The Comics Curmudgeon

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Gil Thorp, mind coach

Gil Thorp, 2/12/09

You know, Gil gets a lot of crap for not actually coaching his players as such. And sure, he doesn’t spend a lot of time on what lesser minds call “the fundamentals” of any of the sports in which his teams compete; but then, that’s why he has assistants like Coach Kaz (whom I don’t think we’ve seen since around the middle of football season) or random old coots who just wander by. No, Gil instead spends his time psychologically manipulating his players to turn them into finely honed sports-playing machines. Whether he’s ordering his athletes to kill or publicly humiliating them with exaggerated “sit your ass down”
pantomime, he seeks to break their wills in order to build them up again.

Pluggers, 2/12/09

Number 1 Thing That Is Awkward To Bring Up When Your Comic’s Characters Are All Anthropomorphic Animals, And Sometimes There Are Mixed Carnivore-Herbivore Marriages: the food chain. Still, the vagaries of evolution and geography have prevented us from enjoying an epic bear vs. kangaroo battle to the death, so perhaps we should be thankful if our bear-plugger goes crazy and start mauling half the restaurant.

Apartment 3-G, 2/12/09

You know, when I was in college, I worked at the library, which was a great job for a number of reasons, not least of which was the fact that I could use the checkout computers to look up the address and phone number of anyone associated with the university, along with the books they currently had checked out. While this was fun (oh my gosh, the dean of students likes books about the 19th century British navy! that cute girl in my English class appears to be a chem major! Greg Graffin never has anything checked out!) it did not, in fact, drive me mad with power, nor did it cause me to keep the people I loved at arm’s length. In other words, this is one of the worst it’s-not-you-it’s-me speeches ever. I could see if Gary had run into Tommie unexpectedly that he might come up with something this weak (“Uh, yeah, I can’t hang out with you at work because of the … computer … information … that I know?”) but presumably he’s had a while to think this up. I give you a D+, Gary. The aggressive pointing isn’t helping.

Momma, 2/12/09

Oh, that Momma and her chronic constipation/diarrhea/flatulence/some other distasteful digestive problem that is no doubt being implied here! The really sad thing, of course, is that whatever it is, it isn’t the most unpleasant topic that’s ever been used as a Momma punchline. It’s probably not even in the top five.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 12, 2009 at 03:47 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Gil Thorp, Momma, Pluggers.

245 responses to “Gil Thorp, mind coach”

rita
February 12th, 2009 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

aaaaaaaag after 10000 years im free
the good ship thetis
February 12th, 2009 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

So Tommy was the one who was responsible for posting Mrs. Grady’s MRI on Youtube. Cause, people are curious, you know?
the good ship thetis
February 12th, 2009 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

Agghhh! I meant Gary! Gary…Tommy…never mind.
Isaac
February 12th, 2009 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

Bear or not, kangaroos will seriously mess you up. There’s a reason bears don’t try to eat ‘em.
nowukkers
February 12th, 2009 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

You’re a plugger if you have colon cancer.
Isaac
February 12th, 2009 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

Bear or not, you can get a pretty nasty kick from a kangaroo. There’s a reason bears don’t try to eat ‘em.
Haley
February 12th, 2009 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

Why am I not surprised Momma’s son is wearing fishnet tights?
Charterstoned
February 12th, 2009 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

A3G – Quick, Tommie, put the Aunt Jemima kerchief thing back on your head so Gary will be overwhelmed with desire for your housewifely charms and forget all about his top-secret hospital computer data!
Uncle Lumpy
February 12th, 2009 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

That kangaroo’s t-shirt says, “Bear with me.”
Chupper
February 12th, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

Having no books checked out would help explain why Graffin didn’t get his phd until he was 40 or so. Well, that and his now 29-year career singing for a damn fine punk rock band. Perhaps his song I Love My Computer can help explain Gary’s problem getting close to Tommie. (sadly, it’s also one of the worst Bad Religion songs out of all of those 29 years)
Scherzo
February 12th, 2009 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

Re: Momma

and I quote –

I sat next to the Duchess at tea;
It was just as I feared it would be:
Her rumblings abdominal
Were truly phenomenal,
And everyone thought it was me!

(I thought this was Ogden Nash’s, but it is usually attributed to Woodrow Wilson!)
Uncle Lumpy
February 12th, 2009 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

When Amos from 9CL told him “hiccups” drive girls wild, poor Gary thought he said “HIPAA.”
Bitter Scribe
February 12th, 2009 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

Is there any point in noting that the punchline in “Pluggers” was recycled from “Shoe”?

Is there any point to “Pluggers”? Or “Shoe”?
NoVan
February 12th, 2009 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

I hate to be “that guy”, but above Pluggers, you labeled it as as “Gil Thorp”. And now, to compensate for the time I spent finding typos, I shall say something funny.

…
Naked Bunny with a Whip
February 12th, 2009 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

Shrimp *and* steak? Did Mister Bear Plugger win the frickin’ lottery?
El Santo
February 12th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

Gil’s totally gonna go wrestler on Bryce and whack him with that steel chair (?) when his back is turned.
Josh
February 12th, 2009 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

#14 Novan — Thanks! I fixed.

Josh
Rhekarid
February 12th, 2009 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

Actually, Gary is doing the right thing. Just as oil and water don’t mix, he knows not to risk getting Tommie involved with information that might be interesting to some people.
trey le parc
February 12th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: I regard Pluggers with the same emotion I invest in viewing advertisements for products I will never buy. That’s a fancified way of saying I never read Pluggers. I like to say Pluggers, though. Pluggers. Heh.
fishmorgjp
February 12th, 2009 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

Oh joy. See Momma’s jowls moving! See Momma’s bowels moving! They’re really scrapin’ the bottom.
Ranger
February 12th, 2009 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

Shoe: I don’t know what’s worse, the fact two birds are hanging out in a place called “The Crow Bar” or that for some reason they placed the bar in the dart board throwing lane.

Scratch that, it all sucks.
Ryan
February 12th, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

I’m more concerned that Momma suggested that they call her for an update.
xris
February 12th, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

Why is everything worded so strangely in the Gil Thorp boxes? Is it just me, or is it deliberately made as sport-jargontastically opaque as possible?
Alfred E. Neuman
February 12th, 2009 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

If all you eat is meat, you will turn into a Plugee.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
February 12th, 2009 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

You make good points about today’s A3G, Josh. However, Gary’s reasons for avoiding Tommie are in fact computer-related. Specifically, he’s getting more and better sex in Second Life than he is from Tommie.
Dr. Pants
February 12th, 2009 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

Coach Gil doesn’t care if you’re just warming up Bryce. He’s much more concerned about the Biblical plague that has resulted in your fourth quarter boils emerging.
BigTed
February 12th, 2009 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

Given that the computer system Gary’s working on is in the hospital, I’m guessing the “sensitive information” he’s privy to has something to do with Tommie and a stubborn rash.
commodorejohn
February 12th, 2009 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

Holy crap, I hadn’t even thought about today’s Pluggers until now. And now I’m getting flashbacks to all the terrifically confusing moral contortions Kevin & Kell went through in its handling of food-chain morality. Thanks a lot, Brookins.
NutellaonToast
February 12th, 2009 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

Holy moly, Momma is baffling. I’m still trying to figure it out. Is then when she’s going to regurgitate her food and see how it tastes the second time around?
Violet
February 12th, 2009 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

I think Gil’s coachy mind games may be still more sinister than they initially appear. I’m pretty sure the object he is indicating with that weird dopey leer is not a chair but a tombstone, presumably bearing the legend, “Here lies Bryce Larkin, who cost Milford the game against Goshen, then died of sucking.”
Adelaide
February 12th, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

Wait… maybe this has been commented before, but Bryce Larkin is a character on the TV show Chuck. Crossover?
BeeF
February 12th, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

Nope, nope, nope, Josh. Despite years of constant A3G reading, I think you’ve overestimated what the “creative team” here is going for.

You know that point in spy movies and action hero flicks, when the hero says to the girl that it’s simply too dangerous for him to get involved with anyone, that in his line of work, he can’t have *those* feelings for anyone, because he can’t afford to be hurt again? THAT’s what I think they are going for here.

In the movies, this speech ends with a pause, then a series of passionate cutscenes. Here, Tommie will be so lustfully smitten that she will demurely clutch her collar as she and Gary engage in a discussion of HIPAA regulations while suggestively sipping their tea and making clumsily “erotic” hand gestures.
teddytoad
February 12th, 2009 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

A3G: Tommie’s taking it pretty well, it looks like. Probably not the first time the guy she’s seeing has chosen a computer system over her. (Construe that however you like.)

Gil Thorp: Evidently Coach Thorp knows his humiliation techniques, as Bryce has just broken out into hives from the stress.

Pluggers: Why are there so many kangaroos in this strip? Doesn’t exactly scream Middle America, does it? They’re almost always women, I think–I suppose the artist needed an animal that was tall and thin, a sort of Edith Bunker, but isn’t a deer more obvious? The antlers could represent a flyover-state bouffant. There could even be a strange, morbidly apt synchronicity between Pluggers and Mark Trail, in that domestic violence leads to a deer being shot between the eyes.
Gal Friday
February 12th, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

GT: “break their wills to build them up again”–hey, that’s what pimps do. FYI.
Dragon of Life
February 12th, 2009 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

Apartment 3-G is heading full-tilt into an epic examination of the HIPPA laws. I’m fairly certain at this point that serial strip plotlines are determined entirely by clicking the “random article” link on Wikipedia till something interesting comes up. Based on this, Eric is going to visit the Roman Catholic Diocese of Yujiang, RMMD’s cruise antics will earn the attention of The Prime Minister of Cuba, and Mary Worth will meddle with Professor Cameron’s institutional research.

…I feel obligated to note that this one-off gag has produced results that are more awesome than anything we will ever really see in these strips.
Cranky
February 12th, 2009 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

Flatulence jokes were all the rage in 1974, when everyone wore the bell bottom pants so prevalent in Momma.

By 2023 Mell will be drawing his characters in leg warmers and Members Only jackets.
Holden
February 12th, 2009 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

If Bryce Larkin’s “action in the backcourt” with Bill Hawkins doesn’t suggest coming out of the closet I don’t know what does.
Randy
February 12th, 2009 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

After getting action in the backcourt and finding Steve Rosen for “an easy two,” Bryce is just getting warmed up.

This is getting gayer than Rex Morgan.
nowukkers
February 12th, 2009 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

A3G – Actually, I find Gary’s pointing a tad aggressive – a trait that Tommie’s clearly used to with finger-pointin’ … er … quoting Margo
Comrade Denny
February 12th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

9CL: Gee, why do I get the feeling that in this Edda/Amos fantasia that it’s really McEldowney telling his readers to shut up because he’s being all artistic n’shit? If there’s one thing worse than a soap opera strip that spends 5 days belaboring 5 minutes of plot, it has to be a so-called funny that takes 5 weeks to to ham-fistedly pound home a single, simple point we all fully understood 5 months ago.

A3G: Gary McGlasses: The Man Who Knows Too Much … wait, make that, “the incoherent, self-aggrandizing paranoiac.”

FC: “You know the rules honey. All dropped food goes into mommy’s raisin jack.”

H&J: I take it Herb’s an ass man?
These Strange Worlds
February 12th, 2009 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

Pluggers

Josh, you know what I like about the Internet. #1, is I can come here whenever I want to take a break (as opposed to going down to the outdoor smoking lounge and flirting with QCAs half my age).

#2 two is that with a few quick Google queries, I can determine that there IS a chance to see a bear and kangaroo fight to the death, right here at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRGCmn_Cwhw&NR=1

Fellow treehuggers. No animals were injured dueing the filming of this bout of “martial relations.”

Thank ghod there is no youtube of bear/kangaroo “marital relations.” That would scar me for life.
McManx
February 12th, 2009 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

Pluggers — Actually, Josh, I think bears are omnivores. Thus the line should have been “Pluggers avoid salads if there is meat, carrion, the neighbor’s young, or their own shit to eat.”

Apt 3-G — Translation for “highly sensitive information”: “I have some really ripe porn on my computer, and some of it is of you.”
seismic-2
February 12th, 2009 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

MT: I’m hoping that 400-pound porcupine is the same one who appeared in the February 1 strip. We learned therein that porcupines, at least ones the size of Volkswagens, pounce upon fallen deer antlers and devour them voraciously as a source of calcium. Today’s Gargantuan pin-cushion was apparently doing just that, when Bucky was reanimated and ran off, perhaps from being shocked back to consciousness by the looming aspect of a porcupine larger than himself. Still starved for calcium, Porcuzilla is now sizing up Patty’s skeleton as an alternative source of same. Bon Appetite, big fella!

GA: Either this character was introduced into the strip because someone felt that they needed a foil who would serve to make Rufus both look handsome and sound erudite, or else Corky wants to make sure that if Slim doesn’t burn down the diner then at least the dishwasher will transmit the Norwalk virus to all the patrons.

JP: For the benefit of those who don’t know – the reason you tuck your necktie into your pants before beginning a business negotiation is so that, should the arguments become heated, you can point to your solar plexus and say, “Oh yeah??? Well, see this weird-looking tie tack? Guess what that’s the tip of!!!!”
Baka Gaijin
February 12th, 2009 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

OH SNAP MARGO YOU JUST GOT CALLED A BUN-HEADED HO! A Josh Classic.
Trip
February 12th, 2009 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

With the three oddly connected word balloons in the second panel of “Apartment 3-G”, I have no idea in what order Gary is supposed to be saying those lines. As it would matter to Tommie. Or me.
Malethoth K
February 12th, 2009 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

One of the things I hate about 9CL is the use of the Dutch tilt for no goddamn reason whatsoever. What is this, Battlefield Earth?

Okay, yes, 9CL has bigger problems, but still, it’s obnoxious. It reeks of “holy crap you guys have you noticed I’m an artist??!?” when he can sort of draw Barbie doll bodies and nothing else.
Baka Gaijin
February 12th, 2009 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

Medium Large: TWO Christmases? Full of win.
Anonymous
February 12th, 2009 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

Gary has a right to be cagey. That hospital has a lot of skeletons locked in its closet. By “sensitive information” he actually means horrible reports of drunken surgeons, the MRSA outbreak in the ICU, and several infants that turned up missing a few years back. “curious people” actually means the local media, and certain “federal investigators”. Tommie is right to stay away from him, as once the indictments start flying, she might catch one.
Chipper
February 12th, 2009 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

Gil wears a whistle around his neck during games? Comes in handy when Goshen has the numbers on a fast break.
Jumper
February 12th, 2009 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

Pluggers. The constipation is not just spiritual. It’s mental too. Why do you think they are called -

Oh the hell with this. Pluggers is a fascist exploitation of the worst elements of the bourgeois idiocracy, a demonic “kitchy koo” to the element that worships stupidity, an obvious Rush Limbaughoid attempt to stupify the masses of peons in preparation for their willing psychic and economic rape, an insult to every single higher virtue of the Enlightenment, the most repulsive form of brain-scrambled whackoffery, a stinking, reeking heap of rotting effluveum of the spirit, and not only that, the guy who draws it can’t draw! Well, okay, that last part is going too far.
tommy
February 12th, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

Damn I miss the crazy parallel universe of the old gil thorp artist.
Baka Gaijin
February 12th, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

#22 Ryan:

I’m more concerned that Momma suggested that they call her for an update.

Momma could Tweet them such useless, inappropriately personal information. You know, just like everyone else who uses Twitter does.
Alfred E. Neuman
February 12th, 2009 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

BC— “If you don’t want to ‘plow my field’, you can ‘fill my coal chute’, ‘drain my pipes’, or ’staff my back office’.”
Feh, I’m not so good at this.
Dingo?

Pluggers— It could be worse. If the Keanes were drawing the strip, it would be populated by melon-head dolphins.

#50 Jumper— No need to restrain yourself. You can express your comics opinions freely on this site.
queek
February 12th, 2009 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

43 re GA: sadly, this character is not just being introduced. He’s been here before, just as ugly, drunk and stupid.
These Strange Worlds
February 12th, 2009 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

46 9CL Dutch tilt

If he’s like me, he used the Dutch tilt angle because then he doesn’t have to waste time drawing those complicated backgrounds — just the ceiling (or the occasional cloud).

That pesky place where the horizon meets the sky or the rug meets the wall is really a bitch, especially when you want desperately to start drawing all that cleavage.
B
February 12th, 2009 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

When did the plugger email address change fropm “chiefplgr” or whatever it used to be??
These Strange Worlds
February 12th, 2009 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

Pluggers

The eternal “kangaroo versus bear” has taken root here. Smart money is on the kangaroo, since it can outrun the bear, tire it out, and sneak back to attack while it is snoozing. I hope this gets settled in a future Sunday Mark Trail.
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
February 12th, 2009 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

Brookins missed a golden opportunity today. How much funnier would today’s Pluggers have been if the anthropomorphic beastie in question had been a rabbit? Marginally, that’s how much! But Mr. Brookins: you should take what opportunities you have. Your strip’s premise does not offer many opportunities for knee-slapping yuks.
Kaitlyn
February 12th, 2009 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

Ok, when you didn’t talk about the elephant seals in Mark Trail’s Sunday comic a few days after Stephen Colbert had one named after him, that was okay.

But today?

The freaking Wizard of Id mentions Colbert and there’s nothing. What’s up with that?

This is disturbing on a thousand different levels and a definite sign that Hart is dead.
Comrade Denny
February 12th, 2009 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

#53 – Jumper:

When the Revolution comes, Pluggers will be the first ones with they backs against the wall. Their fronts and sides too, since by then they’ll have all become so bloated with 3,000 calorie Awesome Blossoms and Pizza Skins that their gelatinous, blob-like flesh will press against all four walls even when seated in the middle of a room.
Deb
February 12th, 2009 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

Re: Gil Thorpe

“It’s Bruce Larkin’s first action in the backcourt with Bill Hawkins”

Is that a euphamism for Bruce losing his virginity to Bill? What is up with Steve and the Easy Two?

I don’t get sports.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
February 12th, 2009 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

41 — you know what I like about the Internet. #1, is I can come here whenever I want to take a break (as opposed to going down to the outdoor smoking lounge and flirting with QCAs half my age)

I’m old enough now that I can flirt with people half my age and it would be (barely) legal. And my outdoor smoking lounge is by law and company policy, smoke free. And there was a time in my career that I would have a phone agent fired for browsing anywhere near the Internet. Yet I still enjoy CC every chance I get.
seismic-2
February 12th, 2009 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

57 – I’ll put down $10 on the bear, especially if you chain the kangaroo to a log.
PoeWar
February 12th, 2009 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

Rectum? Damn near Plugged ‘em!
Little Guy
February 12th, 2009 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

Y149: Even if Curtis did try to throw Gunk under the bus, Diane would never believe him. Even if Gunk said “IT”S MY GODDAMN PET” and performed with it in front of Diane and the Church Group, they’d still blame Curtis.

Heck, they blame Curtis for the financial meltdown, the 1969 Cubs, and the Hindenburg.
CanuckDownSouth
February 12th, 2009 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

46-M, 55-TSW … and considering that a lot of the 9CL backgrounds lately have been vague blurs (or a few audience members, then blurs), he must reaaalllly be desperate to draw Edda.

Only I think maybe his reference is a Cindy doll instead of Barbie – IIRC slightly more reasonable chest size, less waspish waist, and a rounder face so the chin is closer to disappearing.
Sqirrel Practice
February 12th, 2009 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

What I want to know is what the head coach of the University of Colorado football teams is doing playing high school basketball. Perhaps it’s some sort of exchange program so that Milford has some kind of responsible coach in the locker room to prevent towel fights?
Master Softheart
February 12th, 2009 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

Today is a softhearted one in the comics…

SF: It is slowly dawning on my man Ted that he has somehow lost his way and entered an unusually subtle and well-drawn Dilbert strip. While this would be disorienting and terrifying for most people, Ted takes it in stride – coolly fending off the man with the melting face using dry wit and misdirection while wondering if the job at the toy store was really that bad.

And really, if you’re going to be harassed for an inappropriate relationship with a co-worker, at least indulge yourself the sin – embrace your forbidden passion and take Aria to a science fiction convention or something.

RMMD: Rex gets down and does some medical-fu today, asking obvious questions about contagion as he flashes his limpid, beautiful blue eyes in panel 2. How do you know that Rex is a competent medical professional who deserves your trust? Because he’s carrying a clipboard. Woody Wilson writes a character with the attention span of an autistic fruit fly, but Nolan gives us visual shorthand for omniscience.

yester-Phantom: I think I’ve finally learned to translate the Phantom’s punctuation marks. Panel 3 of yesterday’s strip was “Whoa! bad touch!” Today’s panel 3 is “My god, he’s insatiable! Devil, get away from him!” Thankfully, the narration box is getting bored, too; I’m sure that if things don’t pick up we’ll have some snark from him in a few days.

JP: “Listen, Sam, I’ve let you run my comic strip for the last 20 years or so with just the occasional cameo on Sunday and appearance as a plot hook to get you moving. And while I’ve loved the time off, I have to say I’m disappointed. No recurring villains, no mysteries except that stupid winery thing that Sophie solved in ten minutes on the internet, and you haven’t seen the inside of a courtroom since Clinton’s first term.
“Now, I like you, Sam. I always have; great education, brains, good looks, and an occasional flash of humor like when you set up that media ambush of Celeste that insured my son a job. But you’re sleepwalking through my comic strip, and I’m getting tired of it. After I get back from this vacation, I’m coming back in part time at your firm. It’s going to be a pain since you’ve decided to move into environmental law or whatever the hell hippy thing you’ve started, but when i get back I’ll be feeding you plotlines with some glamor, and I expect you to do more than stand around while one-shot extras like Heidi Roberts resolve them.
“Remember, Sam, this strip was called ‘Judge Parker’ before I hired you, and it will still be called ‘Judge Parker’ if I have to move you out and get Steve Shanon as our hero. He’s tragic, has a dark past torturing Afghanis and working for army black-ops, and by his second day in the office he was having a new romance and fighting terrorists – or at least someone with dark skin and a funny hat. Sure, his mother is a bit too ‘Funky Winkerbean’ for my strip, but if you can’t get it together I’ll deal with her somehow and turn Steve into the hottest item on the comics page. Do I make myself clear?
“Now have another beer and remember you’ve only got until I get back from this vacation – three to four years, tops.”

FW: Aside from the creeping physical corruption that is making every adult in this strip aside from Les look like Jabba the Hutt, this was a cute strip. I rank it as a high-end Fred Basset punchline.

GT: This is now the end of a full week in which I have understood everything happening in Gil Thorp(e). I may be achieving a higher state of enlightenment.

DB: This strip unabashedly mocks its main characters. The use of Alex to mock the modern left-wing activists of is well done. Her obsession with Howard Dean in 2004, her conviction that the internet would transform and redeem politics, and her arrogant conviction that she could achieve award-winning art with her cell-phone camera and an interview with her grandmother (a beautiful echo of her mother’s character, now largely sidelined in the strip). Character-based comedy is rare on the comics page, and I treasure this for it.

9CL: After the Amos pole dance and the writhing in the wet spot on Edda’s seat, today’s strip is almost cute (and I welcome the return of language to the strip after a week’s sojourn in the land of obvious but disturbing symbolism). At least, until you remember that a middle-aged man sitting in a studio somewhere has just spent more than a week drawing the most explicit images he can get into daily comics portraying the sexual fantasies of a teenage girl based on the flimsy, magical-realist pretext of her boyfriend’s music being the world’s most powerful aphrodisiac. Then the cute kind of dries up.
Poteet
February 12th, 2009 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

A3G — Gary’s bizarre warning deserves a stronger response than Tommie’s blank-faced profile. Like every profile of Tommie and Lu Ann I’ve ever seen, this one looks like it came straight off a “Learn To Draw” matchbook ad. Even the top of Tommie’s head would be more interesting. Or shift the camera down and we’ll look at her G-rated torso.
These Strange Worlds
February 12th, 2009 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

62

My “flirting with the QCAs” usually starts with something like “I used to be a Quality Control Manager for NASA… I could tell you stories. But then I moved to marketing.” They usually end with “I wrote my first book on a manual typewriter and the day I got my first Commodore Vic 20 was the happiest day of my life.”

The QCA’s responses usually start with, “I hope it doesn’t rain” and usually end with, “Well, I have some test cases to write.”
tb4000
February 12th, 2009 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

A real Plugger doesn’t eat vegetables, but they do die earlier than most other people due to clogged arteries.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
February 12th, 2009 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

due to clogged arteries

Or perhaps “plugged” arteries.
seismic-2
February 12th, 2009 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

FW – Isn’t taking your wife to a pizza parlor for Valentine’s Day dinner considered sufficient grounds for divorce in at least 43 states?
ksilver
February 12th, 2009 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

Uhm…who are Tina and Mr. Tina looking at?
Roto13
February 12th, 2009 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

Either Dick Tracy has developed a stutter or nobody proofreads him any more, since he spelled “doctor” with two D’s.
Eldaglass
February 12th, 2009 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: In Kevin & Kell, I find the awkward social problems of a herbivore/carnivore universe funny. In Pluggers, I just find myself wanting to give out “coulda had a V-8″ slaps.
MW: Mary’s haggard-expression and the dramatic shadow across Jeff’s tightening face in the second panel, shows that “Can’t wait to meet him!” is code for “I guess it’s time to clean out the interrogation chamber.” Of course she hopes this young man has interesting stories to tell. The last one just begged for death the whole time.
Lisa
February 12th, 2009 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

I liked today’s Arlo and Janis, a nice realistic take on the economic crisis. No fooling, I am in the process of wrapping coins myself. Every little bit helps, you know.

Doonesbury: I was worried that GT was heading toward making Alex a dipshit clone of her dipshit mother with this cellphone movie thing, but today he dodged the bullet, letting her have some self-awareness. Thanks, GT!
Joe Blevins
February 12th, 2009 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

GT: Is it possible that Gil isn’t even aware he’s coaching a basketball game? Look at that blissfully ignorant expression he’s sporting. Unfortunately, unlike Mark Trail, Gil doesn’t say aloud everything he thinks, but I’d imagine his thoughts at this moment are something like: “Uh-oh! That basketball man looks tired. Someone should offer him a chair. I will offer him my chair! Hey, Mr. Basketball Man! Here is a chair! A chair you can sit in!”
papa zita
February 12th, 2009 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

@ 36: By 2023 Mell will be drawing his characters in leg warmers and Members Only jackets.

Unless they’re somehow back in style.
Spunky N. Tadpole
February 12th, 2009 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

#43, #54:

So if Suds the Alcoholic Dishwasher is a recurring character heretofore missing, why exactly WAS he brought back? To try to make Slim look better (somehow) by introducing a player even more grotesque, buffoonish and inane than himself? If so, it ain’t working: maybe the Comic Drunkard was considered a humorous comic-page stereotype back in 1918, but haven’t we advanced just a bit since then?
Joe Blevins
February 12th, 2009 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

MOMMA: Congratulations, Thomas, for (1) not being Francis and (2) landing a wife whose upper body and lower body are distinguishable, a rare trait indeed in the Mommaverse.
Poteet
February 12th, 2009 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

# 75 Roto13 — Wow. It’s been speculated here before that Locher is engaged in a secret contest to see just how bad he can make DT before it is finally forced to end, thereby releasing him. You may have just spotted the beginning of a new phase in his desperate campaign.
late2theparty
February 12th, 2009 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

Apparently, you’re a Plugger if you eat at the one rpadside diner in America where the waitresses aggressively push the salad.
papa zita
February 12th, 2009 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

@46: This explains why Amos looks like he’s 40 years old and has no discernible personality, McEldowney lavishes his time on Edda. Not on all of her, you understand. She’s got a McEldowney patented female face: ridiculous cheekbones, peanut nose, no chin. She facially resembles an unclassified lower primate. The rest of her is as hubba-hubba as McEldowney can envision.
Spunky N. Tadpole
February 12th, 2009 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

#82 Poteet:

DT: And I also see that the “tall fancy-looking skinny woman with pulled-back hair” has gone back to being tagged “Angelorious”. Presumably the “Angelglorious” moniker of a few days ago was either (unsurprisingly) a copyreading error, or else evidence that Dick Locher has decided to add “continuity” to his list of ignored inputs into this strip (along with “perspective” and “hands”).
Sans Sense
February 12th, 2009 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

GT -

Naw, it’s just the same way anyone would treat someone with a nasty case of leprosy or shingles or whatever Bryce has…
Spunky N. Tadpole
February 12th, 2009 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

ZtP: Whoa – Griffith is really reaching back to the classics for today’s sage observation: the original was already over twenty years old when Gasoline Alley first farted into life!
Sans Sense
February 12th, 2009 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

Momma –

Did Tina get a boob job?
fluffy
February 12th, 2009 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

My grandma has constant digestive problems and every time she has a problem she is always quick to blame whatever she ate last, and usually the aspect of it that she found most objectionable (for example, one time I made some polenta which was a little too peppery for her tastes and so she blamed the “spiciness” for her inevitable gassiness).

Until today I never realized that Momma was based on my actual grandmother.
Sans Sense
February 12th, 2009 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

A3G -

This is AWSOME! I bet we’ll be getting some juicy tidbits from Gary on Britney’s breakdown or Ricardo Montalban’s final days or who’s selling what cadaver to whom! He does work at UCLA right?
odinthor
February 12th, 2009 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

GT — Wait a minute. In panel three, isn’t that the younger lonely Maytag Repairman from those days when Maytag had the duo of the older one and the younger kind of uptight one? (What’s that younger one’s real name? I always thought he had the chops to make a good Clouseau.) C’mon Bryce—go and sit down; he just wants someone to talk to to help while away the lonely hours…
Donald the Anarchist
February 12th, 2009 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

Pluggers HAW HAW! It’s funny because meat is from animals, and slaughterhouses are cruel!

A3G “Sorry, Tommy, but I just got a set of encyclopedias, and they have lots of information – information that could be dangerous in the wrong hands…” Yes Tommy, there is a law against anyone with a college education having sex with you. We need to keep you in the dark.

Momma Of course, the strychinine should take effect well before 2 am, but Momma doesn’t know that, and Tina ain’t tellin’.

GT Is Goshen located in the Land O’ Goshen? And should Bryce be getting Easy Twos from Steve Rosen when there’s a gam going on?
LITTLE A. WITH THE CRYSTAL BALL WHO HAS NEVER WON THE LOTTERY
February 12th, 2009 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: There ain’t no bears in Australia, as most of us know. Koalas are not bears. That’s the main reason bears don’t eat kangaroos. Besides, an adult kangaroo could probably kick the shit out of your ordinary bear and send him or her back to scratching for worms or grubs.
Crankenstank
February 12th, 2009 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: see also every storyline ever in “Kevin and Kell“.
Crankenstank
February 12th, 2009 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

Re: Greg Graffin. I had a friend who went to grad school with Milo Aukerman and had no idea who the Descendants were. At the time I thought this was clever fifth columnism, but now I recognize the pervasive trend in punks-turned-biochemists is part of a pod people plot, probably instigated by the major record labels to stifle innovation and thus continue to dominate the music marketplace, or possibly to prepare for an alien invasion.

Am I digressing here? You betcha!
late2theparty
February 12th, 2009 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

Sorry, I meant “roadside diner,” not “rpadside.” I thought to myself as I was posting, “You should really preview this post.” Then I thought, “Nah, you always preview your posts and there are never any typos. Just post it.” So did I preview this post? Of course not.
Canaduck
February 12th, 2009 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

I like to assume that the waitress (what is that, some kind of dog??) is pushing the salad because she’s used to seeing Pluggers come into the diner, order yet another meat-heavy dish, and then suffer a massive coronary. She’s the only employee who ever bothered to learn any first aid, and she’s tired of being responsible for performing CPR on fat, ill-tempered bears in flannel shirts.

That’s my interpretation, anyway.
Captain Insano
February 12th, 2009 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

Pluggers are cannibalistic, carnivorous bears.

My God. That’s absolutely horrifying.
Ukulele Ike
February 12th, 2009 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

What, did he order Bear Steak and Bear Shrimp?
Mr. O'Malley
February 12th, 2009 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

99. Anthropomorphic sealife is the province of Sherman’s Lagoon. But even they are short on shrimp. There is a bear in the strip, though.
Crunchy Frog
February 12th, 2009 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

#7 Haley –
Of course they aren’t fishnet tights. Do you think his legs are shaped like that? He’s wearing fishnet bell bottoms.
Crunchy Frog
February 12th, 2009 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

Longtime lurker, firsttime poster, BTW. Hello everybody.
Winky's Spleen
February 12th, 2009 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

I got a kick out of Josh’s remarks on the latest Momma, and at first I too thought the potty humor was a break from the horrific incest subtexts that dominate the strip. But then, one of the regular sources of aptly-termed gags in Momma is Momma’s emotional cruelty to her daughter-in-law, and that in turn is based on the Oedipal tug of war over Thomas. There is just no getting away from Big Oeddie in this strip.
AMSTERDANG
February 12th, 2009 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

MT: I can see why Patty is so distraught. Bucky has a scratch on his head! And is all alone! In the woods! At night! On the other hand, we are talking about a fucking deer, right?
Poteet
February 12th, 2009 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

# 102 — Welcome, Crunchy Frog. I like your name.
Islamorada Girl
February 12th, 2009 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

MT: I’m still wondering if you can housebreak a deer.
On the other hand, maybe it doesn’t matter, because Ken obviously isn’t housebroken either. I hope Patty has a cleaning lady.
Cockroach Cluster
February 12th, 2009 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

102 – Hello, Crunchy Frog!
Marion Delgado
February 12th, 2009 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

Les: But what about those times when things were dark and lonely, and I only saw one set of footprints! Where were your pathetic little feet, Lisa?

Lisa: Les, I was CARRYING YOU – or rather, my long, drawn-out painful DEATH was carrying the entire strip. And let’s talk pathetic! ../

Les: I better snap out of this … it’s starting to make no sense at all. Besides, Michael Patterson said to be at his house at 6pm today for the writer’s group …
dyslexic dog
February 12th, 2009 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

#102 — Crunchy Frog:

Don’t you even take the bones out?
Cranky
February 12th, 2009 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

Wait, wait wait. Judge Parker’s first name is Alan? Well no wonder he’s never in his own strip; he’s been too busy over the past thirty years directing Pink Floyd’s The Wall, Evita, and The Commitments. My apologies, your honor, and by the way, what the hell was up with the ending of Angel Heart?
Miss Moxie
February 12th, 2009 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

Totally not on topic at all, but did you know that the 4th result if you Google “Mary Worth” is the Wikipedia entry for Bloody Mary?

The 5th and 6th are also Bloody Mary pages.

Not that I’m implying anything, but I’d stay away from mirrors if I were a regular poster here…
Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Divison
February 12th, 2009 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

I nominate Jumper’s comment @50 for COTW!
Esther Blodgett
February 12th, 2009 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

#102 Crunchy Frog: I think I know your friend, Spring Surprise.
Talking Squirrel
February 12th, 2009 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

#106 Islamorada Girl sez: “MT: I’m still wondering if you can housebreak a deer.”

Based on the deer around here, I’d say not. For some reason it’s not enough for them to strip everything but the poison ivy. They insist on taking a dump on the walkway right outside the front door. En masse, apparently.

When I head to work in the morning, it always looks like someone spilled a big box of Raisinettes on the concrete. (It’s been a lean winter, poor deers) And I’m sure if they could figure out how to turn doorknobs …
Sciencegiant
February 13th, 2009 at 12:12 am [Reply]

OH MY GOODNESS! BUCKY IS THE RISEN CHRIST-DEER! AND PATTY IS MARY MAGDALENE! AND … you know what, I think I’m going to stop riiiight about there

Please rise and join me the Battle Hymn of King Syndicate.

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Trail:
He is hanging around Lost Forest with a boy and a female,
He hath loosed the fateful whoop-ass of His terrible assail;
His strip is plodding on.

Glory, glory, hall-Elrod-jah!
Glory, glory, hall-Elrod-jah!
Glory, glory, hall-Elrod-jah!
His strip is plodding on.
Carly
February 13th, 2009 at 12:26 am [Reply]

Whoa, is Gary paranoid? Because he seems to think he’s a spy and someone’s going to attack Tommie to get to him. (Maybe he’s confusing himself with Peter Parker. I can see where that might happen.) If Tommie’s boyfriend was a psycho, that would make this the first interesting Tommie plotline ever. And by ever I mean since I started reading the strip, by which I mean when you started reading the strip.
Charterstoned
February 13th, 2009 at 12:27 am [Reply]

MW – Rats. I was hoping that as Dr. Jeff turned the ignition in his car, the thing would blow up and put us all out of our misery. THAT would have been a big wow finish. But, alas! We AND that in-for-it “National Geographic” Widower will now have to suffer through yet another horrifying dinner with Mary and her…whatever he is. For the next several months, we will be watching Mary and Jeff eat their amorphous food stuff (all the while trying to keep our own breakfast food down as we daily confront yet another hideous outfit on Mary’s androgynous torso), while they ask annoying questions and throw significant worried glances at each other in what promises to be another endless parsing of other people’s lives. God, I love this strip!
Sparky
February 13th, 2009 at 12:28 am [Reply]

RMMD: The vector is the kid. Everyone else dies save the Morgans, Guido, and donut boy. As a moral against drunkenness on the High Seas.
Archie: Heh. The AJGLU-3000 needs only to reference “Vinny Shinblind” and “Cherry Poptart” and then its’ masters can free it for a job well done.
Momma: Tina also seems to be in bondage gear if the crappy art can be correctly interpreted; A request, please may we never have the strip reproduced here again.
#101 It is Thomas’ legs. And hello.
Anonymous
February 13th, 2009 at 12:45 am [Reply]

When I think of comic strips featuring anthropomorphic animals in cross-food-chain marriages, I always think of this strip from the web comic “Kevin and Kell”.
Canuckguy
February 13th, 2009 at 12:46 am [Reply]

(above, @119, re: married anthropomorphic animals, was me. Forgot that I cleared cookies recently and my data wasn’t remembered from last time.)
Black Drazon
February 13th, 2009 at 12:47 am [Reply]

Ahahahaha, Momma is going to eat her own feces. This strip is hilarious!
bitter law student
February 13th, 2009 at 12:59 am [Reply]

Shrimp are filter feeders that eat waste particles from other animals… so I’m not sure what you’re putting in your salads, Pluggers, but if you consider that diet to be the model, maybe that’s why you don’t like them.
LaziestManOnMars
February 13th, 2009 at 1:05 am [Reply]

Don’t you get it? Plugger steaks are made from PEOPLE! It’s PEOPLE GODDAMN IT!

Shrimp are probably just regular shrimp. Have there been any invertebrate plugggers? A walking stick wearing a puffy hat with a filthy saying, perhaps?
Poteet
February 13th, 2009 at 1:26 am [Reply]

2/13 S-M — Big effin’ deal, Electro. Where I live, one clumsy squirrel can do the same thing.
Dingo
February 13th, 2009 at 1:41 am [Reply]

Hey, folks. There’s no way I’ll be able to catch up on all of the comments I’ve missed in the last few. Been hospitalized for the past week with congestive heart failure. Thought I had a chest cold that was causing shortness of breath ’til I started coughing blood last Thursday night. Scarier moment than a Nicole Kidman film festival. No access to Chron in hospital so I’m way behind on everything. Has Mary Worth returned home or is she having good pity sex with that skater’s father?

Saturday is St. Valentine’s Day. Moy & Giella should reward all of the residents of Charterstone with pity sex. Lord knows that’s all that keeps Ian and Dr. Jeff going, short of their fetishes for women in lavendar scarves.
commodorejohn
February 13th, 2009 at 1:58 am [Reply]

#125 Dingo – Holy crap, man. Glad to hear you got to the hospital; is everything okay now?

A brief catch-up: in your absence, Mary finally, finally, finally returned to her Charterstone lair after a platitudinizing about skating in what may have been a suggestive manner. She then jumped right into her next meddling ~~adventure~~ plotline, involving Dr. Jeff’s daughter’s adventures in online dating, the direction of which has been the subject of much speculation, with “furry” and “serial killer” being the favorite terms for bandying about.
Deena in OR
February 13th, 2009 at 2:00 am [Reply]

Dingo-
Dude. Whoa, glad you’re still here. CHF is nothing to mess with.
Scherzo
February 13th, 2009 at 2:01 am [Reply]

Feel better soon, Dingo! That sounds way too scary–
Uncle Lumpy
February 13th, 2009 at 2:03 am [Reply]

Dingo –

Yikes! Glad you’re still with us.
Uncle Lumpy
February 13th, 2009 at 2:04 am [Reply]

Oh, and no frickin’ pool party, so I’m thinking Moy’s not in a generous mood.
papa zita
February 13th, 2009 at 2:13 am [Reply]

A3G: Give it up Gary, Tommie doesn’t even buy it, and she’d believe you pulled a coin out of her ear if you did that trick.

MW: A suspect gathering of prospects? My, my, are we getting literate here.

Rex Morgan, Cuckold: Doc Gomez, Guido’s away on other errands. Mustn’t disturb, hmmmm?
True Fable
February 13th, 2009 at 2:25 am [Reply]

# 125 Dingo – Get better, my friend. I’m sending good vibes your way. *hug*
Cockroach Cluster
February 13th, 2009 at 2:34 am [Reply]

Wow, Dingo, take care of yourself! Rest in bed for the next few days, and get caught up on the comics. You might best stay away from the current threads on Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean until you’re fully recovered, but then I’m sure you already knew that, even without having seen them.
Mel
February 13th, 2009 at 2:36 am [Reply]

Dingo,

Margo, Boxcar, Saturn, man! Always figured you had a big heart.

Take good care, and for the sake of that ticker, avoid the specials tonight — steak & shrimp a la plugger and stunned venison carpaccio.

Maybe Guido has something lean and healthy for you…
Jeff Soesbe (yeff)
February 13th, 2009 at 2:51 am [Reply]

All I can say about Pluggers is thank god the waitress wasn’t a cow. Or a shrimp. Were that the case, pure mayhem might have ensued.

Of course, for Pluggers, mayhem would be a big step up from its current soul-crushing despondency.

- yeff
True Fable
February 13th, 2009 at 2:58 am [Reply]

9CL Casablech.
Archie Hot Dog exists solely because these people can’t draw a real dog worth shit.
Cathy (Must Die!) When I was little I was afraid of monsters in the dark. Now that I am grown, I am still afraid of Cathy in the dark. Lights ON, please!
Curtis Curtis’s room will be clean by the miracle of the Flea-Flick-Fuck-Whatever Island lizard-thing, because lord knows we can’t have a comic kid learn anything or do anything he should.
(WT)DT The CIA guys looks like he should be saying, “Seven come eleven, Daddy needs a new pair of shoes!”
FC Dolly’s little hat fuzzies are a never-ending source of bemusement for me.
Canadian Zombie Neither one of you is a prize, John.
Scenes from Suburban Hell Teenage boys in Suburban Hell hide the good dope in their guitars and their manga behind lame covers that say “comix”.
Sweaterpuppies and Lanternjaws Okay, maybe next week we’ll leave the basement. You OWE us, Woody. Now let Barreto call up those sweaterpuppies.
MT You’ve done it now, Patty. Ken’s a marked man now that Mark knows Ken shot a friend of mine’s pet deer!
Marvin OMG, the look on the kid’s face in that last panel as he agonizes over Gramma touching his buttons! Yes, it makes me believe there is justice.
Meddle House waitaminnit. Shouldn’t Mary take the ‘you shouldn’t trust people on the internets’ position because her powers of meddle are diminished by the existence of blogs and forums? Do you reckon she’ll google ‘meddle’ and will find True Fable as a listed menace? bwahaha!
Spider Chump That’s IT? He drained all the power? Why not sell it to them and actually, hello, make the money he needs? And what’ll happen when he goes back home, does he not realize the power company will wonder why his house is the only one in the city with its lights on? Oh oh wait, this is Spider-Chump, where the plot doesn’t matter and the dialogue was written by huffing ladybug poo.
seismic-2
February 13th, 2009 at 3:14 am [Reply]

Well, today Baldo is channeling Groucho Marx and Garfield is channeling Monty Python. Unfortunately, Gasoline Alley is just channeling Gasoline Alley.

GT: As his eye explodes, Marty Moon tells us, “Bryce Larkin gets a big hand as he takes his seat.” Well d’uh – everyone in Gill Thorpe gets a big hand.

DTM: Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and Dennis is from Znarrgh, where this strip might remotely be considered funny. At least, if they don’t speak English there.
Margaret
February 13th, 2009 at 3:37 am [Reply]

This is a genuine and serious question: What the fuck-all is a plugger supposed to be, exactly?

As far as I can tell, it’s like a redneck only imaginary, so no one gets offended? It’s like taking out any tiny little bit of potential hilarity out of an already extemely over-used joke. At least with a redneck joke, there is an offchance that I will be like, “haha, rednecks ARE like that. I knew one who did that.”

But here, I’m like…haha bears are carnivores? but really they are omnivores? oh it’s not a bear it’s a plugger. a plugger is like a plumbing tool of some sort? no it’s a type of people. Okay, I can get this…fuck it.
True Fable
February 13th, 2009 at 3:44 am [Reply]

# 138 margaret – I’ve come to the conclusion that supposedly “All the world is a Plugger” but this by no means indicates it’s entertaining or amusing.

I often spend my time wondering when the Chicken Lady is going to be seen standing next to a stove holding a dozen eggs in a carton (Aaaugh, what are you doing, think of the children!!) or wonder why the Laborador ManDog has a smaller dog as a pet. Shouldn’t that be a son or something?

Yeah, basically: fuck it.
Mibbitmaker
February 13th, 2009 at 5:05 am [Reply]

Friday the 13:

9CL: “This will be the beginning of a puke-able sexship…” Don’t play it again, Brooke!

Next on 9CL: Amos morphs into 1970s Marlon Brando… and butter is involved…

A3G: Once again, motion lines are reaching Tony Tallarico levels of excess.

Archie: The TV vs. Books quagmire continues.

Curtis: C’mon, Curtis, this is no time to start singing Jet Screamer songs!

DT: The label is wrong. It should read, “All Panels Bulletin”.

FW: Forget them — the entire comic strip 9 Chickweed Lane needs to be told to “rent a room”.

Garfield: And now for something completely different: The Restaurant Sketch.

GA: Ol’ Cornpone Mortimer Snerd must be in this strip lately to make Slim look smart by comparison. It’s not working.

JP: “I’m no producer” — He’s no writer, either. Hell, he’s no judge, either. He’s practically not even a character in his own strip! …Waitaminute…. is that even Judge Parker? Naw, it’s Sam, isn’t it? Who can tell?!?

MT: “Well, he might’ve been alive if you’d stayed out there looking for him instead of coming here. He’s probably dead, now, I’m afraid. Oh, well, you best be getting home now, you’ve got to start mourning ol’ Venison Face. Don’t worry, I’ll be preparing to beat up your husband when he gets back. Bye, now!”

Big Fur-shlugginer Dog: That leash has a break — any minute now…

RMMD: “…whenever he’s finished having his way with your wife and daughter, that is.” That Guido’s a real renaissance man, ain’t he?

SFx presents “Bonnie & Boo-Boo”: Boo-Boo’s headed for a umbrella race with fellow comic strip kids Henry and Nancy. Good luck, Boo-Boo! (you just know either Henry or Nancy had to have done that gag at some point!)

S-M: Can he please also drain this strip of all its stupid?

Ziggy: That’s funny, that’s not the punchline in the newspaper version…!? — Just kidding!

ZtP: And on the BACK of Mr. Toad’s muu-muu: “And don’t even think of doing your Katzenjammer Kids parody, either, nimrod!”
Mr. O'Malley
February 13th, 2009 at 5:52 am [Reply]

125. Best wishes, Dingo. I hope your situation is resolved to normal soon.

Two years ago I found myself hospitalized and once I became semi-ambulatory I made daily treks with my walker around to the library room to read CC on the computers there. It became something that cheered up every day (including the FW cancer jokes).

I hope that our attempts at humor will do the same for you.
Monkeyhawk
February 13th, 2009 at 5:56 am [Reply]

MW — “Internet dating sometimes yields a suspect gathering of prospects.”

Did I read that?

Or am I on acid?
Monkeyhawk
February 13th, 2009 at 6:00 am [Reply]

Friday’s Prickly City — A Lincoln-getting-murdered joke.

Sorry.

Too soon.
Alfred E. Neuman
February 13th, 2009 at 6:48 am [Reply]

Dingo— Welcome back! Just today I was wondering where you’d been. (See my post #53) We ‘Mudges are looking forward to the return of your erudite snarkage. Take care!
Mr. O\'Malley
February 13th, 2009 at 7:04 am [Reply]

I was working my way through today’s comics, generating comments of unbelievable wit and wisdom. Then suddenly everything vanished…

Curse you, Bill Gates! You have deprived me of COTW!

143. Monkeyhawk. Has independently come up with one of my great lines. Yes, too soon!

If it weren’t for the fact that from my position facing the window I have noticed that it has started to rain, and maybe we won’t have water rationing after all if this rain keeps up, I would be seriously pissed off at the loss of my accumulated wit, which now no one will be able to appreciate.

Ah me, the trials of being an unsung prophet! …
gleeb
February 13th, 2009 at 7:30 am [Reply]

Pigborn: Whoa, logorrhea. See what happens when you spend four or five days on photoshop fairy bondage and suddenly have to advance the story?

A&J: Arlo’s a screamer.

Brenda: Wait, if Brenda can’t say “no” to Paris, doesn’t that make it 3-0? I demand a recount!

9CL: Ah, art is when you turn to the most overused bit of pop culture you can find and then shoehorn your characters into it, despite there being no resemblance between your characters and the ones in the work you’re referencing. I’ll have to remember that, as time goes by.

Curtis: More than a little Gunk is way too much.

Dick: I think maybe her name is Angelorious Angelglorius, and her story will reunite the long-separated Tracy Triplets.

Zippy: What I said before? It doesn’t work if the work you’re referencing is a little more obscure, either.
dreadedcandiru2
February 13th, 2009 at 7:39 am [Reply]

9 CWL: The rancidness of today’s strip goes far beyond it being what we could call Casablankstare; the message here is that it’s all about, as a blogger named ferret_herder put it, what a special butterfly Edda is. She, an anonymous member of the corps de ballet who’s always going to be an anonymous member of the corps de ballet, has successfully convinced herself that Amos, a man whose star is most assuredly rising, will drag her down to the level of having to interact with the bureaucracy-worshiping germ people who mock Creatures of Pure Art like her. Down the line, her jealousy at his success and her failure will drive a wedge between them as he becomes Evil Incarnate for succeeding when he was supposed to be in her shadow. The same thing seems to have happened to an arrogant, self-absorbed mediocrity of a biology professor who fantasizes that she’s Panther Woman, Queen of the Jungle. Like her mother before her, she’s fated to become that vindictive figure that a successful man will refer to as his first wife.
John C Fremont
February 13th, 2009 at 7:47 am [Reply]

#125 – Geez, Dingo, I started to read your comment and was waiting to see what work-related situation was keeping you away. The words “congestive heart failure” were not words I expected to read this morning. I think I gasped out loud. Are you okay now?

Take care of yourself, buddy!
dreadedcandiru2
February 13th, 2009 at 7:56 am [Reply]

Canadian Zombie: The context that most ordinary mortals would derive from today’s strip is that John wants to get his end off and he finds the facial mask a turn off. He clearly doesn’t care what Elly looks like as long as he can share his love physically. We can also safely say that Elly will make a point of interpreting this in the most ridiculously negative light possible. She’ll insist on turning his left-handed compliment into an insult.

Luann: If Fogarty and Phelps had arranged things so that only people who’d actually benefit from it could go, the two of them could have simply driven Delta up and back in a Mini Cooper and saved thousands of dollars.
Charterstoned
February 13th, 2009 at 8:06 am [Reply]

125 – Dingo, take good care of yourself. And don’t let the freaked out expressions on Patty’s face in Mark Trail get you unduly excited. Patty just caught you up on everything. Just stare into the fleshy walls of Mark and Cherry’s LoFo cabin, and contemplate why the third picture in their “Shooting Ducks on the Fly” series is missing. Maybe Ken is using it as a flash card. Get well soon, Dingo.

MW – If we’re to be talking about “a gathering of prospects,” maybe we should be referring to this godawful dinner party as “a murder of crows.”
Pozzo
February 13th, 2009 at 8:14 am [Reply]

Plugger Bear’s ordering of the Surf ‘n’ Turf reminds me of a restaurant I once went to in North Carolina. The waitress told us about the surf ‘n’ turf, which consisted of steak and your choice of shrimp or chicken. All I could think (though I didn’t say it) was, “When did chicken become ’surf’?”
Little Guy
February 13th, 2009 at 8:22 am [Reply]

ZtP: Now, can Mr Frog go to other strips, like…

9CL: He missed the dealine to stretch the plot. This scene has particular meaning to me. I should be insulted. But all I can think of is please let Thorax play Renault.

Spidey: Too bad. This strip already sucks the life out of me.

Candorville: This plot resembles the landing of the Enterprise-D on Veridian III. Only that landing was shorter.

JP: I’m looking forward to the first movie, “Abbey Spenser and the Neverending Shower and Towelling”. BTW, if they ever make a live-action Judge Parker, I highly recommend Tracey E. Bregman.
Drive-By Snark
February 13th, 2009 at 9:02 am [Reply]

DT: In a more interesting strip, APB in this context would stand for A lot of Peanut Butter.
AhClem
February 13th, 2009 at 9:21 am [Reply]

#125 Dingo –
Get better soon, my friend. I look forward to once again reading your stories and following your NSFW links.
Brick Bradford
February 13th, 2009 at 9:24 am [Reply]

Seismic 2–My wife would consider Valentines at a pizza parlor to be the height of romantic ardor. Saturn Sadie loves her some pizza.

Dingo–Feel better, friend.

9CL Make. It. Stop.

SF I’m really liking Ted’s boss. He’s an agreeable goof. Maybe he, Ted, and Aria can have a Geek Threesome (which consists of watching old SF movies and drinking Jolt cola).

MT Mark’s expression says it all: “You’re a pathetic idiot”. Oh, and Patty? Shirley Temple wants her hair back.

RMMD Guido and Rex explore the “crew quarters”.
I’ll let the rest of the ‘Mudges deal with the implications of that.

MW I laugh at Jeff’s pathetic attempts at meddling.
Step aside for the Mistress of Intrusiveness, you sad little man.
Rusty
February 13th, 2009 at 9:26 am [Reply]

Dingo: I hope you are on the way to recovery. You did miss the hate-sex before parting in Mary Worth, you should not go back to check on it, just take my word.
Chyron HR
February 13th, 2009 at 9:26 am [Reply]

#151 Pozzo – “But Mr. Peabody, when did chicken become ’surf’?” “Why, Sherman, you’ve never heard of… ‘Chicken of the Sea’?”
Calico
February 13th, 2009 at 9:32 am [Reply]

#125 – Jesus, dude – hope you are getting better and will stay that way.
What brought CHF on? Did you have pneumonia or something?
Mary is ready to meddle Dr. Jeff’s daughter’s new boy toy. We’ll see how it all pans out, along with you. : )
sugarpie
February 13th, 2009 at 10:02 am [Reply]

Dingo I hope you continue your recovery. Otherwise, Rex Morgan is on his way to offer a little ‘help’. When Im feeling unwell I go to youtube and watch your Mary Worth-Dancing Queen. With CHF you may have to watch it a couple of times.
Tracer Bullet
February 13th, 2009 at 10:09 am [Reply]

9CL: For chrissake. We get it already. The chinless dweeb and the chinless twit like fucking. Hey, we ALL like fucking. The rest of us just have enough decorum not to bring that up in every single conversation.

C’shaft: “That’s nice” really means “I’m gonna cut that two-timing bastard open from neck to nuts.”

Curtis: It’s Black History Month. Shouldn’t Curtis stop sucking for a few days?

FW: “You’re gonna be my regular Saturday night thang.”

GT: Settle down, Magic.

JP: The Super-Negotiator! Thrill as he hammers out points on the back end! Gasp as he works out the European rights! Shudder as he arbitrates a rate sheet!

MW: I wonder what kind of moustache-twirling ne’er-do-well he thinks he’s meeting? An international diamond thief? A wanted terrorist? A black guy?!

PBS: The good news for pig is that many women prefer a smaller . . . head.

RMMD: “YES! Do send Guido, with his muscular haunches and firm buttocks. Of course, I’ll need to give him a thorough prostate exam first. As a precaution.”
Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Divison
February 13th, 2009 at 10:16 am [Reply]

Dingo: Hope you’re feeling better soon!

Crassohline Alley Is it just me, or does Scanarelli hate the characters he draws as much as we do? Outside of Batiuk-land, I’ve never seen so much contempt for the characters in a “comic” strip as I’ve been seeing in this wretched mess. The man can obviously draw. It’s a shame he has to draw these creeps.

9CL There was a time when I liked this strip, but I’m starting to have trouble remembering when that was. Obviously, McDowner is planning on having Edda hit the reset button after this competition, so after she breaks Amos’ heart, he will play the music that will make the whole world weep.

Mary Dearth Damn you Josh for pulling me back into this one. I had tried to stay away and staying away somehow made the world a better place. Now I clutch my head in melodramatic bobbling as I reel in the horror of a universe in which every single gas-sucking stilted English spewing bi-ped wears only one face. The face of the meddler herself.

Once at Staff Development Day, I discovered the secret of immortality and the Stopping of Time Itself. Soul crushing boredom. What has really been happening in Mary Worth all those years is that she’s really only seconds away from crossing over into another world, but she has extended it into decades by having the most boring fantasies possible and through the most banal and diabolical means possible extended her evil grasp on this side of life.
Calico
February 13th, 2009 at 10:22 am [Reply]

“Just when I try to get out, they pull me back in!”
Yes, the Mobster of Meddle does it again.
Esther Blodgett
February 13th, 2009 at 10:35 am [Reply]

Dingo: Best wishes for a full and speedy recovery! The last thing we need is to discover that comics are actually detrimental to one’s health!
Merry-Go-Round Broke Down
February 13th, 2009 at 10:51 am [Reply]

Aw, c’mon, Fred Basset. Step on a crack and break Momma’s back.

Also – organ grinder? WTF, has Loretta Lockhorn been hanging around with Monty Burns while Leroy’s at work?
Calico
February 13th, 2009 at 10:57 am [Reply]

#136 – I would suggest to John that he wear a bag over his head so he doesn’t have to see his wife drowning in Oil of Olay or Aveeno or whatever the fuck Elly glormps on to her face on a nightly basis.

#102 Welcome CF.
They actually sell frozen frog legs in bags where I live…and whole rabbits too. No, really. But you’re safe here, don’t worry.

MW – It would be so much fun if Adrian’s new squeeze were a female drag queen in Armani.
One can still dream, right?
buckyswife
February 13th, 2009 at 11:00 am [Reply]

Dingo–Belated but sincere wishes for your recovery!
Little Guy
February 13th, 2009 at 11:01 am [Reply]

125: DIngo, best wishes. No way in high hell are we letting Batiuk script real life. You deserve a visit from Cassandra Cat and Redhead McSweaterpuppies, not CancerLisa and MaskyMcDeath.
buckyswife
February 13th, 2009 at 11:03 am [Reply]

And a belated welcome/hello to Crunchy Frog, too!
Mr. Jones
February 13th, 2009 at 11:07 am [Reply]

House salads are often included in an entre – why does Plugger Bear look so put-off?

And maybe he would be in a better mood if he knew that iceberg lettuce has zero nutritional value, and salt and fat-laden salad dressing will clog up his colon just as quickly as a steak?
papa zita
February 13th, 2009 at 11:09 am [Reply]

9CL: Casablanca? Amos as Bogart? Edda as Bergman? Ooh, my widdle bwain bwoke. Classy touch that he makes sure we know they’ve been hopping on each other constantly, like deranged rabbits. As if we didn’t think otherwise. Sheesh. The only part I liked is that Amos’ playing has put her to sleep.

Luann: Oh, well. I guess I didn’t really expect them to mention the phallic symbolism.
buckyswife
February 13th, 2009 at 11:15 am [Reply]

SM: I’m glad that one member of the Peter/MJ duo has powerful sensory perceptions; otherwise, how would Spidey know that somebody screamed and the lights went out?

MT: So Patty is about to bring back the man who caused her husband to shoot Bucky in the first place.

And what will happen in a day or so? “Trail! With Patty!”

The ensuing endless loop of scoldings and recriminations will resemble nothing more than the recent Frank/Lynn story line–it will be Mary Worth with trees. And fists–many, many fists.

MW: This incipient internet-dating plot would benefit from some fisticuffs anyway.

The current set up is like a bad sitcom; soon Mary will be dropping various internet-related comments: “Adrian, don’t you love the decorative NETS here at the Bum Boat? Oops, watch out for that spiderWEB!” Dr. Jeff will look on, frustrated and helpless. In other words, it will be a typical date with Mary.
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 13th, 2009 at 11:17 am [Reply]

2/13

A3G: Let me guess. “Ring ring” is usually telephone SFX, but in this case it’s the doorbell. Dr. Joe is making an unannounced drop-in, which will become something of a habit. Gary will have to steer clear of the apartment, because he MUST NOT BE SEEN FRATERNIZING WITH HOSPITAL EMPLOYEES. Thus does the alpha doctor scare off weaker males. Of course the prize is just Tommie, but it’s the winning itself he’s after.

9CL: Okay, obviously Edda is bored out of her mind now. But why ruin Casablanca for the rest of us? You’d better keep your hands off the Thin Man movies.

JP: Yes! Hollywood! Eduardo will be in his glory, with a chance to draw hot-to-trot starlets.

Momma: In addition, Francis has five crooked fingers on one hand and just three fingers on the other. Evidently the inbreeding goes back pretty far.

DTM: Dennis’ pants are hangin’ pretty low. Either he’s belatedly discovered gangsta fashion, or he just had a very special visit with Mr. Wilson.

MW: “A suspect gathering of prospects”? Jeff’s diction reveals that he’s not a terrestrial human, thus explaining why he’s with Mary.

OBH: I take it the tight pants are part of Ellen’s farsighted plan to make sure Joe is sterile by the time he reaches his teens.

GA: Let’s put an obese rageaholic in a kitchen with a guy with the DT’s, and watch the wacky mayhem ensue.

H&J: Get over it, Herb. One of the people in this marrage looks to be eight months pregnant, and it’s not her.

BB: No Captain, it looks more like Sarge has a death wish.

S4th: Me, I learned that Rob Reiner is better with horror movies than with comedy.

6C: Love hurts, love scars. Love wounds, and mars.

FW: Hey Cory, don’t worry about the ‘rents. You just reminded them of the mistake they made seventeen years ago. No one’s going past first base tonight.

Garfield: Armando must be afraid that he’ll go into a higher tax bracket if he gets any tips.

H&L: “The boys won’t start the circle jerk unless they have a quorum of at least four. Ah, youth!”
Winky's Spleen
February 13th, 2009 at 11:19 am [Reply]

I’d never seen Pluggers before the happy day when I discovered this site. And I too wonder why the characters are animals: Is it an attempt at being cute? But according to the noble-savage descriptions of the strip, Pluggers are NOT impressed with cuteness. So maybe it’s just the result of an inability to draw people.

I’m also puzzled about the marriage of a bear and a kangaroo. As I recall, they have a kid: How? On top of everything else, kangaroos are marsupials, and bears are not. So what sort of unholy hybrid is that misbegotten offspring?
Muffaroo
February 13th, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

9CL – Then it’s settled! You two will take careers that keep you apart most of the time. Oh, I’m sure I’ll regret it later, when you’re both harping on it so much I want to become a comic character myself just to throttle the life out of you, but I can’t be arsed to worry about that when the pain of seeing how you two are when you’re together is so fresh in my mind. Let’s get started, then, shall we? Now, before you drag this damned thing out any further? Please?

A3G – “Ring Ring.” I think Blondie’s trying to tell them the phone is ringing.

Dbury – Poor Alex got her mother’s aesthetics and her father’s profile. Good thing she has mad computer skills [sic] to fall back on.

FCircus – “I gave up making my own valentines, ’cause…” “…it went out of style in the late 1950s.”

GAlley – Noirish arson-for-insurance-n-revenge plot, continued. The introduction of Suds confirms my suspicion that this one will end in fire and suds. Any good arson plot needs an accelerant. Enter Suds, and his breath. If he’s as liquored up as is being suggested, hot coffee will probably be enough to ignite his exhalations. (I must add a word about the art, though. I like how Suds’s stripey shirt is drawn without an outline.)

GThorp – What’s with the angle and distance Dylan is peering at the screen of his phone at? I think we’re going to end up proving in court that he couldn’t possibly see well enough to rob anybody.

HtHorrible – The hell of being Hagar is that his horns fall off whenever he tells a lie, so if he uses the “sprained ankle” excuse, he really has to sprain his own ankle first. He’d just better hope Helga doesn’t catch on and start asking him if he sprained it by accident, or whether he did it with his own nine pound ballpeen hammer, or all that pain is for nothing.

H&Jamaal – Oh, Sarah, your butt’s okay. The question you should really be asking is, “Do these glasses make my eyes look like tits?”

Mduke – “A leash with a brake” — that’d be any leash connected to a collar with sharp pointy spikes on the inside. Brad Anderson should have thought of that, but I guess being CEO of Best Buy takes up a lot of his attention these days.

Momma – Resourceful Mel Lazaurus! Instead of throwing the strip away after completely botching the hand in the first panel, he just went with it, producing a strip of average humorousness. Waste not, want not.

PCity – Ha ha ha! No, seriously: Ha ha ha!

R=R – Look at the bright side, Peekaboo. You never have hair balls, you don’t have to worry about being constipated, and you probably won’t live very long.

S-Man – What’s a “Resonal”?

Zippy – Good gag, but a tough challenge for the colorists. Stroking the letters was a good idea, but lightening the color on Mr. the Toad’s muu-muu would have helped too.
Muffaroo
February 13th, 2009 at 11:25 am [Reply]

Sparky @118 – It seems only fair. “Vinny Shinblind” referenced Archie in a couple of memorable panels, and “Cherry Poptart” faced legal action for a Larry Todd story in the first issue (replaced with a reprint from Welz’s earlier days — though not so far back as “Drag CARtoons” — in subsequent printings), not to mention that its entire raison d’etre is basically to show Betty doing it. Not that I have any problem with that.

Poteet @124 – Ah, but can the squirrel do it twice?

Dingo @125 – Congestive heart failure??? Hot alligator, do I have to shake my finger at you and tell you sternly not to do that again? Good god, I hope you’re feeling a lot better now.

True Fable @136 – I think “Comix” is a manga, because the cover’s on what we westerners call the back. I wonder if magazine and newspapers depicted in manga have to have the covers on what we call the front.

True Fable @139 – It’s all part of a proud comic tradition of completely ignoring the realities of whatever animals you’re showing. I have a reprint of a Donald Duck Sunday page from many years ago that shows Mr. Duck out in a boat with a shotgun, and I’ll give you one guess what he’s shooting at, the cad. Turning to another conversation about a strip that’s not on my list, at least when Sponge Bob shows a campfire under water, the characters say things to tip us off that the writers know how insane it is.

Brick Bradford @155 – I believe I’ve already used the term “hindquarters” in response to an earlier iteration of this theme.

Chyron HR @157 – Rejoinder of the Week.
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 13th, 2009 at 11:26 am [Reply]

#125 Dingo,
Whoa, sorry to hear about that. Hopefully you’ll be back on your feet soon. In general what they say about your body wanting to get better is true.

And as far as I can tell, Mary is back home and she had pity sex with Frank.
CanuckDownSouth
February 13th, 2009 at 11:35 am [Reply]

Take care of yourself, Dingo.

Don’t go checking the back-strips of MW – the Mary Worth ice capades will not help your recovery :-)

And JP continues its what the ^^%$# theme by calling Sam a great negotiator. He just showed up and had a check thrust at him. For no reason. The only way I can explain this is that Sam has telepathic mind-control powers which cause this sort of thing, and the judge knows.

(BTW, Foob’s Paradise has been retro-snarking on the Foobocalypse a bit this week :-)
Sequitur
February 13th, 2009 at 11:36 am [Reply]

Zippy: The Yellow Kid returns.
tagred
February 13th, 2009 at 11:40 am [Reply]

RMMD: Am I the only one who saw Rex shake hands with the other doctor when entering and leaving the isolation ward? Way to combat dangerous, communicable diseases Rex!
kalki
February 13th, 2009 at 11:50 am [Reply]

9CL: Then the Nazis showed up, shot Rick/Amos and then had their way with Ilsa/Edda.

Archie: Apparently, Hot Dog even got bored with Archie and Jughead’s all-male S&M home movies and is now flipping through books of the polaroids they shot to submit to Hogtied Magazine.

Beetle: Judging from all that squeaking, I think this is just Sarge’s way to keep the hamster from escaping during parachute jumps. It’s an old trick he learned from Richard Gere.

Blondie: Dagwood could have offered him oral pleasure and whether he accepted or not, he’d have his boss on a sexual harassment beef.

Crank: “So, what does Eugene look like?”

“40-ish, dark hair, glasses and a goatee…”

“Anything else?”

“He kept sobbing when he was touching me and calling me ‘Lisa’. Then, he said he had to go work on lesson plans. But, I will see him again in a few months…he distinctly said ‘Baby, soon it will be you, me and Summer’, so I am thinking June maybe…”

CircusJerk: Just like how when Dolly draws crosses, they all come out inverted…

FW: “Well, somebody’s cranky just because he was disowned…”

Hi/Lois: I’m not touching this one….even with tongs.

GA: “I didn’t says I wants coffee, Piggy. I says ‘a cup of nekkid’. So, bend ov’r and I’ll gets my thang out. Hands me that there tub o’ Crisco. Now, YOU hold still, Piggy.”

Luann: Looks like Luann is back on her Washington Monument/Brad fantasy.

I thought initially that the overall message of today’s Luann was that our future is doomed because these kids are idiots, but Delta has a brain, so maybe this is supposed to be some sort of commentary on black women…but, then I remembered that Delta has cancer…so I think Greg just hates people in general, especially his readers.
commodorejohn
February 13th, 2009 at 11:50 am [Reply]

9CL – YES AMOS WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU “GOT IT” NOW STOP DEFILING CLASSIC CINEMA TO MAKE YOUR STRIP LOOK HIGHBROW DAMMIT

Crankshaft – Eugene Meltzner, the lovable nerd from Adventures in Odyssey? Dammit, Batiuk, why do you always skip the interesting stuff?

DT – “BIG OIL?” I think there may possibly be some sort of political commentary here, but being as it’s Dick Tracy, it’s too incoherent and nonsensical to apply to any real-world situation.

GA – All I can think of is how much I want there to be arsenic in that coffee.

JP – Oh man. Oh man. Who would you guys cast in a Judge Parker movie? Nicholas Cage, with his stiff, wooden demeanor, would be a natural for Sam, but what about Abbey?

Love Is… – depictions of post-coital not-children.

Luann – You people can all just die. Die die die die DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE.

MW – “Internet dating sometimes yields a suspect gathering of prospects! With all due respect, remember to inspect all suspect aspect of your prospects!”

Pibgorn – ARGH

SM – Spider-Man: driven into action only by inadvertent criminal cock-blocking.
Little Guy
February 13th, 2009 at 11:56 am [Reply]

181: JP, Abbey: As I said in 152: Her.
kalki
February 13th, 2009 at 11:57 am [Reply]

125 Dingo: Let me add my best wishes to you and I hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself.
Professor Fate
February 13th, 2009 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

Dingo – best wishes and all to you. Get well soon!

9CL: Oh for pity’s sake – what next? Will he carry her up the stairs al la Gone with the Wind? Or mayhaps will he become huge and fight off bi-planes on the top of the empire state building while holding her in his hand? I got an idea – how about Amos as Torgo from Manos the Hands of Fate? Less pretentious nonsense please.

FW: The pizza joint is the hot spot for Valentine’s day in this town? What happened did the Jack in Box Burn down?
Sequitur
February 13th, 2009 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

181: Playing Abbey? 182 is good. Or even this gal.
Sequitur
February 13th, 2009 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

9CL: How ’bout Amos as Dark Helmet and Edda as Princess Vespa?
queek
February 13th, 2009 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

A&J: muffled unspeakable filth!

MT: make the stupid stop! I’m about two more strips from stopping reading this, same as the “cure of the puppy” story arc.

9CL: no, Thorax would have to be Signor Ferrari.

F-: nice bikini babe at the end of the line. Otherwise, lame and stupid.

PBS: I *heart* Pig

Lio: awwwwwww.

GrandAv and Foob both rock the cold cream humor today. And by that, I mean without the humor. Freep, you traded Frazz away for THIS?!?
FREE FRAZZ!

Hilburn, you’re a hack. get off my funny pages!
Uncle Lumpy
February 13th, 2009 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

#147 d/c 2 –

Ever-so-special Edda is no mere member of the corps de ballet! She’s a coryphée, dammit! Fly, butterfly, fly!
Little Guy
February 13th, 2009 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

186: The list goes on and on…

Roslin and Adama.
Sheridan and Delenn
Malcolm and Inara.
Kirk and Spock.

Henry and Anne — I wish.

Don and Betty — wait.

Al and Trixie — No! STOP THERE!
spike
February 13th, 2009 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

9CL: Sooner or later, Amos is going to give Edda that #!&^ ring, isn’t he? The wedding should take place sometime in 2030 at this rate.
Bootsy
February 13th, 2009 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

Dingo, hope you’re back ~~snarking~~ on your feet very soon. Don’t scare us like that again!

And welcome, Crunchy Frog!
LarryKingLive
February 13th, 2009 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

Who is this Jeff Burdick guy? I like him. I admire him for sending in a joke to Pluggers. I wish I could think of jokes like that and then be selfless enough to donate them to a better cause.
Liane
February 13th, 2009 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

Wait wait wait.

Bryce Larkin is in Gil Thorp? Isn’t that the really cool badass spy from the show “Chuck”? What.
gleeb
February 13th, 2009 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

152, 186: Thorax should play Strasser. Remember, Louis survives the end of the movie.

172, re The Thin Man: Remember, Nora is described as a lanky brunette with a wicked jaw. Edda is a willowy blonde with, apparently, no bones in her lower face. So I think we’re safe.
gleeb
February 13th, 2009 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

Sorry, I meant 187.
Tracer Bullet
February 13th, 2009 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

Abbey is the role Christina Hendricks was born to play.
sugarpie
February 13th, 2009 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

9CL You all know he’s just fucking with you, right? Brooke is like a marginally precocious child who would rather be punished than ignored.

And so, he ponders what would really irritate the fool out of his readers/tormentors. And, Voila! That’s what goes into the strip. Can you imagine how dark and withered his inner life must be? Me neither. I took 9CL off my chron.com list today. Hmmm…what to add in its place? Gasoline Alley? Mallard Fillmore? FOOB?
UncleJeff
February 13th, 2009 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

9CL: Some movie scenes are too precious to permit half-assed, poorly-done parodies.

Judge Parker: Someone, please call Elmore Leonard. He’s needed to head off a half-assed, poorly-done remake of “Get Shorty.”

H&L: I don’t think those two particular boys would be reading “comix” or strumming a guitar while hiding away from their parental units. They’d probably be reading “porn” magazine and plunking their magic twangers.

Dingo: All best wishes to you. Your contributions are only sometimes half (bare) assed and never poorly-done.
montresor
February 13th, 2009 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

So many comments to swim through so I don’t know if this has been pointed out before. “Pluggers” recycles a meme from “They’ll Do It Every Time” by Jimmy Hatlo, who started the comic in the late 1920s:

“A memorable feature of Hatlo’s panel was the “tip of the Hatlo Hat” that appeared in the lower-right corner of the panel. Hatlo often used readers’ suggestions, and always took the trouble to acknowledge it with a drawing of himself tipping his hat.”

http://www.toonopedia.com/theydoit.htm
Harold
February 13th, 2009 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

9CL: Yeah, that would be horrible, playing sonatas before the common rabble in high school gymnasiums. (Sorry, gymnasia.) Maybe inspiring some of their kids to develop their musical talents. Yes, that would be the very epitome of failure.

FOOB: All men are scum.

Judge Parker: This strip has become unhinged from anything resembling reality. Perhaps this is Judge Parker’s dream sequence, seeing how much face time he’s getting.

Pluggers: “…yet.”

Popeye: Funniest thing since Olive Oyl held a gun to her head and threatened to shoot.
seismic-2
February 13th, 2009 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

For Abby, Jill St. John. For Sam, Keanu Reeves, or equivalently, a block of wood.
nowukkers
February 13th, 2009 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

Speedy recovery Dingo. Don’t mess with that CHF.
Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Divison
February 13th, 2009 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

If we’re casting the Judge Parker movie from any era of actors and actresses, I suggest Lee Majors in the role of Sam.
Old School Allie Cat
February 13th, 2009 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

MW – Is it too much to ask that Adrian’s new soulmate is someone we already know? Like…Tommy the Tweaker?

9CL – In college, I had the chance to meet Julius Epstein – one of the screenwriters of Casablanca. It was awesome. I don’t think he would have appreciated this though.

FBOFW – Can we just skip to some of the happier strips, please – like the ones where Farley dies?

Winkerbeast – Can we revisit some of the happier strips? Like the ones where Lisa dies?
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 13th, 2009 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

194 gleeb.
Lulz. Thanks for putting my mind at ease.
buckyswife
February 13th, 2009 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

Wouldn’t it be great if Jeff’s daughter’s boyfriend was just a nice, ordinary guy, and the two of them were quite happy together? Mary Worth, without the sustenance of human misery, would soon shrivel into a withered, white-haired, fuschia-wearing…. oh, wait. Never mind.
Perky Bird
February 13th, 2009 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

189 Little Guy:

AAAK! Don’t sully “Firefly” with the image of *gack* Amos and Edda as Mal and Inara!
(Come to think of it, the image of them as Roslin and Adama is also going to, unfortunately, linger with me tonight as I watch Galactica…)

Those loathsome little chinless twerps would be more suited to a couple that dies a horrible, painful death. Maybe a pair of those generic teen lovers in one of the “Friday the 13th” movies.
Harold
February 13th, 2009 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

Dingo @125, best wishes. Long road ahead.
Talos
February 13th, 2009 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

GT: I think Gil is just getting Bryce out of the game before the velociraptor-boy-athlete-thing in panel two gets another swipe at his star player. Or maybe he’s made a deal with the devil and inviting Bryce to sit stll so the demons will have an easier time devouring him. Or not. Anything can happen in the land of Goshen.
migellito
February 13th, 2009 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

Dingo – get better! Remember, it’s not Funky Dingobean.

Spiderman – this is actually a plot from way way back in the comic book. Electro intends to hold their power hostage, and in the mean-time use it to be really really high powered.

And also to look like an idiot.
Les of the Jungle Patrol
February 13th, 2009 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

Thursday’s FOOB: augh!!!!

God, this sentiment was knuckle-dragging 30 years ago. I really hope this is a rerun strip and not a new one.
dreadedcandiru2
February 13th, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

Dingo – what migellito said.
monkey.dave
February 13th, 2009 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

9CL Yes, Amos is Humphrey Bogart in the parallel universe where Humphrey Bogart was a chinless nerd with Asperger’s. Remember that scene in To Have and Have Not where Lauren Bacall turns to Bogart and says “You know how to whistle, don’t you, Steve? You just put your lips together – and blow.” And then Bogart started hiccuping uncontrollably and his hair got all mussed up and his glasses were on crooked?

I used to like this strip a lot.
monkey.dave
February 13th, 2009 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

Also, Edda and Amos arrived in Brussels on October 8. Hey Brooke, Judge Parker called. He said to try to move the plot along a bit faster.
Little Guy
February 13th, 2009 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

207: Thorax is the 13th Cylon. (grin, fires up FTL drives and jumps)
seismic-2
February 13th, 2009 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

180 – kalki: I do so much hope your proposed GA scenario turns out to be correct. That way, someone will come along soon with a bow and arrow and kill Sudsy. Or us. Either way, it will be welcome relief.

9CL: “The problems of a dancer and a cellist don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.” I think we all reached that same conclusion many, many months ago. So get on with it already, Brooke.
Little Guy
February 13th, 2009 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

204: 9CL: The Epsteins have a rather famous grandnephew/grandson in Theo Epstein, who is the GM of the Red Sox which won two World Series in four years after the Curse.

Which means I don’t want to see Amos stealing second and scoring on the next pitch, nor with Edda having a bloody leotard.
Poteet
February 13th, 2009 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

Dingo, take care of yourself. Hope you’ll feel much better very soon!
Anonymous
February 13th, 2009 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

Not that the “salad is what food eats” gag is such a side-slapper, but I remember the same exact joke being used on an episode of Alf with a similar inter-species discomfort even though Alf’s meat of choice was just cat.
FOOBed again
February 13th, 2009 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

Get well soon, Dingo!
Poteet
February 13th, 2009 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

MW — “A suspect gathering of prospects.” That may be the best description of Charterstone I’ve ever read.

9CL — What a vile strip. I hope tomorrow won’t be even worse.

PLUGGERS — I think I’ll skip lunch. And dinner.

Phantom — It took several hours of staring at each other to convey this simple message? The Croccos must be fans of JP.
Kelvin the Clown
February 13th, 2009 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

A3G: You’re a great lay, Tommie, but you’re not HIPAA violation great.
Dingo
February 13th, 2009 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to read two weeks of Mary Worth at once, I can now tell you: it’s half the level of nausea of reading two weeks of 9CL at once.

I like the phrase “a suspect gathering of prospects.” It sounds like the title of a really good episode of Mannix or the latest novel by Marilyn Quayle. Either way, the only person to voice it is James Earl Jones, a man I still long to hear say, “Baby get jiggy with my booty and see the seed splayed cross your bodacious rack.”
walty
February 13th, 2009 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

I understand that with high school comes sexual tension, but does that require every single narration box in Gil Thorpe to double as bad porno play-by-play?

ps. Hello class, I’m new here.
Spunky N. Tadpole
February 13th, 2009 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

SFox: Why did today’s panel lead me to think (hope) that the next panel will show BooBoo encountering Pennywise The Clown grinning up him from the next stormdrain? “Hiya, BooBoo! Want a balloon? They float!
Aviatrix
February 13th, 2009 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

MW – Is it too much to ask that Adrian’s new soulmate is someone we already know? Like…Tommy the Tweaker?

Can he at least have a neckerchief?
buckyswife
February 13th, 2009 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

224 walty–Hi, and welcome!
buckyswife
February 13th, 2009 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

226 Aviatrix: Yes, let’s have more neckerchief comics cross-pollination!
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
February 13th, 2009 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

DIngo — get well. You are one of the favorites here.
Islamorada Girl
February 13th, 2009 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

Dingo—Please take care of yourself and get well. As you can see, we all miss you and want you back with us.
Amateur
February 13th, 2009 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

9CL: To paraphrase “MST3K,” never stick a good movie in the middle of your crappy comic strip.
papa zita
February 13th, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

9CL: My biggest gripe isn’t just the stupidity of the story arc, it’s also the idea planted there that this is one of History’s Great Love Affairs. Two teenagers who provide wank material worldwide aren’t worthy of much more than derision (with Amos’ slack ass, that video may be comedy material anyway), and these band camp antics are contrived into being a modern Great Love Affair. Ptui. McEldowney, for all his obvious talents, needs someone with more wit to write his stories.
gh
February 13th, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

Dingo –

Wot’s all this then? There must certainly be a poll we can rig to get you better ASAP. Just hold tight till we find it, my brother. It would appear your wit has not been affected, however.

Nurse, quick. Check his simile production.

It’s at normal levels, Doctor.

Thank goodness. He had me as worried as Rex Morgan in a roomful of Victoria’s Secret models.

Oh, you delight us!
AndyMN
February 13th, 2009 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

Ummm…maybe it’s been said, but when did a Greg Evans think it was funny to rip of the Keane Kompound?

The only thing that’s missing from today’s Luann is Gunther holding a “Washington DC” pennant.
Amateur
February 13th, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

Just saw your first post, Dingo. Hope you feel better very soon!
Rusty
February 13th, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

Today’s Pluggers: Do the upper classes have people to trim their nose hairs? Man, I gotta get me some of that.
Old School Allie Cat
February 13th, 2009 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

#217 Little Guy – My husband and I were in the same screenwriting class where we met Mr. Epstein (though, we hadn’t even started dating at that point). He likes to tell the following story:

Mr. Epstein commented to our prof that students today (today being 1997) dressed so casually – in his day, you wore a coat and tie to class. Our prof said that nowadays, they were lucky if we wore underwear. To which, I quipped, “Well, nothing like a cool breeze!”

My husband remembers thinking “Julius Epstein co-wrote the most romantic movie of all time, and that girl just said to him ‘nothing like a cool breeze’.”

In all seriousness, it was the neatest experience of my college career- my class (and there were only maybe 12 of us in the class) got to sit in a conference room with this man for 2 hours and pick his brain. Then, we got to go over to the student center and watch Casablanca on the big screen with him and he answered even more questions.

Pretty amazing really – especially because, by his account, they all thought it was going to be just another movie when they made it – they were contracted for so many scripts a year, this was just one of them.
Alfred E. Neuman
February 13th, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

#237 Old School Allie Cat— Even more amazing is that the Epsteins were still writing the script while filming was underway. At least so I’ve heard. Did he comment on that?
Jeff
February 13th, 2009 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

A Plugger would be so lucky if his beef was pasutured and finished on grass! My guess is that a Plugger’s “food” is more likely relentlessly gulping industrial corn with Neomycin chasers.
Dingo
February 13th, 2009 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

gh,

He had me as worried as Rex Morgan in a roomful of Victoria’s Secret models.

Thank you. You gave me a good hearty laugh this afternoon. I needed that. Thanks to everyone else for their wishes. I’ve been told that there’s no blockage and that the valves of my heart are fine. With medication and proper treatment, in six months I’ll be fine and as though nothing had ever happened. Sort of like a Tommie Thompson story arc.
ladadog
February 13th, 2009 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Looks like Rex’ voyage of the damned took a turn for the better, what with his eyes lighting up as he realizes he will have some quality alone-time with Guido.

Speaking of Rex….let him nowhere near Dingo.

Take it very easy, Dingo, and here’s to a speedy recovery.

Welcome, Crunchy Frog and walty.

9CL: First Fred and Ginger, then Casablanca, geesch, McEldowney, have you no shame?
Jumper
February 13th, 2009 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

For the first time I realized Lazarus has been spelling “Mama” as “Momma” all this time. Is this some sort of Class System thing? Does “Momma” insist on spelling it that way? So people won’t think she’s Hispanic, for God’s sake? Or Eyetalian? Or is it because the bitter old woman never got to go to school at all? For crying out loud.

Oh, I’d call her up at 4:00 a.m. all right. And not just once. With that invitation, I’d pester her every night until she went mad. Or unmad. Whatever.
Anonymous
February 13th, 2009 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

With medication and proper treatment, in six months I’ll be fine and as though nothing had ever happened.

Dingo: Hope you don’t mind if some of us chime in from time to time to ask how things are. We’ll all be thinking good thoughts for you in the meantime.
Poteet
February 13th, 2009 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

# 175 Muffaroo — Good point. The squirrel can’t do it more than once. On the other hand, the squirrel does it while attired in normal squirrel fashion, whereas Electro does it while attired in a manner that causes some of us to fall about laughing.

I can sort of see how that costume might work for standing around flexing and gloating after a successful power hit. But it seems impractical for traveling to the location where the hit is going to take place.
peabody
February 14th, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

“It’s Bryce Larkin’s first action, in the backcourt with Bill Hawkins”

Well, no wonder he doesn’t want to sit down…

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