Extreme crap
From Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/24/05
Only the throwaway front-matter gag is worth commenting on in Sunday’s BB & SS, and it’s only worth commenting on to the extent that it enrages me. But boy, does it enrage me. Here’s a tip: when you make jokes that emphasize the weird, Depression-era limbo in which these hill folks seem to live most of the time, sometimes the strip is amusing. When you take transient catchphrases from the late ’90s and try to play them off as “cool,” it just feeds my rage … rage … RAGE!
Anyway, since I have nothing to say about these panels except that I hate them, I thought I’d turn to more pleasant matters and point out that I am slowly but surely falling in love with the “next” teasers that come at the end of Sunday editions of Spider-Man. They’re ludicrously overblown, no doubt on purpose. There’s this:
And this:
And, my personal favorite, this:
Yes, who does have the rhino? I’m sure there are versions of these that you can come up with for other comic strips, which exercise I leave to you, my eager commenting minions of humorous evil.
April 26th, 2005 at 1:46 am
“Rhino, Rhino — Who’s Got the Rhino?”
I think we’ve got our new t-shirt saying!
April 26th, 2005 at 1:51 am
I’ve got the rhino.
April 26th, 2005 at 2:50 am
Next…Mortician–Or Meddling Mary?
Sorry, it’s the best I can do right now. I’ll try to think of better ones.
April 26th, 2005 at 3:14 am
I think it is safe to say that whoever has got the Rhino has also got the speed of a Rhino.
April 26th, 2005 at 5:51 am
Next…Good Mourning, Rita!
April 26th, 2005 at 7:04 am
Next…Catfight over Gunther!
April 26th, 2005 at 7:53 am
Less rage, mule!
It could’ve been worse:
“It ain’t cro-kay, BIOTCH! Extreme Marbles is da bomb, right Rap-Dog?”
Next: Extreme Hog-calling, Brah!
April 26th, 2005 at 9:32 am
Rex Morgan:
NEXT! Rex exposes Buck!
NEXT! The Mixing Bowls of Doom!
NEXT! Health Insurance? We don’t need no stinkin’ health insurance!
Mary Worth:
NEXT! More of the same!
NEXT! Circle This, Meddler!
NEXT! Volunteer Hijinks!
April 26th, 2005 at 9:34 am
N
E
X
T: Bob Crane puts Trail in the Klink!
April 26th, 2005 at 9:39 am
Mary Worth – NEXT: Pedal to the MEDDLE!
Rex Morgan – NEXT: DIG of DEATH!
Luann – NEXT: Menage – a – Blah!
April 26th, 2005 at 9:41 am
Non Sequitur – NEXT: something completely different
April 26th, 2005 at 9:57 am
Next Sally Forth: Sally’s Supervisor is promoted to co-owner … or, “Jowdy, Partner!”
April 26th, 2005 at 10:15 am
NEXT: I am the Rhino! Koo Koo Kachoo!
April 26th, 2005 at 10:44 am
First, great to see the Return of Josh. Second, Menage-a-blah: very, very good.
Next, in a very special FBoFW:
April … showers!
Next, in Wary Mirth:
Plot, plot, who’s got a plot?
Next year, in Gil Thorp:
Rap-dog shows his hand!
April 26th, 2005 at 12:29 pm
Then you must take Rolaids before you read B.C. or Wizard of Id, I presume…
April 26th, 2005 at 1:05 pm
Next on Mary Worth: Post Mortem Levity: Fay Returns from the Grave!
April 26th, 2005 at 1:43 pm
Next in Blondie:
Extreme Napping!
Next in Sally Forth:
Daddy, Can You Spare a Dime?
Next in B.C.:
The Whore of Babylon Exposed … Also, Fat Broad Whacks a Snake
Next in Peanuts:
Charles Schulz Is Still Dead!
April 26th, 2005 at 1:49 pm
B.C. – Next: A.D.
April 26th, 2005 at 2:59 pm
NEXT IN RMMD and MW:
Pus-boy ejected from Air-evac copter due to lack of HEALTH INSURANCE
Body lands on Fay’s casket as it’s being lowered into grave and both are covered with dirt.
Mary misses out on her first funeral EVER and ensuing casserole… sheds real tears.
April 26th, 2005 at 3:02 pm
Beetle Bailey – Next: eh, who are we kidding Beetle never doesy anything.
April 26th, 2005 at 4:26 pm
Duck, duck, duck… rhino!
April 26th, 2005 at 4:41 pm
Beetle Bailey – NEXT: Miss Buxley’s STREAK!
(and we find out it’s her streak of never opening her eyes in 27 years)
April 26th, 2005 at 5:12 pm
Anxious to see if ‘Miss Buxley shows up on Wednesdays’ still holds true THIS week…
April 26th, 2005 at 5:39 pm
Irina
“Jowdy partner!” that was funny.
April 26th, 2005 at 5:56 pm
Next: Jowdy gets rowdy!
Next: Rhino kills a whino!
Next: Look out, Aaron Hill, Luann’s on the pill!
Next: Rex Morgan shows Buck his organ!
April 26th, 2005 at 6:37 pm
Next on Judge Parker: The Pus Infected Finger Disease Spreads to Carlos Bronson!
April 26th, 2005 at 11:37 pm
I suggest reading between the lines of those “Spiderman” mext tags.
Marital Bliss: sets up the tone for the next strips. It is the title of this chapter in Spiderman.
Movie Magic or Mayhem: Spiderman goes to the movies to meet a blind date, only to find that it is the Rhino. Will they fight, or fall in love?
Rhino Rhino, Who’s Got the Rhino: As hinted at by Spidey’s face on the right side of the frame, it is Spiderman who has Rhino… in the grips of love, of course.
This secret story has to be told only in the tags so as to not offend the more conservative areas where Spiderman strips appear.
April 27th, 2005 at 5:35 am
Was the misspelled “Martial” intentional? It reminded me of sex-ed class in 7th grade where the football coach who taught the class would call it “PRE-MARTIAL SEX”.
April 27th, 2005 at 9:12 am
Can I have the Rhino after you’re done with him?
April 27th, 2005 at 12:16 pm
The “Martial” bit was a pun because Spidey and MJ are fighting.
But really, I’m very interested in this last storyline where MJ has become an evil, money-and-fame hungry ‘ho. (She left her husband alone on Christmas Eve to go to a publicity event with another man!)
I’m also interested in how “fake a love triangle between yourself, your husband and Spiderman,” seems to mean, “jump on top of Spiderman soon as you see him, and make out with him indecently in a public restaurant while reporters take photos.”
MJ went roadside a while ago, and FBOFW was right–once you go there, you ain’t coming back!
April 27th, 2005 at 12:16 pm
Hey, don’t knock martial sex till you’ve tried it.
(If you haven’t, I guess that makes your current sexual activities pre-martial.)
April 27th, 2005 at 1:39 pm
Well, superheroes themselves are ludicrously overblown, so it goes without saying.
Anyway…
Next on Non Sequitur: Smug left-wing commentary disguised as a girl and her horse.
Next on Prickly City: Smug right-wing commentary disguised as a girl and her coyote.
Next on Mallard Fillmore(space) : Smug right-wing talking points not disguised at all…. with a duck……
April 27th, 2005 at 2:51 pm
Next: joshreads becomes ranked the number one site online!
Family circus
Next: We’re sorry this strip has been discontinued…
April 27th, 2005 at 9:51 pm
The Comics Curmudgeon: once you go there, you ain’t coming back!
April 27th, 2005 at 10:36 pm
yep, the CCC
Comics Curmudgeon Cult
April 28th, 2005 at 12:58 pm
If we ever actually got it together enough to hold a Crumudgeon Con, it would definitely have to take place in West Virginia.
Since we’re the kind of people who wouldn’t want to belong to any club that would have us as members, well, Groucho, it’s a moot point.
Which makes WVA perfect!
April 28th, 2005 at 10:54 pm
Grandpa got the rhino.
December 4th, 2005 at 4:24 pm
Blondie: Next: My snadwhich doesn’t fit!
Hagar: Next: Hagar actully does something viking!
Sally Forth: Next: *GASP* The sly look is gone!
January 13th, 2006 at 10:55 pm
let’s imagine randy ‘macho man’ savage jumping into the strip and SCREAMING —
‘EXTREME MARBLES! EXTREME MARBLES!!! Come on, kids! The winner gets to take a trip to my secret meth lab in the mountains!!!’