The Comics Curmudgeon

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Squeezing blood from a ’toon

Blondie and The Lockhorns, 3/16/09

As a result of this confluence of comic themes, I thought perhaps that there was some sort of nationwide blood drive going on today, of which I would naturally be unaware because the very thought of a needle makes me weep like a pathetic little baby and vomit in terror. Still, about thirty seconds of Google searching (all the research I’m ever willing to do for anything, because I am one of The Kids Today) seems to rule out that idea, so I guess it’s just one of those occasional cartoon coincidences. That’s just as well, as neither today’s Blondie nor today’s Lockhorns would really inspire people to go give the life-saving gift of blood; instead, they’ll just associate this selfless act with their their terrible job or their soul-killing marriage, respectively.

Gasoline Alley, 3/16/09

It looks like there’s some middle-aged, somewhat hard of hearing, working-class romance brewing in Gasoline Alley! Which is great, as it will surely keep the loathsome Slim out of the narrative eye, but I find panel two, in which Gertie stares straight out at us and demands that we, the readers, acknowledge our attractiveness and update her on dinner, kind of unnerving. Perhaps if I still read comics in the paper, I’d have gotten the 3-D glasses that are an integral part of this very special Gasoline Alley experience.

Apartment 3-G, 3/16/09

“I hope you like olives!” Vaguely promising, but, you know, it’s still Tommie, so not sexy at all.

UPDATE: Sorry, kids, your faithful blogger was way behind and is sleepy — COTW coming tomorrow morning!

This entry was posted on Monday, March 16, 2009 at 04:25 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Blondie, Gasoline Alley, Lockhorns.

132 responses to “Squeezing blood from a ’toon”

Honeypot
March 16th, 2009 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

That pizza has shrunk in circumference since it was delivered, and there are no slices missing. Is the only thing Tommie has been doing is picking off the olives?
Sans Sense
March 16th, 2009 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

“I hope you like olives!” Keep it real Tommie, you better hope he likes craisins…
NoVan
March 16th, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

Aw, dude, panel two of GA follows you whereever you look at it from. That’s so trippy it scares me.
Roto13
March 16th, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

“You need to get on back in the kitchen!”

I think Gasoline Alley is trying to explore the reversal of gender roles on that last panel. Especially if you read that “gal with spunk” line with a dirty/creepy mind.
ratnerstar
March 16th, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

Aunt Gertie wants YOU! To tell her what’s cooking. Or possibly to pull her giant finger.
Natalie
March 16th, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

Tommie: “Now you owe me $14.25!”
ColetteNicole
March 16th, 2009 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

What do you mean Tommie’s not sexy? She’s clearly dressed in her Mormon temple garments! If that’s not sexy, I don’t know what is!
Aging Hipster
March 16th, 2009 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

A3-G: I know it’s cliched at this point, but which one is Joe?
Mischief Maker
March 16th, 2009 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

Ha ha! Maybe Tommie’s torment at the hands of Margo is some kind of apprenticeship. Now she’s having poor Joe painstakingly remove the olives from Margo’s pizza by hand.

All this panel needs is a thought bubble of Margo’s face watching on with wicked approval, partially out of the mean streak she’s instilling in Tommie, and partially out of the much crueler humiliations she has in store for her roommate as the next lesson.
teddytoad
March 16th, 2009 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

It’s so unfair that the gays can’t donate blood, but Leroy Lockhorn can. What’s worse, FDA–a 1 in a 100 billion chance of the HIV virus getting past all those screens, or a 1 in 1 chance of passing the chilly ooze of a hateful marriage on to some poor kid with hemophilia?
Sans Sense
March 16th, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

#8 – Aging Hipster:

Don’t quote but I think the blonde in the blazer is Joe. I’m not sure who the other dude is.
Brick Bradford
March 16th, 2009 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

Brenda Starr: Isn’t Brenda carrying this eye patch fetish of hers a leeeeeetle too far? I mean, the DOG?

Luann: Ha ha, a smelly boy joke.

Cathy: I have to admit, she made me crack a wry smile today. Otherwise I feel fine.

A3G: How is it that someone as asexual as Tommie hasn’t hooked up with Rex Morgan? She’d be the perfect beard.

MT Those two guys in the cafe are so disreputable looking I’m amazed that Mark didn’t punch them on sight.

DT: It’s good to see that Eric Von Stroheim found work in the funnies.
tb4000
March 16th, 2009 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

3G: You’re just in time to help her with something, but it will in no one end with you gratified, Joe my man.

Luann: Honestly, I think every image of TJ grinning should just have an attachment bubble of him saying “that’s what SHE said”.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
March 16th, 2009 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

Today’s A3G makes more sense if you perform a popular variation that I just made up of the fortune-cookie game, and end her sentence with “…up your ass!”

/me should take his meds now
Cranky
March 16th, 2009 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

Hey everybody, Ziggy’s topical! And incomprehensible. And ignored by anyone with a shred of sense. Why am I still typing?
Sequitur
March 16th, 2009 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

I hate spunk.
Lou Grant – 1970
Uncle Lumpy
March 16th, 2009 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

These “drawn from life” characters like Gertie and the cook here creep me out. It’s because I imagine myself dying, then waking up as a character in Gasoline Alley. To avert this horror, I have arranged to be buried alive.
Sarah
March 16th, 2009 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

Who’s Joe? The doctor? The Gary-look-a-like-but not-half-as-sexy-b/c-IT-guys-are-hot doctor?
Dragon of Life
March 16th, 2009 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

I used to work in an ER, and we often had to deal with blood products. I also used to donate blood and even platelets regularly. I want to reassure everyone that, in real life, the donation, screening, and transfusion process has numerous safeguards designed to prevent anyone from getting a transfusion of pure bleak despair.
ksilver
March 16th, 2009 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

There’s an old song called “Hey Good Looking” that has been covered by a lot of bands:

Hey, good looking
Whatcha got cooking?
Howzabout cooking something up with me?

I thought that the next lines of the refrain said something about “cooking up some ecstacy” or “making up some fantasy” but it appears that I imagined this line. Still, today’s Gasoline Alley made me think of that line. Especially the imaginary ecstacy part.
Harpo
March 16th, 2009 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

This is a little off-topic but speaking of odd cartoon coincidences – has anyone ever noticed how often Fox’s Sunday night animated shows have weird overlapping themes? For instance, last night both King of the Hill and American Dad used the word “casingle” which hasn’t been used anywhere else in like 20 years. How odd is that?

And why can the pizza man (”It’s huge!”) in A3G have his own distinct look when none of the main male characters can? Do you suppose he’s still there, in the other room, slipping into something more comfortable?
Old School Allie Cat
March 16th, 2009 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

I’ll take a second for a PSA here, which is that if you are a good candidate for blood donation, it is one of the kindest things you can do for your fellow man, and at the end you get cookies.

I’ve been a donor since the age of 17, and it’s the easiest good deed in the world.

Now, if you’re not a candidate or needle phobic or generally think you’ll cause the Red Cross more trouble than it is worth, then, that’s fine. But if you know you’re a good candidate, and you can deal with the needles, get out there and give.

I’m passionate about a lot of things – this is a big one in my book.
PeteMoss
March 16th, 2009 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy @ 17
Good luck with that, but I don’t think it will work. You’ll eventually die in the grave because of your sin of omission and your soul may still spend an eternity in the first ring of the last circle of Gasoline Alley. Want fries with that?
Donald the Anarchist
March 16th, 2009 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

Blondie I can’t believe no one’s mentioned that Dagwood came just from giving blood. Imagine what a bone marrow transplant would do!

Lockhorns As always, the only thing Loretta’s willing to give is negativity.

GA Come on, Gertie, call him btchcakes! It’ll make one reader very happy…

A3G Poor Tommie knew that if every single olive wasn’t picked off that pizza, Margo wouldn’t let her go to the ball. And if she didn’t hop after every fifth step, her mother would have a heart attack.
Buck Ripsnort
March 16th, 2009 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

Was there some Get-your-sidewalk-caricature-in-GA contest I was unaware of? I weep for the “winners”– that second panel will haunt my nightmares tonight.
Amateur
March 16th, 2009 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

GA: That’s a “Gertie”??? I could’ve sworn it was a Bob or a Fred.
Crankenstank
March 16th, 2009 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

A3G: “because I need some help with somebody who can suck out pimentos.”

Fulfilling yet another public service in providing a dirty punch line.
bitter law student
March 16th, 2009 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

So if Margo ordered the “Magee Party Pizza” or whatever, we can all assume those olives were all pre-soaked in gin, right?
Violet
March 16th, 2009 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

Joe’s troubled frown in panel three is remarkably eloquent of his concerns: “Olives are okay, I guess, but is it supposed to hover in midair like that? And why is she dressed up as Princess Leia? This was a mistake.”
Black Drazon
March 16th, 2009 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

I don’t really know what to say about Gasoline Alley, except that I have the strangest urge to join the United States war effort. And I’m Canadian!

Meanwhile, Tommie is going to taunt Joe with her olives, until he realizes to what she is not actually referring. Then she’ll taunt him with a pizza, which he won’t get to eat either. And then she’ll sit there, eating the olives even though she hates them just to bask in the limited power she has and imagine what it must be like to be Margo.
Uncle Lumpy
March 16th, 2009 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

#23 Pete –

. . . an eternity in the first ring of the last circle of Gasoline Alley. Want fries with that?

Oh, I’m pretty sure “fries” comes with.
Baron Von Foobenstein
March 16th, 2009 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

Oh, Jesus H. Christ — Gasoline Alley’s cartoonist is paying homage to some “real people” he knows (that we don’t give a crap about). You can always tell when he’s doing this because the character looks, well, like a REAL person and not like a cartoon. Spare us.
Daveyk
March 16th, 2009 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

“Why, yes, I do like olives! And I like your levitating pizza trick. I would prefer sex, of course. But since that is out of the question, levitating pizza with olives it is!”
Calvin's Cardboard Box
March 16th, 2009 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

Well, the company where I am working had their blood drive today, complete with gurneys covered with patients in the cafeteria, and an unfortunate employee dressed as Bloody the Blood Drop posing for pictures with the donors.
Chyron HR
March 16th, 2009 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

Funky Winkerbean – Harry’s real thought balloon: “Oh, *@#! If I’d known somebody was ever actually going to play it, I wouldn’t have just ripped off ‘O Fortuna‘!”

Gasoline Alley – Hey, good lookin’! I guess you only hit HALF the branches when you fell out the ugly tree!

Judge Parker – “Before Sophie came down to breakfast in the morning, she dressed herself with her eyes closed!”

Popeye – It’s hard to believe that somebody could screw up “Popeye vs a Ghost Ship”, but I bet Sagendorf found a way.

Spider-Man – Oh, geez! Here we are in the middle of perfectly serviceable plot with superpowers and everything, and Joe Quesada suddenly decides that Electro needs to return to his old child-free self. Nice knowing ya, kid.
dreadedcandiru2
March 16th, 2009 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

Foob Home Page: It seems that Lynn’s next venture is to put together a cook book; to that end, she’s using Coffee Talk to troll for recipes that can be made on the cheap. It’s a good thing for her that her fans don’t mind being exploited; otherwise, she’d end up with nothing but joke recipes from the LiveJournal people.
nowukkers
March 16th, 2009 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

#3 (earlierthread) seismic2 – I think Adrian’s hymen is still intact. I doubt that the MW authors would even contemplate pre-marital sex – let alone Adrian. She still retains the ethos of her convent-bobbysoxer upbringing – oh! swoon! – Ted’s an absolute dreamboat, with that debonair moustache, and that glossy slick-backed hair! Let me just practice … Mrs. Edward W. Confey – ooohh so perfect!!!
Revenge of Chesnut
March 16th, 2009 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

I like to think that Tommie’s turtleneck is actually a neck brace she stole from the hospital. She saw one of those classy “personal injury” lawyer ads on the teevee and she is going to sue Margo for every penny her estranged father’s got, claiming she strained her neck while doing all the housework and will seek damages for the emotional pain and suffering of being taunted by a delicious pizza tainted by olives.
Violet
March 16th, 2009 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

It took a minute or two to sink in how much Mrs. Lockhorn has ratcheted up the bile quotient in their union by finding a way to criticize her husband for habitually donating his very lifeblood to save the lives of total strangers. That’s cold, Loretta.
Joe Blevins
March 16th, 2009 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

A3G: Gotta love Joe’s half-second of gleeful, pervy anticipation in panel 2. Check out the smug little half-smile and the coquettish, “Oh?” It makes it all the sweeter when in panel 3, he’s brutally brought back to Earth. “Oh, right. I’m a character in Apartment 3-G, and the only hot, drippy pie I’ll be chowing on tonight is from Party Pizza.”
Little Guy
March 16th, 2009 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

If Scancarelli and Baretto ever join forces artisticly, they could give Vargas and Frank Cho* a run for their money.

*and the guy who does Near-Nekkid Chicks With Weapons
Hank Kimble
March 16th, 2009 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

Nothing has moved slower than the current Rex Morgan story line except for maybe Abe Vigoda’s “Daddy parts” before Viagra, Flomax, etc.
blueberrygrrrl
March 16th, 2009 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

I’m thinking that Vera, Dawn, Lynn, Adrian and many, many others have more than enough evidence to launch a class action suit against the Santa Royale School for the Blind and Hairstyling College.
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 16th, 2009 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

You know, I really like pizza, olives, and redheads. It never would have occurred to me that all three in combination could be so utterly boring and sucky.
Winky's Spleen
March 16th, 2009 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

Get Fuzzy – Ha ha! It’s funny because it’s another week of reruns of the one-note guest cats.
Jamus The Bartender
March 16th, 2009 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

DtM: “….two riders were approaching….and the wind…begin to howl.”
Larry McAwful
March 16th, 2009 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

After seeing Tommie’s idea of what constitutes a fun evening—picking olives off a ginormous pizza—I’ll never again feel like a hopeless nerd for suggesting yet another fun evening in spent around the Scrabble board instead of braving velvet ropes someplace downtown.
Poteet a.k.a. Anal, Annoying Minor Goddess of Pedantry
March 16th, 2009 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

I think the second line under Squeeezing should read “of which I would naturally be unaware.” And I sympathize, because even when I have to provide a small blood sample, I must turn my head, close my eyes, and hope I can confine my loud whimpering to my brain. Same with flu shots. Even an annoying minor goddess has her weaknesses.
Poteet
March 16th, 2009 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

A3G — I don’t care for pizza and I hate olives. So this Tommie sexual metaphor works well for me.
True Fable
March 16th, 2009 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

#22 Old School Allie Cat – It’s been five years cancer free for me, so I’ll get to start giving blood again! Unless, of course, I get hit by Batuik’s Revenge.
Beatrice
March 16th, 2009 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

Would serve Dithers right if Dagwood sang “Spinning Wheel” and “You’ve Made Me So Very Happy” throughout the long work day.
Patrick
March 16th, 2009 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

What the hell piece of furniture is the pizza box on? It’s at about mid-bust on Tommie, and has nothing surrounding it. Does Tommie always put random objects on display columns to play “art gallery manager” while Margo is away?
seismic-2
March 16th, 2009 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

Today Brenda Starr finally returned home, sorts through her mail, picks up an envelope, and exclaims, “Strange. A personal letter from India.” Gee, how lame does a strip have to be, to get a letter from an entire country telling you to pick up the story, already.

And say what you will, after starting my day with Nut Boy @ cereal (”It’s nutty!), I had rather finish it with a Ginormous @ pizza (”It’s huge!) than with one from Montoni’s (”It’s carcinogenic!”).
migellito
March 16th, 2009 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

This Mary Worth story line will all be worthwhile if, at the end, Mary is seen strumming a guitar and singing “free credit report dot com, baybee.”
migellito
March 16th, 2009 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

oh man… Google says:
No results found for “Near-Nekkid Chicks With Weapons”.

What is wrong with our world?!!!
Poteet
March 16th, 2009 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

# 22 Allie Cat — As a needle phobic who has turned green more than once upon hearing “hmm, guess we’ll have to try the other arm,” I’ve never been able to bring myself to donate blood. But I want you to know that I do admire blood donors, and that ongoing guilt over not being one has driven me to do volunteer work and make regular donations of other kinds. All hail, blood donors. Even Leroy.
Evan
March 16th, 2009 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

Hehe. “I like a gal with spunk”. Heh.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go wash out my brain. With bleach.
Mac
March 16th, 2009 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

I think this is the blood drive time of the year. I don’t know for certain, but there were a couple of different ones around here last week, making me feel guilty because I can’t donate.
seismic-2
March 16th, 2009 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

# 54 migellito – Google “Boris Vallejo” instead. But yeah, there should be a swordsboobsandmonsters.com Website somewhere that would sell his stuff, you would think.
Hibbleton
March 16th, 2009 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

Lockhorns: You’ve got to admire Loretta’s commitment to marital acrimony. I expect in a future strip we’ll see her berating Leroy to a stranger after he gives mouth-to-mouth to a drowning man as ” The only rescue work he ever does . . . He gets to express his latent homosexuality”
Talking Squirrel
March 16th, 2009 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

“Perhaps if I still read comics in the paper, I’d have gotten the 3-D glasses that are an integral part of this very special Gasoline Alley experience.”

Well, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em!
Alan's Addiction
March 16th, 2009 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

“I hope you like olives” isn’t terribly promising, but I’m still supremely grateful that she didn’t offer him sausage, because A3G just isn’t ready for gender-bending. Or anything else that might be interesting. Speaking of interesting, it looks like Margo will be out of the picture for a bit, leaving us to be bored to death by Tommie’s stilted attempts to flirt with Joe.
Leroy Lockhorn looks like he’s in some sort of stupor, despite the fact that his wife is still actively belittling him. My theory is that Leroy has worked out some kind of deal with the nurses where they inject him with morphine or heroin under the guise of giving blood. He looks like an extra from Trainspotting; “Choose life. Choose a career. Choose a shrewish wife who takes every chance to whittle away at your soul and dignity. Choose to develop a crippling substance abuse problem just to escape the nightmare of your home.”
Aviatrix
March 16th, 2009 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

My nomination for least humorous sentence in the comics ever. “So when Bea and I lost our life savings in the market meltdown we had to move in with Jenny’s family.”

Meanwhile Gasoline Alley depicts a character with a phallic body part poised between her lips in one panel, and the word spunk in the next.

I maintain that there’s a competition amongst cartoonists to get the most smut in the paper without getting the strip pulled, and that has to be today’s winner.
LITTLE A. WITH THE CRYSTAL BALL WHO HAS NEVER WON THE LOTTERY
March 16th, 2009 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

GA: Lissen alla youze — Gertie is a sympathetic, caring, giving person with some wit and a sense of humor and common sense and she’s been taking care of Walt for years without being caricatured, yet she still fits in the strip — SO LAY THE FUCK OFF HER. There’s plenty of other shit in this strip to complain about.

If she finds some romance, all the power to her. Mazel tov.

There. I said it.

What, you think all I ever do is lament the demise of Nancy and Sluggo?
Tlachtga
March 16th, 2009 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

@12: Mark doesn’t go after the clean-shaven. I’m not even sure if they’re villains, if Shooty McWifebeater “wasn’t”.
gnemec
March 16th, 2009 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

Tommie’s greeting (”Joe?”) indicates that she is as confused by all the bland lookalike men in her life as we are.
Wolf Shepherd
March 16th, 2009 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

It appears to me that Tommie somehow got Gary to hold the pizza in the last panel. No fern stand required. Oh, did I say “Gary?” I meant “Joe.” They are so hard to tell apart. Notice in the first panel how Tommie answers the door: “JOE?” See, she’s not sure either.
Wolf Shepherd
March 16th, 2009 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

Oops, Gnemec, you win!
gnemec
March 16th, 2009 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

You were one minute late for the optimum time to tell that joke.
commodorejohn
March 16th, 2009 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

#64 Little A. – I have no particular fondness for the woman, but as Josh noted, any strip we spend with her is a strip we’re not spending on the other focus characters (Slim, Rufus & Joel, etc.) who are without exception more far more annoying than she is. So she’s all right by me.
Uncle Lumpy
March 16th, 2009 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

#64 Li’l A –

Hey, I like Gertie’s character. But she, the chef, the random neighbors who show up in Blondie from time to time, and Funky Winkerbean’s Harry Frickin’ Dinkle should either ‘toon up or get the hell outta Dodge.

Cartoonists shouldn’t manage their personal accounts on the audience dime.

And yeah, it’s a tragedy what happened to Nancy.
Cedar
March 16th, 2009 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

#63 Aviatrix

I still think “I’m an old woman and I’m going to die” is the least humorous thing ever on the funny pages

http://joshreads.com/?p=917
Uncle Lumpy
March 16th, 2009 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

The Least Humorous Thing Ever On the Funny Pages:

“Hi, Lisa.”
Talking Squirrel
March 16th, 2009 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

MW — It looks like Mary’s on the verge of pitching a turkey-necked-harridanesque fit in panel 3. It’s time for Miss Manners to drop her a line.

The groom pays for his tux, the rehearsal dinner, and the organist. Between now and the wedding, Ted can probably steal enough from Adrian’s purse to cover those meager costs.

Naturally, it’s none of Mary’s beeswax. And yet it’d be so spunky to see Adrian go all Bridezilla on her.
Mister Beautiful
March 16th, 2009 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

I’m surprised Loretta didn’t say, “Well, he sure can’t donate any money because he doesn’t make any.” But a snide comment about Leroy’s laziness is just as good, I guess. What the hell, I’m single.
Calico
March 16th, 2009 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

#74 – Are you sure you don’t mean “Between now and the Meddling”?

Mary Worth, wedding planner/assistant-aaaaauggh!
Calico
March 16th, 2009 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

YJUH dxxxxxxx

Sorry, our new 6-month old kitty just typed that…he is a real computer geek, it seems…!

Off to watch another train wreck on “Intervention.”
Tlachtga
March 16th, 2009 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

SF: Wait–how often to humans show up in Slylock’s world? I don’t think I’ve ever seen one before. It just isn’t right.
Muffaroo
March 16th, 2009 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

Old School Allie Cat – I’ll be doling out another double platelet donation of my precious O-Negative in eight days. The Red Cross considerately calls me when it’s permissible for me to give again. And three times before, as well.

First time I gave blood, there were a bunch of frat brothers there as well. One of their own had been in an accident, and they were donating to help defray the cost of the oodles and oodles of blood he needed. One of them was obviously petrified, but gamely kept making jokes, and to me, this was one of the noblest things I’d seen, so I asked for my donation to be given to the same guy. I guess I should’ve told him I’d done it, so he would have known that his sacrifice counted double.
Shermy Glamrocker
March 16th, 2009 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

The local blood bank calls me about three times a day to harass me into donating. Good thing I have Caller ID.
Paperback Rifler
March 16th, 2009 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

Okay, I’ve been away for a while; so I was thinking that I’d have a whole lotta snark (as in “baby, I ain’t foolin’”). As it turns out, I couldn’t think of anything today except the following:

Apartment 3-G: So it’s too bad that Tommie’s gentleman caller isn’t Popeye. She wouldn’t even have to ask if he likes Olive’s.

. . . Yeah, I know. I’ll work on it.
seismic-2
March 16th, 2009 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

I volunteered to donate blood a couple of years ago, and the bloodmobile turned me away. They said that because I had lived in England for a year in the mid-1980s, my blood might be contaminated by the virus that causes mad cow disease! How stupid is that? The chances of someone’s catching mad cow disease from my blood must be about 0.0000000001%, whereas the possibility of their bleeding to death without a transfusion must be significantly larger, I suspect. And why, after more than 20 years, would I suddenly come down with mad cow disease, which has not heretofore shown up? Cud this be possible? My exclusion from the bloodmobile was a graze disappointment to me. I think this stupid rule should be remoooved as soon as possible.
commodorejohn
March 16th, 2009 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

#78 Tlatchga – As far as I know, it’s just Slick Smitty, who shows up from time to time. I like to think he was a loung lizard who turned to a life of crime after stumbling into an alternate universe populated by alliteratively-named animal-people.
Jamus The Bartender
March 16th, 2009 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

78. Um…only every time I write a chapter of “The Cat And The Curmudgeon” Don’t know if that counts, but still and all….
AMSTERDANG
March 16th, 2009 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

A3G: Maybe the line would have broken through Tommie’s no-sex force field if it had been “I hope you like anchovies!” Hmmm. Clams? My vagina?
bats :[
March 16th, 2009 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

82. seismic-2: why ask why! mr. bats :[ spent several months in the UK in 1981-2. Prior to that, he’d been a faithful blood donor. He, too, was turned away because of the “mad cow” bullcrap.
During that period of time (and several years before that and after), he was fairly close to being a vegetarian — the only meat he ate was seafood. Gotta watch out for those shifty seacows, I guess…
zillah
March 16th, 2009 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

To me, Dagwood’s button does not represent “I gave blood,” but rather “I gave [my] heart,” which means he is now either a zombie (which would make the strip a lot more interesting) or a sentimentalist (which would make the strip neither more or less interesting).
Old School Allie Cat
March 16th, 2009 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

True Fable, Poteet and Muffaroo – I appreciate your efforts both with needle and otherwise. My father had a quad bypass last Spring, and as much good as the surgeons and nurses did, there are at least a dozen nameless people out there that I consider lifesavers.

Poteet – my sister had some very bad needle experiences as a kid, so I can relate. I’ve seen that shade of green you describe -for me I get that when I go on spinny rides at the carnival!
Jamus The Bartender
March 16th, 2009 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

Tales Of Goldberg’s
Funeral For A Friend.

I think it was Ambrose Bierce who called a handkerchief a “ small square of silk or linen, used in various ignoble offices about the face and especially serviceable at funerals to conceal the lack of tears.”
Well, he nailed it that day, let me tell ya. The funeral of The Conservative was held at dusk, with plenty of rain. Like water off of a duck’s back, I thought to myself.
Private Beetle Bailey drove me and Edda to the funeral. In a stretch limo. Her handlers made her wear clothes and everything. Even Beetle was in full dress uniform.
Dick Tracy was standing astride of Popeye and Cassandra….excuse me, Katina Furr, and holding an umbrella so she wouldn’t get wet. She was tough, but cats do hate water.
As we got out of the car, I could see Mike Patterson, walking through the rain and wind as though it were all made for him. Asshole. Couldn’t he have left the superhero costume at home? I mean, really. Yeah, he wore a black armband for respect. But still and all….
Anyway, he was followed by long-suffering Deanna Patterson, formerly Sobinski. And the two kids. I forget their names, but they were eating dirt. And feeding it to each other.
They’ll probably become writers just like Daddy, I thought.
As I got out of the car, I moved to shake hands with Dick Tracy, Popeye, who trained me in many forms of melee combat, none of which stuck, and Katina, who had been crying a little bit, and hugged me as though we hadn’t seen each other for years. I mean, we hadn’t, but we only had dinner a few days ago, since this whole thing began.
Edda was staring at a tree, using her special vision powers to make the water droplets slow down, speed up, freeze, change color….I dunno. I’m thinking she’ll get a ballet recital out of it.
“ Here he is,” Dick said as the limo pulled up, carrying the mortal remains of Mallard Fillmore.
***********************************************
.
Oct. 11, 2001
After about a month of crying, calling families to tell them we loved them, a president standing on a rock pile with a megaphone, finally, someone was doing something.
That someone was America’s most famous detective, a superhumanly strong sailor with abnormal forearm muscles, the long lived Ghost Who Walks….
And a duck with a rocket launcher and automatic weapon he found on eBay.
Homeland Security wanted their own super team. They had it.
Dick was at the podium of the new group’s first press conference since the day. “ Ladies and Gentlemen, I know times are kind of scary right now. But I got us through Flattop. I got us through Pruneface. I got us through those goddamn hippies. I got us through my ill-advised mustache in the seventies. And I can get us through this. “
One of the reporters raised her hand. A blonde with the clearest face in the universe. “ Gretchen Ramirez, FOX News. I see the three of you standing there, are there more members to this team? “
Now, Dick was a little nervous in front of the camera. Usually he played to a hostile audience, wanting to know why all of his perps entered prison feet first. Today, they loved him. Plus, Ramirez was pretty hot.
“ Um…yeah, Ms. Ramirez. Just a second here….” He rifled through some papers….
Geraldo Rivera piped up. “ Are you evading the question, Detective Tracy?”
“ JUST A MINUTE, MAN…” Dick blurted out to every camera in the free world….and a name was forever captured for posterity.
The Just A Minute Men would go on to fame and adventure, fighting the War On Terror.
Well, that usually consisted of posing for pictures in front of school kids sending their dollars to Afghani children whom we were about to drop bombs on.
Ramirez would not go without a question. “ Detective Tracy, who is your final member?”
Then, the wheels of a ‘93 Pontiac could be heard screeching, and the car itself crashing through the security blockade.
Goddammit, drunk again, Dick thought to himself.
“ Hiya, folksh. Mallard Fillmore, the Conshervative here. Ready to give Mishter Terrorisht Man what fer….” he said as he waved a bottle of Yukon Jack and fired his Thompson submachine gun into the air.
“ Could someone please get Mister Fillmore out of the car….” The Phantom asked as the cameras moved towards the wreckage….
*************************************************
To say the event was a sad affair was sort of overstating it. Katina was sad, and scared, but it was a “hey, we could be next “ kind of scared. Dick was taking occasional slugs from his flask. Popeye was flexing his musckles, looking for someone to hit. Edda was staring off into space, wondering if she left the iron on.
Michael Patterson was having the time of his life. He was weeping, and crying, and crying out to a vengeful, and hopefully paying attention right now God, “ WHY, GOD, WHY?? WHY DID YOU TAKE HIM SO SOON???” Deanna was rolling her eyes,while trying to keep her little ones quiet. Didn’t matter. The paparazzi got plenty of pictures of the man in his Eh!Zymandias outfit, the new book would sell, and that was all that mattered.
******************************************************* .
Milborough, Ontario, Canada
Sept. 11, 2002
“ Hi, folks, let me introduce myself. I’m Michael Patterson, you can call me Mike. I’m also known as Eh!Zymandias. And let me welcome you to the first meeting of the group called…wait for it…WATCH OUT, MAN!”
“ Quaaack…” Said Mallard Fillmore, taking a shot of Wild Turkey. Everyone was there. Doctor Superlative Girl PhD and her boyfriend Amos. Cassandra Cat in her skin tight cat burglar outfit for special occasions. Calvin in his Stupendous Man costume.
And I was there. My agent talked me into this dumb superhero idea, since he claimed that the Just A Minute Men , while a bit dysfunctional, had the right idea.
“ But I’m not a superhero.” I said.
Your girlfriend’s a superhero.
“ She’s a professional thief. There’s a big difference.”
Superheroes and thieves are basically the same. They all have lots of high tech stuff now. Didn’t you see Ocean’s Eleven?, my agent asked me.
“ That’s kind of a stretch. But what am I supposed to do? Be her young boy companion?”
You know Dick Tracy, right? He can train you to be some kind of super -cop on the edge.
Picturing Dick sleeping in his own vomit, the result of too many Shit Or Go Blinds, made me think otherwise. “ I don’t think so.”
Okay, okay, we’ll get Popeye to help you out with how to fight, we’ll get you a sailor costume. Kids love that Sailor Moon. We’ll put a mask on it. And we’ll call you…um….
I sometimes get a little too wiseass for my own good. I held up the bottle of Sailor Jerry’s rum in his bar by the corner. “ Sailor Jerry?”
Sailor Jerry. It was perfect.
Which is why I was in a sailor costume and Kato mask, arm in arm with Cassandra.
“ Don’t worry, Jamus, this’ll be just fine….” she snickered, turning her head, laughing at me.
Mike went on. “Why, WATCH OUT, MAN? Well, we’re a message to terrorists abroad, and to those who want to question our president on his War On Terror, to…well…WATCH OUT, MAN !!” he said with a flourish.
“ But you’re from Canada.” said Calvin as he raised his hand.
“ SHUT THE FUCK UP!! I’M AN AMERICAN IN MY HEART.” Then he quietly sobbed for two minutes. Then went on.
“ Okay. Here’s some ideas I have on how to improve George Bush’s War On Terror…” Then he brought out a map Of the United States. And started putting up little signs on it that said things like “ DRUG USE” “ ALCOHOLISM” “ SEX WITHOUT BABIES“ “ REALLY ANGRY MUSLIMS”, “ PEOPLE WHO MOVE TOO FAR AWAY FROM THEIR FAMILIES”, and “ MEN WHO DON’T MARRY THE FIRST GIRL THEY MEET.”
“We have to attack these problems head on ! Any questions? “ Michael asked.
Our mouths hung open.

Then, a drunken Mallard Fillmore, while lighting a cigar, and singing “ Margaritaville”, stumbled onto the display, promptly setting it on fire.
Michael cried like a little girl, trying to put the fire out with his cape. Then his cape caught on fire.
Cassandra, Calvin , and myself clapped our hands. We all agreed that Fillmore, while he had his faults, did more to save the world that day than Michael’s display board could ever hope to. Edda grinned at me a little bit as we all carried the hero of the hour, Mallard Fillmore, alias The Conservative, on our shoulders, singing, “ For he’s a jolly good fellow” and buying him a round of drinks. Thus did end the inaugural meeting of the “ WATCH OUT, MAN! “ group.
***********************************************

No one was really sure of Fillmore’s religion, so we found a guy at the church across from Goldberg’s, paid him to do a fill in the blanks funeral, and that was pretty much that. As a suspicious fellow with pointy ears, a bouquet of flowers and looking a lot like Max Von Sydow was making his way to the casket, Edda announced in a loud voice that this rain was very annoying and rude , and very cliché and not at all helpful and demanded that it stop.
The rain did stop. Control over all matter, remember?
I whispered, “ Sweetie…”
“Oh, yes. Funeral. Of course. Carry on.”
************************************************************
March 2003
Shock And Awe was on. George W Bush would show the evil doers in Iraq, who, it’s been proven time and again, had NOTHING to do with the events of 9/11, but none of that mattered to him.
Or the hundred foot tall naked woman with radioactive pink skin, scolding the soldiers of all sides, Coalition of the Willing, Sunni and Shi’a alike to “ Stop all this darn terrorism and behave themselves, or she’ll start blowing things up.”
None of which, after a few weeks time had any affect on various suicide bombers of both faiths.
Go figure.
After a few weeks, Doctor Superlative Girl, PhD, formerly known as Edda Burber, gave a disgusted snort, shook her head and said “ FINE!” and teleported back to the United States to complain to her mummy, of equally insufferable disposition.
Still on the ground, surrounded by ground troops, was Mallard Fillmore, three sheets to the wind, singing an Alan Jackson standard. “ AN’ I STAAAAND UP. NEXT TO YEW AND DEFEEND HER STILL T’DAAYYYYY”.
This war is still being fought.
************************************************************

Stupendous Man’s Journal
Oct. 14 2015
Saw man with pointy ears at Mallard Fillmore’s funeral. Probably Ming The Merciless exiled from Mongo. Nice of him to leave flowers. I’ll go question him and break his arms later.
Is this what our lives as toons are? That when we die, only our enemies leave roses? Roses that squirt water when you look too close at them? Son of a bitch. Practical jokes. I’m gonna run out of things to break.
Heard joke once. A man brought his pet parrot into the bar. He loved this parrot and was with him continually. The bartender suggested that he take him to the zoo. Which he did.
The same man brought the parrot back to the bar the next day. “ I thought I told you to take that parrot to the zoo?”
The man replied, “ I did , and he liked it so much, tomorrow I’m gonna take him to the baseball game.”
Good joke. Laugh, damnit. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

http://catandcurmudgeon.blogspot.com/
Gap-Toothed Starey "HOOOO" Guy
March 16th, 2009 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

82, 86 – My husband is forbidden to give blood because he was born in England in 1980. The family moved to the US when he was about 2. I kind of doubt that he spent his formative months gumming down cow brains, which seem to be the primary source of the disease in humans.
Tom T.
March 16th, 2009 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

A3G: Does a pizza really cost $28 in NYC?
Strangefate
March 16th, 2009 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

Nicely done Joe. You really don’t see enough baby blue suits these days. Especially being warn to pizza parties.
un_malpaso
March 16th, 2009 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

Seriously.. as a fellow guy to Joe: this is definitely the point where you know you will NEVER, never get any from Tommie, so if that’s what you’re after, time to check out the next aisle.
If you’re a good fellow who’s just looking for a fun gal to pick olives with, on the other hand… maybe you should check out Cathy… or Luann.
Uncle Ed
March 16th, 2009 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

Did anybody see today’s Family Circus. With the exception of mommy’s different hair, this is the exact same panel that appeared years ago. Only Jeffy says something like..”I like to fragrance you wear in the morning.. toast and bacon.”
Anonymous
March 16th, 2009 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

Dear Pearls Before Swine,

You are made of WIN!

I cede this part of the Internet to you.

Sincerely,
Reality
OKStan
March 16th, 2009 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

#51 – Well, they were founded in 1967 and reached their greatest popularity in the early ’70’s, so that would be the most up-to-date reference in Blondie EVER! Mr. Dithers must’ve been quite the hepcat back in the day.
Cranky
March 16th, 2009 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

# 94 Uncle Ed:

No. No one saw today’s Family Circus.

Seriously.

That’s why they can get away with that shit. ;)
NoVan
March 16th, 2009 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

Josh, don’t stress yourself out. This isn’t your job or anything. Although other Mudges may contradict me as they conspire to pile straws upon the camel’s back.
Larry McAwful
March 17th, 2009 at 12:11 am [Reply]

95. Anonymous – Yeah, I love Pearls more and more. It’s been around for what, seven or eight years now? Still fresh. Lots of death. Very little warmth. I love that strip so much. Stephan Pastis is my hero because he worked his ass off at getting out of a job he hated and into his dream job. I want to follow his lead.

And damn, making references to internet comics that are actually clever references—that’s something you don’t see that often. Often when you see a reference, the referrer is trying to show he’s more plugged in and can be so trendy and topical. Pastis, on the other hand, saw a good potential joke and used it. He doesn’t care whether Pearls is viewed positively by at least a 43 market share of Gen Xers or whatever. Pastis rocks. I’d even let him smoke in my house. I only ever let my ex-girlfriend do that. He’s that good.
True Fable
March 17th, 2009 at 12:24 am [Reply]

No ‘Mudgeon worth his or her snark would want to stress Pope Josh out. I like the whole laidback style he has, so any time he’s able to post, whenever that may be, it’s all cool to me.

why, I’d pass out at the very thought.
Angry Kem
March 17th, 2009 at 12:25 am [Reply]

*Ducks in briefly in a futile attempt to escape from the several hours of work I have left before I can fall into bed*

Tuesday’s version of Mary Worth looks just like ET.

*Shudders, then leaves again*
Poteet
March 17th, 2009 at 12:30 am [Reply]

# 99 Larry — I laughed so hard and long at PBS on Sunday that it probably added to my lifespan. I owe Pastis.
Muffaroo
March 17th, 2009 at 12:32 am [Reply]

Josh is free and welcome to do as he wilt, so to speak. Heck, if it was possible for the system to start a new blog page at midnight each new day, our proprietor could take the day off once in a while. No sense burning himself out just for these laughs (for which I’m grateful).
Muffaroo
March 17th, 2009 at 12:34 am [Reply]

(And if Josh isn’t free, someone should call the authorities!)
Joshua
March 17th, 2009 at 12:39 am [Reply]

March 16, 2009

Mr. Jim Scancarelli
Tribune Media Services

Dear Mr. Scancarelli:

Thank you for the artistic submission found in panel 2 of your March 16 “Gasoline Alley” strip.

However, I regret to inform you that the contest to draw “Lena the Hyena, ugliest woman in the world” already declared a winner in 1946. The winning entry was drawn by Basil Wolverton.

I regret that you could not have submitted this illustration sooner, as I am sure that Mr. Capp would have found it to be a strong contender.

Very truly yours,

United Feature Syndicate
Publishers, “Li’l Abner”
Jamus The Bartender
March 17th, 2009 at 12:40 am [Reply]

* looks at his really, really long post…*
I….did this ……oh, God forgive me….
Poteet
March 17th, 2009 at 12:49 am [Reply]

Yes, waiting is fine and the suspense is fun. Which strip will turn out to be the inspiration for the next COTW? Which strip will be vaulted into a week of fame via Mudgewit? A regular like MW, or a dark horse like Popeye?

And as long as I’m asking questions, I wonder how long Eugene in CRANKSHAFT will keep sitting on that cold, cold bench before he keels over and dies. Nice of Batiuk to leave us that mystery, along with the mystery of how a man who was supposed to be killed in a war came back to life.
late2theparty
March 17th, 2009 at 12:53 am [Reply]

The look of grim resignation on Dagwood’s face in the final panel tells me this isn’t the first time Mr. Dithers has pulled him aside and demanded his bodily fluids.
Uncle Lumpy
March 17th, 2009 at 1:15 am [Reply]

#103 Muffaroo –

. . . if it was possible for the system to start a new blog page at midnight each new day, our proprietor could take the day off once in a while. . . .

Wordpress has a “scheduled post” feature, but neither Josh nor I has been able to coax it to life. It’s apparently a known “issue” (that’s what you call a defect when the product is free).
Poteet
March 17th, 2009 at 1:22 am [Reply]

3/17 MW — Wait a minute. Adrian just now found out about Ted’s (supposed) problem, so why is she saying “it’s taking longer to fix than I thought”? And why is she already fed up? Or has a week or two or ten gone zipping by without Moy and Giella letting us know?

Never mind. I just realized the story is shifting into the second gear of insanity, like all MW stories. This is a good sign. Two more gear shifts, a crash over a cliff, and we’ll be done with Ted.
Squeamish minnie
March 17th, 2009 at 1:34 am [Reply]

MT — Oh goodie! Men with sideburns! I love how these plots move.

Lio — I am sooo in love with Sunday’s strip.

A+ — I did it! Donated blood a week ago — an easy way to find if I still have a) iron, b) blood, c) blood pressure.

When my daughter was little, she tried to keep a captured flea for a pet, and asked if we could go to the blood bank go get it some food. Her eyes got big when I explained how it worked, but despite my gory tales, she started donating as soon as she was old enough.

She donated so much that she finally got one of those gruesome ‘I donated X gallons’ lapel pins. Red Cross gave her the boot last week though — she’d recently visited Africa.

Not my style — I’m squeamish as hell. But when someone close had their life saved by a repeat donor (rare type), I finally did it, if a tad grumpily.
I brought a graphic novel so I could ignore the vampire-techies doing their thing, and 10 minutes later I was at the snack table.

There’s no limit to the little juice bottles and donated artery-clogging trans-fat-filled cookies you can consume.

It’s ironic: some cookie company is getting a tax break AND dumping unhealthy out-of-style goods, but no one wants our incipient bovine spongepants encephalitis that’ll take at least 40 years to develop?

Couldn’t they collect that probably lovely British blood and give it strictly to oldies that’ll never make it that far?

How to donate with aplomb: Don’t look. Don’t look later, either. Bring something distracting to read: Comics work great. Finally, when leaving, do not glance at that carton holding the clinic door open. It says “blood bags”, and reading it could make you faint. I speak from experience.
commodorejohn
March 17th, 2009 at 1:44 am [Reply]

#111 Squeamish minnie – I know you mean well, but as a favor to my brother, who draws blood for a living, I have to add another tip: do not refer to the phlebotomists as “vampires,” at least not within earshot. They have heard it more times than they can count.
Loopina
March 17th, 2009 at 2:21 am [Reply]

I don’t donate blood, I sell plasma – it’s one of those things you do when you’re chronically low on cash.

Sunday’s Marvin: are the grandparents maternal, paternal, or both? They don’t seem to resemble one parent more than the other.
Ali_Again
March 17th, 2009 at 2:21 am [Reply]

I fear that my obsessive nature has caused me to dwell on the comics too much of late: last night, I could not sleep, and ended up watching an old rerun of “Murder She Wrote.” The sight of a woman of mature years snooping about and interrogating people* could not help but make me think of Mary Worth, compounded by the fact that this particular episode took place in ‘Santa’ Barbara. It just so happens that this episode contained a woman named Margo, who possessed a rather cold disposition. This, in turn, naturally conjoured visions of A3-G, and caused terror to form in the pit of my stomach.

* Actually, I rather think Ms. Lansbury did a fine job in show, and that the series did have its charms

[would have donated blood, but I keep testing as anemic]
Ali_Again
March 17th, 2009 at 2:27 am [Reply]

in “that” show.
*is driven to think of Angela Lansbury participating in a dog shoe*
Ali_Again
March 17th, 2009 at 2:27 am [Reply]

“show”
Damn it.
I’m going to bed
True Fable
March 17th, 2009 at 2:43 am [Reply]

Top of the Snarkin’ to you all and happy St. Patrick’s day! Let’s go get drunk.

Three Chicks and a Pizza and Two Docent Lookin’ Guys See? I called it last week. Gary showed up so tomorrow he’ll be all “I’m so jealous” and whatnot. Over Tommie. yeah, I know..!
Between Foobs This shit is getting to be more and more like FBoFW every day. I’m going to open my bottle of Vile and pour it liberally pretty soon.
Cathy (must die) Hey, Cathy is fat. She’s on a diet. awww. I didn’t label this a spoiler. /sarcasm
DtThinks he’s menacing You need a good ass-kicking, but that’s neither here nor there.
(WT)DT Don’t care. It’s got B.O.Plenty in it. Don’t care.
Children of the Circle You must get that inability from your mama, who lost 4 rounds of Pope’s Pinball with your dad because they can’t count days.
Canadian Zombie Little Lord Brattypants makes demands of Lord Clueless, and neither notice the continuing Benjamin Button effect the ReRun has on Nizzie. She’s going to be a zygote by week’s end.
Fonky Walleyebarn Oh, STFU Harry. She’s playing your fucking opera already.
Scenes from Suburban Hell Hi walks to work? Boy, Foofram Inc. doesn’t pay well, but then this is Suburban Hell, you know.
Sam Driver, Inexplicable Chick Magnet Oh, they’ll notice all right – stringy, greasy, ratty looking hair never fails to garner comments.
Sweet & Shallow ‘Cause the DeGroots are COOL like that! I want them to chaperone MY class in Washington DC! I want them to never lock their bathroom door! I want them to paint my rooms black! no not really.
Fist o Justice Theater Each panel offers its own special brand of MT goodness – the strangely placed word balloon in #1, the awkward way Rusty is shoveling food into his mouth in #2, and another glimpse of Sassy’s pelt-as-neckerchief in panel #3.
Marmadick Knock it off, lady. We know what’s really been going on in there; don’t play coy with us.
Meddling Heights But if you weren’t in love, what? You’d make him pay for everything since he’s so damned eager to get married? You’d get a better hairstyle and try to snare another man with better taste? You, hello, wouldn’t bother to get married at all? Gee, you’re right. No wunderr yer uh doktur.
MG&G Oh dear lord it’s Elly Patterson as Ned Tanner guesting, help me deear god the pain, I can’t bear it any longer, my eyes are burning….!
RMMW I forgot… why do we care about this kid again? He’s a little young to be ‘cleaning your garage’, isn’t he, June?
RWO this amused me.
Spider-coincidence *gasp!* You mean the SAME hospital that has the unfortunately dropped Aunt May? Because there’s only ONE hospital in Stan Lee’s New York.
Frank Parsnip
March 17th, 2009 at 4:54 am [Reply]

MT: Apparently the restaurant is full of Rustyalikes, which is truly a scary thought. In panel 1, we think the first Rusty standing up and facing these two crusty guys. Baldy McSketchysideburns on the left and Wavyhair McNecksupport on the right.

In panel two, we see another Rusty blissfully eating a spoonful of mashed taters. But in looking at the position of “Rusty” relative to Baldy and Wavyhair, we can see that this is a view looking from the opposite side of the restaurant. So we’re up to 2 Rusties.

In panel 3, we now see a third “Rusty” sitting at a table behind Baldy, complete with polkadot kerchief.

Now that these two idiots have decided that stealing a kid’s camera is a good way to avoid somebody having any photo of them that might attract negative attention, hilarity will ensue when they can’t figure out which of these Rustybots is the real one.

MW:Ah, the dark side of Adrian Corey. “If I weren’t in love.. I’D TEAR HIM A NEW HOLE! NOBODY GETS AWAY WITH HAVING THEIR IDENTITY STOLEN IN THIS STRIP!” No wonder Tobey was ready to kill herself over those couple of fraudulent credit-card purchases — in the Handmaid’s Tale world of Charterstone and Santa Royale there would certainly be some form of atonement necessary. Usually with a whip.

Sex Organ, M.D.: This is starting to look a lot less like a ship and a lot more like an abandoned office complex. Methinks the artists are cheaping out on their background art.

A3G: What?! Another visitor? I honestly couldn’t tell. With two identical blond men wearing sky-blue suits, I simply thought the blandness of a typical A3G man had simply rubbed off his image onto the air particles he had brushed by.

Beetle Bailey: Special thanks to Lt. Fuzz for this week’s literal commercial shout out for Bic’s “Wite-Out” product! Combined with last week’s placement of a case of “M&M” chocolate treats in Sarge’s bedroom, Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC is set to buck the economic trend. And thus, Wite-Out will, in fact, have a lot to do with reversing the economic cycles at WBAHI LLC. Unless, of course, General Halftrack is looking at a chart showing numbers of surviving troops after their first day of deployment in Afghanistan. Now that would be a grim chart.

Blondie: Lack of refrigeration, not food-coloring, is what makes this diner’s fare a more “real” green.

DtM: The odd thing is that no matter who says it, a discussion can be deemed to have gone badly if one party tells the other “No, you shut up.”
Drew T.
March 17th, 2009 at 5:40 am [Reply]

In requesting his other bodily fluids, Dagwood’s boss is really working up to asking his employee for a sample of his semen. In today’s economy, he knows that he dare not say no.
migellito
March 17th, 2009 at 6:17 am [Reply]

A3G – Oh my! Two guys, a closed door and a pizza.. bow chicka wow… oh, nevermind, it’s Tommie.
Little Guy
March 17th, 2009 at 6:38 am [Reply]

55: I’m thinking of this guy.

PBSwP: You have a spinoff, Pastis!

Candorville: I have a bucketful, courtesy of Carrie White, just to end this storyline. This aint Watchman, Bell!

BB: Mystery Military Debrief 3000!
gleeb
March 17th, 2009 at 6:46 am [Reply]

Lio: You going somewhere with this, Tatulli? Somewhere worth the trouble, I mean? Or are you just testing the waters to see how long you can draw something out without a gag?

A3G: Soon there’s not going to be enough olives to go round.

’shaft: Ed will later be found to have eaten the seven of clubs.

Dick: One-eyed Jack, the casino owner speaks through his empty socket because he just painted his mustache on and he doesn’t want it to smear.

Edge City: Let’s hope these police are marginally more intelligent than the community they patrol. Otherwise, they’ll shoot this woman-in-a-bathrobe dead outside her own house. Not that that wouldn’t have an upside for comics readers.

Luann: I see. She’s going to make sure a paint-dirtied TJ has to take a bath, then walk in on him. See how he likes it! He will, of course.

Rex: More people should properly dispose of their small children.

Spidey: “I must find my dad! Besides, I think I might have spine injuries.”

Zippy: Warmed-over Ecclesiastes, anyone?
Talking Squirrel
March 17th, 2009 at 7:01 am [Reply]

MT: I was startled by Monday’s closeup of Rusty’s camera that needs a “new memory card”. It’s an SLR — and evidently a digital one. Not exactly your typical scrapbook camera for a wee country sprat. The backwoods juvenile meth mule gig is evidently a lucrative one these days.
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 17th, 2009 at 7:34 am [Reply]

JP: “I do! You look very glamorous! And slightly older than me!”
[But I still like Sophie. Anyone that's got a problem with Sophie's got a problem with me.]
Harold
March 17th, 2009 at 7:38 am [Reply]

I wen’t through the same basic stages with the bood donation ‘toons, ninus the part about actually trying to look anything up. The sentiment in The Lockhorns does pretty much sum up a large part of why I give blood every eight weeks – that, plus the fact that it’s the easiest way to lose weight quickly, and an unhealthy fascination with 18th-century bloodletting practices.
Little Guy
March 17th, 2009 at 8:02 am [Reply]

9CL: “If those Canadian skanks can have a Settlepocalypse, then Edda and Amos deserve a Whateverpocalypse!!”

MT: “Fortunately, we have no facial hair, so taking the memory chip will be easy!”

JP: A couple more trips down the stairs, and Sophie will be too old for PedoBear.
fahrenheit451
March 17th, 2009 at 8:30 am [Reply]

A3G-With 3 “Career Gals” sharing what appears to be something larger than a Studio Apartment, can’t they afford a doorman, or at least an intercom?
buckyswife
March 17th, 2009 at 8:53 am [Reply]

117 TrueFable: Is “docent-looking guys” a typo? Because if not–hats off to you!

BB: What in the world could that chart possibly be tracking? “Deaths in Iraq are down! How do we deal with this?” “Sarge is injuring Beetle far less frequently? What should we do?” “Killer is getting laid less often!”

JP: Sophie, listen to Abbey. If anyone should know about getting noticed, it’s Abbey.

MT: I sure as hell hope Mark and Cherry are finished eating, because if I were confronted with the ghoulish visage of Rusty shoveling food into his (literal) piehole, I wouldn’t be able to continue eating.

A3G: Is this supposed to be some kind of bedroom farce, with pizza? We have the potential “confused identity” component, with two virtually identical suitors. We certainly have the potential for farce. But unfortunately, the most farcical element is the idea of putting “Tommy” and “bedroom” together.
kalki
March 17th, 2009 at 9:29 am [Reply]

9CL: I guess this implies that this dressmaking storyline will go on for another 180 days or so as Brooke continues to milk this dead cow of a strip.

Archie: Oh no! Archie’s backpack….Archie’s pants???…no, no….ARCHIE’S THONG??? rrraaaallfffff

Blondie: I guess Dagwood never asked if the green meal was artificially or naturally colored. Maybe the maggots on the hamburger were kind of a hint.

Crank: Crankers needs to watch it. The old bag has been studying under Bullseye. Looks like she is getting ready to whip one of her cards at him…or I hope she is…

DTM: At this point, my dad would have been going for his belt or shoe if I talked to him like that. It isn’t menacing…unless you put it in the context of society having become lax due to political correctness over corporal punishment.

CircusJerk: Going back to my theory about how you never see Dad and “Grandma” in the same place and at the same time…why would “Grandma” need a hanky…over “her” lap….and it to be bulging upwards like that?

FW: “I also have this strap-on….er….any interest there?”

GA: Let’s see who makes it to the alter first…these two or Amos and Edda?

Luann: Hidden message from mom: “Once you’ve had black…”

S-M: “No, no…I wouldn’t hear of it, son. There’s a hospital close by where you can dump patients outside the emergency room on the asphalt and nobody seems to care. I hear even Spider-Man does it all the time. Remember to tuck and roll when I push you out the car door. I’ll see if I can slow down to 60 or so.”
Sequitur
March 17th, 2009 at 9:31 am [Reply]

MW: Forget love. Go with your instincts, Girl! Oooo. Too Late.
T.Bob
March 17th, 2009 at 10:18 am [Reply]

re: Gasoline Alley. Yow. Is that counterman in the first panel deeply hallucinating? His eyes are closed and there is no one there that he is obviously speaking to. No wonder Slim looks alarmed. Perhaps in the Scanarelliverse the “photorealism” style of drawing means the it’s all happening in the canyons of the characters mind; in this case, the counterman is hallucinating. It’s all Very weird.
Winky's Spleen
March 17th, 2009 at 10:22 am [Reply]

Am somewhat embarrassed to admit that ZomBC made me laugh this morning.

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Squeezing blood from a ’toon

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