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Next time you see an Amber Alert, just mutter to yourself, “There goes another lazy kid”

Better Half, 3/25/13

Hello, and welcome to this journey I’m on, which is called “Josh learns that the Better Half is so, so much more harrowing than the Lockhorns will ever be.” Remember: Leroy doesn’t mind when Loretta criticizes him because he’s a loveless shell of a man who can’t feel emotions anymore. Stanley doesn’t mind when Harriet criticizes him because he desperately craves her attention, and he may not know how to fix the sad dysfunction that his marriage has become, but he at least knows that if he screws up Harriet will acknowledge his existence, and maybe even make eye contact with him and oh my God I’m crying right now pretty much.

Mark Trail, 3/25/13

There was a minute where I thought this was one of those things where the antagonist and protagonist have a stand-off and they both know a secret and they each know the other knows, but everyone pretends not to know, to heighten dramatic tension. Then I remembered that Mark and Rod Bassy were both extremely dumb and also Mark Trail doesn’t really do dramatic tension, so I guess Rod thinks he’s being pretty slick here. Remember, Rod thinks that blurting out “Are you saying that I’m doing something illegal” with no provocation is “slick,” so it makes sense that his instinct is to totally downplay a child being missing for … hours? days? Who even knows at this point. You know, kids today, so lazy that they just wander off away from their families, just going somewhere to be lazy and also have no way of acquiring food and shelter, amiright?

Herb and Jamaal, 3/25/13

By the way, Kopi Luwak is so expensive and famous because it’s been pooped out by civets. So I guess kudos to Herb and Jamaal for not going for the poop joke, though also I guess this joke isn’t very funny, so, I dunno, maybe we should’ve tried out a poop joke and seen how it went.

Spider-Man, 3/25/13

“I mean, how could a lawyer help defeat a villain with no superpowers who runs a large criminal organization? It makes no sense!”

Crankshaft, 3/25/13

Haha, that Crankshaft, he sure literally sucks the joy out of the life of everyone he knows!

289 responses to “Next time you see an Amber Alert, just mutter to yourself, “There goes another lazy kid””

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    Love is… getting an eyeful of your neighbors’ house sitter when she steps
    out of the shower:

    http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=Love_Is&feature_date=2013-03-25

    Before he can make love to his bare-naked wife, Nude Dude has to picture another woman in his mind. A woman dressed head to toe in a burqa.

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Short ribs:

    Pickles — Opal is tired of cleaning up Earl’s “accidents.”

    Herb & Jamaal — Herb drinks pricey cat poop coffee. Which explains a lot about this strip, actually.

  3. gleeb
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Of course, Smitty being both a bad guy and the despised human, Slylock will not even clue him in before the race. Also, I like that the small nondescript mammal is proud of its adoptive turtle mama entering the race.

    ‘shaft: The office staff worker can’t be shocked that anyone would want to avoid Ed; why else would she have mentioned that he was driving other than schadenfreude? She must be shocked that someone at this school would think up such a simple and effective plan of escape off the cuff.

    ‘bean: Since this is the middle of the school year, who is going to pick up the dropped teachers’ classes? Probably old Deaf Dinkle, because you know they won’t be eliminating his little sinecure. Also, we learn that science teacher Zombie Kurt Vonnegut needs to go back and rewatch Knut Rockne, All-American.

    Ex-Judge Parker, Luddite No More!: That would have been a decent gag if Sam were reaching for a roll instead of a potato.

    Phantom: This was already over.

    Dick: I’m not quite sure how to approach this without seeming insensitive, but why is Sam working on Passover? Or does he just have to be home by sunset?

    Spidey: “Matt Murdock? Then why’d we undress and go out jumping about the city?”

    “I just wanted to prove my get-up is cooler than yours, kid.”

    Nancy: OK, but the next story should explain why Gilchrist draws himself as an unconvincing drag king.

  4. Francis Hobbs
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): Whatever floats your boat, Nude Dude!

  5. Liam
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    MT-”He’ll turn up. Don’t worry about it. He might even turn up floating face down on top of me,” the lake replies.

    MW-That Beth girl dominated Tom the entire time.

    Spiderman-Why is Daredevil spread eagle like that in the first panel?

  6. revenge4Aldo
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    S-M: I hope this is all building up to introducing the Civil War storyline to the comic strip.

  7. Ratiocinator
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    ASM: “I can’t stop the Kingpin as Daredevil, but I might be able to as Matt Murdock! In retrospect, I suppose it would have made sense to tell you this as Matt Murdock, and then immediately go to work stopping the Kingpin, instead of wasting time swinging all over town and giving him another chance to try and kill me! Oh well, hindsight is 20/20…or so I’m told. That’s a little blind person humour, Spidey.”

    9CL: I’m pretty sure that somebody (I forget who) said “I hate this strip and everybody in it” about 9 Chickweed Lane more than once. And I almost wrote that this time myself, but decided not to. I hate some people in this strip, and just feel sorry for others.

    By the way, since Brooke’s been hitting the thesaurus again, we have to hit the dictionary. A lot of us anyway. And I’ll save you other ‘Mudges the trouble by telling you what it says “syncope” is.

    “[B]rief loss of consciousness associated with transient cerebral anemia, as in heart block, sudden lowering of the blood pressure, etc.; fainting.”

    JP: It’s a pun, see. “On a roll” like doing good, and “roll” like bread rolls in the restaurant. Geddit?

    RMMD: “Getting out of bed and skipping your daily ritual of loud bird calls, the bass drum solo, the primal screaming, and the detonation of high explosives in our backyard? I swear Rex, I don’t even know who you are anymore! For the love of God, you’re actually being CONSIDERATE! What the
    hell happened to the douchebag I married?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM???”

  8. Chareth Cutestory
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: Hey, are you into superhero porn where the existing artwork is crudely edited and re-drawn to expose naughty bits? Here you go, today’s strip is already 90% done for you.

  9. tb4000
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    Spidey: “Matt Murdock? That’s your civilian I.D.! Also, fire hot!”

  10. Ratiocinator
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    @revenge4Aldo (#6): Well, if anybody could do “Civil War” even worse than it was done the first time, I guess it’d be whoever writes this strip.

  11. pugfuggly
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    MT “You know how kids are today, always sneaking around, taking pictures where they shouldn’t be, getting tied up in vans, going to Mexico to be sold into slavery…why? ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF DOING SOMETHING ILLEGAL?

    H&J I’m looking forward to a few weeks from now when addiction will drive Herb to whore himself out on the streets just to get enough scratch to buy a single bean of his poop coffee. Well, I say ‘the streets’, but I mean ‘Jamaal’s basement’.

    ASM I was going to make a comment about how dull it will be to watch Daredevil review case law and prepare court briefs for six weeks while Peter naps on his couch, but in reality that sounds about as exciting as Spiderman gets.

  12. Hogenmogen
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    What the hell with the superheroes? Legs together is a far more aerodynamic pose, and also more dramatic than this “please check out my crotch” shots. It has neither form nor function.

  13. Marc
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    9CL- So is Sven supposed to be a dimwitted beefcake or is he a thesaurus gobbling egotistical asshole like everyone else? Brooke seems to change his mind every day. Goddamn it I hate this strip and everyone in it

    A3G- I can’t think of many things in this world that could be more boring than a conversation between Lu Ann and Tommie.

    Mark Trail- “Kids these days, always goofing off with their rock and roll 8 track tapes.”

    Mary Worth- Why must every event, and I use that term very loosely, be recapped to Toby on a power walk, while wearing monochromatic track suits?

    Funky- You got the quote wrong. Unless that was the joke. In which case, it was a really shitty joke.

    Luann- Nothing against helping people, but if anyone like Delta tried to use their insufferable self righteousness to bully me into something, I’d not so politely tell them where they can stick those Easter baskets.

  14. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    “No, Trail, I haven’t seen him. He’s probably outside. Oh, I forgot, we’re outside, aren’t we? Well then, he’s probably out, outside. As in the far side of space and time.”

  15. LP2004
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    MW: “Mary, how did your dinner with the Kinleys turn out?”

    Mary was silent for a moment as she thought back to the previous evening; to the sound of Elinor shrieking ‘If you’re not going to deal with real life, Beth, then you’ll deal with real death!’; to the sight of her stabbing Beth with the salad fork and decapitating Tom with a butter knife; and to her subsequent rampage through Charterstone, which only ended when she was finally taken down by rocket and mini-gun fire from the helicopter gunships of the Santa Royale National Guard. Thirty-seven residents were confirmed dead, and the moans of the injured could still be heard coming from underneath the smoldering rubble.

    “It went well, Toby! Maybe not as well as it could have, but…”

  16. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    Nancy — No wonder Guy Gilchrist does a lot of riffs on country music in his strip. He even has that “Nashville look” about him. The only thing missing from his ensemble is a GEETAR.

    Since every country music song since the dawn of time has been about losing something, I’m on board with losing this storyline before it even starts.

  17. Hogenmogen
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    What store puts a free pot of Kopi Luwak for customers? The ONE time H&J is specific, and it doesn’t make sense. Should have gone with “Storebucks” or something.

  18. Dan
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    That’s your civilian I.D.! You hang out with Valerie Plame! You cheated on your taxes last year, and… what’s going on? Why are you shushing me?

  19. Hogenmogen
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    A3G:
    Luann: Now my life has purpose. I will honor my dead husband by helping animals.

    Tommie: Your husband loved animals.

    Luann: I think so. We only dated briefly and we got married the day he shipped out. But he said that he wanted to go ape and do me doggy style when he came home, because he hated choking his chicken. Maybe he didn’t love animals, because he ate pussies. Does that make sense?

  20. Shran
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: “Oh, by the way… your bus driver is going to be Ed Crankshaft. And don’t bother trying to grab the wheel and crash the bus into a tree. The Batiuk demon got rid of all of those last week, just to prolong your torment.”

  21. lorne
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    I’m trying to think of the mechanics of carrying on a conversation between two people as they swing from building to building in Manhattan. Even timing the swings so they’d be within earshot would be impressive, Daredevil is using a retractable baton to swing with and so would have to land on a new perch and throw again with each swing. But if you factor in the noise from wind and traffic, he’d have to be just flat out yelling his secret identity literally all over town.

  22. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    9CL – Well, at least someone has articulated the theme of “men are unable to be around a woman in a tight dress without completely losing control of their motor functions”. And we have proof that Juliette’s thrall is made to wear a ball gag during their encounters, which never manage to be consummated due to his tendency to collapse like a palsied neuropath on the verge of syncope.

    First off, I will posit that, if Edda Burber is still sharing sexual fantasies with her mother involving a middle-aged friend of hers and her field hand, then she really is not yet ready to get married to the only boy to ever put his thingie into her hoo-hah.

    Second is the question of universiality. Obviously, the message of this strip is that all men are cripples in this way, unable to even maintain motor control when a woman is present. Clearly, this is how the Burbers like it. It would have made a much more interesting story, however, if Fleurrie Sprocket had responsed to Edda’s advice with “If I just wanted to fuck him, I could have mounted him in the stables. I was more interested in a mature relationship, and despite what the term ‘mature relationships’ means when it leads off a film, in real life it is about more than giving him a stroke at the sight of me in a tight dress. We were unable to even have a conversation during the date, because he was so busy complaining about the loss of circulation in his arms and gesticulating wildly for an ambulance.

  23. pugfuggly
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    FW Fun fact: Westview’s town mascot is the vulture!

    MW Jesus, how shitty do Mary’s dinner party’s usually turn out if that one could be considered to have ‘gone well’? “Well, there a sense of awkwardness and a lot of passive-aggressive barbs, but no shouting, hitting or vomiting, and I didn’t have to use my taser once. All in all, a good night!”

  24. Pozzo
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    I want to live in Mark Trail’s world. Judging by the frequency of fish eating bugs, I’m guessing it’ll be insect-free by 2014.

  25. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#16):

    A geetar, you say? If you get the same ad in the lower right-hand corner as I do, you’ll see that Gilchrist even has that covered.

    http://www.gocomics.com/nancy

    In other news, I see that even when Judge Parker doesn’t feature extreme nipplage, its writers are still on a roll.

    *collective groan rises up throughout Mudgerland*

  26. Downpuppy
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    @lorne (#21): Um – they’re in San Francisco. Somebody at Marvel decided New York wasn’t gae enough for this story.

    Meanwhile, back at the lake – have we at last run out of ways to say that the casual kidnapping plot is beyond nuts? Sure, Jackelrod is 98 years old, but even 100 years ago there were police.

  27. BigTed
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    “By the way, Spidey, seems like your webbing is getting kind of tangled there. Of course, I don’t need webbing to fly between buildings. Nope, just me and my senses. Did I mention that I don’t need vision, either? Oh, you knew that. Well, let’s just switch over to our civilian lives and see who’s better at catching crooks. Oh, right, still me.”

  28. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    JP – Second place!?! How will we handle this adversity!? Looks like I need to find another roof to fall off of ASAP!

    I’m glad that the characters in this strip never face a problem that doesn’t resolve itself in their favor as soon as it is identified – both because dramatic tension is overrated as a narrative device, and because, with the pacing at which this strip moves, we would never finish a storyline.

  29. Mibbitmaker
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#5): re: Spidey: Because this legal eagle is a legal spread eagle.

  30. seismic-2
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    ASM: Matt Murdock shows us his legal briefs. Everything about newspaper Spider-Man totally fails as a comic strip, of course, but at least it offers some hope of being better as a Tijuana Bible.

    Crank: “I’ve been looking forward to this field trip to the aquarium all spring!” In Crankshaft, this is what passes for “living the dream”.

    MT: “I’ve lost track of Rusty,” not “Rusty is missing,” even though it’s been at least overnight and maybe longer. Well, as long as he turns up for the monthly inventory of LoFo occupants and equipment, it’ll be OK. I mean, it’s not as if he were a really important item that has to be in stock at all times, like pancake mix.

    H&J: I really don’t understand the premise here. The sign on the wall in the last panel and the presence of the price tag on the coffee bag both seem to indicate that Herb is in a grocery store, but it’s one that has a pot of the coffee brewing, and he’s drinking it. Does the grocery store give away free samples? Or is the coffee so expensive that they just make it there and sell it by the cup? Do you have to bring your own mug? Do you go to the next aisle, buy the ultra-expensive frozen waffles, and eat them in the store, too? This strip raises a great many questions. Fortunately, being H&J, no one really cares about the answers.

  31. Illustrator Steve
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    MT – “Hey, Trail! While we are cruising out to the deep water WHY don’t you drop a line behind the boat and do a little trolling?”

    “Speaking of trolls, I’ve misplaced Rusty..HAVE you seen him, Rod?

    “Have I SEEN him!? Why, the first time I saw that kid’s face it took a full bottle of J.D. to wipe that hidious image from my mind…and I STILL have nightmares!”

    “Yeah! TELL me about it,Rod. WHY do you think I make up all these phony assignments? It’s so I can justify staying away from that greepy kid and that mad house of mine for six months or more at a time! My family thinks I’m on assignment somewhere away from my area but I’m usually just a hundred yards from the cabin beyond the tree line hiding behind a giant beaver for a few months…the other few months away I spend around the clearance section in the T. Rading Post…I could spend a YEAR looking at camping stuff along that isle!”

    “Just shut up and do some trolling, will you, Trail?”

    “Okay, Rod….HEY! I just snagged a CATFISH! Boy, he’s a WHOPPER! …Hmmm, first catfish I’ve ever seen with a bald head!”

  32. Dennis Jimenez
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    MT – Ah, Mark is wisely employing the use of a cadavor sniffing bluegill! They’ll find you in no time, Rusty….

    H&J – I think you’re overlooking the inevitable coffee enema, Josh….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  33. Mr. Fibuli
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Nancy: Yeah, that’s what the world has been clamoring for: the mind-breaking origin story of Sluggo. Here’s what I want to see, Guy, and I bet Brad is on board with this idea: Aunt Fritzi’s all-girl adventure costarring June Morgan and Abbey Spencer.

  34. Mibbitmaker
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    MT: The allegorical animals should be a cat and a mouse in this strip. Or, given the people and situation involved, a mouse and a mouse.
    With Rusty as a piece of cheese.

    H&J: Prices, amirite?

    S-M: Money shot (as in, him being a lawyer, he has a shot of making lots of money. Right, Sam Driver?)

    Crank: Wise move, since, when he’s driving the kids there, he’ll suddenly squawk out, “If my lovely tree can’t live, NEITHER CAN WE…!”, with the kids all going, in unison, “What?!”

  35. Écureuil Écumant
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    H&J: Hmmmm……..

    …… wonder how many coffee beans I can eat at one sitting?

  36. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    @Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action (#25): You mean the “Hire Guy Gilchrist
    for your cause or charity event” ad? Yep.

    Maybe Josh could hire Guy Gilchrist to accompany him the next time he performs in a Fluid Movement Glitteracy variety show.

  37. S. Stout
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    S-M:Shout out Daredevil’s identity louder Spidey, I don’t think enough people heard you! No but seriously, we’re going to be reminded that Daredevil is Matt Murdock at least five more times, because pre-Argo Ben Affleck ruined the character for the masses.

  38. Écureuil Écumant
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#7): “[B]rief loss of consciousness associated with transient cerebral anemia”

    Don’t you just hate it when a dictionary says “anemia” instead of the much more accurate “hypoxia”? I sure as micturate shit do.

  39. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    AD: aaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeee! kill it with fire! kill it NOW!!!

    GF: HALLWAY!!! We have LEFT THE APARTMENT!!!

    R&R: “all poodles are female” trope, and implied humping dogs.

    SBp: *directs aliens to Sinfest*

    Bizarro: *snurk* + for Poteet.

    FW: “when the going gets weird, the weird go pro”,(Hunter S Camus)

    JP: that’s a smart phone, not a cell phone. I haz a cell phone, and it doesn’t look like that. and of all things, MG&G demonstrates the difference.

    RwO: *headslap of utter WIN* well played, Ms. Price.

    rMC: d’awwwwwwwwwww. One of my favorites.

  40. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . peepin on the sex parties next door.

    (or across the lake, as case may be.)

  41. Son of Stuck Funky
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: I recognize that teacher. It’s nice to see that Susan Smith found a teaching job in nearby Centerville after her indiscretion with Les Moore forced her to resign.

  42. TheDiva
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    C’shaft/FW: The juxtaposition of these two strips highlights the unrelenting misery under which the Funkyverse operates: Westview High has to lay off several (non-visible) faculty members in the middle of the school year, yet nobody can think of a way to fire Crankshaft.

    MT: I think Mark has finally put the whole Rusty incident out of his mind. “Say, I lost track of that kids, wonder what happened to him…oh well, FISHING!”

    SM: Is there any particular reason they needed to dress up in their costumes for this conversation? Also, Daredevil must be so confident in this partnership now that he knows Spider-Man is capable of retaining information from five minutes ago.

  43. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Alley Oop: Glacial pacing, no shots of characters below the waist…there’s only one conclusion: the Apt. 3-G virus is spreading!

    Speaking of which: Apt 3-G: I thought about his advice the whole way home, but now I’m distracted by this tea kettle and white mug placed confusingly at chest level and puppies! Gary Powers who?

    9 Chickweed Lane: Ugh.

    Dennis the Menace: Love is…sticking with your paranoid husband, despite all the voices in his head telling him to hurt the neighbor boy.

    Garfield Without Garfield…is ever bleaker than usual somehow.

    Judge Parker: As much as I’d like to joke about this strip’s titular character looking up pictures of comic strips featuring large mammary glands on his smartphone, I find myself baffled by the roll reference. Is Judge Parker so well-known now that his likeness is printed on dinner rolls at local hoity-toity restaurants? Is Sam making a funny? Is he literally taking food off his friend’s plate in preparation for shaking him down later? Color me confused.

    It’s a sad day on Mark Trail when the word balloons offer up more comfort and reassurance than the local fauna. The people, of course, are blithering idiots, but I thought you could always depend on the ducks.

    Mary Worth: The only thing is…
    - Beth’s mother shivved Tom with a dessert fork.
    - Beth and Tom got their freak on, on my dining table.
    - Tom kept saying “life is brutal,” over and over again.
    - Beth just looked at me and said, “You know this isn’t a gay bar, right?”

    Slylock Fox: My prediction: this will end in Slylock’s death after Smitty edges out the tortoise, thereby depriving him of all that sweet, sweet fable-based income.

  44. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#30): One of the questions you raise is whether or not they use actual cat poop found in the alley next to the grocery store.

  45. Digger
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    MT: “He’ll turn up, dont’t worry about it. Sure, he may turn up face down in the lake with his arms and legs tied, but he will turn up, and that’s the important thing. Hey, are you accusing me of something illegal?”

    ‘shaft: “I’ve been looking forwartd to this aquarium trip all spring. Sure, it’s only been spring for a few days, but after my dull joyless winter this is the one thing that can raise my spirits. Who’s driving us?….oh crap, I just got The Shaft.”

  46. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    @lorne (#21):

    I’m trying to think of the mechanics of carrying on a conversation between two people as they swing from building to building in Manhattan.

    Well, see, there’s your problem right there. They’re not in Manhattan, they’re in San Francisco.

    You can thank me later.

  47. Nekrotzar
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Of course at this point Mark Trail has forgotten all about his suspicions, so his totally ingenuous response to Mr. Bassy is probably, ‘Yeah, he probably wandered off, you’re right.’

    Civets are often carriers of rabies. They are also hideously ugly and nasty (I saw one in a zoo in Mysore). Then again, this is coffee we are talking about here, so passing it through a vermin’s colon could hardly make it taste worse.

  48. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    BH: I caught the despair in today’s Better Half, but I couldn’t think of how to articulate it. Nicely done, Josh.

    MT: “Are you accusing me of throwing your kid’s body into a lime pit?”

    S-M: “Yes Spidey, I know what my civilian ID is. Hey, why don’t we split up for a spell? I’ll meet you in
    front of that Burger King at three sharp.”

    FW: In Westview it’s an act of optimism to pretend that your downsized colleagues had anything worth stealing.

    9CL: I don’t see why anyone would want the hang of girl talk when the girls in question are Juliette and Edda, but that’s me.

    BC: Hating on Barney? I see the 90s revival is in full swing.

    JP: Alan Parker’s phone has an app that administers painful electric shocks to those who make particularly vile puns. Sam will be nursing his groin for a while.

    BB: Of course Beetle will now have to use another broom for tight corners, i.e. anything narrower than four feet. Factor in the time he spent making the broom and laziness starts to seem like a lot of work.

    HtH: “I want water, a beer, a shot of tequila, and some clue as to why we’re in a desert with saguaros in it.”

    6C: “In some particularly grisly instances, despoilers would break in and bite off the ears. This practice was particularly prevalent in a certain Forth household.”

    Luann: If camera crews do show up, I expect Tiffany to be flattened by both Delta and Luann in a race to
    get to them first.

    Marvin: Screw finding the six differences in Slylock Fox. You want a real challenge? Try finding
    the joke in today’s Marvin.

    A3G: “That sounds terrific, Lu Ann. What was the advice?”
    “He told me… He said I should… Uh-oh.”

  49. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#8): Why? Is someone going to draw a mustache on DareDevil?

  50. Nekrotzar
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#35):
    I once sat down to work with a container of chocolate covered espresso beans. After a while I noticed that my hands were shaking, at which point I realized that I had eaten about 3/4 pound worth of the beans. It took me, literally, two weeks to fall asleep.

  51. Hibbleton
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    RMMD: While June slept, Rex enjoyed some quiet time contemplating on Motherwell’s Elegy to the Spanish Republic hanging in his living room. “Hmm, Bull testicles.”

  52. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    @Digger (#45):

    ….oh crap, I just got The Shaft.

    This one is not a sex machine to all the chicks. Thank Heavens for small mercies.

  53. Écureuil Écumant
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    S-M: In the real world, if superheroes swung overhead, people on the street below would stare upwards in goggle-eyed, slack-jawed amazement.

    In the S-M world, it’s the superheroes who gape.

  54. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @BigTed (#27): Actually Daredevil doesn’t fly. He swings around on a rope and grappling hook he fires from his white cane. Seriously.

  55. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#13): Tommie: How was your visit to Alexandria, Lu Ann?
    Lu Ann: It was good.
    Tommie: Oh.
    Lu Ann: Mm-hmm.
    Tommie: Mm-hmm.

    (They stand there blinking at one another for a good twenty minutes.)

    Tommie: Say, have you noticed that pink miasma collecting around our legs?
    Lu Ann: Legs?
    Tommie: Oh, right.
    Lu Ann: Mm-hmm.
    Tommie: Mm-hmm.
    Lu Ann: Hot chocolate, am I right?
    Tommie: Mm-hmm.
    Lu Ann: Mm-hmm.

    (Pink miasma floats off screen into reader’s room, putting everyone out of their misery.)

  56. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    @Digger (#45): I’ve been looking forward to this aquarium trip all spring. Sure, it’s only been spring for a few days

    Reminds me of the promos for American Idol, where the 16YO contestants assert that winning this contest is “All I’ve ever wanted my whole life!”. Kid, you are 16. You’ve never actually had a job. Becoming instantly rich and famous for life by winning a kareoke contest is just slightly more realistic than your prior dreams of becoming a firefighter or a pro basketball player, in that it requires no effort or ability, such as becoming a pro athlete or first responder does.
    /RANT

  57. Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-)
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    You know how sometimes when you’re first waking up and you just kind of skim over the headlines before grabbing your coffee and getting more in-depth? I do that to this site sometimes.

    So this morning I was glancing over “Crankshaft” and misread the second panel as “Oh by the way, your bus driver is going to bed Ed Crankshaft.”

    That woke me up faster than a cup of Kopi Luwak!

  58. NoahSnark
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man made me realize there is nothing cooler than flying through town on invisible lounge chairs.

  59. Stev0
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Smart move, H&J. If you went for the poop joke, “Marvin” would have sued for copyright infringement.

  60. Hogenmogen
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    MT: Rod, I let my ten year old kid run around the docks alone at night. I figured “Why not? I leave him unsupervised all day, right?” Anyway, he didn’t come home last night. Maybe you know something?

    Rod: These kids today are lazy! Look there’s a body floating in the water. Lazy! When we were kids, we’d swim to shore and THEN die. Oh, I mean, I’m sure your boy will turn up.

  61. bbofun
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    A3G- In panel two, Tommie’s expression is “you were thinking about it? YOU, Lu Ann, were THINKING? No good can come of this.”

    MW- One disadvantage of the comics medium is that the crucial element of timing can be hard to convey in dialogue. For example- in today’s strip, how much of a pause was there between Mary’s “The only thing is…” and Toby’s “What is it?”? If there was little or no pause, it indicates Toby is desperate for any gossip. If there was a short pause, Toby is intrigued by the story, but not invested in it. If there was a long pause, then Toby’s just being polite.

    FW- For those thinking that the teacher’s phrase was written incorrectly, remember that this is Funkytown, where people call vending machines “vendos,” and everyone is ready with a pun 24/7. The English language evolved differently there.
    Also, pretty clearly, the fiscal year and budgeting for schools evolved differently, as well. That’s why, every year, the budget is decided and implement immediately in the middle of the school year- this year, teachers are fired- last year, sports were almost eliminated. You’d think they’d figure out that they should do this in the summer, but no. In Funkytown, all must happen at the most dramatic moment.

    GT- Our story so far- someone, we don’t know whom yet, slipped and fell a few weeks ago, with as-yet unknown health consequences. The first baseman is the weak link in the infield. Gil has no left-handers pitching.

    Traditionally, first-basemen are lefties (which is not as true as it once was, but this IS Gil Thorpe). I assume the slip-and-fall will account for the first baseman having a little less fielding coordination, and Gil will try him out as a pitcher. Let’s see if I’m right, shall we?

    9CL- I see no difference between how Older Amos spoke and how the Burbers generally do. There are two possibilities. A) I’m a beefwit; B)Brooke’s a hack. You choose.

    RMMD- No morning sickness for June? Hmm…(I’m well aware that morning sickness doesn’t occur in all pregnancies, and sometimes develops later, but this is a soap strip, and morning sickness is the sort of trope they’d usually exploit. Or, perhaps, this is going to be a “teaching moment’ for the strip.)

  62. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Fibuli (#33): If telling Sluggo’s origin story gets Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger offstage, I say go for it.

  63. Alter Ego
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    love is… taking time out from exhibitionism for some voyeurism.

  64. A New Day
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    I remember, in some earlier stories, being miffed at the way Mark Trail good guys let their dogs wander freely, then got upset when they were kidnapped. It upsets me less now that they treat their children (or, you know, genetic mutant offspring) pretty much the same way. Does this make me a bad person? Not unless I grow a beard, I suppose.

  65. TheDiva
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    9CL: Today’s McEldowney-to-Human Translation:
    Edda: I wonder if Fleurrie and Sven are having sex yet.
    Older Amos: Of course they are! Her dress was designed to bowl over her date with her sexiness, and pure unadulterated lust is the highest form of relationship two people can ever achieve. (beat) I’m sorry, I spoke without being spoken to. I’ll be waiting on the spanking bench.
    Edda: What do you see in him, anyway?
    Juliette: A heating unit for a dildo. Isn’t that what all men are?

    A3G: “I also thought about string a lot. String is good.”

    Luann: Delta bribes her classmates into doing good by telling them they’ll appear on television, then acts all high-and-mighty when that’s the only reason they show up. These people can’t even be altruistic without being terrible.

    Marvin: If you need more proof on how repulsive Marvin is: even the grandma-type lady in the checkout line refuses to look at him.

    MW: “Her mother didn’t like asparagus! What person turns down asparagus, I ask you?”

    Pibgorn: So, that’s the big tragedy of the Genie/Drusilla relationship, huh? She got so busy scorching a guy that she forgot their date, and he was upset about being stood up and left. And neither of them sought the other out to clear up the matter. For several centuries.
    …This is perhaps another reason why everybody likes Solange: McEldowney never attempts to write narrative for her.

  66. Holly Folly
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Okay, I really really did not need that crotch shot of Daredevil. Really. Like it’s just right there. Bam. In your face. Who jumps like that anyway? Matt Murdock, that’s who.

  67. seismic-2
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    FW: Westview High has just undergone a round of teacher lay-offs? And yesterday Les was demonstrating amazing typing speed? Could he have been sending out resumés? However, since Les already works at Montoni’s, and since Komix Korner already hired Crazy Harry, and since there are no other businesses in town, then I suppose that’s not what he was doing after all. Bummer.

  68. Little Guy
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    ASM: “Two words: Zoning Ordinance.” (when is Venture Bros. back?)

    Curtis: On the plus side, we know when Curtis grows up, he’ll be bringing the Benny Russell stories to TV.

  69. Hibbleton
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary says “The only thing is…” while miming giving a blow job. Seems Mary tested Tom à la “Boogie Nights” and he came up a little short.

  70. Marc
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Cranky- Teachers are getting laid off mid year, but damn it all; the trip to the aquarium must go on! In reality, it’s only because the couple million dollars for the damages and legal fees that the district will have to pay out because of Crankshaft driving the trip, has already been set aside.

  71. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Drabble — Eating the grass helps their family cat have regular bowel movements. Ralph Drabble has managed to make a financial killing by passing the “end result” off as Kopi Luwak coffee, and selling it to his neighbor Herb.

  72. AhClem
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    H&J – On first reading this morning, I thought this strip was from the “H&J Standard Joke List” (Hahaha, coffee prices, amirite?). However, the cat shit angle may make this one of the best Herb & Jamaal strips ever.

    How low can you set the bar before it begins coming up on the other side of the world?

  73. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

  74. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#3): Re JP: <a href="Link text“>Potatoes are what Sam eats!

  75. Mibbitmaker
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    9CL: No, Older Amos, but you sure got McEldowney Talk down pat.

    Curtis: She definately is Sniping at him alot. (*ducks….. and covers*)

    9CL: First he’s “trained”, now she “restricts” him? RUN, OLDER AMOS, RUN! YOUR RELATIONSHIP’S WORSE THAN MICHAEL SCOTT WITH JAN!!!

    Glibporn: Oh, let’s just keep forgetting about the (yecch!) djin! Please?!

  76. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#65): She got so busy scorching a guy that she forgot their date, and he was upset about being stood up and left. And neither of them sought the other out to clear up the matter. For several centuries.

    It’s a good thing that “flying through the air and accidentally landing in her vagina” accidents are so common, or none of McE’s characters would be able to sustain a relationship.

  77. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#69): This comment made me laugh until I puked. Or maybe it made me do both things separately, I dunno.

  78. jim, some guy in iowa
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#75): older amos is just considering himself fortunate juliette is only displaying the front row of incisors and not the entire maw of snaggle toothed doom

  79. Austria
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    BC: Sooo, the characters of BC are 4th graders. “I hate you, you hate me, let’s gang up and kill Barney” and all that? I’m a little worried about their beards. Kids these days hit puberty younger and younger.

    Curtis: OH MY GOSH LOOK AT CHUTNEY IN THE SECOND PANEL. WHAT A CUTIE. (Not quite sure what’s going on with her hand in that third panel, though.)

    H&L: Trixie vs Lois? I have to cheer for Trixie. She knows her existence is miserable and bleak, and so she’s taking it out on her helicopter mother. Well-played, you incorrigible little spore, well-played.

  80. Illustrator Steve
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    MT – “Your running this boat pretty fast! Watch your wake, Rod!”
    “ARE YOU TRYING TO ACCUSE ME OF SOMETHING AGAIN, TRAIL!? Well…BEFORE YOU ACCUSE ME, TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF!”

  81. bats :[
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

  82. Morgan Wick
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    “My bus driver is going to be Ed Crankshaft? Crap, that means I’m living in the Funkyverse, doesn’t it? Better call in sick now, lord knows it’s just a matter of time before horrible, agonizing sickness is all I know anymore!”

  83. Spotts1701
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    FW: So we transition from “Batiuk demonstrates ignorance of the comics industry” to “Batiuk demonstrates ignorance of school districts”. Joy.

    Luann: Okay, betting window is open. How will Evans humiliate Tiffany this time?

  84. Chareth Cutestory
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#49): [drawn out stare with narrowed eyes, breathy Barry White voice] …oh yeah…

  85. lorne
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#26)
    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#46):

    Thanks, but I’m quite comfortable with my current level of ignorance about Newspaper Spider-Man.

  86. Legend of the Arctic
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Josh, I have to take issue with your egregious misuse of the word “literally.” Crankshaft may be figuratively sucking out the joy, but we have no evidence that he’s doing so in any concrete sense.

    If you have to make a “literally” joke in this instance, better go with something like “Haha that Crankshaft, he’s so horrible he literally makes people ill.”

  87. Legend of the Arctic
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    New theory about “Mark Trail.” Given that:

    a. None of the characters in the strip act in a way that real human beings act
    b. Many of them have obvious animal names like “Rod Bassy,” and
    c. Animals are usually more prominently displayed in the strip than humans, and in fact, often have word balloons coming out of their mouths,

    I must conclude that this is actually a comic strip about talking animals, not humans. Think about it. No human being would let his slow-witted son wander off/ get kidnapped without calling the cops. but a frog would, because it’s in their nature to abandon their kids. And “Why are you asking me… you know how kids are these days” is exactly the kind of response a fish with no social skills would give to a stupid question. A fish named Rod Bassy.

    We’ve been missing the point all along.

  88. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft Yes, it’s too late to call in sick. But you could vomit on the bus.

    A3G “I thought about it the whole way home. That’s three full hours of thinking, Tommie! And I have one coherent thought to show for it! Boy, does my head hurt.”

  89. Hogenmogen
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#83): Tiffany will be humiliated because she’ll be outed.
    “Tiffany only heard ‘TV coverage’ and came right away! She’s a HE!”
    “No, my hands are just naturally big!”

  90. Hogenmogen
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth: Faye has known the Forths for six years. And she’s still eleven? I think?

  91. Master Softheart
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    PHANTOM! It is not widely known outside the field of comparative law, but the Llongo tribesmen are well known for their highly developed corporate civil fraud and animal rights law. Also, of course, like all tribes in this region of Central Africa, they have developed highly specialized evidenciary laws relating to witness identity in criminal and organized crime prosecutions. Most scholars find the reasons for this rather implausible.

  92. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#65):

    MW: “Her mother didn’t like asparagus! What person turns down asparagus, I ask you?”

    Mary has found a higher purpose. Tom and Beth can get together or not. Screw ‘em! The real challenge will be to get Elinor to eat her asparagus.

  93. Hogenmogen
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Hold on to your seats, folks! I have inside word that tomorrow’s narration box is a breathless “June and Sarah eat waffles for breakfast!” Followed by Wednesday’s “June clears the table and talks to Sarah!” Oh yeah, I forgot: Uh, spoiler alert.

  94. Poteet
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    LUANN — “How’d you get all these volunteers? Look, all the students in your high school came! All seven or eight of them!”

  95. Buck Ripsnort
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    ASM: Now now, people– If they weren’t in costume talking about their secret id’s, how would we know this strip involves super-heroes? Tomorrow: Spidey and Daredevil appear in their civilian outfits, talking about being super-heroes.

  96. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#83):

    Luann: Okay, betting window is open. How will Evans humiliate Tiffany this time?

    She’ll snub an old person. And make fun of Ox. Because she’s evil.

  97. Hogenmogen
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    MW: The only thing is –

    Toeby: What is it??

    MW: Will you shut the fuck up so I can tell you?

  98. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#89):

    So Tiffany is less than one chromosome away from a Gil Thorp storyline.

  99. Poteet
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    9CL — Was 9CL always like this? Was it ever saner?

  100. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#49): Why? Is someone going to draw a mustache on DareDevil?

    I thought you’d never ask!

  101. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#99): Was 9CL always like this? Was it ever saner? When Edda was still a child and Brooke couldn’t make her the subject of his masturbatory fantasies (at least publicly) the strip could be quite charming sometimes.

  102. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#100): I fear to click that link, yet I must…

    Oh, dear God!

    Blond?!

  103. Hogenmogen
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    MW: The only thing is..

    Toeby: What is it?

    MW: The whole evening was ruined by an incorrigible shrew.

    Toeby: I’m sorry to hear that. *sigh* When are you going to learn that you can’t outdrink my husband? He’s got 170 pounds of bellicose cellulose on you. I’ll help you write apology letters. Again.

  104. bunivasal
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    “Matt Murdock? BUT THAT’S YOUR CIVILIAN ID!” bellows the Amazing Spider-man, apparently deciding that the only way he’s going to be allowed to go back to watching tv on the couch and failing to catch super villains is if he gets the actually competent superhero murdered.

    Speaking of which, Colombian hit squads are Kingpin’s superpower, right? That’s why he’s called Kingpin?

  105. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    tech doggie.

    snorgi.

    Calvin did it first.

    I .gif you sleeping puppies.

    slowsquee.

    corgi yearbook pic.

    derpy corgi wondering if it’s 4:20 yet.

    nonlinked observation: TDP is a golden. another month to count, no doubt about.

  106. Poteet
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Jerry Fox, from Cleveland (#101): Thank you. Somehow that helps.

  107. Hogenmogen
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    JP:
    Sam: You’re on a roll, Alan!

    Alan: Hey, it’s nothing. Wait until we can get the movie going! Hollywood stars, red carpets, Oscars – can we get Oscars for “best original screenplay” and “best adaptation”?

    Sam: No, I mean, you are resting your hand with the cell phone on the roll that I want to eat. But sure, we can get them to change the rules for the Oscars. That’s just a phone call away, really.

  108. Hogenmogen
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @bunivasal (#104): No, he’s called “Kingpin” because his weakness is bowling balls.

  109. Poteet
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    MT —

    Frog: “Wow, look what the color monkeys did to the ducks THIS time!”
    Fish: “Man, that’s just sad.”

  110. Government Cheese
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    Luann: The only person who didn’t show up was Knute; he’s too baked to be shown in public. Also, Gunther looks really really happy he’s making baskets with Rosa, but he’s really thinking “Oh please, please I hope I get to see her naked*”.

    *Naked to Gunther is her wearing the same outfit, but with one button unbuttoned. He, meanwhile, would be wearing his wormcock outfit.

    So once they create the baskets, they’ll hand them over to the one senior citizen in the Luannverse? Mrs. Dorner? She’s just going to say, “what the fuck am I supposed to do with all these baskets?”

    MW: It was a success! I was insulted by Elinor and she caused a scene, but it was-a-success! DO YOU HEAR ME? IT WAS A SUCCESS! (throttles Toby).

  111. Anonymous
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Jerry Fox, from Cleveland (#101): I’ve never been an avid follower of 9CL, although I do remember seeing it in a local paper as far back as ten years, give or take, and I don’t recall Edda actually being any younger than she is now. Was she younger in the sense that 18 is younger than 28, or was she actually a pre-teen or teenager at one point?

  112. seismic-2
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    “Matt Murdock? BUT THAT’S YOUR CIVILIAN ID!”

    I suppose that’s one way of doing it, but I would prefer to see Lee Falk come swinging into the panel on a rope-shooting cane and announce: “For those who came in late…”

  113. Calico
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    I would love to try a $50 cup of Civet Cat Coffee.
    “Crappucino”

  114. Acacia
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    The last time my state had an Amber Alert, a woman murdered her two young grandchildren and then killed herself.

    Stay classy, Josh.

  115. Hogenmogen
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    SM: The lawyer? That’s your CIVILIAN ID!!

    DD: YES IT IS, PETER PARKER, PHOTOGRAPHER FOR A DAILY NYC NEWSPAPER!

    SM: So how are you as MATT MURDOCK, ATTORNEY AT LAW going to capture Kingpin?

    DD: I… He will use SPIDERMAN, WHO IS IN REALITY PETER PARKER, HUSBAND OF MARY JANE PARKER – YES I GOOGLED YOU - AS A DECOY!

    SM: That’s a great idea MATT MURDOCK, WHO WORKS ON THE 14TH FLOOR AT 1200 WEST 7TH STREET…

  116. A Woman of a Certain Age
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Luann: Peeps! I knew it! And is Ox carrying 80 dozen raw eggs? Do they think chocolate is too good to waste on old people?? Why is the fire station allowing these do-gooder teens to clutter up their workspace with their feel-good project? They’re probably stacking the baskets in front of the fire engines.

  117. Old School Allie Cat
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    I was in the exact same position as the Daredevil this morning – and by that, I’m not saying I was planning to revert to my lawyer identity – I was in stirrups at my annual exam.

    What? That’s no more tasteless than civet-poop coffee!

  118. Government Cheese
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    SM: Just airing out my junk, doo doo la-ti-da, just airing out my junk…..

  119. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#99): Back when McE was still on speaking terms with his editors, both Pibgorn and 9CL could be funny, charming, and even sweet, and that more often than not. It’s a large part of why I get so irritated with both strips now; he had a good thing, but it’s been ruined by the hubris of the author.

  120. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    Better Half:

    Wife, replying to her husband:

    “I criticize you because you paid Ziggy to kneel under the table and lick your balls…while we speak! You understand why that upsets me, right?”

    Husband:

    “OOOOoooooooh! Huh? What were you saying, dear?”

  121. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#103): “Bellicose cellulose.” I like it. The phrase, that is.

  122. Ziggy
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

  123. Voshkod
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Spiderman looks like it was drawn by someone using a Daredevil action figure as his point of reference. A Daredevil action figure with extemely few points of articulation.

  124. Alice
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#48): Luann: If camera crews do show up, I expect Tiffany to be flattened by both Delta and Luann in a race to get to them first.

    Nah, Evans would never make Tiffany “flat.” Where would the fanservice come from? Gunther’s implied nudity? (*shudder*) Luann’s bare feet? (*double shudder*)

  125. DMac
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    I’m quite surprised that no one today has yet mentioned a H&J and Marvin connection.

    With this pleasant thought, I’ll be switching to Postom.

  126. Voshkod
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#96): Making fun of Ox could end poorly for Tiffany.

    “I can still tend the rabbits, Luann? I didn’t mean no harm, Luann.”

  127. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#124): Well, there’s always the inflatable seat cushions that half the females in the strip seem to be clutching between their teeth.

  128. Liam
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    JP-And speaking of rolls. Have a golden looking roll.

    Love Is-Keeping an eye on your neighbor’s house even they aren’t away.

    MW-”The only thing is that my meddling sense tells me that Beth is one of those lesbians that you hear about. I’m going to have to put in some extra effort to get her out of it.”

    A3G-”I could make extra money by renting myself out to lonely men for a few hours.”

  129. BERTMARCH
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    You know how these kids are today, what with their iPads, and hula hoops and rock and roll…

  130. Dennis Jimenez
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#69): Well, keep in mind, Tom is thick – of course since I’m not talking about his penis girth, I guess that doesn’t count for much, either….

  131. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Ziggy (#122):

    Don’t pretend like that isn’t how you make a living, lil baldy!

  132. Shrug, with a Minnow of a Joke
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#253):

    “And can Rusty please turn up as little chunks in the bait bucket?”

    “Hi, my name is Mark, and this is Rusty, my little chum!”

  133. Shrug, Feeling a Bit Peckish
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#y256):

    “MT — Wow. There was more concern for child welfare in TREASURE ISLAND.”

    Or in Swift’s “A Modest Proposal.”

  134. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Acacia (#114): The last time my state had an Amber Alert, a woman murdered her two young grandchildren and then killed herself. Stay classy, Josh.

    Several months ago, a two-year-old girl who went missing in Immokalee, Florida turned up alive and well after an Amber Alert was issued. Denise Hernandez was found in a field about a half mile from her home around 9:15 a.m., less than 12 hours after she was reported missing.

    My point, Acacia, is simple: you’re INCORRECT if you think an Amber Alert automatically ends badly for the child involved.

  135. Shrug, Nervously Enabling Java
    March 25th, 2013 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#17):

    “What store puts a free pot of Kopi Luwak for customers?”

    The Dollar Store in the Parker-Driver neighborhood?

  136. Shrug, Working the Gag Out of His Mouth and On to the Screen
    March 25th, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#26):

    I like the phrase “casual kidnapping.” I can visualize the Montgomery Ward catalogs that come to Lost Forest (sure, it’s still 1950 there most of the time, so they get big paper catalogs) featuring both “casual kidnapping” clothes and “formal kidnapping” attire, so you need never worry about being over- or under-dressed for your next encounter.

    ///Shouldn’t the giant animals in MT also get a chance to wear pornstashes? Maybe they could order such in the Johnson Smith novelty catalog.

  137. Shrug, Keeping His Stick on the Ice
    March 25th, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#56):

    In the same vein, I’ve always loved Harold’s line on “The Experts” portion of THE RED GREEN SHOW:

    “Here’s my Uncle Red, and his best friend in the whole wide room…”

  138. Marc
    March 25th, 2013 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Working the Gag Out of His Mouth and On to the Screen (#136): Why trek all the way to the T. Rading Post when you can order your kidnapping attire through the mail?

  139. Shrug, Not Planning to Post This Ten Identical Times in Ten Different Blogs
    March 25th, 2013 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#67):

    “FW: Westview High has just undergone a round of teacher lay-offs? And yesterday Les was demonstrating amazing typing speed? Could he have been sending out resumés?”

    Could have just been chain letters…

    ////”Don’t forget! The last person who broke the chain had to move to Westview!”

  140. sally
    March 25th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    MT: Let’s overlook the emotional cruelty of Mark’s finally going FISHING during an outing on which Rusty is nominally along, but WITHOUT Rusty. See, that would be horribly cruel even if Mark were merely a father-figure or sort of big brother to Rusty. (It’s in keeping with Mark’s spectrum disorder, but still cruel.)

    But that’s not the worst of it because in fact Mark is Rusty’s adoptive FATHER. LEGALLY responsible for him. “I lost track of Rusty, have you seen him?” stated about a child for whom an adult is responsible is actionable child endangerment in most states, isn’t it? (Also, making that admission in front of a scumbag like Rod Bassy is in keeping with Mark’s stupidity disorder, but still dumb.)

    Oh well. Hey, did I get the ALL caps in the right places?

  141. Shrug, Acting Board
    March 25th, 2013 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @bunivasal (#104):

    “Speaking of which, Colombian hit squads are Kingpin’s superpower, right? That’s why he’s called Kingpin?”

    No, he just came up through the ranks. He started out as Pawnpin, and took it one step at a time. Then he became Knightpin, and got a little jumped up. Seeking a new slant on his career, he changed his name to Bishoppin, and later decided to be a straight-ahead sort of guy and became Rookpin. Of his days as Queenpin, no one now dares speak. (It wasn’t a pretty sight, though.)

  142. lynn
    March 25th, 2013 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Just popping in after a long absence, for those who remember me; my little hobby has been keeping me busy, and now has brought me a small measure of fame as my reputation as a loon spreads nationwide. A very small measure of fame. Follow the link in my name if you wish. Cheers -

  143. seismic-2
    March 25th, 2013 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#43): JP: I find myself baffled by the roll reference. Is Judge Parker so well-known now that his likeness is printed on dinner rolls at local hoity-toity restaurants?

    Of course. It’s a Parker-house roll. Made with Gold Medal Dust flour.

  144. Chip Whittle
    March 25th, 2013 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

  145. Calico
    March 25th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

  146. Calico
    March 25th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    *don’t know* – oops

    MW – “The only thing is, the writer’s mother is a harridan!”
    Next dinner with Elinor, Mary, you had better use sporks only.

  147. Poteet
    March 25th, 2013 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#119): Really? PIBGORN too? Wow. *brain melts a little*

  148. Poteet
    March 25th, 2013 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

  149. But What Do I Know?
    March 25th, 2013 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#55): I guess they could change the name of the comic to “Waiting for Margo”

    GT — I don’t want to stand up for Gil, but why is Marty Moon such a dick? It’s not as though Gil went around slapping his pitchers’ left hands with a ruler every time they tried to pick up a baseball with them. Or did he?

  150. Poteet
    March 25th, 2013 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

  151. Ziggy
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#131):You are a cruel man, Mr. HO.

  152. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#150): whosagoodgater yesyouare!”

  153. I speak Jive
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#119): Seriously, how does he get away with it? I can’t imagiine that 9CL is such a cash cow for the syndicate that he has such free rein. Other comics seem to have standards they have to comply with – why doesn’t he?

    Funky Winkerbean – Here is Batiuk’s second most annoying expression – the look of heavy-lidded, smug superiority. Usually a character adopts this expression when he or she is ponificating about serious comic strips or serious theater, not in making “jokes.”

    Judge Parker – Something is wrong with the Judge. He has been up for an hour; surely he should have his screenplay written by now. If he can write a best-seller in a week, surely an hour is enough time to write an award-winning screenplay.

  154. I speak Jive
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#153): *pontificating*

  155. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#142): I’ve enjoyed your posts in the past, so I hope your days of posting haven’t passed.

  156. Liam
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    MT-”Are you accusing me of kidnapping Rusty and chopping him up into fish bait?”

    Love Is-Being a Peeping Tom.

  157. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    The Knight Life: It’s a coupon to jump the line at the post office, thereby implying that lineups at post offices are long. But it also says, “If this doesn’t bring in business what will?” which implies that post offices no longer get any business and as a corollary wouldn’t have long lineups.

    I haven’t been this confused since Carly Simon’s song, You’re So Vain, in which she says that “you” are so vain that you probably think this song is about you, but implying that it isn’t, and is therefore about someone who is not vain enough to identify with the song, thereby making the whole exercise pointless.

  158. ALee
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: Argh, why don’t you color in the whites of their eyes?! That always bothered me in old cheap cartoons, too, but at least they had the excuse of being animation…

  159. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    There’s a definite homoerotic subtext in today’s Judge Parker with an extreme close-up of Sam buttering Alan’s roll for him.

    NOTHING SAYS LOVIN’ LIKE SOMETHING FROM THE OVEN!

  160. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#119):

    I’ve only really followed the strip since the days of the cello competition in Belgium (2008 or so). Even then, the obsession with Edda as a special snowflake, whose loss of virginity was videotaped by Belgians in a hot air balloon, and instantly viewed and commented upon by everyone in the world, was highly developed (this was also after the unicorn told her she was special).

    However, the increasing inability to tell an actual story, and reliance on plot points centering around men’s inability to remain upright when in the presence of women they are attracted to, has really seemed to build steam over the past year or so, culminating in Sunday’s and today’s strips in which the Burber women actually mock one of their thralls for this behavior, while both openly fantasizing about another man.

    Are there strip clubs in the Burberverse that Elliot could visit? Do they require ambulances be on-call in the parking lot 24/7 to take all the men who experience syncope at the sight of a woman wearing three ounces or less to the emergency room? I know that if I came home and my fiancee was sitting on the couch with her mother, eyes closed, openly fantasizing about one of the farm hands, I wouldn’t meeky apologize and go fetch the strap-on….

  161. Alan
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    Somewhere there is a very, very happy Daredevil taint fetishist.

  162. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#157):

    I think the point is that only someone who would hear the song and assume it must be about them would be vain enough to actually have the song be written about them.

    (And then sing backup vocals on it….)

  163. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @Ziggy (#151):
    Yup. Some say I take after my Grinchle. Others say I take after the other side of the family, after Uncle Meanie-Miney Mo.

  164. AhClem
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Acting Board (#141): Now you’re chess’ bein’ silly.

  165. ALee
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Ugh, I meant Crankshaft, but really, what’s the difference?

  166. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#162): Sure. But the implication is that the song isn’t about them — otherwise it would be “You’re So Vain You Probably Know This Song Is About You.”

  167. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#162): PS: The agreement seems to be that it wasn’t Mick.

  168. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#166):

    I think the song is about them, but only someone so vain would assume that. It is clearly about them – with their apricot scarf and their sleeping with the wife of a close friend, wife of a close friend. By assuming the song is about them, they validate the songwriter’s assumption about their vanity.

    And by “they”, I mean Mick. Not because the song is necessarily about him, but because I’d hate it to be one of those songs where you finally find out who it really is about and your reaction is: “Really? All that bitterness and speculation over Charles Grodin? That really ruins the song for me!”

  169. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 25th, 2013 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#167):

    Yes, I’d heard an interview where she denies it, and talks about him recording the vocals, and thinking he would be able to do it anonomously, thus putting the lie to the notion that he was so vain as to realize his voice was instantly recognizable.

    She also had a good story about Mick calling her for help finishing a song. It was a ballad, and everything fit except he needed a name for the girl. She made several suggestions, including “Amy”, but he finally hit on “Aaaaaaangie” as the best fit.

  170. lynn
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#155): Thanks, I appreciate that; I thought I had gotten a bit out of hand. I usually read every post every day, but have just been too busy even to do that for a couple of weeks. Comics Curmudgeonry is a hard habit to break! You folks ‘rock’ as the kids say, or used to say, or still do say in Funky Winkerbean, or will say in about twenty years in Archie…

  171. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#168): My problem is with the logical construction of the sentence. For instance, the same construction in the following sentences indicates that what the subject of the sentence thinks is wrong:

    “You’re so vain you probably think New Year’s fireworks are for you.”
    “You’re so dumb you probably think Jack Black is a great actor.”
    “You’re so blind you probably think that oak tree is a grain silo.”

    In the same way, “You’re so vain you probably think this song is about you” seems to automatically mean that if you think this song is about you, then you’re wrong.

    See what I mean?

  172. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#169): He was right. “Amy” just doesn’t have the same ring to it. (Man, that was a beautiful song.)

  173. KreatureFeatures
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail, your attempts at thwarting this kidnapping are failing.
    It’s time to involve Mary Worth, a random waitress, and rainbow swirl.

  174. the REAL Mark Trail
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Digger (#45): now THAT’S FUNNY!
    -James

  175. Alison
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: I’m sure Tiffany is going to be scorned because she showed up so she could be on TV, instead of showing up because she wants to help old people. No matter that Bernice already made it very clear she didn’t want to help old people either, and only came along because Delta made her feel guilty; it is only Tiffany who deserves to get humiliated, because that is the way “Luann” works.

    “Crankshaft”: I thought I was cynical, and then I started reading “Crankshaft”. Wow, even I am not cynical enough that I can only find humor in people constantly getting bad news.

  176. Doctor Handsome
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    “Yes, Spider-Man, I am aware of my own real identity. Also, I have super-hearing. BUT MAYBE YOU CAN SHOUT THAT A LITTLE LOUDER!!”

  177. bats :[
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I really don’t want to do a bunch of paperwork today, do I?
    No. No, I don’t. But thank you for asking.

  178. Sequitur
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Somehow, someway, this basket-making story will break down into a Tiffany-Luann-Quill thing.

  179. Marc
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#173): Mary Worth trying to meddle in Rusty’s kidnapping. Now that could be interesting.

  180. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I’ve actually gone back through more than a week’s worth of Luann strips to find the mention of TV coverage before today. Not only did I have no luck, but I actually went back through more than a week’s worth of Luann. Life is brutal.

  181. Dood
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Gil Thorp proves once more that the strip is really about the misadventures of a space alien desperately attempting to get off this rock known as Earth. However, since his first contact was with a local athletic coach, he’s forced to speak in sports metaphors that the coach interprets as, well, sports metaphors. Which is why “You seem to have left yourself with no southpaws” — translated: “Are you receiving a directional signal from Beta-Theta 9?” — gets the non-response that it does. Then, as Marty-the-space-alien angrily attempts to disintegrate Gil with his light-years-ahead-of-our-own handheld technology, it begins raining and shorts the gadget. Foiled again.

  182. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#160): I know that if I came home and my fiancee was sitting on the couch with her mother, eyes closed, openly fantasizing about one of the farm hands, I wouldn’t meeky apologize and go fetch the strap-on….

    I don’t know… for me it would really depend on how much of a MILF the future mom-in-law was, and how big the strap-on is. :)

  183. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#180):

    Worse, the TV crews never showed up, they were called away to cover the story of some old guy in Ohio who chained himself to a dead tree in his own backyard.

    Now, if only he would volunteer to drive the bus with the kids and their baskets to the retirement home.

  184. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#182):

    More information about this scenario can be found on the internet!

  185. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    FW: Shit, I thought robbing the deceased formerly employed of their office supplies only happened in the corporate world.

  186. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#179): Just don’t expect Mary Worth to take Rusty fishing after she meddles him away from Rod and Catfish…

    “I don’t do pancakes, kid. You up for a bowl of Rainbow Swirl ice cream?”

  187. Sequitur
    March 25th, 2013 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Somehow, someway, that bus will get stuck in a field with Crankshaft spouting, “You wanted a field trip, well, here it is!”

  188. Alison
    March 25th, 2013 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#180):
    Whenever I have a question about a lousy comic strip, I ask it here, because often someone knows the answer. If no one knows, I let it remain a mystery, because that’s preferable to slogging through something like “Luann” and seeing all the comments from people who like the strip and think anyone who doesn’t is a “hater”.

    I asked here once what happened to Luann’s ex-crush Aaron Hill, and I got my answer, which was that he moved to Hawaii. But if nobody had answered I would have made up a story in my own head about what happened to him instead of looking for the real answer. (“Too bad Aaron Hill died in that freak accident at the ice cream parlour, oh well.”)

    I too wonder where Tiffany’s idea about TV cameras came from; I suspect we are to assume she is so vain she thinks TV cameras follow her around, or something.

  189. jim, some guy in iowa
    March 25th, 2013 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#179): recent developments lead me to wonder: who is less competent – spiderman or mark trail?

  190. seismic-2
    March 25th, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#173): Rusty has been rescued. Pool party!!!

  191. Sequitur
    March 25th, 2013 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Has anyone considered that Tiffany is kidding around with her remark about the camera crew? No? Yeah, I know. Greg Evans wouldn’t want Tiffany appear to have any sense of humor.

  192. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 25th, 2013 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#147): Yes, really. Check out some of the earlier ones, particularly the riff he did on A Midsummer’s Night’s Dream. There are still some naughty bits, but they’re restrained and fit in the stories better.

  193. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 25th, 2013 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#153): I suspect blackmail. He doesn’t get edited, he is able to demand “no comments”, and he gets to post virtual (and not so virtual) porn, and no one blinks. Blackmail is the only thing that makes sense, unless he owns GoComics or something.

  194. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 25th, 2013 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#160): Yeah, the decline has been both shocking and impossible to ignore. I have a suspicion that we’re seeing some sort of mental breakdown in action, which is sort of sad even as the results are increasingly disturbing.

  195. Horace Broon
    March 25th, 2013 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Margo has disappeared into the fog with her implausable James Bond. LuAnn has decided to seek a new purpose in life. And Tommie’s still there too.

    FW: Others have pointed out that it’s highly unlikely there’d by teacher layoffs in March. Clearly this is a euphemism for “fired for inappropriate behaviour”. Such as experiencing joy, or not assuming all the students are surly morons.

    GT: The expose “Gil Thorpe: Prejudiced Against The Left-Handed?” is going to remake Marty Moon’s career.

    S4th: Faye is seriously considering how she can get into Nona’s new group.

  196. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 25th, 2013 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#191): Can’t be, otherwise the other characters would be wondering what she’s talking about. Instead, they’re saying “I guess the only words Tiffany heard are ‘TV coverage.’” (Which is also grammatically incorrect, but that’s beside the point.)

  197. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 25th, 2013 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#188): That “hater” word has come to really bother me. It’s one of the most effective ways of shutting down debate of any kind. So-called “positive thinkers” have had their equivalent for a long time with “you’re being negative,” but “hater” is much more ubiquitous.

  198. TheDiva
    March 25th, 2013 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#119): Anybody have some links to pre-hubris McEldowney? I’m interested in seeing what he was like when his potential wasn’t being wasted…

  199. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 25th, 2013 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#175):

    … it is only Tiffany who deserves to get humiliated, because that is the way “Luann” works.

    I dunno. There will be plenty of humiliation to go around when the kids show up at the Jewish Home with Easter baskets. (It’s all Ox’s fault!)

  200. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @Ziggy (#151):

    I apologize to you, lil fella!

    It was wrong of me to even invoke your name. These past weeks of Lent have been tough, what with me sacrificing reading about your antics and your comical misfortunes.

    So, when I saw that Ziggy-esque look alike apologizing to his wife, something inside of me said: “No! I’ve come this far and…”

    And, well, I lashed out. Let’s be frank, you are probably small enough to stand underneath the table at which that couple sits. You could be doing anything down there. How can I, a quipster by heart, bypass such an opportunity?

    Now, go, live life as large as you can, you flesh-colored fireplug, you! Run free, sans a belt, sans a pants and frolic about to your heart’s content.

    After Lent is over, I shall reassess my not indulging in your diary of dispair. Until then, I call a truce. Whaddaya say, lil feller?

  201. jim, some guy in iowa
    March 25th, 2013 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#198):

    http://www.gocomics.com/9chickweedlane/2001/04/21

    a place to start, anyway. seems much the same, from a quick look around

  202. Peanut Gallery
    March 25th, 2013 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    Late addendum to yesterday’s discussion of typewriters: Electric typewriters had bells too. The bell was your warning that you were nearing the end of a line. (I tell ye, there’ll be no “word wrap” in hell!)

    One day when I was a mere lad, I had set up the electric typewriter on our dining-room table and was typing something, when it occurred to me that a tall glass of chocolate milk would be just the thing. So I went into the kitchen and got the milk, took a sip, set it down to the right of the typewriter where it would be handy, and continued typing.
    I reached the end of a line.
    I heard the Ding.
    I pressed the carriage return key.
    That powerful electric motor drove the carriage smartly and decisively to the right.
    It smacked the glass of chocolate milk dead center and knocked it to the floor, just as if it had been expressly designed for the job.
    I sat there, hands frozen in mid-type, listening to that mocking Ding fade away.

  203. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 25th, 2013 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#198): Here you go.

    I won’t say they’re “pre-hubris” precisely, but “more in control” would be a fair description.

  204. Chip Whittle
    March 25th, 2013 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#198):

    Anybody have some links to pre-hubris McEldowney? I’m interested in seeing what he was like when his potential wasn’t being wasted…

    I think the strip was at its peak around 2000–there was a sequence where a gunshot was fired in the Catholic school Edda and Amos were attending that was surprisingly good all around–but go comics.com doesn’t seem to have any going quite that far back.

    But you can go back to March 2003 and read ahead; I find in the first month, at least, a lot of the tics that would become so agonizing by our day, causing me to wonder if we didn’t mistake the strip all along for something better. But the agonizing bits seem to be better-rounded-out, particularly with the Burbur Supremacy being balanced by Burbur Problems.

    The Belgium Weekend Lasting Eight Months was 2008, I guess, but I think the first signs of McEldowney going nuts was the unicorn story, which was probably the summer before and started out nice but then went on and on until even Heavenly Nostrils hated unicorns.

  205. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 25th, 2013 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

  206. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 25th, 2013 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#203): It’s somewhere in 2007-2009, with the “Lena” storyline, that it begins to fall apart.

  207. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 25th, 2013 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#204): Looks like we agree on the timeline of decline, for both strips. Now I’m curious as to what happened then, to cause it.

  208. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 25th, 2013 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @Acacia (#114) @Rocky Stoneaxe (#134): Likewise, two kids went missing in Milwaukee and turned up safe and sound this weekend. Not always tragedy.

  209. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 25th, 2013 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#143): Groannnn….

  210. Voshkod
    March 25th, 2013 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    As the boat moved out into the lake, Mark readied himself for the coming conflict. He reached out to his animal friends, to borrow a bit of their power. That would be his advantage over Rod. From the frog, the prehensile tongue. From the fish, a powerful tail. From the duck, a penis. Oh, Rod would be surprised. Very, very surprised.

  211. jim, some guy in iowa
    March 25th, 2013 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#204): the stuff i’ve been looking at from 2001 is quite funny & much less pretentious. some hints, tho, as to what was to come

  212. The Ghost of Jarrod
    March 25th, 2013 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    H&J – Does anyone else think the cat poop angle was the original joke, but they changed it? That’s an awfully specific coffee type for H&J.

  213. Ratiocinator
    March 25th, 2013 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#81): Ahhh, there’s the Rex we know!

    @TheDiva (#65): Re. 9CL, this is what I mean when I say I feel sorry for the guy. I mean, even if we assume that he’s content or happy being totally powerless in that relationship, the fact that those two are deliberately excluding him and don’t seem to respect him at all is making me hate them more than usual.

    @Hogenmogen (#93):

    Oh yeah, I forgot: Uh, spoiler alert.

    I can’t just forget that June’s going to clear the table! Goddammit Hogenmogen, I’ll get you for this, if it takes me the rest of my days!

    @Calico (#113):

    Speaking of coffee, I’ve been archive-binging Girl Genius lately and read a strip a few days ago which I think is relevant enough to warrant linkage. It’s pretty spoiler-free for anybody who hasn’t begun reading the comic yet, btw; all you need to know is that Agatha, the main character, made extensive modifications to the coffee machine, and here’s what happens to the first guy to try it:

    http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20070625

  214. mariam67
    March 25th, 2013 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    Kudos to Herb for being so cheap he’ll brew and drink the coffee right in the store and somehow avoid anybody noticing. That’s master level cheapness right there.

  215. Liam
    March 25th, 2013 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    FW-It’s bad enough someone is getting fired but did you have to kick them out of their chair and then taunt them while they were laying on the floor.

  216. Illustrator Steve
    March 25th, 2013 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    MT – “It’s nice to be out here on the water fishing with you, Rod, but I probably should have stayed back at the dock today to look for for Rusty.”

    “Yeah, Trail. I mean, as a parent, finding your kid must be the only thing on your mind right now. …Tell you what, I’ll turn this boat around and get you back to the dock so you can look for the kid.”

    “Let’s not be too quick to do anything as drastic as that … say, would you LOOK at that sunrise! This is going to be a beautiful day for fishing! (SNIFF)…that smell coming from below deck in the galley…could it be? Yes…PANCAKES!”

  217. Illustrator Steve
    March 25th, 2013 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    MT – Bumper sticker seen on the back of Mark Trail’s Markmobile…
    “A BAD DAY OF FISHING IS BETTER THAN SPENDING A GOOD DAY LOOKING FOR MY MISSING KID!”

    Bumper sticker found stuck across Rusty’s mouth…
    “I’D RATHER BE FISHING!”

  218. Illustrator Steve
    March 25th, 2013 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    MT – Bumper sticker seen on the back of Rod Bassy’s boat…
    “ARE YOU TRYING TO ACCUSE ME OF (fill in blank)________________!”

  219. Illustrator Steve
    March 25th, 2013 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    MT – Bumper sticker seen on the back of Doc’s chair…
    “NO! HE’S PROBABLY OUTSIDE!”

  220. Illustrator Steve
    March 25th, 2013 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    MT – Bumper sticker seen on the back of Cherry Trail’s momjeans…
    “I SUPPORT THE RANGER IN MY AREA!”

  221. Illustrator Steve
    March 25th, 2013 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    Bumper sticker on the back of Jackelrod’s parent’s ’78 Caddy…in Zepher hills…
    “WE’RE PROUD OF OUR CLIP ARTIST!”

  222. The Ridger
    March 25th, 2013 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    A little something for Poteet!

  223. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @mariam67 (#214):

    I’m going to give Herbalicious some credit and presume he is in his diner and not at the store. If he were at any store, he would be holding a paper cup of some size either smaller than that or huge. That’s a mug.

    Unfortunately, that sign above the coffee maker makes it seem like it says, “Today’s Sale” which is odd. But, it might be best to think he’s just really into that coffee and is serving it at his diner.

    //now, if someone corrects me and it turns out Herby doesn’t actually own a diner then I’ll defer to to the theory and add to it that:

    Herb’s so cheap, he takes his own mug to the grocery store just to take advantage of free coffee samples!

  224. Ziggy
    March 25th, 2013 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#200): FU! Let the games begin.

    By the way, I have given up not wearing pants for Lent. Hardest Lent yet.

  225. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    Just thought of another one:

    Herb is so cheap, he ain’t buying and taking his narcolepsy meds and instead is drinking free coffee samples.

    //seriously though, I could see a future H&J strip featuring Herb-dog with the coffee jitters and a cup of cappuccino in his hand, while saying:

    In order to prevent overdosing, they should come out with a a Child Proof Cappuccino!

  226. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    @Ziggy (#224):

    Praytell. So you gave up your second greatest claim to irony as a low-key slacker by choosing to wear slacks?

    Giving up lower nekkidity seems beneath you, Zig. Even if it is temporary, is there a chance you may abandon the smock, too?

  227. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @Ziggy (#224):

    It has always been my firm belief that a shirtless Ziggy would be the ultimate purveyor of ambiguity. We would only know if he is coming or going only if he’s blowing his nose.

  228. WCjobber
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    “We may have to call on Matt Murdock!”

    “The lawyer? How will that….OH! Oh, right, now I remem…..I mean, I totally didn’t forget that’s you after a couple minutes! Who said I did?”

  229. Peanut Gallery
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#142):

    my little hobby has been keeping me busy

    Oh, I’ll bet it has! Plus you have that Charles Siebert thing, too.

    Just kidding! Don’t be a stranger.

  230. Ziggy
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#226): What does a HO know about wearing slacks.

    I’m not Catholic. I like giving up things.

  231. Ziggy
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#227): Better shirtless then clueless.

  232. seismic-2
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    “We may have to call on Matt Murdock!”
    “But you’re Matt Murdock! You’re going to call on yourself? What sense does that make? I’d never call on Peter Parker!”
    “No, and neither would anyone else, Peter.”

  233. Ziggy
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#226): / @tallyHO (#227):
    That was fun. I’m ready to call a truce. Come over here big guy.

  234. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    @Ziggy (#230):
    Touche!
    @Ziggy (#231):
    Threeche!
    @Ziggy (#233):
    Aw shucks! I could never get a good night’s sleep spending the evening hating you, Ziggy! Like Herb with his herb and his caca coffee, you put the zing in my amazing mornings! I feel so much better about life because of you, you lil ol weirdo!

  235. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    This won’t stop Stan Lee’s Ghost Writer:

    Daredevil dies in rope swing stunt popularized by YouTube

  236. Liam
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    Better Half-”Though I wish you wouldn’t criticize the way I get rid of a dead body. I don’t need any witnesses.”

  237. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#212): Does anyone else think the cat poop angle was the original joke, but they changed it? That’s an awfully specific coffee type for H&J.

    I always wondered what those thick black blobs are next to Herb’s nostrils. I thought maybe they were some type of ‘stache. Or really thick nostril hair.

    After Monday’s “Herb and Jamaal” strip, I finally have my answer: HERB HAS CAT POOP COFFEE SMEARED ON HIS FACE!

  238. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#237):

    It was very pleasing to find out they cut Dick Van Dyke singing the song “Cat-Caca-Stache” from the “Mary Poppins” movie.

    Cat-Caca-Stache
    Cat-Caca-Stache
    Poo poo Poo poo
    How would I e’er wake up
    If I can smear on some poo?

  239. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#238):
    bah humberger!

    Cat-Caca-Stache
    Cat-Caca-Stache
    Poo poo Poo poo
    How would I e’er wake up
    If I can’t smear on some poo?

  240. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#239):

    Hmph. Go figure. It seemed funny when it came to mind, but, taken literally, that’s pretty disgusting.

    Dang you, @Rocky Stoneaxe (#237): !

  241. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#173): traffic cops and waitresses!

  242. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#170): I rather enjoyed your out-of-handness.

  243. Droopy Says
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    I think you halfway called the next Luann gimmick. Tiffany will make some very special baskets and display them in front of a fire truck. Or what passes for a fire truck in the Evansverse. She’ll be preening for the media when the fire bell rings, the crew jumps into the truck and roars off, and of course she won’t have enough time to move her baskets out of the way.

  244. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#235): Elinor Kinley is right — youth IS wasted on the young.

  245. Ziggy
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#234): Come on. Drop your pants. You were right the first time.

  246. Droopy Says
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#156): No, Rusty chopped himself into fish bait. It was the only way he could get Trail to take him fishing.

  247. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#244):

    Someday we’ll all look back on Ms. Kinley more kindly. She could be an oracle, a sage and maybe some marjoram and thyme. If only her angled exterior would just soften and allow her to release her pain so that the healing mind meld of Mary Worth– administered by first eating some bland concoction which hopefully doesn’t include caca coffee– can release her and allow her to find love again. We can only be so lucky to witness her long lost husband return (from the grave) to allow Ms. Kinley to move on.
    And, when she does move on, her pearls of wisdom will probably be published by her daughter. Well, even if Mary doesn’t act now and offer the lady redemption, Kinley’s daughter will probably publish her pearls of wisdom under the title:
    “How I Hate My Mother”.

    Oh, your point was about wasted youths or something?

  248. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Ziggy (#245):

    Hold on now there, fella! You ain’t gonna be bouche’in* my tush!

    I gave not one but two Ches, wasn’t that enough? It was more che than what Che Guevara got!

    *i think that is the french word for kiss. As for tush, I had to look up the spelling. Sigh. Ziggy, I’ll admit it. You bring out the worst in me!

    Don’t try to pull me into anti-pantiloons cult!

  249. Ziggy
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#248):
    Momma don’t allow no pants dropping here.
    Momma don’t allow no pants dropping here.
    But I don’t care what Momma don’t allow,
    Gonna drop my pants anyhow.
    Momma don’t allow no pants dropping here.

    Bon Voyage!

  250. Victory Garden
    March 25th, 2013 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    What’s weird is there really was an Amber Alert in my metro area this morning. And then I come on CC and here it is … wait … Have we reached the singularity?

    (The baby was found safe.)

  251. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    @Ziggy (#249):

    I’m not too proud to admit when I’m wrong, Ziggy.

    I followed your example and ditched my britches!

    I just got back from a jog, with “Born Free” on repeat on my iPod!

    It was good to be alive and to successfully out run the cops!

    Thank you, Ziggy! You’ve changed my life forever!

    Everyone, listen up! Have you heard the news!

    Ziggy was right all along!

    We should throw him a party…at the aquarium…near the shark tank. Where we’ll dance, dance, dance, pantless through the night.

    Shhh…Just don’t tell him we are really throwing the party to throw him into the shark tank!

    It will be after that Ziggycide that we’ll really throw a party!

  252. Ziggy
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#251): I’M RIGHT HERE!

  253. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    I just read the unicorn story arc. You know the one.

    I like less of a person now.

  254. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#253): Where is your God NOW, pastor?

  255. Sgt. Stoned
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    MT–Rod: “He’ll turn up, don’t worry.” Mark: “Oh, OK. I won’t.”

    S-M: It’s nice of Spider-Man to remind Daredevil what his secret identity is.

  256. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

  257. seismic-2
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    9CL: It was the “Grandma won World War II” story arc, that concluded with her marrying “poor, broken Bill” for absolutely no reason that made any sense, that made me swear off this strip for the better part of a year afterwards. And by the better part of a year, I mean that, yeah, that was definitely the better part.

  258. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    Hello, is there a Nehemiah Scudder in the house? He’ll find this ancient Mary Worth (from February 28, 1949) of particular interest:

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Zdk8_WFic34/TBQ1hImhjjI/AAAAAAAADRQ/RCm4cZjXWeU/s1600/MW490228.jpg

    Donn (a little boy) has taken Thomas N. Thomas’ slide rule — and there’s even a cake involved!

  259. sb
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    ASM – Daredevil refers to himself in the third person, but that makes perfect sense considering how he wouldn’t want anyone to know that he and Matt are actually the same people. Which means of course, that Spiderman will need a little more time to catch on. “But that’s YOUR CIVILIAN ID! Remember? You’re MATT MURDOCK?! That’s your SECRET IDENTITY! Come on, how could you forget that YOU and MATT MURDOCK are the SAME PERSON?! Kinda slow, aren’t we Daredevil?!”

  260. Alice
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    More input on the question of “When exactly did McEldowney’s comics take a turn for the annoyingly pretentious”:

    For Pibgorn, which like 9CL also began as a fun and entertaining enough comic, I’d say the first sign of trouble came early in “The Borgia Cantus” storyline which began in August 2003. It’s the one where Geoff loses his church organist job and begins a new career as a nightclub pianist, with Pibgorn and Drusilla (in human form) as his sultry torch singers.

    So, what was the problem, you ask? The lyrics. Just…the lyrics. I… I had no words when I read that sequence. I still don’t.

    Granted, it would still be a good few years before the comic became the “Let’s see how many ways I can impale naked women magical creatures while using the most obscure vocabulary in the English language” monstrosity it is today. In particular, as Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket said earlier, the year-long adaptation of A Midsummer Night’s Dream was quite good. But in retrospect, I’d say that nightclub scene was the first warning sign–well before the 9CL unicorn storyline–of McEldowney’s pretentiousness and hubris.

  261. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @Ziggy (#252):

    Dang you, Ziggy Z. Ziggyfeld!

    I thought you didn’t have ears! And that you barely had eyes! You tilt your head a lot. That much I do know.

    psssst!…Everyone! There’s been a change in plans! Ziggy’s on to us. And if you didn’t already know, once Ziggy’s on to you, there ain’t no doctor that know the cure!

    He’s the Cat Scratch Fever of Cartoon Characters!

    //whew. I’ve been trying to fit that reference in all day. Thanks, Ziggy!

  262. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    @Ziggy (#252):

    I must admit that it tickles me to no end that you probably have 50 smocks and one bathrobe monogrammed: ZZZ

    It is so appropriate!

  263. tallyHO
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @Ziggy (#252):

    Hmmm…It occurs to me that perhaps surreptitiously luring you to a party that is intended to lure you to your death might backfire.

    It might end up like that Simpsons episode where Chief Wiggum tried to throw boxes of Butterfinger candy bars into a bonfire and the bonfire spit them back out.
    To paraphrase Wiggum: Whattaya know, even the fire won’t eat those Butterfingers!

    I’m sure the sharks might be finicky eaters, too.

  264. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#258): Further research shows that Donn is the toddler son of Mary Worth’s niece Brick, who recently broke up with her husband. I’m still not sure if Mary and Brick (and Donn) are blood relatives or if they’re related through Mary’s late husband.

    Does anyone know what eventually became of Brick and Donn? (Wouldn’t it be something if Mary’s niece ended up married to Brick Bradford?)

  265. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 25th, 2013 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#260): Yeah, those lyrics are… well, among other things I can’t picture them being put to music. Really, that act makes me feel like the mean judge on a reality competition show.

  266. seismic-2
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    FW (Tuesday): Huh????

  267. Droopy Says
    March 25th, 2013 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    Spiderblight: And the action grows more tense as DullDevil and Spiderdick reveal their true secret identities: Audit Man and his sidekick Errand Boy!

    Crocked: Okay, which prisoner is delivering the punchline? It it the one who will teach time-telling, thereby making it funy because the other prisoner won’t knwo when to appear for their appointment? Or is it the one who needs to learn time-telling, making it funny because he doesn’t realize he already know how to tell time? Is it funny because, ha, ha, why would they need an appointment to see one another when they’re eternally locked in adjacent hot boxes? Or is the joke that Retchling is wasting everyone’s time?

    Funky’s Flunkies: If only FW could match the brilliance of Crocked.

    Jugs Parker: “No, no, no! I mean, can you write a script for a movie that will run two whole hours? That’s not the same as a Keystone Kops two-reeler! Are you up to the challenge of writing a modern Technicolor talkie? That might take more than two hours of your precious life, you smug asshole!”

    Mock Travail: Is this really how fishing tournaments work? The contestants all go toddling off alone in their boats, and the judges take their word that they aren’t cheating? For that matter, if Bassy really fishes alone in these contests, why bother with the rigamarole of having his buddy go scuba diving to hok the fish onto his special lure? Why not skip that and just hand him the fish when nobody’s watching? Or is that going to be the Big Reveal? “Christ, Trail,” Bluegill says, “Don’t you undersand the rules by which we good fisher folk live? The prize goes to the cleverest cheater!”

    Family Circus: Jeffy, that’s inhuman! Roll PJ in catnip instead!

    Mock Travail: Um, asshole? You could tell Catfish is down there by the bubbles from his scuba gear. Or would you mistake them for Rusty’s farts?

    Phantom: Kit looks relieved by this display of Llongo jurisprudence. For a moment he was afraid he’d have to mention the part where he got hit in the back of the head, like Spiderman.

    Pluggers: He just has Omar the Tentmaker let out the seams every six months.

  268. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#197): Checked back on those old 9CLs. I laughed. I really didn’t expect to, but I laughed. Whatever happened, it’s a damned shame.

  269. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#268): And I have no idea why that last comment refers back to a previous comment I made.

  270. Poteet
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#267): Re MT, Rod’s cheating seems elaborately stupid. Traditional cheating at bass tournaments means, to the best of my knowledge; (1) stashing large fish in an underwater cage in the remote location where you plan to go “fishing,” or (2) stuffing the fish you legitimately catch with lead weights or rocks or such. I think Rod Bassy was very stoned when he thought up this lighted lure/scuba combo.

  271. Droopy Says
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#270): I would have thought of this point sooner, but I had to dig through several layers of other stupidities to reach it. I’m sure that the last layer of dumbness will prove to be Hell’s ceiling, and when I dig through that I’ll find Satan cooking pancakes for Trail.

  272. Poteet
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    @Alice (#260): Your links were my first visit to PIBGORN in many months, and I think you make a very good case. Those lyrics are…I don’t have words either.

  273. Poteet
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#271): Now THERE’S an image I won’t soon forget. I can even hear the batter sizzling on the griddle.

  274. Dale
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL “arranged” to ride along on Bassy’s boat.
    The organizers might be happy to have some neutral observers, but why let the observer select the subject?

    AND – Mark’s personal friend is a contestant!
    It certainly looks like Mark is staying with Bluegill.

    Rusty is involved in theft of trade secrets, industrial espionage, theft of intellectual property, and burglary. Overcharging, but that’s how they do it these days.

  275. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#270): It’s going to turn out that Bassy is also using the fish to smuggle diamonds. His partner steals diamonds from the Northern part of the state, and then stuffs them into the fish that he takes down to the Southern part of the state where he attaches them to Bassy’s hook and then Bassy “catches” them and takes his prize fish and drives away with the diamonds to his home in the Northern part of the state.

    Surely that makes sense, no?

  276. Baka Gaijin
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    Tuesday’s Musings

    Mary, Mary, Mary. Elinor doesn’t like any man since Beth’s father cut off the oral sex.

    Whoa there. Dennis was actually menacing today.

    As everyone knows, the best bass fishing is between two icebergs. How two icebergs got into that lake in the southern part of the state, I don’t know.

    //Aren’t those things icebergs? In Mark Trail?

  277. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    I just realized that when you put “Jack Elrod” together you get “Jackelrod.” And if you rearrange the letters you get “Jackalope,” and by “rearrange the letters” I mean adding some and taking away some.

    Yeah. I’m tired.

    @Baka Gaijin (#276): Yes. Those are icebergs. No doubt about it. Obviously Trail and Bassy have wandered out into the northern part of the ocean which just happens to extend into a lake in the southern part of the state. (What? That’s totally believable.)

  278. Dale
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    That’s not the same boat. No big deal. A successful contest winner would own a boatload of boats, but only one shabby van.

    That’s not Rod Bassy. Ok. Rod is busy and Mark is Mark.

    When this is over: What are the chances that Catfish is Rod’s father?

  279. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#271): Since Mark’s plan seems to be (please!) to dive off the boat and subdue Catfish under water, I’d say they’re equally matched, stupidity-wise.

  280. Dale
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#197):

    Bill Clinton referred to people who didn’t agree with him as “obstructionists”.

    For amusement value, we got “evildoers”.

    Now we have terrorists, extremists, and insurgents.
    Barry Goldwater liked some extremists.
    Doesn’t insurgency imply the existence of a legitimate functioning government?

  281. Droopy Says
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#279): You’ve forgot that Trail’s plan includes being rescued by a giant banded goldfish, which will bring him huge air bubbles to help him breathe as he guides the electric eels which will drive Catfish into the arms of the police. But what of Rusty? Will he survive? I asked Doc, who said Rusty only had an outside chance of making it!

  282. Marzipan
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:21 am [Reply]

    Josh, Josh, Josh, you are jumping several MONTHS ahead on this painfully slow journey we are sharing with Peter Parker (aka SPIDERMAN) where he meets and is intellectually dazzled by a LAWYER named MATT MURDOCK who may be in some way connected with DAREDEVIL.

  283. John C Fremont
    March 26th, 2013 at 5:12 am [Reply]

    RMMD – I’ll be darned. Woody’s Waffle Mix. For some reason, that makes me happy.

  284. gleeb
    March 26th, 2013 at 6:44 am [Reply]

    3-G: Three people in a room, and Margo isn’t sure which one spoke her name. She needs more than coffee.

    ‘shaft: There’s the seed of a joke in there, but Ed has been established as such a muddle-brained anti-gizmo character that the likely possibility is that it really is a fish finder.

    ‘bean: It’s been too long. Bull no longer understands the basics of bullying. He probably couldn’t even make these two piss themselves with fear. Anyway, what the hell class is this? Putter-pointing? And if you were laying off teachers, wouldn’t you start with the coach who bets on his own games?

    Dick: Why does a corner drug store have a huge walk-in safe, anyway?

    Spidey: Oh, no! A guy profiting from legal businesses! Go get him, Murdock!

  285. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:21 am [Reply]

  286. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . .swing parties.

  287. Illustrator Steve
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    MT – From the looks of those glaciers in panel #1, I’d say this fishing torunament is being held somewhere in the extreme northern most part of the state.

  288. acheter maillot de foot
    June 5th, 2013 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

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