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Can’t … keep … away!

Holy crap, a guy can’t get out of town for two days without all hell breaking loose on the comics pages. There’s way too much going on to leave unremarked until I get back from Bermuda, so here’s the wrap-up.

Mary Worth, 2/20–21/05

OK, so Dr. Brian was apparently wracked by so much pent-up lust after being constantly interrupted in his two-week quest to pop the question to Anna that, once he finally managed to spit it out, they flew directly to Vegas, checked into whatever sordid, jaundice-walled hotel is across the street from “Plaza,” got hitched, and then headed for their lumpy, overstarched nuptial bed the very next day. This is without doubt the fastest that anything has happened in Mary Worth, though the fact that they’re flying back home in the next day’s strip may indicate that something else happened a little too fast, too. (OK, that’s a cheap shot, but I have to work out my anger about the loathsome “bedside manner” foreplay talk somehow.) Anyway, Monday’s strip features some Mark Trail-style talking scenery and what appears to be the traditional post-coital arm-wrestling match.

Apartment 3-G, 2/18/05, 2/20–21/05

Meanwhile, in Apartment 3-G, not only does Tommie get two panels all to herself, but we also learn an important truth: good mothers are involved in their teenage daughters’ roadside activities, while bad ones live in vans in other people’s driveways. I can’t wait to find out what particular set of van-focused scriptures Mim’s mom uses as her guide to life. This sequence also features two classic Margo assertions: that parking-poor Manhattan is thankfully impervious to Lu Ann’s sister’s peculiar brand of driveway-based spirituality, and that being nice to people is really, really hard, especially when you have to give up your couch to do it. You can see that the effort involved in showing compassion is so great that it’s making her eyes point in different directions.

And, finally, over in Mark Trail…

Mark Trail, 2/18/05

“What you said is wrong! I dispute what you said! My lawyers will force you to show some sort of what-you-said evidence! Damn you, Trail!”

This entry was posted on Monday, February 21, 2005 at 10:00 am and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Mark Trail, Mary Worth.

48 responses to “Can’t … keep … away!”

  1. King Of All Paperboys
    February 21st, 2005 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    I, too want to know WHY Mark is so GO**AMN WET! HOW LONG does it take to get DRY on his planet, for th’ love of Pete???

  2. Hippolyta
    February 21st, 2005 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Is the “Oh I have an idea” line from Dr. Brian an invitation to join the mile-high club? How positively vile!

    Also, the first panel reminds me of the end of What’s Up Tigerlily.

  3. Moesy
    February 21st, 2005 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    eeewwwwww!!! That’s all I can say about Mary Worth. Comic Sex is gross.

    And RE: Apartment 3G, I think Mim belongs to a religion that forces her to have red hair on Sundays and Blonde the rest of the week. Maybe it’s the same religion that promotes van living.

  4. CBrachyrhynchos
    February 21st, 2005 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or do comic strips with expository text make for some of the least romantic honeymoon scenes in history. Yes, I just love foreplay in which my partner for some strange reason tells me what I already know. Of course, I love talking about work just before making love.

    The secret of course is to look at what they are not saying. Look at Brian’s mouth in frame two, he looks like he is about to pull a Hannibal Lechter and chow down on her nose in sexual frustration. The strained smile in frame four says, “I know I’m a jerk for heading back to work tomorrow, do we really have to have this conversation now?” Frame six, “Arn’t I so precious for not only letting you put your job ahead of me, but for buttering up your fragile ego about it?”

    It must not have been a great wedding night, because somehow she found the time to dye her hair brown before flying back.

  5. Isaac B2
    February 21st, 2005 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    Does Dr. Brian’s idea involve the Mile-High Club? Oh, Hippolyta already suggested that. And as for Mmark, “Why are you so wet… that makes me so wet!” was the original unedited caption.

  6. Sting
    February 21st, 2005 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Alright, Hippolyta beat me to the “mile-high club” reference, but I want to be the first to note the extremely phallic shape of that lamp.

  7. Jiggles
    February 21st, 2005 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    She’s going to brain him with the lamp, after (if you look at their hands) she lost to him arm-wrestling on the plane.

  8. Jiggles
    February 21st, 2005 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Also – I have to submit today’s Garfield and ask to everyone, “huh?”

  9. Moesy
    February 21st, 2005 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    RE: Today’s Garfield. Did you see the Satan Garfield Josh linked to a couple of weeks ago?

    http://www.thedotorg.org/modules.php?name=Sections&op=viewarticle&artid=187

    Well, today’s is a reference to a world renowned satanic ritual, the burning of goats in his furnace.

  10. Flasshe
    February 21st, 2005 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Josh should leave on trips more often, so that things will happen in Mary Worth.

  11. Evilwaldo
    February 21st, 2005 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    I am surprised nobody has mentioned the pervert in Mary Worth’s last panel pretending he is reading his newspaper but silently stalking the newlyweds. Maybe it is Jerry Seinfeld.

  12. TomR
    February 21st, 2005 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Meh. I think the Mark Trail story could have used a Blanchard Ryan cameo.

  13. Not Really Ernie
    February 21st, 2005 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    Is anyone else really creeped out by the skeletal monkey face appearance of the new Mrs Good in frame five?

  14. King Of All Paperboys
    February 21st, 2005 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    Mim’s mom is Matt Foley, and he IS a motivational speaker… and he LIVES in a VAN down by the RIVER!

  15. archetheus
    February 21st, 2005 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    Maybe there’s a real religious cult who all live in old vans. Would they be van again? Would their god be Van Halen? Just wondering.

  16. King Of All Paperboys
    February 21st, 2005 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    “Verily, it is written: If this van is rockin’, the LORD has come a-knockin’.”

    “Those wishing to receive the body and blood of Our Lord, please scooch around the beanbag and form a line at the lava lamp.”

  17. Mark Kawakami
    February 21st, 2005 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    First of all, thank God you posted, Josh! I was so afraid that Barbados or the Bahamas or wherever the hell you were going would keep you from posting on the single fastest plot development in the history of Mary Worth. I couldn’t believe the dumb luck that this go-nowhere plotline would rapidly evolve just when you took your vacation.

    Second of all, I have a theory that Anna has been high for pretty much the entire storyline. Which makes her my kinda gal.

  18. Brucker
    February 21st, 2005 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    Oh man, that’s the first “Garfield” I’ve seen in a while that fails the “better without thought balloons” category, but it definitely excels in the “better without the final panel” category.

    Or even better, just do this!

  19. Jieichou
    February 21st, 2005 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    What freaks me out is that there’s a punchline in an Apartment 3-G. A funny one. Awkwardly phrased, but nonetheless laugh-worthy. That NEVER happens.

  20. pookie
    February 21st, 2005 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    Before I found this place, I thought everyone but me got Garfield. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in thinking it really sucks, along with Peaunuts and Opus.

  21. toddb
    February 21st, 2005 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    RE: Mary Worth….That’s always how I imagined doctors spoke before “making love”.

    “Oh Mrs Good, I have great bedside manner, Oh Mrs Good, get me a prophylactic device, stat!”

  22. Manfire
    February 22nd, 2005 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    I like how that one “Apartment 3-G” strip feels the need to explain that Tommie is the other roommate, even though she ostensibly is one of the three stars of the strip along with Margo and Lu Ann.

  23. Zanzibar
    February 22nd, 2005 at 3:30 am [Reply]

    Is there some insipid reason for the burning-goat reference, or is this an actual case of minor absurdity in Garfield?

  24. Anne Nonymous
    February 22nd, 2005 at 5:34 am [Reply]

    So, Josh goes away, and all of a sudden, things start happening in the daily strips, especially Mary Worth, which is always exceptionally slow. Obviously, the next time we want things to speed up in the strips, all we have to do is……get rid of….Josh.

  25. zot
    February 22nd, 2005 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    If you belong to a cult that lives in old vans,
    would you have to be de-programmed by Dr. Van Helsing?

  26. Rick C
    February 22nd, 2005 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Do the cult of people who live in vans use Van de Graaf generators for anything?

  27. Tracibub
    February 22nd, 2005 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Another day, another comic I don’t get…

    Does anyone understand today’s (2/22) Get Fuzzy?? Somethin’ just isn’t connecting there…

    But on the other hand, Apt.3G was frickin’ great! But the pregnant chick has GOT to lay off the hair dye. Disabled kids don’t get adopted very frequently…

  28. chuck
    February 22nd, 2005 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    I like today’s GF. Seems like Darby knew this was going to be a lame joke, so he pretended that the words were fading out; that is a TV-like test pattern at the end. Problem is, this needs to be done to Garfield, like, every day.

    I kind of like the line “On the same monkey?” Depending on what Satchel said, that could be very, very dirty.

  29. Sarcasma
    February 22nd, 2005 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Today’s GF totally lost me. I feel even more lost now knowing someone thought it was really funny.

    I do agree about the monkey line, but… ack!

  30. chuck
    February 22nd, 2005 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    keep in mind I have an odd sense of humor. I like Dilbert puns.

  31. Cody Penat
    February 22nd, 2005 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    In today’s (2/22) FBOW – Did that mom just turn her back and allow her toddler to dump a pot of boiling soup on her!?

  32. Dr. B. Spock
    February 22nd, 2005 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Yes she did leave her toddler with a pot of boiling water while she went on about other things. Just how do you think the kid is going to learn anything anyway? It is how she learned things from her mom.

  33. zot
    February 22nd, 2005 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    Cody–That’s what I thought, but the soup was on the counter. Maybe Lynn’s feeling mean since she made them take down FBOFW Strikes Back.

  34. Dub Not Dubya
    February 22nd, 2005 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Hey Margo, all I have to say is, “More niceness and compassion, mule!”

  35. Skip Tracer
    February 22nd, 2005 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail isn’t WET.

    He’s clearly related to Cathy, and is just sweating with anxiety.

  36. Charles
    February 22nd, 2005 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    I love how blase Mark is about his experience in today’s (Feb 22) strip.

    “They tried to kill me, but now they’re out of business. So, what’s for dinner?”

  37. Woodstock
    February 22nd, 2005 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    I checked FBoFW 3 times today. The pot is NEXT to the stove, not on top. If it were boiling, I think Deanna would be yelling a lot more than Mommy and Lynn would be inventing some new slang to cover it. More Carrots, Mule!

    I am ashamed that I needed the final panel of GF explained to me. I’d also like to curse all you funny people for forcing me to read Apt 3G and Mark Trail again. Looks like it’s back to me 12 step program for comics addicts.

  38. Incident
    February 23rd, 2005 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    Forget Hi and Lois’ housewife domination gear: the new kink is having sex wearing a tie!

  39. Cody P
    February 23rd, 2005 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    FBoFW: Well, the little girl is okay today… pshew.

  40. John Sparks
    February 23rd, 2005 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    The water wasn’t boiling in FBoFW, the girl just got wet. If you read the previous day’s strip, the pot is off the stove, and she is adding carrots to cold water.

  41. Charles
    February 24th, 2005 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    I do find it amusing that some people might think that Deanna’s reaction to her child dumping a full pot of boiling water onto herself would be one of exasperation. She sure does have a short fuse though.

  42. lynette
    February 24th, 2005 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Thanks for the comics in Russian. I suppose they think we have roasted goat with our morning coffee.

  43. Practicing here
    March 4th, 2005 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    This text should be green.

  44. Mary Brandt
    August 22nd, 2005 at 4:24 am [Reply]

    “You have no proof of what you said!”

    “Actually, I have a tape recorder.”

    “Well…shit.”

  45. Faith
    August 29th, 2005 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    I totally cracked up at the guy peeking over the seat at the happy couple in Mary Worth. So nosy!

  46. Faith
    August 29th, 2005 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    P.S. I also think that in the last panel of the second row, Anna looks like Underdog Lady from the Howard Stern show. A couple of barrettes and a sparkly cape and she’s ready to go dance in a parade.

  47. Jared
    September 1st, 2006 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    You know, the guy peeking at the newlyweds on the plane is probably just wanting to see them get it on again. Probably caught the show the night before at the hotel, given that they never shut the door (for serious, check out panel three).

  48. Sophist FCD
    July 23rd, 2008 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    I love that fox hunting getup Margo’s wearing. Hawt!

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