The Comics Curmudgeon

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Max screws up … for the last time

Slylock Fox, 1/18/09

Slylock has been called upon to solve some pretty petty crimes in his day, but never before have we seen him use his powers of ratiocination to compensate for the utter incompetence of his sidekick. And Sly is all smiles and soothing hand gestures, but perhaps some of the ancillary matter in the bottom row of the comic — a penguin cheerfully toting a wide-eyed and terrified fish off to its doom, and a slavering, fanged bear — represent what’s going on in his mind: a desperate hope that one of the many predator animals in the bucolic scene will devour Max and leave him free to find a slightly less moronic assistant.

Panels from Hi and Lois, 1/18/09

The throwaway panels in today’s Hi and Lois are particularly bizarre, with Hi responding to a pleasantry from his wife with rambling, paranoid nonsense. In the second panel, she is clearly closing her eyes and thinking happy thoughts about Chad, the 23-year-old ski instructor.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/18/09

“Yes, when my dad shows up at practice every day, silently and intently watching me and other nubile young teenage girls work out, it sure makes me want to delay having sex … forever, since I plan to flee to Southeast Asia, join a Buddhist nunnery, and take a vow to never speak to another human being again in order to escape him.”

This entry was posted on Monday, January 19, 2009 at 01:03 am and is filed under Funky Winkerbean, Hi and Lois, Slylock Fox. |

180 responses to “Max screws up … for the last time”

Scherzo
January 19th, 2009 at 1:10 am [Reply]

Josh, I seem to be on your wavelength tonight!
IdleDandy
January 19th, 2009 at 1:16 am [Reply]

The answer to Slylock is too wee and inverted for me to read, but it’s an old joke:

A man blows out a tire while driving in an unfamiliar area. As he’s about to put on the spare, he drops all four of the lugnuts down a storm drain. “Psst,” a voice says from behind a nearby fence, “just take one nut off each of the other tires. Then each tire will have three nuts. That’ll at least get you to the nearest service station.”

The driver thanks the man profusely and then notices something: the fence has barbed wire at the top. He’s driving by an institution for the criminally insane. “Wow,” he says to the inmate, “how’d you know what to do?”

“Hey,” says the inmate, “I’m in here because I’m crazy, not because I’m stupid.”
Rusty
January 19th, 2009 at 1:18 am [Reply]

H&L: One of the big WTF moments in today’s paper. Nonsensical on several levels.

FW: For a man with two jobs, Les sure seems to have plenty of time to kill after school. Where are the other parents? Here’s a note for Batiuk: No one but the unemployed or the crazed bother to watch their children practice by the time they reach high school.
Poteet
January 19th, 2009 at 1:21 am [Reply]

How could even a swift river current carry lugnuts away? They’re metal, not wood. The lugnuts would just fall sadly through the water, as Max stared down in horror or reached in and tried vainly to grab them, until they reached the bottom of the river, whereupon, depending on the nature of the substrate, they would disappear between the rocks or be buried in the sand.

Not that I’ve ever accidently dropped anything valuable in a river myself.
papa zita
January 19th, 2009 at 1:21 am [Reply]

Monday, early

A3G: A cutting remark from Margo. How many weeks has it been? Too many.

MW: Frank is hiding behind the entrance door to the rink, waiting to club his daughter like a baby seal as she does her triple lutz. Will Mary meddle in time?

Rex Morgan, IQ 55: Gee, the little moppet is more intelligent than her croaker father. This must stop. Guido, one more for dinner!
monsieurjohn
January 19th, 2009 at 1:25 am [Reply]

Slylock is all smiles, but he does have the tire iron in his hand.
Poteet
January 19th, 2009 at 1:26 am [Reply]

A3G — Farewell, Lu Ann. It was nice seeing you for a couple of days. Catch you again in March, maybe.
Poteet
January 19th, 2009 at 1:29 am [Reply]

The bangs on those Tokyopop characters in the left column ad are driving me crazy. How can they stand all that hair in their eyes???

Gad, I sound like a Plugger. Time for bed.
Poteet
January 19th, 2009 at 1:32 am [Reply]

# 4 — Or the mud or silt, if it’s some Iowa rivers.
Neil
January 19th, 2009 at 1:34 am [Reply]

Boy, Les sure has a ‘wide stance’, doesn’t he?
markytom
January 19th, 2009 at 1:46 am [Reply]

With all those animals around I expect Mark Trail to jump out and tackle Slylock Fox with a big, “SURPRISE!”
Spunky N. Tadpole
January 19th, 2009 at 1:46 am [Reply]

H&L: Sorry, Josh, but it doesn’t look like those are “happy thoughts” crossing Lois’s noggin: the only person I imagine she’s thinking about is Sonny Bono…..
NotThatGuy
January 19th, 2009 at 1:56 am [Reply]

The answer, Poteet, is that is a river of epic proportions. As epically swift as Max is epically stupid.
Maxim Gorky
January 19th, 2009 at 2:01 am [Reply]

Oh…

Fudge.
Mibbitmaker
January 19th, 2009 at 2:02 am [Reply]

(Adding on to Josh’s post about)FW: …Sadly, that doesn’t work.

1/19 FW: No, not her. You got the wrong Moore — SLAM HIM!
(I know, it’s the kid of the woman Les likes hitting Les’s kid, it’ll cause a permanent rift no matter what, leaving Les to just be with his daughter, creepily. –SLAM LES!!)

1/19 ReFOOB: Them, too? Looks like maybe every comic is going to copy the dialogue-free Lio today. It won’t help.
Don
January 19th, 2009 at 2:07 am [Reply]

Max Mouse: Oooh fuuudge!
Max Mouse as Adult: [narrating] Only I didn’t say “Fudge.” I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the “F-dash-dash-dash” word!
Slylock Fox: *What* did you say?
Max Mouse: Uh, um…
Slylock Fox: That’s… what I thought you said. Get in the car. Go on!
Max Mouse as Adult: [narrating] It was all over – I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Hmmph. Mere child’s play compared to what surely awaited me.
P-Supe
January 19th, 2009 at 2:07 am [Reply]

Did Josh get a word-of-the-day calendar for Christmas?
Don
January 19th, 2009 at 2:09 am [Reply]

Slylock worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master.
bats :[
January 19th, 2009 at 2:11 am [Reply]

Monday, Monday observations:

MT/MW: boy, howdy, what I wouldn’t give to have Mary meddle Ken something fierce!

Phantom: ya know what? The Mori are stupid!
I just want to know where the first 15 or so Phantoms came up with spandex. In any color.
P-Supe
January 19th, 2009 at 2:11 am [Reply]

“Get it? ‘Wait’ training? ‘Cause I’m saying ‘wait’ instead of ‘weight’. Ya know? Oh nevermind.”
NotThatGuy
January 19th, 2009 at 2:13 am [Reply]

Maybe the early Phantoms wore itchy purple wool long underwear.
Joe Blevins
January 19th, 2009 at 2:16 am [Reply]

Today is obviously the day for men to leer creepily at women’s asses. Hi Flagston is licking his chops and working up a sweat checking out Lois’ undoubtedly divine derriere, and then is clearly flummoxed when Lois chooses that moment to ask him a question. (Hi, she’s your wife. It’s okay.)

Meanwhile, in ~~American Beauty 2: The Quickening~~ Sunday’s Funky Winkerbean, if you follow Les’ eyeline in fifth panel, you’ll see he’s set his sights on Player No. 8. Incidentally, in an emergency, please do use this comic as a substitute for Ipecac.
Anonymous
January 19th, 2009 at 2:20 am [Reply]

And now, the latest episode of _Tales From Slylock Fox’s Id_:

“No, Max, that small fleck of gold you managed to pan from the river won’t be enough. I’m still going to beat you to death with this tire iron. Thanks for trying, though.”

- yeff
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 19th, 2009 at 2:29 am [Reply]

I’m guessing that Les will be forcibly ejected from the gymnasioum after he gets into a scuffle with one of those dorky cheerleader guys.
Mibbitmaker
January 19th, 2009 at 2:33 am [Reply]

1/19:

9CL: In order to defend the honor of her daughter, she suddenly becomes a badly-drawn manga and/or anime.

Archie: Veronica’s easily amused.

BBailey: Wow, a special slim, all-black uniform, just for Beetle. How thoughtful!

DT: …Which, of course, the CIA will now fire-bomb.

JP: You’ve heard of ambulance-chasing lawyers? Well, this is an ambulance-chasing mom (figuratively speaking — unless she puts Sue Ellen into an ambulance, which doesn’t seem unlike something she’d do)

Luann: What, and they didn’t invite Howie Mandell?

MT: Oh, goodie, it’s a French farce — with an animal.

MW: Mary has him tied to a chair backstage.

RMMD: Yes, and his reason for hiding is to mess with Sarah. The little trickster.

6C: None of them used at Gitmo, it turns out.
True Fable
January 19th, 2009 at 2:34 am [Reply]

A3G See? Luann’s so boring, we’ve returned to New York, where Tommie’s date was so boring it was skipped altogether. Apartment 3-G: where you never have to see a thing.
dyslexic dog
January 19th, 2009 at 2:35 am [Reply]

Monday…
C’shaft: Snow cancer!

Crock: Captain Preppie was saved by the disembodied head of the Wizard of Gauze.

FC: Ha. It’s funny because it’s peaceful and boring, instead of funny.

FW: And . . . it’s a slaaam dunk for President-Elect Obama!

GA: Slim is auditioning for Eddie Harris’s band. (vocal at 2:20)

GT: (must resist, must resist, must resist obvious sexual entendre)

JP: Danh Danh Danh Daaaanh!

MT: “If a deer answers, hang up.”

MW: He’ll be the one in the Slim mask.

Phantom: …and hasn’t had a bath yet, phew!

RMMD: He’s hiding from Rex.

Ziggy: “Thanks for calling. I’m not in right now, so leave a message at the beep—Wait, I think I hear myself coming in the door. Hold on…”
Ubiq
January 19th, 2009 at 2:40 am [Reply]

As noted earlier, that Shylock Fox answer is an old joke, which was also featured in the novel version of Forrest Gump. Of course, the ending line there was “I may be retarded, but I ain’t stupid.”

I suppose that Funky Winkerbean “punchline” refers to Les’ habit of parking next to bus stops and waiting for a rainy day.
True Fable
January 19th, 2009 at 2:45 am [Reply]

DtM Dennis attempts to menace Rana from Funky Winkerbean.
FC Now this is a confusing panel. Jeffy is backed up against the wall as if in abject horror, yet he wonders if today is peaceful or just boring. Peaceful or boring, for whom?
Canadian Zombie The Triangle Mouth of Horror gets an airing today.
FW And so begins the I Hate Her storyline.
GA I’m going to have to ditch this strip; there’s something morbidly disgusting about watching this slob stuff himself.
Luann Now WHY are they being so mean to her? It’s not like they are going to be repeatedly dunked into cold water for the sake of THEIR friend going to DC. Honestly, Evans: your so-called ‘heroine’ and her sidekick are two of the biggest bitches in the history of Ever.
True Fable
January 19th, 2009 at 2:46 am [Reply]

JP I knew there’d be a Sam angle here somewhere. The question is, how good a shot is she?
Donald the Anarchist
January 19th, 2009 at 2:48 am [Reply]

SlFx I wonder how many bears are terrifiedby bats. Not many, I’d guess. Because bears are not a “superstitious, cowardly lot.”

FW Yes Les, you probably COULD volunteer for laundry detail, but everyone would know why.
True Fable
January 19th, 2009 at 2:51 am [Reply]

MT WILL Mark and Cherry spill the beans about the deer? WILL Patty be able to give up on her forbidden love for a woodland creature? WILL someone explain why Ken doesn’t have facial hair? WILL Cherry be able to get her money back on that eye-stabbing electric blue fringed leather jacket?

WILL Frank Miller agree to take over artwork & story on Mark Trail? “THIS….IS… LOST FOREST!”
Mr. O'Malley
January 19th, 2009 at 4:04 am [Reply]

Here you go … those people who were talking about teaching babies to sing oldies … Pluggers! (Houston Chronicle is not working tonight?)

What do you think … “Get a Job” or “Kiss Him Goodbye”?
Mr. O'Malley
January 19th, 2009 at 4:12 am [Reply]

I haven’t been following the latest Brenda Starr story—something about getting lost in the desert? But today … Wow!.
Zooby
January 19th, 2009 at 4:46 am [Reply]

Is it just me, or does Hi and Lois have a weird, Revolutionary Road vibe going on lately? Just me? Fine. I’ll prove it. Here’s a version I made that I feel captures this strip’s true essence.
Simon
January 19th, 2009 at 4:55 am [Reply]

MW: I suspect Frank is disguised as a mechanic. He managed to fool Greg with the same outfit so why not?
MT: Looks like little Bucky is working his sly magic on Cherry as well. Has this deer no shame?
Joe the Plugger
January 19th, 2009 at 5:04 am [Reply]

9CL: Why is the cameraman holding a slide projector to his head?

How can the characters watch a cello competition on the Internet in a strip that (today confirms) is set in the 1950s? (An “honest woman of your daughter”? Really? Has anyone used that expression without irony since the British Invasion?)

In what universe do the TMZ cameras follow around the Mother of a Woman Who Played Piano For a Guy Who Performed in a Cello Competition In Belgium? Are we so starved for celebrity gossip?

Why is she attacking the cameraman and not the questioner?

In panel 3, WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY HAS SHRUNK HER RIGHT HAND?!

(Just think. If he hadn’t missed his deadline, we would have had an extra week of life to ponder these unanswerable questions…)
Continental Op
January 19th, 2009 at 5:12 am [Reply]

Am I severely confused, or is Slylock’s right arm featuring a left hand in this strip? Is this the beginning of another of Count Weirdly’s mildly dastardly plots?

Also, shades of “Rikki-Tikki-Tavi”…
Wangdoodle
January 19th, 2009 at 5:13 am [Reply]

I have one word for our friend Mallard: anthrax, punk.

“Vigilance.” Heh. That’s actually funny, albeit unintentionally. I seem to recall a debate in which one guy promised to make US ports secure from attack, and the other guy (who, as noted by Mallard himself on several occasions, has had no problem with pissing away other people’s money) asked, “how does he propose to pay for it?”
James
January 19th, 2009 at 5:30 am [Reply]

ratiocination? I just learned that word in The Economist’s article on George Bush. Josh reads the Economist?
Baka Gaijin
January 19th, 2009 at 5:46 am [Reply]

Monday’s Strips:

Luann: I knew it! Yester-yester-yester-yesterthread (Jan 15), #274:

Hmmm. A dunking booth in January? Hmmm. 16 year old cheerleader. Hmmm. Nippletastic!

Luann, et al, if you really want to pull in the bucks, call the local Harley club. Everyone in the school will be able to fly first class to Washington and buy their very own congressman!

Dilbert: Great way to cross–sell your new website.
One-eyed Wolfdog
January 19th, 2009 at 8:41 am [Reply]

Anyone who even thinks about commenting on today’s MT: YHBT. HAND. SIGNED JE.
One-eyed Wolfdog
January 19th, 2009 at 8:57 am [Reply]

Marvin: I, too, am designing a site with the toddlers of the Marvinverse in mind. I call it GlūTrap. It’s very Web 2.0. It works via the undocumented (and, obviously, rarely needed) SlowPanickyDeathHTTPRequest API. Small obnoxious heavy-lidded wisecracking children log in, but they never etc. etc.
Muddtallica
January 19th, 2009 at 9:06 am [Reply]

So even Josh is choosing to ignore the AJGLU-3000 call-out in panel 1 of yesterday’s Archie? Sorry to keep banging on about this, but it seems highly dangerous; the hive mind is trying to communicate with us, people! Don’t ignore the warning signs!
AeroSquid
January 19th, 2009 at 9:16 am [Reply]

Curtis: O Curtis ! You really didn’t think your plan through, did you ! Sure, your folks might believe you are at Gunks for an evening of Flyspeck Island magic, but you didn’t take into account that little innocent Barry has been reported missing and his face has been plastered all over the news and Amber Alerts. Of course your parents will try to contact you at Gunk’s to see if you know where he is at. Hahaha ! Boy, is your but gonna hurt !
Baka Gaijin
January 19th, 2009 at 9:17 am [Reply]

#44 Muddtallica: Thanks for the linkl Until you posted that it yesterthread, I didn’t see that comic at the Chron site. It was a 3-panel black and white suckfest instead.
AeroSquid
January 19th, 2009 at 9:41 am [Reply]

Luann: Correct me if I’m wrong, but dunking a bikini-clad 16 year old girl in a tank of cold water on school grounds is illegal…right ? RIGHT ?
kalki
January 19th, 2009 at 9:42 am [Reply]

9CL: Get over yourself, Juliette. You raised a slut.

Archie: “Don’t you see, Daddy? Usually, Archie uses my front or back door, but this time he used the side door. Get it? By front door, I mean my vagina and by back door, I mean my anus. Isn’t Archie cute, Daddy?”

Baldo: Well, Baldo actually works a job conscientiously which makes him stand out from most of his generation.

Beetle: Sarge forgot to draw his foot up Beetle’s ass.

Blondie: Dagwood really is worried for nothing. By the way Blondie is standing, she just got the family the usual discount from contractors and is trying to keep the semen from running down her legs and dripping on the carpet.

Crank: Yeah, that’s how my neighbors operate too.

DTM: “Shut up, bitches. I’ve seen vaginas before. When Mom has a few at home, she falls asleep and nothing wakes her up. So there!”

CircusJerk: Jeffy is just feeling the malaise of wearing a purple shirt and standing on a pink carpet.

FW: Summer better get used to having balls slammed in her face. Ok…I went for the easy kill. It’s Monday.

Hi/Lois: Try flipping him off.

GA: “Nah. What I meant was that Slim was eating a camel’s hump and it’s all fat. I figure it keeps him regular.”

Luann: oooo so tomorrow we find out that Tiffany forgot her bikini under her robe and Greg gets to draw some hard nipples from exposure to cold water? Do the editors mind you turning in sticky pages there, Greg?
Baka Gaijin
January 19th, 2009 at 9:43 am [Reply]

#47 AeroSquid: It makes as much sense as denying one student a trip to Washington, DC, because someone forgot to budget for fuel surcharges.
Cranky
January 19th, 2009 at 9:44 am [Reply]

Re: AJGLU 3000

The alleged human “authors” of Archie form a diabolical anagram!

Henry Scardelli Craig Boldman =
A Bland Old Archie Clings Merry
AeroSquid
January 19th, 2009 at 9:55 am [Reply]

#49 Baka Gaijin: I’m thinking Curtis rifled through his dad’s wallet for enough fundage to make the trip from Baltimore to DC.

Cost of ’round trip’ to the inauguration: $74.95 pltx.

Feeding Barry enough of Mom’s Prozac to keep him compliant: Free.

Convincing Gunk to morph into a replica of Curtis & Barry when confronted: Sacrificing a small albino hamster from Flyspeck island.

Watching Curtis being dragged home by the Secret Service and tossed out of a heavily armored Black Hummer so he can get his butt whooped: PRICELESS !
UncleJeff
January 19th, 2009 at 10:01 am [Reply]

ReFOOB: And on today’s episode, St. Michael shoves his hand up Farley’s ass. He finds pieces of gold that he distributes to the poor.
Foolkiller
January 19th, 2009 at 10:03 am [Reply]

ANDY CAPP is an exhibitionist and his wife enables him by taking pictures of it.

THE FUSCO BROTHERS may be one of the worst drawn comics ever. No one ever has any idea what the other is doing as signified daily by the enormous question marks or exclamation points.
Brick Bradford
January 19th, 2009 at 10:08 am [Reply]

SM Spidey is about to be done in by the most fearful foe of all–BUGEYES! That is the most crazed looking kid I’ve seen in some time.

9CL Oh man, now you’ve done it! You’ve unleashed DARK JULIETTE. The whole cosmos is about to be toast and everyone is blaming you!

Phantom–Hail, the stripey butt messiah!

MW Gad, Lynn’s problem is an overbearing, meddling father, so who does she turn to as an alternative?

DT It’s gonna be a long, strange night at the Tracy’s.
Brick Bradford
January 19th, 2009 at 10:11 am [Reply]

Oops–forgot a couple.
MT Yeah, he remembers them and he doesn’t seem any too happy about it. Must have been the unfortunate events at the last key party.

JP I can see the end of this already. Sam calls in a favor and Det. Leatherpants from Phoenix comes and puts a stop to this prosecution with a hail of bullets at the next PTA meeting.
Hibbleton
January 19th, 2009 at 10:23 am [Reply]

Ratiocination: Nice one, Josh. A shoutout to Poe fans on the anniversary of his birth.
Amateur
January 19th, 2009 at 10:26 am [Reply]

#36: Mechanic? Nah, I’m guessing Zamboni driver. That way he can run over all Lynn’s competitors.
papa zita
January 19th, 2009 at 10:26 am [Reply]

9CL: “make an honest woman”? I don’t think I’ve heard that phrase used except as a joke in my lifetime, and only in the context of hillbilly talk. Wouldn’t it just be easier to ask “Are the two going to marry after having public sex on the internet?”. Also, why would she assault the cameraman? He’s just there to shoot the pictures, he didn’t ask the question. He probably thought the question was as stupid as I did. This is almost a Slylock Fox spot-the-errors strip.
Islamorada Girl
January 19th, 2009 at 10:26 am [Reply]

Mark Trail: French farce, featuring a deer as the Other Man.
Hilarity ensues.
AMC
January 19th, 2009 at 10:27 am [Reply]

MT I’m confused. Patty’s husband Ken looks as bad as a man can look, without a mustache. Does this mean he gets rehabilitated instead of punched?

JP Poor Sophie. I wonder if she knows a good lawyer?
Sequitur
January 19th, 2009 at 10:30 am [Reply]

MT: Ha! The villian does not have a mustache! Jack Elrod is saying, “Take that you profilers of Mark Trail!”
AhClem
January 19th, 2009 at 10:31 am [Reply]

JP – When Sam gets home and finds out about Sophie’s dilemma, he turns ashen when he realizes that he may actually have to do some … (gulp) … you know, actual LAWYERING. He will run screaming back to the airport, fly back to Tucson, find detective Heidi and beg for asylum. Being stalked by murderous strippers, even attractive ones, is a much better fate that spending a day at the office doing real work.
Steven
January 19th, 2009 at 10:38 am [Reply]

In Luann—- Given Tiffany’s personality and the fact they actually have ice in that water, I expect a land office business. If I had her in my class, I would gladly pay $40 for the opportunity to dunk her. They may make enough money on this gig to buy out Citi Bank.

9CL has taken stupid to another dimension. Who talks like that anymore? She has been seen doing sex with Amos all over the world and her mom is cool until someone threatens the poor girl with marriage? And then she gets bent out of shape?

I think the problem with FW, is he has been reading the 9CL story line, and is still old fashioned enough to make sure daughter moves out before she makes yet a third angst driven Winkerbean generation. Too paraphrase OW Holmes, three generations of Winkerbeans is enough. Time to have her tubes tied, dad.
AeroSquid
January 19th, 2009 at 10:47 am [Reply]

FBOFW: Michael discovers his dad’s ‘Special’ file.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3363/3209078271_7bec1405c8_o.jpg
Death to the FOOBS!
January 19th, 2009 at 10:53 am [Reply]

Anybody ever actually look at the blog under the 9CL strip? These people love the work and make completely serious, un-ironic remarks about the hilarious and trenchant social commentary provided by the strip. By 9CL!

This is either very deeply sarcastic or just appalling…

http://comics.com/9_chickweed_lane/2009-01-19/
un malpaso
January 19th, 2009 at 10:54 am [Reply]

re: Slylock
OK, so what the hell was Max doing, WASHING the lugnuts in the river??? Was that his pleasantly pre-school way of “HELPING OUT” with a flat?

(Notice I didn’t make an obvious joke about Max “washing his nuts in the river.” That’s because that water looks COLD, and it scares me to think about it.)
These Strange Worlds
January 19th, 2009 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Mark Trail

Is it even possible to hide the fact that you let an undiapered deer wander around the house?

Somehow I’m reminded of the old “I found my wife in bed with my best friend” joke.

You know, the one that starts, “So I came home early and found my wife in bed with my best friend”

and ends

“And after I kicked her out, I turned to my best friend and said… as for you: bad dog. bad dog.”
Paperback Rifler
January 19th, 2009 at 11:01 am [Reply]

Phantom: Wait, so has the story already moved on from the “Croccos Hate Poachers” plot of the last couple of weeks? I hope there’s more to it, because otherwise, all that the story has done is successfully build up to a whimper rather than a bang. (“Poachers catch crocodile-man; crocodile-man escapes poachers; Mori tribesmen catch poachers; Phantom arrives just in time to smirk at the already captured poachers; the end!”)

It’s too bad that the Croccos were woefully underutilized; heck, I suspect that they might even be able to carry their own strip. I just tried to test that hypothesis, and Voilà!*

*In the Mori tongue!
One-eyed Wolfdog
January 19th, 2009 at 11:03 am [Reply]

Prickly City – please for heaven’s sake avoid gags that require the likeness of a famous person that you can’t draw, which – as you clearly know, but I will spell out for you – means anyone whatsoever except for your special friend Mr. Scribble who, since he constitutes your entire cast of characters in the first place, is not eligible for the role of special celebrity guest. Thank you in advance.

Also please avoid drawing your comic entirely if this is possible. TYIA again.
buckyswife
January 19th, 2009 at 11:04 am [Reply]

54 Brick Bradford: Yes. That “child” is more frightening than any other SpiderMan villain: the huge, gnome-like head; the maniacal grin; the bulging eyes; the long, clawed fingers…. shudder…. He’ll be giving me nightmares for weeks–and I actually pity Spidey waking up to that hideous face with its rictus grin.

Sadly, despite the creature’s inherent horror, the SM auteurs would still give him a lame name–say, “Kiddo.”

MT: Check out that look of testosterone-fueled intensity on Mark’s face in the final panel! I think that ol’ Jack has pretty clearly conveyed our plot’s conflict. It’s only a matter of time before these two burly bucks are fist-bumping–as in, Mark’s fist bumping into Scowlin’ Ken’s face.

Meanwhile, Patty’s hooved paramour scoots out the back door, as if they’re in some bad Desperate Housewives episode.
These Strange Worlds
January 19th, 2009 at 11:05 am [Reply]

JP

I’m not a lawyer but I read about one in the comics.

So how do you sue a minor for assault? And assuming you win, how do you collect damages?

Or is mom planning on suing the school for negligence?

Actually, down here in Texas, slapping somebody would probably get you suspended.

Putting glue on somebody’s chair would probably set off “no tolerence” and get you a quick trip to the alternative ed facility.

Either one would get you kicked off the cheerleader’s squad and/or the “Brats concerned about global warming” club.
CanuckDownSouth
January 19th, 2009 at 11:13 am [Reply]

Is it just the chron site, or is Between Friends‘ dialogue screwed up in the last panel? A slice of what had to be censored out? It’s not an edgy strip, so I figure incompetence.
One-eyed Wolfdog
January 19th, 2009 at 11:19 am [Reply]

The dialogue in the last panel of Between Friends happens right to left. So: “I want a sandwich (OK) with a chocolate milk (OK) and a slice of ‘will you make it for me’ (I think we’re out of that)”
One-eyed Wolfdog
January 19th, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

(The no-dialogue panel 3 is just a beat where he’s hoping she’ll pick up on the fact he wants her to make it for him. If there’s incompetence here, and there almost certainly is, it’s in the fact that the kid (I assume) looks exactly like an adult who should make his own damned sandwich and should know that.)

In the missing panel 5, however, we all know what follows: “SUDO make me a sandwich!”
CanuckDownSouth
January 19th, 2009 at 11:29 am [Reply]

No, it wasn’t the 3rd-panel beat that threw me, it was that without the quotes you put in “with a slice of will you make it for me” made no sense as a phrase. I’m hardly perfect at punctuation, but there are times I want a copy of Lynne Truss’ book delivered to every writer in the world.
One-eyed Wolfdog
January 19th, 2009 at 11:35 am [Reply]

Yeah, I don’t know, inserting phrases where a noun is expected like that is pretty colloquial these days. It’s no weirder than suggesting out that the whole strip is like a ham and suck sandwich with a slice of fail, and personally, I think if you start putting quotes around everything term or construction coined later than 1950 then you run the risk of becoming Curtis, and nobody want that.
One-eyed Wolfdog
January 19th, 2009 at 11:36 am [Reply]

(Some of you clever grammar hounds may have noticed a few subtle errors in that last comment at number 76; feel free to award yourself gold stars and write a letter to your third grade teacher.)
Calico
January 19th, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

#6 – Sly should be at the skating rink with Lynn and Biddy, then.
Notice how I include Mary in that wish/sentence.

FOOB – Mike is a big fan of the Farrelly brothers.
Calico
January 19th, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

#59 – Amour Fou / A Mo Fo!
Calico
January 19th, 2009 at 11:46 am [Reply]

#33 – Even though they are Pluggers, I implore them to please keep the kid away from Gary Glitter.
gleeb
January 19th, 2009 at 11:47 am [Reply]

Pigborn: I dunno, that your creator doesn’t know when to stop? That he gets off on fairy torture porn? Those other drawings of you in the notebook he doesn’t show people?

Pooch Cafe: Amusingly acknowledging that the main character has not been home in a couple weeks. And I hope we never hear about that limo again. There are some things it’s possible to leave as loose ends, right McDowner?

9CL: This is why she became a vet. She doesn’t understand figurative speech, even if it is somewhat old-fashioned and rather sexist.

A3G: Margo’s just dying to be asked about her evening so she can brag of her burglary.

Jim Henson’s Tank McNamara Babies: A cruelly accurate parody of Mary Worth in today’s Cleats.

’shaft: Ed’s an asshole who lives next door to another asshole.

‘bean: Yay! It’s not the Frog Princess! Also, if Johnny Hart had drawn this, would people claim he was making a disparaging remark about Islam?

Sophie Driver, JD: An actual legal issue in Judge Parker! We may even see the inside of a courtroom on this one!

Mark: “Yeah, I remember those deer-loving freaks. Glad I don’t have to put up with that in this family.”

Phantom: “Hi! Thanks for for catching those poachers for me!”

Rex: Meanwhile, dinner grows cold, and Second Officer Tomas’ heart is broken. He thought they cared and would appreciate his hard work.

Slylock: He probably wasted time feeling all the car hoods for the warm one, instead of asking the helpful bear-person who lives on the second floor.

Zippy: So, did the producers of the upcoming movie pay Griffy, or is he just licking their boots to ingratiate himself, hoping to revive the chances of a Zippy teevee deal?
Sequitur
January 19th, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

Between Friends: I think the guy’s crusing for a whole can of whoop ass. (Sorry. That’s the most overused and trite phrase in the English language right next to “Whazup?!”
gleeb
January 19th, 2009 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

82: “Cruising for” or “can of whoop ass”?
Sequitur
January 19th, 2009 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

83: Take your choice. To quote Marty Feldman, “I’m easy.”
Darkefang
January 19th, 2009 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

A3G: “Gee, nice first date banter.”

Gee Margo, how’s the cover-up for your not-quite-fiancee’s drug dealing going?

DT: For once, Dick gets to ironically murder the criminal in the comfort of his own home.

JP: Wilson & Barreto seem to have hit upon a magical formula for selling newspapers: Woman on woman violence.

Luann: In what decade is this strip set, anyway? Out of these three girls we have a pageboy haircut, a Farrah Fawcett haircut and a spiral perm. They just need a friend with a beehive and another with a victory roll and it’ll be the most chronologically-confused high school in comic strip history.
Foobar
January 19th, 2009 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

Can someone explain today’s Hagar the Horrible?
dougrogers
January 19th, 2009 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

Shylock Fox Next (unseen) panel

Max Mouse after being beaten about the head with the lug wrench is himself attached to the wheel as the vehicle careens down the road, one un-nutted wheel bolt held in each of his feet, paws and teeth.
Foobar
January 19th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

Longtime readers may recognize the influence of “They’ll Do It Everytime” on Hi’s ramblings.
troy macgregor
January 19th, 2009 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

#69- I believe Stantis stopped trying to draw caricatures of people in Prickly City when about four years ago he tried drawing Howard Dean and it wound up looking like Ted Kennedy. Judging by today’s comic, someone apparently put a “Martin Luther King Jr.” plaque under a statue of John Madden by mistake.
queek
January 19th, 2009 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

Speedbump is made of win today.

Pibgorn ooo, fanservicey.

FW: catfight in 3, 2, 1. . . .

GF: one of the better ones in quite a while.

MC: make-up sex in 3, 2, 1. . . .(meanwhile, Jamus slips out the back door like a buck in velvet)

Lio: ooooooo, burn!

RwO: a pun worthy of FOOB.
queek
January 19th, 2009 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

86: fur-coat guy hung up his coat on Hagar’s horned helmet.

rollicking on the floor laughing now?
buckyswife
January 19th, 2009 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

88 Foobar: Hagar meant for him to toss the coat off to the side; now Hagar is himself incapacitated by the coat–plus, the guy hung it on his horn. Get it? Get it? Um…. yeah….
One-eyed Wolfdog
January 19th, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

Also: They’re VIKINGS. Instant humor.
AeroSquid
January 19th, 2009 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

Curtis goes to DC:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3085/3209342557_045d88d2fc_o.jpg
Master Softheart
January 19th, 2009 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

9CL: Tonight only! Juliette Burber performs the famous “Celeste” skit from her one-woman show. Reviewers were disappointed at her interpretive script change to set up the scene with “I’ll make an honest woman of you, missy!” rather than the classic dialog.

JP: Um, you’re going to press charges? Against a minor? When your daughter is completely uninjured? After the school guidance counselor has already seen them apologize and make nice? Against your daughter’s best friend since childhood (well, younger childhood, anyway)? When the minor is the daughter of the best lawyer in whatever Connecticut horse-country exurb this is? Who is family friends with the hereditary clan of judges who dispense Solomonic justice for this entire unspecified region? And all to accomplish what – jeopardizing Sophie’s 7th Grade early admission to Harvard?

Yeah, good luck with that. Can I be excused from this Judge Parker plotline? I’ll come back when something dramatic happens, like Steve going to the “Pimp My Gimp” guy who customized BD’s prosthetic leg in Doonesbury.

Phantom: “This is the Phantom’s Narration Box! I’m feeling a bit underutilized recently, so I thought I’d show up and remind people of the premise of the comic. You know, I thank the spirit of Lee Falk every day that I don’t have to come in here and talk about some loser being bitten by a radioactive spider…”

Yester-Phantom: So, when did the Bandar start a summer program for troubled city youth? Is this part of
President Luaga’s stimulus program?

FW: Hmmm… apparently now that Sophie’s tasted blood, she will be difficult to keep from further violence. I’m not sure what Summer did to piss her off, but if Sophie wants to go on a cross-comic beatdown of annoying high school girls, she should start in “Luann.” Man, that would be a great plotline.

RMMD: There is a point where “building tension” drives off the cliff of drama at high speed and crashes in a Jack Daniels soaked wreck among the rocks of “is this actually going anywhere?” I submit that the fourth week of Samuel Beckett’s “Waiting for Donut-Boy” comes close to that point.

Peanuts: Ted and Sally Forth, take notes. This is how a married couple acts out their Freudian psychological problems. Repression, projection, and possibly reaction formation. If Charles Schulz had drawn the Lockhorns, it would have been the greatest comic in history.
Wolf Shepherd
January 19th, 2009 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

86 Foobar – He took his coat off as requested, but where to put it? Ah, there’s a coat rack. I’ll hang it there. Now, where is that guy I was going to fight?

ROFLMAO
brooklyn codger
January 19th, 2009 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

Re Spider Man. Have you seen this? JJJ is his scleretic self – via Twitter.

http://twitter.com/jjonahjameson

Makes me laugh.
cheech wizard
January 19th, 2009 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

Archie – Archie finally learns that he has to use the servant’s entrance when he comes over to service Veronica.

FC – This is why Bil Keane retains creative control over the strip, so he can veto captions dredged up from Jeff’s subconscious. Too bad we’ll never know what the original was today, but I’ll bet it included the words “Mommy” and “knife.”

FOOB – Today, Michael gives Farley a shampoo enema. Tomorrow, the dog farts bubbles. Good, clean Canadian fun.

Big Dog – They may look like birds, but to Marmaduke they bear the faces of his human victims, incessantly twittering their accusations of murder and dismemberment.

MW – With her father absent from the scene, Dawn is free to perform her routine without inhibition, which hopefully means nudity will be involved.

MT – Oh, I get it! Her husband comes home and she has to sneak the “buck” she’s been seeing out the back door! Hah! It’s all about the subtext! Maybe tomorrow we’ll get a giant beaver while Cherry is talking in the background! What fun!

FW – No problem – Summer doesn’t get by on her looks anyway.

RMMD – The little boy is called a “powder monkey” – and you’ll learn why he’s there when the rival cruise liner from Carnival pulls alongside and rips your decks with grapeshot.

JP – Oh, this is smart – you’re going to sue the stepdaughter of the wealthiest and most powerful woman in the county, who’s married to an attorney whose cases just magically seem to solve themselves without any real lawyering on his part and who’s best buds with the father and son who have a stranglehold on the judgeship in this corrupt little town. You know, lady, it will only take a couple of phone calls to a savvy Indian tech adviser and his boat-wrestling heavy to make you disappear like a few bags of missing horse feed. Why don’t you quit while you’re ahead?
AeroSquid
January 19th, 2009 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

FC: Jeffy is out of time !

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3321/3210284682_8539913bc5_o.jpg
Poteet
January 19th, 2009 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

# 37 Joe — Thanks for your cogent analysis. After I lifted my lower jaw off the floor, all I could do was sputter.
Poteet
January 19th, 2009 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

# 100 — At 9CL, not your comment. Sorry.
AeroSquid
January 19th, 2009 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

FW: Nice !

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3390/3209489495_e00e0c204c_o.jpg
Motorposus
January 19th, 2009 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

My dear friends, thank you so much for helping strike a blow for truth, justice, and outrageous cleavage. Judge Parker will return to Atlanta’s once glorious newspaper, having garnered the second highest number of votes in the online poll.

The overwhelming first choice of voters was Kevin and Kell.

Mary Worth and Mark Trail have been banished. But rejoice: they were not the least popular of the least popular. Ink Pen won that title, even with Cathy in the running. There ain’t no accounting for taste!
Second Lensman
January 19th, 2009 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

I haven’t read all the responses but since when do spare tires have lug nuts?
True Fable
January 19th, 2009 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

#103 Motorposus – *does victory dance!* The power of blunt force ‘Mudgeon is a power indeed~!
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
January 19th, 2009 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

103 — I thought Kevin and Kell was an online-only strip. Or is Holbrook moving to the papers?
Niall
January 19th, 2009 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

103. Motorposus: What? Kevin and Kell is now available as a syndicated newspaper comic?? I know Hollbrook has two actually syndicated strips under his belt, but I always felt K&K was pure webcomic – certainly one needs to read a lot of background to get any of the premise! Well, premises. There’s a ton of backstory to anyone in there. I backed out at the sentient viruses, though.
cheech wizard
January 19th, 2009 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

SF – Huh. My guess was going to be that Slylock would use the hubcap and tire iron as a mortar and pestle to mash Max into an adhesive paste that would hold the tire on until he could reach a service station. I never even considered the lug nuts on the other wheels.
Niall
January 19th, 2009 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

106. Al: Safe Havens and On The Fastrack are Hollbrook’s syndicated strips; so he actually started from the papers and moved online…
These Strange Worlds
January 19th, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

103 & 107

Kevin & Kell

Here’s what the master himself says at:

http://www.kevinandkell.com/

In “It’s a Wonderful Life,” George Bailey is astonished by the outpouring of support that he receives from the citizens of Bedford Falls. I find myself in a similar state of mind as the readers of “Kevin & Kell” have pitched in to return the strip to The Atlanta Journal Constitution comics page, effective Monday.

Words cannot express my gratitude for your votes in the paper’s poll. The strip has always relied on its readers to continue, never more so than in this case. This victory is entirely your own.

I’d like to also thank folks such as Tom Smith and Randy Milholland for spreading the word about my situation, and to all those who participated. Terrence and Isabel Marks, who color “Kevin & Kell,” also kept their readers updated.

In the end this was an example of the power of the online world’s ability for people to come together and create a community. Again, I thank each and every one of you out there.

Meanwhile, I leave Tuesday night to fly out to California. On January 21 I’ll be making an appearance at the Charles Schulz Museum in Santa Rosa CA. For info, go to their site and click on “Education and Programs” and then “Special Programs.”

I have a day off on Thursday, and then from Jan. 23 to 25, I’ll be at Further Confusion in San Jose, where I can be found in the dealers room at Table 81. I’ll have the full complement of “Kevin & Kell” books and merchandise, and I’ll have three items that I didn’t have last January: “Historic Kevin & Kell,” “Pregnant Paws” and “Origin of the Species.”

It’ll be a celebration!
Whippersnapper
January 19th, 2009 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

MW: I know that if I was a skater, nothing would put me at ease for a big performance like having Mary Worth glowering at me rinkside.
dale
January 19th, 2009 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

Luann

Prediction: The first time Tiffany hits the cold water, she quits. Luann and Bernice then fight about who gets to/has to replace Tiffany.

Aside from all the other problems in the story line, their business model is flawed. The only people who would pay to drop Tiffany into the water are some of the other girls. The guys will just stand around and watch for free.

Also, if there are only 30 people in the senior class, there can’t be more than about 175 in the whole school. So who’s going to show up and pay for this event?
Andy
January 19th, 2009 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

Is it just me, or does Amos of 9CL bear an uncanny resemblance to the grandmother in Baldo?
Paul K
January 19th, 2009 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

Does anyone know what happened to For Better or Worse in the Philadelphia Inquirer? I noticed today it’s just gone, and they didn’t even replace it with anything…there is just one less strip.
AeroSquid
January 19th, 2009 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

#114 Paul K: Today’s dog fisting installment was the last straw.
Wolf Shepherd
January 19th, 2009 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

104 – You are correct, of course… spare tires do not come with lug nuts. But right rear tires do, and when a right rear tire goes flat, any and all claims to said lug nuts are immediately forfeited to the spare tire. I hope this helps clarify what many consider to be a confusing custodial chain.
Batman Beatles
January 19th, 2009 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

MW – Lynn has turned into a pinhead.
bats :[
January 19th, 2009 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

35. Zooby: definitely a Revolutionary Road vibe. Things could only get better if a feature film of Hi&Lois were in the works, and De Caprio and Winslet would be cast.
With our luck, it’ll be Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson (because the studio execs think H&L is a COMEDY!).

54. Brick Bradford re Phantom: somehow it seems to me that Kit ought to be riding alongside the COTW float, waving to the crowd and blowing kisses.

FC: I am so, so sorry. This was honestly the first thing I thought of, looking at today’s panel.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3210671234/
Motorposus
January 19th, 2009 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

The AJC ran Fastrack back in the 80s, I think. And it seems like Hollbrook had some sort of relationship with the paper back then. A staff artist, maybe? Perhaps the fact that it is the only paper to run Kevin & Kell means that the AJC is still (or was until recently) capable of looking out for its people.

Unless those people happen to be Jack Elrod. *sob*
donna
January 19th, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

FBOFW: Is Mike FISTING the dog? Seriously, how did this make it past the editors?
CanuckDownSouth
January 19th, 2009 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

#120-donna, His hand is supposed to be behind Farley, mirroring the left one. If LJ had thought of drawing Mike still brushing, or standing and laughing, holding his sides, or pointing – instead of done but just kneeling there gawping – there wouldn’t be this issue.

Which I never would have thought of before frequenting this blog. A small price to pay for the snark :-)
Wolf Shepherd
January 19th, 2009 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

118 Bats :[ You are so bad! It’s probably due to all of the talk about Farley and fisting.
Zooby
January 19th, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

118. Bats:

It’s perfect, right? Hi and Lois already appear to hate and resent each other. Next up: Revolutionary Road dialogue. “Oh, are you going to hit me now? Prove that you’re a man?” “Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? You’re a harpy, Lois! Queeeeeeen of the harpies!”
bats :[
January 19th, 2009 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

Oh, I get it now!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3210727698/sizes/o/

And just because it’s a holiday Monday, time for more holiday cruise excitement!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3208327287/sizes/o/
gh
January 19th, 2009 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

#118 bats :[ –

You should be sorry.

#124 bats :[ –

All is forgiven.
Dingo
January 19th, 2009 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

On October 12, 2008, Ian Cameron came home with a deluxe paper shredder as a gift for his addle-brained trophy wife, Toby. On October 13, 2008, Mary Worth and Dr. Jeff “Tickle My Balls With Your Finger” Cory sat on the couch watching televison and saw Frank Griffin give an interview. October frickin’ 13th! It has been fourteen weeks and Lynn has yet to skate in the competition or find out that her boyfriend is actually alive and living under an assumed name in Paraguay.
sugarpie
January 19th, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

#124 Bbbbbbaaaaattts:[ I’m your love (boat) slave for life!
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
January 19th, 2009 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

Niall — I actually love Safe Havens and On The Fastrack; they have long been my favorites. I’ve never been consistent about reading Kevin and Kell, though. I regret that none of Holbrook’s work gets enough mention here (straight or snark).
True Fable
January 19th, 2009 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

#110 These Strange Worlds – GOAT!!! GOAT in Kevin and Kell!!
I can’t believe no one commented on that! What, do you think goat appearances just happen?!?

well okay they do, but still.
Jumper
January 19th, 2009 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

“Get some fluids.” If there was hydrogen in our air, would we need to drink water? After all, SOME of it would oxidize…
Poteet
January 19th, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

# 108 cheech — The Poteet float, such as it is, welcomes you aboard for that one.
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 19th, 2009 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

1/19

FW: Um, I don’t think you can do that.

DT: “… where everything smells like bourbon and gunpowder.”

S-M: “I’d like to unmask a better superhero, but who knows how long I’d have to wait for that.”

DtM: The lights are off in the ladies room. Makes me wonder if Dennis just walked in on a couple of chicks getting friendly with each other.

A3G: There are some days when Margo seems like the only sane person in New York. Those are scary days.

GT: If Kid Soulpatch there doesn’t recognize Gil’s preschool level reverse psychology, he’d better kick ass on the court.

FB: Soul of discretion? What have Fred and Jock been up to? And which was the bowler and which the wicket keeper, so to speak.

JP: The Botox has gotten into Loretta Swit’s brain via her bloodstream. She’s in a constant state of rage now.

RMMD: Why would the stowaway boy hide when friendly Doctor Morgan is… Oh, right.

M-Dawg: Nature takes her Hitchcockian revenge on the hellbeast.

Archie: I could say something about Veronica’s back door, but for now I’m going to pretend to be better than that.

GA: For the love of God and all that is holy! Someone please end this!

MC: I love Rex. He’s so awful you have to.

Luann: Cold water? Should make for a nipple-riffic show when Tiff gets dunked. These girls seem to know what they’re doing.

9CL: The whole point of Julia is that she’s a nasty woman who goes into berserker rages for any reason or no reason. That said, when is it a good idea to question anyone’s daughter’s honesty right to their face? On TV, yet.
AhClem
January 19th, 2009 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

#108 cheech wizard -
My God, you’re right!

If it works on hair, it’ll be great on wheel rims.
bats :[
January 19th, 2009 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

126. Dingo: you’re partially right about Lynn’s old boyfriend. However, he’s not living in Paraguay — he adopted the name Perry Gway (it’s an understandable mistake), and he still lives in Lynn’s home town.
If you can call it living.
He lives under the bleachers of the skating facility, obtaining nourishment from the junk food that falls through the cracks; this is supplimented by the uneaten meals that the female skaters routinely dump in the wastebaskets of the green room. As a result, Perry now weighs well over 300 pounds.
You might not think it’s much of a life, but on Those Special Nights, he can watch Lynn skate and know that they are still together.
Jesse C
January 19th, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

I hate Funky Winkerbean. I just flat out hate it. No other comic inspires such pure, carnal hatred. If Funky (may I call him that?) is this uptight about premarital sex, how many gaskets is that smug prick gonna blow when he realizes his lone-boy-on-the-women’s-basketball-team son is a homosexual?
sugarpie
January 19th, 2009 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

#135 Sorry bats:[ , it’s over. I’ve found someone else to love slave for-Jesse C
commodorejohn
January 19th, 2009 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

#8 Poteet – Insulting Tokyopop doesn’t mean you’re a Plugger. It means you have the basic ability to pick out slavish, unoriginal imitators of a popular style and deride them as they so richly deserve. No need to be ashamed of that.

9CL – I’ll admit, Edda is a jealous, whiny, conniving little self-important bitch, but I can’t think of a time when she was particularily dishonest. So I guess Juliet’s reaction is appropriate in the “Vulcans cannot lie” sense.

A3G – Oh, Margo. This is why we love you.

A.D. – Fun exercise: put the dialogue from today’s B.C. into today’s Mark Trail.

BrS – I hear ya, Basil.

BR – If the entire point of this storyline was to get Pam in a sleeveless shirt and suspenders, it was totally worth it.

Curtis – You know how sitcom characters will say something like “No, there’s no way you’re getting me in drag for the birthday party!” and then the camera will cut to them in drag and they’ll say “I can’t believe I’m in drag for the birthday party!” and a wacky music cue will play? That’s lazy, and it’s just as lazy in a comic strip. I mean, far be it from me to advocate that a comic be more like 9 Chickweed Lane’s drag-everything-out-to-six-weeks pacing, but how did we get from “I’m going to fool my mom” to “I fooled my mom and am now arriving in Washington on a bus” in the space of one strip?

FC – Jeffy confronts ennui. Ennui wins.

FW – Wow, the ball hit her so hard it took a chunk out of her head. That or the colorist screwed up.

GT – Guest starring Frank Griffin from Mary Worth.

JP – Oh, I was wondering how Wilson was going to take this potentially entertaining storyline and turn it into stultifying legal yammering.

Luann – My God, he’s really doing it. And of course the water’s cold, or people might wonder why her nipples were poking out when she finally gets dunked, but now it’s just accuracy in art, right? Right? No perversion whatsoever! How dare you imply that the protagonist is a dirty old man who gets off on sexily humiliating his bitchy-school-queen character!

MT – “Honey, why is there cud on your collar?”

MW – “Where is Frank?” you ask. Well, the truth is, he’s sitting in his car with the bottle of Johnny Walker Red that Mary gave him, looking at it and contemplating his total alienation from his daughter, wondering how much of the blame is his and how much is Mary’s. Does the bottle have the answer?

NAOQV – Hmm. Well, looks like Sungenis is willing to critique the new guy as well. I may not care much for The New Adventures Of Queen Victoria’s stabs at political commentary, but this is at least much better than the sycophantic fawning going on in Edison Lee and Curtis.

NS – Okay, whatever not-nice things I might have to say about this strip on other occasions, today’s strip was practically xkcd levels of awesome.

PBS – Ooh, this should be good.

Phantom – Oh good, we’re not abandoning the storyline after all. C’mon, crocco, rampage, rampage, rampage…

Pibgorn – Actually, Dru, compared to your role as outlet for Brooke’s violent, semi-rapey torture fantasies, being saved by a giant fly is positively dignified.

Popeye – FINALLY.

SM – I think you mean “stunned by water,” Mr. Narration Box…

WoI – Well, now we know exactly what the lead time on The Wizard Of Id is.
Uncle Lumpy
January 19th, 2009 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

#135 Jesse –

Hey, call him Funky if you like, but that’s actually Les “My Wife is Dead” Moore. Funky is the greying lump of cholesterol who runs the pizza parlor where Les works part-time: here they are together. And that’s his daughter Summer, straight tomboy, who went to Winterfest with Funky’s son Cory.
sugarpie
January 19th, 2009 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

#138 Ohhhh…you mean Jesse C was just a little turned around? I thought…

Hey bats:[ I’m really sorry! Take me back?
gh
January 19th, 2009 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

#134 bats :[ –

If he’s living under the bleachers, wouldn’t he have adopted the name Seymour Butts?
Carly
January 19th, 2009 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

“Take five and get some liquids”? Now that’s just weird. “Get a drink” or even “get some fluids” would sound more natural. And I don’t get the final punchline (is it even a punchline)? Anyway, I’m just wondering if the AJGLU is assimilating Funky Winkerbean now. Only I think it’s more probable that it has a beta machine, a sort of younger brother, called the Funky Cancer Generating Depression Unit.
Niall
January 19th, 2009 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

Hmm. I wanted to just try searching the last ten days’ worth of threads for a few key things, but I started reading the full threads. Darn you mudgeons for being so entertaining!

Angry Kem: You want a folk music store? Mosey on up to Ottawa for our Folklore Centre. They have autoharps.

Also, I have huge respect for musicians who can learn by ear. I can’t. I can whistle tunes from memory, I can hum and di-di-da the notes, but I can’t find them on any instrument. Put them on a staff, and I have no problem. In the same vein, I struggled learning irish folk dances until I learned the time signature for each, then they became a cinch. I’d be called an elitist by some; I call myself limited.

And… I don’t know much ’bout accordeons, but I do know that bagpipes can be tuned. A Toronto piper showed me how when he tuned his before his band’s show at a local pub. It was a revelation. Now I think military bagpipes are purposefully out of tune for some kind of “tradition” – perhaps linked to scaring evil spirits away. (Along with a portion of the population.) (…oh, the band’s name? Enter The Haggis. They’re doing a CD release party in Toronto – an extremely rare homefront gig – on St Pat’s itself. Should be a smash. I’d be there, but it’s a Tuesday.)

bats :[ : your wonderful mashups and rewrites are one major reason I’m going through much more slowly on the past posts. Missing even one of them is criminal! And since many of them are direct responses to something said on the thread, watching them out of context loses half the flavour.

This all typed while reading the “Destruction, for men” thread. Yes, I’m that far behind…
bats :[
January 19th, 2009 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

Motorposus: great news about the Return of the Sweaterpuppies! Less so about Mark Trail (but to be honest, I really like it best for its Sunday wildlife extravanzas), and I’m so. very. tired. of Mary Worth. Between the skate story and the phishing story, and a couple of previous ones, Mary is truly acting like a senior citizen, waiting for God.

AeroSquid: back in exquisite ~~fighting~~ mashing form, I see….YAY!!!

131. Poteet: you got a float?!? Dang! I figure I’m about at the level of those little cars that the Shriners drive around in formation during parades.
I do have two authentic fezzes, however (shhhhh!), both with soopoib long black tassels and one with a shiny shiny rhinestone pin in the shape of a saber.
Great. The Shriners are gonna come gunnin’ for me now…
One-eyed Wolfdog
January 19th, 2009 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

Among other useless “talents” I’m a minor specialist in delivering the Address To a Haggis at Burns Night suppers. Bagpipes, however, are wanton noise pollution.
One-eyed Wolfdog
January 19th, 2009 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

(And pipes can be tuned, just like any reed instrument, by positioning the reed further in or out, but they can’t really be put in tune with an ensemble of traditional orchestral / band instruments because – to be quite brief about it – their scale has a different length and temperament to accomodate the prominent overtones of the drones.)
commodorejohn
January 19th, 2009 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

I should probably be ashamed of myself for this.
Niall
January 19th, 2009 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

144 one-eyed wolfdog: bagpipes ushered in on a pub, usually at least a trio of them with the Big Ventral Drum, definitely is an abomination. They do make lovely indoor pipes these days. (A Canadian even invented “shuttle pipes” which can be played in an apartment without disturbing the neighbours…)

But a single set of bagpipes can be grand.
Niall
January 19th, 2009 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

145. one-eyed wolfdog: traditional marching band, heck no. Modern band, heck yes. Follow my previous link. Watching a kilted 40-odd old Glasgow native with shaved head playing Do Ya Think I’m Sexy on the bagpipes with electric guitar and bass backing him is quite funny. Then he launches into his 80s Medley. The band’s a hoot. LOL!

(sorry, but i had to)
Vince M
January 19th, 2009 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

GA: I just watched ‘Bye Bye Birdie’ on TCM last night and now I’m confused. Why does Dick Van Dyke not peel off his human face and reveal his hideous goblin visage? Guess the movie did take some liberties with the stage play.
One-eyed Wolfdog
January 19th, 2009 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

Sure, Niall, there’s also stuff like Eluveite, In Extremo, Subway to Sally… generally speaking, the more other stuff you have to cover up the pipes, the more satisfactory the result is. Doesn’t change the basic fact about how they’re tuned, though.
Revenge of Chesnut
January 19th, 2009 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

Seriously though, “get some liquids”? ANY liquid? Gatorade? Jolt Soda? Everclear? Nitrogen?

Coach is totally pulling a Herb & Jamaal. Apparently “water” would be too specific and/or make too much sense.
Jesse C
January 19th, 2009 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

#138 – LOL very enlightening, thank you.
Joe Blevins
January 19th, 2009 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

“Which of these is not a true bear?” THAT THING! THAT THING RIGHT THERE WITH THE VAMPIRE FANGS AND THE RUDOLPH NOSE! THAT’S NOT A TRUE BEAR! OH GOD WHAT IS THAT THING? WHAT DOES IT WANT FROM US? OH…… GOD…. NO….

(is that the correct answer?)
pyano
January 19th, 2009 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

This may just be the slashfic fangirl in me talking, but with the “girls cheering for girls”, Les scaring his daughter away from men, and the “sweaty bastketball rivalry” plotlines, I feel as if this can only go one way.
Mibbitmaker
January 19th, 2009 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

MT: Even though he’s named after Barbie’s boyfriend, Ken bears a striking resemblance to GI Joe. That cheekbone even looks kind of like Joe’s scar. Don’t get in … Ken’s…. way, Trail — he has kung fu grip!
Jesse C
January 19th, 2009 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

Man I can’t stop laughing now, I interpreted “Funky” as keeping a watchful eye on his teenage son to make sure he “waited” until marriage. Silly me!
Joe Blevins
January 19th, 2009 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

FW: Incidentally, if anyone were curious about what Les would look like if he’d been decapitated, there’s your answer in panel 1. Predictably yet frustratingly, he’s still smirking.
Jesse C
January 19th, 2009 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

#146, nicely done
Islamorada Girl
January 19th, 2009 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

79 Calico: C’est Feydou. Or “Noises Off” featuring Bambi in dinner theater. Can’t wait to see the deer hiding in the closet while Old Man Timberland storms around the house in a jealous rage.
Oo la la!
Talking Squirrel
January 19th, 2009 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

#61 Sequitur sez: “MT: Ha! The villian does not have a mustache! Jack Elrod is saying, “Take that you profilers of Mark Trail!”

Keep in mind — this is MT. By the time the plot has advanced to the point where the RFOJ is due to be unlimbered, they’ll be calling dude SpiderMouth !
Jamus The Bartender
January 19th, 2009 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

9CL: Okay, in that last panel, is Dr. Burber jumping into warp speed by way of the Speed Force, or is she just wailing on the cameraman?
Virginia
January 19th, 2009 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

MT: I think I read this storyline before…like 3 years ago. Who knew that Jackelrod took vacations?
Mooncattie
January 19th, 2009 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

MW – It’s quite clear that Lynn’s dad couldn’t coach a photocopier. However, I’d love to see an example of Frank hovering around the rink the way he usually does, especially if it featured him yelling at his daughter while driving a Zamboni. Yes, shouting until he was hoarse…That’s my daughter! I taught her everything she knows! Stop looking at that boy, sweetie! Jump HIGHER! SMILE at the judges dammit….like they never smiled at me……perhaps while swigging a bottle of Johnny Walker as he inevitably loses control of the ice-cleaning machine and steers into a fateful rendezvous with the oddly-placed and poorly-wired hockey scoreboard behind the north end…a Life Misconduct for not taking advice from Mary Worth!

I’d settle, though, for an inappropriate vocal appearance during the free skate that results in acquainting Lynn’s patootie with the rink surface on national television. And how bad is it when the alternate for your Coach is Mary Worth, whose only relationship with ice would be the cubes in her glass at Charterstone pool parties?
bats :[
January 19th, 2009 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

153. Joe Blevins: I think it’s a Wendigo.
Hank
January 19th, 2009 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

RE: 137. commodorejohn BR? What strip is initialed “BR”?
Mooncattie
January 19th, 2009 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

#137 commodorejohn – Ohmygosh, we’ve both given Frank that bottle of Johnny Walker!! Mary Worth should be like one of those Oldies radio stations that takes requests!
One-eyed Wolfdog
January 19th, 2009 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

#165 – Brewster Rockit.
sugarpie
January 19th, 2009 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

#156 Jesse. Though I never looked at Les’ neuroticism as leading to anything but repeated and inevitable youthful pregnancies (and tumors) for his daughter, your fresh eyes have helped me see the real arc a’comin. Thanks.

Its a much more likely scenario. And here I’ve been thinking it would be Hilary Forth grabbing the reins of the Chastity Bono fan club
Wangdoodle
January 19th, 2009 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

#165, 167: …AKA “Why Yes, I Love Futurama, Why?”
teddytoad
January 19th, 2009 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

Sunday’s Funky Winkerbean continued:

Guy: He’s mainly into ‘wait’ training.
Girl: Oh, so he’s into weight-lifting and stuff?
Guy: No, uh, I meant W-A-I-T training. It’s a pun.
Girl: Sorry, I don’t get it.
Guy: He’s trying to keep me from having sex after basketball practice.
Girl: Uhhh…
Guy: So it’s like, “wait to have sex”… “wait” training… you get it now?
Girl: Okay, yeah, I get it now.
Awkward silence.
Guy: It was a lame joke.
Girl: No, no, it’s fine. I just didn’t catch it.
Another awkward silence
Guy: So you do you want to get a bite to eat after practice?
Girl: Uhhh… no. No thanks.
Muffaroo
January 19th, 2009 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

1/17/09:

Dtracy – That’s no ordinary CIA agent! That’s actually Dick Tracy’s counterpart from the Jewish universe, Schelomo Tracy!

1/19/09:

9CL – I can hardly wait for the scene where Edda cures the entire orchestra of hiccups.

Crock – I’ve heard of [fashionable snobs], but this is ridiculous!

HtHorrible – Actually humorous!

Luann – And, uhm, you’ll be wearing that robe, right Tiff?

MFmore – Thanks for keeping us safe up until 9/10/2001 and from 9/12/2001 on, except for the anthrax and like that. Heckuva job, Bushie!

MTrail – “Hi, Ken! You’re home early. Oh, don’t step on the Raisinets!”

MWorth – WHERE’S FRANK? Is he disguised as “Dr. Hoo!”? Is he hiding behind the Moy & Giella box? Nope! He’s in plain sight, wearing a wig, a sensible brown dress, and one of Mary’s discarded skins.

NSeq – Two points to Wiley today.

PBSwine – One of them’s invisible.

Phantom – Coincidentally, the Mori tongue has no word for “skepticism.”

Pluggers – “…Hey-hey, goodbye!” (Mr. O’Malley @33 — Does this answer your question?)

Popeye – Have the Goon make sure he’s gone home. Bang-zoom, Alice! Straight to the moon!

R=R – Eek and Meek flashback: Eek gets hit by a snowball. “Where the heck do you get a snowball in the middle of July?” Monique shrugs, “Oh, you know… a flake here, a flake there…”

dale @112 – (re: Luann) Also, if there are only 30 people in the senior class, there can’t be more than about 175 in the whole school. So who’s going to show up and pay for this event? I’m guessing it’ll be a creepy old guy named Les.
Old School Allie Cat
January 19th, 2009 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

FW – Nice work, Batuik. Way to bring up racial tension just in time for the inauguration.

If Special K just whacked Summer upside the head, there’s no way Daddy Les is going to get any Mocha love from Cayla.

I’m just saying.
Little Guy
January 20th, 2009 at 12:00 am [Reply]

16: And Cassandra Cat calls up Elly Patterson and tells here where Max heard the word from.

9CL: “I’LL DENY YOU, MISSY!!!”, the Sequel.
Niall
January 20th, 2009 at 12:43 am [Reply]

…okay. It’s late, and I nearly hurt myself laughing as well as being amazed at the editing skills of someone who was, as he describes it, “on the special crack”: Scenes from Singing in the Rain set to Lanigan’s Ball.

I’m now going to bed, nothing can top this today.
Jeff Soesbe (yeff)
January 20th, 2009 at 12:50 am [Reply]

Followup to Don @16:

Mrs. Slylock Fox: Where did you learn that word?

Max Mouse: Reeky Rat.

Mrs. Slylock Fox picks up phone, thinks, puts it down.

Mrs. Slylock Fox: Oh well.

- yeff
MaggieMarvel
January 20th, 2009 at 12:59 am [Reply]

You know, I’d totally chill with Slylock Fox. He seems like a really cool guy.

Just like Sherlock Holmes himself, except Slylock Fox is presumably not a coke addict.

Maybe.
un_malpaso
January 20th, 2009 at 2:21 am [Reply]

Carly 141:
Funky Cancer Generating Depression Unit …
is totally gonna be the name of my next band!

Also, thank you for breaking the pattern of “scary people who actually know how to tune bagpipes, and want to explain the process” posts :)
Anonymous
January 20th, 2009 at 6:41 am [Reply]

The gag in Funky Winkerbean does not work because “weight” and “wait” are pronounced the same, and the teammate wouldn’t be able to discern any difference, and thus the pun would go unnoticed.

Also, the gag in Funky Winkerbean does not work because the gag is not funny.
Ignacio Nova
January 20th, 2009 at 6:41 am [Reply]

The gag in Funky Winkerbean does not work because “weight” and “wait” are pronounced the same, and the teammate wouldn’t be able to discern any difference, and thus the pun would go unnoticed.

Also, the gag in Funky Winkerbean does not work because the gag is not funny.
PERSPEX
January 22nd, 2009 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

wow- i havent read “Funky Winkerbean” since i was a kid in the early ’70s.. i thought “Crankshaft”was morose… whew! what happened?

here’s MY response to all that sad clown stuff…

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