The Comics CurmudgeonSoup: For filling the awful emotional hole inside you

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Soup: For filling the awful emotional hole inside you

Mary Worth, 3/4/13

After a Sunday spent seeing Tom Harpman spilling his guts to Mary with little provocation, now we get to see Mary relating this information to Toby! Pretty thrilling, eh? I guess it is marginally more exciting to see Mary telling things to Toby rather than seeing someone telling things to Mary; the excitement comes in seeing Toby trying and failing to grapple with even basic human emotions, and shifting the conversation back to something she kind of understands: soup.

Blondie, 3/4/13

Convinced that his neighbors have the inside scoop on the upcoming economic collapse, Dagwood is just trying to hoard as much cash as he can. Haha, once rampaging mobs have lynched all the bankers, he’ll never have to pay any of it back!

Crock, 3/4/13

It’s kind of a relief when Crock doesn’t even try to make a joke, am I right?

This entry was posted on Monday, March 4, 2013 at 08:28 am and is filed under Blondie, Crock, Mary Worth. |

305 responses to “Soup: For filling the awful emotional hole inside you”

Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

Heathcliff — Former U.S. Surgeon General C. Everett Koop isn’t wearing his trademark bow tie, so I almost didn’t recognize him.

Monday’s strip proves even the best people can end up in ~~Hell~~ Heathcliff after they die.
KreatureFeatures
March 4th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

MT: Looks like trouble for Rusty because … holy crap, look at the size of their heads in panel 2! Sorry, no snark from me – the enormity of Rusty and Catfish’s craniums has completely derailed my train of thought.
Ratiocinator
March 4th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

9CL: Is it a bad sign that, when I read panel one, I was thinking the same thing that Juliette is saying in panel three? Please, somebody, reassure me that my mind is not becoming Burber-esque.

ASM: Does anybody say “yo” that way any more, other than Daredevil here? I know some people say it at the end of a sentence, but that’s different.

FW: If it’s almost time for the bell, then they don’t have time to start playing anything anyway, so why stall? They’re about to be set free no matter what.

Slylock: Before Slylock could reveal the answer, the lights went out and the monstrous creature inside the trash can leaped out and mauled him to death under cover of darkness. Now his students had a real case on their hands, and they were all only one detective school class away from being qualified to solve it! The irony was lost on them, as irony was the other thing they would have learned about in the class that Slylock tragically never got to finish.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
March 4th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

MT: At today’s Big-Bass Fishing Tournament, spectators were horrified when angler Rod Bassy produced an unidentifiable creature during the end-of-day weigh-in. According to witnesses, the creature was wearing clothes and was about the size of a 10-year-old boy, but it was clearly not human in form. “It was terrible,” said fishing fan Jeffrey Watcher. “Those bulging eyes and that misshapen face. I can’t get it out of my mind.” Tournament authorities are currently debating whether to allow Bassy to claim the creature as a fish.

JP: I guess Neddy needs to add lightning bolts to her tatas so she still gets attention when Abbey is around.

MW: Thank goodness Toeby is there to ask the question that’s on all of our minds: The soup, Mary—for the love of god, how did he like the soup?
Liam
March 4th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

MW-”I’ve heard all I wanted to hear of this Tom Harpman guy. I want to hear more about your cooking and the praises for it.”

Blondie-”The blackmailer has increased how much he wants.”

MT-The only lesson that Rusty is learning is that he is getting into bondage.

A3G-No, Margo. Tell us about Cathy.

JP-”Wow, Dr. Clearing. You aren’t the dried up middle aged woman I was expecting.”
Liam
March 4th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

Slylock Fox-Hate to tell you this but nowadays every entrance is an exit and the cops would have every door covered.
Ratiocinator
March 4th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

@Liam (#6): Including Chief Mutt’s bungling collection of bunglers? I think not.
revenge4Aldo
March 4th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

MT “I’m going to teach you a lesson… And that’s how you tie a square knot.”
Old Folkie
March 4th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

MT: About friggin’ time…

FW: So the kid in the awful hat has now become Caulfield?

A3G: So Christmas Eve took several weeks, but it only took a week for the apt. bldg to be repaired, and for Evan to be arrested, tried, and sentenced? Serious warp in the space-time continuum…
Drewbear
March 4th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

Crock: Okay, so the shadows of the soldiers point in a different direction from that of the officer. This indicates that they’re being lit with different light sources. So we have two options here: one set of people is a hallucination brought on by heat stroke & dehydration/starvation, or all of them are trapped in some nightmarish hellscape of endless grinding desert, wherein they have to march eternally under the light of two suns. Either way, SOMEONE is getting tormented, which is about as funny as Crock gets.
pugfuggly
March 4th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

MW It’s just as I suspected! To keep up with all those weird hand movements they make in regular conversation, Toby and Mary suit up once a week to do gesticulation aerobics.

Also, what kind of name is ‘two years ago’? No wonder they got divorced.

Blondie “Look buddy, I keep trying to tell you, we don’t really do loans here. This is just a front for a money laundering operation. What kind of real bank changes their name every six months? Or call themselves ‘Second First National Bank’? Or doesn’t even give their loan officer an office with a phone? Now if you don’t mind, I have a few ‘legitimate businessmen’ stopping by in a moment…”
Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
March 4th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

The joke in Crock is that two of the four sets of floodlights stopped working. So they’re going to have to re-shoot the scene and make the legionnaires march back through the desert all over again.
KreatureFeatures
March 4th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#4): This made me laugh: angler Rod Bassy produced an unidentifiable creature during the end-of-day weigh-in … . That’s the kind of humor I was going for before I got distracted by the gigantic noggins.
btown
March 4th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

Crock: Obviously a joke about the meteor strike in the Urals
Ranger
March 4th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

Hey Josh. What’s so “trilling” about this Mary Worth plot?
The Divine O’F
March 4th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

Now hold it right there. WTF is going on in A3G? Evan planted a bomb, presumably, but why? Will we ever know? And how was he discovered? Why is there no discussion of this? Not to mention no SHOWING of it? Did we change writers in midstream, and the new writer just decided it was too hard to tie up previous loose threads? I’m sorry, but as a professional writer this sloppy inattention to the basics of storytelling wounds and humiliates me.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
March 4th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

FW – Again with the ostentatiously pinned-up shirt sleeve. I now realize that she wears it that way because she has to. The character is so drab, so devoid of any personality or charisma, that if she had two arms she would just fade into the background, requiring one of those Dick Tracy style narration boxes with an arrow just to remind us who she is.

9CL – Ok, we either accept that it is Comics Logic and thus that a man could carry an adult cow in his arms for several miles, or we acknowledge that such a thing is ridiculous. You can’t have it both ways, where the character is able to carry the cow like a sleeping baby, but then other characters comment on how impossible it would be to do that.

MT – OMG! I’ll bet nobody saw that coming!!!
Alice
March 4th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

Luann: Evans. Dude. When a story reaches its conclusion, as this one did on Saturday? That’s when you stop it and move on to another one.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
March 4th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

@pugfuggly (#11): Re: MW “what kind of name is ‘two years ago’? No wonder they got divorced.”

And, who has custody of their adopted Vietnamese orphan, ‘So Yesterday’?
Esther Blodgett
March 4th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

“That’s too bad. Did he like your soup?”

I’m trying hard to think of a better line in any medium, under any circumstance, ever. Nope. This is it. Someone needs to melt together a Nobel, a Pulitzer, and whatever other medals they find lying around and award it to today’s Mary Worth.

I can’t wait to find out if he did, in fact, like her soup.
Midtown
March 4th, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

@Ratiocinator (#3): FW: There you go again! Trying to introduce logic to the Funkyverse. It’s obvious that we’re not expected to actually THINK about the situation here, just laugh on cue at the “word confusion” joke.
Crankenstank
March 4th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

Uhoh, Crock, Inc., has outsmarted Josh. Shadows and dust, my friend, emphasis on the shadows.
pugfuggly
March 4th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

ASM “What I’m saying is that if you want to get within 50 meters of me for any reason at all, contact my lawyer first.”

A3G Hey guys, do you mind if we hears about the trial? Or, y’know, the arrest, the charges, maybe something about the motive? No? Well, ok, please just continue telling me the exciting tale of the two bland people ‘experiencing love’.

MT “Hey, you have no right to be in my van! I’m going to teach you a lesson…about property rights. Now property rights in America find their origin in English Common Law, which owes a large debt to the Norman justice system. You see Rusty, in 1066…”
Amos Snarkadder
March 4th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

MW: Now add Salmonella to the list of Tom Harpman’s woes.

FC: Speaking of Salmonella, hasn’t Daddy Keane been sick for a couple of weeks? He isn’t looking too good. Has he bee fitted for one of those ghostly robes yet?
The Late Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

Sunday’s Shoe —

Cosmo’s Uncle Jack was also a stand up guy — due to the VIAGRA he took four hours before he died. Well, at least the undertaker did a good job of making him look ~~stiff~~ lifelike.

Hmmm… On second thought, I probably should’ve run my salacious comments about Cosmo’s ~~diseased~~ deceased relative up a flagpole before I posted them. To see if anyone saluted.

Besides Uncle Jack, I mean…

http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=Shoe&feature_date=2013-03-03
pugfuggly
March 4th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#19):

…or their Indian maid, ‘Beena Longtime’?
teenchy
March 4th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

MW: Come on, Mary, what are you waiting for? Hook Tom up with Dawn Weston! For Dawn, that has to be a step up from the guy who fantasized her as his dead sister, amirite?
Gabacho
March 4th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

Mary Worth – Third panel, Mary explains to Toby, “Well, at first he said it reminded him of his mother’s cooking, so I thought he did like it, but then he mentioned that his mother was the reason for his unwilling divorce and that he wanted to kill her so I wasn’t quite as sure. That’s why I called you here – to get your viewpoint. How is my soup?”

Apt 3G – The writers have just given up haven’t they? The newest plotline, a terrorist PR bomb set off by an incestuous family gets bupkis by the writers, the involvement in said plot by the next James Bond is piffled away as though that were nothing. Mary Worth would kill for these plotlines. Granted she would squeeze the interest right out of them, but still.

Mark Trail – Snooping photos, bound and gagged in a van by a man named Catfish. That reminds me of my prom night. Did I ever tell you guys my HS nickname was Rusty?
Amos Snarkadder
March 4th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

@Alice (#18): I think they’re still building up to the humiliation of Tiffany part.
Jack Scat
March 4th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

FC What makes me so mad is that little Billy has not taken over for his sick dad and drawn the strip the way he has done on other occasions. No wonder the poor guy can’t get better. In between the vomiting, diarrhea, splitting headaches and fevers, Bil has to produce this strip.
bbofun
March 4th, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

CROCK- So- I-okay, there has to be SOMETHING to this, right? I mean- even at it’s worst, CROCK generally has at least the structure of a joke, if not the content. all I can see is that the leader’s shadow is on the opposite side to the others, and is slightly more sharply defined. And the three soldiers have little specks (flies? Inebriation bubbles?) around their heads, while the leader doesn’t. The shadows seem to be the joke, but- I- NO! I WILL NOT BE SUCKED INTO THIS! CROCK IS SUPPOSE TO BE DEAD! IT WAS ANNOUNCED! I WILL NOT BE DRAWN INTO YOUR VILE SCEME! I WILL_*slaps self in face* *twice*

sorry.
Mr. Passive-Aggressive
March 4th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

MW: Where can I buy my mother-in-law one of those salmon-colored jogging suits with the fetching scarf?
Amos Snarkadder
March 4th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

@Esther Blodgett (#20): “Did he like my soup? Like my soup?! Toby, why would you even ask such a question? That’s it! No soup for you!”
Cloudbuster
March 4th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

@Ratiocinator (#3): Ratiocinator turned into a Burber so slowly, we didn’t even notice.
Peanut Gallery
March 4th, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

Just because no one asked for it… a partial table of the comics elements.
Amos Snarkadder
March 4th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

@Jack Scat (#30): FC What makes me so mad is that little Billy has not taken over for his sick dad and drawn the strip the way he has done on other occasions. No wonder the poor guy can’t get better. In between the vomiting, diarrhea, splitting headaches and fevers, Bil has to produce this strip.
That explains so much. Must be a chronic condition, I guess.
Amos Snarkadder
March 4th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#35): BWAHAHA!
My favorite is Rustoleum!
bbofun
March 4th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

@Old Folkie (#9): re: A3G- Last Monday’s strip started with a narration box saying “One month later”- so, sill, the idea of the trial actually taking place in that short a time is kinda ridiculous, but this is Apt. 3G, wherein the next James Bond is an unknown actor, who goes to an inexperienced publicist (instead of having the studio hook him up with someone), so reality is not actually in play here.
Jack Scat
March 4th, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

Crock That’s it! The shadows are wrong. The whole thing never happened. It must have been done on an elaborate stage with artificial lighting. That isn’t a real desert! This is the definitive evidence pointing to Crock is a hoax, a conspiracy, a sham!

What? Oh, I guess I could have figured that out from the title of the strip.
Dartpaw86
March 4th, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

With Crock I think the joke is, the shadows. It’s just nonsense because lead guy’s shadow should be facing the same direction.
word-doctor
March 4th, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

Crock: I say this with trepidation knowing that folks on here are just waiting to pile on shouting “Dumbass!” But isn’t the flag an upside-down smile emoticon? [ducks]

MT: WHAT is going on here?

MT2: Dean Corll. Disturbing resonations.

Tiger: It’s not the music. Fuscia pants on a chunky 8 year old are never in tune with anything.

RM: “Surprise, honey! You’re going to be a big sister” [sotto voce] “My brother sells rubbers to sailors/My mom pokes the head with a pin…]
Hibbleton
March 4th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

MW: I think Toby’s about as interested in hearing the latest bit of Mary’s gossip as the rest of us and is just trying to change the subject. “But what about the soup, Mary? Please! Let’s talk about the soup! (sob).”

RMMD: Children are hard to draw. You have to make the head bigger in proportion to the body than when drawing an adult. When not done right, the results look weird, or down right eerie. Just sayin’.

A3G: In a cost saving maneuver, the producers are showing anything they have in the can and the hell with continuity. Tomorrow we’ll see Lu Ann wishing her pilot husband good luck on his next mission.
TheDiva
March 4th, 2013 at 9:48 am [Reply]

Crock: It’s a tribute to the classic Abbey Road cover, and the shadows are the clue that Mustache Guy has died and was replaced by a look-alike.

MW: Kindly soul that she is, Mary takes the trouble of circulating Tom Harpman’s personal information around the Charterstone community so he won’t have to. No need to thank her, Tom, she’s just doing what she does best.
bbofun
March 4th, 2013 at 9:48 am [Reply]

RMMD- But- but- Rex and june at Sea World? We’re not going to get to see that? You took months on their first day in San Diego, then dispose of their second day in a week? I want to see Rex have to perform an emergenct appendectomy on a dolphin! I want them to get a penguin as a reward! I want June to get soaked by Shamu in the “splash zone’ and have to walk around in a wet t-shirt the rest of the day!

Okay, actually, all I want is more of “Chez Strippers.” Is that so wrong? Ah, well- at least they did have that Sunday strip. Hey- and we finally got to see junior!

9CL- It just occurred to me- where are they right now- inside or outside? One would think outside, what with the cow and Sven being unlikely to be able to open a door at the moment- but look at what Juliette and the vet and sitting on. That does not look like a piece of outdoor furniture. Unless it’s suppose to be made of wicker?

LUANN- Yes, that’s right, Luann- your relationship is all about how to prove to Tiffany that you are superior to her. That’s healthy.
Pozzo
March 4th, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

No, Mary — he buries himself in work to avoid YOU.
Oregonian
March 4th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

@Dartpaw86 (#40): Yeah, but see, “nonsense” is not the same thing as “joke.” They’re different.

I’ve been trying to figure out the symbol on the soldier’s flag. I’ve narrowed it down to either a sickle or an upside-down J.
Nehemiah Scudder
March 4th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#35): Fulgent, effulgent, and refulgent!
seismic-2
March 4th, 2013 at 9:57 am [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#35): Ditto on Rustoleum!

FW: I can’t believe today’s strip didn’t have Harry Dinkle and Becky smirking about how it’s National Bandleaders Day, or a holiday for drum majors, or soemthing equally Crankshaftian.

JP: “So, Thalia, I hear your husband’s a real hunk! For an additional $10K a month, can I avail myself of his services too?”

A3G: “When you find you’ve written yourself into an awkward story line from which you can devise no satisfactory escape, simply declare it now to be “several weeks later”, sweep everything under the rug, and move on.” – Albert Camus, Handbook for Hacks
Nehemiah Scudder
March 4th, 2013 at 9:57 am [Reply]

@Oregonian (#46): I’ve been trying to figure out the symbol on the soldier’s flag.

No need to over-think it. This is the Lost Patrol. They have always been lost. They always will be lost. I think it’s just an upside-down “L”.
Nehemiah Scudder
March 4th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

Agnes: I think Agnes should be concerned with the compressive rather than the tensile strength of her neck. (Unless, of course, she hangs upside down, like a bat, a lot.)

Crock: Heh. Best Crock dialog, ever!

DT: What the minced oath is an apparatus gang?

Eek!: Don’t feel bad. He-Man felt the same way.

Heathcliff: It’s funny because he’s psychologically disturbed, on his last life, and his doctor is insane.

Piranha Club: Could be worse. The only song I can sing is “Bile them Cabbage Down”.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
March 4th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

hrm. Yahoo has some comics stuck on Sunday. (or Saturday in the case of R&R) That’s why I have GoComics, after all!

PBS: yes, yes it is. (if Pastis lived on the other coast, it would have been a possum, not a ‘dillo.)

Bizarro: goes into Plugger territory, just without the fur.

RMMD: oi! Abby has been hit with a shrink ray!!!
Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

@Hibbleton (#42): RMMD: Children are hard to draw. You have to make the head bigger in proportion to the body than when drawing an adult. When not done right, the results look weird, or down right eerie. Just sayin’.

It’s Emmy Award-winning actor Peter Dinklage from “Game of Thrones” making his first foray into a soap strip.
Leonard
March 4th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

JP – This is too easy…
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
March 4th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

Love Is . . .bringing the backseat to him.
Uncle Lumpy
March 4th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#35):

Ha! — Boron!
Voshkod
March 4th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

Sadly, Crock‘s one and only spinoff, Fear and Loathing and the Lost Patrol, had to be cancelled after the controversial peyote strips.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 4th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

Cut Toby some slack. How sad could you be for a divorced person if you were married to Ian.
Cloudbuster
March 4th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

Die Hard as interpreted by Margaret Shulock, the writer of Apartment 3-G:

Hans Gruber: Pay ze ransom or ve vill kill everyvone in ze buildink!

John McClain: Golly! I have no shoes and I am hidden in the ductwork! Can there be some way I can thwart these criminals?

Suddenly, several months later

Holly McClain: John, it was amazing how you rescued me and all the blue people from the evil Euro-Trash kidnappers!

John McClane Yes, Holly, I just kept thinking of you. And Roy Rogers.

The End
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
March 4th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#35): These are the only ones of which the news has come to Ha’vard,
And there may be many others, but they haven’t been discavard.

*piano tinkles*
Calvin's Cardboard Box
March 4th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

@Oregonian (#46):

It’s an “L”, for “Lost Patrol”.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 4th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

MT: “Yeah, about this kid I tied up with nylon rope and tossed in the lake to drown. Took about three minutes total. Weirdest thing, he didn’t struggle even a little. It’s almost like in that pea-size brain of his he always knew it would end like this.”

WofI: Once the king sees the ledger, Spook will be getting a new roommate.

C-Shaft: Just tell the court you panicked and sprayed the old man in the face. The jury will understand.

Archie: This must be a reprint from before caller ID was commonly available. Or at least I sincerely hope it is.

RMMD: Heather determinedly stares at nothing in the distance and intones “That’s because we are old friends.” Try to say it like you mean it and maybe Sarah won’t probe your mind.

GA: Rufus has already promised half of his inheritance to Joel. Now he’s giving the preacher 10k. Obviously, it will go on like this. Becky’s look of alarm is due to grasping that her husband –to-be is an idiot and will continue to be a pauper.

H&L: This is Hi and Chip we’re talking about. It’s the very definition of light reading.

DT: “Dirty my hands.” “Gotten Doubleup off once.” Dick Tracy saw all the homoerotic fun Spider-Man was having last year so they brought in Unmarked Lex Luthor and his, ahem, hands on management style.

FC: The urgent need to delete his browser history suddenly hits Bil.

SSmith: No, Low’eezy, I’m afraid that petrified cow intestine you found in the neighbor’s yard won’t be more efficient at all.

H&J: “Excuse us. We mean ‘a long instrumental piece by that group that was around in the sixties.’”

A3G: Margo is relieved that Evan’s trial is over. When interesting events happen on-panel it distracts from her outfits.
bunivasal
March 4th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

The Loch Ness arm of the French Foreign legion has meticulous class separation; as they march through the Mustard Desert, the sergeant is so detached from his men that even his shadow feels it must be apart from the rank-and-file shadows.
TheDiva
March 4th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

New Musical Hell Review is up! See what happens when the guy behind James Bond tries to write a kid’s story in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!

9CL: If it weren’t for the two solid weeks of stupid that came before it, this strip might actually be kind of funny.

A3G: Wow, Evan confessed, was tried and convicted all in the space of a few weeks? All the fast, interesting stuff happens off-panel in this strip.

C’shaft: Go on, give him a face full of spray paint. You know you want to.

FW: So much for the fabled Westview band: the ensemble consists of two trumpets, a clarinet, a tuba, and three kids with no instruments whatsoever.

GT: So, the moral is…it’s okay to mislead people and use their faith to your own ends, as long as you win basketball games?

Luann: There you have it, folks. Quill and Luann are dating for the sole purpose of hurting Tiffany. Aren’t they just the cutest couple?

MT: “Is it how to go fishing? Mark always promises to take me fishing, but he never does….”

Pibgorn: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn’t it? [/John Cleese]

SM: Well, that’s one way to get a restraining order on him.
Little Guy
March 4th, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

JP: I look forward the confrontation between Sam and the heavily litigious cult (if this is where it is going). I expect them to look in horror at their drained bank accounts and assets while Sam asks “Shall I repeat the question?”
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 4th, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#35): That was beautiful. Thank you.
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#59): Arsenic is an element, of course. One sometimes used for poisoning pigeons in the park.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
March 4th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

JP – Well, now we know why this married (to a hunk!) dcotor has decided to fly to America with a college student she just recently met and visit her parents. She has heard that the water in the Spencer Kompound has a stimulative effect on the growth of certain female secondary sex characteristics. Give her two weeks, and she will be sporting a bosom to match every other Judge Parker female character.
Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#49): I think it’s just an upside-down “L”.

And here I was thinking it was a backward “7″ — as in “seven-league boots.” Or “the seven deadly sins” (three of whom have managed to wander away during the decades-long march).
BrutusJ
March 4th, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

So I was determined to find out what the logical thought that must exist behind this Crock was, so i googled “crock comic shadows” among other things (like “am i going mad”). The rabbit hole i proceeded to go down has led me to the following theory: I think this Crock is a clue to an elaborate plan. Bear with me here. Crock is the story of a military unit, a “corps”, perhaps, that all wear green. I believe Crock is actually Crusher Crock, also known as the Sportsmaster, a DC villian who is a member of… wait for it… the League of Shadows. After Dick Tracy forced their hand with the reveal that they’re turning into a Batman comic, Crock is announcing its resurrection as a Green Lantern comic.
Mikey
March 4th, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

MW: Did he like my soup? DID HE LIKE MY SOUP? Of COURSE he liked my soup! I’m Mary FREAKIN’ Worth!
Uncle Lumpy
March 4th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

Convinced that Mary Worth is a soup opera strip, Toby tries to get the plot back on track.
Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#65): Tom Lehrer’s “Poisoning Pigeons in the Park” was playing in my head as I was reading your post:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhuMLpdnOjY
Bill Murray
March 4th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

@Drewbear (#10): If you’re not sure who’s getting tormented in Crock, you’re probably the one getting tormented. Just like every other Crock strip
Lloyd S.
March 4th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

You do realize that even more than usual. today’s Crock is a violation of all laws of nature and physics. Clearly the only Crock “character” that’s allowed to throw his shadow the wrong way is Vermin T. Crock himself. This presumptuous squad leader will shortly find himself locked in the dreaded solitary prison cube, there to waste away until not even the vultures show any interest in his bones…
Mibbitmaker
March 4th, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

Crock: What joke? It’s merely an attempt at more Dada, like the Heathcliff/pipe/pet store panel. I never said it was particularly good Dada….

MW: Finally, Toby gets to something that really matters!

Blondie: I actually like the bank name. It’s almost disappointing that it ties in to the joke.
Lawyerbob
March 4th, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

MW: This conversation only makes sense if it’s the near future, and Toby is an experimental android that Mary is beta testing. “Hmm, the hand gestures need work. And the emotional interaction matrix is definitely full of glitches. But at least it likes soup.”
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 4th, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

@TheDiva (#43):

It’s a tribute to the classic Abbey Road cover, and the shadows are the clue that Mustache Guy has died and was replaced by a look-alike.

There’s an urban legend that if you read any installment of Crock backwards, it makes just as much sense as it does reading it forwards.
Dartpaw86
March 4th, 2013 at 10:28 am [Reply]

@Oregonian (#46):

I agree. I was just trying to analyse as to what the creator was likely trying to imply since I couldn’t figure out what the heck was going on.
The Right Venerable Pasdordan
March 4th, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

The Amazing Spider-Man: When somebody asks (and they will) when this strip finally, permanently, went into the crapper, tell them it wasn’t when the clown showed up, or the putatively-heterosexual animal trainer, but when the lawyers got involved. Lots of thrilling motions and estoppel ahead, kids!

Apt. 3-G: Margobot says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Let’s try again. Say the name of the person you’re trying to reach, or enter their extension in the keypad, followed by the pound sign.”

Snuffy Smith: At first, I’d have thought that Loweezy would go all Michele Bachmann on the lamps issue, but then I realized something even stranger: this is probably the most up-to-date tech joke I’ve seen in the funny papers in a year. Who knew the hillbillies would be fronting the curve?

9 Chickweed Lane: Dear Brooke: when a character says “I never thought I’d hear myself saying x,” it works a lot better if x is something remotely plausible, not a made-up bit of fantasy.

Example: “Dear, I think the kid has been shoving food down the heat vents…There’s a line I never thought I’d hear myself say,” not “Dear, the space aliens from Ziggy have landed on top of your car…There’s a line I never thought I’d hear myself say.”

Sincerely yours, the Creative Writing 101 Faculty

Cul de Sac: Take notes, Brooke. This is how you make humor out of improbable statements.

Things I never want to hear in Dick Tracy: “I’ve already gotten ___ off once!”

Garfield: We all are, Jon, we all are.

Herman: Okay, I laughed, especially after Mrs Pastor told me that my toast-chewing habits were gross this morning.

Judge Parker: I was going to make a joke about not going into today’s strip without proper eye protection, but what non-four-eyes reads this strip? Just close your traps, mouth-breathers: you’re not going to get that lucky.

Mark Trail: And so begins another story of unfulfilled promise.

Mary Worth: It’s kind of fun to have Mary Worth directly under Mark Trail today. MT’s all sturm-und-drang OMFG I’M GONNA KILL YOU KID, and Toby’s all like, Meh, been there. So how’d Tom like the soup?

Sinfest: MAJICOU AND COMMODORE JOHN DO NOT READ
seismic-2
March 4th, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

I think the joke in Crock is that the Lost Patrol is so far lost that even the direction of the shadows is no help in finding where they are or which way they’re headed. However, I think that the instability of the sun’s position is in fact an important clue that will let them determine their location. We’ll know for sure tonight. If the full moon rises over the horizon and then suddenly jumps from one part of the sky to another, that will mean they are getting close to Santa Royale.
The Right Venerable Pasdordan
March 4th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

My guess: today’s Crock is some weird sort of Ernie Kovacs-style meta-humor: the joke is in our trying to figure out what the joke is. The joke’s us, man, the joke’s us.
The Right Venerable Pasdordan
March 4th, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#79): Here I thought you were headed for: We’ll know for sure tonight. If the moon rises over lions and vultures feasting on their bloodied corpses…

But sure, Santa Royale. Don’t want to deny you going to the dark side or anything.
Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

@The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#78): Sinfest: Please add me to your list, Pasdordan. (Too many angles — and not enough Jackson Browne!)
The Right Venerable Pasdordan
March 4th, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#82): ? Happy to add you to the list, but the Jackson Browne reference whooshes me…
Nehemiah Scudder
March 4th, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#35): One more “trace” element for your collection.
sully
March 4th, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

Soup? I’m still trying to figure out how the old bag poured 10 gallons of soup from a medium-size saucepan into a normal-size bowl, but then again, there is nothing else to think about in the most glacially-moving thing since the Spider-Bore missile.
Amos Snarkadder
March 4th, 2013 at 10:53 am [Reply]

@Uncle Lumpy (#70): *snicker*
Nehemiah Scudder
March 4th, 2013 at 10:53 am [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#61): Archie: This must be a reprint from before caller ID was commonly available. Or at least I sincerely hope it is.

Late eighties maybe. Programmable rings for landlines became available.
Mooncattie
March 4th, 2013 at 10:53 am [Reply]

Crock: I read it as the fellow at the rear is on his first desert march, so he’s carrying a Learner’s Permit similar to the big L sticker novice drivers overseas have on their vehicles before they pass their final test. Unfortunately, that makes this the funniest Crock I’ve ever read, so that can’t be right.
S. Stout
March 4th, 2013 at 10:53 am [Reply]

Crock: I think we can all agree, bad joke or not, this is the most anyone has ever talked about Crock. Crock without dialogue could rival Garfield without Garfield.

Luann: Now that it’s been proven they don’t flash each other, Quill stays up till 2 AM every night to listen to Luann bitch about Tiffany. Fun!
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
March 4th, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#65): it just takes a smidgen. . . .
Little Guy
March 4th, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

MT: Great. Now we’re in Chris Hansen territory.
gleeb
March 4th, 2013 at 10:56 am [Reply]

Slylock: Was he munching malted milk balls or red herring? And what species of animal was the prisoner? These things are important.

3-G: Thank goodness, we’ll be saved exciting courtroom drama. Though Evan probably plead guilty to a lesser charge.

‘shaft: You interfering fool! Kamedov hid the black bird in that tree and Gutman means to have it!

‘bean: Say, did you know Owen the Idiot is an idiot? You did, huh? Well, have some more, then. I never read this strip back when folks say it was occasionally funny, because it always seemed to be band crap. But was teenaged Funky this much of a zero?

Neddy’s Bosom Pal: Wow, after an overnight that only took 4 days, Neddy juts into view.

Phantom: Awww!

Between Fiends: The luggage review saga was too dramatic to be contained in one week’s run of strips.

Dick: Aw, crap. We’re going to have more Doubleup and his annoying verbal shtick.

Keef Life: Ooh, there’s going to be some trenchant political stuff coming up, I’m sure.

Mark: Finally Rusty will be able to multiply fractions!

Rex: Heather knows better than to presume to sit at the same table as Sarah.

Spidey: And if you want the amazing Spider-Man’s help, look up a licensed psychiatrist.
The Right Venerable Pasdordan
March 4th, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

@Little Guy (#91): Haha! Look what happens when you google “Chris Hansen…”
commodorejohn
March 4th, 2013 at 10:59 am [Reply]

Ha ha, the joke’s on Dagwood, for thinking that cash will be good for anything but snorting cocaine from once the System collapses! No, gold is where it’s at – just ask any unwashed, doomsday-theorist hermit! (Also, the banking system is run by the Illuminati reptilian space Jews.)
pugfuggly
March 4th, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

@Amos Snarkadder (#33):

Toby, why would you even ask such a question? That’s it! No soup for you!”

“Anyhow, I brought him some soup, asked about his dead wife, yadd-yadda-yadda, so I had to change into this sweatsuit.”

@TheDiva (#63):

FW: So much for the fabled Westview band: the ensemble consists of two trumpets, a clarinet, a tuba, and three kids with no instruments whatsoever.

Hey, that’s the famous Westview Band Clapping Section. They have to work extra hard because the band director doesn’t like them for some weird reason…

@S. Stout (#89):

Now that it’s been proven they don’t flash each other, Quill stays up till 2 AM every night to listen to Luann bitch about Tiffany. Fun!

…which works out great, since Quill has a weird fetish for girls bitching about other girls and not flashing their bits over the internet. Quite common in Australia, actually….
Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

@The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#83): I was making a pun. “Too Many Angels” is a Jackson Browne song. (I know, not funny…)

@Little Guy (#91): I already live in Carl Hiaasen territory, so there’s no need to get Chris Hansen involved.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 4th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#17): Without getting too far into whether today’s 9CL is funny – relative to the last two weeks it is – it’s within the realm of comic exaggeration. There’s a cartoon tradition of characters suddenly noticing impossible things going on. Think of Wile E. Coyote going six feet over the edge of a cliff, seeing the drop below him, and succumbing to gravity after that.

//I like to show Brooke that I’m tough, but fair.
Voshkod
March 4th, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

@The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#78): Is Sinfest funny anymore? It seems to have morphed into the anti-Cerebus.
Uncle Lumpy
March 4th, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

@pugfuggly (#95):

Luann — A guy who is satisfied with a fake virtual girlfriend probably thinks a fake virtual catfight is teh hawt.
Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
March 4th, 2013 at 11:13 am [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#4): I have not yet had my morning tea, so I read that as “Big Ass Fishing Tournament.” This produced a very strange mental image.
Uncle Lumpy
March 4th, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#100):

“Big Ass Fishing Tournament.”

Do not think about the lures do not think about the lures!
Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
March 4th, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#17): As several of us noted, the woman never wears a prosthesis, and since she’s never even discussed the possibility it’s unlikely she will, so gosh darn it, why not take a batch of shirts to the tailor? If nothing else it would save time in the morning; rolling and pinning a sleeve one handed cannot be that easy to do.
Will
March 4th, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#17): I was thinking about the sleeve, too. Why not liven things up and tie a helium balloon to it or something?

MT: So, given a choice between being busted for rigging a sportfishing contest or committing a couple of serious felonies like assault and kidnapping, Mr. Catfish thought this was the right way to go?
The Right Venerable Pasdordan
March 4th, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

@Voshkod (#98): Episodically. I find myself looking forward to the often-wondrous Sunday panels.
Peanut Gallery
March 4th, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#84): (slaps forehead) Of course!
Calvin's Cardboard Box
March 4th, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#97): @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#78):

Yes, it is within the realm of comic exaggeration. My point was that if you accept it because it is merely Comic Exaggeration, you are not allowed to then make a joke about how ridiculously implausible the situation is – see also Pastordan’s comment.
Mibbitmaker
March 4th, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

Crank: No, it means the tree is marked for death! …To keep Battyland continually depressing.

Lockhorns: Revenge for an elderly, hackneyed joke.

Luann: “…I’m rethinking my ‘fave Yank’ comment…”

MT: It’s hilarious that Rusty is being easily subdued by those tiny little arms!

Glibporn: Rule of female fighting portrayals: Must use kicks all the time. This rule was devised by male foot fetishists.

RMMD: Stupid, stupid England!!!
Calvin's Cardboard Box
March 4th, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#102):

I wonder how many clothes she ends up ruining because she tosses the shirt into the washer with the pins still attached?
Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
March 4th, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

@Uncle Lumpy (#101): Too late. It’s also now hard not thinking about what, exactly, Catfish is up to with that scuba gear…
Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
March 4th, 2013 at 11:23 am [Reply]

Regarding Crock, I think the “joke” consists entirely of “Hey, we’re drunk and haven’t drawn a strip for this week yet.” “Well, let’s just stick some weird shadows in it. It’s not like they ever read the thing before printing it.” “Alright, man!”
Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
March 4th, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

@Will (#103): Why not liven things up

I believe the answer to that question is: Funky Winkerbean. Nothing more cheerful than a cynical smirk is allowed.

(Poor balloon – I can imagine that most balloons in a FW universe last maybe half an hour before becoming a sad, droopy, partially deflated blob. At least, if they don’t fly off to choke an endangered sea turtle first.)
Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 11:33 am [Reply]

Mark Trail — “I’m going to teach you a lesson!”

After pouring the contents of one of Winnie the Pooh’s honey pots all over Rusty, CLINT HOWARD lets his pet bear “Gentle Ben” lick the Trail kid to death.

http://www.wearysloth.com/Gallery/ActorsH/8261-25891.gif

You folks DO know what I’m talking about, don’t you? “Gentle Ben” was a 1960s television series starring Ron Howard’s younger, less successful brother, Clint…

((mutter mutter))
Shrug, Ya Sure
March 4th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

@Mr. O’Malley (#y173):

Classic joke:

Young reporter goes into a bar in Minneapolis and finds out that his hero, Drew Pearson is there. Where is he? He just went to the men’s room. He rushes there and knocks on the locked door.

“Excuse me, are you Drew Pearson?”
From inside: “No, I yoost started.”

*****************
Bank president in Minnesota meets young new employee and asks where he’d gotten his training:

“Yale.”

“That’s very impressive! And, let’s see, what was your name again?”

“Yonson.”
Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
March 4th, 2013 at 11:44 am [Reply]

@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#102): No it’s not easy, but if you want to make the fashion statement “Hey! I only have one arm!” it’s necessary.
pugfuggly
March 4th, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

@Uncle Lumpy (#99):

A guy who is satisfied with a fake virtual girlfriend probably thinks a fake virtual catfight is teh hawt.

If only there was some hip daily comic write who would illustrate such things and post them for the world to see!
The Right Venerable Pasdordan
March 4th, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#106): For the same reason, you can either parody a cultural form or fulfill its requirements, not both: it isn’t funny if you have it both ways.
Jocelyn Knockersbury
March 4th, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

Crock: I submit that Josh was right in the first place, and though the shadows are facing in different directions, there was still no joke attempt made. Although if I squint a little, those shadows seem to spell F-U-C-K, which I would accept as a joke-shaped sort of thing.
The Right Venerable Pasdordan
March 4th, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

@pugfuggly (#115): Ah, said hip daily comic writer would only turn into a raging feminist at some point, so why bother?
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
March 4th, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

proud momdog.

bear cavalry? it gets worse.

what we were expecting in Phantom.

otter plays with portals .

kewt cardi pups.

bucket o corg.

faerie steed art . (teh awesome.)

if faeries ride corgies, then what do corgis ride?
debussy fields
March 4th, 2013 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

MT– Is it Groundhog Day? Again?
Marc
March 4th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#102): Pinning up Becky’s sleeve is the closest Comic Book John comes to getting any.
seismic-2
March 4th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#112): Actually, Rusty himself always reminded me a bit of Clint Howard, not because they look like each other (they really don’t) but simply because they both look so different from everyone else. Clint was in his element playing the alien “Balok” in Star Trek, and I always felt that Rusty was designed to play one too.

My favorite line about Clint Howard was from brother Ron’s flick Night Shift, where Clint plays a frat boy who rents a hearse to take him and a hooker to a party. Mortuary supervisor Henry Winkler protests, “That hearse is intended to carry dead people!”, and Michael Keaton replies, “Did you get a look at that kid?”
Nehemiah Scudder
March 4th, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

Speaking of the non-joke in Crock, how about a cheer for the non-joke in Barney Google? It’s like Brookins kindly lent John Rose his reject collection. “Out of ideas? Here, John, maybe you can use some of these. Here’s one. I figured even Pluggers would prefer an electric light to a kerosene lantern, but it might work for Hootin’ Holler.”
Shrug of the Fab Four(eign Legion)
March 4th, 2013 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#76):

And the walrus was Grossie.
Liam
March 4th, 2013 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

FW-Mr. Baituk, they are called comic strips and they are supposed to be funny but they aren’t funny. Can you explain why they aren’t funny. Please take a week to give us a partial history of the comic strip but don’t use that week to explain why it isn’t funny.
Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
March 4th, 2013 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

I love how Mary always convinces people to speak to her confidentially, then goes and blurts out all their confidences to Toby.
bats :[
March 4th, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

MW: Tom “Harpman” –> Angel –> Tom will die soon.
How do you *THINK* her soup is, Toby, you nitwit?
bourbon babe, unbuckled
March 4th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#35): Excellent!
Stroker Ace
March 4th, 2013 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

Crank – Old fart + new hire = mace in Crank’s face.
Marc
March 4th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth- I don’t know what exactly Mary and Toby are doing in their monochrome tracksuits, but I refuse to believe that Mary Worth has the physical ability to run.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
March 4th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

@Marc (#130): Bozoid hip replacement.

*goes and gouges brain out with a spoon*
Mysterious shirtless lawyer
March 4th, 2013 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

You’re so busy making fun of Mary Worth that you totally forgot to notice her fabulous, high-fashion scarf. How many aging busybodies know how to accessorize like Mary? Damn few!
seismic-2
March 4th, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

@Marc (#121): Yep – note that Becky makes Skunkhead John sleep on the side next to the pinned-up sleeve, so when he rolls over towards her, he gets stabbed.
Uncle Lumpy
March 4th, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth: So Mary advises Tom Harpman, “It’s good to have personal happiness … Don’t deny yourself!” — the precise opposite of her approach to Delilah’s abortive dalliance with Charley Smith. Let’s watch now as Mary destroys a cake, tells Wilbur to shut the hell up about his goddamn boat ride, kills a dog, and hands out bottles of Muscatel to the degenerates lurking behind the Santa Royale Women’s Shelter.
I speak Jive
March 4th, 2013 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#102): Maybe the shirts ARE tailored, with the sleeves permanently pinned up.

What is with her hair? It looks puffier or thicker than it did. Is it to distinguish her from every other female who looks like a teenage boy?
Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#122): I always wondered if Clint Howard, Rusty Trail and the late Elijah Cook, Junior were somehow related:

http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20060221171327/memoryalpha/en/images/b/b1/SamuelCogley.jpg
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 4th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

@Shrug of the Fab Four(eign Legion) (#124):
I told you ’bout the fool on the hill,
I tell you man, it’s Figowitz still.
Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#133): After their tumultuous honeymoon, John will be forever known as “Pin Cushion Man”!
Downpuppy
March 4th, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

Rusty has been kidnapped twice a year for the last 50 years, right?
You’d think there would be a learning curve. Haven’t any of these clowns read The Ransom of Red Chief?
Calvin's Cardboard Box
March 4th, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

Drew Pearson Jokes – Why that name for the jokes? When I hear the name Drew Pearson, I do think of Minnesota, but I imagine most residents who are old enough have the same negative connotations, related to the famous Hail Mary playoff game between the Vikings and Cowboys back in 1975:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hail_Mary_(American_football_game)
Victory Garden
March 4th, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

MW: Toby is too young for this retirement community — what is she even doing there? Oh wait, her husband is like 80. NM.
Old Folkie
March 4th, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

@bbofun (#38): Ah – I missed the “one month later.” But still, as you say, our judicial system doesn’t work that fast – plus, why didn’t we get to see the trial? No courtroom clip art available?
Deniselle
March 4th, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

Crock: Is that not an upside-down J in the flag? Could that mean Josh? Could this comic in fact be saying: “Go ahead Josh, try and snark at THIS”?

But since I seem to be the only one who sees the upside down J, maybe it’s a hidden message from God to me.
Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
March 4th, 2013 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#140): At least in the first joke, it’s because “are you Drew Pearson?,” said in the appropriate accent, sounds like “are you through pissing?”

(I had to dredge up some long-forgotten Minnesota humor to figure it out.)
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
March 4th, 2013 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

MT — another fishing tourney scandal! http://www.9news.com/rss/story.aspx?storyid=320677
Dr. Rocky Kevorkian
March 4th, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

Momma — The doctor gets a look of disapproval on his face while he thinks of Momma’s children “neglecting” her yet again. Lighten up, doc… there’s always EUTHANASIA!

http://www.creators.com/comics/momma.html
Liam
March 4th, 2013 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

Crock-”Are we dead yet?” “No.” “Are we dead yet?” “No.” “Are we dead yet?” “No.”

FW-”That’s too bad. Everyone should be married. There should be no single people except for that girl who has eyes for her father.”
Alter Ego
March 4th, 2013 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

love is… planning to run him down with your car.

JP – “Welcome, Dr. Clearing. Do you not have enormous knockers? That’s going to cause a bit of confusion.”
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
March 4th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

that would be mine. . . .

nice try.

Love Is . . ..
The Master
March 4th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

MW: Josh, are you kidding? Tom spilled his guts because Mary put ipecac in the soup.
Dennis Jimenez
March 4th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

Crock – No joke? Why, the very sun itself is “joshing” with us today….
Oregonian
March 4th, 2013 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

@Deniselle (#143):

I seem to be the only one who sees the upside down J

I saw the same thing earlier this morning, but Nehemiah Scudder claims that he sees an upside-down “L.” His alphabet must be different from ours.
Ratiocinator
March 4th, 2013 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

@Cloudbuster (#34): AHNONONONONOOOOOOO!

@Mikey (#69): Damn straight!
Peanut Gallery
March 4th, 2013 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

Crock – Everyone missed the ominous little detail. Take a look at the signature. “Zucchini”! This strip was drawn by the invading zucchini from yesterday’s Ziggy!!
Girl Reporter
March 4th, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

@pugfuggly (#26): When I was growing up, Mother Girl Reporter had a Hawaiian maid named WhatamI.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
March 4th, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#154): Another portent of the apocalypse… Ziggy is wearing pants.
Fourth Bear
March 4th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#50): In Dick Tracy the Apparatus is the big Organized Crime group, like the Mafia. They are run like a big corporation and represented by the kind of shadowy, impersonal silhouetted figures seen here. While they often bankroll the villains of the comic strip, they also are fond of violently ending said villains when they become a liability.
Northern lurker
March 4th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

I’m gonna pick some nits here.
MW: so Toby gets her exercise walking with an old crone? Shouldn’t she have a personal with a six pack and plastic boobs?
JP: Abby addresses Dr Cleary. Given this person is a friend of Neddy’s isn’t it likely she would just call her Thalia?
Calico
March 4th, 2013 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

Blondie – I hope Dag has a big plastic lockbox with birdseed in it, where he hide all that cash.
Just keep the key away from your shopaholic wife Blondie!
Calico
March 4th, 2013 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

@Crossover Chick (#37Yesterthread):
He wants his wife to keel over from a massive MI, so he can collect her life insurance policy, and give half to Marm in bones and fresh meat so Marm will not in turn kill Luther.
Inexplicable Bear Tongue
March 4th, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

MW: Know this has probably been referenced in this thread, but I love, LOVE, how Mary immediately runs off after talking to the guy to blab his personal details to someone else, and how Moy and Giella are completely oblivious to how rude and uncouth Mary is for doing this.

MT: And the compounding begins! This is a common mistake amongst Mark Trail antagonists. They’ll murder someone to cover up a jaywalking. Hey… what’s the guy’s name? Grouper? Hey Grouper! Great idea! What’s your ultimate plan for getting rid of the small human monstrosity you’re now kidnapping? You can’t simply let him go now that you’ve committed a felony! Obviously, you must kill him or sell him into slavery to cover up that you were cheating in a fishing contest. Or maybe you could combine the two by killing him and selling his parts for medical experiments! Yes, that’s truly the best way to deal with a child seeing that you might be cheating in a fishing contest!
Majicou
March 4th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

FW: Trumpets don’t sit in the front row. Students desperate to avoid playing music don’t sign up for band as an elective. A concert band needs more than 7 people. The bass clef behind One-Arm is backward. Batiuk doesn’t actually know a fucking thing about music.

Love is… of the radar variety.

@The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#78): Now, you know I HAVE to read Sinfest if you say that.
Caphi
March 4th, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

What Toby actually means: “Yes, he has deep psychological issues just like everyone else in this hellhole. But does he worship you enough to deserve your meddling?”
Right Venerable Pasdordan
March 4th, 2013 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

@Majicou (#162): Mwahahaha!!
Anonymous
March 4th, 2013 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

@Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#161): Given that this story began with Mary saying aloud that Tom must have very good reasons for keeping to himself even as she plotted to invade his privacy, this is hardly any worse. Google has nothing on Mary Worth.

By the way, as a vegan recluse, I find this storyline particularly offensive. If she had shown up at my door buzzing and buzzing away in order to present me with a bowl of the steaming entrails of some tortured bird, she’d be lucky not to crawl home blinded with second degree burns. (Unless said bird was a character from Shoe, in which case I would thank her before slamming the door in her face.)
Horace Broon
March 4th, 2013 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

A3G: “I know it’s over and I’m glad of that”, says Margo, referring to a plot that for the past week or so has progressed entirely during massive timeskips between strips. Seldom has the authorial voice been more obvious.

ASM: “Yo”? Oh, God, someone told Stan about the nineties…

DT: Protip: If a lawyer says he doesn’t want to “dirty his hands” with known criminals, explaining that they’re definitely guilty is unlikely to change his mind.

RMMD: “That’s because we are old friends! Please don’t wish me into the cornfield!”

Retail: We’re still doing this, are we? Also, does that even happen?
Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

Scary Gary — I always knew Leopold was a sadistic bully and something of
a d**k head. Now we can add “tosser” (literally) to the list. (Do NOT look at today’s “Gary” if you’re a dog lover!)
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 4th, 2013 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

@Horace Broon (#166): Yo! Daredevil Raps!
Barfy's Rotting Corpse
March 4th, 2013 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

My god Dennis the Menace has become even more un-menacing over the past few days. Not only has he turned off the TV when his mom asked him to, but now he’s making dull ‘kids with their cellphones’ jokes.

Early 50?s Dennis is shaking his truly menacing head for sure.
Sam\'s Rotting Corpse
March 4th, 2013 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

@Barfy’s Rotting Corpse (#169): You made the same “Dennis” comment at 12:41 am this morning. I’m the Alpha dog in this family, so knock it off, Barfy’s Rotting Corpse!
Calico
March 4th, 2013 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

@Liam (#6):
Yes, this one was weird and inaccurate. Out of form for the Weber camp, esp. considering the CO incident.
Calico
March 4th, 2013 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

@Barfy’s Rotting Corpse (#169):
I have a copy of an awesome comic book from the 60′s, “Dennis the Menace in Mexico.”
That kid almost brought down the entire country, I tells ya. If I feel so inclined I will scan it soon and post it on Flickr.
Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#168): A “yo” is a yo-yo that’s been sawed in half. And it’s totally useless for anything — like Spider-Man.
Cartoonacy
March 4th, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

Crock: I dunno, it seems pretty clear to me, and I don’t even read Crock very often. But I do recognize the Lost Patrol, who have been trying to find their way back to camp almost since the strip began. Today’s strip is supposed to show the reason that they’ve been lost so long. To their leader, the sun rises in the west and sets in the east.
Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

Mandrake — I think I’ve found the miscreant responsible for Monday’s Crock:

http://www.oregonlive.com/comics-kingdom/?feature_id=Mandrake&feature_date=2013-03-04
The Rotting Corpse of Dead Saint Lisa
March 4th, 2013 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

We rotting corpses should be setting an example to the living, rather than fighting among ourselves!
The Left Arm of Becky Howard
March 4th, 2013 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

@The Rotting Corpse of Dead Saint Lisa (#176): Right on, sister!
bats :[
March 4th, 2013 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

Yeah, I’m out of the loop for a little while, and the usual happens. O that there were some other way!
KreatureFeatures
March 4th, 2013 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#35): Titanium did not disappoint.
LP2004
March 4th, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

MW:
Mary – His divorce from two years ago weighs heavily on him.
Toby – That’s too bad. Did he like your soup?
Mary – …and then his house and everything he owned was destroyed by a tornado…
Toby – Mmm-hmm. Yeah, I’m sure that was terrible. But what about the soup?
Mary – …but the worst thing was when his parents and two sisters were incinerated in a horrible head-on collision with a fuel truck…
Toby – C’MON, MARY, FOCUS ON WHAT’S IMPORTANT! DID HE LIKE THE DAMN SOUP?!
KreatureFeatures
March 4th, 2013 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#178): I normally never say this: ROFL.
bats :[
March 4th, 2013 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

And a little more loopiness. (Honestly, I’ll be so ashamed of you all if *someone* didn’t mention this…)
Droopy Says
March 4th, 2013 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

@Downpuppy (#139): Mark Trail’s learning curve has flatlined.

I’ll confess that this development took me by surprise. First, this is much too soon for the Rusty-stealing action. We needed at least another month to be sure Mr. Catfish and Mr. Bassy are the villains. Next, I really thought Rusty would wander into the forest to discover the true evil villainy of Catfish feeding the fishes to Bassy’s lure. That would segue into Trail using his outdoorsman knowledge to realize that Rusty is missing (“Where is Rusty with the photographs that he promised to take for my article?”) and to find Rusty (“The van that stole Rusty must be on the only dirt road that goes into the forest!”). Instead he’s going to see the dropped camera in the parking lot, and then someone else will tell him that Rod Bassy and Catfish parked their van at that spot. Of course nobody will have seen Rusty have his Milkcarton Moment.
Droopy Says
March 4th, 2013 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#167): Come on, Leopold is just having a long-distance game with Heathcliff.
bbofun
March 4th, 2013 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

@Anonymous (#165): Have to say, if your response to someone trying to help you, who simply didn’t know your particular culinary preferences, would be to violently reject her, rather than saying “thank you for the gesture, but I’m a vegan,’ well, you’re the reason people have a bad opinion of vegans. (I, myself, have a good opinion of vegans, as I know several and they are lovely people. On the other hand, I work at a dinner theater, and our food is served on a buffet. We have had vegans complain that not every dish is vegan-friendly, even though several are- and we’re willing to make dishes for any dietary needs, given notice. Some people don’t realize that making a vegan meal from scratch isn’t something a kitchen can do.)
Droopy Says
March 4th, 2013 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

Feeble Funky: I just realized that when Asshat asked about overtures, he meant. “Shouldn’t it happen when the show is over?” It’s taken me most of the day to figure out that Batiuk meant this as a pun, and not just an excuse for another week of text. I’m quite pleased with myself for missing Batiuk’s “humor.”
Droopy Says
March 4th, 2013 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

@Cartoonacy (#174): Or that the Lost Patrol’s leader is so screwed up he can’t even cast his shadow in the right direction. I thought it was funny. There has also been a fresh plague of locusts in Egypt. I’m sure there’s a connection.
Cyranetta
March 4th, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

MW: Is there any chance that Mary and Toby will somehow morph soup-concerns into a scheme to bring Tom Harpman and Dawn Weston into each other’s orbit?
Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

@Mibbitmaker (#107): RMMD: Stupid, stupid England!!!

Between Tom Lehrer’s Poisoning Pigeons in the Park* and Roger Miller’s England Swings (Like a Pendulum Do), I’ve had earworms in my head all day.

*@Artist formerly known as Ben (#65)
Majicou
March 4th, 2013 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

@Droopy Says (#186): It’s common in classical music not to wonder why an overture comes at the beginning, because most people know how words work, but rather why some composers wrote overtures that didn’t come before anything. Again, I call bullshit on Batiuk.
Anonymous
March 4th, 2013 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

Toby serves the function of a one woman Greek chorusn and represents all of us and our cluelessness in the face of the awesomeness of Mary. Too many forget when Toby debuted in the strip in the 80s she was a student who had married her generation-older professor. The rest of Santa Royal was ready to burn her as a shore of Babylon because she revealed her weirdness by marrying the old fart and her willingness to do it Greek style to them all.
Daniel
March 4th, 2013 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

Crock Why is there a Phoenician “gimel” or “peh” on their flag?
TheDiva
March 4th, 2013 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

@Horace Broon (#166): re: Retail: It happens, to the point where some stores/localities are considering a ban on the practice. In my experience it usually happens at big-box stores during the wee hours (when anyone shopping is likely desperate enough that they don’t care how they look), but apparently pajama-sporting shoppers have been spotted in broad daylight. Hell, they’re probably considered overdressed in some Wal-Marts.
Shrug, with a Gag Gag
March 4th, 2013 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

@The Master (#150):

“MW: Josh, are you kidding? Tom spilled his guts because Mary put ipecac in the soup.”

Well, he broth it upon himself.
Alison
March 4th, 2013 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

“Mary Worth”: Toby’s remark, “That’s too bad. Did he like your soup?” is the closest anyone in this strip has ever come to saying, “You know, Mary, I don’t give a shit about whoever you’re meddling with this time, and I am going to change the subject now.” I applaud Toby for this. I hope next time her remark will be even closer to the blatant truth. Baby steps, Toby!

“Luann”: I think if Quill was anything at all like a real teenage boy and Luann complained “Tiffany thinks we’re acting sexy on the internet”, he wouldn’t say, “So what?”, he would say, “Ooh, that’s a good idea! Let’s prove Tiffany right, Yank. Rowrrr!”
Daredevil, Feeling Dissed
March 4th, 2013 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#173):

“A “yo” is a yo-yo that’s been sawed in half.”

It’s because I have only one yo, isn’t it?
tallyHO
March 4th, 2013 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

@Girl Reporter (#155):

Is that one of those puzzles?

Like, “I’m round, deeper than the ocean and am older than the seas. What am I?”
tallyHO
March 4th, 2013 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#173):
Yo!
I dispute that!. A yo is perfectly good for throwing at things, yo!
Liam
March 4th, 2013 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

MW-”Yes. Yes. Yes. This Tom Harpman fellow doesn’t engage in a social life because he still feels hurt from his divorce two years ago. And you are going to get him to come out of his shell because you are that sort of person and that is what you do. There is nothing new under the sun when it comes to you and people in or out of relationships. I know how this is going to play out. So my only big concern is his enjoyment of the soup.”
Liam
March 4th, 2013 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

Gasoline Alley-I don’t know what is more shocking that a priest is going along with marrying a man and a donkey or the fact that the media hasn’t picked up on this storyline yet and made a big deal about it.
demoncat
March 4th, 2013 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

mw.of course he liked marys soup toby for no one ever says they hate marys cooking with out paying a price
Liam
March 4th, 2013 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

Blondie-”Listen, mister. I owe the Sandwich Mafia too much money. Do you have any idea how much cold cuts cost for the giant sandwiches I make? They’re going to break my knees if I don’t pay them off.”
The Right Venerable Pasdordan
March 4th, 2013 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

@Liam (#147): Crock: “Are we dead yet?”
“No, only condemned like Sisyphus to patrol this same patch of Godforsaken desert for an eternity.”
“But we’re not dead yet?”
“No, you can leave any time.”

…

“Don’t ask Commander Sartre any more questions.”
tallyHO
March 4th, 2013 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

What if that Crock strip is just a mistake and when they realized the error they just said:

“Eff it.
Effet all to ‘ell!
Zis is effette anyways!
Zee zee! Zoo zoo!”

//that’s how the Crocketeers talk, right? Lots of ‘ehs’ and ‘zees’?
Liam
March 4th, 2013 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

Crock-So Hell isn’t other people it’s actually a giant expansive sandy wasteland with a broiling hot sun beating down on you.
wossname
March 4th, 2013 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

JP – OK, I”ve got it! Dr. Clearing, right? Isn’t that the word the Church of Scientology uses to refer to their brand of brainwashing? Like, we want you to get clear and give us all your money? That’s what Neddy’s spending her fortune on!

Abject oversnarpologies if this has already been suggested. I’ve barely kept up with a few comics, much less the comments, in the past week, because of travels.
Liam
March 4th, 2013 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

A3G-This series is built on noodle incidents.

Spiderman-”I figured what we are going to do will get us in lots of trouble and we’ll need a lawyer to get us off.”

DT-I’m going to assume that since Lex Luther has spent enough time in legal trouble that he would try his hand at being a lawyer.

DT 2-”I’ve gotten Double Up off once before the next time I’m going to need some drugs to do it.”

Gil Thorp-”You do know that the next time I’m going to have to charge you. The first sighting is free after that it costs you.”

Henry-The rest of the poster reads “For the Army”.
Liam
March 4th, 2013 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

JP-”Hmm, Dr. Clearing, looking at your black t-shirt I can’t tell if you have big perky breasts like the rest of us.”
Sequitur
March 4th, 2013 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

@Calico (#172): I had that Dennis comic when I was a kid and you’re correct. He was a whole lot more of a menace back then.

I lost that comic along with all my other comics when I left for college and my mother did the “Great Comic Purge!” Tossed them all out without even asking me. There must of been two – three hundred of them. Mad magazines too.
Liam
March 4th, 2013 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

MW-And what was the cause of the divorce. It was either Tom’s wife leaving him for another woman or there is a dead kid hidden in his past.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
March 4th, 2013 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

@Liam (#210): Nah, I imagine she left because he didn’t like her soup.
Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
March 4th, 2013 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

Dr. Clearing knew, without knowing how she knew, that the ostentatious display of their giant breasts was the Spencer-Driver way of asserting dominance. Even so, she was intimidated. On her right, large unfettered nipples jiggled liquidly under a sheer white fabric. Straight ahead, Neddy’s jutted like twin ICBMs, the pattern making lightning bolts shooting out of the (safely constrained) nipples. Still, she had always had confidence in the power of her own bosom. Let the tit-off begin! she thought.
Sequitur
March 4th, 2013 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#198):A half of yo-yo or “yo” could also be used to help darn socks.
Amos Snarkadder, CQB
March 4th, 2013 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

@Cyranetta (#188):

MW: Is there any chance that Mary and Toby will somehow morph soup-concerns into a scheme to bring Tom Harpman and Dawn Weston into each other’s orbit?

Not so fast. Mary and Toby first have to confirm that Tom Harpman has two fully functional arms.
Mary has already demonstrated he has a cast-iron stomach and should be able to suppress Dawn-induced nausea.
Nehemiah Scudder
March 4th, 2013 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#213): A half of yo-yo or “yo” could also be used to help darn socks.

If you can’t say anything nice about socks, you should just not say anything at all.
Amos Snarkadder, CQB
March 4th, 2013 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#213): Darn yo!
Nehemiah Scudder
March 4th, 2013 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

Poor, dumb, and sick, is no way to go through life, son. — Albert Camus

The best comic of 50 years ago today.

// From the Miami News. I’m glad Pastor Dan is safe!
Zla'od
March 4th, 2013 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

Crock: Forgive me if this is too obvious, but did somebody forget to add a caption or word balloon or something?
Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#216): “Smile, Darn Yo, Smile!” when you say that.
tallyHO
March 4th, 2013 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#213):
“yo” could also be used to help darn socks.

Yocks, maybe. But, socks?

Whatcha talkin’ ‘bout, yo?

Is a needle for that called a “yodel”?

//i’m kind of sloooooooow today.
Morgan Wick
March 4th, 2013 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

Hey, this is Josh’s 900th Mary Worth post! Or it would be if any of the tags were set. I wonder what it means that he changed Blondie‘s name?
Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#198): YO-YO MAMA!!! And when Yo-Yo Mama answers the phone she goes: “Cello! Cello!”
J. Elhew Bisbee, Hobo Detective
March 4th, 2013 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

@Crankenstank (#22): Right, that, but see, not a joke.
Jim in Wisc.
March 4th, 2013 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

Blandie: If Dag’s in dire need of scratch, he can always pimp out his wife and daughter. And I’m sure McEldowney would be more than happy to mentor Young and Marshall as they take the strip in that direction.

Marcus Autrailius: Dear God, how many times has Rusty been kidnapped or otherwise put into peril? The little mutant is going to start developing a permanent case Stockholm Syndrome pretty soon.

Funky Cancerstroke: Too bad Becky didn’t get into a life of crime. They could have called her the One-Armed Bandit! Oh-ho! Ha ha ha!! See, I can be just as funny as Bat-Brains (which ain’t very funny at all).

Family Flea Circus: That look on Daddy’s face when Billy mentions the computer is one of fear … fear that Mommy has been checking Daddy’s browser history again.
J. Elhew Bisbee, Hobo Detective
March 4th, 2013 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

Hey, that comic isn’t called “Dagwood.”

Uh…. is it?
Nehemiah Scudder
March 4th, 2013 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

@J. Elhew Bisbee, Hobo Detective (#223): Perhaps it would have worked better if, using your famous “Bisbee” method, the artist had elided the last panel.

// Couldn’t hurt, anyway.
Liam
March 4th, 2013 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

@Cyranetta (#188):

I think Dawn is still making googoo eyes at the one armed guy with sister issues.
Rookbird
March 4th, 2013 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

Obviously, the Crock commander has just crossed the equator, so his shadow is cast to the right while his soldiers have shadows going left. With its lack of spoken dialog, this is the funniest Crock ever published.
commodorejohn
March 4th, 2013 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

@J. Elhew Bisbee, Hobo Detective (#225): Blondie’s been Barney Googled!
Liam
March 4th, 2013 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

MW-”He yelled like a little girl about it being too hot and threw it at me.”
The Right Venerable Pasdordan
March 4th, 2013 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#217): Congregational minister. That’d be my denomination, assuming his church voted to join. Sounds horrible, though.
tallyHO
March 4th, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#222):

I get that one.

And when Yo-Yo Mama answers the phone she goes: “Cello! Cello!”
And, Yo-Yo Ma replies, “I’m calling from A Flat!”

//?
DaveP
March 4th, 2013 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

Whats’ the deal with Daddy (whatever their name is) from the Family Circus?
Is he dying or something?
I haven’t seen a story arc go on so long in that strip since Billy learned to leave dotted line tracks.
Sequitur
March 4th, 2013 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

@Zla’od (#218): The Shadow knows.
Sequitur
March 4th, 2013 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#232): They call him Mellow Cello.

(quite rightly)
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
March 4th, 2013 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

ok, please forgive me for this, but this is what happens when Brook MacElDaddy dreams up sexy monsters.

(link is sfw, if not sfs, but is on a tumblr that includes nsfw content.)
Nehemiah Scudder
March 4th, 2013 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

Here’s a curious strip, also from the Miami News of March 3, 1963, called “Oh, Lady!. It’s sure to please the Sinfest fans here.

// A very obscure strip, here’s a little more info on it.
seismic-2
March 4th, 2013 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

ASM: Cpl Yo is the Asian-American character in Beetle Bailey. Being blind, Daredevil isn’t sure just what strip this is in which he is making his guest appearance this month, but his radar sense has at least alerted him that it’s an extremely stupid one.

JP: Is that an intriguingly placed white strip running across Neddy’s blouse, or has the fabric completely ripped apart on account of the strain of trying to hold it all in?
Peanut Gallery
March 4th, 2013 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#197):

“I’m round, deeper than the ocean and am older than the seas. What am I?”

Mary Worth’s soup bowl?
seismic-2
March 4th, 2013 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

I think the emblem on the Lost Patrol’s flag is the number “7″. I realize that there are only 4 of them, but they’ve been wandering around in the desert for a really long time now, and in spite of that, they don’t look particularly emaciated.
Sgt. Stoned
March 4th, 2013 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

MT: Wow, I didn’t see that coming….Ha-Ha…but seriously, Mr. Catfish, why not just call the cops? The little punk entered your vehicle without permission, obviously intending to steal it…

Lockhorns: Good one.
tallyHO
March 4th, 2013 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#239):
Close.

Mary Worth’s Famous Yickey Yoodle Youp! It’s De-yicky-ious!

//the real answer is the molten core of the Earth. I have no idea why I used that as my example. Hell (pun intended) I don’t even know if I’m correct in that being a valid answer to that riddle.
Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#235): Meanwhile, a drunken Leroy Lockhorn is singing: “Come to me my mellow Cally baby!” (Leroy must be a “Blake’s 7″ fan…)
The Right Venerable Pasdordan
March 4th, 2013 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#236): That looks kind of like what you’d get if Brooke McEldowney tried to imitate Ralph Steadman while dropping shrooms.
tallyHO
March 4th, 2013 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#242):

Mary Worth’s Famous Yickey Yoodle Youp! It’s De-yicky-ious!
Don’t confuse this with her Famous Dickey Doodle Goop! It’s dreeeadful!
Nehemiah Scudder
March 4th, 2013 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#242): I’ve got a better one. “Why does the Porridge Bird lay it’s egg in the air?”

// No, NOT the African Porridge Bird…
Sequitur
March 4th, 2013 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#197):

“I’m round, deeper than the ocean and am older than the seas. What am I?”

Ooh! Ooh! It’s Nehemiah Scudder’s circular slide rule!
Droopy Says
March 4th, 2013 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

@DaveP (#233): I think the visit-to-Boston arc lasted two weeks, although it may just have seemed that long. I’ll check it the next time it runs (any bets on what new technology will be pasted in for its next appearance?)
Sequitur
March 4th, 2013 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#246):
I think we’re all Bozos on this bus.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
March 4th, 2013 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

#246 Nehemiah Scudder:

“Why does the Porridge Bird lay it’s egg in the air?”

Oh, my dear Reverend Scudder. And on National Grammar Day, too. Where are your standards, sir? I look to you to uphold all that is good and proper—at least, in terms of pedantic punctuation issues.
–Grammatica
Nehemiah Scudder
March 4th, 2013 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#249): shh! Don’t tell Baka Gaijin!
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
March 4th, 2013 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

@The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#244): trying to imitate Ralph Steadman while NOT on shrooms is the difficult part. . . .
Nehemiah Scudder
March 4th, 2013 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#250): Forsooth! I am undone! I’m melting, I’m melting!
Sequitur
March 4th, 2013 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#253):

Remember – use the apostrophe if you are introducing Monty Python. At other times you may use it or not.

~Albert Camus
Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#237): Mr. Comic Strip Historian’s instincts are correct. “Oh, Lady!” is a continuation of the Jerry Lewis strip “Hey, Lady!” *

*Not really. Actually, I’m more interested in knowing if Ruth Marcus is related to Jerry Marcus, creator of the long-running (42 years) “Trudy” comic strip.
Nehemiah Scudder
March 4th, 2013 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#254): I have decided to give up the contractionit’s. Too dangerous. Henceforth, I will use ’tis.
The Ridger
March 4th, 2013 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

@The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#78): The Doctor in The Rebel Flesh: “I have to get to that cockerel before all hell breaks loose.” Pause. “I never thought I’d get to say that again.”
Sequitur
March 4th, 2013 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#256): ‘Tis refulgent!
The Right Venerable Pasdordan
March 4th, 2013 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#252): Point in your favor.
tallyHO
March 4th, 2013 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#250):

Aw crap!
You’re right. It is National Grammar Day! Gotta be careful when and where I dangle my prepositions!
Rocky Stoneaxe
March 4th, 2013 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#256): ‘Twas I, but ’tis not I.
tallyHO
March 4th, 2013 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#246):

“Why does the Porridge Bird lay it’s egg in the air?”

Because it becomes aloft when it sneezes, “Hatch, You!”

???

//i’m really, really bad at these things. so I pun, defensively.
Hogenmogen
March 4th, 2013 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

MW: Even sychophant Toeby can’t muster up enough enthusiasm for this plot line? “Did he like the soup? You know, there’s a soup contest in Santa Royale, and the winner gets a one way plane ticket the hell out of here. Yeah, Ian and I think you really should enter.”
The Right Venerable Pasdordan
March 4th, 2013 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#260): “It’s National Grammar Day! Say hello to her for me when you see her!” (Stolen from a Twitter friend.)
Sequitur
March 4th, 2013 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

Pickles: My mother told me that when she was a little girl she’d ask her father where he was going and he would always reply, “To Honolulu, where the dogs bark with their tails.” That made her think that Honolulu was a fictitious place.
tallyHO
March 4th, 2013 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

@Hogenmogen (#263):

Oh, that lady is just trying in vain to set Mary up so that Mare will issue the rejoinder: “Sorry, Toby, no soup for you!”

And, Toby will sink into a deep depression. Soupless in Santa Royale? Que’lle Hell!

She and Mary will pass each other in the hallway and avert their eyes. Mary will try to hide her Tupperware Tomato Soup from Toby’s forlorn gaze.

Finally, Toby will break down and exclaim, “Mary! I’m just sick of this! Why won’t you give me any soup? Why, Mary, Why?”

Mary will pause, contort her head to look at the ceiling, and just stand there.
Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
March 4th, 2013 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

MT: Rusty has been kidnapped how many times now? He should have the routine memorized by heart now!
Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
March 4th, 2013 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

I gotta be careful about dangling ANYTHING!
tallyHO
March 4th, 2013 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

@Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#267):

Here’s my prediction (keep in mind that I am batting .000):

Ol’ Man Catfish secured Rusty to the convenient chair in the back of his van. Rusty is no stranger to strangers tying him up. In fact, Rusty’s knowledge of knots is not something to dismiss.

That’s why when he noticed Ol’ Catfish’s fingers were fumbling as he tried to secure the knot he surmised, correctly, that Ol’ Catfishes spindly, little fingers were pretty appropriate at tying up fishing lures, using fishing line. They were just a wee too tiny to properly tie up a rope.

So Rusty did what Rusty does:
He waited for his captor to leave for a spell.

When Ol’ Catfish went a bottom feeding (which is something best not extrapolated), Rusty untied himself and planned his escape. But, first he had to put a Rusty Decoy up so that his silhouette could still be seen through the van’s many windows.

So, struck by a bolt of genius, Rusty takes the SCUBA suit and fills it with prize-winnable bass. Yep. You heard me. Prize-Winnable Bass.

Haha.

Ol Rusty was gonna outsmart that Catfish and in the process, he’d make the biggest catch of the day, even outfishing Ol’ Rod Bassy!

Oh, no! Here comes Ol Boss Hogg! Somebody better tell them Duke boys to take another road!
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 4th, 2013 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

@wossname (#206): The CoS has been known to get a wee bit litigious at times. I doubt that the strip will mention them by name, although it might drop very cautious hints.
J. Elhew Bisbee, Hobo Detective
March 4th, 2013 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#226): With a one-panel Crock it’s always worth a try.
Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
March 4th, 2013 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#269):

Yep. That makes more sense than anything else we’ve seen in this strip!
Nehemiah Scudder, Living in the Past
March 4th, 2013 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

Just where does Sarge keep his fountain pen, anyway?
seismic-2
March 4th, 2013 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder, Living in the Past (#273): The fountain pen was a Snorkel family heirloom. When he was taken POW in Korea, he relied on the Pulp Fiction method of concealing it.

Alimentary, my dear Scudder!
Nehemiah Scudder, Living in the Past
March 4th, 2013 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

@The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#231): Horrible, indeed. I grew up in South Florida. The local newspapers were always gratuitously printing stories about people in the frozen North dying in some nasty chilly fashion or another. The clear implication was that you had to be crazy to live somewhere where water froze outside for much of the year.
Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
March 5th, 2013 at 12:03 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder, Living in the Past (#275):

I live in suburban Minneapolis. Lived in this state all my 51+ years. We are having a huge snow storm as I write this. Having been to Florida many times, I’m inclined to agree with your childhood newspapers!
Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
March 5th, 2013 at 12:05 am [Reply]

@Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#276):

Been
Been to Key West a few years ago in November, just after a mar snow storm ……had a blast!
Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
March 5th, 2013 at 12:07 am [Reply]

@Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#277):

FUCK!

Been to Key West a few years ago in November, just after a major snow storm ……had a blast!
Nehemiah Scudder, Living in the Past
March 5th, 2013 at 12:12 am [Reply]

@Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#278): ‘S’ok. Worth repeating.
Droopy Says
March 5th, 2013 at 12:16 am [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#274): Are you sure he didn’t do what Dustin Hoffmanb did in Papillon? That technique seems more fitting.
Nehemiah Scudder, Living in the Past
March 5th, 2013 at 12:19 am [Reply]

@Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#278): The Florida Keys are an awesome cool place. Kind of unspoiled, yet tacky, in a strange attractive way. It’s a lot like the Fort Lauderdale I grew up in, but without the yuppification. Yet.
TimP
March 5th, 2013 at 12:20 am [Reply]

I thought the Crock strip might be a tribut to Bill Rechin of some sort and patiently read through the comments to see someone point this out. Upon reaching the end of the thread, I went ahead to google his obit and it turns out he will have died approximately two years ago this May. So, in short, I have no clue either.
Marzipan
March 5th, 2013 at 12:37 am [Reply]

I love how people are still trying to explain/figure out Crock. Guys, even if any of those things are correct, they don’t constitute a joke, or deserve your time or effort. I begin to wonder if zombie Crock is kept alive off the wasted brainpower of people puzzling over it. It draws power from the collective confusion of the people who read it.
Droopy Says
March 5th, 2013 at 12:38 am [Reply]

Spiderbland: That’s true, DareDevil, but given your inability to keep from verbalizing your thoughts, Spiderdweeb now suspects you’re Mark Trail.

Dick Tracy: Who are you kidding? If Abner Kadaver sees the light of day, he’ll go up in a cloud of smoke.

Feeble Funky: Asshat, those were “words of comfort.” If that other guy had been honest, he’d have said you look like a boring dimwit.

Family Circus: You have to admire the subtle, subversive way in which this strip argues in favor of sex ed for children. Either that or you have to anticipate Dolly’s shock when she learns where babies come from.

Jugs Parker: Enough of these distant remarks! We need more pointed comments!

Mock Travail: I know what they’ll do with Rusty! They’ll explain to him that entering the van was a naughty thing and he’ll get in a lot of trouble if he mentions it, and then they’ll let him go, because they know he won’t tell anyone he was abducted.

Seriously, they might do that. Dick Tracy’s Sweatbox story got fouled up because someone at TMS wouldn’t approve a child-in-danger story. Not that I’ll give Elrod a pass on this, because he keeps doing these idiot Perils of Rusty stories.

Flatulence Alley: Hurry up, Doofus, you still have to lose the other $40,000.

Pluggers: So there’s no such thing as a young Plugger? Or they just won’t admit that when they were kids, they liked to burn ants?

Phantom: Is there anyone who didn’t call this? Personally, I’m waiting for the lion to associate Walker with the spearings, drugging and impromptu surgery.
Droopy Says
March 5th, 2013 at 12:40 am [Reply]

@Marzipan (#283): Still, you have to admit that today’s Crock is the lamest cartoon-golf-joke ever. That took some sort of creativity, however forlorn and wasted.
Totally Not Aviatrix
March 5th, 2013 at 1:03 am [Reply]

@Sgt. Stoned (#241): Does Lost Forest have “stand your ground” laws?
tallyHO
March 5th, 2013 at 1:21 am [Reply]

All Tomorrow’s Comic Strips:

AAAAUUUUUGHHHHH!

Mary Worth: Does he need your meddling finger, Tobytha? Does he? Is that the “something” he needs in his life?

Mistopher Trendy: Get thee behind me, Doctor Leech! Hyuck! I’s jus’ kiddin’, Doc!
Your affordable medicine is what I show up fer!

Hi & Lois: aaaAAAA > Wink!<

Mark Trail: Don’t worry, Rustoleum! Batbird will rescue you… just as soon as he figures out why he’s upside down and in this scene.

Spider De Mon! “…What Daredevil doesn’t know, because he doesn’t have eyes in his feet, is that Spidey is too busy looking at his butt to wonder about Daredevil’s secret identity! Spidey just likes what he sees!”
seismic-2
March 5th, 2013 at 1:29 am [Reply]

Pibgorn: Some comic strips are meant to amuse. Others are a desperate cry for help. Just sayin’.

Lio: YES!!!!!!!!
Fashion Police
March 5th, 2013 at 2:04 am [Reply]

Since it’s already tomorrow where most of you live, we presume someone has commented wryly about Mrs. Worth wearing a scarf the exact same color as her velour jogging suit, so we won’t bother.

We would also like to take this opportunity to wish a felicitous Grammar Day to our resident Super-Heroes, Grammatica and Precisiona. Wear your blue pencil skirts with honor, ladies!
Droopy Says
March 5th, 2013 at 2:24 am [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#288): Is that first panel McEch’s notion of the Perfect Woman?
Dale
March 5th, 2013 at 2:38 am [Reply]

@Sgt. Stoned (#241):

MARK TRAIL

I agree. Turn the kid over to the police. He hasn’t seen anything that would prove fishing contest cheating. At this point, there are no charges of cheating.

Rusty has confirmed that Rod and Catfish were telling the truth: the van is messy.

Rusty can be charged with: breaking and entering, vandalism, burglary, sabotage, industrial espionage, vehicle theft.
That’s a bit of overcharging, but it’s a starting place for plea bargaining.
And shouldn’t Rusty be in school?
Dale
March 5th, 2013 at 2:41 am [Reply]

Isn’t this Invasive Species Week? It’s a lot more than just kudzu.
commodorejohn
March 5th, 2013 at 3:29 am [Reply]

@Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#276): Feh! Snowbirds! Can’t handle a little cold weather…hell, this winter it’s hardly even been winter half the time!
gleeb
March 5th, 2013 at 7:04 am [Reply]

‘shaft: Sure, he’s taken out mailboxes, and nearly killed a child, but never a power line. Ed has a new goal.

‘bean: You remember Owen the Idiot? He’s also physically repusive! I sure am glad Batiuk is giving us the stories of the younger generation of miserable sad sacks.

Abbey and the Help: Abbey makes sure Dr Thalia doesn’t make the mistake of doing any physical labor herself. There are people to do that for us, dear.

Dick: Either Kleen had cuff links made for his shirt that match the buttons on the sleeve of his suit, or someone upset a container of ping-pong balls on his desk.

Peacock Days: Coach Thorp read the schedule and realized only one game is scheduled for tonight. He’s quite the leader, he is.

Rex: Sarah knows that there’s no challenge in accumulating money. People just give you things, like they do for Mom and Pop.
CanuckDownSouth
March 5th, 2013 at 7:40 am [Reply]

RMMD: Precocious Child gives smarmy commentary to show the great wisdom of the young – shall we swoon at her unsullied innocent appreciation of life’s true joys, or remember not only that there is little you can eat, ride, or read without paying for it, but also that millions of un- or under-employed people struggling in this economy would give a lot for the opportunity to make real money?
Hogenmogen
March 5th, 2013 at 7:53 am [Reply]

MT: Everyone called this months ago.

Phantom: Everyone called this two weeks ago.

RMMD: The sudden change in location, characters and plot – we’re all taken aback at the sheer force with which the previous story was dropped like a brick and discarded for this fast-paced, thus-far riveting tale of Sarah’s breakfast and general account of her weekend accommodations.
Hogenmogen
March 5th, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

@tallyHO (#269): It’s harder than it looks to tie someone up who doesn’t want to be tied up. Wrapping rope around the chest looks like it is pretty restrictive, but if you exhale, your rib cage contracts and the rope goes slack. On a padded car seat, it’s even worse. Not that I would know about bondage and stuff like that…

…Not in a car, anyway.
Hogenmogen
March 5th, 2013 at 8:14 am [Reply]

RMMD:
“You can’t eat money!”

“You can buy food with money.”

“But ‘friggeraters make food, don’t they? Everybody has a ‘friggerater!”

“Oh, pampered child supposedly wise beyond her years! Coincidentally, ‘Family Circus’ is looking for another malpropism-spewing, encephalo-girl. It’s just a short walk across the comic page. When your parents ask, I’ll tell them that you ran off to join the ‘Circus’.”
bats :[
March 5th, 2013 at 8:17 am [Reply]

No kidding — I am SO happy that Phantom is turning out this way. :D
Hogenmogen
March 5th, 2013 at 8:22 am [Reply]

SM: Yeah, I’m definitely getting a lawyer! I own the rights to exposition thought balloons about secret identities in this strip!
Anonymous
March 5th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

@bbofun (#185): Have to say: Drop dead.
C.
March 5th, 2013 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

The bank in Blondie sounds like it went insolvent and was then re-acquired from the FDIC to a competing, bigger bank.
Barfy\'s Rotting Corpse
March 5th, 2013 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

@Sam\’s Rotting Corpse (#170):

So that makes me more menacing than 2013 Dennis as well, I guess.
SideshowJon
March 5th, 2013 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

How is that Crock strip not your banner on Facebook yet?
Kirk
March 7th, 2013 at 1:37 am [Reply]

“Crock: I read it as the fellow at the rear is on his first desert march, so he’s carrying a Learner’s Permit similar to the big L sticker novice drivers overseas have on their vehicles before they pass their final test.”

I think you figured it out. Guys, THIS – IS – THE ANSWER.

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Soup: For filling the awful emotional hole inside you

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