The Comics Curmudgeon

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Tuesday quickies

Mary Worth, 4/28/09

You know what would be awesome? If the “police” who “arrested” Ted are really his accomplices, and the “police station” Adrian is sitting in is a rented warehouse, and they’re all setting her up for some kind of mind-blowing long con that goes far beyond some petty “Oh my sister is in deep with the mob I need $50K” child’s play.

You know would be boring and trite? If Adrian found true love with this handsome blond police officer, who is certainly not some sinister pervert from the Internet. But that is almost certainly what we’re going to get.

Apartment 3-G, 4/28/09

Margo is taken aback by Mrs. Bloom’s stun gun because in her martial philosophy, violence committed with mechanical or electronic aids is dishonorable. Even using something like an umbrella as a club is acceptable only when your target is just out of range; Margo has now cast it aside and is preparing to disembowel the immobilized Dr. Kelly with her bare hands.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/28/09

“I think that if we were dating, I wouldn’t keep using my employee discount to buy you dinner at this terrible pizza place.”

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 28, 2009 at 08:48 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Funky Winkerbean, Mary Worth.

216 responses to “Tuesday quickies”

Monkeymoo
April 28th, 2009 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail: I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN!!!
Anonymous
April 28th, 2009 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

MW: “Tissues” brand tissues? Tommie and the police all shop at the same generic drugstore.
Tim
April 28th, 2009 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

In A3G, I’m hoping we see the tragic, unintended – but also hilarious – consequences of using tazers when new character lady zaps both Joe and the professor.
gnemec
April 28th, 2009 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

Oh, Adrian. The rest of us have lost count of red flags.
commodorejohn
April 28th, 2009 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

So is Montoni’s like the Michael Patterson of the pizza world, or do the Funkians only eat there because there are no other restaurants? I’m kind of picturing that scene in 1984 where Winston wonders if there ever was such a thing as food that tasted better than what he gets, only with pizza.
Jilliterate
April 28th, 2009 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

A3G: Tommie still seems perturbed that something exciting has actually happened, but Margo and Aristotle both have looks of clear delight on their faces, obviously excited at roping up and torturing the good doctor, like a Manhattanite version of The Virgin Spring. …Except with more screams of “Don’t taze me, bro!”
Steve L
April 28th, 2009 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

I am seriously disturbed by Aristotle’s glee in Joe Kelly’s impending electrocution. He looks like he just heard a real kneeslapper of a joke rather than a proposition to give someone a heart attack.
cj
April 28th, 2009 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

*Cayla’s internal monorant* “If you say ‘No,’ I’m going to leave right now. I can get any man I want, and maybe the next one will take my to the new Indian place where they don’t put anchovies and pineapple on your meal every single time.”
Cranky
April 28th, 2009 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

Nothing, I repeat NOTHING, has ever happened in Mary Worth that can follow the phrase, “You know what would be awesome?”
BigTed
April 28th, 2009 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

“My creepy, overly slick boyfriend who all my friends and family hate and who lied about everything and is hitting me up for massive bucks? Nope, no red flags there — oh, wait, you mean the mustache. You’re right, how could I have been such a fool?”
BigTed
April 28th, 2009 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

I, for one, am intensely interested in discovering the effects of a stun gun on someone wearing a metal bucket on his head. Does that make me a bad person?
Mr.Death
April 28th, 2009 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

The professor’s cheery demeanor scares me. Let’s see those hands sir!
Roto13
April 28th, 2009 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

Who the hell gives someone a taser for Christmas?
Lorne
April 28th, 2009 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

Yes! Let’s see some long con action in Mary Worth.
First the Heel reeled her in with the Spanish Prisoner. Now the Face can clean her out in The Big Store!
One-eyed Wolfdog
April 28th, 2009 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

You know what I just realized? The lettering in Funky Winkerbean is really absolutely excellent. Um… that’s it. Carry on!
Jess
April 28th, 2009 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

MW: As the Ted Confey story climaxes and begins to grind through its slow and terribly predictable denouement, I couldn’t help but notice that I’ve been reading Mary Worth every single day… I even have seattlepi.com’s Mary Worth archive bookmarked…

Josh, this is all your fault. >8-(
teddytoad
April 28th, 2009 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

Tommie’s stupefaction in panel two is entirely justified by the sudden tone shift. “Um, hello guys? I just went through some serious Cape Fear/The Shining bullsh*t, and now suddenly we’re all sitcom-laughable with the wacky taser-happy neighbor? Come on, when Luann hallucinated that swirly pastel painter and fainted everyone was sober and concerned for weeks, but I have to Rorschach my way out of a bathroom and all of a sudden it’s Marmaduke??”
Anonymous
April 28th, 2009 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

3G – What a buckethead.
Fashion Police
April 28th, 2009 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

Done properly, the buttoned-up white shirt could be an effective signature look for Margo, conveying well-bred propriety masking a seething well of repressed violence. However, she needs a better fit and more starch in the collar. A brooch or even a necktie would be a useful accessory.
Uncle Lumpy
April 28th, 2009 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

#15 O-e W:

Know what else? Funky Winkerbean shows some of the most consistently sure-handed draftsmanship in graphics arts today.

Know what else else? Before this date is over, the Dead Chick is gonna show up and I’m gonna hurl so hard it’ll dent the fucking drywall.
Gabacho
April 28th, 2009 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth – all that’s left is for Mary to swoop in and send Adrian to Vietnam.

Apt 3G – Taze him! Come on Mrs. Bloom. Do it for us.
Uncle Lumpy
April 28th, 2009 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

All in all, though — what a thoroughly excellent week in the comics! In comparison with, oh, say, having to get by on eight days of bread products.
Beatrice
April 28th, 2009 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

Mrs. Bloom?! I am hoping Leopold Bloom is next to show up, with a drunken Stephen Dedalus in tow, and we can have months of Ulysses/A3G mashups featuring interminable interior monologues and scenes that trail into inconsequence. Oh, wait …
sugarpie
April 28th, 2009 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

Josh Mary Worth, second paragraph, “would would”?

Y108 bats :[ You are such a better person than I. Of course you’re right. (sulk) I’ll reserve judgement till I can dig up some other interviews. I started to watch the jazz part of the interview but was too irritated at that point to pay attention.

I wonder if he really wanted to be like Billy Bob Thornton and go all seething asshole because the cartooning was mentioned? Yes, I too noticed the strips used illustratively during the interview were very recent. I thought that was on purpose and because maybe the production staff ran out of time or got lazy…

I seem to be giving no one the benefit of the doubt today. I will strive to be more bats :[ -like.
JP (not Judge Parker)
April 28th, 2009 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

I would say #17 should be in the running for COTW this week. Nicely done.
Sunny Paris
April 28th, 2009 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

Poor Cayla. I know that once a woman reaches a certain age, there simply aren’t many available men out there for her to date. But Les?! Even Crankshaft isn’t haunted by his dead wife. On the other hand, Crankshaft probably hates black people.
Milo
April 28th, 2009 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

I really hope these detectives are from Racket Squad. A Racket Squad / Mary Worth crossover would be the most boring and tragedy-ridden piece of media ever.
Erbn
April 28th, 2009 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

Misreading the commentary on today’s Apartment 3-G as a “marital electronic aid”, I was temporaily even more impressed with what a hardcore bitch Margo is. Until tonight I had never considered a stun gun being used in such a fashion, but this is Margo, and in a world where all men are just carbon copies of each other, a girl must do whatever she can to get… by.
Uncle Lumpy
April 28th, 2009 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

#28 Erbn –

Margo makes no distinction between the marital and the martial.
Poteet
April 28th, 2009 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

FW — Les the Dweeb shouldn’t be eliciting that dreamy-eyed response from a woman like Cayla. It doesn’t add up.

I am forced to fall back on my comic-strip-characters-as-actors theory and posit that the actress playing Cayla is a guest star who is being paid a boatload of money for this, um, challenging gig.
Poteet
April 28th, 2009 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

# 26 Sunny Paris — I wrote # 30 before I saw your comment, but I think yours and mine fit together:-).
Poteet
April 28th, 2009 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

# 31 — Comments. I meant your comment and my comment. Fit together. Make sense together, I mean. Never mind. *bangs head on wall*
Tabby
April 28th, 2009 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

I can’t decide – is it #13 for COTW or #29?????

I could have used a stun gun when I was married. Just like Adrian, I missed SOOOO many red flags!

But I’ve often been amused (yeah, I know!) but the play of marital & marital. It just begs for a place like EnormouShop to get mixed up somehow and the Hateachothers to get a box full of surplus grenades and throwing stars while the duck from PBS gets a box with strange rubbery devices in lurid colors, some of which require batteries.
Dragon of Life
April 28th, 2009 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

“You want to hear something amusing, Cayla?” “Always.” “WELL YOU’RE IN THE WRONG STRIP FOR THAT! AND YOU HAVE CANCER! AND MY DAUGHTER THINKS WE’RE DATING! WHICH MEANS WE’RE SIBLINGS FOR NO HITHERTOFORESEEN REASON!”
NoVan
April 28th, 2009 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

Her Tazer is a Christmas present, and she can’t wait to use it. Is it just me, or is this legitimately funny?
Ukulele Ike
April 28th, 2009 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

Phantom: I apologize in advance if this has been snarked before.

Jungle Patrol training is so fierce that it has turned Lady Cop Lady white.
Poteet
April 28th, 2009 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

New/Queen Victoria — Could someone please be so kind as to identify the person in the fourth panel? Thank you.
sugarpie
April 28th, 2009 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

FWinkerbean Cayla is seriously asking the Les-man what he thinks? Oh! If only he would tell her. How fast would she get the hell out of there?

Its a small town though: people talk. So even though she must have heard rumors that would make Thomas Tryon twitch with terror, she realizes, meh… a Phil Spector-crazy date to the Magic Flutophone is better than not getting to go at all. But Cayla, that’s not true. You seem like a nice woman. Gas up the Saturn and scram.

Aren’t they all in some hamlet in Ohio? I’ve been to Ohio. Its not that hard to get out.
sugarpie
April 28th, 2009 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

Josh MW, 2nd Paragraph-dude you still need a “what” in there.

Are you sitting at home, smoking weed, and watching youtube videos of Midnight Specials from the 70’s? And just sort of every now and then checking in on the CC? Hey, me too!
Poteet
April 28th, 2009 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

I miss Angry Kem.
bats :[
April 28th, 2009 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

24. sugarpie: oh, pththththth! (to quote Opus). My defending Woody was fairly uncharacteristic (you should see what I’m plotting now (no, it has nothing to do with the comics)); after all is said and done, there is a chance that he’s a pretty dour fellow.

Honest to gosh, I did just watch Season 1 of “Dexter” (the Showtime series about a serial killer who only kills bad people), 12 episodes in three days. It seriously agitated the heck out of me (I don’t like “true crime” stories, or things that come close to it; the closest I’ve ever been to “Silence of the Lambs” was on network TV, because by that time, I figured it had been pretty well sanitized), and I think I’m trying to get back to a more even keel for goodness and light.

37. Poteet: (my good deed for the day): it’s Susan B. Anthony (I cribbed from the other comments). You know, the lady on the dollar coin who isn’t Sacajawea.
Sunny Paris
April 28th, 2009 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

#38 Sugarpie.

It is either Avon Lake or Elyria, OH. (Or another Cleveland suburb, depending on which interview you read.) Neither I would classify as a hamlet or a particularly hard place to leave. But that, I think, was before the time traveling despair took over the strip.

I grew up in the Cleveland suburbs. I no longer live there. But for the record, my marching band rocked and no one died on cancer. (Actually, you know what, scratch that, we had at least 2 tragedies befall band directors. Weird.) But we had EXCELLENT pizza.

#30-32. Poteet. It’s all cool. And I agree.
commodorejohn
April 28th, 2009 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

#33 Tabby – That would make for the most awesome Lockhorns and the most awesome Pearls Before Swine ever. I can just picture Loretta being wheeled into the emergency room, her blown-apart lower half covered with a sheet, the outlines of her shredded organs clearly visible underneath, surviving just long enough to gasp something pithy and spiteful, like “I almost felt something,” or “that was a bigger bang than you</i ever gave me.”
It's time to pay the price
April 28th, 2009 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

So Tommie was assaulted by a maniac, enfuriated at her for losing his children. She barricaded herself in the bathroom, but he busted the door down. Just as he was about to tear her apart, the entire floor burst in and beat him to submission. A woman offers to subdue his violent thrashing with her tazer.

This apparently tickles Aristoltle’s funny bone as he’s leaning back for a great big guffaw. I wonder if they’ll kill him next and claim self-defense. “I swear officer, if I hadn’t torn his arm off he might have shaken it menacingly at my friend!”
Crunchy Frog
April 28th, 2009 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

I said it first! And I’ll say it again: of course Mr. Tissues (that’s totally what I’m calling him from now on) is gonna be Adrian’s one true love. There’s no need for her to postpone her wedding plans at all. I’m betting it’ll be another three, four strips and we’ll be watching Jeff Cory raise a glass to the new beau at the good ol’ Grand Opening Cafe. Boy, I just can’t wait to see how much Mr. Tissues contributes to the Peace Village!

#13 Roto13 — Who the hell gives someone a taser for Christmas?
Someone I need to make friends with.
commodorejohn
April 28th, 2009 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

Gah, tags.
Toronto
April 28th, 2009 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

Those aren’t “Tissue” brand tissues, they’re “Tissue of Lies” tissues!

MW is much, better when Mary is mostly absent, by the way.
Crunchy Frog
April 28th, 2009 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

As for Dr. Joe “Buckethead” Kelly, I say his new helmet is perfectly appropriate: the ne’er-do-well is now ready to take his rightful place in the Kelly gang! …um, New York division.
Suppose we can have LuAnn channel Sidney Nolan, now?
Rainbird
April 28th, 2009 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

Josh, oh, if only you were writing Mary Worth. You could trade jobs, and she could write your technical papers, and you could come up with the best plots since Mary Worth started.

But unfortunetly with all the papers giving up the strips, no one would ever notice.
Les of the Jungle Patrol
April 28th, 2009 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

I don’t think Margo is as much taken aback as jealous that Mrs Bloom is packing superior weaponry. All Margo has on her is her umbrella, a shiv and a small thermonuclear device, which is not so useful at short range.
Uncle Fritzy Ritz
April 28th, 2009 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

#21:Mary Worth – all that’s left is for Mary to swoop in and send Adrian to Vietnam.

She probably won’t see any red flags there either

From Wikipedia:
Flag of Vietnam
Name C? ?? sao vàng (”Red flag with yellow star”)
Adopted September 5, 1945 (as flag of DRV)
July 2, 1976 (as flag of the Socialist Republic of Vietnam)
Design: A large yellow star right in the middle of a red flag.
Government Cheese
April 28th, 2009 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

MW: The detectives who catch Ted bring this scene of FG to mind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ACCU1BaNiU
Tycho Anomaly
April 28th, 2009 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

#23/Beatrice:

Mrs. Bloom, is that a stun gun?!

“Yes or shall I give him a good jolt Margo yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well it was a Christmas present and this is my first chance to use it as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my bucket-headed mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes. ZAP!! “
queek
April 28th, 2009 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

many a ‘Mudgeon (including myself) has already suggested that after Taser Lady is a long line of other people with progressively larger weaponry.

This covers tomorrow’s strip.

What we won’t see coming is the Thursday strip, when the walrus comes to retrieve his bukkit.
Muffaroo
April 28th, 2009 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

Personally, I hope Dr. Joe keeps the bucket, because it gives him a certain distinction. By which I mean, I can now tell him from Tommie’s boyfriend. I’m not sure yet whether they should draw a face on it with a sharpie, or just straighten it out and retie his tie beneath. I also think they should give him a crazy way of talking because of the helmet that nobody but the regular characters can understand, so that one of them has to translate for him when he’s in social situations or at work. (”Hngcpl” “What’s that, Doctor Joe?” “He said ’scalpel.’” “Oh, thanks, Miss.”)
Poteet
April 28th, 2009 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

# 41 bats — Thank you! I wondered if it was Anthony, so I googled images of her, but none of the first ones I saw matched the comic, and my facial dyslexia requires a strong resemblance before I make a connection. In short, pooey. And thanks again.
Izzy
April 28th, 2009 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

#55 – I drew a face on his bucket with a sharpie. Then my mother got mad at me for ruining the monitor. It seems that newspaper truly is the best vessel for comic strips…
Les\' Sad Girlfriend
April 28th, 2009 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

Is anyone as disturbed as I am about the Gitmo vibe A3G is giving off, what with a restrained man being tortured by electric shocks after something’s been inexplicably thrown onto his head?

Who the heck is this lady, anyway? Why did she wait until generic A3G guy #3 was already under control and shamed before cheerfully running in with a taser? Between this, the carbon monoxide poisoning, the overseas political prisoners and thenjunkie deaths, it looks like this humble soap strip is trying to give Funky Winkerbean a run for its money.
Rusty
April 28th, 2009 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

FW: Will dead chick make an appearance before the pizza is served? I bet she shows at least before dessert. And are they the first diners ever depicted eating al fresco at Montoni’s?
Poteet
April 28th, 2009 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

# 55 Muffaroo — What excellent ideas! And could his coat also be removed, with pocketknives if necessary, so we don’t have to look at that color anymore?

With these minor changes made, he’ll end up being my favorite male A3G character by far.
Muffaroo
April 29th, 2009 at 12:05 am [Reply]

Rusty @59 – “Les, did you just say you love me?”
“Oh, sorry, I was talking to my dead wife. I mean, my imaginary cat who talks like my dead wife. With whom I do not have sex. The cat, I mean. Either one.”
“Oh! Well. I think I’ll call it an evening, anyway. This is my night to check for lumps.”
Muffaroo
April 29th, 2009 at 12:07 am [Reply]

Poteet @60 – I’m sure something could be arranged. If we can’t cut his coat off, we could color it with sharpies. (Sorry, Izzy. Not responsible for anybody taking my advice!)
Muffaroo
April 29th, 2009 at 12:07 am [Reply]

Sorry for shouting.
Poteet
April 29th, 2009 at 12:15 am [Reply]

4/29

S-M — The things you see when you haven’t got your gun.

BETWEEN FRIENDS — I don’t know why I find this storyline so teeth-grittingly annoying, but I’m gone until it’s over.

MW — Show us Vicki’s photo show us Vicki’s photo show us Vicki’s photo show us Vicki’s photo show us Vicki’s photo
Gg83
April 29th, 2009 at 12:28 am [Reply]

Cranky @ 9

How soon we forget! What of Aldomania? Indeed, what of My Very Own Meth Lab? And who can forget the thrilling conclusion to…

…um…

…hold on a bit, I’m sure there must be more…
Steve S
April 29th, 2009 at 12:30 am [Reply]

The proper response to “She thinks we’re dating” from Les: “Dear God, I hope not! I want to live a long and happy life.”
Gg83
April 29th, 2009 at 12:32 am [Reply]

I would also like to note that googling “own meth lab” pulls up a rather magnificent line about “trying to make sense of the beauty and the pain, the sacred and the profane, whipsawing between the agony and the ecstasy like a bipolar ferret in God’s own meth lab of love.”

The question here, of course, is “Which comic strip does this quote most accurately describe?” I would say possibly Mary Worth, but I don’t know about the ecstasy part. Any thoughts?
sak
April 29th, 2009 at 12:36 am [Reply]

Ah A3G, where everyone shows just the right level of childish glee at the opportunity to test out a brand new taser. Except of course for Tommie, who hasn’t felt anything since 1997.
True Fable
April 29th, 2009 at 12:43 am [Reply]

#67 gg83 – I would hazard a guess that yes, Mary Worth probably does Ecstasy too.
True Fable
April 29th, 2009 at 12:46 am [Reply]

Cathy (Must Die!) Cathy follows Marvin’s lead by having Irving’s parents move in with them unasked, because of their financial woes. I suppose it could be worse; pooping could be involved. Thankfully with all the flop sweat abounding, they’ll likely never know the difference.

Four instances of flopsweat, one big starry Special Weird Box, and a pointy finger. Dear God I hope the dogs eat them all alive.
mollificent
April 29th, 2009 at 1:19 am [Reply]

#28-#29: For a hilarious take on the misreading of “martial” for “marital”, read Terry Pratchett’s Lords & Ladies (a great book in any case).

I’m tempted to quote the relevant passage, but would have to quote about half a page to get it in context, which is probably not kosher. Just take my word for it. Funny. As. Hell.
Donald the Anarchist
April 29th, 2009 at 1:19 am [Reply]

MW “Hey, baby, have a tissue! So, you get scammed often? I bet a girl as pretty as you gets scammed all the time, am I right?”

A3G Shouldn’t Dr. Kelly be Margo Boxcar Saturning his head off by now? “That woman,” indeed.

FW “Actually, by most definitions of the word, we are dating. What we aren’t doing is fucking. What’s up with that?”
Poteet
April 29th, 2009 at 1:20 am [Reply]

# 70 Sir Fable MTK — Intrigued by your scorn, I just looked at Cathy. For many months now, I had only seen Cathy on the rare occasions when it is featured here. Now it hits me fully — you read it every day, right? It’s on your list, non?

Quel courage!
Steve the Pocket
April 29th, 2009 at 1:28 am [Reply]

Cathy: Just when I think this strip can’t sink any lower, now it’s stealing story ideas from Marvin of all places!

Krankenschaft: “Little did we know he was secretly plotting to get revenge by threatening to nuke us twenty years later.”
NoahSnark
April 29th, 2009 at 1:38 am [Reply]

If Margo considers violence with mechanical aids dishonorable what does she think they are good for?

Um, nevermind. That thought will require a full bottle of tequila to erase.
True Fable
April 29th, 2009 at 1:50 am [Reply]

Canadian Zombie Elly considers getting a job as a waitress or short order cook (hahaha I know, tha’ts so twisted!) since she’s a failure at keeping her bored children from messing up the place with sticky soapy bubblemakers, or keep the toddler out of the dog food bowl, or feed the dog outside, or keep any of this from going on right under her nose.

BrookeBurbers Do we really want to know what that’s supposed to represent? I’m guessing Solange the cat, but you never know.

Taser 3-G I like how Prof. Ari continues to brutalize Dr K in the background, but what is his hand doing in panel 2?!

Between Foobs I might as well stop reading this strip; I know it will only sink into her allowing her ex to shaft her completely and she’ll take it out on her friends. But damn it; it’s just begging for someone to be merciless and I’m just the Fable to do it.

C’haft “…and then we all used steroids and later realized it was wrong. The End!”

Surgically implanted Hat I realize today’s times are different, but if I had snatched the cigarette from Papa Fable’s mouth like that, I would have been permanently branded on the ass with a Fly-Back paddle and I don’t mean maybe.

Children of the Circle I don’t think Thel even registers the inane questions any more; she just nods and ignores the little beggars.

Frankly Wingerstinger “In Vino Veritas” – in the Latin, “As long as I’m kept boozed out of my mind.”

Scenes from Suburban Hell Trixie only wants her own filtered ciggie butts in there.

Sam Driver, Chick Magnet Mimi? Are we bringing Screaming Mimi back too? Hmm… Sam’s going to be swatting them away like flies.

Sweet shallow and Slippery when Wet Ah Clem called it! AH CLEM CALLED IT! “Special Episode” issue!

Fist O Justice Theater Mark ought to be riding up any minute now, since the possibility for something to actually happen might break out and spoil the anti-climax.

Meddling Heights “He married his SISTER? Oh, I’m heartbroken!”
“No, you idiot, I just said – never mind. Yeah. Yeah, you’ve got it.”

Kit Walker, Unknown Ranger You life revolves around a whim, ladies. Now drop and give me twenty.

RMMW Rex, you might want to transplant some real hands on the kid and remove those Barbie doll hands he’s currently sporting.

Spider-Dunce This whole arc is just one long exercise in What Not To Do In A Comic Strip.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
April 29th, 2009 at 1:52 am [Reply]

Are we snarking a coloring mistake on the Phantom?

I do want to Tommie overreact and hurt the Doctor.
Mibbitmaker
April 29th, 2009 at 2:09 am [Reply]

4/29:

9CL:
Steve Martin: “…What the hell is that? What’s that deal? ……….What the hell is that??”
Bill Murray: “What the hell is that thing?”
Steve Martin: “…..Oh, I know what it is!”
Bill Murray: “I can see that.”
Steve Martin: “………………………..What the hell is that??”
(etc, etc,)

A3G: …Uh-oh. You don’t suppose… couldn’t be… not — another Mary Worth??? Hoo-boy. Meanwhile, our stateroom scene has, indeed, turned into a ZAZ movie, a visual Firesign Theater.

DT: Oh, no — they just startled a really bad Regis Philbin caricature!

ReFOOB: John is what is refered to as an enabler…

FW: Potrzebie axolotl to you, too.

GT: “And you’re about to reach 4000,000 hits… so to speak.”

Luann: Great, Brad, now Toni’s falling to her death, and you two’ll NEVER have sex! Way to go, moron!

MT: I hope the Two Stooges are as idiotic at dog wrangling as they are at general criminality. This could be good!

Big Fur-shlugginer Dog: “… or get some dumpy lady with a taser.”

MW: Eeeeeewwwwwww!

Ghost-Who-Isn’t-Here-Right-Now: Well, the unknown commander has been….. well…… busy lately…

Phantom 2: Whoa, lookit the dukes on the ladies in panel 2!! Looks like they took a side trip into Gil Thorp… or Edison Lee. Hey, maybe they can go punch out Dr. Joe Kelly!

RMMD: Once again, we see Li’l Willy scarfing down food and drink, keeping a particularly stereotypical image of a chubby, obese person going on and on… Even though, every time we see the furshlugginer kid in full view, he’s not the LEAST bit fat!

ZtP: [metapost]Was that a shot? I think that was a shot.[/metapost]
True Fable
April 29th, 2009 at 2:23 am [Reply]

Zippy the Pretentious Kiss my ass, Griff! How’s THAT for snarking? :P
A New Day
April 29th, 2009 at 2:33 am [Reply]

Our latest A3G character is clearly a contest winner: she entered an internet “drawing” and won an all-expenses-paid trip to the set of A3G in “New York” plus an expanded cameo as the wacky neighbor Mrs. Bloom. In panel two of this strip, Margo and the Professor smile indulgently and a little nervously at the newcomer’s over-eager delivery of her lines. Meanwhile, Tommie glowers as she realizes that, once again, the focus of the scene has shifted to anyone and anything that isn’t her.
Dr. Weird
April 29th, 2009 at 2:36 am [Reply]

Luann Have we ever seen a panel with anywhere near as much physical action in Luann? Credit where credit is due, at least he’s drawing something new rather than just people standing/laying around.

And if Toni’s laid up by the fall, Brad could move her into his house and take care of her. But with TJ there, it’d be more like “Misery.”
Sheila Sternwell
April 29th, 2009 at 3:07 am [Reply]

A3G: In the foreground, the goofy, nearsighted broad with the faded pink bathrobe and taser impresses Margo with her intense desire to do bodily harm. And we know Margo is impressed because she has no interest in the real action going on behind her, as Dr Hercules or whatever the hell his name is struggles to subdue a dude with a significant handicap – a lampshade affixed to his head with a gallon of Hair Spray ™.

Note there are no other characters in today’s strip. Tommie? Who’s Tommie?
Wangdoodle
April 29th, 2009 at 3:51 am [Reply]

Mallard: Right up to the “cab” reference, Tinsley was doing such a half-way impressive job of hiding his personal bigotry…

A3-G: “Also, you really should get that mole on the small of your back checked out! I discovered it while you were sleeping!”

DT: Scratching clawing girl-fight out of control.

Gasshole Alley: Holy cop-outs, Batman! Not only did this moron arrive safely, I find myself wondering what this lady’s work hours are!

Luann: Oh. The suspense. Oh. No. Shit, Toni looks as bored as I feel.

Mutts: Dammit, stop making me cut myself!

S4th: Dammit, stop making me cut myself!

Shoe: Dammit…
Alfred E. Neuman
April 29th, 2009 at 4:20 am [Reply]

Wednesday. A couple of world records are set today.

9CL— Edda leaps gracefully into the world’s largest merkin.

DT— Ol’ Jack is about to receive the world’s largest penile prosthesis, courtesy of the roulette wheel.

A3G— Tomorrow’s strip: Joe attempts to escape, but kicks the bucket instead. More chortles ensue.

Crankshaft— I get it! A Communist is supposed to be RED-HANDED.

Luann— You’d better catch her, Brad. It will be your last chance to get your hands on her.

RMMD— Sometimes it is sooo tempting to write the obvious snark. But. I. Just. Can’t. Do. It. Anyone else?
One-eyed Wolfdog
April 29th, 2009 at 5:14 am [Reply]

Great, Brad, now Toni’s falling to her death, and you two’ll NEVER have sex!

Ever read Annabel Lee? It might be the best chance Brad has!
Mordock999
April 29th, 2009 at 5:24 am [Reply]

Today’s Luann – 04/29/09

OH. MY. GOD!

Where’s a Freakin’ can of RED BULL when ya need it, eh Toni?

___________________________

DEATH to TJ (and UNFORTUNATELY maybe Toni)!
One-eyed Wolfdog
April 29th, 2009 at 6:54 am [Reply]

I’ll say again, I’ve really enjoyed the Crankshaft flashback. I don’t know if they’ll try to play it straight or not, when it comes back to the present, but to me it’s clearly a tall tale, it’s being told with style, and it’s the rare sequence that takes advantage of the medium to show you something wild and imaginative. The art’s good enough that you could have followed the whole thing without any narration, and the tension/release in the two panels today is pitched perfectly. All around good work, in my opinion.
Little Guy
April 29th, 2009 at 7:18 am [Reply]

Luann: Or, as it is now called, Watch Your Toni.

Curtis: Or, as it is now called, Addicted Father Beats His Kid.

MT: Or, as it is now called, Cujo 2: Spawn From Hell.
Mary Worth Discussion Group
April 29th, 2009 at 7:46 am [Reply]

I don’t think Mary needs to send Adrian to Vietnam…she is actually appearing more and more Vietnamese as this strip continues. I am suprized there isn’t some sort of outrage fromt the Vietnamese community
Mary Worth Discussion Group
April 29th, 2009 at 7:59 am [Reply]

some other ideas to wrap up the current MW storyline:

Jeff reveals that Adrian and Drew were born identical twins and that they decided to raise Adrian as a girl after an accident shortly after his/her birth during circumcision

Terry Bryson offers to teach Adrian “the joys of the Internet.” and ends up making Adrian her love toy

During the investigation of Ted’s crimes the police uncover more clues linking Mary as accomplice in bilking the Corey’s out of their money

Adrian is involuntarily commited to a state mental hospital. One of her former patients who was brain damaged from a careless mistake during surgery performed by Adrian…recognizes Adrian and beats her senseless. Ironically Adrian dies from a careless mistake made by the mental hospital surgeon.
Patrick
April 29th, 2009 at 8:08 am [Reply]

When Detective Tissues is telling Adrian that she’s not the only one who fell for Ted’s lies, he of course means that he also was swept off his feet by the moustachioed lothario.

All y’alls gaydar needs a tune-up, is what I’m saying.
Parmalat Loire
April 29th, 2009 at 8:23 am [Reply]

9CL – I see that once more, that 9CL is feeling to pretentious to deign using things like dialogue or plot, for fear of being gauche. As much as days like today make me wish my paper would cancel 9CL, I much prefer arrogant silence to any Thorax episode.

FC – Silly Dolly, equality has no place in card games. Now aid your mother before she must make the Kompound’s drugged Kool-Aid.

OBH – I’m sure that Ruthie’s mom could use a drink each time she hears her darling daughter tell her such gems of insight. Double scotch on the rocks seems fitting.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
April 29th, 2009 at 8:26 am [Reply]

It’s the extra-large, cop-size tissue box – for manly, police-oriented tears!
AhClem
April 29th, 2009 at 8:27 am [Reply]

#76 True Fable -
Yes, I called it (Luann), but I’m not proud of that fact. This has the potential to produce the biggest sap storm since Liz and Blandthony got back together. In fact, the Storm Prediction Center has issued a PDS* Glurge Watch.

(*PDS = Particularly Dangerous Situation, which they sometimes do attach to tornado watches).
TheMagicMel
April 29th, 2009 at 8:30 am [Reply]

What the *hell* is Edda leaping into? I know Brooke likes to do cheeky things where her costume fades into the background, but this…

It appears to be a vast, hairy abyss, which then inspires such a cavalcade of raunchy jokes that I’m currently experiencing brain overload.
Rusty
April 29th, 2009 at 8:36 am [Reply]

Luann: Toni should just land on those over plumped lips, she will be fine.
Chyrno HR
April 29th, 2009 at 8:37 am [Reply]

9 Chickweed Lane – So Edda is a cat’s butt? Well, there’s room for debate on the species, but I think we’ve all found some valuable common ground today.

Crankshaft – That Fidel was a great guy! Too bad the CIA tried to kill him ten thousand billion times.

FOOB – “I could embarrass myself every day in newspapers across the country, or I could write a book about my dead dog eating garbage.”

Luann – “Brad, do you still think I’m hot now that I’m a quadriplegic?” “Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaano. Gotta go, TJ’s making crepes.”

Popeye – Wait, you need Ghost Grease? No wonder I kept getting my ass kicked in Glast Heim!

Rex Morgan – “And, Willy, do you think your papa might have lived in Florida?” “Maybe, but I wasn’t done eating donuts. Can I have some more donuts?”

Spider-Man – “But this is the county jail!” “I told you I’d bring you to him. I didn’t actually do it.”
One-eyed Wolfdog
April 29th, 2009 at 8:38 am [Reply]

Margo: [to self] It would be a world in which the strong move swift and fearless across the land and the weak fall broken beneath their heels. It would be the world I was born to forge, in iron and fire, in blood and tears.
HC
April 29th, 2009 at 8:42 am [Reply]

Anonymous #2 — They have to travel to the Herb and Jamaal verse to get them, too.

BigTed #11 — Nope, well no more so than me. But you forgot to factor in that he is also covered in flammable hairspray. Maybe we will end up with some Rorschach action after all.
rhymes with puck
April 29th, 2009 at 8:43 am [Reply]

From Tuesday

FW: At least he didn’t mention that the specter of his dead wife also thinks he’s dating.
One-eyed Wolfdog
April 29th, 2009 at 8:47 am [Reply]

#91 – I don’t have one of those. I had a similar kind of gadget, I guess, but it broke irreperably last year when this hit it. Fried all the circuits.
kalki
April 29th, 2009 at 8:53 am [Reply]

9CL: YAY! Edda has crossed the event horizon and is being sucked into a black hole where not even her tights can escape.

Blondie: Today, Dagwood discovers that he no longer is the weeniest man on the planet.

Crank: “And then we formed a daisy chain and I was behind Fidel–boy, was he tight–but Che didn’t do a good reacharound, and….hey, why are you running away?”

DTM: Joey’s fetching “come hither” look fails to entice Henry Mitchell. Meanwhile, Mr. Wilson seems relaxed since he got his rocks off with the two young boys.

CircusJerk: “Some of the queens swing both ways, darling. Now, remember, we’re playing for your kidney this time.”

FW: “Whoa, whoa, whoa….Who said anything about children? But, I think I still have some good swimmers so we wouldn’t have to do that in vino fertilization thing you’re yammering about.”

Hi/Lois: “Who says it’s mine? Little bitch probably smokes cheapee cigars at her age.”

Luann: So, Toni’s falling what? Maybe 6 feet or so. Hopefully, Toni won’t land on “her” nads.

S-M: “I won’t even tell the cops what you did to me while I was immobilized, Spider-Man.” (Unfortunately for Electro, Pete keeps to his usual style and dumps Electro’s immobilized body on the curb next to the hospital and then swings off to peep through MJ’s window again)
sugarpie
April 29th, 2009 at 8:56 am [Reply]

FWinker,etc. Oh, now I get it. Cayla’s sort of drunk. That’s what makes these ‘dates’ with Les just barely endurable. Good for her.
Muffaroo
April 29th, 2009 at 9:04 am [Reply]

9CL – Okay, now it’s just facking stupid again.

BBailey – A very special Wednesday – it’s the Rocky horror show.

DtMenace – And here are two more rocky horrors. (You know, Sarah used to bring rocks into the house. Rocks, acorns, sticks, leaves — anything that would increase her holdings. It made her room kind of dirty, but you couldn’t beat the price.)

Dbury – Now that Zonker’s understudy is showing up more, I wonder if Zonker will start to look more like his chronological age. Why should he get to keep all his hair? Seems unfair to me. (sob)

FCircus – “That’s it, Dolly? You got me up, cleared off the table, got out the cards, and insisted we each hold some, just so you could make this weak-ass joke? Okay, I’m going back to my grave now.”

GAlley – “Whoa! Looks like Jonestown in here.”

HtHorrible – Nine years from now, they’ll still be sitting on that log.

By the way, this needs to be said every so often.

Vikings wore helmets, but not the horned helmets often depicted in media… horned helmets were used in Celtic religious rituals, but are unsuited for combat, the horns easily catching on weapons – the imagery of horned Vikings is believed to come from 19th century Scandinavism, a romantic nationalist movement. Nor did they drink from skull cups.

(Merci.)
Muffaroo
April 29th, 2009 at 9:08 am [Reply]

Hi & Lois – The only butt that belongs in the sandbox is Trixie’s. And you can tell the bloody cat the same thing.

Luann – Uh oh, Toni’s falling, and right in mid-Hokey Pokey!

MWorth – Okay, I called this one. Vicki’s really his wife. Everybody who’s surprised, hold up your popcorn! (What’s the matter with this crummy theater? Don’t they sell popcorn?)

1BHappy – Nice thought, Ruthie, but Tinsley’s not really all that famous.

Pluggers – Now I’m confused. I thought a plugger’s stimulus package had either “-lax-” or “of Magnesia” in the name.

PCity – Agreeing with Stantis: Day Three. (That’s without going back and counting.)

RMorgan – “It’s GOOD that you wished her under that cornfield, Willy! Have another burger!”

6Chix – A friend organized an SF con at a hotel in Virginia Beach with a swim-up bar, and arranged for it to be staffed while we were there. Nothing like a B-52 in the water, man.

SSmif – Where’d she get a real dictionary? They’re supposed to use a somewhat smaller volume called “book o’ words” that defines “bodacious” and “mistofer” and gives the proper pronunciatin’ of “Aw Aw AWWW!”

SBump – Best laugh of the day.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick of the Jungle Patrol
April 29th, 2009 at 9:10 am [Reply]

9CL: Think about a Brazilian, girl. Seriously.

BF: I forget, why is he moving in with her again? House fire? Foreclosure? Kicked out by his 5th wife? Just paroled?

(WT)DT: Damn it all! Yesterday I was this close to predicting Jack would end up impaled on a roulette wheel, but I changed it because I thought, “Cards aren’t used in roulette.” Silly me, expecting something in DT to make sense.

F-: What… is that thing?

GA: Quick, time for another vote: Which one’s sleeping, and which one’s dead?

thorps. Only 400,000 hits? Slacker. The latest video from Maru the cat has 705,000 since Friday.

H&J: Ha ha! It’s golf! Golf on the comics page is always comed… uh… oops, I mean, Ha ha! It’s that game where you hit a small white ball with a set of wood and metal clubs around a manicured park trying to knock it into a hole! That game on the comics page is always comedy gold!

H&L: That was no cigar butt. Heathcliff was in there earlier.

Luann: I propose a new addition to our CC lexicon: “Toni” = “ass.” As in, “Watch your Toni!”

Also… if her foot slipped because the ladder was wet, woudn’t she fall forward onto the ladder and slide down it? I think Evans pulled this one out of his Toni.

MT: That dog’s not even facing the bad guys. What the hell is he barking at, a leaf? I swear, that dog has the attention span of Boo Radley.

Ghost-Who’s-Taking-This-Plotline-Off: Why are there so many white people in the Jungle Patrol? And why is the lady cop who used to be black one of them? Or are there supposedly more women in the Jungle Patrol now? Oh, P.S. to the blonde waitress: Look around. You are out in a field.

One-Eyed Sailor: That ain’t ghost grease, that’s baby oil. Which means we can add “smack a spooker” to the list of euphemisms for masturbation.

WoI: Ha ha! It’s funny because it’s shit! And if Marvin has taught us anything, it’s that shit is funny!
One-eyed Wolfdog
April 29th, 2009 at 9:10 am [Reply]

My 9CL theory is that Edda has been swallowed by a large furry creature, but passed through undigested owing to her construction from 100% synthetic materials (teflon, silicon compounds, artificial fantasy fulfillment fibers, and so on). The pose is not a balletic leap, but an attempt to arrange herself into a position which will permit the final passage. It’s kind of a metaphor for the way the strip itself comes into existence each day.
Muffaroo
April 29th, 2009 at 9:11 am [Reply]

mollificent @71 – Earth Worm Jim had a good throwaway in his show one time about being a “master of the marital arts.” He said it with his usual maniacal glint, and nobody called him on it.

Mibbitmaker @78 – The question in my mind is whether the Two Stooges in MT will ever be joined by another, and whether it will be Curly, Shemp, Joe, Curly Joe, or Mousy Garner. I’m hoping for Iggy, myself, but would settle for Ted Healy.

Wolfdog @87 – Ah, you’re probably right about the Crankshaft flashback. Best of all, we haven’t had to look at present-day Crankie’s hateful pan for a week or more.

Patrick @91 – What an original idea.
buckyswife
April 29th, 2009 at 9:12 am [Reply]

SM: I’ve found it interesting that most cultures have some food that’s a version of food wrapped up in something. And so we see that this holds true for Spidey’s world, too: a Loser Lumpia. Moron-maki. Cretin Crepe. Mu-shu Maladroit.

MT: Rusty might consider shifting his loyalties to the 2/3 Stooges; they seem to want him much more than Mark and Cherry did, who blithely sent him off into the woods after he was accosted (twice!) by a wanted criminal. I’m imagining their conversation as Rusty was running off: “Rusty, what with that criminal around, maybe you shouldn’t–” “Sh! Let him go. Just. Let. Him. Go.”

A3G: What th- is the Professor doing in the background of panel two to the Buckethead? I’m guessing it has something to do with his Greek heritage.
buckyswife
April 29th, 2009 at 9:16 am [Reply]

Sign that comics have taken over my world: I got an e-newsletter from a senior home that I’d considered for my mom, and the subject line was “April has a new look!”–and my very first thought was “Wow–how will Randy react?”

yikes.
gleeb
April 29th, 2009 at 9:21 am [Reply]

Cathy: “Home value plummeted” and yet they claim to have “squat”? They own a house! Maybe it doesn’t have the paper value that it once had, but you can still live in the damn thing.

’shaft: So remember: those players who are using human growth hormones? Just see to it that the next time they inject, they inject themselves with fire. They’ll be chastised and see the error of their ways.

Dick: Will Eyejack fall on the roulette wheel, it’s center piercing his back? I hope not; I want him to suffer a more card-related fate. Something involving an automatic shuffling machine, perhaps.

Edge City: I’d hate to see this twerp struggling to light a kerosene lamp without killing someone.

‘bean: Ah, both sailing with three sheets to the wind on Montoni’s “wine” (Kool-Aid and rubbing alcohol), some tragedy will no doubt follow.

Luann: The urge to dance strikes at unusual moments.

Duck: I assume all of this is because Brucie lives near Cleveland, O. Eh, it’s hard to take issue with a man who’s probably running into Crankshaft and Creepy Les Moore all the time.
John C Fremont
April 29th, 2009 at 9:27 am [Reply]

#87 One-eyed Wolfdog – Thanks for admitting that about Crankshaft so I don’t have to. Uh-oh.

A3G – I love the zany slapstick going on in the background while the grown-ups are talking. I kind of expect to see someone in knight’s armor hit somebody over the head with a rubber chicken, although that second panel makes me think that Ari and Joe are doing a little, um, male bonding, if you catch my drift. If you dig where I’m coming from. If you pick up what I’m laying down. Etc.

MW – Ah, crap, she’s gonna get her money back, isn’t she?

RMMD – Hey, Willy’s doing that old ventriloquist trick.

JP – Neddy! Neddy! We want Neddy! Or Abbey. Or, hey, what about those cheerleaders?

DT – Wheel! Of! Fortune!
commodorejohn
April 29th, 2009 at 9:36 am [Reply]

A3G – “What kind of world would this be if we didn’t look out for our neighbors? With Tazers?”

A.D. – So you know those conspiracy theories about ancient civilizations being destroyed by nuclear war? I look forward to watching that play out in B.C.

Crankshaft – So what in God’s name is the message here? “Cheating at baseball is something only Godless Commies do, but at least they’re good sports about it?” I have to hand it to Batiuk: he captured the incoherence and unbelievability of senile-old-man ramblings perfectly.

DT – I can come up with no other words for today’s Dick Tracy than “gloriously terrible.”

FW – Hey, I thought that was Funky’s motto.

GA – Aaaand this is probably the point where we’re stuck back with the Wallets. Bizarre as this interlude was, I still strongly prefer it to anything featuring Slim, which I fear it coming up next.

GT – So not only has Gil been humiliated by YouTube, he’s now going to be dragged onto some talk show with a guy who speaks using his chin to discuss his humiliation. I love this storyline.

JP – Wait, wasn’t Mimi the not-Scientologist? If we were really lucky, it would turn out that April is still working for the CIA, investigating the ersatz Operation Snow White activities of the Eon cult, only to have Mimi show up again, culminating in oh my God a catfight on top of a cliff! IN THE RAIN!

Love Is… – high as a kite.

Luann – So what I’m expecting here is that Toni is going to wind up on bed rest for whatever injury she sustains, and by some inexplicable porno logic, Brad is going to be doing her personal care. Naturally, this will wind up with her coming onto him and him getting a look like he wants to shoot himself, because a lifetime of living with his domineering mother has left him a complete sexual dysfunctional. Ha ha!

MT – My God. He really is that dumb.

NS – Okay, this storyline was pretty boring until now, but it just took a turn for the amusing.

Phantom – Wouldn’t it be funny if they find out that all this time Colonel Worubu has in fact been training his own private army under the guise of training Jungle Patrol members? If that’s not a recipe for an ’80s action film, I don’t know what is.

Popeye – Magical power-ups that allow you to kill ghosts? This has the fever-dream logic of a 1980s adventure game.

SF – Ces, you’re wonderful.

SM – I think the funniest thing here is that they’re playing this absolutely straight.
HC
April 29th, 2009 at 9:42 am [Reply]

9 Chickweed Lane (April 29) — I’m just hoping that isn’t her pit hair.

A3G (April 29) — Mrs. Bloom is officially my favorite character. Look at her expression of insane glee in panel 2. Her mouth says “what kind of a world would it be if we didn’t look out for our neighbors” but her eyes say “Get in the way of my tasering joy why I’ll—” Wait a second…HOLY CRAP! WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE BACKGROUND THERE???? THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT PG-RATED!!!

B.C. (April 29) — This might be the most disturbing BC I’ve ever seen, and that is definitely says something. I don’t know if it’s the fact that the ant-eater is reduced to a pile of still smoking ash but still alive, probably begging for the end as he writhes in agony or whether its the crater the tiny missile has left in the ground as a cold reminder of what will become of our civilization should we continue down the road we are on. But I actually think it’s because the ant-hill looks suspiciously like a nipple.

Baldo (April 29) — Wow…I never realized 11 year olds were still toddlers.

Curtis (April 29) — Ha, Ha! child abuse is always “funny”

Funky Winkerbean (April 29) — Alright everyone, place your bets! Wife #1 died of cancer, what horrible disease will take the new girlfriend? I’ve got 2:1 on cancer of any kind, 3:1 on swine flu, 6:1 on TB, and 15:1 on the Bubonic Plague. Come on place yer bets! Place yer bets!

Hagar The Horrible (April 29) — Sadly he’ll have been killed by a poisoned sword by then.

Herb & Jamaal (April 29) — I’m surprised “this game” wasn’t “the game that all the cartoonists in the world seem to be obsessed with.”

Lola (April 29) — Originally this was supposed to be published on 4/20, but the artist felt it would be too obvious.

Shoe (April 29) — “It looks like a penis.”

Spider-Man (April 29) — They’ve been going to Bug Zapper or Tase Me Bro or whatever the Hell the villain’s name is for roughly a week. Tomorrow’s comic will be exactly the same as this only Spidey and Villian McConscience will be in the hallway. Then by Friday they’ll be repeating the same dialog in the stairwell. On Saturday they’ll open be at the bad guy’s door and finally in the full blazing Sunday strip they’ll discover that they were too late and son will be dead because they took so damn long.
Old School Allie Cat
April 29th, 2009 at 9:43 am [Reply]

Luann – If Toni ends up in a wheelchair, this gives Greg an awesome opportunity to bring back Zane who, uh, went… somewhere… unspecified…about I don’t know three, four, eight years ago? Who can remember? More to the point, who cares? Sadly, me.

FW – Les, grab onto the Cayla Train and ride, baby – this is your best shot at leaving Depressionville.

9CL – Not sure why Edda’s frolicking through someone’s happy trail, but I get the feeling Brooke is proud of all the black ink he got to use.

A3G – Our nextdoor neighbor lady is the nosiest woman I ever met – and you know what, she’s a better crime deterrant than the alarm system we pay for. I should buy her a taser for Christmas.

FOOB – I have completely ceased to give a crap about this strip. Happy, Lynn?
Old Doc Yak
April 29th, 2009 at 9:56 am [Reply]

Popeye: “Granny Wimpy’s Ghost Grease” = Vagisil.
Sequitur
April 29th, 2009 at 10:02 am [Reply]

Popeye: Great line of the day. “I jus’ wants to smack a spooker!”
This line could be used with many comics. For many reasons.

Zippy the P: Hah! We’re getting to Bill Griffith. He’ll be cracking up even more now. (As opposed to cracking jokes.)
UncleJeff
April 29th, 2009 at 10:07 am [Reply]

13: You’re right. Giving a TASER is not an appropriate Christmas gift.
In my family, we believe in giving gifts the whole family can enjoy together.
That’s why everybody was so happy I gave my six year old nephew the tear gas canister.
CanuckDownSouth
April 29th, 2009 at 10:14 am [Reply]

A3G Mary Worth with a taser? This could be fun

BF has officially crossed the the Foobvent Horizon. She didn’t establish ANY parameters before letting him crash at her place temporarily? Does she not realize this is HER home and she sets the rules!?

Speaking of foobery, I have kept plugging away on my foobfic all this time, and for those of you bored by the little skipping along glimpses of Spring 2010, today we move on to a storyline
Turgid Gloppage
April 29th, 2009 at 10:17 am [Reply]

Phantom: They’ve never been in the field? I thought on their last appearance, they shot a guy. What’s “the field”? Refilling empty coffee cups, remembering who takes decaf for a party of 6, the two old farts who keep changing their order while the family with the unruly kids at the next table is still waiting for their entree. Yeah, that’s being in the field!

ReFoob: Elly’s home-maker-lifestyle is making her feel stifled, but Too-Macho-John thinks that it is suitable for a woman. Ah, yes, the trials and tribulations of the gender wars and early 80’s feminist movement. I have an idea, Elly – why don’t you become a part-time maid. Go clean someone else’s house in addition to your own. That would make you change your mind in a hurry.

#115 – Old School – I’m with ya. I didn’t like FBoFW the last few years. Actually, ever. I did see how it could interest some demographic, despite its crappy or nonexistent punchlines. My wife was a fan, for example. It had good artwork and characters that were more full and believable (albeit unknowingly pretentious, hateful and selfish) than the ones in Beetle Bailey, Hagar, Blondie or Family Circus. But even my wife stopped reading when Johnston decided to rehash old plot lines, drop the artistic touches that she learned along the way and give up the story line format in favor of yet another boring family strip with no plot continuing longer than a week. But the one thing she kept is the weak joke that was as likely morose as not. I sometimes thought that the strip could be retitled “Life is a Terrible, Sorrowful, Daily Hell that Slowly Asphixiates You”, but then what would we call The Lockhorns?
tb4000
April 29th, 2009 at 10:24 am [Reply]

Luann: Greg Evans has just announced he is passing the reins to Tom Batiuk from here on in, as today’s episode is a typical lead-in to his style of storytelling.
Winky's Spleen
April 29th, 2009 at 10:25 am [Reply]

Marvin – Ha, ha! It’s funny because these poor old people are financially ruined and humiliated! Yep, if you want potty humor leavened with superficial yet depressing topical commentary, Armstrong is totally your guy!
Turgid Gloppage
April 29th, 2009 at 10:27 am [Reply]

FC: Where are the jills?
Turgid Gloppage
April 29th, 2009 at 10:29 am [Reply]

FC: Heres’ a better one for ya, Dolly, you lesbionic little tart – Where are the jills?
Professor Fate
April 29th, 2009 at 10:30 am [Reply]

Luann: with any luck at all tj will be there to break her fall

crankshaft: Again he kept using the word juiced – that’s not what it means. I’m not sure why it bothers me so much but it does- I suspect this is how obsessive compulsive disorder feels.

FW: And this is awful pizzia there is gas.

3G: “the last time this happened I was crawling under a bed.” Duck Soup.
nerowolfgal
April 29th, 2009 at 10:31 am [Reply]

67- Gg83 says:

April 29th, 2009 at 12:32 am
I would also like to note that googling “own meth lab” pulls up a rather magnificent line about “trying to make sense of the beauty and the pain, the sacred and the profane, whipsawing between the agony and the ecstasy like a bipolar ferret in God’s own meth lab of love.”

That is absolutely brilliant! It is the best first line to an article I have ever read. And the rest of the article isn’t bad either. Thank you, I have another writer to check in on!

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2009/04/17/notes041709.DTL&feed=rss.mmorford
un malpaso
April 29th, 2009 at 10:40 am [Reply]

@91/Patrick:

So the suggestion is that.. horror of horrors.. Ted was giving out Mustache Rides on both sides of the carnival??
I am shocked, shocked at such perverted goings-on in Santa Macarena.
Edgy DC
April 29th, 2009 at 10:51 am [Reply]

“You’re not the only one who fell for his lies!” I wonder how many times a day the lieutenant has to remind Detective Watercooler to use his inside voice.
TheDiva
April 29th, 2009 at 11:04 am [Reply]

C’shaft: Ha-ha, those wacky banana republic Communists!

Curtis: After a couple days of Joke Setup #5 (Curtis is clueless about his relationship with Michelle), Billingsley decides to mix things up by throwing in a bit of Joke Setup #2 (Curtis nags father about smoking).

FW: I’m curious; what sort of wine do you serve with pizza? Does it matter if you order white or red sauce? What toppings go best with a ‘68 Bordeaux? Clearly this is an area of cuisine that has been woefully ignored by connoisseurs.
Sequitur
April 29th, 2009 at 11:12 am [Reply]

#129 TheDiva: FW: I find that with anything even remotely Italian, I go with a Chianti. Shoot. I’ll go with a Chianti with almost anything.
Anson Pants
April 29th, 2009 at 11:20 am [Reply]

A36 Does he have a bucket on his head because someone said “mattress” ?
Alan's Addiction
April 29th, 2009 at 11:29 am [Reply]

You know what would be great? If Adrian did fall for the cop, then Mary Worth, continuing to meddle, pointed out that he simply took advantage of Adrian while she was in a highly emotionally vulnerable state. After this, Adrian give up on ever finding love, instead becoming embittered, cold, manipulative… Well, the next Mary Worth, basically.
Margo doesn’t frown upon “dishonorable weapons,” she frowns upon those that don’t leave permanent damage. At first, an umbrella might seem to fall in that category, but in the right hands, the “putting out an eye” thing is the tip of the iceberg.
Speaking of people about to be tased, Les has just unwittingly put himself into one of the most precarious situations a man can be in. “Let’s talk about this relationship before it’s really a relationship. And, as long as we’re discussing delusional thinking, I keep seeing my dead wife. She wants me to start a fight club.”
Sequitur
April 29th, 2009 at 11:32 am [Reply]

#131 Anson Pants: You should have said “Dog Kennels!”

And did those feet in ancient time
Walk upon England’s mountains green?
And was the holy Lamb of God
On England’s pleasant pastures seen?
And did the Countenance Divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here
Among these dark satanic mills?

Bring me my bow of burning gold!
Bring me my arrows of desire!
Bring me my spear! O clouds, unfold!
Bring me my chariot of fire!

I will not cease from mental fight,
Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand,
Till we have built Jerusalem
In England’s green and pleasant land.
gnome de blog
April 29th, 2009 at 11:36 am [Reply]

130 Sequitur

Yeah. The kind of Chianti we used fill up a 2-liter plastic water bottle with for 200 lire (32 cents, back in the day).
Gene
April 29th, 2009 at 11:36 am [Reply]

9cl – I’ve been hoping that Edda is not frolicking in Amos’ treasure trail so I will imagine it’s the least sexual thing I can think of…..Kid Ray from Lean on Me’s rat tail.
Aviatrix
April 29th, 2009 at 11:38 am [Reply]

Cathy: Just when I think this strip can’t sink any lower, now it’s stealing story ideas from Marvin of all places!

As I refuse to read Cathy, I’m now forced to envision a strip where Cathy poops in her own ill-fitting pants while smugly enjoying the discomfort of those around her. But somehow it still ends in Cathy saying, “AAAAAK”.
Calico
April 29th, 2009 at 11:47 am [Reply]

Yes, evil Dr. Joe is now a Buckethead, but can he play a mean guitar?

(Calling Les Claypool as I type)
Calico
April 29th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

#132 – And Margo prefers the umbrella because she can put a teeny tiny little drop of ricin on the tip, for a just-in-case scenario.
survivor
April 29th, 2009 at 11:56 am [Reply]

To the ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you two examples of how Mrs. Bloom (Taser Lady) makes every comic strip better:

http://img114.imageshack.us/img114/3135/i090428mw.jpg

http://img114.imageshack.us/img114/4678/i090428fw.jpg
Calico
April 29th, 2009 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

#139 – Ha! I prefer image #2 (Les).

Long live Ms. “Don’t taze me, bro!” Bloom!
Digger
April 29th, 2009 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

FW: Could somebody please explain what Les’ appeal is? Is it the unhealthy obsession with his dead wife, the creepy obsession with his daughter, the general smugness that he tries to pass off as dry humor? Help me out here.

A3G: I’m a bored lonely woman. Please let me taser this guy. I’ve been dying to fuck somebody up with it.
Astroboy
April 29th, 2009 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

FW – on first read I SWEAR I thought Les was saying that Summer thinks he and SUMMER are dating. Which in the Funkyverse wouldn’t be all that strange.

#133 – Now I have Greg Lake stuck in my head singing “Jerusalem!”
One-eyed Wolfdog
April 29th, 2009 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

#142 – For me Jerusalem means Bruce Dickinson, maybe my favorite song from his solo stuff.
highway
April 29th, 2009 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

suddenly A Clockwork Orange’s got nothing on Apartment 3-G.
Old School Allie Cat
April 29th, 2009 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

#129 and #130 – Agreed that you can never go wrong with Chianti – I also find that if you have a good pie, Prosecco isn’t a bad way to go – especially on some of the lighter margheritas, etc. Prosecco also works well with anything heavy on salt – olives, feta or gorgonzola. If you can get past the idea of drinking a sparkling wine with pizza, it’s a nice way to go.

For your every day frozen pizza or chain delivery, cold beer works well.
HC
April 29th, 2009 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

the word “house” is missing from my 114 post about Spider-Man. >_<
gnome de blog
April 29th, 2009 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

Brad will break her fall and wind up in the hospital (foreshadowed by Ma and Pa deGroot earlier). Toni will fall in love with him because he saved her life. Why do people like Greg Evans think it takes a traumatic event to catalyze plot resolution?

In the worst-case scenario, Brad will be on disability, won’t be able to get any kind of a physical job, and will continue as a doofus man-child forever. That will suck.

Please, Greg, let Brad grow up. Maybe you’re out of your league trying to portray a developing adult relationship, but what you’re giving us instead ain’t working.
AmazingThor
April 29th, 2009 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

@ 139 survivor
Yeah but is it really Mrs. Bloom that makes the strip better or is it just the impending taser assault? Because as much as I’d love to see, say, Marvin get tasered, I couldn’t really give a flip who’s pulling the trigger.
Poteet
April 29th, 2009 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

9CL — My first thought, given the color and texture of the hair, was that Edda is somehow dancing through Amos’ mind via his hairline. My second thought was that I hope to God that’s the hairline on his head.
colonial
April 29th, 2009 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

DT: That’s one extreme game of Got Your Nose in Panel 1.
Sequitur
April 29th, 2009 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

#146 HC: Did you mean “House” as the name of the TV show? That’s what Spider-Man needs. A good ol’ curmudgeon doctor with a cane to beat on people (or the modern version would be a taser).
MaryAnnTheRest
April 29th, 2009 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

@87: I agree. This week’s Crankshaft has no relevance to the storyline and is completely batshit insane. I’ve never enjoyed Crankshaft more. To quote Gil Thorp, it’s “en fuego!”

@139 survivor: If a graphic could be COTW, that last one would be it! Can it, Josh? What’s the ruling on that?
commodorejohn
April 29th, 2009 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

#133 Sequitur – Now I’ve got ELP on the brain. Not that I mind :)
kurt
April 29th, 2009 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

MT: What should have happened when umbrella armed Margo faced bucket-headJoe:

Joe: BONG..Get..BONG..that..BONG..Crazy..BONG
..Woman..BONG..Away..BONG..from..BONG..Meeeee!
Sequitur
April 29th, 2009 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

#153 commodorejohn:
Would that be:
Emerson Lake & Palmer?
European Left Party?
ELP Communications?
El Paso International Airport?
Ellesmere Port railway station?
Extra Long Play?

Hmmm?
Cranky
April 29th, 2009 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

gg83 @ 65: Stalking an old lady and, when rebuked, drunk-driving off a cliff in despair. You and I, sir, have very different definitions of “awesome”.

Has anyone noticed Aldo kind of looked like Captain Kangeroo?

:)
buckyswife
April 29th, 2009 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

132 Alan’s Addiction: Now I have a picture in my mind of Mary and Adrian as Yoda and Luke, with Mary training young Adrian in the ways of the MeddleForce: “Intrusive you will be. If you doubt, you will never succeed. Use the Force, Adrian, and the power to create misery you will have.”
RxnMan
April 29th, 2009 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

MW: And here I thought Detective Blondie was building up to a tale of how he too had fallen for Ted’s romantic lies.
Hibbleton
April 29th, 2009 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

9CL: He closes his eyes while playing and is immersed in her femininity (the birds); she closes her eyes while dancing and is immersed in his masculinity (the black hair). They are each now able to access and express a previously hidden side of their respective arts via their sexual experience with the other. In other words, their work has matured. Blah, blah, blah, I feel like I’m back in college.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 29th, 2009 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

4/29

Popeye: A sailor lubing up his fist? Seriously? You can show that now?

OBH: Ruthie’s been talking to Heart Lamarr, I see.

DtM: Mr. Wilson has Dennis and Joey working in his quarry. Enterprising fellow, that.

DT: Don’t hurt the gamblers! The lady is the first well-drawn human to show up in Dick Tracy in years.

FW: “So the next question is, could you technically perform fellatio on me? I’m a little rusty, so that’s as good as I can ask.”

MW: Ted has been convincing people that his wife is actually his sister? Oh my God! Ted is Jack White!

WofI: Man sized piles of excrement for your amusement. Thanks for the memories, Parker.

A3G: So the professor is apparently… doing the tango with Joe Kelly. Well, that should be good for some embarassing pictures, at least.

Crock: Yeah, I’m sure Figowitz could use man-up lessons from a guy who won’t even step out into the daylight.
Calico
April 29th, 2009 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

#76 – Must be the Prof. turned shrink’s new “therapy” method.
If only they had done a similar thing with Ted/Ed in Mary Worth.
Jaq
April 29th, 2009 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

@139 Survivor

Oh lord, so much win. Especially the second one. I second the motion that graphics be considered for COTW.
Dr. Weird
April 29th, 2009 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft

So, we’ve seen Crankshaft’s angry youth change from WWII to the 50s to keep him at the same age. As the strip will continue forever, what’s next? Will we see a flashback of him as a National Guardsman at Kent State?
commodorejohn
April 29th, 2009 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

#155 Sequitur – Emerson, Lake & Palmer, my good man, did a very nice rendition of “Jerusalem.” Greg Lake is one of the best damn baritones in history.
Renee J
April 29th, 2009 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

Cathy- Is the sole existance of Cathy’s in-laws in order to make Cathy seem normal by comparison?
Ms.X
April 29th, 2009 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

MW: Wait, Adrian never saw any red flags? Ted was made of red flags! He wore a suit of red flags! He had a neon sign floating around behind him that said: “Warning: This guy is a con man. A really, really, bad con man. More of a man than a con, if you will. DO NOT GIVE HIM YOUR MONEY!” God, Adrian is an idiot. Then again, so is the cop who thinks that Ted is a “good liar”.

A3G: Well, some good has come out of this. Now we can tell Dr. Kelly apart from all the other men in the strip. Thank god for flesh-colored paint buckets…….Is that Dr. Kelly? I can’t remember.
yeff (Jeff Soesbe)
April 29th, 2009 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

I must say, the thought of a Mary Worth plotline structured along the lines of _House of Games_ or _The Usual Suspects_ has me all a-tingle.

Because you know who’d be the mastermind behind the Long Con involving multiple layers of deception, fraud, and conniving: Mary Worth!

Mary: “Well, Adrian, I hope you’ve learned your lesson about trusting people you don’t know.”

Adrian: “Yes, Mary, yes I have.”

Mary’s thought balloon: (”No you haven’t. At least, not YET!”)

- yeff
yeff (Jeff Soesbe)
April 29th, 2009 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

The curious twist in “Apartment 3-G” is that this entire scenario is a complicated sex game engineered by the secretly-involved Mrs. Bloom and Dr. Kelly.

“And then they’ll tie you up and put a bucket on your head.”
“Yes! And then what?”
“Then I’ll use the taser!”
“Yes! Yes! Yes!”

- yeff
gnome de blog
April 29th, 2009 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

Lemme see if I got this right. Mrs. Bloom put down her gin bottle to call 911 when all the yelling started in an New York City apartment building.

911: Police, fire, or medical?
Mrs. Bloom: They’re yelling upstairs.
911: Yes, ma’am. We’ll get right on it.

Then she rushed upstairs to taser somebody.
fahrenheit451
April 29th, 2009 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

Cathy (Must Die): I thought the dogs had “squatter’s rights.” Maybe Irving’s parents will only be able to communicate by thought balloons.
Squid Vicious
April 29th, 2009 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

9CL – Arm pit hair? Cat butt? Nope. Edda was, in fact, snagged in the full beard (natural) of one of America’s state beard champions and is on her way to Anchorage!
spike
April 29th, 2009 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

HC@ 114: Re: How will Cayla die?

You didn’t give odds on the possibility that the (once again jilted) Susan Smith would drive by and either (1) run down or (2) shoot Our Happy Couple.
UncleJeff
April 29th, 2009 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

Love Is: not even bothering to negotiate on his perverted suggestions.
bats :[
April 29th, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

I did my MW taser fantasy yesterday. I’ll do other folks’ Marvin’s today:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3486248203/
Sqaure distal dish
April 29th, 2009 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

I LOVE Margo’s fingers. you know?
Ignatz
April 29th, 2009 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

I think Mrs. Bloom may be the most awesome new character ever,
Amanda M
April 29th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth April 29
It must really suck to have a phone the exact colour and texture of your desk. Especially when the colour is slate grey. It’s like living in the Flintstones or something. How does he find that thing when it rings?
spike
April 29th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

Digger @ 141: Explaining Les’ “Appeal”

Bearing in mind that Cayla’s ex walked out on her and her daughter [This was covered in a previous episode.], this is a no-brainer. Cayla sees:

1) a man who has (like Cayla) also raised a child [who has not yet turned into a serial chain-saw murderess (but probably will)] on his own

2) a man with a long-term steady job (And he also moonlights at Montoni’s!) and presumably a hefty pension

3) a man who owns his own house

4) no obvious competitors for Les’ attention [Just wait until Susan Smith gets wind of this new development!]

QED: She and Les are An Item.
One-eyed Wolfdog
April 29th, 2009 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

#178 – I believe it’s simpler than all that: (1) Cayla is an insatiable carnivore, and (2) Les exudes an irresistible aroma of pepperoni at all times.
gnome de blog
April 29th, 2009 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

Les’ “Appeal” is, as Dr. Truman A. Fable so aptly put it in another context, “inexplicable.”

Consider these other examples of chick magnetism:

1. Brad “Doofus” deGroot
2. Amos van Hoesen
3. Ted Forth
4. Mark Trail
5. Basil St. John
6. Judge “Randy” Parker
7. And the all-time champ, Sam Driver

What do they have in common? Only that chicks are “inexplicably” drawn (pun not intended) to them in spite of their lack of any redeeming qualities. That’s the way it works in the comics.
Phred22
April 29th, 2009 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

When is the fashion industry going to notice how colorful men look in the comics and offer us something besides black, gray, dark blue and brown suits?
Turgid Gloppage
April 29th, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

Mrs. Bloom called 911 because she heard some yelling in an apartment in NYC. I’m sure the police are on their way. I’m sure they are sending in the whole squad decked in riot gear with the SWAT team on stand-by. All the news helicopters are now swarming outside the window jockeying to get the video scoop of the week.

Or, was it more like “Mrs. Bloom, have you asked your neighbors to turn down their TV (or stop having such robust kinky sex)?”
tb4000
April 29th, 2009 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

In fiction, the goofy, socially retarded guy always ends up with the hot girl. That’s what we socially retarded guys in real life fantasize about, hence why they do it. Duh. Les is, in a way…each of us. Depressing as that is.
Sequitur
April 29th, 2009 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

#164 commodorejohn. I was pretty sure you meant Emerson Lake & Palmer. I was just Joshin’ ya. (Can we use that term here?) Damn good band and I agree with you on King Crimson’s Greg Lake (pretty good bass player too.) I always thought that rock could have used a few more baritones. (Being a bass player and baritone myself).
anty a
April 29th, 2009 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

A3G: Nobody here seems to be wondering what the hell is going on in the background of today’s strip, particularly in panel 2. I thought you people would be all over that. Even if you put no spin on it at all (I’ll leave that to the professionals), in panel one the professor is grasping Joe and turning him, and in panel two the professor is holding him tightly from behind. C’mon, people! Or were you leaving this one for Josh?
Turgid Gloppage
April 29th, 2009 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

#180 – Gnome,
There are a few errors on your list.

If Brad DeGoof was a chick magnet, he might have had a date with Toni after chasing her for four or five years.

Randy Parker and Sam have good looks and wealth. Plus, how can any man compete with “Work it like a claw… And call me Randy!” When I try that, I get “Move your fingers together like this… And call me Gloppage!”

Ted and John have managed to attract one single woman each, and that was years ago when they were presumably younger, hipper and didn’t reek of estrogen therapy.

Les, Amos van Hoser and Mark Trail, though, more than fill the spirit of the list by themselves. Every one of them has had women battling it out over their undeserving bodies. Les and Amos, though remind me of “Revenge of the Nerds” when a nerd dressed in a costume had sex with the blonde cheerleader. “You’re a nerd! But… you were so GOOD!”
“Of course. Jocks think about sports all day. Nerds think about sex.”
I imagine making love to Mark Trail would indiferent to making love to a cardboard cutout of Mark Trail.
Anonymous
April 29th, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

#131, #133 — But it’s my only line! :(

A3G – “What kind of a world would it be if we didn’t look out for our neighbors?” You know, like that blond girl who nearly asphyxiated herself a few months ago? The artist? She was in the apartment and thought she was talking to a ghost? No? Doesn’t ring any bells?
Muffaroo
April 29th, 2009 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

Anson Pants @131 – My nominee for best reference of the day.

Sequitur @133 – I always thought that would be a good name for a cereal company. “Lio is brought to you today by the good people at Dark Satanic Mills, makers of Eldritch Bits, Gloomy-Os, and Screechies!”
Sequitur
April 29th, 2009 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

188 Muffaro: (a la Homer Simpson) Mmmmmm. Lio.
BeeF
April 29th, 2009 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

“Tissues” brand tissues in MW, “Hair Spray” and “Health Flakes” in A3G — couldn’t they get some decent product placement in these strips?

If only they’d run storylines on adult incontinence, osteoperosis, or the heartache of loose dentures — marketing gold!

Unfortunately, all of these topics are waaay over the excite-ometer line for either strip…
BeeF
April 29th, 2009 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

Oh boy, I posted after the “blog hosting” spammerbot!

Actually, the spammerbot makes a lot of sense. Moreso than the combined storylines of A3G, MW and JP.

Touche, spammerbot, touche.
Orinoco
April 29th, 2009 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

No red flags? It was like May Day in the Soviet Union!
Sequitur
April 29th, 2009 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

191 BeeF: This is hard for me to admit but one thing I did like about FOOB was the product names she came up with.
Muffaroo
April 29th, 2009 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

Yum! Blog Posting® Brand blog posting! Hop on down to @190 today and say “Gimme summa dat!”
Muffaroo
April 29th, 2009 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

ps: To quote one of my favorite blogs, “FYWP!”
Lolsworth
April 29th, 2009 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

Out of nowhere, A3G is the best newspaper comic in the entire world.
Uncle Lumpy
April 29th, 2009 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

[Spam removed @190]
Charterstoned
April 29th, 2009 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

MW – Josh, you’ve been watching old episodes of “Mission, Impossible,” haven’t you? But you’re absolutely right–Adrian’s in an extended con scheme. And I must say, the “detective” went to a lot of trouble to make the warehouse look like an authentic police station: the half-full water cooler, the bulletin board aflutter with urgent notices, the windowed office door, the fake certificate from the Police Academy, even the row of pink books on the shelf. The real case for the “extended” story, though, is that Mary herself has yet to be fully inserted into the plot. God help us, I think that’s next.
druidbros
April 29th, 2009 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

MW – this storyline has to be a Quinn Martin production. I expect to see Danno appear at any moment just so the detective can say ‘ Book em Danno’.

A3G – If this would just take a kinkier tone EVERYONE would be reading this strip (pun intended) within a week.

Josh, I too have bookmarked the Seattle PI comics page. Its like watching a train wreck, you just cannot turn away.
Talking Squirrel
April 29th, 2009 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

104 Muffaroo: “Nor did they [Vikings] drink from skull cups.”

True, but I understand they did occasionally scoop up their paella with a patella.
Anonymous
April 29th, 2009 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

I didn’t read all of the comments, but in case no one’s already said it—

In the instances when tasers are fatal, there’s usually an additional conductor of electricity present. In real life, a man covered in soapy water with a metal bucket over his head would probably die from being tased.
Sequitur
April 29th, 2009 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

#197
(altogether now) Thank you, Uncle Lumpy!
Anonymous
April 29th, 2009 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

A3G: Dr. Joe Kelly is soaked from having a bucket of sudsy water dumped all over him, and in addition to being all wet, he is also wearing a metal bucket on his head.

By all means, Tase the hell out of him!
Islamorada Girl
April 29th, 2009 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

37: Poteet: That lady in NAQV is feminist firebrand Susan B. Anthony, and believe me, she’ll cut a bitch faster than Margo.
gnome de blog
April 29th, 2009 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

186 Gloppage:
Don’t kid yourself. Brad and Toni have been doin’ in for years behind Greg Evans’ back.

Ted Forth went to back to work as a strategic sorcerer and managed to attract the attention of the only woman in the office, even though none of the men knew he actually worked there.

Basil St. John has no visible means of support and no appreciable personality. He wears scarves like a matinee idol. When last seen, he was about to be murdered by an evil artifacts smuggler with whom he’d had an affair, only to be saved by his ex-wife who had come halfway around the world to hook up with him again, bringing his son by another woman along for the ride.

Sam ‘n Randy may have looks, money and fancy cars, but they’re boring. Even if Sam is married to the second-hottest woman in the comics. Even so, women throw themselves in their paths, and even manage to stay awake.

Les Moore, for whom depressed is a good mood, has two women vying for his affection. Only one of them is a psychopath. Meanwhile, he continues to carry on with his dead wife, who could easily have escaped his clutches by now.

Amos van Hoesen is kind of an idiot savant. He’s a gifted musician with no social skills.

You’re exactly right about Mark Trail.

The key here is – as Professor Doktor Fable has so eloquently termed it – “inexplicable” It is totally inexplicable that any woman would be attracted to any of these guys.

Well, Amos does have a certain lost-puppy charm and he does wear his tuxedo for fun, which may be a point in his favor. I don’t know. However, he kicked Edda out of bed at least twice and she kept coming back for more. That sounds pretty inexplicable to me.
dale
April 29th, 2009 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

A3G
Why isn’t bucket guy flopping around like crazy? He’s got soapy water or worse in his eyes and the only restraint seems to be the professor holding his wrists.
jaybrrd
April 29th, 2009 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

Today’s 9 Chickweed Lane is confusing. She’s dancing in pubes. While I’m glad they’re disposing of the hackneyed metaphors in illustration, this goes a bit too far in the other extreme.
Crunchy Frog
April 29th, 2009 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

#207 Dale —
And get tased? Would you be flopping around like crazy, with a trigger-happy nutjob standing there with a stun gun?
rhymes with puck
April 29th, 2009 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

Luann: That’s what Brad gets for ignoring superstitions and standing under a ladder.

Crankshaft: Remember how hilarious it was when the dictator and his butcher decided to spare our lives?

Phantom: The Unknown Commander doesn’t give orders to trainees, you stupid twits! — Old Jungle Saying

RMMD: So, Willy…have you ever seen a grown man naked?

Spider-Man: Spider Man, Spider Man. Does everything a douchebag can.

BB: A general allowing a private to come into his office it complain, and then the private deciding to do it in song? Damn it, Beetle Bailey’s getting too gritty and realistic for my tastes!

Pluggers: I think pretty much everything in a plugger’s life includes the words “All you can eat”.

Lola: Say “a turd”.
eric w
April 29th, 2009 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

As the drama unfolded, Aristotle looked on with a cheerful grin. It was all proceeding according to plan: the gentle ingenue, the elderly wise woman, the vile knight, and…..wait, what is this? What is this demon woman doing in my play? How dare she interf – noooooooooooo what is she doing with that umbrella?!

After the carnage had ended, Margo lay sated over the bodies, wearing Aristotle’s smug grin over her bloodstained fangs.
Queenie Gomez
April 30th, 2009 at 9:14 am [Reply]

Ahhhh….
Gina
April 30th, 2009 at 10:36 am [Reply]

MW: What happened to Adrian’s clothes during her trip to the police station? She was wearing red during the confrontation with Ted, but now she’s wearing purple. Either this is the “Mary Worth” way of telling us to feel sorry for her, or Adrian changed clothes en route for a job interview later at Enormoushop so she can earn back some of the $50k she gave to “Vicki.”
Mull Again
April 30th, 2009 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

Re. Mary Worth: “Matchstick men, matchstick men, make me a match…”
Mull Again
April 30th, 2009 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

Re Mary Worth: “Matchstick men, matchstick men, make me a match…”
dale
April 30th, 2009 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

208 – Crunchy
If I were tied up, threatened with a stun gun and blindfolded, I’d hold still. But that’s not what happened.
The guy would have been trying to clear his eyes, get loose from the professor and get the bucket off his head. The crazy woman is late to the game and he can’t see her.
BigDave
May 1st, 2009 at 9:47 am [Reply]

RMMD (5/1) – Poor Rex – all that time spent grooming the lad – feigning interest in his ’story’, spending cash on room service – only to be cock-blocked by June AGAIN.

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