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Insurance claim investigations of the dead

Mark Trail, 4/23/05

Be careful, insurance investigator guy whose name I can’t be bothered to look up! You may think you’re having a productive, professional chat with a respected member of the local law enforcement team, but you’re actually standing mere feet away from a bloodthirsty zombie who’s lulling you into a false sense of complacency so he can crack open your skull and eat your brains!

Admittedly, it can hard to tell the difference between a small-town sheriff and the walking undead. Here’s a few “warning signs” that may indicate a corpse reanimated through foul magic:

  • Chalk-white skin
  • Eyes with orange pupils
  • Protruding cheekbones giving the face the appearance of a skull
  • Deep shadows cast over one side of the face, seemingly at odds with the actual lighting in the room
  • A thousand-mile stare that seems to wistfully harken back to a pre-death-and-unspeakably-evil-reanimation existence

If you think you might be talking to a zombie, run for higher ground! It’s a well-known fact that a zombie’s main mode of locomotion is an awkward shuffle, so they have some difficulty with inclines. In case of mass zombie takeover of your town, be sure to tune in to NOAA radio. If the usual weather report has been replaced by a guttural voice moaning “BRAINS … BRAINS!” over and over, you’re pretty much screwed.

Incidentally, it almost seems like Sherriff Zombie’s directions — “you can find him at Lost Forest” — are some kind of snide joke, but it’s commonly known that zombies have no sense of humor.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 26, 2005 at 12:56 am and is filed under Mark Trail.

45 responses to “Insurance claim investigations of the dead”

  1. Incident
    April 26th, 2005 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    Forget the zombie! This corporate flunky is thinking of picking a fight with MARK TRAIL? He’s just one “What th’” away from a good all-American sock in the kisser. I put him at about the same level of intelligence as all those aliens that try to invade the planet Superman lives on. Go conquer Venus instead, morons.

  2. Andy
    April 26th, 2005 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    What, no comments about those eyebrows in the last panel? The more I stare at them, the more they leap out at me. They almost appear to be in 3-D. So fuzzy…

  3. violencejackal
    April 26th, 2005 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    Is the random deer in the second panel a zombie, too? ‘Cause damn, that’s a buff deer, and I wouldn’t wanna mess with it. Zombie People can be dealt with…you just have to walk briskly and you’re fine…but nothing shambles like a deer.

  4. hjordanc
    April 26th, 2005 at 6:03 am [Reply]

    Wait, where is all the snow in Lost Forest? Doesn’t this story take place during a grueling blizzard (blizzard)? Now we have a 10 point buck (autumn) with full green brush (summer)? Every f*C%ing season but 4/23! Sigh.

  5. WoodrowFan
    April 26th, 2005 at 6:11 am [Reply]

    Well, he DID say that the “Lost” Forest is north. I’m guessing it’s several hundred miles north.

  6. Firegoat
    April 26th, 2005 at 6:30 am [Reply]

    What’s up with the deer in panel two? Is he a secret agent robot deer?

  7. TwoClubs
    April 26th, 2005 at 6:37 am [Reply]

    hjordanc, you are right that the recent plane crash occurred on the Cold Snowy Mountain(R). But in LoFo, the seasons are not a matter of science, strictly speaking. It can take 180 degree turn in a few minutes, LoFo time (that’s like a week or two in real time)

  8. Jiggles
    April 26th, 2005 at 6:59 am [Reply]

    Why, it’s Bob Crane, I do believe (wait until Monday’s strip). In fact, I thought this storyline about the dog had ended…but that couldn’t be, it’s not AUGUST yet.

  9. luluchappel
    April 26th, 2005 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    And don’t forget the talking mountain in panel 2.

  10. Smitty Smedlap
    April 26th, 2005 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    That third panel looks like it was drawn by R. Crumb.

  11. Feaverish
    April 26th, 2005 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Is that deer wearing a toupee?

  12. Hysterical Woman
    April 26th, 2005 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    He looks like the guy from the anime FLCL, or Furi Kuri!. Do his eyebrows come off too? (it was a really weird anime)

  13. Irina
    April 26th, 2005 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    I thought the deer in panel two was standing a little too close to a constipated elephant … what *is* that thing growing out of its back?

  14. WoodrowFan
    April 26th, 2005 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Feaverish: shsssshhh, he thinks nobody notices! The saleman told him it would “blend in” until the rogaine took hold.

  15. Winston Smith
    April 26th, 2005 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    By the way, those ain’t eyebrows.

    Check ‘em out.

    They’re caterpillars.

  16. Archivalist
    April 26th, 2005 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    Nice to see that all the hair, fur, eyebrows, AND buildings are the same color.

  17. johncomic
    April 26th, 2005 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Quoth Archivalist: Nice to see that all the hair, fur, eyebrows, AND buildings are the same color.

    Aah geez, don’t get me started on that! The coloring of the daily strips is an abomination! Dailies are black and white!! Always have been, always will be! That’s how they’re intended, it’s how they’re drawn! Look at FBorFW, all those gray shading tones Lynn & Co. put all over everything… or Get Fuzzy. Any cartoonist knows that you don’t slap gray shading tones all over art that is meant to be colored, cuz it’ll all turn to sludge when the color mixes over it. The whole idea is that those strips were not meant to be colored! They’re dailies!

    B&W art is not drawn the same as color art, it has different effects and intentions than colored art… they’re like apples and oranges. [Okay, apples and applesauce, maybe.] Leave the dailies alone, ya frickin color-monkeys!

    (Believe it or not, I’m a big fan of B&W comic art…) :P

  18. Charles Schulz’s corpse
    April 26th, 2005 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Brainsss… Poorly thought out perspectivessss…. Brainsss…

  19. PizzaBagel
    April 26th, 2005 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    My guess is that the secret agent deer in panel two isn’t a robot. It’s CIA agent Teddy Salad from Monty Python’s Flying Circus in disguise. (Still searching for Mr. Neutron?) He did it with a dog costume, so a deer should be a snap.

  20. Islamorada Girl
    April 26th, 2005 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Did you know zombies have no sense of humor?

    No, but if you hum a few bars, I can fake it!

    Oh, sweet Mary Worth. I desperately need a life.

  21. Battlefield Streaker
    April 26th, 2005 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Talking mountains?! Run to high ground!
    No, wait…

  22. evilwaldo
    April 26th, 2005 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Thank you for the important zombie information. Most people do not realize the dangers posed by zombies.

    So now I am wondering if you are a goon?

  23. Peaches
    April 26th, 2005 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    Does NOAA have a zombie alert system in place?

  24. Monkeys Uncle
    April 26th, 2005 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    PizzabBagel

    Your right, it could be secret agent Teddy Salad, but wasnt he killed when Mr Neutron blew up the earth after winning 5000 pounds in the breakfast cereal contest?

  25. Monkeys Uncle
    April 26th, 2005 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Hmmm?

    Do you think my catching the Teddy Salad reference and remembering the Mr Neutron sketch qualifys me for the elevated status of Super Geek? My wife says yes.

  26. Ali
    April 26th, 2005 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    I love that sketch. WALKIES!

  27. Jowdygirl
    April 26th, 2005 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    Actually Zombie-boy said the forest was south. And is it me, or are the buck’s antlers strangely twisted in a weird angle? Wonder if he tangled with Bronko Nagurski?

  28. Islamorada Girl
    April 26th, 2005 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    That deer in the second panel? It looks like Adolf Hitler if he were reincarnated as a 10 point whitetail buck. Who do we call first? Outdoor Living or the History Channel?

  29. Jowdygirl
    April 26th, 2005 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    Let’s call Martha Stewart and find out if it’s a “good thing.”

    Or we could call Emeril and find out if it’s a “food thing”???

  30. Jowdygirl
    April 26th, 2005 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    By the way,,, do you all think Hitler wore a bad rug like this deer is? Jowdy, like “The Donald”, spend some bucks (no pun intended) on your ‘piece

  31. Pseudo
    April 26th, 2005 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    I do declare, I thought I’d give the FAR-focus dialougue a break, and say that it was not the mountain that was talking, but rather that their sheriff’s department lies on the other side of the mountain.

  32. Virginia
    April 26th, 2005 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    I’m glad soemone else has noticed the freakiness of the eyebrows. Those things have freaked me out since the sheriff first appeared, it’s more “Creepy Old Englander character who warns newcomers about scary shit in Maine” Stephen King character than, “Trustworthy law enforcer” Where I the insurance guy, I wouldn’t know a word he was saying, so transfixed would I be by them

  33. Monkeys Uncle
    April 27th, 2005 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Maybe those are zombie catepillars that have latched on to the sheriffs face and turned him in to the walking undead. Where would you find zombie catepillars? How about a creepy place named “Lost Forest”. Zoinks! Like lets get out of here Scoob!

  34. Dave Straub
    April 27th, 2005 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Wasn’t Mr. Neutron going to opt for all the ice cream he could eat instead of the 5000 quid?

    “I can consume enormous amounts of iced cream…”

  35. Jim Davliakos
    April 27th, 2005 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Forget all that deer and eyebrows stuff – on 4/25 the insurance investigator introduces himself to Cherry and Mark. His name is Bob Crane!

  36. Islamorada Girl
    April 27th, 2005 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Also, did anyone else notice that buck has a “deer in the headlights” expression? Where in hell is this Lost Forest place, anyway? Chernobyl?

  37. Mibbitmaker
    April 27th, 2005 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    That deer may be….. important……somehow……

    The strip tomorrow features a hedgehog (I think it is) that has nothing to do with the story, but he gets a little speech balloon saying, “Dinsdale…..”

  38. Pookie
    April 27th, 2005 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    Bob Crane will find a way to stick the blame for that lost diamond collar on the old hermit.
    He’ll blackmail the poor guy by threatening him with arrest unless he poses for some of Bob’s “creative” photographs.

  39. katzy kamikaze
    April 27th, 2005 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    If you are a buff deer, and you see talking buildings–run to high ground!!

  40. Monkeys Uncle
    April 27th, 2005 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    Dave

    If I remember correctly Mr Neutron was convinced to accept the prize money so he could marry Mrs S.C.U.M. (the lady who does for Mrs Entrail) and purchase a spoon.

    Oh God I should just stop now

  41. Islamorada Girl
    April 30th, 2005 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Incident, you are so right! Saturday, Bob Crane is trying to play hardball with MT, and we all know that gets you the legendary right hook from the intrepid outdoorsman! What th’?

  42. Islamorada Girl
    April 30th, 2005 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    Incident, you are so right! Saturday, Bob Crane is trying to play hardball with MT, and we all know that gets you the legendary right hook from the intrepid outdoorsman! What th’?

  43. Peaches
    May 5th, 2005 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Incident was so right. Bob Crane’s fixing to get into the woods with MT, find the collar, kill MT and steal the collar. One right hook, coming up! You want fries with that?

  44. 2fs
    August 27th, 2005 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    Second to last!

    {crickets}

    C’mon, Cardinals…don’t let me down…

  45. Insurance Australia
    July 10th, 2008 at 5:19 am [Reply]

    Compare leading insurance offers with Australia’s leading
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