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How to win friends and influence your brother

Hi and Lois, 9/14/08

Here’s a rare case of a Sunday strip being radically altered by the presence or absence of the throwaway panels in the top row of the comic. If, like me as I read my physical dead-tree comic section, you saw the strip beginning with Dot asking Ditto “What do you want to do today?” you get a fairly pedestrian parable about young boredom. But with those first two panels, the strip suddenly stands at one step removed, with Dot setting her Dale Carnegie-like powers of persuasion against Ditto’s persistent and chronic ennui. Dot isn’t trying to have fun with her brother; she’s set herself up in mortal combat with his own shapeless self, trying — and, as you can see by Ditto’s state at the end of the strip, supine and refusing even to move, failing — to mold her brother into a man of some semblance of action.

Crankshaft, 9/14/08

Much as I enjoy the thought of Crankshaft spending a week alone stewing in his own old-man filth, I must object to his barber’s use of the neologism “batching it” in the third panel. I’m assuming the terms derives from the word “bachelor,” but I fear that it may also somehow involve Crankshaft’s batch.

And here’s a couple of amusing out-of-context-panels for you:

Panel from Beetle Bailey, 9/14/08

This is a charming and whimsical scene, as Corporal Yo regresses into nonsense child-talk as he drifts aimlessly through the sky.

Blondie, 9/14/08

This is funny because it makes it look like Dagwood is paying for sex.

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 09:50 pm and is filed under Beetle Bailey, Blondie, Crankshaft, Hi and Lois.

72 responses to “How to win friends and influence your brother”

OverCat
September 14th, 2008 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

Not only funny, but suddenly it all makes sense. How else could Dagwood be getting that action all these years?

Usually we see the payment in the form of yet another expensive, revealing dress. Dagwood has tired of the mall and decided to make it more direct.
Herr Ratte
September 14th, 2008 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

It looks like the Bumstead service station has a “pay before you pump” policy.
Big Sims
September 14th, 2008 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

Wouldn’t Crankshaft ‘widdin’ it? He was married, wasn’t he?
CanuckDownSouth
September 14th, 2008 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

How much of a neologism can “batching it” be? I found a reference on a forum to Merriam-Webster dating it to 1865. Then I found it on M-W online. That wasn’t a typo – it’s from 1865.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
September 14th, 2008 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

Well, in the original 1930s Blondie, Dagwood came from a much wealthier background than Blondie did, so a cynic could argue that he was effectively paying her for sex.
CanuckDownSouth
September 14th, 2008 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

3-Big Sims the Merriam-Webster definition is to live like a bachelor – seems it can mean while the wife / SO is away, or as a widower. Now, can a bachelor actually “batch it”, because he would live as a bachelor, not like a bachelor? If I were more of a stickler, I’d worry about that.
Harold
September 14th, 2008 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

I think marriage is all about paying for sex.
LTBF
September 14th, 2008 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

JP-Anyone else find it odd a woman named “Dixie Julep” dates a black mobster?
Harold
September 14th, 2008 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

RE: SQB @ 5: Aaaggh! Fins! Jinx! I…

Actually, Dagwood gave up his social status and inheritance to be with Blondie (even though he wound up with his wealthy parents caring for him during his interminable “amnesia” episode just a few weeks into the run), so it could be said that Dagwood paid very dearly for sex with Blondie. He has been rewarded by the fact that she has still retained her youthful good looks at 98. (Assuming she was 20 when the strip began in 1930.)
Joe Blevins
September 14th, 2008 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

H&L: This strip plays like a prequel to The Doom Generation. Make no mistake, there is a crime spree in Dot & Ditto’s future.

Crankshaft: There is no punchline here, no “joke” per se other than the tragicomedy inherent in the fact that this old man has been living in filth and squalor for a week and apparently prefers this to the supposed “solace” of family life. Love? Companionship? Interaction with other human beings? Bah! Give me stacks of discarded pizza boxes teeming with flies and jars filled with urine any day!
Harry Paratestes
September 14th, 2008 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

It’s wonderful how Dagwood makes himself feel doubly good with his currency wad: He’s offering Blondie what looks and feels like a huge amount of cash, but it’s all in Zimbabwean dollars, so he’ll get her favors for less than the cost of a plain bagel.
Joe Blevins
September 14th, 2008 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

The full-length Beetle Bailey is shatteringly sad, even more so than usual for this strip, as the experience of free-falling forces the men to examine the utter emptiness of their existence. Beetle’s entire life, for instance, has been a series of lies and copouts. There has been no truth, no beauty, no joy, only the avoidance of responsibility. Meanwhile, a despondent Sarge comes to terms with the fact that the only meaningful relationship he’s had in his life is with this useless cypher. Sarge realizes, perhaps as never before, that his sick, angry, violent relationship with Beetle is what defines him. So I’m guessing in the mess hall later on, it’ll be cyanide capsules all around, then?
survivor
September 14th, 2008 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

I think Blondie might be Dagwood’s pimp.

Dagwood looks as though he has done terrible, terrible things sexually that night to earn Blondie her money.
ChrisV82
September 14th, 2008 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

The great thing about “x is coming home, so I have to clean the house” jokes is that they never get old, even though we see them over and over again!

At least this one involves crankshaft’s batch, which is all over the couch, shower curtain, bed sheets, and fridge (don’t ask).
Muffaroo-who-walks
September 14th, 2008 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

Blondie: Which one gave you fifty cents?
Dagwood: They all did!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
September 14th, 2008 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

bats @ 379 yester-yesterthread wrote:

I always wanted to print up on self-adhesive labels “DEEP RECTAL” and then walk around parking lots, sticking them on Ford Probes.

Your story reminds me of something. In college, I joined a co-op dorm that came with its own subversive group, “N Team.” Our only subversive activity, though, was to canvass campus in the early morning of the first day of classes, applying custom-printed stickers to the buildings’ signs to change their names and confuse freshmen. Since this was during the early period of David Letterman’s popularity, by sunup that Monday, all major buildings on campus would be renamed “Melman Hall.”
Mokichi
September 14th, 2008 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

Oops — caught on the wrong thread!

I see in the last panel of JP that the hard-assed lady cop has shown up — I suppose it’s too much to hope that there will be a threesome with handcuffs in their future. Rather, Sam will be boringly suspected of murder.
Tlachtga
September 14th, 2008 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

I suppose it’s too much to hope that there will be a threesome with handcuffs in their future

I think you’re looking for Brenda Starr.
Rusty
September 14th, 2008 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

That’s my first ever viewing of the Crankshaft pate. I wonder how filthy that mesh cap is.
short
September 14th, 2008 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

Monday’s Shortpacked is all about the action in Mary Worth http://www.shortpacked.com/
Trekkie
September 14th, 2008 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

Oh, Shortpacked has done it again!
Trekkie
September 14th, 2008 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

20. Damn fingers. I lost the speed race again!
Artist formerly known as Ben
September 14th, 2008 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

Whenever I hear the words, “I’m really good at motivational speaking,” I’m motivated to run for the hills. Ditto is not only bored and lazy, but severely lacking in survival instincts. Like father…
Cambiata
September 14th, 2008 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

Shortpacked! did a Mary Worth parody strip today:

http://www.shortpacked.com/d/20080915.html
Cambiata
September 14th, 2008 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

You bastards, you beat me to it. :p
Poteet
September 14th, 2008 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

DT — Probably someone has thought of this, but wouldn’t it be interesting if that ginormous Dick (sorry, I couldn’t resist) crossed over into A3G and started hunting down the spammers who stole Lu Ann’s identity?

Of course the first challenge would be finding a ginormous computer for Big Dick to work on. And if he’s no brighter than his namesake, he’s doomed. But watching him joust online with Enormoushop might be entertaining.
bats :[
September 14th, 2008 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

Josh, shouldn’t it be DITTO’S persistent and chronic ennui?
Is this like the heartbreak of psoriasis? Rectal itch? Warts?
tb4000
September 14th, 2008 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

I think the look on Dag’s face as he’s handing her the money is the most telling, as if to say, “I know I’m going to hell, but this is the only way, dammit….”
Adam
September 14th, 2008 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

yeeeeessssssssss
Colonel O'Popcorn
September 14th, 2008 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

Hitler Youth is alive and prospering in the Keane Compound, I see.
commodorejohn
September 14th, 2008 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

#26 Poteet – I don’t blame you one bit for confusing them, but it’s Toby from Mary Worth who’s been in phishing-related histrionics all week.
Trixie Belden
September 14th, 2008 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

bats[: yesterthread. Thanks for the info! Re plague: I’ve always wondered whenever I hear about the plague nowadays – back in medieval times, didn’t the plague do such a good job of killing off everyone who was susceptible to it, that most of the population today is descended from those who survived it, hence most of us would have some immunity?
Paperback Rifler
September 14th, 2008 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

Well, I’m all outta snark at the moment, although I have to say that I laughed and laughed at that out-of-context Beetle Bailey panel. I also think that the NEXT caption on today’s Spider-Man should have been done a la Rocky and Bullwinkle to read something like,

NEXT: ‘Spider on the LAM’, or ‘What are EWE lookin’ at?’

‘Cause it’s a pun, see? HA HA HA . . . ha ha . . . oh, never mind.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my remedial Photoshopping / Flickring efforts, for what they’re worth. It all came about mainly because on the Houston Chronicle comics webpage, Dennis the Menace and Dick Tracy are right next to each other. As we all know, Dennis is rarely menacing, and Dick Tracy is generally incomprehensible, perhaps willfully so. So I tried swapping text between the two strips on the theory that both strips would be improved with regard to menace in the one instance and coherence in the other.

In retrospect, it looks like I was wrong; but here’s the photostream anyway:

The Menace vs. Coherence Project
BigTed
September 14th, 2008 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

“Beetle Bailey” seems to have given in to the worst kind of comic-strip ethnic stereotyping. No, they’re not all Astro Boy.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
September 14th, 2008 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

Comics Curmudgeon drinking game: Do a shot every time somebody confuses Toby and Luann.
Ptycho
September 15th, 2008 at 12:01 am [Reply]

I like how Dadaist Crankshaft is, such as in panel two where the lights suddenly go off, while Friendlybarber© lovingly conducts a deep tissue massage.
Josh
September 15th, 2008 at 12:02 am [Reply]

#27 Bats :[

Oops, right you are! I fixed.

I seem to have missed the discussion the Ford Probe’s giggle-inducing name, but may a suggest a related fun game, which is to put the word “anal” in front of the names of SUVs you spot while out and about, which not alwasy but often is good for a laugh. Anal Explorer, Anal Expedition, Anal Rodeo, Anal Samurai, Anal Quest … good times.

Josh
Red Greenback
September 15th, 2008 at 12:04 am [Reply]

33-Paperback Rifler: The Dick Menace mashup is F’ing Hilarious! Thanks for posting it, I really needed that!
dailycomicsreviewer
September 15th, 2008 at 12:07 am [Reply]

I’m seriously thinking of doing just a best single panel of the day blog, because even the horrible comics hit one or two frames a week worth sharing.
Big Sims
September 15th, 2008 at 12:09 am [Reply]

#37 Josh,
Oh god, I drive an Anal Pilot.
Ptycho
September 15th, 2008 at 12:11 am [Reply]

Josh, I’m pretty sure that was already in the subconscious of the SUV execs when they named them. I mean, what other explanation could there be?
Edge
September 15th, 2008 at 12:22 am [Reply]

Ok, has anyone else been reading Opus lately? Is it just me or does it look like Breathed is trying to end the strip again?! And if that’s the case, I have to say I’m surprised, and at the same time, not.
Red Greenback
September 15th, 2008 at 12:32 am [Reply]

I used to dive an Anal Trooper, almost traded it in for an Anal Mariner. Ended up with an Anal Cherokee, which gets a lot better gas mileage, but way less comedy mileage than an Anal Hummer.
Fra. Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
September 15th, 2008 at 12:35 am [Reply]

Trixie B
Immunity to plague — and smallpox for that matter — would be mainly for Europeans, as far as I know. Witness the decimation of native American populations by smallpox and other European diseases.

While on a trip to New Mexico I was told you can still get the bubonic plague there… it’s rare, but not unheard of. It’s also easily treatable these days, but folks sometimes catch it while on vacation and return to, say, Baltimore, and the doctors don’t recognize it, and it can be serious.

So I guess if I’d come back to Chicago with strange symptoms, I would have needed to suggest to my doctor that it might be the plague. And he would have given me that look he gives me. You know, the “I want to roll my eyes, but I’m a doctor, so I have to be professional” look.
Red Greenback
September 15th, 2008 at 12:38 am [Reply]

I didn’t actually “dive” it. “Dive” was a typo… Good night.
Fra. Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
September 15th, 2008 at 12:38 am [Reply]

Re: Shortpacked… WOW… is David Willis a Comics Curmudgeon reader?
Helena Handbasket
September 15th, 2008 at 12:39 am [Reply]

Red @ 43, I recommend taking the Anal Armada on an Anal Expedition.
Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
September 15th, 2008 at 12:50 am [Reply]

Well, I gave Get Fuzzy one week to make me laugh and it failed, so I’ve removed it from my daily list of comics. I mean, I’ll read a comic that’s good, and I’ll read a comic that’s so bad it’s funny, but there is just no reason to read Get Fuzzy, ever. Let me know if it ever gets funny again.

I also removed FOOB, because it’s not really funny to make fun of either. People keep cheering on newspapers who drop it and wanting Lynn to lose business, but the fact is most people still read it day after day. It’s all money in her pocket. So I’ve removed it and won’t be reading it anymore, either.

I also removed Mallard Fillmore. I just added it a few days ago, but to be honest, that comic is terrible. I mean, it’s horrific.
Bookworm
September 15th, 2008 at 12:56 am [Reply]

Josh got a reference in Sunday’s Frog Applause.

Query: Is our Pope becoming a hip pop culture reference or all these comics (besides long-time reader/contributer Ces, of course) just trying to get a mention? Or both?
DaveyK
September 15th, 2008 at 1:01 am [Reply]

Family Circus Sunday: Dolly teaches PJ to wave goodbye just before the human sacrifices begin.
bats :[
September 15th, 2008 at 1:04 am [Reply]

Monday funnies. Ha. Ha.

FC: KNOW WHAT ELSE?

FW: oh, yay, finally! They’re going to kill Funky!

JP: do you think Dixie Julep is her real name, or her “stage” name?

MT: ah, okay. This isn’t Lost Forest. This is Lost Marsh. Literally.

Mutts: and anyone with cats knows that this is true.

MW: oh, Mary! What a lifesaver you are!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2858058909/sizes/o/
Josh
September 15th, 2008 at 1:04 am [Reply]

#44 Bunne — But of course! If you hadn’t been tipped off by his FBOFW and Funky Winkerbean parodies, there’s the fact that he designed the Finger-Quotin’ Margo shirt.

Josh
Uncle Lumpy
September 15th, 2008 at 1:09 am [Reply]

#49 Bookworm –

This, like the Shortpacked! reference to Mary Worth, is an instance of Comic Convergence, by which comics limit themselves to mockery of other comics, shedding all external referents. Josh catalyzes this process.
lovetoykilljoy
September 15th, 2008 at 1:13 am [Reply]

Blondie looks back at Dagwood as if to say, “It’s still rape even if you pay me”
Shave Ezra
September 15th, 2008 at 1:27 am [Reply]

They’ve started colorizing the daily comics on comics.com (also on Yahoo). As surprising as this may sound, TJ (from Luann) look really strange…
Mordock999
September 15th, 2008 at 1:30 am [Reply]

Today’s Luann 09/15/08

So the thug wannabe suggests a “hot” firefighter calender to raise money for the firehouse, eh?

This coming from the same joker who once ripped off
same firehouse and made the “DeGoof” family (and other folk) look like idiots. Nice.

Needless to say the “hot” featured firefighter will be Toni, which will make Brad jealous and, and…,

Sigh. This strip makes my head hurt.

_____________________________________

DEATH, to TJ! NOW more than EVER!
yeff
September 15th, 2008 at 1:38 am [Reply]

Dagwood isn’t paying Blondie for sex, Dagwood is paying Blondie to make him a Yankee Pot Roast in the middle of the night.

Oh wait. For Dagwood, that *is* sex.

- yeff
Joe Btfsplk
September 15th, 2008 at 2:49 am [Reply]

Dick Tracy – So it’s something high-tech, something big… Could Dick’s giant crime-fighting robot be headed for a confrontation with Braces’ yet-unseen giant crime-doing robot? Ooo, I do hope so! Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots, two stories tall (three, when the loser’s head pops up)! Traze-r is already contradicting his operator, though, which is usually not a good sign.

Fred Basset – If Fred wants the Olympics to still be topical, we’ll just go along with him, I guess.

Andy Capp – Andy, I’d think twice about getting Flo out digging holes in the ground. You don’t want to give her ideas.
Romanetti
September 15th, 2008 at 2:52 am [Reply]

RE: 42 – Yep, I’ve been thinking the same thing about Opus – that Breathed’s making another exit strategy. Maybe he’s running out of good ideas – this is what, it’s third incarnation since Bloom County? Let’s just hope he doesn’t decide to (shudder) re-imagine the whole thing ala FOOB-ville. Just when you thought a strip couldn’t suck more, they find a way to make it do so!
150
September 15th, 2008 at 8:48 am [Reply]

I read Crankshaft as “So you’ve been bitching at this week” and thought, “Well heck, that’s nothing new.”
Lithros
September 15th, 2008 at 8:50 am [Reply]

I can only assume that Crankshaft took the opportunity of having the house to himself and ran with it — inviting all passing acquaintances for a giant, irreverent party. Maybe he even invited the kids from his bus route; nothing could hurt them more than being forced to sit in a smoky room with some hateful fossils while watching snuff films.
Poteet
September 15th, 2008 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

When I need to haul stuff, I drive an Anal Ranger. Great.
dale
September 15th, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

Does a proctologist need an Anal Pathfinder?

Does he have an Anal Focus?

This would be easy if I could retain all the car names I’ve heard and ignored.
Badiba
September 15th, 2008 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

Speaking of Toby’s high colonic, I have an Anal Escape.
Deborah
September 15th, 2008 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

“I’m really good at motivational speaking” is the most bizarre thing I’ve ever seen come out of the mouth of a purported small child.

“You’re…what? You’re WHAT?”

If she’d said she was really good at Advanced Calculus, we might guess that she had some savant talent. But motivational speaking? First of all, NO ONE is good at motivational speaking, and second of all, WHY FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S HOLY? WHY?

See what I mean?
Patrick
September 15th, 2008 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

Dot isn’t really doing “motivational speaking,” is she? I mean, if I went to “Awaken The Giant Within” and Anthony Robbins said, “Do you want money? How about status? Power? Health?” I think I’d want my money back.

Of course, if I went to “Awaken The Giant Within,” I’d be a giant tool.
Beatrice
September 15th, 2008 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

The top panel of Crankshaft (A little is all I’ve got) is a direct rip of the yellowed Pluggers cartoon that is taped to my parent’s refrigerator. When Your Dead Wife is Your Barber would be more appropriate for Crankshaft.
Chip
September 15th, 2008 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

Beetle Bailey: Try as I might, I can’t imagine ANY scenario in which that scene would be IN context…
Joe
September 15th, 2008 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

That may be the only time I ever laugh at “Blondie”. Cheers!
jabbanot
September 15th, 2008 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

The Blondie panel did strike me as odd… Thanks for the clarification.
Anonymous
September 16th, 2008 at 6:08 am [Reply]

7 Harold – I think marriage is about doing housework for sex.

Or maybe it’s about having sex in order to have children.

Or being all palsy-walsy for sex.

Or being an unpaid nurse for sex.

Face it, it’s about devoting one’s whole life and heart to another human being, investing in their welfare, and having that person do the same for you, all for nothing but sex! What a rip-off, eh?
Canaduck
September 16th, 2008 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

I could see “Mommy! Get me a bicycle or I’ll run away!” on a t-shirt. WTF.

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