The Comics Curmudgeon

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Metapost: Labor day comments of the week!

Hey everybody, it’s the wee hours of Tuesday morning, so it’s COTW time! But first, as is becoming more and more common, it’s adorable merch picture time. Both of today’s pics come from the future Mrs. Spectacular Spider-Brick, who here is modeling the one of the fine t-shirts bearing the CLAM DOWN logo designed by her beau:

And her kitty loves the logo almost as much in its mousepad form!

Also! There are two comics blogs that I have been meaning to link to for about ever:

Mary Worth, Style Mavin takes on the extremely important task of analyzing the fashion in our favorite meddling-biddy-themed soap strip. Not only does blogmistress Tina offer her opinions on the clothes worn by Mary, Toby, and the rest, but she actually creates real-life versions, as you can see here and here.
Comics In My Pants proves rather conclusively that every comic strip can be improved by changing the punchline to some variation on the phrase “in my pants”.

And now, here’s this week’s not-in-my-pants top comment!

“Alan’s deep into drug addiction now. Shirt open at the collar, no undershirt seen, and it looks like his cuffs are unbuttoned. Next thing you know, he’ll stop wearing a belt, and maybe let his pants cuffs down an inch. This raw depravity gives me the vapors.” –Muffaroo M. Muffaroo

And the runners-up! So funny!

“Today’s FBOFW would look good on a Hallmark card that had been set on fire and flung into a sewer.” –Angry Kem

“To get pregnant, [Elizabeth] would have had to had contact with Anthony’s junk, which, henceforth, we shall refer to as ‘Little Anthony and the Imperials.’” –Old School Allie Cat

“I can’t wait for the inevitable three-year story arc when Toby and Chinbeard get to Scotland and she’s run over by an oncoming glacier. ‘That ice! It seems to be getting closer. Should I move?’” –Mr. Coffee Nerves

“Toby often uses her credit card to cut up lines of coke, but usually spends cash on her main purchases. Namely, coke.” –Rusty

“I love the confusion on Toby’s face when the bank asks her ‘Did you move to Canada?’ Clearly she doesn’t know. Perhaps she did. How can one tell? Where is Canada? Toby’s mind is on overdrive.” –Gabacho

“There’s something about that ellipsis and subsequent horrified triple exclamation mark in Margo’s speech bubble that suggests very strongly that if she, personally, happened to get any Lu Ann on her hands she would scrub them with a strong disinfectant.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“When our A3G narrator says the sunshine ‘restores Margo’s spirits,’ what he/she/it means is that, of course, liquor stores are usually only open during daylight hours.” –Nate

“Today’s installment of Luann maintains such a precise balance of ‘huh?’ and ‘eww!’ that it’s almost a thing of beauty, except for being dreadful beyond human expression.” –Violet

“Was Dennis menacing? If he whipped it out on the diving board and started doing an ‘out of control firehose’ on the people below, I have to give him a bit of credit — perhaps even a standing ovation for something finally ‘menacing’ after all these years of milquetoasty bits of annoyance. However, I’m betting that he probably simply stood up on the high board, shaking with fear and a miserable look on his face, with a stream of urine running down his leg as some bigger kids lined up on the ladder behind him kept taunting him to jump.” –Frank Parsnip

“I also like that pluggers buy magazines to look at the pictures, thereby subtly, hilariously subverting one of the oldest jokes about illiteracy. Books can’t be found within fifteen miles of this conversation.” –ChargeMan

“I think the duck looks a little irritated with Slylock. Maybe he suspects the way the thief gets across the water is because the thief is a duck. ‘It’s like he doesn’t even see that I’m here,’ he’s thinking. ‘Howabout the next thief steals chickens from a henhouse — how would he like that?’” –Shmork

“Take the wheel, Jeff, I need to gesticulate.” –Red Greenback

“A3G has such nice, polite, well-groomed dope fiends. I can only assume their drug of choice is Flintstones chewables.” –Joe Blevins

Also worthy of honorable mention (though far too long to reproduce here in its entirety) is faithful reader Gold-Digging Nanny’s meticulous reconstruction of the last few months of Apartment 3-G storylines, with damning analysis of how they have almost universally failed to live up to their potential.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 2, 2008 at 02:42 am and is filed under metaposts.

86 responses to “Metapost: Labor day comments of the week!”

True Fable
September 2nd, 2008 at 3:25 am [Reply]

Congratulations to Muffaroo M. Muffaroo and all the COTW Float Riders!

*sigh* I didn’t make it again. Well that’s okay, because the picture of the Future Mrs. Spider-Brick more than makes up for it! Yow, what a dish! Brick, you are one lucky piece of masonry.
dale
September 2nd, 2008 at 3:46 am [Reply]

GilThorp
9/2 panel 3. Impressive building. At least they didn’t spell it JIM.

Is Gil sending all his players to his pal the doctor because he gets a kickback from the doctor or because his pal will pass players with life-threatening defects?

Stragglers? Get a physical or you don’t play or even practice. We got liability issues. Milford does have a lawyer (who refers people to the bigtime one in Central City).

If the out of place 3 fingered hand gesture is related to the football physical, it has to do with the hernia grope, not a prostate exam.
Weaselboy
September 2nd, 2008 at 4:01 am [Reply]

Congrats to Muffaroo M. Muffaroo et al. Good stuff all around.
Me
September 2nd, 2008 at 6:21 am [Reply]

Does no one care that the style maven spelled “maven” wrong?
Quixotess
September 2nd, 2008 at 6:38 am [Reply]

Er, does no one else see that this post is entitled “Comics of the week”? As in, Josh probably shouldn’t have stayed up so late. Or maybe he’s still traumatized by the foobnale, I can’t fault anyone for that.
gleeb
September 2nd, 2008 at 6:48 am [Reply]

Pigborn: Into 37-pound fly porn? Then you’ll be welcome here!

Arlo & Janis: Kid still likes to pretend he’s earned some kind of autonomy; no effort to pay for his own ass forthcoming.

xkcd: What country has this sumbitch been in for the past five years?

9CL: Who gives a crap? Noogies? Really, who gives a crap? McDowner ought to pack it in.

A3G: Alan, Ray and Haley are both using you. Still, it’ll be months before anything happens.

BC: Mason can’t spell for crap. His jokes stink on ice too.

Between Friends: At best, it’s playing out 30-year-old Rolling Stones lyrics.

Bizarro: Also, Google salesmen are largely unsuccessful. As is this comic.

Cathy: Shop elsewhere, fool.

’shaft: No, you don’t. It’;s entirely possible to despise Ed’s hideous contempt for everything.

FC: Yeah, but he and Jeffy are the only ones whose “skills” bring in cash, so suck it up.

‘bean: OK, long-time beaners, who is this person? Or can I just break out the filocide gags? Admittedly, these gags are few.

Duck: Translation: Brucie failed math.

Big Happy: Bob Barr, mustache enthusiast, is a candidate for the presidency. I think he’s an ass, but there it is; he’s a real candidate, and unmentioned.

Safe Havens: I was wrong to start paying any attention to this redundantly-named strip again.

Sally: Didn’t bother with Wall-E. Assuming this is a Rashomon concept-check. Pretty cool.

Zippy: Blah, blah, blah. You got a month, Griffy. Then I start treating you like Johnston.
John C Fremont
September 2nd, 2008 at 6:54 am [Reply]

Hoo! Comments of the Week. Plus, Kitty!!

Congrats, all!

MT – I made a comment about Moss having life insurance yesterday, but damn! I’d say Ol’ Moss is about to become Flat as a Pancake, or any of the other fine releases by Head East.

(”Ol’ Moss” as opposed to the “New Moss.” Same as the Old Moss, but probably hanging out with the New Betty, and not being smashed by boulders.)

MW – Back when Toby was starting to learn her meddling skills at the feet of The Master, I almost said something about her becoming my favorite Worthian character. Glad I kept that one to myself.

9CL – Well, at least it’s not the unicorn.
Lurker
September 2nd, 2008 at 7:10 am [Reply]

4: “Mavin” is an acceptable alternate spelling.
Cheeky Wee Monkeys
September 2nd, 2008 at 7:16 am [Reply]

KITTY
Garrison
September 2nd, 2008 at 7:31 am [Reply]

Ok, its early in the morning and I read that as “Mary Worth, Style Marvin”, thinking that someone redrew MW comics in the ’style’ of “Marvin”. Which then lead me to the thought of something along the lines of “Jim Henson’s Mary Worth Babies – They’ll solve all your problems for you!” I think I’ll go back to sleep now.
C.Rust
September 2nd, 2008 at 7:31 am [Reply]

I am sincerely confused by today’s Mark Trail. Is the perspective just badly executed by the “artist”? Or have Mark and Buck, in fact, freed the girls AND crushed Moss under a rockslide, in one fail swoop. Perhaps that’s his punishment for standing around, apparently refusing to help them pull out the log. If so, it is indeed well deserved. If he’s not part of the solution, then he’s part of the problem… and must be eliminated.
dimestore lipstick
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:02 am [Reply]

Gil Thorp
Football player, physician…when did Wally Lamb find the time to become a bestselling author?
Tweeks_Coffee
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:07 am [Reply]

#4 – me: She did address that..

Although most commonly spelled with an e, mavin with an i is also correct. Although this spelling is perhaps outdated and unpopular, it is still proper and useful, just like Mary.
Twinkles the Elf
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:11 am [Reply]

If we’re going to snark on spelling, that’s “FELL swoop,” C.Rust. Just sayin’.
Gabacho
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:15 am [Reply]

Gil Thorp – on one hand, I am happy that the Elmer Vargas plot is over but on the other hand, I am sad because know I will never know what the plot was.

Mark Trail – tumbling those rocks is like three right fists o’ justice all at once! Make that !! It’s a great day in Lost Forest.
yellojkt
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:26 am [Reply]

While the “in my pants” comics are much funnier than the originals, please, please, please avoid Mary Worth as much as possible. The less I think about what is in her pants, the happier I am.

Congrats to Muffaroo on COTW. If Alan gets any more addicted, he might forget to shave every day.
benro
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:29 am [Reply]

MC – Cartoonist as deity. Brilliant.
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:41 am [Reply]

No, no, I’m pretty sure that “fail swoop” is quite accurate as far as MT goes.
MinorAgentofChaos
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:41 am [Reply]

Wow…it looks like Funky Cancerbean was actually trying to be relevant with its current “Superman’s creators’ home” storyline:

Saving the home where Superman was born…

Josh, maybe this is something to get the mudges behind?
Girl Reporter
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:43 am [Reply]

So this morning the Cleveland Plain Dealer ran the Tuesday re-hash FOOB about the goldfish under the heading The Pajama Diaries by Terri Libenson.

Maybe they’re cooking up an even more hybridized frankenstein’s monster of a comic. Like that game where you switch the Family Circus and Marmaduke captions.

But probably, since I got an automatic email response regarding their date of return from vacation from everyone I emailed my congratulations to for dropping FOOB, no one is there to pay attention.
Frank Parsnip
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:56 am [Reply]

Congrats to the COTWeekers and glad to be riding in the runners-up caboose to the main float!

A3G: I feel this scene would have a little more legitimacy if Haley looked a bit more like Amy Winehouse and less like Kate Jackson from Charlie’s Angels. But, hey, she’s escaping from Ray’s “major drug binge” to experience her own with Alan, so I’m willing to suspend a bit of disbelief.

MT: This week, the role of all the guys on horses will be played by little plastic figures of guys on horses.

Funky Pantysniffer: Hey, now Les can hook up with her without worrying about: 1) Lisa or 2) the cops.

MW: That’s it — that’s the image that I need to blow up super-huge to complete of my fake Roy Liechtenstein collection.

DtM: So there he was, chuggalugging his bathwater like a Plugger.

Sex Organ, M.D.: Why would Lenore pay $10,000 for a non-sailor? If she thinks it’s because buying a manwhore outside the ranks of her usual bell-bottomed, ribbon-wearing group of sycophants will get her a heterosexual, she’s sorely mistaken.

Mallard Fillmore: Credit where credit is due – Tinsley has just nailed the crappiest of my high school teachers, a fraud who masqueraded as a hard-science guy teaching physics but who only had a doctorate in education. No wonder he could never explain a problem or solution in class, and no wonder all his exam questions came straight out of the teacher’s edition. Go in peace, Tinsley.

Family Circus: “Oh, little melon, little melon… that’s women’s work!”

Luann: I like that after yesterday’s moment for Tiffany in the “Girls Gym” (separate gyms for girls in the Republic of Gilead), we still are not entirely clear if she’s gotten Arschgeweih (”ass antlers” a.k.a. “the tramp stamp”) or perhaps something with a bit more class: http://cache.bordom.net/images/11a5cc4d66d16cb43e8a8e2a235305f9.jpg
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:08 am [Reply]

Brandy, from Liberty Meadows, taking a root beer bath: Yes. With extra foam.
Dennis, taking a root beer bath: No.
Tweeks_Coffee
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:11 am [Reply]

A3G: Say what you will about Alan, but at least it looks like he’s been cooking. Cooking something other than cookies, I mean. Also; it saddens me a little that his place there resembles mine sometimes. I’d guess that, like me, he’s just a little lazy about cleaning up and has almost no counter space.
‘Shaft: So…is there a joke here today or are we actually supposed to be admiring Shaft’s spirit? I assume the joke is in the word “chocks”, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to look up a word from Crankshaft.
DtM: Dennis seems to be getting dangerously close to actual menacing lately. He better reel it back some and spend a day or two playing with dolls. He wouldn’t want to raise our expectations, after all.
DT: I’m genuinely entranced by that guy’s tiny carton of “Skim”. It seems oddly appropriate that this guy raids school cafeterias for his milk.
MT: Way to stand below the inevitable avalanche, Moss. Your skills in “outdoorsy” aren’t what you made them out to be.
MW: Huh, I guess credit card theft isn’t that a big deal.
OBH: Worst movie ever.
Phantom: Oh hell, not this story again. I long for the Jungle Patrol days.
SFx: Oh lordy, Slylock is going to bury these pirates to their necks during low tide now, isn’t he?
Anonymous
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:11 am [Reply]

Congratulations, Muffaroo! And…yay! *Waves little flag*

MW: Is it overly cruel of me to take immense satisfaction in Toby’s tears? I just want to point and laugh at her until she runs sobbing from the room.

FW: Yeah…who is that *significant pause* woman, whose name is apparently supposed to mean something? Admittedly, I never used to follow FW, so I couldn’t know.

FBOFW: I can almost hear LJ thinking: “Must…not…draw…the potato nose. Must…never…draw…the potato nose! Aaugh! The nose is growing! Must curb the nose!” Elly has become the Pinocchio of the comics page; every time she spews some glurge, her nose bulks up.
Mel
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:24 am [Reply]

No doubt a day late and dollar short but RE Reed Hoover from yesterthread. Coincidence?

Overdo Here
Do Over Here
Doer He Over
Redo Ever Oh
Redo Ever, Ho
Redo He Over
Do He Over Re:
prospero
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:32 am [Reply]

Mr. Rover Skinner. I’m from the Gargantuan Gasoline Group. We’re going to kill your ass and deep-six your invention. And Gasoline Alley won’t be so fucking folksy and mildly amusing anymore. We take rube morons seriously, you Barney Fife wannabe.

Has anybody considered this question? Doesn’t that woman have enough money? If it’s cash, could enough of it get her to blow up all of the Pattersons in a bank heist gone wrong? Seriously, one of the enduring discussions for people that love comic strips is going over the hill. Heartbreaking when Charles Schultz did. Better to burn out. Somebody needs to pry the pen from her cold dead Canadian hand.
CanuckDownSouth
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:37 am [Reply]

So in FW, is she a victim of Cancer Of The Last Name?

Seriously, look at those deep, traumatized eyes – she lost “Smith” to the chemo…
Lou Shumaker
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:47 am [Reply]

Frank Parsnip: All I can say to that cat tattoo is: Oh. My. God.

That’s for real, isn’t it? Of course it is. Yee Gods.
Fexed Morgan
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:49 am [Reply]

Face it, Cap’n Granny likes to have gay men around her at all times.

She loves watching them haul each other’s hawsers around.
prospero
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:50 am [Reply]

I guess this ahole thinks he‘s being clever. Isn‘t this the conservative idiot cartoonist giving vent to his internal Diana Moon Glampers?
Lou Shumaker
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:52 am [Reply]

Oh, as for FW, it’s good to see Susan Smith out of jail. It’s appropriate that the woman who drowned her two kids in a lake find a home in the Funkyverse.
Angry Kem
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:58 am [Reply]

Oops…#24 above is me. My computer failed to turn on or do anything but sit there exactly like a bloody doorstop this morning, so I was using my somewhat dessicated laptop, and I forgot to plug in my name.

I shall just add: Gil Thorp, you baffle me.
prospero
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:04 am [Reply]

In all my life, I have never had a nightmare. Friends and family find this difficult to believe, in part, I think, because they think if anybody deserves torment, I do. I have a recurring dream of realizing I wouldn’t be graduating because I‘d registered for courses I’d neglected to attend. This pretty much actually happened, and I finessed it. Wrote a couple of brilliant papers on Gerard Manley Hopkins and Plato, in about an hour and a half, and took gentleman’s Bs, because it wouldn’t have been fair to daily participants if I got the As my scholarship merited. And I wake from this dream knowing I never have to go back to school again. Bliss.
TheDiva
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:22 am [Reply]

FOOB (Yes, Rocky Mountain News is still carrying it): Let me guess: fish dies, hilarity ensues.

MW: To add insult to injury, it appears a bird has crapped in Toby’s eye in the second panel.
Jim Thorp(e)
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:32 am [Reply]

What is going on over at Thorpco?

Did the monkeys sit around and watch the entire series run of Miami Vice on DVD? From the fashion and action, it certainly looks like Tubbs and Crockett are going to be tight ends for Coach Thorp this year.

At least they have made that great cultural leap from 1962 but fell half-way to the present.
prospero
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:34 am [Reply]

Holy crap. People really have disturbing back to school dreams to the point it gets in two comics in one day. I’m Bill Murray in invulnerable mode in all of mine. What’s the problem. This is why little Ms. Forth is so cool. She knows mean girls are real, not a bad piece of potato or night sweats, but Tina Fey non-fiction. And she is cool and calculating. Olson twins? Wait until Hil is legal.
Calico
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

#31 – OMG

#21 – Haha, it’s the Kitty Handshake!

Kitty Brick is quite cute – looks almost like our black and white cat.
Calico
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:42 am [Reply]

Knowing the brilliance of Michael, he’ll probably be putting the fish in the freezer to cool him down because it was a hot day in Milborough.
Elly will mistake the poor thing for dinner and fry him up, with a nice side of chips. Glomp chew smack eat.
Harry Worth
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:52 am [Reply]

The bank said:

We’ll reverse the credit card balance and reissue you a new card. Rest assured.

To which Toby replied:

Easy for you to say.

Which means in her mind she is still trying to figure out:

Is she in Santa Royale, Canada, Scotland, or even Limbo?

What does reverse credit card balance mean?

What does reissue mean and did she start a Scottish Life magazine?

How does the bank magically send a voice into that box with a handle on it?

Was it a Scottish DVD or Scotty Dog that she bought Ian?

Did she feed the dog?

Is she going to get the snot kicked out of her when Ian finds out that she is dumber than a brick?
Niall
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:59 am [Reply]

I’ve been away to long – such good snark I missed!! Congratulations to all floaters!
Hogenmogen
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:03 am [Reply]

Luann: Anyone with stock in Apple should dump it immediately.

Let’s turn this argument around, Mallard: If someone has a PhD in a subject but can’t teach worth shit – and I’ve had those college profs – is that better than someone with lesser knowledge but can actually teach?
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:10 am [Reply]

FW: Susan Smith is back to jump Les’s bones again! And maybe we’ll get lucky and get another suicide attempt!
Hogenmogen
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:13 am [Reply]

Mary Worth:
“That’s easy for you to say!” And then she sobs – with TEARS.

I imagine the woman at the bank is also going through stress and finally loses it. “Ms. Cameron, do you think it’s so easy? I don’t live in San Royale. I live in Bangalore, India. Feces flows in open sewers. I have seven children. The price of grain is killing us. Famine plagues my family in a villiage to the north. I haven’t seen them in four years. I have a cousin in Pakistan that I may never see again. My husband is an acoholic. He beats me and I think he is sleeping with my sister. He hasn’t worked for a year since his company outsourced to Bangladesh. May Great Shiva have mercy upon our souls! Oh, and Ms. Cameron, what part of ‘We are reversing the charges’ didn’t sit well with you?”
tbell61
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

#21…I was thinking exactly the same thing…Haley looks pretty good for a crack whore.
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:16 am [Reply]

re 41 Hogenmogen — I don’t really have an answer for you, but I have taught a lot of college classes that I really wasn’t qualified to teach. Then I discovered that my students were graduating and making more money than me — that’s when I said “screw it, job satisfaction is really overhyped.”
Muffaroo M. Muffaroo
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

Woo! In the words of Red Greenback, “Take the wheel, Jeff, I need to gesticulate!”*

Seriously, between that and Rusty and Joe Blevins and Mr. Coffee Nerves and Nate and Frank Parsnip and the inevitable-yet-utterly surprising Old School Allie Cat, I figure the only way I ended up here must have been a seven-way tie and some smoke-filled back-room deal. (Shout out to Andrew Leal for inspiration… with Luann!)

Twinkles the Elf @14 – In this case, I think “fail” swoop might be an acceptable variant. This is Mark Trail we’re talking about.

Prospero @33 et al – I had the performance dream once, where I was suddenly told I’d be onstage doing something I was unprepared for. I was playing “Rhapsody in Blue” on Johnny Carson. As I played, I thought I heard Johnny muttering. But I got applause and a handshake. Happy ending!
_____
* IN MY PANTS!
gleeb
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:35 am [Reply]

‘bean: Looking about the web, this Susan Smith seems to be a former student of Creepy Les who, for unfathomable reasons, developed unrequited feelings for the Creepy Mr Moore, and attempted suicide, not filocide, as the result.

I assume a heavy-handed romance is in the making for Creepy Les and Smith.
Uncle Lumpy
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:38 am [Reply]

Some days, the context ads here are funnier than the comics — apparently, “in your pants” convinced Google that CC was the perfect placement for After Six formal wear:

“Look your best and impress that special someone — in your pants!”
“Evening wear for the discerning gentleman — in your pants!”
bats :[
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:40 am [Reply]

Well done, Muffaroo! Well done, Floaters! Beads! Chocolate coins! Confederate money!

When I first read Muffaroo’s I was wondering if, a la Pibgorn’s Midsummer Night’s Dream, the folks at A3G were ramping up for a Hamlet spin-off:

OPHELIA
My lord, as I was sewing in my closet,
Lord Hamlet, with his doublet all unbraced;
No hat upon his head; his stockings foul’d,
Ungarter’d, and down-gyved to his ancle;
Pale as his shirt; his knees knocking each other;
And with a look so piteous in purport
As if he had been loosed out of hell
To speak of horrors,–he comes before me.

Compare Muffaroo’s description of the disheveled Alan, and I think we have our first cast members, Alan as the Melancholy (and drug-addicted Dane), and Lu Ann as the (right-on-track-to-~~South Dakota~~-insanity) Ophelia.
I don’t know where this puts Margo…
cheech wizard
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:44 am [Reply]

MW- Tobey is seriously upset that large, angry men are going to come to her house to repossess Ian’s stupid fucking Scotland DVD.

MT – Yay! Cherry and Kelly are free! So are the lioness and her cubs, who are probably going to eat the horses.

FW (last week) – So, did Pete come up with a new Superman story? This being FW, it probably involves Superman getting cancer – only he doesn’t respond to chemotherapy, since his cancer cells are invulnerable as well. He’s about to croak when a brilliant scientist comes up with the idea of dosing the chemo with a small amount of kryptonite – and it works! Except now all his hair falls out and he knocks over a few buildings with his projectile vomiting.
commodorejohn
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:45 am [Reply]

9CL – You know, if this were anybody but Brooke McEldowney, I probably wouldn’t even consider the possibility that the trees in the last panel are meant to be symbolic, in a Freudian way, of an erection on Amos’s part.

A3G – So tell me, Alan, what kind of high do you get from smoking tampons?

BB – Thank you for that image, Beetle Bailey. Thank you so friggin’ much.

BR – It’s hard to tell with just three fingers, but I think that alien is doing finger-quotes: “We think abductions should remain ’safe’ and ‘legal.’”

DT – oh man it even says “skim” on it haha

FW – Being that this is Funky Winkerbean, I’d say the odds are heavier on “witness protection program” than “marriage” to explain the surname change.

Garfield – Now this is a great candidate for Garfield Minus Garfield.

GA – Oh man, just when I thought it couldn’t get any dumber. Would someone kill this storyline so we can move on to the next dumb storyline, please? Why do I even read this strip?

JP – I think that check is actually made out for $1,000.00. Man, Sam, you got gypped.

Lockhorns – The Lockhorns makes a joke about immigrant cab-drivers. Bruce Tinsley facepalms for not thinking of it first.

Luann – Could this strip be any less telegraphed? And is Tiffany feeling herself up, there?

MF – Bruce Tinsley: refuting the absolutely true.

MT – “Mark ties several ropes to a log under the big rocks. All the men are killed in the ensuing rockslide. Cherry is later found curled up with the lioness, a contented smile on her face. And nobody ever got around to finding ~~Timothy~~ Kelly.”

MW – Toby, for God’s sake wipe that thing out of your eye. It’s disgusting.

MC – Sorry, Ed, Tailsteak beat you to it. (Not in the newspaper comics, though.)

Popeye – Well, it’s only a matter of time before he makes everybody else lynch Pappy. Unless, of course, the aliens show up and take him back to their planet.

RMMD – Ha ha, look at poor June trying to skirt around the obvious.

SF – haha hahaha hahahaha nicely done, Ces.
commodorejohn
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:47 am [Reply]

Re: Luann – er, “any more telegraphed,” that is.
t007
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:56 am [Reply]

#51 EXACTLY what I was thinking! Tampons! They are smoking tampons!

Archie: Is Veronica sitting with her legs wide open?

GT – Is that dude wearing an earring?

I’m full of questions today.
anonymously
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

#34 – you, sir or madam, are positively psychic! Using my own psychic powers, I further predict It will turn into a touching little lesson on life and death, followed by burial in a shoe box, and capped off by a pun and/or kids-say-the-darndest things?

It just has to work out that way (because that fish is surely doomed). But if not – there’s always the old old old sit-com scenario of 1) fish is found ’sleeping upside down’ by parents; 2) parents frantically run out, buy replacement fish; 3) kid is wise and observant enough to immediately notice Goldie is a different fish and lets chastened parents know he is on to them. Then the kid will start whining for a different pet….and so it goes.
gh
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

Better, For What It’s Worth –

If anyone is keeping score, and apologies if it’s been mentioned (though it bears repeating), FBoFW was dropped from The State newspaper in SC as of yesterday. This good news was offset by today’s particularly labored Plugger submitted by someone from SC. So, I guess it’s a tie.
PeteMoss
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

Congratulations to those who fearlessly snark for those who can’t. Who keep hope alive! Thank you, strange people.
Whippersnapper
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

Foob: I know I’m a little late to weigh in on the Foob wrap-up, but I just can’t contain my rage.

Granthony wants to open a B&B? I can’t think of a creepier place to spend the night than the Pasty Passive-Aggressive Creep Bed and Breakfast (breakfast, of course, consisting entirely of cinnamon buns and listening to Anth whine “I have no hooooooome”). I’d rather spend the night in the Lizzie Borden house, which has in fact been converted into a B&B.

No mention of Francie, I see. I guess they shipped her off to boarding school right after the Lizthony wedding, seeing as how Granthony no longer needed the squiggly-c plot device to show what a great father he was.

I’m sure we’re meant to infer from “Deanna taught Robin how to cook” that he became a chef or went into some culinary career. I prefer to read it literally, however, demonstrating that Robin’s entire life accomplishments consist of learning one life skill. I notice it doesn’t say anything about him getting potty trained. Poor Dee.
Art Vandelay
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

Does Cathy ever do anything other than buy things, obsess about buying things, or talk about buying things? Just change the title of the strip to “Manic Consumer” already.
D.A. Pennington
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

Re-Fooboot: Natural progression of pets up the food chain:

Fish
Cat to eat the fish.
Dog to eat the cat.
Hyena to eat the dog.
Lion to eat the Hyena.
Human to eat the lion.
Facehugger to implant alien in Human’s chest.

Explodes in last panel for hilarity only Lynn could bring.
cheech wizard
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

FW – Other aliases Susan Westbrook/Smith has gone by over the years: Susan Underhill, Melonie Haber, Audrey Farber and Betty Jo Biloski.
Old School Allie Cat
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

Runner up? Hells, yeah! It’s gonna be a good 4 day work week!

With FOOB out of the way, I can unleash my full wrath on Funky. So here goes:

FW –

1. Sarah Smith Westbrook was blonde. BLONDE, I tells ya! So, why is she now a brunette? Dyed it so people would take her seriously?

2. I am the same age as Ms. Westbrook, and I really hope I don’t look that pinched and old. Of course, she’s returning to her Waterloo, the school that caused her enough angst to swallow a whole bottle of pills (of course, the good news is, they were Aqua-Ban pills and she returned to class much less bloated).

3. Corollary to #2 – why would you go back to teach at your old school unless you were a real loser, like, say, Les Moore? There are 50 states, and each of them contain more than one or two high schools. What is the magnetic pull of this town that keeps the thirtysomethings coming back like moths to a flame?

4. Cayla Williams is new to the school – telling her who you used to be doesn’t mean a thing to her. I know you’re trying to tell us who you used to be, but except for the sick handful of us who have been following FW for a long time, we don’t give a damn who you are, unless Mr. Westbrook is no longer in your life, and maybe you’re trying to get into Les’ pants. In which case, ew.

MW – Toby, bankers kind of enjoy telling people bad news – it makes up for the fact that they work in a bank – touching all that money but making very little. So they’re probably putting you on speaker phone so that all the tellers can hear your tear-choked whining.

Luann – Delta, Bernice – we get it, Luann’s kind of a dumbass, but neither of you are much of a prize either – so get over yourselves.
Red Greenback
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

WOWEE! Thanks Josh! What an honor to be up there with such a wonderful group of witty folk, especially M M. M, who has been on fire last week! …in his pants!.

Gabacho@15: (wasn’t that a t.v. show a while back?) IMHO, Your Gil Thorp comment above has COTW written all over it.

Just to see if I can get some sort of fecta rolling, this week’s NY’erCC: “Again?-Honestly Taffy, you must have a bladder the size of a scuba tank!” … No? Maybe I should have replaced “scuba tank” with “thongbird”… oh well.
Poteet
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

Yay, Muffaroo M. Muffaroo! All hail! And several more yays for the jolly runnersup, including Gold-Digging Nanny! May all you winners have a lovely sunny week on the float, wafted by gentle breezes faintly scented with early autumn flowers. And do throw chocolate, please.
bats :[
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

Y-True Fable: you say “June pimping out Rex” like it’s a bad thing!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2822156726/
Poteet
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

# 57 Whippersnapper — BWAHAHA! Well, let’s look on the bright side and assume that Wittle Wobin never learned to write like his dad, either.
Poteet
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

Foob — If anyone wants to weigh in (for therapeutic reasons?) on whether one newspaper should keep running Foob, this just appeared in the DES MOINES REGISTER.

***

Do you want the Register to keep running the “For Better, For Worse” comic strip as creator Lynn Johnston revisits the strip’s story lines that began 29 years ago? We’d like your thoughts about whether the strip should continue or if you’d like to see a new strip in its place and what it might be. Put “Comics” in the subject line of an e-mail to emoderso@dmreg.com.
Gold-Digging Nanny
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

Congrats to Muffaroo, the float-riders, and Spider-Brick!
Hogenmogen
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

Re: Sunday’s Foobnale-Glurgefest-To-End-All-Glurgefests:

What is the deal with Mike’s FOUR books and a MOVIE. Don’t they have to be about something? Are they the literary version of Seinfeld and are about nothing?

The first book actually had a subject, some praire woman living in the 1940s if I’m not mistaken. Not that anything actually happened to this woman, it was sort of like she sweeps the floor, washes dishes, scrub toilets, shaves sheets, begs for death, etc. As for the rest of the Complete Works of Mike Patterson, we don’t even have so much as a genre, except “glurgerotica”, “porn on the praire”, “love in the time of foobera” or the ever popular “women who do housework and live in such remote locations as not to be significantly beleagured by events like the second world war”.

Thank the powers that be that the local rag has decided to drop it, acknowleging that although it is enormously popular, it rejects the “new-run” format. No doubt they will experience the usual onslaught of hate mail from those who can not live without their daily dose of bon-mots and feel good story arcs that never quite leave the ground. I would have simply stopped running it and released the statement “More information on FBOFW can be found on the internet.”
Naked Bunny with a Whip
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

Congrats to the winner, the runners up, and the losers (like me!).

CC COTW: It’s like the Special Olympics of bad comic strips. We’re all winners!
Hogenmogen
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

Today’s Foob provides little surprise, since Elle did, in fact say “food chain”. Why she would have picked that phrase without also that meaning is nigh incomprehensible.

In other words:
“If Mike does well with the fish, we’ll get him something that eats fish.”
“You’re getting me something that will eat my fish?”

If Mike treated that fish like he treats his kids as an adult, it’s just sharkbait anyway. Maybe he could have a creepy backyard Pet Semetery like the Keanes.
Poteet
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

# 68 Hogenmogen — As I recall (and I think I do, because the brain bleach just wasn’t strong enough), Michael’s second novel was about a sailing ship, yo-ho-ho, and more specifically about some guy who becomes the cabin boy or cook or Official Glurgey Pontificator or some such. I don’t know if the third novel was ever described. Maybe it was about a saintly genius writer who works at home and parents by osmosis.
Poteet
September 2nd, 2008 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

Sorry, I just have to say it — KITTY! Very cute kitty! Awwwww…kittykittykittykittykittykitty….
Sequitur
September 2nd, 2008 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

Eh, are those beans that Plugger dogman is tossing in the jar?
(Yeah, I know they’re coins but it’s funnier with beans.)
Islamorada Girl
September 2nd, 2008 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

FOOB: So you’re saying Michael’s book was the story of Rex Morgan, Cabin Boy? No wonder it hit the remainder table so fast!
D.A. Pennington
September 2nd, 2008 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

I’m surprised at Lynn that even though this is a reboot strip, Elle still has a giant badonkadonk butt.
Muffaroo M. Muffaroo
September 2nd, 2008 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

commodorejohn @51 – Okay, now that you’ve done it, I can stop trying to think of a good Timothy joke for Mark Trail. Whew.

anonymously @54 – Yeah, I was at a friend’s house — actually for the second time in a week, as I was on the return leg of a holiday trip — and observed that the hamster was much friskier. “Yes,” said my friend, “One of the boys said he was sick. He had the illness where you lie completely still and start to stink after a while. So we took him to the vet…” “And now, he’s a new hamster!” I finished. “SHHHHHH!” he said.

cheech wizard @60 – Everyone knew her as Nancy.

D.A. Pennington @75 – That makes it a “rebooty” strip.

Hoo! New thread’s up!
Gabacho
September 2nd, 2008 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

#43 Hogenmogen – Brilliantly put. Toby told “Oh, no problem. Here’s all your money.” and she weeps!? As the kids say, “WTF?”

I know many emotional men and women, many of whom cry for no reason at all because they are insane. I myself am a “punch the wall” type and have never been known for my brainpower. But we are not stupid. Crying, mewling and being snippy to the one person that is helping you requires a new word for beyond stupid. I will bet the Scots have a word for such behavior.

The proper response is “Thank you very much. I would like to send a letter complimenting your helpfulness. to whom should I send that? Is there anything else I should be doing about the account?”

Another note, there was a mention last week of ATM withdrawals. A few years ago, someone decided to impersonate me and used a fake card to withdraw money. The bank (and I name no names but it rhymes with Rank of America) reversed the purchases but held a prolonged investigation of the ATM withdrawals, preventing both the false Gabacho and the one true Gabacho from taking any money out for over 6 weeks. When it’s their dime, they are not so quick.

#62 Red Greenback – I am blushing.
fuzzmaster
September 2nd, 2008 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

FW: Let’s think this plot twist through logically — Funkerlogically, that is…

Les THINKS Susan still has the hots for him, but, ha-ha, she’s actually pining for her (dead? dying? heartlessly run away?) husband. Hilarity ensues as this time Les tries to commit suicide over unrequited love. He recovers, weakened but still reliably morose. But guilt over his attempt leads Susan to attempt suicide again, and this time she succeeds … only to have her (long-lost? ghostly?) husband appear at her gravestone, humming “But now the bitter green is gone, the hills have turned to rust / There comes a weary stranger, his tears fall in the dust /Kneeling by the churchyard in the autumn mist / Dreaming of a kiss …”
fuzzmaster
September 2nd, 2008 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

… And just to be clear on this: the husband is inexplicably dressed as a mime.
FOOBed again
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

Congratulations to Muffaroo M. Muffaroo and all the runners-up!
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

Umm…hi.

My name is Gadge Cubic, and I…I… (voice from the audience: “You can do it, Gadge!”) I, uh, kinda thought the final Saturday and Sunday FOOBs were sorta…uh…okay.

No, dammit: they were kind of moving. There. I’ve said it, and I’m proud.

Of course, now Johnston has to go and ruin what would have been a fine ending by NOT ENDING. Grrr.
anonymous
September 3rd, 2008 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

9CL: You know, I kind of like this ‘new’ couple and hope they make a go of it. Edda can find someone else! But wait…what’s this??? A Roadblock!

Amos – just standing there, like a f**king tree, with your arms at your sides while a woman is kissing you – respond, damn it! Try not to be the ignorant, naive, shy DICK that you really are.
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October 27th, 2008 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

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