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Happy Father’s Day, jailbirds!

Heathcliff, 6/16/13

Somewhere, deep down in the bowels of my long-term memory, there’s a little glimmer that tells me that, yes, Heathcliff’s father has always been a notorious hardened criminal in the strip. I’m not sure what the significance is of the fact that he wears his prison uniform even as he walks the streets a free man. Are we meant to understand that he’s only just escaped from the joint and hasn’t had time to change yet? Is this an act of defiance against the government that once put him behind bars? Mostly his uniform just serves to draw uncomfortable attention to the fact that Heathcliff is walking around stark naked.

Dennis the Menace, 6/16/13

A rare double menace from Dennis today! In the throwaway panels, he waits until Margaret comes into earshot before letting everyone know that he doesn’t like her and is only hanging out with her for her cooking; and then he uses this twee little Father’s Day exercise as a chance to inform the other children that his father loves his family, unlike theirs, who will take any excuse to get away from them and enjoy their “hobbies,” alone.

Mary Worth, 6/16/13

Haha, the look on Beth’s face in the final panel is priceless and has made this entire storyline worth it. “Tom! Wait, you want to … what? We never … no. No. Not in front of … are you kidding me, Tom?

Panels from Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/16/13

Sorry, everybody, I have been remiss in keeping you up to date with Rex Morgan, M.D.! Anyway, remember when Sarah wanted to sell her horsey art, for money? Well, now an actual museum wants to buy that horsey art, to use in a gift shop book! It was way too easy. “Wow … that was too easy!” thinks Sarah. She’s right. Sarah can smell a trap anywhere.

Pluggers, 6/16/13

Pluggers don’t understand that the structure of our global capitalist system ensures that fluctuations in equities and derivatives markets have major and sometimes painful results in the real day-to-day economic life of ordinary citizens. Also, they are very clumsy and often bump into things.

282 responses to “Happy Father’s Day, jailbirds!”

  1. Baka Gaijin
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    I didn’t think it was possible. Tom scared the pretty (for very small values of pretty) from Beth’s face. I thought nature did a good enough job if it.

    Oh Slylock, why screw around with us. You know you’re going to browbeat Reeky Rat into confessing to the crimes when his only crime is being too poor to afford a full pair of shoes, book ends, and the rest.

    Apartment 3-G’s audience? Sufferers of ADHD and mid-course senility.

  2. Baka Gaijin
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Let’s try again. “I didn’t think it was possible. Tom scared the “pretty” (for very small values of “pretty”) from Beth’s face. I thought nature did a good enough job of it.” Posting during siesta is contraindicated.

  3. HAnzMFG
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    Pluggers looks like it has hit a new low of phoning it in, with the Plugger author now having to consult his Plugger cousin from Texas.

  4. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    Why would a cat want a getaway car? Can’t they climb and stuff? How would cats even *drive*? Heathcliff steers while dad works the pedals?

    Now I have a theory. You know how lumpy (not Lumpy, that’s somebody else) Heathcliff is? That’s because he’s not a real cat. Heathcliff, and his “father”, are members of the Ant Hill Mob from “The Perils of Penelope Pitstop” hiding out in the big city between robberies, disguised by cat skins. The real Heathcliffs, péré etc fils, are smouldering flayed corpses buried deep in a landfill.

    There, it all makes sense now.

  5. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    Péré *et* fils. Excusez-moi.

  6. revenge4Aldo
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    MW: I like how the syndicate had Prince Valiant play Beth to save money.

  7. Baka Gaijin
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#5): I know. What is it with typing this morning (afternoon here)?

  8. Lumaca Morente
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Pluggers hoard canned goods because they believe these will eventually be the only valid currency.

    Meanwhile, between the MW and 9CL extreme premature proposal-bombing, I am starting to wonder what the h*** is wrong with me.

  9. Mibbitmaker
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    MW: Notice how, once nice thanks to Mare’s dream meddling, Elinor looks like a woman again (more or less). More manish when she’s awful. I’m not sure if that’s sexist, and in which direction?

    RMMD: She gets it! Unlike Mikey and Les, she gets it! I’ve hated her for a few weeks now, but there is redemption in ‘Mudgeonly knowingness. Now, just admit that men and women are roughly equal in intellect and I can call it a day, little girl.

  10. Lumaca Morente
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#7): First sign of the end times. Rev. Mr. Scudder has called down the wrath of Grabthar, and perhaps of Mrs. Scudder, upon us all.

  11. Mibbitmaker
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    mannish.

  12. Lumaca Morente
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    “Do you suffer from the embarrassment of premature proposal? Do the girls stare in horror, or flee from you, just because you suddenly and out of the blue asked them to marry you, after a single date (or less)? Talk to your doctor about…”

  13. Liam
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    A3G-It looks like you are having more fun in the tub than Dagwood.

    Spiderman-You know your in serious trouble when it is only Spiderman who can help you. Out of all the competent heroes none of them can help you. You have to turn to the least competent hero around.

    Spiderman 2-”The only one who can help me now is Spiderman. Yeah, I know, I’m screwed when I have to turn to Spiderman for help.”

    FW-”It’s Father’s Day? But it feels like we were spending several days on this. Does this town do that to you? Makes you feel like it’s been several days since you entered and only one day has passed.”

    MW-”Tom! Me and Mother are lovers.”

    Pluggers-Who still displays cans like that?

    JP-The Lebanese Civil War? That must have been interesting. All those Lesbians running around fighting each other.

    JP 2-You hear that, Mexico? The folks at “Judge Parker” believe that your entire country is crime ridden.

    RMMD-”Wow…That was too easy! I didn’t have to spend time as a stripper or spend time living in a van and writing about those experiences before they published the book I wanted to write.”

  14. Lumaca Morente
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#9): Now that Elinor is on hormone replacement therapy, she’s not so irritable anymore.

  15. Liam
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    MW-From a few awkward conversations Tom is convinced that this woman is the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

  16. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    @13. Liam

    “JP-The Lebanese Civil War? That must
    have been interesting. All those Lesbians
    running around fighting each other.”

    Check YouPorn sometime *grins*.

  17. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#9): elinor’s looking a lot like mary in the last panel

  18. Kevan Patrick
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    So are Iggy’s (Heathcliff’s owner-boy) birth parents dead, or have they ditched him with his grandparents indefinitely while they’re off shirking their responsibilities and seeing the world, or have the courts determined them unfit parents for abuse, drugs, neglect, etc.? Whatever the case may be, it must be a sticky subject to broach on Father’s day…. so cat mechanics, WHAAAAA?!?!?

  19. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    Today’s Archie, I’m pretty sure, I remember from the early nineties. Aren’t they drawing anything new?

  20. Old Folkie
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    9CL: Thank God for Solange!

    JP: “Dad was a hardware salesman in Lebanon. You know – hardware: AK47s, rocket launchers…”

  21. HoHoJoHo
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    MW: I have to learn to look at the pictures as well as read the dialogue. No kidding, I thought Tom was Mary until the last panel.

  22. Lake Neuron
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Apparently, the Pluggers reader suggestions have trailed off to the point that Brookins is left to take suggestions from members of his own family.

  23. Windier E. Megatons
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    “That was too easy!” thinks Sarah. “I mean, if this were Judge Parker it would make perfect sense for a child to receive a lucrative book deal, but Rex Morgan, MD? Something smells fishy!”

  24. King Folderol
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff’s father was never in prison. He dons the prison garb as a stark reminder that none of us can ever truly be free as long as we willfully wear the shackles of modern society and acquiesce to the military-industrial complex that is corporate state. That and wearing the same thing every day is a huge timesaver for a cat on the go!

  25. pugfuggly
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    HeathcliffWhy is Heathcliff’s dad still in his prison uniform? Here’s a clue: the severity of crime, or burden of proof, required for a cat to get capital punishment is pretty low. Even a charge of vagrancy is enough to execute a cat, and the punishment is usually meted out without a trial being held. So my guess is that Heathcliff is spending the day with his dad’s ghost, or sadder yet, a figment of his imagination used to cope with the void in his life where his dad used to be.

    Happy Father’s Day everyone!

    MW What great about this is that we can now look forward to a wedding in a couple months time! Yep, just a couple weeks of weird background characters, silly dresses and ugly wedding cakes without any stupid ‘plot’ getting in the way. Hmmm…..ugly wedding cake….you don’t suppose this might mean the return of…no, that would be to much to hope for…

    Pluggers….waitaminute! Isn’t Father’s day a Plugger’s Christmas? A day celebrating toolkits and golf and puttering around the yard and all the other stereotypical ‘dad’ stuff featured every damn day in this strip? And now that the date has come, there’s nary a mention of it? Is it possible that pluggers are so retrograde that they’re still on the Julian calendar, and father’s day won’t be celebrated by them until November or something?

  26. Loopina
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    The Washington Post (print edition) skipped the second panel of DtM. It’s simply Dennis stating, “Margaret may be a pain in the neck”, then goes directly into the main story. Same thing happened in Beetle Bailey. Why would you not eliminate both panels – isn’t that the purpose of the throwaway gag, for papers with less comics space?

    On the other hand, it is sort of fun to make your own punchline.

  27. RavenHawk
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    MW: A marriage proposal, after a whole week (maybe 2) of dating. Yeah, there are no red flags being raised at this.

  28. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#25): geez, i’d as soon keep ‘heathcliff’ separate from ‘funky winkerbean’, if you don’t mind…

  29. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    @Lake Neuron (#22): Apparently, the Pluggers reader suggestions have trailed off to the point that Brookins is left to take suggestions from members of his own family.

    He’s had to take suggestions from Mudges recently, so what does that tell you?

    // You know how two failing companies in the same business will sometimes merge, in the hope that, like a pair of stumbling drunks, they can somehow hold each other up? Think K-Mart and Sears.

    Do you suppose someday Pluggers and Mudges will merge? I know there’s quite a bit of crossover already.

  30. Ned Ryerson
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Hello, I represent the Foley Law Group and I would like to represent you in a law suit. Trust me, I know what I’m doing!

  31. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#10): First sign of the end times. Rev. Mr. Scudder has called down the wrath of Grabthar, and perhaps of Mrs. Scudder, upon us all.

    No, ma’am. I use those Powers only for Good, as I Promised.

    // Well, sometimes Mrs. Scudder and I use those Powers for Naughtiness. But mostly for Good.

  32. Alex Blaze
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    I wonder about the arguments that took place at Dennis the Menace Central that resulted in a cloud passing in the middle of the house at the exact moment Margaret shows the others her depiction of music. “Music? You can’t fucking draw music. It’s sound, not an object. No, we’ll have to finesse our way out of this one like we’ve never finessed before.”

  33. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    @RavenHawk (#27): A marriage proposal, after a whole week (maybe 2) of dating.

    It often works that way. Yes, speaking from experience.

  34. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Talking about Funky Winkerbean, I had an ex-girlfriend who had a cat called Fucky.

    No, really.

  35. Dartpaw86
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Also Plugger grocery stores consist of only soup and antacids.

  36. Ed Dravecky
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    @Boophilus (#YY77): While orchestrating testimony, the Chief in L.A. Confidential tells Exley “Ace them at the grand jury tomorrow, son. Wear the smart-looking suit and ace them. And, Ed? Lose the glasses.”

  37. Dartpaw86
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    @HAnzMFG (#3):

    The comic always did that, every comic idea is sent by contributors.

  38. Lesser Whark
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Flash Gordon: a few rare newspapers still carry this strip, don’t they? So this Sunday’s giant-spider-biting-off-screaming-hawkman’s-head appeared in print next to “Love Is…”, “Family Circus” and “Dennis the Menace”? If that happened in your paper, I commend its impeccable editorial taste.

    Oh, and Dick Tracy? Check out how that arm twitches, as nerves fire wildly from the freshly severed neck. That sort of graphic violence is your turf, and Flash Gordon is infringing on it. You need to send a message… feature Mr. Gordon himself as your next character cameo, and bring your A game. His demise should last a week and end with organs in multiple counties.

  39. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

  40. Ed Dravecky
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Unlike the robber barons of Wall Street who crashed the global economy and have escaped even the mildest of punishments, a Plugger who crashes into a grocery display has to pay for what he ruined or risk going to jail.

  41. Dartpaw86
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#37):

    Never mind, sorry, I didn’t notice that it was from a relative *derp*

  42. Lumaca Morente
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#39): That may have been a totally innocent name in Farsi.

  43. CanuckDownSouth
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    @RavenHawk (#27): I’m pretty sure there was a “time passes” or “weeks later” jump covering a bit of hiding-their-shocking-handholding-trysts events. So maybe a few months. But a few months of not addressing Beth’s mommy issues, Tom’s divorce, or doing more than teaching healthy eating habits and walking in the park. So yeah, it must be nice to be such a cipher that all you need to form a lifelong attachment is the opposite chromosome pair. /sarc

  44. Borborygmy
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#42): Oh, sure. Fucky the Cat. A beloved children’s cartoon character in Uzbekistan.

  45. Buck Ripsnort
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#4): Also explains how a cat can grow five-o’clock shadow.

  46. John C Fremont
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#29): So does this mean that Mudges are stumbling drunks? It’s all starting to make sense now.

    Speaking of, since the local Hy-Vee was out of Twisted Thistle, I’ll have to celebrate Father’s Day with some oatmeal stout. The stumbling will come later.

    @CanuckDownSouth (#43): Sadly, I’d already looked it up. The “several weeks later…” happened on May 19th. Kinda takes the fun out of it. I need an oatmeal stout stat.

    Stat. Hey, get me, I’m Doc Brackett! I’d say something to Nurse Dixie, but everyone knows that nice girls don’t stay for breakfast.

  47. commodorejohn
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    What is that weird little spur jutting off of the building in the title panel of Mary Worth? Is Mountview Hospital shaped like a keytar?

  48. TheDiva
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Man, I remember when the submissions to “Kitty Korner” were unusual things, like cats who yowled along with the radio or painted masterpieces. Now it’s “My cat likes to sit in the windowsill and look at people; isn’t that the nuttiest thing? He’s a real ‘watch-cat,’ yuk-yuk-yuk!”

    MW: “Elinor, I love your daughter and want to marry her! I’m sure our brief relationship coupled with my unresolved yet crippling emotional issues from my previous marriage are hallmarks of a long and happy life together!” Elinor just smiles, her assimilation into Charterstone marked by an increased physical resemblance to the hive queen.

    Pluggers will be getting a call from Foley Knox very soon.

    RMMD: Hey, if Fifty Shades of Grey can find a publisher…

  49. Dartpaw86
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    You know, the guy who knocked over the cans looks really young, like 15-16? I didn’t know you could be a plugger that early.

  50. Steve
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    S-M: “So, Peter, are you coming home now?”
    “Sorry, MJ, I have to go to…Delvadia. I’m needed by…The Tarantula.”
    “What’s that sound? Are you rolling dice?”
    “No, seriously. He says I’m the only one who can help him now.”
    “That’s totally plausible – it doesn’t sound one bit like a ridiculous lie. Well, good luck, and try not to get knocked out by a stationary object.”

  51. frisco1522
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Rev. Mr. Scudder, regarding your Post #29, Sears and K-Mart is one of the more recent examples of two failing corporate entities merging in a desperate attempt at survival. The Pennsylvania and New York Central railroads merged into Penn Central in 1968, an epic tale of mismanagement and malfeasance resulting in what was at the time the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history.

    Incidentally, should you and Rt. Venerable Pasdordan ever make it to my home town of Madison, I would be pleased, nay honored, to buy you a microbrew of your choice at the Great Dane on Doty St. I’m eager to discuss a theological quandry that has long troubled me: why a just and merciful Creator permits killer tsunamis, pediatric cancer, and continued publication of “Crock.”

  52. TheDiva
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Oh, and Happy Father’s Day to all you funny folk who are fathers, have fathers, want to be fathers, or fathered a child in a retcon date rape years ago and are looking to exploit the occasion!

    9CL: If Solange can cause Brookeworld to collapse in on itself, she’s okay by me.

    C’shaft: It’s funny because old people are stupid and deserve ridicule.

    FW: Hey, Frankie didn’t remember today was an overcommercialized holiday that he hasn’t has cause or opportunity to celebrate in years, if ever! He must be evil!

    Lio: Nicely done.

    Luann: Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen!

    Marvin: “I resent the fact that you barely lift a finger to help with the horrible hellspawn that has sprung from our loins. Happy Father’s Day!”

    SM: ….Said nobody, ever.

  53. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Frazz: win. win with banned books.

    PBS: ROFLMAO. Pastis, you rock.

    Lio: *salutes* Take a bow, Mr. Tatulli, you earned it.

    SBp: cetaceans DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!!!

    Zits: yeah, Led Zep works that way.

    JP: “hardware salesman” = arms dealer.

    MT: Heffalumps! we can haz woozles soon?

    FW: Xrist, what an asshole. Batty, I mean. just, just wow.

    MG&G: LOL! about two years after the fad, but still amusing.

    PMP: Never eat at a place called Mom’s, and never play cards with a man named Doc. (There’s a third one, but I can never remember it.)

    Mutts: the anti-Batty. d’awwwww and foreberhomes.

    Foxtrot: yay, GIMP! *chuckles*

  54. Horace Broon
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Crank: Wouldn’t Pam have told Jeff why she was worried about Lillian when she asked him to check on her? So why explain it again as soon as he gets back?

    FW: Has Batuik considered having a caption on every panel that says “Frankie: Not a nice person”? Or would that be too subtle?

    HtH: “I wish somebody would invent one!”

    Heathcliff: In Silver Age Superman comics, Lex Luthor wore his prison uniform at all times to remind himself that Superman was responsible for sending him to jail. Maybe Heathcliff Sr has made a similar vow against the local animal control agents. Or, given that he’s wearing a stripey suit from the early 20th century, rather than the grey uniform worn by Luthor in the 60s or a modern orange jumpsuit, maybe he just likes playing dress-up.

    RMMD: If only Judge Parker, Les Moore and Michael Patterson had Little Sarah’s insight and self-awareness.

    S4th: At first I thought this didn’t make any sense because all Hil’s songs are about werewolves. Then I realised Ted would love a song that compared him to a werewolf.

  55. Lesser Whark
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    @frisco1522 (#51): But “Crock” is the word of the just and merciful creator. It describes the era when the world was without form, and void… just a blank, sandy expanse.

    Now, you may think that the blank expanse is filled with badly-illustrated and badly-written characters, but that is because our mere mortal minds are ill-equipped to handle true voidness. (That’s a shame, because the ink cartridges for formless void are phenomenally expensive.) Instead, our mind fills the void with constructs of our subconscious. I see dreck like this, because I have a defective subconscious. Become more enlightened, and when you look at “Crock”, you’ll see this.

  56. Ellie
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    MW – That’s Mary in the bed! OMG what has she done with Elinor??

  57. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @frisco1522 (#51): I should be delighted to accept. However, I find theodicy to be tedious — there’s only one logical answer, and once you get there, what more is there to say?

    // Microbrews do more than Milton can,
    To justify God’s ways to man.

  58. seismic-2
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    9 Charterstone Lane: Will Beth spin around and flee like a gazelle?

    Do you think Tom is maybe a bit… impulsive? Perhaps bipolar? I’m beginning to wonder whether this explains both his divorce and the misery-wallow in which we met him at the start of this meddle. Remember, all it took was one dinner party and a trip to the grocery store for Tom to fall head-over-heels in total infatuation with Beth. I repeat – with Beth. This, after he already met Elinor, and he saw where Beth inherited her good looks.

    RMMD: “That was too easy! Normally, you would have to offer someone at least 5 or 6 refrigerator-door-quality “art” scribblings before they sign you to a book deal and give you a pile of money. For this small sample I showed her, I figured she would just give me a boat.”

    Meanwhile, in the final two panels of today’s strip. Milton’s assistant Polly incongruously celebrates his successful negotiations with with the Turkish government by doing a happy dance to the tune Walk Like an Egyptian.

  59. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    @Windier E. Megatons (#23): I was just wondering if Sarah is actually adopted. Perhaps Sam Driver’s long-lost love child.

  60. btown
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Maybe you get to keep your prison uniform after you’ve paid your debt to society? It’s like getting a gold watch when you retire, but more real.

    Dennis: I think the real menace here is that Dennis’ dad loves him and Mom in exactly the same way, if you get what I mean.

    MW: Based on their reactions in the last panel, maybe Tom has made the wrong choice? He should consider marrying Elinor instead.

    Pluggers: What, exactly, was that Plugger doing hiding behind that soup can pyramid?

  61. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    4:20 beagle responds to Zits.

    a response to SpeedBump.

    penguin. (doo-bie doobie-doo)

    TDP is a gorgeous black Lab named Calvin.

    Happy Sundog!

    Westie in pink.

    napsquee. *brainmush*

  62. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    something black & blue just for Poteet.

  63. SurrealKangaroo
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Also Pluggers hate their dads and do not celebrate Father’s Day.

  64. Digger
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Pluggers are usually bombed out of their minds when they go shopping. Or anywhere else, for that matter.

  65. Kevan Patrick
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#49):
    Plug-ger ba-bies, we fear all that is new
    Plug-ger ba-bies, we pass judgment on you

    When everything seems foreign and strange
    And the world has lost its way
    Just close your eyes and make believe
    It’s 1950 still today

    Plugger, Plugger, Plugger, Pluggerrrrr
    Babies, Babies, Babies, Babiessss
    Oooooh Oooh Oooooooooh

  66. Poteet
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#62): Fabulous. And per your earlier advice comment, there’s “Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself,” but I don’t think that was part of the trio.

  67. Poteet
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    RMMD — On one hand, I admire Sarah’s insight into the fundamental weirdness of her too-beneficent universe. On the other hand, her head being just as big as Heather’s head is so, so wrong.

  68. Poteet
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#58): My theory is that Tom is hammered a lot. Most of the time he can pull his facial expression into some semblance of sobriety, but look at him in Panel Seven.

  69. TheDiva
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @Kevan Patrick (#65): Nostalgic COTW!

  70. Baka Gaijin
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#13) on Pluggers: Pluggers confuse their own memories with “The Lucy Show” reruns.

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#17): Maybe the “hormone replacement therapy” is really “face transplantation therapy?”

    @John C Fremont (#46): Do they twist thistles to squeeze the milk into the beer? I’m confused.

  71. pugfuggly
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#28):

    No-one’s making a shitty pun coupled with a smug grin in Heathcliff, so I don’t think the two have crossed over just yet.

  72. TimP
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#68): I’m convinced, although I think there is even more evidence in panel six where Tom emphatically avows the he too is here for Elinore while stroking his chest hair.

  73. I speak Jive
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean – Can this possibly get any more heavy-handed?

    Mark Trail – It’s terrible to think about the poaching of these beautiful creatures.

    Heathcliff – The trope of striped prison uniforms has been around for a long time, but every news report or tv show I have seen about perps shows them wearing orange jumpsuits. Once they are serving time in prison, they wear either blue jumpsuits or plain pants and shirts. I guess that jumpsuits wouldn’t have the same instant recognition factor as striped uniforms, even if prisoners don’t actually wear stripes any more. (And they’re horizontal stripes – unflattering!)

  74. the REAL Mark Trail
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Today’s Mark Trail page is one I did not too long ago. I enjoyed drawing the elephants and hope it shows in the work! The page itself inspires me to send Mark to Africa someday … I hope you all enjoy!
    ‘James

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/228474710549025/

  75. Ian Beste
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    ZitsAppreciate the Father’s Day switch from the “teens are dumb/eat too much” tropes. And, yes, the Black Keys do rock.
    @Nehemiah Scudder (#31): One can be Good and Naughty. Sort of a Chaotic Good alignment.

  76. Baka Gaijin
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#74): Send Mark to investigate the plight of the endangered Kilimanjaro Snipe. As he’s ascending the mountain, Kelly Welly happens to bump into him. Hijinks ensue.

  77. The Ridger
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#19): There’s a wild abundance of new stuff in the Archie comic books. But the newspaper? They seem to have completely forgotten that’s it even still running, leaving the papers to dig stuff up from the past.

  78. gleeb
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Sally: What? No url so I can experience the song for myself? Hey Boy has spoiled me.

    Prince Valiant: …has woman troubles.

    Barney Google: “Sody Pop” and “Pep’roni”. Actual manufactured products that show that life in the Newnited States is very different from ours.

    ‘bean: See? Frank doesn’t even remember phoney “holidays” supported by the greeting card manufacturers. He’s evil!

    Judge Privileged: Yeah, you wouldn’t want the steward to catch you still packed. That’s a flogging offense.

    Dick: Well, if they’re going to divert the story away from the Moon, at least they’re working hard at it.

  79. I speak Jive
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#78): Re: JP – The steward didn’t unpack for him? What kind of place is this?

  80. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Hardware salesman. Yep. Rocket propelled grenades. Stinger missiles. 7.62mm ammunition. All kinds of hardware.

  81. Flipper
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    FW: In case anyone is wondering, when Lenny says “surprise your son at the pizza place,” he is referring to Darin Fairgood. Would it have killed Batiuk to write “surprise your son, Darin Fairgood, at the pizza place”? I, for one, wish he had taken that chance.

  82. Mr K Martin
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    DENNIS THE MENACE 2 SOCIETY: Narcissism is a form of menace, I suppose.

    Wouldn’t it be interesting if our little menace went home and showed his picture to Dad only to hear Dad say “Actually, I prefer golf.”

    FINKY WUNKERBEAN: Anyone else think that Frank’s mom once said “If you keep sneering your face is going to freeze like that!”

  83. batgirl
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    queek @ 53, attributed to Satchel Paige, the three rules of life – Never eat at a place called Mom’s, never play poker with a man called Doc, and never lie down with anyone whose troubles are worse than your own.
    Also attributed to Satchel – Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, and while you’re lying down, you might as well get some sleep.

    I quote these from memory. I’m sure there are variant wordings around, and do not offer them as necessarily accurate.

  84. Uncle Lumpy
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#74):

    A Mark Trail/Phantom crossover would be pretty awesome.

  85. frisco1522
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Rev. Scudder, thank you for enlarging my vocabulary by compelling me to finally look up the dictionary definition of “theodicy.” If you prefer, we can talk about the days when A3G and other continuity strips were written and drawn by talented people (the late Alex Kotzky comes to mind) who actually cared.

    Can we look forward to another installment of “Dick Tracy, Radio Detective” this Sunday? I love the Federated Lard jingle at the end.

  86. Uncle Lumpy
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Also a Kelly Welly/Savarna catfight would be pretty awesome.

  87. bats :[
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#20): re 9CL: true dat.

    @commodorejohn (#47): have you been working today’s NY Times crossword? I’ve *never* heard of a keytar before today…

    @Dartpaw86 (#49): the Pluggers above the title of today’s strip all look young, too. Pre-pubescent Pluggers…yeah, that’s it.

    A general WTF for MW (huh?), FC (these are supposed to be funny?) and FW (endless, eternal WTFness…).

    MT: OTOH, maybe these fellows are for hire to defend the elephants (great elephants, TRMT! And great big ones, too!).

  88. seismic-2
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#84): Wow, this could generate a whole spin-off strip: Flannel and Spandex vs. Poachers and Pirates. However, I do not want to see Rusty’s face displayed across Guran’s giant skull-cave video screen.

  89. walt d.
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#8): Response to the early morning post. My posts on the Fairgoods do emphasize that they are supposed to be concerned about their students. And of course teachers are just people. We have adopted this thing since 9-11 of classifying whole groups of people as “heroes” Everyone agrees that firefighters are heroes. Everyone for the sake of form agrees that military people are heroes, except when one gets caught doing something unacceptable. Calling the police heroes comes harder, because everyone, everyone, has a personal memory of being mistreated by one, and everyone know that some police are crooks. Which brings us to the idea of teachers as selfless souls always seeking the best for their charges. As heroes, if you will. We simply know better than that, regardless of how many teary speeches we make/hear about dear old Mrs. Jones from third grade.
    And in cases like yours, the default position of any administrator is to keep it quiet at all costs, if they even believe you. Witness the Catholic Church. We look at that, and say what the hell were they thinking–protecting the priests (the church, actually) rather than the kids? Ditto, the Boy Scouts. The first impulse was always to protect the organization, and then the adults.
    The 1970s were also the time of Roman Polanski, who fled the country rather than spend minor jail time for drugging and raping a 13 year old–something that would probably get him 20 years today. Polanski sneered at America’s lack of sexual sophistication. And judging from the flare up a couple years ago, Hollywood still believes it was no big deal. Hey, it wasn’t “rape rape”.
    So yeah, it’s not surprising that you didn’t get any satisfaction in the 1970s.

    Final comment: I’ve been reading the early strips, and the original Fred Fairgood would have been at a complete loss to deal with a rape. Clueless before the word was coined.

  90. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    I swear by Schulz and Watterson that I am not making this up. In honor of their 15 years as a group, Hanson has brought out a beer, named MmmHops.

    srsly.

  91. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#90): that’s gotta be a really light beer

  92. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @batgirl (#83): thanks! Poteet wasn’t far off on #3 either. :-D

    I’m fairly certain that I read about these in “The MonkeyWrench Gang” so was definitely not primary source materiel.

  93. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#91): but with a frothy head, no doubt.

  94. Jasper Jinx
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    HEATHCLIFF For most of the ‘sixties and some of the ‘fifties, Lex Luthor ALWAYS wore his Metropolis “Pen” uniform, even while traveling in space with Brainiac. Perhaps Heathcliff’s Dad is actually a super-villain, arch-enemy to a super-hero (maybe Mighty Mouse?). Lex had secret Luthor’s Lairs hidden across Metropolis… maybe there are Dad’s Dens here in Earth-H? Can anyone get that cap off? It would be good to know if Heathcliff’s dad is bald.

  95. Amos Snarkadder
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    MW Ha! Poor Beth! Now that Elinor has turned over a new leaf and is happy for her, Tom will lose interest. Where’s the challenge?

    Crankshaft Jeff is looking more worn-down than usual. This past week’s time travel must have really taken a toll on him.

    FW “So this is where you were parked the night you and Lisa…”
    Oh, come on! This is a reality TV show – finish the damned sentence!

  96. un malpaso
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    OK, so Pluggers are dumbasses.

    Apparently, they could just replace every installment with this text.

    I used to think it was “Pluggers are old and out of touch”, but seeing the Kiddy Pluggers on the title panel, I now know it’s more of a whole-lifetime thing.

    Another note: I’m sure some of the Pluggers are employed (or retired) plumbers. Would they then be called “Unpluggers?”

  97. walt d.
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    MW: Having Tom say that he was “there for me” would not relieve my mind in any way. More likely an inquiry whether assisted suicide was legal in my State.

    MW: In these dark and fallen times, it is generally considered appropriate to ask the girl prior to announcing the engagement. On the other hand, as a writer of romance trash, Beth should appreciate Tom’s taking command without regard for her input. “Carry me away,” she breathed breathily.

  98. bats :[
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#88): I think, a bazillion years ago, there was a Mark Trail storyline (comic book?) that took place in Africa. Whether Mark was aware of where he was is open to speculation.

  99. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#94): I see you shiver in antici – - – -

  100. bats :[
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#90): that’s actually kind of clever.

  101. seismic-2
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#98): Africa is in the Southern Part of the State, isn’t it?

  102. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#101): Mark should meet up with Katherine O’Hare from the Strike Witches novels. from the wiki: “a recurring gag is her inability to perceive countries outside the United States. (an example being that she thought (Japan) was located next to Florida.”

  103. Amos Snarkadder
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#9): @jim, some guy in iowa (#17): @TheDiva (#48): @Ellie (#56):

    Elinor’s looking a lot like Mary.

    Yes, with this miraculous transformation, Elinor is just a platinum rinse away from becoming Mary’s double. Imagine the hilarious situations when those two are confused!

  104. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    We’re headed out to the lake for the afternoon, so I’ll confine my remarks to just one comic, and a schmaltzy one at that: Mutts.

    I think I’ve mentioned before that our kids are adopted. They each had their problems adjusting to life in a new family. Our boy – 4 at the time – expressed himself by throwing tantrums and refusing to eat, which of course would lead to a confrontation…and another tantrum.

    One day just after Halloween, my wife stumbled across a puppy suit on clearance at one of the local marts. She bought it for Bill just to play dress-up with. But the minute he got into that suit, he became “Spots,” and Spots loved to get attention: pets and scratches behind the ears and dog treats from the table. That damned suit allowed him to accept the nurture he wanted but couldn’t take as a real boy. And when he wouldn’t eat what we served for dinner, there was always a pretty good chance Spots would take care later on, especially if we fed him by hand. We even set up a “dog crate” for Spots to go chill in when he needed some down time. The suit wound up teaching the boy how to become our son. We still have it.

    So yeah, maybe today’s panel didn’t crack me up, but I sure as hell appreciated it.

    Happy Father’s Day, ‘mudges.

  105. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @frisco1522 (#51): Mmm, the Great Dane makes some good beer. Had my first Scotch Ale there.

  106. seismic-2
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#102): In the Marvel Comics universe, isn’t Asgard (the realm of Thor, Sif, et al.) located just outside Broxton, Oklahoma? (Seriously!!!)

  107. Anonymous
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    “I TOO AM HERE FOR YOU, ELINOR.” What a great panel. “BECAUSE, YOU SEE, I LOVE BETH, WITH AUTHENTIC HUMAN EMOTION, AND WISH TO MARRY HER, AS HUMANS DO. FOR DESPITE MY APPEARANCE, I AM CERTAINLY NOT A ROGUE ANDROID OR REPLICANT, OF ANY KIND. I, TOO, LAUGH AT SUCH A HUMOROUS UNLIKELIHOOD, HA HA HA.”

  108. damanoid
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    “I TOO AM HERE FOR YOU, ELINOR.” What a great panel. “BECAUSE, YOU SEE, I LOVE BETH, WITH AUTHENTIC HUMAN EMOTION, AND WISH TO MARRY HER, AS HUMANS DO. FOR DESPITE MY APPEARANCE, I AM CERTAINLY NOT A ROGUE ANDROID OR REPLICANT, OF ANY KIND. I, TOO, LAUGH AT SUCH A HUMOROUS UNLIKELIHOOD, HA HA HA.”

  109. Droopy Says
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#74): Mark in Africa? Any chance he’ll meet Wesley Thompson’s cousin Marshall?

  110. Mr K Martin
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Missing from this menacing story is Dennis’ friend Joey who drew a picture of “The inflatable lady toy that Daddy plays with when Mommy’s not around.” Damn censors!

  111. Baka Gaijin
    June 16th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @un malpaso (#96): Pluggerism: nature versus nurture? Baka’s theory: monkey see, monkey do. The strip during this century has been a whole lotta monkey doo.

    @walt d. (#97): I didn’t see any heaving bosoms on Beth’s side of the room and don’t want to from anyone in Santa Royale, especially Ian’s.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#102): I run into that all the time. Friends keep placing me in the wrong hemisphere or time zone.

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#104): Aww, now I have a speck of sentiment in my eye.

    @Mr K Martin (#110): I hope to revisit this comment on Friday.

  112. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

  113. Cloudbuster
    June 16th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: So, usually there is no Sunday Pibgorn. McEldowney felt that what he had to say was important enough to make an exception. I applaud how he can manage to mix his contempt for ordinary people with his contempt for government to make a statement that heaps disdain on everything he surveys. I guess we can be thankful he’s only a cartoonist.

  114. Ratiocinator
    June 16th, 2013 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Hahaha, oh man, I’d forgotten what those pictures actually looked like! Anyway, thank you for saying what we’re all thinking, Sarah, even if you didn’t pound your fists on the nearest solid surface and scream it like many of us, myself included, tend to.

    9CL: Solange didn’t break the strip today so much as put it out of its misery.

    JP: Fashion Police, if you’re out there I, for one, would be interested in your opinion of Randy’s shirt. I don’t wear pink polo shirts, myself. Am I doing the right thing, or is there a pink polo shirt craze going on that I am unaware of?

  115. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#113): hmph. that’s two weeks in a row.

    poor McEcchi must be needing a nappy.

  116. Amos Snarkadder
    June 16th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

  117. Ratiocinator
    June 16th, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#48):

    RMMD: Hey, if Fifty Shades of Grey can find a publisher…

    Point.

    @Steve (#50): “I won’t, MJ. Bye bye.”

    *Somehow manages to knock self out with phone*

    @damanoid (#108):

    “I TOO AM HERE FOR YOU, ELINOR.”

    Yeah, if Batiuk ever decides to learn how real people talk from another writer, one person he should not consult is Karen Moy.

  118. walt d.
    June 16th, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: And the relation of this to Fathers Day, Sunday, the comics, torture/porn, etc., is . . .? Let’s not forget the relation to “readable writing”. I’m too long winded myself, but the sentiment (to the degree that I followed it) could have been conveyed adequately by just printing the last part of the last line.

  119. Amos Snarkadder
    June 16th, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#9): @jim, some guy in iowa (#17): @TheDiva (#48): @Amos Snarkadder (#103): Yes. Something does seem amiss with Elinor’s appearance… a case of mistaken identity… a deliberate falsification… a random error… or just a bizarre coincidence?

    Hospitals make mistakes like this more often than we realize.

  120. seismic-2
    June 16th, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#117): Actually, I think “I TOO AM HERE FOR YOU, ELINOR.” would be a great line for Masky McDeath.

  121. Droopy Says
    June 16th, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @walt d. (#118): I’d like to think that Brooke drew each letter, choosing each venomous drop of ink with care, paying close attention to each spiteful stroke. There is something satisfying about the thought of Brooke devoting enormous effort to making an even bigger ass of himself.

  122. Ukulele Ike
    June 16th, 2013 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: That is some….extraordinarily bad writing.

  123. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#86):

    Oh, come on. Let’s have a fight that’s not so one-sided.

    I know, Kelly Welly and an aardvark.

  124. notmydesk
    June 16th, 2013 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    How kind of the other kids to not call attention to the fact that Dennis’ elbows are very clearly bare breasts resting on the kitchen table in that first panel. I guess Father’s Day really brings out the best in everyone.

  125. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#90):

    I know you didn’t but I’m going to pretend you made that up.

  126. fluffy
    June 16th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Where I’m from, socially maladjusted cats just get euthanized.

  127. PattyCake
    June 16th, 2013 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Alex Blaze (#32): “My Dad’s band is into some dark tunes, yo.”

  128. Jonn
    June 16th, 2013 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    RM: I swear, it looked like Heather was leaning in for a kiss.

  129. bbofun
    June 16th, 2013 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#113) @walt d. (#118): Since he did something similar last week, I guess we can all look forward to his political bromides every Sunday. Gosh, ain’t we lucky? (Hey, he can write what he likes- my problem is, instead of just saying what events he’s pissed-off by, he tries to disguise it as a philosophy bt writing in general terms.. If you’re going to write an editorial, write a frickin’ editorial!)

    FW- So, up until today, this week’s strips were spent in a single room, in which were Les and his daughter, and fred and his adopted son, Darin. Father’s Day could have been an occasion for Darin to tell his Dad how much he appreciates him, in contrast to his biological father, and for Summer to talk about how great Les was as a single dad- but, no, let’s concentrate on the bleak and miserable. Forget about it- it’s Funkytown. (mournful sax wails on soundtrack, crane shot pulls back)

    RMMD- Tomorrow, of course, Mr. Avery will have a heart attack. Why? Because he’s not being an arrogant dick. His anger and sense of entitlement is the only thing keeping him alive!

    JP- Oh, so Cancer Dad was an arms dealer. Good to know. I’m figuring the wedding will be attacked by a cartel, and Dad will lead them all into battle, and the Parkers will end up owning a tank.

    MW- Anyone else just terribly (Kevin Klein in A FISH CALLED WANDA voice) DISAPPOINTED that Elinor never got a chance to just take apart Tom to his face?

    So, next week will be 4-5 days in the hospital of Beth asking “why did you change your mind” and celebration about the upcoming nuptials, then we’ll switch to Mary explaining what happened (in the most self-congratulatory way possible) to Toby, and that should take us through the month, and maybe, MAYBE, we can get to a new story in July.

    9CL- I was going to ask why there wasn’t a Father’s Day strip here, then realized that fathers aren’t allowed in the 9CL universe. Oh, there’s the former priest, and Edda’s uncle, who, it turned out, was gay and didn’t know it until magical gay Seth told him, and Nazi dad, but when’s the last time we saw any of them? So, yeah, fourth-wall breaking cat.

  130. Tom
    June 16th, 2013 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    Lynn Johnston appears to have suffered a coloring mishap, momentarily converting Ellie into her son, in panel six.

  131. seismic-2
    June 16th, 2013 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    FW: For Father’s Day in Funkytown a few years ago, Funky had his Dad admitted to Bedside Manor (where he no longer recognizes, or no longer chooses to recognize, his son). I was rather expecting that today Fred Fairgood’s daughter, from his first family that he stopped even acknowledging as soon as he was divorced, would come by to roll him out into the street to enjoy the traffic.

  132. Downpuppy Squared
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Dennis’s drawing is identical to Hank Ketcham’s. So we can assume that he IS Hank, and that Hank Ketcham is still 5 years old.

    Or that whoever is drawing the strip nowadays can’t be bothered to adjust their style for children’s drawings.

    I can’t tell which version is more menacing.

  133. greghousesgf
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

  134. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy Squared (#132):

    What irony. For Hank Ketcham to die and be resurrected as his own cartoon.

  135. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @frisco1522 (#85): …I love the Federated Lard jingle at the end.

    Why thank you! People are surprised that I used a minor chord progression, but I think it adds a certain layer of Cole Porter-esque sophistication, that one associates with lard. Unfortunately, I can’t afford a full orchestra, but having the cast members double up as the chorus (they’re a great bunch — real pros! — always willing to lend a hand) and the fine organ that Mutual was kind enough to lend us, works out really well.

    I like to write DTRD when one of our major strips – Mark Trail, Judge Parker, of course, DT itself – ends a major arc, but that doesn’t seem to be happening, that I can see, at the moment. I can’t have someone self-defenestrating without a motive, you know. Wouldn’t be right.

  136. Alison
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    “Dennis the Menace”: This sappy strip could have been saved with a single extra panel in which Dennis’s dad pokes his head around the corner, sees the picture Dennis drew and why, and bursts out laughing.

    Also, is Joey known not to have a father? He’s not in this strip, but some random boy with curly hair is instead.

    “Rex Morgan”: Widdle Sarah has just proved herself to be more self-aware than any adult in this strip. If it was June, for example, who had just sold a book off a few sketches, she wouldn’t be questioning it. She’d be saying, “So, when do I get free clams?”

  137. seismic-2
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Well, at least this manifesto isn’t jammed into a Thorax word balloon.

  138. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#129):

    and the Parkers will end up owning a tank.

    and by golly, they better get the details on that tank RIGHT, or we riot!

  139. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#135):

    I somehow find it hard to link Cole Porter with lard. However, he did write a song about an oyster.

  140. Hatlo Faction
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#53): OK, time for everyone to reread A Walk on the Wild Side

  141. Will
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#90): And now the stupid damn song is running through my head. “Thanks.”

    9CL: Funny, I was going to say how much better this comic is when it’s just the cat and no wall o’ text, and then someone pointed out the Pigborn strip, which is even more wall o’ text than usual. I guess McEldowny has a sesquipedalian quota to meet.

  142. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#122): I’m sort of glad you folks took the trouble to read Pibgorn, so I don’t have to.

    // That had teal deer all over it!

  143. Uncle Lumpy
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @Tom (#130):

    Lynn Johnston? Is she still a thing that exists? Is she Luann?

    I have to say I’m genuinely impressed with the way Johnston managed her retirement. Rather than terminating the strip or announcing that it was going into reruns — both of which would have led to mass cancellations by newspapers — she used her website and interviews to spread a bunch of hooey about “new-run” updates of old strips, and even launched a “Mike ‘n’ Mewidef” device that was supposed to frame the modified legacy strips. Then, when the transition and cancellation risk were safely in the past, she dropped the whole sloppy misdirected mess and went on vacation, income stream largely intact. Well played!

    For Better or For Worse used to be a big deal on CC. I’m pleased to say that to write the preceding paragraph, I had to look up Mike’s name.

  144. captainswift
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Cara Cronin’s cat enjoys looking out a window. Stop the effin’ presses!!!

  145. Shrug, Offering Advice
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#66):

    Well, there’s “Never get involved in a land war in Asia.”

    Though my favorite is “Never marry someone named Trixie La Boomboom. Especially if he’s a guy.”

  146. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#139): I somehow find it hard to link Cole Porter with lard.

    Don’t try to do it all at once. That’s a common mistake, and seldom works out well. Start just a little bit, in the morning, when it’s still cool out. Eventually, like the White Queen, you will be able to believe six impossible things before breakfast.

  147. Lumaca Morente
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @walt d. (#89): “So yeah, it’s not surprising that you didn’t get any satisfaction in the 1970s.” – in more ways than one.

  148. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Offering Advice (#145):

    Then there’s, “Never eat anything bigger than your head.”

  149. Lumaca Morente
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#104): So glad that Child Protective Services didn’t have a problem with this…
    //joking, joking!

  150. Lumaca Morente
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#113): I got as far as “oft iterated as is their wont” and lapsed into a coma. Did it say anything important?

  151. Shrug, or Someone of That Stripe
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#73):

    I was a little surprised when the WWE debuted a heel wrestler named The Convict (a.k.a. Nailz) but had him in an authentic orange jumpsuit rather than the cartoon-trope black and white stripes. If you couldn’t count on the early 1990s wrestling industry to maintain all the Good Old Identifying Stereotypes, who can you trust?

    ///His back story was that he was feuding with Big Boss Man, a former prison guard who had been Mean To Him back in the pen. He was only in the WWF for a few months and we never learned what his former prison sentence was for, though I would have suggested “First degree overacting.”

  152. Lumaca Morente
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#117): “Yeah, if Batiuk ever decides to learn how real people talk from another writer, one person he should not consult is Karen Moy.” – or McEldowney.
    //They could fill up a remedial class, perhaps taught by bb,u.
    ///I know, I know, what did bb,u ever do to me, huh.

  153. Lumaca Morente
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @walt d. (#118): “I’m too long winded myself, ” – yes.
    //NTTAWWT.

  154. Lumaca Morente
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    Can’t believe that Curtis, of all strips, didn’t mention Father’s Day.

  155. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#146):

    What we humans do with that pesky extra lard.

  156. 1. Across -- five letters, first four Shru-
    June 16th, 2013 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#87):

    Me neither, but I was chuffed to see “Lassie or Marmaduke” used as a clue (or maybe that was in yesterday’s NYT crossword — they all blend together).

    ///The answer was “petdogs” — I think Marmaduke would have some problem with that.

  157. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

  158. John C Fremont
    June 16th, 2013 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#70): Paraphrasing the great Michael J. Nelson, yes, once thistles are fully mature, they begin to lactate. At that point they are hooked up to tiny suction-powered milking machines.

  159. agony
    June 16th, 2013 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    RMMD is making a dig at Judge Parker and FW, right? By now I’m working under the assumption that all the strip writers read this blog and are trying to please us.

  160. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

  161. "Lo, There Shall be a Shrug-Snark!"
    June 16th, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#106):

    I’m not sure if Asgard is still hovering over Oklahoma (I’m years behind on any hope of keeping up with Marvel continuity) but it was a while ago, yes. I forget why.

    ///One theory: it used to be in that nice subdivision on the other side of Bifrost, but that whole area got gentrified by a new yuppie pantheon, and the Norse gods couldn’t afford the rents and property taxes any more.

  162. Alison
    June 16th, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Tom (#130):
    I went to that site you linked and saw Lynn’s “Notes”. Of course I only had to go back a few panels before she mentioned Charles Schulz liking her strip and how clever he thought it was. I think it’s odd how much other comic strip writers always wanted his approval so, so bad. Even Stephan Pastis, of all people, has talked about how excited he was to show Schulz his work. IMO “Peanuts” was pretty awful during it’s later years. I can’t remember who said it (might have been someone here) but the best critique I read about that strip was “It would be better if 90% of the later strips didn’t end with Marcie telling Peppermint Patty, ‘You’re weird, sir.’”

  163. Ratiocinator
    June 16th, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, or Someone of That Stripe (#151): Ever hear of OSWReview? It stands for “Old School Wrestling” and is done by these three Irish guys who all watch an old WWF pay-per-view and then do a podcast where they all talk about it, which they then post with their conversation dubbed over the video of the PPV.

    Anyway, they most recently did SummerSlam ’92, which was the first PPV match of the aforementioned Nailz, and one of them asked why he was still wearing his prison jumpsuit. Wouldn’t he have to give that back after he was released? I think that another one of them put forth the theory that Nailz had stolen it and that stealing prison jumpsuits might’ve been what got him locked up in the first place.

  164. seismic-2
    June 16th, 2013 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @”Lo, There Shall be a Shrug-Snark!” (#161): You could be right. A while back Sif was drinking shots in a Broxton bar and grill, and on the stool next to her was a dripping burlap sack containing the severed head of a witch that she had just slain in one of the outer realms. You can get away with that sort of thing in an Oklahoma redneck tavern, of course, but in a gentrified wine bar in many upscale Philadelphia suburbs it just isn’t done.

  165. Calico
    June 16th, 2013 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Happy Father’s Day to all Dads here, and their Dads as well! : )

  166. seismic-2
    June 16th, 2013 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#164): Or as the Chad Mitchell Trio reminded us in The Ballad of Lizzie Borden,
    “You can’t chop your papa up in Massachusetts
    Massachusetts is a far cry from New York.”

  167. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#155): There’s your connection right there. Cole Porter was from Indiana!

    // Wasn’t that easy?

  168. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#163): An MST3K kind of show, solely dedicated to professional wrestling? Great Googlymoogly!

    // The Mads were never that cruel to Joel and the bots. Never.

  169. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#167):

    As easy as greasing a pig in its own lard.

    Lard, lard, lard, lard…

    Damn catchy tune. The Em6 chord gives it it’s hook.

  170. demoncat4
    June 16th, 2013 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    mw from beths expression she is either shocked that tom wants to not wait and marry her or that elinor just said she is happy for them both including that beth now will not become bitter like her. mary must have elinor some really power ful drugs. or also told tom not to wait.

  171. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    How informative. An ad at the top right of the blog advises me to change my undies.

    What cookie invoked that ad?

  172. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#171): Isn’t it great. And the underwear they are selling is organic!

  173. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#172):

    For some reason that reminded me of a time over forty years ago in the college dorm when one morning we guys were lined up at the sinks shaving when one student decided to announce to the others, “I slept in the nude last night.” Without hesitation the student next to him said, “Ah! You mean organically!”

  174. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#173): You shaved? In college?

    // And then, put on your freshly pressed button down shirts, the school tie, holstered your slide rules, and donned your corduroy jackets with the leather patches on the sleeves… and went forth to trade Elizabethan puns with the similarly clad faculty!

  175. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#174):

    But of course. This was a theological institute from which I received my baccalaureate degree in theology with a double minor in music and public speaking. There were some who carried the ever present slide rule but I was not one of them.

  176. commodorejohn
    June 16th, 2013 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @frisco1522 (#51): Sinners in the Hand of an Angry Cartoonist.

    @bats :[ (#87): Keytars were from that brief period in the ’80s when keyboardists were trying to prove they were cool…

  177. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#176):

    Wow! According to the link they were playing Error 403′s.

  178. commodorejohn
    June 16th, 2013 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#177): Yeah, that’s a classic. Shame Error went out of business when the digital craze hit.

    (S’pose I’ll just link to the full page then…)

  179. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#175): There were some who carried the ever present slide rule…

    Not a big engineering school, I suppose.

  180. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#162): I think it’s odd how much other comic strip writers always wanted his [Schulz] approval so, so bad.

    Curious, that. Bill Waterson got him to write a forward for his first collection. Everyone seems to agree that Charles Schulz was a genuinely nice guy, so if an aspiring cartoonist came to him, it was pretty easy to get him to say something good about their work. And considering his stature, that would be enough for said aspirant to get his foot in the door.

    I think the other thing that young cartoonists found attractive about Schulz was, that when he was good, he was very, very, good. And he made it look so easy.

    When I first started looking at his stuff, he was already past his prime — I thought of him as old, boring, and stodgy. And way too commercial. And Snoopy as a WWI flying ace got really tired.

  181. Liam
    June 16th, 2013 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Tom! This is so unexpected. I was just planning on cutting out your kidneys and selling them on the black market.”

  182. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#179):

    Pretty good science and math departments but engineering, no.

    //No engineers but we did have a train track that ran past the campus.

  183. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    DtM: He can’t often manage menace, but he can still get to “braggy, annoying putz” easy enough.

    MW: “Uh, sidebar, Tom.”

    WofI: The Wizard of Id will play along with this fraudulent little holiday, but wants us all to remember the basic truth that fathers suck.

    SFx: The thief is satisfied with being a pain in the ass to others without really helping himself or herself, for whatever comfort you can get out of that.

    Momma: I never knew that Rose Kennedy was a dead ringer for Sonia Hobbs, or that JFK was a towhead who dyed his hair brown when he reached adulthood. Count this one as doubly informative.

    Agnes: Carnalness? How would you know about… Best not to ask, really.

    S-M: “You think you’re the only superhero with a sense of humor who can be a real dick?” ftfy, DD

    Blondie: Dagwood dreams of Herb saying that his Gucci bowling shoes are gorgeous? I had no idea he yearned to be a Sex and the City character.

    H&L: “… and the reason I’m playing with these gaudy, hair metal clubs.”

    JP: I take it the air quotes around “hardware salesman” are implied.

    DT: “Also, who do I have to blow to get my strip un-cancelled?”

    Lio: Sweet tribute.

  184. bats :[
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#143): there is some small evidence that there is a God, witnessed pretty much by the complete ignoring the the current FOOB, no matter what kind of incarnation it takes. Yay, God!

  185. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#171):

    How informative. An ad at the top right of the blog advises me to change my undies.

    What cookie invoked that ad?

    Not an Ex-Lax chocolate chunk cookie, one hopes.

  186. bats :[
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#178): keytars, like that URL >>failures. :)

  187. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#54): There’s always the possibility that Heathcliff’s father was never in prison at all, and is just a big O Brother, Where Art Thou?” fan.

  188. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    @Tom (#130): Lynn Johnston appears to have suffered a coloring mishap, momentarily converting Ellie into her son, in panel six.

    I misplaced my special FOOB decoder ring, but I think today’s strip is supposed
    to be a riff on Harlan Ellison (Ellie’s son=Ellison) and his propensity for buying expensive wristwatches for himself

    In other words: “Repent, Harlequin!” Said the Ticktockman.

  189. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#187):

    So in the near future we should expect an appearance by the Soggy Kitty Litter Boys?

    I look forward to not only the songs but to the two of them, and friends, wearing gray beards.

  190. Ukulele Ike
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#176): The keyboard player: the only guy in the rock band who doesn’t have the phallic thing workin’ for him in one way or another. Unless you count playing with his organ.

  191. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#189):

    Ah, yes! The song stylings of ZZ Cat!

    //With the furry guitar and bass.

  192. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @notmydesk (#124):

    How kind of the other kids to not call attention to the fact that Dennis’ elbows are very clearly bare breasts resting on the kitchen table in that first panel. I guess Father’s Day really brings out the best in everyone.

    Didn’t you mean:

    “I guess Father’s Day really brings out the breast in everyone.”????

  193. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#190):

    And keyboardists are always banging on their instrument.

  194. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#190):

    Oh come on now.
    You know there were some keyboard playing dudes who tried to extend themselves with those strap on keyboards that complimented the 80s post-glam rock look of Dumbass Douchebaggery.

    Never forget!

    @Sequitur (#191):

    Every girl’s crazy for a
    meow meow meowww!

    The only downside to Heathcliff and Keefcliff* as ZZ Top is whether or not they will they need to wear prosthetic thumbs for the roadside hitchhiking shot in the video.

    As the Soggy Kitty Litter Boys, I look forward to their jug band dancing.**

    *Why not? Keefcliff has a rock-n-roll vibe all over it anyway. Maybe Keefcliff got busted for selling cracknip.
    ** That’s the great thing about life, there will always be someone, somewhere doing jugband dancing. Unlike Polka dancing, they’ll never be sober either.

  195. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    Color me disappointed.

    I clicked on the “5 Signs You Will Get Cancer” link, and none of them are:
    Being a character in Funky Winkerbean.

  196. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#195):

    Shhh! It’s an open secret!

  197. Peanut Gallery
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#34): When people give certain kinds of names to their pets, I suspect they haven’t given any thought to the possibility that they may someday be walking around outside their house, calling the pet’s name in an attempt to locate it…

  198. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#149): Are you kidding?! The foster care agency suggested feeding him in the dog suit! If it works, it works…

  199. Phred22
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    Slylock: The real mystery is why Slylock keeps his coffeepot atop that tall cabinet. Does he have some neurosis compelling him to risk serious burns when he wants caffeination?

  200. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#157): Yes, but he can also be a bit nippy. Comes with the breed.

  201. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#200):

    Maybe this needs to be done to Marvin.

  202. commodorejohn
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#104): Aww. Sweetest thing I’ve read this month.

  203. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    Here it comes.
    Be forewarned.
    Get ready scroll
    or
    Get ready to scroll really fast to get to the post which follows it.

    It is my new Father’s Day CC tradition: Elaborating on one panel of a Heathcliff Sunday Comic.

    Don’t hold your breath, unless the smell is too strong!

    Countdown in 5…4…

  204. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#202): Thanks, to you and everyone who appreciated the story! It’s one of those you hold on to for the tough times…

  205. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#203):

    Wait! I’ve got to go to the bathroom!

  206. walt d.
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    FW: In a case of extreme foreshadowing, in the early 1970s an EPA investigator visited Westview and found there were cancer causing chemicals in the water supply. Not a story, just the one strip. Many CC’ers of course prefer the alternate theory that the entire town is built upon a humongous graveyard, and the disturbed dead aren’t happy about it at all.

  207. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#203): & @Sequitur (#205):

    Okay. I’m back. There was a math problem involving long division and…

    Say, will there be otters?

  208. hibbleton
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    MW: That hand grenade Beth’s holding in the last panel, was she going to kill Tom and herself as a final act of spite in front of her mother? Or was she going to shove it down the old bat’s throat as she and Tom beat a hasty retreat? It’s kind of ambiguous considering the way the strip’s been going. In any case, Tom has ruined the whole blowing-up-thing with his marriage proposal. I don’t blame Beth for being pissed.

  209. walt d.
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Sarah is probably wondering if she left money on the table. The idea that her “work” might possibly not be good enough for the attention she succeeded in getting for it is really not thinkable for the RMMD, FW and JP clans.

  210. Peanut Gallery
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#139): Well, you got it to rhyme, that’s a good start!

    I somehow find it hard
    to link Cole Porter with lard.
    “He’s The Top,” there is no mistakin’;
    But can I say “he’s the grease from bacon”?
    And I pretty badly blew it
    with “I Get No Kick From Suet.”
    I’ve got him “Under My Skin,”
    which also holds my fat cells in.
    I’d try to tackle Kiss Me, Kate
    but I’m too sleepy; I just ate.

  211. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 16th, 2013 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#180): funny, according to your (and a lot of other people’s) lights schulz was already on the downhill slide (and i’m not arguing, but) by the time i got to him in the early ’70s. i maybe should be embarassed to say i ate the ‘schlock’ right up. i’m not, though

    while i followed him less closely as i got older he still retained the ability to surprise and amuse me and sometimes tug at the old heartstrings, right up to the end. and even as the comics world, in the form of berke breathed, bill watterson, etc, moved ahead of schulz, he was still miles ahead of the walkers and brownes and johnny harts of his day and the “zits” and “dustins” of today

    so it doesn’t really surprise me at all people like pastis still claim schulz as an influence and role model

  212. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    Now how lame was that? I cut the comment with the intention to paste a minute or two later….geesh!

    Here I build up anticipation and plan on a quick enough posting of the comment and WHAM one thing led to another and and another and I plum forgot to post it…..

    Until Now…..

    PLONK!

    @Kevan Patrick (#18):

    I really had no clue that any non-Heathcliff character in the strip had names.

    “Iggy”, eh?

    well, then…

    a-hem. koff koff

    So Iggy sez:

    “It’s a Father’s Day Tradition.

    “Sir, I realize you are unfamiliar with the concepts of “tradition” and “Fatherhood” but this day is a sacred for Heathcliff and his papa, Keffcliff.”

    Old Man standing next to Iggy:
    “Now hold on a minute there, son. Are you on the dope again? Of all the…why the hell are we sending you to private school if all you are going to do is smoke the weed and huff gas all day long? You’re brain damaged, boy! You’re talking to me like I ain’t your dear old dad! Holy What the Heck!?!”

    Iggy:

    “Okay, old man. If it will amuse you then I shall amuse you, “father”. I will ignore the fact that all of the garbage men are intimately familiar with Mother. In fact, I think the constant presence of garbage and refuse in the strip belies that reality.
    Don’t deny it, “father”.
    sigh!.
    However….it is “Father’s Day”…and I suppose you are right here. So, please, have patience as I make like Linus Van Pelt and explain the Greater Significance of a father and son spending Father’s Day working under the hood.”

    The lights dim further and a spotlight lands on Iggy, who stands in front of a mike stand wearing an ascot and smoking jacket and is puffing from a pipe (shaped like a skull)

    “Here is why this is a Grand Tradition between Father and Son. You see, throughout the year, Keefcliff’s car constantly breaks down and it always first breaks down right after he hocks the toolbox and set of tools that Heathcliff gives him for Father’s Day. So, every year he gets a toolbox filled with tools.

    “With the income Heathcliff earns from his Pest Control business and his off-the-books role as a dog snitch to the Animal Control and the money he makes from suckers who LOVE LOVE LOVE his trash can art, he does quite well for himself. That toolbox is filled with some quality tools.

    “My pet theory is that Keefcliff looks forward to hocking his tools for cracknip just so that he can eventually tow his broke down car to our driveway and spend some time with his son.
    “Now, “father”, is this going to be our Father’s Day tradition? *sob* Just you and I dimly lit and arguing and lecturing each other like perfect strangers? Or, are you going to give us a hug?”

    Old Man standing next to Iggy:

    (sobbing hysterically) “Damn you, old son! You might not do anything more than hand me bills to pay and school notes to sign but whether or not you want to admit it: we’re family! So, c’mere, boy!”

    The two hug while Heathcliff and Keefcliff hug, too. Meanwhile the Garbage Ape dances with the Garbage Grizzly to the the strained sounds of some folk singer’s song that include’s the line “That’s my dad!”.

    fini

  213. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#212):

    Iggy, who stands in front of a mike stand wearing an ascot and smoking jacket and is puffing from a pipe (shaped like a skull)

    And that was just what the mike stand was wearing. You should have seen what Iggy wore!

  214. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#212):

    Ah, geez, that’s so sweet and mostly accurate only…

    Where are the otters?!

  215. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

  216. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

  217. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

  218. Sgt. Stoned
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Pluggers are also too dumb to understand that you don’t try to pull a can from the base of the pyramid.

    MW: ONE nightmare and Elinor changes her ways? It’s got to be trick. Hell, it took THREE nightmares to convert Scrooge.

    MT: Mark, I think it would be a great idea to send Rusty off to Africa with his camera to get some pictures of those elephant poachers!

  219. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#211): Have to disagree. That time, the late sixties and early seventies produced some amazing work, while Schulz was just phoning it in, and collecting a hefty paycheck for licensing any single damn thing he could. (Something Watterson famously never did.) You mention Berke Breathed, but Doonesbury also started around then. It’s hard to believe today, but BC and Hagar and WoI were genuinely funny back then. I have collections to prove it. This is not just an old man rant about how everything was better way back when. Compare late Schulz to early Johnny Hart. Srsly.

    // And that isn’t even considering the “undergrounds”.

  220. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#218): The Mary Worth Christmas Carol, coming soon to Hallmark TV.

  221. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    a response to the Sunday Zits.

    \m/ \m/

  222. Alison
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#180):
    Yeah, I’ve heard Schulz was a nice guy, and credit to him for that. (It’s too bad that for all their worship of him, his good humor didn’t seem to rub off on other cartoonists, most of whom take themselves way too seriously and have hissy fits about their own strips being mocked.)

    I agree about Snoopy as the flying ace being boring-and this is coming from someone who had a morbid fascination with the Red Baron when she was little. I blame the Irish Rovers.

  223. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#217):

    Yea! That’s one of my favorite otter videos!

  224. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#210): [Applauds!]

    I may borrow that idea for a Federated ad.

    You’re the tops,
    You’re Federated,
    You’re the tops,
    I just can’t be sated.
    Biscuits or cookies, made with lard
    From Federated will never be hard,
    Cuz, baby, Federated is the tops!

    // When does Porter’s stuff hit the public domain? I have a tight budget.

  225. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#222):

    The Irish Rovers? If your thinking of the song “Snoopy Vs. the Red Baron,” that was done by the Royal Guardsmen.

    The Irish Rovers did the song about the Unicorn.

    Well, to be perfectly honest The Irish Rovers did cover the Royal Guardsmen song.

  226. commodorejohn
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#218): Maybe the nightmare was mistakenly shown in reverse, and Elinor was actually dreaming about herself transforming into Beth. That prospect would certainly get me to change my ways right quick.

  227. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#224):

    // When does Porter’s stuff hit the public domain? I have a tight budget.

    It’ll be a while.

  228. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#225): The Irish Rovers covered Snoopy vs the Red B.?

    // Mind – boggles – must – have – Guinness.

    // “Achtung! Jetzt wir singen zusammen die Geschichte über den Schweinköpfigen Hund und den lieben Red Baron.”

  229. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#225):green alligators and long-necked geese . . .

  230. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#189): I-I-I am a tabby of constant sorrow…

  231. commodorejohn
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#225), @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#229): One of those songs I’ve only heard via my dad singing it for years, until now.

    Catchy!

  232. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#225): Much as I like the song “Snoopy Vs. the Red Baron,” it’s no “Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop.”

  233. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#228):

    //Snoopy ist die Nummer eins! Der Rote Baron ist besiegt!

  234. Dartpaw86
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    MW: Most of all I’m happy for my daughter. Tom on the other hand once I have grandkids you’ll have served your usefulness and I’ll be burying your corpse in a ditch soon enough… oops I said too much…

  235. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#232):

    Oh, I agree. I love the old Alley Opp song.

  236. Dartpaw86
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    @Kevan Patrick (#65):

    Okay, I am naming the Bear Plugger “Fozzie” from now on. It kind of fits somewhat.
    “The perfect match, a bear and his Studebaker”

  237. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#235):

    Um, it would help if I gave the correct link.

  238. Pinewood Tom
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#232): We’re talking the the Irish Rovers vs. the Beach Boys, so it’s little wonder!

  239. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    @Pinewood Tom (#238):

    Beach Boys?

  240. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#237):
    By the end of the song, the singer turned into one of those people who you want to slap for saying “hip” things without a trace of sincerity or conviction.

    He suddenly became obligatorily hipper in his patter.
    I wanted to slap him and show him what does matter.
    But I had to stomp away in frustration
    Because hipsters from Squaresville are like
    Prizes of Consolation!

  241. Chet McCord, Defender of wildlife
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    See? it’s easy to publish stuff!

    Substitute abusive jerk for Sarah, and steamy-vicarious-sexy-thriller for her horsey art, and you have Judge Parker. Shouldn’t take long for the horsey book to reach the Times’ Bestseller list.

  242. Pinewood Tom
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

  243. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#225):

    I really do hope they are from Ireland and aren’t just a side project for Mr. Greenjeans from the “Captain Kangaroo Show”.

    I could totally see that being a hobby gig where he adds a matching turtleneck and a pennywhistle to go with his name: Greenjeans.

    What were people smoking back then?
    And, how did that band have 36 “all time greatest hits”?

    Was “The Unicorn” song one of them?

    ughhh…..

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#230):

    I really, really would like to see this. Four cats run onto a stage trying to escape a pack of dogs. They slide to a stop and realize there is a crowd that is just looking at them and that crowd wants musical entertainment.
    So the four cats huddle and nod their heads in agreement.
    They come out of the huddle with their beards on and holding musical instruments.
    Then they launch into that song.

    Instead, what do we get? What do the kids have to look forward to?
    A sequel to the animated theatrical movie, “Smurfs”.

  244. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    @Pinewood Tom (#242):

    Not the original. It’s a cover.

    //Not that there’s anything wrong with a cover.

  245. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#240):

    I think he thought he was ironic.

    But thinking thoughts can lead to thoughts unthought and that is thoughtless.

  246. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    @Pinewood Tom (#242):

    By the way, if you want a strange cover of “Alley Oop” try this one by Sha Na Na

    //It’s more like a vaudeville routine.

  247. commodorejohn
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#240): He sounds like the Vanilla Ice of the 1950s…

  248. Alison
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#225):
    I’m thinking of the Irish Rovers version. I had one of their records and in fact I didn’t even know that song was a cover. I actually remember very little about them-just the Red Baron song, “Lollipop Tree”, and that they did a somewhat disturbing song about unicorns dying.

  249. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#229):

    Their best phrase was “humpty backed camels.”

  250. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#245):

    Well, if that is the case, that he was being ironic, it is my fault for not taking it that way.

    @commodorejohn (#247):

    Jumpin’ LL Cool J!
    If he wasn’t being ironic but just being proto-Vanilla Ice, I’ve been vindicated!

    Now, I want ice cream.

    Since I probably won’t get any frozen desserts* tonight, CommodoreJohn, I’m going to forget you ever brought up the creator of…the writer?…the performer?…the “pop”…”sensation”…the one hit wonder that was…is?…Vanilla Ice. “Ice, Ice, Baby”, indeed.

    [/disgustipated voice of Kelsey Grammar as Sideshow Bob.]

    *that’s right, revenge seekers! Keep your distance!

  251. Rusty
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    New FW: Now for something completely expected: Lisa’s journal hanging around in a shoebox in Les’s bedroom for the last decade or so since she became a recurring non-living character. What are the odds Les hadn’t gone through every inch of the house looking for mementos for his Lisa shrine?

  252. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#248):

    Interesting fact: The “Irish Rovers” were from Canada.

  253. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#250):

    I’ve got some vanilla ice cream in my freezer to which you’re welcome.

  254. Droopy Says
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    The Evasive Spiderman: And when he gets home, Daredevil will just be a smile that MJ can’t understand.

    Family Circus: Since when can Dolly read?

    Les and Lesser: Here it comes, another week of sepia memories that go nowhere. Wrap this arc in naugahyde and sell it to a Plugger, because it’s the most heavily-padded monstrosity in existence.

    Flatulence Alley: If Professor Herb has really observed vegetables for so long, why can’t he communicate with Slim?

    Mark Trail: “–and he is asking for the kind of gum that people chew when they want to stop smoking!”

    Phantom: So Walker #19 risked being shot by both sides? What’s in it for him? And why did he go all the way to the Western Front when there was enough activity in Africa? And if the artist could go to al the trouble of giving the Germans some Wurttemberg-type ammo pouches, why not give the poilus a heavy beard or two, and do something about those not-yet-invented sunglasses?

    Pluggers: No imagination and pleased with it.

  255. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    @Rusty (#251):

    And Les says, “Oh, that thing. It’s written in what I think is Russian. I have no idea what it’s saying. The only thing I’ve been able to make out is ‘Comrade Frankie.’”

  256. Droopy Says
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    Presumably Creepy Les already knows what is in DFL’s journal. Presumably he already knows about the rape. His first reaction to The Return of Frankiestein should have been outrage, instead of this endless wanking over detective work. Actually the first reaction should have been Batiuk flushing this crap down the toilet and making Summer the center of horror in a rape story. A story should stick to the subject and make us care about the people. It’s called writing, Batiuk.

  257. Poteet
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    MW — So Elinor can now get up, get dressed, and go home, kinda like the hospital is a motel? And that’s on top of her deepest wrinkles disappearing. Clearly the lesson we’ve learned is to bless our daughters’ relationships, even if they involve guys who propose at inappropriate moments, emote too much, and have odd hair.

  258. yaoi huntress earth
    June 17th, 2013 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: I seems that Brooke wants to start doing his own little quips this Sunday in his Pibgorn comic.

  259. Poteet
    June 17th, 2013 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    FW — “That’s what I thought”?? So did Cayla sense that the journal was in the box because her fingertips are so sensitive that they can detect Lisa-vibrations through cardboard, or did she open the box and find the journal and then not only forget about it herself but also forget to tell her utterly-Lisa-obsessed husband, or did she look at the box and think “Yep, that’s just the kind of box where Lisa’s journal might reside although I’ll just put it away without looking inside,” or what? Batiuk would be an excellent subject for a Mark Twain essay on lousy writing except that Batiuk is so much worse than Cooper ever was and Twain, luckily for him in this instance, is dead. (And, we can hope, in some pleasant part of the afterlife that is far away from Dead Lisa.)

  260. commodorejohn
    June 17th, 2013 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    You know, for some reason I can’t put my finger on, I’m getting a real bargain-basement-EC Comics-knockoff vibe from Sunday’s Mary Worth. In which case, who murders whom and when are they going to get on with it?

  261. Poteet
    June 17th, 2013 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    Since it’s so late, I’ll go OT and mention that the day after tomorrow I will be leaving to visit a part of the universe that has a veeery sloooow internet connection, so I will probably be absent from this congenial discussion for about a week. Take care of your otters while I’m gone.

  262. Poteet
    June 17th, 2013 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    GA — Ordinarily I might be a little annoyed by a botanist being portrayed as crazy, but this is GA, from whence sanity departed a few decades ago. Letting the loathsome Slim into one’s dwelling is dialing the crazy up a notch, however.

  263. Poteet
    June 17th, 2013 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    9CL — Rabbits generally have reasons for what they do, and their courtship behavior is fairly predictable and makes sense. So you’re no rabbit, Fleurrie. You’re deranged.

  264. walt d.
    June 17th, 2013 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    FW: Too easy. I would have guessed it would take a couple weeks. I would also have guessed that someone who had enough advance notice of dying to make hundreds of absurd manipulating tapes would also have cleared the house of things that interfered with the preferred narrative. I mean, if she wasn’t trying to keep the “some coercion involved” under wraps, why didn’t she make a tape about it?

    FW: I will be sorely disappointed if somewhere in the diary it doesn’t refer to Les as “a nice boy, but God what a dweeb”. In fact, if the diary is going to carry its weight, it ought to have some surprises.

    FW: Someone at PI has already posted a comment about the diary that would not be at all surprising. However, in the interests of good taste I will refrain from repeating it.

    FW: Cayla is one of the least believable parts of this time jump. For starters, I don’t believe a black woman would marry someone like Les, but let that go. I can understand a woman marrying a man fixated on his mother. After all, she figures, some day the old biddy will croak, and I’ll have him for myself. But Cayla married a man whom she has known for YEARS to be fixated on a woman who is already dead. Was she having trouble making her house payments, or what? Hopefully in the context of the story she doesn’t realize the stupid ghost is hanging around watching her.
    Part of the deal would definitely be, soon as the kids are off to college we get a new house, one with ghosts who don’t know us. Oh, and burn the tapes.

  265. Mr O'Malley
    June 17th, 2013 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#254): There’s an illustration in a 15th century manuscript of a person wearing sunglasses — indoors! Hipsters are not new.

    @tallyHO (#243): “The Unicorn” was written by Playboy cartoonist Shel Silverstein, He also wrote “A Boy Named Sue” and “The Cover of the Rolling Stone”. And the answer to your question “What were people smoking back then?” is probably found in his song “The Smoke-Off”.

  266. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 17th, 2013 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#252): The Royal Guardsmen were from Florida.

    // However, there are so many Canadians in Florida, that the Canadian government set up a Health Care clinic, just for their citizens, not far from my old home.

  267. Droopy Says
    June 17th, 2013 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    @Mr O’Malley (#265): From what I’ve found, those sunglasses were meant strictly for the visually impaired; sunlight was a problem for people with syphilis, glaucoma and other problems. That isn’t what you’d expect a soldier to wear back then.

    I’ve seen a lot of pictures of soldiers from the war, and none of them wore anything that resembled sunglasses. Regular glasses and pince-nezes, but nothing tinted. Apparently sunglasses weren’t made for people with normal eyesight until circa 1930, when movie actors wanted protection from soundstage lighting. The US Army Air Corps asked Bausch and Lomb to develop sunglasses for aviators around then, which apparently is the first military use of sun glasses.

  268. Alison
    June 17th, 2013 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#252):
    Ooh, so am I! That’s probably why I had their record in the first place. It was already about 10 years old when I had it so my mom probably found it in some discount bin, since that’s where a lot of our local pop culture products end up.

  269. Dale
    June 17th, 2013 at 1:39 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    Unless there really is no cell phone contact in that part of LoFo,
    “Reporter Jason Smith” would have made two calls:
    1) Stop the presses! I have a really good story!
    2) 911? I am a reporter. Yes, for a paper. Well, I don’t know its name. I’m in a woods or forest. Send help. Somebody was shot. Don’t be silly. I’m not giving you my story!

  270. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 17th, 2013 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    @Alison (#268): They were popular everywhere. My parents had their records, and the Unicorn song got heavy airplay on the local record stations. (In Florida.) Part of the folk revival, along with the Kingston Trio, Peter Paul and Mary, and, of course, greatest of all, The Folksmen.

  271. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 17th, 2013 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#171): At least most people wear “undies”. More odd, I think, is the ad I’ve been seeing a lot, for Baileigh Industrial. They make lathes, and machines to bend pipes and sheet metal. Good stuff, I’m sure, but how many folks casually browsing here are in the market for that?

  272. Allen
    June 17th, 2013 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    @Loopina (#26):

    My local paper did the same thing, cutting off the second throwaway panel of the Dennis the Menace strip. Very confusing.

    Also, it might have just been my eyes, but I swear the lettering didn’t show up as clearly in my paper, and instead of reading it as Margaret being a “pain in the neck,” I thought it said she was a “paw in the neck.” It was a lot clearer reading it here.

  273. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 17th, 2013 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#269): Oh, there is cell phone service. We’ve seen Mark talking on a cell phone, even if it looks like a retro model that resembles a wireline phone with the cord cut off. Probably got it on etsy.com.

    And if they have 911 service, they are almost certainly Phase II, minimum. And that means they can locate a caller within a hundred meters or so.

  274. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 17th, 2013 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#270): Record station? Radio station, I mean. It is late. Good night.

  275. Dale
    June 17th, 2013 at 2:54 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#273):

    MARK TRAIL

    Yes, Mark had a cell phone before he was almost run off the mountain.
    I did not want to suggest that there is service Every Single Place one might go.
    It was somewhat related to camping in FirePit valley.

  276. Pinewood Tom
    June 17th, 2013 at 5:33 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#244): I didn’t mean to imply that the Beach Boys were the original artists on “Alley Oop.”

    I was making a joke(?) about SoCal’s Brian Wilson and company facing off against the “Irish” (Canadian) Rovers.

  277. gleeb
    June 17th, 2013 at 5:39 am [Reply]

    Old Man Bizarro: Still with the GIZMOES.

  278. NonnyMus
    June 17th, 2013 at 6:17 am [Reply]

    What is Beth doing with her hand in that last panel? To me, it looks like she’s about to pepper spray Tom. That would certainly be my reaction to somebody so manipulative!

  279. CanuckDownSouth
    June 17th, 2013 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    MT: “Mr. Trail, the man you brought in with a bullet wound is conscious and clearly a magazine writer is the most appropriate person to talk to him as opposed to, say, the police”

    (Guy was unconscious so he can’t know about Mark and can’t be asking for him by name)

  280. anonymous
    June 17th, 2013 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: I know the EXACT grocery store where the Pluggers shop – the 10 for $10 stack of cans gives it away. Home of the Green Pork Chop, this grocery store is filthy, and it smells. The aisles are narrow and overjammed willy-nilly with all kinds of stuff in no particular order. And you do NOT want to shop there the first couple days of the month. The store is jammed with great big fat Pluggers and all their kids, piling their massive shopping carts high with chips and fruit punch, junk food of every description, and huge packages of gray meat ‘buy one, get one free’.

  281. parcheesi
    June 17th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    I normally think of Heathcliff as an overeager pretender to Garfield’s throne, but judging by this pandering variant of Uncle Spike, maybe Peanuts is in there too?

  282. Philboyd Studge
    June 18th, 2013 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    In my local paper, for some reason instead of eliminating both throwaway panels in “Dennis the Menace”, they inexplicably only omitted the second. So there was no segue from Dennis saying “Margaret may be a pain in the neck…” to Margaret saying “Let’s make Father’s Day cards.” It also meant skipping the sight of her entering the room. It looked like Dennis was busting on Margaret with her sitting right at the table, and I thought maybe she was trying to change the subject. “Look, Denn-Ass, I know nobody likes me, do you have to call attention to it and CAN WE PLEASE MAKE SOME FUCKING FATHER’S DAY CARDS ALREADY?!?!” With the omission, it was actually more menacing than usual, though the bar is admittedly not set that high.

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