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This is how Cortez got started, right?

Slylock Fox, 8/11/14

One of the many questions I have about the post-animapocalypse world of Slylock Fox involves biodiversity: have the newly sapient animals remained restricted to their original ranges, or, like the early members of genus Homo, are they using their smarts to conquer new environments? Today we learn that Australia, at least, is still largely the domain of its unique native fauna, who have in their brief period of ascendency already established an iron-clad hierarchy: the marsupials wear fancy clothes and sell expensive baubles to each other, while the monotremes live on the margins of society and are forced to steal to survive. Unfortunately, the marsupials aren’t equipped to maintain the oppressive social structure they’ve created and have been forced to call in placental mammals from outside to help. If human history is any guide, this is a terrible, terrible mistake.

Judge Parker, 8/11/14

Haha, looks like we’ve reached the real talk phase of Gloria’s exit interview! Anyway, everybody in Judge Parker is doing no work and getting paid for it and now people are getting grumpy about it for some reason.

Dennis the Menace, 8/11/14

I think this is the most I’ve ever seen Mr. Wilson enjoying himself! He’s just going to town on some snacks and then he’s going to pass out on the couch covered in crumbs. Dennis is being a total scold about it, which I deem to be unusually unpleasantly menacing.

203 responses to “This is how Cortez got started, right?”

  1. Captain Emu Philips
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: A passing alien symbiote attaches itself to the top of Mary’s head — and all her bff Toby C can do is get off a feeble “?” before the deed is done. Fortunately for the latter, no self-respecting alien symbiote would ever go near HER head.

  2. Droopy Says
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    9 Chinless Lane: “I destroyed his scope, but I didn’t have enough sense to remove the bolt from his rifle, plug the barrel with rags, or otherwise inconvenience him. What are ‘iron sights,’ anyway?”

    Spidercan’t: The Globe must be a pro-Octavius paper, because no market on earth is big enough to support two give-a-shit-about-Spiderman papers.

    Dick Tracy: Tracy won’t get it? Screw him, what about us readers?

    Family Circus: Sorry. I’m too nauseated to comment on this one.

    Funky Stinkerbean: So in his fantasy Les is a hack writer doing a story about a dead woman. This is a use of “not weird” with which I am not familiar.

    Flatulence Alley: Yep, a week of that stinking bird, before Boog discovers that Dying Little Jimmy is really allergic to bird feathers. Oh, and more of Boog’s romance with the future Mrs. Boog.

    Jugheaded Parker: Sanchez, you’ll never have those kids if Steve keeps practicing alone!

    Mark Trail: Lori has to place an urgent call to her partner, a fellow named Carlson . . .

    Mary Mirthless: That’s Mary for you: sloshed last night, and sloshed today.

    Phantom: “Old friend?” Lambada carefully avoids using any names. Whoever wins, he’s covered.

    Pluggers are cheap and lazy, and proud of it.

    June Morgan, Suckup Deluxe: Granted, calling the dean “Fearless Leader” is a bit squirrelly, but she is the bitch who has driven thye faculty to the verge of revolt.

  3. seismic-2
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    MW: Oh boy, the big moment we’ve all been waiting for… the start of GLOAT WEEK!!!

  4. pugfuggly
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Sfx While Slylock writes down the details of the crimes, Max stares at the baby kangaroo with a mixtures of awe and disgust. ‘So much mucus…and you really crawled in there as a fetus? Gross.’

    JP “Yes, I knew as soon as saw the way you looked at Steve that soon you would be giving up whatever personal or professions goals you had to marry him and push out a soccer team of ‘little people’ for him.” Ah, Judge Parker: all the hits of the 50′s, today!

    DtM Dennis should know better than to interrupt Wilson’s 4PM chocolate-chip-and-quaaludes cookies!

  5. Chareth Cutestory
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Here’s a fun realization, in this world of sentient animals oysters are consciously infecting themselves with foreign substances, covering it in their nacre secretions, and then selling the stuff for profit! Shake your moneymaker, I guess?

  6. Liam
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    A3G-Oh great. Another week of vague conversations.

    Henry-”I’m going to deflate that blimp.”

    MT-”Taurus, escort Lori back to her tent.”

    MW-”What’s this? Mary is not taking credit for something that happened?”

    Pluggers-It’s chicken.

    RMMD-”That’s right. The June whose husband is and has that daughter is a.”

  7. Carter
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    Red foxes are a serious conservation problem in Australia, causing extinctions and competing with local predators. Of course, showing up where he doesn’t belong is Slylock’s M.O. pretty no matter where he goes. I’ll bet “invasive species” is on his business card.

  8. Chareth Cutestory
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#4): I wonder if there’s Facebook outrage about kangaroo mothers who carry their joeys in their pouches in public.

  9. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    9CL – We’ve reached the point in a 9CL storyline where it takes a hard left turn off from “Stupid and Pretentious” right into “Disturbingly Bizarre”.

    So, after two days of them standing in a field, in a combat zone, discussing how turned on they are by the erotic similarity between grabbing someone’s head from behind and twisting it to break their neck, and doing a reach-around leading to French kissing a woman, today we are back to more “German inexplicably obsessed with this civilian couple” repetion. Except this time they consciously decide that if they lie down and start fucking in the open field, the German will forget they are there.

    Why not return to that farmhouse, the one with the power still on and a shortwave radio left sitting out, conveniently tuned to the Edie Burber Channel? After being interrupted a half-dozen times already, maybe one of them would realize that an open field in a combat zone is not the best place to commingle intimately?

  10. hogenmogen
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Dirtiest fight ever! That’s right, Hypocrite-Who-Walks. You took off your skull ring before you got into the jail so it wouldn’t show when you started kicking the crap out of your prisoner. Oh so very sanctimonious “I don’t kill people”, but you lock them up for life in undisclosed locations and hand out regular beatings for the amusement of government officials. I guess that’s what you do when there isn’t any treasure to pillage.

  11. pugfuggly
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    A3G I know it’s a pointless exercise trying to decipher expressions on Carol’s amorphous face, but why does ‘Maybe I’m worrying for nothing’ warrant a big open-mouthed smile? I guess after a night of ‘friendship blossoming’, she just can’t help it.

    C’shaft HA HA IT’S FUNNY CUZ ‘MAXIMUM SPEED’ REALLY MEANS ‘MINIMUM SPEED’, AMMIRITE FOLKS? AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON AIRLINE PEANUTS….

    FW At the rick of sounding a bit racist, I’ll just point out that even when Les is fantasizing about an african heroine in a pulp called ‘Jungle Adventure’, he’s still thinking of Lisa. Sorry Cayla, you’re just not going to win this one…

  12. José Jiménez
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#y179):

    If you have an erection lasting four minutes or less, your name is “Ed Crankshaft.”

  13. Dennis Jimenez
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    SFx – A platypus was arrested for shoplifting a chapstick – he said they could just put it on his bill….

    JP – Practice alone is code for masterbation, right?

    DtM – How is this menacing – where’s the smothering pillow….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  14. pugfuggly
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    MT “I’m just getting word now that I’m tired and will soon be heading to my tent. This is Lori, for CNN.”

    MW Yep, that’s Mary: assistant to the angels! Jewish angels, by the look of that oversized yarmulke she’s wearing…

    SM “On a side-note: did you know that some clod in Gotham City has actually copyrighted the phrase ‘Dynamic Duo’? To avoid getting sued I had to change the headline at the last minute to ‘Dynamite Duo’. What the hell does that even mean?”

    @Chareth Cutestory (#8): It’s the one thing that the placentals, the avians and the reptiles can really unite on. “If you can’t keep it inside of you, or at least cover it up with an egg shell, ladies. No-one needs to see that!”

  15. hogenmogen
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    JP: Wait, you and Steve are kicking me out of my own firm?

    This is a horrible plot line executed terribly. Gloria isn’t even married yet, and she’s ditching her career to be a housewife? And do what all day, exactly? In generations past, it could really take hours to prepare dinner, clean the house and launder the clothes. We have so many time saving devices that unless there are kids to raise, it really is hard to figure out how she is going to occupy her time.

  16. Arabella
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    A3G: Another week of Tommie and Carol not telling each other anything. At least at the beginning of this “story” a few things did happen with the vet and the animals, and with the town gossip. Seriously, is something going on behind the scenes at this comic with the writer and artist? Are they deliberately trying to sabotage and end the strip? Contract dispute? A physical or mental breakdown by either/both? Inquiring minds want to know.

  17. gelded wildebeeste
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    JP- Sam will do anything to get Gloria to stay. Except make eye contact. Eye contact is saved for special moments, normally involving a large check, and even then, the eye contact is with the check, not with other people.

  18. nescio
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    Ms. Anonymous Platypus is now the most bad ass thief in Slylock Fox until Cassandra Cat swaps one of her kittens for an item to steal.

  19. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#15): JP: This is a horrible plot line executed terribly.

    Damnit! Now there is no need for anyone to post again on Judge Parker, ever.

    You’ve just summed up the entire strip for all eternity. Horrible, repetitive, “protagonists are showered with cash and adulation” storylines, in which every possibility for something interesting to happen is quickly dispensed with in favor of everything simply falling into the Parker/Driver’s laps.

  20. Esther Blodgett
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    FW: For those of you who thought the “Pavarotti’s Bent Nails” story wasn’t smarmishly self-aggrandizing enough, we bring you “Les Moore, Old-School Hollywood Wordsmith, Yeah Let’s Go with That.”

    Bizarro: I had to read this three times before I got it, but it was worth it.

    PBS: Seems like a perfectly cromulent resolution to me.

  21. gelded wildebeeste
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    Skylock- So in Australia women don’t wear pants? No wonder it’s called the land “Down Under”!(Next time, Skylock, ditch the mouse and bring Cassandra Cat. You’ll thank me later.)

  22. Downpuppy
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#15): This JP is actually fairly slick. I kind of enjoy the way it’s morphed from “I’m quitting to raise kids” to “Steve and I have taken your entire business leaving you to wander pointlessly in an empty office pretending to be a lawyer, you aging gigolo.”

  23. TheDiva
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    JP: Gloria has figured she’s going to be showered with good fortune no matter what she does, so why bother pretending to work anymore?

    SFx: Slylock’s racial profiling becomes more and more apparent.

  24. Mibbitmaker
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    Luann: Her Inner Beauty leaked out.

    RMMD: “Fearless leader”. What a mean thing to say! ……???

    A3G: “Oh, okay.” Nothing happens……

    MW: “What is that weird hat Mary’s wearing….?!”

  25. Justin
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    Based on the Slylock Fox solution, I have to assume that there is exactly one platypus in all of existence. Now that I think about it, that’s the logical conclusion for pretty much any species-based puzzle. Maybe that’s why they all turn to a life of crime- no potential mates.

  26. hogenmogen
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    FW: Dead St. Lisa wasn’t just an immaculate suburban wife and the holiest mother of Les’s child. No, now she has been retconned into an action heroine swinging from the jungle vines and fighting off cannibal tribes and beasts in some ridiculously racist and xenophobic depiction of 1950s sub-Saharan Africa. That’s the way to preserve the memory of your loved one, by making up crap that isn’t even remotely real and never could be. Oh, but be certain to throw in a disdainful comment here and there to the movie people about how they are destroying your memories of her with their script changes.

  27. Mibbitmaker
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    FW: So Les is a Magic Douchebag, and St. Lisa’s a Pulp Heroine? I’d say what Batty is, but there just aren’t enough swear words.

  28. The Divine O’F
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    HELP! Even though I read it daily, I have no idea what is going on in Dick Tracy. Can someone please explain to me, perhaps in words of one syllable, what the margoboxcarsaturn they are talking about? Codes? And why can’t he get the message? Huh? Wha’?

  29. Mibbitmaker
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    SFx: It’s the sister Perry the Platypus never talks about.

  30. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    FW – Are we no longer pretending that “Lust for Lisa” aspires to be a made-for-cable-TV weeper, on the same pedestal as “Confessions of a Co-Ed Call Girl” or “Liz and Dick”?

    With the locations (Chateau Marmont), the incredible tension over an initial table-read of the script, and the constant references to Hollywood, anyone new to this strip (maybe having been attracted by this serious depiction of issues affecting today’s young adults) would have to assume it is an Oscar-bait feature film.

  31. gelded wildebeeste
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    DtM- “Mrs. Wilson says that these days when you make your “O-Face”, the “O” now stands for “Oreos”.”

  32. hogenmogen
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Slylock: The dingo turns to the ostrich and the emu. “I’ve been listening to the police scanner. They think our crime spree was done by a platypus.”

    “They think one of my eggs was from a platypus?” exclaimed the ostrich. “As if!”

  33. Mikey
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    SFx- I think the kanga-woman’s look of horror isn’t from the actually theft but from hearing that the creature give birth and then promptly shoved a large pearl up it’s platy-pu..platy-whatsit.

  34. Marcus Theory
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    “Since they were introduced for recreational hunting in the mid-1800s, foxes have spread across most of Australia. They have played a major role in the decline of a number of species of native animals”
    – Australian Government: Department of the Environment

  35. CanuckDownSouth
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Luann: So “Howard University” is this world’s code for “dead”, it’s just unclear whether it’s ritual sacrifice or suicide.

  36. Pluggers are baby boomers!
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    FW: So, a TV movie which let’s the female lead live is a travesty and bastardization of the life of Les’ beloved dead wife…but re-imagining a successful attorney and mother as a colonialist jungle savage in a third rate dime novel is honoring her memory? mmmm….kay…..

  37. Dr. Mabuse
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: “Hey, writer from Ohio, got those rewrites of that radiation therapy scene?”
    “Right here! Lisa swings on this vine, see, and a gorilla. . .”
    “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  38. TheDiva
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    9CL: It occurs to me that the structure of this plot bears a striking similarity to that of A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder–episodes of banter and romance alternating with violent encounters with various antagonists (who all look surprisingly identical to each other). All that’s missing is the clever dialogue, interesting characters, entertaining black comedy, and good music.

    A3G: Wake me when their friendship blossoms past the “vague discussion” phase.

    FW: Oh hey, it’s like Calvin and Hobbes! You know, if Calvin were a miserable, smug, talentless douchebag.

    Luann: Where do you find a Martin Luther King, Jr. glamour shot? Is there a website that caters to token minority overachievers?

    MW: Is anyone surprised that Mary’s taking some of God’s credit? Didn’t think so.

  39. Old School Allie Cat
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Luann – The thing is, in the miniscule pond that is Pitts High, Delta is a special snowflake. But her first night in the dorm at Howard is going to be eye-opening.

    Everyone on her floor is going to be just as high-achieving, philanthropic, and amazing as her. Many of them will have been the sassy token black friend among a group of goofy white kids. Several will have met President Obama, just like she did. At least one or two of them will have had a medical issue greater than or equal to her brush with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

    Poor disillusioned Delta!

    Also, is TJ in jail or what?

  40. Marc
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Luann- Final minutes eh? Let’s hope that Delta doesn’t come back for thanksgiving, winter break, spring break, and summer, and this truly is the last time we ever have to see her smug, condescending face. Let her stay at Howard and do all those vague “important things” she never shuts up about.

  41. Mikey
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    SFx: Solution-Two. Slylock is counting himself as a thief as well as a platypus, because he charged an exorbitant fee, plus airfare and lodging, to come to Australia to ‘work’, under the guise of providing ‘Specialized Investigation’ services to these local rubes who have never ventured beyond the border of their province. He suspects the platypus as well because the platypus is always brought up as a ‘wacky’ Australian wildlife example and because it’s really hard to work the Coriolis Effect into a single panel cartoon about Australia even though that was your original idea.

  42. pastordan
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Sam is hoping he can at least salvage a three-way out of this loss…

  43. Ratiocinator
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    JP: “Seriously Sam, you’re never here. What the fuck?”

    Slylock: Oh, it isn’t enough to perpetuate the stereotype that Australia is populated with nothing but Australian animals, you have to stoke the fire of that ugly “Platypi are all shiftless thieves who will literally trade their unborn children for pearls” myth?! For shame, Weber. For shame.

    Luann: If you didn’t want her to do that you shouldn’t have kept your cocaine there.

    RMMD: “Fearless leader” is namecalling?

  44. José Jiménez
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    @Captain Emu Philips (#1):

    The truth of today’s Mary Worth becomes apparent when Evy and her husband discover Olive with a gaping hole in her chest. It seems the “cyst” is no longer satisfied to feed off a small child, and has moved on to a 120-year-old woman…

    OH MY GOD WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!

  45. pastordan
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: I think we can extend Josh’s analysis to say that Australia, under marsupial rule, has become an apartheid state designed to keep the ever-burgeoning rabbit population down.

  46. KreatureFeatures
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    FW: What happened to the “sensitive treatment of important social and educational issues”? Everyone, especially Tom Batuik, would be much happier if he gave into his apparently shameful fascination with heroes and adventure, and transformed FW into a goofy action strip ala Spiderman. Les and his laptop could slink off into a darkened room and emerge as Ironic Man, who dispatches his foes with a lopsided smirk.

  47. Midtown
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    MT: Is the second truck in their safari caravan used just to carry the wine? I don’t remember so much imbibing in previous storylines. Maybe if Lori and Taurus hadn’t been hungover they would have heard the buffalo stampede coming for them.

  48. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#38): LUANN – I’d missed the MLK poster in the background. Evans really is using all the weapons in his “token magical black character” toolkit, isn’t he?

    @Old School Allie Cat (#39): LUANN – Also, is TJ in jail or what?

    Apparently, the Evanses ran an online poll and the readers voted for TJ to not be punished. I don’t know if this means they will just quietly let the story drop and move TJ on to his next Madcap Scheme, or if there will be some token gesture to “Hey, it turns out TJ got away with it! Anyway … did you see the new necklace Quill gave me!!?”.

    The level of amateurishness involved in “have the fans vote on how the plot turns out”, and the subsequent destruction of any interest the story might have had, shouldn’t surprise me, given the amateurishness of everything else about this strip – the artwork, the characterizations, the abandoned plot lines, etc. etc.

  49. Ratiocinator
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#2):

    Jugheaded Parker: Sanchez, you’ll never have those kids if Steve keeps practicing alone!

    This may just be COTW!

    @Mibbitmaker (#24):

    RMMD: “Fearless leader”. What a mean thing to say! ……???

    I know that it originated in Rocky & Bullwinkle where that was the name of Boris & Natasha’s boss, which is about the only reason I can think of why it might be considered an insult. The first time I heard it or read it anywhere, though, was in X-Men comics where members of the team would affectionately call team leader Cyclops that, so I’ve never thought of it as a bad thing to call anybody.

    @Justin (#25): It was actually a bear, a duck, and a lizard working together. They got off scot-free because the authorities naturally pinned all three thefts on a local platypus after hearing only a few details of the crimes.

    @hogenmogen (#32): Haha, yes, it could also be those guys.

    @Mikey (#33): “Can’t you see my child is present?! Don’t talk about things like that!!!”

  50. Cassandra Cat's Lawyer
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    This week in 9 Chickweed Lane and Apartment 3-G, Margaret Shulock and Brooke McEldowney are still battling it out for the coveted Samuel Beckett Achievement Prize (Daily Comics Edition)! Who can maintain their two-handed, plotless riff for a longer period of time? Could McEldowney’s febrile dementia win out over Shulock’s awesomely leaden narrative inertia? And will this contest of wills take weeks to play out, or months — or even years? It’s an epic battle of total narrative torpor … appearing daily, on your comics page!

  51. Uncle Lumpy
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#28):

    Tracy no longer attends the Belinda broadcasts, but feigns being in their thrall as cover for his and Annie’s escape. As we saw back in the barber shop, people huddle over their decoder rings during these broadcasts; we now learn it’s to decode messages embedded in them.

    Tracy fears that unless he exposes himself to the broadcasts he will miss a message aimed at him, revealing himself.

    Over in Apartment 3-G, two women talk about talking to one another, and then do.

  52. dmsilev
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure the kangaroo framed the platypus. The duckbill came from a theatrical costume shop, and she had the egg in her pouch and just pretended to lay it.

  53. Delta James
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Goodbye, my white friends. You’ll soon become a source of shame and a target of mockery once I’m among my peers at Howard. Nice knowing you!

  54. Dr. Mabuse
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace: After sucking down a joint, as he clearly is, Mr. Wilson will nap and snack as much as he cares to, thank you very much. And the little weirdo from next door? Go ahead, keep on yapping. It’s funny.

  55. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @Cassandra Cat’s Lawyer (#50): 9CL – “Narrative Torpor”!??

    Why, only a month ago, Souris and Bill were making out in a field when they were interrupted by a German soldier looking to shoot them!: http://www.gocomics.com/9chickweedlane/2014/07/11

    TWO months ago, Souris and Bill were making out in a river when they were interrupted by two German soliders looking to shoot them: http://www.gocomics.com/9chickweedlane/2014/06/09

    And THREE months ago, Souris and Bill were making out on a haystack when they were interrupted by two German soldiers looking to shoot them: http://www.gocomics.com/9chickweedlane/2014/05/08

    The variety and pacing of this story line makes “Fleurry the vet steals a cow, the victims are eventually punished” look like a long, pointless, meandering excuse to draw sexxy women doing sexxy things in the water by comparison.

  56. pugfuggly
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#51):

    Over in Apartment 3-G, two women talk about talking to one another, and then do.

    The brilliance of A3G is that you’re never quite sure when the first part has ended and the second part has begun. It’s the Inception of boring go-nowhere conversations.

  57. Pluggers are baby boomers!
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#48): An online poll? Really? How would that work? Aren’t these strips written and drawn weeks/months in advance?

  58. pastordan
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    @Delta James (#53): Jesus, doesn’t Evans know anything? Delta is clearly more of a Spellman girl.

  59. Marc
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    A3G- Carol, if you’re worried about that cyst on your torso, I know a great doctor. Will he remove it? Probably not. But he’s got such great dope that you won’t even remember what the hell is happening around you anymore. Plus you might finally find a way to make being around Tommie tolerable.

  60. pastordan
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G: Carol has clearly been up all night pondering the pointlessness of human freedom in an absurd, indifferent universe in which conversations go in loops and percolators keep reappearing on the kitchen counter.

    Ha, ha, no. Who am I kidding? This is “Short-Term Memory Loss Theater.” Carol’s been agitated, as well she should be after taking a ballpeen hammer to the forehead. What’s Tommie’s excuse?

  61. Will
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    A3G: Will someone please wake me up when either Margo or Lu Ann turn up again?
    Hi & Lois: We all know Lois is Beetle Bailey’s sister, is young Ralphie a relative of Plato?

  62. Shrug
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    A3G: Carol and her friendshiply friend are now drowsy with blossoming.

    LOVE IS: Cheating her at tic-tac-toe by putting down a couple of dozen Xs and not letting her input *any* 0s.

    PLUGGERS: You HAVE to use the tin foil covering — otherwise the NSA’s microwaves will read the cheesecake’s thoughts.

    FW: So, is this supposed to “really be” the pulp JUNGLE STORIES (which featured Ki-Gor, a white Tarzan clone) or the 1970s comic JUNGLE ACTION (which featured a black hero, Black Panther)? Per the cover it seems more likely to “be” the one-shot pulp SHEENA, QUEEN OF THE JUNGLE (a white goddess/adventurer). But there’s also the JUNGLE STORIES comic companion to the pulp of the same name, and the 1950s JUNGLE ACTION comic, which featured a number of continuing characters, and some other minor jungle comics and pulps out there. Could we get Skunkhead John in here to discuss the similarities and differences in the approach of these magazines, and their relative value and collectibility, for a month or so? (Yes, of course we could.)

  63. Cassandra Cat's Lawyer
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#55): Oh, the concept of “narrative torpor” is hotly debated amongst the judges! Which is more deadening: viewing endlessly repeating iterations of the same should-be-exciting plot development, leading to complete audience apathy by its umpteenth appearance? Or immersing oneself in a total absence of plot development, where the world just seems to be a numbing void of pointless blather?

    Strict constructionalists argue for the latter, of course. But a more modern school of thought applauds the audacity of working within in an arena that should have some inherent dramatic potential, but then completely subverting that through the use of repeated (and re-repeated and re-re-repeated) dramatic beats, to the point where the ideas of “drama” and “narrative” lose all meaning. “Points for difficulty”, runs the argument of these modernists, and it’s difficult to completely disagree.

  64. Impoverished Family from the Prom Plot
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @Delta James (#53):

    Bye, Delta. Thanks again for the meal, but I thought you promised to come back after the prom and wash the dishes for us too? They’re getting pretty stinky by now.

  65. Dartpaw86
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    SlylockFox: Kind of odd how despite the extravagant chandelier. Implying the store is massively rich (Of course) the store is still shrouded in darkness. Well, research has stated that Marsupials have much greater eyesight than humans, so makes sense I guess? Or, Weber wanted to go a FilmNoir approach but couldn’t bother to shade the animals or jewerly?

  66. hogenmogen
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Slylock would consider that more than one platypus was at work here, but had to conclude that it was a singular perpetrator, because he didn’t know if the correct plural was “platypuses” or “platipii”.

  67. Illustrator Steve
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    MT – “Yes, Lori, I fights to the finish when I eats my pancakes, I’m Mark Trail the life-saver man!”

  68. Illustrator Steve
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Love is – Not giving up after more than fifty attempts at having “X” mark the spot!

  69. Illustrator Steve
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    PLUGGERS – Great idea! Clean out the fridge, tie a bow around the foil-covered leftovers and call them presents for the in-laws!

  70. Brad
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Dennis isn’t really scolding Mr. Wilson so much as he is fascinated by him. “All you ever do is nap or eat cookies… You… you can DO that?” It looks as though the young lad has just had his eyes opened to the possibility of a new decadent lifestyle, and I expect his future actions to become extremely menacing, as he does whatever it takes to keep up a supply of those sweet, sweet chocolate chips and pillows.

  71. Illustrator Steve
    August 11th, 2014 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT – Drivers driving at the posted speed must use slow lane in order to make way for drivers driving above the posted speed while texting in the fast lane!

  72. Mr. Yezpitelok
    August 11th, 2014 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: “I’m up to my eyebrows…” Very funny, Jameson. You’re just daring Peter Parker to connect the dots and expose you as a super-villain. Because no one — least of all, Spider-Man — suspects that your mustache is actually an offshoot of the symbiotes living on Venom and Carnage.

  73. Illustrator Steve
    August 11th, 2014 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT – Whenever Crankshaft is behind the wheel the caution flag is out and pit road is closed!

  74. The Divine O’F
    August 11th, 2014 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#51): Thanks, Uncle Lumpy. I still don’t quite get it. But the art is so great I don’t really need to.

  75. Odie Odo
    August 11th, 2014 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#72):

    The symbiote currently attached to Mary Worth’s head is known as “Twisted Cyster.”

  76. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 11th, 2014 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @Cassandra Cat’s Lawyer (#63): What A3G and 9CL do share is the author’s assumption that we will care enough about these obnoxious tertiary characters for any of it to matter. A3G is trying to turn the two-dozenth death of the just-introduced fiancee of a lead character into a long-running, “Tommy works off her pain, helped by a cast of melty-faced nonentities” plot. And 9CL apparently thinks that readers will find the latest murderous, amoral female dominatrix to be seen as anything other than the latest repetition of the only type of female character the author is interested in drawing.

    Pick your poison – endless, pointless dialogue between two hopelessly dull characters, or endless, pointless dialogue between two recycled character templates, with sexxy sex thrown in.

  77. Uncle Lumpy
    August 11th, 2014 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#74):

    Harold Gray and Chester Gould were friends and correspondents, and as a fan of both their strips I really like the current story.

    The plot is much more Little Orphan Annie than it is Dick Tracy — elliptical with lots of nod-and-wink lacunae. I’d like a clearer, Steve Canyon-style narrative, but I don’t think it could communicate Gray’s paranoid worldview.

    The strip is starting to get just a little more disciplined about bringing in old characters. The Am seemed like a namecheck, but the he’s a favorite of mine. B-of-the-B and Axel make sense because you’ve got to have a villain in each “chronology.” Influence makes sense because Belinda; Prof. Kenyon because Smith+Warbucks secret technology. So other than that it’s just Tracy meets Annie, and I think that’s just great. If they’d bring in Brenda Starr I’d be over the moon.

  78. Pozzo
    August 11th, 2014 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Judging from his regimen of napping and eating cookies, Mr. Wilson is evidently a pothead.

  79. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 11th, 2014 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    PIBGORN – It’s been so long since her “funeral”, I’d somehow forgotten that they chose to dress Juliette in a skin-tight leather outfit for the occasion.

  80. Melman from Madagascar
    August 11th, 2014 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    MT: “It’s been a rough day … I’m going to my tent and touch-up my hair with some more polyurethane.”

    A3-G: I’m beginning to wonder if Shulock and Bolle are playing the Van Morrison/Bang Records angle here: “In order to fulfill his obligation to his early solo label Bang Records,Van Morrison sat down in 1967 or so and cranked out 31 songs on the spot, on topics ranging from ringworm to wanting a danish, to hating his record label and a guy named George.”

  81. Red Greenback
    August 11th, 2014 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Melman from Madagascar (#80): Was me. “Melman” was a handle I used to make a stupid one-off “ossicone” comment a while back. Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.

  82. Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-)
    August 11th, 2014 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    There’s a bratty little kid at my church who’s WAY more menacing than Dennis – I had a knee injury and she kept coming over and nagging me to get up and go on a run with her. Michelle Obama was probably a DTM as a kid too.

  83. Écureuil Écumant
    August 11th, 2014 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @Cassandra Cat’s Lawyer (#63): Now me, I’d term it a textbook example of aperspectival objectivity.

  84. Écureuil Écumant
    August 11th, 2014 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#73): And when he runs you off the road, you better not get out of your car to confront him.

  85. Cloudbuster
    August 11th, 2014 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Delta James (#53): Thank God you’ll never have to act white again!

  86. Cloudbuster
    August 11th, 2014 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#55): The variety and pacing of this story line makes “Fleurry the vet steals a cow, the victims are eventually punished” look like a long, pointless, meandering excuse to draw sexxy women doing sexxy things in the water by comparison. That snark is so meta it gave five dead literary critics their wings.

  87. Cloudbuster
    August 11th, 2014 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#79): I think it might be Latex!

  88. Liam
    August 11th, 2014 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Hagar the Horrible-”What are you crazy? It’s the fall that’ll kill you.”

  89. word-doctor
    August 11th, 2014 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    GT: Amazing he ever got married. “I’m handsome, stolid and good with kids, and I’m willing to sacrifice a home run for a bunt single. I choose you!”

  90. Gwen Stacey
    August 11th, 2014 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#88):

    “It’s the fall that’ll kill you.”

    Actually, that’s a common mispercepSNAP!!

  91. hogenmogen
    August 11th, 2014 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    DtM: Mr. Wilson is clearly enjoying his plugger status. Overindulgence followed by a diabetic toporic state, mitigated by an overdependence on expensive drugs and an irrational hatred of the health care system that enables this vicious cycle to perpetuate itself. Dennis is just calling him out on it. Speak truth to power, young man!

    Not very menacing, unless you’re the authority figure.

  92. Shrug
    August 11th, 2014 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#77):

    ” So other than that it’s just Tracy meets Annie…”

    You forgot Lum and Abner, but they’re favorites of mine, so I’m not complaining either.

  93. Shrug
    August 11th, 2014 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Why did the Aussie animals have to pay to bring Slylock Fox in all the way from North Animalerica? Couldn’t one of their native detectives like Kojackaroo or ‘Bony’ Bandicoot have handled the case?

  94. hogenmogen
    August 11th, 2014 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#49): RMMD: “Fearless leader”.

    It’s sarcastic. The gist is that she thinks of herself as some grand field marshal, bravely rallying and leading the troops against a vicious enemy; but she’s really more of a policy wonk with a smarmy demeanor that can and has fired long term employees for minor differences in opinion.

  95. hogenmogen
    August 11th, 2014 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#93): Yeah, I can see all the local cops saying “Has fur, a bill and lays eggs. What has all three of those things? A porcupine? A dolphin? Gee, I’m just coming up blank. Very small rocks. No, churches! Churches!”

  96. hogenmogen
    August 11th, 2014 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#88): “It’s the fall that will kill you.”

    Oh, not the landing? So if I make it to the ground, I’ll be fine, is that what you’re saying?

    I mean if you can’t count on Butch Cassidy to give good cliff jumping advice, who can you trust on these matters?

  97. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 11th, 2014 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#94): RMMD – I remember I used to have a boss who we called “Fearful Leader”, because of the reasons.

    This just all continues to build on the fundamentally absurd idea that the Dean is going to use an adjunct professor who has never taught a single day’s class at the school, and who will never teach there again after this semester, as her primary liason with the existing faculty. Because everyone instantly trusts and admires June. Because of the reasons.

    Of course, that builds on the fundamentally absurd idea that June took this job in order to reduce her workload and take some time off while she is pregnant.

    Which then builds on the fundamentally absurd idea that, one night in the past few months, Rex took time off from putting on his watch before bed and dressing up in his best Sleep Uniform in order to engage in marital relations with June. And succeeded.

  98. TheDiva
    August 11th, 2014 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#79): @Cloudbuster (#87): Going by the sheen of it, I’m guessing PVC. Not appropriate for the era, certainly, but since when has the setting been anything other than cosmetic?

  99. Little Sparkle Farkle
    August 11th, 2014 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Love Is: Arresting an obviously deranged couple about to have sex on a park bench and taking them someplace they can get therapy.

    Or hiding in a nearby bush, masturbating.

  100. Liam
    August 11th, 2014 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    MT-Taurus is feeling special. He gets to eat in the big tent with Lori and Mark but not at the same table with them.

  101. Liam
    August 11th, 2014 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”I always feel weird when my hair color can blend in with the background.”

  102. Liam
    August 11th, 2014 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    JP-”But all things come to an end!” I wish the story in ‘Apartment 3G’ would come to an end.

  103. Amos Snarkadder
    August 11th, 2014 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    FW “… adapting my pulp heroine to the silver screen.”
    And by “pulp heroine” Les is, of course, referring to the tumor, not Lisa.

    A3G Go on, Carole, since you and Tommie have blossomed, you can spill it – Tommie snores like a foghorn.

    Love is… Having xes in public.

    MW And by “thank goodness” Mary is, as usual, referring to herself.

    Luann Tsk! Luann, sniffing Delta’s underwear is an inappropriately crude, albeit heartfelt, way to express your unrequited passion for her.

  104. George Costanza
    August 11th, 2014 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#87), @TheDiva (#98): It’s GORE-TEX® or my name isn’t George Costanza!

  105. Avoiding the Madding Crowd
    August 11th, 2014 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#19): Yeah, mostly right, but….BOOBS!

  106. Amos Snarkadder
    August 11th, 2014 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#3):

    MW: Oh boy, the big moment we’ve all been waiting for… the start of GLOAT WEEK!!!

    And much to our dismay, this is all we’ll get for a pool party: Mary and Toby sitting poolside while Mary recounts her heroic acts to save a drowning child. Why, there’s not even a tray of salmon squares!

  107. boojum
    August 11th, 2014 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#102): That is so adorable. You think there’s a story in Apartment 3G!

  108. Horace Broon
    August 11th, 2014 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Prediction: this will go on for the whole week and on Saturday it will turn out she’s right; it was nothing.

    Phantom: The Python doesn’t fight fair when his unsanctioned captor enters his cage to beat him up a bit? He’s history’s greatest monster!

  109. DaveyK
    August 11th, 2014 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Assuming that last panel is what it seems, which is euphemistic conversation about masturbation within married life, these plans to raise a family my be ill conceived (so to speak).

  110. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 11th, 2014 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Love Is— Based on the spurts of liquid shooting over their heads, he is currently far from perfect. Any judgement of his performance at this point would be premature.

  111. Avoiding the Madding Crowd
    August 11th, 2014 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Just in case some of you may have forgotten, Evans is reminding you that Delta is the defining minority character (well, OK, token minority character) in the strip by emphasizing that she is going to Howard University and placing a poster of Martin Luther King in the focal point of the first panel. Subtlety is not his forte.

  112. Avoiding the Madding Crowd
    August 11th, 2014 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#27): According to June Morgan, “fearless leader” would fit.

  113. Avoiding the Madding Crowd
    August 11th, 2014 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#48): Sorry, oversnarpologies on my part. I usually read all the comments before I weigh in, didn’t this time.

  114. Odie Odo
    August 11th, 2014 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Avoiding the Madding Crowd (#111):

    That isn’t a portrait of Martin Luther King. It’s a portrait of Morrie Lucius Karvel, the man who invented chocolate ice cream.

  115. Vanilla Ice Cream
    August 11th, 2014 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#114): That’s some Good Humor, man!

  116. seismic-2
    August 11th, 2014 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#41): > the platypus is always brought up as a ‘wacky’ Australian wildlife example and because it’s really hard to work the Coriolis Effect into a single panel cartoon about Australia

    Kyle Koala has asked Slylock to investigate, because an unseen assailant sneaked up behind him and gave him a “swirly”. Upon returning home, Slylock asked Reeky Rat which way the water flowed when he last flushed the toilet, and…

  117. word-doctor
    August 11th, 2014 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Luann: “They were sniffing the fudge, and sniffing the glue. Sniffing everything that adhered to these delightful little morsels.”

  118. Old Folkie
    August 11th, 2014 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#58): Having taught at Spellman, I agree…

  119. José Jiménez
    August 11th, 2014 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#114): His great-grandson now oversees the Karvel ice cream empire, a man saddled with the unfortunate nickname of ‘Uncle Tom’ Karvel.

  120. Liam
    August 11th, 2014 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    Luann-Luann, stop smelling Delta’s shorts.

  121. Cherry Trail
    August 11th, 2014 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    (… takes another sip of coffee … gazes out cabin window … drums fingers on table … repeats …)

  122. bunivasal
    August 11th, 2014 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Don’t feel too bad about these monotremes, Josh. I mean, that platypus abandoned one of its own young in order to make off with a pearl. Wait, how big is a platypus egg in this fearscape?

    How large are the pearls?

    Wait, do these animals still wear pearls as jewelry? And now we’re full circle on gross and horrifying.

  123. Liam
    August 11th, 2014 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-Slylock then arrested the witnesses and had them tested for drugs for believing that such a strange creature could exist.

  124. hogenmogen
    August 11th, 2014 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#108): I don’t blame the Python for not fighting fair (and what isn’t fair in a grudge cage match?). The referee is clearly biased to the pugilist in the stripey shorts. “Go, Old Friend! Hit him! Yeah! Work that bastard over! Hey, Chatu, no hitting below the belt! That’s a 2-point penalty!”

  125. fluffy
    August 11th, 2014 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    Platypus eggs don’t work that way! They’re leathery and soft and fertilized and gestated within the mother’s womb for several weeks before being laid! Not at all like chicken eggs!

  126. hogenmogen
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Cherry Trail (#121): What the hell, Cherry? You’ve got pancakes to make. Doc’s coffee isn’t going to serve itself.

  127. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#114): @Avoiding the Madding Crowd (#113): He Had a Dream that one day Ice Cream would be judged by the content of the carton and not the color of the box. I wonder what he would think of the popularity of Neapolitan ice cream if he were still alive today?

    Yeah, the by-the-numbers ticking off of the required attributes for Delta is another great example of how amateurish the whole operation is. Remember the “we don’t have enough money to send everyone on the class trip to D.C for Obama’s inaguration, so one (and only one) of you will have to stay behind. Shockingly(!), that someone will be Delta, unless Luann can raise the money for her ticket by escorting” storyline, that ended with Delta meeting Obama in the US Capitol Building and asking him where the bathrooms were (and showing an ignorance of the difference between the White House, where the President lives, and the Capitol, which the President usually only visits for the SOTU address).

    In addition, the artwork is generally poor and seems more like a preliminary sketch than a finished product. Plot lines aren’t storyboarded and either go nowhere or are suddenly written off (“Sanchez was just transferred to Spain! That means you get your job back Brad!”). And I’m still waiting for the Russian to come out of the Pine Barrens so we can find out what happened when Pauly shot him.

  128. Peanut Gallery
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    I must be as smart as Dick Tracy. I don’t get it either.

  129. seismic-2
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @fluffy (#125): But they still make a halfway decent omelet, if you mix in enough sea turtle eggs.

  130. hogenmogen
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @fluffy (#125): The egg has been gestating in the womb for several weeks? That just proves that this rash of thefts was premeditated.

    Slylock the genius fox has determined that the thief was a platypus, but that species keeps to itself in marshy waterways. They are good swimmers as foxes, kangaroos and koalas aren’t. I don’t know why a platypus would even want jewelry it its watery abode, but Slylock’s mystery Mondays normally raise more questions than they answer anyway.

  131. Peanut Gallery
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    Unfortunately, the marsupials aren’t equipped to maintain the oppressive social structure they’ve created and have been forced to call in placental mammals from outside to help. If human history is any guide, this is a terrible, terrible mistake.

    They should’ve called in Porlock Possum instead!

  132. hogenmogen
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#127): And I’m still waiting for the Russian to come out of the Pine Barrens so we can find out what happened when Pauly shot him.

    He came back just after the lights got turned out. He shot Tony, then fled to Ukraine and is now an officer in the separatist movement.

  133. Peanut Gallery
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#103):

    Love is… Having xes in public.

    Brilliant!

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#110): I see what you did there.

  134. hogenmogen
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#51): Over in Apartment 3-G, two women talk about talking to one another, and then do.

    If all A3G strips were dissolved, boiled and distilled into one single sentence, that would be it.

  135. made of wince
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Love Is….making out right in the middle of the Blair Witch Woods.

    DtM: Hey, Garfield– Did one of your lines happen to wander off and get lost? Because I think I found it over here.

  136. hogenmogen
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#134): So instead of commenting any more on A3G, I’m just going to repeatedly post “Yeah, what Uncle Lumpy said that time.”

  137. Peanut Gallery
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#15): Don’t forget about the little people!

  138. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    SFx: While the Great Uprising of the Lower Order animals has brought more stylish clothing for marsupials (compare with Pluggers) it certainly hasn’t brought a better justice system. Slylock’s racial profiling has expended to multiple continents.

    JP: Deep dpwn Sam knows that he does nothing and is equipped to do nothing, but he doesn’t like to talk about it. Hence Gloria’s “You can’t fire me, we quit.”

    DtM: Dennis won’t have much effect irritating George Wilson tonight. I’ve never seen a non-high adult enjoy cookies that deeply.

  139. Liam
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    JP-”But if Steve wants to practice by himself then who do I practice with,” a confused and heartbroken Sam asks.

    JP-”Yes. I’ve noticed how he spends a lot of time in the bathroom.”

    Love Is-They don’t want to practice alone.

  140. Droopy Says
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    RM, MD: Try to hear the dean speak in the voice of Fearless Leader. Try it, I dare you. All you’ll get is the voice of Captain Peachfuzz.

    FW: The last panel works a little better sucks a little less if you sing this song:
    “Les, Les, Les of the Jungle,
    Weird as he can be.
    Look out for that tree!
    Look out for that–oooooh–tree . . . “

  141. Droopy Says
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#97): To add to the Rex Morgan Lunacy, Fearless Leader has hired someone with no teaching experience because the school needs better-qualified teachers.

    If June is Natasha Fatale in this wacky scheme, is Widdle Sawah really Boris Badenov?

  142. Amos Snarkadder
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#133): Garsh, thanks!

  143. rbmalpha
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    Phone post, so oversnarkapologies in advance.

    Slylock Fox: Or, and maybe this is just me, it was a fucking but rd that lives of n Australia an all of the jewelry shop owners need their eyes checked. Just sayin’.

    Judge Parker: I’m sure Steve has been practicing alone, just like Less Moore, “in a weird way”.

    Dennis the Menace: Dennis seems to be making fun of Mr. Wilson’s mind diabetic comas. Menace level: Rising.

  144. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 11th, 2014 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    MT: She thinks it’s been a rough day for her? That giraffe still has a headache from necking on Sunday!

    WofI: That might be because you turned yourself into one of those sharks that talk like Curly Howard, Wiz.

    C-Shaft: Bad luck for Crankshaft. He only speeds when he wants to leave some grade-schooler in the dirt.

    Crock: Lt Preppie continues in the delusion that he’s an irresistible Adonis and not a grisly ogre with a scrotum-like chin. I’d love to know what his mirrors are coated with.

    RMMD: Name calling actually is Edna’s style, and she hasn’t even gotten started yet. Other than that June is on solid ground.

    GT: “They might play two or three sports, or not. What, you expect me to keep up with these things?”

    FC: By an eerie and inexplicable coincidence, everyone else at the dinner table has lost their appetite. The world may never know.

    Lockhorns: This raises the question of why they’re Skyping when they live together. New frontiers for mutual contempt, I guess.

  145. Joshua
    August 11th, 2014 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#127): Minor correction: Delta had wanted the class to go to Washington for the inauguration, but it couldn’t be arranged; they went in February instead.

  146. Reflex76
    August 11th, 2014 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#48): Remember, referring to a “token magical black character” is not racist, it’s . . . “edgy”; yeah, that’s it!

  147. made of wince
    August 11th, 2014 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#51):

    In the room the women come and go
    Talking of Michaelangelo NOTHING.
    –T.S. Eliot

  148. Mungo Shark
    August 11th, 2014 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    Love Is: Being used as bait in a sting to lure people into the bushes to masturbate.

  149. demoncat_4
    August 11th, 2014 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    mw good thing i was around to help toby for after all no one dies here unless i am the one to kill them.rmmd fearless leader guess june is not a fan of sarcasm for edna could have said how is our fearless queen bitch today . as june warns edna that if she joins the walk out she will be fired .

  150. Écureuil Écumant
    August 11th, 2014 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    @Little Sparkle Farkle (#99), @Mungo Shark (#148): “OK, I’m headin’ over to the park for half an hour or so to bushturbate.”

  151. Cloyd
    August 11th, 2014 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#141):

    Can we just scrooch them all now, Gidney?

  152. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 11th, 2014 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    Love Is—
    @Little Sparkle Farkle (#99): @Mungo Shark (#148): @Écureuil Écumant (#150):

    Alternatively: One in the hand beats two in the bush.

  153. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 11th, 2014 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#127): Argh. The “everybody gets to see the inauguration except you, Delta, ha ha” storyline. That was so stupid I think it might have permanently damaged the laws of physics.

  154. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 11th, 2014 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#103):

    MW And by “thank goodness” Mary is, as usual, referring to herself.

    Is there another definition? Not if you know what’s good for you there’s not.

  155. seismic-2
    August 11th, 2014 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    Robin Williams is dead, it has just been reported.

  156. ratnerstar
    August 11th, 2014 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    I only know the word “monotreme” because of Achewood. Now it shows up here. Comics, in all their various forms, have vastly improved my knowledge of biology! Take that, stupid educational system!

  157. Droopy Says
    August 11th, 2014 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    @Cloyd (#151): Use the scrooch gun on everybody at Wossamotta U.? That’s something we’ll all really like!

  158. Joe Blevins
    August 11th, 2014 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    JP: “Sam’s conflicted when Gloria tells him she’s going to quit and raise a family!” He can’t decide whether he’s bored or indifferent.

    (Incidentally, between this and A3G, I have to ask: what is it with people in soap strips not facing one another during conversations?)

    Slylock: Max, for once, is at eye level with another character … and it’s an infant. How embarrassing.

    DtM: Save your breath, young Mitchell. Mr. Wilson is in Cookie Land now, where your words are mere “white noise” to his ears.

  159. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 11th, 2014 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    @ratnerstar (#156): For a few all-too-short years monotremes had a prominent place in the daily comics, thanks to My Cage. Wonder what Norm would thnk of today’s Slylock.

  160. Snarky Parkyakarkus
    August 11th, 2014 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    Last Kiss: She’s ironing a Trojan® with an actual Trojan inside. (Ironic, ain’t it?)

  161. Snarky Parkyakarkus
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#155): Robin Williams is dead, it has just been reported.

    He died, apparently, by his own hand…

    http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2014/08/11/robin-williams-is-dead/13925199/

  162. seismic-2
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#159): Wikipedia informs us: “The existing monotreme species are the platypus and four species of echidnas (or spiny anteaters).” Was Aussie-guy “Quill” in Luann named for a monotreme? I would so much like to think so.

  163. Uncle Lumpy
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#144):

    Re: Captain Preppie in Crock:

    I’d love to know what his mirrors are coated with.

    Oh, I think you know.

  164. Odie Odo
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @Snarky Parkyakarkus (#161): This is going to put the kibosh on the proposed Mrs. Doubtfire 2 sequel.

  165. Liam
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace-Should Mr. Wilson be eating Mrs. Wilson’s cookies in front of Dennis?

  166. Liam
    August 11th, 2014 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    @Snarky Parkyakarkus (#161):

    I hope it wasn’t suicide and autoerotic asphyxiation instead.

  167. Droopy Says
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#163): There are two possibilities here. Either way, I’m sure he snorts them off the glass.

  168. Vince M
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @ratnerstar (#156): I knew the term ‘monotreme’ but it never really came up for me until They Might be Giants did a song about mammals, referring to ‘their cousin the monotreme’. New for me was ‘dead uncle allotheria’.

  169. Droopy Says
    August 11th, 2014 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Brooke reaches for Lugosi and ends up with Count Chocula.

  170. Snarky Parkyakarkus
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#166): Actor David Carradine supposedly died from autoerotic asphyxiation.

    (No “coming while he was going” jokes. That’s a line even I won’t cross!)

  171. Frank Lee MeiDere
    August 11th, 2014 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    It hasn’t happened yet, but according to a psychic on one of the X-Files episodes, Agent Mulder was slated to die by autoerotic asphyxiation.

    The More You Know.

  172. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 11th, 2014 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#166): @Frank Lee MeiDere (#171):
    Didn’t Williams play the father of a guy who died by autoerotic asphyxiation in Father of the Year?

    It’s shaping up to be a very sad story, that’s all I can really tell so far.

    Did like that X-File, though. “Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose”, with guest star Peter Boyle. “It’s none of my business. Forget I said anything.”

  173. Frank Lee MeiDere
    August 11th, 2014 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#172): Peter Boyle! That’s right. Yes, that was one of the best episodes. And it came after I’d given up expecting any kind of consistency or coherency to the series, so I was just enjoying the episodes each on their own entertainment merit (kind of the like Koljak: The Night Stalker).

  174. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 11th, 2014 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#163): Well, he has been in the desert a long time.

  175. seismic-2
    August 11th, 2014 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#172), @Frank Lee MeiDere (#173): A memorable performance, certainly. It won Boyle the 1996 Emmy for Outstanding Guest Actor in a Drama Series.

  176. Poteet
    August 11th, 2014 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    MT: “And when I get to my tent, I’m going to loosen my belt, and WHOOOSH, my waist will instantly expand eight inches. It’s astonishing to watch, actually. And Gawd, what a relief.”

  177. Avoiding the Madding Crowd
    August 11th, 2014 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    @Snarky Parkyakarkus (#170): I hear autoerotic asphyxiation can be extremely disorienting. He probably didn’t know whether he was coming or going.

  178. Majicou
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee MeiDere (#173): The series was heavily inspired by Kolchak, to the point that when it came time to do a flashback ep about the origin of the X-Files, the present-day version of the agent who started investigating them was played by Darren McGavin.

    (He also asks the FBI secretary–it was like 1947, so she may have been the only one–why file unsolved cases under “X”. She answers that she ran out of room in “U”, but “X” had plenty of space.)

  179. Frank Lee MeiDere
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    @Majicou (#178): I remember the Darren McGavin episode and was happy to see him. In the beginning of the X-Files it seemed that Carter was planning on some kind of coherent story arc. It became clear by the second season that Carter was a total tyro when it came to the UFO literature (I had been so pleased that Scully was named after the first person to write about the UFOs, only to find out that Carter didn’t know anything about Frank Scully and had named her after Vic Scully, a frikin’ baseball announcer). As the series progressed, becoming more and more incoherent and filled with increasingly bizarre and unconnected story lines, I started to realize that the real brains behind the series were the writers, especially Morgan and Wong (who later did the brilliant Above and Beyond show that was cancelled after a single season).

    After dumbing down my expectations I started to enjoy the show again purely on the merits of individual episodes. But I’ll never forgive the way he killed off The Lone Gunmen.

  180. Poteet
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    9CL: Once again I deeply wish that the wheat farmer would show up, look around at his trampled and fucked-upon crop, and shoot them both dead.

  181. Frank Lee MeiDere
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#180): Why waste bullets when you’ve got a perfectly good harvesting machine?

  182. Droopy Says
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#180): Plus, it’s early June in Normandy. Wouldn’t that “ripening wheat” still be green, growing and far from ripe?

  183. Huckleberry Fink
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    @Avoiding the Madding Crowd (#177):

    Let’s hope “Beetle Bailey” has time to kill the OTTOerotic asphyxiation joke they were planning to use for tomorrow’s punchline.

  184. Huckleberry Fink
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace: “My dad also says his junk is bigger than your junk!”

  185. Huckleberry Fink
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Ed is listening to “Car Talk” on NPR because he heard a rumor that Clack (of “Click and Clack” fame) has just died from auto-erotic asphyxiation.

  186. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    JP: If the vintage Sam Driver were to meet his future self, whining because his secretary is quitting, he’d make a call to the Judge to find a guy to kick his future pansy ass.

  187. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    9CL: Not only is a battle being fought, Bill, you’re a soldier in one of the armies. At what point does being lost become desertion?

  188. Señora Wences
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#184):

    Henry is upset because the postman keeps “losing” his Victoria’s Secret catalogues.

  189. tallyHO
    August 12th, 2014 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    You can tell by the look of worry on Peter Parker’s face that the “Ock-tivator” is a device which is supposed to be kept near a dangling object which will be “Ock-tivated” by a tingling sensation which will turn that dangling object into a divining rod which will point the way to Doc Ock.

    Mary Worth You can tell by the look on her friend’s face that she is concerned that Mary went Night Swimming with that Olive kid. It looks awkward, very awkward. But, no, Mary will assuage her concerns by revealing she had been dreaming about the child. Mary should probably stifle it and she should have instead led with the revelation that she is psychic and that the child sees fairies and angels. Get the crazy out the way, I say! Once you do that it makes everything much more believable.

    a3g Say, hypothetically, Doctor Jack, Large Animal Physician, got killed by a small, aggravated fawn. Would that be ironic? Or would that be typical of this storyline? I mean, guys die often in this strip, right? It’s either death or they go to England.

    Mark Trail ™ , we know that to protect his trademark (no pun intended), Mark must introduce himself with his full name. So, it is odd that he didn’t ask Taurus what his full name was early on. Actually, it would seem like he would have done so upon meeting him. Oh, wait, that was filler to kill time until a crime was being committed. Or, is is a hornless rhino doing what a horny rhino does without thinking about it?

  190. Liam
    August 12th, 2014 at 5:04 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#172):

    Yes he did and I’m hoping this is the same situation.

  191. Liam
    August 12th, 2014 at 5:09 am [Reply]

    9CL-If you want to have sex while a battle is going on all around you then go for it. Whatever floats your boat.

  192. Briane Pagel
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    I don’t know why she’s so smug. Sam’s “practicing alone” is likely to delay, if not completely deny, her plans to build a farm using ‘two-legged livestock.’

  193. The Divine O’F
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