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FINE, Gil Thorp, I’ll briefly pay attention to you

Gil Thorp, 5/22/13

Guys, remember when Gil Thorp plots used to be bonkers crazy insane? Well, those days seem to be long past, which is why I have been studiously ignoring the spring plotline for months. Here it is, in a nutshell: baseball player Foley Knox is the son of a lawyer and an aspiring lawyer himself, and his lawyer dad is suing the gas station owner father of another player because some guy fell down while pumping gas there, and Foley is being a dick to the other kid about it, the end. The other kid and his dad are Chaldean Christians from Iraq, and it briefly looked like that was going to be a plot point somehow, but it was dropped in favor of a B plot involving Foley’s delusional romantic pursuit of Darby, the softball team’s star pitcher who has a toddler because she was previously teen pregnant, which was briefly controversial last spring. Anyway, today at last these plots collide when Foley decides to win the heart of his fair beloved by defeating her tortfeasor in judicial combat! This will also fail.

Wizard of Id, 5/22/13

So Wizard of Id, which is usually not funny on any level, actually made me laugh in two distinct ways today? WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO? I appreciate the fact that the joke hinges on grammatical ambiguity — haha, you think “[a]re protesting” is a verb in the progressive aspect, but in fact “protesting” is a deverbal adjective modifying “drones”! But what really made me laugh was the sign that just says “NOT COOL”. It’s a sign that you can use at any protest and one that lets everyone know that, yeah, you’re politically engaged, but you’re also pretty chill.

Mark Trail, 5/22/13

Meanwhile, the AMAZING FOREST BEAR INFERNO is still going on in Mark Trail! I’m a little confused by the positions of everybody/thing in this comic, but, comparing the perspective in the two panels, if Cherry and Shelly are looking at the water and the tree is directly behind them, won’t they have to run sort of towards the bears in order to get to the tree? I mean, I get that they’re right on the shore and their options are limited. This is like the time my wife and I were in Stanley Park in Vancouver, and these raccoons emerged from the trees and wanted to go drink from the pond we were standing at the edge of, and they were heading right for us and didn’t seem scared of us at all, and we were in their way but there was no way for us to go that didn’t involve getting closer to them at least to start. Sure, they were raccoons, not bears, and nothing was on fire, but I don’t believe I ever pretended to be a brave man.

Heathcliff, 5/22/13

One of the things I didn’t expect when I recently worked Heathcliff into my comics rotation was the feature’s not infrequent expeditions into the inscrutable. I like this one, even if I don’t really understand it. Ha ha, Heathcliff is voyaging home via hot air balloon! It’s whimsical!

Pluggers, 5/22/13

Yes, I’m sure the automated recording that delivered this platitude really feels bad after this sick burn! Basically, pluggers have very little control over their own lives and will sullenly lash out at anybody about it, whether they can hear them lashing out or not.

Family Circus, 5/22/13

“Billy and Dolly and Daddy and PJ are in the basement, right, Mommy? With all the sand? And time’s up for them? They won’t bother us ever again? Oh, also, this hourglass ran out, I guess.”

Spider-Man, 5/22/13

Spider-Man’s high school science teacher always hoped he’d kill or terribly injure himself in a lab accident.

354 responses to “FINE, Gil Thorp, I’ll briefly pay attention to you”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff — He’s off to Bengali! The historic Phantom/Heathcliff crossover commences in 3…2…1…

    Mary Worth — Joe Giella finally used the clip art I sent him of English poetess Dame Edith Sitwell. Be still my heart!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Portrait_of_Edith_Sitwell.jpg

    I’ve been waiting almost as long for him to draw English writer (and professional rent-boy) Quentin Crisp into a “Mary Worth.”

  2. Herr Kommissar Denny
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    AS-M: “He told me I’d never amount to anything, and I proved him right! WOOHOO!”

    GT: “Wow! You’re subject to gravity too! We’re, like, soooo compatible!”

    MW: Hair-Do there is now the most interesting person in this strip. Hair-Do & the Hater, together they break people up and solve crimes. Spin it off!

  3. Liam
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-And now you’ve destroyed the only device keeping the San Francisco Bay from flooding that area.

    A3G-I’m going to assume that it is the other way around and Greg can’t afford Margo.

    FC-And soon shall you, Jeffy.

    MT-”Quick run away from the lake and the canoe with two men in it that could rescue us and let’s run towards that burning tree.”

  4. revenge4Aldo
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff- And introducing… Steam Punk Heathcliff.

  5. Liam
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-”Now I don’t have to pay that guy to crush her knee caps so I can help nurse her back to health.”

  6. Little Blue Bicycle
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    FC: PJ was the first to sense the end of the world, party over, oops, out of time. Time to party like it’s 1959.

  7. Downpuppy, MKS
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    For shame, Slylock Fox! Mixing pounds & gallons to make 1.5 into 12 is just plain rude.

  8. Liam
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    Love Is-Old age when you are allowed to clothes because no one wants to see your wrinkly naked bodies.

  9. Liam
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    RMMD-Can we get back to the story of how Sarah wants a brother so she can boss around will parlay that into a future career where lonely men come to her and pay her to have her boss them around?

  10. pugfuggly
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    GT “Hey Knox, I hear your imaginary girlfriend broke her wrist at the supermarket. Silly weak-wristed girl, my enormous hand is strong enough to crush a bear skull!”

    MT “WHICH TREE, CHERRY? THE TINDER-DRY ONE OVER THERE THAT’S ALREADY CATCHING FIRE?”

    This actually reminds me of my favourite part of The Hobbit. Let’s hope Cherry knows some giant, benevolent eagles in the area to make this homage complete.

    Heathcliff ‘Nope, he just fucks our cat and then leaves in the most ostentatious way possible. Godspeed, mysterious tom….’

    ASM High school teacher? Didn’t you have a degree at one point? One in biochemistry or something? Or did newspaper spiderman drop out of school the moment he figured out he could stick to walls? Actually, that would explain a lot…

  11. Poteet
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    MT — If Shelley and Cherry do follow the inexorable insane traditional MT rules and climb up that burned tree, I demand to see huge streaks and splotches of black ash on their snazzy outfits, not to mention their hands and faces. It would be fun to see the bears laughing their asses off as they watch, but we can’t have everything.

  12. Thrax
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    MT: Not to worry. Mark will show up to fight this fire, by punching it.

  13. Droopy Says
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    Now you’ve done it, Spiderman! By claiming that your actions caused the explosion, you can no longer claim that you won in some nutty way. Instead you’ll have to explain to Daredevil and Dr. Lauren how your actions got them killed–ah. Death absolves you of explanations, which is clever, and spares the world your further misadventures. Well done! Or medium rare, depending on the intensity of the explosion.

  14. Nate
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff’s hot air balloon rises into the clouds. He doesn’t look back. ‘He never overstays his welcome,’ says a woman wearing a skirt and blouse the exact color of her neighbor’s house. She has no hands. A white cat stands on two legs. Fin.

  15. nescio
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Real Pluggers aren’t skeptical of “Your call is very important to us,” they’re too busy complaining “Why should I press 1 to continue in English!”

  16. Craig L
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    I thoroughly expected you to include today’s virtually unprecedented Beetle Bailey, which actually contains a CURRENT TOPICAL REFERENCE:
    Lt. Flap: “What’s the General Doing?”
    Miss Buxley: “Oh, the war in Afghanistan is winding down…”
    pic: Gen. Halftrack in front of a line of tanks with paper and pencil
    Miss Buxley: “He’s getting ready for a garage sale.”

    Of course, in reality, the military never has a garage sale – they just find another place to have another war. But any peripheral mention of anything regarding military reality in Beetle Bailey is MIND BLOWING.

  17. Droopy Says
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#11): I want to see the bandages their hands will need, because even if the tree has burned out in the several minutes since the forest fire began, that wood is still going to be hot. (Although perhaps the fire burned out because it consumed all the local oxygen, in which case everyone is dead and Mark Trail has become a literal zombie strip.)

  18. Drewbear
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp I’m pretty sure we’re heading into some sort of Escher-esque situation here, given that the coffee cup in panel one appears to be tilted at a 30-45 degree angle, but the coffee inside is still perfectly parallel to the rim. The floor in panel two also appears to simultaneously be a wall. Finally, in panel three, there is no way that a normal human face could look like that without the rules of topology being significantly strained.

    Wizard of Id I’m somewhat disturbed by how disturbed the knight is in panel 3. It’s like he thinks he suddenly acquired super-strength to the degree that he could literally break off a man’s head with nothing but a minor tap. Of course, he’s also too stupid to notice the “protestors” are some sort of dressed-up combat practice dummies, or that there’s a walled compound willed with rioting peasants less than 10 feet away. The knight is categorically stupid, is what I’m saying.

    Mark Trail of Tears The plaintive posture of the mother bear saddens me. I can almost hear her crying out, “Please! If you can’t save me, at least save my cubs! They’re all I have left!”

    Family Circus See, I read that as more of a hostage-situation-style threat. “Time’s up, Mommy! You didn’t meet my demands for more cookies and a later bedtime before the hourglass ran out, so I’m going to have to start killing your other kids until you do! …Mommy, why are you laughing hysterically? Are those tears of joy running down your face? Mommy, are you even listening?”

    Spider-Man I’m always somewhat annoyed by how easily computer consoles explode in comics and science-fiction shows. Have these designers never heard of surge protectors?! Or at least the minimal safety of not routinely planting C4 charges inside every panel?!

    Spider-Man “My science teacher would be PROUD of me! For once something blew up and I wasn’t HORRIBLY INJURED!”

  19. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    let us see if Yahoo comics has figured out that it is no longer Sunday. . . .(mostly, yes.)

    9CL:: AAAGGGGHHH!!!! @ panel 3. *saved for future mashups*

    Dilbert: that one is going to be popular.

    Frazz: implied fart jokes. ahhhh, the classics.

    Lio: Ninja Eva Rose. stop the strip, this can never be topped. *basks in the glow of teh awesome*

    PBS: *fliptake* I. I did not see that coming.

    SBp: aaaagggggghhhh! *brainbleach*

    Zits: ooo, a weeks worth of this? could be fun. or not.

    JP: ARG! a canon hit!

    Lockhorns. dang, that’s a jut of June Morgan level!

    Ghost-who-doesn’t-play-enough-MtG: couple of decks back?

    RwO: so is that what they’re calling it these days?

    6Cx: ummmm, the invisible plane hasn’t been canon for quite some time.

  20. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#10): did newspaper spiderman drop out of school the moment he figured out he could stick to walls?

    Yes, he did. Actually, he was thinking maybe he had made a mistake by dropping out, and considered going back for a GED, but then he was bit by that radioactive spider and sort of forgot about the whole going-back-to-school thing.

  21. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .gettin’ your bone on at the funeral parlor.

  22. Herr Kommissar Denny
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    MT: And that’s how Smokey Cherry became the Forest Service mascot.

  23. Drewbear
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    Gah, stupid typos. The Id comment should be “filled”, not “willed” @Drewbear (#18):

  24. pugfuggly
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    A3G “Now, I need to get back to work…I think I’m an undertaker this week? Let me check the calendar…”

    FW “My great-uncle was killed by Nazi Vampires, you jerk! Show some respect! It’s because of people like you that we had to leave Romania…”

    MW “Just promise me that if I accept your mother into my life, you’ll accept Cousin Thing here into yours.”

    Meanwhile, I’m looking forward to finding out more about this new character in panel 2. Is she to gossip what Mary Worth is to meddling? Is she a shit-disturber who revels in the chaos she creates? IS SHE SECRETLY BEHIND EVERYTHING THAT’S EVER GONE WRONG AT CHARTERSTONE THROUGH THE POWER OF HER BUSY-BODYING? Oh man, this could go really deep….

  25. Lumaca Morente
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    I think I speak for all of us when I say that I’d rather see that Nazi Vampire vs. Zombie Werewolves plot than what’s currently going on in Funky Winkerbean.

  26. Chip Whittle
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    I for one totally believe that tricking Kingpin into blowing up his own lab was Spidey’s plot all along, and his getting tied up in adamantium spaghetti chains was part of it, and he saw right through that whole milk carton thing, and I bet he even told the San Francisco police to have them pretend to make mind-control gas for the Kingpin too and for real this time so everybody would stop teasing him about how only in a kind of way he won. Also his best friend is a flying unicorn from Canada and his Aunt May gave him a chocolate bedroom for his birthday.

  27. CanuckDownSouth
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    Newspaper Spidey was never able to get through the university-entrance physics/bio/chem courses and had to take the high school’s “general science” class. I’m not sure whether his teacher would be pleased that anyone could find something useful from that class, or unsurprised that the one lesson that sticks is that if you whack something, it breaks.

  28. Écureuil Écumant
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I wouldn’t bother, except for the past few days Wilson seems to be trying to wow the reader with his knowledge of spy-satellite stuff like “casement bearings” and such-like gewgawry — at the expense of the French, a fave punching bag d’antan, but today not so much.

    – (Hier.) The lens housing is SUPPOSED to be light. AND strong. Hence, carbon fiber, the aerospace material du jour. Go pour yourself another Tang-and-Popov, Wilson.

    – (Aujourd’hui.) The rest mass of the camera, 300 kg, is meaningless. Those foutu casement bearings have to handle maybe 10 times that figure during the boost phase (non-human-carrying rockets don’t care much about G forces). And once in orbit, the force of gravity is cancelled out; the “bearings” don’t bear much of anything. So quit trying to blind us with science when you’ve already toppled into the proverbial ditch.

    – France launched its first satellite in 1965 (the Astérix et voilà, mes copains, votre comics reference obligatoire!) atop a French rocket, and has been going strong ever since. In fact, in 2011 their Ariane 5 ECA lifted over 10,000 kg into orbit, the heaviest commercial launch evah. And the Astérix will stay aloft for, well, another tawdry few centuries.

    Enfin, M. Wilson, baise moi le cul.

  29. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    the real mark trail should borrow the last panel of today’s 9cl, but without the teeth

    someone speculated mc e might be developing a blood fetish to go with the rest of them – guess what

    the secret of ‘heathcliff’ is to just go with the weird

    ‘rex morgan’ – i dunno, the kid is creepy and the moneybags is boring. maybe they should bring the psychic stripper back to resolve all these questions and move on

    i admit to being a bit surprised neddy knows sam is a lawyer

    & ‘funky w’ – when frankie and les finally meet for the great smarm-off, will anyone within a five-mile radius survive?

  30. Pozzo
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    “Btoom!” Once again, the Spiderman writers spend more time coming up with nifty sound effects than sculpting comprehensible plots.

  31. pugfuggly
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#20):

    Jesus, really? That is just kind of sad. Any other major differences between Newspaper/Comic spiderman? Besides the laziness/incompetence factor, of course…

    @nescio (#15):

    “For English, press 1, for Spanish, press 2, to leave a long-winded message about this is ‘Murica and if you can’t bother to learn the language then you can just geeeeet-out, press 3.”

  32. Lorne
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    Sure, Peter. Your old high school science teacher would be proud. The one who took you to a leaky nuclear reactor and let a spider bite you.

  33. Esther Blodgett
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    PBS: Wow, the croc skipped cockroach and dung beetle and fell straight to Jeffy on the reincarnation ladder. That is some seriously bad karma.

  34. Little Guy
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    GT, meta: Thanks, Josh. Apparently, Gil will bully the lawyer dad out of the lawsuit because he knows the mayor and the police chief and he was in the service, and we’ll head into summer.

    Too bad they didn’t cross this over with Judge Parker. Sam could buy the mayor, the police chief, and fund the DoD on his own. Gil would still probably beat the crap out of him, so win/win.

    Plus, the denizens of Milford would finally see what boobies look like. Sort of like Pleasantville but with tits.

  35. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    & if spiderman manages to burn down alcatraz, who’s going to pay for this? is this going against the federal debt?

  36. Cloudbuster
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    Evil Inc.: Yeah. Trying to combine the alpha male ‘I’d take care of you,’ line with the beta male ‘outraged by exploitation of women line.’ Never a winner.

  37. Illustrator Steve
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    MT – I see the great northern grizzleys are out of their territory and have reached the southern part of the state AGAIN!

  38. midtown
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Actually I DO like to know the background of any fish I eat. Dagwood is showing sustainability awareness here. WTF has happened to this strip? All this modern day stuff in a 75+ year-old comic just seems like a reverse anachronism.

  39. Lumaca Morente
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    @Drewbear (#18): Spider Man: “My teacher would be very proud of me! Nothing went FRONK!”

  40. Little Guy
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    MT: Only you can climb tall trees to escape a mama bear in the middle of a forest fire.

  41. Lumaca Morente
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    There are a lot of teachers who post here. In what ways would other comic strip characters give their teachers a shout-out?

    Thel in FC: “Only four children! My high school hygiene teacher would be proud of me!”

    Mark Trail: “My high school DRAMA teacher WOULD be very PROUD of me for my USE of dramatic EMPHASIS!”

  42. Little Guy
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    FW: If the punchline is that Les’ Great Epic is in Development Hell thanks to Evill Sleazy Movie Producer Dad, I’ll never complain about a SyFy Creature Feature again.

  43. Dono
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: If I remember those grade-school safety pamphlets correctly, a tree is one of the least safe places you can be in a forest fire.

    Funky W: I think when most people schedule meetings in a restaurant, they actually take a booth or table and sit the hell down.

  44. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:16 am [Reply]

  45. terrapin
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    GT: Foley, showing up at Darby’s house in your nurse’s outfit is not going to get you laid.

    MT: “Or we could wade out a few yards to the canoe where we’ll be safe from both the fire and the bear. But that’s just silly.”

  46. Herr Kommissar Denny
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    …expeditions into the inscrutable…

    Wasn’t that a short-lived series of Dadaist travel documentaries on PBS?

  47. Lumaca Morente
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#19): Oh, thanks for inciting me to look at 9cl. Does anyone else think that Sven looks like a slightly more fit Peter Griffin?

  48. Illustrator Steve
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    MT – “Shelley, if you had your choice of swiming out to meet your husband inthat canoe or running past two grizzly bears to climb a burning tree which would it be?”

    “WHAT a STUPID question, Cherry! I hate swimming and I hate canoeing so of course I’d opt for being eaten by grizzleys while trying to climb a burning tree!”

  49. Écureuil Écumant
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: In fact, Blimpy Beagle’s call is very important to the Little Debbie factory, since he singlepawedly consumes half their yearly output.

  50. Illustrator Steve
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    MT – Of course bears would NEVER be able to climb a TREE!

  51. Droopy Says
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley brought up Doc Yak. Here’s a picture of Lieutenant Quentin Roosevelt, USAS, flying a Nieuport named “Doc Yak:”

    http://francerevisited.com/wp-content/uploads/Quentin-Roosevelt-in-a-Nieuport-28-fighter-plane.jpg *

    This is more interesting than anything that’s happened in GA recently, including Slim’s choking experience.

    * except it isn’t a 28. A 10 or 11, maybe.

  52. Ned Ryerson
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    GT: Hey Josh, it’s Knox Foley, not Foley Knox. Not that that really makes much difference. Hey thanks for introducing me to the term “tortfeasor”, which would be usefully employed in a song parody sung to the tune of recent R&R Hall of Fame inductee Randy Newman’s song “Short People”:

    Tortfeasors got, no reason…
    Don’t want no tortfeasors round here…

    That’s all I got.

  53. Droopy Says
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#50): Not when it’s on fire. Cherry, being an outdoors expert, knows these things.

  54. Herr Kommissar Denny
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): One wonders how Kit will react when Heathcliff kicks Devil’s ass and ships him off to Gravelines Dog Pound.

  55. Illustrator Steve
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    MT – “Okay, Shelley, today your camping skills 101 lesson will be for you to out run a mother grizzley bear, climb a burned out smoldering tree and then signal to the canoe that we are safe…that is if you remember your semaphore signal flag lessons I taught you yesterday!”

  56. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    FW – I’m going to need a little more background before I can buy into this Nazi Vampire angle. Are they Nazis who were bitten by vampires and became undead themselves? Or are they “regular” vampires who were recruited into joining the Nazis after the 1940 coup that brought the facists to power in Bucharest?

    If it is the latter, then I would expect that many of those vampires would have been serving with the Romanian forces between the Don and the Volga in 1942 and would have used their unholy powers to throw back the Soviet counter-attacks and protect the flanks of the Sixth Army fighting in Stalingrad.

    I mean, I’m fine with willing suspension of disbelief, but this is just too much!!

  57. Zemto
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    PSA of the day: “Don’t run towards or climb a tree. Black bears and some grizzlies can climb trees, and many bears will be provoked to chase you if they see you climbing.” http://usparks.about.com/od/backcountry/a/Bear-Safety.htm

  58. Illustrator Steve
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    MT – (Scene: Shelly and Wes Thompson’s NYC condo… Suddenly Shelley wakes up safe and sound shortly after dozing off after Wes asked her to go camping):

    “Oh Wes, I had the strangest dream! You tookme camping with these HORRIBLE woodsy people and you crashed your plane and I was in a forest fire and a grizzley chased me up a burning tree and, and…. and I have this strange craving for PANCAKES COOKED ON A PROPANE STOVE! What;s wrong with me, Wes?”

    “Nothing, honey, just a bad dream is all. Say, would you help me out here? I seem to have broken my foot somehow!”

    (theme from Twilight Zone plays out and fades to black – FIN )

  59. Herr Kommissar Denny
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#56): Vampire Nazis aside, does Frank Zappa’s estate know about this Zombie-Werewolf movie?

  60. revenge4Aldo
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    ReFoob: How did we all forget the storyline where Elly tries to sell John into the sex trade?

  61. Lumaca Morente
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    @Zemto (#57): But will the bear be dumb enough to pursue them up a *burning* tree?
    Perhaps they hope that either they or the bear will be put out of their misery when they get struck by lightening.

  62. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    On this day in 1939:

    Adolph Hitler and Benito Mussolini signed a non-aggression pact. Mussolini dubbed it the “Pact of Steel” after Superman: The Man of Steel (his favorite comics character next to Mickey Mouse).

  63. Dood
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: You know, Mimi seriously loves that coffee cup, which is sort of frightening.

  64. seismic-2
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    ASM: “You deliberately drew my fire – so I’d ignite my headquarters!” Since Kingpin’s headquarters appears to be a cavern of some sort, I wouldn’t have thought to try igniting it. Peter Parker’s high school science teacher, however, always told him that caves burn, producing the sound “BTOOOM”! I’m sure he would be proud, knowing that Kingpin’s own science teacher, who taught his students nothing more sophisticated than how to build laser-firing walking sticks, was such a loser.

    MT: Shelly: “Run for that tree? But I can’t climb trees!”
    Cherry: “Who said anything about climbing? I just want you to attract the bears, while I swim out to the canoe!”

  65. Dood
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: So, if you’re cat is in heat, expect a visit from Heathcliff?

  66. Roto13
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    I was really sad when I took a second look at the second panel of today’s Mark Trail and realized Cherry didn’t actually say “Shelly, it’s a motherfucking GRIZZLY!”

  67. Hibbleton
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#28):
    …the force of gravity is cancelled out

    Bravo!

  68. Doctor Handsome
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Cherry doesn’t have to outclimb the mama grizzly; she just has to outclimb Shelley. And the fire, I suppose.

  69. Old Folkie
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    9CL: Oh, just go ahead and do a 3-way and get it over with.

    Spider-meh: BTOOM? What the hell is BTOOM? I’ll accept FRONK, but BTOOM is too much.

  70. Ned Ryerson
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    MT: Now now, Cherry didn’t say anything about actually climbing the tree. The tree just happens to be the location where she and Mark stowed the flame retardant, INFLATABLE JEEP (From Ron Popeil…now with pancakes…don’t go camping without one).

  71. TheDiva
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    GT: He’s the ambulance chaser of looooooooove!

    MT: Aren’t mother bears only supposed to be threatening if they perceive you as a threat to their young? As long as Shelly doesn’t do something idiotic like go blindly charging in front of the cub…oh, right. Carry on then.

    Pluggers are only happy when bitterly complaining about minor inconveniences.

    SM: Spider-Man reminds me of a cat that falls off a couch or careens into the wall and then walks away with that look that says “What? I totally meant to do that, how dare you suggest otherwise…”

  72. faltsixes
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Shelley’s Camping Vacation Checklist:

    1. No cell phone service? Check!
    2. Fail at fishing? Check!
    3. Plane crash? Check!
    4. Moose attack? Check!
    5. Giant explosion? Check!
    6. Forest fire? Check!
    7. Get bitch-slapped by Cherry? Check!
    8. Mamma grizzly? Check!
    9. Climb burning tree? Check and double check!

    Boy, this camping stuff sure is fun!

  73. Ned Ryerson
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    9CL: Doesn’t Sveth have a home to go to or something?

  74. Steve
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    S-M: What type of rock is under Alcatraz Island? Btooominous.

  75. Mibbitmaker
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    GT: Holding back obvious Monte Teo joke…..

    WoI: The citizens of Id want to lose a war (though with that guy as a knight, that’s already a given).

    MT: The mother bear reads the woman’s speech balloon.

    Heathcliff: I beg to differ, lady.

    FC: Given the weather these days, the whole furshlugginer Keane clan are in the basement.

    S-M: Pride based on very, very low expectations.

  76. Ned Ryerson
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Um, Milton sweetie? Those aren’t the plans for your satellite whatchamacallit, dear. Those are the preliminary sketches for the new landscaping and water feature I’m having put in out back.

  77. Doctor Handsome
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Yeah, right. A high schooler is going to incorporate “imaginary girlfriend” and “broken wrist” into teasing a kid and NOT make it a beat-off joke? Dick Tracy has more verisimilitude.

  78. Digger
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    MT: Cherry and Shelley are going to be pissed when Mark loads the grizzlies into the canoe and paddles them to safety. But he is a naturalist, after all.

    Why doesn’t Plugger-dog do what every good Plugger does to pass the time, pop pills and read the obits?

  79. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#28): Do the French launch from their own territory, or in Kazakhstan like any self-respecting European nation?

  80. Jim in Wisc.
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Bigporn: So, we’re get a look into McE’s sado-sexual fantasties?

    Baitle Beeley: Why should the General have the least bit of concern whether or not another war is winding down? In the past 63 years, no one from Camp Swampy has ever been in combat overseas.

    Milton Whathisname, Tycoon (and Sexy Rexy’s Patient): So, they won’t support the weight of the camera in the weightlessness of space?

    Meddlin’ Mary: It’s confirmed. Tom wants a threesome with Beth and her mom.

    Rapey Cancerstrokebean: Just when I thought this story couldn’t get any worse. I’m [not] on the edge of my seat waiting for the next installment.

  81. Horace Broon
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    A3G: Margo tried having our human emotions once and it didn’t work out for her, so she stopped.

    BB: Beetle Bailey has just aknowledged that there’s a war. I’m stunned.

    JP: “Geez, Sam, you think everyone who tells us we can double our money by donating to charity and then gets kidnapped before the pay-off is a con artist!”

  82. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    @Steve (#74): *applaz*

  83. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    @Jim in Wisc. (#80): When do we not get a look into McEldowney’s sado-sexual fantasies?

    Oh, right: when we’re just getting a look into his sexual fantasies. Also, unicorns.

  84. Lumaca Morente
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs suggests that Mama Bear will be too preoccupied with survival to bother Cherry or Shelley. Darn.
    “My high school sociology teacher would be proud…”

  85. Doctor Handsome
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    The Kingpin is just a thinly-veiled Elmer Fudd rip-off, isn’t he?

  86. Brig. Gen. H. G. Caldwell (Mrs.)
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Am I the only one who thought that Spiderman’s face in the last panel would work just as well plastered over any comic as Rex’s face from a few months ago would? Spidey looks awful shocked there; just imagine what else he could be shocked at!

  87. Dennis Jimenez
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    GT – Beedy eyes – obviously a criminal type….

    WoI – Fuck Me Unfair – an understandable sentiment….

    MT – Shelly and Cherry, sittin’ in a tree – b-u-r-n-i-n-g….

    Heathcliff – What is the gestation period for cats….

    Pluggers – I’m from the government and I have a social security check for you – oh, wait, that one does hold up….

    FC – Like sands through the egg timer, so are days of FC….

    S-M Flames and Kingpin farts – an explosive combination….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  88. Here come the Judge
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    I see that Heathcliff’s girlfriend has adopted Heathcliff’s usual pose, of clasping his hands behind his back and thrusting his gut out, apparently just so that we can be sure that at least one cat in this panel is striking that so-uncatlike pose.

  89. Hibbleton
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#79):
    They use to launch from French Guyana. I don’t know if they still do.

  90. Adam
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Cherry is clearly thinking “But even experts have trouble telling grizzly bears (which rarely climb trees) from black bears (who are accomplished climbers), and these are less than ideal circumstances for ursine identification!”

  91. Droopy Says
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#79): France has several launch sites, both in France itself (they’ve launched a few sounding rockets from a coastal site on the Bay of Biscay) and overseas, the biggest being Kouru in French Guiana (where they launch the Ariane and Viking LVs). Their first satellite was launched from Hammaguir in Algeria. Here’s an index to assorted French space activities and companies:

    http://www.astronautix.com/country/france.htm

  92. The Ridger
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @Steve (#74): Seconding the applaz!

  93. Doctor Handsome
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Next, the baby bear will start throwing ninja stars at them, right before the earthquake. On the plus side, Shelley must surely be cured of her irrational distaste for the outdoors by now.

  94. Chip
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    I love how butt-hurt Kingpin is in today’s Spider-man! “You DELIBERATELY made me blow up my own headquarters! And I was only trying to KILL you! Sheesh!”

  95. Richard Steel
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for “Heathcliff”. For years, cartoonist George Gately struggled to get by, doing carpet ads and such to make the rent. Then, in 1971, he introduced the world to his fat cat – and still had to struggle. For years the strip was published in several dozen papers. The steady albit small paycheck, was very welcome, but carpet ads were still a must.

    In 1978, “Garfield” was published, and was a huge hit. Every paper in the US wanted it, and the ones who couldn’t get it decided to print “the other cat strip”. George saw his circulation jump from 80 papers to 2000.

    “Heathcliff” has always been a far better strip than “Garfield.” For one thing, Gately could draw. He did visual jokes – whereas 90% of Garield’s strips could be created in minutes using vector templates of the main characters.

    The jokes are actual jokes. One of my favorites had a crazed Heathcliff sitting upon a 12 foot tractor, plowing the family front lawn. Mr. Nutmeg explained that the cat was getting ready for catnip season. It was a drug joke.

    Finally, Garfield is a monster – he hates everyone. Heathcliff loves Sonja, and like Iggy.

  96. Clint Brawny
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    “Shelley, it’s a mother Grizzly! Run for that tree, quick, so that it’ll chase you down and ignore me.”

  97. TheDiva
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    9CL: Or you could just stop giggling over anything that might remotely be connected to sex like Beavis and Butthead with a thesa–OH DEAR LORD MOUTHS AND BODIES SHOULD NOT MOVE LIKE THAT!

    A3G: “I lost one man I loved”? What about all the other love interests that have vanished into the ether? (Then again, they all look like the same guy, so it’s easy to get confused.)

    FW: “See, Jess? I told you bio-dad was evil and a loser and an evil loser! Nothing successful or culturally relevant ever happens on the Internet!”
    “Actually, our YouTube channel has over eight million subscribers, we’ve won several Streamy Awards, and Entertainment Weekly just featured us in their article on hottest web producers. Even seen those ‘Emo Nazi Vampire’ memes on Facebook? That’s from–”
    “He’s speaking in tongues! Burn the witch!!”

    Lio: *laughs*

    Luann: Oh, what a shame Quill can’t come to prom! Did we mention that he absolutely, positively can not come to prom? We mean it, he really can’t! This is totally not, I repeat not a blatantly obvious set up for a nauseatingly sentimental scene where he shows up on Luann’s doorstep with a tuxedo and a corsage and a limo to whisk her off for the kind of romantic evening every teenage girl dreams about! (Seriously, didn’t we just go through this with Valentine’s Day?)

    MW: I thought Mary would have chased all the other meddling biddies out of her territory by now…

    PBS: Oh God, it’s going to destroy Tokyo!

    Pibgorn: If you bozos keep on reiterating these stupid plot points, I’m going to pray for mercy.

    Retail: I need to try that.

  98. Jim in Wisc.
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#39):

    Considering that a third of all seafood sold in stores and restaurants is mislabeled (sometimes with substitutions that are dangerous to consumers), Dagwood is showing very good consumer awareness.

  99. pugfuggly
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#56):

    If it is the latter, then I would expect that many of those vampires would have been serving with the Romanian forces between the Don and the Volga in 1942 and would have used their unholy powers to throw back the Soviet counter-attacks and protect the flanks of the Sixth Army fighting in Stalingrad

    First of all, all vampires aren’t transylvanian (you racist!). They could have been german soldiers who were bitten during their tour, or maybe even the result of a Nazi medical experiment to create an army of supernatural soldiers.

    Either way, the main problem with vampire soldiers is that they are only available for combat at night. If you were able to pin down a company of vampires, you could probably just wait it out and let the sun wipe them all out. Besides, we haven’t even figured out which side the zombie werewolves were on.

  100. Doctor Handsome
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    “Heathcliff always stays just long enough to chop everyone’s hands off, then floats away into the clouds. He’s a class act, that one.”

  101. Mibbitmaker
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    ReFOOB: Omigod, Ellie’s a Burber, too!!!

    FW: Hell, even RiffTrax and Cinematic Titanic haven’t heard of it.

    JP: Sam: “Yeah, and Steve Carrell won’t be in the final Office, either!”

    MW: Uh…. you have met the woman, haven’t you, Tom….?!

    Mutts: A bird with an earworm?

    Glibporn: Let the torture porn commense (with a strawman scuzzball doing the torturing. Yicch!)…..

  102. Jim in Wisc.
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    RE: Jim in Wisc. (#98): Oops. That was supposed to be a reply to midtown (#38).

  103. Bill
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    SPIDER-MAN
    “BTOOOM”: [rhymes with 'spittoon'] onomatopoeia

    sound an air-vent makes in the unlikely even it explodes.

    origin: archaic, 5/22/13 via late newspaper Spider-man comic.

  104. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#62):

    And on this day in 1940, the late and uncoordinated counter-attacks on the German panzers approaching the English Channel continued. They were conducted with bravery, but the inability to properly coordinate a large-scale attack was by design on the part of the Ghost-Who-Rides-in-a-Tank (Rommel) and Guiderian, who targeted command and control centers in order to spread panic behind the lines and keep the enemy off-balance.

    On this day in 1941, the Germans were still not driving across the steppes, as they would require exactly one more month to recover from the diversion of forces to the Mediterranian in order to bail out Mussolini, and launch Operation Barbarossa. It wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to claim that the Pact of Steel was a major factor in the ultimate defeat of Nazi Germany.

  105. Lumaca Morente
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    @Jim in Wisc. (#98): You’re preaching to the choir. I always grill my fish (about their orgins). I also read the label on the tuna can.

  106. Lumaca Morente
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    This is like a Don Martin cartoon: sound effect for a man wearing one of those contraptions with cymbals on his knees and a big bass drum: FRONKK btoom, FRONKK btoom, FRONKK btoom.

  107. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#73): 9CL: Doesn’t Sveth have a home to go to or something?

    Don’t be so quick to dismiss Svvveth. After all, he’s a founding member of the “Brotherhood of the Traveling Blondes” (the other three FM are Arrrlo, Darrrin and Jerrremy).

  108. Uncle Lumpy
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: Kingpin is speaking directly to the cartoonist — “You deliberately drew my fire — now intentionally erase Spider-Man and we’re done here!”

  109. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#97): Re: Luann This is totally not, I repeat not a blatantly obvious set up for a nauseatingly sentimental scene where he shows up on Luann’s doorstep with a tuxedo and a corsage and a limo to whisk her off

    Except, having Quill actually show up at the Junior Prom in person would lead to icky notions such as what teenage boys traditionally expect to do after the prom, especially if they flew 1/2 way around the world in order to attend with their long-term girlfriend whom they haven’t seen for months.

    This is where the conveeeeenience of the fact that he can only attend via smartphone comes into play. It’s every teenagers’ dream – all the fun of a long-term relationship, without the needless complications of physical intimacy!

  110. Ned Ryerson
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#101): Glibporn: Let the torture porn commense

    Hehe, Eli Roth looked at Pibgorn and threw up.

  111. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: This is so lame. Kingpin and Spidey just standing around chatting about the damage done to Kingpin’s air conditioning unit? On the other hand, if you asked my high school science teachers, they’d say, “He’s about what we expected.” So, advantage Spiderman!

    Apt. 3-G: MISS MARGO MAGEE
    APARTMENT THREE GEE
    COLDER THAN DON DRAPER
    HARDCORE JAMES BOND HATER
    SMARTER THAN LUANN
    DRUNKER THAN MADMEN
    STRAIGHTER THAN SPOCK
    SHE DON’T MIND BLOCKING A -
    (Jeep beat out)

    Archie: Moose, RIP: died of a torn colon, the poor bastard.

    Beetle Bailey: The truly feculent[*] thing about this is that the US Army recently withdrew its tanks from Germany, the first time since World War II that there has been no American armored presence there. But no, we have to go with the easy Afghanistan joke…

    9 Chickweed Lane: A quiz. What’s harder to believe?
    A. That adult women are unable to contain their sexual fantasies until they’re dosed in freezing cold lake water, even given the minutes it takes to change from street clothes into swimsuits. (Alt: That the Burbers just happen to have a perfectly-sized swimsuit waiting around for Fleurrie to put on.)

    B. That Fleurrie and Sven are hanging around the Burber house, rather than going home to sleep, shower, and continue their livelihood.

    C. Why the fuck am I reading this?

    Crock: Doesn’t understand physics.

    Gunnekrigg Court: Check out that next-to-last panel, with Bobby helping Paz print out a love letter. It is your daily dose of awesome (not Heathcliff-related).

    Mary Worth: SHIT JUST GOT REAL AT THE CHARTERSTONE MIDDLE SCHOOL LOCKERS.

    Sinfest: Check your privilege, boys!

  112. Downpuppy, whiskered
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#105):The difference between the giddily good catfish you get at Redbones and whatever Chinese cadmium enhanced rot that diner is serving is huge, but they’re both “farm raised”.

    Dagwood is Sooo Close to asking the right question.

  113. Government Cheese
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    MW: Elinor’s face has reverted to her Grand Moff Tarkin countenance when angered.

    MW 2: AHHHH!! AHHHH!! ELINOR IS SPEAKING TO MEDUSA…wait. That’s just some old biddy who has a 1940′s era hairdo.

    Luann: Meh. Luann will just attach her iphone to a mannequin and have him on facetime while she dances with him during prom. It will be a creepy affair.

  114. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Edda yawned. All teeth were exposed. Out of the cavernous maw emerged a Ripley’s!

    The top speed of a sloth is 0.15 MPH!

    That’s still faster then a Mary Worth plot.

  115. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#89): @Droopy Says (#91): Oh, right. Guyana! I knew that at one point.

  116. Government Cheese
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#89): I used to work in the satellite biz – the still do to my knowledge (CNES).

  117. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    MW — Elinor just had a massive paradigm shift sans clutch, or she just crapped her pants.

  118. Herr Kommissar Denny
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#64):

    Peter Parker’s high school science teacher, however, always told him that caves burn, producing the sound “BTOOOM”!

    But only caves that contain significant amounts of btooomen! /rimshot

    @Lumaca Morente (#84): Ah, but you must consider Elrod’s hierarchy of needs: Pancakological, Unnecessary danger, Greed/kidnapping, Incompetence, Punch-actualizaton.

    @Doctor Handsome (#85): “Spider season!” “Kingpin season!” “Spider season!” “Kingpin season!” “Spider season!” “Kingpin season!” “Spider season!” “Kingpin season!” “Daredevil season!”

    @Doctor Handsome (#93): Yeah, but we all know that as soon as the earthquake hits, Shelley and Cherry will be rescued from the flaming treetop by a jetpack-sporting arctic fox who will shit a blizzard all over the fire as he recites Gary Snyder’s Mountains and Rivers Without End.

  119. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#69):

    9CL: Oh, just go ahead and do a 3-way and get it over with.

    This will end up being a 2-way but it won’t involve Sven.

  120. ralph
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: The only time I see this panel is when it’s featured here. But I sort of have the idea that as with most cartoon animals, any appearance away from his actual home counts as overstaying his welcome. And is anyone ever really happy to see a male cat coming to visit their female cat?

    RMMD The technology guys were patient when some of us were grousing over the depiction of rural life and occupations in 9CL, so I will empathize with their really being pissed over this weeks excursion into micromanagement of things I don’t understand. And if the French do lousy work, why did they get the contract? (Sarah slams a gender; Milton slams a country. Where’s the PETA rep to win the pot by slamming our entire species?)

    9CL: I compared the strip to bad romance writing (is there any other kind?) earlier this week. As this crap goes on I keep being reminded of a gag from several decades ago (probably in MAD), that revealed romance writers to actually be seedy middle-aged men pounding out potboilers in their attic studios. Has anyone ever seen a picture of Brooke?

  121. Ned Ryerson
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    9CL: Ooo Ooo, here’s another one…

    Sveth had decided to take a bath in the lake (because that’s what big, beefy, hunky dudes do) and the Swoon Sisters land on him. Tee hee hee…titter…titter. They both go into convulsions of titillation and nearly drown. Hunky beefcake Sveth hauls them out of the lake, one under each hunky arm, beefy beefcake style, deposits them on the grass and resuscitates each of them…tee hee hee…titter…titter, setting off a new round of swooning, cold showering, and teeth baring lake jumping! Yay!

  122. Marc
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth- Why go I get the feeling that there are going to be a bunch of corpses turning up around Charterstone in the near future?

  123. TheDiva
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#111): (Alt: That the Burbers just happen to have a perfectly-sized swimsuit waiting around for Fleurrie to put on.)

    That part I believe, as there is no discernable physical difference between Fleurrie, Edda, and Juliette apart from hair color.

  124. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#104): Those wily Huns were always trying to steal the Barbarossa Ranch from Ben Cartwright on “Bonanza”!

  125. ralph
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    9CL: Sven and Fleurrie are certainly making themselves at home in someone else’s house. I was mildly disappointed to see the level of arousal so low as to permit taking the time to put on bathing suits. If they were fully dressed that would increase the odds of drowning.

  126. Mikey
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#97): Maybe Luann will bring Skype Quill to Prom! Won’t that be totally unbearable??!!

  127. TheDiva
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#109): Yeah, I can see that happening too (complete with the two of them being voted prom king and queen and Luann trying to balance the crown on her iPad). I maintain that “nauseatingly sentimental” will remain a constant, however.

  128. Marc
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#111): I’ll take “why the fuck am I reading this” for 800 Alex.

  129. Uncle Lumpy
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#122):

    Don’t worry — Carlos Alora is on the case!

  130. Dennis Jimenez
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    @Richard Steel (#95): You know, just cuz I riff on a strip doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t like it – some of my most imature, obscene cuts are at Luann, which I actually think is one of the better strips – interesting characters – decent stories – nice art, etc….

  131. captainswift
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Comic book Peter Parker very recently worked at a cutting edge scientific research firm where he invented, among other things, noise reduction device that could render him completely silent, a cyrogenics device that could instantly freeze living tissue without harm to the cells, and has assisted with research in numerous technologies in several fields.

    Newspaper Peter Parker is impressed he remembered that fire and explody things go boom.

  132. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#28): And once in orbit, the force of gravity is cancelled out; Finally… somebody who understands basic physics!

  133. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Did I just see spam appear then suddenly disappear? Uncle Lumpy, you’re the fastest!

  134. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#79): Equatorial Guinea, if I’m not mistaken.

  135. Tom S
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Spider-man makes waaay more sense if you assume his high school science teacher was Walter White.

  136. Uncle Lumpy
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#133):

    Whoosh! I hates teh spamz.

  137. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

  138. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @Tom S (#135): Science, bitches!

  139. Government Cheese
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#137): Yep, this is correct. I used to work in the civil satellite biz, and I have met the guy who was the director of that facility. He used to wear tropical shirts. Sounded like an awesome job.

  140. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#137): I stand corrected. I got the location near the equator correct (good for throwing large payloads), but not the continent or coast.

  141. Ned Ryerson
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    “What, I need a rocket to get this thing in orbit? Heather, dear, fetch me another sheet of paper! Bloody French!”
    Milton “Do I Have To Think Of Everything” Avery

  142. Dean Booth
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff shows that Roger Ebert’s Balloon Rule, “Good movies rarely contain a hot-air balloon.” also applies to comics.

  143. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Josh re MT: Sure, they were raccoons, not bears, and nothing was on fire, but I don’t believe I ever pretended to be a brave man.

    Don’t be so hard on yourself. Given the choice between raccoons, bears, and fire, I wouldn’t choose the raccoons. They are mean bastards in masks.

  144. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Dean Booth (#142): Maybe the Phantom will shoot down Heathcliff.

  145. Poteet
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#17): Good point! Meanwhile, the bears are watching the idiot humans loudly babbling at each other. The bears have the brains in this story.

  146. Anonymous
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    It’s a rotten break. Literally. I mean the break area is all gangrenous and just falling apart. He is probably going to loose the arm, maybe even die.

  147. Calico
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Pluggers – yep, I’ve said the exact same thing whilst on the phone with whomever uses these crappy automatons.

    FC – “Like sand through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Etj35ptu4A
    *creepy, no?*

    Blondie – stay away from the Chinese Pangasius, Dag. Seriously. Frankenfish.

    Curtis – worst HK “joke” ever. Now tell some classy Richard Pryor jokes, haha.

    H&L – Yes, Trixie, run! Run away from the dull routine that is your family’s life.

  148. Calico
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff – what, no Black Power Salute? I’m crushed.

    My Mom and her best friend went up in a HAB in France once – they loved it – me, I say “no thanks.” I’ll just stand here and wave, mmmmkay?

  149. ralph
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    MT: This has finally gotten almost interesting enough to be reading outside the blog. Something I have never previously been tempted to do in the several years that I’ve been reading CC. Never having been in a remotely comparable situation, I would definitely say, go for the boat. The bear has its own problems–why put yourself at the top of its list? Small detail though it may be, I appreciate it that the hair colors in this strip have moved beyond steel blue for all characters.

    ASM: So that gizmo Kingpin is holding, that just destroyed a building, is the same one that only managed to knock SM down?

  150. Calico
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @Herr Kommissar Denny (#2):
    Re: MW, Hahaha, thanks for the laughs. Those two would make an awesome sitcom!
    Anyone remember this crap? (SFW)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtKzTv9Opzo

  151. Poteet
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    MW — I stared with usual bemusement at all the strange hair, including the coy tuft peeking out of Tom’s shirt, and only then did I notice the mysterious hand floating in front of Tom. MW always gives me something. Always.

  152. teenchy
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#148): Dunno, looks likes he’s offering the salute to me. I’m cool with Heathcliff adopting the Tommie Smith/John Carlos signature move, myself.

  153. Sgt. Saunders
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @Dono (#43): FW: Ah, but this is Montoni’s! Who will be disturbed? Crazy Mailman at the bar drinking Free Coffee? Wally, in the cookhouse, getting his giggity on with Rachel? Les, the original Daydream Believer? Funky? I rest my case.

    Speaking of resting a case, in Gil Thorp, Knox The Younger just stone cold knows the way to a girl’s heart is to sue the living shit out of a supermarket on her behalf, then finding out the hard way that her bastard spawn, Jaxon, is the cause-in-fact of her broken wrist. But then this loose cannon Knox has never let facts, ethics or much else stand in the way of his ersatz legal blather. It’s that kind of shit like that makes me long for the days of Wally Lamb and Bitsy Twill.

  154. Droopy Says
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#93): On the plus side, Shelley must surely be cured of her irrational distaste for the outdoors by now.

    I agree. By now it’s a thoroughly rational hatred. On the negative side, this means she can’t use the insanity defense after she shoots her hosts. But I hear that the southern part of the state recognizes the concept of public service homicides, so she’s covered.

  155. DaveyK
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    So, in the midst of their pitched battle, Kingpin and Spider-Man take time to review and comment on the most recent actions in that battle. Which explains a lot about Spider-Man in general, when you realize the artists and writers are roughly as inept at the craft of storytelling as their fictional superhero is at being a superhero.

  156. Poteet
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#148): I can’t even ride the slow-moving suspended chairs that hang from an aerial cable over the fairgrounds. I tried it once and while the people in the chairs in front of me were relaxed to the point of boredom, I was convinced that my chair would somehow break from the cable and crash waaaay down onto the concrete walkway unless I sat there rigid and terrified until the ride was over. I agree that standing and waving is the way to go.

  157. Dartpaw86
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    I’m not a person who complains, I take what I can get. But I won’t deny I always look forward to the days with about 5-7 comics as opposed to 2.

  158. Gringo
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    WoI: The sign declaring “The King Is a Fink” makes me nostalgic for the days of the Lone Haranguer. Also, the days when this strip was funny.

  159. Poteet
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#143): Yeah, I hear raccoons in some East Coast parks now drag large knapsacks away from campfires and into the woods so they can rifle through them undisturbed. It’s only a matter of time before they start carrying knives and robbing restaurants.

  160. Poteet
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    FW — I really don’t see where this is going. If only it could stay that way.

  161. Ned Ryerson
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Oh crap, we have renumbering and uberitalics! Something went BTOOM in the code!

  162. Illustrator Steve
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    MT – Fortunately for the bears they have found the only piece of green unburnt grass left in the area, unlike the lake and distant mountains that are ablaze.

  163. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#160):

    I really don’t see where this is going.

    Italy, unless Uncle Lumpy gets in there and throws a </i> tag.

  164. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#140): No worries. If you look upthread, somebody had to tell me.

  165. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#159): And humans are supposed to be the pinnacle of evolution. Pfft. Yeah, right.

  166. Illustrator Steve
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    MT – (Theme song from Adventures on Slumber Mountain)…
    “Late last night,
    When we were all in bed,
    Old lady Trail left the propane on instead,
    The moose kicked it over and winked her eye and said,
    IT’LL BE A HOT TIME IN THE SOUTHERN PART OF THE STATE TONIGHT!

  167. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    FW: Funky: Wasn’t Lenny Black, last week? What? He got tan cancer?

  168. revenge4Aldo
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#122): If only because there’s a new biddy meddling on Mary’s turf.

  169. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

  170. Gringo
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Steve (#74): What type of rock is under Alcatraz Island?

    Jailhouse rock?

  171. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @revenge4Aldo (#168): I’d stay away from the vacants if I were you.

  172. Alfred E. Neuman
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    MW— Beth is intrigued by Tom’s idea. She can have Tom and satisfy Elinor now that Tom has offered his package to both of them. Tom is far more desperate than we ever imagined.

  173. Ned Ryerson
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#169): Cool! Cue the Fifth Dimension! “Up, up and awaaaay…”

  174. Amos Snarkadder
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    MW: Just who is this gossipy old woman? She can’t be a Charterstone resident – May Worth would never allow a woman to appear in the common areas wearing curlers! Will someone please alert security?

  175. Elk Meadow
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Why are all the more recent posts in italics? Did I miss a memo?

    MT: Yeah, that’s right. Climb a tree while a crown fire is going on. Toast! or rather, barbeque.

    PBS: Mother Goose and Grimm already won The Best Comic Cross-over for the Month. and possibly for the year.

  176. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Elk Meadow (#175): The italics are bad enough but what’s worse is the pseudo renumbering.

  177. Gringo
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#56): One of my favorite episodes of Night Gallery was about Transylvanian werewolves and vampires rising up against the Nazi invaders.

    And going off on a tangent, there’s a very entertaining movie about Nazi zombies in Norway called Dead Snow.

  178. The Downfall
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    I work for a very large retail store. This plugger reminds me of the jerks who yell “SURE YOU ARE” or “NO YOU’RE NOT” when we say “I’m sorry” because we can’t do what they want us to.

    tl:dr = Pluggers are jerks.

  179. Droopy Says
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#145): I’m hoping that Cherry has a better plan than “Climb the burning/still-smoldering tree.” Beside, maybe it’s too soon to repeat the “treed by an unhappy bear” trope.

  180. Baka Gaijin
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#8): They probably saw Elinor Kinley’s craggy face and shuddered in horror.

    @nescio (#15): My first thought too.

    @Chip Whittle (#26): Long form COTW contender.

    @Lorne (#32): You know, I never thought of it that way before. Spiderman is the result of incompetent student supervision. Huh.

    @Lumaca Morente (#61): Lightning striking Shelley? Don’t say that too loud. The Real Mark Trail is monitoring this broadcast.

  181. sally
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    The thing with Heathcliff in these scenes is that:

    1) He’s drawn in such a way that he’s always got perfect posture
    2) We only see his backside as he glides off into the sunset
    3) He never runs

    The combination is about as pure of an expression of “disdain” as I’ve ever seen in print. Like he just can’t bear to be part of this strip anymore. He never even looks back.

    Which for a cat is a pretty spot-on emotion.

  182. Amos Snarkadder
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    FW: Sooo… Frank and Lenny want Darrin and Jess to make a porn movie. Just like Mom.
    It’ll be a big hit on XTube. Or not. Just like Mom.

  183. Calico
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Why is everything appearing in italics? Was it the Dippity-Do?

  184. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#183): Someone did a Dippity-Don’t.

  185. Calico
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#156):
    Last time I was on a ski lift, probably Winter of 2008, I cried. I used to not be like that when younger, but it just freaks me out now.

  186. Dartpaw86
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#159):

    Okay that would be the most adorable bad*** thing on the planet.

  187. Amos Snarkadder
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @ Droopy Says #179
    Maybe it’s too soon to repeat the “treed by an unhappy bear.”
    But just imagine what Cherry and Shelley will be forced to confess!

  188. Dood
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: “Yeah…Right…Sure it is!…Listen, I gotta go barbecue my wife!”

  189. Anonymous
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#109): i seem to recall Luann spending an extended amount of time in his car “saying goodbye” to her former crush (Aaron Hill?) so many years ago. Evans has never been brave enough to show us what goes on when teens date.

    And I wish I didn’t know that above factoid.

  190. Alfred E. Neuman
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    GT, Josh, @Ned Ryerson (#52)— Stating the obvious:

    Tortfeasor would make a great name for a band.

    The Defeated Tortfeasors would also make a great name for a band.

    While amusing, “tortfeasor” is not as funny as “veeblefetzer”. However, “tortfetzer”, “veeblefeasor” might be considered as alternatives, along with “fetzerfeasor”.

  191. Dood
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Is Hagar the Horrible a fortteaser?

  192. Baka Gaijin
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @Adam (#90): The big hump on Mama Bear’s back is a big clue she’s a grizzly.

    @TheDiva (#97) on Luann: And when this happens, all the GoComics non-ironic readers simultaneously jizz their pants/panties.

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#117): “Dropped a Marvin” is my guess.

    @Marc (#122): Charterstone Murder-Suicide? I’d pay to see that.

  193. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#191): Maybe, but Crock sure is.

  194. Dood
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Is Marvin a fartteaser?

  195. Uncle Lumpy
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    As you were. Always remember: “</i>”, not “<i />.”

  196. Spotts1701
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    GT: Knox, before you go try to pitch woo at Darby with legal jargon maybe you should have that overbite checked? You look like Monty Burns.

    9CL: Hypothermia would be too good for these clods.

    Luann: [Lord Helmet] Everybody got that? [/Lord Helmet]

    PBS: Okay, a 200-foot tall Jeffy is definitely scarier than Gojira.

    JP: “How do you know for a fact they aren’t con artists?” “I just do, okay?!?”

  197. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#195): I’m not sure my neck will straighten out. Does Josh’s TOS include a waiver of italics-related damages?

  198. Anonymous
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    9CL – I would consider myself a fan of silliness, like the last panel, but– Dear God, look out! Edda is about ta’ fire her lazer!

  199. Uncle Lumpy
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#197):

    Does Josh’s TOS include a waiver of italics-related damages?

    “No consequential damages.” So be very sure to close your <fire> tags properly!

  200. Downpuppy, found out
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#52): @Alfred E. Neuman (#190): “Day Tripper” is already the ultimate tortfeasor song. I particularly like the motion for replevin in the last verse.

  201. Alfred E. Neuman
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#191): @Dood (#194): Are the women of Judge Parker teatforcers?

  202. bbofun
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    I was going to make a Phantom/heathcliffe joke, but @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#144)beat me to it. DAMN YOU, ALLLLLLLOOOOFFFTTTHHHHEEECCCCHHHHRRRIIISSSTTTIIIAAANNSSSIINNNGGGLLLEEESSS(gasp)JJJUUUNNNGGGLLLEEEPPPAAATTTRRROOOLLL!!!!

    ASM- Now, the idea that shooting a “laser” (that for some reason doesn’t seem to burn flesh or clothing, but just push people around) would not only ignite a control panel, but cause a chain reaction, might seem not only far-fetched, but so outside the realm of possibility as to make a high-school science teacher faint, not be proud of a former student who “guessed” that might happen. But you have to remember this is a universe where a radioactive spider-bite gave a guy vaguely spider-related powers, and a bunch of radioactive waste in drums hitting another kid blinded him, but gave him super-senses. So, y’know, sure, whatever.

    A3G- “I lost one man I loved- so I’m not going to fall in love again! Instead, i’ll just lead guys on until they give me a ring, then dump’em! Because I’m Margo Magee, dammit, and that’s how I roll!”

    MW- And all that was ever found of her was a single roller, laying on the ground in a pool of her blood.

    JP- Interesting to see a specific denial of what we’ve all assumed was true. I’m still wondering how this works out- not because the storyline is that intriguing, but because they seem to keep moving it away from the idea that it’s a scam, which seems so obvious.

  203. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Piranha Club:
    “Who invented the steam engine?”
    “Watt.”
    “I said, who invented the steam engine?”
    “Watt.”
    “Listen up! The question is, the steam engine was invented by whom?”
    “I told you. Watt.”
    “Aaaaabottt!”

    // Watt’s on second, anyway.

  204. bbofun
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Whoops- meant to put a space after the (gasp) so that wouldn’t happen. *makes note* “Must use preview.”

  205. No Stupid Bear
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Every day I try to see how many comments I can read before one of you compels me to read 9CL. Every day I lose.

  206. Perky Bird
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#42): Why not combine the two? I, for one, would glady watch St. Lisa vs. the Chupacabra.

  207. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#203):

    Actually, Thomas Newcomen invented the steam engine. James Watt improved it.

    Watt?

  208. bbofun
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and in reference to FW- Called it! (and another example of me not using preview).

  209. The Ridger
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#159): Hah! The PSA’s in West Yellowstone warned you not to leave your motorcycles unattended in the park, as ravens will come and rip your saddlebags and packs apart looking for …. stuff. Whatever you got, they want it.

  210. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#y332):

    I also give TRMT credit for showing up here and putting up with us ‘Mudges snarking his work. Can’t imagine some of the other cartoonists doing that!

  211. Master Softheart
    May 22nd, 2013 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#190): Actually, I think he’s a villain in Spider-Man. Someone guilty of unintentional negligence that might get someone hurt is a huge challenge for the Wall Crawler, but with ace attorney Daredevil to do the heavy lifting and keep his wandering attention focused, someone will probably get a nominal settlement to prevent a nuisance lawsuit.

    Which will be more excitement than his strip usually manages and more realistic legal action than anything recent in Judge Parker.

  212. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 22nd, 2013 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#199): I suppose that means we can’t be reimbursed for lost brain cells, right?

  213. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 22nd, 2013 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#196): JP JP: “How do you know for a fact they aren’t con artists?” “I just do, okay?!?”

    I know it because every boy I’ve ever met has told me how smart I am and how interesting I am, and every time I express an opinion every boy in the room goes out of their way to tell me how much they agree with me. And since there can’t possibly be any other reason for this, it must be because I’m super brilliant and have amazing intuitive powers. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to touch up my body paint – it’s already worn off of my nipples completely!

  214. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 22nd, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

  215. Baka Gaijin
    May 22nd, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#210): Shhhh! You shouldn’t talk about LUJBEM FEJF like that.

  216. tallyHO
    May 22nd, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Dean Booth (#142):
    Au contraire!

    @Calico (#148):

    Heathcliff – what, no Black Power Salute? I’m crushed.

    I’d like to think this song is playing as he floats into the air. After all, that Heathcliff is a complex cat.

  217. Fashion Police
    May 22nd, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    We are intensely proud of Miss Neddy Spencer. Those years in Paris have done something for her after all. The artistically dishevelled hair, the carefully-applied lipstick that perfectly complements her peignoir (“bathrobe” is simply too déclassé)… One must always look her best, even on the cusp of slumber. One never knows when a heart-to-heart with the step-father is in the offing.

  218. Dood
    May 22nd, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#201): Sure. And the women of Hootin’ Holler are teatfarcers.

  219. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#212):

    I suppose that means we can’t be reimbursed for lost brain cells, right?

    Josh and Uncle Lumpy cannot be held responsible for your drinking.

  220. teenchy
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#216): If Heathcliff is just visiting lady cats in heat, then I’d expect him to ride off into the sunset to this tune.

  221. Government Cheese (GoComics Policy Advisor)
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Well, well, I can always find a daily gem about Luann from GoComics…..

    —–
    (from GoComics)

    Okay, probably just me, but this does not make a lot of sense. There is no reason for these ladies not going to the prom, if they want to go. All 3 are attractive, especially Luann. They are fun, intelligent and can be exciting. In our universe, they would have been asked to the prom sometime around midterm. In Luannverse, there are just not many available males

    —–

    “All 3 are attractive, especially Luann”????

    And I have to say, Delta going to a Greenpeace meeting instead of grinding at prom is pretty lame. I mean, you have the rest of your youth to put yourself in front of Japanese whaling vessels and smoke hash with your buddies in Portlandia.

  222. PriceCheck
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers desperately wish for the old days, where the only need they weren’t sure of fulfilling was the one for a means to support themselves in their middle class lifestyle, rather than the basic human need for acceptance and to be affirmed as worth something, even if it’s only to a lousy telemarketing machine.

  223. Liam
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    FW-”You look like you belong to the generation that doesn’t know much about the World Wide Interweb.”

  224. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp — Knox Foley’s combination of neurofibromatosis type 1 and Proteus syndrome is getting out of hand. He already resembles the Elephant Man’s slightly less ugly kid brother.

    Knox keeps trying to charm the pants off Teen Mom Darby. Unfortunately, he’s already on the wrong side of “hideous and deformed.”

    And over in Mark Trail, the Heartbreak of Psoriasis has claimed another victim. (Seriously, what’s up with Mama Bear in the first panel?!)

  225. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @teenchy (#220): Interesting.

    Our company has decided to block access to Youtube yet your link got through.

    I need to save that link. Once I’m in I can stay in.

  226. teenchy
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#225): Happy to be of service… I think.

  227. Government Cheese (GoComics Policy Advisor)
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    FW: Those two look like Lenny and Carl (whatever their names are) have farted right in their faces.

    “A show? Here? In Montonis? The place that was the setting for Charles in Charge? How dare you suggest such a vulgar notion! Out with you! Out with you!”

  228. Liam
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-”My old high school science teacher would be so proud of me. He was nowhere around me this time to get hurt.”

  229. Morgan Wick
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Sadly, at this point real life is more batshit insane than the average Gil Thorp plot. When I read “imaginary girlfriend”, I thought Gil Thorp was making a reference to this. (Of course, that would be far more topical than anything Gil Thorp has ever done.)

  230. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#207): So Hero of Alexandria, Thomas Newcomen, and James Watt walk into a bar, and the bartender says:

    1. You guys look all steamed up!
    2. You know this isn’t a gay bar, right?
    3. You know this is a gay bar, right?
    4. I’ve got a great idea for a cartoon, wanna hear it?
    5. Ouch! My spleen.
    6. Now I know how the pilgrims felt.
    7. Say Hero, you know we have a sandwich named after you?
    8. So. It has come to this.

    And the three of them ordered drinks, and the bartender said, “Who’s going to pay for this?” And Newcomen and Hero said, “What?”.
    And Watt said, “Hey, it was Newcomen’s idea!”, but Newcomen said that it was the the other guy’s idea first, and the Greek laid some drachmas on the table, and everyone said, “That’s our Hero!”

  231. Liam
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    MW-”What? A boyfriend? How dare Beth cheat on me with a man.”

  232. Pinewood Tom
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#62):

    On this day in 1939: Adolph Hitler and Benito Mussolini signed a non-aggression pact. Mussolini dubbed it the “Pact of Steel” after Superman: The Man of Steel (his favorite comics character next to Mickey Mouse).

    The “Apps of Steel” in today’s Mother Goose is obviously the cartoonist’s way to tacitly acknowledge the anniversary.

  233. bats :[
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    MT: what a great grizzly! Grizzlies appear to have longer snouts than the average bear, and they can make them all wiggly, which kinda freaks me out. I can imagine this one’s going crazy with the smell of fire and Shelley’s perfume, so I’m happy! And freaked out!

  234. Liam
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers-Pluggers also still believe that little people live in television sets.

    Wizard of Id-The protesters are hoping that the king’s guards will get confused and arrest the dummies instead of them. What they don’t know is that the protesters will be arrested because the wooden dummies are more submissive to the king.

    Heathcliff-Heathcliff is off on his round the world race.

  235. Kitschensyngk
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Billy, continuing to stare at the hourglass as the sand runs down, for the first time faces the cold, harsh reality of the swift passage of time and his own encroaching mortality.

  236. bats :[
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and based on yesterday’s strip, it’s likely that the tree in today’s strip is the same one. As Cherry and Shelley were on the lake’s edge, looking at the canoe, the bears crossed behind them and the tree, coming to a stand to behind the women. When Shelley turned and mentioned the bears, Cherry turned as well and pointed to that same tree.
    None of this explains the geography of Apt. 3G or Mary Worth’s condo, but I think TRMT/Elrod have a better grasp of spacial relations. I don’t know how they feel about marauding raccoons…

  237. tallyHO
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @teenchy (#220):

    Thanks for that song. It’s been a while since I’ve heard it (and that seems like forever, really).

    But, it isn’t a balloon song—not that there are particular songs for balloons, mind you. But, a sense of daring is what I think of when I look at that Heathcliff cartoon.

    On one paw, he’s a romantic. He and his fuzzy friend arrived at her house via balloon. Perhaps he picked her up in it, too.

    On another paw, (and I am totally not a cat person, mind you) it comes across that Heathcliff is in total control. The fact that his lady friend and her owners stand in awe of him, is funny, too. For a cat to command such respect and to inspire such awe is hilarious to me.

    Now, I could see that Roots song playing after or during a moment when Heathcliff is laying down Heathcliff’s Law. If after such a teaching moment, it is when the ladies of the neighborhood flock towards him for being The Alpha Cat….nay! The Alpha Animal! Nay! The King Cat of all That!

  238. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Pinewood Tom (#232): The “Pact of Steel” was also Captain America’s agreement not to sue DC’s Steel, The Indestructible Man for copyright infingement.

  239. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#237): Also “infringement”!

  240. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (GoComics Policy Advisor) (#221): Re: All 3 are attractive, especially Luann

    Her outer beauty must be the same as her inner beauty – not evident to anyone who actually knows her.

    A good rule of thumb is: the more people who tell you that it is OK because you have inner beauty, the less outer beauty you possess.

  241. Baka Gaijin
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#239): Beth Kinley’s mother must have lots and lots of inner beauty. Just sayin’.

  242. Government Cheese (GoComics Policy Advisor)
    May 22nd, 2013 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    <a href="http://joshreads.com/I @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#239): Indeed. My brother (who can be a real piece of work, once had this conversation with a mutual friend of ours):

    Girl: You know, I have a lot of inner beauty; that’s what counts.
    Brother: Why would I want to see your organs? Are you some sort of weirdo?
    Girl:….
    Brother: You’re also fat.

  243. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy, MKS (#7): For shame, Slylock Fox! Mixing pounds & gallons to make 1.5 into 12 is just plain rude.

    True. A gallon of whole milk weighs 8.6 pounds. So it takes about one and a half gallons of milk to make a gallon of ice cream. I wouldn’t call it rude, just tricky, and a little deceptive.

    // Of course, if Slylock had said it took 1.438 kilograms of milk to make 1 liter of ice cream, and demonstrated how to do the conversion on a circular slide rule… that would be refulgent. So few kids know how to use slide rules of any sort these days, and that’s a shame!

  244. Miriam
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    If you flipped the sexes in 9CL—men fantasizing about what’d they’d do to a sleeping woman who complains about feeling objectified—it might garner an outraged letter from the last little old lady on earth who reads comics in the newspaper.
    As it is it’s just gross and sad. It makes me think he lives in some kind of secret cloister and writes women based on his ancient memories of them, memories distorted by wishful thinking and many many years gone by.

  245. Lenoxus
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    It’s a little known fact that the major features of modern protest movements, including slogans on placards and the issuance of protest permits, originate in the Middle Ages. It’s even less widely known that some warfare in the Middle Ages involved bombing strikes by computer-piloted aerial vehicles or “drones”, the technology for which was lost to the mists of time, not to be rediscovered until 1980.

  246. Lenoxus
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    Also, freakin’ megaphones, sheesh.

  247. sighing maiden, still sighing
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#239): “A good rule of thumb is: the more people who tell you that it is OK because you have inner beauty, the less outer beauty you possess.” It’s true. *sigh*

  248. Lumaca Morente
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#246): And if no one mentions your new hairdo or outfit, that means it looks terrible.

  249. Morgan Wick
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    I feel like my last comment may have stumbled onto the coming Gil Thorp football plot line.

    @Lenoxus (#244): COTW contender!

  250. tallyHO
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#237):

    Was Steel published before Captain America made the scene?
    I encountered that character late during a revival–All Star Squadron–so I actually thought he was a ripoff of Capt. America.

  251. Peanut Gallery
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Zippy – I’d like to see some of that comic strip instead of more Dingburg ones.

  252. Peanut Gallery
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#230): And the bartender says, “Let me guess — you all want boilermakers.”

    That’s grace under pressure!

  253. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#251): That comic strip is ghost written.

  254. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#252): Heh! Good one!

  255. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#250): Steel came on the scene in 1978 — Captain America was first in 1941. And Archie Comics character The Shield beat Cap by 14 months.

  256. Mikey
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    MW-Tom is using ‘love’ in panel one as an active verb right? Ugghhh.

  257. aprilglaspie
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Shelley, it’s a mother grizzly. Make yourself big while I run for that tree.

    Every Gil plotline is some form of the kids are nearly alright and Milford fails to make the playdowns. I’ve been meaning to ask, does anyone that reads this blog live someplace where there are playdowns and not playoffs?

    Miriam@244: And he draws women with mouths that resemble vaginas dentata. I still find it hard to believe Brooke is male. I think he may be an infantophile fetishist, like the obese guy in that King Baby CSI episode.

  258. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#256): I’m not sure. He may be using “love” as something one really likes. As in, “I love to go to the beach” or “I’d love to do your mama.”

  259. Peanut Gallery
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Dean Booth (#142): @Liam (#234): I like to think today’s Heathcliff is an homage to the 1956 film version of Around the World in 80 Days.

  260. pastordan, on the road
    May 22nd, 2013 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (GoComics Policy Advisor) (#221): GoComics: the Jean Tisdale of comment sections.

  261. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2013 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#259): Or maybe this movie.

    It’s got a young Barbara Eden in it!

  262. Mikey
    May 22nd, 2013 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, on the road (#260): “Ask a Go Comics Commentor” would make a good Onion piece.

  263. Peanut Gallery
    May 22nd, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#216):

    After all, that Heathcliff is a complex cat.

    He’s a complicated cat
    And no one understands him but his Sonja

    They say this cat Heathcliff is a bad mother–
    (Shut your mouth!)
    But I’m talkin’ ’bout Heathcliff
    (Then we can dig it)

  264. Mikey
    May 22nd, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, on the road (#260): Damn, should have changed my name to “Fulgencio” for that last post.

  265. Cloudbuster
    May 22nd, 2013 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

  266. Peanut Gallery
    May 22nd, 2013 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#237):

    not that there are particular songs for balloons

    What?? I mean, Watt?

    How about “Up, Up, and Away”? Okay, everybody hates that one. But how about “99 Luftballons”? (Or the English-language version.) That’s a fine bit of dark humor from the cold war era.

  267. tallyHO
    May 22nd, 2013 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#255):

    Steel came on the scene in 1978…
    Hmmm.
    — Captain America was first in 1941.
    Ah.
    And Archie Comics character The Shield beat Cap by 14 months.
    Oh my!

    So, Steel was a ripoff, of sorts but The Shield–who did have one of those shield shaped shields, unlike the round one Cap. America eventually went with–was the granddaddy of them all?

    I don’t blame comic book companies too much for ripping off each other back in the 40s but it sure seems lame that they did.
    It was as if there were only so many types of superheroes that could be used so they chose the most popular types and powers to make a buck. I get making a buck by giving the people what they want but it is pretty lame considering the comic book companies just sued each other over ripoff characters.

  268. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2013 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

  269. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    May 22nd, 2013 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    bigporn: Are we back to the torturing of women thing again? Is there somebody this can be reported to? I mean really? Who is getting off on this? What possible entertainment value can this have?

  270. Alison
    May 22nd, 2013 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth”: I have a lot of thoughts on this strip today.

    1. God damn there are a lot of nosy old women in Charterstone.

    2. Why does Tom keep acting like he knows nothing about Elinor? He keeps saying how he’ll love her and how she can’t be that bad. But he already met her! He already saw her insulting Beth at Mary’s dinner party.

    3. Everyone in this strip wears too much purple, and too many bows around their necks.

    4. How will the amazing Mary Worth save the day this time? Because, I know she will. It is not “if”, but “how”.

  271. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 22nd, 2013 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Crankshafts funky smelling corpse (#269): i dunno about entertainment value but i think there’s a public welfare value in keeping mc e off the streets. i kind of get the appeal ’9cl’ might have to people, but ‘pibgorn’ is just gross and nasty when it isn’t being sickly sentimental

  272. tallyHO
    May 22nd, 2013 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#266):

    Oh. Of course I considered both of those songs. There’s lots of other ones, too, like “Bolero”>a>

    But with Heathcliff there should be an edgy aspect to the song. Something very cinematic and befitting the scope of his journeys, whether by hot air balloon or by elephant. Something from a 50s Western or a 60s war film is what I’m “hearing”.

    @Peanut Gallery (#263):
    Cheesy lounge singer doing that to “Shaft”. Singing with a drink in one hand and a microphone in another; his tuxedo being shabby and 70s tacky.

  273. tallyHO
    May 22nd, 2013 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#272): I meant to state there are lots of others that work as soaring songs and that is why I brought up “Bolero”.

    Heck, maybe there could be “The Flight of the Tomcat”. Yeah. Heathcliff probably commissioned someone to write him a theme song.

    Fly, Heathcliff, Fly/
    Upon your mystery ship/
    Stand onboard, always look forward/
    Define your trip!/

    If you happen to hover over/
    San Francisco Bay/
    Tell comic strip Spidey/
    He’s acting gay/

    When you buzz over Santa Royale/
    Let them know who the real king is/
    Engage Mary Worth as a Foil/
    Show that blue hair the biz with cat piss/

    Fly, Heathcliff, Fly/
    Don’t stop right now/
    Conquer some dogs/
    Establish your cred, kick a cow/

    Fly, Heathcliff, Fly/
    The ladies are calling you/
    Take your tomcattery/
    and deploy it as only you can do

  274. Government Cheese (GoComics Policy Advisor)
    May 22nd, 2013 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#265): Hahahah! No. =)

  275. Liam
    May 22nd, 2013 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-”What? My imaginary girlfriend in Canada broke her wrist too? That’s terrible for the woman I’m stalking and my imaginary Canadian girlfriend to both break their wrists at the same time. I hope they didn’t break their jerking wrists.”

  276. Government Cheese (GoComics Policy Advisor)
    May 22nd, 2013 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#262): Oh man, that’s a blast from the past. Jean Teasdale. One of my favorites is when she’s railing on how they are closing her store “Fashion Bug” (?) and she goes on some tirade, “I don’t know why they would close this store! It’s never full, and always full of stock!”

  277. The Ridger
    May 22nd, 2013 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    @aprilglaspie (#257): I’ve been meaning to ask, does anyone that reads this blog live someplace where there are playdowns and not playoffs? I believe someone here once said they did. All I know is, if you Google the word you’ll discover that lots of places use them, though I must admit the first time I heard the word it was in Thorpe.

  278. Uncle Lumpy
    May 22nd, 2013 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    The good news is Josh laughed twice at The Wizard of Id today. The bad news is he’s now over his annual Wizard of Id laugh budget by 100%.

  279. Uncle Lumpy
    May 22nd, 2013 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#277):

    Around these parts we go to the playdowns on solo car dates, then hit the vendos.

    Actually no, nobody talks like that.

  280. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 22nd, 2013 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    H-Cliff: Heathcliff is about to get shot down over Bangalla.

    Pluggers: Should I ask for the Plugger position on “I love you” and “I won’t cum in your mouth”? No, obviously I shouldn’t.

    MW: I wouldn’t rile Elinor if I were that neighbor. Wearing curlers out in the hall is a pretty serious offense at Charterstone, and she could be reported.

    FW: If the first step in your con is bragging about your involvement in a move Troma Studios wouldn’t touch with a 20 foot poll, this game might not be for you.

    9CL: That pond is known to have leeches in it. Or it did until just now, when Edda’s grimace scared them all to death.

    RMMD: Milton’s quite the handful. He just poked me in the eye.

    DT: Hey, so they’ve been using company funds to run unsanctioned cloning experiments. It’s not like they scratched Diet Smith’s car or anything.

    Luann: Do you mean arrested as in developmentally? Because you see…

    A3G: Margo has tumbled to the fact that any guy she falls in love with will die. I’d suggest she enter a convent except either she or it would catch fire.

  281. Liam
    May 22nd, 2013 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-”Thank you, Cupid. This is better than having you push her in front of a truck.”

  282. Liam
    May 22nd, 2013 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    MT-That’s not a mother bear and her cub. That’s carton bear sensation Yogi and Boo Boo.

  283. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#10):

    Or did newspaper spiderman drop out of school the moment he figured out he could stick to walls? Actually, that would explain a lot…

    Given that his sole professional activity seems to be taking Spandex-clad selfies, yeah.

  284. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    @Dono (#43):

    Mark Trail: If I remember those grade-school safety pamphlets correctly, a tree is one of the least safe places you can be in a forest fire.

    It’s kind of implicit in their being called “forest fires”, when you think about it.

  285. tallyHO
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    In “Gil Thorp” are they praying to that coffee mug? Are they consulting the Supreme Bean for Divine Guidance as they try to navigate their way to finding a solution to the obstacle life put in their path? Because, it is all about them, right? It isn’t about the fact that someone got hurt. And, she wasn’t just someone, she is a young mother who has other responsibilities beyond making those two coffee mug worshippers look good.

  286. tallyHO
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    In “Mark Trail”, what should happen at this point is that Shelley talks some sense into Cherry’s heat-addled brain. She should say,
    “What makes more sense, you bottle redhead, running towards the bears and the fire or jumping into the waters and making it to that oncoming canoe? Think, woman! Don’t let that industrialized color go to your head!”

  287. tallyHO
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    Oh yeah. One more thing about “Gil Thorp”: The true sign of a sensitive man is that he has a Thinking Man’s Chin that does the sympathetic thinking for him.

    “Woe is me! I am nothing special. I am but just a mandible!

    “If you prick me, do I not say, ‘Hold it right there, bub! I don’t swing that way!’?
    If you punch me, do I not break like a fragile glass menagerie?”

  288. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#267): The original Shield didn’t have a shield — he WAS a shield. Joe Higgins came up with a formula for super-strength, which involved applying chemicals to certain parts of his anatomy: Sacrum, Heart, Innervation, Eyes, Lungs and Derma*. Not only did the combination of chemicals and x-rays give Higgins super-strength and invulnerability, he also possessed the ability to make great leaps (like Marvel’s Hulk).

    *The initials S-H-I-E-L-D also gave him his name!

  289. Amos Snarkadder
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#282): MT-That’s not a mother bear and her cub. That’s cartoon bear/reality TV sensation Mama and Honey Boo Boo.

    FTFY!

  290. He Brought KING IS A FINK
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    KING IS A FINK

  291. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    @He Brought KING IS A FINK (#290): “He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus” doesn’t like you to use profanity!

  292. Huckleberry Fink
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#291): Are you saying my name is profane? THEM’S FIGHTING WORDS!!!!

  293. Huckleberry Fink
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#292):

    The King is lucky to have a Fink like you in his corner.

  294. Amos Snarkadder
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS Elviney is the Bernice of Hootin’ Holler.

  295. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#293): Your inner monologue just became an “outie.” Do you talk to yourself much?

  296. Peanut Gallery
    May 22nd, 2013 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

  297. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    MW: What do you think the Charterstone Biddies use to decorate their lockers? Pictures of Mary Worth with a mustache drawn on her? Beefcake shots of Jeff Corey shirtless in his Sansabelts?

    ASM: Many, many years ago, I watched as a nicely dressed young woman slipped and fell on her butt on a grassy slope. With a smooth motion, she whipped out a book, opened it, and began reading. It was the most impressive display I’ve ever seen of “No, really, I meant to do that” by someone who had just been knocked on her ass—until now.

  298. Dale
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    What about the nearby ranger station? Now that the entire valley is on fire(*), someone may have noticed.
    The helicopter pilot will be one of Mark’s many “old friends”.
    Kelly Welly will be riding along as an observer.

    (*) Blame the colorists.
    I’m actually starting to feel sorry for TRMT.
    He’s taking a beating on Comics Kingdom.

  299. Dale
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#296):

    FUNKY

    The term is “screwdriver” unless you really mean orange soda.
    That latter idea has some positive merit. Somebody report back.

  300. Liam
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#298):

    That is a good question about the ranger station. We were told that they were camping near the ranger station.

  301. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#264): Damn, should have changed my name to “Fulgencio” for that last post.

    “Fulgencio” — what a brilliant name!

    // It’s refulgent!

  302. Liam
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    MT-And as the fire moves towards some undestroyed marijuana plants. “Hey Cherry are you feeling hot? It feels really hot.” “I could go for something to eat right now.” “Do you care if this entire forest burns down?”

  303. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    Boulet speak.* You read.

    *Not very well. Seriously, you read.

  304. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#297): ASM: Many, many years ago, I watched as a nicely dressed young woman slipped and fell on her butt on a grassy slope. With a smooth motion, she whipped out a book, opened it, and began reading. It was the most impressive display I’ve ever seen of “No, really, I meant to do that” by someone who had just been knocked on her ass—until now.

    Well, you are a dog person. People with cats see that sort of thing every day.

  305. Peanut Gallery
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#299): A screwdriver would make sense, but then who knows what Batiuk meant? I pictured mangled chunks of orange, drowned in vodka, served with a grapefruit spoon.

  306. billman
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#299):

    I actually have that a lot, vodka and orange soda. I call it a phillps screwdriver, ’cause it’s fizzy.

  307. tallyHO
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#304):
    Cat people see Grace under Clumsiness everyday?

  308. Cloudbuster
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#298): Hey! He’s our cartoonist! Only we can make fun of him! They better cut that out!

    Really, if more popular cartoonists had the guts to dive in here and contribute, they might be surprised at their reception. Who knows, if Brooke McEldowney started posting here, we might find out that he’s a genuinely warm, funny, caring person, with a wickedly perverse sense of humor, not a creepy, pretentious twit! (What? It could happen! Pigs. Flying. etc.)

  309. Cloudbuster
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

  310. Roger Townsend
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    “….. pluggers have very little control over their own lives …”

    It’s been my experience that “Pluggers” have far more control over their lives than other Americans. They largely take care of themselves and their own.

    Is it your position that Leftists never have to wait on the phone?

  311. Cloudbuster
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    @Roger Townsend (#310): Pluggers != Rightists.

  312. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

  313. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#305): I pictured mangled chunks of orange, drowned in vodka, served with a grapefruit spoon.

    That sounds pretty good. Does it come with one of those little umbrellas?

  314. Calico
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#216):
    Great theme for the H-Cat! Miaow!

  315. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    Gas O’Leak Alley — The cloud of fumes* from “Stinkybean” has drifted into the Old Comics Home and caused Slim to pass out. While 1950s Rex Morgan works frantically to revive him, Old Doc Yak waits in the wings.

    Tomorrow’s strip: Hairless Joe and Lonesome Polecat (“Li’l Abner”) attempt to save the day with a freshly distilled batch of Kickapoo Joy Juice. To cure Slim… must they first kill him?

    *From Frankie’s feculent farts!

  316. Calico
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#301):
    It IS refulgent!

  317. Peanut Gallery
    May 22nd, 2013 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#313): It has the umbrella floating in it.

  318. Sgt. Stoned
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    MT: Ha-ha! That’s what happens when you leave two women alone in the forest. They end up burning the whole thing to the ground! Women…you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them, am I right?

    S-M:All this time I was under the impression that a “chain reaction” involved splitting atoms by bombarding them with other atoms, and that an uncontrolled chain reaction resulted in an atomic explosion of devasting proportions. Now, science whiz Peter Parker informs me that it involves firing a laser at something that looks like the metal grill on an air vent resulting in a minor explosion that doesn’t injure anybody. Spidey, you’re high-school science teacher probably committed suicide.

  319. tallyHO
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#311):
    But, what about the ambidextri-ists?

    Think of the expansively capable people, too!

    I’m not left wing!
    I’m not right wing!

    I can flap both wings and fly!
    I can soar low over the ground
    or soar straight into the sky!

    I don’t spend time pluggin along.
    I don’t spend time doing whatever leftists are said to do!
    I don’t really know the limitations of
    Hanging around flapping one arm!

    I’m ambi-
    Ambidexteristic!

    (don’t think I am a mystic;
    just because I’m right;
    as opposed to wrong;
    versus the opposite being left;
    I’m just correct, using both of my wings
    I can fly!
    Into the sky!
    Bye Bye!)

  320. tallyHO
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @Roger Townsend (#310):

    Josh can speak for himself but I’m pretty sure he was getting at the exact same thing you are saying, which is: just saying “Yeah…right…I’m sure it is!” isn’t going to produce any more results than taking a little bit of time to search on the internet for bypass codes you can press on your phone to decrease hold times.

    The problem, and it is a problem, is that there aren’t enough people working to answer all calls. And, the ones who are working (where ever they may be stationed) aren’t quick enough to get to everyone in short order. So, we all get screwed over. Pluggers enhancing their skepticism expressions does no more good than it does for anyone who doesn’t consider themselves a Plugger.

    Seriously though, there are websites with numbers you can enter to try and get someone to speak with instead of being held on eternal hold. Do they all work? Who knows. But, trying those codes is better than putting up with crap.

  321. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Roger Townsend (#310): people’s politics kind of come out around the edges of their comments but overly political comments are against the site owner, josh’s rules. plenty of other sites for that, no offense meant

  322. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#306): We’ve been meaning to speak to you about that…

  323. yaoi huntress earth
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @Crankshafts funky smelling corpse (#269): So how long before we get a Pibgorn-US Angel Corps crossover?

  324. GrafSpee
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#36): Yeah. Trying to combine the alpha male ‘I’d take care of you,’ line with the beta male ‘outraged by exploitation of women line.’ Never a winner

    Especially when dealing with Lightning Lady. She has never wanted the protection of anybody and she wears spandex because she wants to wear it. She did complain about how no one took her seriously because of her outfit when she was first introduced in Greystone Inn in 2001 but that’s the only time I can remember that she negatively commented on her suit.

  325. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @Roger Townsend (#310):

    Is it your position that Leftists never have to wait on the phone?

    Are you kidding? All we have to do is punch in the secret code that George Soros sends us, and the service people bend to our every whim.

  326. Dartpaw86
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#308):

    Jumble Jeff used to come on here and “Troll?” I’m not sure what he did here. Whether he was just pretending to be mad at Josh as some sort of in-joke the two have with each-other, or he actually was p***ed off at him.

  327. Droopy Says
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#210): I also give TRMT credit for showing up here and putting up with us ‘Mudges snarking his work. Can’t imagine some of the other cartoonists doing that!

    True; any cartoonist who shows up here must feel like a dying man in the desert, listening to us the buzzards ask why he didn’t bring more salt and pepper.

  328. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @Roger Townsend (#310):

    Is it your position that Leftists never have to wait on the phone?

    To everyone who virulently disagrees with the sentiments expressed by the above: Why is this a problem for you? I’m not going to agree with every word written here. And to be fair — neither will you.

    Dog-piling on someone because you don’t like their politics seems petty to me.

  329. tallyHO
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#328):

    Now see, I just thought the antonym of “Pluggers” was “Unpluggers”.

    That’s the only reason I responded with a (hopefully) constructive solution to the phone dilemma.

    We all spend a third of our lives waiting. No matter what we believe or what we express, we spend a lot of time waiting. So, I do what I can to mitigate the waits. Now excuse me while I call the waiter over here. That bottle of wine ain’t gonna serve and uncork itself….gasp!

    ….and if it does…I’ll know I’ve already had too much to drink!

  330. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 22nd, 2013 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    posting and discussion policies as posted at the bottom of the page, #5

    “don’t fight about politics”

  331. Huckleberry Fink
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#328): Dog-piling on someone because you don’t like their politics seems petty to me.

    Petty is good — especially if it’s George Petty (NSFW):

    http://img3387.imagevenue.com/images/loc23/55624_19470_Petty4_coloured_81000pixels9_122_23lo.jpg

  332. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#328): I don’t care about anyone else’s politics. This is a humor website. If somebody comes around looking for a fight, I’d encourage them to get over themselves and enjoy life.

  333. Droopy Says
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    The Annoying Spiderman: How appropriate! This strip is all wet.

    Frankie Comes From Hollywood: Is it just me, or does anyone else have the impression that Lenny and Squiggy are not nice people?

    Family Circus: Billy, ask Jeffy what happened to his toe when he limps into the scene.

    Mark Trail: If only Sharpshooter Cherry hadn’t dropped Chekov’s Rifle! She could have shot the bear Shelley, then casually waded out to the canoe while the bear paused to devour the corpse. And asked for more salt and pepper.

    Sex Morgan, Mental Defective: Um, dood? Here on earth we have these things called contracts, and treaties, and courts. And we know where Turkey lives, so if they don’t pay, Constantinople gets the works! And, uh, you did sign a contract, didn’t you? I mean, you aren’t building this “bird” on spec in your basement, right? Why don’t you call Arianespace and ask them for business advice?

    Phantom: Walker can be out-stealthed by a wing-flapping balloon? Peter Parker, you’ve just lost your title of World’s Most Incompetent Superhero!

    Pluggers: If dumbbells get heavier with age, why is that Plugger so thin?

  334. greghousesgf
    May 22nd, 2013 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#240): a better rule of thumb: the less you look like some model, the more jerks feel they have the right to insult you.

  335. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 23rd, 2013 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#331): Petty is indeed good, but let’s not forget Elvgren.

  336. Poteet
    May 23rd, 2013 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    MT — Grizzlies can really book it (35 mph for short distances). So I think this grizzly was really just wanting Cherry and Shelley to stop babbling at top volume. Grizzlies eat classy wild gourmet food like cutthroat trout, salmon, blueberries, blackberries, miller moths, pine nuts, sweetvetch, etc. This grizzly could well be looking at C & S and thinking “Ugh, if I catch them, I might have to eat them. Eww.”

  337. Majicou
    May 23rd, 2013 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#299): “Vodka and orange” is purely a Britishism–in the Fawlty Towers episode with the American guests, the American man orders a “screwdriver” and confuses the hell out of Basil, who thinks the guy actually wants a tool. Why Batiuk would use it is best known to Batiuk, but there are odder terms in various parts of Ohio. Where and when my mother grew up, they called bell peppers “mangoes” for reasons unknown. When my mother first saw a reference to a mango ice cream, she wondered why the hell anyone would want such a thing.

  338. Mr. O'Malley
    May 23rd, 2013 at 4:09 am [Reply]

    My wife speaks fluent Hindi, so when we get those sketchy “Hello my name is Jeremy” calls she gives them whatfor in their own language. We had two today.

  339. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 23rd, 2013 at 4:31 am [Reply]

    Thursday 9CL: So, then, what the hell are you doing there, Edda?

  340. Mr O'Malley
    May 23rd, 2013 at 5:29 am [Reply]

    I have found the secret for restoring Flickr pages to something like last week’s version:

    For photostream, add ?details=1 to the URL
    For set pages, add detail/ to the URL

  341. gleeb
    May 23rd, 2013 at 5:49 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: Well, Frank will fit right in in Cancerdeathville, where the bookstore closed down for lack of business, and comix rule the roost!

    Rex: I don’t see how that will be a problem. While EU economies are in the toilet, Turkey’s has been growing. But I suppose Milton the xenophobe will claim the Turks are good at wrestling and olive oil, not satellites.

  342. Cloudbuster
    May 23rd, 2013 at 5:58 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#326): Jumble Jeff still contributes in a congenial manner — I’ve seen a post by him in the last week or so: Slylock Fox did a jumble-style puzzle and Jeff couldn’t let that go without comment! He also commented on a Dick Tracy plot that involved a Jumble strip in the comics being used by a villain. The author of the Jumble strip was Jeff!

    I don’t think he was actually mad at Josh. I think he comes here for fun.

  343. Cloudbuster
    May 23rd, 2013 at 6:00 am [Reply]

  344. Cloudbuster
    May 23rd, 2013 at 6:23 am [Reply]

    @Majicou (#337): Peppers as Mangoes in Ohio! When I first moved out here, back in the Cretaceous Period, that was a thing. So weird. I haven’t heard it in a while, though.

  345. Francis Hobbs
    May 23rd, 2013 at 6:40 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#338): “Zits” has been outsourced to INDIA???!!! Why doesn’t somebody tell me these things???!!!

  346. Anonymous
    May 23rd, 2013 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    It’s hard to tell through the mask, but Spiderman is absolutely terrified at the prospect of someone being proud of him. What’s next, will people expect him to doing something competent?

    Also, is that Mark Trail in the fishing boat, fishing away while the forest and his wife and friends burn away?

  347. Dale
    May 23rd, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @Majicou (#337):

    Was that the same guy who ordered a Waldorf salad?

  348. Jennifer
    May 23rd, 2013 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    All these Heathcliff comics are making me nostalgic for the Heathcliff cartoons I used to watch when I was little.

  349. Canaduck
    May 23rd, 2013 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    As the 349th commenter, I’m fairly sure that nobody will ever see this, but since nobody has said anything about Josh’s chilling raccoon story, I want to point out that the raccoons in Stanley Park are indeed very weird. They’ve basically become diurnal as a result of the many stupid people (especially tourists) who feed them regularly. Occasionally I’ll see some idiot trying to hand-feed them or worse, use them as a photo-op with their small child.

    They ARE remarkably fearless and will walk right up to you, but if you stomp or yell a little, they get the idea and waddle somewhere else. They are quite adorable but I don’t blame anybody with any sense for getting nervous when they approach, especially in the middle of the day and especially en masse.

  350. Anonymous
    May 24th, 2013 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    “BTOOM” — worthy of Don Martin

  351. Mister Laminated Panels
    May 24th, 2013 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    http://joshreads.com/images/13/05/i130522spidey.jpg “BTOOM” — worthy of Don Martin

  352. Josh
    May 24th, 2013 at 2:32 am [Reply]

    Pluggers used to have a life where people owed them money and were in a position of power where people would attempt to exploit their trust. Now they have a life where they are mostly calling hotlines to complain about how difficult consumer products are to understand

  353. B
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    I like taking the first panel of Gil Thorp out of context and imagining it’s about a pitcher of Darby’s brand beer that fell off the table during happy hour. In my world, Gil Thorp is as least twice as interesting as it is in yours.

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