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Parting is such sweet sorrow

Funky Winkerbean, 4/24/09

“What? No, I’m not dying … of anything specific. It’s just … well, can’t you feel the hovering specter of death, floating around this town? Don’t you know deep in your bones that we’re all destined for an awful fate? Don’t you feel like at any minute we could be yanked off of this stage in a gruesome and arbitrary fashion, just on some unseen power’s whim? I know my life here is grim, but I still want to postpone that terrible moment for as long as possible.”

Apartment 3-G, 4/24/09

Obviously I would have preferred that Tommie had burned her attacker’s face off as I predicted rather than just giving him a seemingly harmless spritz up his nose. Still, this move may be smarter than it seems at first. After all, the currently red-headed Dr. Kelly was a blond in March and had brown hair in January. Obviously his current aggressive behavior is a result of his mind being taken over by a sinister alien parasite that’s taken over his brain; this creature has perched atop his head, for the most part assuming the appearance of human hair, but unable to maintain a consistent color due to quirks in its unearthly biology. The first step to defeating this monster is to immobilize it, as Tommie is doing with a generous application of generic hairspray.

This entry was posted on Friday, April 24, 2009 at 02:44 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Funky Winkerbean.

289 responses to “Parting is such sweet sorrow”

Anonymous
April 24th, 2009 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

Hairspray in your eyes? He’ll never blink again. Who needs Botox for that frozen facial expression?
bats :[
April 24th, 2009 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

I was going to mash the recent Dinkleage with Funky’s text messages to get his prostate tampered with (back in March), but then, oh hell — Batuituituiuik is probably going to do that next week anyway…
bad wolf
April 24th, 2009 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

The second i saw that FW this morning i thought, ‘Now they’re just screwing around with us.’ Really, constant reminders of death and disease have never been less blatant.
True Fable
April 24th, 2009 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

“Is there anything else you want from life?”

“Life? You call this a life? I’m a former band director who’s mostly deaf and the school board decided a one-armed conductor was better than I am. Yeah, let’s just see her try to bring in the woodwind section and bring down the brass at the same time. Bingo, instant charleyhorse! My only consolation is that my former student Funky looks even older than I do. If there’s anything I’d like right now is to see the strip name changed to Harry Dinklebean.”
Uncle Lumpy
April 24th, 2009 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

Lordy, I read your title and thought you were headed out on vacation again. Don’t scare me like that!
Anonymous
April 24th, 2009 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

A3G “Guess who, Tommie!” Nice quote from The Shining.
Tommie should write REDRUM in lipstick on the wall.
Stroker Ace
April 24th, 2009 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

FW – “…or a baby’s arm holding an apple.”
Meaghan
April 24th, 2009 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

The hairspray attack might be more useful if this were Blagojevich she were dealing with.
Sequitur
April 24th, 2009 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

FW: These look like High School journalism students doing the interview. The broadcast will go out closed circuit around the school. No one needs to see this. No one needs to see this. Why are we seeing this?
Jackuul
April 24th, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

That Hair Spray looks more like a can of RAID that was painted red and had sharpie writing saying “Hair Spray”. Her “friends” never fell for it – leaving her a full can of insecticide to blind that man with. Soon though, the aerosol mixture in such a small space will create enough oxygen and chemical mixture to cause an explosion that will hopefully change the storyline of this strip into one that looks more like Crankshaft.

I.E. Everybody dies. All the time. Twice.
Jumper
April 24th, 2009 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

Third Reich swizzle stick for Dinkle.
One-eyed Wolfdog
April 24th, 2009 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

“Sorry, did you say something?” said Dinkle, dragging himself back on stage. “Pardon my hearing, which I’ve completely lost anyway so I don’t know why I bother to say it, God I’m so depressed. Oh, look, you’ve got another one of those self-satisfied smirks. Life! Don’t talk to me about life.”
Nomstrosity
April 24th, 2009 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

Dinkle and the reporter exchange quirked eyebrows and wry, knowing grins, as if to say, “What more could you want out of life? Haha! As if we both don’t know this smattering of good fortune won’t soon by smote by the wrath of our vengeful and pitiless god.” The cameraman remains expressionless, choosing merely to document this hubris so it may be used as a cautionary lesson for any FW children who exhibit even the faintest signs of hope and self-confidence.
Little Guy
April 24th, 2009 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

A3G: Tommie keeps liquid nitrogen handy in the medicine cabinet. Who knew?
Sans Sense
April 24th, 2009 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

Hey Kids! If you’re like me and worried about the potential health effects Doc Joe may suffer due to his exposure here is the info straight from the manuafacturer’s Material Safety Data Sheet:

Acute Health Effects: From MSDS Health Hazards and Hazard Data

Effects of Acute Accidental Exposure
Eye Contact: Potential eye irritant.
Skin Contact: Irritation unlikely. Contact with propellant may cause frostbite.
Inhalation: Respiratory symptoms may occur due to inadequate ventilation. High concentration of propellants may induce anesthesia or anoxia.
Ingestion: Not likely to occur. Ingestion of 2 or more ounces of product containing high level of alcohol may result in depression and alcohol intoxication.

Chronic Exposure:

There is no evidence in these studies that ingredients used in these products are harmful to general health or cause adverse effects on the respiratory system.

Target Organs:
Alcohol Denatured.: Liver, CNS, Eye and Reproductive.
TruthOfAngels
April 24th, 2009 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

So Tommie fights back and bravely . . . no, it’s no good, I can’t go on with it. I tried.
Dragon of Life
April 24th, 2009 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

That FW band director is slowly turning into a Pac-Man.

Apartment 3G, where to start? “Joe steps forward — without moving!” Then Tommie turns him into a ghost which will haunt the bathroom and inspire ditzy blondes to paint! But where’s the missing panel 2 narration box: “Tommie’s residual terrier genes suddenly manifest!” This is why we read soaps, people! The panel-to-awesome ratio is off the charts!
Mac
April 24th, 2009 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

“Life? Don’t talk to me about Life.”

Harry Dinkle, in addition to Tragic Ironic Hearing Loss, is also suffering from something doctors don’t even have a name for. He’s slowly turning into Crankshaft. Death would be a blessing. Of course, death is the only blessing available in the Funkyverse.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 24th, 2009 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

#7 Stroker Ace,
I congratulate you on the cool quote. The Tubes are especially apt for Funky Winkerbean, since all the characters seem to be going… Well, you know.
Sequitur
April 24th, 2009 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

#15 Sans: Target Organs
Let’s go for the reproductive.
Bash the Balrog
April 24th, 2009 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

TED ADRIAN = DEAD TRAIN

MW is getting thrilling! Ted is smacking Adrian! It’s like Patty and Ken from Mark Trail! Lots of exclamation points!

Next scene: Ted drives off in a huff and crashes into someone’s pet deer. He’s gored! They rush him to the hospital, where he and Adrian tearfully reunite over the promise of a wee bairn.
McManx
April 24th, 2009 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

3-G — Hair spray? It looks more as if Joe is being projected into the Phantom Zone… head first.

FW — “Calling Masky McDeath! Calling Masky McDeath! Pick-up at the Dinkle Performing Arts Center.”

M Worth — Tell me he just didn’t shove Queenie. He just signed up for a ride on the Aldo Ride o’ Death, courtesy of Mary Worth.

Phantom — Since the crocco adventure reached such an anticlimax, we’re being treated to a CAT FIGHT!! Hell Yes!!!

Rex Morgan — Don’t fall for it Rex! Don’t let that teasing little bastard lure you into the bath tub!! Rex… No!!! Ah, too late. Call Dateline NBC…

Mark Trail — This guy is so upset that he hacked a “Jack Elrod” sized spit ball at Rusty.
Donald the Anarchist
April 24th, 2009 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

A3G Good Heavens! My heart is all atwitter! I don’t know if I can take all this excitement! Two entire movement lines, can they possibly keep up this manic pace? Tune in tomorrow for sure!

FW The kindest death a Funky character can hope for is to be left behind in the flash forward. Hey, that could be its own strip. Left Behind in the Funkyverse. Freed from Batiuk’s benevolent interest…atheism never seemed so hopeful.
Donald the Anarchist
April 24th, 2009 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

#19 There’s a Tubes song with that line? The first mention I ever saw of it was in a Lenny Bruce routine called “How To Relax Your Colored Friends at Parties.” And it was attributed to Tennesee Williams.
Uncle Balustrade
April 24th, 2009 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

“Say, Joe, you look really great! What’s your secret?

“Oh, I just had my corneas lacquered! It’s all the rage right now!”
Charterstoned
April 24th, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

A3G – You have to admit, Joe’s hair DOES look soft and manageable.
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
April 24th, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

Hairspray in the eyes would be bad enough — but generic hairspray in the eyes, well, that’s just LETHAL.

I once tried to kill a cockroach with hairspray. Long story.
True Fable
April 24th, 2009 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

But suppose Dr. Kelly likes to huff aerosol hair products?

“What the…! Hey! Thanks, Tommie! Mm, I feel good enough now to really kick your ass good!”
Uncle Balustrade
April 24th, 2009 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

#27: I know how to kill cockroaches with hairspray. Whack ‘em with the can!
Indiebass
April 24th, 2009 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

“What the..?” Is Mark Trail writing Apartment 3G now?
Daveyk
April 24th, 2009 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

Of all the depressing things in Funky Winkerbean, the fact that they live in a world where there is such a thing as an Award-Winning Band Director is among the most depressing.
Dingo
April 24th, 2009 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

Wouldn’t Tommie have had a better chance fending off Dr. Kelly with a bottle of RID?
True Fable
April 24th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

#30 Indiebass – Or this!
doug rogers
April 24th, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

Joe is clearly unfamiliar with the wiles of women. How did he get those kids anyway?
True Fable
April 24th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

#31 DaveyK – Worse yet – Didn’t Dinkle win that award for being the director with the band that had the biggest fundraiser or something? So it wasn’t even music related? Because in the Batiukverse, for every positive there must be an equal if not crushingly overpowering negative.
Sequitur
April 24th, 2009 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

Sung to the tune Riders on the Storm

Hairspray in the face.
Hairspray in the face.
It’s not as good as mace.
And it’s not a real good taste.
If you spray it as they come
They’ll turn around and run.
Hairspray in the face.
Sans Sense
April 24th, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

I am no bane specialist but as I recall apples or apple products are to Doctors as garlic is to vampires. Tommie has GOT to have some apple flavored “Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific” or “Clairol Herbal Essence” in there.
Sans Sense
April 24th, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

# 20 – Sequitur -

I had heard of chemical castration but until now had no idea it was accomplished with hair spray.
Sans Sense
April 24th, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

Some characters known for their use of knockout gas are Doc Savage, Fu Manchu, Batman, X-Men, The Avenger and Tommie Thompson.
Baka Gaijin
April 24th, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

Apartment 3-G: Where’s Margo? Where the f**k is Margo? This is just foreplay before the violent Margogasm. There’d better be a Margogasm.
Sequitur
April 24th, 2009 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

HAIR SPRAY! It’s not just for coiffures anymore.
Old School Allie Cat
April 24th, 2009 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

#15 – Sans Sense – How excited I am to see someone invoke the MSDS! I work for a company that produces safety training online modules, and it’s nice to see that someone here is worried about Dr. Joe.

Safety First!

And great hair as a byproduct!
Sans Sense
April 24th, 2009 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

#42. Old School Allie Cat -

You’d think a doctor would know to wear safety glasses. Also, the guy is really such an A-hole he needs to be worried about chronic exposure.
Professor Fate
April 24th, 2009 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

24 – Yes there is – it’s off the first album. the song is: “What do you want from life?” Not quite the classic White Punks is but still makes me smile a lot when I hear it.
commodorejohn
April 24th, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

#40 Baka Gaijin – There will be. Chekov’s Umbrella wasn’t foreshadowed for nothing.
Digger
April 24th, 2009 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

When Joe said “Guess who, Tommie?” he was thinking she would struggle to figure out the answer, thereby giving him the chance to get the drop on her.
Darth Paradox
April 24th, 2009 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

“Is there anything else that you want from life?”

“It would have been nice if ripped off from a Richard Dreyfuss movie. Also, to die of something other than cancer, unlike every other soul in this godforsaken universe.”
Darth Paradox
April 24th, 2009 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

Wow, copy/paste fail. Retry:

“Is there anything else that you want from life?”

“It would have been nice if my life wasn’t ripped off from a Richard Dreyfuss movie. Also, to die of something other than cancer, unlike every other soul in this godforsaken universe.”
Ryan
April 24th, 2009 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

# 40. Baka Gaijin

Why do you think Margo had an umbrella in yesterday’s strip?
Hasty Penguin
April 24th, 2009 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

What dimension is A3G set in? It boggles the mind how much these characters move through their environments. Maybe this is actually an exceptionally fast paced action sequence and the daily papers aren’t enough to hold it in the confines of three panels.
Ghost of David Niven
April 24th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

I was, of course, hoping that Mr. Dinkle might want a properly tailored suit. Really, it would take pounds off you!
Baka Gaijin
April 24th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

#45, #49: I KNOW Margo has an umbrella and isn’t afraid to use it. This storyline has dragged out much too long. I want her to start using her brolly NOW. NOW NOW NOW! We’re not getting Aldomania this year but we may have Margopalooza 09. Summer of Margo. Doesn’t that sound good?
Poteet
April 24th, 2009 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

S-M — Apparently, per that last panel, repeatedly shooting out large electric jolts causes one to look really stoned.
Sequitur
April 24th, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

Prediction: May 6th. Margo raises her umbrella.
(Note I didn’t say what year.)
Uncle Balustrade
April 24th, 2009 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

#36 Sequiter:

“Spray me two times, Tommie.
Spray me with hairspray,
Spray me two times, girl,
And use some Oil of Olay.

Spray me two times girl,
One with Miss Clairol,
And once with your White Rain!

Spray me two times,
It fries my brain!
True Fable
April 24th, 2009 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

#52 Baka Gaijin – actually I like the term “Margogasm” from your post 40. Unfortunately it is not a term I can freely use at, say, work, or I would be cited for harassment.

Yeah, as if there was actual intent.
Alan's Addiction
April 24th, 2009 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

Funky: “Is there anything else you want?” “Just a little more time… to oversee the completion of my master plan of vengeance and global domination.”
I like Tommie’s helpful application of hairspray to Joe. Yes, that will show him! That will stall him! That will… keep his make up and eyebrows in place throughout the day, with maybe a little minor irritation around the eyes. However, if Tommie’s plan is to give Joe a complete make over in an attempt to stall him, then, bravo, she’s just taken the first step. As a side note, we are now seeing “Angry Tommie,” which brings her total set of emotions up to three; the other two being “Happy Tommie,” and “Blank Tommie” (the one we most often see).
Sans Sense
April 24th, 2009 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

Margo has already shaken herself a Hendrick’s martini, pulled up a chair and is bemusedly twirling her Beretta 9mm with one finger as she sees how things “shake out”.
Sequitur
April 24th, 2009 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

#55 Uncle Balustrade
Now I gotta dig out my Best of the Doors CD.
Oh, wait. It’s on my IPOD. Ahhh.
Ack! All I can think of is A3G! The Doors are ruined! ARRRRGGGG!
NoVan
April 24th, 2009 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

Baldo: If I was masturbating to muscle car magazines, I’d want some of Tia Carmen’s prescription catnip too; they say it really takes the edge off. But come on, Baldo, even I could fake a more convincing stomach ache than that.
Sequitur
April 24th, 2009 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

Did anyone this was out there?
Winky's Spleen
April 24th, 2009 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

“Just a little more time… for a weenie!”
Fashion Police
April 24th, 2009 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

Y176, Uncle Lumpy

And thank you kind sir. We must take on those civic duties for which we are best suited. Especially if it means that you don’t have to. My contribution is a small one compared to the services rendered by Pope Josh and you. Thank you indeed.
juggernaut
April 24th, 2009 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

Dude, that’s Invisible Spray…..
bats :[
April 24th, 2009 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

What are the odds that Margo’s umbrella is like The Penguin’s, and something noxious shoots out of the tip? Well, other than Margo’s general hate and loathing.
waah waAH WAAH
Muffaroo
April 24th, 2009 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

McManx @22 – Yes, Ted just shoved Adrian. Yes, he’s going to die for it. I’ve been reading these soap comics long enough to know that death is the standard penalty for dope pushers.
It's time to pay the price
April 24th, 2009 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

Dr. Joe seems pretty irritated, I better spray him with an irritant!
UncleJeff
April 24th, 2009 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

Apartment 3G (for gas attack): Many years ago, the city where I was living had a series of attacks on women…prompting a sudden increase in self-defense classes.
My friend attended one of those classes. She came into my office and showed me a water pistol she got at the class. She told me that the instructor told her to fill it with ammonia for use if she’s ever attacked.
Then, she shot me in the face.
I freaked…frantically rubbing at my eyes and trying to find a water fountain.
I got into the hallway when she told me there was only water in the water pistol.
Oh, the power of suggestion.
It's time to pay the price
April 24th, 2009 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

also,

In most comics the motion lines around the bottle would mean that Tommie is following instructions and shaking it well before asailing her attacker. But since this is A3G I’m going to assume the bottle is shocked, most likely by Joe’s lame Jack Nicholas impersonation.
UncleJeff
April 24th, 2009 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

65 bats:} I would be Margo would have an umbrella with a spring-loaded razor-sharp spike. She got it by seducing and robbing a KGB agent.
Good times. Good times.
Muffaroo
April 24th, 2009 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

I think Tommie was hoping it was the hair spray that controls angry, unruly hair, and makes it behave.
UncleJeff
April 24th, 2009 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

For Pete’s sake: that should be “I would bet Margo would have an umbrella with a spring-loaded razor-sharp spike.”
Anonymous
April 24th, 2009 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

65 Bats :[

What could be more noxious than that? Margo Venom would put Joker Venom to shame!
Annon
April 24th, 2009 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

#7 Stroker Ace: Thank you for the quote!
Amanda M
April 24th, 2009 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

Josh, I can’t believe you haven’t been saying anything about Mary Worth! Today Ted shoved Adrian! Could this storyline seriously get any better? Unless Jeff was shoving Mary and we finally got to see her transform into a gigantic black dragon and devour him. That would be kind of cool.
Steve the Pocket
April 24th, 2009 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

#66, that was… terrible. And awesome. Officially Comment of the Week in my book!
Marthas Rolling Pin
April 24th, 2009 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

#66, COTW.
Lolsworth
April 24th, 2009 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

“Give me just a little more time…and a tumour will surely grow…”

Holy God, I am a terrible person.
BeeF
April 24th, 2009 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

A3G: I’m hoping actually, that since the cravats and hats weren’t enough to tell one guy from another in this strip, that Tommie’s finally just taken to tagging them. “Now Joe’s white, I’ll make Gary green, and that’ll leave Eric for Margo to turn red with her terrible, slashing claws.”
Uncle Balustrade
April 24th, 2009 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

#78 Lolsworth: One could play The Doors’ song “The End” without modification, and it could be the musical theme for “Funky Winkerbean”. Just to keep the Doors thing going, ya know.
tb4000
April 24th, 2009 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

A3G: Ach, mein eyes! Ze non-existent goggles do nothing!
Talking Squirrel
April 24th, 2009 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

S-M: Electro, ensnared in web, volunteers to surrender although already in custody.

Spidey’s response: “Exclamation Point,” he ejaculates! To his utter astonishment, he’s finally encountered a villain almost as clueless as he himself.
Sequitur
April 24th, 2009 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

#80 Uncle Balustrade
And just like The End, the comic goes on, and on, and on…
Rachel211
April 24th, 2009 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

After seeing what Tommie came up with as defense in a tight bathroom situation, I decided that a dirty toilet brush would have made a much better weapon – after all, Ruby did just clean the can.
Alfred E. Neuman
April 24th, 2009 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

#39 Sans Sense— Re: The use of knockout gas by comics characters. How about Marvin? Wait, no, technically that’s knockout feces. Is that close enough for you to add him to your list?
Lolsworth
April 24th, 2009 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

Anyone else think that Determined Self-Defence Tommie is actually kind of cute?
Marion Delgado
April 24th, 2009 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

Apartment 3-G

Our motto:

Men are completely insane and extremely dangerous.

Go out and meet em!
blammers66
April 24th, 2009 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

The missing fourth panel from today’s Crankshaft: “Well, ol’ Possum couldn’t help himself – he started chugging the mixture hoping for that ol’ familiar feeling – raving insanity and blindness.”
Marion Delgado
April 24th, 2009 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

And on the same note, I learned something from the way Les is not Moore constantly has two teacher bachelorettes on his junk – I am going to marry a brave woman dying young of terminal cancer, write an exploitation book, then bask in all the sympathy sex.

Thank you, Funky Winkerbean!
Mrs Threeway Taint
April 24th, 2009 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

#66, COTW thirded.

And my next marketing campaign is going to be for pepper spray in a hairspray can. It’s better than one of those pen things because it won’t explode all over your notebook when you think you are just going to write down quick directions and you’re in a HUGE hurry to see your friend’s band play at the Edinburgh Castle in downtown SF and you’re like if I don’t get the address I’ll wander around the ‘Loin and get murdered by the likes of Dirk on crack, so I just need to get the address from Mapquest and write it down and AAAAAAAAAAHHH HOLY SHIT WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE EVERYONE EVACUATE THE ROOM SORRY SORRY! DON’T CALL THE COPS I AM AN IDIOT OMFG SORRY

Just in case. The world needs pepper spray in a “Hair Spray” bottle.
ScienceGiant
April 24th, 2009 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

Funky – 40,000 men and women everyday, like Romeo and Juliet. Or as Pearls Before Swine sez, “NOW DEATH… THAT’S REAL.”

A3G — wow! gettin’ so you can’t tell the characters apart unless they wear a schmatta.
Islamorada Girl
April 24th, 2009 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

MW. 3G SPOILER ALERT: All I can say is Saturday’s 3G and MW are just about as wonderful as it gets in soap strip world. They’re not quite breakfast and they’re not quite lunch, but you get a good meal with a slice of cantaloupe.
Mrs Threeway Taint
April 24th, 2009 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

IslamoGirl: How? How are you seeing these. Are you in the FUTURE???
Uncle Lumpy
April 24th, 2009 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

I-Girl sees into the future using her Secret Power: awesomeness!
cheech wizard
April 24th, 2009 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

A3G – Tagged! Now, for the next week, Joe is going to have to walk around with “Tommie” spray-painted across his face in big, round, artfully shaded letters.
SFrederick
April 24th, 2009 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

FW should just cut to the chase and set all future stories in the morgue. There’s a slightly better chance of something cheerful happening that way.
sugarpie
April 24th, 2009 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

A3G I guessed a few threads ago that Margo would impale Dr. Joe like a bug on the wall. Now it looks like Dr Joe, blinded and gagging on Tommie’s cheap hairspray, will inadvertantly run right into M’s umbrella himself. I hope she’s got a good grip on it, because it’s going to be quite a collision. Thank God Chron.com has it in color.

Rex Morgan, Man in Motion As I was leaving the local Shipley’s Donut Shop this afternoon, I had a vision of The Family Morgan becoming Donut Willie’s foster family. I mean his mom dumped him, and before that his dad dumped the both of them. It makes perfect sense; Widdle Sarah and Rex can vie for his attention over the next few millenia. And June will be free to go out and, well, be June.

Didn’t they leave on the SS Katherine Anne Porter sometime in December? Its almost May now.
I’ve had a couple of marriages that didn’t last this long. (Though at the time they certainly seemed lots longer. The seemed, ummm… millenial.)
Kevin
April 24th, 2009 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

If someone could edit the hairspray cloud to be actual flames, I would worship them as a living deity for all eternity.
teddytoad
April 24th, 2009 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

Way to go, Tommie! I guess all that bathrooming Margo made you paid off in the end!
teddytoad
April 24th, 2009 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

*made you do
Mooncattie
April 24th, 2009 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

A3G – Fortunately, Tommie was resourceful enough to lash out with Margo’s hairspray, knowing it would elicit the same response from Dr. Joe as from every other man who strays too close to la tête Magee; that is, a sudden remembrance that there is a good friend or maybe a brother who is in terrible danger somewhere far away like Togo or Kauai or Tibet, yeah that’s it, the Chinese have got him, and it’s critical that he goes out there right away and try to rescue him and he’ll keep in touch love ya bye.
Lord Vetinari
April 24th, 2009 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

GT: yeah, he’s getting on your last nerve, and since you’re obviously a lightning attractor, a minor deity and/or Mary Worth in Third Eye Mode, he’s gonna pay for it!

MT: How stupid are you, Sideburn Man? Sure, that order will work, because the kid is so going to sit there all docile in a chair on the command of his captors, with no restraint or actual threat, instead of getting up and walking out the door like any sane, normal human being… Oh, wait. this is Rusty we’re talking about.

MW: BACK AWAY, ADRIAN! THE POWER OF THE FORCE COMPELS YOU! it’s like he’s annakin skywalker in a salmon/puke coat and a stupid pencil mustache!

SM: Spiderman is an arsehole of the highest degree, even if he is arseholing a dude in yellow spandex underwear.

In other comics news, Funky Winkerbean introduces the concept of a ‘death smirk’ to human society.
Lord Vetinari
April 24th, 2009 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

I think “Margogasm” is possibly the best word i have heard or read in a very, very long time.
Ged's Apprentice
April 24th, 2009 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

On the Hairspray: Maybe the magic deadly hairspray of Tommie is acidic to comics characters, and is de-coloring Joe and bleaching him down to a sketch! obviously this would be painful, and would explain his expression. Or, as Mooncattie suggests, it is just Margo’s hairspray, which explains everything.
Obstreperous B
April 24th, 2009 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

Tommie has a somewhat appropriately menacing scowl on her face in the second and third panels, but in the first, her unsuccessfully stifled grin betrays just how thrilled she is to have something happen to her for once. In her head, she’s already debating who’ll play her in the Lifetime movie.
Garradha
April 24th, 2009 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

Uh … actually, hairspray is nasty junk. It’s basically rubbing alcohol, perfume, and whatever viscous crud keeps your hair in place. Getting hairspray in your eyes burns like hell and breathing in concentrated hairspray chokes you for a moment. If you wanted to stun someone long enough to make it 25 feet to the door or to punch an attacker in the somethings soft and painful, you could do a lot worse. Don’t believe me? Try spraying yourself in the face with it and see.
rhymes with puck
April 24th, 2009 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

A3G: The only way that hairspray will have any effect is if that can is filled with the stench coming from this plot.

RMMD: Rex is alone in a room with a little boy, AND he wants to take a bath? Rex died and went to heaven!

Brewster Rockitt, Space Guy: Hey, look, it’s Michael Jackson!

SF: After planting a tree for Earth Day, does that mean that they just don’t give a rat’s ass about Arbor Day? I mean, that one is even a real holiday!

Marvin: WHY IS MARVING OPENING HIS MOUTH TO THINK LOUDLY?!?! MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT MARVIN??
Muffaroo
April 24th, 2009 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

Islamadora Girl @92 – Can we have Albert Brooks read that in a French accent? Heh.

Ged’s Apprentice @104 – Oh my god… it’s DI-I-IP!

(…And to certain other folks, thanks for the kind thoughts!)
Muffaroo
April 24th, 2009 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

blammers66 @88 – I can’t read that comment without hearing it in the voice of Rex Allen in one of those Disney nature shorts that used to be on the “World of Color” every Sunday night.

I always wanted them to do a porn movie with him narrating it. Like “Pancho, the Biggest Little Donkey in Juarez” — “Well, Pancho’s new friend has turned out to be mighty obliging, all right… but that jasper in the black socks just keeps insisting on horning in on all the action!”
tuesy
April 24th, 2009 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

FW: Mr Holland’s Opus was a great movie.
commodorejohn
April 24th, 2009 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

#109 Muffaroo – Oh, I used to have one of those shorts tacked onto the end of a tape. (Remember back in the VHS days, when you’d be given a tape of some movie or other and it turned out to be a copy your grandparents recorded when it was being shown on a local station, plus whatever else they had filled the remainder of the runnning time with? Oh, the stories I’ll tell my kids…)

It was The Hound That Thought He Was A Racoon, and it featured an ever-so-slightly improbable story about imprinting that meandered through a bunch of set pieces where the raccoon would fiddle around with shiny objects and thus get into some ridiculously dangerous situation and the dog would stand there barking dumbly; in other words, typical behavior for both species. (I don’t know much about how they filmed stunt animals back in the ’60s, but it certainly didn’t look like all that much precaution was taken.)

There were about umpteen gazillion perilous escapes, finally ending when the raccoon finds luuurve with His Own Kind and becomes xenophobic for the first time in ever, all with Rex glibly narrating along like this is just the most bemusing thing in history. So it was basically a furry For Better Or For Worse as narrated by Mark Trail, looking back on it.
Joe Btfsplk
April 24th, 2009 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

Phantom – How did Captain Savarna get out of her Sea Goddess finery and back into her Grand Moff Tarkin uniform so quickly? Did I miss something?

And where is Giant Wrench Guy in all of this? I would think that all of the goings-on in his backyard would have drawn his attention by now. The Romantic in me was guessing that the story was going to bring him and our man-hungry captain together here.
Joe Btfsplk
April 24th, 2009 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

I always did kind of wonder what medical field was Dr. Morgan’s specialty. I guess I can rule out “nutritionist.”
Rana
April 24th, 2009 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

#66 is amazing. COTW for sure!
Rana
April 24th, 2009 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

When I was in college, I used Final Net to kill wasps. So I think that Joe’s in trouble. You don’t get much more WASPy than that dude.
Mooncattie
April 25th, 2009 at 12:17 am [Reply]

MT – All is not lost for Larry and Moe, especially if they get serious with their plan from April 11th and head on down to Miami Beach. Now they can hit the clubs in style with a Real Live Feral Wild Boy on a leash who will be spouting gibberish about ducks and Mark and liking barbecue, and before you know it they’ll be Paris Hilton’s new BFF and she’ll love Sassy! And…oh, oops there he goes out the door, never mind!

#109 Muffaroo, I never knew the name of that Disney narrator…thank you! Those cute li’l otters just love slidin’ into the river once the ice starts to meltin’! And my door could really use a scrubbin’!
Bret
April 25th, 2009 at 12:45 am [Reply]

You know, I once thought Warhammer 40k and Lovecraft were depressing. An uncaring universe, filled with things that would destroy your body and devour your soul into eternal screaming torment. Not upbeat.

Then I saw Funky Winkerbean. Now Cthulhu’s tentically grasp looks warm and inviting.
bats :[
April 25th, 2009 at 1:03 am [Reply]

Holy Moley! Has 25 April been designated “ACTION SATURDAY!!!” for the comics? I think so!

A3G: faster, Margo! Kill, kill!

FC: okay, no action, but I like smart-mouth Billy. Don’t feed the kid straight lines, Big Daddy.

FW: the magic devils of technology have almost instanteously placed Dinkle’s concert online! Heresy! Blasphemy! Out-of-tune high-school musicians!

JP: drinking! dining! mysterious stirrings in Randy’s pants at the thought of April’s return!

MT: run, Rusty! Take that original idea of yours and run! Run like the wind!

MW: damn it, Adrian — you’re still delusional! At least Lt. Pistachio and Sgt. Caramel are there to arrest Ted/Edward/Snideley…

Mutts: revolutionary thinking!

Phantom: okay, well that’s a let-down.

RMMD: little does June realize that she’s already out-voted…if not Sarah, then Sarah AND Rex…
wykstrad
April 25th, 2009 at 1:12 am [Reply]

Huh. And here I was thinking Joe’s changing hair color might be a shout-out to Something Positive’s motif where insane killers have clothing or hair that constantly changes color. Or maybe I was hoping.
Poteet
April 25th, 2009 at 1:27 am [Reply]

4/25

MT — Lemme take a wild guess — Sassy will somehow manage to flee out the door. Rusty will not.

MW — “…and worst of all, Hideous Outfitery! Ow, ow, our eyes hurt!”

FW — Sometimes I wish I could access YouTube. Then there are other times.

RMMD — I hope whatever has given Sarah a temporary case of DT Hands will end quickly.

PHANTOM — Now that they’re all together again, it’s even clearer that the Walkers are their own race of human beings, a race that looks unlike all the rest of us. And all the rest of us are quite okay with that.
NoahSnark
April 25th, 2009 at 2:06 am [Reply]

Your wish is granted Dr. Dinkle. You now have an eternity to spend in the Funky Winkerbean universe. Please ignore the man with the horns and the pitchfork.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
April 25th, 2009 at 2:08 am [Reply]

A3G: If Tommie doesn’t put on warpaint and hurt Doc Kelly – the world is mad.
Fashion Police
April 25th, 2009 at 2:39 am [Reply]

The Santa Royale police department must have purchased all the leftover apparel from the Lawrence Welk show. Compared to those fellows, Adrian is Mrs. Onassis. We are severely, severely depressed.
Mr. O'Malley
April 25th, 2009 at 3:02 am [Reply]

A-3G: It’s all coming true! All our predictions! Except I don’t think anyone predicted that being whacked on the head with Margo’s umbrella would cause him to say “Hey!”.

“Now hold your head like this and say WAHHHHHH!”

Crankshaft: … leaving him with a permanent intense hatred of all Americans and the econmic system that spawned them.

FW: … in the form of a vicious parody with LOLcats and scenes from Borat interpolated.

Lockhorns: That’s nothing, I once rolled a joint that was this long!

MT: These guys are old school. You don’t see many crooks carrying Gladstone bags these days.

MW: With a record like that he should get a government bailout! Why does the detective in the hideous lime green jacket have a half sized arm?

Phantom: She’s right! It’s almost as though she could read the narration box! Those Indians and their mystical powers…

RMMD: What is the matter with that child? She looks like her sawdust is leaking out.

RwO: And here’s another disappointment about being in the hospital—when your fantasy about the cute nurse comes true, you discover that it also involves a catheter.

SlyFo: One difference—in panel 2 the smell of dog urine is killing off the flowers.
Baka Gaijin
April 25th, 2009 at 3:07 am [Reply]

Apartment 3-G: Damn. Margo’s just whacking Joe off.
un_malpaso
April 25th, 2009 at 3:10 am [Reply]

I can’t even measure up to the quality of all the preceding Funky mind-streams.. but I can’t stop myself.

“Is there anything more you want from life?”

“Well, yes. I’d like to fuck as many people as I can. Ha! you were fooled by my wise, smirky grin? Good. I want to fuck you. I want to fuck as many women as I can, and not stop, ever, until they bring me down with tasers and nausea-inducing drugs.”

thx to my inspiration, Alan Arkin in “Little Miss Sunshine” :)
Charles
April 25th, 2009 at 3:13 am [Reply]

A3G: Gotta wonder what the deal is with Joe and why he’s surprised she’s sprayed him. What on earth did he think she was going to do with the hairspray? Give him the most embarrassing fauxhawk the world had ever seen?
Baka Gaijin
April 25th, 2009 at 3:35 am [Reply]

ATTENTION: MARK TRAIL ALERT

BE SEATED WHEN READING SATURDAY’S MARK TRAIL. YOU MAY FAINT AFTER COMPREHENDING IT.

END: MARK TRAIL ALERT
Wangdoodle
April 25th, 2009 at 3:50 am [Reply]

Mallard: Awwwwuh, did Tinsley get pulled over again two weeks ago? (There are already taxpayer-expense government employees who make sure you’re driving responsibly, Brucie–they’re called cops.)

A3G: …Not exactly The Shining, is it?

MT: OH! OH! Who will he run smack into this time! So wacky!!

Shankcraft: …So he shot Che. And now you know…the rest of the story! Good day!

Curtis: You greedy, selfish child! Asking your mother to feed you! Monster!

DtM: “Because, grandson, anyone who wasn’t exactly like me and my friends lived in fear for their lives, even your grandmother.”

FC: No more Funky Winkerbean for you, young man.

NS: Oh, right, like you have to be elderly to be a Twitter Shitter.

Snuffy: Elviney doesn’t look sick. She looks daid. (*cue Bernard Herrmann music*)
Baka Gaijin
April 25th, 2009 at 3:51 am [Reply]

Beetle Bailey: I guess Barbara Bush has entered her second childhood. “Eat worms” indeed!

Blondie: I laughed. I admit it. But I laugh at “Bing Croonsby,” too.

Cathy: Hypocritical obsessive-compulsive behavior begins at home.

Dilbert: I would so pay for that phone.

Garfield: Burn! Double-burn!

Heart of the City: Isn’t he a little young for that?

Luann, panel 1: Finally, someone says what we’ve all been thinking. How could such a small man be an elephant in the room?

Luann, panel 2: What Luann is subtly telling her dad is that the Elvis gnome likes to her to strap one on and give it to him.*

Marvin: That’s more disgusting than, than, hmm. I don’t even know words to describe how repulsive that is. Here’s a good start: pilodinal cyst. Warning: link is not for the squeamish.

Mary Worth: I lost 20 IQ points just reading this strip. Adrian’s stupidity is like a black hole, sucking brain powers from her readers.

Mary Worth, take 2: Not even a scintilla of biddying in this storyline. About this time next year “Mary Worth starring Jeff Corey” will appear above this strip.

Jump Start: Tommi could guest start in Rose is Rose. She has the startled eyes down.

* I’ve been around Dingo too long!
mojo
April 25th, 2009 at 5:55 am [Reply]

Um, excuse me if I’m late to the party–lord knows I’ve been avoiding Funky like the plague that will eventually kill a third of its cast–but since WHEN has Mr. Dinkle the band director ever been a person of competence and dignity? When did he ever receive an award beyond what I always assumed was the self-awarded “World’s Greatest Band Director”? Back in his prime I always thought he was an incompetent, embittered lunatic who abused his band and kept pushing band candy. You know, like every other school band director out there. That’s what made him so amusing. Giving him dignity and accomplishments NOW is just cruel– I mean, par for the Winkerbean course.

Om the other hand, Mary Worth is getting AWESOMER BY THE DAY. Now, THAT’s Dwama Done Wight! Having poor Adrian still going “Wha–? Who? What’s going on, here? Hey, STOP that! That’s my BOYFRIEND you’re tackling!” while she is swarmed by a SWAT team is just ICING ON THE CAKE.
gleeb
April 25th, 2009 at 6:26 am [Reply]

Brenda: Ooh, he’s an arrogant hothead. That’ll keep Brenda from getting into his pants for an extra 40 minutes or so.

A3G: It’s Joe Kelly Whacking time! Margo is warming up, emotionally. I can’t really see where she could use any help against only one opponent, but she asks, so Ruby will feel needed.

BC: Wow! Fresh, innovative humor!

’shaft: So Possum is the guy who sold the CIA on the idea of poisoning Castro’s cigars? What does this have to do with growth-hormone-injecting baseball players?

Edge City: Running total is now Strict Conformity 3, Creativity 1.

‘bean: I think it’s cruel to expose even Harry “Smug and useless” Dinkle to Youtube commentators.

Duck: Tinsley is pro-reckless-driving now?

Mary: Another fugitive captured by the covice squad!
One-eyed Wolfdog
April 25th, 2009 at 7:20 am [Reply]

“The theory of vice is well known, of course, but the dual theory of covice is still only poorly understood. We begin in the usual manner by reversing all arrows in the diagrams…”
mordock999
April 25th, 2009 at 7:22 am [Reply]

Today’s Luann – 04/25/09

Lets see:

The DeGroots let their teen daughter go out on a date with a total stranger at Least twice.

They freely excepted a $200 gift card FROM him.

And after its ALL over with, THEN they ask their Daughter question about HIM.

And I’m NOT even going to get INTO how they STILL lovingly treat TJ after ALL the shit HE’S pullled on them.

Well, its Offical: The DeGroots win the DUMB-ASSED PARENTS of the year AWARD for 2009!

_______________________________

DEATH to TJ!
Peter Hillock
April 25th, 2009 at 7:36 am [Reply]

MW: I’ve never noticed Ted wearing the oversized truss before. Did he get a hernia picking up his suitcase, or is he expecting to get kicked in the groin? Or has a bit of the Charterstone fashion sense rubbed off on him?
Larry McAwful
April 25th, 2009 at 8:03 am [Reply]

I couldn’t stay away from Tommie. She smelled the way Akron looks at midnight. I’d done my research. I do a great deal of research, particularly in Apartment 3-G. Tommie was a pushover, but she was also trouble. I guess she was trouble because she was a pushover. She’d handed my kids over to my ex-wife without a fight, and now I was looking for a fight.

She locked herself in the bathroom but I had a key. The key was actually my left shoulder, and it hurts to use it, but it opens doors well enough. I didn’t expect her to be packing heat and she wasn’t. What she was packing was a can of Hair Spray™ brand hair spray, which made me think that if I got her jeans off of her, there’d be a label on them that read “Designer Jeans™.” I’m probably the first man who’s ever thought of taking Tommie’s jeans off.

She told me to stay back or she’d shoot. Dames. They always shoot, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You can only hope they miss. Looking back, you’re as likely to be a casualty of a hair spray salvo as you are of a hillbilly’s buckshot salvo.

I went down like T.S. Eliot in a boxing ring, and Tommie went for the phone. The cops would be there soon enough. Blinded and writhing on the floor, I regretted the day I got contact lenses as I felt my hair changing color again. Everything went black and I knew that when I woke up, I wouldn’t want to wake up…
KarMann
April 25th, 2009 at 8:29 am [Reply]

WoI: We learn why Spook isn’t a character in Funky Winkerbean.

JP: Apparently, the people in the background in the third panel were exposed to some of Tommie’s hairspray from yesterday.
Uncle Balustrade
April 25th, 2009 at 8:32 am [Reply]

#117 Bret: True, that. Lovecraft, Bierce, Poe…those guys got nothin’ on Funky Winkerbean’s author. Seriously, when I was younger, I worked in the funeral trade. I had to stop, because it was too depressing. Reading FW, however, makes that seem like a day at the beach. Batuik (sp?) needs to stop. These are called “comics”, right?
sugarpie
April 25th, 2009 at 8:33 am [Reply]

RexMorganWillieWasher So today June asks her daughter the question “what are we going to do with Willie?” A question June has asked herself hundreds of times, and has more than adequately answered. It’s nice to see her introducing Sarah to the world of Willies at such a young age.
One-eyed Wolfdog
April 25th, 2009 at 8:34 am [Reply]

#132 – Strict conformity and Creativity are both essentially out of the race, however, because Utter Suck leads with 69,105.
Renee J
April 25th, 2009 at 8:52 am [Reply]

MW: It appears that we just watched a storyline complete without much meddling from Mary. But, we haven’t gotten to the next four weeks of Adrian’s dramatic poses and Mary’s eventual Meddle.
Hank
April 25th, 2009 at 9:15 am [Reply]

RE: 9CL. Please, PLEASE, let those be Piranhas …
John C Fremont
April 25th, 2009 at 9:19 am [Reply]

#92 Islamorada Girl – I wish I’d read your comment before I read the comics today so that I could enjoy the moment of anticipation which is, of course, better than the deed and better than the memory.

#132 gleeb – Margo’s playing Whack-A-Joe! Or, speaking of The Simpsons, maybe she just watched that “Whacking Day” episode.

MT – Rats! Now I’m going to have to wait until Monday to find out whether or not that suddenly-not-so-gap-toothed kid gets through the door. Hoo!

A3G – Not as good as it should have been, but I’ll allow it.

MW – Has anyone ever noticed that Edward Covice looks a little like Captain Kangaroo? With a different form of bad hair, of course.

In that last panel, I’ll bet he’s wondering if there’s a Wines Liquors nearby.

Phantom – And just when I thought that Captain Savarna’s pants couldn’t possibly get any tighter…

RMMD – Damn. I’ve got that song by The Sweet stuck in my head again.

FW – I guess what he wanted from life was to be and internet sensation and a little more time.

SF – Sally Forth was better than her word. God bless us, every one!
KarMann
April 25th, 2009 at 9:25 am [Reply]

@143 John C Fremont

FW – I guess what he wanted from life was to be and internet sensation and a little more time.

I hope he’ll settle for one out of two!
Stuck Funky Fan
April 25th, 2009 at 9:28 am [Reply]

Is it just me, or is Stuck Funky down? I haven’t been able to access that blog since early yesterday.
Baka Gaijin
April 25th, 2009 at 9:34 am [Reply]

#141 Renee J: I’m having serious doubts that Mary’ll do any meddling in this storyline. Hopefully she’s conserving her biddypower for a blockbuster summer. Aldomania is a distant memory after all. Ooops, try this Aldomania.
buckyswife
April 25th, 2009 at 9:45 am [Reply]

JP: Didn’t April go to Barcelona last night? And she’s on her way back? Where did she go–the Barcelona Tapas Restaurant down the street?

A3G: Made me laugh. Out loud.

SM: Electro rises (sinks?) to new levels of stoopidness. A) This is the guy who just leveraged your son’s hospitalization against you–and you trust him? and B) Didn’t Spidey tell you which hospital he’s in? So why do you need him to take you? C) Really, dude, take off the mask–it just doesn’t work so well in close-up.

FC: To hell with cell phones and iPods and the internet–Grandpa is reminiscing about the good ole pre-melonhead days….
Pendragon
April 25th, 2009 at 10:05 am [Reply]

I’m sorry if I’m not up to speed here — this may be another “Aldo looks like Captain Kangaroo” — but both the Walker kids have blond hair but Kit and Diana have jet black hair. Was there any explanation for this? At least one safe for work?
commodorejohn
April 25th, 2009 at 11:06 am [Reply]

A3G – Margaret Shulock, I love you.

BBlue – o_O

Crankshaft – Yeah, just engage in a petty little bigger-prank contest with guerilla revolutionaries. I’m sure that won’t go wrong in any way.

DT – Man, I think she is going to get the first kill. Won’t Dick be pissed!

FW – “You should see some of the stuff in the ‘related’ section. Yikes. Anyway, there’s about a hundred people in the comments section calling you a gay Nazi.”

Love Is… – using the word “fishy” with a picture of Naked Little Girl.

MT – Wait, so they just left him sitting by not one, but two doors, under no guard? Were they just expecting him to sit there because they told him to? They’re just lucky that he appears to be headed straight for the wall next to the door; the impact should stun him long enough for them to fail at tying him up, too.

Marmaduke – Marmaduke’s neighbor is dangerously naive.

MW – Charterstone Vice.

OBH – “Sit-down-and-focus pills.” Nice one, deTorie.

Phantom – I’ll be holding you to that, DePaul & Ryan. Well, then, Captain Sea Goddess, au revoir!

Popeye – is even more insane than usual today.

SM – Actually, Electro? He’s doing it to get the TV back on.
Dingo
April 25th, 2009 at 11:07 am [Reply]

Great. The cops got Ted. Now when do the fashion police come for Adrian?
Amateur
April 25th, 2009 at 11:10 am [Reply]

MW: Mary will never get over the fact that she didn’t get to make a citizen’s arrest.
Poteet
April 25th, 2009 at 11:14 am [Reply]

MW — I Advanced-Googled “Edward Covice” and got no results. But I did find this in the Urban Dictionary:

covice —
a small branch of a hallway or corridor, usually very small, that ends in some kind of door or entrance
If you sit in the covice, the door is gonna hit you in the face when it opens.
True Fable
April 25th, 2009 at 11:17 am [Reply]

Sam Driver, Chick Magnet Sam asks about April, confidently knowing that as the comics page Chick Magnet, she’s bound to fall for him. But wait! What’s this? Randy is confidently swilling his drink like any respectable judge should and implicating that she’s returning for…for him! I notice that we do not have a reaction shot of Sam, which no doubt is one of dumbfuckery. As in, “What does this dumbfuck have that I, Sam Driver Chick Magnet, do not?!?”

Meddling Heights As Adrian tries to pull a coin from Ted’s ear in order to appease his money-hungry ways, Ted is discovered to actually be Edward (”well, anyone could pronounce their own name wrong, Daddy!”) who is placed under arrest by the Sherbert Police, Officer Lime and Detective Orange.

RMMW As June stared in awe and stinking drunkenness, Sarah’s head began growing at an astounding rate as they talked about “Willy”. Oh, if only other heads could grow like that, June reflected even as she searched for a pin for deflation.

Fist O Justice Theater Yeah, like… get up and leave.
This is not surprising when you consider how all-time Stupid these so-called Most Wanted criminals are. Their exploits will probably get a mention on Olbermann’s Countdown and hopefully will be represented by the little yellow frowny face. We won’t want Mark punching TV screens, because Mark isn’t exactly the brightest crayon in the box either.

Vicious Babes in the House Joe stumbles! Joe Turns! Joe gets his skull bashed in by Margo Maleficent and her bewhiskered Igor! Ah, I love a good mayhem to start the day!
Poteet
April 25th, 2009 at 11:17 am [Reply]

FW — Per the second panel in the strip at the top of this thread, FW is not the only comic that portrays profile smiles as head-splitting gaps. But no strip does it more creepily.
True Fable
April 25th, 2009 at 11:19 am [Reply]

#148 Pendragon – Maybe the curtains don’t match the rugs for either Diana or Kit? “It’s a disguise for my disguise!”
fishmorgjp
April 25th, 2009 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Hooray! Beat Joe’s head in, Margo!

Hit ‘em in the head!
Hit ‘em in the body!
Finish ‘em off
With a big fat Karate!!
Poteet
April 25th, 2009 at 11:26 am [Reply]

S-M — So are we now going to get to see the reactions of hospital staff to Electro’s costume? Not to mention Tommy’s reaction to finding out his dad, in his spare time, wears a yellow diaper? And, in fact, wears an entire garish costume that could only be justified (barely) if one were doing musical presentations about electrical safety for pre-schoolers?

I can hope.
TheDiva
April 25th, 2009 at 11:31 am [Reply]

MF: Yeah, is it really the government’s place to enforce good driving behavior? I think I’ll go down the street and ask the cop at the speed trap for his opinion.

MW: You just know Ted/Edward/Bob Evil is beating back a “Curses, foiled again!” right now. Adrian, meanwhile, is vainly trying to cling to what’s left of her innocence/ignorance. “Why did you call him that? Is it a pet name, like ‘Queenie’?”
Vince M
April 25th, 2009 at 11:34 am [Reply]

A3G – Remember, Margo –
Opening an umbrella inside: bad luck.
Opening an umbrella inside a doctor: bad luck for the doctor.
mojo
April 25th, 2009 at 11:36 am [Reply]

So among the laundry list of charges against Ted, the cops made sure to throw in bigamy. Bigamy, eh? D’you know what that makes YOU, Adrian? That’s right. A dirty girl. A dirty, FILTHY girl. Better make those plane reservations for Vietnam, pronto! Why, imagine what Daddy Doctor Jeff is going to say when he hears this. Then again, maybe he won’t say anything. Maybe he will just stare at you with those kicked-puppy-dog eyes, and you will just feel his disappointment down in the very marrow of your bones. But don’t worry. I’m sure Mary’s Impending Look of Stern Disapproval will be directed at HIM for raising such an awful, AWFUL daughter, and not at clueless li’l ol bullet-headed YOU.
Poteet
April 25th, 2009 at 11:41 am [Reply]

# 160 mojo — Well put.

And Adrian, don’t forget about the possible stern lecture about the utter folly and complete ridiculousness of ever finding anything worth finding on the Internets, where the motto is “All Scamming, All The Time.”
Islamorada Girl
April 25th, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

MW: Mary may not have meddled in Adrian’’s Blighted Romance, but you can bet she’ll be around to pick up the pieces and tell Adrian where she went wrong for at least a couple of weeks. Her meddle-sense must be warming up right about now.

3G; Whack! Whack! Whack! So satisfying. If Margo impales our loony MD with her Umbrella of Death on Sunday, I will be so very happy.

Also, I am betting all the drugs the doctor stole from the hospital contributed to his poor social skills, and The Other Guy has been forced to do computer cover up for Doc Loon’s crimes. What Doctor Loon had on him, I have no idea, but you can bet it’s a plot contrivance.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
April 25th, 2009 at 11:44 am [Reply]

Stripey Butt: Walker kids supposedly go dark at 14. So it’s about time to lose their blond locks.

A3G: WTF does Margo need any help from Ruby — who’s a damn ghost of an 1890s Cleaning woman (am I right?) — when she has the umbrella of death in her hands?

MW: Ed AKA Ted failed because he tried to look like the Charade’s real “Carson Dyle” — clearly a subconscious plea to be institutionalized.
Poteet
April 25th, 2009 at 11:44 am [Reply]

MW — Please let us at least see Ted’s, er, Edward’s other wife. Please, please, please. PLEASE. Giella and Moy, I’m begging you. A photograph of her, at least?
Will
April 25th, 2009 at 11:46 am [Reply]

GA: I’m tired of the flirting fatties.
buckyswife
April 25th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

I actually thought that Detective Brown WAS “Daddy” at first. I assumed he’d (really quickly) found out all that stuff on the internet and enlisted the help of Detective Green–or maybe he just co-opted some Charterstone dude to play a detective, and he lent him his green jacket and the sex-handcuffs that Mary uses on him.
Gold-Digging Nanny
April 25th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

A3G — Yes! Oh, Margo, how I love you so!

GT — Oh, Gil. Stonewalling the press will not make your problems go away.

MT — (4/23) — “Hey, kid! We’re going to kidnap you!”
(4/24) — “Hey, kid! Be a good boy and sit quietly in this chair while we finish packing, so we can kidnap you!”
(4/25) — “I thought you were watching the kid!” “I told him to sit still! It’s not my fault he’s too stupid to follow directions!”

OBH — Win!
Baka Gaijin
April 25th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

#164 Poteet: “…other wife?” No, other wives. Bigamist, remember? Maybe the plot twist will be that typist Vera and skating Vera will be the other spouses.
buckyswife
April 25th, 2009 at 11:51 am [Reply]

157 Poteet: When you see Electro’s mask up close, don’t you just imagine it as cardboard and glitter? It’s all so elementary-school craft project. Really, all it needs is a macaroni necklace, and it would be complete.
Saluki
April 25th, 2009 at 11:56 am [Reply]

Mark Trail: Stupidest …….. Crooks ……..Ever!
odinthor
April 25th, 2009 at 11:59 am [Reply]

Apt. 3-G. — Saying “Cough” rather than to cough is easier on the throat and is recommended by many responsible physicians.

Crankshaft. — Yeah—smoke his cigars! That’ll teach him. Just think of the guilt he’ll feel when you die of throat cancer!

MT. — “Hey! He’s trying to escape by going out the door! Damn, these kids are too smart for me!”

Marmy. — If he starts cage-dancing, I’m leaving.
True Fable
April 25th, 2009 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

Pssst! Say, Adrian! Adrian! Adrian, I know you’re out there, wandering the Internets wondering how it all went wrong and what will you do now.

You need a friend. Someone you can trust. Someone who, although again, someone you never met and only know superficially over the Internets, feels your pain and understands your dejection. Ah, Adrian; my little dense flower. Come away with me, baby. I don’t have a cheesy mustache or fugly jackets. I don’t make any claims of wealth and I’m sure as hell not going to give a dime to your old man. Forget them. Let’s talk about what I can do for you.

I can give you goats, baby. Lots and lots of goats. Baby goats, does, bucks, kids bouncing off the doghouse roof. You want lots of kids? You got ‘em, baby. Come out to Greater Metropolitan Roopville, and we’ll stroll around town past the Greater Metro Roopville City Jail and Visitor’s Center, and then cross the street at the Hackenkophf Buick dealership and look at the cars. I know you like cars. Then what say we march you straight into Lola Hassendoodle’s Clip ‘N Chatter? We’ll get her to remove that tight brain-damaging helmet you’re wearing and then spend the night spooning over to the Court Cafe. Maybe we’ll even see your old pal Ted or Ed or Evelyn or whatever he’s calling himself today. I heard he used to be a Butterswing, one of THE Butterswings of Wett Lake Drive, and you know how those folks are. Oh, don’t worry about Ted/Ed/Evelyn; we’ll send a representative from the Ever-Ready for the Rapture Holiness Church over to the Jail and Visitor’s Center to set him straight. But enough about him. Let’s talk about us.

Sure, baby. Come with me. I’ve got goats.
bats :[
April 25th, 2009 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

169. buckyswife: I am SO making a cardboard-and-glitter Electro mask for the next CC meet-up.
Okay. I just realized no one is ever going to tell me when/where a CC meet-up will be, ever again.
Crap.
Amateur
April 25th, 2009 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

MW: Actually, his first name is about the only thing Ted/Edward (Tedward?) DIDN’T lie about. “Ted” can be a nickname for “Edward,” as in Ted “Also A Little Too Fond of Having Multiple Ladies at Once” Kennedy.
Muffaroo
April 25th, 2009 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

A3G – Hm. The shapely body, or the frightening chipmunk-like face? I’m down with the fish on this one.

Archie – Anybody get this in color? I’m guessing they made the painting yellow and blue.

Blondie – “Over here I’d like you to meet Dagmar and Dagwich Humphead…”

Crock – Note to self: If you had any initiative, you’d ’shop a bunch of poses of this guy into the water just off of a drilling platform in the Gulf of Mexico. If.

DTracy – “Don’t like strangers calling at night.” Scooby dooby blam!

FWbean – “Here’s my favorite part! Watch how the ball bounces off your head.”

ps: “If you don’t stop winking your bean, you’ll go blind!”
“I’ll just do it till I’m funky.”

Hi & Lois – You see? Comics have gotten so small, there wasn’t even enough room in the background to show the whole “Hardw” sign!

MTrail – Yeah, carry the dog, Einstein. Like he doesn’t have feet or anything. It wouldn’t be such a bad idea if it didn’t take you both hands to open a door at the best of times.

Mduke – And what keeps Marmaduke from walking on on the nonexistent side?

MWorth – Oh, I’m sure he has a good explanation, officer “Kingie”!

RMorgan – Stay with you? No! NO! FREE WILLY!

RwOrange – Not one of them bought you a drink? Sweetheart, what do you think that thing in your arm was?
Muffaroo
April 25th, 2009 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

R=R – For two or three years, we lived in a town in the sandy swamp below the gnat line in southeast Georgia. All winter, it was nasty, bitter cold and the rented house we were in had just a gas heater in the fireplace. For about two weeks in February, though, it was wonderful. Neither hot nor cold, the air was a miraculous temperature, like some kind of elixir. It felt like my bike could coast forever, and all the trees seemed to be covered in delightfully fragrant flowers. Then, THUD, it would be the summer, and hellishly hot and humid, with clouds of gnats that would coalesce around me when I stopped my bike at a red light.

Similarly, there were a couple of years in the 90s when Rose is Rose had stopped sucking and become a genuinely innovative and entertaining strip. Then the saccharine season set in, and it’s been pretty much nonstop suction ever since.

SFox – First panel, the puddle is urine. In the second, it’s vomit.

Zits – I love licorice pastels, but Good ‘n’ Plenty… well, I’ll freely concede that they are somewhat plentiful.

Poteet @120 – You’re probably right about Mark Trail, but I’d like it better if he gets to the door just as they grab him, and he tosses the dog down and says, “Run, Sassy! Run to safety! Get help!” And then the dog runs back into the cabin and piddles under the bed.

Larry McAwful @136 – That’s some dynamic prose there! I liked the last paragraph the best, with TS Eliot and a socko closing line.

mojo @160 – Quality snarking. Especially good when read aloud.

Poteet @161 – Thanks for highlighting 160. It was the last comment on my screen before refreshing and I was in a hurry to finally post this stuff, and I didn’t read it until I saw what you said about it.
dreadedcandiru2
April 25th, 2009 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

Sunday Foob Warning: In tomorrow’s strip, Elly needs help tying the knot on a package and freaks out because nobody else has clean hands. Thank goodness it stopped there, though; if John had used the words “packing tape”, we’d have seen him get his clock cleaned.
UncleJeff
April 25th, 2009 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

Annie: When is the last time Annie said “Leapin’ Lizards” in her strip?
Love Is: Getting painfully close to one of those “Rejected Love Is….Strips”.
Baka Gaijin
April 25th, 2009 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

#175 Muffaroo: Ha ha ha! Dagmar and Dagwich Humphead! Either Jamus or Dingo could create a good anecdote starring these characters. Dagmar Humphead. Ha ha.
Annon
April 25th, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

#163 Sparky–Nice reference! One of my favorite movies!
mollificent
April 25th, 2009 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

A3G and MW: SUCH win! I can’t wait for the Sunday recaps…new camera angles and slightly altered dialogue! YESS!!

#172: True Fable: Greater Metropolitan Roopville’s answer to Garrison Keillor. :D
JHPants
April 25th, 2009 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

Today’s A3G = Pure Bliss. Pull out the sword, Margo, pull out the sword.
True Fable
April 25th, 2009 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

#181 mollificent – why thank you, doll! When you click on my name you find the whole town is gradually being exposed one incident at a time. Exposing ourselves is something of a pasttime in Greater Metropolitan Roopville, or so the police blotter says.
Calico
April 25th, 2009 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

Mmmmm, did someone bake Powerdemilk Biscuits in here?

All I have to say for the moment is GO MARGO GO!
Mary Poppins she ain’t.
Ned Ryerson
April 25th, 2009 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

Adrian’s gonna need some heavy duty R&R to salve these wounds. My suggestion is that she head out to the old Spahn Ranch for some dune buggy therapy. Or perhaps she could lay low at the old Gein place, Jame Gumm’ll be happy to give her a lift out there, or…ah, what the hell, give her a one way ticket to Vietnam.
kalki
April 25th, 2009 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

9CL: Don’t mind them. From their angle, they’re probably wondering why 2 boys are hugging like that and why one of them is wearing a one-piece. Yes, Edda, ask Santa for an ass next Christmas.

Archie: “Splooge Supreme”?

Blondie: So they call him Dog Hump for short?

Crank: I don’t even care, so there will be no suspense this weekend.

DTM: “Ja, Dennis…we had beer hall putsches, book burnings and der genocide…Gott im himmel…now, I be all misty…”

CircusJerk: That’s “He’s dead, Jim.”

FW: You think that’s something? Try scrolling down til you see the comments. Do you think any of those are even physically possible?

Luann: Wake up and smell the date rape, Luann.

S-M: “Ha! Well you figured wrong, Bucko! zzzziiiipppp I guess this just ain’t your day, is it, Electro? Who’s your daddy???”
Lord Vetinari
April 25th, 2009 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

Blondie, and Garfield, and Rex Morgan: aaaugh. overload of innuendo and potential bad puns. bleck. gurgle.

SF: Sally and Hillary are like two supervillians dueling for world supremacy. Ted, conversely, is Spiderman, but more of a wussy.

Most of the comics are funny today! not necessarily on purpose, but still…
Winky's Spleen
April 25th, 2009 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

9CL – “Why can’t I get over the feeling we’re being watched… for a weenie!”
Parmalat Loire
April 25th, 2009 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

OBH – Today, Ruthie shows her true colours. James has a lovely life ahead of him as he gets to see Ruthie’s domineering mold him into a different person than he wants to be, force him into marriage and an early grave, and eventually turn into Momma. Ah, the circle of life.
Esther Blodgett
April 25th, 2009 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

#136 Larry – Ooooh, I’m a sucker for stylish noir prose. For a second there, you made me wish I was Tommie. Then my will to live returned. Still, nicely done.

#172 TFable – Sure, but do you have goats?
True Fable
April 25th, 2009 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

#190 Esther Blogette – Yes. Yes I do!
True Fable
April 25th, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

And I’ll trade you a D for one of those E’s, Miss Esther Blodgett.

Sorry!
NoVan
April 25th, 2009 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

Two days ago, Spider-man used Electro’s fatherly love to trap him. Now our hero is fishing for compliments. “And…? What about my rock-hard abs? You do want to see Tommy again, don’t you?”
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 25th, 2009 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

4/25

H&L: Nice “W” pin, Hi. It’s a little early for Bush 2 era nostalgia, though.

DtM: Nice try, kid. We all know you’re a non-aging freak who remembers the fifties.

Lockhorns: Leroy seems to know that the sight of an equally joyless middle aged man modeling raggy hippy clothes is funnier than anything Loretta is saying.

MW: Is Mary even in this strip anymore? Anyway, Ted is one of those numbnuts petty criminals who barely even bother to change their name, so his we’re just seeing the inevitable.

9CL: What a strange thing for a person to say after they’ve FUCKED ON A LIVE TV FEED!

H&J: Herb’s mother is Colin Powell in drag? How the mighty have fallen.

A3G: Hands down the funniest thing I’ve seen today. I should pick up some Three Stooges DVD.

S-M: “Also, no offense, but you seem to stupid to pull off a good con.”

Shoe: “And hey, why do you have hair in the first place? Feathers not good enough for ya?”

Phantom: Really, captain? How tight exactly do you think you are with the Croccos?

BC: Clumsy Carp and his droogies are up for a little of the old ultraviolence.

Crock: Rarely do I feel any sympathy for Crock, but I can see why he’s making distance between the phone and his ear. Of course there’s no cord trailing from it, which means the voices are coming from inside his head.

FW: It’s titled “lOzr w Orcehstra.”

Marvin: Oh, there’s not enough brain bleach on the planet.
Mrs Threeway Taint
April 25th, 2009 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

Ted is a nickname for Edward so I don’t quite get THAT particular drama … Kennedy, anyone?
True Fable
April 25th, 2009 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

Ted’s next con will involve the name Edwina, although whether s/he’ll show up in Beetle Bailey, Rex Morgan or Gil Thorp is anybody’s guess.
Zaq
April 25th, 2009 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

Saturday comics of awesome!

A3G: Go! Go! Marrrr-go! Go! Go! Marrrr-go! I will be your personal cheerleading section, Margo, just don’t stop with the umbrella for at least a week! I really, really hope A3G maintains its usual molassic speed (that is SO a word. I said so.) so that we get to see this smackdown last for days upon days.
Also, this is way more beatdown and way more awesome than anything in Spider-Man, ever.

MW: And in comes the Deus Ex Meddle! Okay, that’s actually really not the appropriate way to refer to this, since 1) it was predicted and 2) Mary wasn’t directly involved, but I just wanted to use the term, okay? Okay?!

MW, take 2: Jeff’s having an awful lot of influence in this storyline. Mary pointed out Ted saying “I love you” over the phone, but since then it’s been Jeff doing most of the grunt work. Since Mary would never engage in meddle-outsourcing, I can only assume that Jeff is meddle-freelancing! Oh, there will be horrors visited upon him when Mary finds out. Horrors involving an umbrella.

Ziggy: Hey! Just what the fuck is wrong with Spongebob? I like Spongebob! Unironically, even!

Zombie: EVERYONE MUST EAT FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD

FW: It’s funny because technology is, um, it’s funny because… hey, look, technology!

FW, take 2: “It already has twenty views, and 322 comments.”

MT: “Here we see the Blue-Kerchiefed Mutantboy. There are those who would try to domesticate wild Blue-Kerchiefed Mutantboys, but beware! While it might listen to you for a minute or two, the Blue-Kerchiefed Mutantboy loves its freedom, and will often bolt to safety given half the chance! Be careful if you see one of them, because Blue-Kerchiefed Mutantboys often carry tetanus, rabies, gonorrhea, and Tracyitis of the face.”

RMMD: Tracyitis of the face, as mentioned above, is not to be confused with Tracyitis of the hand, as seen in panel 3.

OBH: Sigh. Should I get upset at the overprescription of ADD medication leading to the widespread belief that no one has ADD or needs the medication? Or should I just accept a minor dud of a joke? (Panels 1 through 3 are funny, but…) Maybe I’m too sensitive. I know it’s a personal issue for me, and I’ll be the first to admit it. I doubt Mr. Detorie means anything by it, but he’s not the one I’m worried about. Sigh. I should put my righteous indignation away. It needs to be ironed.

Momma: Today’s Momma will be written by Tom Batiuk.

C’shaft: He’s… he’s in on the joke, right? He seriously knows how ridiculous and awful this is, doesn’t he? He has to. He can’t be that oblivious. Can he? I mean, MAYBE he could… this is Batiuk after all, but.. I mean come on, he HAS to be in on this. This can’t be this bad unintentionally. Can it? Can it?
stumps
April 25th, 2009 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

112 – yeah, I was wondering that too – uniform, skimpy, see through outfit, uniform – I guess the Ghost-who-wears-striped-underwear can manipulate time. Maybe we missed the “departure feast” on the evening between 4/22 and 4/23 and the “special affair” she mentioned – after all, this is a children’s comic strip and not everything mentioned has to be shown …
True Fable
April 25th, 2009 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

Oh noes~! Say it isn’t so! My all-time ideal Mary Worth archtype has passed away.
dreadedcandiru2
April 25th, 2009 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

#199 — True Fable: That kind of makes one of Ces’s more recent Medium Larges even less enjoyable than it was when he wrote it. I’d call it a funny aneurysm moment but I wasn’t laughing that hard when I saw it to begin with.
sugarpie
April 25th, 2009 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

159 Frank M Haw! And to think I almost missed that.
sugarpie
April 25th, 2009 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

159 Frank M Haw! And to think I almost missed that.
bats :[
April 25th, 2009 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

199. I didn’t realize how old she was (Bea was just always “of a certain age”)…it’s not like she didn’t fill it up with living, though…good fer her!
True Fable
April 25th, 2009 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

Spider-quote “I figure you’re someone I can trust…with a weenie!”
Mibbitmaker
April 25th, 2009 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

#197 (Zaq): Ziggy, OBH: Exactly! “Righteous indignation” appreciated. Unironically.

A3G: Margo goes at it like a bald Britney Spears hitting a paparazzi’s car. Overall, less the cavalry to the rescue than the Keystone Cops at work.

9CL: In Brooke’s world, even fish are voyeurs!

BBlues: So, what’re the parents going to be now? A straight couple coming out of the closet… as straight?

BBailey: Even when people get old, they remain children — and not in that charming Twilight Zone kick-the-can way, either.

DtM: “…Because we were technophobes, Dennis.”

DT:
“I don’t like strangers calling at night
They ain’t even polite
And that ain’t right
Try as they might
It’s still a gruesome sight”
BLAM! BLAM!

GT: Gil: “Yeah, it’s a real pain being on You Tube as an embarassing joke. But it could be worse… I could‘ve been that dopey high school bandleader from Westview! Talk about embarassing!!”

JP: In Mary Worth, the extras can be annoying afterthoughts. But in Judge Parker, they’re hysterically WACKY!!

MT: Rusty’s spoken out loud exposition is even moved waaaaaay over to right over the crooks’ heads, and they’re STILL surprised by the kid’s rescue attempt?? Those thugs aren’t just stupid — they’re also deaf!

Big Fur-shlugginer Dog: And thus began the now-fabled Great Canine-Human Cage Match ‘09 — the 1st of its kind, and the most deadly one. They’re still investigating which neighbor shouted “Michael Vick!” at the start of the match, to this very day.

MW: “…wearing a blatant, old-time criminal mustache… picking obvious aliases… making flimsy excuses… exploiting the mentally challenged… Frankly, lady, I’m not sure how this man gets as far as he does. It would take a woman with the IQ of negative 50, or of a doorstop, to fall for HIS chicanery…”
“Yeah, but why are you guys taking him away??”
(they just shake their heads sadly and take him away)

Ghost-Who’s-Destined-To-Be-Hounded-In-All-His-Upcoming-Adventures: Looks like the producers found a compromise: JLo ends up playing the captain, and Mary Steenburgen plays Mrs. Walker. Just in time for production’s end, alas.

RMMD: The role reversal is well under way now. June’s eyes are growing childlike-big, while Sarah’s head is expanding to adult size, dwarfing her body — and, most notably, her hands. She’ll be smartly bossing June around, parent-style, in no time.

6C: Just how long does she think this recession will LAST??

Zits: SNACK FOODS are his life?? Not body piercing? The boy’s NAME is “Pierce”!
Uncle Lumpy
April 25th, 2009 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

Dare I hope that the Mary Worth detectives were following up a tip from Doc Jeff, and that when Adrian finds out she’ll turn on him?

‘Cause, y’know, that’s the way it would work in real life.
Mel
April 25th, 2009 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

MW: To paraphrase Marx:

Bigamy! It’s big of you too! It’s big of all of us for following this plotline!
Mel
April 25th, 2009 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

True Fable: I may have asked you this before (because I seem to recall Poteet saying she had seen it) but have you seen or read Edward Albee’s The Goat Or, Who Is Sylvia?
True Fable
April 25th, 2009 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

#208 Mel – GOAT! Goat title! …er, no. I have not. Are goats featured or is it just in the title to catch a Fable’s interest? :)
Mibbitmaker
April 25th, 2009 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

Safe Havens:

Behold the bank-like,
Protected Whale!
Who’s, like its bubbles,
Too big to fail.
Mel
April 25th, 2009 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

True Fable: unseen ’til the end, but a goat.

Spoiler involved:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Goat_or_Who_is_Sylvia%3F
ChennuxFanGrl
April 25th, 2009 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

Zombie Foob: After 3 days of reprints of reprints I can only conclude Lynn has been sucked into a space-time vortex and is slowly circling the drain.
Kanomi
April 25th, 2009 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

I don’t get this whole Crankshaft playing baseball with Fidel Castro thing. It seems like a plot invented by a generator script.

RANDOM COMIC CHARACTER:
1. Beetle Bailey
2. Hagar the Horrible
3. Mary Worth
4. Rex Morgan, M.D.
5. Spider-Man
6. Margo

RANDOM ACTIVITY:
1. playing golf with
2. sharing a ski cabin with
3. on a blind date with
4. trapped on a desert island with
5. is ordered by the chief to solve a murder with
6. forced to fight to the death in an alien arena with

RANDOM FAMOUS PERSON (no later than 1969)
1. Gandhi
2. Vince Lombardi
3. Oscar Wilde
4. Jackie Kennedy
5. Pippi Longstocking
6. The Three Stooges

Roll three dice, and then start generating random dialogue.
True Fable
April 25th, 2009 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

#211 Mel – Goat mention! Award-winning goat!
commodorejohn
April 25th, 2009 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

#213 Kanomi – Margo forced to fight to the death in an alien arena with Oscar Wilde? I would pay money to see that.
bats :[
April 25th, 2009 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

Margo sharing a ski cabin with The Three Stooges? Isn’t that the usual Apt 3G plot-line?

Mary Worth forced to fight to the death in an alien area with Gandhi? All too easy (and I’m makin’ book on that one!)…
tubbytoast
April 25th, 2009 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

#7 Stoker Ace –

FW – “…or a baby’s arm holding an apple.” Tubes! How cool are you!
kurt
April 25th, 2009 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

MT for Monday: As Rusty runs for the wall/door, senarios surface:

1. Door’s locked. Rusty recaptured.
2. Door opens, Rusty’s clothes catch on doorknob. He rips them off, tearing down the trail stark naked. Bad guys take pictures with camera and sell them to Internet.
3. Door opens, Rusty gets flattened by Bucky charging the cabin. Rusty’s Services are next day
4. Door opens, Bucky charges into cabin, nails bad guys flat. Rusty escapes.
5. Door opens, Bucky charges into cabin, right into roaring fireplace knocking himself cold. Thanking Rusty, bad guys enjoy first venison meal in months.
6. Door opens revealing Mark Trail with FIST O’ JUSTICE ready. Baddies get knocked out.
7. Door opens, Mark T’s FOJ misses, bad guys club him silly, tie him and Rusty inside cabin, then burn cabin to ground to destroy “evidence”.
Muffaroo
April 25th, 2009 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

Shorter plot generator:

1. Zim
2. Eats
3. Waffles!
Mrs Threeway Taint
April 25th, 2009 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

136 wins another COTW nomination.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 25th, 2009 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

#199 True Fable,
Sorry you had to be the bearer of bad news. Bea Arthur, man. She was one of a kind. And a great choice as the voice of “Femputer” on Futurama.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
April 25th, 2009 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

Annie: Has anyone noticed that Annie’s truck driving knight is a dead ringer for Hunter S. Thompson? This has to be better than Margo channeling Emma Peel 40 years too late …
Meander
April 26th, 2009 at 12:05 am [Reply]

#186 – Thank goodnes, it wasn’t just me. Brooke loves showing off what she hasn’t got.
commodorejohn
April 26th, 2009 at 12:54 am [Reply]

#186 kalki, #223 Meander – Good lord. I can’t be the only one around here who digs that kind of figure, can I?

Now, the “crazy bipolar bitch” thing, on the other hand…I’ll leave that to braver men.
Harold
April 26th, 2009 at 12:59 am [Reply]

Sunday Apartment 9-G: YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is now officially the greatest comic strip EVER!
bats :[
April 26th, 2009 at 1:08 am [Reply]

Just a couple of Sunday observations (no, I’m not trying to suck up to Woody & Co…They’re cool all by themselves!):

FC: I love Billy’s expression. Jeffy is so, so dead when they get home — he’d better be hoping that they’re going to a head-on collision.

JP: it’s all about the subtext:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3475503680/sizes/o/

RMMD: I said, it’s all about the subtext:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3474717539/
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
April 26th, 2009 at 1:30 am [Reply]

RMMD: There’s subtext? Someone is pulling our legs after we were snarky.
Poteet
April 26th, 2009 at 1:38 am [Reply]

# 168 Gaijin — You’re right, of course. Thanks. I amend my grovel, Giella and Moy — show us all wives, please!

# 169 buckyswife — A macaroni necklace would capture the spirit of his entire enterprise. Electro needs to find some legit way to make money from his voltage, maybe as a nightclub act. He’s not well-suited for villainy. So to speak.
Poteet
April 26th, 2009 at 1:53 am [Reply]

# 176 Muffaroo — HAR!!

GF — I came across a strip from 2004 (ah, the joys of disorganization), and there was Rob dressed in a suit and tie, away from his apartment at a job, with two adult human coworkers who didn’t look like him. Amazing.
Charlene
April 26th, 2009 at 2:05 am [Reply]

Hey, doesn’t Edward Covice/Ted Confey have brown eyes? Are brown eyes the sign of a Mary Worth villain?

Or did Ted just get lost on his way to Mark Trail?
Poteet
April 26th, 2009 at 2:08 am [Reply]

4/26

RMMD — Sensing peril, Willy cleverly transforms himself into Little Orphan Annie to cool Rex’s interest.

MT — The emerald ash borer arrived because we allowed raw wood to be used for shipping goods from China. That’s just one of the many dimwitted ways in which we invite destructive expensive invasive exotic species into this country, because we are Very. Slow. Learners. *end rant*
Charlene
April 26th, 2009 at 2:13 am [Reply]

MT: Why is that ghostly tree trunk giving us its own cause of death? Is this Mark Trail or Horticulture Hamlet?
Poteet
April 26th, 2009 at 2:19 am [Reply]

4/26

MW — Ah, warm-hearted Adrian. Too heartbroken at the loss of True Love to even think about the fifty thou she handed over. And good luck getting it back if she has to stand in line behind child support.

S-M — Now see, this just proves my point. There’s gotta be some legit way for Electro to use his power to support his son and keep himself in yellow diapers. But I’ll shut up about it, because as the narration box has loudly warned me, Electro is just A Creep, and that’s all there is to it.
Poteet
April 26th, 2009 at 3:07 am [Reply]

Foob — Are there shipping services that still consider tied packages okay? In my limited experience, it has to be tape now.
Mr. O'Malley
April 26th, 2009 at 3:41 am [Reply]

MT: Coincidence that this strip came the day after this article about vintage baseball which is attracting some attention.

Never mind baseball. If we run out of ash what will happen to hurling? First thing will be to find a replacement for “the clash of the ash“.

If willow’s still around Americans may follow the president’s lead and take up cricket.

MW: It’s getting a bit late for Mary to get her meddling in for this story line. In fact even Jeff’s Googling didn’t make much difference. Perhaps the big meddle will come in the denouement where they debate which penance Adrian must undergo. I’m sure it will be more than saying a few Hail Marys.

I love the last panel with its opposed 45 degree angles and blue and yellow theme. A bit wide for a T-shirt. Would it go on a coffee mug?

MC: Here’s one strip that they’re not going to run again 30 years from now.

Phantom: Baronkhan, one of the world’s last few absolute monarchies, where the palace guards are rather strict-looking women in magenta uniforms. This is a plot from 100 years ago. They should get Erich von Stroheim to direct, he did such a great job on Queen Kelly (more here).

RMMD: Looks as though Rex is going to identify the disease vector very shortly!

RwO: Interesting. Reminds me of something else. Maybe Dreams of a Rarebit Fiend.

SF: When I was a small child, I was very taken by the ads for Sugar Frosted Flakes, so I nagged my mother until she bought some. As soon as I tried the first bowl, I realized that the sugar comes off in the milk, leaving you with disgusting soggy cardboard chips in sweet milk. She made me eat the whole box (we were economically challenged; we couldn’t afford to throw food away). Ever since then I have mistrusted advertising. I later enjoyed some Kellogg’s shows like Yogi Bear but I never had any further desire for the cereal.

SlyFx: One of the great scenes of film comedy is in Broadway Danny Rose, where the hitman is chasing Woody Allen and the mobster’s girlfriend through a warehouse full of Macy’s Parade floats and his bullets cause the helium to leak out of the balloons and the protagonists’ voices slowly rise in pitch throughout the scene. Doesn’t appear to be on YouTube. So the strip kind of reminded me of that.

I don’t know about the animal thing. Iguanas, I suppose, but most of those species also live in non-deserts.

ZtP: Diners and Kellogg’s cartoons intersect. I rather liked this one. We have an Irish friend who visits us and he thinks that America’s greatest contribution to world culture is the diner breakfast. Luckily we have a couple of good ones in the neighborhood. (The Irish breakfast is not too shabby either, even if you don’t like the black pudding.) In non-diner news, IHOP just opened their first outlet in Vermont, and for the first time in history they are going to offer real maple syrup (for an extra charge). Apparently the president of the company admitted he has never tasted maple syrup.

Zits: Almost Homeric today.
Alfred E. Neuman
April 26th, 2009 at 3:46 am [Reply]

9CL— Edda may have a legitimate cause for concern. Years ago, I was relaxing with a cool one on a beach on Moorea, when I noticed a young couple frolicking offshore, apparently having a very good time underwater. Eventually they emerged, she wearing only a skimpy bikini bottom. (Nothing escapes my powers of observation!) I forget what he was wearing. A couple of minutes later, a very happy group of Japanese scuba divers emerged at the same location. I couldn’t understand what they were saying, but from their expressions, it appeared that they had enjoyed a very scenic dive. So what happens underwater doesn’t always stay underwater.

A3G— I laughed out loud at Margo and Joe channeling Laugh-In’s Ruth Buzzi and Arte Johnson (”Whack! Whack! Whack!”). And the ‘What the…?” is a nice tribute to the comics of old, when the bad guy always uttered that phrase (usually in the form of “What th…?”) whenever he was surprised by the good guy.
Mr. O'Malley
April 26th, 2009 at 4:08 am [Reply]

236. Alfred E. Neuman. There was a video around a year or two ago. A government minister from Brazil (as I dimly recall, or possibly another South American country) was dating an actress or model and they got a bit frisky in the surf, but one of the taxpayers on the beach had a video camera with a long lens, and posted the results to YouTube, causing a minor scandal. I couldn’t find it or I would have posted it.

I envy you holidaying in Moorea. I wonder what the prices are like now. When snorkelling in Maui I found out that some women like to snorkel topless, but I guess that kind of thing is standard in Moorea. My cousin, an artist, did a sketching tour of Moorea. He seemed to have enjoyed his visit.
Alfred E. Neuman
April 26th, 2009 at 4:42 am [Reply]

#237 Mr. O’Malley— Yeah, those were the days, (early ’80s) when Tahiti was semi-affordable. At the beach, you could easily distinguish Americans and Australian women (tops on) from Europeans (tops off). But everyone was cool with whatever you chose to wear or not wear. I loved the Tahitian attitude toward life. When Mrs. Neuman asked a Tahitian if they ever climbed any of their spectacular peaks, he answered, “Why would we want to do that, when it’s so much easier to go to the beach!”
Baka Gaijin
April 26th, 2009 at 5:06 am [Reply]

Pluggers: Huh? Is he afraid of Newton’s First Law? [A body in motion tends to stay in motion.] Scared he’ll end up sliding himself, the catcher, ump, through the backstop, the bleachers, snack bar, and crumple the first five rows of pickup trucks in the parking lot?

Pluggers, #2: Is the big fat bear afraid of getting the catcher dog stuck in a fat roll or something?

Sally Forth: Silly Ces, candy is opposite the cereal at Kroger. Spices oppose cereal at Waldbaum. Do some research, dude.

Buckles, missing panels: That creepy kid from One Big Happy shows up to fondle each piece lovingly as he slowly reassembles them into a working machine, then screams out in ecstacy when it power up.

Slylock Fox: Stump? What stump?

Cathy: Why do I keep reading this tripe? Irving and Cathy are massive wastrels and her parents are smug tightwads. Haven’t seen THAT before.
KarMann
April 26th, 2009 at 7:09 am [Reply]

A3G: Is Ruby allowed to call Margo “Maggie”? Watch out, Ruby, I think you’re getting the umbrella treatment next!!
Wangdoodle
April 26th, 2009 at 7:20 am [Reply]

Sunday’s Shankcraft: Yes, that’s what I would do, upon discovering petty cheating in a baseball game with armed insurgents deep in the jungle of a foreign country: throw fire at their leader. Congrats, Batiuk: you’ve lowered the bar so much Dick Locher’s going to have to work overtime to make his dialog stupider.

Bizarro: I hate this strip 99% of the time, but I’m not too proud to admit that this one made me laugh out loud.

RMMD: I also have to admit Sarah in panel two totally owns. She can take her of herself; it’s her parents I’m worried about. Them, and their patients.

S4th: Mickey McFiber’s Fiberous Fiberoos? Damn, Sally, are you blocked up or something?
C. Havoc
April 26th, 2009 at 7:34 am [Reply]

A3G: Josh predicted the following: (I’m too lazy to look up the references or back them up with links…why bother? No one reads comments in the mid 200’s, do they?)

Anyway, he predicted:

1. The Umbrella to the head.

AND

2. The Cleaning Solution to the Face.

Wow. It’s like he’s writing the strip…

Uh-oh.
True Fable
April 26th, 2009 at 8:22 am [Reply]

Hairspray: The Comic Strip Hey, it’s dogpile on Joe Kelly day, and I wanna get my licks in! But what’s left? Respiratory problems, beating, punching, whacking, blinding with corrosives… I always arrive at a party too late and there’s nothing left but crumbs.

Sam Driver, Inexplicable Chick Magnet “Never…not me! I never EVER think about how interesting your life might be in a relationship with a woman. I just can’t picture it happening; not with THAT haircut.”

Meddling Heights Detectives Lime and Orange Sherbert just popped up out of nowhere, like Exposition Fairies, sprinkling their bad news all over Adrian’s boringly coiffed day. I was really hoping her hair would stand on end, and am fearful that it actually is.

RMMW Just the French fry, Rex. Keep a sterile field.

Brenda Starrrrrrr Say, I haven’t been keeping up with ol’ Bren because frankly I just don’t give a rat’s ass but I’m just curious: did she ever gather up all the members of her one-eyed non-family? And did she and Basil ever do the horizontal mambo? The reason I ask is because every time I have ever remembered to glance at BS, she’s either all in a dither over Basil or chasing after Basil or getting Basil out of one jam or another, but I never see if they ever have the common sense or good grace to just sit down and FUCK already.
UncleJeff
April 26th, 2009 at 8:49 am [Reply]

JP: I, for one, am very happy to see Randy Parker settling in so comfortably at the “Rightfully Smug Caucasian Gentlemen’s Social Club and Dining Establishment.”
Wait ’til Randy finds out about the whipping post and foreclosure auction of the foreclosed families!
Lynn Foobsmonger
April 26th, 2009 at 9:07 am [Reply]

Marion Delgado 89: “I am going to marry a brave woman dying young of terminal cancer, write an exploitation book, then bask in all the sympathy sex.”

Can someone please explain the latter concept?
gleeb
April 26th, 2009 at 9:17 am [Reply]

Dick: Gertie’s jaw isn’t just for looks!

’shaft: Possum is a commie? Why is he playing for the Barbudos? He hasn’t even got a beard!

Mary: See, Adrian. He needed the money to support his kids. And you denied him. You make me sick!

Zippy: Still bitching about Hollywood giving you the brush-off? Let it go, man!

Slylock: He’s a clown, so his story can’t be laughable. Meanwhile, Sly ignores Max’s impending death, vengeance for all the cartoon elephants scared by mice.

Pluggers: …haven’t got any hustle, dammit!

Watch your Head: Getting the “complaints about newspapers” strip quota filled early for next month, huh?
gleeb
April 26th, 2009 at 9:22 am [Reply]

243: You don’t think she and Ringo just walked around Paris all night, do you?
Vince M
April 26th, 2009 at 9:24 am [Reply]

226: – My favorite Rupert Giles line: “The subtext is rapidly becoming text”.
Vince M
April 26th, 2009 at 9:32 am [Reply]

A3G: Well shoot – where does a person find the Sunday edition (not chron.com apparently) not six weeks old (not King Features apparently)?
True Fable
April 26th, 2009 at 9:45 am [Reply]

#249 Vince M – Behold! You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant, excepting Alice!

Over to the left is the Sunday comics time tunnel. Go there.

Or, you can manipulate the date in Chron’s web address line for a given comic, that works too.
Mordock999
April 26th, 2009 at 9:51 am [Reply]

Today’s Luann – 04/26/09

“What would I say? I’d say it should be completely OBVIOUS that I DIDN’T marry you for LOOKS. NOW put these handcuffs ON, assume the POSITION, and when I GIVE the word, you’d BETTER start screaming ‘ATTICA, ATTICA’ like you MEAN IT, Scumbag!” — Nancy DeGroot

__________________________

DEATH to TJ!
commodorejohn
April 26th, 2009 at 10:05 am [Reply]

A3G – From the careful, detail-oriented yet furious way Margo is hitting him with the umbrella to the fact that oh my God Ruby just splashed him with cleaning agents, Sunday’s A3G is the definition of epic win. Bravo, Shulock! Bravo, Bolle! This strip alone justifies the continued existence of Apartment 3-G.

AS – You know what I said to myself this morning? I said “sure, The Argyle Sweater is a blatant rip-off of The Far Side with terrible art and unfunny jokes, but at least it can’t get any worse!”

Crankshaft – Protip: laying bare every ridiculous detail of your plot in a single sentence like “Jefferson Jacks’ story about pitching against Fidel Castro continues” is not a viable way to make the story seem more plausible. In other news, ha ha, Fidel is going to get his face burned off over a baseball game! Ha ha ha!

DT – You know what I said to myself this morning? I said, “sure, Dick Tracy is over-angular and incomprehensible, but at least it isn’t a fever-dream illustrated by poorly-done imitation ancient Egyptian art!”

FC – From the looks of that orange jumpsuit, I’d say Billy is being taken to juvenile hall. Let’s hope Bil comes to his senses and leaves Jeffy there as well.

FW – Three weeks later, after the 500th consecutive replay of the concert, she finally snapped and killed him. Everybody smirked in a tragic fashion upon hearing the news.

JP – Is that Sophie in the penultimate panel? Looks like she jumped up another age category.

MT – I like how Mark says it would be unfair to break old records using a new kind of bat and then goes on to tell us exactly how modern bats are different from older ones.

MW – Which end of the car is which? Looks like it has its tail lights on the hood. And this is a Sunday, so we can’t even blame the coloring monkeys. Anyway, ha ha ha! Adrian is so clueless she’s actually sad he has to get taken away!

MC – Amusing, but the colors seem a little off for some reason…

Phantom – This is amusingly bizarre.

PV – Wow. That’s actually kind of touching, for a lecture to a bunch of horny gorilla-men.

RMMD – Boy, that Sarah sure is a sharp tac-AAAIIIEEE!!!

SF – It was even sadder when she had to give Ted this speech last week.

SM – THE POWER GRID DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY.

Edison Lee – Um, Hambrock, anybody who buys cars for the cool factor is never going to be convinced that hybrids are sexy until they actually become beautiful and not “slightly less malformed mom sedans.”
John C Fremont
April 26th, 2009 at 10:15 am [Reply]

#235 Mr. O’Malley – Oh, Willow’s still around, all right, but she’s married to the guy who played Wesley Wyndam-Pryce.

Luann – Lyle Waggoner? I hear he’s a total jerk. (Second only to Tommy Kirk.)

FC – Boy, once you get inside that car, there’s more headroom than you’d think. Must have gotten it from that Lost Forest dealership.

RMMD – Sometimes a French fry is just a French fry, Rex.

Except when it’s a Freedom Fry, of course.
Les of the Jungle Patrol
April 26th, 2009 at 10:46 am [Reply]

A3G: It takes a village to subdue a deranged doctor. Wait, do they live in the village?

Today’s strip has a whole 80’s montage feeling to it, as our underdog heroes improvise with what they’ve got with them to fight the baddie. Margo should technically not be an underdog in such a scenario because you know that hidden inside her umbrella is a long knife, but she’s on probation and is jut doing a few halfhearted wacks to start out with, waiting to see if things get out hand. If they do, it’s Margo knife fight!

What rousing rock song should be playing underneath today’s strip?
Harold
April 26th, 2009 at 11:05 am [Reply]

Les @ 254, I’m hearing “Sisters Are Doin’ It For Themselves.” Since Aristotle played almost no role in this beat-down.

I am just surprised Margo isn’t stabbing him in the kidneys with the sharpened tip of her umbrella.
These Strange Worlds
April 26th, 2009 at 11:07 am [Reply]

MW

Panel 8: Adrian (looking stern). I’ve learned a hard lesson about trusting people. You’re a horrible person, but I still feel sorry for your sister. If you give me her number I’ll call her and let you know you won’t be able to visit her today.

She thinks, it seems like something important occurs to her. “And Buster, you’d better have sent that $50K check to her instead of keeping it.”
Charlene
April 26th, 2009 at 11:11 am [Reply]

JP: Not only do these doofuses talk with their mouths closed, they even eat with their mouths closed. Did someone mix up the Crest and the Crazy Glue?
buckyswife
April 26th, 2009 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

JP: “Never! Not me!”…. truer words, etc.

FC: The man and his oldest son share the grim knowledge that soon the innocent toddler will learn, from the safety of his car seat, of their secret work as father-son hit men.

Slylock: What in the feck is going on inside that circus tent? Animals entangled, bursting through the canvas, grabbing other species to join their orgiastic revels. Good god, even the horse looks disgusted!
buckyswife
April 26th, 2009 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

231 Poteet: Yes, true, but once the ash trees are gone, the bat makers will find a new tree to use! So there’s no reason to be upset or angry because baseball will be okay!

This environmental message brought to you by Mark Trail, nature lover.
Niall
April 26th, 2009 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

Sunday Goodies, thanks to Dean Booth

Apt 3G: This Sunday strip may not be equalled for the rest of the year. Oh my. Except Daytime Margo gave three Whacks, not two. Sigh.

Curtis: I’m half-impressed this didn’t end with stars coming out of Curtis’ butt. So it’s a lesson in how to lie to parents. Nice.

Dennis: okay, you know what? Dad-as-a-kid looks more menacing than Dennis. ..okay, try “misshapen and horrid”. Still. Dennis looks downright cute next to him. May we never see dad-as-a-kid ever again.

Family Circus: I dare anyone to call the blond kid’s (I never remember who’s who) expression anything else than “murderous gleam”.

Hagar: Uh, for the laundry to not spill over, it must be stuck together and to the basket. Just how are Hagar’s clothes so sticky… ughhhh. That’s gross beyond the levels of family strips.

Hi & Lois: Why does every lousy band bother: free sex. For once, the Brownes show reality, and not a sad face of it. Unless you count all the VDs contracted from the groupies.

Judge Parker: …I am confused. Throwaway panel 2 seems to indicate brown wavy hair man, but shouldn’t it be grey brush-cut man who says those words? Also, having a meeting cancelled is not what anyone would call their “work done”. And finally, even from the east coast, ALL flights to Barcelona are red-eye flights. You can only leave in the afternoon and arrive the next day. Sorry, Wilson, but reality caught you again…

Mark Trail: Well! Nice to see that at least one cartoonists agrees that bats :[ is in the major leagues. or snarking and photoshopping. :) :)

Mary Worth: Even the strip’s own Narration Box is fed up with this storyline, saying the strict minimum and going to its trailer to drink and forget. It’ll get flak from the director, but doesn’t care. Later, fuelled by false courage and barely able to align its letters straight, it’ll try once more to bang on the Phantom narration box’ trailer, demanding to be let in and making rather lewd suggestions about frame-matching. It usually ends with a night in the slammer and yet another pay cut. Thus the downward spiral continues. It can’t end well.

Mutts: more like the power of clichés to drive everything and everyone away.

My Cage: Woohoo! I have successfully managed to FORGET the melody of this! Nyah-nyah, missed me, missed me! Meanwhile, across the Mudgeon land, groans are uttered as another earworm gets unleashed. Ed Power, you are evil. :)

Phantom: Wow, when both your parents are jackasses, and your siblings look at you and giggle, I can understand this guy not wanting to be around them. Here he is opening himself to them about his issues, and they mock him. Way to go, Ghost-Who-Shouldn’t-Talk-After-The-Latest-Daily-Storyline.

Rex Morgan: Oh man!! The best line of the MONTH and it’s buried in a throwaway panel!! Oh, Wilson, you redeemed yourself on this one! Also, tel let it out of my system: Dr Morgan in his cabin playing with his Willy! And… Free Willy!!

Rhymes With Orange: …that was rather very creepy.

Sally Forth: I think I will adopt “a box of fructose and film marketing” as my name for these cereals. It’s perfect.

Slylock Fox: Clowns are already scary, now children are shown they’re criminals too. But you want scarier? THink: where can it have hidden the money?? Now, would you even want the money back?? Meanwhile, Max is about to get snatched into the freak animal tent and have an experience that’ll change his life…
buckyswife
April 26th, 2009 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

I think today’s Sally Forth illustrates why specificity is just about always funnier than non-specificity. Hill’s reply wouldn’t be nearly as sharp if she’d said “grocery store” or “local food market” or “major supermarket chain.” Comics writers who favor non-specificity (hey, there’s an example!), take note.
mollificent
April 26th, 2009 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

I now interrupt this comics-related snarking to go shamelessly OT and say that I had the privilege to see Roy Zimmerman in concert last night (for the 3rd time) and he was AWESOME.

Thank you. We now return to our regularly scheduled programme.

In no particular order:

MT: Aw, crap. We use ash in some of our really popular harp models. *sigh* And of course, it’s a shame in general. Good grief.

#233 Poteet re MW: Yeah, at this point I think that $50,000 can safely be called a “stupid tax”. ;)

FW: My, that road looks nice and slippery. What modern technology might she be referring to? All-wheel drive, perhaps?

A3G: I must jump on the “epic win” bandwagon. :)

Spidey: I must then jump off the “epic win” and onto the “super-epic FAIL” wagon on this one. WTF??? Dumbest. Plot point resolution. EVER.
True Fable
April 26th, 2009 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

I, Platypus oh nonononono no! You just HAD to do it, didn’t you, Ed? You just HAD to unleash the destructive earworm power of one of the most insidious, catchy TV theme songs, didn’t you?. Boy, you sure know how to skewer the Sunday afternoons of your target audience, don’t you?

And I cannot….fight…the…earworm! Must…resist but …resistance is…futile!

“..and I sing -!”
commodorejohn
April 26th, 2009 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

#254 Les of the Jungle Patrol – I’m voting “Ballroom Blitz.” After all, the man in the back did say “everyone attack.”
One-eyed Wolfdog
April 26th, 2009 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

Tatulli seems to have hit on a quite clever excuse for drawing some Barreto-esque curves in his “innocent” comic.
One-eyed Wolfdog
April 26th, 2009 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

(Unfamiliar with the song in question, I found My Cage amusing for its sheer whimsy. Random bursts of song in inappropriate settings ~ generally good fun.)
Lord Vetinari
April 26th, 2009 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

RM, MD: HUMMA KAVULA! with daisies!

SM: Next: Don’t worry, there is still time for Spider Man to be even more of an arsehole!
Harold
April 26th, 2009 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft: Possum had an opportunity to spike Fidel’s cigars with turpentine and resin, and instead used the matches to set the baseball on fire? What a maroon!
One-eyed Wolfdog
April 26th, 2009 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

S4th: Fruit & Fibre Bundles – The Locally Trivial Breakfast Cereal with the Sweet Homotopy Lift!

Great with a helping of Special K Theory and 8 ounces of juice in your favorite cup product.
temujin
April 26th, 2009 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

You know why Tommie didn’t use a gun? Because the store was all out of Gun Brand guns.
Rusty
April 26th, 2009 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

FW: Somebody’s about to lose an arm.
bats :[
April 26th, 2009 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

RMMD, about three months ago: Yow!!!! Maybe it *wasn’t* a strike on the part the ship’s crew! Maybe throwing chairs overboard was a way not to cause undue fright and stress to the paying customers:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/8019084.stm

Also, love Solange in the Sunday 9CL and the fat purple cat in A&J in general (does the fat purple one have a name?)!
Baka Gaijin
April 26th, 2009 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

#272 bats :[ : Ludwig. Ludwig the cat.
Hobbes Fan
April 26th, 2009 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

You know, all through this last storyline I was hoping that Mary Worth would surprise me and not go for the obvious, but then I remember that this is a strip that uses pool parties as segues.
TheDiva
April 26th, 2009 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

I’ll admit it, the current Crankshaft storyline has gotten my interest, if only because I can’t wait to see what sort of contortions it has go through to get from “throwing a flaming baseball at a Communist dictator” back to “Just Say No to Steroids.”
Winky's Spleen
April 26th, 2009 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

Niall #260 – DtM’s Young Dad actually made me laugh, which I’m not sure DtM has done since I was about nine years old. He looks like Dad’s head was grafted onto Dennis’s body and then dressed in Dad’s clothes, but then his nose was replaced by Dennis’. Evidently the Mitchell men’s noses cone-ify as they age.
Niall
April 26th, 2009 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

276. Winky’s Spleen: Yes, it was quite laughable. It wasn’t the intended effect, I’m sure, but you’re correct, it was a laugh – a palpable laugh.
John C Fremont
April 26th, 2009 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

So a few moments ago I was sitting on the front porch watching a squirrel build a nest in one of the trees in our yard (having a Sunday Mark Trail moment) when I heard a neighbor yell, “Just open the goddamned door!” I didn’t hear any commotion after that, but I’m assuming that hair spray, umbrellas, and detergent were involved.

Hmm. Looks as though my goddamned door could use a good scrubbin’.
Terry
April 26th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

Its a good thing Tommie went to the lawn and garden center earlier and stocked up on plenty of Lying Zombie Douchebag Spray. Unfortunately, she didn’t read the fine print: “Does not work on clones or boring soap comic characters in obvious and poorly formulated storylines.”
Mibbitmaker
April 26th, 2009 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

A3G: Awright, Ruby! And “Maggie” is back, too! That’s it, Joe, you’re all washed up.

A3G2: In the throwaway panels, I was kinda hoping that Tommie would tear the medicine cabinet off the wall and klonk Joe in the head with it.

#236 (MAD cover mascot): And don’t forget Joe becoming Judy Carne getting splashed with water (at least it’s water on Laugh-In!). Joe must’ve said “Sock it to me!” off-panel.

#216 (bats:[ ): In a way, A3G is the Three Stooges.
Margo = Moe
Tommie = Larry
LuAnn = Curly

And, despite her awesome role today, Ruby = Shemp.

With the Professor being one of those older gentlemen you always see in Stooge comedy shorts.
P
April 26th, 2009 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

FC:

Please make a donation to the Alzheimers society in honor of Jeffy Keane, the youngest victim of the disease.

Also make donations in honor of Billy Keane, the second youngest with the diesase that killed Lillian Mckenzie of Crankshaft.

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20090426&name=Family_Circus

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20080325&name=Family_Circus
Islamorada Girl
April 26th, 2009 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

We are not amused.
Mibbitmaker
April 26th, 2009 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

S-M:

“Still time for treachery”

Yeah — Spidey’s treachery, given this past week’s strips.
Red Greenback
April 26th, 2009 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

What the dot dot dot question mark.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 26th, 2009 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

4/26

JP: Sam and the brand spankin’ new Judge Parker are directly addressing the passage of time. Talk about dancing on thin ice.

H&L: I initially thought that Chip was his mother dressed down for chores. Those girls may think the same thing. If so, this whole groupie thing is going to be a disappointment all around.

DBury: Funny in a very dark way.

Momma: [deep inhale] “Hey, Mary Lou. Have you ever looked at a chocolate Easter bunny? I mean really looked at it?”

Marvin: Cookies are one of many controlled substances in which Jenny indulged while pregnant.

SFx: Sorry, Bob Weber Jr. You can draw the pearl-wearing mosquito as sexy as you want. I still can’t see the many insect bites I’ll get this Summer as an erotic experience.
Hank
April 26th, 2009 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

RE: Niall April 26th, 2009 at 12:27 pm : You’ll appreciate this
Poteet
April 26th, 2009 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

# 260 Niall — I hope to see your inspired MW comment on the float. And if it gets there, please throw chocolate.

# 283 Mibbitmaker — Amen!! I’m not crazy about either of these guys, but if I had to be stranded on an island with one of them, I’d pick Electro. His monologues are less obnoxious, he could light campfires and stun fish, and he’s not the one who dumped an unconscious older woman in a dark parking lot during a blackout.
Muffaroo
April 26th, 2009 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

Alfred E. Neuman – I can’t remember what the name of Ruth Buzzi’s frump was, but Arte Johnson’s character was Tyrone Horneigh. My favorite scene was where there’s a knock at the door. “Who’s there?” she says. “Rock Hudson,” says the voice. Primping hurriedly, she opens the door, and there’s the dirty old man. “That wasn’t a very nice trick!” she fumes. “Wait’ll you see the treat!” he says. It ends the usual way.

commodorejohn @252 – Mary Worth, ten to fifteen years from now.
Guard to Ted: “Today’s the day, Covice. Your time’s up and you can go.”
Ted to guard: “Is she still out there?”
Guard: (Looks outside) “Yep. Still has that look on her face.”
Ted: (pause) “Cut the damn cards.”
Alfred E. Neuman
April 26th, 2009 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

#288 Muffaroo— Ruth Buzzi’s frump was Gladys Ormphby.

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