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Mark Trail, 4/11/15

OH MY GOD MARK TURNED DOWN PANCAKES???? There’s only one possible explanation: bugs are gross, and Mark’s gonna have to deal with bugs, so he doesn’t want to barf up some perfectly good pancakes. MARK TRAIL FINALLY ADMITS THAT THERE’S SOME PART OF NATURE THAT’S ICKY, EVERYBODY

Mary Worth, 4/11/15

You know, Adam, if you care this much about Congressman McDugal, you can help him in other ways! Probably after your heroics he could arrange for a staffing job in his office. Or maybe you could work on his campaign! What better fundraising speech could there be than the man who literally sacrificed his body for the congressman explaining why he’s so passionate about the man’s agenda? You are more than a slab of bullet-stopping meat, Adam!

Shoe, 4/11/15

“Also, you’re constantly in danger of violence, both from fellow prisoners and from guards! Our dangerous prison system turns a blind eye to this sad state of affairs! But mostly it’s the clothes thing. Ladies be shopping, and be wanting to shop even when their penal detention prevents them from doing so, amiright?”