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Rex’s heart will go on

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/16/08

I apologize for not dwelling more on the opening salvos of the current Rex Morgan storyline, because it promises to be a doozy: the cruise line is bankrupt, the crew is in open revolt, and the ship is heading aimlessly into international waters. Rex is a practical man, and it’s well known that, after anonymous gay sex spending time with his wife and child, his main passions in life are ice cream and macaroni and cheese; therefore, it makes sense that his first thought is for how he’ll be getting sustenance on this mutinous hell-cruise. In panel three, he seems to be trying to determine exactly how soon cannibalism will be necessary, and how he can manage not to be the first to feast on his fellow passengers’ flesh but still get enough to eat and not become an entrée himself.

Hi and Lois, 12/16/08

In the spirit of always looking on the bright side of life: I wouldn’t go so far as to say that the current economic meltdown is a good thing; but the collapse of global financial markets did indirectly give rise to this cartoon, in which Hi is sporting a pleasingly gobsmacked expression. No doubt he’s realizing that, as a Generic White-Collar Suburban Cartoon Dad, he has absolutely no skills of the sort that will be useful in the coming post-collapse world (e.g., hunting, agriculture, small-unit tactics). Can any event, no matter how disastrous, that has unnerved comfortable Hi Flagston so completely be entirely bad?

Marvin, 12/16/08

Just as with Ralph the log-fucking dog, Clare’s affections are indicated in today’s Marvin by disturbingly black hearts floating above her head, and for similar reasons: her affections are sick and wrong. In this case, those hearts are there to illustrate the love life of babies. Terrible, gold-digging babies.

Marmaduke, 12/16/08

Guess who’s the bottom and who’s the top in the S&M relationship between Marmaduke and his Hitler-esque owner.

251 responses to “Rex’s heart will go on”

  1. Zaq
    December 16th, 2008 at 5:37 am [Reply]

    Apologies for the repost.

    Popeye: Holy crap, I didn’t know Bluto/Brutus/whatever was actually in the Popeye comic strip!

    Ghost-Who-Bleeds: Okay, so when you’re dealing with a life-threatening injury, it’s not a good idea to waste time. On the other hand, Stripeybutt’s still standing and talking, and Chatu’s not actually out of the picture. One of them’s being unreasonable, but I’m not sure who.

    RMDM: The crewmates who were in charge of making sure the backgrounds got put in went on strike too.

    S-M: Given the rate at which it falls and/or moves, I’m pretty sure that the clock is actually a bubble.

    Big Dog: Filth, or unspeakable filth?

    JP: Wow! Action and excitement and everything! I’m impressed!

    Pluggers: Um, but, uh, what? What does that have to do with anything? DAMN IT PLUGGERS, AT LEAST PRETEND TO MAKE SENSE!

    MW: I’m a little bit concerned by the fact that Lynn’s hair would look exactly the same as Mary’s if you removed the ponytail. Since, by all accounts, that ponytail is an alien organism anyway, I’m not really sure what this portends, but I can only hope there will be an epic duel involved.

    9CL: Yawn. I don’t even care enough to complain anymore.

    BaBlu: Long lines = COMEDY GOLD!

    GT: Three drawings, equally unconnected to the dialogue, each other, or anything resembling reality? That’s our Gil!

    Luann: Now, I’m not defending Cathy nor calling it good or enjoyable by any means, but it made me sigh and roll my eyes less than Luann did today. THIS SHOULD BE A WARNING SIGN, EVANS.

    Crock: That’ll teach me to read the comics right before bed. I just KNOW that hellish floating periwinkle head is going to haunt my dreams tonight.

    A3G: You’re half right, Margo. You do have a right to know everything… not because you’re going to be his wife, but because you’re Margo, devourer of all.

  2. captain bee
    December 16th, 2008 at 6:23 am [Reply]

    MT: I see sneaky is still a mutated giant.

    Luann: i really don’t see the conflict here. shouldn’t Brad only have to say “my friend T.J. . .” and then all would be understood and forgiven.

    shoe: the next line is “asshole”

    SF: between todays strip and the “murder” thing from a while back, i’m starting to enjoy sally forth.

    doonesburry: “brutalicious” huh. . . new GnR album huh. . . he really has his hand on the pulse man. . .

  3. captain bee
    December 16th, 2008 at 6:23 am [Reply]

    MT: I see sneaky is still a mutated giant.

    Luann: i really don’t see the conflict here. shouldn’t Brad only have to say “my friend T.J. . .” and then all would be understood and forgiven.

    shoe: the next line is “asshole”

    SF: between todays strip and the “murder” thing from a while back, i’m starting to enjoy sally forth.

    doonesburry: “brutalicious” huh. . . new GnR album huh. . . he really has his hand on the pulse man. . .

  4. The Ghost of Jarrod
    December 16th, 2008 at 6:26 am [Reply]

    Rex is just upset that his cabin boy isn’t going to be coming back.

  5. The Restless Mouse
    December 16th, 2008 at 6:30 am [Reply]

    I for one am saddened and annoyed that the “economic meltdown” has infiltrated the comics. Is nothing sacred?

    Besides, who is hi to whine to Lois about the economy? She’s a Realtor, I think she already knows…

  6. Sue D. Nymme
    December 16th, 2008 at 6:36 am [Reply]

    Why does Hi’s boss owe him $20? Let’s see… Hi: “Boss, I’m really worried. I’ll bet you $20 I’m gonna lose my job.” Boss: “Not yet….”

  7. Kibo
    December 16th, 2008 at 6:39 am [Reply]

    I finally figured it out: Marmaduke’s owner’s face is drawn that way on purpose, to represent that his flesh is slowly melting, as a result of all the Great Dane farts.

    In another couple of years he’ll just be a puddle of gray goo with a Hitler mustache.

  8. Rootfish
    December 16th, 2008 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke’s owner’s face looks like that because he died on the floor of a heart attack and Marmaduke ate his face.

  9. Erik A.
    December 16th, 2008 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: And the streak of consecutive strips without using an exclamation mark in every speech bubble ends tragically after a day.

    Mary Worth: It looks like the Meddler’s best option here is to murder Lynn, sending her to Heaven where she can explain everything to Greg and… wait, they’re all going to hell. Nevermind.

  10. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    December 16th, 2008 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    Marvin: Computer nerds are rich? Is it 1996 again?

  11. John C Fremont
    December 16th, 2008 at 7:19 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp, First Panel – I swear I thought they were dangling from the tree branches when I first saw this. I wish I were kidding. And yet, this being Gil Thorp, it never occurred to me that they weren’t dangling from the trees so much as to just question why they were dangling from the tress. I should probably go back to bed.

    Rex Morgan, Family Guy – “Who’s going to feed us?!” Okay, not so much Peter Griffin as Homer Simpson. Or Dagwood Bumstead.

  12. Mibbitmaker
    December 16th, 2008 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    New-sday Funnies:

    9CL: “Amos is fine — his focus is on ME ME ME ME ME ME!” Other problem: When both play behind screens, won’t it still be obvious that the musician that causes the judges to spontaneously have sex will be Amos?

    Agnes: Her eyes have pupils??

    A3G: Margo will want to know EVERYTHING if Eric marries her… less because a couple should share their lives than because Margo is controling. Her sollution: hollow out the guy and make him her living puppet.

    BBailey: Cosmo is nothing if not Rod Blagojevich.

    DT: Well, maybe one of us can be some help for you, Tess… all you need to do is TELL US WHAT THE HELL YOU’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT, ALREADY!!!

    FW: Alright, punsters, you’ve been warned! Sic ‘em, Devil! (Okay, they hadn’t been warned, but what fun would that be?)

    Garfield: “…May a crazed holy man ‘fix’ your sister!” — Carnac the Magnificent, to our hero

    MT: Gee, villains, maybe you could call out his name — oops! You guys really blew that one! — Meanwhile, Mark is about to hop on that raccoon and ride for help.

    MW: Mare, not helping a bit: “Gee, Lynn, you’re as evil as ME!”

    OBH: “Dear Ruthie, Bail us out financially and we’ll consider it. –Santa”

  13. gleeb
    December 16th, 2008 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    A&J: Arlo loves Tom Jones and hates himself for it.

    9 CL: “OK, Mom, I’m putting you on speakerphone, but hold the line, right?”

    Archie: First Veronica, then Betty try to get Reggie’s attention from the walk-in freezer where Archie has imprisoned them. I’m getting a Charlie Ng vibe from him, though.

    ‘bean: Between Rana (Italian or Spanish for frog) and the annoying pre-jump girl called Chien (French for dog), it’s like Batiuk chooses his female character names from a multi-lingual picture dictionary.

    Gil: Therefore, he is evil. Even Marty Moon could figure that out.

    Phantom: Sure, the first impulse is to chide Chatu for not noticing the wolf that’s been there for two months, but hey, he’s been sick.

  14. Mibbitmaker
    December 16th, 2008 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    PBS: The crocs’ names? Duck and Cover. Everyone knew that cold war-era bit was a croc!

    Popeye: Called it! …And, strip? It’s “Bluto”.

    S-M: “…Oh, well… La-de-da-de-da-le-do…” CRASH! “hm-hm-hmmm….”

    ZtP: “Cute” God in panel 2 is, once again, Griffy.

  15. Little Guy
    December 16th, 2008 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    Candorville: I’ll admit it. The last place I’d expect a Garfield and PBS shoutout, especially with the Zeeba(h). Well played.

    JP: Dixie: please land on your ass… please land on your ass… please land on your ass…

    S-M: Not to mention hurling a multi-ton object into a scurrying crowd.

    MT: They were going to deport Mark? Where? The Democratic Republic of the Iron Fist of Justice in a Velvet Glove?

  16. Jimbo
    December 16th, 2008 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean’s Summer Moore and Judge Parker’s Dixie Julep have the same red hoodie. Coincidence? I think not…

    Les is going to end up stabbed a zillion times when Summer learns her old man and Special K’s mom have been doing the nasty.

  17. Aprotim
    December 16th, 2008 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    I have to say – treating computer geeks as totally unappealing and also filthy rich is pretty old school – I know you recently said that 19 days is less than the lead time for comics – is it possible that it’s actually 10 years?

  18. gnemec
    December 16th, 2008 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Rex is concerned about the lack of food because his malnourished wife has shrunk to the size of a Barbie doll. You’d think he would find it simpler to use her as a beard now.

  19. dimestore lipstick
    December 16th, 2008 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Herb & Jamaal
    Herb’s mother-in-law quotes Hurston at him…and he quotes Vonnegut back at her.

    But he shouldn’t call her an asshole, even if she is one.

  20. Hogen Mogen
    December 16th, 2008 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Marvin: “What could Clare possibly see in that computer geek Warren?”

    Well, in the Marvin Universe, where toddlers communicate telepathically, everyone is able to read each other’s most intimate thoughts. Clare looks into Warren’s mind and sees an intelligent, kind, caring soul. Looking at Marvin, one can only find a disturbing knack for poop jokes.

  21. Isaac
    December 16th, 2008 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    I’m more concerned with the artwork Marvin has produced; behind the poop jokes, Marvin clearly has the potential to become a celebrated modern artist.

  22. Grant R
    December 16th, 2008 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Hi and Lois was pretty banal today, Ive put up an absurdist cartoon on my blog which I think gets the point across in a less Groan inducing fashion

  23. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    December 16th, 2008 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Archie: Which is more likely: that Archie has one of those newfangled digital picture frames that automatically change photos every few seconds on his wall; or that Betty and Veronica are taking turns observing how Archie and Reggie interact through the viewing port of the experimental habitat enclosure in which they have locked the boys? I vote for the latter.

    (WT)DT: Judging from the way Tess’ repeated crises always turn out to be something mundane, I’m guessing her problem could be solved with a little help from Ron Popeil.

    H&J: Spider-Brick once said, “Pithy quotes without a punchline is a typical Herb & Jamaal strip.”

    JP: Dixie’s missing thought bubble from panel 3: “Oh yeah. Third floor. Gonna hurt.”

    MT: Out of the country? That explains a lot. Mark’s not in the United States, where environmental regulations and zoning laws curb rapacious development. He must be in some wild, lawless foreign land where greed is god and radiation-mutated animals grow to Brobdingnagian proportions. I’m thinking Jersey.

    S-M: Oh no! I can’t watch! Oh, if only Spider-Man had some kind of rope or line or something he could shoot out and catch that clock and pull it back before it hits! What’s going to happen?!

  24. kalki
    December 16th, 2008 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    9CL: I wonder what Edda’s mom thinks in her mind when she hears that Amos is smelling Edda’s hair. “Which hair?” Maybe if they stay on the phone long enough, Edda and Amos can fornicate while mom listens in and offers the occasional tip to Edda.

    Baby Blues: At this point, it would be a reasonable gamble to pull a fire alarm. You could get some free food when the food court workers and customers evacuate and then when they let people back into the mall, you have a decent shot at getting closer in the Santa line.

    Beetle: Wow, more social commentary from Beetle Bailey. So, to the Walkers, the whole economy meltdown is because of the United States dealing with countries like China, India and Mexico that pay their workers pennies to basically perform slave labor? Uh, then why wasn’t this spelled out in the dialogue. If you are going to make a controversial comment, have the balls to see it all the way through.

    Archie: That’s why Archie used Reggie’s name to sign up for a NAMBLA membership.

    Blondie: Guess Blondie just bought enough jewelry to let Dagwood get that 3-some he has been angling for.

    Crank: That is ageist!!

    DTM: Good. Joey can make sure that Dennis gets a lump of coal this year.

    CircusJerk: Stop giving Grandma the finger behind your back, Jeffy.

    FW: Hey, I think I remember this…so, this is a trick the other kids played on Summer, right? And at this Winterfest Court thingee they will dump pig’s blood on Summer and make her powers manifest. Yeah, I remember this, but wasn’t Summer a skinny, pasty, redhead then?

    Hi/Lois: I can see a workplace shooting incident in Hi’s future.

    GA: I still say it is either a scam to rip off Slim or the little girl lied about her daddy dying because he refused to buy her a Chi iron.

    Luann: While T.J. has a valid point, I still think Toni is a hermaphodite, has a tail, or just likes to cocktease Brad (and doesn’t like to be called on it).

  25. Lolsworth
    December 16th, 2008 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Does Tom Armstrong even remember that his comic’s about babies anymore?

  26. Grant R
    December 16th, 2008 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    While I am and will continue to be an Avid reader of this blog I feel I must object to your excessive use of implied homosexuality jokes to get your point across, youre better than that, and so are your readers. Otherwise I feel this post was hilarious as usual.

  27. kalki
    December 16th, 2008 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    13. Gleeb ‘bean: Between Rana (Italian or Spanish for frog) and the annoying pre-jump girl called Chien (French for dog), it’s like Batiuk chooses his female character names from a multi-lingual picture dictionary.


    I think it should be painfully obvious by now how much Batiuk hates women. The way he draws them, names them, lets the men in the strip maim them (like tearing off their arms?), lets the men in the strip insult them, gives them cancer…shall I go on?

  28. Hogen Mogen
    December 16th, 2008 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Credit where credit is due, and we certainly do a lot of Judge Parker mockery, and deservedly so. But the big payoff today. Action + artwork = AWESOME. It took like five months to get this far, but you just don’t see action like this too often. Dana Delany’s trim silhouette clad in a tight minidress shooting at our favorite stripper-cum-murderess – and that’s just panel 1. Bullets whizzing past in panel 2, and it wraps up with the silent cat-like agility of the ever-more-impressive Ms. Julep in panel 3.

    In contrast, what are the other action strips up to? Stripey Ass has disappointed greatly with the return of his worthy nemesis Chatu. What the hell is this dog-bites-man crap? But even that is preferable to Mark Trail, where the payoff is the predictable face-punch.

  29. fnord3125
    December 16th, 2008 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Marvin: I really hate it when generic jokes (and in this case, two of them at once) are slammed into an inappropriate context. These characters are supposed to be, what? like 2 years old? In what sense could a child that age be considered a “computer nerd?” or have his own overflowing bank account?

  30. Hogen Mogen
    December 16th, 2008 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    #23 – Spider Brick:
    H&J: Spider-Brick once said, “Pithy quotes without a punchline is a typical Herb & Jamaal strip.”

    No, Brick, you don’t get it. Today, the quote is at the beginning of the strip. See, the H&J Joke Generating Laugh Unit 3000 is programmed similar to the AJGLU in that it recognizes that a twist on the familiar automatically results in human laughter. So theoretically, H&J is riotous today. On paper. So says Warren, Marvin’s computer-geek friend.

  31. fnord3125
    December 16th, 2008 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    also: Ralph is a dog? I assumed it was some kind of brain-damaged, mutant, skunk/insect hybrid.

  32. Hogen Mogen
    December 16th, 2008 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Rex looks like he’s sportin’ eye liner in panel 3 in concert with his magic retro-aging ability in an attempt to achieve some kind of Euro-boy-band look. If he keeps de-aging at this rate, he’ll be making appearances in Marvin strips. He could still use the line “Who’s going to feed us?” after all the grown-ups around have abandoned Marvin and Morgan for their deliberate and willful acts of soiling themselves for fun.

  33. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 16th, 2008 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    “Hang on a second, Guran. That’s my line. ‘My wound – let me show you it.’ Let’s come in again.”

  34. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 16th, 2008 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    JP has its foibles, and all, but damned if it isn’t the three most gorgeous panels on the page today by far.

  35. Patrick
    December 16th, 2008 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    “Computer nerd”? “Bank account”? Marvin is a strip about a BABY! Geez Louise, shouldn’t that be, at the very least, “Love at the first sight of his piggy bank”? And what do toddlers need with money, anyway? I’m thinking about this too much! My head is going to explode!

  36. Amateur
    December 16th, 2008 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Curtis: “Ditty of poetry”? “DITTY OF POETRY”?? I think my head just exploded. Billingsley, learn to write or get a new job!

    Classic Peanuts: I love that I’m not the only person who celebrates Beethoven’s birthday — even if the others are all cartoon characters. :-) Music geeks of the (real and fictional) worlds, unite!

  37. Amateur
    December 16th, 2008 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Interesting simul-post with Patrick there. This thread is getting pretty messy with all the exploding heads.

  38. Mr. Jones
    December 16th, 2008 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @29 Amen

    It’s like Family Circus where Keane has dialogue inside the panel, then has a “witty” reply underneath the panel. He can’t simply stick within the limitations of a one-panel cartoon – he has to “cheat” by creating a defacto two-panel cartoon.

    These writers are such hacks. Not only do they fail to be funny, but they can’t even play by the simple rules of their set-up.

  39. ladadog
    December 16th, 2008 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Great, I thought that getting called down to the vice president’s office on Friday (Merry Christmas) and becoming an unemployment statistic was bad enough, but, now to know that Hi still has his job is just unbearable. Phooey. Wait a minute. Does Margo have an opening at the gallery? Too bad I have about 30 years on Dixie, because it looks like the exotic dancer bar will need a replacement. Oh, wait, I have a feeling the shrimp boat will need a couple more deck hands. Hey, I feel better already…the job opportunies abound in the comics page.

  40. Hogen Mogen
    December 16th, 2008 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Curtis is probably proud of himself for saying “long” and “Johns” in front of a chick. Heh heh. All those years of watching Beavis & Butthead have not gone to waste. Yeh, heh heh.

  41. Hogen Mogen
    December 16th, 2008 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    By the looks of panel 2, Gil & Wife have been reading High Times instead of Sports Illustrated.

    Panel 3 reveals that those two kids are twins, thus providing a convenient excuse for drawing them exactly alike but with different hair.

  42. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 16th, 2008 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    M-Dawg: So I bark you to sleep, after the lovin’, with a song that I wrote yesterday…

    FW: By “saving my dreams for a rainy day”, Summer means that her future hopes revolve around going into remission for a few months.

    S-M: The commuters wisely run from the giant JJJ-holding clock. They don’t want to be pulped, and they sho’ don’t want Flattop Hitler projectile vomiting on them.

    MT: “I know. I’ll ride this stallion-sized raccoon back to camp, then start looking for answers.”

    SFx: The TV is showing the giant bloated skull of a Family Circus kid? I’d scream too.

    A3G: For Margo, love and marriage most certainly do not go together like a horse and carriage.

    GT: Phew! The focus is going to switch to Brenda’s twin brother. (Brandon, I assume.) For a moment, I bet you thought they were going to spend a whole arc on girls’ sports. Heaven forefend!

    PBS: “Nucular”? So our outgoing president was secretly a crocodile? Things are starting to make sense.

    GA: Slim’s horsepower pun makes Clovia’s saucer-eyed look of horror more justified than usual.

    Crock: You can blame the coloring monkeys for the bluebird of happiness not being blue, but the responsibility for it not being a bird lies elsewhere. Or is “bluebird” Foreign Legion slang for a particularly blood-fattened mosquito.

    Brooke McEldowney presents Too Close Theatre:
    Edda: The blind rematch between Amos and the other cellist is tomorrow.
    Julia: So is Amos in good condition?
    Edda: Well, he’s licking my nipple and he’s got two fingers inside me.
    Julia: I was talking about his playing.
    Edda: So was I.

  43. Hogen Mogen
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Funky: So what is this “Winter Court”? Is it some kind of honor? Because Rana looks pretty gosh darn happy about it – so happy that she’ll probably be hit by a bus for her troubles. Bummer Moore is appropriately depressed, as per the Commandments of the Great and Powerful Creator, Batuik.

  44. AsleepOrDead
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Oh please, sweet Jesus, let that be Rex’s thumb in the last panel. (Although, I wouldn’t be that surprised if it wasn’t.)

  45. Dingo
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    That poor boy in blue in today’s Mary Worth. For weeks, he’s been fantasizing about girl-on-girl action and finally told his girlfriend he wanted to see it. Now, he has. Good thing he’s got that big ol’ purse to carry his manhood in.

  46. Shermy Glamrocker
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    The unseen Rex Morgan thought balloon: “Ah, international waters. Where there are no laws prohibiting the free exercise of man-boy love.”

  47. Lobsterchicky
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Is it wrong that I took no joy in either Marmaduke or Josh’s comment on it, but instead in the fact that they both properly used periods at the end of “Guess” commands instead of the commonly misplaced question mark?

  48. Nette
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    I know it’s supposed to be a wrinkle in his sleeve, but when I look at Marmaduke’s owner, I can’t help but be fascinated by the giant puddle of drool next to his mouth.

  49. bagmarkedswag
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Pluggers choose to fall asleep during “them swearing bits.”

    Ziggy: Um. . .shouldn’t the hinges on the trap door be on the underside? The way they are it’ll just catapult Ziggy into the wall. Granted, that would make the strip a lot funnier. Hell, any strip would be funnier if the main character was catapulted through a wall in the last panel. The question is who to start with. . .

  50. rollersnakes
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    has anyone heard of the comic ‘Frog Applause?” It was the featured comic on my online comic page and I wonder if it is about what think it is about? Mainly, is this little boy talking about his penis growing back?!! Did it get cut off or something?! What kind of comic strip is this?

  51. Galuaboy
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: Why is it whenever someone in the comics, a sitcom, or even my beloved Sesame Street, needs a small appliance repaired/exchanged it’s a toaster? I mean, seriously, has anyone since 1943 ever taken a toaster in to have it repaired? You know what I do when my toaster doesn’t work? BUY A NEW GODDAMN TOASTER!!

  52. Amateur
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    #39 — Aw, ladadog, that’s a bummer. Hope you find something soon (preferably in real life, not the comics).

  53. CanuckDownSouth
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    … no time to read the snark, but before I dive into work:

    AUGGH! Funky Winkerbean is infected with the FOOB virus! The wedding didn’t kill it – it’s infecting the rest of the comics. Crankshaft has been showing signs of low-grade un-punny “humour”, and it’s now full-blown in FW. It’s like 28 Days Later zombie blood but so much worse.

    There’s only one solution: enact a cordon sanitaire by destroying all old-regime/ legacy strips.

    (and obligatory FOOBfic plug)

  54. Saxman
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:51 am [Reply]


    Hooty Hoo

    The chances of seeing June sunning by the pool, wearing her bikini and sipping a bloody Mary have fallen precipitously. On the other hand, the chances of seeing June stripped to the waist and competing in a pay-for-view winner-takes-buffet cage fight are on the rise.

    Question for discussion: Where’s the ship’s doctor now? Barricaded in the bridge with the rest of the officers, or piling examination tables against the inside of the infirmary’s doors to keep looters away from the drug lockers? Is there a back-up doctor on board?

  55. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    #50 rollersnakes,
    That’s the “husband” from Love Is… You’re right as to what he’s waiting for. LI portrays the awww-worthy adventures of an apparently nude, apparently genital-free couple.

  56. lesles
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    un thread-related, but – oh no!

    Phantom to be remade as all-Aussie film

    i have a strong pre-emptive feeling that this is just what our film industry didn’t need. not to mention the world. still, i was wrong about that star wars thing before i saw it (i was a pretentious 11yo), so just possibly this won’t completely suck arse.

  57. Aviatrix
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    I’m another of the many who have discovered CC and read through the entire archive. I like comics, but I’ve never laughed so hard at the comics as I have at your and your readers’ comments about them. I’ve laughed so hard that I count the time I’ve spent here as abdominal workouts.

    Just to recap a few of the insights I have gained

    * Rex Morgan is only impersonating a doctor in order to have sex with young men.
    * The creators of Marmaduke and Dagwood compete to see who can submit the most blatant bestiality strips. Both are horrified by how much they can get away with, but neither will back down from their game of dog-on-everyone chicken.
    * Millions of Americans lack health insurance.
    * Mary Worth and Judge Parker are retired superheroes.
    * The reason I could never tell what was going on in soap opera strips was that I was trying to follow the plot based on hair colour.
    * All environmental-industrial conflicts can be solved by punching someone with facial hair.
    * I knew I had rheumatoid arthritis, but I didn’t know it could attack my joints.
    * More information about licorice can be found on the internet.
    * Roadside. Gig.

    Despite Josh’s faithful and expert elucidation There are two points on which I am in suspense. Namely:

    * Did the giant fish eat the baby ducks?
    * How did Spidey escape the electrified door?

    Thank you. Thanks of the kind you can spend on electric blue suits (or “stuff”) coming shortly.

  58. Esther Blodgett
    December 16th, 2008 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    #55 AFKAB: Or as Homer Simpson once said, “It’s about two naked eight-year-olds who are married.”

    On an unrelated note: What’s the over-under on days until Dixie actually hits the ground?

  59. SquirrelGirl22
    December 16th, 2008 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    Well spotted Hogen Mogen!

    RMMD: In today’s third panel, Rex looks less like the smug jerk he typically is and has apparently morphed into the missing member of the 1980′s band a-Ha. However, instead of being chased through a maze of hallways by pipe-wielding race car drivers, I think we can expect in the upcoming week to see Rex stumbling through the cruise ship’s lower decks searching fruitlessly for an do-it-yourself waffle buffet while being slowly followed by his wife’s cold, dead, Stepford-esque eyes.

  60. Gallowglass
    December 16th, 2008 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    They’re giving bank accounts to toddlers? I’m beginning to see the reasons for the collapse of the cartoon economy that so threatens the Flagston clan.

  61. Dingo
    December 16th, 2008 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    Well, someone has to say it. Within a week, Rex Morgan will be feasting on seamen.

  62. teenchy
    December 16th, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    # 39: Very sorry to read it.

    In the coming post-collapse world, will we be reduced to hunters, gatherers, and snarkers?

  63. Dingo
    December 16th, 2008 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Josh, I sent you two emails from my work account. Just curious if you got them or if they might have gotten flagged to junk mail.

  64. TacomaDan
    December 16th, 2008 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    What’s up with nukes in the comics this week? First we’ve got the crocs in PBS buying a surplus nuke from the Ruskies (tho the curtains in today’s strip are a nice touch on how out of touch the crocs are.) Now we’ve got Hawthorn in Sherman’s Lagoon asking Fillmore if he wants conventional or nuke to blow up the oil platform…I gotta agree that that is one scary medicine cabinet…

  65. bats :[
    December 16th, 2008 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    53. CDS: okay, I’m sure it’s Michael the Much Put Upon complaining about not having turkey…who’s sitting opposite him, next to Iris?
    This is a great resolution to turkey tartar!

  66. commodorejohn
    December 16th, 2008 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    Y22 Erik – Well damn, now I know what the cover art would be if that were ever a single.

    #27 kalki – There’s probably a paper to be written on the fact that most of the misfortunes of women in the Winkerverse are inflicted on them by outside forces, while most of the troubles of the men are self-inflicted.

    #56 lesles – Now this should be interesting…

    9CL – Hey guys, that’s not how phone sex works.

    A3G – Man, who would have thought that Margo making justifications for snooping could be just as awesome as Margo shamelessly snooping with no excuse?

    Archie – I can’t decide which would be more depressing: if that picture is just a careless oversight, or if it’s an attempt to give Archie a more personal touch, like those subtly-shifting product labels and signs Berke Breathed used to do.

    BB – No. That has all of nothing to do with the current financial downturn. Unless you listen to Lyndon LaRouche, maybe.

    Crankshaft – made me smile. Should I be concerned?

    DT – What is that thing Tess is holding? Do I want to know?

    FC – Holy osteoporosis, look at her freaking legs. They’re gonna snap the moment she stands up.

    FW – No what this makes no sense stop it.

    Garfield – Actually, the strip would be much improved by replacing Garfield with Criswell. Fantastic idea, Paws.

    GA – make the hurting stop

    GT – I have to say, the Thorps’ morning jog through Negative Land is kinda charming.

    HTH – Hey, Browne, nice job making this joke now that gas is back down to less than two dollars a gallon. Fantastic timing, really.

    JP – Holy shit, this is art. Dig that last panel.

    Lockhorns – I don’t find The Lockhorns amusing very often, but they get points for remembering that there are other prehistoric periods than the Mesozoic (for you folks out there who weren’t eight-year-old paleontology geeks, that’s The One With The Dinosaurs.)

    Love Is… – dreaming symbolically about what she’s going to do if you don’t shut up.

    MT – Oh baby is this ever wonderful. From the loony tractor-swamp-mobile-thing to Mark chasing a giant raccoon and confusing “country” with “county,” this is all building towards the most awesome Mark Trail climax in history.

    MW – Funniest thing in today’s funnies: Mary’s “oh God get it off me” expression in the first panel, followed by her edging away, horrified, in the second.

    MC – Bridget under normal circumstances is cute enough, but slightly disheveled Bridget in a bathrobe reaches munitions-grade levels of adorable.

    PBS – No, no, you fools, a mere windowshade won’t cut it! You have to cower under a desk!

    Pluggers – have extremely poor taste, as the ending, where Scarlett finally gets called on her shit, is the only worthwhile part of the movie.

    RMMD – Say, guys? You already have a plot, I don’t think you need to throw a reenactment of The Incredible Shrinking Woman into the mix. Just a thought.

    SM – Today’s Spider-Man: the apex of dumb? Discuss.

    Edison Lee – tries for a cameo in Shortpacked!

  67. bats :[
    December 16th, 2008 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    56. lesles: I hope it does better than Baz Luhrman’s current $100M+ production, “Australia”…

  68. CanuckDownSouth
    December 16th, 2008 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    65-Bats: That would be Deanna. (And I know it’s only obvious by process of elimination, since she’s viewed from almost behind and isn’t wearing anything distinctive now that she’s taken off the apron.) I put the marrieds together, except for Mira & Wilf who flank their grandkids.

  69. Hogen Mogen
    December 16th, 2008 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: He doesn’t give a … ?? What? What doesn’t he give? Charitable donations? Compliments? Good treats on Halloween?

    And pluggers will never know, either, being as they all fell asleep because they just didn’t give a damn about the movie.

  70. ladadog
    December 16th, 2008 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Dear # 52, Amateur, and #62 , Teenchy,

    Thanks for the kind thoughts.

    After 33 years in the same field, including the last 16 at a company I loved, I can say I am looking forward to a change. I wish they paid the re-enactors (or whatever they are called) at Plimoth Plantation a little more.
    However, I still have my “I quit. I’m joining the Jungle Patrol” mouse pad, which serves to remind me I am up-to-date on my yellow fever shot (from a trip to the garden spots of Abuja, NIgeria & Entebbe, Uganda), in case Stripey-briefs has an opening (on the patrol, not his briefs).

  71. Foolkiller
    December 16th, 2008 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: I’m more concerned that Marvin and the black kid have telepathic powers. Generation X indeed.

  72. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    December 16th, 2008 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: I know the concept of an gaggle of telepathic babies is supposed to be charming, but frankly I find it terrifying. But a gaggle of telepathic babies making bad jokes that involve transposing purely adult concepts onto preverbal toddlers, well, color me freaked out.

    Seriously, “bank account”? They grow up so fast these days. I didn’t have a bank account until first grade.

  73. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 16th, 2008 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    It’s really true, you know, if the timing had been a little different we could have ended the cold war at a stroke by dropping a well-chosen portfolio of Melissa de Jesus’s artwork on Moscow. It is, as an absolute fact, impossible to concentrate on building missiles when your brain is stuck in an endless loop of “Боже мой! Вот какие красавици! Мне хочится! ” and so on.

  74. Hogen Mogen
    December 16th, 2008 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Hagar the Horrible Khaki Pants Retailer: Half the comics are trying to stay “topical” by mentioning the economic collapse. The other half, like HTH are trying to stay topical by mentioning the price of oil, which has at least been quite high as recently as five months ago.

    But all told, I really think Hagar ought to go on a voyage to the New World and be thrown overboard by a mutinous crew. A few CCers have mentioned that HTH gets some kind of a “pass” as far as our generalized hatred of legacy strips. But what’s there, really? He drinks to excess and fights with his wife. Big whoop, so do the Lockhorns. He’s lazy, but so is Garfield. He is the only comic character that routinely describes his own B.O., but the stable hands in Wiz of Id describe the wonderful boquet of stink from horse poop. Which one is more pungent isn’t really the issue. The point for debate is which one is more humorous and which is just pathetic. Horses shit, it stinks, and the stable hands shovel it and take it away. Hagar – well, he only needs to take a bath, doesn’t he? I’m also weary of all these casual conversations that take place amidst a hail of arrows. That joke was played out long ago. Sure, I admire the bravery of someone who storms a castle with only a wooden sword. But after so many an encounter and never the hint of danger at any point, can we safely conclude that they can’t hit anyone? Who are these castle guards? Ancestors of the Storm Troopers? Enough already, Browne, end it.

  75. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    December 16th, 2008 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    H&L – I myself have made it through a couple rounds of layoffs this year. They are never fun. And I’ve seen the complex calculus that goes into who gets laid off. What skills will we need next year? If we keep X and lay off Y, will X quit in 3 months anyway? Maybe Z will find another job quickly and we can feel less bad about it? Layoffs are not only bad for the person being laid off, they are also bad for the team left behind, who either has to do the same job with fewer people, or a smaller, less interesting job with fewer people. It sucks all around.

    So with that in mind, I have to say that the thought that Hi’s performance at the Foofram corporation is so interchangeable with his colleagues that his only hope of standing out against them is to suck up a $20 loan is so dismally depressing that I think I might just have to crawl back in bed for a while.

  76. Lithros
    December 16th, 2008 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    The funny thing is that Marmaduke doesn’t wear the pants in that family, but I guess that’s just so he has easier access to his victims when that particular need arises.

  77. Muffaroo the Convalescent
    December 16th, 2008 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Archie – It’s actually kind of clever that Archie has a wiggle picture that switches between Betty and Veronica on his wall. I’m sure it only get him in more trouble, no matter who comes over. It’s probably more an aid to, ah, meditation than anything.

    Fred Basset – “I am running!” “I was being chased!” “Show’s over. Sod off.”

    HtHorrible – And here I thought it might have been because the family member who does the strip now learned that the “boiling oil” thing was about as true as the unicorn thing.

    R=Rose – Poor, backwards Rigby the horse only makes little popcorn-like things appear around him, instead of being able to manifest entire boxes of Lucky Charms like everybody else.

    S-Man“It’s headed straight for that wall!!” “And it’s getting closer, closer! It’s almost at the wall now! Oh, if only there was somebody who could, I dunno, shoot webs or something and stop it. Oh, why was I cursed with the proportionate narrating ability of a spider?”

    Zits – But the stairs are over on the right! What’s she doing, carrying that wad of garb around in circles like a lost ant? Building a nest?

  78. Muffaroo the Convalescent
    December 16th, 2008 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Mibbitmaker @14 – No, the way he’s drawn, he’s Brutus, though why any artist would prefer the villain from the 1960 Al Brodax Popeyes is clear past me. It’s like if you were doing a Bewitched comic and chose to draw Darrin like Dick Sargent.

    Esther Blodgett @58What’s the over-under on days until Dixie actually hits the ground? That depends on how effective Detective Hotbody’s shouted command to stop turns out to be.

    Personal note – My daughter finally got to tell me the wonderful secret she’s been “not” telling me for the last month or two. My birthday present is a kitty. When I’m up and around again, we’ll go to this local place (all I remember is it has ‘farm’ in the name) which is said to have a fine selection of appealing felines, and I’ll pick one out for my daytime companion. It’s been over three years since our last cat, and it will be nice to have one around, animating the house.

  79. Poteet
    December 16th, 2008 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    # 24 kalki — re 9CL, BWAHAHAHA! Nice work.

    # 70 ladadog — I hope you’ll find just what you want, exactly when you want to find it.

  80. Hogen Mogen
    December 16th, 2008 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    #66 – Commodore – RE: Archie:

    I didn’t know what to make of that at first, either. I thought it could be a mistake. No, too obvious – but I’ve made my own mistakes underestimating the virtually unlimited power of stupid. I also thought that it could be one of those electronic picture frames that shifts pictures every few seconds. Could be, because the AJGLU3K has also chosen to display Archie using a laptop with extra wide screen. Ok, I almost bought into that one before a new thought occurred.

    That isn’t a picture, it’s a window into Archie’s closet, where he has both Betty and Veronica kidnapped. They are smiling because he juiced them up with powerful sedating date rape drug as not to try to escape their confinement before he uses them as his human playthings. Oh, and Archie is probably involved in smuggling artifacts somehow, too.

  81. lesles
    December 16th, 2008 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    #70 ladadog – “in case Stripey-briefs has an opening”

    you could get a part in the movie!

    #67 bats :[ – i believe that has become the new mantra of every australian film maker and may find its way into future funding agreements. boy, did he blow a wrong one with that film. on so many levels.

    poor baz. when mary’s finished with lynn, she may have a job down under.

    oh god, i’ve just terrified myself.

  82. Poteet
    December 16th, 2008 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    # 78 Muffaroo — Congratulations!!! When the time comes, I wanna know the name and color.

    The tiny kitten my vet found lying on a county road this summer turned out to be affectionate, beautiful, and wonderfully crazy. I’d hope that you’ll be just as lucky, but somehow I know you will be;-).

  83. 150
    December 16th, 2008 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Screw you, Marvin. I’ve seen enough lame attempts to bolster the male ego framed as accusations of gold-digging. “Oh, she doesn’t want me, how could she possibly choose him, she must be after his money.” Maybe she recognizes that you’re a smug, bratty, dull-eyed budding misogynist, and Ask Marvin was even stupider than Belly Laffs.

    I can’t believe I let Marvin make me this mad. I need to go read some Spiderman or something to bring my heart rate back down.

  84. Hogen Mogen
    December 16th, 2008 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    I just have to keep going back to this super awesome Judge Parker today. Y’know what really makes an action movie for me? Oh, you do? I’ll just stop here then.

    No, of course I’m going to diatribe this thing out.

    A great action movie works for me when there is a ton of shattering glass. Gunfire, explosions – yes, all cool, but it’s shattering glass that really works that action bone. Good villians work well, too. And hot women. Dixie is shaping up to be quite the slick villianess, so we’re really getting a two-fer here.

    But a final note – the best day in JP in decades – and no regular character in sight.

  85. DigitalGonzo
    December 16th, 2008 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    My Marvin rant. Ignore if not in a rant-reading mood:

    Most comics I read ironically. Some comics I actually enjoy. Regardless, I derive some pleasure from almost all comics. Marvin is the exception.

    Everytime I read Marvin I’m just reminded of how much I hate it and how much is poorly done about the strip. Not only does the author not really use “jokes,” but he refuses to even use jokes that fit the context of the strip about half the time. This week’s could just as easily be a series of Herb & Jamaal strips with no confusion — so far, and I’ll be there’s none this whole week, are the jokes actually about the fact it’s babies doing this. Really, these jokes work far worse with babies because, well, it’s stupid and more than a little creepy.

    The strip will also take one lame joke and stretch it into a week of the same lame joke every day. Even Garfield isn’t that bad (except for one week a couple years ago where they used the same punchline for a week, but that was actually sort of funny due to its audacity).

    Ugh. Just … just so hate-filled toward Marvin. And I won’t even delve into its terrible use of pop culture. Ugh.

    End rant.

  86. Carly
    December 16th, 2008 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    Upon reading the first panel of RMMD, I thought the crisis was a lot more…I don’t know…serious. I should know better. All soap strips are about petty people and their petty problems, which by definition are never very exciting. (Possible exception: Lu Ann, who seems to get into things involving hallucinations and her boyfriend getting shot; rather than her responding in petty ways, these events cause Margo to respond in petty and possibly evil ways.)

  87. Joe Btfsplk
    December 16th, 2008 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man – When I stopped that clock from falling on Maria… I didn’t see Jameson tied to its back side! Damn, if only I’d known, I would have made it land face-up! And it’s headed straight for that wall! It’s totally not going to roll through the door and out into traffic! Today is just not my day!

  88. Poteet
    December 16th, 2008 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    # 56 lesles — Thanks for the news! Wow, that Phantom sure has full, sensuous lips. I’m surprised that Chatu (or whatever his name is) hasn’t been distracted by them.

  89. Joe
    December 16th, 2008 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    NBV: Why oh why are antelopes always anthropomorphized as being cheap?

    XY&S: “Like shooting pickles in a barrel.” Ha, ha. Gramp’s dementia is so funny.

    DooP Jeeze! Why is Felix Culp always falling down on the job?

    GRAG: Yes, Isabelle Marco does look excited, but he is actually thinking, “There is not enough Viagra in the world. . .”

  90. Joe Blevins
    December 16th, 2008 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Too bad Rex Morgan and Mark Trail couldn’t have switched storylines. Rex would’ve no doubt enjoyed being tied up by rough trade yokels, while Mark would’ve responded to today’s news by saying, “So bottom line, how many people will I have to punch to get a steak and potatoes?”

  91. teenchy
    December 16th, 2008 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    # 70: From one with a fictional canine screen name to another, I second Poteet @ 79.

    I haven’t begun to develop tooling for the Mary Worth bobblehead, but I’m starting to think it wouldn’t be that much different from the Eleanor Iselin bobblehead.

  92. bats :[
    December 16th, 2008 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    I had no idea of Rex’s whims until Josh reminded us of them (hey, I only hopped on board at the beginning of the Niki ‘n’ Rex go “fishing” story). Ice cream and mac-and-cheese (particularly that industrial/commercial stuff they serve at cafeterias, buffets and other fine scarfing establishments) are two of my faves as well…can anonymous sex be far behind?

  93. Hank
    December 16th, 2008 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Dick Tracy works best if you read the last panel with a deliberate emphasis on the main character’s first name.

  94. DunkHawk
    December 16th, 2008 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Lois has been complaining about Hi’s “small-unit tactics” for years now.

  95. Dingo
    December 16th, 2008 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    The way they’re drawing him this week, I’d like to change the title of the strip to Rex Morgan, Pissy Bitch Extraordinaire. Then again, that’s already the title.

  96. Esther Blodgett
    December 16th, 2008 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    #78 Muffaroo: New kitties rule! My 2-year-old Siamese climbed the Christmas tree this morning. I know I’m going to regret it when she finally brings the whole damn thing down, but I was laughing too hard to punish her. I hope you get a wonderful new companion!

  97. Anonymous
    December 16th, 2008 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @ #39 Ladadog-Crap. So sorry, and good luck on the job search. I just narrowly ducked the same fate this month.

  98. Deena in OR
    December 16th, 2008 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    Anonymous at #97 was me, post cookie clearing. Argh.


    Re: Dingo’s Curmudgeons before Christmas…

    I got a shoutout! You like me! You really like me! :)

  99. Anonymous
    December 16th, 2008 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    Going way back, in real years — about three weeks ago RMMD time, remember the Pus Boy storyline. Widdle Sawah went for weeks and weeks without anyone feeding her. I guess Rex just is worried about when he is getting his next tube steak meal to think about anyone else.

  100. Donald The Anarchist
    December 16th, 2008 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    RMMD June had planned for this moment. She’d used the breast pump without fail, every day after weaning Widdle Sara, knowing that somehow, there would come a day when Rex WOULD find a use for her breasts again. “I’ll feed you, baby,” she said softly. But Rex just blinked and turned his head. Mammary glands had always disgusted him…

  101. Bitter Scribe
    December 16th, 2008 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Does the Marvin guy just take any silly-ass, stale joke and slap it into the telepathic thought balloons of babies, no matter how age-inappropriate it is?

  102. Uncle Lumpy
    December 16th, 2008 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    #92 bats :[ –

    …can anonymous sex be far behind?

    Well, where else would it be?

  103. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 16th, 2008 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    The great Hungarian literary critic Túrós Hordó once wrote “Herb & Jamaal without a massive dose of hallucinogens is a fat load of crap in a leaky package.”

  104. PeteMoss
    December 16th, 2008 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    OMG!OMG!OMG! Much like Hi Flagston, I, too, lack the requisite skills of the sort that will be useful in the coming post-collapse world (e.g., hunting, agriculture, small-unit tactics). I am doomed, I tell you! Doooomed! No government bailout or Froofram Corp. or benevolent backyard feeder will be there to rescue my sorry ass, either. No sir, it’s game over, man. Thanks for reminding me, Josh. Have a splendid holiday, dammit.

  105. kalki
    December 16th, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    66. commodorejohn #27 kalki – There’s probably a paper to be written on the fact that most of the misfortunes of women in the Winkerverse are inflicted on them by outside forces, while most of the troubles of the men are self-inflicted.


    I’m not quite certain about that. Yeah, Les is a social leper and Funky is an alkie, but who can say whether outside forces caused all this cancer or if one of the male characters has been secretly planting plutonium on the women in the greater Westview area? And of course, there was that incident with Becky losing her arm because of Wally. The worst crime is the seeming influence that John Byrne has had on the way these people are now drawn.

  106. kalki
    December 16th, 2008 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    79. Poteet: Thankee, kind Poteet.

  107. Red Greenback
    December 16th, 2008 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “…who’s going to feed us?” Who cares, Rex, the question is: “Who’s been feeding Abbey the Wonder Dog?”…Oh, I almost forgot, Abbey’s the brains of the outfit. I see her all comfy in the family den wearing Rex’s silk smoking jacket, brandy snifter in one paw and a Virginia Slim in the other, watching Animal Planet.

  108. queek
    December 16th, 2008 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    78: “some captioning required”

  109. lesles
    December 16th, 2008 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    #104 PeteMoss: shhh, calm down, now. it’s alright. remember – we are the chosen, steeped in comic lore. we have absorbed the tropes and structures of that upon which we snark deep into our subconscious.

    in the post-collapse, we shall become the new storytellers, the mythmakers. we shall infuse our tales with the spirit of mary worth; of rex morgan; of foob and mark trail, and we shall not have to bear the horror of the post-collapse for our lives will be mercifully short.

    alternatively, just hoard all the mark trail you can get your hands on, and bingo! instant guide to survival amongst the megafauna.

  110. Joe the Plugger
    December 16th, 2008 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Even as a self-described Plugger, today’s Plugger baffled me. What does the age of a movie have to do with the ability to stay awake? Is this a swipe at old movies for being boring?

  111. gh
    December 16th, 2008 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    #92 bats :[ –

    Still brilliant, I see. Now I know why Rex abhors canned spinach.

  112. Dub Not Dubya
    December 16th, 2008 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    In case those of you with mad Photoshop and animation skillz missed it in yesterthread, a friend of mine pointed out that it would be awesome to see someone throw a shoe at Mary Worth. Come on, make my year, please?

  113. Dingo
    December 16th, 2008 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    gh, just wait ’til June mentions that they’re on a boat and Rex could always eat fish. That’ll be the anti-patootie face.

  114. Wangdoodle
    December 16th, 2008 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: Those of us with filthy minds enjoy the first panel, in which Tess initially appears to be…you know, I don’t think I can’t even say it here.

  115. blammers66
    December 16th, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Ah, Lois is back! I can’t wait to see the eight panels of “9 Chickweed Lane-style hand action” when Ed and Lois finally get it on. Of course, this being the Batuikiverse, the hands will be cankered, riddled with arthritis, wracking with spasams every few panels from the pain of exertion, holding a bottle of ibuprophin, holding a tube of KY…and then another tube of KY …and then another …

  116. SF_Reader
    December 16th, 2008 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    MW – KInd of a weird place for Mary to start dry humping Lynn, with all those people around.
    MT – So where did the giant racoon come from? I read this comic everyday, what did I miss?

  117. Lorem Ipsum
    December 16th, 2008 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    commodorejohn said at some point in thread #66-

    MT – Oh baby is this ever wonderful. From the loony tractor-swamp-mobile-thing to Mark chasing a giant raccoon and confusing “country” with “county,” this is all building towards the most awesome Mark Trail climax in history.

    I sayeth to this: I am glad I am not the only one that noticed he said country instead of county.
    Mark may have thought that he was on the S.S. Minnow for a second.

  118. SF_Reader
    December 16th, 2008 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    #114 – Wangdoodle – That makes her conversation with herself even funnier!

  119. Dingo
    December 16th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    I love the “Hi, Dick.” in the third panel. It… just… seems… so appropriate.

  120. gh
    December 16th, 2008 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    #113 Dingo –

    Rex abhors eating anything that that might leave something stuck between his teeth. Especially if it smells like fish.

    I’m sorry. Did I say that out loud?

  121. Lou Shumaker
    December 16th, 2008 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Great comments, all, as usual.

    I just wanted to point out that I just came across a wonderful animal picture site that’s not afraid to tell it like it is. (NSFW if your workplace has a policy against cute animal pictures and lots of cursing).

    Even the title might be a bit rough: “F—- You Penguin

  122. Anonymous
    December 16th, 2008 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    blammers66 stated,

    “9 Chickweed Lane-style hand action” when Ed and Lois finally get it on. Of course, this being the Batuikiverse, the hands will be cankered, riddled with arthritis, wracking with spasams every few panels from the pain of exertion, holding a bottle of ibuprophin, holding a tube of KY…and then another tube of KY …and then another

    Ed is too savy for that. He doesn’t want anyone to take his bowling trophy away because they found postings of Lois and him on “Toons Gone Wild!” on that Internetting thingamajig.

  123. Anonymous
    December 16th, 2008 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Ok, RMMD fans, what about the stowaway?

    Or is that just the Captain hiding from the Crew?

  124. rhymes with puck
    December 16th, 2008 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: Gee, Marvin, could it be that while he is a 3 year old successful computer geek, all you can do is paint a green blob?

    Hi and Lois: Between’s Hi’s impending layoff and Lois’ trying to sell houses during a real estate crash, there’s a good chance of this strip looking a lot like Snuffy Smith by summer.

    Luann: It looks like TJ’s plan to get Brad to go to a clothing optional resort with him is working out nicely.

    FW: Something tells me if I had the slightest idea who that was giving the punchline it would make sense. Something else tells me that it still wouldn’t be funny.

    Hagar: Someone hasn’t been paying attention to the price of oil…

  125. Art Vandelay
    December 16th, 2008 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man just moves too fast for me, I just can’t keep up with it.
    So there’s a big clock? And it’s falling? Or rolling? I think that’s what’s going on, but I’ll have to go back through the archives and check a few weeks of old strips to make sure. If only one of the characters would explain what’s happening, then I could keep up with the blazingly fast plot changes.
    Maybe Spider-Man should shoot a spider web at the falling and rolling clock, to keep it from smashing into the wall? Hmm, I need to think about this for a few days. Maybe we’ll find out in a few weeks.

  126. UncleJeff
    December 16th, 2008 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    115 blammers: …..and some 10-W-30…and a small chisel….

  127. Comrade Denny
    December 16th, 2008 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Urgent Request: If anyone has a link to daily Spider-Man strips, I’d appreciate it.

  128. UncleJeff
    December 16th, 2008 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: I think today’s Plugger was engaged in the old GWTW Rhett Butler drinking game.
    Anytime Scarlet shows up on screen, you say “Hello Scarlet” ala Clark Gable. Then throw down a shot of bourbon and mutter: “Bitch.”

  129. Uncle Lumpy
    December 16th, 2008 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    #127 CD –

    OK, here, if this is what you mean. Seriously, though, you don’t want to kick off reading serial comics with Spider-Man. Start with Apartment 3-G or something, then work your way down.

    And don’t overshoot — there’s Marvin down there.

    Just sayin’.

  130. Dingo
    December 16th, 2008 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    UncleJeff #128: I like that game. Could we do the same thing with Maria in The Sound of Music?

  131. AmazingThor
    December 16th, 2008 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    Looks like someone at the Judge Parker camp is a Frank Miller fan.

  132. PeteMoss
    December 16th, 2008 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    #109 lesles

    Thanks. It makes me feel so much better knowing that my ability to remember all the current storylines of A3G and all the major characters in Luann might prevent me from witnessing the post-apocalyptic hellscape that is our near-future. I suppose it’s too late to learn how to raise goats or thatch roofs anyway.

  133. ladadog
    December 16th, 2008 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Dear #79-kind Poteet, #81 lesles & #97/98 Deena in OR,

    Why thank you all very much.
    One of the silver linings is I now have more time to read each post. I might even expand the list of comics I read on a daily basis. But I’m still staying away from Zippy the Pinhead. That strip gives me the creeps.

  134. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 16th, 2008 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    #131 AmazingThor,
    I knew that image of Dixie looked somewhat Batmanesque, but I didn’t make that particular connection. Well done.

    “Who do you think I am? I’m the goddamn PoleDancer!”

  135. AmazingThor
    December 16th, 2008 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    Luann: It’s time for another visit into the sick and twisted cesspool that is TJ’s mind.
    Today’s lesson: Tattoo = exhibitionist.
    That’s all we have time for today, tune in next week for another glance into the abyss.

  136. Anorexia-Inducing Cruising
    December 16th, 2008 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    Rex: “And if the crew’s on strike, who’s going to feed us? Not that it looks like I eat anyway – as you can see by my extremely emaciated face that almost renders me unrecognizable, what’s REALLY going on on this ship is highly illegal liposuction.”

    June: “Yes – and they started on my waist, but didn’t get to my butt yet. They can’t go on strike!”

  137. Muffaroo the Convalescent
    December 16th, 2008 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    Dingo @119 – That’s how everybody greets Dick, even strangers. He spends a lot of time thinking, “Hey, we’ve never met. How did she know my name?”

  138. Marthas Rolling Pin
    December 16th, 2008 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    #112 Dub not Dubya, your wish is my command.

  139. commodorejohn
    December 16th, 2008 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    #134 Artist Formerly Known as Ben – Well, “dense” and “retarded” are particularily apt descriptions of Sam…

    #135 AmazingThor – I think you mean “the sick and twisted cesspool that is Greg Evans’s mind.”

  140. Canaduck
    December 16th, 2008 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: Gah, yeah, how could that one SMOKIN’ HOT bug-eyed hydrocephalic baby with glasses be attracted to that other extremely similar-looking bug-eyed hydrocephalic baby with glasses?

    Marvin should be illegal.

  141. Poteet
    December 16th, 2008 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    # 56 lesles — I cannot resist taking advantage of your relevant post to do an irrelevant rant. Sorry.

    I beg of movie producers around the world to please film your productions in landscapes somewhat sort of like the landscapes in your scripts. As I type this, a movie is being shot in Iowa that’s supposed to take place in Kentucky. There have been “Iowa” movies shot in Texas and California. The wrong landscape is distracting and looks stupid. If you have to go for the cheapest location, change the script to fit the cheapest location. Thank you.

  142. TennesseeJed
    December 16th, 2008 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    So does this mean that in the coming Second Great Depression Barney Google and Snuffy Smith will be the only comic strip faring well? I’d say that would be an awful thing, but consider if the comics were REALLY effected like the economy: the truly useless elitist cast of 9 Chickweed would all be out on the street! Maybe Edda’s awful mom would survive because she supposedly has a farm, but with any luck she would get screwed like all the real life farmers.

  143. DaveyK
    December 16th, 2008 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    I look forward to discovering how Rex Morgan will make a topical storyline about hijacking by and gay sex with Somali Pirates as exciting as standing in line at the DMV. I predict it will accomplish this feat by having someone stand in line at the DMV for several weeks, for no reason other than the fact that this is Rex Morgan.

  144. Digger
    December 16th, 2008 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    It’s not Warren’s bank account that Clare is attracted to. She likes him because he’s a googly-eyed baby like her. She doesn’t care much for the smug, eyes-half-open look that Marvin and his friend sport. It’s that look that makes Marvin the only baby in the world who comes off as an asshole.

  145. Niall
    December 16th, 2008 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    Commodorejohn: did you ever end up re-watching “Garfield – His Nine Lives” after all?

    bats :[ : I just found your comment to me on the cat in Allegro Non Troppo. I share the sentiment. Did you know I was able to shake Bruno Bozzetto’s hand and thanked him for all his works? :) And yes, Life 6 is touching, isn’t it?

    Zaq (and ChattyGenes too if she’s watching): thanks again for your answer on thanking a Nippon chef for a meal. Would this be an appropriate pronunciation?

  146. fishmorgjp
    December 16th, 2008 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    Geez, how depressing—Marmaduke has shoved the dead corpse of his “master” off the couch in order to lie there himself. How cold!

  147. Joe Blevins
    December 16th, 2008 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Clare is attracted to Warren because he and she both possess the ability to make their eyelids go all the way up — a rare talent in the Marvinverse.

  148. commodorejohn
    December 16th, 2008 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    #145 Niall – No, that’s something I still have to get around to…

  149. Wolf Shepherd
    December 16th, 2008 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    DT – Exactly what does Tess have in her hand in panel one? I thought this was a family strip. At least it is not vibrating.

  150. Dub Not Dubya
    December 16th, 2008 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    138 Marthas Rolling Pin, thank you! LMAO!

  151. Niall
    December 16th, 2008 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    Okay, faced with bleah things, this video of ‘talking’ cats (with hilarious translation) never fails to make me smile these days. Awww…

  152. Zaq
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    145 Niall: It’s not perfect, but it’s not bad. Don’t stress the first syllable of “deshita,” (in fact, compared to the rest of the phrase there’s not a lot of stress on deshita) and it’s “gochisou…” not “goshisou…” but that’s actually not bad at all. They should definitely understand you.

    …Damn, I want some good Japanese food now. There’s no reasonably priced Japanese restaurants within easy walking/bus distance of me. Oh well.

  153. Anonymous
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    110: True pluggers cannot concentrate on anything for more than two hours.

  154. Diego J. Pereira
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    Find a little disturbing the way kids in MARVIN read each other’s thoughts (those ARE thought baloons after all)…they actually remind me of those freaky kids with white hair from Carpenter’s “Village of the Damned”!

  155. Niall
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    152. Zaq: Is this better?

    I don’t often hear a “tchi” sound in the middle of a word, so I had replaced it with a softer Shi sound. It’s difficult to not emphasise a beginning syllable too… but a good diction exercise.

  156. Islamorada Girl
    December 16th, 2008 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    A REAL Plugger has a nine second concentration span. Unless he or she sees something shiny. . .

  157. Stranger...
    December 17th, 2008 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker — Wowza. More action in ONE day that Spidey’s had in 3 years combined! And a bare midriff — bonus!

  158. Stranger...
    December 17th, 2008 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    change that to than (in #157)

    “That remark is too short to preview”, I thought… Sheesh.

  159. Red Greenback
    December 17th, 2008 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    SFx: ??u???? u??? ?no???? s??u??????p x?s ll? puno? ?

  160. Niall
    December 17th, 2008 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    159 Red Greenback: …hunh?

  161. bats :[
    December 17th, 2008 at 1:50 am [Reply]

    112. Dub Not Dubya: you must’ve been a good little Munchkin all year (excuse some of the crappy framing):

  162. Poteet
    December 17th, 2008 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    12/17 MT — *clears throat, runs through quick scale*

    I TALK to the TUR-tles…
    But they don’t LIS-ten to meeee….

  163. Red Greenback
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    #159-me: Sorry about that. I was trying to use a text inverter. It obviously didn’t work.
    #161-bats :[ Hahahahaha!

  164. Poteet
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    12/17 A3G — Oh, great. Now we’re catching up with Tommie the Dull-Doll. Lu Ann’s corpse will have rotted away to nothing by the time we finally get back to South Dakota. It’s so unfair.

  165. True Fable
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    A3G Well, here’s something I never thought I’d see – Dr. Bland asking Tommie if she’d like to get busy with him Friday night. Of course she will assume he means take on extra work at the hospital. By the time he realizes just how unimaginitive Tommie really is, his blow-up doll will look brilliant by comparison.

  166. Jimmy Olsen
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    Imagine my surprise when I read (incorrectly, as it turns out) the final-panel narration of Wednesday’s Gil Thorp as: “Bill Hawkins is a force-fit at point guard, and young Micah Huang is…well, hung.”

  167. Dub Not Dubya
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:45 am [Reply]

    161 bats, I am laughing so hard that I’m crying! Thank you! Before I saw your post, I spent some time with my own little meager effort. My Photoshop skillz are weak at best, but the special guest might bring a smile:

  168. True Fable
    December 17th, 2008 at 3:10 am [Reply]

    Luann I always thought of Brad as being somewhat special, and I don’t mean in an outstanding or unique way.
    MT LET’S GET HIM! Surely there is some kind of really cool logo that can be dreamed up using these classic lines from the Mark Trail School of Violent Exhortations.
    MW Here I was all set to read Michio Kaku’s Hyperspace when I beheld today’s Wisdom of Mary Worth. It jangled my whole perception of space and time and parallel universes, where old ladies presume to know that young men do not want their girlfriends to skate in a limited way. He might have, you know. He might have just said “yeah well, fuck her; whatever” and never thought twice about getting dumped. But Mary is a proven Time Lord, gifted in knowing precisely how a teenager thinks even though his very existence is so foreign to her, so I must believe her!

    Help me, Mr. Kaku!

  169. Joe Btfsplk
    December 17th, 2008 at 3:38 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker – Yikes! I had it backwards for a moment there; I thought that was a shadow on Detective Roberts’ back, and an elbow-length glove on her arm. Well, I’ve got it straight now, but I can still see it the other way, if I want to. And I do.

    Mark Trail – Soooooo… You’re expecting the turtles to, like, do something about that, or what?

  170. Mibbitmaker
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:24 am [Reply]


    9CL: Phantom’s Devil has nothing on her!

    A3G: “Busy is always best”? Tommie, you’re working in an emergency room! Busy means lots of people are getting hurt or sick. I thought that was a bad thing! (She’s been hanging around with Margo too long)

    Archie: Hey, red — you’re essentially a poor person on your last dime, and you’re giving it to someone who’s already got tons of moolah to spare? You know what they call that, Arch’? (“…Stupid?”) No… Reaganomics! Which is stupid!

    BBlues: Uh-oh — she’d going to be the “Pinhead” on the O’Reilly Factor now.

    BBailey: Gen. Halfwit likes the “new” stuff… like Reaganomics references…

    Curtis: Apparently, the “Smoking Causes Deadly Cancer” book was sold out.

    DtM: The father’s missing thought balloon: “Ceramic swans…?”

    DT: Yeah, but WHAT THE HELL WERE HER AND DIET TALKING ABOUT??!??!! (Mibbit now panting like Animal from the Muppet Show)

    FW: Omigod, he’s going to ask her out, isn’t he? Yeecch!

    GA: Must be a jingle inside, there certainly isn’t any brain! Next thing for Slim: getting phished in A3G (or Ponzied in New York…)

    GF: So much for Bucky as a contrived stand-in for Dubya, etc. Take note, Wiley…

    GT: Basketball-playing Arab culture considers throwing a basketball like that to be a grave insult. However, Arabic bowling culture is still with the whole shoe thing.[/contrived satire]

    MT: The Slowski’s just love watching serial strips, with all the slooooowwwww storytelling. No comment from the Geiko gecko…

    MW: “Lynn, what happened to Greg wasn’t your fault. How could you help it that he was a drunken stalker that looked like Capt. Kangaroo and couldn’t take an intervention by a bunch of strangers in the spirit in which it was intended, anyway??”
    “Um…… wh-what? –???”

    NS: You’re a cold, cold man, Wiley.

    Ghost-Who-Is-Stealing-Mark-Trail’s-Material: Hmmm… that last bit sounded just like Rush Limbaugh’s version of Obama’s negotiating position.

    Popeye: Even given the Popeye and Bluto (not Brutus) as pals cartoons from the pre-War era, Max and Dave Fleischer are rolling around in their graves about now!

    S-M: Y’know, Spidey, nobody’d blame you if you just looked the other way……………

    ZtP: I know Griffy’s trying to be vehemently iconoclastic (not to mention iconographic) in this series of strips, but I kinda like the idea of God playing the marimba, myself. Maybe He plays in a “space-age pop” combo. Cool, man!

  171. Mibbitmaker
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:46 am [Reply]

    Postscripts from my #171….

    GA (OT): I wonder if a “Ponzie scheme” is a plan to mix in the DNA of Fonzie with the DNA of Potsie. WHOA!

    MT (OT): I wonder (all kidding aside this time) if the “Slowski” ads are done by the same ad agency that does all those great Geiko (I’m probably misspelling that) commercials? If so, I wish all TV advertising were done by them. I mean, corporate propaganda is corporate propaganda, but that’d make viewing more bearable.

  172. Mibbitmaker
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:58 am [Reply]

    More #171 stuff I noticed rereading my post:

    I meant “getting phished in MW”, not A3G. Must be psychologically supressing memories of that dopey storyline or something…

  173. Wangdoodle
    December 17th, 2008 at 5:02 am [Reply]

    Wednesday, stinkin’ Wednesday…

    RMMD: Oh, you’re about to get fed, all right. The only question is, will it be to the sharks, or the crew?

    FW: You know what? I am wishing cancer upon you. Then you’ll have something WORTH whining about.

    Mother Goose & Grimm: I’m sorry, I know you mean well, but…drawing parallels between gay marriage and a dog humping a log is probably not going to change any minds. It frightens and depresses me that I have to point this out.

    Non Sequitur: Wiley finally got around to doing this gag, weeks after anyone else similarly inclined has already done it. (At least Dan Piraro’s likely to see it, and promptly ruin a pair of underwear raging about it.)

    PBS: Next week, on “The Young Ones”…

    Zits: I can’t believe I used to like this strip. Now it’s swiping stuff from Rose Is Rose (namely, the bad-breath floating skulls). Plus, it’s really running this nonsense so far into the ground the Chinese government’s complaining.

    172. Mibbitmaker

    The Slowskis are Comcast mascots, and they have their own website (although I’m more partial to Jack Links Beef Jerky’s Messin’ With Sasquatch ads):

  174. Little Guy
    December 17th, 2008 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    JP: Nice call, whoever said that there was backup on the grounds. Also, I think we pegged that said SWAT member was just an incompentant fuck.

    9CL: Well, of course, Edda. She hasn’t been laid like you have.

    Personally, if these two shrews are so combatant, then pay-per-view Naked Coed Mixed Martial Arts in the Octagon Jello Pit should have been the tie breaker.

  175. Mordock999
    December 17th, 2008 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann 12/17/08

    Nah, Brad.

    I’LL tell ya whats NOT normal.

    The FACT that you KNOW TJ’s a frigging DOUCEBAG
    yet you CONTINUE to tolerate his VERY existence.


    DEATH to TJ!

  176. Scherzo chained to a log
    December 17th, 2008 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Why is Jeremy trailing a cloud of green mushrooms? Or is it a cloud of broccoli florets?

  177. Alfred Packer
    December 17th, 2008 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Okay, the question must be asked: Pretending for a moment that an 18 month old child could write and develop software and assemble a fortune in cash and other assets. Why on Earth would this genius be spending his days in any daycare, let alone the craptastic one Marvin’s parents use.

  178. gleeb
    December 17th, 2008 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Pigborn: “Are you…deceased?” Is English your second language? Who speaks like that?

    Agnes: Not a bad idea, if one has the talent and no sense of shame. I mean, “Christmas Shoes” must be a nice little royalty-generator.

    Dick: Diamond thieves dressed as playing cards. Giant, talking robots. Now an antique-car obsessed professor. Gee, I’m glad they got rid of Moon Maid; that stuff was just silly.

    ‘bean: The longing look. Les’ creepiness is increasing. Get out of there, Summer!

    Gil: Man, look at that Mike Huang! He sure is young. A young man with youth. Youngin’ it all over the place.

    Det. Roberts takes charge!: They’re not even bothering to draw Sam any more. Good.

    Duck: Take THAT, Hauersperger! IS Brucie just using the strip to settle petty neighborhood disputes now?

    Zippy: That’s the second marimba I’ve seen in the comics today. Is it International Marimba Day again?

  179. Saluki
    December 17th, 2008 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    3g: Um, in what universe does “busy is always best” apply at a hospital emergency room? I think Tommy has a gore fetish and got into nursing for all the wrong reasons. Maybe the doctor wants to show her his open oozing infected cut.

    BB: I don’t know if the punchline is a reflection of the writers age or the intended audience’s age. For this joke to work in these times Halftrack should have wanted music by The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and The Kinks. For the way it is written now Halftrack would have to be around 80 years old!

    Garfield: I was in a band once called Coconut Monkey Head.

    Thorp: At first I read the last panel as “…and young Micah is …well, Haung”.

    MT: I like the cameo by the Slowskies in panel one. I can just hear Bill saying “We got a real talker here!”.

  180. Anonymous
    December 17th, 2008 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    To bad Mary didn’t have this kind of advice when Aldo died.

    By the way, did you ever notice that Aldo Kelrast looked like Captain Kangaroo?

  181. Tracer Bullet
    December 17th, 2008 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    A3G: Damn he’s smooth.
    C’shaft: Ethel Perkins is dead.
    FOOB: Lynn isn’t even trying anymore. I mean, she’s trying even less than she was before. Which wasn’t a whole lot in the first place.
    FW: And so begins Tom Batiuck’s rendition of the Greek tragedy, “Electra.”
    GT: Let’s face it, coach. You’ve got a team full of unathletic honkies and the only kid in the school over 6-foot-2 is one hard workout away from having his heart burst through his nose. Let’s just skip to baseball season and spare everyone four month of misery.
    MW: Listen to her, Lynn. Mary Worth knows from killing men in car accidents.

  182. kalki
    December 17th, 2008 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    9CL: Wait about 3 hours later and Edda will just realize that Amos called her a bitch. Another breakup will ensue and we’ll have to start that long reconciliation process all over again. (side note–this whole nonsense about Belgians peeping on Amos and Edda having sex and this endless cello contest…if it were me, I’d win the contest and then throw the prize back in the judges faces, telling them it was unworthy to be an award that I would accept. Then, I would flee Belgium like the Brits at Dunkirk)

    Baby Blues: “I plan on crying on his lap. How bout you?” “Oh, I’ve been drinking lots of liquids. I hope Santa likes golden showers.”

    Archie: Can you say “trophy wife”? I knew you could…

    Beetle: Looks like Buxley just noticed the mirror on the General’s ceiling. Too bad she didn’t notice the roofie he slipped in her coffee a few minutes ago or the HD camcorders encircling the room.

    Dagwood: I actually had one of the silver aluminum ones until I was forced to give it away.

    Crank: Old people are just haters. It keeps them warm, I guess.

    DTM: “Another vibrator, Alice? What the hell is the matter with you? And how the devil did Dennis manage to break it???”

    CircusJerk: Unfortunately, dear old dad is singing the lyrics to the song “Sodomy” from the musical “Hair”.

    FW: SUMMER! NO!!!!!! Les: “Well, if you can’t find a date…where is my baby blue tux?”

    Hi/Lois: “Oh, and we couldn’t reach the faucet for water, dad and the toilet bowl was right there…so…”

    GA: I swear to God, if the door opens and these people turn out to be polygamists…

    Luann: Boy, Brad, I guess your genitals fell off a few years back there, huh?

  183. ksilver
    December 17th, 2008 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Speaking of Vietnamese porn stars, check out sexy Rexy’s face in the third panel there.

  184. Saxman
    December 17th, 2008 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    My Cage

    I know Ed Power comes by here occasionally and just wanted him to know today’s strip with the bathtub/office cube made me spit my diet Dr. Pepper all over my key board. Keep ‘em coming.

    And yup, I successfully suspended my disbelief concerning how somebody with flippers can type).

    Er, speaking of typing, does anyone know if you can really safely put a dirty keyboard in the dishwasher?

  185. Zaq
    December 17th, 2008 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Buxley day!

    A3G: Tommie gets a lot of flack, but I’d rather hear about her than about LuAnn. Granted, she’s boring, but it’s a GOOD boring.

    MW: Lynn’s unexpected grapple rattled Mary, but she’s recovering nicely and is well into her string of meddlesome platitudes. That’s our Mare.

    GT: Tell me that’s not Andrew “Curly-Horse” Gregory in panel 1 there! Where’s his Superman spit-curl?

    MC: Norm never was one to beat around the bush.

    Luann: You know what Cathy, Garfield, and Ziggy have in common? I ENJOYED THEM MORE THAN LUANN TODAY.

    RMDM: People complain about the slow pace of Rex Morgan, but in Mary Worth that knock wouldn’t have happened until Saturday at least.

    Phantom: I know any word can be an insult if you say it with enough emphasis, but isn’t that, you know, how he describes himself?

    @Niall: Better, better. There are a few things to nitpick, but I bet they’ll still be impressed.

  186. spike
    December 17th, 2008 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    #183 kalki: Re: FW: Great twisted minds think alike…and ya beat me to the punch! Well done!

    9CL: Say what you will, those facial expressions of Edda’s are priceless.

    PBS: Go, Snuffles!

  187. Aviatrix
    December 17th, 2008 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @#174: Drawing parallels between gay marriage and a dog humping a log is probably not going to change any minds.

    Nope, but drawing a parallel between concerns that gay marriage affects traditional marriage, and the dog’s affection for the log immediately affecting a specific marriage, is funny. I laughed.

    And I know that is not an approved use of a comma.

  188. Dingo
    December 17th, 2008 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Lynn, you’re young. At this point in your life, you believe Greg’s death was an “accident.” Learn from the master. Your gobsmacking unbelievable womanhood drove him to his death. Ice skates, chilly stares, icy roads, frozen corpse… there’s a pattern here.

  189. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 17th, 2008 at 11:00 am [Reply]


    GA: Call me a cockeyed optimist, but I like to think Slim has been lured to the slaughter by a modern day SAwney Bean clan. He must have some decent cuts of meat on him.

    Cathy: Wow, that’s actually clever and kind of funny. Watch out for the four horsemen.

    DtM: “Even if I can fix it, what are we going to do with another bong?”

    A3G: Ah, the lily white retro-New York of the 3G girls. Where they have cell phones, laptops, and the Free Tibet! movement, but not sexual harassment laws.

    HtH: Your ergotism has to be pretty advanced to see that, yes.

    FW: “No date? Well let’s see. I could dig my tuxedo out of the mothballs and…”
    “Dad! No, ew!”

    GT: Someone needs to tell Bill Hawkins that baseball season doesn’t start for another three months.

    SFx: “Whoa, am I in the wrong scene or what? I’m just gonna back slooowly away. Nice lizard. Niiice lizard.”

    S-M: So super-hearing must be among Spidey’s superpowers if he can respond to what Big Time just said sixty feet up. I hope for his sake that he doesn’t have super smell, because Flattop must have crapped out his last three meals by now.

    RMMD: “Like why they didn’t just return to shore and kick us off the boat like a real crew would.”

    Ghost-Who-Mood-Swings: Wait, did Chatu stab the Phantom or not? I could have sworn he did. Does Kit bleed the same shade of purple as his costume, and that’s why we can’t see it?

    Luann: In the last panel, TJ throws all caution to the wind and grinds his crotch against Brad’s ass.

    JP: Detective Roberts starts to regret bringing the Tactical Excuse Making Division on this raid.

  190. Esther Blodgett
    December 17th, 2008 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    MW: When did Lynn ever say she thought Greg’s death was her fault? Way to implant a guilty conscience, Mary! And then to follow it up with “…nor would he want you to skate in a limited way because of what happened.” Apart from being an excruciatingly bad sentence, geez! Push those buttons, why don’t you? But wait: What other negative behavioral suggestions could Mary make here?

    “…nor would he want you to swallow a bottle of Demerol because of what happened.”

    “…nor would he want you to become addicted to huffing Zamboni fumes because of what happened.”

    “…nor would he want you to take a bread knife and and slice your father like a loaf of rye because of what happened.”

    “…nor would he want you to quit skating and become a dog-loving murderous stripper because of what happened.”

    Mary’s just trying to figure out the exact trajectory of Lynn’s downward spiral that will give her the most bang for her meddling buck, and then she’s moving in for the kill.

  191. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 17th, 2008 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    #183 kalki and #187 spike,
    Yup, I was on that FW bus too.

  192. Anonymous
    December 17th, 2008 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    What was Greg’s last name?

    I am willing to bet it was Kelrast.

  193. Hibbleton
    December 17th, 2008 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    six chix . . . never had it quite like this.
    I guess he likes his edible panties in the traditional way –with a side of hair pie.

  194. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 17th, 2008 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Six Chix: In a wacky mix-up, Rina Piccolo sends her Penthouse cartoon submission to King Features Syndicate.

  195. Shermy Glamrocker
    December 17th, 2008 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    (With apologies to Sir Paul McCartney)

    Someone’s knocking at the door.
    On this cruise ship hell
    Someone’s knocking on the door
    Maybe they’ve got something to sell.

    I hope it’s a burger
    With cheesy fries
    And a bottle of gin
    Oh yeah.

  196. Mibbitmaker
    December 17th, 2008 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    #183 (kalki): “Let’s just say: I’ve never seen Mr. Wilson more angry the whole time he’s known Dennis!”

    #189 (Dingo): Don’t forget Mary’s icy, icy heart.

  197. Mibbitmaker
    December 17th, 2008 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    #196 (me): Make that:

    #182 kalki &

    #188 Dingo

    …That is, if I’m still #196 Mibbitmaker!

  198. gkl
    December 17th, 2008 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    MW: Oh great, problem solved, now Lynn’s going to win the competition rather than hilariously falling on her ass.

  199. Islamorada Girl
    December 17th, 2008 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    MT: So many hairy villians, so little punchin’ time. . .

  200. bats :[
    December 17th, 2008 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    167. Dub Not Dubya: I guess this just goes to show you that even after 9 January, there will *still* be a viable target for shoes…

  201. Anonymous
    December 17th, 2008 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    Why, oh why did Greg Kelrast have to die?

  202. Niall
    December 17th, 2008 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    182. kalki: wasn’t “Sodomy” from Meet the Feebles? Though I only watched Hair once, over 15 years ago, so I don’t know what songs are in there other than the famous three.

  203. Niall
    December 17th, 2008 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    185. Zaq: thanks! nitpicking could only be done in person for proper back-and-forth corrections.

    Of course, just when I have it down, I can’t use it for a while, due to a dental operation this afternoon costing a grand and insurance not covering for it. Such meals will be curtailed for a while.

  204. AmazingThor
    December 17th, 2008 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    JP: In my universe, it means something entirely different when a girl “nails” you. Giggity Giggity.

  205. Bootsy
    December 17th, 2008 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    Niall, I have been neglectful in my thank you for the I’m sure awesome stripey butt link you provided some time ago. The comments of others about “zebra porn” told me why the firewall here at work wouldn’t let me see it. And I don’t have a computer at home as we are still replacing everything we lost in Katrina (which was everything).

    I’m sorry about the dental stuff. I hope you are back to chewing on the comics real soon!

  206. Donkey Hotey
    December 17th, 2008 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    #151 Niall – Thanks for the laugh. Here’s one that always makes me chuckle.

    #178 gleeb re: FW – To say nothing of the smoke emanating from his crotchal region.

  207. Sarcastro
    December 17th, 2008 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Mallard: Always topical, Tinsley is quoting an article from November 4th, and mentioning an event from October. In his December 17th strip. I look forward to reading his insights about the auto bailout industry vote next Spring.

  208. Mary Worth Discussion Group
    December 17th, 2008 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Did Greg and Lynn.. “make love?” before he was killed?

  209. nowukkers
    December 17th, 2008 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    # 202 Niall – Indeed, in “Meet the Feebles” there was a song extolling the virtues of sodomy by Sebastian, the gay stage director. But preceding that song was the song “Sodomy” in “Hair”, the stage musical, later adapted to the screen by Milos Forman. It is early on, when one of the hippies is wooing the rich uptight chick on the horse in the movie.

  210. commodorejohn
    December 17th, 2008 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Blah, blah, blah.

    A3G – “Pull my finger.”

    DT – Wow, Dick narrowly avoided an automotive collision? Sounds exciting! Too bad we didn’t get to see it.

    FW – Batiuk, it’s bad enough that Les’s loins burn with jealousy at the thought of some young buck getting his hands on his daughter, but did you have to illustrate it?

    HOTC – Gee, Gasoline Alley and Heart Of The City are doing similar storylines. I wonder which one will annoy me less?

    JP – Heidi, she fell at least a floor, maybe two, with her head downwards. Unless she’s got balance and landing skills bordering on the downright feline, she’s probably lying on the sidewalk in some condition from “broken legs” to “brains leaking out of the skull.”

    Luann – Die in a fire.

    MT – Truly, a credible bunch of adversaries.

    MW – Good: a Mary Worth character admitting to being a robot. Better: the phrase “skate in a limited way.”

    Phantom – Psst, Chatu, you do have another arm, y’know.

    Popeye – Popeye isn’t content with just one long bee-grinding storyline. No, it has to have multiple segments of bee-grinding, broken up by brief points where it looks like the plot is actually going to advance before dragging out into the next segment. Argh.

    SFx – Komodo dragons, hell yeah.

    SM – So either Jameson is rolling far too slowly to justify those motion lines, or Spider-Man has some sort of heretofore-undisclosed time-dilation powers.

    Zits – Teenagers are horrible cranky people in the morning! You know, as opposed to adults, who are always full of pep and vigor and ready to face the day.

  211. Hogen Mogen
    December 17th, 2008 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Maybe art immitates life and maybe life immitates art. And my friend Arthur sometimes immitates Richard Nixon, who is not alive. But more to the point, I saw a commercial for Royal Carribean Cruise Lines that took the approach that their ship would declare itself an independent nation of some sort, free of the rest of the world. I had only one thought – Rex Moron’s boring Loathe Boat adventure. Now the only plot detail to be worked out is what this new nation will be called. Morganland? Can’t call it “-land”. Republic of Rex? Junonia?

  212. kalki
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    186. Spike–Thanks, Spike. I aspire to twisted…

    189. Artist formerly known as Ben: Thanks for that Sawney Bean link. Up til now, I have been measuring all cannibalism by just the Donner Party. From now on, when I go to Fuddruckers and give them my name, I won’t say “Donner Party of 4″, I’ll just say “Sawney Bean Clan”

    lol also at the mental image conjured up by your Luann comment

    196. Mibbitmaker: Ouch…I have clenched my buttocks in support of poor Mr. Wilson. Sphincter shields up, captain?

    202. Niall: Huh. I am learning a lot from you all today. I have never heard of “Meet the Feebles”, but I will have to look into that one. A friend used to torment me by singing the lyrics to “Sodomy” whenever he was DMing one of our AD&D campaigns. Scary, huh? Here is a link to the lyrics if anybody cares:

    Thanks to 209. nowukkers for explaining that.

  213. Dingo
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    I believe “in a limited way” should become a new catchphrase. Sarah Palin would have made an excellent vice president… in a limited way.

  214. Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    FW — I now officially hate Summer Moore and all she represents to me and my life.

    This stems from what I found out at my 20 year HS reunion — that most of the girls I lusted after would have gladly gone out with me, because they were sitting at home on date nights while I (and every other guy in town, apparently) assumed wrongly that somebody else asked them out.

    Of course, the same girls wrongly assumed that I was dating someone (yea, there’s a laugh for you) and was unavailable also. Yes, we did have phones back in the 1980s, so somebody should have been calling somebody else. Damn, I hate the universe.

    Instead of complaining, Summer, PICK UP THE DAMN PHONE and call Cory Winkerbean and ask him out. Assuming he isn’t grounded or in jail, he’ll gladly take you out.

  215. Vakar
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    MT: “LET’S GET HIM!” That is exactly the can-do attitude that’s lacking in so many of today’s bad guys! You go, Rabbit, sleepy henchmen, you can do it! Yes we can! Yes we can!

  216. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    #211 kalki,
    Glad to be of service. If your host(ess) is a student of Scottish criminal history you should get some hoppin’ service.

  217. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    Man, is Luann ever pukey today. Brad needs an infusion of essence of Steve Dallas, stat. “I care for you, hot mama!”

  218. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    And I think I’ll be sending Wiley something explode-y by way of thanks for today’s Non Sequitor.

  219. rhymes with puck
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Trust me, Lynn, when a man you know dies in a car accident, it’s best to just spout a few generic platitudes and then never, ever, mention him or even think of him again.”

    RMMD: Please, God, have some Somalian pirates board Rex’s ship. Sure, he’ll get kidnapped, possibly killed, but on the bright side he will know who is going to feed him.

    GT: Since the wing-T was so successful, maybe Gil will save the basketball season with the set shot.

    Pluggers: Hey, garage sales are the only way to find a movie on Betamax nowadays.

  220. PeteMoss
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Niall @ 151

    Here’s a “real” talking cat’s commentary on the humor of Garfield:

    I find I concure with him.

  221. Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    #213: I feel your pain. In my case there was one person in college I was very much in love with my freshman year. Had I opened my mouth 28 years ago, we would have been happily married all that time. We’re getting married this summer.

  222. Poteet
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    # 220 Patrick — Wow, a happy ending! Congratulations!

  223. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    My vote for title of the next Doonesbury collection is “Metal is PTSD.”

  224. Bootsy
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    3 220, Patrick, what Poteet said! Me too!

  225. kalki
    December 17th, 2008 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    220. Patrick–Yes, congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.

  226. Batman Beatles
    December 17th, 2008 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    MW: I guess I really must be out of the loop of how teens talk today. I had no idea they said things like “haunted” or “I skated in a limited way”.

  227. Bootsy
    December 17th, 2008 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    It is Awkward Sentence Day in the funny papers.

  228. Trogdor
    December 17th, 2008 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been seeing a strange similarity between Luann and Watch Your Head lately.

    Both comics have a kind of dorky guy (Brad/Cory) improbably starting to date/hang out with an attractive woman (Toni/January), For whatever reason, in both situations, the woman seems willing — nay, eager — for the guy to make a move. And in both cases the guy seems paralyzed with fear/indecision/something, and does nothing. In fact, both guys seem to think they’re being noble or chivalrous or gallant or something, while both women seem to be thinking, “is this guy gay or what? Why won’t he at least kiss me – or better yet, jump my bones.”

    It also seems that in both cases the woman is starting to get fed up with the guy’s inaction. I wouldn’t be surprised to see both Toni and January either confront their respective guys (I know, that violates the Brady Bunch rule of keeping misunderstandings alive as long as possible), or dump them for clearly being uninterested in the realities of dating (i.e., some sort of physical intimacy, even if it’s only making out).

    And strangely, although both guys are acting very similarly, I find Cory infinitely more sympathetic. Yea, he’s messing things up. But he’s a freshman at college having his first real relationship. And most of us can sympathize with a guy making horrible missteps with the first woman he dates. Of course Brad isn’t much older than Cory (he went to work for the fire department instead of going to college, so he might be a year older than Cory). But while I want to sit Cory down and explain things to him, I want to kick Brad in the head.

    I can think of a few things that make Brad’s situation more annoying:

    (1) Brad won’t even admit that he’s dating Toni. (“We’re just friends.”) For the love of God, Brad, if you want to date her, do it. Don’t keep whining about how she’s too good for you. She’s practically thrown herself at your feet (God knows why). If you keep kicking her away, you’ve no one to blame but yourself! At least Cory freely admits he’s dating January (and is even proud of it).

    (2) The Toni-Brad attraction is so much less comprehensible than the January-Cory attraction. I can see January wanting to go out with Cory. Not so much with Toni going out with Brad.

    (3) TJ. Because everything involving TJ is inherently more annoying.

  229. Niall
    December 17th, 2008 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    205. Bootsy: oh my! I was unaware you were unable to see those photos! They were simply of various zoo photos, the last one being a straight-on view of a zebra’s behind. Tail down. Nothing bad, just the amusing shot of “the end” being an animal butt. The comment of “zebra porn” was quite definitely tongue-in-cheek. I don’t know which of livejournal (where my link redirected) or the image hosting service the photos were on tripped your firewall, though.

    I probably shouldn’t try chewing on comics right back from the dentist… it might make my already-lame snarking nigh-impenetrable, laced with fits of typed giggling. Even that would be unentertaining except for myself. I’ll probably just fire up my WoW-wannabe game (called Perfect World) and hack and slash because it takes zero brainpower.

    209. Nowukkers: yeah, I figured there was one in Hair – and I guess it says something the only one I know is from the too-weird-for-the-cult-shelf previous effort from the director of the Lord of the Rings movies. (Which prompted many head-shakes as to what someone who did that film would do to those books.)

    211. kalki: oh good lord, I am so sorry. If you value your sanity, do NOT try to find that particular version of the homonymous song. It is a full-on, reverential ode to the act (does it make the act odious?) (…checks dictionary… ah, one is Greek, the other Latin) in full Variety Show splendour. With muppet-style puppets. And it’s the high point of the movie. Save yourself; imagine the most horrifying way this could look, and rest assured you can’t plumb deep enough to the reality.

    213. Al of the Christian Jungle Patrol: I saw someone make a one-page comic pretty much going on like that; all the regular characters are making plans and assuming the Popular Girl can’t make it because a) she’s already booked, b) it’s beneath her projected standards, etc, while she sits at home glaring at the phone: “ring, damn, you, ring!” I, on the other hand, do not need to have gone to whatever reunion my HS might have done (I missed it, perhaps – they don’t send invitations) to know for certain that no girl would have gone out with me then. And since I was always around the popular girls, I knew they always had dates – they kept bashing theyr boyfriends’ behaviours. I learned a lot about the “typical teenage male mindset” during that year, mostly getting disgusted by my gender, and determined to never turn out like that. So far, so good.

    216. One-eye Wolfdog: Hah! While at my friends in Toronto this past weekend, I read through the whole Happy Trails collection of Bloom COunty; therefore your reference is fresh in my mind. (Steve Dallas is always fresh.)

    220. Patrick: congratulations! Although, were you the same person back then as you are now? Is she? No one can know, but I think by now you have a fair chance of knowing how happy you can be – and it’s never too late, nor is it good to dwell, and I’m turning into Mary Worth, so I’ll shut up now.

  230. Amateur
    December 17th, 2008 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    #220 — Aw, Patrick, that’s sweet that you got your happy ending. Congratulations!

  231. Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
    December 17th, 2008 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: It appears that Dick feels safe on the job. And therein lies the clever nuances to his character. While Dick previously appeared to be hiding in a bush, screaming like a little girl, he was actually sounding his ferocious battle-cry! Dick Tracy, making the world safer one “YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!” at a time.

  232. Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
    December 17th, 2008 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the congrats everyone! We think it would have worked out then because there are certain core things about us that are the same like a love for all things Victorian and especially Pre-Raphaelite art. I’m an artist, she’s a playwright. We both have day jobs, me as a library worker and she as a drama teacher.

    However, because of the people we are now, it will be so much better. I had to go back to lurking here because I was too happy to be able to snark on the comics. Could be why 9CL isn’t driving me crazy?

    After she moves back to Kentucky and we get her things unpacked. I’m going to take my gramophone out to the back yard and we’ll dance a waltz under the summer stars. She is so worth the wait. :-D

  233. Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
    December 17th, 2008 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @Patrick – YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO HAPPY TO SNARK!!!! Snarking makes the world go round! I swear!

    Mary Worth: “Skating in a limited way?” /headdesk. THAT’S a new one.

  234. Hogen Mogen
    December 17th, 2008 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    And Josh’s early posting streak.. dies at 1.

    #185 – Zaq “Phantom: I know any word can be an insult if you say it with enough emphasis, but isn’t that, you know, how he describes himself?”

    Good point, Zaq, tune in tomorrow when the terrorist calls Phantom a superhero. That’ll teach ‘im.

    #220 – Patrick, congratulations. The only happy ending for high school that I had was when I used my kinetic telepathy to destroy the prom – or maybe that wasn’t me.

    #228 – Trogdor – re: Luann: Brad whines about Toni being beyond his reach, because she is beyond his reach. I give Evans some credit for keeping the door open. Toni may or may not go to the resort. She may or may not think Brad is a sleaze. For the record, he isn’t, he’s just pussy-whipped by TJ (who is too much of a pussy to ask Toni out himself – or any other organic being of either gender). Evans is also keeping the door open on which option Toni will use at the “clothing optional” resort. Maybe she’ll take the clothing option, but the clothing she will opt for will be leather bustiers and high heels.

    Yeah, that can happen in the comics. On the same day, The Lockhorns one panel will display the bloody aftermath of a well justified murder/suicide. Dr. Blog will provide the final caption “Well, she did nag him…”

  235. Cyranetta
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — In a scenario fraught with danger, Rex looks sulkier than a toddler in panel 1. Speaking of which, aren’t Rex and June being rather casual about the disappearance of their offspring?

  236. Dingo
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    Summer stars? Patrick, Patrick, Patrick. Why wait so long? Get that woman rampant on a Bosendorfer NOW… in a limited way.

  237. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    Panel 2 of Garfield today does not convey “digging deep” to me except in the very abstract sense that that’s what his proctologist is eventually going to be doing if he keeps straining like that.

  238. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Mary: He wouldn’t want you to dwell on his death. Nor would he want you to skate in a limited way because of what happened.
    Mary: There. I fixed your problem.
    Mary: Anything else I can do for you today, terrorist?

  239. Islamorada Girl
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    220: Patrick–What a romantic story!

  240. dale
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Saxman – 184

    Since you put it that way:
    There is nothing dangerous about putting a dirty keboard in a dishwasher.
    It’s not like it can fight back. A badger or small child would be different.

  241. Lorem Ipsum
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Love is…not finding the love note in the creel after your weekend away with your buddy.

  242. Niall
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Patrick: as an incurable romantic, I heartily approve. Bravo!

  243. Hogen Mogen
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    Love is… Coconut monkey heads

    MW: Lynn still dwells on the death of her “innocent friend” that she hadn’t seen for a year. But tears for her mother? “That old lady? She’s dead. What about it?”

  244. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    I know, somehow, with great certainty, that some of you have experienced the delightful frustration of trying, and fail-fail-failing, to read the words “A tightly rung elliptical circle or torches” without laughing out loud.

    I’m having the same deal right now with “skate in a limited way.” It can’t be done, damnit!

  245. Hogen Mogen
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Assoline Galley: I’m going to prognosticate that this family has no money because they took out an ARM with no money down. Yeah, one of those families that got a $500,000 when they had all of $25,000 annual income. “Santa, you’re here! Where’s my bailout?”

  246. Hogenmogen, the terrorist
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    Elderberries joins GA as “main character is dept. store Santa”. Crankshaft’s opportunity is slipping away here. Just think of the amazing possibilities here.
    Kid: I want an Eminem CD.
    Crank: Here are some M&M’s, but you’ve got to get a certificate of deposit from a bank.
    Reader: Haw haw, that crazy old man!

  247. Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    #232 Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^): The moment I posted about snarking, I knew someone would call me on that and be right. :-) Let’s say my snarking powers have been diverted for awhile….

    #235 Dingo: It has to be summer because she currently lives in Texas and she has to fulfill the rest of her teaching contract. After 28 years, we can wait until early June though I admit it’s not easy.

    #233 Hogen Mogen: Your high school sounds like mine and being only a few counties away, that’s not surprising. Thankfully, college was much better!

    #241 Niall: Being an incurable romantic myself, it has been gratifying to have everything turning out even better than I originally hoped. Remind me to stay away from a certain town in Ohio for the next few months….

  248. Saxman
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:49 pm [Reply]


    My my (key between G and J) worked, I go:

    (key between G and J) a
    (key between G and J) a
    (key between G and J) a

  249. Anonymous
    December 17th, 2008 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    Mary is Lynn’s mother.

    Oops, I should have given spoiler space.

  250. Perky Bird
    December 17th, 2008 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    “It’s not the wrapper but the jingle inside.” I bet that’s what Slim told himself in high school, whenever showering in the locker room with the other boys made him feel inadequate about the size of his…uhm…”package”.

  251. Muffaroo the Convalescent
    December 17th, 2008 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    Mibbitmaker @171 – We had the Slowski ads in Massachusetts. We’ve moved now. Don’t miss ‘em.

    Patrick @232 – As an old married man myself, I’m happy for you!

    Saxman @248 – Use your copy and paste commands. Steal an “h” from someone else’s post and just paste it where needed. (It’s also a great way to get diacriticals from somebody you’re responding to — just steal ‘em!)

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