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“Trip” as a nickname is bad enough, but this is beyond the pale

Funky Winkerbean, 8/26/13

Oh goodie, it’s been far too long since the main characters in Funky Winkerbean have faced an existential threat that will provide them with an opportunity to wax self-righteously! Since many of Westview’s teachers depend on these subjects’ funding for their livelihood, we should be treated to a delightful melange of “Our children won’t receive the cultural education they need” and “We will be forced to beg for change and live in a cardboard box under the elevated highway on the outskirts of town.”

Much as I support full funding for arts education, I do feel it necessary to point out that lunch is somewhat more important in the hierarchy of needs than the other subjects facing the axe. Don’t worry, teachers, they’ll be enough cash to restore your classes, once the weaker students have been strategically starved to death!

Gil Thorp, 8/26/13

Sorry I sort of dropped the ball on the end of the Gil Thorp summer wrestling storyline, everybody! Gil and Herk had their wrestling match and everyone had a good time and then as he headed out of town Herk called Gil by his real name, implying that his tragic dementia was actually just a wrestling angle and thus bringing the blurred line between artifice and reality out of the squared circle and in to everyday life. But now summer’s just about over, and two local gals are on a mission … a mission for man tip. Haha, just kidding, I’m deliberately misconstruing the dialogue in the third panel so it sounds like they’re talking about a penis, but really if you give your kid a name that is or can be shortened to “Tip” you need to be prepared for this sort of outcome.

Slylock Fox, 8/26/13

Slylock Fox has never been a more shameful and transparent shill for the universal surveillance state than it is today. Remember, everyone, evil-doers might be holding adorable penguins captive in horrifying basement freezer-prisons! That’s why the staff of utility companies need to monitor everyone’s energy usage and pass any anomalies on to meddling fox-cops and/or heavily armed SWAT teams, for freedom.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/26/13

Ha ha, it’s funny because Hootin’ Holler is so impoverished and isolated from mainstream American life that its residents are wholly ignorant of basic civic infrastructure that most of us take for granted!

413 responses to ““Trip” as a nickname is bad enough, but this is beyond the pale”

  1. Casey, Crime Photographer
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man The world’s longest knock-knock joke is about to get… dangerous.

    B.C. Spiderberry was one of Howard Johnson’s original 28 flavors of ice cream.

  2. Écureuil Écumant
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    FW: “an existential threat that will provide them with an opportunity to wax self-righteously!”

    And since it’s FW, bipolarly: Wax on, wax off.

  3. Amos Snarkadder
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    Family Circus Carne? Hmm… Grandma and Grandpa are carnies! Well, that certainly explains the circus freak grandkids!

  4. Casey, Crime Photographer
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    Tip is short for Tippecanoe and Tyler Too.

    (Josh, you called him “Trip” at the top of the page!)

  5. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    MT: Aw, you mean we’re not going to get the part where the horrifying dinosaurs quickly recognize Rusty as one of their horrifying own, and he becomes King of the Dinos, and they bear him on their backs and take him fishing and teach him the dino language?

    That was the next part, right?

    A3G: If that damned phone rings one more time, Margo is going to kick some cellular ass.

  6. Amos Snarkadder
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    MW We hate her!

  7. Dennis Jimenez
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    FW – Bad Trip, man – don’t take the green lesson plans….

    GT – I’m offended by the lack of navel rings – and tatts….

    SF – Fucking humans and their furry headsets – I’ll bet he’s listening to Robin Thicke, to boot – what a deplorable species….

    BG&SS – If you think this lack of knowledge of public works is bad, just ask them about sanitary sewers….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  8. Liam
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    A3G-”You know how I feel about ringing phones, Lu Ann.”

    A3G 2-Oh no! In just the course of a few weeks Marty’s turned into a teenage alcoholic.

    FC-No. You must never do that. It’ll spark a grandmother war the likes of which has never been seen.

    FW-Lunch? How do you cut lunch? It is usually the only meal some kids get. Of course this is also the same world that can just close a Post Office and fire the mail people because of it.

    FW 2-And so Montoni’s plan to be the only place to eat in town continues.

    JP-Nearby above ground or nearby below ground?

    MT-”And you were there.”

    MW-”And I shall find out what Aggie’s problems are by becoming her new best friend.”

    Archie-Archie, if you have a rope tie one end around the branch and the other end around your neck and jump.

    Luann-”I shall not make a tit, I mean breast, I mean nipple, I mean fool, I mean boob of myself by turning around seeing Rosa in that skimpy bikini.”

  9. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: the headlights are a nice touch

    Rex, MD, Esq: is going to tackle the contemporary and contentious of child labor laws with his usual sensitivity and intelligence. I imagine an armored truckload of cash will be dropped off for Sarah by the end of the week

  10. KreatureFeatures
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    Crock: “My smoker is down.” It’s funny, because we’ve all been there before! Right? Oh, wait, we haven’t.

    Crankshaft: Good to see Lumpy McGreyblob has rejoined the cast.

    Dennis the Menace: Alice blushes as she pictures the doctor disrobed and wonders if the carpet matches the drapes.

    Mary Worth: Shannon gets her revenge during the next yoga class when she gives Aggie the stinky yoga mat.

  11. Joshua
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    @Casey, Crime Photographer (#4): I thought the headline means that the nickname “Trip” is bad, but “Tip” is much worse.

  12. Amos Snarkadder
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#10): re: Mary Worth
    *snerk*

  13. Mr. Yezpitelok
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    “Tip” is Gil Thorp’s tribute to former House Speaker Thomas Phillip “Tip” O’Neill. (And isn’t that O’Neill himself in today’s Crankshaft?)

  14. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    Today I’m going to answer every question with either “I have the same problem with my pants” (Dilbert) or “You’re an idiot.” (Phantom) This should turn out well!

  15. Inkwell
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    “This dialogue shore is awkward, Snuffy!”
    “How awkward is it, Lukey?”

  16. Christopher
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Tragically the diligent, but incompetent, cops speeding to arrest Slick Smitty inadvertently ran over the penguins. In the subsequent investigation the cops admitted they should have been keeping their eyes on the road and not exceeding the speed limit for a residential area, but, in their defense, those penguins died free.

  17. pugfuggly
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    FW “They’ve also cut phone and internet access, which is why I’m reading this in the paper rather than hearing from the school board itself.”

    GT Oh Gil Thorpe, I see what’s going on. You want to be cool and sexy like your friend Judge Parker, don’t you? A good first try, but I think in the future you’re going to have to learn to draw better boobs, and then not put them on teenagers, mmkay?

    Also, pay attention to where objects are relative to people, otherwise you end up with panels that seem to depict young men shitting out radios.

    SFxThis is why these puzzles seem unfair to me. I mean, couldn’t an equally valid answer to the question just be that one of the penguins called the police? Or are these non-talking penguins? Is that why they’re in the zoo? Is ‘zoo’ just another term for ‘jail’ in this animal world, or are sentient animal-people actually spending their weekends going to see naked mute version of themselves in captivity? Who called Slylock? In this ridiculous world it could be FUCKING ANYONE OR ANYTHING!

  18. Mumblix Grumph
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    SF: What in the name of God is that creature riding shotgun in the cop car? Forget the Long Arm Of The Law, look at the Prodigious Proboscis Of Justice on this nightmarish beast.

  19. Old Folkie
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    9CL: Just when I thought this strip could not get more surrealistic, Edda and Fluerrie take a side trip into an alternate space-time continuum to discuss plot developments.

    A3G: The old zig-zag line separating telephone calls – going retro, are we?

    Zits: “We all live in a yellow submarine…”

    Sally: oh, sure, a teen is going to use a word like “descripter.” (OK, well, maybe Scudder’s kids would)

  20. Mr. Yezpitelok
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    @Joshua (#11): What’s wrong with “Trip” as a nickname? It simply means that you’re the third person in your family with the same name (Trip=Triple).

  21. Chyron HR
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#9): Heathcliff: the headlights are a nice touch

    But enough about Judge Parker, what did you think of today’s Heathcliff?

  22. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    Maybe Hootin’ Holler uses English instead of American, so Snuffy would get it if you called them “pavements”.

  23. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#5):

    No, that was Dances with Wolves … this was just Dreaming with Rusty.

  24. Ben Wasabi
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#20):

    “Trip” is also a nickname for “Jack Tripper” on Three’s Company. Maybe
    Janet and Chrissy want “Tip” to move in with them.

  25. giraffe-o
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    S. Fox : Hrm, usually when the electrical company tips off the authorities about an unusually high power draw, it turns out to be a grow operation. But I reckon in a world of wacky anthropomorphized animals, pot is pretty much legal.

  26. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#21): heh

    Arlo & Janis: that’s a conversation only Arlo is going to remember having, judging from the lack of expression/reaction from Janis. And who could blame her?

  27. AhClem
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    FW – I have a vision of the entire cast of this strip standing at the top of freeway exit ramps, carrying hastily-scribbled cardboard signs that read, “Will Mope Incessantly For Food.” Am I a bad person for regarding this scenario as highly amusing?

    MT – The position of Mark leaning over Rusty reminds me of the scene in “Sleeping Beauty” where the prince bends over to ki … OK, I’m in trouble. Projectile vomiting is frowned upon in the workplace.

  28. The Ghost of Jarrod
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    FW – I love that Westview’s teachers always discover these draconian cuts five minutes before school starts. Guys, those budget cuts were made last May. Remember when they fired Larry the choir director, and outsourced lunch to a Chinese firm? No, it didn’t happen to Les, so I suppose you don’t.

  29. Downpuppy
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    The question Slylock needs to answer is : Why steal & hold 20 penguins? The only answer I can come up with is far too sick for a comic.

  30. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    MT – “MARK! Thank goodness it’s you! After you took me fishing I fell asleep and was having a terrible dream!”

    “FISHING? You think I took you FISHING?! HA HA HA HA! We never went FISHING, silly! You fell asleep out here in our front yard after eating that fifth platter of pancakes Cherry gave you this morning! HA HA HA HA, Oh my… ME taking YOU fishing, HA HA HA HA HA, that’s a good one! HA HA HA HA HA HA! …Well Gotta run, Rusty … Bill Ellis called and wants me to travel to Japan to investigate Beavers being sold by vending machines. See you in about six months, kid! .., FISHING, he he he he what a laugh! HAHAHAHHAHA…oh that made my stomach hurt, HA HA HA HA!”

  31. Guts Dozier
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    SFx: Our Police use power consumption to find grow-ops and drug labs all the time. I can only imagine Shylock’s initial glee and eventual disappointment when he got the call from the power company. “Finally!” he thinks. “A real crime! No more stolen ice cream cones and counterfeit medicine. Breaking up a drug empire is my ticket out of this… Oh, for fuck’s sake… Penguins? Really?”

  32. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, in Pibgorn, we discover that Juliette has back cleavage. It looks identical to her front cleavage, only higher.
    //made you look…

  33. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    JP – I’ll admit, of all the places they could have gone with this apparent scam kidnapping, having two teenaged girls concoct a rescue scheme did not occur to me.

    Maybe both Wilson strips are the result of a bet – someone dared Woody to create comic strips in which every single protagonist is The Wesley?

    http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CreatorsPet?from=Main.TheWesley

    RMMD – Your standard museum book contract language. Yes. Of course.

    If someone hands you a contract to read, and you immediately begin noticing horribly abusive contract riders, and the response when you point them out is “oh, yes, of course, now that you noticed it, we will strike that out”, you really need to rethink the whole deal. He is lucky he didn’t hire Master Negotiator Avery to make this deal for him, or Widdle Sawah would be chained to a grow room/solar panel slaving away at her horsies while a live skunk threatened her if the work wasn’t up to code.

  34. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    Zippy the Pinhead is definitely, definitely, NSFBG.

  35. Cloudbuster
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    MW: Yes, Shannon. Being shunned by the cult can be devastating.

    RMMD: How silly of the museum to think that for a three-year, four-book deal, for which the kid will earn $24k, them museum should expect her to, you know, produce on time. The flaw in this plan isn’t the deadline penalties, it’s giving a multi-book contract to a five-year-old.

    BB: It looks like Kilroy is still there!

    GT: Angie and Maddie have decided they’re not going to start the school year as virgins. Straight down to business, Tip. You have a problem with that?

    Pibgorn: No woman 13-year-old girl can resist a man with a banjo.

    9CL: And now we’re going to pretend there’s method behind the madness. For reasons.

  36. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    @AhClem (#27): Re FW – the entire cast of this strip standing at the top of freeway exit ramps, carrying hastily-scribbled cardboard signs that read, “Will Mope Incessantly For Food.”

    Hmmm, this would be tricky. Would they be in high spirits while holding the signs, then only mope when they got the food? I suspect the free rider problem would kick in big-time, in that there is no need to feed them as they will be mopey no matter what.

    Since the football team is a pathetic afterthought and district-wide embarassment, maybe some money could be saved by cutting it, as was considered last year, when the team was only saved by the grace of the Special Snowflake’s basketball jones?

  37. Mibbitmaker
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    FW: “…But gym and lunch? I don’t really care.”

    GT: The girls were on a mission: Operation Manage a Tip.

    (BG&)SS: “Seryussly, I don’ know what a sidewalk is, yet ah SAYD ‘sidewalk’! Do that make me one o’ them sahv-aunts ‘r somethin’? Whateva in tarnation that is!”

  38. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    SBp: /fail at concept.

    Zits: win. win with the town where I was born. . . .

    GT: tomorrow is either going to be the BEST STRIP EVER, or some lame plot. I’ll still hold out some hope that the girls really do want a three-way for their summer bucket list.

    JUMBLE: well timed, there was a 7-hour, 18 inning game this past weekend.

    PMP: sadly, it does work like that.

    RwO: *fliptake* win.

    SFx: The electric company, no longer just for pot-farm busts.

  39. dmsilev
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    Isn’t it more likely that Slick Smitty was running a bunch of grow lights for his drug operation and that the penguins were just a cover? In fact, isn’t it possible that the penguins were the masterminds behind the whole operation, and Slick Smitty is just the fall guy? I believe it is, and it appears that Inspector Fox there just let the real perps waddle off in freedom.

  40. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    PBS: If Nehemiah Scudder said what George said he would have meant it as a complement.

  41. billman
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Is it Pride Week again?

    Blondie: And they’re Waiting for a Miracle.

    Dustin: Because only dirty commies work in teams.

    Slylock: It could have been for his grow operation. (Yes this is the 3rd grow op observation in the comments by my count, so probably more plausible than penguin kidnapping. Looks like Slick’s using the underpants gnome formula: 1. Kidnap the penguins. 2. Spend huge money on keeping them cool. 3. ?????? 4. PROFIT!)

    Working Daze: Damn, that silhouette promises firm, jauntily bouncing buttocks.

    Zippy: NSFBG. Oh, and the only thing I think of when I hear Tonopah. Or Tucumcari and Tehachapi, for that matter. Tuscon makes me think of something else.

  42. Maltmasher
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    GT- Today’s installment of is brought to you by the makers of Bullfrog Sun Screen. As the summer winds down, everyone in that comic looks likd they just took off their winter parkas.

  43. TheDiva
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    FW: Batiuk just needs to stop soapboxing; it’s always counter-productive. Arts education was one of the few things that kept me sane in high school, but listening to these people harp on about it makes me want to take a sledgehammer to a bunch of marching band instruments just to spite them.

    SFx: Big Furry is Watching You

  44. billman
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    @billman (#41):

    Dang, 5th grow op. Two more posted while I edited.

  45. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane: Ah, so here’s the game: Edda’s been buying time so that a “proper” sexy dress can be made for Fleurrie. Which in actuality means so that Brooke can creep on a character he’s created. He gets paid for this shit, people.

    Heathcliff: Um, not to question the ways of Heathcliff, but what does a monster truck have to do with getting home on time? The only logical answer must be that some poor loser is getting crushed under the wheels of the most surreal cat on the comics page. This is truly a fate for the worst of sinners brought before the Angry Orange Stripy God.

  46. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#5): If that damned phone rings one more time, Margo is going to kick some cellular ass.

    Ooh! Cellulite ass? That’s ok, in moderation. Is it jauntily bouncing?

  47. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    MT – “And to our left you will notice a display case containing the recently discovered fossilized remains of a hideous looking faceplant determined by the Smithsonian to be the oldest DEATHMASK known to exist dating back to approximately 100 million years BC and is now close to being officially confirmed as the missing link. Please remember that parents are advised to cover their children’s eyes while in the vicinity of this exibit. Moving on to the next exibit we will be viewing the fossilized remains of an uneaten balogna sandwich found next to the famous deathmask.”

  48. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#19): 9CL: Just when I thought this strip could not get more surrealistic, Edda and Fluerrie take a side trip into an alternate space-time continuum to discuss plot developments.

    It is in the Constitution. You have the right to confront your accusers. Alone, in an empty room, with nobody else around.

    So, the whole last, what?, three weeks, really were just an excuse to draw Edda in a tight dress while Brooke tries to figure out how to end this storyline. Unfortunately, all the blood was likely flowing to his little head, preventing him from figuring anything out. At least we have today’s panel two to symbolize the strip – Edda spouting pretentious, self-involved nonsense while her face is off-panel, her butt is invisible, and her legs are the focus of the whole scene.

  49. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#34): Really, I don’t think that ANY Zippy is SFBG.

  50. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#46): Is it jauntily bouncing?

    Anyone who has seen clips from last night’s VMA ceremony now knows how important the ‘Jauntily’ part of that equation is. Bouncing buttocks on their own do not guarantee esthetic enjoyment.

  51. sporknpork
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    I love that one kid on the beach lost in thought, reading the back of his can of Crush Orange: “So refreshing! Does it actually have oranges in it? Hmmm… it does have citric acid, so yes, but what’s all this “ester gum”? It doesn’t taste like Bubblicious at all…”

  52. geogreg
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#45):

    I was wondering the same thing about today’s Heathcliff. I think the universal New Yorker caption of “Christ, what an asshole” is actually just right. Since our human observer didn’t say that, I suppose it just goes to show how terrifying he (and everyone else) finds Heathcliff. They worry that if they say anything against him, they will be fired out of a cannon, or beaten to death with a salmon.

  53. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#40): Well, sure, but I would certainly have phrased it better.

  54. TheDiva
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    9CL: In today’s strip, McEldowney freely admits that he’s stalling for time while he figures out how to wrap this mess up. (Also, women are manipulative immoral vixens, and have great gams.)

    A3G: Every time I go away for a couple days, I can always take great comfort in knowing that no matter how long I’ve been gone I can pick up right where I left off on this strip.

    C’shaft: Shenanigans! How can you focus on safety while still employing Crankshaft?

    Luann: See, it’s okay when a Designated Nice Guy does it!

    MT: So was I! It was horrible; there was this hideous face trying to speak to me….

    MW: Mary finally got to assign blame; does this mean her vacation is over?

    Phantom: *In the Judge Judy tongue

    Pluggers have boring, insignificant lives, but at least they aren’t broadcasting them on Facebook (she said somewhat hypocritically).

  55. The Ridger
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    SS hah. Real hillbillies (I know, I grew up in Tennessee) would not be wearing their longjohns in this weather, just the overalls.

  56. Not a big fan of J.E. or his floating J.E. ball
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    MT – RUSTY! Your dream is over and it’s time for me to become poorly drawn and stiff-looking again like I used to be before TRMT fixed my appearance. Also, it looks like those retired gigantic animals will soon be lead back to Lost Forest to sit at the edge of our property again like they used to while the story lines go to hell again!

  57. Arabella
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#33): “having two teenaged girls concoct a rescue scheme did not occur to me”
    You must not have watched many 60s era Disney movies. There will probably be a cat involved somehow.

  58. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#35): Given that it’s the 1920s, I assumed it’s a ukelele.

  59. DOlz
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Shylock – Forget how Shylock found a way to harass one of the few remaining humans. I want to know why he stole the penguins. Was he trying to build an army to retake control of society for humans? Or was it simply nostalgia for when animals entertained humanity and he was forcing them to endless do live performances of “Happy Feet”.

  60. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#40): The thing with PBS (and note how rarely we ever discuss it here) is that, stating “the man who cannot tell a lie” telegraphs the joke, but without the phrase it’s not funny at all. What that means is, it’s feeble. Feeble, I say.

  61. Walker of Dog
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    GT: In the background: Creepshow 2 – The Raft.

    MW: After a night of feeding, the bats return to their nests in Mary’s coiffure.

    Phan: Ted is an idiot. Just look at how he’s wearing his bra.

    RMMD: Ms. Lanning strikes the monetary penalties and replaces them with floggings, re-education sessions, and the withholding of juice boxes.

    AS-M: Given Tarantula’s violation of Peter’s personal space, that may not be his spider-sense tingling.

    FW: Josh, in Westview nothing is elevated, not even the highways. Crossing traffic just takes its chances.

  62. Dennis Jimenez
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    @Arabella (#57): Oow – and twins, separated at birth – and an ancient Egyptian coin, with some sort of dog spell – and a ’62 Volkswagon – definately a Volkswagon….

  63. Little Blue Bicycle
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    GT: “So first the feminists showed up, Marty, and then the man-tipping started. Now I’ve tipped a few cows in my time, and that’s good fun between seasons. Keeps the boys in shape. But allow man-tipping and then next thing you know, that Sandra Fluke is principal and we can’t listen to Rush anymore in the teacher’s lounge.”

  64. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

  65. Arabella
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Luann: I’m having trouble seeing the “legs” of Gunther’s swim trunks. I think he’s wearing a skort.

  66. Poteet
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

  67. Sparkle Plenty
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    MT: The best arc in . . . epochs. Congratulations, TRMT!

  68. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Well, no wonder I’m not having any luck with my basement projects. I’ve been growing the marijuana in the cooler and putting the penguins under grow lamps.

  69. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#35): as proven by Tommy Fretwell in CdS.

  70. Ben Wasabi
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Tragically, he died three years later when he was struck by a
    runaway streetcar.

  71. Poteet
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    GIL THORP — It takes a certain deranged genius to make firm bare midriffs off-putting. And the thing is, I’m sure GT could do the same for entirely-naked people.

  72. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: You’re walking through a Latin American slum in lycra, and you’re worried about safety?! You should worry more about your carry-on luggage, or your lack of a passport.

    Apt. 3-G: Why do I think this is going to end with Tori and Gov. Goofy having their picture taken while they toke on a crack pipe? It’s either that or somebody with surprisingly small hands and feet kicks in a door.

    Archie: It’s been 71 long years of this idiocy. Reggie prays, prays, for the sweet release of being crushed under the wheels of Heathcliff’s murder machine.

    Hi and Lois: I am honestly baffled by today’s episode. Is the humor supposed to be that women get fat after marriage and motherhood? That they have a difficult time adjusting to changing clothes sizes? And when, other than What Not To Wear, was the last time you saw a woman reluctant to give up her maternity clothes? The Walker-Browne consortium needs to oil its joke machine or something.

    The Lockhorns explain why they don’t have any children.

    Mary Worth: Wow, look at that body language in panel two. Mary is a stone cold predator. Yes yes, that’s it, lean into my hug, you trust me, only a grandmother’s touch can heal you now…aw yiss…

  73. Dave Hardy
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Is is just me or does Slick Smitty bear an eerie resemblance to Wolfgang Priklopil? Slylock Fox has finally creeped me out.

  74. Pozzo
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    “If I have to teach something other than arts, I might be forced to shave my beard! Something must be done!”

  75. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    @Not a big fan of J.E. or his floating J.E. ball (#56):

    Not that I totally disagree, but that’s just harsh. TRMT has been up front with us all along by explaining his postition on this. If anything maybe Elrod and the publishing syndicate will eventually realize it would be in their best interest of this strip to allow TRMT to contiune with his improvments to the MT comic strip. But until then it will be fun to keep the snarks coming twoards Jackelrod even though he most likely will never read any of them as TRMT has. In my opinion in the meanwhile all we can do is wish TRMT well, give him our thanks and hope he keeps us informed as to the behind the scene goings on of this strip.

    // Sorry for spouting off, it’s a Monday.

  76. pugfuggly
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    A3G ‘A few weeks pass’? Any you’ve only noticed your daughter is missing now Cole?

    MT And just like that, Rusty’s dinosaur odyssey is over. He saw, he ran, he fell.

  77. aphthakid
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#60): RE:PBS. I was thinking he should have gone in a more Sir Mixalot direction considering that it’s about big butts and he cannot lie.

  78. Poteet
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    LUANN — Would someone at the party please drown Gunther? You’d be doing him a favor.

  79. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

  80. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#49): You’d have to ask BG, but I think there’s a level of plausible deniability in Zippy: there’s no makeup, and he’s never presented in the context of a sideshow. You know, unlike you and me.

  81. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    @geogreg (#52): A solid theory, considering the heads on display in yesterday’s strip. And those are the worthy vanquished he honors.

  82. bunivasal
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    I don’t know or care who Tip is. But I do know that his name dooms him to the sad, horrifying life of a shock-jockey.

    “Welcome to Milford KWX-93, you’re listening to Tip in Morning. Remember, ladies, this is Just The Tip, All The Time!”

  83. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    @aphthakid (#77): Ok, *that* would have been mildly amusing.

  84. Chyron HR
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    SF – The more obvious explanation: 20 penguins escaped from the National Zoo and were hiding in Slick Smitty’s basement, running up the electrical bill without his knowledge. They were finally caught when they tried to sneak over to Dupot Circle for gay penguin hook-ups.

  85. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    PBS (Pearls Before Swine) – If Steve Pastis were ever to sell silk screened t-shirts with pigs comment from panel two on them I’d buy one to wear if I ever take another trip abroard… DO NOT THROW MARTINIS ON THE FATHER OF OUR COUNTRY! CLASSIC!

    // but I’d want a picture of Rat on the shirt rather than Pig.

  86. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#33): Performance deadlines aren’t “horribly abusive,” they’re actually standard and commonly renegotiable if the author needs an extension, which they always do. If I were the museum’s lawyer, I’d insist on them to prevent the Morgans from pocketing an easy $20,000.

  87. Perky Bird
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Answer: A concerned neighbor called police after she began noticing a foul odor coming from Smitty’s property. Police arrived and found a heap of rotting penguin carcasses in Smitty’s basement. The penguins had all died from hypothermia, because Smitty had failed to notice the sign on their enclosure that noted the penguins came from temperate climates.

  88. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    I thought Jim, who usually only appears about 4 Sunday Funky strips a year, looked like Mark Twain/Kurt Vonnegut. So now he looks like the love child of Les and Crazy Harry? Wait, what? Has the Comics Curmudgeon (and like-minded snark sites) finally driven Batty to such depths of madness that he can’t even remember what his own less-frequently-used characters are supposed to look like?

    High fives all around, everybody!

  89. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

  90. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#32):

    //made you look…

    No, you didn’t.

  91. Cloudbuster
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#58): No, it’s definitely a banjo. You can see it from the front on the Saturday strip.

  92. Voshkod
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    These poor penguins, trapped in a zoo, and Slick Smitty was just trying to get them home to the North Pole. Heart of gold, Slick Smitty, but brains of tapioca.

  93. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#91): Ah, I was wise enough not to look at the Saturday strip.
    //a banjo- give me a break.

  94. Bill
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean, 8/26/13: Putting a crimp in the tenured liberal buttswabs free ride, is what their doning here.

  95. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#91): Best out-of-context comment of the week, so far.

  96. Shrug, a Day Late and a Joke Short
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#y205):

    I also meant yesterday to point out that TUNDRA was, will probably not UN-safe for Baka, might be a bit insulting to him. (Coulrophobic octopus becmes copiously ink-incontinent at mention of a “clownfish.”)

    But I forgot to do it, so crisis averted.

  97. Mr. Yezpitelok
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    @Ben Wasabi (#70): Pibgorn: Tragically, he died three years later when he was struck by a runaway streetcar.

    Was this the streetcar?

    http://www.doctormacro.com/Images/Lloyd,%20Harold/Annex/Annex%20-%20Lloyd,%20Harold%20%28Hot%20Water%29_03.jpg

  98. NoahSnark
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    The power company likes to take all the credit, but the real heroes are Slick Smitty’s neighbors who noticed that his lawn had developed the healthy green luster that only comes from the application of massive quantities of penguin shit.

  99. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    @Bill (#94): I don’t blame you for resenting teachers, if yours left you thinking ‘doning’ is a word.

  100. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#86):

    Performance deadlines are abusive if applied to a 5YO ‘artist’. The idea that Museum Lady would just hand over a boilerplate contract that she hasn’t reviewed for applicability to this specific case just reinforces the notion that she has no idea what she is doing and no real business plan to sell the 80,000 copies of the book that she is counting on, “at a minimum!”

    Given that this art book plan pre-dated Widdle Sawah’s precocious demands to have a book of her art published, maybe Museum Lady would be better off letting a whole gaggle of 5YO museum visitors churn out her content for free, and then she wouldn’t need to sweat the deadlines.

  101. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#95): I was wondering about the euphemisms these kids are using today; geogreg talks about being ‘beaten with a salmon’ and then we have Cloudbuster with his ‘banjo in the front’. What is the world coming to.

  102. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    @Shrug, a Day Late and a Joke Short (#96):

    Just as well. Baka has mentioned before that clownfish don’t even register on his EVILSCARYCLOWNOMETER.

  103. CanuckDownSouth
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#33): @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#86): “standard” is what I’m goggling over. (40 or 80k books, 3 in 4 years by a small child – that’s no order of magnitude estimate by the cartoonist, that’s pulling numbers out of your butt. After you’ve been in solitary for years and have no clue about how society operates.)

    There goes any idea that the museum is making mistakes about expected units to sell, lack of publicity due to the lack of contest, etc because it’s the first time they try to self-publish. They’ve apparently published books before. Who knew that museums had bought out the vanity presses?

  104. Mr. Yezpitelok
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

  105. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Nobody but me noticed that Rusty turned into Chuck Connors in today’s Mark Trail?

  106. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#105): Must have been the effect of the faceplant.

  107. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Shoe: No, no! It’s not Adam Sandler movies it’s Pauly Shore movies!

  108. Shrug, in Rembrance of Cats Past
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#y260):

    “Ripley’s: Many adult cats are lactose intolerant, so they’re forced to subsist on wine and beer.”

    Never had a cat who was interested in beer, but my late beloved Little Nell was always happy to get happy from licking a few drops of cheap red wine off my fingertip. It actually brought her back from death’s door/prolonged funk once; we’d essentially begin to think of saying our last goodbyes to her, but she forced down a few drops of wine and suddenly remembered that life was good. Came out to the bedroom prancing and vocalizing in the middle of the night, and was back to normal for several more months of life.

    ////Maybe if she’d gotten on the hard stuff she’d still be alive… (of course, she’d be thirty-five or so by now, and probably a martini snob)

  109. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    @Shrug, in Rembrance of Cats Past (#108):

    And what wine goes with fish kibble? Why, white wine of course.

  110. Mr. Yezpitelok
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth: “If you show me yours, I’ll show you mine!”

    Archie: No wonder Reggie’s eyes are bulging out — Jughead is about to get pissed on.

  111. Emily Sidhe
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    “Cutting lunch” generally means reducing the time allowed for lunch by half for both students and teachers and forcing teachers to spend the other half of what used to be their lunch period supervising students in the cafeteria so that the school can lay off the cafeteria aides and lunchtime supervisors. At the elementary level, it also usually means eliminating recess (again, so they no longer have to pay recess aides and supervisors.) It’s one of the go-to solutions for budget cuts now.

  112. Ben Wasabi
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#105):

    I didn’t recognize Chuck Connors without his rifle, man!

  113. Cloudbuster
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#101): Heh, on that note, I’m gonna go “strum my ukelele” to “rotoscopes of Theda Bera” if you know what I mean, and I think you don’t.

  114. Cloudbuster
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @Shrug, in Rembrance of Cats Past (#108): Always worked for Dean Martin!

  115. Tophat
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    In Slick Smitty’s defense, he is the only one who seems to care that his penguin prisoners are seeking the sweet release of death by wandering out into traffic. The penguin, on the other hand, seems to be looking forward to it: “Oh boy oh boy oh boy, soon the waking nightmare of existence will be at an end! Just me, fresh air, and the wheels of an oncoming police car, bliss.”

  116. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#103):

    They have made many book deals in the past, but she still expects to sell 80,000 copies through the museum gift shop. She also mentioned that they would “give” copies to “their primary schools”, presumably as a loss leader to generate more publicity.

    For any other stip, I’d assume that Museum Lady, with her limited connection to reality and her tendency for gushing praise coupled with ridiculous facial expressions, was in her first week on the job and had failed to continue taking her medication.

  117. Cloudbuster
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    @Emily Sidhe (#111): We’ve been forced to cut lunch at our home school to reduce labor costs. Now we just make them sing “On Top of Spaghetti” while counting meatballs we slingshot at them during music/math/lunch/phys. ed. If the sauce makes artful splatters on their smocks, that’s art taken care for the week, too!

  118. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#50): Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin’ world go round!

    // A sentiment, which, oddly enough, was written by a gay man. Go figure.

  119. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    @Shrug, in Rembrance of Cats Past (#108):

    Sorry for your loss of your beloved cat. We have four, the eldest being an old Maine Coon cat that’s 18 and after a recent close call she’s still with us and seems fine. The Vet said to give her no more than a couple of more months but I’m betting she”ll beat those odds again. Or other three cats are 1, 3 and 6 years old respectively and we hope they’re with us for as long or longer than our elderly one. Our last cat to pass was almost 17 at the time but it’s never easy losing a pet no matter how long they live. :-(

    // I’m certain a dog or cat pet will lower your stress level and probably lower your blood pressure too…unless they get away from you and dart across the road with a car coming…like our Russian Blue did and ended up with a cracked pelvis! Six weeks of confinment for a cat ain’t exactly easy, let me tell ya!

  120. Flipper
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @Arabella (#65): “Looking for the legs of Gunther’s swim trunks”? Oh, Arabella, stop checking out Gunther’s junk! It’s not innappropriate, mind you…just a futile endeavor.

  121. Kinghasnoclothes
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    FW: Never mind. I have nothing to say about this load of self-righteous manure.

  122. Dennis Jimenez
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @Emily Sidhe (#111): I thought it meant grabbing a smoke by the loading dock next to the dumpsters….

  123. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#119): Maine Coons are awesome. Mrs. Scudder wants one to teach our Border Collie humility.

  124. Liam
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    FW-Hey! Maybe Les can give you some of that big Hollywood money he has and you can have lunch once again.

    Luann-“Oh no! I’m losing all blood from my head just by looking at you. I hope it’s rushing somewhere good.”

  125. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#113): Theda Bara. Good choice. She was quite a ‘dish’ as I believe you kids used to say.

  126. Irrischano
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    In the Funkyverse, news about devastating cuts to educational budgets is probably placed in the “Lighter News” section of the paper.

  127. Perky Bird
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: I don’t believe this is “two girls on a mission” so much as it is “one girl and one poorly articulated department store mannequin on a mission.”

  128. Baka Gaijin
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @Mr O’Malley (#Y291): “Infamous Clown Motel in Tonopah, Nevada.” WHAAAAATTT?? A motel for clowns? Why hasn’t anyone targeted it with drones or tactical nuclear weapons or sharks with tactical nuclear weapons strapped to their heads dropped from drones? Why?

  129. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#113): You can play your ukelele accompaniment to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3-XCvlTkK4

  130. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#129): Those poor girls must have had friction burns – as does Cloudbuster, perhaps.
    //SFW though some may give you a funny look.

  131. Northern lurker
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Slylock: maybe the ghost of C.S. Lewis writes the strip and it is set in Narnia. There are talking, sentient animals who have been awakened and have souls. There are also dumb beasts who have either never been awakened or gone back to sleep.

  132. Droopy Says
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

  133. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#132): Ooh!! Clara Bow. Thighs. {sighs}

  134. I speak Jive
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Zits – If you have to have an earworm, be thankful it is a Beatles song. The Beatles song that most often gives me an earworm is I’ve Just Seen a Face. It isn’t my favorite song, but something about it makes it stick in my mind. The earworm I most hate: Lightning Strikes by Lou Christie.

    Rex Morgan – Wouldn’t it be a good idea to have a lawyer look at the contract?

  135. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#100): NONE of this applies to the 5yo. She’s five, she can’t sign a contract. That’s why Mom and Dad need to agree on her behalf that she’ll follow through. The whole thing is unhinged, actually. Why aren’t they waiting for her to produce the artwork, and then inking the contract?

    RMMD is indeed a dark and disturbing world.

  136. Jim in Wisc.
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Rapey Cancerstrokebean: And Batiuk once again demonstrates just how lazy he is, by not doing his homework. It took me less than three minutes on Google to discover that phys. ed. (or “gym”) is mandated by state statute in Ohio (see the Ohio Dept. of Ed. website). Thus, “gym” could not be put on the chopping block.

  137. The Ridger
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#134): Rex Morgan – Wouldn’t it be a good idea to have a lawyer look at the contract? Good idea. Maybe Sam Driver can take a look and figure out how to get the money rerouted to Sophie. I’m certain she could knock out all four books over a weekend, before heading out to Africa.

  138. The Ridger
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#137): And by “Sam Driver can take a look and figure out” I obviously mean “one of Sam Driver’s office staff”

  139. Liam
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-This is Tip’s lucky day. Someone has at long last acknowledged that he’s a man.

  140. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    MG&G: Do ankle monitors go “EEP EEP EEP?”

  141. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#135): I am listening to a 4-year old having a temper tantrum, so I’m really getting a kick out of this.

  142. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Growing up in Fort Lauderdale, going to Bennett Elementary, I fondly remember beautiful blonde Miss Stevens, who would come by our 2nd grade class once a week, and play a phonograph. It was a wonderful machine, all self-contained, with built-in speakers. She played folk songs, and we all sang along. “This Land is Your Land”, “On Top of Old Smoky”, and my favorite,

    The Erie was a rising, and the gin was getting low,
    And I scarcely think we’ll get a drink
    ‘Til we get to Buffalo, ’til we get to Buffalo.

    It changed my life.

    // Illustrator Steve, who is a few years older than me, probably dated her.

  143. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#135):

    Clearly, nobody explained to Museum Lady just what the whole purpose of the book is. If you put out a book per year, each of which contains, say, 100 drawings by 100 different kids, and then sell copies to the grandparents and aunts etc. of those kids, then you might sell enough to cover the cost of production. Especially if you hold a contest with prizes consisting of “you get to have your work published, without compensation of course”.

    Just handing all the work to Sawah doesn’t only lose out on the publicity generated by the contest, it loses out on the appeal of “look at all the kids who come visit the museum, maybe you should come too!”. The books become focused on the artist who drew all the art appearing in all four books. An artist who is five, and whose portfolio consists of a handful of horsie pics.

    The contract should at least be book-to-book, so that if the first edition fails to sell, or if Sawah can’t meet her deadlines, or if by book three the appeal of her horsie drawings has worn thin with the general gift-shop-book-buying public, you can move on. Or, you can just hand a multi-year, multi-book deal to a 5YO you met yesterday.

  144. CanuckDownSouth
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#143): or at least a contest with inexpensive prizes – art supplies or a voucher to the museum gift shop.

  145. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#142): I fondly remember beautiful blonde Miss Stevens, who would come by our 2nd grade class once a week, and play a phonograph.

    I remember elementary school music class, which took place twice a week. After reading sheet music for “The Wheel in the Sky” or “Clouds”, the teacher would break and play a ‘record’ (these were plastic discs with grooves that could replay recorded music with the help of the right playback device) that was brought in by a student. Inevitably, this was a KISS song. Inevitably, 1/3 of the room groaned and held their ears while the other 2/3 rocked and rolled all 3rd period. Finally, the teacher ruled that no more than 1/2 of the records played could be from KISS. And there was much rejoicing.

  146. Dennis Jimenez
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#145): I think I hear them calling – Oh Scud what can I do – Scud what can I do….

  147. Écureuil Écumant
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    SF: Alternatively, they could’ve scanned the outside of his house with an infrared thermal imaging device, determined that there was sufficient lack of heat emanating from the basement to justify a search warrant, et voilà!

  148. vince
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#145): Inevitably, this was a KISS song. Inevitably, 1/3 of the room groaned and held their ears while the other 2/3 rocked and rolled all 3rd period.

    You’re lucky. My middle-school music class had “bring in your favorite song” week just after Vanilla Ice’s Ice Ice Baby had come out. And the female students I think brought in New Kids on the Block Songs. I’m surprised the music teacher didn’t go insane after 6 classes of this.

  149. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    BG&SS can’t end there — it was just getting started! I will not rest until those panels become the first third of an epic Sunday strip that ends with Snuffy floating in the sky, beaming radiantly at the townsfolk below and high on sulfur hexafluoride, reciting the recipe for Quikrete as the entire populace of Hootin’ Holler chants, “What is side-walk. What is side-walk.” In the final panel, we can see The Cowboy far off in the distance, back to us, walking away.

  150. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#142):

    A bit north of you in Lantana, Florida, we had this old guy who would come in to our third grade class with his portable record player and play this record for us…

    Jauntily bouncing buttocks
    Oh, quite large and firm
    Are jumping past my window
    And making me squirm
    Squirm, squirm, squirm.

    Jauntly bouncing buttocks
    Always a treat to see
    Are shaking up my psyche
    And making me wee
    Wee, wee, wee.

    Jauntly bouncing buttocks
    When will it end
    Ha, that’s a pun
    And over they bend
    Bend, bend, bend.

    I think his name was “Old Man Scudder.”

  151. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#145): no more than 1/2 of the records played could be from KISS.

    Quite. One must have standards.

    // Obviously my elementary days were a couple of decades before yours. We were deeply into the Woody Guthrie songbook. Of course, at that time, Peter, Paul, & Mary” was the hottest group in the nation.

  152. Poteet
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#134): “Again and again and again…” I hate you.

  153. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#151): Damn, didn’t close the HTML thingy. Well, Fuck!

  154. Anonymous
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#150): Ol’ man Scudder, dat ol’ man Scudder, he jes keep jouncin’, he jes keep bouncin’ along…

  155. Anonymous
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#153): Is that an order?

  156. Will
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Does anybody know where Josh gets the color version? I’ve only ever seen the aggressively black and white versions from gocomics.
    Zits: I don’t much like that song, and it is of course stuck in my head. But that is a really cool way to illustrate the problem.

  157. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#150): Uncle Bill? Yay!!

  158. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#153): Careful now, sailor. You’re starting to sound like the pastor.

  159. Écureuil Écumant
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    MW: “I could lose my job”

    You could sooner lose your life if that giant fossilized walnut on the outcrop shakes loose, rolls down and crushes you.

  160. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#155): You can take it as a suggestion.

  161. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#123):
    If it’s an adult female Maine Coon cat it will most likely show the Border Collie who’s boss! Ours is the most territorial cat I’ve ever seen. It grew up together with our old cat that passed last year and since they were both about eight minths old the Maine Coon decided it was the queen of the household and kept the other cat in it’s place. If the Maine Coon was sitting in the middle of a room and the other cat tryed to walk across the room it would alway make an arc longer than an old Mark Trail story to stay as far away from the Maine Coon as possible. Sh ewould intimidate and threten but it never came to actual blows. All the Maine Coon would do was hiss at the other cat but it must have been saying some pretty bad stuff in cat language!

    // Now, in her old age, the Maine Coon has mellowed somewhat and doesn’t seem to mind the other three younger cats so much. She’s actually taken to our youngest cat, the one year old Russian Blue that got hit by a car and is now doing fine. It’s as if she thinks it’s her own kitten which has really amazed us.

    /// A young Maine Coon kitten may do very well together with a Border Collie a bit older than the cat … but don’t hold me to that!

  162. Anonymous
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#160): If it were a suggestion, the word order would be reversed.

  163. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#161): “…it would alway make an arc longer than an old Mark Trail story…” – LOL!
    “… it must have been saying some pretty bad stuff in cat language!” – so, sort of like Fr. Dan.

  164. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#142):

    Come on now, If i’m only eight or ten years older than you then would that mean I’d have been about … say, maybe I did date her! Was her first name Connie? And did some neatly dressed ivy league looking guy with a button down pin striped shirt ever pick her up after work in a white ’59 Chevy convertible? …that would have been me in 1965!

  165. Connie Stevens
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#164): Finally I’ve found you! You owe me 38 years of back child support!

  166. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#158): You’re starting to sound like the pastor.
    Heaven forfend!

  167. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#164): All I’m saying is the guy who dropped her off at the school, with her portable phonograph… it WAS a white Chevy convertible!

  168. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#64): Aw. Love the bookworm corgi, too!

  169. Acacia
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Looks like Slylock Fox and the utility company are both working for Barack “1984″ Obama.

    Josh, please look at the comic strip “Nancy.”

  170. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#162): I apologize. Fuck well.

  171. Marc
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#134): Speaking of earworms, I was out of town this weekend to stand up in a buddy’s wedding and have had David Bowie’s “Modern Love” stuck in my head since Friday. I’m not sure why, but it probably has something to do with being repeatedly told to make sure to get to the church on time.

  172. seismic-2
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    S4th: Did Jon and Hil both grow about 5 or 6 inches taller, and got way thinner, since Saturday? Will they now be about 15 or 16 years old, instead of 12 or 13?

    A3G: “A few weeks pass…” So isn’t it about time for Lu Ann to change her Pepto-Bismol pink shirt, or is it by now permanently bonded to her flesh? Did she wear it to the Governor’s ball, during the time jump? Has Tommie married an Italian and been written out of the strip? Did Margo stop talking to James Bond, her only paying client? Did Zoey undergo a transgender operation, and which way?

  173. Écureuil Écumant
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#134): Boy had a thang for lightning. Rhapsody in the Rain: “And then a flash from above — Lightning! Lightning! Lightning! Lightning!”

    // It was exciting, exciting. Ooh-wee, ooh-wee, baby.

  174. Anonymous
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#170): Et cum spiritu tuo.

  175. tallyHO
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @giraffe-o (#25):

    “But I reckon in a world of wacky anthropomorphized animals, pot is pretty much legal.”

    You might be onto something there. Most likely Count Weirdly was constantly stoned while conceiving of an implementing his wacky world. Without one there would be no world.

    And, I hate to say it, if humans are working at that utility firm, I feel sorry for them as they will not be able to fight those trumped up charges which will be attached to them all. If they are animals who work there, I’ve heard of this thing called “backwoods justice”. I’ve always assumed Slylock/Max are the lamest examples of that type of retribution.

  176. Gomez
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#174): Oh, Morticia, when you speak Latin to me…!!!

  177. Thing
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

  178. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    @Connie Stevens (#165):

    No child support for you, Connie Stevens. Don’t com ecrwling back now, not after you broke my heart by running off with Eddie Fisher to be some super star! And after I gave you all those rides up and down A1A in my cool old ’59 shaker with the rag top down!!!

  179. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#167):

    You know, it could have been Bob Saxon … he drove a white ’57 Chevy Belair convertible at that time and he always had a nack for getting the good looking girls. Yeah, it must have been Bob!

  180. Liam
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth-”Girl you’ll be a woman soon.”

    Dennis the Menace-Doctor, tell Dennis how you worked as a stripper to pay your way through college.

  181. Cloudbuster
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#125): Yes, the bees knees!

  182. Arabella
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#142): @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#145): @vince (#148): You young folks and your Modern American Songbooks! In our music class we sang “Buffalo Gals” and “Bicycle Built for Two.” (I’m not kidding!)

  183. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#180):

    The writers of Dennis the Menace are putting friends in the strip again. They just left the”e” off the end of his name.

  184. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Arabella (#182):

    Did you sing the song about “Fooba Wooba John?”

  185. Mr. Yezpitelok
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#125): Theda Bara. Good choice. She was quite a ‘dish’ as I believe you kids used to say.

    Meh. Theda’s okay — especially if you like raccoon eyes:

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GZyvnaWW-Hw/TaIcR83osBI/AAAAAAAAA0E/Ls1kjL3YJC8/s400/Theda-Bara.jpg

    (Completely safe for work!)

  186. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#179): Miss Stevens had the most remarkably jauntlly bouncing — well, she had a lovely figure. And she sang beautifully. Her rendition of the “Old Lady Who Swallowed a Spider” will live with me always.

  187. I speak Jive
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#143): That’s it exactly. A contest would make so much more sense, both financially and in terms of publicity and goodwill. Now when the book is published, hundreds of parents will look at Sarah’s horsie drawings and say, “What is this shit? My kid can draw better than this!”

  188. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#151): my elementary days were a couple of decades before yours. We were deeply into the Woody Guthrie songbook

    Just yesterday, I was realizing that I still remember the lyrics to our elementary school cover of “This Land is Your Land”.

    This land is my land
    It is not your land
    I’ve got a shotgun
    And you ain’t got one
    I’ll blow your head off
    If you don’t get off
    This land is my property

  189. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#186):

    Old Man Scudder used to sing, in his scrathy tenor, “The Booby Song.” I think it was in the key of D-Major.

  190. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#182): “Sweet Violets”?

  191. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#190): There is actually a Wikipedia entry on the “Sweet Violets” song. Good Lord!

  192. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#188): I remember kids singing the theme song to ‘Branded’ (Chuck Connors again!) as “Stranded, stranded on the toilet bowl…” I will spare you the rest.

  193. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#186):

    I think I remember her singing that one Friday evening while we were in Wolfie’s restaurant … the hostess didn’t even seem to mind her standing on the table with her portable record player and her blouse soaking wet with beer!

    // Poetic, I tell ya … poetic!

  194. Joe Blevins
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    SLYLOCK: One of these penguins stares in goggle-eyed horror at Max Mouse while the rest toddle off to (I’m assuming) a waiting ambulance. Keep in mind, he’s just been released from his month-long captivity at the mercy of a man called Slick Smitty. But even so, Max is a source of terrified fascination: “A neon yellow mouse in pink shorts and a matching bowler? Jesus, man, who did this to you?”

    SNUFFY: I think we might be witnessing Lukey’s descent into madness here, his already-enfeebled brain fried by the merciless sun. After all, he’s the one who brought up sidewalks in the first place. I’m sure the unseen panel four is something like: “And who are you? Where am I? What is this place?” And Snuffy backs away slowly and carefully.

  195. seismic-2
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#182): Those were a couple of songs that we sang, too. Our schools must have used the same songbook. I suppose it went out of print after Peter, Paul, and Mary were invented.

  196. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#193):
    I remember Wolfie’s on Dixie Highway in Lake Worth, Florida. There was this crazy blonde worman who would sing with her portible record player then dance on the table. However, I don’t remember her having a date.

  197. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#186):

    In My 5th and 6th grade Bennett Elementary days (1956-58), the only records I remember my sixth grade teacher, (Mrs. Fairchild …who was from Maine!), playing on her 45 RPM record player were the Witch Doctor with David Seville who later did the chipmunk songs, and The Stroll. Mrs. Farichild would line the boys and the girls up on each side of the “portable” classroom building we were in and have us dance. One of the best and most favorite teachers of mine I ever had.

  198. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#196):
    That’s because we were in the Wolie’s in Fort Lauderdale. In Lake Worth that woud probably have been her sister Stella!

  199. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#198): Wolfie’s not Wolie’s … Wolie’s was Sam the Shams place.

  200. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

  201. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#199):

    I avoided Wolies. There were too many Bulies.

  202. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#142):

    Even though it was about ten years apart I’ll bet since Miss Stevens taught at Bennett Elememntay she probably knew my 6th grade teacher Mrs. Fairchild. Especially since Mrs. Fairchild lived to be 101.

  203. greghousesgf
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#134): Zits would be immeasurably improved by being drawn entirely in Yellow Submarine style.

  204. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#197): I remember Miss Fairchild! I had her in fifth grade, I think. She encouraged my childish interest in Marxism. (No kidding. I did a book report.)

  205. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#200): r
    I saw that play on a hot summer day! It was called Street car named Pespire. The lead role was played by some guy called the Godfather.

  206. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#204): Tall slim lady about fifty with wavey black hair? Her and her husband lived on a Ketch at Bahi Mar named Ketch Kat with dingy named Kaught Kitten. She took the entire class aboard for a tour. If it’s the same lady I’d like to talk with you more about her. She was responsible for me persuing my drawing. Gave me all the left over art supplys at the last day of school. Great lady!

  207. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#203):

    Complete with the music-hating Blue Meanies who would rag Jeremy about his music.

  208. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#200): That also happens to be the name of the very cute schnauzer pup owned by the vet around the corner. We see her getting walkies from the vet techs on a regular basis.

  209. walt d.
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    FW: Here’s Bull’s out. He can go to the school board and magnanimously suggest cutting football, so that other cuts can be restored and he personally can spend his time on the school’s sole competitive sport.

  210. Shrug, Trying Out the New Game
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#32):

    “I have the same problem with my pants”

  211. Shrug, Trying Out the New Game
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Trying Out the New Game (#210):

    “You’re an idiot.”

  212. Mincemeat
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#105):

    Good. Maybe that means that everybody else in the cast will be killed by mannequins. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080040/

  213. Dale
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#38):

    JUMBLE

    Does that explain why the 4th word was used 8/23?

  214. Ratiocinator
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    Slylock: To celebrate their newfound freedom, two of the penguins decide to waddle into the street and the path of a speeding police car. This is an old penguin tradition.

    FW: Wouldn’t the choir be part of the music program? Isn’t saying it’s been cut after already mentioning music redundant?

    9CL: “I had to do something to drag this out” is almost word for word what Brooke said before he drew the first strip with Edda on the stand. The only difference being the tense.

    ASM: Oh no! Not a tango! That’s the most forbidden–and forboding–of spider sense dances!

    Garfield: Well, what if there’s a hurricane or something, Garfield? What about that?

    JP: Yesterday: “We don’t have [a theory], but we’re working on it!”

    Today, mere seconds later in strip time: “Sophie and Ned tell Abbey they have a theory about Ross’s kidnapping!”

    Those girls sure work fast.

    Luann: For fuck’s sake Gunther, it’s okay to compliment her on her body when she pretty much just did the same thing to you.

    RMMD: Geez Rex, it’s only child labour, lighten up.

  215. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#186): So, this is sort of a ‘Venus in Furs’ thing you have going on.
    //steeples fingers and looks over glasses at the patient

  216. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#215): I’m going to regret having brought that up. I know it.
    //You’re an idiot, Lumaca.
    ///I have the same problem with my pants.

  217. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

  218. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @Mincemeat (#212): I’m going to have to find that one!

  219. Shrug, Chatting About Cats When I Should Be Working
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#161):

    I must have the wimpiest Maine Coon cat in the world, then. (Admittedly she’s only partly Maine Coon, but there’s definitely a lot of that in her.) Poor Clarabelle is good-natured, a bit dumb, insistent on being brushed but NOT setting in any icky old lap, and, most notably, by being constantly bullied by our other cat, Fenwick, who (a) is less than half her size and (b) has no front claws (not our doing, I hasten to note).

    I suspect when Clara’s fetal DNA was trying to get to Maine, it took a wrong turn at Albu-ker-kee.

  220. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#206): How many Miss Fairchilds could there be who taught 5th/6th grade at Bennett Elementary in Ft. Lauderdale? I never was invited to her boat, darn it. But she was a great teacher. I’m sure it was the same lady. That is awesome cool.

  221. Mr. Yezpitelok
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Chatting About Cats When I Should Be Working (#219): You named your cat after a CLOWN?! I’m sure Baka Gaijin is very disappointed in you…

  222. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#215): Well, no, I’m more of a Curse of Capistrano kind of guy.

    // Z!!!

  223. Mincemeat
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#218):

    It’s a doozy. Some scenes are unbelievably goofy and lame; others continue to haunt me, years later. Connors really gives it his all, too. There’s a Rifftrax version, but much as I love those guys I’ll never watch it. They’d ruin the creepiness for me, I know.

  224. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Trying Out the New Game (#210): “I have the same problem with my pants”

    That is an awesome punchline.

    So, several {insert strange characters} walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “I have the same problem with my pants!”

  225. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Funk the Stupid Bean: Why don’t they just close the teacher’s lounge at Westview High?? Then the school would have all the money they need.

    Sly: ….and just who the FUCK would be sitting at the power company thinking: “Hmm. Slick Smitty has been using more electricity this month. I wonder why? Hmmm……and then there are those penguins stolen from the zoo…….By Jove, I think I’ve got it!! Slick Smitty is using a powerful refrigeration unit to keep his basement cool!! Hence, all the extra power consumption!! The penguins are there!! Call in the SWAT team, pronto!

  226. Mr. Yezpitelok
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#186): Any fan of Old Lady Who Swallowed a Spider will want to check out today’s “B.C.” comic:

    http://www.gocomics.com/bc/2013/08/26

  227. Perky Bird
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    I think the biggest question in today’s Slylock is, why did Smitty steal the penguins in the first place? Was it just that he thought they were cute and wanted them as pets? Or did he have a more nefarious motive, like training them to make knock-off Coach bags, or starting a sex trafficking ring to cater to those with a fetish for flightless waterfowl?

  228. Shrug, Trying Out the New Game
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#224):

    Agreed, but I’m just swiping it from our Snailish friend; see post #32.

    //// “You’re an idiot.”

  229. Shrug, Chatterer About Cats
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#221):

    Re “Clarabelle” –

    Cat’s official name is just “Clara,” but I find that a longer firm works better when saying things like “Oh, Clara-bell-a, you are suuuuuucch a sillly pussywussycat.”

    ////Not that I say things like that a LOT, you realize. Only sometimes, when cuteness overcomes me.

  230. Ratiocinator
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#7):

    SF – Fucking humans and their furry headsets – I’ll bet he’s listening to Robin Thicke, to boot – what a deplorable species….

    ♪ Ok, Smitty was close/Tried to domesticate you/But you’re an animal/Baby, it’s in your nature…♪

    @Liam (#8):

    How do you cut lunch?

    With a knife, of course. (Sorry.)

    @Christopher (#16): Ah, I see you made the same basic joke as I did, only earlier and better. Damn it.

    @pugfuggly (#17): Re. Slylock: don’t think too hard about how there can be both anthropomorphic and non-anthro animals in this world and what their relationship is. That way lies madness.

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#33): TV Tropes doesn’t call it “The Wesley” any more. It’s part of Fast Eddie’s ongoing quest to change the name of every trope to something generic and boring. That’s how “Everything’s Even Worse With Sharks” got changed to “Threatening Shark”, for example. Complain all you like, they’ll be happy to tell you that “Hey, we held a vote on whether to rename it or not and what to rename it, it’s not our fault if you weren’t watching the forums like a hawk and missed the voting thread.”

    Had to rant, this has been bugging me for a while, sorry.

    @Tophat (#115): Everybody on the planet beat me to the “penguins wandering into traffic” joke, didn’t they? That is what it feels like right now.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#151): Every day in junior high after announcements in the middle of the day, a song somebody brought in was played over the PA and invariably it was something by Guns ‘N Roses or Def Leppard.

    @I speak Jive (#187): “Yes, well, your kid should have approached us, but she didn’t. You snooze, you lose.”

  231. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Chatterer About Cats (#229): Not that I say things like that a LOT, you realize. Only sometimes, when cuteness overcomes me.

    Yeah. I have the same problem with my pants.

  232. Liam
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Luann-”Glancing is pretty safe, Gunther.” Not really. Gunther’s erection just poked out the eye of the guy sitting next to him.

    MT-”I was in this place and all I wanted to do was go fishing but I couldn’t go fishing no matter how hard I tried.”

    MW-Mary knows how you feel Shannon. She’s only been there for a day or two and she doesn’t want to leave either.

    Zits-I would be more worried about the submarine that’s crashed on your head.

    Archie-Jump! Jump! Jump!

  233. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#22): Maybe Hootin’ Holler uses English instead of American, so Snuffy would get it if you called them “pavements”.

    Yeah. I have the same problem with my pants.

    // Amazing! It works anywhere!

  234. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#214): Luann: For fuck’s sake Gunther, it’s okay to compliment her on her body when she pretty much just did the same thing to you.

    Yeah, I have the same problem with my pants.

  235. Ben Wasabi
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

  236. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    A massive California wildfire threatening Yosemite National Park and San Francisco’s water and power sources is now the 13th largest in state history, officials say.
    — CNN

    Yeah. I have the same problem with my pants.

  237. Arabella
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#190): “Sweet Violets” No, we didn’t sing that at school. I think it was considered too risqué. Thanks for reminding me of the song – it had completely escaped my memory. I have the same problem with my pants.

  238. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Trying Out the New Game (#228): Say it now, say it loud: I’m snailish, and I’m proud.

  239. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#237): That’s the spirit!

  240. bats :[
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action (#88): I thought so, too…this guy looks like Crazy Harry moonlighting (did they finally initiate furlough Wednesday with the USPS?).

    MT: I, for one, shall miss saurian pratfalls and dreams…

  241. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#237): See? Isn’t that a great line?

  242. Baka Gaijin
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman’s Spidey Sense is a’tingling because it senses the 84″ Plasma with Sky and Dish Network with NFL Package on the other side of the brick wall.

    //Nehemiah, do you have the same problem with your pants?

  243. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#238): Say it now, say it loud: I’m snailish, and I’m proud.

    Oddly, wouldn’t you know it!, I have the same problem with my pants!

  244. Ziggy
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    Momma: Yeah. I have the same problem with my pants.

  245. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#240): BWAHHH-HAHAHAHAHAHA
    //no, I shouldn’t laugh, it’s not right to laugh.
    ///Rusty has the SAME problem with his PANTS.

  246. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#242): Curious that you should mention it. Do you have spidey sense too?

    // Hey! Watch out for that brick!

  247. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    hahahahahaha
    (still laughing at bats:[‘s work)

  248. Anonymous
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#246): “Hey! Watch out for that brick!”
    -Ignatz?

  249. Pants
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    I have the same problem with Nehemiah Scudder.

  250. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Pants (#249): Good one!

  251. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @Pants (#249): But you’re an idiot.

    // I have that problem with my pants, though.

  252. Push Trot
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    All twenty enemies of the State that escaped the gulag last month have now been caught by Commissar Fox at a local dissident’s house because of the assistance from a worker at the municipal power plant. Thank you, Patriot! Your vigilance sets a shining example for us all. End of message.

  253. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#29): You are an adult. Man up. The problem was with his pants.

  254. walt d.
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    SF: I’d say that they’re still a prepubescent twelve, but for some odd reason (certainly not compositional) the cartoonist decided to add 50% to their height. I wonder what this bottle does, said Alice. Drink up, said the Hatter. It’s a surprise.

  255. Pants
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#251): I may be an idiot but you are pantless. Hello, Ziggy!

  256. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#242): Nehemiah, do you have the same problem with your pants? Heaven help me, nothing works! Creams, lotions… I’m at my wit’s end!!

  257. Anonymous
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#28): I think this is actually an improvement over the last time Funky had school budget cutting hilarity, though. If I remember correctly, that last one started with a failed budget referendum in November, forcing instant cuts. Always found that one weird as heck, because where I lived during my school years, the budget referendum for the school year was always the April before, giving time to adjust if there was a no vote.

  258. popamatic
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    MT: Or is the dream over? Could this be one of those DREAM within a DREAM scenarios, where we don’t know for sure if it’s reality or yet another dream? I hope so, I want to see Mark and Rusty laughing it up, then suddenly the Evil Brontosaurus Rex Morgan rears it’s head and chases both of them through the swamp. When all looks lost, a savage Cherry in a fur bikini and poin-ted stick jumps out and saves the day.

    SFx: Joining all the others who are wondering just what did Slick Smitty want with those penguins in the first place? I also had the same thought that the penguins seem to be wandering directly in front of the speeding police car. Oops!

  259. bats :[
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    And as all plots draw to an end (with the possible exception of the current 9CL), we may be seeing the end of this fabulous “vacation” soon…

  260. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Senor Zorro strode into the room. His sombrero came off, he bowed, and then he raised his head and looked at the speechless Dona Catalina and the half-terrified Don Carlos.
    “I trust you will pardon this intrusion,” he said. “I am the man known as Senor Zorro. But do not be frightened, for I have not come to rob. I have the same problem with my pants.”

  261. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#256): Well, there’s the problem. You’re putting the creams and lotions on your wit’s end, instead of where they’d do some good.

  262. Liam
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-”Tip, you’re going to be our murder victim.”

  263. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @popamatic (#258): I’d pay good money to see that scenario in Mark Trail – but Elrod would have a stroke, I guess.
    //also, caught your Python reference.

  264. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#230): TV Tropes doesn’t call it “The Wesley” any more. It’s part of Fast Eddie’s ongoing quest to change the name of every trope to something generic and boring.

    So, like the opposite of that episode where Picard tries to communicate with the aliens whose language is nothing but references to legends and old tropes that make no sense without the cultural context. “Napoleon at the bridge at Lodi, the old fishwife with the ring”.

    There was a trope for that, too. Fonzi on his motorcycle, the shark in the tank.

  265. Baka Gaijin
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#246): Brick? What bri…BONK!

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#256):
    APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!
    APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!
    APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!

  266. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    “And still Meriadoc the hobbit stood there blinking through his tears, and no one spoke to him, indeed none seemed to heed him. He brushed away the tears, and stooped to pick up the green shield that Eowyn had given him, and he slung it at his back. Then he looked for his sword that he had let fall; for even as he struck his blow his arm was numbed, and now he could only use his left hand. And then, there was the problem with his pants.”

  267. Liam
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-Slick Smitty’s attempt to free the penguins and return them to Antarctica has failed. Now the penguins shall return to the confinement of the zoo and Slick Smitty shall return to the confinement of jail.

  268. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    What hath God wrought? That problem with my pants?

  269. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    Theodore Roosevelt had a quote about pants and one’s problems.

    If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.

  270. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#269): Teddy: You’re an idiot.

  271. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    SFx:

    Slylock: Where are all the penguins, Smitty?

    Smitty: In my pants!

    Slylock: That could be a problem.

  272. Liam
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    FW-”Don’t they know that without the arts they’ll be losing an important character in me. A character who never had a chance to prove himself. To become the breakout character this strip really needs to pull it out of it’s decades long depression.”

  273. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Chatting About Cats When I Should Be Working (#219):

    Nah, Clarabelle is most likely a Maine Vinalhaven Island Coon Cat everything on that island is pretty layed back and easy-going … that is for the summer people anyway, That’s it! Clarabelle is a Maine Vinalhaven Island Seasonal Resident Coon Cat ….very expensive breed with a fondness for Gucci collars and diamond bordered liter boxes!

    // PS: Our Vet told us our Maine Coon cat isn’t 100% coon cat. We’ve kept it a secret from her all these years to avoid any traumatic issues it may cause her if she finds out the truth.
    Enjoy your Maine Coon, she sounds beautiful. :-)

  274. Liam
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    FW-”It’s better than the last round when they cut my left arm off.”

  275. Uncle Lumpy
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Will (#156):

    Color Gil Thorp is strange — one of the Tribune Syndicate comics (Pluggers, Dick Tracy, Gasoline Alley) distributed to some papers by King, who must do the coloring. JSOnline is a good source, with full-size zoom.

  276. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#273):

    My sister has a Maine Coon cat named “Griffin.” It sits in high places and stares down at you.

  277. Señor Wences
    August 26th, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Dilbert en Español: “Sí. Tengo el mismo problema con mis pantalones.”

  278. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#220):

    I still have my Bennett Elementary 6th grade 11″ x 17″ black and white class picture stored in a drawer. Mrs. Fairchild is in it standing at the rear of the classroom. I’d be more than glad to scan and e-mail it to you sometime so you can see it.

  279. Dennis Jimenez
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Wences (#277): What comic page personality would say, “Yo Tango no pantalones.”

  280. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    `Is it so nice as all that?’ asked the Mole shyly, though he was quite prepared to believe it as he leant back in his seat and surveyed the cushions, the oars, the rowlocks, and all the fascinating fittings, and felt the pants sway lightly under him.

    `Nice? It’s the ONLY thing,’ said the Water Rat solemnly, as he leant forward for his stroke. `Believe me, my young friend, there is NOTHING–absolute nothing–half so much worth doing as simply messing about in pants.

    // I miss Dingo, too.

  281. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

  282. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#276):

    Sounds like my Siamese … and it also sound like one of our cat’s!

  283. Shrug, Hanging 'em Out on the Line
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    For a long time I used to go to bed early. I have the same trouble with my pants.

    It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. And I have the same trouble with my pants.

    Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show. But I have the same trouble with my pants.

    Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. But then, I have the same trouble with my pants.

  284. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#276): Sounds like a Thurber cat.

  285. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Hanging ‘em Out on the Line (#283): Call me Ishmael. I have the same trouble with my pants.

  286. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#281): Give me a about an hour and I’ll geterdun!

    // you realize after sending the class photo to you I’ll probably be bombarding your Yahoo account with more of my old pictures after this, right? …You know, 1960′s Fort Laurderdale photos with my pals like Bob, my old car photos, my cat photos, my first tent I pitched photo, my favorite Duncan YO-YO photo, a photo of that boil I had on my ear, the photo of my tooth the tooth fairy never took with her that ended piercing the side of my head while I slept photo, you know, stuff like that. Feel free to report me to Yahoo anytime you see fit.

  287. Calico
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    GT – I initially read “man, Tip” as “Man tip” – that is, the girls needed some testosterone-infused advice as to how to deal with other men.

  288. Baka Gaijin
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#285): I called you, Ishmael. All you could talk about is some stupid fish. A big stupid fish. My pants had no problem walking away.

  289. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    GLENDOWER
    I can call spirits from the vasty deep.
    HOTSPUR
    Why, so can I, or so can any man;
    But will they come when you do call for them?
    GLENDOWER
    Why, I can teach you, cousin, to command
    The devil.
    HOTSPUR
    Yes, quite. And yet, there is the problem with your pants.

  290. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    Ask not what your pants can do for you, ask what you can do for your pants.

    ~John F. Camus “Pants” Kennedy

  291. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#286): “…my first tent I pitched photo…”

    You might check with Nehemiah first, to find out if he really wants to see that one.

  292. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Hanging ‘em Out on the Line (#283): I think we needed a ‘droom-shish’ drumroll at the end of that post.

  293. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    A proud moment in my life, that I started this ‘pants’ thing.
    //You’re an idiot.

  294. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#290): “”We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold. That’s when I had the problem in my pants.”

  295. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#293): Unambiguosly, and without mental reserve, fulgent, effulgent, refulgent. Be orgulous! Bestest thread ever.

  296. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#295): I have the same problem with my pants.

  297. commodorejohn
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Well, dang if today’s Slylock Fox doesn’t look like some bizarre upside-down version of Lemmings

  298. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#291): Naw, I’ve had problems with my pants, too.

  299. walt d.
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    FW: Note that Bull, the unhappy football coach, is just listening silently. Will the break room crowd rise up against him in the coming episodes, accusing him of sucking up all the non-core funding?

    FW: I almost dread this sort of thing. I’ve already expressed my opinion of marching bands, and received grief for it, but having it implied that Becky there is an agent of Culture is a bit much. I’ll compromise: In Westview, high school football is to Sports as marching band is to Culture.

    FW: My position is that if a school or a community is going to sponsor sports teams or recreational facilities, then it also needs to play fair and sponsor cultural activities. But that’s not a blank check. We may grant that competitive sports do all the wonderful things that coaches claim, without feeling compelled to build elaborate facilities. We may endorse the arts without permitting the students to trash the school walls with atrocious murals, or sending the marching band to the Rose Bowl.

    FW: I know of an English position that they could cut. He doesn’t seem to be doing any better with his students than Bull is with his.

    FW: I could say a lot more, but let me put it this way: If I were on the local school board I would be the sort of member that administrators hate–concerned and involved. If I were successful, there would be curricular and staff changes, and the arts and sports would still have a place.

  300. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

  301. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    I met a traveller from an antique land
    Who said two vast and pantsless legs of stone
    Stand in the desert, near them on the sand
    Half sunk, a shattered zipper lies
    Whose teeth, and fastener, and tangled mass of curly hairs
    Tell that this pain well its wearer felt
    When he had that trouble with his pants.

  302. Dennis Jimenez
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    I cursed because I had no pants; until I met a man who was wearing lederhosen.
    Ziggy

  303. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#301): {I couldn’t finish your post. I read the first line, then the second, then I collapsed in helpless laughter. I’ll try to finish it later. I think the problem is in my pants.}

  304. Kathy
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    “I do feel it necessary to point out that lunch is somewhat more important in the hierarchy of needs than the other subjects facing the axe.”

    Really? It wasn’t that long ago that kids went home for lunch every day, and then returned to school for their afternoon classes–ask your parents or grandparents. (Thus, the need for a “homeroom”; attendance was taken twice a day. Homeroom today is a needless artifact, and in fact my own school merged homeroom period with first period, and we simply reported to our first period classes for attendance and announcements instead.)

    I realize the flak I’m about to take for even appearing to remotely approach the long-unfashionable idea that the responsibility for feeding a child somehow falls to its parents; but that’s beside the point. The point is, even though lunch has become such a linchpin of the school day that it’s the only “class” many students bother to attend, I think it’s useful to remember that there was a time (in living memory, yet!) when the idea that lunch was more important that any class–even art or music–would have been incomprehensible.

  305. Ratiocinator
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#264): Yup. And it isn’t just that; the most recent example that made me throw up my hands was “This Trope Is ” being changed to “Censored For Comedy”.

    If you just looked at the name of the page, either version, you wouldn’t be able to figure out what exactly the trope was. You’d need to read it, with or without the name change. I get why they might want to make things clearer, but a big reason why the wiki got popular in the first place was because it was entertaining, and part of the entertainment value was in the names. In that case, they took a name there was really nothing terribly wrong with and made it less entertaining.

    I won’t go so far as to say that wiki’s ruined or anything, but I think the wiki is fun despite changes like these, not because of them. I have the same problem with my pants.

  306. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    A tale told by an idiot, full of pants and problems.

  307. Ratiocinator
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#305): Weird, I guess those pointy bracket things make whatever you wrap them around disappear what with HTML and such. Anyway, the original name of the “Censored For Comedy” trope was “This Trope Is (Bleep)”.

  308. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
    For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
    Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so pantless,
    This day shall pant his condition:
    And gentlemen in England now a-bed
    Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
    And hold their pantaloons cheap whilst any speaks
    That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.

  309. Shrug, Giving Equal Time to the Other Reply
    August 26th, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#303):

    “I think the problem is in my pants.”

    No, it’s that you’re an idiot.

  310. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    Tony DePaul, meet Scott Adams; Scott, Tony. (they shake hands)

  311. Osh Kosh Bi'Gosh
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    I *AM* a pair of pants. And I have the same problem with Curmudgeons.

  312. Dennis Jimenez
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Giving Equal Time to the Other Reply (#309): The problem dear Popeye is not in our pants, it’s in our peckers.” Brutus

  313. Lumaca Morente
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#310): DePaul: “You’re an idiot.” Adams: “I have the same problem with my pants.”

  314. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Giving Equal Time to the Other Reply (#309): Great Googley Moogley! We must run and tell the king! ]

    // My pants feel funny.

  315. gleeb
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    Beetle-A duck head on a car? Looks like Clown Nine has been at work again.

    ‘bean-Hmmm, a week of band crap followed by a week of football team crap. What to cap it off? Aha, a week of the two combined!

    Swine-Pastis can’t tell the difference between not telling a lie and blurting out every passing thought. I begin to see why he doesn’t practice law.

  316. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Idiot pants.

  317. Tophat
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#230): Actually, I almost scrapped that comment completely because the more you think about Slylock Fox today, more horrible it becomes, even without all the willing penguin suicide going on there. Slick Smitty trapped penguins in his basement… for what? Was he going to eat them? They’re presumably sentient, so is he engaged in (in)human trafficking? The fact that he set up a perpetual cold box in his basement implies he wanted to… keep them for himself.
    I mean good God, I know we tend to get a bit bleak on here, what with Funky Winkerbean’s screaming descent into oblivion and Heathcliff’s ritualistic beheadings, but holy shit, Slylock. Not fucking cool.

  318. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Osh Kosh Bi’Gosh (#311): I *AM* a pair of pants.

    That’s one of those Italian artsy movies with subtitles, right? I never liked those.

  319. Calico
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#287):
    Oh, hi Josh!
    You spelled “Tip” as “Trip” in your post – hope we’re not talking about the Palin kidz now! ; )
    (Although the son’s name is spelled “Tripp”, if I’m correct.)

  320. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#291):

    LOL LOL LOL!!!

  321. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#281):
    The photo has been sent.

    // now there’s a suspicious statement if I ever heard one!

  322. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#321):

    okay, okay … the photo has been emailed. (Dang NSA snoops!)

  323. walt d.
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    GT: “We need a man, and you’re the one.” Words that 95 times out of a hundred mean that you’ve got a pickup, and they need something moved.

  324. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#281):

    ATTENTION!: THE PHOTO HAS BEEN EMAILED TO NEHEMIAH SCUDDER’S YAHOO ACCOUNT!

    // See, moderator? Everything’s on the up and up. No need for making a federal case out of it, okay?

  325. Alison
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    “Rex Morgan”: “Yeah, not only are we going to pay you a ton of money for some scribbles, we’re also going to make sure there’s nothing in the contract that will give you trouble if you don’t hold up your end of the bargain.”

    That does it. This strip is officially insane. I could take everything that happened until now (with a lot of eye-rolling of course) but this, I cannot take. Whoever is writing this strip has got to be trolling. Got to be.

  326. Droopy Says
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#185): Theda’s okay — especially if you like raccoon eyes:

    Damn, your neck of the woods must have some mighty tough raccoons!

    http://flowersoffleshandblood.horror-extreme.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/4132311537_de117fc14c.jpg

    (SFW, these days, unless your boss is the reincarnation of Will Hays)

  327. Calico
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @walt d. (#323):
    The only proper thing is to serve pizza and beer, and say thanks and reciprocate.
    : )
    (That’s the tradition in QC when someone moves, and there is a difference in that everyone schleps around their own large appliances. In US, not so much, unless you’re buying a house)

  328. The Clam Before the Storm
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @walt d. (#323):

    “GT: “We need a man, and you’re the one.” Words that 95 times out of a hundred mean that you’ve got a pickup, and they need something moved.”

    Four times out of the other five, you’ve got a station wagon.

  329. Peanut Gallery
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    SFx – If they hadn’t found the penguins in Slick Smitty’s basement, that would prove he was not holding them prisoner there; but having found them does not prove it was Slick Smitty who stole them. This is the classic conundrum known as “Karl Popper’s Penguins.”

  330. tallyHO
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    I don’t normally dole out compliments to Batiuk (in fact, I’m not certain if I’m spelling his name correctly and won’t bother to double-check).

    The guy does have some adequate artistic chops.
    There. I wrote it.

    If he had not put the giant, industrial-sized coffee maker in the background, I would not have known where those three people are nor would I know who they are.

    I mean if they were really teachers, would they need to find out via the town’s newspaper (or even the student paper) about budget cuts that affect courses and programs for the place where they work?

    Thank goodness he included one distinguished, ornamental bit of decoration to the background. If he had not included it, I would have needed to surmise those are the three longest serving students in after-school detention in the history of the whole wide world. But, hey! At least one of them is newspaper literate, right? That school is good for something.

  331. tallyHO
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#329):

    What would have been hilarious is if the penguins all emerged from their basement cell with their wings up in the air as if they were surrendering. And, following them up the steps* with his hands behind his head was Mark Trail, “famous outdoors writer”.

    *the steps alone must have been a challenge to the birds. Bet more than one of them regretted not being able to fly or that Mark Trail didn’t assist them out from their hole in the ground.

  332. tallyHO
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff:
    My, oh my!
    I did not expect to see a monster truck. That must be some special date if the Heathcliffmobile or the hot-air balloon is not good enough to transport her in.

    And, here’s a question: how many pet owners would see their pet off on a date? Sure, I could see them worrying like young parents but rationalizing why they are allowing this obvious ne’er-do-well escort their lovely feline to places unknown seems to be slightly nerve racking to the couple.

  333. Ratiocinator
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Tophat (#317): I never thought it was possible, but Slick Smitty might have proven himself more evil than Reeky Rat today. What did Reeky do that was so awful? This!

  334. Peanut Gallery
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#57): “I know! Let’s get your mom together with my dad!”

  335. Jim in Wisc.
    August 26th, 2013 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#257):

    Always found that one weird as heck, because where I lived during my school years, the budget referendum for the school year was always the April before, giving time to adjust if there was a no vote.

    You need to remember that Batiuk is the living embodiment of Plato’s allegory of the cave. The difference being that in Tom B’s case, he’s not a prisoner, he lives in the cave voluntarily, believing that the puppet shadows are reality.

  336. Illustrator Steve
    August 26th, 2013 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#281):

    Greetings Nehemiah, Two emails containing photgraphs have been sent to you. You have sixty seconds to review them before they self destruct.
    If you choose to accept them, any knowledge of knowing anything about them will be denied. Have a nice day.

    Yours truly,
    Peter Graves

  337. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#336): Wow. Reply sent separately.

  338. Mr. Yezpitelok
    August 26th, 2013 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#279):

    What comic page personality would say, “Yo Tango no pantalones.”

    “Ziggy” (channeling Jeff Davis). Or the “Wizard” in Wizard of Id (also channeling Davis).

  339. Peanut Gallery
    August 26th, 2013 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#92): “HOBOKEN? Ooh, I’m dyin’ again!”

  340. tallyHO
    August 26th, 2013 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    Truncated Curmudgeoniness.

    Mary Worth wins. She stymied me. I can’t concoct a thing to snark about.

    Mark Trail:
    Good for Rusty. I really worried that when the killer croc chomped him in half we HE would wake up in extreme pain upon soon realizing our HIS lower extremities have eaten after he took that faceplant and flipped over head-over-heels and upon his back (his now way shortened back!)

    A3G: Isn’t that one of Doctor Who’s favorite April Fools Day pranks? Starting a quick trip on April First and jetting back between the End of Time and to the Rustylogical Era only to take them back to their homes by the time they are ready to look for a real job?

    H&L: Now, don’t get me wrong, Fellow Readers. I can see Lois doing through a goth phase when she smoked clove cigarettes and hung out at Velvet Underground shows. The thing is, I can see Hi going Southern rock concert where his nickname first time ever went from “Hyram” to a pseudonym to the word for stoner!)

  341. Odie Odo
    August 26th, 2013 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#338):

    Don’t forget the cavemen in B.C. (Or Dennis “Yo tengo no pantalones” Mitchell!)

  342. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    HAD we but pants enough, and time,
    This coyness, Lady, were no crime
    We would sit down and think which way
    To walk and pass our long pants day.
    Thou by the Indian Ganges’ side
    Shouldst jeans find: I by the tide
    Of Humber would buy slacks. I would
    Love you ten years before the Flood,
    And you should, if you please, refuse
    Till the conversion of the Jews.
    My vegetable love should grow
    Vaster than Levis, and more slow;
    An hundred years should go to praise
    Thy khakis and on thy panties gaze;
    Two hundred to adore your shirts, 15
    And thirty thousand to your skirts;
    An age at least to every garment,
    And the last age should show your heart.

  343. The Mighty Captain E
    August 26th, 2013 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp
    Okay, I’ve scanned through 340 comments (maybe should have tried Ctrl F) and I can’t find anyone else who shares my hallucination. What the heck is going on with the man and woman (manwoman?) on the towel in the first panel? Where are the legs? I suppose this could just be a depiction of amputees, and in that case it’s pretty awesome they’re included as just normal everyday beachgoers. Are these characters I should know?

  344. Harlan Ellison
    August 26th, 2013 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    I have no pants, and I must scream!!!!

  345. Peanut Gallery
    August 26th, 2013 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#171): Instead of modern love, you could have pulled out the stopper and had a whopper.

    I think that means get drunk on wine and go to Burger King.

  346. tallyHO
    August 26th, 2013 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @Ziggy (#244):

    What? Are they Missing In IN-Action?

    Did they just get fed up with containing your stubby bits that one night they got up and left?

  347. Peanut Gallery
    August 26th, 2013 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#248): George of the Jungle. (In the city.) I have the same problem with my pants.

  348. Ratiocinator
    August 26th, 2013 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Harlan Ellison (#344): You and everybody in the same room as you!

    (By the way, welcome back to the land of the living!)

  349. Inkwell
    August 26th, 2013 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#333): It’s nice to see my favorite Reeky Rat moment exposed to a new audience.

  350. Vince M
    August 26th, 2013 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#80): there was an old (1976!) Zippy comic strip story that began with him and his friend the bearded lady as new sideshow hires watching the gawking crowd from backstage. She comments “They don’t think we’re human…not like them, anyway…” He promptly charges out on the stage shouting “HELLO, everybody! I’m a HUMAN!” scattering the terrified crowd.

  351. bats :[
    August 26th, 2013 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#326): “…and I only have raccoon eyes for you…”
    Please, no tongues. Not after Miley Cyrus.

  352. tallyHO
    August 26th, 2013 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    @Harlan Ellison (#344):

    If this were a game of Pantomimes, I’d guess the answer is Edvard ButtMunch!

  353. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    If you can keep your pants when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
    If you can trust your pants when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their pants too;
    If you can dream of pants—and not make pants your master;
    If you can think of pants —and not make pants your aim;
    If you can meet with pants and trousers,
    And treat those two garments just the same;
    If you can make one heap of all your pants
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
    And lose, and start again in your underpants,
    And never breathe a word about your loss;
    Yours are the pants and everything that’s in them,
    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

    – Albert “Rudyard” Camus

  354. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#352):

    Edvard ButtMunch? Wasn’t he the inventor of the aseptic sewer hose for pants?

  355. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 26th, 2013 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    Out of the denim that covers me,
    Black as the Pit from leg to leg,
    I curse whatever gods may be
    For the trouble with my pants.

    In the tight clench of skinny jeans
    I have not winced nor cried aloud.
    Under the zipperings of chance
    My head is bloody, but unbowed.

  356. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

  357. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 26th, 2013 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#353): ‘If’ would have been my next choice, but I was struggling with the theme. ‘The Second Coming’ was also giving me pains, which I don’t need on top of the trouble I’m already having with my pants.

  358. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2013 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#357): Of course, I thought of the 2nd Coming, but just couldn’t make it work.

    But what about our old friend, Lord Tennyson?

    Pants to the left of them
    Pants to the right of them
    Volleyed and thundered!

    Oh please, Uncle Lumpy, just this once!

  359. The Ridger
    August 26th, 2013 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    @Kathy (#304): But that dates to a time when kids could go home for lunch. With many of today’s giant school districts, it would take hours for that for some kids. Assuming that someone was at home to make them lunch, which is something that only FedEx and its ilk still believe.

  360. Peanut Gallery
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#342):

    But at my back I always hear
    Time’s jaunty buttocks bouncing near;
    The east doth glow with coming dawn –
    So let’s unzip and get it on.

  361. Peanut Gallery
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    Because I could not zip my Pants –
    They kindly zipped for me –
    Those Dungarees held just my Legs –
    And my Gibbosity.

  362. Rip Houndstooth, Man of Action
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#240):

    Oh, thank god. I couldn’t believe that nobody else noticed that. Pretty major screw-up on Batty’s part, seeing as the art isn’t usually his problem near as much as the writing. I figured the commenters here would be all over him for that, but go figure. Seemed to me like a pretty pedestrian, “woe betide us misunderstood teachers of young minds” Funky strip otherwise.

  363. Dale
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @Kathy (#304):

    Are you telling us that the kids who lived miles from school and rode buses could have gone home for lunch?

  364. Odie Odo
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    Arctic Circle: The penguins from Monday’s Slylock Fox are texting them
    for a ride home.

    Luann: Gunther is too embarrassed to admit he bought a pair of women’s culottes by mistake.

  365. Lake-goers in Milford
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    Angie Sanchez: “We need a man tip.”
    Coach Kaz: “I have the same problem with my pants.”

  366. Peanut Gallery
    August 26th, 2013 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    @Lake-goers in Milford (#365): Angie Sanchez: “You’re an idiot.”

  367. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    Several ‘Mudgeons have questioned why the teachers at Westview are getting news about the budget cuts through a newspaper rather than through the administration. Having dealt with education administrations I can assure you that they were informed about the cuts by a memo from the Communications Head, but as is always the case with anything that comes from a department called “Communications,” the resultant missive was completely incomprehensible.

    I often have the same problem with my pants.

  368. Amos Snarkadder
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#259): Ah, excellent! And such neat penmanship! Wait… did Daddy Keane help write this?

  369. A phone conversation in Apartment 3-G
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    Lu Ann: “Hi, Cole. What’s up?”
    Cole: “I have the same problem with my pants. Marty’s not with you, is she, Lu Ann?”
    Lu Ann: “No, but she’s probably with Tori. Teenage girls lose track of time.”
    Cole: “I have the same problem with my pants.”

  370. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    folks, if this keeps up I shall be forced to GIMP banana slug eyestalks coming out of Mark’s khaki fly, and that would be a horrible thing to do to Poteet’s love of mollusks.

    please, think of the Poteets.

  371. Sequitur
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#370):

    I have the same problem with my pants.

  372. Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer
    August 26th, 2013 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    “What the heck is a sidewalk?”

    “It’s something that Jews walk on!”

  373. Government Cheese
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Gunther is about to pull a Bucky Larson and ruin the whole day.

  374. BigTed
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    It should be pointed out that in L. Frank Baum’s “Oz” books, Tip is the name of a boy who discovers that he’s actually a girl, Princess Ozma, who was given a magic gender change to keep her from ascending the throne.

    Which would give the sentence “We need a man, Tip — and you’re the one” some much-needed hidden depths.

  375. walt d.
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    BGSS: Snuffy knows about sidewalks because he saw some when he was down on the flats visiting Cousin Funky. His fellow holler-dwellers prefer staying close to home.

  376. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    GT: Those of you who bet on Gil Thorp being the first newspaper comic to blatantly transcribe porn movies can collect your winnings at payroll.

    SSmith: Since you’re wearing black winter long underwear in the dog days of August, I wouldn’t bet on you living long enough to find out.

  377. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    MT: Crispin Glover responds to seeing his old footage reused in “Back to the Future Part 2.”

    C-Shaft: Yeah, talking about safety to the man who just burnt out his backyard and his neighbor’s fence with an uncontrolled bonfire. I’m sure that will be a renowned success.

    9CL: But, but… if Thorax is on the bench the judicial system is already corrupt. How much of a travesty does this have to be?

    Baldo: Still in 2D, thank Dios.

    JP: “We also found an online boutique that sells the cutest short shorts.”

    RMMD: “Also I see that you mention something about taking possession of Sara’s immortal soul. Do you people know what you’re getting yourselves into?”

    BB: I wouldn’t say that someone has vandalized it so much as diverse hands have spent seventy years vandalizing it.

    6C: In some states, this is the official explanation for why there are manatees.

    PBS: A bar where big-assed female patrons walk around in their bras? Just out of curiosity, what’s the address?

    Marvin: Look for the balls all you want, they ain’t there anymore.

    A3G: Lu Ann herself loses track of whether she’s still drawing breath, so consider her something of an expert.

  378. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 26th, 2013 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#351): After Miley Cyrus Theda and her raccoon pal are a refreshing palate cleanser.

  379. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#19):

    Zits: “We all live in a yellow submarine…”

    Could conceivably be “Submission” by the Sex Pistols too.

  380. Frank Bolle
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy: I felt sorry for a comic strip that had no sidewalk, until I drew a comic strip that had no feet.

  381. Huckleberry Fink
    August 26th, 2013 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#351): I’m still hoping someone will feature Ms. Goodman in her own comic strip — like George Lichty’s Grin and Bara It.

  382. Huckleberry Fink
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: “I need as much support as I can get! I also need a dentist for my freakin’ toothache!”

  383. Droopy Says
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    Spide and Spider: “American friend?” Parker thinks, and hastily checks his mask. How on earth did they know he’s from the USA?

    Family Circus: “That whistling noise of feedback makes it easier for me to track you down . . .” No, even that makes no sense. So it’s just another day at the extended Keane Kompound.

    Dick Tracy: 9CL: The Pre-Trial Investigation. If there is any danger of forward motion in this “story,” fear not, it will be averted with a healthy dose of Moon Maid’s legs and cleavage.

    Fucky’s Fuck-ups: So that fat slob knew beforehand about the budget cuts, but couldn’t bother to tell his co-workers?

    Mark Trail: “Mmm, road kill pizza! When Cherry picks up dinner, she really picks it up!” (Actually, it’s pancakes inappropriately covered with catsup, but Mark likes to pretend there’s some variety in his diet).

    Phantom: “Except, haha, it’s now night, fool!”

    Pluggers Pluggers hate it when their indiscretions catch up with them, in all their multi-species ignominy.

  384. Poteet
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

  385. Ben Wasabi
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Henry: Hello, station? This is Casey — I just arrested a bald kid for trying to break into Tony’s Shoe Repair!

  386. Poteet
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    MW — What is happening to Shannon’s face??? In the second panel it seems to be elongating relative to the back of her head! Is this no accident? Is the real alien in this strip disguised as a yoga instructor, and is she about to shoot a second set of jaws out of her mouth, a la ALIEN, and show Mary how serious flesh-ripping meddling is done?

  387. Two people at a desert spa
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    Mary: “I can even speak to an administrator in person if you want.”
    Shannon: “Please do, if you think it’ll help. I need as much support as I can get!”
    Mary: “I have the same problem with my pants.”

  388. tallyHO
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#354): Nah.

    You are thinking of Buttmunch the Greater. I’m referring to his trust fund kid, Buttmunch the Lesser.

  389. Mike
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    FW: Before people get too upset about the self-righteousness of the strip today, remember that Tom Batiuk knows whence he speaks – he clearly was deprived of an arts education.
    GT: It’s too bad the fourth panel got cut off. Maddie says to the other guy on the bench, “We also need a man, Shaft – and you’re the one.”

  390. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    I am surprised that no one has yet combined pants with jouncing buttocks in some fashion. Or is this the prelude to the return of Dingo’s assless chaps?

  391. Poteet
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    JP: Eat your heart out, Widdle Sawah. Sophie is about to show you how a REAL prodigy rolls. With tanks and possibly drones.

  392. tallyHO
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#370):

    “please, think of the Poteets.”

    I’ve been known to have kind thoughts for poteets. It seems like the right thing to do and I try to go about it in the right way, too.

    Poteets is best off when they is happy. And if they’s perky then the happiness shows through for all to see.

  393. Poteet
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    STONE SOUP — Um, isn’t Holly supposed to be at least twelve? Back when I was young and dinos roamed the earth, we did multiplication flash cards like that much earlier, in third or fourth grade, as I recall.

  394. tallyHO
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    If I could time seals with a bottle,
    The first thing that I’d like to do,
    is see how long before
    Mary Worth
    Claps when she pretends
    to tell us The Truth!

    “A spider who spins no webs”

    Is that Tarantula’s way of speaking tongue in cheek about Spiderman’s penchant for being deceitful?

  395. Huckleberry Fink
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    Better Half: Not so fast, Harriet. Your comic started in 1956, so I’m going with the term notch babies (people born between 1917 and 1921).

  396. seismic-2
    August 26th, 2013 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    GT: Ah, so the blond guy is named “Tip Nunn”. I was so much hoping it would be “Tip Oveur”, because that would allow so many great Airplane! jokes.

  397. Ben Wasabi
    August 27th, 2013 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#395): You’re right about “Better Half” being an old strip:

    http://d1g4sq00ps2bp3.cloudfront.net/images/9136.jpg

  398. tallyHO
    August 27th, 2013 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    Wisdomizin’ Overheard By the Dishonorable, Mistopher Trendy:

    Grampy is known fer his Summertime Dampy Panties. We tease him about it sumpin fierce. Well, fierce enuff that we alls laff at him an his intoxicated incontinence.

    Once in a while, he’ll come up wif a rejoinder that makes our bellies roll harder than we thunk they could roll.

    Likes the time we asked Grampy how he stayed s’cool in the heat.
    He said, first he uses “mind control”. Ta translate that: He gets a pint of vodka from the freezah and guzzles it down.
    Then he sez he pours a quart o’ ice cubes down his pants. Thas the truff. I done seen it wif muh own peepers. He pert near freezes his peeter.

    Then he sez, “If’n ahz kin feel sumptin down yonder amidst the frozen cubes the I know I’m still alive and that relaxes me sumptin fierce! Translation:

    “I get drunk easy nuff after I down a concotion I likes ta call: A Cold Taters.
    Unlike a Hot Totti, it ain’t mean for nuttin’ but the hottest days. As fer why it looks like I done wet muhself that’s because when I pour a quart of ice cubes down mah pants, I want results. So, intentionally avoid Depends ™!”

    Oh, Grampy Dampy Panties, youse the drunk funniest!

  399. HAnzMFG
    August 27th, 2013 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: I’m disappointed to learn from google translate that when Tarantula knocks on the door, “nok-nok-nok-nok” is not a Spanish onomatopoeia.

  400. Huckleberry Fink
    August 27th, 2013 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#396): I strongly suspect that “Tip Nunn” is a combination of Tip O’Neill (former House Speaker) and Sam Nunn (former Senator from Georgia).

  401. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 27th, 2013 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    To be, or not to be, that is the question:
    Whether ’tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
    The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
    Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
    And by opposing end them: I have the
    same problem with my pants.

  402. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    August 27th, 2013 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    “YOU need all the support you can get? Listen, Shannon, without this industrial-grade bra, I’d be playing soccer with my tits!”

  403. Joel Bryan
    August 27th, 2013 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    A3G Wait! I was joking about Tori being a messed-up Claudia Kishi on the assumption she and Marti were in their 30s. I mean, they’re drawn to look that old. And now we’re informed they’re teenagers? Maybe she really IS Claudia Kishi. Also, “A few weeks pass” is the A3G way of admitting no one in his or her right mind would actually read the entire development of any of this strip’s plotlines. You know, “Yeah, we think to hell with this, too.”

  404. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 27th, 2013 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    Turning and turning in the widening gyre,
    The falcon cannot hear the falconer.
    Things fall apart; the center cannot hold.
    I have the same problem with my pants.

    // I couldn’t help myself, CCB. I have the same problem with my pants.

  405. Bobbaloo
    August 27th, 2013 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    who called Slylock Fox and what did she say? It’s the Land of the Freaking Manimals, isn’t it? “Hello, Slylock? I’m a Penguin and Slick Smitty has a bunch of us trapped in his basement!”

  406. Mr O'Malley
    August 27th, 2013 at 2:46 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#161): @Shrug, Chatting About Cats When I Should Be Working (#219): We have a little female Maine Coon (see link) and she is very territorial. Even though our other cat is twice her size, she split her ear. They have a very complicated relationship. We had to install a new door in the house to give them each their own space. We’re working on a long-term project to get them to get along, which has made some progress. but it’s slow.

  407. Dale
    August 27th, 2013 at 3:52 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#383):

    MARK TRAIL

    This is brilliant!
    Cherry and Mark have convinced Rusty that pizza is a pancake covered with catsup.
    If Cherry actually goes into town, she has to paddle a canoe, and it’s uphill both ways.

  408. John C Fremont
    August 27th, 2013 at 5:10 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#339): Pardon me, but could you help out a fellow American who’s down on his luck?

  409. gleeb
    August 27th, 2013 at 5:20 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft-Someone who is not miserable is introduced, and Ed needs to bat her down.

    ‘bean-Bull retains one thing from his making-Les-piss-his-pants days: get in the first blow. Having known about budget cuts, he secured the marching band’s place. What does he care about the band? Well, with all the being shouted at and rained on, they’re the only students as miserable as his players.

    Rex-More exciting negotiation action! I think Rex and June have now done more legal work that Sam Driver has done in the last two years.

    Believe It or Else-Philip Patterson of New York — Has never heard of the printing press!

  410. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 27th, 2013 at 6:05 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#404):

    I just what worry about what rough fabric, its hour come at last, slouches toward Bethlehem to be used to patch the problem with your pants.

  411. Huckleberry Fink
    August 27th, 2013 at 7:00 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#408): Nobody puts one over on Fred C. Dobbs!

  412. CanuckDownSouth
    August 27th, 2013 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    RMMD – a museum has a standard book contract for print runs so large they expect to end up on the NYT bestsellers list. This contract hasn’t been modified to consider deadlines for a kindergartener, yet has academic achievement clauses. So they’ve done this many times, successfully, with schoolkids. Dragging a child spotted with a stack of doodles in front of a contract must be a regular occurrence here. My.. my mind *is* going to give up on understanding and just start laughing? Right? right? … please?

  413. Dennis Jimenez
    August 27th, 2013 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#401): Pants, pants – my kingdom for some pants….

Comments are closed for this post.