Metapost: Cybernetic comments of the week
CsOTW momentarily, but first, a couple of notes. I don’t usually read the Sunday Archie because I can’t be bothered to hunt out the non-King Features comics on Sunday, but apparently last month’s in-strip AJGLU-3000 reference was not to be the last, as this panel demonstrates:
Oh vain AJGLU-3000! You try to convince us that you are a sleek, modern laptop, when we all know you look something like this:
Also! You have just one more day left to vote in the 2008 Worthy Awards, put together by faithful reader Wanders! Help reward and punish the best and worst Mary Worth comics of 2008!
And now, your comment of the week!
“I will never get tired of the kerchiefs on all of Lu Ann’s relatives. I can only assume that they dress alike just in case they accidentally get separated in a crowd.” –Sheila Sternwell
And the runners-up! SUPER FUNNY!
“‘I know what Eric wants … but I dread the very thought of it!’ What, does he want to get on top?” –Pozzo
“The joke in Barney Google — about how nobody at a book-club meeting has actually read the book — has already been made by every more upscale comic strip in existence. The only things that make this one different are the parts you don’t see: Instead of sipping white wine, they’re passing around a jug of corn whiskey marked with three X’s — and instead of a book recommended by Oprah, they’re reading a novelization of The Beverly Hillbillies carved into a slab of wood with a pocket knife.” –BigTed
“I like Old Mary better than New Mary. She’s slightly pudgier and doesn’t look as if she’s about to suck her nose right back into the nasal cavity, then swallow it.” –Angry Kem
“I think it’s pretty clear what’s going on in these so-called cliffhangers: Margo is deeply shaken by a message referencing a conversation Eric had with a friend in which he asserted that Margo’s roommates really should be invited to the wedding; Rana has not seen the cheerleading notice (which by the way merely announces that the entire squad has contracted cheerleading cancer), she just read Pluggers; and Patty really didn’t have a problem in the first place, she was just supposed to keep Cherry occupied while the police searched for Rusty’s body. Meanwhile, in today’s Mary Worth, ‘Frank Griffin continues to explain his behavior’ may be the most self-aware narration box I’ve ever seen.” –Violet
“I can’t believe it took four people to write an hour-long Snuffy Smith film. I’d like to examine those timesheets carefully.” –Joe Blevins
“Lots of folks have been wondering where the hell Rusty is, lately. What do you think that old man is serving on that platter? Pancakes?” –LITTLE A. WITH THE CRYSTAL BALL WHO HAS NEVER WON THE LOTTERY
“Cherry’s eyes are flesh colored. WHAT th’??!! Actually, almost everything in panel two is flesh colored. The walls, the curtains, the pancakes. The picture. Doc’s hair. Their flesh. EWWWW.” –Lisa
“Something has gone horribly — and I mean Gil Thorp-level horribly — wrong with Rex’s cheekbones.” –Master Softheart
“By the way, what color is that drape? Pinkish flesh colored drapes SCREAM bachelor … or serial killer with a penchant for skinning his victims for lampshades, pancakes, drapes, etc.” –OKStan
“Whatever, you do, man-bird behind the counter, do not answer the wizard bird’s question — because then he will know all the answers to all of life’s riddles — you are our last line of defense against this fiend acquiring this keystone of information that will make him all knowing — and therefore all powerful — in short, he will become a GOD — a wrathful, angry, escaped-mental-patient GOD. Save us — withhold all your knowledge of trans-dimensional automobile related ordinances!” –Bobdog of the Jungle Patrol, Not an Elephant
“Cody’d better watch it, man. Lu Ann is not the innocent little prairie flower she once was. I imagine in any extended exchange, Lu Ann will soon be showing her true, Big-City Sophisticate colors: ‘So, what do you do for fun around these parts nowadays? Hey, SLOW DOWN, pal! My LAST boyfriend was a DRUG FIEND who got SHOT DOWN in a JUNKIE BRAWL! I like what you’ve done with your neckerchief — it’s awesomely kicky! STEP OFF OR I SHIV YOU, DOOD!! Dad’ll be home any time now. YOU GOTTA FIX? MOMMA NEEDS TO SPARKLE!!!’” –mojo
“I love how in Apartment 3-G, characters are defined by an accessory and vaguely different hair colour. ‘A cowboy, huh? We’ll put him in a Paul Lynde neckerchief and call it a day!’” –Phoebe
“Lu Ann’s words say she’s getting used to being home alone. Her expression says she’s getting used to drawing the carving knife across the sharpening steel — slowly, methodically, purposefully, hour after hour, as the light in the kitchen passes imperceptibly from late-afternoon gold through twilight blue to pitch black.” –Spunde
“Speaking as a hardy Midwesterner, I can tell you that there is precious little dignity to be found here. Unless by ‘dignity’ you mean ‘Outback Steakhouse,’ and by ‘too much’ you mean ‘one on every corner.’ In that case, yes, we have that.” –Meanwhile
“I’m an East Coast guy so cannot say for sure, but I think the fact that all men in South Dakota apparently wear bandanas around their necks would make me want to choke many of them, with their own fine neckwear.” –AMSTERDANG
“With Frank and Lynn’s embrace, Mary’s meddling will be complete, a singularity will open up between them to swallow the whole earth, leaving only Mary’s giant, undying head slowly revolving around the Sun, gazing unblinkingly outward into the deeps of space, unceasingly searching the stars for other civilizations whose petty (dare I say, ‘human’?) faults can only be corrected through absolute annihilation.” –Comrade Denny
“I don’t really think that’s an ‘Aha!’ gesture. It looks more like Billy is programming an invisible microwave. He’s reliving that glorious moment earlier this day when he heated up his soup.” –Laura c
“Billy’s got that look on his face that shows that, at long last, he understands. He gets it! He reaches! Yes, he’s finally figured out which end of that pencil to use. There’s no stopping him now. Watch out for Billy, world!” –Muffaroo
“Also, I see that the vomit-worthy tendency of the FC kids to use ‘adorable’ malapropisms has spread to their parents. Maybe they all have brain damage. I mean … uh … ‘rain cabbage.’ HA HA HA” –Canaduck
“Next up, Sophie presents a dry cleaning bill for $100 and brings some ‘special’ brownies for the cheerleading squad. Hilarity then ensues, esp. when they try to form a human pyramid.” –Calico
“Jeffy CAN SO go to college! Probably as a cadaver, or maybe a security guard.” –trey le parc
“See? Lu Ann’s so boring, we’ve returned to New York, where Tommie’s date was so boring it was skipped altogether. Apartment 3-G: where you never have to see a thing.” –True Fable
I must also give a huge thanks to those who put money in my tip jar! And our advertisers are the greatest:
- United States of Tara: One woman. Multiple personalities. Watch the premiere episode now!
- Armacham Exposed: What is their hidden agenda? Psychic experiments? Secret videos? Discover the truth!
- Take the top spot, win $1,000,000: Doritos is giving people a chance to have their commercial aired during the Super Bowl, and possibly win $1,000,000!
To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.
Carly
January 20th, 2009 at 1:06 am
I guess the AJGLU lies about its appearance in personals, just like the rest of us.
Lettuce
January 20th, 2009 at 1:14 am
Anyone else look at the image of that kid reaching to pull up Spiderman’s mask and think of the last scene of Time Bandits? “NOO! Don’t Touch It! It’s Eeee..xtremely Dull!”
Angry Kem
January 20th, 2009 at 1:28 am
Congratulations, and yay!
Mark Trail witnesses a tragic medieval story of forbidden love here.
The AJGLU-3000 is not only self-aware; it is self-self-aware. It seems to be going all meta. Once it starts singing “Daisy, Daisy,” the kids had better get the hell out of there.
I am also pleased at the way the “Trash” sign is juxtaposed with the “Buy now” advertisement. The AJGLU-3000 may be a little too self-aware.
OKStan
January 20th, 2009 at 1:45 am
Hot DAMN!
I got a runner up!
Soon, COTW…very SOOOOOON!
True Fable
January 20th, 2009 at 1:45 am
# 3 Angry Kem – Well, there’s self-aware, and then there’s truth in advertising.
Rev PT
January 20th, 2009 at 1:59 am
“You’ve had that deer in the house again!”
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 20th, 2009 at 2:02 am
Congratulations to the float riders. Say “cheese.”
“Sam Driver”? Close enough.
He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
January 20th, 2009 at 2:22 am
Sheila’s snark, our great and mighty COTW, reminds me of a story my dad told me about a trip (by train) to visit some family in New York. His uncle was going to meet him at the station, and to help my dad pick him out of the crowd he told him he’d be the guy reading the Forverts.
mollificent
January 20th, 2009 at 2:35 am
#2 Lettuce: Hey, no fair snatching COTW on only the second post of the actual COTW thread! ;)
True Fable
January 20th, 2009 at 2:39 am
FC Billy is a quart low.
Canadian Zombie Are you ever moving away, Mikey? HAhahahaha…!
FW My dad used to coach my sisters at home, and he advocated tough defense. What else are they going to use technical fouls for?!?
Luann Fanservice!
Marmadick Now this is a chilling thought: The BUTCHER knows where the bodies are buried in both his AND Marmadick’s yards. The Homicide department must be really jumpin’ in that town!
True Fable
January 20th, 2009 at 2:45 am
JP Boy, Michelle Phillips sure is pissed that Witch Hunter Robin and Raggedy Ann are harshing her mellow.
MT “See? I found his ashtray! I KNOW you’ve had him in the house! …and the kitchen! and the mud room! and…”
MW Okay, panel two shows us that Giella does pay attention to how skaters look on the ice. But for God’s sake, How does he explain that funky little spigot attached to the top of her head?!?
RMMW Yeah, Rex…Niki’s going to be 18 one of these days, y’know.
True Fable
January 20th, 2009 at 2:50 am
NOTE: No goats were sighted in today’s comics. Somebody’s falling down on the job!
Mibbitmaker
January 20th, 2009 at 3:54 am
Obamanauguration Day:
9CL: “Um… I’m just a bunch of words spoken by an interviewer. I’m not Catholic, so I’m not in your juris– OUCH!!! HEY!!…”
A3G: Margo doesn’t even pretend not to be a meglomaniac anymore.
Beatle Bailey goes M*A*S*H (the good, early ones)!
DT: “How strong is this stuff?” We could ask you the same question, Locher.
FW: Violent and smug is not a good combination. Next thing you know, she’ll stomp Summer’s head in with her sneaker while wearing a wicked smirk. She could even become a policewoman in “Judge Parker”.
GF: George and Gracie are literally ghost writing this week’s strips.
JP: “Okay, Mrs. Davis — You’re suspended!”
MF: Figures Tinsley would work a drinking game into the strip.
MT: “..Oh, yeah, Mark… he’s also the jealous type.”
MW: HE ESCAPED! MARY, GET HIM!! Waitaminnit — WHAT am I SAYING???
NS: Bush is gone, Wiley. Let it go.
Ghost-Who-Asks-Too-Much: The Phantom is the Sunday Mark Trail for fantasy creatures.
– *Old jungle saying in the Bandar tongue
Ziggy: Tom Wilson should read a book called “TV/DVD for Elitist Snobs”.
shieldforyoureyes
January 20th, 2009 at 7:02 am
Comparing the AJGLU-3000 to ENIAC is insulting to anyone involved in computer science.
Comparisons to CARDIAC are reasonable.
GlobalH
January 20th, 2009 at 10:35 am
The dawning self-awareness of machines is nothing new in the world of literature and movies – take for example the “Is this all I am?” moment of V’ger in Star Trek The Motion Picture, Sonny’s questioning of his uniqueness in I, Robot, and the spiritual quest of the Cylons throughout the entire run of the modern version of Battlestar Galactica. The main difference between these and the current protracted AJGLU-3000 story arc in Archie, however, is that the Archie arc will feature far fewer recognizable jokes.
Muffaroo
January 20th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Sad postscript to my Family Circus comment above: Billy was actually wrong again.
Congrats to all you cool cats and chicks on the float. It’s addictive: once you’re up there, life is meaningless until you’re breathing that supreme, rarefied air again. Whew.
Mibbitmaker, I feel your pain and hail you for your restraint in not reposting #13 in the Tuesday quickies. Ave!
McManx
January 20th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Now that the AJGLU-3000 is clearly not only self-aware, but vain, it is only a matter of time before it starts issuing Terminators to seek and destroy all those that oppose it. So the next time you seek Jughead walk into a bar naked and demand someone’s clothes, RUN!!!
Poteet
January 20th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Congratulations to the winning funny people, especially Sheila Sternwell!
Ginger Yellow
January 20th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
So, judging by the these two AJGLU referencing strips, Archie is the John Connor of Riverdale. They’re doomed. So it’s not all bad.
jvwalt
January 20th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Usually when I read the COTWs, I can tell almost instantly which strip is being snarked. The only time I get confused: comments about Lu Ann or Luann. I have to pause for a moment and ponder: which dull, nondescript, sexless blond character do they mean?
If it wasn’t for the fact that A3G clearly takes place in some past era, circa 1954, I’d suspect that Lu Ann and Luann are actually the same person: that when Luann grows up and gets out of school, she heads for New York City and a new, glamorous, sexy life. To signal her new direction, she begins spelling her name “Lu Ann.” Unfortunately, she’s still the same old boring plod, so her NYC adventures turn out to be even less interesting (and less sexual) than her suburban teenage hijinks.
mojo
January 20th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
One of the truly GREAT things about being a perennial (well, third time!) bridesmaid in Josh’s COTW is, he doesn’t make you wear an expensive, dorky dress that looks like it was colored by one of them third-world comic colorists.
And THEN he doesn’t insult your intelligence by insisting it’s really a BEAUTIFUL dress, all the other bridesmaids just LOVE it, and all you have to do is raise the hemline a tad and re-wear it sometime as a “cute tea dress”.
I appreciate that about the man. I really do. Above and beyond his awesome taste in comments, that is.
trey le parc
January 20th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Luann: Compared to this flaccid lot of undersexed teens, Sam Driver looks like a drooling middle aged satyr.
Josh, thanks for the float ride. Who knew that hatred for lame comics would unleash my inner bastard?
Canaduck
January 20th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Hoo-ray for EVERYTHING!
sugarpie
January 20th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Congratulations to all the chosen!
Sheila Sternwell
January 20th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
Hot cookies! And thanks everyone!
Honestly, I have to say that most or all of the runners up were funnier than me. I’m not a funny person. But if you need bitter, I’m the gal for you.
kurt
January 20th, 2009 at 10:01 pm
funny as usual!
But how can you describe the AJGLU-3000 as worthy of ENIAC status?
AJGLU-3000 is the Antikythera mechanism, invented in 100 BC and found in 1901 off the Greek island of Antikythera. I submit this as AJGLU-3000 women frequently wear Greek costumes in honor of their “creator”.
If that seems misinformed, there’s always the Curta calculator, a small handcranked cylinder that, like a pencil, fits in the palm of one’s hand. :-)
True Fable
January 20th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
#25 Sheila Sternwell – Congratulations for your victorious tiara-wearing! Are you kidding, your stuff is great! Don’t sell yourself short, you are certainly most COTW-worthy!
Toss the candy! Pet the goats! Yay!
Sheila Sternwell
January 21st, 2009 at 4:31 am
Thanks True! I’m off to fetch my goat-catching net.
Pozzo
January 21st, 2009 at 9:27 am
I know the runners-up are in no particular order, but I sure got a kick out of seeing my comment so close to the top (and yet…so far).
Crankenstank
January 21st, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Hey Pozzo — you just “got Lucky”!
ha ha ha ha ha
Crankenstank
January 21st, 2009 at 11:51 pm
PS to Josh on ALGU 3000 – have you considered this may be the A3K’s attempt to establish copyright on its own name, and thereby through prior art give the syndicate the legal ammo to issue you a cease and desist order? Because there may be nothing so dehumanizing as being muzzled by a weak algorithm.
Alex Blaze
January 22nd, 2009 at 12:27 am
I like the shine on the AJGLU 3K’s screen. Have they already invented laptops with cathode-ray tubes? I need to keep up with the times.
Slither
January 24th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
“Darn, we changed all the tubes and wiring on the AJGLU-3000, and still can’t get anything funny out of it!”
Erika
January 24th, 2009 at 10:10 pm
The real irony of the “Jeff can go to college” can be found in the fact that Jeff wrote the comic in the first place.