The Comics Curmudgeon

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Shifty little bastards in masks

Mark Trail, 10/10/08

OK, I think we all know where this is going — Sue will be so touched by Mark rescuing her from an alligator and the simple kindness of these forest folk that she will inexplicably allow her valuable swampland to remain a haven for dangerous reptiles, rather than develop it into a strip mall anchored by a Barnes and Noble and a P.F. Chang’s, as God intended. This will set up a conflict with her money-minded ex-boyfriend, whom Mark may have to punch, blah blah blah.

The possible wildcard is Sneaky. Everyone insists on treating him as some kind of lovable household pet when he’s clearly a filthy, thieving wild animal who you shouldn’t turn your back for a second. Ha ha, he’s stealing my wallet! Ha ha, he’s clawing at my daughter’s face! Look into those beady little eyes in panel three and just try to tell me that there’s anything going through his head right now other than “BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE”.

Family Circus, 10/10/08

Good lord, is anything safe from Angry Billy’s flailing, aimless rage? Now he’s incensed at the very concept of the linear progression of time itself. “Seven sucks! I hate seven! I want to be six forever! SIX! SIX! Screw you, seven!” Personally, I’d be pretty nervous being in such close proximity to this tightly wound little rage-stump, but Grandma looks remarkably serene. Maybe she’s somehow got inside information on the exact time and place of the inevitable killing spree.

Spider-Man, 10/10/08

Peter Parker spent the early part of this week bitching about the idea of a museum show of clocks, but now he’s decided that it might be a good place to intercept the fake Spider-Man because, you know, trying to figure out something better would be hard. He’s also not traveling around in costume because of the dastardly deeds of the aforementioned fake Spider-Man, so he’s apparently chosen just to climb up the side of this wall, in broad daylight, without hiding his identity in any way because who cares. This strip should change its name from The Amazing Spider-Man to Spider-Man: Whatever.

Pluggers, 10/10/08

Everyone knows that plugger coffee comes in a $12 can that lasts for months, and is made with a scoop of crystals and some boiling water. Dog-man plugger here would be no more likely to be leaving the store with a bag of coffee beans than he would with arugula or a copy of the Economist.

By the way, I’ve seen Reed Hoover’s name in Pluggers often enough that I Googled him to find out how he became such a plugger-savant, only to find this two-year-old article from the Dallas Morning News. I urge you to read it all the way to the very end! You will not regret it.

This entry was posted on Friday, October 10, 2008 at 06:39 pm and is filed under Family Circus, Mark Trail, Pluggers, Spider-Man. |

178 responses to “Shifty little bastards in masks”

gnome de blog
October 10th, 2008 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

The irony of Billy’s rage is that he’s been 7 for like, 50 years.
CanuckDownSouth
October 10th, 2008 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

I don’t even get the Plugger “punchline”. Pluggers have an irrational rage against 12 oz bags? Pluggers are unable to check the posted “per unit” price to see if a 10 oz bag is equivalent to less than 5$ a pound?
Dobie Gillis
October 10th, 2008 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

I KIND of regret it . . .
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch
October 10th, 2008 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

Oh my God, I MUST have a Pluggers T-shirt to be buried in.

No, wait – I just want a Pluggers T-shirt so I can bury it. My bad.
Patrick
October 10th, 2008 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

Sneaky also has the ability to talk out of his ass when you squeeze him! “Do you like them?” asks Sneaky’s Ass. Hee!
Alfred E. Neuman
October 10th, 2008 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

9CL— Now that Amos is alone in the room with Edda, it looks like he has brought with him a giant er… cello.

Luann— C’mon, Toni, don’t interfere with Brad while he’s pumping the ol’ shutter release. It’s the only thing he’ll ever get to release in your presence. Toni is just one big f-stop.
fashion police
October 10th, 2008 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

If Sue Butler has a raccoon stole complete with their little heads that she wears with a fringy silver lamé dress when she dances the Charleston, I will worship her forever.
Ron Hogan
October 10th, 2008 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

Add to the Spider-Man: Whatever files: Why does Peter Parker have to take off his shoes to climb that wall, if it’s well-established that his costume covers both his hands and feet?
Isaac
October 10th, 2008 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

#8- Yeah, I’m kinda hoping he won’t put them back on when he enters the museum, if he enters the museum. Some guy will say, “You have shoes around your neck,” and Peter will say, “I’m Spiderman.”
Josh
October 10th, 2008 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

#2 CanuckDownSouth — it’s a reference to the $5 cups of coffee for sale at Starbucks, that well-known haven for elitists.

Josh
Angry Kem
October 10th, 2008 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

#9: He’ll then add, “Duh,” and wander off to find a television.
prockstar
October 10th, 2008 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

wait, spiderman is climbing up a wall, out of his costume, in broad daylight? is this the same guy who, when mugged in a dark alleyway, refused to protect his wife because it might reveal his secret identity? not as much as scaling a wall in your street clothes will, buddy.
Braniff
October 10th, 2008 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

Family Circus (of sickos)–Where does the family live? If they lived in Nebraska, or even in Ioway, Kansas, Missouri, Colorado, Wyoming or South Dakota, Mommy or Daddy Keane could drop off Billy, Jeffy, PJ and Dolly at a hospital in Nebraska, with no questions and relatively little paperwork. It’s Nebraska law.

Perhaps Mommy and Daddy are singing the University of Nebraska fight song, “There is No Place Like Nebraska!”
Rachel211
October 10th, 2008 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

“You needn’t worry about turning 8 Billy….you needn’t worry at all…”
commodorejohn
October 10th, 2008 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

#8 Ron Hogan – I believe the explanation is that the fabric of his suit is porous enough for the gripping hairs that make wall-climbing possible to get through, something that cannot be said for the rubber soles of his shoes. I don’t even remember where I found this out, so it may be entirely wrong, but that’s what I remember reading.
keru_shiri
October 10th, 2008 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

FC: Billy truly is an odd one. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen a child under the age of 12 complaining about getting a year older.

Heck, I don’t think I’ve seen anyone complain about getting older until the age of 24.
Mollie
October 10th, 2008 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

I think the next Comics Curmudgeon T-shirt should say, “If I die in this shirt, please bury me in something nicer.”
Orinoco
October 10th, 2008 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

Maybe Grandma in FC is thinking the same thought that Humpty-Dumpty had in ‘Through the looking-glass’ – “With the right sort of assistance, you might have left off at seven.”
Tricia
October 10th, 2008 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

Indeed, I did not regret reading that article.
gnome de blog
October 10th, 2008 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

16 keru_shiri said:

Heck, I don’t think I’ve seen anyone complain about getting older until the age of 24.

Hell, I stayed 23 for 37 years. It wasn’t a problem.
Violet
October 10th, 2008 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

That Ian Cameron is a great communicator. Sure, some girls go for the flashy lotharios or playboy gadabouts, but it takes a solid, seasoned man of the world to understand the one and only way to reassure a troubled partner of your continued love and respect: jazz hands.
Uncle Lumpy
October 10th, 2008 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

OK, I’m gonna hate myself for this, but here goes:

Ahem: “The Economist”, not “the Economist”.

Yup. I hate myself.
AhClem
October 10th, 2008 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

#15 commodorejohn -
The idea of Peter Parker having “gripping hairs” is an image I really didn’t need, thank you very much.
juggernaut
October 10th, 2008 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

The best part of the article was left out. Was this an open casket funeral? Was this person buried wearing nothing BUT his Pluggers t-shirt? If so, were other Pluggers clawing their own eyes out at this gruesome spectacle?

Dammit – elitist bastards everywhere want to know!
Sly Robbie
October 10th, 2008 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

FC: Grandma stays serene around Billy, because she does not want to be sent into the cornfield, or turned into a jack-in-the-box.
Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
October 10th, 2008 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

So, the originator of Pluggers was a Pulitzer Prize winner? I wonder if Edison Lee was started by a Nobel Laureate?
Elliegal
October 10th, 2008 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

I keep trying to figure out what is sticking up out of Reggie’s bathing suit in panel two of Archie, but I just….can’t.
targemq8
October 10th, 2008 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

Like the gent in the Plugger article, I have left instructions to be buried in my Cassandra Cat tee shirt.
Lolsworth
October 10th, 2008 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

Grandma’s just numb. And possibly dead.
PeteMoss
October 10th, 2008 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

I read Rolly Church of Crete.
I Googled Rolly Church of Crete.
You, sir, Reed Hoover of Dallas, may be a font of “Pluggerisms,” but you are no Rolly Church of Crete!
Aesop
October 10th, 2008 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

Why the hell does Crankshaft have that smirk on his face as he stares at the ass of that young pitcher?
Ted
October 10th, 2008 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

Regarding the Spider-Man no-shoes matter:

The odd thing is that in the “Amazing Spider-Man” comic books he was recently shown climbing a wall in street clothes, with his shoes on. The explanation given by the editors is that Peter Parker can’t afford new shoes very often, so the soles of his shoes are worn down and full of holes enough that the [whatever it is that clings to walls] can go through them!
BigTed
October 10th, 2008 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

Can we do a crossover between those first two strips? If Sneaky the raccoon played “got your nose” with Little Billy Circus, it wouldn’t be a trick so much as dinner for one and rabies for the other.
Big Sims
October 10th, 2008 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

Check out the crazy “metal art” on the barn wall behind the Texan Plugger fan (sorry, I’ve already forgotten his name). Is that really a bullwhip, a cross and… (I swear it looks like) two KKK hoods? Or a crucified turkey? I feel strangely compelled to suspend the entire collection upside down over a bowl of urine.

Wow, I’ve been lurking for a good spell, and I re-enter with above. DIVE DIVE DIVE!
BigTed
October 10th, 2008 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

A real plugger buys coffee in five-pound economy bags at Costco, and keeps brewing it long after it’s gone stale because throwing it out would be wasteful.
Vince M
October 10th, 2008 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

MT – No-o-o-o-pe. I can’t see raccoons as pets. They’d turn vicious and destructive as fast as those monkeys and teacup chihuahuas sold in the comic books of my youth.
anonymous
October 10th, 2008 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

#16 – I just said the hell with birthdays altogether after reaching a certain age. I like to keep ‘em guessing.

#35 – go ahead and laugh. I think a lot of us will be doing this in the months (years?) ahead. I only drink coffee to wake up, not to savor the fine bouquet of the bean, whether Blue Mountain or Beechnut (which is made up of ground up lima beans, but as long as it has caffeine, I don’t care). …Anyway, $5 for a can seems pricey. The store brand is about $2.79, and Folgers and Chase & Sanborn take turns going on sale for about the same price.
stay-at-home-wife
October 10th, 2008 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

Gil Thorpe: Please tell me what the hell kind of TV show Marty Moon is on. That stage looks like it could hold the road company of A Chorus Line. In real life he would be sitting behind a desk at the local public access studio and get maybe 15 minutes at 4 a.m. On a Sunday….Our public access station produces a half hour show called “The Fluffer” and consists of a pair of hands …fluffing…a pillow. Kneading it. Stroking it. Puffing it up. with boom-chicka-music. And a stuffed bunny rabbit voyeur just sitting there….watching….mesmerizing! Marty Moon must have the most boring show on Earth, this is what RADIO was made for.
kirky
October 10th, 2008 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

A plugger doesn’t mind not having a purpose in his worthless life as long as he gets to be buried in his favorite t-shirt.
scruffylove
October 10th, 2008 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

Let me tell you a terrible, terrible story about having raccoons as pets.
A couple left the pole barn that they were renting as an apartment to go have a drink with their neighbors. Unfortunately, they left their sleeping baby in her crib and their pet raccoon in its cage. They returned to find the raccoon in the crib chewing on the baby’s face. Gross, but true.
Plus, a raccoon killed my favorite cat. They are bastards.
Islamorada Girl
October 10th, 2008 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

38: Stay-at-Home Wife: The hands and the pillow are much better than certain other fluffers found on certain film sets. Trust me.
Kevin F.
October 10th, 2008 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

The Amazing Spider Man gets more and more preposterous each day. I can’t help but watch.
Stephen
October 10th, 2008 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

…And so we have the great Pluggers Payola scandal of 2008. I happen to be from Richmond VA, where Gary Brookins pens his sub-mediocre comic and kool-aid-drinking political cartoons. One of the biggest big-wigs in town is Joe Ukrop who also supports the GOP and owns a successful chain of grocery stores in VA. A few years back, he opened up a high-end boutique grocery store called – Joe’s Market.

Not that I really care, per se, I just want to see the pluggers plug the Bunny Ranch next. Giggity.
Joe Blevins
October 10th, 2008 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

S-M: I’m just pleased to know that Parker has to scale that entire wall with the stench of his own foot sweat mere inches from his nostrils. Seeing as he apparently does not wear socks, the odor most be unbearable.

MT: “He’s always taking things he’s not supposed to. Like clumps of my hair.”
NotThatGuy
October 10th, 2008 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

Holy moly, I routinely buy arugula, have a subscription to The Economist, AND buy organic free-trade shade grown coffee beans from a local store which imports and roasts them on-site.

I guess I’ll never be a Plugger, gosh darn it.
NotThatGuy
October 10th, 2008 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

MT: Also, raccoons are cool ‘n’ all and I don’t mind ‘em living under the house and making weird noises that float up through the bathtub drain, but every wildlife rehabilitator I know says adult raccoons are mean suckers. A pet skunk? Sure. A pet raccoon? Are you NUTS?
Gg83
October 10th, 2008 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

Don’t you guys know that giving the details of the strange powers of comic book superheroes is what Wikipedia was invented for?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spider-Man%27s_powers_and_equipment#Wall-crawling

The summarized version:
Spider-Man’s wall-crawling abilities work through thin fabric (like the fabric of his costume) but not through thicker materials (like his shoes). Although he still could have worn his socks; maybe he just likes the feel of concrete against his bare soles, or doesn’t want to get his socks dirty. No one in the comic books really has a definitive answer as to how his wall-crawling actually works. It just does.

In the movies, he does have microscopic, stiff, barbed hairs grow from his fingertips. He should have listened to Aunt May when she said he’d get hairy palms! Also in the movies, he does not need to remove his shoes to wall-crawl. He does in the original comic books, though; at one point when his costume was destroyed (for Peter’s own good; it’s a long story and involves an alien costume), he had to go home in an old Fantastic Four costume, wearing a paper sack on his head, no shoes, and a Kick Me sign that the Human Torch had stuck on his back. (He didn’t know about that last one, of course.)

Also, I continue to believe that comic-strip Spider-Man is a poorly created clone of comic-book Spider-Man. Curse you, Clone Saga!
Beatrice
October 10th, 2008 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

A real plugger brings his own zip-loc bag for bulk coffee purchases, as the brown paper bags with the wire closures add .02 to gross weight, and enable the store to take an unearned dime from said plugger.
Donald The Anarchist
October 10th, 2008 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

MT Sneaky needs to go to Family Circus. He can join Not Me and Ida Know on their rampages through the household. “WHO crapped on the couch?!” “Not Me!” “Ida Know!” “Speedy!!!”

FC Don’t look now Billy, but that jewel on your hand is blinking…

SM I’ve always wondered why Spidey doesn’t just make a new costume when people try to frame him. Or move.

A Hustler doesn’t mind paying $5 for a coffee either, as long as he pounds the barrista!
Dono
October 10th, 2008 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

OK, gosh darn it, this Pibgorn storyline (and I use that term loosely) has just run completely off the tracks. Sure, some things should be left to the reader’s imagination, but not the entire freakin plot!
Got Medieval
October 10th, 2008 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

The Family Circus has just gone meta. Billy and the entire Keane brood haven’t aged a day since 1960–indeed, Billy is celebrating a birth day that in every other strip is ostensibly behind him. When has he ever been six? He’s always already seven.
Poteet
October 10th, 2008 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

# 46 NotThatGuy — Yeah. I only know two rehabbers, but I know what their reactions would be to today’s strip. For one thing, they’d hope that Pop and Martha have plenty of liability coverage.
commodorejohn
October 10th, 2008 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

#47 Gg83 – “Don’t you guys know that giving the details of the strange powers of comic book superheroes is what Wikipedia was invented for?”
Ain’t that the truth. Any time some know-it-all Wikipedian talks “notability” to you, folks, just point him toward Category: Marvel Comics.

“Although he still could have worn his socks; maybe he just likes the feel of concrete against his bare soles, or doesn’t want to get his socks dirty.”
That would be the latter. Walking on concrete in socks makes for prickly, uncomfortable socks (not to mention wears them out a lot faster.)
Dagger
October 10th, 2008 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

I think Granny need only shout, “Eta Kooram Nah Smech!” and Billy will fall into a blissful sleep.
Thel Keane
October 10th, 2008 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

I think I saw Billy at a McCain/Palin rally today, calling Obama an Arab terrorist. It’s sad, because even among his fellow rageholics, he’s not happy.
Rusty
October 10th, 2008 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: I get a nice big coffee from Starbucks routinely for less than $2.00. The myth of the $5.00 coffee can be laid at the feet of all those ridiculous latte drinks, which I submit to you are not coffee. I also give credit to Starbucks for forcing all the local convenience store/gas stations to raise their game and offer a decent cup of joe instead of the horrid commercial crap that used to sit on a burner all day.
crossbuck
October 10th, 2008 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

43: Is there suddenly a fad of opening high-end grocery stores with wildly dumb names? Joe’s Market has nothing on the one opening here. Called Good Eats. Yeah, the same name as the dump of a diner in a silent-film short.
Lorna Doonesbury
October 10th, 2008 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

Ian is alone reading a book sipping fine southern bourbon. It is a quiet evening with a soft flickering fire crackling gently in the fireplace. Without warning a figure sneaks up behind Ian and yells, “GET AWAY, YOU MONSTER – GET!” Ian and his book fly upward in a circle, Charlie Brown style, as the figure sneaks off quietly on the carpeted floor giggling into cupped hands. As Ian lays edgeway in his easy chair, book, bourbon, beard and bathrobe all askew, Toby, in her padding slippers, runs into the room and exclaims, “I’m sorry, Ian. I didn’t mean to give away my identity!” Ian looks up and says, “Huh?”
Saluki
October 10th, 2008 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

The Plugger retirement plan. Generate hundreds of plugger nuggets. Take out a contract to have a hit put on Gary Brookins. Sell the original artwork for millions, or at least tens.
Tim O'Shenko
October 10th, 2008 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

“You know you’re a zombie plugger when…”
Thursday Next
October 10th, 2008 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

Billy is raging because he can’t get past the cognitive dissonance of celebrating a birthday but he remains eternally seven anyway. It’s you’re seventh birthday, Billy. It’s always your seventh birthday. He’s getting like Baby Herman. I can’t wait to see him offstage smoking his stogie and copping feels.
And Grandma is serene because they just upped her meds.

Today was weird all over the comics page, (Curtis, why lie, what’s the point, and why lie about a girl washing your mother’s floor?) but the Next Children need to be put to bed.
MrsIrB
October 10th, 2008 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

9CL – JUST SCREW ALREADY. SHEESH.
Aesop
October 10th, 2008 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

Spider-man has to be one of the worst comic strips currently running. I like how they took a few days to show Peter deciding that it wouldn’t be worth his time to go to the clock show, then Big Time (or whatever that useless villain’s name is) teaching us about clocks for a few days, only to have Peter decide “What the hell, I’ll go to the clock show for no reason anyway!”
Edgar Lee Muffaroo
October 10th, 2008 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

TOBY CAMERON
After i confessed everything to my Ian,
And he forgave me, and respected me for it,
Everything was transfigured
And I went out into the world, determined
To make a new day, a new start
And be worthy of that wonderful man
But as I walked out into the light
Looking up, up at the sky
My silly foot betrayed me, and stepped
Into the open manhole cover, and I fell
Down, down, and all the way down I thought:
I don’t know how this could happen!
I’m not careless with manholes!

PROFESSOR IAN CAMERON
After I lost you, Toby,
I went a little crazy
And began to indulge in
Things I’d only thought about before
And by the time I finally died in harness,
There was quite a bit of talk
And Mary came to see me
And recited her platitudes
And I smiled, and nodded, and looked abashed
And thanked her for it as she left
And kept going on my ways.
You taught me something, Toby.
I thought I needed a young blonde
But I found myself instead
In showers and bathroom stalls
And bus stations and personal ads.
Your sacrifice wasn’t in vain–
I just needed to get you and your kind
Out of my system for good.

ALDO KELRAST
I set myself upon Mary Worth
And showed up, unannounced
And crossed her path again, and again
Always with a smile and a leer
But she would have none of me.
I kept my disappointment to myself
But one day my eager heart gave way
And I expired there on the floor.
Now I lie here and I see
That she visits me after all.
Perhaps I touched that icy heart
More than she ever let on.
Why, here she is now.
Mary! I want you to know
I can see right up your dress!

MARY WORTH
Time heals all wounds.
There are other fish in the sea.
I told them. For years, I told them all.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
And when they put me aside,
And pitied me, behind their smiles,
(Let a smile be your umbrella!)
I didn’t let on that I saw through it.
You catch more flies with honey!
But I think they realized, most of them.
Happiness isn’t a gift, it’s earned!
At the end, they knew who to thank.
The end justifies the means.
Toby, plunging into endless night–
It’s always darkest just before dawn–
Aldo, dying of natural causes,
(For what is more natural than sleep?)
And all the rest of them, whose stones
Surround mine, as if listening for advice
Which I dispense, as I once sold apples.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away!
A stitch in time saves nine.
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
October 10th, 2008 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

Gnome de Blog stole my joke, and I want it back. Meh, my version would not have been as good.

So instead I’ll launch into Embarrassing Confessions, part II: Bunnë at 9. Yes, at 9 years old, I became suddenly aware of the mysterious convergence of mortality and the ten-base counting system. I realized that I’d spent the entire 9 years of my life at a one-digit age, but would likely spend the rest of it at two digits. If I was lucky, I might get to spend a handful of years at three digits, but I was pretty much doomed, as we all are, to a life mostly spent at two-digit ages. So, this is pretty ordinary. Only, I was seriously upset about it. It seemed somehow deeply unfair. And yet, you can’t argue with the cold cold truth of mathematics, even if you are nine.

I’ll understand if you all want to move your metaphoric chairs slightly further away from me. Will if help if I say FC is still f***ed up?
boojum
October 10th, 2008 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

38. stay-at-home-wife:

Is that… is that a different pillow, like every week? And a stuffed bunny, you say…?

Aitch. Oh. Tee. Hawt.
Edgar Lee Muffaroo
October 10th, 2008 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

PRIVATE BEETLE BAILEY
I trembled between them. There was no escape.
Then I saw the recruiter’s door. I stepped inside.
Things blurred for a while, and I came to myself
With my porkpie hat gone and an army cap in its place.
And I found that in giving up freedom and self,
I had gained blamelessness and slack,
And what was at first temporary became instead
The permanent surrender of choice in exchange
For the permanent evasion of responsibility.
And as I stayed at Camp Swampy, year after year,
I was astonished one day to realize with a start
That nothing ever changed there. Nobody left
And nobody new came in, and nothing happened
Until the day I realized I had been dead thirty years
And that all of us were already in our private hell.

PETER PARKER
I never asked to be bitten. I only wanted
To listen to a scholarly talk about science
But there it was, I had great power now
And learned quickly what that entailed.
A lesser soul, gaining what I’d gained
Might have succumbed to vanity or greed,
But I had the lesson of Uncle Ben before me
And set out to make the world a better place
Whether the world wanted it or not.
For my pains, I was scorned, excoriated,
Lied about in the paper, and had my image
Which I provided for a modest fee, paraded
Before the credulous public as a menace.
Is it any wonder that I finally surrendered,
Took the easy way out, married my girlfriend
And stayed at home most days, watching TV?

THE UNKNOWN PLUGGER
Here I lie, in a humble pine box
None of your fancy caskets for me
If I’d died a few years later, it might have been
A cardboard carton for my eternal rest.
I didn’t ever ask for much from the world;
Just a small-screen TV and a padded chair
The one to sleep in, the other to sleep
In front of on the nights when I didn’t have to go
And work the next day. I kept my personal data
On the icebox in the kitchen. My watch
Only told time, and didn’t bother me with
Phone calls, headlines, music, or games.
When I was hungry, I ate a burger with fries,
Drank the cheapest coffee, married a big chicken,
And played board games with my bored kids.
Until the day I felt my heart burst in my chest
And couldn’t puzzle out the medicine cap in time.
Now I nap under a piece of granite,
Carved with my parents’ names, with a line
Left for my family to fill in with mine
When they can afford it.
commodorejohn
October 10th, 2008 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

#63 Aesop – I’ve come to accept Spider-Man on its own terms, those of being a series of successive fake-outs designed to fool the reader into thinking something interesting is going to happen. Much like I now accept Dick Tracy as an experiment in non-linear storytelling paired with Dali-noir art.
boojum
October 10th, 2008 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

65. L’il Bunnë Foo-Foo –

You have the soul of a poet. Specifically, the poet Billy Collins. His poem “On Turning Ten” is one of my favorites:

The whole idea of it makes me feel
like I’m coming down with something,
something worse than any stomach ache
or the headaches I get from reading in bad light–
a kind of measles of the spirit,
a mumps of the psyche,
a disfiguring chicken pox of the soul.

You tell me it is too early to be looking back,
but that is because you have forgotten
the perfect simplicity of being one
and the beautiful complexity introduced by two.
But I can lie on my bed and remember every digit.
At four I was an Arabian wizard.
I could make myself invisible
by drinking a glass of milk a certain way.
At seven I was a soldier, at nine a prince.

But now I am mostly at the window
watching the late afternoon light.
Back then it never fell so solemnly
against the side of my tree house,
and my bicycle never leaned against the garage
as it does today,
all the dark blue speed drained out of it.

This is the beginning of sadness, I say to myself,
as I walk through the universe in my sneakers.
It is time to say good-bye to my imaginary friends,
time to turn the first big number.

It seems only yesterday I used to believe
there was nothing under my skin but light.
If you cut me I would shine.
But now, when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,
I skin my knees. I bleed.
Mars
October 10th, 2008 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

Does anyone here get Bill Hollbrook’s Safe Havens in their paper? Probably not, it’s a rare one, but mine still does.

Bill also draws Fastrack and has said on record the only reason he keeps his newspaper strips going is to keep his webcomic Kevin and Kell going too, because he can’t eat on that alone. And it’s pretty apparent where his motivations lie. Safe Havens quit being funny a long time ago and now is just weird.

Why am I bringing this strip up? Because of the dialogue exchange yesterday:

“Oh no! While we were kissing, you (literally) morphed into my mother!”
“And that reporter just took a picture! This could ruin her political career!”

See, the main character is a geneticist and there was a story awhile back where she accidentally turned herself into her mother. She’s also turned her cat human, and the cat dated an actual human for a while (!!!). She also has a pet mermaid, and her friends include a guy who is always hanging upside-down on a trapeze even when there’s nothing around to hold it up, and the mermaid is in love with the guy on the trapeze, which is supposed to be touching because it would never work out as she’s from the sea and he’s from the….air.

I swear I’m not making up any of this.
commodorejohn
October 10th, 2008 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

#64, #67 Edgar Lee Muffaroo – Holy crap, that is some brilliant stuff.
Joe Btfsplk
October 10th, 2008 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

Spider-Man – This strip’s low budget has been showing lately. Today we see the shoes hanging toward the wall instead of toward the ground, revealing that they are using the same sideways-camera trick as the old Batman TV show.

Pluggers – #2 CanuckDownSouth, #10 Josh – The joke there was lost on me as well. I was too distracted by my mind instinctively trying to make the association between dog and pound, and wondering why he was carrying the bag as if it were full of nitroglycerin.

Family Circus – Ah, cut the whining, kid. Given that one of your years apparently lasts for about fifty of ours, you’re getting a better deal than the rest of us.
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
October 10th, 2008 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

MrslrB – I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I will be sorely disappointed if Edda and Amos don’t make the beast with two backs. Seriously, Buffy lost her virginity on national television in season two. How long will we have to watch these two dance around each other?
commodorejohn
October 10th, 2008 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

#70 Mars – Kevin & Kell itself jumped the shark some time ago as well. I can’t decide whether it was way the hell back when the whole concept of “domestication” as a metaphor for homosexuality was introduced (I’ve always been of the opinion that introducing Big Serious Issues into a humor strip is a surefire strip-killer) or when the whole bird conspiracy/alternate-universe thing came to a boil (when things got about as weird as the stuff you describe,) but he really could’ve given it up a while back, as far as I’m concerned.
Mars
October 10th, 2008 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

The odd thing is that in the “Amazing Spider-Man” comic books he was recently shown climbing a wall in street clothes, with his shoes on. The explanation given by the editors is that Peter Parker can’t afford new shoes very often, so the soles of his shoes are worn down and full of holes enough that the [whatever it is that clings to walls] can go through them!

Riiiight. Why don’t they just say “We don’t care about stuff like that”?

If you are a creative websearcher you can find most of the Spider-Man comic archives in pieces around the Net — microfilm converted to Google, the Chron archives, etc. You might be wondering if it was always this weird.

Oh yeah. It’s always been weird.

You have to remember, though, Stan’s from the old-school camp era, and many of his old comics from the 60’s read the same way as this strip does. Yet they’re regarded as true classics.

What does this say about the average Mudgeon? He or she is just not “with it” and wouldn’t last long at a comic-con. If you can’t digest camp then you probably shouldn’t be reading a superhero comic at all.
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
October 10th, 2008 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

Boojum @ 69
Thanks! Thanks so much, that’s totally awesome! It largely erases the depression I got from reading that last paragraph of that Dallas Morning News article.

Seriously, I’m glad not to be the only one who felt that way.
Judo Throw Toy
October 10th, 2008 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

Good Lord! Just when I thought we were finally coming to the end of that mind numbing identity theft story line in Mary Worth, it now looks like Mark Trail is about to embark on the same theme. But instead of a ditzy blonde trophy wife falling for a sophisticated computer phishing scam, we see a sophisticated blonde big city business woman falling victim to a raccoon pilfering through her purse.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
October 10th, 2008 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

65 Bunne — I was disappointed after going from 28 to 29, realizing that my age would never again be a perfect number (the next one after 28 is 496).

Most likely, I’ll get to be a power of 2 again (64), and if I’m lucky, a power of 3 (namely 81).
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
October 10th, 2008 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

Skullturf Q. Beavispants: also awesome, and much more obscure.

You guys are all awesome.
m_faustus
October 10th, 2008 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

It’s pretty obvious that Sneaky is the villain. He is covered with hair after all. I look forward to the climax when Mark Trail catches him in his wallet and punches all the fur off his thieving hide.
Timothy Burke
October 10th, 2008 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

I think you misunderestimate Sneaky! What is really going through his head is RABIES RABIES RABIES RABIES RABIES bite bite bite RABIES RABIES RABIES.
Ned Ryerson
October 10th, 2008 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

#77 My thoughts exactly. Sneaky’s already run all of Sue’s credit cards through a sniffer. She’s soon be paid a visit by a wildlife identity theft advisor.
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 10th, 2008 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

Oh, as to Josh’s question from earlier today, I’m in data entry. I don’t know if that falls inside the IT boundaries. It’s kind of moot, because my only superstition is not to Google the words “nude”, “vagina” or “spork” on company time.
Edgar Lee Muffaroo
October 10th, 2008 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

ALAN THE ARTIST
Talent only takes you so far.
Praised in school, successful at first,
I saw my path to fame, to glory,
To all the good things in life.
But ideas were few, and I went
To the pool of creativity, which I found
In a glass pipe Jones gave me
Along with my first taste of the stuff
And I painted, painted, until I thirsted,
Went back to the pool, then painted some more.
But before long, the thirst was more important
And the next trip to the pool, and the next,
And my curtains grew tattered, and I began
To leave my shirt unbuttoned at the top,
And I even forgot to brush my teeth some times.
And then I sought out Ray, who was looking for me,
And things went bad from there, and I perished.
Students of art, always try to find yourselves
A cheaper form of creativity than mine,
And lay in abundant supplies
Before you prime your canvas.

PHILLIP WINSLOW
Dottie and I saw him in the window,
A small puppy, looking helplessly at us
Canting his head as if to hear something
We had just said. We brought him home
To the delight of the children. In my mind,
I had some reservations about his paws,
Which looked too large for such a small dog.
“He’ll grow into them,” Dottie said,
As if that was a good thing. And grow he did
Until he was bigger than any of us,
And wilfull, and selfish, and bone stupid,
Although he was clever at driving a car,
Making phone calls and operating a computer.
He was less like a dog than he was a demon,
Sucking the life out of our family,
My marriage, and our finances
Until the day I called him out to the car
And took him far away, into the mountains
And tried to lose him on a lonely road.
I got the beefsteak out of the trunk
And called to him to have a treat
But when I looked up, he was in front
And had undone the parking brake somehow
And he rolled right over me before he went
Clattering down the road, until the car stopped
Gently, the front bumper just touching a pine tree.
My last moments seemed to stretch out for me,
Seeing the quizzical expression again on that face,
With that long-ago puppy’s face showing behind it
And I saw the irony as well, and had to admit
That in a way, it really was dog-gone funny.
Poteet
October 11th, 2008 at 12:01 am [Reply]

# 64 & # 67 Edgar Lee Muffaroo — Oh. My. God. I’ve always had a thing for SPOON RIVER ANTHOLOGY. This is glorious.
Bribaby
October 11th, 2008 at 12:06 am [Reply]

Mark Trail is really getting interesting. Sue Butler is obviously a visitor from the future who has journeyed back in time to warn her younger self (the swamp girl — reference the hair) against some dire mistake she’s about to commit, but has somehow lost her memory and taken on the identity of an evil environmental rapist.

#81 Timothy Burke — and I agree with you; the mistake is that she shouldn’t play with wild animals. Those rabies shots are a bitch.
“I love it when Sneaky does that trick where his mouth gets all foamy!”
Lithros
October 11th, 2008 at 12:09 am [Reply]

When I first saw this Spider-Man, my first thought was, “Wow, Peter Parker has some pretty sweet shoe-shaped headphones.” And even if he doesn’t, he really should.
boojum
October 11th, 2008 at 12:29 am [Reply]

Adding my voice to the chorus of praise for ‘Toon River Anthology:

“A thrill ride. Two enthusiastic thumbs up!!”
Poteet
October 11th, 2008 at 12:34 am [Reply]

# 84 Edgar Lee Muffaroo — Do Tommie! Do Sam Driver! Do June Morgan! Do Garfield! Err…never mind.
Anonymous
October 11th, 2008 at 12:53 am [Reply]

Some Saturday observations:

MT: “Trail. Mark Trail.”
Nope, it just isn’t the same as “Bond. James Bond.”

MW: “You’re never too old to learn, Ian. Or too smart.”
Huh? I think Ian’s going to backhand Toby for her putting them on the same intellectual level (and looking so damned happy about doing it!).

RMMD: Rex makes a silent promise to himself, that he will never come to the assistance of an old person again, no matter how desperate, charming, or incontinent…
PunsKillPeople
October 11th, 2008 at 1:05 am [Reply]

Oh jesus.

I tried reading that article through, but it was entirely too late at night, and then it began to eat my brain…

So then I skipped to the end, and was presented with the hideous image of a Plugger-beast rising from the dead, garbed in some nasty, smelly, pluggeriffic T-shirt.

Holy hell, is there no god???
Mr. Wuxtry
October 11th, 2008 at 1:13 am [Reply]

I’m glad I read clear to the end of the Dallas Morning News piece about Pluggers, too, but my favorite part of it was up in paragraph 2: ” ‘We get a lot of good submissions from Texas. Obviously, there are lots of Pluggers there,’ Mr. Brookins says with a chuckle.”

Wow! “Mr. Brookins says with a chuckle”! Ha, ha! Wish I could write like that! (Note: This is not the same Mike Peters who draws Mother Goose & Grimm.)
bats :[
October 11th, 2008 at 1:15 am [Reply]

90. me (dang it — mr. bats :[ doodling with my computer again!)

Kinda OT, but in a Dr. Andy kind of way…this article is about UA professor Chuck Gerba. I took several microbiology classes from him in college and he still looks the same (just a little grayer! — and I guess he does sort of have a Dr. Andy look about him, too). He’s an environmental microbiologist, and his classes were a stitch. He has loads of hair-raising anecdotes (many of them in the article), and even 25 years ago, he stayed away from public pools (did you know that by the end of the summer, a childrens’ pool is 10% urine?).

Anyway, fun reading, and of course, MRSA!
http://www.tucsonweekly.com/gbase/Currents/Content?oid=oid:116778
Dji
October 11th, 2008 at 1:24 am [Reply]

It occurs to me that one could choose to “be a plugger” for a year. Live the plugger lifestyle and all that. Experiment.

But probably not if one uses the word “one” like that.
Mr. O\'Malley
October 11th, 2008 at 2:01 am [Reply]

I’m still confused by Pluggerdom.

We buy green coffee beans in bulk and roast them as necessary. Does that make us elitist because we prefer the taste of coffee made with freshly roasted beans to the stale pre-roasted beans sold just about everywhere? Or are we Pluggers because we save money by doing things ourselves that we don’t have to? Are we elitist because we eschew the poor quality products foisted on us by greedy corporations? Or are we Pluggers because we self-sufficiently take care of things all by our own goshdarn selves?

Which is most Plugger-like?
Chicken Lady’s home-made apple pie made from apples from the tree in the back yard [ruggedly self-reliant], or
freshly made apple pie from Dog’s Mom’s Bakery, a family-owned business serving Pluggerville for three generations [loyal to tradition, friends and neighbors], or
Baker’s Square high fructose corn syrup and tasteless vaguely apple-like grey objects pie [loyal to national chains], or
supermarket brand frozen high fructose corn syrup and tasteless vaguely apple-like grey objects pie that’s been in the freezer for over two years [total lack of self-respect] ??
gnome de blog
October 11th, 2008 at 2:03 am [Reply]

Sneaky the Raccoon, mean little bastard that he is, tells me that Jack Elrod gets all his ideas about wildlife from watching 1950s Walt Disney movies.
Charlene
October 11th, 2008 at 2:29 am [Reply]

“Which is most Plugger-like?”

McDonald’s hot apple pie.
davidh
October 11th, 2008 at 2:52 am [Reply]

FC – this from a 20 year old dwar…. I mean “Little Person” pretending he’s still a kid. I think it has something to do with Dolly and Bath Time.
boojum
October 11th, 2008 at 3:16 am [Reply]

A3G:

Wait a minute — Sweet, sweet Dope® … is drugs??? Have the writers actually spelled that out before?

And while we’re at it: Way harsh, Haley! But you really must be under the influence, if you ask LuAnne a question like “Now do you get it?” Whenever you explain anything to LuAnne, it comes out sounding to her like the grown-up voices in the Peanuts animated specials. “WAAH WAAH WAAH WAAAAHHH!”
Allen K
October 11th, 2008 at 3:17 am [Reply]

Hmm, interesting. This Pluggers article manages to blithely skip over the fact that Jeff MacNelly died. I wonder what T-shirt HE was buried in…
Meg
October 11th, 2008 at 3:57 am [Reply]

Oh! So thats why they kept Pluggers!
The Dallas Morning News has just revamped their comics page, and has taken out a lot of comics (Mark Trail, Cathy, For Better or for Worse, Drabble… don’t miss them much really) to condense and probably “freshen up” up the pages. They put in their place a bunch of new, funnier, comics I had not heard of. The first thing I said when I opened up the new comics section was “Why the f- is Pluggers still here?”
chris
October 11th, 2008 at 3:59 am [Reply]

$5 for a can of coffee? My wife is from the part of Indonesia where coffee berries are eaten by and passed through the digestive tract of some sort of cat (luwak) then the locals gather them and sell them to westerners whom in turn sell it for 40 to 60$ a cup. I prefer my Kopi Bali where if you ever heard the term a cup of mud, thats where it come from.

/not kidding
Dr. Weird
October 11th, 2008 at 4:07 am [Reply]

The Arizona Republic rearranged its comic section, taking the TV listings off of one of the two comics pages so it could be larger elsewhere and putting in more puzzles. They also brought in Andy Capp and Classic Peanuts from where they were buried in the classified ads and shrunk all the square strips, along with switching Non Sequiter from square to strip format. Net improvement: Zero.
Filthy Assistant
October 11th, 2008 at 6:11 am [Reply]

I was always under the impression that Peter’s wall-crawling was actually telekinetic in some form, as he would fall off if he lost his concentration (like from being punched in the gob) but could stay on no matter what if he was, for example, clinging to a runaway train/Hulk.

However, comic books.
Filthy Assistant
October 11th, 2008 at 6:20 am [Reply]

Also holy crap that Pluggers article is magnificent.
Saluki
October 11th, 2008 at 6:51 am [Reply]

Oh brother lady, you don’t know. Sam Driver will keep his shirt on all right. You’d better believe it!
Saluki
October 11th, 2008 at 6:54 am [Reply]

OK, panel three of today’s Luann has to be made into a T-shirt.
TB Tabby
October 11th, 2008 at 7:09 am [Reply]

How long until the evil city-slicker art collector comes to Gasuoline Alley and suffers karmic death for not being a good, honest, down-to-earth country boy?
BobaFet
October 11th, 2008 at 7:49 am [Reply]

Can anyone explain to me why his is in quotes in the last paragraph of that article.. ? Is Mike Peters a ghost writer for Herb and Jamal ?
kalki
October 11th, 2008 at 9:46 am [Reply]

Luann: That’s not the camera shutter making that noise, Toni…Lil’ Brad is just shooting blanks now.
kalki
October 11th, 2008 at 9:49 am [Reply]

9CL: If Edda is shocked by the mirror over the bed, wait until the Belgian hookers that Isabel hired show up.
One-eyed Wolfdog
October 11th, 2008 at 9:50 am [Reply]

Edge City in a nutshell: We were in the vicinity of a Potentially Valuable Albeit Stupid And Corny Lesson but fortunately we were too thick to learn anything and we’re still a herd of galloping assholes.
Islamorada Girl
October 11th, 2008 at 9:53 am [Reply]

Muffaroo: Great job! I’ve always loved Edgar Lee Masters. Can you do Brenda Starr? Pretty Please?

MT: Sneaky the racoon just stole Sue’s birth control from her Hermes purse. Hilarity ensues.
Calico
October 11th, 2008 at 9:53 am [Reply]

No wonder Billy likes the number 6 – he is positively evil.
True Fable
October 11th, 2008 at 9:54 am [Reply]

A3G Haley, please. Now Luann is going to think that Alan and you shared bottles of aspirin. She can only handle one factual word balloon at a time.
FOOB Wannabe So when is dark-haired chick going to put the Elly smackdown on Mean Wife Beater? During Christmas sweeps?
Cathy Must Die! Panel three: Cathy in a nutshell.
FC With all those bottled-up word puns, no wonder Billy has occasional fits of rage.
Canadian Zombie Geez, John Patterson has the easiest deal in the world. Come to work and if something sets you off in the least, you immediately go to the coffee shop and whine about it with your pal. Fuck the patients who may be stuck in the waiting room; you’re a Patterson and therefore entitled to a snit.
Garfield For God’s sake, Jon, put your boo-boo out of sight before Vice hauls you in for indecent exposure.
GA Fucking idiot hillbilly.
WTFGT Oh boy! We’re in for a few horribly drawn weeks of a Marty Moon vendetta! Whee!
JP That’s all Sam does, is keep his shirt on! For all you know Dixie Julep might have inspired him to take his off! …naw. That only happens when his one impulse to screw his wife occurs when she’s stoned out of her mind and he turns blue.
Luann So, will Mama and Papa DeGroot see this picture and insist they get married, according to the Proper Behavior in Comics code?
MT My name is Fable, True Fable. I’d like you to meet my friends Trail Mark Trail and Bond James Bond.
MW Ye gods, Toby not only lost money from her account, she also lost a good portion of her neck and jaw.
RMMW Every once in a while Nolan draws Rex doing something or with an expression on his face that looks so naturally charming, like in panel two today, that I have to double-check to make sure it really is a part of the unnatural world of Rex Morgan, Man Whore. By the way… nice manicure, Doc.
Anonymous
October 11th, 2008 at 9:57 am [Reply]

57: I think the reason for upscale shops with downscale names is to preserve the illusion of egalitarianism. You’re not really an upper-class, poor-face-grinding bastard if your foie gras and organic coffee come from a place called “Ed’s Gen’ral Store”.

70: Not to mention that the title is redundant. A haven is, by its nature, safe.

A&J: Oh no. If Janis erased it she couldn’t enjoy looking at it any more.

Dick: In the end, Braces will lose, but not before TRAZ-R refuses to hit a robot with glasses.

‘bean: Montoni’s doesn’t sell cigars. He got that from somewhere other than Montoni’s! Schismatic!

Non Sequitur: A real American would say “A gas station at this intersection would clean up!”
AJ
October 11th, 2008 at 10:32 am [Reply]

Grandma’s just stoned. As usual.
Angry Kem
October 11th, 2008 at 10:42 am [Reply]

The Wizard of Id is technically already medieval, but I just medievalised it more.

reFoob: This is a new one. LJ, please take a deep breath, sit back, and read through the comics you have published since the Foobocalypse. How many of these comics do not portray John as an absolute dick?…Found any? That’s what I thought. Stop. Just stop. This whole thing is becoming painful to watch.

9CL: Okay, I laughed. So sue me.

MW: DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!

There are probably many clever things one can say about this strip, but I think a string of DIEs summarises them all succinctly.

MT: If this scenario ends with Sue speed-growing facial hair and Mark punching her in the face, I shall hug myself with glee.
Rachel211
October 11th, 2008 at 10:44 am [Reply]

Hmmm…..

I think Billy might be becoming aware that he has be 7 forever and he is being sarcastic about the lucky bastards in the rest of the universe that age.

“It’s no fair Grandma! Why do people only get to stay the same age for one year while I must go on forever in the body of this melon-headed, infantile, pre-pubescent, excuse for a body!? LET ME DIE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!”
crossbuck
October 11th, 2008 at 10:48 am [Reply]

Saturday

MT: Oh my god, Sitting in that car, Sue looks exactly like Eva Marie Saint in North by Northwest. I think she’s even driving the same car. Mr. Trail, I think you’ve got more than you can handle here. Sneaky can rifle her purse some more as the two of you…oh, who am I kidding, Mark Trail bags a blonde? He’s a secret furry if I’ve ever seen one.

Luann: Brad’s got a chance here and since I’m rooting for him, I’ll give him the secret photo word for the day, “Intervalometer”.
AMC
October 11th, 2008 at 10:48 am [Reply]

Luann – Is this a promo for that new movie, “Brad and Toni Make a Porno”?
John C Fremont
October 11th, 2008 at 10:50 am [Reply]

“Spider-Man: Whatever” is brilliant!

Oh, and Edgar Lee Muffaroo is a genious!

JP – I’m reminded of the only line I know from The Giant Claw; “You keep your shirt on and I’ll go get my pants on.” Let’s hope Dixie Julep does neither.

GT – Don’t back into that propeller, Marty!

Geez, does Marty Moon like anybody?

DT – Awww. Braces’ robot is adorable!
Shmork
October 11th, 2008 at 10:57 am [Reply]

A plugger gets buried in their Pluggers shirt… because they live sad, empty lives. :,-(
John C Fremont
October 11th, 2008 at 11:02 am [Reply]

So do you think there’s any chance that both Edda & Amos and Brad & Toni will “do it” anytime soon? Yeah, me neither.
commodorejohn
October 11th, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

#87 Lithros – That would be the perfect item for Get Smart fans.

#95 Mr. O’Malley – Given that Brookins’s goal seems to be the classification of the entire world population as Pluggers, I’d say that, in any given conundrum, you should assume that you are, in fact, a Plugger.

#115 True Fable – Don’t forget Dentarthurdent.

9CL – Wow, today’s 9 Chickweed Lane actually made me laugh.

A3G – Oh, Haley, you poor naive junkie, thinking that it’s actually possible to explain things to Luann and have her understand.

Crankshaft – CLAMBAKE LIVES!

DT – You know what would be truly awesome? If this ended up with Braces and the police department engaging in a robot cold war.

FC – Jeff, just highlighting the section of the word that makes it technically a pun does not make it funny.

FW – Oh God dammit, not a lung cancer storyline.

GT – Uh-oh, Jeff’s on Marty’s shit list now. Just like…well, probably half of Milford, actually.

JP – You don’t need to tell him twice, Detective.

Luann – Aaaaaaaaand there it ends.

MF – I’d ask, “since when do people running for judge do commercials,” but that would be ignoring one of the very best Judge Parker storylines in all of time, coming in close behind Abbey And The Magic Brownies.

MT – I’d like to see one of the Mark Trail squirrels make a cameo in My Cage.

MW – oh lord please end the scene now

Popeye – So we could have skipped this entire damn week without having any impact whatsoever on the storyline. ARGH.

SF – Oh hell yes.

Zits – OH YOU KIDS TODAY AND YOUR INTERNETS
CanuckDownSouth
October 11th, 2008 at 11:26 am [Reply]

115-TrueFable: retroFOOB It is possible that the coffee incident happens after John has dealt with his morning patients, in a preset break time.

In the original, I think it was over drinks at what seemed to be a bar after work, and it was funnier. Now that strip can’t be rerun because it starts with Ted and John, John is saying something like “it’s over, I can’t believe it! she left me, after all this time!” – for two panels, with Ted looking increasingly distressed. Then the punchline is John saying “where oh where will I ever get another hygienist like Marie?” with Ted looking letdown-shocked/ disgusted (not gobsmacked).

This worked *much* better IMO for a couple of reasons:

The reader and Ted didn’t know what was happening – there was tension in the setup.

It still compares the end of his hygienist’s employment to a betrayal of John’s marriage, but Ted’s reaction shows that in the world of original-FOOB, this is as ridiculous as it ought to be. The overblown reaction of John is played for laughs, not taken as a straight-serious “when women are allowed to change jobs, it drives me nuts”

Silly John, in The New FOOB Order, women aren’t supposed to be chattel to their jobs, they’re supposed to be domestically available for their husbands. Like Liz, you will never be happy until you accept this :-)
Citric
October 11th, 2008 at 11:45 am [Reply]

A3G – Next Panel – Luann: No, I don’t follow.
messybessy
October 11th, 2008 at 11:51 am [Reply]

More likely a KFC (or KFR, aren’t those raccoons good eating?) and a Blockbuster than a P F Chang and Barnes and Noble for that strip mall.
BaHa
October 11th, 2008 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

@Uncle Lumpy: Don’t hate yourself, hate me. Per the Chicago Manual of Style: When newspapers and magazines are mentioned in the text, an initial The is set in roman type and lowercased.
Gal Friday
October 11th, 2008 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

#115 True Fable

RMMD Panel #2–That’s Jack Benny’s trademark hand over face!!!! Or his imitation of Paul Lynde.
Calico
October 11th, 2008 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

#118 – I agree – Lynn is just using this “old strip, new posting” shit in order to castrate her ex-husband publicly. It is too obvious. And it’s embarrasing to watch.

Lynn, go to the phone book, look under “Yellow Pages”, and find a psychiatrist. Really.
Vakar
October 11th, 2008 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

JP: “Keep your shirt on?” Oh, Detective, you do not need to worry about that nipple-lacking torso coming into view in this story line! No ma’am.

MW: “Or too smart!?” Oh, Toby, you will never have to worry about being too smart! Sheesh.

RMMD: “If it kills me?” Oh… Wait, that would be a legitimate concern, given the circumstances. Carry on.
fashion police
October 11th, 2008 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

What’s that piece of shit Sue’s driving!?? It looks like a Studebaker Lark convertible primered but not painted. I thought so well of her too…
messybessy
October 11th, 2008 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

No. 95 You are obviously just a plugger poser. Like a real plugger you can’t recognize your true nature.
Cheeky Wee Monkeys
October 11th, 2008 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

Plugger needs the whole pound so he can stay up to watch Leno. You know, the guy who has guests who are kids-these-days.
Jnoble
October 11th, 2008 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

Luann: I hope Brad realizes this is as close to actual physical sex he will ever get with the forever-unattainable Toni Daytona.
Poteet
October 11th, 2008 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

# 118 Angry Kem & # 131 Calico — Thank you. So it’s not just me. I barely remember the earliest strips and don’t have any of the collections, so I wasn’t sure. But now I know that ReFoob has definitely become John The Dickhead. Or maybe LJ is looking back and deciding it was John The Dickhead all along. Either way, “painful” is right.
Angry Kem
October 11th, 2008 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

#137 Poteet: Some of this material is certainly from the original strip, but the juxtaposition with the new strips is casting the old stuff in a subtly different light. In the old strips, John is certainly a male chauvinist pig. For instance, in the strip after the one in which he laments Marie’s departure, we get this dialogue:

John: I interviewed 5 girls for Marie’s job…and I think I’ve narrowed it down to two!

John: One has great references, loads of experience, & is making a career of her work…

Elly: And the other one?

John [smiling hugely, sweating profusely, and tugging at his collar]: …Looks like Cheryl Ladd…

To be fair, there are a lot of old strips like this. It was only later that the focus shifted to the kids; in the very early comics, we get a rather discontented Elly whose husband is continually making insensitive comments and assuming she lazes around the house doing nothing all day. However, there are also plenty of strips that make Elly herself look bad. She whines and changes her mind arbitrarily and at one point actually says: “I love my son, Connie…I just don’t like him very much.”

ReFoob seems weighted towards the John-is-a-dick strips. It’s beginning to make me squirm.
Red Greenback
October 11th, 2008 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: This line in the article jumped off the page: “Originally, David and Jeff wrote it themselves, and, after a while, it stagnated a little,”. Being that Pluggers covers basically the same ground day after day, how could it be any more stagnant?
NY’erCC: Paging Mr. Fable. Anyway, here’s my cappie: “You’ll be b-a-a-a-a-ck.”
Tom
October 11th, 2008 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

Did anyone see the “Lawrence Welk” sketch on “Saturday Night Live” last week? Doesn’t the little girl in Mark Trail look like one of the singers in that sketch? I think so. She also kind of looks like one of the Oompa Lumpas in the original “Willy Wonka” movie except she isn’t orange.
I hate to say this about a cartoon strip, but Brad and Toni in “Luann” both have good bodies, and I want to see them get it on, does that make me strange?
Poteet
October 11th, 2008 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

# 138 Angry Kem — Now that I’m hooked on “Japes,” I wonder if the evil part of my subconscious is going to give me a nightmare in which Chaucer, instead of CANTERBURY TALES, wrote JOHNE YE DICKHEADE, and I’m back in high school being forced to read it by my high school teacher LJ, who’s in a perpetually bad mood and keeps telling us stories about her in-progress divorce and warning us that questions about exactly how horrible her husband is will be on the final.
user-of-owls
October 11th, 2008 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

And in today’s FC, Billy blows the lid off Diebold’s sinister machinations in the upcoming elections. Surprisingly, he looks resigned rather than enraged.
Hibbleton
October 11th, 2008 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

And yet, Pluggers is still less inane that the New York Times Metro Diary.
CanuckDownSouth
October 11th, 2008 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

137-Angry Kem I think the problem is that, in the strip’s first run in the late 1970s, John was chauvinist, but shown with enough redeeming qualities that he seemed potentially able to change and grow.

For instance, when Elly first starts talking about getting a job, she says to John something like “you can’t possibly expect me to do laundry and bake cookies for the rest of my life” and John looked a little wistful saying that that had made his mom happy.

John, working on a patient with Jean, tells Jean that he *knows* he’s old-fashioned, he doesn’t *like* the idea of his wife working, and that Jean can call him a chauvinist pig – “but oink at me once more, and you’re fired!”.

And later, Elly gets an unpaid job – and they have to pay for Playcare for Lizzie. John had the old-fashioned attitudes, but enough respect for the real world and Elly’s desires to not be a 50s rule-the-home stereotype. It could even be interpreted as John seeing his own upbringing in a different light.

Original John was not quite in step with society, but redeemable. (And Elly wasn’t a perfect suffering saint, as you point out.) In a 70s context, that strikes me as being realistic, even if there was quite a bit of conflict shown. But now we’re missing the “redeemable” bits, and FOOB history is being rewritten – as the Lockhorns
Ohma
October 11th, 2008 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

@Ted
RE: Comment #32

Thank you so much for reminding me about that whole “One More Day” nonsense.
Honestly, erasing around a decade or so of continuity just because the current editor can’t imagine a world without Aunt freaking May.

:shakeshead:
Windier E. Megatons
October 11th, 2008 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

You’re a plugger if you have absolutely no fashion sense, even in death? Honestly, Plugger. One of two days in your life you were required to wear a suit and you had to mess that up.
Islamorada Girl
October 11th, 2008 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

MT: Sneaky: EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT if he’s anything like the buck raccoon that comes out of the woods next to my house every single night and tries to crawl up the pole to the bird feeder, and fails every single night to attain his goal.
Alex W.
October 11th, 2008 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

Spiderman- Obviously Peter Parker just bought some old school Air Force Ones. You can’t leave those just laying on the streets of New York. What’s with Peter’s Elvis haircut?

Pluggers- A plugger doesn’t mind paying five bucks for coffee as long as he gets a pound…of weed.

Family Circus- I have a feeling Billy’s love of the number 7 is a sure sign of a future gambling addiction.
commodorejohn
October 11th, 2008 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

#140 Tom – It might make you strange, but not as strange as the estimable KT, who once created some rather fascinating Slylock Fox fanart.
Calico
October 11th, 2008 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

#144 – “As the Lockhorns” – Hahahahah!

It’s the Northern version, with a ~~bit~~ lot more passive-aggressiveness.

#147 – A few weeks ago a few Raccoons got in our garbage can – it was apparent that they also washed their loot in a metal water bowl I keep on the front porch for the cats. In French their name is “Raton Laveur” – The Washing Rat.
Victor
October 11th, 2008 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

64/67/84 Edgar Lee Muffaroo: As a man who grew up on the Spoon River and came to enjoy Spoon River Anthology, I thank you.
Eaquae Legit
October 11th, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

The fact that Pluggers and Shoe were originated by the same man explains a lot. There was just a little too much species-bending going on…
commodorejohn
October 11th, 2008 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

I have to say, though, as awesome as Muffaroo’s vignettes are, The Story Of Mel remains my favorite piece of free-verse ever.
Krazy Kat
October 11th, 2008 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

A Plugger burial shroud is a cheap polyester tee shirt.
John C Fremont
October 11th, 2008 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

# 133 – Hey, fashion police, what’s wrong with the Studebaker Lark? I like the Studebaker Lark! Sure, it’s no Studebaker Hawk (Hi, Frank!) but still, a fine automobile. A little Plugger-y, though, but we oughtn’t to hold that against it.

To geek out a bit, Sue’s car has no wing vents, so it’s either a post 1970 model of whatever it is, or it’s much, much older than the Lark. Looks a bit like one of those hot rods Arch Hall, Jr. could be seen in back in the olden days, when giants walked the earth. And what in the world does “Stemlo” mean, anyway?

Sorry. I’m off my medication. I’m hoping that Will Sampson will throw a sink through the window so I can get out of here.
Seismic-2
October 11th, 2008 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

How the hell much is that museum charging for admission to the clock exhibit, that Peter can’t just put on his shoes and go buy a ticket to walk in through the front door? Maybe he thinks he has to sneak in through the upstairs window, because an exhibition in horology featuring a functioning orrery sounds kind of dirty.

Being of Plugger age, I want a Family Circus T-shirt, so that I can be cremated in it. We’ll all go down in flames together, you little melon-headed bastards!!!
Muffaroo
October 11th, 2008 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

Archie – What baby sister? Admit it, Jug! You were drunk again, and your mother took a picture of the floor to try and shame you.

TRAZE-E – The shape of the robot’s mouth makes it seem like he’s talking in the breathless tones of, say, Arnold Horshack. “Ooh! Ooh! Mistah Braces! Mistah BRAY-CIZZZ!!!”

FCircus – No, you dolt, the Electrical College! You could at least make a half-hearted effort to be sort of funny.

GAlley – From here on out, guys, you are the custodian of what will probably be described as a rare and valuable work of art. Don’t act hastily! Always ask yourself, “In this situation, what would Lucille Ball do?”

GThorp – It was very rude of them to ignore the very short person raising his hand urgently in panel one. I expect he needed to leave the room. His vendetta will be even more painful than Marty Moon’s, even though most of it will be taking place below the panel borders.
Muffaroo
October 11th, 2008 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

JParker – Panel Two explains everything. The dog did it! Just look at that expression of rage! (And because of the small size it’s printed at, I had to squint at the speech balloon until it no longer said “Are you going to put out for an ape like Duggan?”)

MFmore – “I’m Mallard Filmore — and I disapprove of this message!”

Mduke – “Do you have Dial-A-Prayer on speed dial?” “It wouldn’t help if I did. That strange dog is between us and our telephone.”

Marfield – “Oat bland cereal.” If she gave you something that wasn’t composed of entirely dull and lifeless substances, its very touch would not only be fatal to you, but would cause a matter-antimatter explosion that could well destroy our entire universe. Still, it might be worth it.

1BHappy – Poor Avis. Number Two again.

Phantom – “So long, and good luck Decoy. I mean, Doctor!”

Popeye – A snapshot of Swee’Pea’s last moments on earth.

RMMD – “I’m going to beat you if it kills me!” Prophetic words, I’m guessing. Anything to drum up business for her hospice.

Zippy – The movie patron in front of Zippy certainly seems to be enjoying himself.
bats :[
October 11th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

118. angry kem: yay! Halifax Gibbets! Although the WoI device is not one. (It appears that the sides of the blade follow a track in the uprights rather than swinging free.)

115. True Fable: I <3 Rex Morgan in Panel 2.
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 11th, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

10/11

A3G: No Haley, I wouldn’t bet on her understanding. You’d better give her another week of exposition.

DT: Oooh! I’ve got big eyes and speak in full sentences. Get a loat of me!

FW: I don’t know. Maybe he’s been snorting Lisa’s ashes out of it?

Baldo: And so ended Tia Carmen’s outdoor lunch with Camille Paglia.

9CL: Good Lord, that’s unnatural! Whence Brooke’s issues with Mediterranean women?

SFx: Well, one of the kids from the first panel has ceased to exist in the second. That’s pretty noticeable, unless he’s a dissident and you’re thoroughly indoctrinated into newthink.

Shoe: Man, I hope ludicrous fads like botox don’t really trickle down to diner waitresses. Especially avian ones.

Archie: Jughead’s artistic method seems as valid as any other, but I’ve never seen him getting a white space gallery show before. Who’s his dealer? No not that kind of dealer, whom I would assume is the other Jones from A3G.

MW: If you think of the phrase “doggie style” in connection with these two, you’re soul will never again know peace.

GT: On the contrary, Marty. Having the guests fuck with you is a great way to build up ratings. Keep at it and you may actually hit double digits.
One-eyed Wolfdog
October 11th, 2008 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

Oat Bland Cereal is the stuff the entire MW universe is made of. Moy and Giella use it like Sculpey.
Perky Bird
October 11th, 2008 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

As a kid, my dad had a pet raccoon. One day, it managed to get into a kitchen cabinet and open a can of molassass, which it then proceeded to smear everywhere. His mother came home, saw the mess, and promptly smacked the raccoon over the head with a broom, breaking its neck.

I’m predicting that such a fate is in store for ol’ Sneaky if he doesn’t learn to keep his filthy paws out of ladies’ purses.
Zaq
October 11th, 2008 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

I dunno. Nothing really inspires me today. I do applaud Mark Trail for having Tripsy McEvil act vaguely human and still harbor resentment for Mark despite all the nice things he did for her instead of blandly doing a personality flip, but I don’t think it was intentional. Zombie is more Rod-bashing, of course, FC doesn’t even count as a malapropism, Zits once more boils down to “ha ha the teenagers, they are different.” Two good points, though: Mary Worth seems to be featuring a guest appearance by The Joker in panel 2, and panel 1 of Gil Thorp is a great Thorpian delight. Nothing’s even really worth snarking today. Disappointing.
Jumper
October 11th, 2008 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

At first I thought it could not be Sneaky’s ass speaking. Surely I thought, it is his testicles. But that makes no sense. If it were, they would say, “Do you like US?” I think it is indeed Sneaky talking out of his ass. Referring to his testicles. Which do not exist. Because even the people in Mark Trail are not stupid enough to keep an un-neutered male racoon around as a pet. In other words, Sneaky is being snarky, using irony to express his feelings: “Look at me. LOOK AT ME! See what they have done to me! The horror! THE HORROR!’
doug
October 11th, 2008 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: A plugger is against the concept of paying more for a product that is of higher quality
Family Circus-Grandma’s serene because she has educated billy sufficently well that he can now read The Tin Drum on his own.
Edgar Lee Muffaroo-as a fan of Spoon River, I would like to praise your work. Personally, I’ve been wondering what Grandma would say. I bet she would sound like Jonas Keene.
Angry Kem
October 11th, 2008 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

#159: Yes, the WoI device appears to be a genuine poorly drawn eighteenth-century French guillotine…but I had to get the Halifax Gibbet in there somehow. I mean, it has the word “Halifax” in it. And it’s a gibbet. And…well, it’s just one of the coolest things ever, really.

If you think instruments of terrible death are cool. Which I don’t. Of course. Obviously.

*Whistles*

Oh…and I just made a banner for the site. I did it because I am supposed to be marking a hundred midterms right now.
TennesseeJed
October 11th, 2008 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

Hmm, are the Baby-bluesers pluggers? After all, they refer to Italian pasta as “noodles”. I mean, thats not like a criminal offense, but seriously, noodles are square shaped and appear in “Put-pie”.*

*At least in central PA. But, I’ve heard it’s so elsewheres too.
Poteet
October 11th, 2008 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

# 166 Angry Kem — Nice banner. And sympathies — I hope the 100 midterms will go by quickly.
Cody
October 11th, 2008 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

I first read “Angry Billy’s flailing, aimless rage” as “Angry Billy’s flailing, armless rage”. Which made it seem incredibly surreal for a moment.
Sally (formerly from TX)
October 11th, 2008 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

I used to like Pluggers before I joined Curmudeondom. Now it just doesn’t seem…right. But (fingers crossed) maybe one day I’ll come up with a brilliant COTW so I can emblazon it on a T-shirt in which to be buried. Isn’t that (choke) the dream we all share?!
jamoche
October 11th, 2008 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

Billy is raging because he can’t get past the cognitive dissonance of celebrating a birthday but he remains eternally seven anyway.

“Jeffty is Five”, Harlan Ellison
Anonymous
October 11th, 2008 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

I can’t believe Josh missed this one with the alligator shrieking for help:
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/mark.asp?date=20081006
Scott
October 11th, 2008 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

“He’s always taking things he’s not supposed to.”

If only there were some kind of marking on this animal that would indicate a predisposition for it.
katherine
October 13th, 2008 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

I urge you to read it all the way to the very end! You will not regret it.”>

I DID regret it! Do I get my money back… oh wait.
Elizabeth
October 14th, 2008 at 12:00 am [Reply]

Pluggers also don’t shop at Joe’s Market, or for that matter, any shopping establishment that doesn’t end in “-Mart” or “-Depot” and takes up less than ten acres of space.
d
October 15th, 2008 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

I foiund it interesting that Brad in Luann has always been a chubby slob tool, but he does pushups and situps for two strips and all of a sudden he’s buff and cut up for the calendar photo shoot. And am I the only one who wonders why in Luann chicks perpetually go for guys they’d never go for in real life? In real life, none of those girls would be friend with loser Gunther and Brad couldn’t get a girl like Toni to look his way for money. Totally unrealistic.
Wayfarer
October 15th, 2008 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

I did indeed read the “Pluggers” article all the way to the end, but the best part was in the middle:

“My wife and I have been doing things on the comics and puzzle pages for years,” Mr. Hoover says.

(And this, Junior, is how your grandma and me discovered newspaper humor.)
Julian Meteor
November 26th, 2008 at 8:40 am [Reply]

Mr Owl comes into my room at night. He is the same size as Daddy but he wears an owl mask.

Mr Owl’s visits are secret. I MUST NOT tell Mummy.

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