes.

  117. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#114): a better question is why the living heck a MyCage cartoon shows up fairly early on an image search for “power bottoms for jesus.”

    I’m guessing it’s Ed & Mel’s names.

  118. Ukulele Ike
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @BigTed (#27): He should at least understand the first painting, which is clearly an old Pepsi ad.

    Well, that would be an example of Pop Art.

  119. Shrug, Man of the Future
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#58):

    “DT— “…has a bright future ahead of her…” is my most hated sports cliche’, because “ahead of her” is completely redundant. Where else is her future? Behind her?”

    Well, it worked that way for Benjamin Button.

    ///Anyway, note that Dick isn’t saying that the “bright future” is going to be Toad’s own, only that it is “ahead of her.” Toad will probably wind up working as a slave laborer at Parker-Driver Industries, contributing her mite to the bright future of our overlords.

  120. Liam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#107):

    Is this going to end with M’Rgo and Greg merging together to create a new form of life.

  121. Alice
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#55): Luann: I can’t get past that idiotic first word bubble without asking you ‘Mudges something: does ANYBODY have ANY idea what they’re talking about? What in the blue fuck could Luann and Quill possibly be doing of a sexual nature on the internet that could be described as “risky” for any reason? Can you get pregnant online now?

    By “risky,” they’re presumably referring to what Tiffany was warning Luann about a few strips ago. Namely, she was cautioning Luann against doing things like sharing lewd photos or videos of herself (i.e. “sexting”) while communicating with Quill, because those often end up being shared on the Internet at large, which could ruin her reputation. That is, in fact, a legitimate concern, even though it doesn’t have any physiological consequences like pregnancy or STIs.

    One thing neither Tiffany nor fellow ‘Mudges have mentioned is that, in some jurisdictions (especially in the U.S.), underage “sexting” is now illegal, perhaps partly due to concerns about cyberharassment, but (as I understand the news reportage) mostly due to moral panic. So, rightly or wrongly, if, theoretically, Luann were to send Quill naughty photos or videos of herself, she could face charges.

  122. commodorejohn
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    PUPPY CORPSE – a great name for a doom metal band.

  123. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#111): disclaimer, this organization has no affiliation with the People’s Front of Judea . . . .

  124. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    MT – An unguarded, unlocked van with “ROD BASSY” clearly written on the side, and full of incriminating evidence. Once again, the villains in this strip are actually stupider than Mark and Rusty!

    // The ONLY thing that could be more stupid would be to not expect this!

  125. ralph
    March 2nd, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Bad art. Cathy used to be the worst. I like what the Pinhead guy said once: It looks like she dropped string on the floor and xeroxed it. Of course this is the same guy who trashed Calvin and Hobbs for simplistic drawing, and whose own artwork was detailed but boring. Mona is the worst that I come into contact with every day. A lot of Dilbert’s characters beyond the central half dozen are painful to look at. Really, the list of comics that are bad (for many different reasons) goes on forever.

  126. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 2nd, 2013 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

  127. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    not squee, but the best dog in the world right now.

  128. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 2nd, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#121):

    mostly due to moral panic

    Sure, but there are some substantive concerns. Sexting pictures are sometimes used to blackmail teens into sexual activity.

    (Fast-lane mudges: is sexting strictly sending racy texts, or does it include webcamming, etc.?)

  129. Dale
    March 2nd, 2013 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#124):

    MARK TRAIL

    Why did Rusty say he wants to take pictures of the equipment Rod Bassy uses?
    Rod uses the equipment in public, in a boat, with Mark Trail in it.
    Unbiased Mark has spent two days in close observation without solving the mystery.
    Is Mark more like Freddy or Shaggy?
    Will Rusty eat doggy treats?

  130. TheDiva
    March 2nd, 2013 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#71): Point taken. In my defense, Spider-Man manages to make even national newsworthy events so mind-numbingly dull that it feels like they shouldn’t even rate a mention on a small-town society page.

    @Alice (#121): One of several things that bugs me about the past couple weeks of Luann is that it takes a very real and serious issue facing teens and treats it with all the depth, subtlety, and insight of a Goofus and Gallant strip. (“Tiffany sends naughty pictures to her boyfriend. Luann is careful not to engage in risky behavior online.”)

  131. Majicou
    March 2nd, 2013 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#130): Of course, the news report about Spider-Man and Daredevil started out on some gossip show because they seemed to be having a domestic dispute. Only when the World’s Slowest Missile was sighted did they throw it to the news networks.

  132. Baka Gaijin
    March 2nd, 2013 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#130): Luann wished it could be as subtle as Goofus and Gallant.

  133. Lumaca Morente
    March 2nd, 2013 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#115): How old is Henry? (The strip, I mean) It seems to predate the talkie. (I know, I know, I could look on Wikipedia, but, meh.)

  134. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 2nd, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Cold cold cold. Margo is all “Eric who?” and doesn’t even tell the tragic story of his death. Which she should, because this one wasn’t even her doing.

    BB: Beetle and Killer visit the Wet Paint gallery, where the artists create new masterpieces while you watch. (Wear goggles while visiting the stone sculpture wing.)

    MT: Why is there scuba gear in here? Presumably there was such a deal on the clip art that Elrod just couldn’t resist.

    MW: “They also often say that my constant hectoring reminds them of their mothers. I have no idea what they mean.”

    FW: Ah, the special snowflake theory is explicitly endorsed. But if Bull has an athletic eugenics program in mind he might want to pair Cayla up with someone else. Les’ ineptitude with sports is the one thing holding him back from all-out Garry Stu status.

    Archie: The black sports bra is a basic form of fanservice for the gym setting, but Betty’s lovingly defined vag goes above and beyond—or whichever prepositions you prefer—the call of duty. Greg Evans gives it four stars.

    RMMD: If there’s one thing Rex knows how to do, it’s push work onto other people. If there are two things Rex knows how to do the other one is shaving his pits.

    DT: Dick seems really optimistic about the scholarships and endorsement deals that will be available to women’s softball players in the near future.

    FC: It’s nowhere near Halloween but PJ already has his Angus Young costume ready.

    S-M: Real tears? This lady is a better actress than I gave her credit for.

    M-Dawg: It would have been even more apt if there were a hit TV show called “The Man with the Flattened Weiner.”

    Marvin: A threat to her olfactory, more like.

  135. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 2nd, 2013 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#132): No. No it doesn’t. Evans is allergic to subtlety.

  136. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 2nd, 2013 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#101):

    FW Yeah, Bull, just wait for that post-coital telephone call. Bleagh!

    Yeah, and then wait another 15 years until the hopefully female offspring is old enough to play high school ball. Just on the 75% off-chance that you’ll have died of cancer by that time, leave instructions for your successor.

  137. Lumaca Morente
    March 2nd, 2013 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    BB: I would buy the 2nd picture from the left. I like it.

  138. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 2nd, 2013 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#55): @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#57): What queek said. Images and videos don’t go away once they’re uploaded, and can turn up in all sorts of places. Of course “anonymously pretty blonde girl” doing whatever with herself would prolly get lost in the porn shuffle.

  139. seismic-2
    March 2nd, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#55): “Sexting” gets you into hot water in Milford, even though no one there really knows what it is. However, it’s been in Time and Newsweek, so it must be real!

  140. Alison
    March 2nd, 2013 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: Luann’s a real genius eh? I think I realize now why her parents never bother trying to talk to her.

    “Honey, we are worried about you being on the computer so much. If you ever need any parental guidance-”

    “Hurr durr, I’ll get it from the computer!”

    “…No.”

  141. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 2nd, 2013 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

  142. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#2):
    “Hey George, have you ever looked at Epstein’s cardigan? I mean really looked at it?” @TheDiva (#26):

    (Yeah, I know, gay, but if homosexuality exists in Apartment 3-G’s 1950s fantasyland, it certainly wouldn’t be acknowledged.)

    Which is why Blaze’s status is “still looking for the right girl.”

  143. Droopy Says
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#136): The coach won’t have to wait fifteen years to recruit any female spawn of Les and Lesser. He knows the creature will age rapidly, and because the school district has no laws against admitting satanic creatures*, nothing can prevent the fielding of a winning player. The only price will be the placing of an inverted pentacle behind the head of the Westview Scapegoat.

    * Remember, Les went there.

  144. Liam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”I feel like I was in a psychedelic pink fire and severely burned my hands but there is no evidence of it. No pain. No scars. No months in the hospital getting skin grafts. Is that what love feels like?”

  145. CanuckDownSouth
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#121): @Artist formerly known as Ben (#138): indeed. Consider the case of Amanda Todd. Flashed her chest on a webcam for an older guy. He later tells her to put on a sexual show for him or he’ll send the original stuff around… which he then does: in the end her bare chest is the guy’s Facebook pic, she’s being bullied about her “sexy past” IRL and commits suicide – at age 15.

  146. aprilglaspie
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Rod Bassey: Herbert Walker Shrub called. He wants his fishing trick back. In Kennebunkport, they still talk about the SEAL divers dispatched to put fish on Poppy’s hooks. Locals say BigShrub was the only fisherman in the world so incompetent he couldn’t catch a fish in an acre-wide shoal of ravenous feeding blues. But damn, the suspense of that MT plot kept me on tenterhooks.

    Once and for all, is McEldowney male or female? You know, on the GoComics page, he won’t allow comments on CL.

    I don’t think Time and Newsweek are big in Milford. They still have all those back issues of Look and Saturday Evening Post to wade through, not to mention pendulous African mammaries to check out in NatGeo.

  147. jim, some guy in iowa
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#80): newborn calves will be on their feet within minutes of birth when all goes well. sorry if someone else answered already, i missed it

  148. Majicou
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @aprilglaspie (#146): B-Mac is a man.

  149. aprilglaspie
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Majicou: With a woman trapped inside him?

    RM: Isn’t Shamu their nickname for June’s right boob? Or am I confusing that with Scylla and Charybdis? Monitor and Merrimack?

  150. Bex
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: The Sessions-style sex therapy, now with an edible, Oedipal twist!

  151. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#148): a sssstrong man!

    in just seven days. . .

  152. Mr. O’Malley
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#Y52): You know what they say in Italy:

    Tanto è mangiar il cardon senza sale
    quanto far col marito il carnovale

    Eating artichokes without salt is like attending the Carnival with your own husband.

  153. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#141): Hell, I gotta figure Spider-corg would be more intelligent than the “real” thing.

  154. Liam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”I’m sorry, Greg, but due to the extensive burns I’ve suffered and the plastic mask they made for my face I’m unable to show any emotions lest I crack this mask.”

  155. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Given enough time, the truth will come out:

    A3G: Aunt Cathy’s plan was for Evan to remain a mole (a sexy, sexy massage-mole) in Margo’s agency, sabotaging Margo’s work and siphoning off clients to Aunt Cathy. But she didn’t count on Evan’s inability to withstand the pressures exerted by two powerful, demanding women—one demanding sexual obedience and submission, the other demanding professional humiliation and utter loyalty. Evan cracked, of course, as many men would, and he went rogue, devising a smoke bomb that he thought would be just a frightening prank, something that might preoccupy Margo for a bit so that he could get some relief, for his hands ached after all those neck rubs–oh, how they ached–and he just needed a break, just a little time, that’s all.

    But Evan proved just as incompetent at smoke-bomb-building as he did at anything else, and as he watched the flames flickering in Margo’s building, he knew what he had to do: turn himself in. Only then, in the restful confines of a prison cell, could he escape the terrible, oppressive yin and yang of Aunt Cathy and Margo. As he walked to the police station, he imagined, with a wistful smile, a relatively undemanding relationship with a burly felon named Marco.

  156. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#153):

    corgi nose >>> spider aura.

    hovercorg >>> web-slinging

    sleeping on sofa in strange posture === sleeping on sofa in strange posture

  157. Liam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    FW-Ponies? I thought you had human players. When did you start using horses?

    MW-Really! Mary’s food must be very salty then. My mother’s cooking tastes of tears and sadness.(Just kidding)

  158. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#157): ponies make everything 20% cooler, don’tcha know?

  159. Cloudbuster
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @kanomi (YMETA#30): I’m of the opinion that getting a COTW is all about volume. Post often enough and you’re bound to be accidentally hilarious sooner or later!

    As for donating, I realized I had to brave Paypal no matter what. It came to me like this:

    Me (to myself) (no, not out loud, that would be weird): I bet a significant portion of the traffic to some of the old legacy strips is driving by Comics Curmudgeon. The syndicates ought to be paying him!

    Me (still!): Wait, if they paid him, then they’d start pressuring him to do product placements, plugs and favorable reviews!

    Josh: When I’m reading my Washington Post(TM) and reviewing Blondie(TM), nothing helps me focus like an ice cold, Coca-Cola(TM)!

    GoComics: Read our new strip Precocious Boy With Talking Animal Friend! Josh Fruhlinger of The Comics Curmudgeon calls it “a guaranteed laugh every day.” Josh adds, “Wow, that talking animal sure is hilarious and original, and that precocious boy says the darndest things!”

    Me: Nobody wants to see that, except maybe Josh, and we have to save him from himself. By donating! Even if it means using PayPal!

  160. Cloudbuster
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#157): FW: The world isn’t ready for Batiuk’s unpublished “Bull’s Pony Girls” series, yet.

  161. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#145): You’re quite right, and I hope it was clear – as it probably wasn’t – that I was referring to Evans’ sketchy characterization, and not making light of cyberbullying in the real world.

    //What’s unfortunate is that predatory behavior doesn’t require much in the way of support. You don’t need any great inner strength or outer resources to pressure someone into exposing themselves so you can get your kicks. You only need to lack empathy. It’s the people on the other side of the equation who need support, which Amanda Todd apparently didn’t have.

  162. Cloudbuster
    March 2nd, 2013 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

  163. Cloudbuster
    March 2nd, 2013 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    9CL: It’s all clear now. This plot had nothing at all to do with animal abuse. It was another excuse for one of McE’s hot, oversexed women to find a piece of beefcake to ogle. He’s properly dim and submissive, so his superhuman strength will be used only to please his soon-to-be mistress, the vet.

    Ya know, I used to like the vet character. I now realize it was only because McE really hadn’t paid much attention to her.

  164. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 2nd, 2013 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#160): Budweiser should consider that concept for it’s next Clydesdale commercial.

    *runs*

  165. Liam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    FW-Ponies? If you want to use animals, Bull, you should go down to the pound and get yourself a nice couple of golden retrievers.

  166. Liam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#160):

    I shouldn’t have clicked on that link while here at work.

  167. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 2nd, 2013 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    Whaddya know? “One Day At A Time” was set in Indianapolis.

  168. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 2nd, 2013 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#163):

    Ya know, I used to like the vet character. I now realize it was only because McE really hadn’t paid much attention to her.

    Ah, benign neglect in inaction. Too good to last, I suppose.

  169. Liam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff-Those puppies are only dead because Heathcliff first dribbled them.

  170. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 2nd, 2013 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#155): Excellent! I followed all that except this one part:

    …Evan’s inability to withstand the pressures exerted by two powerful, demanding women—one demanding sexual obedience and submission, the other demanding professional humiliation and utter loyalty.

    Which was Aunt Cathy and which was Margo?

  171. Alter Ego
    March 2nd, 2013 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    love is… immediately zeroing in on the zodiac symbol that looks like “69″.

  172. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 2nd, 2013 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#157):

    FW-Ponies? I thought you had human players. When did you start using horses?

    Have you seen those girls?

  173. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 2nd, 2013 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#161):

    You’re quite right, and I hope it was clear – as it probably wasn’t – that I was referring to Evans’ sketchy characterization, and not making light of cyberbullying in the real world.

    Speaking of which, I wonder when Luann will teach that evil Tiffany a “lesson” by engaging in a little cybertrickery – with TJ’s help, of course. He has plenty of experience using technology to harass and entrap punish evil-doers. Exploiting social media for his program of vigilante justice is an expected progression of his character.

  174. Peanut Gallery
    March 2nd, 2013 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#Y52): Ah, I didn’t know about the poem. “My little artichoke” sounds like a pretty good term of endearment to me. Anyway, he could have done worse than “Cynarae”. He could have written a love poem to a Cnidarian.

  175. Peanut Gallery
    March 2nd, 2013 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    @Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-) (#32): Whoa. That memory woke up a couple of brain cells that haven’t stirred in about 30 years!

  176. Calico
    March 2nd, 2013 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy, Sloooooowly (#3):
    So true. Randy Travis comes to mind.
    And didn’t Britney Spears just divorce her publicist husband?

  177. Calico
    March 2nd, 2013 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#48):
    So Mary puts a little sodium pentothal in her soup? How charming.

  178. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 2nd, 2013 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#152): No, I’m pretty sure that’s Albert Camus.

  179. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 2nd, 2013 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#170): That was part of poor Evan’s problem: He couldn’t keep the relationships straight, either.

    (And thanks!)

  180. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 2nd, 2013 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#179): Sigh… I miss Aunt Cathy. I had such hopes!

  181. Majicou
    March 2nd, 2013 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    Bull didn’t have the ponies to win at basketball… oh, I see. The other team had Rainbow Dash. Westview was doomed (sorry about the tautology.)

  182. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 2nd, 2013 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#180): You and Evan both, my friend—you and Evan both. But big-city PR is a harsh mistress, and more than one young man has found his hopes dashed on the shoals of pink smoke run amok.

  183. Beatrix Shrug
    March 2nd, 2013 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    @aprilglaspie (#149):

    “RM: Isn’t Shamu their nickname for June’s right boob? Or am I confusing that with Scylla and Charybdis? Monitor and Merrimack?”

    Flopsy and Mopsy.

    ////You don’t want to know about “Cottontail.”

  184. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 2nd, 2013 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#177):

    So Mary puts a little sodium pentothal in her soup? How charming.

    That’s a how she gets that special Mary Worth signature piquance.
    //Or am I thinking, “pinkness”?

  185. Shrug on the Dotted Line
    March 2nd, 2013 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#159):

    As Uncle Lumpy pointed out yesterday:

    “BTW, fund-raisers always have options for check, cash, or in-kind contributions.”

    Being a Plugger, I don’t have a PayPal account either, but Joel has been perfectly willing to cash my checks the last three (I think) years.

    (Er, by “my checks” I mean not all of them, just the one per year I make out to him and send to him.)

    I have no idea what he would consider “in-kind contributions,” and am happy that way.

  186. Zerowolf
    March 2nd, 2013 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    @aprilglaspie (#146): Brooke is a creator of pure art and thus transcends mere biological constructs such as gender. Translation: He is a he, but he breaks his arm patting himself on the back blogs like a fussy old woman.

  187. tallyHO
    March 2nd, 2013 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    Waitasecond!

    In a3G basically the last story line, or most of the last one, was about a dude who is going to portray James Bond and he ends up rescuing a “Bond Girl” (More Bondage, Mule!) from a bomb that a double agent placed in her living quarters (or is it living thirds since Margo has two roommates?).

    This was the lamest James Bond adventure ever. Yet, I think the point of how it all went, complete with Uber Villainess, Aunt Cathy, it was intended to be James Bond like. True, there were no memorable stunts, no car chase scenes, no scantily clad women or Professor Soulpatches.*

    Lamest Bond Adventure Ever!

    *(whatever happened to Soulpatches the Clown? He was a cool anecdote to the banality of Clowns. His catchphrase:
    “Right on, Bro! Honka Honka!” supposedly even puts those afraid of clowns at eases.)

  188. tallyHO
    March 2nd, 2013 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-) (#32):

    Bah!

    Knowing Heathcliff like I do (I don’t) more than likely that is a little plush Pound Puppy toy that he is tossing into the net.

    Didn’t you see the passive-aggressive behavior Heathcliff dressed as Santa demonstrated when he gave mice a spanking and then a wedge of cheese? He’ll kick bully dog’s asses but he wouldn’t be cruel to puppies. It isn’t in his nature.

    But, that plump, sassy Kitty Cat sure likes his daily basketball!

  189. Shrug and Let Shrug
    March 2nd, 2013 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#187):

    “Lamest Bond Adventure Ever!”

    Certainly lamer than James Bond meets Doc Savage, anyway…

    http://www.docfantasycovers.com/

  190. Les Moore Fan Club, LLC
    March 2nd, 2013 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Mr. Batiuk! This is so NOT FUNNY! And wrong on so many levels! First, She-who-must-not-be-named is well past her child-bearing years. But most importantly, she and Les would have to … I can hardly make myself say it … have intimate relations. With each other. And I think we all know that this is just a Marriage in Name Only. Les knew that SOMEONE was going to have to do all those household chores after Summer left for college, and since she-witch was just THROWING herself at him … Well, I can understand how the idea was too tempting to resist.

    But that’s all it is. Just an “arrangement.” And unfortunately, dear Les has made a deal with the devil.

    Watching and waiting,
    Susan Smith, President

  191. Alison
    March 2nd, 2013 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @btown (#1):
    Ha! You know, I think the most diversity I’ve seen in this strip was that Mr. Dill had a moustache.

    As for today’s MW, specifically, I wish Mary would cut to the chase and yell “GIVE ME THE DIRT!” so we don’t have to go through a whole week of useless platitudes and robot-talk before we find out Tom’s secret.

  192. Cloudbuster
    March 2nd, 2013 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug on the Dotted Line (#185): in-kind contributions

    There is a large, dangerous, underworld traffic in salmon squares. Josh’s name is not unknown there.

  193. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 2nd, 2013 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#174): Ah, I didn’t know about the poem.

    It was popular back when. Margaret Mitchell got the title of “Gone with the Wind” from it. Cole Porter had a song sort of based on it.

  194. Sequitur
    March 2nd, 2013 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#187):

    Lamest Bond Adventure Ever!

    Lame James Bond can relative.

  195. Sequitur
    March 2nd, 2013 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#194): It also can be relative.

  196. Droopy Says
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#173): Wait, isn’t TJ old enough to be an adult? Would Evans be skank enough to show an adult humiliating a minor, and why am I wasting everyone’s time with that question?

  197. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Could it be that many ‘mudges were right, and that was Aunt Cathy’s head in the box—and when she realized what Evan had done to her, she exploded in fury? What color is the smoke from exploding publicist brain matter, anyway?

  198. Baka Gaijin
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#187) on Captain Soulpatch: WRONG!!! EVILSCARYCLOWN cannot put those who are afraid of EVILSCARYCLOWNS at ease. Not possible. Some of us had to skip the Capitol building tour during the high school field trip due to the possibility of encountering a congressperson.

    // Yes, I said it. Congresspersons are clowns.

  199. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#197):

    …that was Aunt Cathy’s head in the box—and when she realized what Evan had done to her, she exploded in fury?

    Aha! And… if her head went airborne from the explosion… above New York City… OMG, that was Aunt Cathy’s head floating outside John Dill’s airplane, not Mary Worth!

  200. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @aprilglaspie (#149): @Beatrix Shrug (#183): It was going to be “Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man” but June put her foot down.

  201. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#196):

    Wait, isn’t TJ old enough to be an adult?

    I figure TJ is in his mid-50s.
    And if that isn’t creepy enough, he has his portrait hidden away in the attic.

  202. Sequitur
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#198): I have a photo of a congressperson dressed as a clown.

    I decided not to link to it.

  203. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug and Let Shrug (#189): The Savage meets Heat Miser/Cold Miser cover is a true treat.

  204. tallyHO
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#197):

    Now, now.
    Wasn’t it floating streams of mustard and ketchup?

    It was psycheDELIc, if anything. But, a head in a box?

    I just can’t see Evan being that much of a sicko that he’d do something so vile, so heinous, so despicable that….that….that…hmmm.

    The box ended up being a pretty big box. I guess it could have been head-sized.

    If that was the case then I guess Evan demonstrated how to get a head in publicity while blowing it in the end.

  205. Baka Gaijin
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#202): Was he the chairman of the Committee of Redundancy Committee because that’s totally redundant.

  206. gleeb
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#28): Still doesn’t absolve Batiuk of not drawing the rest of the crowd. A Cancerdeathville crowd would never stop a suicide, unless it was that dick, Creepy Les Moore.

  207. Sequitur
    March 2nd, 2013 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#205): You’re just asking for it, aren’t you.

  208. gleeb
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#71): Re June Morgan, RN. From the beginning it’s been clear that June is only in this for the fried clams.

  209. Liam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    MW-”I brought that for you. I’m using it as a way of getting into your apartment and finding out everything about.”

  210. Midtown
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#206): FW: Only four cars remain in the parking lot. Les, Cayla, Bull, and Linda each drove separately. Everyone else left before the game ended, including the players.

  211. Liam
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”I know Greg. I feel it too. It’s like a million voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.”

    A3G 2-I think I love you so what am I so afraid of.

  212. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#199): @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#197):

    …that was Aunt Cathy’s head in the box—and when she realized what Evan had done to her, she exploded in fury?

    Aha! And… if her head went airborne from the explosion… above New York City… OMG!
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/93789001@N08/8522271445/in/photostream

  213. Angry Hipster Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    @Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-) (#32): Heathcliff: Dead puppies aren’t much fun. No no no.

    Which is why I’m planning to get even with Heathcliff by sending him copies of the books “101 Uses for a Dead Cat” and “101 More Uses for a Dead Cat” (both by Simon Bond).

  214. Sequitur
    March 2nd, 2013 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    @Angry Hipster Rocky Stoneaxe (#213): And even a dead puppy can be used in a dangerous manner.

  215. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#211): a million voices cried out in terror

    Perfect!

  216. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#212): ((looks at the sky above DC in terror))

    @Angry Hipster Rocky Stoneaxe (#213): One of my students is writing a pretty good essay on dead-baby jokes. I’ve been laughing out loud at her examples. Oddly, dead-puppy jokes don’t have the same effect on me.

  217. Angry Hipster Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#214): @Angry Hipster Rocky Stoneaxe (#213): And even a dead puppy can be used in a dangerous manner.

    EVILSCARYCHIHUAHUA:

    http://www.gocomics.com/monty/2013/02/22

  218. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#216): One of my students is writing a pretty good essay on dead-baby jokes. I’ve been laughing out loud at her examples.

    Is there a mild one or two you could share?

    // Knowing, of course, what a strait, prudish, conservative lot we are.

  219. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#218): So this dead baby walks into a a bar…

  220. Angry Hipster Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 2nd, 2013 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#219): Anyone else remember the Casper the Friendly Ghost parody “Kaspar the Dead Baby” from Crazy magazine?

    http://www.sbritt.com/kaspar_images/kaspar-1.jpg

  221. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#127):

    We just finished watching “Best in Show”. Cute dogs, very funny dry humor!

  222. The Ridger
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#80): Most of your big hoofed animals are precocial – walking within minutes and running within hours, especially those whose ancestors if not actually parents live in a herd that’s constantly on the move. Deer, goats, sheep, horses, even elephants, as well as cows are all up and on the move very nearly as soon as they’re born.

  223. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 2nd, 2013 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#221): And for Judge Parker fans, Jennifer Coolidge!

  224. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    March 3rd, 2013 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#223):

    Oh yeah baby! Titties were being featured!

  225. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    March 3rd, 2013 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#223):

    But I think the best part of the movie was Fred Willard’s hilariously inappropriate color commentary during the dog show. You could tell that the guy playing the straight guy with him was trying not to laugh!

    // Did you notice the clocks behind the hotel front desk? All east coast cities near each other, so all at the same time.

  226. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    March 3rd, 2013 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#223):

    Stifler’s Mom!

  227. seismic-2
    March 3rd, 2013 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#223): Now why would Jennifer Coolidge appeal to Judge Parker fans? Oh right – she was in the Legally Blonde movies. Yes, she would appeal to fans of courtroom drama, on account of that association. Carry on.

  228. Droopy Says
    March 3rd, 2013 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: It is like Spiderman has eyes in the back of his head. DareDevil’s eyes.

    Creepy Les: I’ll give Ugly Asshat’s Friend a pass on this one. He couldn’t know the answer because there’s no way Les would assign a book that had anything even vaguely positive in it.

    Dick Tracy: By a curious coincidence that’s what happens at the end of Dick Tracy’s favorite book, On The Beach.

    Family Circus: Welcome to Billy’s Nightmare: The Attack of the Fifty Foot Dolly.

    Spiderbland: If DareDevil’s radar sense is that good, how can anyone tell he’s blind?

    Pluggers: As opposed to the restaurant’s customers, who barf bag it every day.

    Phantom: Gee, Kit, why didn’t you remember your “duty” when you asked Savarna to shell that prison, an act which was liable to kill innocent people? (Even if everyone in jail was a ruthless criminal, killing them is still murder.) And, um, by what standard are you not an outlaw?

    Shoe: I’m sure bourbon babe, unbuckled, has dead baby jokes that are much funnier than dead bird jokes.

  229. Dale
    March 3rd, 2013 at 2:51 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    Can anybody explain what part of the van we’re seeing?
    Right side and fish tank (700 lbs. of water) crosswise?
    Why not get a commercial type van without all the side windows?

  230. Baka Gaijin
    March 3rd, 2013 at 3:35 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Strips

    I just about wet my pants when I read “But my Spidey Sense isn’t too shabby, either.” Ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA!!!!

    Oh gad, Nancy’s taking hair fashion tips from doyenne of the hair bow Aunt Ruby, whose philosophy is “There’s always room for one more bow.”

    What is Loretta thinking in the lower right panel of The Lockorns?

  231. Baka Gaijin
    March 3rd, 2013 at 3:57 am [Reply]

    Mary, Mr. Harpman is trying to tell you, instead of dating, he’s been fapping to his ex’s Facebook page updates.

    By the way, does each Charterstone kitchen come equipped with its own library of gray books and cannisters?

  232. Mr. O’Malley
    March 3rd, 2013 at 5:38 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#231): Yes, in 50 shades.

  233. Baka Gaijin
    March 3rd, 2013 at 6:15 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#232): I have just one word in response to that: Ew. Mary Worth fingering herself to Mr. Gray’s exploits with Ms. Steele. Just ew.

  234. Liam
    March 3rd, 2013 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”Look, Honey. Two costumed men in San Fransisco are having a slap fight. It must be over a boy they like.”

    DT-”And I kill the occasional hooker.”

    A3G-I’m bothered by the way Lu Ann says occupation. This is an apartment that you live in it’s not some small European country that you can march all over.

    A3G 2-Today we occupy 3-G. Tomorrow Poland.

    Gasoline Alley-”Oh so that’s what it was. I was wondering about the little black boxes.”

    MW-”The way she would cup my balls.”

    MW 2-”But the restraining order she took out against me prevents me from having any fun with her.”

    MW 3-”I’m sorry, Mary, but there aren’t too many women here and the only single one acts like a perpetual teenager with some major daddy issues.”

    RMMD-This story switches back and forth on Melissa’s connection to the building rather fast. One minute she owns the building and is trying to collect rent then she is interested in buying the building and now we are back to her owning the building.

    RMMD 2-Ha! Ha! They’ve killed Shamu and grounded up his body into hamburger meat.

  235. Laura
    March 3rd, 2013 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann is about as dumb as it could possibly get. Most men I know recognize they’ll need a second income coming in, just to get by. Children are a luxury — if you can afford them.

  236. CanuckDownSouth
    March 3rd, 2013 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    Luann: I would point out that college and marriage are not mutually exclusive. I would point out that in our increasingly credentialist society, a HS diploma won’t help much getting a job to contribute to the family she’s dreaming up (or to support herself and these hypothetical kids if daddy leaves them through divorce or death), so for decades now even young women planning on being homemakers have been urged to go to college.

    But mostly I want to ask Evans where the heck Luann’s even getting the idea of going from HS straight into marriage. A typical HS will have how many people doing that each year? (Two decades ago, my school’s answer was zero.) How many of Luann’s classmates are planning a wedding? Why does she think this is even a not-crazy option? It’s really rare these days – when you hear of people marrying their HS sweetheart, isn’t it still usually after college?

  237. Liam
    March 3rd, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    Archie-Do you have “Naked Ladies Monthly”? I hear the centerfold for this month is Betty.

  238. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 3rd, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#229): Why not get a commercial type van without all the side windows?

    C’mon now! That would look suspicious!

  239. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 3rd, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#227): Yes, she would appeal to fans of courtroom drama, on account of that association.

    Exactly! That was my point, in a nutshell! Rem acu tetigisti.

    // Just for the record, counselor, when was the last time there was any “courtroom drama” in Judge Parker?

  240. John C Fremont
    March 3rd, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    PV – “…and Ron Swanson as The Barmus.”

    MW – Panel five’s question ought to end with the words “big boy” in Mary’s best Mae West.

    (Uh, oh. I just had a vision of Mary Worth as Marlo Manners in Sextette. I understand that there’s some promising research being done with electric shock and enzyme inhibitors to delete specific memories. I’d like to sign up.)

    Phantom (final panel) – Wait, do what now? Giggity.

  241. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    March 3rd, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    A3G: Evan… Eric… clearly, I’m even more confused than Greg is. Why are all of Margo’s victims/boyfriends/clients men with 4-letter monosyllabic names? It’s something to do with the Illuminati, isn’t it?

  242. Baka Gaijin
    March 3rd, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#239): You shouldn’t put your point in a nutshell. No one can see them.

  243. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 3rd, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#242): Well I tried keeping it under a bushel, but I couldn’t sleep because of all the light.

  244. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 3rd, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @Jocelyn Knockersbury (#241): Evan. Eric. I’m not sure “monosyllabic” means what you think it means.

  245. Vince M
    March 3rd, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    @Angry Hipster Rocky Stoneaxe (#217): That looks something like a one-panel comic I did for an in-house archaeology journal. The caption read “The earliest evidence of man using dogs in hunting was in the Mexican state of Chihuahua”, showing an annoyed-looking wild boar surrounded by tiny yapping dogs.

  246. TheDiva
    March 3rd, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Ah, snark on a Sunday morning!

    9CL: Add “a visit to the vet’s office” to the improbably long list of McEldowney’s turn-ons.

    C’shaft: I love how the guy behind the bar is discreetly moving away from these two weirdos.

    FW: I tell ya, The Kids These Days are so stupid, they don’t even know one obscure nineteenth-century travelogue from another!

    Luann: Luann, your “boyfriend” lives halfway across the globe and will probably be bored of your long-distance relationship before senior year is over. Marrying straight out of high school isn’t exactly an option on your table right now.

    MW: Mary makes Dolly Levi look like a retiring, non-interference type.

    SM: No, just your winning personality.

  247. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 3rd, 2013 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Look out Queek! Who says I’m not capable of sweetness & light?

  248. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 3rd, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    BG&SS: “Tarnation! I’ve tried the Albin Counter Gambit. I’ve tried the Two Knights. I’ve tried the English Opening, and the French Defense, and the Yugoslav Attack!”
    “How about the Grüenfeld? Or the Benoni?”
    “Nope. And the Ruy Lopez didn’t work either.”
    “Muzio?”
    “Nope.”
    “Fried Liver? Bird’s?”
    “No. And no.”
    “Queen’s Gambit Declined? The Sicilian Dragon?”
    “I tell you, nuffin’ works!”
    “Well, Snuffy, maybe chess ain’t your game, either. You can’t really cheat at it, after all.”
    “Blast it! I know, Lukey. Ok, it’s Monopoly then. I’ll be the flat iron.”
    “Um, Snuffy…”

  249. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 3rd, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Dead Tree: B&C out Pastis Pastis today, as well as attempting to appeal to the Poteet demographic.

    RwO: I’m hip.

    A&J: d’awwww.

    online usuals:

    JP: OK, that’s last Sunday’s strip. where’s this weeks?

    MT: I think that we all learned something today!

    PMP: /facepalm

    RMMD-cups. mmmm.

    6Cx is directed at us.

  250. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 3rd, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

  251. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 3rd, 2013 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#247): *applaz*

    well played, sir!

  252. Nomstrosity
    March 3rd, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    “It’s all about Margo lying to her new boyfriend about her dead fiance for no good reason now.”

    Is this the beginning of an elaborate long-lost-fiance plot in which Eric returns to New York, having spent the past few years recovering from his injuries in contemplative retreat among the Tibetans/Nepalese/I really can’t be bothered to look up the backstory? Will Margo be forced to choose between the rugged, heroic outdoorsman and the glamorous, captivating Hollywood star? Or rather, between two bland white guys?

    Meanwhile, yet another box of condoms in Tommie’s nightstand passes its expiration date.

  253. Oregonian
    March 3rd, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Nomstrosity (#252):

    Is this the beginning of an elaborate long-lost-fiance plot in which Eric returns to New York, having spent the past few years recovering from his injuries in contemplative retreat among the Tibetans/Nepalese/I really can’t be bothered to look up the backstory?

    It damn well better be. I’ve spent the past four and a half years telling anyone who would listen that Eric isn’t dead and that he’s just been hanging out in a cave with some Yeti, recovering from amnesia.

    My batting average for predicting soap opera plots is a perfect zero, but this is my shot at redemption. If Eric shows up alive in A3G, you better sit way back from your monitor when you read the comments on Comics Curmudgeon, ’cause I’m going to be posting “I TOLD YOU SO” in the biggest font Microsoft ever invented.

  254. gleeb
    March 3rd, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Slylock: And so the greatest insomnia cure the comix has seen since Mary Worth is destroyed.

    ‘bean: Creepy Les Moore gives Cody a chance to distinguish himself from Owen the Idiot, and the kid blows it. No smirks for anyone.

    Bizarro: Remember back in the 1980s when Eddie Murphy performed stand-up comedy that got rather blue? Piraro apparently thinks that was recently.

    Dick: Next week: the horrifying story of the mudlarkers left to drown.

    June Morgan, RN: An actual plot development! On Sunday! Also, Junior looks like Josh Kornbluth.

  255. Uncle Lumpy
    March 3rd, 2013 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#253):

    I’ve spent the past four and a half years telling anyone who would listen that Eric isn’t dead …

    I’ve tried that too, but haven’t found anyone who will listen.

  256. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 3rd, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#255): Maybe Eric was with Major Gary Powers in the US Army Air Force when he was shot down in the Spanish American War.

  257. Liam
    March 3rd, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace-That’s it bad mouth a Japanese film that is several decades old.

    MW-”This soup tastes like it came from a can and not even a name brand can. It tastes like generic store brand soup.”

    MW 2-”And when I say personal happiness I mean my personal happiness. I’m only happy when people are doing what I tell them to do.”

  258. the REAL Mark Trail
    March 3rd, 2013 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#249): If you’re talking about toadt’s Sunday page on the aphid that conducts photosynthesis… THANK YOU! Also, I hope folks noticed/enjoyed the Jimmy Buffet tribute hidden in the page!
    ‘James
    http://www.facebook.com/groups/228474710549025/

  259. Liam
    March 3rd, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#253):

    You should scrawl “Eric lives” on subway station walls.

  260. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 3rd, 2013 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke – DOG-GONE FUNNY! New York, New York: David B.’s next door neighbor has a pooch that only talks to David! The cunning canine tells him to “clean the streets” of sinners! (Picture: Dog with lightning-shaped thought waves coming out of head)

    love is… …huh huh, they showed the astrological sign for Gemini! which looks like 69! which is, like, totally dirty. Uh, huh, huh, huh.

  261. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 3rd, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#259): Is there a picture of Eric anywhere? Maybe we could put up posters — have you seen this man? — like little Emily from Goleta.

  262. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 3rd, 2013 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#258): I can haz cheezeburger in Paradise?

  263. the REAL Mark Trail
    March 3rd, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#262): sorry… it’s not cheeseburger in paradise

    ‘James

  264. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 3rd, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#263): lets see, no volcano gonna blow, didn’t see a poptop to cut a heel on, and the large shaker of salt is in Barney & Clyde.

    *ponders*

    [*]

  265. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 3rd, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    no parrots, either!

    *insert “loaded like a lorikeet” reference here*

  266. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 3rd, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    FW You fool! When you don’t know the answer, always say “Lisa’s Story.”

  267. the REAL Mark Trail
    March 3rd, 2013 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    no parrots, no fins, no flip-flops…
    ‘James

  268. seismic-2
    March 3rd, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#253): I’ve spent the past four and a half years telling anyone who would listen that Eric isn’t dead and that he’s just been hanging out in a cave with some Yeti
    …whom he calls “Margo”.

  269. seismic-2
    March 3rd, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I love Melissa’s snooty dismissal of her nephew: “Nice work, Junior! But no more free rent… or I’ll cut you out of my will!

    Based on the despondent look on Junior’s face, I’d guess that somebody just set herself up to receive a gift box that starts emitting pink smoke!

  270. seismic-2
    March 3rd, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#261): Is there a picture of Eric anywhere?

    Eric is the one who looks just like all the other male characters in the strip.

  271. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 3rd, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    MW: It was the pirate costume, probably.

  272. Uncle Lumpy
    March 3rd, 2013 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#261):

    Here is classic Eric.

  273. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 3rd, 2013 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#270): *snurk*

    sad, but true.

  274. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 3rd, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

  275. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 3rd, 2013 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#270):

    Eric is the one who looks just like all the other male characters in the strip.

    Sorta like Rock Hudson said, “The blonds are named Scott and the brunets are named Grant.”

  276. Annie Wilkes
    March 3rd, 2013 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#258): “Out on the beach there are two empty chairs, that say more than the people who ever sat there. From under my LONE PALM I can look out on the day…”

  277. Dawn Weston's Evil Twin
    March 3rd, 2013 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Why did they draw and color Ruby so that she matches Margo exactly? Is Margo Ruby’s evil twin?

  278. Braniff
    March 3rd, 2013 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    FC: With whom will Billy and PJ play around in the Keane Kompound if Dolly and Jeffy take possession of Mommy and Daddy?

  279. the REAL Mark Trail
    March 3rd, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @Annie Wilkes (#276): good call Annie

  280. Foobar
    March 4th, 2013 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    I legitimately love this Heathcliff. Saved!

  281. Lady E
    March 4th, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    If Rocky really wants to confuse them he could draw that picture of Heathcliff in the pet store. It certainly worked on me.

  282. Jonsie
    March 4th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Despite the lame joke, I have to give props to Crankshaft for the shout out to the Beachland Ballroom in Cleveland which is celebrating its 13th anniversary this weekend. It’s a great little concert venue.

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