The Comics Curmudgeon

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The Mary Worth name game

Mary Worth, 2/15/09

Oh ho ho, Mr. “Confey,” is it? I certainly hope that this isn’t the sort of situation where Confey dents Adrian’s pride or bank account, eh? What sort of man would he be then? Though his choice to grow that little mustache might seem odd to our modern eyes, it will come in handy as he twirls it when he reveals his plotting in thought-balloon form, over a period of six to eight weeks.

Family Circus, 2/15/09

This is certainly one of the more terrifying things that I’ve seen today. Emaciated Ma Keane has finally decided indulge her most sensual fantasy — taking a single bite of chocolate — when a feral band of children led by her own offspring burst through the door. This ravenous mob’s preternatural ability to detect candy has whipped them into a frenzy, which will lead them to greedily consume the entire box of chocolates, and, when they’ve finished with that, the flesh of the poor woman holding it.

Blondie, 2/15/09

“You’re in the final stages of rabies too! C’mon, let’s see how many people we can bite before they shoot us.”

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 15, 2009 at 11:30 pm and is filed under Blondie, Family Circus, Mary Worth.

145 responses to “The Mary Worth name game”

Malethoth K
February 15th, 2009 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

Why do the Bumsteads, a family of four, have a single bathroom? (I was tempted to say a family of five, but then I realized that the shrimpy kid who’s over all the time isn’t actually Dagwood’s son, he just thinks he is). It’s really quite bizarre that they wouldn’t at least have a separate bathroom attached to the master bedroom for Dagwood and Blondie to use.

POSSIBLE EXPLANATION: Dagwood operates a watersports website, and was too cheap to spring for two cameras for two bathrooms, so he funnels his entire family into a single toilet.
Muffaroo
February 15th, 2009 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

I didn’t parse the name that far. I just thought he was a fey con man. Named Ted.
Muffaroo
February 15th, 2009 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

I keep thinking he should have some dialog like this:

Ulysses Everett McGill: Hold on, I don’t want this pomade. I want Dapper Dan.
Pomade Vendor: I don’t carry Dapper Dan, I carry Fop.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well, I don’t want Fop, goddamn it! I’m a Dapper Dan man!
Uncle Lumpy
February 15th, 2009 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

Call me old-fashioned, but shouldn’t Dr. Jeff a) be helping Mary off with her coat in panel 3, b) introducing Mary to Ted in panel 4 instead of barging ahead with his own conversation, and c) taking Mary’s coat to the coat-check unless she’s specifically asked to keep it with her at the table? I hope that at the very least he held Mary’s chair while he was offscreen in panels 5 and 6, but frankly I have my doubts.

I know folks say chivalry belongs to an earlier time, but Mary Worth predates Ivanhoe, fer Chrissake, and probably Gawain and the Green Knight.

I guess what I’m saying is, Jeff is a pig.
Uncle Lumpy
February 15th, 2009 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

I guess what I’m also saying is, I’m a Dapper Dan man.
Digger
February 15th, 2009 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

Given the way he talks, Ted Confey is clearly some sort of time-traveling dandy from the nineteenth century. Fortunately for him, he’s landed amongst Mary Woth and co., so the displacement from his own era will seem negligible.
Steven
February 15th, 2009 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

While the Bumstead house is archaic, it isn’t that archaic. Most inner city pre WWII housing had a single bathroom.

Fairly normal chaos in older construction with large family groupings.
A New Day
February 15th, 2009 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

I’m only curious as to how this storyline can end with Confey being both exposed as a cretin and also making a pass at Mary. Curious, mind you, not quite interested.
zenvelo
February 15th, 2009 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

What’s with “excellent choice of venue”? Is MW expecting dinner to be a trial? Who the hell uses “venue” in normal conversation?
BigTed
February 15th, 2009 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

It isn’t just the mustache that gives Ted away — it’s the fact that he’s missing out on the casual Santa Royale lifestyle, in which proper dress at “one of the most highly rated restaurants” is a loud green sportcoat and open shirt, rather than an expensive suit and tie. Perhaps he’s used to the kind of bar where gentlemen tend to be better dressed, and where referring to one’s date as “Queenie” means something else entirely.
Aitherion
February 16th, 2009 at 12:01 am [Reply]

It disturbs me that none of you have put two and two together, looked at Ted Confey’s mustache, and determined that he’s going to be the next Mark Trail villain. Evidently he’s going to bring the “only woman in the world” and put her on some sort of wildlife preserve where she can run free as the only one of her species. Mark will then punch him.
Baron Von Foobenstein
February 16th, 2009 at 12:02 am [Reply]

The Family Circus kids only come up to mom’s knees. That’s always freaked me out about this strip.
BigTed
February 16th, 2009 at 12:03 am [Reply]

So the Keane house is actually made entirely of giant, floor-to-ceiling windows? No wonder the kids always know exactly what the adults are doing. When they say “Family Circus,” I think they may be referring so something more like a zoo.
Barbs
February 16th, 2009 at 12:04 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: He has the sleeze ball mustash, it will be another episode of the dangers of the internet. He will try to take Adrian for all she is worth.
SayItWithWookies
February 16th, 2009 at 12:07 am [Reply]

“Mary, I’d like you to meet my functionally-retarded middle-aged daughter with freakishly large man-hands and her Errol-Flynn-like nefarious suitor. They bonded over having the same gunmetal-blue shade of hair and love of archaic gestures. And if you think this dinner will last forever, just wait until you see our forthcoming breakup over Mr. Confey’s access to Adrian’s bank account and his plan to finance a bridge across the East River to Manhattan.”
Dale K.
February 16th, 2009 at 12:08 am [Reply]

Gah–a “rage” outbreak has spread to the Keane compound!
Charlene
February 16th, 2009 at 12:08 am [Reply]

Did anyone else notice that Ted Confey is simply Drew in a moustache? This would be less distressing if Drew wasn’t Adrian’s brother.

Do they have Internet service in rural Vietnam?
Uncle Lumpy
February 16th, 2009 at 12:08 am [Reply]

I wish I had a pencil thin moustache
The Boston Blackie kind
A two toned Ricky Ricardo jacket
And an autographed picture of Andy Devine

Oh, I could be anyone I wanted to be
Maybe suave Errol Flynn or the Sheik of Araby
If I only had a pencil thin moustache
Then I could do some cruisin’ too.
Charlene
February 16th, 2009 at 12:09 am [Reply]

“Why do the Bumsteads, a family of four, have a single bathroom?”

Probably because most houses built before 1945 (and a lot built since) only have one bathroom. We once had seven people living in our single-bathroom house. Worse, at the time we had no shower, just a bathtub that took half an hour to fill up.
Beatrice
February 16th, 2009 at 12:09 am [Reply]

The excellent choice of venue appears to be the same highly rated-restaurant Jon Arbuckle takes his dates to. I hope Liz runs into Mary in the ladies’ for some cross-cartoon meddling.
Black Drazon
February 16th, 2009 at 12:10 am [Reply]

“Darling… you are! After, of course, I kill every other woman in the world so that none will cast a shadow over your beauty, starting with this old biddy right here, that surely no one will forget.”

This should be epic.
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 16th, 2009 at 12:11 am [Reply]

Dagwood’s strategy is all wrong. Instead of “Does anybody want to use the bathroom before I start shaving?” what he should have said was “Ooh, that breakfast burrito is going right through me.” And then slam the door and make the appropriate sound effects.
Anonymous
February 16th, 2009 at 12:12 am [Reply]

Is there any hope that Mark Trail will make a guest appearance in Mary Worth and knock that pencil moustache askew?
Sheila Sternwell
February 16th, 2009 at 12:14 am [Reply]

Aaaand now I have “50 Foot Queenie” stuck in my head. At least it finally dislodged that Social Distortion song that was there for a week.
Mr. O'Malley
February 16th, 2009 at 12:17 am [Reply]

MT: The statement “most animals fail to distinguish stationary objects” seems a little bit dodgy to me.

If a stationary image is projected on the the cells in your eye, the cells cease to respond. That is why the only time you can see the blood vessels inside your eye is when you look at a blank wall when you first wake up, or when the doctor shines a light into your eye.

Human have microsaccades, tiny involuntary movements of the eye, that permit a stationary object to be viewed. Birds don’t, so they have to move their heads to look at stationary objects.

Primates and cats have microsaccades, but what about other mammals? Does anyone know the answer?
Poteet
February 16th, 2009 at 12:24 am [Reply]

MW — I’ll say one thing for Mr. Confey. He managed to maintain a fairly normal head shape for eight entire panels. That’s more than can be said for “Queenie.” See Panel Seven. *shudder*

And Mary, for the love of God, donate that cinnamon jacket to Goodwill and buy a new jacket in some neutral color. Cinnamon does not go well with every color in your wardrobe. Trust me.
rachel
February 16th, 2009 at 12:24 am [Reply]

Forget the con man stuff. “Queenie” plus the John Waters resemblance equals only a few months of plot progression before Adrian finds out Ted was really just looking for a beard.
Joe Blevins
February 16th, 2009 at 12:26 am [Reply]

MW: Now, just hold on a minute. Let’s not judge this Ted Confey so soon. There may yet be a happy ending for Adrian. Once she gets hair extensions, she and Ted could tour the country reenacting old episodes of The Addams Family at dinner theaters.

FC: Uh-oh, Thel. Looks like you’ve got an infestation of Dickensian urchins. Better call the Orkin man before they break into song.
jlp
February 16th, 2009 at 12:26 am [Reply]

Who knew the Keanes lived on the endless steppes of southerun Russia?
rachel
February 16th, 2009 at 12:27 am [Reply]

also, Ted’s last line is a bit weird…obviously Adrian is not the only biologically female Homo sapiens in the world, but he’s also saying that right in front of Mary. just what is he insinuating?
Tim O'Shenko
February 16th, 2009 at 12:27 am [Reply]

re: Blondie: The house I grew up in, built in 1976, had two bathrooms, but only one with a sink. I still have memories of hectic mornings before school which looked much like this one.
Poteet
February 16th, 2009 at 12:28 am [Reply]

# 25 Mr. O’Malley — Wow. I can’t remember whether you said you’ve been on JEOPARDY, but if you have any ability to bang fast on a buzzer, I would think you’d be a natural.
Aeva
February 16th, 2009 at 12:30 am [Reply]

I’m beginning to wonder if pencil-thin mustaches won’t become the latest craze in Mary Worth villains. Nothing screams “evil fiend!” like prepubescent facial hair.
dyslexic dog
February 16th, 2009 at 12:33 am [Reply]

I look forward to the end of this MW arc, when in a celebratory vapor of victory, Mary happily strews the ConfedTey about as the survivors dance deliriously back to the Bum Boat.
Lisa
February 16th, 2009 at 12:35 am [Reply]

I don’t get it about “Confey”… I mean I get con, but what is it about fey?
AhClem
February 16th, 2009 at 12:35 am [Reply]

MW – ‘Ted Confey’ is an anagram for ‘Fey Docent’ or ‘Fenced Toy.’ Either way, this story line can only end in bloodshed, tears or a vice squad raid.
Cheeky Wee Monkeys
February 16th, 2009 at 12:36 am [Reply]

Why is there absolutely nothing after that final piece of the sidewalk? Do the people in Family Circus live at the edge of the world? I hope so, because it’s a good place to get rid of… evidence.
Alfred E. Neuman
February 16th, 2009 at 12:37 am [Reply]

MW— Aitherion (#11), I also made that connection, but I’m late to the ol’ CC today, so you beat me to it, dangnabit. On further reflection, I think it’s going to take a team effort by two stalwart heros to defeat the evil Confey: Mark Trail to apply the “Confey dents” to Ted’s head, and Rocky Balboa to distract Ted by yelling, “Yo, Adrian!”
Batman Beatles
February 16th, 2009 at 12:37 am [Reply]

MW – I bet Ted has a dungeon with all his other wives.
Poteet
February 16th, 2009 at 12:45 am [Reply]

MW — Per yesterthread, just to cover all my bets, er, bases, I’ll put 75 cents on Confey being some kind of physical/emotional abuser. I say that only because meeting someone who instantly declares “You are my soulmate! You’re perfect for me!” is now frequently listed as a Warning Sign.

Things have changed a lot since I was a little girl learning from Disney to believe in Love At First Sight. *tiny sigh*

But I still think “confidence man” is most likely. A garrulous, boring confidence man who will torture us for weeks before a lame climax and lamer denouement. SLEEPING BEAUTY would be much more entertaining in a lot less time.
Roto13
February 16th, 2009 at 12:47 am [Reply]

In Dick Tracy, apparently Angelwhatever decided to shoot Doctor Noll in the abdomen, despite the fact that she had the gun aimed at his head. Interesting stuff.
Lurker Steve
February 16th, 2009 at 12:49 am [Reply]

Malethoth K @ #1: So now one bathroom homes are slums? That’s exactly the attitude that got people buying 8-bedroom, 6-bathroom homes that they couldn’t afford and now has the U.S. economy spiraling into the murky depths of…..sorry, what I meant to say was “Mark Trail sucks”. I’m new at this snark thing and don’t think I’ve quite got the hang of it. Back to lurking.
IronMouse
February 16th, 2009 at 12:56 am [Reply]

I can ignore the notion that the Bumbstead residence has only one bathroom but I am truly amazed at the idea that they have only one mirror in the entire house…Strangely the fact that the Bumstead house lacks a toilet doesn’t bother me in the least
Mr.Death
February 16th, 2009 at 12:57 am [Reply]

MW: The first thing I thought when I saw Mr. Conway in the second panel is “I think I have a new Facebook picture!”
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
February 16th, 2009 at 1:05 am [Reply]

Didn’t Mary Worth already have a guy who looked like former New York Governor and 1948 presidential candidate Thomas Dewey?
papa zita
February 16th, 2009 at 1:07 am [Reply]

MW: And so the windows know about Vietnam. I’ve heard of cultural saturation, but that’s ridiculous.

Rex Morgan, Disease Vector: Can’t tell anyone about the outbreak? Why, so that the other passengers can sicken themselves unknowingly? It isn’t like they can get off that floating pesthole. You’d make a good politician, Rexie boy. Doctor, not so much.
Muffaroo
February 16th, 2009 at 1:11 am [Reply]

rachel @27 – Hmmm… John Waters. If it only turns out that he has a hideous mother! Then, if Mary crosses him, he can break into her house and run around licking all the dishes! (We draw a merciful curtain over how Mary tops him to become the Worst Person in the World.)

Lisa @35 – “Fey” is a word I’ve heard used to mean “fairlylike.” Do I need to complete the diagram here? I am but referring dispassionately to what Moy seems to be saying here. Fairies are the salt of the earth, or the sky, or wherever it is they’re the salt.

Skullturf Q. Beavispants @45 – It might have been mentioned. If this thing gets as far as matrimony, Ted’s going to look great standing on top of the cake.

Speaking of Mark Trail – How about today’s BC? Wooo!
Brent
February 16th, 2009 at 1:24 am [Reply]

Malethoth K:

The question isn’t “why is there one bathroom”, it’s “why do they not have a second mirror in this house?” None of the other three is actually using the sink.
Mal
February 16th, 2009 at 1:25 am [Reply]

MW – Wow, so they exhumed the body of Clark Gable to play the role of the dastardly internet pseudo-paramour. If this story doesn’t include a scene with Ted carrying a squirming Mary up a stairway for southern-style lovins, I’ll be disappointed.
AlphabetFish
February 16th, 2009 at 1:31 am [Reply]

The void in the background in Family Circus implies that Mrs. Keane (does she have a name?) has gone literally to the ends of the earth to avoid her children, but they continue to stalk her, possibly appearing out of thin air like demons.

For a comic ostensibly about cute kids being cute, this strip frequently crosses the line into horror.
Pinokeyo's Wife
February 16th, 2009 at 1:36 am [Reply]

I am so glad that Mary’s back at Charterstone!
Winky's Spleen
February 16th, 2009 at 1:36 am [Reply]

One of life’s little mysteries: Why is it that I loathe the Family Circus because they’re so stupid, while I love the Pearls Before Swine crocs because they’re so stupid? Pointing out that the latter are funny while the former are not merely restates the issue.
Stranger...
February 16th, 2009 at 1:37 am [Reply]

#9 – Actually, I took venue to mean “Scene on an event, i.e. sporting or entertainment event”. They’re getting ready to RUMBLE
Winky's Spleen
February 16th, 2009 at 1:38 am [Reply]

Missing noun: I meant to say “Family Circus brats”. And here I was so pleased with myself for not mis-typing any words.
Angry Kem
February 16th, 2009 at 1:49 am [Reply]

The insanity of Crock is a medieval insanity.

The rest of Sunday’s comics just make me want to cry. Just as an example: what kind of room is Thel standing in there? It’s got a giant picture window two inches away from a door; on the other side of the window is what may be a china cabinet. The window looks out upon a featureless lawn that gives way very quickly to empty blue sky. Where is this house…Saskatchewan? Did the children appear out of thin air? There are apparently no other houses in the neighbourhood, so whose children are they? Why do I even care?
Poteet
February 16th, 2009 at 1:50 am [Reply]

# 42 Lurker Steve — Hi! You are welcome to emerge from lurkdom again if you feel so inclined. For what it’s worth, when I was a kid and our family of six visited my grandparents, there were eight people staying in an old house with one bathroom for two weeks or so, and we survived just fine. Also, my two sisters and I shared one bedroom growing up and we didn’t feel deprived. Yes (she says, waving her cane), I know it can be done.

I confess I’m glad I’m not doing it now, though. One nice thing about cats is that they never hog the bathroom, though they may try to trip you as you enter.
Poteet
February 16th, 2009 at 1:53 am [Reply]

# 55 Angry Kem — Yeah. FC looks like a horror movie called CHILDREN OF THE LAWN.
Brock Sampson
February 16th, 2009 at 1:56 am [Reply]

Ted Confey = Morris Day’s white half-brother
seismic-2
February 16th, 2009 at 1:56 am [Reply]

The problem with having the new villain in MW be named “Ted Confey” is that it leads to confusion with Sally Forth. Let’s see – in “Mary”, Ted is the gay guy who is seeking a relationship with Adrian, and in “Sally”, Ted is the gay guy whose co-workers think he is having a relationship with Aria. In “Mary”, Ted and Adrian are two nerds who are into the Internet, and in “Sally”, Ted and Aria are two nerds who are into Science Fiction. In “Sally”, Ted has “lady hands” that he presses against his chest, and in “Mary”, Adrian has Gil Thorpe-sized man hands that she presses against her chest. In “Sally”, Ted’s life is made a living hell by Sally’s meddling, shrewish mother, and in “Mary”, Ted is about to have his life eviscerated by…

Oh, never mind. I won’t even bother to try keeping them apart. I’ll just enjoy the misery and wait for Ted Confey to be meted the ultimate punishment for his sins. That comes when he meets Ian and Toby.
Poteet
February 16th, 2009 at 1:58 am [Reply]

# 55 Angry Kem — Also, per your latest Japes footnote, I am now an official volunteer pen pal of a local fifth grader, and I was interested to see that his writing is better than that of certain college students, per samples of bad college writing emailed by a friend who’s teaching freshman English. I don’t know if this is reason to feel encouraged or depressed.
Poteet
February 16th, 2009 at 2:01 am [Reply]

2/16 MT — “Yes, I really wish Ken and I could have children! Children would be much better than a pet deer! Because I doubt if Ken would try to shoot our children in the head unless they were really seriously annoying!”
sak
February 16th, 2009 at 2:05 am [Reply]

*psst* Confey, I know you want to impress your date by slavishly agreeing with everything she says, even to the point of stating that she is the “ONLY WOMAN IN THE WORLD!” But Mary Worth is right there and you wanna avoid offending… oh wait… I get it. Carry on then you brave brave man.
dale
February 16th, 2009 at 2:17 am [Reply]

Blondie

What Brent said at #48.
Also, they do have other mirrors. We often see Blondie sitting at her dressing table. Last week we saw daughter trying to pick out clothes: no mirror on her dressing table? Junior could have skipped the whole process for the amount of good it did.
Muffaroo
February 16th, 2009 at 2:21 am [Reply]

Alphabet Fish @50 – “Thel.”
Steve the Pocket
February 16th, 2009 at 2:30 am [Reply]

Between Mr. Confey, Dewey Cheatham in Judge Parker, and …. well, pretty much everybody in Dick Tracy, I’m starting to see an odd pattern developing in the way soap opera strips name their characters. I guess when you’re expected to keep your comics devoid of humor and run every storyline on for months on end, you gotta blow off steam somewhere.

Hi and Lois: I know what the change is: You left out the punchline!

MyCage: Ah yes, Deus ex Machina Industries, maker of the popular MacGuffin 4000DX!

Pluggers: OH SWEET BEEZUS THIS JUST HAPPENED TODAY. My attempts to hold back the tide of Pluggerdom have only caused it to burst in all at once and drown me in one fell swoop. A moment of silence, please, for my non-Plugger status.

R.I.P.
1986-2009
“You never know what you’ll miss till it’s gone”
Sheila Sternwell
February 16th, 2009 at 2:46 am [Reply]

Hey, Judge Parker literally said “You’re the new Judge Parker!” to his son, confirming what we’ve known for… a decade. Maybe longer. Perhaps in a couple of years they’ll admit that their world is populated by an uncanny amount of young women with huge breasts.
True Fable
February 16th, 2009 at 3:05 am [Reply]

9CL Gratuitous hard-on reference.
A3G These two will never get laid, not even by each other.
(WT)DT Dammit, there’d better be a QUINK tossed in here soon or I’m gonna be pissed.
FC Oh shit, Billy! You brought him back!
Canadian Zombie It looks like Elly is giving Lizzie the Shaken Baby Syndrome in panel three, but it isn’t. Elly just naturally freaks the hell out when she’s expected to, hello, care for her baby.
Depressed in Cancerville Ahh, so this is where all the Zombie Lisa strips have been leading to!
Scenes from Suburban Hell Life is so bleak in Suburban Hell, just walking around in a large spacious area with nothing in it brings joy simply because it’s clean and bright.
JP There can only be One. Randy, it’s time to lop off your dad’s head.
Fists o’ Justice Theater Mark doesn’t want to hear about your husband’s occasional abusive behavior. All he cares about is the deer, bitch.
Marmadick Suffer the little children: just because you are little kids doesn’t mean the dog won’t eat you alive.
Meddle House Have you ever been to Vietnam?… Have you ever seen a gladiator movie…?
MC Ahh Bridget, you can wag your cute little tail at my place any time.
Kit Walker, Matiwan Ranger Oh dear lord, they’re off the Sunday pages and onto the weekdays – The Impossibly Ripped Kids!
Pluggers Pluggers drive Indian cars. I myself am Creek Indian and boy, do I know an Indian car when I see one.
RMMW Rex has mysteriously aged since yesterday.
S-M Oh crap, this is why I quit reading the comic books: Every Fucking Time ANYTHING happened, Aunt May got the vapors and always whined for Peter. I’ll bet if the mailman delivered the mail ten minutes ahead of schedule she’d be close to passing out while wanting her nephew to come hold her bony-assed hand.
And by the way: What the hell happened to Peter Parker’s parents, anyway? Spider-Brick or commodorejohn or anyone else who might know – can you tell me the answer? Did they just get fed up with the little bastard and skip town or something? Or were they bitten by a radioactive goose and just migrated?
Mibbitmaker
February 16th, 2009 at 3:07 am [Reply]

2/16:

DT: Hey! That moronic Popeye wannabe actually pulled a fast one on Vainglorious! I didn’t think he had it in h– wait… gasoline formula?? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PERFUME FORMULA??? (void if explained on Sunday)

H&J: Wha’… an empty rectangle… with a little, boxed-in red “x” in it, and the words “comic image” next to it, on my Chron page? Hey, Herb, Jamaal — you can take this vagueness thing just so far…

JP: “There will only be one Judge Parker, Dad!” And, in most JP strips, not even that.

MT: Look — her speech balloon has its own speech balloon! In “Mark Trail”, even speech balloons talk!

MW: Mary then painfully grabs Jeff’s ear with her fingers, lowly grumbling through clenched teeth, “I told you we settled that, I don’t need you bringing it up now, okay…?!”
Deena in OR
February 16th, 2009 at 3:19 am [Reply]

@ True Fable:

You beat me to the MC Bridget remark. All I can say is “Sqeeee!” Too adorable.
late2theparty
February 16th, 2009 at 3:41 am [Reply]

Poor Adrian, about to get confey’d. Here all she was trying to do was indulge her “young Walt Disney” fetish.
Donald the Anarchist
February 16th, 2009 at 3:55 am [Reply]

MW Good Lord. Just seeing that mustache was enough to make me die laughing. I’m afraid Josh’s snark barely registered. I wonder if Giella was able to keep a straight face while drawing ~~Snidely Whiplash~~ this distinguished gentleman. I wonder how he was able to keep a straight pen…

Blondie Are there two men in this neighborhhod too stupid to wash shaving cream off their faces before leaving the house? Does Dagwood think a face full of goop is somehow more presentable than a day’s worth of beard?

#67 True Fable Re: Spidey’s parents. In the comic books, Peter’s parents were CIA agents who were killed as a result of their intelligence work. I don’t think the comic strip ever dealt with that but the most recent animated series may have, IIRC
Joe the Plugger
February 16th, 2009 at 4:26 am [Reply]

9CL: An encore. Of course. An encore. This storyline has gone on longer than the Obama transition, inauguration and administration. So, naturally, we need an encore. Why didn’t I see that coming? (Coming? Did I just make a 9CL standing ovation joke?)
Cheese-n-Pear
February 16th, 2009 at 4:48 am [Reply]

MT:

S-M: Now that the strip has turned the clock back, it also returns to the tried and true themes of superhero comics.
Supervillain – Mwahahaha! Today the city lies at my feet. Tomorrow, I shall pay my electric bill!
Superhero – Curse you! I would stop you, but my aunt is slightly dizzy! What shall I do?
Mr. O'Malley
February 16th, 2009 at 4:49 am [Reply]

What do 9CL and Beavis and Butthead have in common?

FC: My theory about the Keane house is that it has chicken-like legs capable of seven-league strides. One moment it locates itself in suburbia, where it attracts urchins by wafting out the delicious odor of chocolate. Then it begins to whirl on its axis, sucking the urchins toward the vortex while it strides off to Saskatchewan or Siberia or whereever it is now, where it can consume them at leisure.

Crankshaft: So is that it for the story of the 80-year old woman whose husband died 60 years ago? Or is this something I’m supposed to remember from some decades-old strip?

SlyFo: Because electron beams require a vacuum? And why do little bears have to wear pants but little raccoons don’t?

ZtP: One of the better ones today.

MW: Here’s where Mary is going to spring a surprise trick question:

“Do you know Pho Tu Tuan on Lua Bo Avenue in Hanoi?”

“Why, yes, I dine there whenever I am in Hanoi.”

“But Pho Tu Tuan is actually on Cao Do Street!”

JP: I see he still hasn’t brought up the ice.

ReFoob: For anyone who still buys the idea that this used to be a good strip …
Alfred E. Neuman
February 16th, 2009 at 5:00 am [Reply]

Monday crap

9CL— “And Amos, I’m giving you a standing ovulation.”

(Blame Norm Crosby, not me. Anyway, McEldowney started it.)

BB— Camp “Swampy”? In Arizona?

DT— Today, the part of Angel(gl)orious is being played by Stan Laurel.

FC— “We were teaching PJ how to be a target in a snowball fight. He was a good pupil, and took those wet snowball hits with great aqueous humor. But then we hit him retina eye and and his humor turned vitreous. We tried to cheer him up by telling him jokes, but he said that they were too cornea. We made him a snow cone and even a snow rod, but he didn’t have the nerve to try them, so here he is.”

(Unfortunately, I can’t blame Norm Crosby this time. Today’s strip just lens itself to my peculiar style of ocularity.)

H&L— Today’s strip is almost as odd as my previous comment. Hi and Lois appear to be making a pro-Obama political statement. Or they’re commenting on the drastic decrease of customers in their recession-wracked mall. Either way, it’s not particularly humorous. They should leave the social relevance stuff to more appropriate strips, like Blondie.

MW— Someone outside of the window appears to be on to Ted. The disembodied voice apparently believes that Ted is actually Drew, returned from Vietnam in heavy mustache disguise to put the make on his sister. Geez, who does Ted/Drew think Adrian is, Bernice Halper?
Mr. O'Malley
February 16th, 2009 at 5:39 am [Reply]

Prince Valiant: I’ve been to Tintagel Castle and it doesn’t look anything like that. Actually it looks more wild and romantic.
mojo
February 16th, 2009 at 5:46 am [Reply]

If Mary Worth still misses the flow and freedom that only ice skating can bring, it’s good to know she can still feel that wind in her hair now that she’s back in Santa Royale. All she needs is a good running start and she can S-L-I-D-E clear across the room on the oily trail of slime Adrian’s new boyfriend leaves on whatever he touches. I mean, “Queenie”? C’mon! I’ve been with my husband for well over twenty years, and he’s never ONCE attempted to call me “Queenie”. I’m sure there’s a corollary there, should anyone be studying long-term human relationships. And for all the clueless teenaged boys out there who are just beginning to enter the dating world: DON’T start out by calling her “Queenie”. Just …. ya know …. don’t.
Faraway
February 16th, 2009 at 6:42 am [Reply]

# 67 9CL: Look, I’m not a native speaker. I mean, I really could not believe what I was thinking about today’s strip and I had to look it up here… Now I’m a bit reassured about my language skills… but still very concerned about the strip. What will come next?
gleeb
February 16th, 2009 at 7:29 am [Reply]

1: Nor do any of the Bumsteads have a designated person to wipe their bottoms for them. Where did you grow up that sharing a bathroom is not only not the norm, but literally unimagineable?

Pigborn: We’d all prefer less chat, but I don’t know what in this strip I’d like to see instead.

Brenda: So it’s all about the black orchids, huh? Basil does it only because it’ll help himself. Not really the great humanitarian, is he?

9CL: More dick jokes. What is this, a sleazy burlesque act or a comic strip?

Baldo: The kid who, last Wednesday, was so lazy he was sleeping past 11 is now giving backtalk to others?

Parker: There can be only one! Gavel fight!

Slylock: M. le Comte just wants you to get off his lawn, OK?

Zippy: If it weren’t blindingly obvious, here’s proof that Griffy is an entitled white male.
Patrick
February 16th, 2009 at 7:36 am [Reply]

After dinner, Jeff and Ted realize they, too, have met online, as participants on the “Lovers of Herb Tarlek Sport Jackets” message board.
John C Fremont
February 16th, 2009 at 7:53 am [Reply]

9CL – Yep. Another “high class” dick joke from Brooke McEldowney.

MW – From the second panel, I’m thinking Mary’s found a new boy toy. Love. That’s just part of the magic that happens every day at The Golden Corridor. Join us, won’t you? And be sure to ask about our lunch specials.
danzig
February 16th, 2009 at 8:28 am [Reply]

Family Circus- I have seen that EXACT cartoon years ago in FC. I remember it as a child because I thought it was mean to hide the candy from the children. This is showing that the Keene universe is on an endless loop and there is no escape.
DB
February 16th, 2009 at 8:39 am [Reply]

Fam Circ and Dennis the Menace were so much better back when an occasional spanking kept things on the straight and narrow!
buckyswife
February 16th, 2009 at 8:52 am [Reply]

MT: I’m finding this whole abusive-spouse plot pretty disturbing. Patty’s words (”but…”) indicate that everything was tolerable until Ken shot Bucky–and Mark’s response indicates that he agrees. Patty, Mark, Cherry: It’s ALL intolerable!
buckyswife
February 16th, 2009 at 8:57 am [Reply]

19 Charlene & others: I have a semi-serious question. The Bumsteads’ bathroom situation seems pretty out of date to me: How many people nowadays, especially middle-class commuting suburbanites, only have one bathroom in their houses? I live in a middle-class neighborhood of pre-WWII homes, and as far as I know, all of them have added on to have more than one bath, too (thank you, zillow.com).

So here’s where I’d like input: I’m trying to think of other instances in which the comics are fundamentally out of date. Not in the “those kids and their damned texting” way–that’s a deliberately outdated position for the sake of “humor.” Instead, I’d like to hear examples of comics that appear to be out of touch with chronological reality–that are anachronistic.

Sort of a “Signs That Your Comics Humor Is Outdated” list.
Saluki
February 16th, 2009 at 8:58 am [Reply]

Monday 2/16

9CL: Is that a tuning fork in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

BC: Is that an icicle in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

BB: Is that a cactus in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

H&L: Is that a veto in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
teddytoad
February 16th, 2009 at 9:09 am [Reply]

It’d be a lot harder for Ted Confey to get away with his, “Darling, you’re the only woman in the world!” bit with Mary sitting right there, if Mary didn’t look so much like TV’s Frank.
Amateur
February 16th, 2009 at 9:22 am [Reply]

Ha! #87 for COTW!
Chyron HR
February 16th, 2009 at 9:32 am [Reply]

Screw you guys, I like Ted Confey. He’s twice as charming as Amos (and nowhere near as creepy), and unlike inaction heroes Sam Driver and Rex Morgan, he appears to be interested in an actual human female.
seismic-2
February 16th, 2009 at 9:38 am [Reply]

GA: I do like Scancarelli’s art, but in the third panel it appears that Skeezix is terribly shocked because he sees a cup of coffee that is levitating. It can’t be that he’s shocked that even though he has patronized the diner since 1950, he was told to wait a minute, can it? After all, he sees Slim working in the kitchen, so surely he immediately lowered all expectations of customer satisfaction to zero.

MW: “Have you ever been to Vietnam?” From the direction of the word balloon, I have to speculate that Drew asking this, while hiding in the curtains. If Jack Elrod has started working on this strip, I’ll… Well, I was about to say “lower all expectations of customer satisfaction to zero”, but of course they’ve already been at that level for the last half-century.

DtM: Yeah, Dennis, a land full of bees and cows. When Moses encountered the burning bush, it told him, “You know, I really don’t like you people very much, so I’m sending you to a place where you will either get stung or step in something.” That Yahweh is such a card!
Anonymous
February 16th, 2009 at 9:47 am [Reply]

Newsflash: Gasoline Alley has a real joke.
Brick Bradford
February 16th, 2009 at 9:50 am [Reply]

MT I have to agree with Buckyswife–this arc is disturbing. They should be calling the copsl–or that guy who looks like General Pershing anyway–not worrying about the damned little deer.

9CL Oh goody, another erection joke.

MW Is it just me or does Mary look absolutely aroused in the last panel of today’s (2-16) strip?

Popeye I love the android Sweet Pea. I still think he needs to go and live with the Keanes for awhile. If nothing else he’d put a little spine into that wimp PJ.
Angry Kem
February 16th, 2009 at 9:50 am [Reply]

Okay…to be fair, I grew up in a three-bedroom house with only one bathroom. Evil bastards demolished this house maybe seven years ago, but up until that point, there it was: a one-bathroom split level in all its glory. When my parents built their new house, they made bloody sure to put in two bathrooms. I still don’t see it as much of an improvement. Because my sister is married, she gets the real bedroom at Christmas; I, the spinster sister, have to sleep in the tiny computer room. It’s nice to have an extra bathroom, but I miss my personal space.

On the other hand, I appreciate there being more than twenty minutes’ worth of hot water available. One-bathroom houses can suck that way.
Trent
February 16th, 2009 at 9:54 am [Reply]

“Ted” Confey is a red herring — If we’re playing the anagram game, lets use the full name… Ted is short for both Edward and Theodore. Indeed, only the full name will give us the clues we need.

If Ted turns out to be Theodore Confey, he might surprise us all. The anagram there is “Decoy Often Hero.”

And if it’s Edward, the anagram is “Way Forced End.”
UncleJeff
February 16th, 2009 at 9:59 am [Reply]

MW – A little “Just for Men” on the mustache. Lasik surgery. It’s the return of FBOW’s Anthony as “Ted Confey”!
bapp
February 16th, 2009 at 10:04 am [Reply]

So Drew has grown a mustache, picked an alias, and is dating his sister? A sister, it must be acknowledged, with a dog’s nickname and decided man hands. It’s interesting that in all those Sunday panels, Mary has yet to balloon an opinion. I can only imagine what her first remark will be. I’m sure it won’t be anything you wouldn’t find outside of a Hallmark greeting card, though it’s intention will be to wound deeply. She wouldn’t be Mary Worth if it weren’t.
150
February 16th, 2009 at 10:13 am [Reply]

Aww. It’s nice to see that Snidely Whiplash is working again.
migellito
February 16th, 2009 at 10:34 am [Reply]

90, seismic – For some reason, I’ve never been able to imagine the burning bush having anything other than the voice of Mel Brooks.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
February 16th, 2009 at 10:35 am [Reply]

9CL – While I appreciate the pantsless Edda in panel 1, I’m horrified that there will be an encore. I mean, I appreciate looking at pictures of someone playing the cello as much as the next guy, sure. But we had the rehearsals, the preliminary round, the finals, the re-do of the finals behind a screen (This time, it’s Impersonal!!), the celebratory concert, and now we get an encore. Still in the wings, of course, are the proposal and the break-up. Woo Hoo!

Doonesbury – I’m trying to find another interpretation for this plot development other than “Now that we have President Jesus, there is no more lobbying in D.C.”. I mean, we just agreed on $800 billion in spending for the sake of spending, there are hundreds of billions lying around for the bailouts, and socialized medicine is on tap. If your lobbying firm isn’t going like gangbusters, you must be painfully incompetent.

Luann – Whatever. No Brad and TJ home-alone hijinks. No “Luann chaperoned by her parents” plot. The date with the greaser teenage midget multimillionaire is just dropped. Instead we get Family Circus style gag-a-day jokes about DC.
un malpaso
February 16th, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

MW: Hmmm.. not only the pencil-thin mustache, but also the feeble “unmanly” handshake, the Brylcreemed hair, the limpid eyes… all suggest that perhaps Adrian’s new Internet “beau” is, in fact, the reincarnation of Tennessee Williams.
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 16th, 2009 at 10:44 am [Reply]

2/16

A3G: Gary’s standards for what’s interesting are pretty damn low. So he and Tommie really are the perfect couple.

MT: Since there’s no audio on this comic, I’m left wondering something. Did the word “abusive” make a whistling sound as it sped through Mark’s head and out the other ear?

Luann: That night, Capitol Police chuckled over beers about the ranting vagrant they tasered on the steps.

MW: Some snoopy person on the other side of the window wants to know if Ted the Con ever went to Vietnam. Back off! This is Mary’s meddle turf.

S4th: Ted evidently does not remember high school. Was he homeschooled by a TV set?

9CL: Edda, please please PLEASE stop hitting me over the head with your boyfriend’s erection It’s giving me the migraine of a lifetime.

Shoe: There’s no such thing as a rear-view mirror for your bathroom. The guy at the desk looks alarmed because he’s forgotten how to get rid of time-wasting non-customers without being rude.

JP: In a party that looks like it’s taking place in the Kennedy White House, a father hands his seasoned gavel to his son. The sound you just heard was Sigmund Freud swallowing his cigar.

BB: So Camp Swampy is next to a desert. Hence the name.

M-Dawg: Ah, donut-fed urchin. Succulent! Ordinarily you have to go on a Carribean cruise with Rex Morgan for such delicacies.

SFx: The real Count Weirdly is taking a well-deserved vacation. Covering him this week is a pink skinned doofus who used to let his girlfriend do all his science homework.
papa zita
February 16th, 2009 at 10:47 am [Reply]

9CL: Yup, back to the freak and the slug. Bet the slug never learns that the freak fell asleep during his concert. (Yes, I refuse to refer to them by name ever again). I wish the slug had beaten the son of a made man in competition, then we could have the pleasure of seeing every one of the slug’s fingers being broken with a ballpeen hammer.

Luann: Who’s the dumbass who looks like a thrift store vomited on him?
Captain Insano
February 16th, 2009 at 10:49 am [Reply]

You know, I’ve tried to be witty and snarky in my attempts to garner a spot in the coveted “Comments of the Week,” but to no avail. So, today, I’m just going to be completely and totally honest.

I hate Family Circus. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. I hate the strip’s insipid attempts at cute humor. I hate the assumption of my stupidity. I hate the drawing style–from the water-headed children to Thel’s vaguely mannish build and hairstyle to Pa Keane’s soulless, pupil-less eyes. I hate the dogs. I hate the neighbors. I had the unnamed playmates that show up time again. I hate this strip, yet I remain fully convinced that it will be with us until the end of all things.

That is all.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
February 16th, 2009 at 10:56 am [Reply]

JP – So the new judge is sworn in at a private party held at the residence of the old judge? And the judge doing the swearing-in is the father of the new judge? what type of banana republic is this?
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 16th, 2009 at 11:09 am [Reply]

#75 Alfred E Neuman,
I can only stand back and applaud your “Family Circus” riff.
spike
February 16th, 2009 at 11:21 am [Reply]

MW: Nice to see that Mary is practicing her ventriloquism again with that offstage remark about Vietnam. [Hey, Adrian! Can you say "Foreshadowing"? I thawchacud. You and Drew will soon be reprising the Summer/Darin reunion in "Funky Winkerbean" at Hope City]

150 @ 97: You win!

FW: Like we’re supposed to believe that Darin escaped Westview and has returned to help his half-sister get her game back? Yeah, right, Batiuk!

PBS: Pastis answeres that ol’ question: “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you was?” [And apparently we'd all be several years younger...]
buckyswife
February 16th, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

103 Captain Insano: Let the hate flow! That was a lovely rant!

And keep on snarking; I comment for the sheer joy of snarking, for the chance to post my odd thoughts where other like-minded souls might read them. Much of my life revolves around grading, and so I try to keep thoughts of evaluation and reward out of this process.
Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
February 16th, 2009 at 11:24 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: Penny Dreadful: Being rather partial to the 19th Century myself, if Ted Confey is going to be a perfumed parlour snake and all around scalawag, I would highly recommend that he carry Dr. Grodbort’s Infallible Aether Oscillator in the event Mary attempts to unmask him as Drew. His attempts at convivial conversation are at the penny dreadful level.

Demonstrations of the Infallible Aether Oscillator can be seen here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKQDqCvGjhM
queek
February 16th, 2009 at 11:26 am [Reply]

78 re 9CL, probably Amos, but Edda’s still hoping.

104: Florida in 2000?

FREE FRAZZ!: pure Wattersonian win.

CdS: P.T. Piehole’s?!? is that a chain? is the food better than The Bumboat? *boggles*

A&J has been on a roll recently. Arlo is also hoping that the cat left a warm spot. (one of the problems with owning ferrets, they don’t leave nearly as big of a warm spot as a dog does when they sleep on/under the covers.

yester-yesterthread Muffaroo. Check out today’s Cleats for a “different” take on briffits and related ‘toon effects! :-D
tb4000
February 16th, 2009 at 11:29 am [Reply]

Sally Forth: Ted, the one time you decide to actually act like a man is the one time you should have just shut the fuck up.

Curtis: So, this newest breed of chameleon is looking to murder the entire Wilkins clan and become their respective doppelganger…gotcha.
kalki
February 16th, 2009 at 11:29 am [Reply]

9CL: For those of you who dropped this strip…you are indeed the better for it…

Archie: “The same thing happens to Jughead when I spend the night over at his house…er-nevermind…”

Beetle: This maybe explains why these guys are like they are. The military shipped all their losers to a “base” in the desert and told them to govern themselves. You would think though that at some point, the base would contact the outside world for instructions, but they were told to maintain “radio silence”. It really is an efficient means of dealing with people the military didn’t want.

Blondie: “And then he lets loose a birdseed fart…ooo sunflower…”

Crank: “Give me your seed, old man”

DTM: “Isn’t my ‘little accident’, cute? Did I mention his real father is Yogi Berra?”

CircusJerk: “And he suffocated to death about an hour ago. I would have said or done something, but I really wanted to keep playing.”

FW: Is that Darin? What happened to his nose?

GA: Never stop an old fart in mid-reminiscence. Not even for a bad punchline.

Luann: Stoner history 101.

S-M: Wow, Peter sure knows when to make his attempted date rape…and Aunt May knows when her nephew is about to score some and keep it from happening.
Josh
February 16th, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

#85 buckyswife — I live in a middle-class Baltimore neighborhood made up of three-bedroom rowhouses that originally had one bathroom. In many of them (including ours), what had been the kitchen pantry has been transformed into a downstairs half-bath, but that’s by no means universal. (And let’s not get into the beloved local institution of the “Baltimore flush”, i.e. a toilet in the basement, often without even a pretense of privacy.) There are any number of three- or four-person households sharing these kinds of quarters.

A one-bathroom situation would certainly be significantly rarer in the type of commuter suburbia land where Blondie seems to take place, though. Still, I’ll bet that many of the more modest homes built in the inner-ring suburbs in the ’40s and ’50s started out with one bathroom, at least. But because these houses are on larger lots, they are more likely to have accrued extra rooms and suites and associated bathrooms in the decades since. The home where my mother and stepfather now live, for instance, was originally a four-bedroom, one-bathroom, when my five (!) stepsiblings were growing up there; ironically, now that my mother and stepfather live there by themselves, it has metastasized into a two-and-a-half bath five-bedroom place.

Significantly weirder to me than the Bumsteads having only one bedroom is the fact that they have only a bathtub, with no shower.
Splinky
February 16th, 2009 at 11:41 am [Reply]

I believe Mr. Confey was last seen sipping martinis with Cary Grant in 1938 while the wealthy dowager cried in vain over the priceless diamonds which mysteriously vanished from her uncrackable safe. The only evidence – a personalized business card reading “The Fey Con.”

“They say he’s an incorrigible rogue whose guild and cunning are match only by his charms with a lady… why, Mr. Confey, has your hair changed shape again?”
Stroker Ace
February 16th, 2009 at 11:45 am [Reply]

MW – Having the day off I had “My ‘Queenie” has such good taste!” stamped on my inner thigh. “Darling… you are!” will be next.
anonymous
February 16th, 2009 at 11:47 am [Reply]

#76 – You have to remember that it has taken literally centuries for Tintagel Castle to get that “wild and romantic” look. When it was built, it was just a utilitarian building/living space. There is a park in my city with stone steps and trails (built in the ’30s by the WPA) that can be glimpsed in the undergrowth, like relics of some lost civilization. But when the stonework was done years ago, it looked humdrum and workaday, not at all weathered and romantic like present times.

#103 – this is the secret of the long, long run of FC. There are a handful of grandparents who think it is just freakin’ adorable, wise, and witty. The majority of the readers are enraged and contemptous, and the long controversy goes on and on and on. Because we enjoy getting all heated up over its stupidity! We would miss it if it was gone.

Blondie – I grew up in a tiny house with parents and two brothers. Our bedrooms were the size of today’s walk in closets and we had one bathroom until years later when dad had a sink and crapper put in down in the basement. No one took long showers and baths every. single. night., nor wanted to – a quickie shower for each of the brothers at night. I washed my waist length hair with water from the hose in the deep sink in the basement next to the washing machine. No, none of us smelled and we all went on to fullfilling lives and relationships in our own new two bathroom houses. The big point of contention was the one toilet – no one was permitted to hog the bathroom doing their bidness or pondering life.
buckyswife
February 16th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

112 Josh–I think what struck me was that Blondie makes some efforts to stay kind of up to date: Blondie working, Dagwood carpooling, computers in the home. But at the same time, there’s this bathroom configuration that’s both odd and unlikely, given all the other circumstances of their lives. But I suppose the writers of these strips choose to configure the “realities” according to what’s convenient for them in the moment (hence Sherman’s Lagoon, where things burn underwater).

Two things strike me more right now: 1) Growing up in the Northern California suburbs in the 60s maybe gives one a skewed view of housing (although I live in the DC area now), and 2) Wow! I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about Dagwood Bumstead’s BATHROOM.
Calico
February 16th, 2009 at 11:54 am [Reply]

JP – Meet the new judge, same as the old judge.

I like the huge crucifix on the swearing-in Bible-presumably just to remind people that yes, it’s a Bible, and not simply the yellow pages or a Sears catalog.

MW – who is asking the question in panel 3 – the waiter? Or the picture on the wall?

Props to Moy for calling the restaurant “The Golden Corridor.” Considering that this is Mary Worth, I think I need to reboot my brain and wash my eyes out now. And yes, my mind is uncontrollably filthy.

Fc – Haha, the strip is being renamed to Family Cannibals!
Calico
February 16th, 2009 at 11:58 am [Reply]

#116 – You aren’t the only one – I have been wondering why this is the only comic strip whose writers spend so much time focusing on La Salle de Bain. They don’t seem to have a shower, either.

Then again, Dennis and Mr. Wilson seem to have their fair share of shenanigans in the bathroom.
spike
February 16th, 2009 at 11:58 am [Reply]

kalki @111: It’s gotta be Darin, unless Lisa had another out-of-wedlock child Batiuk hasn’t yet sprung on us. Go figure. Next question: Where’s Jessica?
buckyswife
February 16th, 2009 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

117 Calico–It IS called that, isn’t it? I thought that’s what it said, but I didn’t want to believe it….
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 16th, 2009 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

#118 Calico

Then again, Dennis and Mr. Wilson seem to have their fair share of shenanigans in the bathroom.

Sshh. What happens in Mr. Wilson’s bathroom stays in Mr. Wilson’s bathroom.
Fashion Police
February 16th, 2009 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

Ted may be a villain, but it’s nice to see someone in Mary Worth who dresses well.
Elmo
February 16th, 2009 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

What about Sally Forth ? Did Crudge lose interest when he mugged with Ces ?
Uncle Lumpy
February 16th, 2009 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

#117 Calico –

All the restaurants in Santa Royale follow this, er, alimentary naming convention — not just The Golden Corridor, but La Rosa, and of course The Bum Boat.

Soon we’ll see Jeff and Mary sharing a hot dog at the Log Shack, or tucking into eggplant moussaka at Polyp.
Cathymw
February 16th, 2009 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

Whoa! Ted just insulted the hell out of she-who-meddles. If Adrian is “the only woman in the world,” what does that make Mary?
Warofthebees
February 16th, 2009 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth – So, Clark Gable came back from the dead, went to a dating site, and picked up aDr. Jeff’s daughter. It’s more plausible than anything else in this strip.
Peter Hillock
February 16th, 2009 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

MT: We’ve all been so amused by the voice coming from the window in Mary Worth, that we neglected today’s offering from the master of cartoon-balloon placement. Today the burning fireplace log regrets not having children with Ken, while Andy expresses his shock that Ken would shoot Bucky.

And in the seconds that elapse between Patty’s two sentences, Mark vaults out of his seat, to the other side of the fireplace (followed by the dog), just to stoke a fire that’s blazing like the pits of hell. The only logical explanation is a popping, sparking coal landing on Mark and Cherry’s love seat in a missing Panel Two.

While easily-infuriated Ken, jealous of Mark and Bucky, promises to return early if possible; so Mark’s helpful plan to go off into the forest with Patty can only end well.

Never mind Shakespeare. The book to bring to a desert island is the Collected Works of Jack Elrod. Hours of entertainment on every page, and every re-reading reveals new surreal treasures.
Morten
February 16th, 2009 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

That Confey is not only a cad, but a bounder. You mark my words.
Morten
February 16th, 2009 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

I apologize for my strong language above. But I’d say the same to that ruffian’s face, if I only had the chance.
commodorejohn
February 16th, 2009 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

A3G – “How dare that conniving bastard speak up for me! I’ll murderize ‘im!”

Archie – The ALGJU3K, having no idea what “whiplash” is, has apparently taken a literal interpretation. Did its connection to Wikipedia get severed or something?

Crankshaft – “Kill me. The longer I live, the greater my chances of becoming a feeble old wreck who’s trapped in my own mind. If you want, we can inflict fatal wounds on each other. It’s the best solution, really.”

Curtis – Yeah, we know, Billingsley, you’re about to drop the other shoe. Get on with it.

DT – So Angelorious contracted Dr. Noll to develop perfume in the hopes that this would lead to him producing a new kind of gasoline? With this kind of capacity for screwing up, it’s a wonder she’s in Dick Tracy and not Spider-Man.

FW – The hell?

GT – So Brenda snuck out with Dylan on Saturday night, and 36 hours later, she’s still out of it? Damn, no wonder the ladies dig bad boys.

HOTC – You know, I remember this stage in my life. Of course, I was in college at the time, but still, I sympathize.

JP – Mmm.

Luann – If you’re validating yourself by being more historically-knowledgeable than the class clown, you’re pretty much a failure.

MT – Hey, Elrod, here’s the deal. We read your strip and keep it in the papers. In return, we expect storylines with a lot of insane plot developments, unbelievably stilted dialogue, and at least one good punching (or suitable FoJ substitute, as defined in the supplemental materials.) While we don’t expect any attempts to address real-world issues, we don’t mind as long as they don’t detract from the hilarity of the storyline. Problem is, spousal abuse? Not funny. Very, very unfunny. Come on, I want to feel good about laughing at your strip, man!

Marmaduke – Seriously, Messrs. Andersen. How many times do you need to depict children about to be devoured by your hideous, slavering hell-beast?

MW – If there’s one thing Mary won’t stand for, it’s some young (er, “young”) upstart trying to show her up. She’ll meddle this “world traveller” into Vietnam so fast he’ll get Hanoi up his nose.

MC – Very. Very cute. That’s how cute she’s going to look. *swoon*

NAOQV – Sorry, Victoria, your page has been deleted to free up precious kilobytes for Transformers episode summaries.

Phantom – Such a happy, normal family scene…in Bizarro World, maybe.

PC – Guest-starring Stump from The Angry Beavers, apparently. What the hell is going on here?

SF – Poor Ted. Human behavior doesn’t make any sense, does it?

SFx – And then it was revealed that whether Weirdly got his weather chronology muddled had absolutely nothing to do with whether his invention worked or not. Electrical fires ravaged the land.

SM – Electro, um, what was your plan, again? I mean, I get the absorbing-all-the-power thing, but where does this whole “money” bit come into play?

Edison Lee – is a hideous little shell of a child who has to invent machines to do his imagining for him. Ten to one he diagnoses himself with Asperger’s when he hits his teenage years.
Matmaduke
February 16th, 2009 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

What in the world is going on in Mary Worth? Why the sudden interest in VIETNAM (DUN DUN DUM!) ? I’ve never really seen a conversation so random. I mean I’m more interested in “Nation’s Geography Magazine” ohhhhh I see it’s like National Geographic Magazine, only this magazine must focus specifically on one nation’s geography.
mollificent
February 16th, 2009 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

A3G: Smooth, Tommie. Real smooth. “I was bitching about you to your rival, and HE thinks…”

OK, I’m going to come clean. (Ahem.) After finishing my Chron list, I peeked at 9CL this morning. Hey, the habit of years is hard to break. Sorry, commodorejohn…I let you down! The good news is that it served as serious aversion therapy. ;)

#87 teddytoad: LMAO!
Chance
February 16th, 2009 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

Haiku to Mary Worth

Oily Ted Confey
Pouring it on rather thick
(Sweet talk and pomade)
Aviatrix
February 16th, 2009 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

Through the whole Sunday strip, Mary doesn’t say anything, just lurks, her eyes fixed on the happy couple, waiting for the calibration of her meddlometer to be complete.

@9 – Who the hell uses “venue” in normal conversation?
A suspect gathering of characters, I’ll wager.

@79 – Keep it up. Some day they’ll realize that we really did walk to school. I think Dagwood gets fired from his job so much that they have never had the liquidity to renovate to build another bathroom, or install a shower in that perfectly normal house for its era.
Calvin\'s Cardboard Box
February 16th, 2009 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

Phantom – Even moreso than the diapers, i’m put off by how PALE those kids are. I mean, they live outdoors and wear nothing but a diaper, wouldn’t they at least pick up some kind of tan?

#130 – Re: Spider Man

1. Sneak into power plant
2. Steal electricity
3. …..
4. PROFIT!!
commodorejohn
February 16th, 2009 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

#132 mollificent – That’s alright, the road to recovery is a long one. Very few people can just quit cold-turkey, you know.

#125 Calvin’s Cardboard Box – Indeed. Indeed.
LightningDuke
February 16th, 2009 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

Most likely, he’s the sort of man that delights in calling into port, wooing a young lady without prospects, and then making her overcome with the vapors at his worldly lusts. And then, while she is still swooned, he makes off with her jewelery and steals away, leaving only a scent of exotic cologne and a cloud of shame that leaves the young woman unmarriable. You better hurry, Mary, lest he hop the next zeppelin to Prussia and escape your meddling wrath.
Spunky N. Tadpole
February 16th, 2009 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

9CL: I hope McEldowney doesn’t dislocate his arm patting himself on the back for slipping such a “subtle” boner joke into today’s strip: he might not be able to draw for weeks…. what a shame….

SFox: Count Weirdly’s “deadly” device might be more impressive if hadn’t so obviously been cobbled together from a used Zamboni – maybe the old one from the Charterstone ice rink!

FC: How does Billy even know that that’s his kid brother all wrapped up like that? And not just some random rugrat culled from the indistinguishable herd wandering about the neighborhood (a la Sunday’s strip)? Maybe Bil & Thel will keep him anyway – and if he starts spouting inane malapropisms and asking simpleton questions about religion, he’ll fit right in!

Crock: Absurd, but funny today. Which is an improvement for Crock: they don’t always get to the “funny” part!

Phantom: Huh? Is there a continuity problem the narration box hasn’t told us about? Last we saw of Old Stripey-Ass in the weekly strips, he was off at Crocco Island with Old Man Mozz – getting bored communing with the fish-men; while in the Sunday strip he was planning a B&E on some thugs using Kani The Street Kid as his accomplice (and will probably leave him to take the rap). Now today, he rides up to Skull Acres and greets the kids like nothing’s happened?
Niall
February 16th, 2009 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

Angry Kem: you play Mah jongg? I haven’t played in years! I should check if there’s a good version of it online, because no one I know locally likes it.

Mary Worth: There’s only one person I call “Queenie”. Everyone does, because it’s her actual first name. Also, I have checked for a website called “Nation’s Geography”, but no luck. Our Enormoushop benefactor may be on vacation, or no longer reading. No blme can be attributed on the latter.

84. buckyswife: I fully agree, and was rather squicked by today’s Mark Trail. There’s silliness, but this has gone into unconscionable territory.

122. Fashion Police: that would one of the main clues of his villainy: having a fashion sense.

128. Morten: by sheer and complete coincidence, I have come across that very expression this weekend while playing CrossWords on my DS handheld game. I had never seen it before.

And Phantom: gah, I know it’s meant to be a wholesome reunion between a father and his children, but the overeager enthusiasm gets squicky really, really quickly.
nowukkers
February 16th, 2009 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

Captain Insano @ 103:

Yep. Can’t argue. The thing that winds me up about it is its latent (and not so latent) smugness. Irrational though it may seem, I find myself wishing them genuine harm to shake them out of that holier-than-thou world-view. How about an affair, threatened foreclosure, an horrific accident with permanent consequences – life’s not so saintly now is it?
Harold
February 16th, 2009 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

9CL: Hahaha, Amos has an erection! This is brilliant stuff!

Hi and Lois: I have no idea what this means today. People are happy to think about the President? The mall is mostly empty because no one can afford to buy anything? Same-sex couples are approaching? What???

Rex Morgan: “There’s a highly contagious disease spreading through the ship, with a suspected method of contagion that may be easily avoidable. BUT FOR GOD’S SAKE, DON’T WARN ANYONE!!!”

Six Chix: Wow. I know this is just a coincidence, and the joke is that the person on vacation in a warm, sunny place is being forced to stay there rather than fly back to the frigid, dismal north, but the irony is pretty dark here. I’ve actually seen some interviews with people who missed that deadly fight to Buffalo.
Gary
February 16th, 2009 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

That’s quite a neighborhood the Keane’s occupy. In addition to their three miserable offspring, there are at least 15 others lurking nearby that are exactly the same height as well. Either this is some sort of extended “Stepford” joke still years from completion or Stephen King has gravitated into visual novels, which can only mean that Ma Keane is about to be bludgeoned with the candy box.
Winky's Spleen
February 16th, 2009 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

#101 – “PLEASE stop hitting me over the head with your boyfriend’s erection” – Yikes, who knew migranes could be contagious?
bitter law student
February 16th, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

Wow. They’ve really perfected they “lonely desperate woman of a certain age” look over at MW HQ for Adrian, haven’t they?
s.davis
February 17th, 2009 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

Now, I understand these legacy strips rely on some pretty moth-eaten jokes and premises, but honestly! That Blondie strip is a W.C. Fields vaudeville sketch, which he made into two different film shorts, and in all likelihood stole from an earlier vaudevillian.

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