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Jungle fever

The Phantom, 5/3/05

So it turns out that the Phantom is not going to defeat his enemies by shooting them in the back of the head. Instead, much more humanely, he’s going to avail himself of non-FDA-approved “Bandar medicine” to brainwash them, leaving them with shattered Manchurian Candidate-style psyches and glimpsed half-memories for the rest of their miserable lives.

The men at least are lucky: they’re just going to be dragged off to a filthy hut somewhere, be injected with the essence of God knows what quasipoisonous tropical root, and have their minds cleansed in a quick and business-like fashion. Mina, however, seems destined to first be brought (blindfolded, natch) into the Phantom’s waterfall-shrouded Love Cavern. Trust the Ghost-Who-Puts-The-Moves-On: no one will be harmed, but someone might have to listen to R. Kelly’s Chocolate Factory and deal with some scented candles.

A new artistic team recently took over The Phantom, and it’s good to see that they’re sticking to the strip’s proud tradition of baffling punctuation marks. Most people would have been satisfied with some wacky onomatopoetic noises in panel three, but I like the fact that they’ve rendered Sputt! as an exclamation, but Blubb!? as a question. “Blubb!?” Yes, Mina: blubb.

104 responses to “Jungle fever”

  1. Incident
    May 3rd, 2005 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    So… The Bandar folk can’t form coherent sentences IN THEIR OWN LANGUAGE?

  2. Luban
    May 3rd, 2005 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    Actually, I think Mina is attempting to communicate in the Bandar tongue. According to my Bandar-English dictionary, “Sputt! Blubb!?” roughly translates as: “Hot damn! Am I really going to get to see what’s under that striped Speedo!?”

    On the RMMD front: so Buck’s real name is Charles. Charles Foxworth. Hmmm. Is this some sort of inside joke appreciated only by fans of mid-’80s Activision games?

    http://www.goodolddays.net/c64/m/mississippi/

  3. Luban
    May 3rd, 2005 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    Holy Sputt! Mina’s Blubb-speak has somehow traveled all the way to Curtisville!

    http://www.chron.com/content/chronicle/comics/archive/showComick.mpl?date=20050504&name=Curtis

    “Blub blubber blubb-blub” indeed!

  4. DrBear
    May 4th, 2005 at 6:07 am [Reply]

    They’re also keeping alive another Phantom* tradition: extensive footnotes?!?!?!!!

    *also known as Mr. Walker, The Ghost Who Walks, and The Guy Who’s Worn the Same Purple Tights for 60 Years.

  5. yellojkt
    May 4th, 2005 at 6:40 am [Reply]

    I didn’t even know Curtis could speak Bandar!?

  6. yellojkt
    May 4th, 2005 at 6:43 am [Reply]

    At least the purple tights are better than the raincoat and sunglasses. He always looks like a flasher with a seeing eye dog when he tries to mingle inconspicuously in public. Yeah, that doesn’t stick out at all.

  7. Monkeys Uncle
    May 4th, 2005 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    “Trust me… no one will be harmed!”

    Just trust him Mina! It looks like The Phantom is gonna be cooking up some love gravy for you!

    Sputt!
    Blubb!?

    Thats right baby! Your with The Phantom now! Welcome to The Phantom’s Blubb shack! All Blubb! All The time!

    !!!!!!!

  8. luluchappel
    May 4th, 2005 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Today’s FBOFW has some Yiddish-seeming expressions–is it Yiddish slang? Is Lynn Johnston toying with us?

  9. Matt
    May 4th, 2005 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    “Blubb!?” would have been the perfect place for an interrobang (or several: ‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interrobang

  10. Archivalist
    May 4th, 2005 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    It’s German. It means:

    #@!&!! (You) $#@&!? [the you is understood]

  11. D. Trump
    May 4th, 2005 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Ida know about Lovey’s landlording skills. Hasn’t she ever heard of a DEPOSIT?

    Poor Mike has to drag wifey and kids into cleaning the new apartment. Lovey should take the money she should have from the previous tenants and hire someone to do the cleaning. I think that maybe she took that money and purchased several dozen cases of MD 20/20 to drown her sorrows.

    Oy

  12. Lassie
    May 4th, 2005 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Anyway, back to the Phantom. I’m always surprised when someone actually reads this thing, and why? It’s been in the comics for, oh, about a hundred years, and the stories never change. Time to give the Phantom something new to do – send him to NYC – after all, Tarzan went there to look for his son. Give the Phantom a computer and let’s watch him surf the net. Get the Phantom mixed up in the Hootsies and Tootsies real life war and drop these (apparent) ex-nazi sinister bad-guy villains who come direct from central casting of bad wartime B-movies, they are booooring. Not that I’m paying attention. Our Sunday comics section proudly features the Phantom, but inexplicably there is no daily strip in the daily comics. So there the Phantom is, taking up valuable Sunday comic strip space. WTF?

  13. Hutch Renfro
    May 4th, 2005 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Is that a lampshade on that guy’s head in panel one?

  14. Abbey the Wonderdog
    May 4th, 2005 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    In today’s RMMD we find out that Pus Boy has been lying to us. His name isn’t Buck it is Charles.

    Now that we know he is a liar, just what can we believe? Did he lie about the artifacts? The ancient lost tribe of Indians? His fencing experience?

    What about the way he tossed off numbers about FPF’s quote, maybe he was making the whole thing up. FPF didn’t like the fact that Pus Boy ruined his bid with a bunch of lies, so he went laid a fence post upside his head.

    Bark, Bark, Bark

  15. Sir H C
    May 4th, 2005 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    All I can imagine is that the Bandar guy is going to go, “We will erase their memories, but first, a little roo-roo”.

  16. kandor
    May 4th, 2005 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Looking at Phantom on 5/4, it seems the sole reason for the waterfall was to get Mina drenched and at his place. I’m guessing tomorrow’s strip will have him asking if she wants to change into something more comfortable.

  17. Spugnology
    May 4th, 2005 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    So, are we to understand that Mina mounted this enormous horse (probably a Shire or “Heavy”) blindfolded?? Hell, I can barely do it with my eyes open. And taking the Phantom’s hand would probably NOT be much help, unless he hauls her up by the hand and dislocates her arm.

  18. daChipster
    May 4th, 2005 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    My brief commentaries for the day:

    Apt 3G: The Doctors Howard are getting Mim everything – Prep School, College, Med School – maybe we should start with the basics: How about Birth Control?

    Mary Worth: Wasting no time, she rushes home and calls Rita, who, of course, has been waiting for the call like a black widow at the center of her web. Next: Dueling Dowagers of Death!

    Judge Parker: In another glacial-paced strip, da Judge has spent most of this spring trying to convince an ex-pat padre to give up the Cross of Cortez – undoubtedly the sister piece to the Cross of Coronado. I keep waiting for him to stress “It belongs in a MUSEUM” so that George Lucas can sue ‘toonists LaDoux and Wilson for theft of intellectual property.

    It would be the first time anyone used the term “intellectual” around their work.

  19. Dub Not Dubya
    May 4th, 2005 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    In real life, Bandar is a Saudi bigwig who is close to the Bush family. So I’m guessing this strip is actually a commentary on the current price of gasoline. What that comment is, I don’t know, but the name simply cannot be a coincidence.

  20. daChipster
    May 4th, 2005 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Dub – maybe it’s this: Bandar lives in an Eden, and we get soaked at the gas pump!

  21. Tenant, Apt 3F
    May 4th, 2005 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Apt 3G: The Doctors Howard are getting Mim everything – Prep School, College, Med School – maybe we should start with the basics: How about Birth Control?

    Yeah, Mim doesn’t have to worry about finding a job without a high school diploma or going on welfare or scraping by. I think if more unwed mothers in our country found a couple like the good doctors, we would be in much better shape. What is stopping them?

  22. Hysterical Woman
    May 4th, 2005 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Calm down, Abbey. Buck is just a nickname for Charles, just as Abbey is a nickname for Westminster Abbey. Now what’s this about a cupboard?

  23. RememberByronFrost
    May 4th, 2005 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    That’s right Tenant. This unrealistic sugar-coated Cinderella story would make a Cannibal vomit.

  24. Sassy_Rocks
    May 4th, 2005 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    What will Ms. Diana Palmer-Walker (for wife of the ghost who walks) think of the ghost who swings bringing the nubile Mina back to his lair for some bumping and grinding?

    I’m surprise Howard squared would still want Mim after seeing her freak afterbirth of a daughter.

  25. Flasshe
    May 4th, 2005 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    Sir H C, I believe that’s “chi-chi”, not “roo-roo”.

  26. Buzz Dixon
    May 4th, 2005 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    re “Bandar medicine” and your speculation “The men at least are lucky: they’re just going to be dragged off to a filthy hut somewhere, be injected with the essence of God knows what quasipoisonous tropical root, and have their minds cleansed in a quick and business-like fashion.”

    The thought that sprang unbidden to my mind was the punchline to an old dirty joke: “But first….WIKKI-WIKKI!”

  27. Flasshe
    May 4th, 2005 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    I keep telling you people, it’s not “roo-roo” or “wikki-wikki”, it’s “chi-chi”!

  28. ianx
    May 4th, 2005 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    I like to believe that Afghanistan, in turn, is thinking about Funky Winkerbean.

  29. Kim
    May 4th, 2005 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Gracious, I need new glasses. I misread Mina’s declaration as “Sputti Blubbi?” and was appropriately mystified. Perhaps it’s an 80s cover band? Like Scritti Politti?

    …nah. I got nothin’.

  30. tonal_quality
    May 4th, 2005 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    For the love of God, someone please save us from the heavy emotional dreck (drek?) that is Funky Winkerbean!

  31. Midlist Writer
    May 4th, 2005 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Dave Barry says it’s “roo-roo”. (?)
    I like to think of the Phantom’s bad guys spending years in therapy trying to recall their lost memories. No doubt they will conclude they were kidnapped by aliens in purple suits and subjected to weird roo-roo testing. And they will all get huge book contracts and talk show appearances and film deals and be famous.

    Poop.

  32. Smitty Smedlap
    May 4th, 2005 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    The punchline, as I’ve heard it (on the BBC series “League of Gentlemen,” to be exact), is “Death by mao-mao!”

  33. Islamorada Girl
    May 4th, 2005 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Lovey is saying the former tenants are slobs and trash. That’s as close as I can get to an English translation. Yiddish is a very colorful language, or so thinks this shiksa.

    Meanwhile, check out the crosshatched shadow behind Meddlin’ Mary in Wednesday’s second panel. Is that FaysRestlessSpirit, trying to warn her away from Momzilla? Warning her whatever she does, don’t go to chez Begler for an Alpo casserole lunch?
    Dueling Dowagers of Death! Fabulous, Chipster!

  34. B. Gates
    May 4th, 2005 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    There is something wrong with my browser. It is not translating the < <>> Bandar Tags. All I get is the English translation.

    Sad.

  35. NatsFan
    May 4th, 2005 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    Are the sunday Phantom strips on a different (and extremely slow to develop) story track than the weekday strips? Because otherwise, you’re only getting tiny snippets of the whole picture.

  36. yellojkt
    May 4th, 2005 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Sunday Phantom strips are a completely different storyline than weekday strips. That’s an advantage because then you don’t have the overlap problem where the first panel of the Sunday strip is a rehash of the Friday and Saturday strips and Monday and Tuesday summarize Sunday for papers that don’t carry the Sunday strip.

    That said, it means there are always two completely inane Phantom storylines to follow and if you can recall from week to week what is goin on in the Sunday one, you have a better mind for retention of trivial information than I do. I can’t even tell you what’s going on on Sunday’s right now.

  37. Valient Thorr
    May 4th, 2005 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    i posted this early today after reading the paper, and someone shot me over here… this site is awesome!! so, here are the strips that run in raleigh NC, a few of them, you don’t have sections for, but i’m sure are familiar with. This is what i dubbed the GREAT COMIC STRIP FUNNY/NOT FUNNY DEBATE, and it rages on as we speak…

    for better or for worse: not funny
    blondie: not funny
    jump start: not funny
    garfield: tired, but still funny
    zits: blah
    peanuts: classic and totally funny
    rose is rose: not funny
    luann: not funny
    non sequitur: who cares
    drabble: see hi and lois
    curtis: not funny
    bizarro: tries really hard to be farside
    marmaduke: not at all funny
    family circus: please shoot bil keane
    dennis the menace: not funny
    boondocks: HILARIOUS
    mutts: horrible
    shoe: never funny
    funky winkerbean: no one reads this
    get fuzzy: replaced calvin & hobbes as most read comic; funny
    dilbert: NOT FUNNY
    fox trot: hmmmm…. decent
    sally forth: not funny
    cathy: not at all funny
    rhymes with orange: not funny
    hagar the horrible: funny
    gil thorp: go away
    B.C.: not funny
    baby blues: not funny ever
    hi & lois: not funny
    beetle bailey: not funny (mort walker ripped off chris browne (hagar), and chance browne (hi & lois) ripped off mort walker who ripped his brother (chris browne)!)
    kudzu: pretty funny
    sylvia: not funny
    andy capp: always funny
    wizard of id: always funny

  38. grapenuts
    May 4th, 2005 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    I’m confused. In today’s Blondie, Blondie is working in what looks like a deli. But in past strips, she was supposed to be an event planner of some sort, since she is often seen sitting at a table with a laptop asking people about what kind of party they’d like to have. What is her occupation supposed to be?

  39. CT
    May 4th, 2005 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    That Phantom, he’s tough but fair.

    Garfield is funny?

    Per Marge Simpson, Hagar the Horrible is not funny.

  40. udongirl
    May 4th, 2005 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    grapenuts -

    Blondie runs a catering business, hence the event planning and the sandwichs.

  41. MrPerson
    May 4th, 2005 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    The Phantom is actually a wildly popular comic book over here. Full-page stories and all. The trouble is… They’re ALL EXACTLY THE SAME WITH MINOR DIFFERENCES! Once in a while, you’ll see someone do something interesting with The Phantom, but for the most part, you get the same old stories, with horrendous pacing and odd panel design decisions. I can see that the Phantom strips are even worse.

    Which puts it on a par with just about every other comic that’s commented on here, I guess!

  42. MrPerson
    May 4th, 2005 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    And the funny thing about Hägar the Horrible is that, well, in the past, it used to have a pretty extensive cast. Sadly, after a few years, that was also the only funny thing about it.

  43. Incident
    May 4th, 2005 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    I used to like that one Phantom cartoon where Phantom was in the future. And he fought Mark Hamill. I think. Maybe I dreamed it all.

    Oh, and Abbey, Buck is his pornstar name. Duh.

  44. Luban
    May 4th, 2005 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    In today’s RMMD we find out that Pus Boy has been lying to us. His name isn’t Buck it is Charles. Now that we know he is a liar, just what can we believe?

    I’m pretty sure we’re about to find out that Charles Foxworth is heir to the great Foxworth fortune, but that he gave it all up to pursue his grubby archaeology digs, sans HEALTH INSURANCE no less. He’s got a Howard Hughes vibe going for him (well, OK, except for the germophobia… Buck/Charles is more of a germophile).

  45. The Disembodied Voice
    May 4th, 2005 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    I see that others from Gene Weingarten’s following have infiltrated this site! It is most definitely “roo roo.”

    Oh wow. I was hoping that the funeral would close the book on this godawful storyline in Mary Worth; but no, Mary and Rita have a lunch date. Now we have to watch more inane conversation full of trite comments such as, “I know it must be so hard to lose a daughter!” WHY, GOD, WHY? WILL THIS PLOTLINE NEVER DIE?!

  46. Paris H.
    May 4th, 2005 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Not THE Charles Foxworth?!?!?!

    Wow.

    I wondered where he had gone. I thought for sure he would turn up in Mexico chasing a valuble cross, or out in the woods looking for a diamond studded dog collar. Even in deepest, darkest Bandar chasing Nazi spies.

    We miss him at Foxworth Fences.

  47. TJ
    May 4th, 2005 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    Disembodied Voice,

    Are you joking? This plotline only started about two weeks ago after the miserable dreck that was Dr. Brian and Anna’s cooing and baby-making for the last few months. Oh no, we have at least until September for Mary and Rita to rehash the lost daughter angle.

  48. dimestore lipstick
    May 4th, 2005 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    If they were Amazons, as opposed to just being from the Amazon, it would be snoo snoo.

  49. Joe D.
    May 4th, 2005 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been thinking about comics too much. The last thought that I remember from last night before I fell asleep was about when Jeremy from Zits had a weird crush on Katie Couric. Now I don’t know if that was something that actually happened (I think it did) or if I came up with it during a partial sleep state.

    Also, Hutch Renfro made a brief appearance in my dream. He was the “celebrity” dealer on some “celebrity” poker show on the Travel Channel. He got a standing ovation and then turned into a billy goat.

    I realize that this all has nothing to do with today’s comics, but fellow Josh-heads need to know.

  50. Incident
    May 4th, 2005 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe we’ve gone on this long without making a “this is how the Phantom gets a lady wet” joke.

  51. daChipster
    May 4th, 2005 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    “My wife and I are both doctors and we recently adopted an unwed teen-age mother…”

    “Yesterday, a masked man in purple lycra blindfolded me…”

    “The other night, at our baseball team’s weekly poker game…”

    Wouldn’t all these storylines improve if they began with “Dear Penthouse Forum?”

  52. TwoClubs
    May 4th, 2005 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    —daChipster:
    “Mary Worth: Wasting no time, she rushes home and calls Rita, who, of course, has been waiting for the call like a black widow at the center of her web. Next: Dueling Dowagers of Death!”

    You win, Chip!! LOL!

  53. daChipster
    May 4th, 2005 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    Hey wait! Mina’s blindfolded and Phantom just reaches out and says take my hand?

    “Mina take my hand…That’s not my hand.”

    “Sez you!”

  54. Fay'sRestlessSpirit
    May 4th, 2005 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    Ahem, correction Chip my friend,,,, the HORSE says “that’s not his hand!”

  55. Islamorada Girl
    May 4th, 2005 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    Disembodied Voice—Is that you, Gene?

  56. Fay'sRestlessSpirit
    May 4th, 2005 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    And you got that right re: “Dear Penthouse Forum” pre-emptive to these story lines, TOOOOOOOO Funny!

    RMMD: My wife and I recently befriended a handsome pus-encrusted vagrant with stubbly beard and bad B.O.,
    we quickly figured out what our next step would be,, until… disaster struck and she and I had to stay with him in ICU 24/7, along with our very lustful dog Abbey……..

  57. zot
    May 4th, 2005 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    Nah. Gene would be current on Mary Worth.

  58. Incident
    May 4th, 2005 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    Dear Penthouse,

    I never believed your letters were true. Then I met a lonely housewife and showed her my bone. Her husband came home, but he wasn’t mad, he was mostly interested in pitchng my tent. Then he took me for a helicopter ride.

  59. Incident
    May 4th, 2005 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    Dammit, now I owe Fay’sRestlessSpirit a dollar.

  60. Fay'sRestlessSpirit
    May 4th, 2005 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    Hey, you’re as cheap as my freeloading mooching (soon to be Mary Worth-sex-slave) mother!

  61. RememberByronFrost
    May 4th, 2005 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    TG we have Josh to keep us kids in line with his Manchurian Candidate references and numerous witty non-sexual observations.. lest this blog lose its integrity and prurient value.

  62. Peaches
    May 4th, 2005 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    If I recall correctly, Mina is actually a guy. It’s been a while since I followed the Phantom
    (great name for a band) but I seem to recall Prince Mina is actually in charge of some Middle Eastern Kingdom. Or something like that. Do you know how humiliating it is to admit I know this?

  63. Peaches
    May 4th, 2005 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    Not that it would make any difference what gender Blonde Boy is to some white guy who lives in the jungle and wears purple leotards. He’s already roadside in the worst Michael Jackon way.

  64. RememberByronFrost
    May 4th, 2005 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    but I still love these Penthouse Forum stories: one more before I go:

    I, too, never believed your letters were true.

    But I got crunk one night and knocked up my 17 year old randy girlfriend, who was adopted by two doctors. Needless to say they knew a lot of nurses too, and I was invited over there one night to catch a glimpse at my bastard child. and……

  65. RememberByronFrost
    May 4th, 2005 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    sorry, meant to sign that one as Chucker-the Fu**er

    (wonder if we will EVER see him? Sheesh, how lazy are these comic strip artists? just draw a lowlife so we can picture lil Lilianne’s dad!)

  66. Incident
    May 4th, 2005 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    Dear Penthouse:

    My wife makes “chocolate.”

  67. JohnnyC
    May 4th, 2005 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Rita will suggest that Mary join her for lunch chez Begler, so they can share trite observations while eating the same tubular, gelatinous stuff that caused poor Fay to hallucinate a stray dog in the road?

  68. TwoClubs
    May 4th, 2005 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    RBF–It’s LIL-I-AN-A. Or LILY to you!

  69. RememberByronFrost
    May 4th, 2005 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    faux paz here for sure (or should I say Fox Paws?) I call her “Lily”…….. get a brain Mim

  70. RememberByronFrost
    May 4th, 2005 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    Mim to Penthouse Forum:

    I was a 17-year old virgin from bum-fuk egypt, smitten with a muscular black dude about 7 feet tall, (said he played for the Knicks)

    yaddda yadddda, happy ending

  71. RememberByronFrost
    May 4th, 2005 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    sorry about your luck Chuck

    This 7-foot dude from the Knicks provides whatever lil Lily and I need, but I will milk the doctors while I’m at it, k?

  72. daChipster
    May 4th, 2005 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    Incident: It took me a minute to remember “chocolate” then I really chuckled.

    Fay Wraith (<-get it?): Horses AND dogs? – I wanna party with YOU girl!

    I had no idea that my little Forum joke would tap into such a seething caldron of barely repressed sexuality in this crew… I LOVE it.

    But RBF is right, we should stop. It’s not right. It is sOooo beneath the dignity of this august board….

    Well, maybe just one or two more:

    “My dad’s new associate at his dental practice was SUCH a MORSEL. I would just melt whenever he said my name…”

    (Ewww-factor warning on this next one:)

    “I couldn’t understand why my son didn’t want me barging into his room. What did he want to keep private from me?”

  73. Fay'sRestlessSpirit
    May 4th, 2005 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    ahem,,,, let’s have some dignity here for the dead (undead)

    I wanna know sup with my Mom (Fay) and Mary Worthless.. pisses me off that I’m dead and they’re gonna be chowing down on lobster casseroles next week,,, dayum

    nevermind,, here comes the Pope… and Elvis, what a pair

  74. daChipster
    May 4th, 2005 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    (strange result of the last post – editted and trying again)

    Incident: It took me a minute to remember “chocolate” then I really chuckled.

    Fay Wraith (get it?): Horses AND dogs? – I wanna party with YOU girl!

    I had no idea that my little Forum joke would tap into such a seething caldron of barely repressed sexuality in this crew… I LOVE it.

    But RBF is right, we should stop. It’s not right. It is sOooo beneath the dignity of this august board….

    Well, maybe just one or two more:

    “My dad’s new associate at his dental practice was SUCH a MORSEL. I would just melt whenever he said my name…”

    (Ewww-factor warning on this next one:)

    “I couldn’t understand why my son didn’t want me barging into his room. What did he want to keep private from me?”

  75. Peaches
    May 4th, 2005 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    MrP–Where’s “over here”? I really hope it’s not Milford. That would be too perfect.

  76. Fay'sRestlessSpirit
    May 4th, 2005 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    Yes just remembered that chocolate reference too,,,,, ewwwww

  77. zot
    May 4th, 2005 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    “My girlfriend and I met a hot woman at a funeral. . .”

  78. RememberByronFrost
    May 4th, 2005 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    Well Chip how bout this? we should preface any (adults only) comment like this
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KIDS, don’t read this, k?
    that way, the kids won’t read em..

    (submission coming with parental controls)

  79. Chuck
    May 4th, 2005 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    Hello Father, I am admitting my sins (in a confessional)

    Priest: are you a Catholic?

    Hell no, I just needed to tell somebody
    that I screwed 4 girls in the last 24 hours

  80. Chuck
    May 4th, 2005 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    get over it guys, you were 21 once

  81. Chuck
    May 4th, 2005 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    hellooooo? is this thing on? I was lying, ok?

    to a Priest, yet?

    OK, I understand all of you Josh-heads hate me, but you haven’t heard my story yet.,, have you? Pity poor Mim and the lil Lilianna,,,, no one wants to hear my side of the story

  82. daChipster
    May 4th, 2005 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Chuck – you reminded me of a joke.

    Sean O’Connor went into confession:

    Bless me Fadder, fer I’ve sinned. I lay with a married woman. A woman here in the parish.

    Will you be after tellin’ me who, at all?

    Ah, no Fadder, for I’ve given me word, so I have.

    Well, I can’t absolve you without your tellin’. Could it have been Mary Costello?

    No Fadder, ’tweren’t Mary Costello.

    Well, was it Colleen O’Laughlin?

    No Fadder, I’ve never spent no time with Colleen.

    You’re not tellin’ me it was Kate O’Reilly?

    Fadder, I can’t say who, but it sure weren’t Kate.

    Well, was it Maureen O’Dowd, at all, at all?

    Fadder, it weren’t Mrs. O’Dowd, and I give me word I wouldn’t spill it, e’en to the likes o’ you.

    Well, bless you for a gentleman, Seaneen, but I can’t absolve you. Be off with ye then.

    As Sean came out, his pal Brendan was waiting for him in the last pew: Well, boyo, did the Fadder give you absolution.

    He did not, Brendan McCarthy, but he did give me four good leads.

  83. ElvesWhoMakeThe Cookies
    May 4th, 2005 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    What a great Irishman ya are der da Chip
    and thank ye fer da leads as well

  84. KeeblerElves
    May 4th, 2005 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    More blubb Mule!

  85. krispy kreme
    May 4th, 2005 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    Do the phantom and the rhino guy use the same tailor?

    I gotta say, the phantom outfit is hot. I’d go blubb with him anytime.

  86. Pookie
    May 4th, 2005 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    (Let’s all talk like this!)

  87. KeeblerElves
    May 4th, 2005 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    I’d go blubb with Pusboy if I was clunk

  88. Admasturbator
    May 4th, 2005 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I’m in charge here since the Administrator is absent, take a chill pill kids

    let’s keep a G rating,

    but yeh like to talk this blubb jive

  89. Fay'sRestlessSpirit
    May 4th, 2005 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    here’s one for Penthouse:

    I died recently and my mother has sent me eerie spiritual messages regarding her new relationship with menage-a-trois, mom, Mary and Jeff

    I know one thing, Mary makes kick-ass casseroles,,, as for Jeff, so sorry
    don’t count on much from him…..

  90. Sourbelly
    May 4th, 2005 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    “Big friend”?

  91. Fay'sRestlessSpirit
    May 4th, 2005 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    been there done that

  92. Luban
    May 4th, 2005 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    Blubb Rap-Dog here with the south side, blubbin’ the hip-hop in Blubb Valley, brah.

  93. Honey
    May 4th, 2005 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    “You must choose: death, or Chee-chee.”
    “Ah, I think I’ll take death, chief.”
    “You choose death! Wise! But first, a little chee-chee!”
    –Firesign Theatre

    When I see the word Bandar, all I can think of are the monkey people from The Jungle Book.

  94. J.Po
    May 5th, 2005 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    Hmmm…thought “SPUTT! BLUBB!” would be the sound effect that follows Mina’s taking…er, some of the Phantom’s special Bandar Medicine.

    Immediately followed by “you promised, Phantom!”

  95. Hysterical Woman
    May 5th, 2005 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Mina’s a guy? Oh well, it’s a dark cave.

  96. Peaches
    May 5th, 2005 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    What’s the whole roo-roo/chi-chi joke? I forgot. Someone help me out here.

  97. The Disembodied Voice
    May 5th, 2005 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    No, just another faithful follower–but I’m flattered!!!

  98. The Disembodied Voice
    May 5th, 2005 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    No, just another faithful follower–but I’m flattered!!!

  99. johnwhorfin
    May 5th, 2005 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    Dontcha tink dat The Phantom coulda given a warnin’ to Mina, like “Here comes the waterfall, shut your mouth so you don’t have to ‘Sputt and Blubb’(at least until we reach my cozy little cave)”?

  100. The Rhino
    May 5th, 2005 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    No, by the same logic he blindfolded her *before* making her mount his horse.

    That said, I wouldn’t mind mounting a horse with the Phantom and riding to his cozy little cave. If he would just lose the diagonally striped briefs.

  101. Buzz Dixon
    May 6th, 2005 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    Peaches: 3 explorers are captured by n natives. The chief offers them a choice: Death or wikki-wikki. The first explorer chooses wikki-wikki, not knowing what it is. A San Francisco bath house occurs, if you know what I mean and I think you do. The chief asks the 2nd explorer which he prefers; the 2nd explorer would rather suffer the indignity of wikki-wikki than die, so another San Francisco bath house occurs. The chief then asks the 3rd explorer who says he would rather die than endure a San Francisco bath house.

    “You are a brave and honorable man,” says the chief, “and you shall die like the noble warrior you are, but first…

    …..WIKKI-WIKKI!”

  102. Peaches
    May 6th, 2005 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    Thanks Buzz! Now it all comes back to me!
    Although I kind of wish it hadn’t..;-)

  103. Adouble
    May 9th, 2005 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    One Yiddish speaking co-worker of mine translated “shmutsig” as “dirty

  104. NoWhereMan
    March 15th, 2006 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    “You are a brave and honorable man,” says the chief, “and you shall die like the noble warrior you are, but first…

    …..WIKKI-WIKKI!”

    My version ends with the chief saying “You shall have death … by WIKKI-WIKKI!”

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