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Metapost: Josh-in-his-underwear COMMENTS OF THE WEEK!

Comments of the week in a moment, but first, I must remind you of the existence (and the HOTTTNESSS) of the Hot Blogger Calendar! If you want a glimpse of just what goes on between those covers, you might want to check out the behind-the-scenes Flickr sets from the Jane and Sarah, the ladies who put this whole thing together. And from the set, here’s one that didn’t make the cut into the calendar, but shows the sort of hotness you can expect!

PRETTY SAUCY, RIGHT? That’s why you need to buy the calendar today!

Ahem! In non-half-naked-Josh-news, faithful reader (and former Seinfeld/Simpsons writer, and current cartoonist) Tom Gammill has an instructional video for anyone thinking of being a cartoonist.

Also! I was obviously not the only one captivated by the latest product being sold in greater Milford, Nut Boy (“It’s Nutty!”) Any enterprising designy types out there interested in putting together a kicky logo based on this?

I’m pretty sure those things floating around the words are supposed to be nuts. Nutty nuts. If I pick your design you win, er, eternal glory! And a free t-shirt, with your design on it!

OK, with that all out of the way, let’s talk … COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“‘Some people just don’t want him around here’ is one of the least threatening sounding lines I’ve ever heard. ‘Oh, ok, so … you want me to just drop him off at the next town, then?’” –Smokehouse

And the runners up! So many, but it was a tough week to choose!

“Margo pops her collar like Tommie pops anti-depressants — like a teenage douchebag with nothing but his daddy’s credit card and time.” –Tats

“I have to correct Uncle Lumpy: watching Zombie FOOB for any of the faint pleasures of FOOB is like trying to huff dried paint.” –Crankenstank

“I wonder where the Gil Thorp artists got their understanding of shading. Have they ever actually looked at a shadow? Maybe the team that designs the strip is composed entirely of infants, who believe people’s faces disappear when you’re not looking directly at them.” –Isaac

“Mary has destroyed Lynn’s skating career in a single day. For an experienced meddler, it’s as easy as taking hope away from a baby.” –Mr. O’Malley

“I love that Dr. Blog appears to be putting on his stethoscope in preparation for Leroy’s cavity search. I’m now imagining him shoving the listening bit up Leroy’s butt, enthralled by the sounds of his large intestine. Loretta will be offered a chance to listen, but will respond with just a forgettable snipe. We should be thankful for this, because there are plenty of other figures in the comics who would be only too thrilled to listen to the sounds of a loved one’s colon up close and personal. Momma listening to Francis? Mark Trail listening to Andy? Les listening to Summer? Eeeeeew. I just squicked myself out with that last one. You’re welcome, everyone.” –Zaq

“Hounded by ceaseless nattering from all quarters, Lynn found no time to eat anything more than a handful of Tic Tacs for three consecutive days, with sad but predictable results. What went on in her mind, just before the fall, was essentially some flashing red lights and a weirdly modulated voice playing a ‘Warning — low power reserves’ message on loop until the blackness rose up and the ponytail toggled down into its ‘Status: Offline’ position.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“I must say, the guy on the right side of the panel looks like what Brad would have become if he was raised by a family that actually cared about him.” –Erik

“If I’m ever kidnapped by desperate criminals and held captive on a boat in a swamp, that’s the rescue squad I want looking for me: an old guy named Pop and a dog with a raccoon on its back.” –BuckysWife

“Allow me to save everyone several months of beating around the bush: Doctor thinks Lynn is preggers. Lynn says she’s a virgin. Daddy doesn’t believe Lynn. Lynn has a giant nest of deadly spiders growing in her stomach. The spiders burst out during the big skating finals. Mary berates Daddy at Lynn’s funeral.” –Chyron HR

“What are the odds, do you think, of Salty just cutting to the chase and outsourcing his villainy to India?” –commodorejohn

“Given that every panel of Gil Thorp makes more sense as a crude homage to Hieronymous Bosch than as a ‘comic strip’ about the ‘sports,’ I’d say panel three is admirably straightforward.” –teddytoad

“The end is near; Sneaky is learning new tools to assist in his ever growing campaign against humanity. Now it’s riding dogs, soon simple tools. After that nukes.” –muscles like this?

“‘But he can’t explain something even more troubling…’ ‘What’s that?’ ‘Why I throw out my hands like a bargain-basement Fantine caterwauling “I Dreamed a Dream” while all I’m doing is talking to you here outside the lock-loun-whatever it is.’” –Amateur

“Note that the sole way of telling them apart is that one of them is wearing a sweater vest. The twins even have their basic white dress shirt rakishly unbuttoned in the same manner. They must shop at Dorks Unlimited.” –Farley’s Revenge

“Margo had to walk away from the good detective just so she could dramatically give him the over-the-shoulder-and-popped-collar ‘Does it matter?’ glare. God, how I want her.” –Cranky

“Wait, how many M-F-M three-ways have there been in A3G? And how many of them have involved Lu Ann and at least one blood relative?” –Artist formerly known as Ben

Answering the question “What are encyclopedias?”: “They’re like Wikipedia, but with less Aqua Teen Hunger Force content.” –Aaron T.

“If you’re going to show that someone has shaky hands, it’s best not to draw them holding a thing that vibrates. Just a thought.” –Elizabeth

“Oh my god! My father’s favorite platitude is in Pluggers! I better call him before he hangs himself.” –AsleepOrDead

“Ziggy: still pantsless, but now with a hat.” –kelsey

“It’s a theme cruise and the theme is assholes.” –trey le parc

MW: “The doctor can’t explain why Lynn won’t talk to me! How good a doctor can he be if he hasn’t figured out what a miserable bastard I am?” –Hogan

“My dead tree version of Ziggy was so badly printed I thought it read ‘suckasitis,’ which could mean ‘inflammation of the suck.’ It seemed appropriate for the strip, if not the park.” –Pendragon

This cartoon looks like a scene from the upcoming plugger remake of The Karate Kid in which both Miyagi and Daniel-san are morbidly obese, nobody actually does any karate, and the final contest is to see who can eat the most cans of birthday cake frosting in one sitting.” –Joe Blevins

“Clovia better watch Slim around that hot little elf, in case she has a thing for tubby gas-station attendants that reek of urine.” –December

“The young elf-ette has a Dr. Suess look to her. Probably appropriate, as she’s appearing in his little-known and quickly pulled from shelves Pee On Knee.” –Mooncattie

“The symptoms displayed in Rex Morgan are that a disease ‘seems to have transformed all of the ship’s male crewmembers into assholes, and reduced the women to crying, traumatized wrecks.’ In the rest of the comics page, that disease is known as ‘Mary Worth.’” –Alan’s Addiction

Luann: “Ah, chaste chest talk. While I moderately approve of any story line that doesn’t actually involve Luann, I’m really getting tired of the whole Brad and Toni … OH MY GOD! I HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT THE COMIC STRIP LUANN!!!” –Lettuce

“Lynn has been put up in the Skater’s Ward at the hospital, where she enjoys a private suite and pre-hung posters of skaters gliding over landmines. No doubt that Lynn is confused by Mary Worth’s appearance, as the hospital counselors wear heavy make-up and white coats stitched with dazzling sequins.” –Idols of Mud

“No wonder poor Dixie’s a sociopath. She doesn’t even know how to dress for a shootout. Her mother will be appalled when she sees her picture spread all over the tabloids in a bloodstained, midriff-baring hoodie.” –Fashion Police

“I think he’s thinking of Toni in the context of ‘can’t elope, due to the emerging awareness of my attraction to TJ.’” –The Dead Acorn

The real hotties, who should totally have their own calendar, are the folks put some cash in my tip jar! And our advertisers are attractive folks as well, no doubt:

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132 responses to “Metapost: Josh-in-his-underwear COMMENTS OF THE WEEK!”

  1. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    December 8th, 2008 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    Congrats everyone!

    Hey, Crankenstank’s comment was the one I singled out last week!

  2. Angry Kem
    December 8th, 2008 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    *Emerges briefly from marking-induced despair*

    Congratulations, disturbingly funny people.

    *Returns to Hell*

  3. commodorejohn
    December 8th, 2008 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    Woot, runner-up! And among such a worthy crop of co-floaters, to boot!

  4. Idols of Mud
    December 8th, 2008 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    Smokehouse a worthy COTW — Alana’s Addiction made me laugh hardest in the runners-up. Well done, all (and thanks, Josh).

  5. Farley's Revenge
    December 8th, 2008 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    I’m a runner-up! I made the float! As Commodore John so eloquently posted: Woot!

    Congrats to Smokehouse and my fellow riders!

  6. bats :[
    December 8th, 2008 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to the Floaters! Funny Stuff!
    (I like to think I contributed a little to commodorejohn’s sparkly tiara and bag o’ Tootsie Rolls…)

  7. Allen
    December 8th, 2008 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    Damn, the comment of the week is exactly what I was thinking when I read that strip, although Smokehouse almost assuredly phrased it better than I would have if I’d have gotten off my lazy keyboard and actually typed it up.

  8. commodorejohn
    December 8th, 2008 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    #6 bats :[ – Oh, indeed you did! *hands over a notional Tootsie Roll*

  9. Joe
    December 8th, 2008 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for NOTW, Josh. I am surpised I made it among the select few. HTs to all who made it. Great stuff.

  10. Poteet
    December 8th, 2008 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    Wow, this float is EXTRA funny! A big yay for everyone responsible, especially Smokehouse!

  11. dyslexic dog
    December 8th, 2008 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    Besides the snappy attire, they also serve the food and beverage down at Dorks Unlimited.

  12. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 8th, 2008 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    Again, I am honored to be in such witty company. And I have to say Trey le Park has a remarkably apt and succinct sum-up of the current Rex Morgan storyline.

  13. Erik
    December 8th, 2008 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    Whoo! a runner up! That’s only happened like, once!

    Smokehouse does deserve the top award though, I’ll certainly say that.

  14. Lisa
    December 8th, 2008 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    I do love the shot of Josh in his heart underwear looking like he’s ready to start swinging through the trees… I can’t imagine why it ended up on the cutting room floor…. ;o)

  15. Crankenstank
    December 8th, 2008 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    Uh oh, Little Crankenstank just had a “TJ” moment.

  16. Angry Kem
    December 8th, 2008 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    #14 Lisa: Josh…Josh…Josh of the Jungle?

  17. Amateur
    December 8th, 2008 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    I made the float! I actually made the float! *Sniffle* I’m so honored. I’d like to thank the Curmudgeon, and all the little people, and especially you, Mary the Meddler. I couldn’t have done it without you.

  18. bats :[
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    Angry Kem and Lisa: I dunno. Josh swinging through the trees? If his luck is anything like mine (and I hope to god it isn’t), he’d end up swinging side-by-side with the wild woman alter ego of Juliette Burber…

  19. Smokehouse
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    finally made it to the big time! When do I get some advertisement endorsement deals?

    Thanks for the compliments everyone.

  20. Amateur
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    Congrats, Smokehouse!

  21. kelsy
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    My sister is going to be so jealous again.

  22. Galuaboy
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    So it’s come to this: I introduce my daughter to this site and she makes the float before I even get a sniff of it! Not only that, but she makes runner-up by telling the CC world that my–now formerly–favorite aphorism appeared in Pluggers! No longer shall it pass my lips nor will I allow it to be spoken in my presence. Pluggers?! I think I really will go hang myself.

    Anyway, congrats to Smokehouse and all the float riders from those of us running alongside gazing up with envy. I gots to up my game.

  23. Canaduck
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    Dammit, ProjectWonderful, LOAD THE PAGE already.

    Oh and congrats, everybody. You’re all way funnier than I could ever be!

  24. Poteet
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    PHANTOM — Before it fades into the archives, I nominate “Your wolf is menacing me again!” as Complaint Of The Week.

  25. Aelfric
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    I hereby propose that on any open message board where such a thing would be tolerated, we all post the following:

    NUT BOY

    It’s nutty!

    as a sort of post-modernist revolt against nothing in particular. Just a thought.

  26. Anonymous
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    Galuaboy – thanks for not hanging yourself!

  27. AsleepOrDead
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    Galuaboy: That’s right, bask in my floaty goodness! You, sir, have created a monster! Thanks for providing the material!

    Seriously, I’m so happy to be amongst such great ‘mudges!

  28. True Fable
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to the Float Riders for their witty contributions of the week, and to Smokehouse who proudly wears the tiara.

    And now I must retreat to my lair and ponder Nut Boy’s nuttiness and how it might best be brought to light.

    *drums fingers and glances around furtively*

  29. Zaq
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    I made the float! Glee! Smarties and Butterfinger for everyone!

    Congratulation to all my floatmates, too! I had my eye on a couple of these during the week… good to see that my aim’s not totally off!

  30. mollificent
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    Congrats to all! Great comments.

    I just idiotically posted to yesterthread, so I’ll repost just this once. My bad. *sigh* Of course, my snark is always about 24 hours behind, but what the hell. ;)

    Yesterthread #6 Tom the Pirate: As Rory of Gilmore Girls fame once said, “Umm…Father, the ’special gift’ ship has pretty much sailed. It’s probably in Fiji by now.’”

    DT: What exactly did TRAZE-R do, other than get the shit kicked out of him? I suppose one could argue he kept Le Brut Forcé occupied until reinforcements arrived, but really…not that impressed. Although he does look tragic in that last panel.

    FC: Wash your mouth out with soap RIGHT NOW young lady!

    GT: Clearly the “SwiftiMart” is a Simpsons homage. But where’s Apu?

    MW: Oh, for a pair of virtual scissors to reach into the screen and lop that goddamn ponytail off. Then get started on Mary’s orange jacket/pink psychedelic shirt combo. Pain…the pain…

    MG&G: I for one don’t want to imagine Charlie Brown aging in the style of the FOOBs. He would still be bald, but his bittersweet, innocent smile would have been replaced by the haggard grimace of the damned.

  31. commodorejohn
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    #30 mollificent – TRAZ-R gave (graphic) birth to the suicide-bomber robo-tank that blew up Magnum Brute Force.

    …I can’t believe I just typed that.

  32. Uncle Lumpy
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    Included by reference! I’ll take it!

    Thanks, Crankenstank!

  33. Red Greenback
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    Nice sack-o-cotw’s this week! Nice going people!
    BTW, here is a “Nut Boy” design.

  34. Red Greenback
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    FWIW, “SwiftiMart” jumbles to: “A Firm Twist”.

  35. Poteet
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    12/9

    RMMD — I suppose this has already been speculated, but I wonder if the entire crew has just lost their health-care benefits. I hope it’s something far more interesting, like they’ve all fallen hopelessly in love with the captain.

    MW –

    Wednesday:

    “I’m sorry I’m so emotional about this, Mary. It’s just been so difficult…”

    “Don’t worry about that, Lynn. I’ll be happy to listen to whatever you have to say. Talking about your troubles is therapeutic!”

    “Thank you, Mary. I’m so glad you’re here!”

    Thursday:

    “I’ll try to tell you the story, Mary, but I know it’s going to be difficult. Whenever I think about it, I get upset.”

    “I’m sure that’s true, Lynn. And a reminder like a photo can be very upsetting!”

    “Yes, when I look at that photo, memories just come floodiing back.”

    Friday:

    “Mary, I want to thank you for being here for me. I just know my father wouldn’t understand my story.”

    “Lynn, I think your father really does care about you. He just doesn’t know how to express it.”

    “Mary, I’m so glad you came to visit us. Just having you here makes me feel better!”

    Saturday:

    “Lynn, I could see that the photo really upset you. Your friend must have meant a lot to you!”

    “Yes, Mary. That photo is one of the most precious things I own.”

    “I’m glad you seem to be feeling a little better, Lynn. Shall we walk around the building another sixteen times or so?”

  36. dreadedcandiru2
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    Canadian Zombie: Connie is totally giving off a creepy stalker vibe here. Sure, she wants to look like she’s just curious about Phil but she ends up looking like she keeps a shrine of him in her bedroom.

  37. mollificent
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    commodorejohn: How the f*** did I miss that? *thinks about going back through the week’s strips…on the whole, perhaps not.*

    Thanks for clearing that up for me. Eurgh.

  38. lightsyrup
    December 9th, 2008 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    Is “canteloupe under her tree” a euphemism for something? Or should it be something like “her canteloupe under his tree”? Or not. I just put far too much time into thinking about that, didn’t I?

  39. Donkey Hotey
    December 9th, 2008 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    Yesterthread #90 Charlene – Actually, I was born in 1967, but apparently into a very different world from yours. My mother and both grandmothers all worked outside the home; my grandmothers were a newspaper reporter and the owner of a catering company. My mother was a legal secretary and later owned a paint and wallpaper store.

  40. Frank Parsnip
    December 9th, 2008 at 2:46 am [Reply]

    Congrats to the COTWeekers!

    A3G: Oh, right, go and blame China! While acknowledging the presence of a “golden triangle” down in the boondocks of where Thailand, Burma, China and Laos intersect, Tibet is not there. I bet Detective Collins has his work cut out for him shaking down all the American vets returning from the vicinity of Afghanistan’s poppy fields as well.

    DtM: I spent more than half an hour hypnotized by Mrs. Wilson’s shirt, trying to trace a path from one side through to the other. Yes, it is possible.

    Funky Pantysniffer: Oh, for cryin’ out loud, Les, just admit that Summer is the proof that Bull wasn’t shooting blanks back 16 years ago.

    Jugs Parker: There’s a part of me that hopes Dixie and Sam will band together to go on a multistate killing spree, but I’m sure that’s just because so little has happened here for so long, not because I want to see unnecessary comic-character pain.

    If I’d been the cop, though, I’d have been a bit more creative in coming up with coded phrases for Sam to use: “If she’s got a gun pointed at you, Sam, say: ‘Screw you, pig, you ain’t never gonna find us! Dixie and I will be a thousand miles away by the time you even start!’ And if she’s going to run, Sam, say: ‘Dixie and I were meant for each other and nothing you say can ever take that away!’

    MT: Nine times out of ten, a search for somebody who hasn’t come back from a trip to the swamp just means heartache and expensive DNA analysis of alligator poop.

    And if his big fluffy dog has gone in chasing after him, we can usually eliminate from DNA testing the bits of alligator poop that still have bits of the collar and license tags embedded.

    Spider-Man: More proof that Spider-Man watches way too much TV. Based on his own sedentary habits punctuated by brief moments of action (e.g., when he sells yet another of his self portraits in Spider regalia to the Bugle), he expects Maria Lopez to spend regular office hours in a room oufitted with numerous thick tomes. Books such as: “The Dummy’s Guide to TV Reporting” and “Method Acting in a Comic Strip”.

    MF: So, Tinsley has settled on trying to draw Obama using old, photocopied images of John Kerry?

    Blondie: Mistletoe commonly leads to headbutting.

    MW: The great thing about Moy’s writing is that the bold phrases are actually all you need to speed-read the entire strip. FRESH AIR … CLARIFYING … EXPLAIN MORE. Thanks!

    Sex Organ, M.D.: Oh, remember that welcome drink we all had upon boarding? It was infected with the virus that causes Tourettesclerosis. After 10 years of progressive neuromuscular degeneration, you will regain the power of speech only to the extent that you will screech racial epithets continually to your caretakers. Most victims would kill themselves if they physically could or if their caretakers didn’t hate them so much, although severe neglect usually claims most victims within 20 to 30 years of incessant bedsore pain.

  41. KAS
    December 9th, 2008 at 3:15 am [Reply]

    I’ve always liked those boxer shorts with the little hearts on them, as they’re the kind of thing you see more often in cartoons that in real life. In fact, I’ve never seen them in real life. I’ve been wanting to buy my sweetie a pair-do you know by chance where those were purchased?

  42. True Fable
    December 9th, 2008 at 3:24 am [Reply]

    FC Oh come ON. The stupidity of this strip just boggles the mind. What little kid EVER calls a crayon wrapper a ‘stocking’? …gah.
    FB Well, that’s what you get for pinching Jock’s bone.
    WTF GT Somebody’s always after me Nut Boys.
    Heathcliff They…they do know Heathcliff is a cat, don’t they? Or did Heathcliff finally eat a dog? I need to read Marmadick.
    JP What to wear on a manhunt!
    Luann “I am just going to give you a slappy-slappy right on your face, mister!”
    MT Look! It’s THE GINORMOUS WIDE-SCREEN VERSION of Sue!
    Marmadick OMG! Heathcliff killed him! YAY!
    MW Get out of doors, where the stifling smell of Vapo-rub, moth balls and whiskey from Mary won’t make you faint again.
    R&R Thank God, I was not looking forward to the whole alphabet.
    RMMW June’s Asskicking Sense is tingling, but she looks too stoned to care.

  43. Donkey Hotey
    December 9th, 2008 at 3:29 am [Reply]

    #41 KAS – They’re available here, among other places. Try googling “heart boxer shorts.”

  44. True Fable
    December 9th, 2008 at 3:41 am [Reply]

    For you stalwart late night owls, this is for you!

    Awww..!

  45. Mibbitmaker
    December 9th, 2008 at 3:58 am [Reply]

    12/9:

    9CL: So, once her boyfriend wins the competition (with her accompaniment), Edda makes a goofy face, then ascends to the heavens. I guess if Cerebus the Aardvark can ascend there, why not?

    A3G: So, I guess Det. Doppelganger hasn’t had the masochism to read through the Eric-in-Tibet extremely off-storyline to know what’s going on, then. Good for him!

    BBailey: “OW! My HEAD!! Zero!! STOP that!!”

    Curtis: “…The kind named Dixie something…”

    ReFOOB: Ellie (whispering): “Lizzie… keep an eye on that rabbit doll around Connie. We don’t want boiled doll for dinner anytime soon, now, do we?”

    FW: “….got stem cancer.”

    GF: The flaw being the thoughtful uncommon sense independents have over ideologues.

    GT: That hoodie… that gun…. That Dixie really gets around, doesn’t she?

    JP: Well, looks like she left her hood over at Gil Thorp.

    Luann: Brad first, TJ.

    MF: Us, too, Barack…. us, too.

    MW: “on so many levels” — oh, shut it, you pretentious old bag! …On so many levels.

    Mutts: That’s not change, Mooch; just ask (not little-pink-)Socks. Really, cat, have you never seen a ’90s Oliphant cartoon?

    MC: She must’ve loved the ’94-95 season of SNL!

    Ghost-Who-HUH???: Putting the weapon right down in front of him?? Phantom, do you even listen to your own thought balloons?!?

    PC: From here on, they will re-enact the Tex Avery cartoon “What’s Buzzin’, Buzzard?”.

    RMMD: Very unprofessional, Miss Tearshedder? Who ISN’T unprofessional on that boat???

    SL: “Oakey”? ….Aw, damn, that’s got me missing Oakey Merlot all over again…

    6C: Forget kitsch — that sounds like excuses both Lynn Johnston and Tom Batiuk might’ve made.

    S-M: (all together now): THAT NOTE RIGHT THERE, SPIDER-MORON!! ARE YOU BLIND??

    Zits: Another play performed by the Sam Kinnison Memorial Players.

  46. dale
    December 9th, 2008 at 4:50 am [Reply]

    GilThorp
    My first thought was – Damn. He actually drew a Colt Python.
    But that thing won’t work. The cylinder needs to be much lower in the frame. The uppermost chamber has to line up with the barrel.

  47. Zaq
    December 9th, 2008 at 5:23 am [Reply]

    Tuesday snark!

    9CL: Honestly, is this really necessary at this point?

    GT: And now for something completely different!

    RMMD: Did June just get smacked upside the head or something? She looks… dazed.

    Big Dog: Suburban Hitler finds a way to calm down the hellish demon-dog for five seconds, and voluntarily relinquishes it? Man, you could write a term paper about that.

    C’shaft: Is there, um, a joke here?

    JP: Only Sam Driver could be taken hostage at gunpoint by a sexy lady in a disappearing hoodie and still be this goddamn boring. Though I’m looking forward to the Mexican standoff that’s sure to come. Hell, it takes a week for these people to send a fax; there’s no way this showdown can last more than nine or ten days, right? Right?

    Cathy: Wait, he does? This explains a lot.

    MT: I do love that Sue has basically the same expression as Ashley Aiello over in Gil Thorp.

    Ghost-Who-Overnarrates: Someone switched the “character dialogue” and “old jungle saying” cue cards. Basically all of the dialogue here could be an old jungle saying (in the Bandar tongue, of course!). “Devil runs faster than Chatu! -Old Jungle Saying (In the Bandar Tongue)”

    FB: Strips in which “I’ve just pinched Jock’s bone!” would be interesting and/or titillating (or at least disturbing): Gil Thorp, Funky Winkerbean, Luann, Rex Morgan, Beetle Bailey.

    DT: Not dead yet? Don’t worry, Tracy’ll make sure you are. Yes, I know you’re a good guy. Tracy doesn’t care. You all bleed the same. Oh, you’re a robot and you don’t bleed? He’ll find a way.

    Those Two Guys: So help me, I smiled at Herb and Jamaal, and not because of their hilarious nonspecificity.I mean, I didn’t LAUGH at it, but it actually approached humor today. Granted, it relies on hoary cliches that really don’t mean anything, but I still smiled.

    Luann: It’s good to see that even though TJ and Brad are so deeply involved with one another, TJ still asks politely before taking physical liberties with Brad. That shows respect. They don’t take each other for granted.

    S-M: Okay everyone, every time that Maria says she’s waiting until one o’clock and no longer, take a shot…

  48. Zaq
    December 9th, 2008 at 5:25 am [Reply]

    47 Me re: Judge Parker: That should be less than nine or ten days. Bleh.

  49. Farley's Revenge
    December 9th, 2008 at 5:38 am [Reply]

    #11 Dyslexic Dog:

    I had no idea there really was a Dorks Unlimited. So the twins could have snacks while they shopped the one rack of white shirts and blue sports coats.

    Talk about one-stop shopping.

  50. ChattyGenes
    December 9th, 2008 at 5:45 am [Reply]

    I’m getting the idea that there are other people who need COTW awards–the comic strip characters themselves.

    So here’s my list: (yeah, a lot of them are from today, but so what?)

    COTW:
    “Your wolf is menacing me again.” –Chatu

    RUNNERS UP:
    “It can be clarifying on so many levels.” –Mary Worth

    “Men always underestimate me because of the way I look.” –Dixie

    “Chatu is strong again, O Ghost!” –Guran

    “I’m going into the swamp to try to locate him.” –Pop

    (I don’t read all the comics and I only thought of this today, so I’ve probably missed a lot of good ones.)

  51. Alfred E. Neuman
    December 9th, 2008 at 5:49 am [Reply]

    #42 True Fable Re: FC— If Jeffy is obsessed with taking off stockings, it’s probably because he likes to watch his mother undress.

    #44 True Fable— Speaking on behalf of all the stalwart late night owls, thanks, and a super-huge AWWWW!

    Tuesday snark:
    MC— Right on! Mrs. Neuman and I loved “Roseanne” until they started those dreadful, maudlin, melodramatic “Very Special” episodes. Rarely has a series jumped the shark so badly. The program became so awful that the term “Very Special” ended up as a warning to the viewers instead of an enticement.

  52. gleeb
    December 9th, 2008 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    Swifty Mart: Your one-stop shop for Nut Boys and other infants-of-the-poor-based snacks!

    Brenda: Nanny? You can’t fool me; that’s Zombie Churchill in a wig!

    9CL: The victory of a cellist with a Flemish-sounding name will of course, cause riots by Walloons, further tearing the fragile Belgian state apart.

    Baldo: We interrupt the nothing happening in Baldo for this bit of a different kind of nothing. Carry on.

    FC: Jeffy is, in fact, coloring a picture of himself talking to a tree.

    ‘bean: Just say “no”, Les.

  53. Little Guy
    December 9th, 2008 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    y53: Tip O’ The Hat in remembrance.

    Baldo: Yes, titular character, you were passed over for a more deserving position by a less deserving background character. Get over it.

    9CL: Tomorrow, she’ll be pulling a Brandi Chastain.

    GA: Naughty Elf Alert in Panel 2!

  54. Pastor Z
    December 9th, 2008 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Luann broke my heart today. Such a perfect setup and then… nothing. Yes, this morning’s comics held such promise… Toni could have smiled at Brad and said, “Is that a banana in that produce bin, or are you just happy to see me?” And Brad, standing there looking like, well, BRAD, would densely reply, “Yeah, they’re on sale!” The next sound would be the overhead muzak echoing through the emptiness of Brad’s melon-shaped head. I had really looked forward to today’s strip… but now, for this reader, nothing but heartache. Or heartburn… cantaloupes do that to me.

  55. Angry Kem
    December 9th, 2008 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Luann: Okay, wait a minute. How do you “win” a gift at a charity auction? Don’t you usually buy an item at a charity auction? ‘Cause it’s, you know, an auction? For charity? It would make no sense for people to win gifts at charity auctions. Lazy writing much, Greg Evans?

    Spider-Man is actually being very helpful at the moment; it is providing us with an exact measure of comic-strip time. As the days drag on, so do those interminable five minutes. The clock will eventually strike one, and various things will fail to happen, but once they do, we shall know exactly how many weeks equal exactly five minutes of comic-strip time. Then we shall retreat to our corners and cry.

    Oh…and Maria: if you mention once more that if your no-good ex-husband, Big-Time, doesn’t show by one o’clock, you’re leaving, I shall slap you. You must have said it fifteen times in the last ten seconds.

  56. RSR
    December 9th, 2008 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    I just saw a person in the crowd at the Today Show with a hotbloggercalendar.com poster. I could only see the bottom, so I don’t know if Josh or Ces was on there.

  57. Motorposus
    December 9th, 2008 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    I was thinking that Molly-the-Bear undershorts would have been ideal for your photo shoot, Josh, but when I checked the merch, I found only a “classic thong”. Perhaps you made the right choice.

    Btw, are you standing outside a shuttered bodega in that photo?

  58. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    December 9th, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Josh, as Rod is my witness, I shall have a Nut Boy T-shirt design to you by this evening. This I vow in the name of all that is non-Euclidean.

  59. AhClem
    December 9th, 2008 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    #55 Angry Kem
    “The clock will eventually strike one, and various things will fail to happen, but once they do, we shall know exactly how many weeks equal exactly five minutes of comic-strip time.”

    Spider-Man: The Rosetta Stone of comicdom.

  60. Max
    December 9th, 2008 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    #55 Angry Kem: OK, I can’t believe this is what finally gets me to post a comment after reading here for a couple of years.

    But, yeah, that whole “wins” at auctions thing has always bugged me, but I hear it all the time. Well, mostly talking about eBay auctions with friends. I’ve never really heard another way of putting it, though.

  61. Hogenmogen
    December 9th, 2008 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    A3G: I don’t get it. How would the cops know anything about the quality of the dope that Alan was using? He didn’t have any on hand, which is why he was shot, by Ray, who also didn’t have any on hand, which is why he went out on an implausible drug seeking shooting rampage.

    Blandie: My wife doesn’t keep the real mistletoe around from year to year because she says that it becomes poisonous. Oh well, Daisy looks pretty happy in panel 2 anyway.

    Crank: Nick has “the smirk” and she’s not even talking.

    JP:
    Hot Cop: If she’s pointing a gun, say “Do me baby one more time!”
    Sam: Do me baby one more time.
    Hot Cop: If she’s planning to take you hostage, say “Nice ta-tas, ho!”
    Sam: Nice ta-tas, ho – uh, it’s short for ‘Honey!’ – really!
    Hot Cop: If she’s happy and you know it, clap your hands.
    Sam: (clap clap)
    Hot Cop: The force gives you power over weak minds.
    Sam: The force gives you power over weak minds.
    Hot Cop: Ok, that’s enough, Mr. Driver.
    Sam: Ok, that’s enough Mr. Driver…

    Mallard: Obama is trying to turn the duck off. Since he’s only shown from the neck up, I didn’t know that he gets turned on when he looks at Barak. Time to come out of the closet, Mal. You’re secretly a LIBERAL.

    Worth: So who is on that picture? Drew The Two-Timer Corey? This would make him a three-timer. Being as Lynn is a virtual stand in for Vera Shields, maybe her boyfriend was the well-heeled Von Curses-Upon-You Shields. Or, was her down-low, on-the-sly fling with a fellow sk8r Chazz Michael Michaels from Blades of Glory? Oh gosh, I’m on the edge of my seat in breathless anticipation of the next hugely disappointing revelation!

    Phantom: Guran, can we get a pillow for Chatu? Good. What’s that, Chatu? Your steak is too rare? We’ll take it back. Ok, we have a choice of DVDs – Air Force One, a James Bond, Die Hard 4… what? NO, I don’t have any where the terrorists win. For that comment, I will be forced to serve you wine of an inferior vintage. You really had that one coming, Python.

    Spidey: She looks at the clock. How does she not see???? From that angle, there’s no way to see what time it is. HOW DOES SHE NOT SEE????

    Do you remember reading Dick Tracy a long, long time ago… before these robots deflated to half their original size?

    Dixie Julep takes on Milford: You can take the cash – but you’d better not lay a finger on my Butterf- oh, how about this one – Boy, you’d better keep your nuts off my NuttyBoys!

    H&J: But he just GOT a haircut. What, does his mane grow like a werewolf?

    I just thought about that, and a rabid, evil bloodthirsty Herb would really improve the strip on so many levels.

    TJ & Brad: Now at least we know who is the spanker and who is the spankee. Man, with Brad’s frequent bursts of barely repressed anger, and TJ’s constant shit-eating grin I had it all wrong.

    And in Funky, Les talks about how he washes his “seed” out to sea. Ick. Some of those things may still be swimming around in that ocean. I’m never going to the beach again.

    But with dead and vaguely disgusting lines like that, how is it possible that Les can’t get himself laid?

  62. Brick Bradford
    December 9th, 2008 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    MW These are, quite possibly, the two most pointless panels I have ever seen in a comic strip. The plot is not advanced, we gain no new information, nothing about the characters is revealed, except that Mary is getting her lines from Oprah these days: “It can be clarifying on many levels”. Yeah, people talk like that.

    JP What does it say to me that, as Dixie is about to die in a hail of bullets, all I can think is, “Hey, I don’t think she’s wearing a bra!”?

    RMMD Most alarming beginning to a vacation EVER. Oh, it’s been over a week and still no June in a bikini. GET WITH IT.

    Phantom Hey, do you think Chatu might jump Our Hero?

  63. kalki
    December 9th, 2008 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    9CL: Panel One: The ghost of Burl Ives has come to claim Amos’ soul. Panel Two: We cannot discern if Edda is reacting to the announcement of Amos’ name or the fist he was trying to insert into her nether regions. Panel Three: Edda launches the basketball from downtown to the basket while Amos observes the remnants of Edda’s half-eaten rhubarb-flavored thong (from their actions prior to taking the stage).

    Beetle: “We all have GPS trackers implanted in us, dummy. Remember that time when Sarge cornholed you in the shower? Well, it wasn’t all for fun, you know.”

    Archie: Archie has great timing in panel three. His hand often assumes that shape in front of his mouth when Jughead stands in front of him.

    Baldo: Yikes. I can sense the Butterfly Effect here. The Nazis are probably coming back to take over things in a reversal of the outcome of World War II.

    Blondie: Now try hanging it over your crotch, Dagwood.

    Crank: Why don’t they just get drunk and pass Nick around and get this elderly horniness over with?

    DTM: “Dennis is past the first perimeter. Quick! Activate the land mines and release the VX gas!”

    CircusJerk: Jeffy’s childhood obesity has made his fingers into swollen sausage-like appendages that can no longer bend.

    FW: “Shut up, white boy. It’s time for you to get down with the swirl.”

    Hi/Lois: Yes, let us take amusement with the failing economy. Soup lines are good.

    GA: uhhh…The writer left a few “Lordy! Lordy!”‘s out of that little girl’s dialogue. And what is up with Slim’s elf in panel 2? Did the Extasy just kick in there?

    Luann: Shocking. I would have expected T.J. to direct Brad to just tie a bow around his zipper for Toni. I’m sure she is into collecting miniatures… (side note: Could this be Greg working his way into stealing from 9 Chickweed Lane and having Brad and Toni finally have sex in a foreign country?)

  64. Angry Kem
    December 9th, 2008 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Hmm…I notice that Gil Thorp‘s Ashley Aiello is sporting another zombietail. Seriously, artists: have you people never encountered actual hair? PONYTAILS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT!

  65. Tweeks_Coffee
    December 9th, 2008 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    A3G: I like how this Detective assumes Eric has something to do with a known drug offender, THAT MARGO HIRED, dying in his gallery while he was away.
    ‘Shaft: Ed Crankshaft: Not a racist, but he is a raging misogynist.
    Crock: See, this joke might work if they were somewhere other than a completely vacant desert.
    GT: Suppose Nutty Boy is going to have to testify in court?

    or

    Man, that guy really loves his Nutty Boys!
    Heathcliff: But…but…he’s a CAT.
    MT: Judging by how much Pops is rolling his eyes there, this isn’t the first hussy Mark’s dumped on him.

  66. kalki
    December 9th, 2008 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    hmm…I could also have said that Amos was observing Edda’s pubic lice (crabs)…gee, why didn’t I go there. Must be my Christmas spirit leaking out.

  67. bats :[
    December 9th, 2008 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    I call shenanigans on 9CL. Amos’ last name is Van Hoesen? An obviously Low Country (Netherlands / Belgian / Flemish) name?! Great. Big “international” competition there, and the prize amazingly goes to a kid with assuredly Belgian roots. I throw waffles in his direction.
    Which, apparently, Edda is leaping up to catch, not unlike a trained sea lion…

  68. Anonymous
    December 9th, 2008 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    S-M – In theory, when someone crosses the event horizon of a black hole, time slows for them and anuone on the outside of the black hole can actually see see time slow for that person. I think Spider-Man is the proof we needed to make this theory a law.

  69. Anonymous
    December 9th, 2008 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    anuone=anyone

  70. Gene
    December 9th, 2008 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    S-M – In theory, when someone crosses the event horizon of a black hole, time slows for them and anyone on the outside of the black hole can actually see see time slow for that person. I think Spider-Man is the proof we needed to make this theory a law.

  71. Josh
    December 9th, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    #41 Kas — My wife got those for me (along with several other heart-based designs) at Old Navy.

    Josh

  72. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 9th, 2008 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    12/9

    Luann: Well then. It looks like soon “Luann” won’t just have tales of ribaldry, but tales of tropical ribaldry.

    GT: He’s lost his show, but Marty Moon is determined to get back on TV. If that involves robbing a supermarket, leading police on a high speed chase, and being fatally shot while resisting arrest, so be it.

    JP: Whoa, stay with us, Sam. I know a nice catnap would hit the spot right now, but you have the stripper/scantily-clad detective shootout to get through first.

    RMMD: Rim shot!

    SSmith: The incest jokes just write themselves some days.

    FB: Fred got in trouble for pinching Jock’s bone. Should have bought him a drink first.

    9CL; “Yup, she went commando all right. Oh well, nothing I haven’t seen before.”

    FW: After another three minutes of the apple metaphor, Mrs What-Have-You checks her watch and remembers an appointment she has on the other side of town.

    A3G: Trips to China? Well, that settles it. He must be a drug kingpin. Is Condi Rice in a holding cell yet?

    S-M: In a shocking twist, Maria won’t be under the clock at one, but passer-by Larry the Cable Guy will be. His last words will be “git-R-d–”

    Shoe: That falls well short of a “point to the sky” declaration. This customer must be coming down with Cathy disease.

    Momma: Tsk tsk. Francis goes to eliminate a witness and gets scared off by her father. He’ll never make it as a contract killer if he doesn’t become more assertive.

    FC: Dear Keanes. Could you make Jeffy’s idiocy a little more sexually loaded? We’d all really appreciate it.

  73. Esther Blodgett
    December 9th, 2008 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    H&L, or, Take That, Eyeballs!
    Firstly: The name of the restaurant on the window is normal from our perspective. Therefore, Hi and Thirsty are either sitting outside – and the downtown area is actually enclosed inside the restaurant – or Juice & Java LLC has launched an innovative concept of advertising its name only to people who are already inside eating.

    Secondly: Thirsty’s newspaper is making my head hurt. If he’s reading the “BANKRUPT” headline in panel 1 (my nomination for Headline of the Week, btw), then the part of the paper visible to us should be “below the fold” and printed upside down from our perspective, and definitely should not be the banner with the paper’s name on it (NEWS – isn’t that the same paper Rex Morgan is reading on the Hate Boat?).

    Of course, it’s possible I’m over-analyzing this. Perhaps I should just relax and enjoy the joke in today’s strip…

    …Nope.

  74. John De Groot
    December 9th, 2008 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    FC: Is this kid asking to be circumcized? Sometimes, a crayon is not just a crayon…

    Luann: Why does T.J. always scheme to spend Brad’s money or cost him dearly in some thing that ends up destroying property or overthrowing a distant Central American country? T.J., YOU pay for the trip!

  75. CanuckDownSouth
    December 9th, 2008 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    OK, I get that TJ should smack Brad for never asking Toni out. But if I take the strip at face value, they’ve maybe kissed. And not French/ heavy make-out kissin’. We’re talking going from shaving his beard stubble with a little kid in the room to asking her to go away on vacation? About him giving her a gift worth a grand, minimum?

    I don’t care how “work-close” they’re getting, that kind of ridiculous leap in a relationship should bury Toni in red flags.

    (… and the plot moves onward fearlessly in my FOOBfic’s Christmas from Heck)

  76. Seismic-2
    December 9th, 2008 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    #55 Angry Kem: Unfortunately, watching the big clock count down to 1:00 in Spiderman (which is akin to staring at any other clock non-stop for 15 minutes, but of course less suspenseful) does not really establish comic-strip time, since in Sunday’s strip we saw the clock jump back to 11:05. Note to Spidey artists: when the big hand is on the one and the short hand is on the eleven, it is not 12:55. This rule about how to draw a clock applies in all comic strips everywhere, except of course for Gil Thorp.

  77. T. Chicana
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Zombie Foob: “But what you DON’T know about Phil is that he’s a raging alcoholic who plays the hose-a-phonium! Still interested?”

  78. Laura c
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    MT: Men everywhere, hang your heads in shame. Mark Trail is going to be rescued by a GIRL!!!

    MW: This is really the most blatant stalling that MW has pulled for a long time. They might as well have had Mary say “We’ll be right back after this commercial message!”

  79. bats :[
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    So I have way too much other stuff to do, and I ignore it all by being mesmerized by some gorgeous Barreto illustration. The 2 November Sunday Judge Parker is a particular knock-out, with lots and lots of chit-chat potential (a friend once accused me of my specialty in writing of being “sh*t dialog,” and I am strangely proud of that).
    Anyway, aside from the Dixified logo, the only difference in this strip from the published one is to have erased all dialog and introduced new dialog –that’s it. Amazing what you can get two beautiful people, beautifully drawn, in a beautiful setting, to say!
    Not that it advances the plot…

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3095861244/sizes/o/

  80. bats :[
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    75. CDS: this is so NOT fair! The way you’ve drawn Anthony doesn’t immediately want to pop him in the chops!

  81. aloria
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, I really want to see a married father in his underpants. Quite.

  82. AmazingThor
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Oh my god it’s the rapture!!! And apparently Amos will be sticking around to enjoy Armageddon.

    A3G: “Because I can literally think of no other reason to go to China. None. The only reason an international art dealer would travel abroad is to buy heroin.”

    BB: If my kid kept coming home with different clothes on, I think I’d grow suspicious.

    DT: “I thnk I’ll go for a wlk. I feel hppy!”

    FB: For those of you playing Creepy Comics Innuendo Bingo, “Pinched Jock’s bone.”

    GA: We all know that this “Slim is a department store Santa” storyline is going to end up with a lawsuit, but the question is whether or not any jail time will be served.

    GT: Oh my god!! He stole the NuttyBoys!!!

    Heathcliff: He’s a cat. The strip has been around for a billion years and they still don’t know what species their pet is.

    H&J: He’s got to have a lot of talking points to distract his barber from slitting his throat. I’d just find a barber that doesn’t have the DT’s, but then I’m not Herb.

    Luann: Brad, Brad, Brad…The Costa Rica trip is your litmus test! If she agrees to go, then the sex is guaranteed! If she turns you down, then you know its time to jump into the waiting arms of TJ.

    MF: If Fox News couldn’t muster enough mud to bring down the Obama campaign, then I hardly think he’s worried about a vigilant cartoon duck.

    Phantom: He doesn’t want Chatu to get any ideas, so he is going to lay two guns down in front of him and walk away.

    RMMD: The poor secretary recognized Rex and now she’s crying because she knows some unthinkable plague is about to befall the ship.

    S-M: Ok. Nevermind that Big Time has rigged some complex mechanism to make the clock fall when he could just push it on top of Maria right now. Nevermind that his master plan could all go awry if she happens to be standing two feet in the wrong direction Nevermind that Big Time kidnapped JJJ in broad daylight or that anyone who walks behind the clock would see him tied up. Nevermind the fact that the criminal genius names himself Big Time and plans all his capers around clocks, thus ensuring that even a moron could tie him to all the crimes. No, I can buy ALL that. But the thing that takes this plot arc past the point of believability is that Spider-man has now left his apartment TWO DAYS IN A ROW!

  83. Duckman30
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – Based on the evidence of the crew’s go to hell/the world is ending/nothing we can do about it attitude, I think we’re looking at the slowest runup to the sinking of a cruise ship since the movie “Titanic”.

  84. queek
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    it’s a poor day on the funny pages when SpeedBump is the only thing worth snarking on. *sigh*

  85. Cranky
    December 9th, 2008 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Thrilled to be on the float! But I have to say Aaron T’s comment made me laugh out loud when I read the original post, and all over again just now. I just imagine the Keanes saying “What is this ‘Blue Teenaged Force of Hunger’ of which you speak?”

  86. Amateur
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    SM: There’s a note on the desk spelling out her destination and he’s wandering around wondering where she is? You mean they’re TRYING to make Spider-Man look like a moron? I always thought it was accidental.

  87. Jack Parsons
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    “The young elf-ette has a Dr. Suess look to her. Probably appropriate, as she’s appearing in his little-known and quickly pulled from shelves Pee On Knee.” –Mooncattie

    Yet, “Shit On Zit” is an erotic classic. Go figure.

  88. Cedar
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    #71 You had to bring your own underwear to the shoot?

  89. Dyna
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    On the tangentially related front…

    This amazing blogger scans her collection of mid-century Little Golden Books.

    I found this interestingly gore-free Dick Tracy number (featuring his borderline-racist sidekicks GoGo Gomez and Joe Jitsu) where Tracy is more inert and ineffective than the Spiderman.

    http://goldengems.blogspot.com/2008/03/dick-tracy.html

  90. canadian pinko
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    #38 lightsyrup – I didn’t get the melon/breast joke I’m afraid but the cantaloup comment reminded of a scene in the movie “Bagdad Cafe” (or is Out of Rosenheim) in which the Jack Palance character paints a portrait of the German woman character half-naked holding a cantaloup cut in half in her lap… Try it, it’s kinda suggestive!

    Too obscure?

  91. Hairhead
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Okay, Evans is just going too far . . and by too far, I mean he’s fallen into Down’s Syndrome idiocy. No, I’m wrong; I have insulted all adult persons with Down’s Syndrome. Even an adult retard would immediately say, “Costa Rica? Ahhh . . . sex!” But Brad says, “A nice scarf.” A. Nice. Scarf. This is without a doubt the absolutely STUPIDEST line of dialogue, in context, that has ever been written in newspaper-comic history. Brad is such a cockless weenie that TJ, by comparison, acts like the Thing on a ‘roid-rage bender.

    Can you imagine the scene if Brad actually takes Toni to Costa Rica?

    TONI – Brad, this room is wonderful!
    BRAD – Uh oh, Toni, there’s only one bed. (Sighs) I guess I’ll sleep on the floor.
    TONI – Aw, I don’t think you’ll have to do that.
    BRAD – You’re right, the sofa’s big enough and looks pretty comfortable. Actually, I’ll just take all the pillows off the sofa and pile them in the bathtub–
    TONI – (Rips off all of her clothes) TAKE ME! TAKE ME NOW!!
    BRAD – Uh, but we just got here . . . sure, where do you want to go? (Toni flings herself on the bed and brings her ankles up to her ears) I’ll just pop down to the front desk and bring back some brochures, okay?

    (BRAD is down at the front desk with a couple of brochures in his hand; in walks Mrs. DeGroot)
    MRS DEGROOT – Brad, pull down your pants. Before you go back up to that room I have to castrate you.
    BRAD – (Sighs) Mom, you did that years ago.

    (Meanwhile, back up in the room the Costa Rican bellboy is enduring chandelier-swinging sex with a madly frustrated Toni.)

  92. commodorejohn
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Having just spent the last couple hours manually hunting and putting the smack down on a virus, I’m not getting to post as early as I like. But on the bright side, I get to revel in triumph at my badassery. IN YOUR FACE, INSIDIOUS INFECTIOUS BITCH!

    All right! On to the funnies!

    9CL – All right, I think it’s safe to say Brooke’s finally lost it.

    A3G – I could watch Margo insult the police…pretty much indefinitely, really. I’m not sure I’d ever get tired of this.

    BS – That’s a nanny? Is Sage going to trick her into saying her name backwards?

    DT – Okay, by now I’ve come to expect the gross inconsistencies of scale like TRAZ-R’s being rendered as about half the size he was before, but when did he get all twisted ’round like that? Why didn’t we get to see that happening?

    FW – “In other words, I’m disappointed in my daughter for not being me. As if I didn’t have enough people failing me. Like my wife. When she died.

    GA – Sexy Elf shouldn’t be mugging for the camera, but I’m not complaining.

    GT – “Your Honor, it was the Nutty Boys that made me do it. They’re just too nutty! How could I resist?”

    JP – Judge Parker, where lady cops handle hostage situations in low-cut evening wear. Not that I’m complaining.

    MW – Of course you do, Mary. Of course you do.

    NAOQV – Oh, if only.

    Pibgorn – Brooke, I can’t speak for all of your readers, but I, personally, would appreciate a significant reduction in the amount of naked demon ass not belonging to Drusilla.

    Pluggers – Pluggers sit back and await the atrophy of every muscle in their bodies.

    RMMD – June appears to have stolen Peter Parker’s spider-sense. That explains a lot.

    SM – Spider-Man has about two minutes to suddenly intuit that Maria is at Grand Central, get over there from the TV station, and foil Big-Time’s plan. Subtracting thirty seconds for whatever commercial he stops to watch along the way, I’d say it’s a safe bet that Maria is screwed.

  93. cheech wizard
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    GT- So the first thing ever to be realistically portrayed in GT is a .357 Colt Python? Given that this is a sports strip, you’d think it would have been a football or sumpthin’.

    DT – “Robot recycling! Bring out yer dead! Bring out yer dead!”

    JP – Unfortunately, Heidi neglected to begin her question with “If you’re on speakerphone right now…”

    No matter. Dixie is mere seconds away from realizing her lifelong desire of being penetrated by another woman.

    Marm – The bad news is, your dog is dead. The good news is, you’ll be saving a ton of money on dog food during the economic downturn.

    Peanuts – For all you young’uns out there, today is an example of why this is regarded as a great strip. Comic kids didn’t snark like this before Schultz came along.

  94. Hogenmogen
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    9Dickweed Lane: Edda is being abducted by aliens and all Amos can do is stare up her dress.

  95. Fashion Police
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    I am deeply honored to be on the float in such august company. Now…what to wear?

  96. Dingo
    December 9th, 2008 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Not snarking on comics today. Sitting here in Illinois relishing that our actual soap opera of politics is better than anything that appears in the serial strips. Hurray for Patrick Fitzgerald! Huzzah! Ryan gone, Blago next, waiting on Stroger and Daley!

  97. Spunde
    December 9th, 2008 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    Fresh“? “Clarifying“? And Lynn wouldn’t talk to her father about it?

    Oh, man, she has one of those feminine problems, doesn’t she? One where she should ask her doctor about Labitol or something?

    And Mary will tell her, “There’s much wisdom in the saying, ‘A true friend will tell you when side effects include high blood pressure, difficulty swallowing, and, in rare cases, liver damage.’”

  98. commodorejohn
    December 9th, 2008 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    #96 Dingo – Is it too much to hope that this makes it into one of the soap strips, even in diluted form? I’d hope for Judge Parker, but Rex Morgan could make it pretty awesome, too.

  99. Poteet
    December 9th, 2008 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    # 55 Angry Kem & # 60 Max — Interesting points. I think at land auctions, however, the usual term is “bought.” As in “beat out two of my neighbors and bought Heintz’s 205 tillable acres for $1,211,550.”

    I speak only as a spectator, you understand.

  100. Perky Bird
    December 9th, 2008 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Baldo: Huh, I don’t get it. Is the woolly worm actually some sort of magical being that will somehow repay Baldo for his kindness? Are we about to have mystical story arc of Golden-Otter-of-Kwanzaa proportions? (After all, according to my calendar, Friday is the Feast of the Virgin of Guadalupe.)

  101. Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
    December 9th, 2008 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    96 — Dingo — Just read the news on Blago (I’m from Colorado, so I never would have noticed except by chance view of MSNBC.com) — DAMN!!! what a mess. Hope you have fun today snarking this on the forums…

  102. kalki
    December 9th, 2008 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    96. Dingo: How are things up there in Illinois? You all seem to have all the intrigue what with the Ryans and their sex club romps, Obama getting elected President and now this raffle for Obama’s seat.

  103. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    December 9th, 2008 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    kalki @ 102: It wasn’t a raffle, it was an auction. Which means Obama’s successor could say that he bought the Senate seat, but not that he won it.

  104. CanuckDownSouth
    December 9th, 2008 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    80-Bats Tune in tomorrow…

  105. Monkeypants
    December 9th, 2008 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    In regards to the awesomeness that is Nutboys, I think you are being a bit presumptuous in assuming their slogan is “It’s Nutty!”, as the first part of the second word is not visible. Over at (blog whoring alert) This Week in Milford, I have it on good authority that the slogan is slightly different. Would still make an excellent t-shirt though…

  106. Charles J
    December 9th, 2008 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Is that Marty Moon robbing the Swifti Mart? And he’s wearing Moon Boots? Has this strip become Dick Tracy, full of obvious puns and “riddle-like” clues? Just wait: Marty Moon and his Moon Boots will change his name to Rob Bur.

  107. Dave
    December 9th, 2008 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

  108. Helena Handbasket
    December 9th, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Because I just can’t think of any other group of people I could share this with who would be as likely to enjoy it…

    Incipiunt gesta Rudolphi rangiferi tarandi
    by Philip C. Chapman-Bell

    Hwæt, Hrodulf readnosa hrandeor –
    Næfde þæt nieten unsciende næsðyrlas!
    Glitenode and gladode godlice nosgrisele.
    Ða hofberendas mid huscwordum hine gehefigodon;
    Nolden þa geneatas Hrodulf næftig
    To gomene hraniscum geador ætsomne.
    Þa in Cristesmæsseæfne stormigum clommum,
    Halga Claus þæt gemunde to him maðelode:
    “Neahfreond nihteage nosubeorhtende!
    Min hroden hrædwæn gelæd ðu, Hrodulf!
    “Ða gelufodon hira laddeor þa lyftflogan –
    Wæs glædnes and gliwdream; hornede sum gegieddode”
    Hwæt, Hrodulf readnosa hrandeor,
    Brad springð þin blæd: breme eart þu!”

    Explicit

    In modern English:

    Hrodulf the Red-Nosed Reindeer

    Lo, Hrodulf the red-nosed reindeer –
    That beast didn’t have unshiny nostrils!
    The goodly nose-cartilage glittered and glowed.
    The hoof-bearers taunted him with proud words;
    The comrades wouldn’t allow wretched Hrodulf
    To join the reindeer games.
    Then, on Christmas Eve, bound in storms
    Santa Claus remembered that, spoke formally to him:
    “Dear night-sighted friend, nose-bright one!
    You, Hrodulf, shall lead my adorned rapid-wagon!”
    Then the sky-flyers praised their lead-deer –
    There was gladness and music; one of the horned ones sang”
    Lo, Hrodulf the red-nosed reindeer,
    Your fame spreads broadly, you are renowned!”

  109. ItAintEazy
    December 9th, 2008 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    Hey everybody, it’s Dennis the Racist

  110. Angry Kem
    December 9th, 2008 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    #108 Helena Handbasket: Now I can’t stop laughing. Is it wrong that I want to do a Middle English translation?

  111. dale
    December 9th, 2008 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    93 – cheech wizard
    See my comment at 46. It looks like a Python, but the way it’s drawn it wouldn’t work. If you could fire it, you’d have chunks of steel and molten lead all over the place.

  112. trey le parc
    December 9th, 2008 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    Artist formerly Known As Ben: Thank you for the shout out.

    Josh, thanks for the float ride!

  113. Jamus The Bartender
    December 9th, 2008 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    FW: “Your daughter’s a great basketball player. She get that from you?”
    “Hardly. I’m afraid that when the apple fell from the tree, it rolled down the hill, fell into the river, bobbed across the ocean, was washed up on the shore of a deserted island, got eaten by Gilligan, the core was thrown to scorpions, whereupon the scorpions all got cancer and died. So. Any kids?”
    9CL: Tell Edda that she should put on some underwear if she wants to fight crime today.
    My Cage: Yeah, if I were Norm, i’d be concerned. A quarter to a half of all cheating incidents happen when one or the other partner is unemployed. No one wants to cheat. But sometimes it just happens. Better start perusing the want ads, Norm.
    Luann: For heaven’s sake, we all know this is gonna wind up like that Laverne and Shirley episode where the girls get a free trip to the Bahamas and wind up fighting mosquitos and standing around in a kiddie pool in the lobby. And of course, no sex for Blue-Balls Brad. Again. Go hold those melons some more.
    Dick Tracy: “Yeah, Traze-R won the battle and somehow outwitted Brute Force. But not without cost. Do not go gently into that good night, Traze-R. Rage, rage against the dying of the light…”
    ” NOT DED YET…”
    ” And…as I pick up this wrench, and prepare to spare Traze-R from his suffering on this mortal plane, let us pray for his soul, and let flights of angels sing thee to thy eternal rest…”
    ” I’M HAPPY…I’M HAPPY…”
    * Dick hits robot with big ass wrench*
    Family Circus: If anyone asks Mommy from Family Circus to peel the stockings off of anything, they will be beaten with sticks.

  114. Jamus The Bartender
    December 9th, 2008 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    109. 1970? Holy. F*cking. Shit. Yeah, it would have been better if the kid looked less like Ebony from The Spirit ( who, despite the Stepin Fechit look, was actually a well realized character ), and more like Franklin from Peanuts (who was a nice kid, but kinda boring).

  115. VA Loans
    December 9th, 2008 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    Nice. Maybe you should va purchase some time in a tanning bed.

  116. bats :[
    December 9th, 2008 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    107. Dave: you’ve got my vote!
    (And remember to save the box-tops for a free pair of undershorts with hearts on ‘em!)

  117. stevie
    December 9th, 2008 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    This is a hit and run, I don’t have time to lurk here these days, but I saw this snap of a
    Finger quoting JT, and had to leave it for you to see.

  118. cheech wizard
    December 9th, 2008 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    111/dale: It’s still more realistic than anything we’ve seen in GT to date – the Python might spew chunks of steel and molten metal if you tried to fire it, but that’s nothing compared to what would happen if any of the people in this strip ever attempted to draw a breath. It’d sorta be like what happening in that one Star Trek movie where they tried to beam someone aboard with a malfunctioning transporter – what came out the other end looked a lot like Coach Kazz.

  119. Comrade Denny
    December 9th, 2008 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    The Phantom’s moral code may keep him from gunning down Chatu in cold blood, but it doesn’t prevent the Phantom from manufacturing that excuse.

    Too bad the Great Striped Hunter put down BOTH guns. But who knows – maybe the Phantom will birth an exploding suicide robot at the last minute to save the day…

  120. Comrade Denny
    December 9th, 2008 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    Coinage for the resolution to the DT-Brute Force storyline: Machina ex vagina

  121. commodorejohn
    December 9th, 2008 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    #120 Comrade Denny – It may be a little early, but you have my nomination for the next COTW.

  122. Josh
    December 9th, 2008 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    #81 aloria — Hey! Who’s a father? Not me!

    Josh

  123. The Dead Acorn
    December 9th, 2008 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    Long time candy-chasing parade watcher, first time float rider. Maybe now the voices will shut up.

  124. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    December 9th, 2008 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    #122 Josh — not that you know of, anyway.

  125. True Fable
    December 9th, 2008 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    #107 Dave – best so far!

  126. Mooncattie
    December 9th, 2008 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    It’s float time! Yippee!! Congrats to Smokehouse and fellow snarkers!

    *sigh* However, my COTW is….
    is….is…

    iswhenevermollificentsays”hi!”
    *blushes deep crimson, runs away*

  127. mollificent
    December 10th, 2008 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    126: Hi! :D

  128. Niall
    December 10th, 2008 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    Hi back, and I agree with Mooncattie. :)

  129. sldawgs
    December 10th, 2008 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff – I was wondering about the cat with dog breath too, but what is up with the two ladies? Are they both standing straight up as the both lean out the window?

  130. JoAndrew
    February 26th, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Hey Josh! Very cute underpants, I should say. Sorry, couldn’t help myself noticing…

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