The Comics Curmudgeon

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Metapost: Comments of the week, plus other things

Your CsOTW momentarily, but first a couple of important items! The first, sent to me by several faithful readers, is from Shortpacked artist David Willis. You may know him as the genius behind the Finger-Quotin’ Margo shirt, and such strips as “Funky CancerCancer” and “My Mother Is F’in Insane.” Today, he brings you “Funky CreepyCreepy.” It’s … pretty much you’d think, based on the title.

Also, fans of soap opera strips (which I assume all of you are) will enjoy these podcastifications of romance strips! Thanks to faithful reader Sage Tyrtle for the tip.

And now … your comment of the week!

“Mary recognizes that a dramatic event has occurred without her involvement and, in mourning, wears black.” –150

And your runners-up:

“As for the Pluggers, they’re all hard-of-hearing, so this all-caps entry is just a more authentic glimpse into their lives. They’ve got to shout at one another just to hear themselves.” –the scientist

“We love how Diana Palmer, power-suited urban sophisticate in real life, lounges around with her spandex-clad hubby. We’re all for dressing nicely, but that designer Oona Oop number and gold armbands looks both uncomfortable and très précieuse for casual cavewear.” –Fashion Police

“As other commenters have suggested, it does seem likely this Janet Brookins is some relative of the Chief Plugger, most likely his wife, I would think. If so, does that mean he thinks of himself as the morose corpulent hound to his wife’s querulous bloated chicken?” –Violet

“IT IS RUSTY! Finally! It’s the BEST DAY EVER!” –TheCasey

“I’m endlessly amused by Margo’s use of a cell phone. She clearly thinks it’s some kind of walkie talkie that she can shout orders into. I haven’t been reading the strip very long, so the only part of her backstory I know is that she was a highly-trained assassin left behind in Vietnam after the war. I like how you can see bits of it in the confused but militaristic way she handles modern technology. It’s brilliantly drawn.” –Les of the Jungle Patrol

“Don’t despair, Dennis’ dad; I think Chicken Lady Plugger might be up for a little action. A handful of feed corn, and you’re in like the Colonel!” –Pozzo

“Actually I would have summed up today’s Pluggers as ‘Pluggers are dying, and they’re dying to tell you about it.’” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“I recommend panel 3 be recycled for a storyline in which Mark does a genital self-examination.” –Joe Blevins

“Pluggers only hock the TV after they run out of redundant organs to sell.” –Muffaroo

“I personally look forward to the strip that reveals Mark Trail has fists that erupt from his eyes.” –Rebochan

“A thought balloon would suggest that Mark has some kind of inner life, which he does not. He climbs, he races, he punches, he looks, he pokes up the fire, he talks aloud. He does not think.” –the good ship thetis

“Marital relations? I was under the impression that Mark Trail releases spores.” –Aging Hipster

“Whoa, Adrian, I don’t know what you put in those cupcakes, but it sure made your kitchen go all non-Euclidean on us.” –wagmore barkless

“You are your mother’s daughter, that’s for sure! Now, stand still while I take a hair sample, because simple math shows how unlikely it is that you’re also mine.” –BigTed

“As Adrian stares into her gloomy future, Jeff obediently repeats the words dictated to him by the tiny device in his ear.” –Poteet

“You have to feel bad for Herb. How can a man who doesn’t understand the concept of proper nouns be expected to explain anything?” –Wasabi Jane

“I like the fact that Jeffy seems mortified by Dolly’s ‘extravagant’ offer of cold cereal to Mommy on her special day. I suspect he suggested to the others that they make pancakes and bacon, or perhaps cheese blintzes, for her, and now he has to wear one of PJ’s snugglies, to hide the bruises.” –bats :[

“Your father told me about Ted. I’m so sorry! Let me recap your personal misfortune here in your workplace, within earshot of all of your friends, co-workers, and patients!” –Harold

“I like the lines of suck coming from the half Spiderman in the throwaway panel. It’s all like ‘We know! He’s terrible. And stinky.’” –Sarah

“Has … has Tommie’s entire life been leading up to Han Solo cosplay? The haircut, like Harrison Ford … the face that would look more appropriate on Harrison Ford … the complete lack of femininity, like Harrison Ford…” –Dragon of Life

“The economy is hurting the Hi and Lois characters worse than I thought: Hi is drinking cold beans straight from the can. I think Ditto’s reaction is a double whammy of ‘They buried Beethoven ALIVE?!’ and stepping into the noxious plume behind his father’s ass.” –survivor

“Wow, Brad is flushing his shot at pity sex right down the toilet. And Toni won’t even help him.” –Digger

And you should actually go back to yesterday’s thread and read Captain Thunder and Comrade Denny’s on-the-fly collaborative opus They Buried Beethoven Alive!, which takes my one-off joke to its hilarious conclusion over multiple posts. Just search on their names, alternatingly.

I give prodigious thanks to those who put some money in my tip jar — you know who you are! I’d also thank our advertisers … if there were any who bought BlogAds ads, and who thus get thanked every week! Sadly, there aren’t any this week — maybe next week I’ll be thanking you! To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 11, 2009 at 10:31 pm and is filed under Funky Winkerbean, metaposts.

118 responses to “Metapost: Comments of the week, plus other things”

buckyswife
May 11th, 2009 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

A rollicking zombie tale, and then great CsOTW–it’s been a good evening! Congrats, all!
Niall
May 11th, 2009 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

I laughed quite out loud, guffaws and all, at many comments which I had not seen, being busy most of this past week. Excellent!!

And more kudos to the Zombie Writers. Wait, no, I didn’t mean it like that…
Poteet
May 11th, 2009 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

Congratulations, 150! And ditto to all the merry makers of runners-up!

I am ridiculously happy to be on the float again, and will start tossing chocolate immediately. As an aside, my comment was intended for the second panel of the 5/8 MW, rather than the 5/7, though of course Jeff’s device may be a permanent implant.
Joseph Finn
May 11th, 2009 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

Oh dear god, I’m going to have a nightmare from that Funky Creepy comic.
Captain Thunder
May 11th, 2009 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

Well, I think They Buried Beethoven Alive! is pretty much finished. It was a wild ride, and I really appreciate the collaborative effort Comrade Denny put into it with me. For the record, it featured:

*A Bruce Campbell-esque Chuck Berry
*Mick Jagger and Sarah Brightman being zombified
*Yo-Yo Ma as a cyberpunk martial artist
*The Bachs reimagined as a Belmont-style family of monster hunters
*Montanastein
*Andre Bocelli, Pavarotti, and Monteverdi as a team of Italian super-spies
*Mozart, the Vampire King of Europe
*The ever-mysterious John Cage
*Braaaiinnnns!
sugarpie
May 11th, 2009 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

Yes! Congratualtions To all! Tough week for Josh to try and single out the best-so much malice. Amazing how such crap comics bring such joy!
Captain Thunder
May 11th, 2009 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

So who’s going to do They Buried Beethoven Alive! 2: Undead Beloved?
commodorejohn
May 11th, 2009 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

Okay, Comrade Denny, Captain Thunder, Mr. O’Malley, give yourselves some friggin’ medals.
Clint
May 11th, 2009 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

Sweet poker-faced Jesus I love Shortpacked so goddamn much. I want to marry that comic.
dyslexic dog
May 11th, 2009 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

Funky Creepy, Funky Creepy, Creepy, Creepy, . . . , no, no, no, please, don’t mess up Funky Pretty.
Jamus The Bartender
May 11th, 2009 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

Color me impressed by Captain Thunder and Comrade Denny. Very much :) It even get’s a mention in the Cassandra story. Take a look….
The Cat And The Curmudgeon
Cat’s In The Cradle;”You Are Cordially Invited…”
After Ashley, Maureen, and myself taped up Violet’s hand, which had been cut by a shard of margarita glass upon finding out that Cassandra was having a baby, Cass managed to fanagle an invite to the Chihuahua/Doberman nuptuials.
I was a little worried. ” You sure that was a good idea, honey? I mean, they’ve probably had their guest list all made up and everything…”
Cass smiled at me and said, ” It’s okay, Jamus.” Which, in Cassandra-speak, meant, ” We’re not going to discuss this anymore, get your tux pressed.”
So, I did. In the midst of disease, famine, zombie composer war and the passing of Dom DeLuise, we were going to a wedding.
It was actually a nice wedding. Little bit of drama, sure, but it could have been so much worse. Cassandra actually behaved herself for once and didn’t start any catfights with the ladies( hee hee), so, gentlemen, look for your fetish fuel elsewhere.
Violet looked good. Rex was also suprisingly humble…well, for Rex, anyway. Maureen and Cassandra were talking mommy stuff at one of the tables when Ashely pulled me aside.
She looked at me like I was about to run the bulls in Spain…I think it’s Pamplona. Is that right? Yeah, Pamplona. ” So…Jamus, are you really ready for this?”
Everyone else had offered their congratulations and jokes about ” your life is over, ha ha” and such, but Ashley looked genuinely concerned. No big suprise. When Cassandra and I were…not, Ashley and I often wound up in each other’s …places of residence, to put it gently.
I nodded and took a drink of mineral water. No more booze for daddy. Or coffee. Or corn syrup. Or saturated fats…you get the idea.
” Yeah, it’s gonna be fine…”
Ashley grabbed my shoulders and shook me a little, ” Don’t give me that shit. You’re gonna be a father, now, what do you really think, you asshole??”
She looked at me with that look that said, ” We’ve been together, don’t try to bullshit me.”
I took a breath and said, ” I’m scared to death, I wake up in cold sweats, and i’m not really sure I can do this…”
Ashley whispered, ” Okay then…”
” But I want to do it for Cassandra.”
She smiled and hugged me. ” That’s more like it.”
After a clumsy toast given by Jeff T Shark, Cass and I went to chat with Norm and Bridget.
” Cassandra, I heard the good news from Ashely. Congratulations, honey” Bridget said as she hugged Cass and gave me a small wink. Norm and I shook hands as I said, ” Got any advice on child rearing, Norm?”
Norm gave an uncomfortable laugh and mumbled something like, ” I dunno.” Something didn’t seem right between Norm and Bridget. No holding hands or geek talk about Lost and such. Not that they got into any fights during the wedding, but they were acting like strangers. Deliberate strangers. They were deliberately not talking to one another.
Cassandra noticed it right off the bat as we got back to the apartment and got dressed for bed. Me in boxers, and her in a Yes We Can t-shirt and nothing else. ” Norm and Bridget are gonna break up, Jamus.” she said as she got under the covers, her voice cracking a bit.
“Hm? What makes you say that?” I asked.
“They love each other, but they didn’t hold hands or anything. At a wedding. We had a nice time, you danced with me and kissed my neck in front of everyone, you glared at Max when he suggested a foursome with Maureen, and kicked him when he tried to pick up that ice sculpture, thank you for that by the way…but Norm and Bridget were really quiet and not talking to each other much. They’re gonna break up.”
I’ll say this….a thief has to be good at reading people, and i’ve never known her to be wrong about things like this. ” Jamus, come to bed, okay baby?”
“Sure, honey, just a minute.”
“NOW! Please, baby, and hold me..”
I did as she asked.
I held her for as long as she wanted. It was forty five minutes later when she asked me to make love to her.
I asked her an important question.
“No, you won’t break the baby, honey..” she said as she slipped down my boxers…
boojum
May 12th, 2009 at 12:18 am [Reply]

I’m confused. Is Beethoven really dead, or not?

Great COTWs, everybody!

(In the absence of a universal standard, I have chosen to adopt the form COTWs and not CsOTW — or C’sotW — as it is closest to Texas usage…. you know, like SOBs, or sonofaBITCHes.)
Niall
May 12th, 2009 at 12:18 am [Reply]

Yesterthread truly became an Ode to Brains. Much wowness.

And after two late late nights and sleep dep and noshing on dark choco with grappa or ice wine, I’m off to sleep and if there are dreams.. they should be.. interesting…
Muffaroo
May 12th, 2009 at 12:21 am [Reply]

Jamus @11 – There’s a movie about Flying Hellcats, or Hellcats of the Navy, or Flying Navy Cats, or something (cats!) where the fliers are drunk, and Barbara Eden tries to sneak out with a bunch of money hidden in a doll. The flyers want to hold the ‘baby,’ and Barbara resists, and one thing leads to another, and the doll goes flying, and there’s doll parts all over and unmarked bills falling like autumn leaves. The fliers are shocked almost sober. There is a silence. Then one of the horrified fliers manages to speak:

“…Bugs broke the baby…!”

(Yeah, I could use IMDB to look up the movie. Then what? I’ll catch it on TV one day, and the scene will have somehow changed into something really stupid. I’ll keep what I have.)

Josh – Oh, thank you, thank you! And thanks for the showcase. I swear, I read all the comments, and yet when it comes to the COTW, it’s like I’m seeing half of them for the first time. A concentrated draught of glacial snark, pure and bracing.
bats :[
May 12th, 2009 at 12:37 am [Reply]

A bit of a let-down, after the Monday zaniness, but here are a few Toosday Toon observations:

A3G: yes, indeed, Margo is correct. And I hope that if I’m ever in trouble, some of you good folks would tase my oppressors.

Edge City: you know, I’d love for the oldsters to find their crooked broker and get the reward. It might be reality, but the whole economic mess has encroached too much onto the comics page. And it ain’t funny!

JP: evidently, Marcie’s ‘do is donated, courtesy of Niki’s meth-addicted mom.

MT: and in the fine tradition of True Fable and His Ninja Goats, Mark Trail’s squadron of samurai squirrels move steadily, silently into position…
Meanwhile, the keen insight of Baldy McBadguy demonstrates that Sassy would be no help at all with moving the log.

Mutts: love da shnub!

FC: because you’re stupid, Jeffy. (This response pretty much can be used with all Jeffy conversations.)

Phantom: not so much today’s episode, but Monday, with Kit and Diaper-lad despoiling the deep woods!
“But, Fahthuh, I don’t want to be the next Phantom…I…just…want…to…sing….”

RMMD: yay! More bedroom talk…and posing!
OTOH, upgraded to an even FANCIER cabin, for what? One more day? Ooooh, generous to a fault!
kurt
May 12th, 2009 at 12:55 am [Reply]

MT: Oh gawd, Squirrel’s givin’ the orders again.
bats :[
May 12th, 2009 at 1:07 am [Reply]

Woo hoo! I get to sit next to Poteet and fling ~~poo~~ beads and candy and breakfast cereal (just like the Keane kids!)! Thanks, Josh!

This calls for even more celebration!
And skin!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3524758140/sizes/o/
Jamus The Bartender
May 12th, 2009 at 1:20 am [Reply]

14/ Muffaroo: I KNEW I heard that from somewhere…
The Scientist
May 12th, 2009 at 1:20 am [Reply]

My first trip to the runners-up pile! Thanks for the laughs everybody!
Festooned Dragoon
May 12th, 2009 at 1:28 am [Reply]

Mark Trail: Given the revelation that this whole plan was masterminded by a squirrel (surprise, surprise!) I think we can understand why it’s been going swimmingly thus far.
True Fable
May 12th, 2009 at 1:41 am [Reply]

9 Inchweed Heels Stop it STOP IT RIGHT NOW! Okay, the damn heels are back with their rightful owner, now cut this shit out!

Margo Knows Best No tears, Tommie. No man is allowed to make you cry, not when you have friends that can make you cry much more efficiently.

Cathy (Must Die) Squick.

C’haft Didn’t we all see this coming?

Dennis Schmenace just wait to hear what Alice has in store for you, little man.

Dickless Tracy If you have to ask, B.O., then maybe you aren’t kinky enough for her.

Children of the Circle “How come newspaper still run our strip?”

Finky Westviewbooster Gee, you are just one groovy hep cat, Les!

That Comic Strip That Talks in Generalities Remove all the text from H&J, and you will find a tragic love story about a bitten dick, and one man trying to figure out what his partner did wrong.

Scenes from Suburban Hell Laffs on the state of the economy! Ha ha ha..! ~ohh. I lost my house to foreclosure. Gimme that menu.

Sophie Spencer, Silhouette Girl! Look out, Sophie. The Lion King’s mate is getting mad at you.

Bradann You were SUPPOSED to leave that unfortunate bathroom remark behind you, remember stupid? Now don’t mention ‘flush’ again.
…and what, you couldn’t have added a quick “my dick” in panel one? damn, son. you are slooooow.

Fist O Justice Theater The Ninja Goats’ Squirrel Auxiliary is ready to move in! Awaiting your bleat, sir!

Meddling heightsOne of the detective investigating Ted asked me out! After a follow-up meeting, he invited me to dinner! But i have heartburn…gas… that burning sensation!

Wow. Like I am sooo impressed. Especially with you rocking this whole cadaver look. What’s he like? Did he star in Nightmare Before Christmas, too?

He SEEMS like a good man…hubba hubba! Then again, so did Ted! So go ahead, hit me with a platitude.

Ted’s an aberration! That’s another multi-syllabic word! I could play for money at Scrabble! Don’t judge all men by what HE did! Judge them by what I say they did!

Kit Walker, Exhibitionist Ranger Kit, you really need to talk to Kit Jr. about just pulling it out any old where. And, it’s deformed.

Rex Morg – ahhhh…gaaahhh.. Okay, I totally forgot what I was going to say when I got to panel three.

Spider-Nonsense Maybe he’ll be out in only seventeen years!
Jeremiah
May 12th, 2009 at 2:02 am [Reply]

Someone may have already posted this at some point. I was watching “Golden Girls” and an episode featured the following exchange:

Dorothy: I haven’t read “Apartment 3-G” since 1961.
Blanche: Well, let me catch you up: it’s later the same day…
Poteet
May 12th, 2009 at 2:10 am [Reply]

ReFoob — I know that anyone who still visits Foobville deserves whatever she gets. And this was my first visit in months, I swear. What I found is that there are more biographies. I wasn’t masochistic enough to do more than skim the end of Phil’s, which includes this: “…light-hearted flings with women who, like him, are interested in a good time rather than a long time.” Oh, Phil. You rogue.
Nurse with a penis
May 12th, 2009 at 2:36 am [Reply]

MW – Tues – I wish Adrian’s response in panel two was “He likes bondage, discipline, and enormous dildos!”
Uncle Lumpy
May 12th, 2009 at 2:42 am [Reply]

Wait a minute. Did Mary Worth say “wow”?

Wow.
True Fable
May 12th, 2009 at 3:02 am [Reply]

Mary is using slang! Slang from the 20th century! She’s about to twenty-three skiddoo at any moment now, stand back! She’s going to dig that crazy beat, like….wow.
Mr. O'Malley
May 12th, 2009 at 4:20 am [Reply]

MW: You can trust a policeman who dates a witness in a case he is investigating!
Ed Power, My Cage writer
May 12th, 2009 at 5:10 am [Reply]

Niall,

I too am sorry to hear about your break-up. I’m glad you seem to be doing ok and hope that continues. These things can be rough. :(

I’m glad good ol’ Josh’s site, and your fellow ‘Mudginites, are here to provide you with laughs. :)

-Ed

OT: Is anyone here going to the Mocca festival in NY next month?

http://www.moccany.org/

Just curious.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
May 12th, 2009 at 6:06 am [Reply]

Re tip jar: you know who you are!

Not necessarily. There could be alternate personalities, sleepwalking, poltergeists, or evil twins involved.
gleeb
May 12th, 2009 at 6:50 am [Reply]

COtW: I suppose it doesn’t stand on it’s own, but I’ll be trying to work “pizzicato tomorrow, baby” into my speech for some time.

Brenda: Well, of course Scott was stabbed. He was an informer.

A3-G: “I did something for you, Tommie, so do something for me and suppress any emotion, huh?”

’shaft: Madness, perhaps mercifully, has taken her. She believes herself to be invisible. This will relieve her embarrassment at Ed’s atrocities.

‘bean: I didn’t know “wicked” was current outside New England. Or has Tom “Solo Car Date” Batiuk accidentally made up a word usage that already exists?

Phantom: Hey! Cut that out! We’re supposed to be the ones making wise cracks about “in the Bandar tongue” and stuff like that!

Pluggers: …think about cutting their throats. Every. Single. Morning.
yellojkt
May 12th, 2009 at 7:31 am [Reply]

I love that Lisa Cancer Cancer is buried next to John Darling. Great call-back.
The Evil Duck (HC)
May 12th, 2009 at 7:49 am [Reply]

9 CL (May 12) — He’s obviously way too into this six inch heel thing. I smell an end to their sickening romance, hopefully involving a pool boy named Randy.

A3G (May 12) — *cue porn music*

Archie (May 12) — Oh Archie, trying so hard to sound knowledgeable and pretentious. But, alas, failure. Duchamp was one of the key artists in Dada, after the futurists. *adjusts monocle*

Beetle Bailey (May 12) — I don’t know who the guy on the right is but if I had to use one word to describe him it would definitely be “rad.”

Blondie (May 12) — fifty three minutes??? Hasn’t he been on holding for the past fifty three months or so? Or does Dagwood always sit on the credenza (or whatever that is) when he’s put on hold?

The Family Circus (May 12) — “because God hates you!” that’s what I would have said. Come to think of it, “because God hates you!” should be Ma and Pa Keene’s answer to every annoying question and malapropism that comes out of their hideous pig-nosed spawns’ mouths.

Judge Parker (May 12) — I think panel one might cause its fair share of seizures.

The Lockhorns (May 12) — Leroy wishes he could quit his anonymous friend.

Marvin (May 12) — No! Stop it! You are not Calvin and Hobbes. You are not even close to Calvin and Hobbes. Stop now before I have to use force.

Herb and Jamaal (May 12) — Speaking of Calvin and Hobbes, Jamaal has obviously been asking Calvin’s dad how microwaves work.

Mary Worth (May 12) — Is Mary wearing a name-tag? What’s it say? “Mary Worth — Professional Meddler”?

In other Mary Worth related news, searching “Mary Worth” on YouTube will yield some crappy B-movie about the Bloody Mary myth (go up to a mirror and say “Bloody Mary” three times and a ghost will appear and kill you.) In this version you say “I believe in Mary Worth.” I can only imagine what happens when you invoke her spirit. Probably everything in your life will slow down (breakfast will take a week or so) then any trace of any minorities or children will vanish, motion lines will indicate your every muscle twitch, and then THEN Mary will enter your life! Nothing you do will ever be a secret anymore. No moment will go unmeddled in, uncommented on. Your thoughts will be a web of adages and crappy quotes! Her stiff wrinkled face will follow you wherever you go! The only way to escape will be the sweet, sweet embrace of death.

Momma (May 12): Is Momma naked? Is she hanging out naked under a tree reading the newspaper? Is Momma a nudist with…chair legs sprouting from her butt?

Grimm (May 12): Did he and his log break up? That’s so sad.

Also, the idea that GPSes have “buttons” is just further proof of my theory that the guys who write comics are actually all locked in some sort of weird time-warp where nothing has changed since the fifties and there are no minorities (at least the writers of Shoe, Grimm, Hagar, Dennis, A3G, Mary Worth…really everyone besides PBS, Foxtrot, and Get Fuzzy.)

Gasoline Alley (May 12) — GAH! What has Wallet senior’s nurse lady just been doing that she’s washing her hands? You know what, I don’t want to know because there isn’t a single answer I can think of that isn’t disgusting and/or creepy.

Mark Trail (May 12) — In his state of fear and shock Rusty has stuffed Sassy in his shirt. Either that or the pair have fused together making Rusty slightly less hideous and inhuman looking than before.

Shoe (May 12) — I have no idea what’s going on but Shoe should looked horrified more often.
Turgid Gloppage
May 12th, 2009 at 7:58 am [Reply]

Dick: What’s more fun to B.O. than riding with a pack of gay Nazi bikers? Coming home to his wife in the middle of some weird gun-totin’ S&M foreplay. When do we get to see Lord Zed and the Gimp?

MW, the Meddlesome Witch: Yes, that’s great advice, Mary. Go ahead and date the cop who arrested your fiance and asked you to dinner an hour later. No red flags there, no sir.

Spidey will show up in court? Yes, because the judge will allow a masked vigilante to testify and always takes advice seriously when it comes from someone who wearing tights.

Brave? Well, they outnumbered our poor Dr. Joe five-to-one, plus they were armed with a tazer, an umbrella and the cops were on the way. Not exactly cowardice, but it hardly compares to placing oneself under a falling firewoman, capturing thugs in beaver traps or daring to read Spiderman daily.

Mutant intergalactic energy? It is not mutant. It does travel between galaxies, but so does visible light and gravity. Yes, it is energy, but so is the heat from a flame or electric stove top. So, what’s his problem? First time he’s heard of a microwave oven or something? But what really gets me is the star wafting from Herb’s stomach in panel 1. Wouldn’t just “I’m starving” do the trick, or do you think we need an additional symbolic pointer so we know he’s not just faking it?
Turgid Gloppage
May 12th, 2009 at 8:06 am [Reply]

#32 – Evil Duck: re BB:
The guy on the right is Cosmo, the guy who runs the craps games and sells US Army surplus for personal profit and who is apparently now contemplating entering the lucrative field of selling children into slavery.
Turgid Gloppage
May 12th, 2009 at 8:13 am [Reply]

Blondie figured out how to fix the computer. When she is the brains of the operation, they’re in some real trouble. Unless, by “fix”, she meant “I wiped off your steaming spunk from checking out that hotscatwomen.com video clip, then I rebooted.”
Turgid Gloppage
May 12th, 2009 at 8:26 am [Reply]

MW: Here’s the back story on that cop:
He got thrown off of the homocide squad for asking out the widows of murder victims.

“I’m very sorry for your loss, Ma’am. … But since you’re not doing anything for dinner later, can I pick you up at 6?”

His great, great grandfather earned his place in history with the classic “Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?”
jayjaybear
May 12th, 2009 at 8:46 am [Reply]

I did NOT need to see Pornstar Les. Really.
Uncle Ritzy Fritz
May 12th, 2009 at 8:51 am [Reply]

Do you see anything that looks suspicious?

Well,there is a talking squirrel in that tree up there.

Remember, we are in Lost Forest.

Then, no.
Donutzilla
May 12th, 2009 at 8:53 am [Reply]

Freakin’ Wonderbean – John Darling is buried next to Lisa? Maybe his ghost will show up for some afterlife voyeurism. That would be the best thing ever.
buckyswife
May 12th, 2009 at 8:58 am [Reply]

MW: Mary’s “wow” is completely understandable. Take another good look at Adrian and ask yourself if you, too, wouldn’t be flabbergasted that two men in close succession have shown an interest in her. Yes, Ted wanted her money, but he had to kiss those shi-tzu lips to get it. Mary’s probably thinking, “Wow–I didn’t know they hired blind detectives.”

A3G: I count on my friends to make me cry, too.

MT: Sassy, with his superior canine awareness, knows about the giant squirrel that’s been stalking them for the past 10 minutes, and he’s thinking, “There’s no fucking way I’m staying in this car when that squirrel’s about to pounce on it.”

JP: Poor Barreto, constrained by the fact that these are middle-school cheerleaders. Can’t you just picture him, sweat pouring off his brow, trying to control his drawing hand: “Must…. keep…. breasts….. small…..”

DtM: Can we just retitle this strip “Mr. Wilson the Menace”?
Comrade Denny
May 12th, 2009 at 9:28 am [Reply]

Thanks for all the fun Captain Thunder. Good times. Made me bust out some of my classical vinyl yester-evening.
Tweeks_Coffee
May 12th, 2009 at 9:41 am [Reply]

So I’m just going to pretend like I’ve been around this whole time and know exactly what’s happening in the comics (at least as much as ever). Ready? Here we go…

A3G: Margo’s practically giddy when discussing the taser. Then she grows deathly bored when human emotions rear their ugly head. The only thing that could have made this better is if she was tossing back the last of her ink at the same time.
Archie: Jughead’s really, really gay for Archie. That’s all I got.
9CL: Apparently this strip has turned into a crossdresser themed strip in my absence. I approve.
H&J: Yeah, too bad you guys don’t own a diner or anything, right?
JP: I’m not really sure why that lady is talking to a mannequin in the first panel, but I like where this is going.
Phantom: Well, I’d think that if you were 12 and still running around in diapers that’d be a pretty good indication that you need some help. Don’t mind me, though.
RMMD: That is not something I would’ve expected someone in that pose to be asking outside of a porno.
WoI: Well, that’s depressing.
commodorejohn
May 12th, 2009 at 9:43 am [Reply]

A3G – “Friends are for savagely beating your enemies into submission, Tommie. Remember that.”

Archie – Admittedly, I’m not an art connoisseur, but if Wikipedia is to believed, Archie actually got the Cubism thing vaguely right, which is impressive. I’m not so sure about Futurism, but still…does this mean the ALGJU3K’s human simulation model is so advanced as to be able to have an appreciation and understanding of aesthetics? Heaven help us if it ever uses that power for evil.

AS – Ha ha, Liberace is gay! Also, did you hear about the sky? Turns out it’s really blue! Also, airline food, what’s with that?

Crankshaft – Uh, what? Does she mean that nothing about her body is discernable from the shape of the gown, and she’s pleased about it, or is there some other meaning I’m missing? And why is Pam so horrified? Or does she just automatically assume that any utterance out of anyone under forty is vile filth because obviously this generation is going to Hell in a handbasket? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?

FW – Is that Neurotic Annoying Woman from Between Friends in the background?

JP – Judge Parker hasn’t been this hilarious since Abbey was high on brownies.

Love Is… – finally putting some goddamn clothes on.

Luann – Wow, a Luann strip with a more or less convincing and not revolting picture of human sexuality as seen in a forming relationship. What alternate universe did I wake up in this morning?

MT – Um, guys? You could, you know, have one guy move it while the other stays in the car, thus avoiding the possibility of…guys? Are you even listening?

MW – You’re an aberration, Mary.

Phantom – I thought it was the night that had a thousand eyes?

PC – nails it.

RMMD – June posing like that while asking “what about Willy?” Oh, Nolan, you’re too good to us. Some days. (And is it just me, or is June approaching Abbey Spencer proportions? Didn’t she used to be smaller but perkier?)

SM – Spider-Man: sort of maybe not totally an asshole.
Ignatz
May 12th, 2009 at 9:51 am [Reply]

Gasoline Alley: Is it my imagination, or has the quality of the story increased by leaps and bounds since Scancarelli started to focus on the characters he created himself, like Gertie?
Chyron HR
May 12th, 2009 at 9:52 am [Reply]

#43 commodorejohn – “That Neurotic Annoying Woman from Between Friends”

You have no idea how little that narrows it down.
Ignatz
May 12th, 2009 at 9:55 am [Reply]

Mark Trail: “Do you see anything that looks suspicious”? “A giant squirrel is about to crush the car, but other than that, nothing.”
kalki
May 12th, 2009 at 9:57 am [Reply]

9CL: If the Brotherhood makes an appearance tomorrow…das ist das ende.

Archie: Now ask Jughead why out of Betty and Archie, he chose Archie as his art subject? Then, walk away very slowly…

Blondie: Now ask Brian what’s up with the heavy Indian accent? Demand to know his real name! Then, ask to speak to his supervisor, Timothy.

Crank: Ah, memories…of those girls in my graduating class who wore only thongs under their grad robes…and then had to show them to people to brag.

DTM: I guess Dennis left before Mr. Wilson got to “Up yours!” and “Organ donor!”

CircusJerk: Because they keep hoping that kids like you will end up getting a fatal paper cut from one of them.

FW: I guess this is just Les’ roundabout way of trying to swing a 3-way between Cindy, Cayla and himself. It seems kind of pointless when Cayla and Cindy would be wearing Lisa’s old wigs and Les would just be in a corner sobbing and masturbating.

Luann: Ironically, Brad hasn’t been capable of a straight flush since his hose got all bent up by Toni landing on it.

S-M: “You know, because your dad is still probably GOING TO PRISON anyway, Tommy.”

“Oh, that’s sad.”

“Yeah, GOING TO PRISION sucks I would imagine. But your dad won’t have to imagine because he’s GOING TO PRISON, Tommy.”

“Uh, ok, Spidey.”

“…”

“What?”

“Uh, nothing…I think I’ll head out and put in that word before your dad ends up GOING TO PRISON.”

“Fine!”

whispers “going to prison.” exit Spidey.
Winky's Spleen
May 12th, 2009 at 10:00 am [Reply]

9 Pretentiousweed Lane – I’ll venture a guess that before this is over (which, granted, may be months and months and months and months), the Unicorn will show up to try on the damn high heels. Maybe Monty God, too, but definitely the Unicorn.

For all his affectations, McEldowney seriously reminds me of a 12-year old who’s just discovered “That’s what she said” as a punch line.

Crankshaft – I just assumed she was pregnant, and relieved that with the gown it didn’t show.
Esther Blodgett
May 12th, 2009 at 10:02 am [Reply]

Thanks to this site, my dreams tonight are likely to feature a giant squirrel sporting six-inch heels, a nametag, and a bad 80s hairdo. And cancer, of course.
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 12th, 2009 at 10:05 am [Reply]

5/12

First of all, a fine crop of COTWs. Thanks for the nod. And Harold, I hadn’t even thought about the fresh indignity Mary visited on Adrian. Guess you can never count her out.

Now today.

Marvin: He’s noticed the stick figures. Let’s see how long it takes him to pick up on the featureless void behind him.

MT: Man, chipmunks get bossy when they grow to a certain size.

DtM: Dennis just hit on his big laugh line to give when he’s reading Mr. Wilson’s eulogy.

9CL: You done milked that cow dry, Brooke.

JP: “You don’t have what it takes to be a cheerleader. Ridiculously fried hair.”

RMMD: Rex’s large-breasted wife reclines on their bed in a bikini and demands, “What about Willy?” All this would be too lewd for the syndicates, if there were any chance Rex would do something about it.

Popeye: Olive has eaten seventeen burgers? What kind of parasite is living in her intestine?

FW: So apparently Westview, Ohio is located near early eighties Boston.

Archie: Duchamp is generally considered a Dadaist. Severini might be a better exponent of futurism. On the positive side, Archie is wearing clothes.

WofI: I can’t believe an imaginary dog died for a joke that lame.

Cathy: Given this kind of maternal smothering, it’s hard to believe Irving is in as good a marriage as he is (yes, really.) In fact it’s hard to believe he wasn’t arrested years ago with a murder kit in his van.

S-M: “You’re damn right it would be great. Now how about giving your ol’ Spider pal some sugar?”
150
May 12th, 2009 at 10:11 am [Reply]

Oh, YEAH! Every hour I wasted at work reading comics is completely validated.
Muffaroo
May 12th, 2009 at 10:19 am [Reply]

6 Inchheel Lane – How to stretch a single-panel gag over a whole strip, provided humor is no object. (And no, I did not collude with True Fable on the title. We drink from the same well of inspiration.)

Blondie – I sense a fluctuation in the Force, as if thousands of help desk employees named Brian just printed this strip and stuck it up in their cubicles.

Cshaft – And the circle of pointless, doomed life continues.

DTracy – It’s really stylish of Ed to have a monogrammed leg trap.

GFuzzy – I found Fishkill, NY, when we moved a few years ago, and took pictures of the appetizing-sounding “Fishkill Ice Cream” parlor.

MTrail – And the pieces fall into place in Mark’s cunning plan to save Sassy.

My Cage – A lot of cars in Virginia have “Virginia is for Lovers” bumper stickers, only the “V” is just a heart. For 20 years, I resisted the temptation to draw an S in the heart with a magic marker. (An N would also work.)

N Seq – That icky boy-thing Calvin used this dodge too.

Phantom – “Kit, there are literally thousands of old jungle sayings — all of which I’m going to tell you Right Now!”

Pluggers – “Since animals don’t shave, a plugger needs only something that’s vaguely similar to a shaver, such as a stick or a handle from an old kitchen knife.”

RMorgan – Tell them Willy Boy is here!

R=R – Panels 1-3, just look stupid. Panel 4, explanatory thought balloon. That’s a wrap! Let’s all take a break and don’t forget to explain to ourselves in thought balloons just what we’re doing and why, because otherwise it would make no sense to rational human beings or our readers.

SSmif – Don’t fret, Loweezy. I’m sure you can get by with just the consonants and some apostrophes!

bats :[ @15 – I hope that if I’m ever in trouble, some of you good folks would tase my oppressors. Well, I’m more of a bucket man myself, but I’m sure someone here will do their part.

True Fable @21 – Adrian needs to grow her hair out and wear black, and she could find the right man by speaking French every so often.

The Evil Duck @32 – re FC:

To his clubfooted son said Lord Stipple
As he poured his post-prandial tipple,
“Your mother’s behavior
Gave pain to Our Savior
And that’s why He made you a cripple.”

(thanks, Edward Gorey)

buckyswife @40 – I can just see it. The car door opens and Sassy runs off. “Hey!” calls Larry. “We’ve got your friend here! Come back, or he gets it. Hey! …stupid dog.”

Tweeks_Coffee @42 – You need to remember that Kit has been twelve for quite a few years now. That’s not a diaper, it’s a Depends!

Ignatz @44 – It’s not just your imagination.

Stripsnarker’s Textbook – When you post, a date is stamped just under your name or handle. I suggest that it’s only necessary to indicate the date of the strips you’re commenting on if they’re different from that date, or if it’s right around midnight and you can’t be sure if it’s rolled over yet.

It is, of course, wholly praiseworthy that some folks care enough to go to the trouble.
commodorejohn
May 12th, 2009 at 10:23 am [Reply]

#45 Chyron HR – I suppose. Well, the one that was featured when Uncle Lumpy last guest-hosted, anyway.

#48 Winky’s Spleen – Brooke McEldowney is that one kid in first grade who thinks up a joke that isn’t really that funny and then repeats it over and over and over and OVER until it loses what little humor it even had in the first place and someone finally gets one of the bigger kids to give him a swirly. Now if we could only get his home address…
teenchy
May 12th, 2009 at 10:24 am [Reply]

Luann: If Brad is quoting lines from Westerns, I can think of a more appropriate one incorporating the word “purtier.”
Niall
May 12th, 2009 at 10:29 am [Reply]

A3G: “No tears, Tommie. That’s what friends are for.” Yes, Margo would say that “tears are for friends”. Margo drinks tears to replenish her soul, yadda-yadda-cliché, but geez, when the snark-bait is served on a grammatical silver platter like this…

Archie: Like Agent Smith, even Mrs. Grundy starts rebelling at the AJGLU3000’s complete lack of humour, staring into the input/output port in disbelief that it would force her to have a part in such idiocy.

Beetle: For half a scary second, I thought Plato said he was reading The Economist. If even that periodical starts to feel the need it must buy advertisement through the funnies, the situation would be dire indeed.

Curtis: …umwhat?? No kid would say such a thing unironically.

Tracy: Gah, staring too much at the hole in time and space that is panel 3 saps my sanity, trying to figure out what it’s trying to represent. A hole in the pants? In the leg? The trap in front of the leg? It hurts my brain…

FC: Billy (or whomever), actually, a magazine’s sole point of existence is to sell ads, and occasionally has content around them (see: Vanity Fair, with a table of contents somewhere around page 30). This is slightly different than a newspaper, in which ads keep the paper alive but it pays a little more lip service to the content.

My Cage: And ya know, this strip could only be pulled off coming from Jeff. He’s not quite the “lovable loser” than a slightly clueless dabbler, because 1) he was married before and has a son who likes him, and 2) he’s found a girlfriend again, so, um, Norm, he has actually far more clue and experience in this domain, so don’t dismiss him outright, okay? Meanwhile… still waiting for Ashley’s reaction…

Phantom: Geeze, what a dick of a parent, never answering any questions. Only the one he chooses as Phantom will know? That’d be a better answer.

June Morgan, Ds: By panel 3, all words become a blur. Barretto is just grinning as he works. Also: where do you put a balcony on a ship?? Nice view of the ocean, but a bit… dangerous.
Winky's Spleen
May 12th, 2009 at 10:30 am [Reply]

commodorejohn #53 – Ah, yes. Normally that kid grows up to be a writer for Saturday Night Live. It’s only when he’s super-impressed with how much smarter he is than everyone else, plus a Vision of Himself as an Artist, that he comes up with something like 9CL instead.
buckyswife
May 12th, 2009 at 10:40 am [Reply]

FC: I was actually wondering why Daddy Keane didn’t toss those fall-out cards before stashing his Penthouse magazines under the couch cushions.
The Evil Duck (HC)
May 12th, 2009 at 10:49 am [Reply]

Kurt #16 — That squirrel is really the star of the whole comic. Or he should be. Mark can be his punch-y shouting sidekick.
The Evil Duck (HC)
May 12th, 2009 at 10:56 am [Reply]

Turgid Gloppage #34 — But he looks damn good doing it.
Mr. Peabody
May 12th, 2009 at 11:02 am [Reply]

In panel 2 of Spider-Man, is Electro’s kid starting to turn into a werewolf?
CanuckDownSouth
May 12th, 2009 at 11:08 am [Reply]

Dagwood is a mere dilettante at holding – ever tried to get through to INS “customer service” on the noncitizen line? Bring a couple of books.

And speaking of dabblers, JP-Sophie, ATHLETIC ABILITY DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY

Does Sophie really think that brainpower = memorize moves = perform them? I’m beginning to hope that this story leads to her utter humiliation.

Finally, not to freak you out, No Name Generalities Guys, but that “mutant intergalactic energy” (snort) is also emitted by all opaque thermal sources (’cause they emit across the entire electromagnetic spectrum, of course), so it’s part of sunshine and teeny-tiny bits are coming to fry you from your friend’s heat radiation right this second, too.
The Evil Duck (HC)
May 12th, 2009 at 11:14 am [Reply]

commodorejohn #43 — I can assure you it is wrong-wrong-wrong-wrong-wrong!

Marcel Duchamp was one of the quintessential Dada artists. Futurism had already happened by that point having all but died out in WWI (the Futurists were very into war and the destruction of everything so unsurprisingly a lot of them died in WWI.)

There were some similarities between the two movements. Both rejected the norms of modern society and both were part of the early 20th century avant-garde. But the Futurists were violet and called for the destruction of history through fire. The only thing that mattered was man and his future. They wanted life to start again in this new century. Their artwork was bent on capturing motion and the beauty of the machine. They painted gears, streetlamps, fire-engines, etc. It’s also notable that they had their own manifesto that talked about torching libraries.

On the other hand the Dadaists embraced the absurd. They were, for the most part, pacifists, enraged by the state of Europe. An entire generation was lost in WWI, Spanish Influenza ripped through the rest of the population, the rich got ever richer while the poor became poorer. They were the Bourgeoisie’s worst nightmare after the French Revolution of course.

They embraced the chaos of their world. If reality was so damned crazy so would art. They had rules of Dada most of them stating that Dada has no rules and can’t be explained. Things like if you think you know what Dada is you don’t know what Dada is.

Art was whatever they declared to be art. Poems were chosen from random words in a bag, they taunted and paradied the upper crust, they held avant-garde performances where they taunted their audiences. They created “found art” and challenged what art really meant.

Marcel Duchamp was the quintessential Dadaist. His most famous (or infamous) work was “The Fountain” (http://arthistorian.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/duchamp_fountain.jpg) a urinal signed by “R. Mutt” who Duchamp claimed to have met. Duchamp defined art (in an essay about the piece) as whatever the artist declares it to be. In other words, the plumber who made the urinal wasn’t the artist but the man who took said urinal and transformed it into something completely different, into art, simply by turning it on its side and writing his name on it, is the artist.

Duchamp also worked with the Surrealists as the movements blended into one another but the surrealists were not so politically entrenched.

Dada is still one of the most paramount movements in the study of modern art today considering how utterly it broke the mold and inspired many (if not most) abstract sculptures. Marcel Duchamp died in 1968 and is still hailed as one of the greatest artistic geniuses of the 20th century by some and a talentless madman by others.

Personally, I adore him and the movement.
bats :[
May 12th, 2009 at 11:19 am [Reply]

25. Uncle Lumpy: wow.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3525822718/sizes/o/
The Evil Duck (HC)
May 12th, 2009 at 11:20 am [Reply]

teenchy #54 — Broken link :(
Niall
May 12th, 2009 at 11:20 am [Reply]

22. Jeremiah: you know what’s worse: I remember that same exchange, except that I then had no clue what they were referring to. Now I do. Now I feel a little depressed.

28. Ed Power: thank you too! I wish I were a little more innocent like Jeff, sometimes. They are the ones truly able to be happy more easily.

42. Tweeks Coffee: Welcome back!!

55. me: Stupid oaf, Barretto is Parker. Morgan is Nolan. Know Your Sexy Soap Artists.

52. Muffaroo: Actually, it was often standard only a few months ago to put the date once at the top of a slew of snark (”Tuesday Observations” or the like) and many still do. It eliminates the redundancy of saying it for each strip. More efficient snarking…

(No) thanks to everyone, I had a look at Herb & Jamaal today. The star from the stomach is the international symbol of stomach pains, not hunger. And.. mutant energy?? Deserves all the snark we pile on it.

A better joke would have been to declare the kernels sick and cure them with a dose of “radiation therapy” so they explode. That’s a good way to cut off the hunger of the impressionable.
The Evil Duck (HC)
May 12th, 2009 at 11:23 am [Reply]

Wow, I apologize for my art history out burst. I didn’t realize how horribly condescending it was until now. >_>
ragthetiger
May 12th, 2009 at 11:36 am [Reply]

Not sure why the squirrel needs the bad guys AND Rusty to help him move the dead tree… surely he can manage it quite easily on his own.
Muffaroo
May 12th, 2009 at 11:43 am [Reply]

Niall @65 – Some did; some do. My point is that the system does it for us, unless we’re snarking back to a different date. But I see I’m beginning to McEldowney it, and had best stop.
rocketbride
May 12th, 2009 at 11:54 am [Reply]

can “they buried beethoven alive!” be it’s own page somewhere? it’s awesomeness is clearing up the headache i’ve had for a week.
Mibbitmaker
May 12th, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

Archie: Mrs. Grundy: “Also, Albert Pinkham Ryder always made bland flower paintings.”

Archie2: …It’s more Scribnerist, like Bob Clampett.

9CL: “9Chickweed Lane also doubles as a fetish website” — 9CL advertising package (not really, but it should say that)

A3G: Make you laugh, Tommie? No, Taserwoman’s presence did contribute; Margo’s right. And stop with the “choke” crap — you’re acting like a Mary Worth character! (Unless she’s just gagging on the bizarreness of the whole scene)

DT, middle panel: Who are those guys? Would you believe — Marshal Weinstein? (Strangers in Paradise readers should get that one)

FW: Uh, your dad already has someone else to embarrass besides you — us!

MT: No, it’s the crooks that’ll fall from being rotten — and stupid.

Big Fur- (aw, you know): Finally! Marm is commiting a crime (tampering with the US Mail) — finally, he’ll be behind bars, where he (*choke*) can’t hurt anyone ANYMORE!
(”choke” courtesy A3G’s Tommie)

MW, last panel: Police ethics aside… Mary just actually said something I generally agree with! Life is losing all its meaning! GET OUTTA MY BRAIN, MARY WORTH!!!

PBS: Snouts? Tails? Shouldn’t they be measuring something else, under the circumstances?

Ghost-Who’s-Fine-With-Old-Jungle-Saying-Jokes: “That would look REALLY COOL, Dad!”

Popeye: only explanation for Olive, of all people, eating like Wimpy — she has bulimia! As if she didn’t have enough reason to barf on a choppy-seas ship.

Popeye2: That last panel would’ve been (even) funnier animated.

RMMD, last panel, visuals: Mrowwwr, mrowwwwrrr![/Mel Blanc-voiced character]

RMMD, l. p., storyline: (sing-song voice) Ummmmm… Sooooophieeee, you’d better get baaaaack theeeeeeere… there’s trouuuuuubllllle….
or
Ophie-Say, Our-Yay Upid-Stay Arents-Pay are-yay oing-gay to uin-ray everything-ay
or
ATTENTION! SOPHIE MORGAN! EMERGENCY AT CABIN! MISSION IN PROBABLE TROUBLE! REPORT IMMEDIATELY!

ZtP: Zippy….. Please go away.
odinthor
May 12th, 2009 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

Love Is . . . — But why are they standing on a mega-sized Pop-Tart™? Oh, I see: It’s cuz love is hot, crisp, and sweet, but full of empty calories.

H&J. — “A bowl of hot popcorn”? So that’s what the kids are calling it these days!

MT. — Da big squirrel is calling all the shots on this caper, boys! Cooperate, or watch out for your nuts.

H&L. — No, Hi—you misunderstand. The “dollar menu” is the menu that the restaurant charges you a dollar to see. But you need to get the “five dollar menu” if you want to see how much each dish costs.

Luann. — “Straight flush”! Ha ha, Brad! We know what that means, after yesterday’s bathroom humor!

Phantom. — But just one dick. There’s a lesson in there somewhere.
commodorejohn
May 12th, 2009 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

#66 The Evil Duck – Not at all, it was highly entertaining. I love watching the different ‘Mudges discourse on their personal interests.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
May 12th, 2009 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

9CL: This is going beyond retarded. I guess Brooke
A3G: The only reason for Margo to act this nice to Tommie is to soften her up – and use her as a redheaded loveslave/patsy/victim for the Red Chinese in her bid to get her fiance out of their “gulag” system if giving them “Dear Old Dad” (who didn’t divorce his wife when his housekeeper turned up preggers with baby Margo).
Candorville: They should be all this caliber.
Crank: Batiuk is trying to return to his favorite “scare” story arc of young uncommunicative unwed mothers. And of course — the pregnancy turns the cancer potential to 11.
DB: Sweet. Actually nice.
FW: I’m so disgusted with creepy Les. Why does he suddenly become the chick magnet? Idiot “Me” characters always suck. Where’s Wally?
Luann: Why does it take so long for Toni and Brad to act like adults? Is the plan for them to do it on the couch and get discovered by TJ?
MW: Ted. Ted. Ted. Adrian is going to get some from the Detective. Betcha Little Miss Adrian is going to ask him to grow a ‘Clark Gable’ mustache – just because. I do want to see Ted on trial so we can see Queenie Gomez and the other ‘wronged’ women. I think it would awesome to see Ted’s reaction to the Detective looking like him over the period of the trial.
Phantom: The diaper is pathetic on a teen. Period.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
May 12th, 2009 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

MW: hehehe Bats! It does seem that Mary is going to teach Adrian how to do Goth better though.
Niall
May 12th, 2009 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

66. Evil Duck: Having done Art History in university, I fully encourage you to educate as entertainingly as you did. You both set the record straight as well as shown clearly and concisely why Duchamp’s urinal was so groundbreaking and why copies exist in museums (it did something important and thus needs to be remembered). I remember seeing it in our local museum (National Gallery) and having to explain to a family why that piece of “trash” was there. They weren’t completely convinced, but they kinda looked at it with a different eye at least.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
May 12th, 2009 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

Crank — Hey! Mindy’s going to flash at graduation!!! That’ll give both Rose and Ed heart attacks, and kill off the entire strip.
The Evil Duck (HC)
May 12th, 2009 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

Mibbitmaker #70 — Oh wow! Your Archie comment made me laugh so hard green tea shot out of my nose. I never realized fluids shooting from noses hurt so badly. Also people are now staring at me in the library. :P

Niall #75 — Luckily my dad is also an art nerd. My mom thinks we’re crazy. I got to see one of the Fountains when the show was at MoMA I think it was three years ago. That was an incredible show! A lot of people don’t understand my insane love of early 20th century art.
JHPants
May 12th, 2009 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

I can’t think of anything as soul crushing as being nominated for the Westview High School Hall of Fame. I wonder, does the induction ceremony end with everyone swallowing a cyanide capsule?
The Evil Duck (HC)
May 12th, 2009 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

commodorejohn #77 — It’s like we’re The Breakfast Club, but instead of bonding over our delinquency (or whatever that movie is about never having seen it) we bond over our love for snark and all things comic.

Some don’t understand why we do this, day after day, week after week, but we do it! We complain, we joke, we pull our hair out in frustration, but still we persevere!

We do it for the love of finger-quotin’ megalomaniac Margo, naive airheaded Luanne, for wonderfully ethnic Gabriella! We do it for uber-virgin Brad and kinky nerd Gunther! We do it for Marvin, equal parts Rosemary’s baby and Rugrats’ joke and his grandpa who is a little too excited about working at wall mart! We do it for angry Billy and confused Jeffy! We do it for the anti-viking Hagar and his jawless friend Eddy. We do it for the Lockhorns and the Bumsteads and the Duncans! We even do it for the atrocities that lurk in the Crock universe!

We share this bond. We love the “bad,” which can be funnier than “the good.” It’s the same principle that built MST3K one of the finest programs ever on TV and it is the same thing that keeps you putting Manos the Hands of Fate in your DVD player.

My fellow Curmudgeons! I “salute” you!

That last bit would be said by finger quotin’ Margo if I knew how to put it in. >_>
Bootsy
May 12th, 2009 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

Fashion Police always cracks me up! (In a completely tasteful but not too matchy matchy way, of course.)
TheDiva
May 12th, 2009 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

70 Mibbitmaker re: MW: Don’t worry about it too much; Mary just happens to be an expert on aberrations. You know, takes one to know one, and all that.

Curtis: Well, if Statis Quo Is God, I suppose it’s only logical that any change, regardless of how seemingly beneficial, can only be the work of a malevolent force.

Luann: “Heroes don’t end up in the hospital”? I guess Brad wasn’t paying close attention during firefighter training. Or, indeed, to any sort of news feed since at least mid-2001.
bats :[
May 12th, 2009 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

49. Esther Blodgett: I don’t know if that’s nightmare material, even with all the elements you’ve mentioned, but it *is* something…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3526192150/
Sans Sense
May 12th, 2009 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

#81. TheDiva -

I peg Brad as more Nickelodeon and less CNN.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
May 12th, 2009 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

Brad needs to hobble on over to his room unless he wants to publicly humiliate Toni. Damn how squicky is Luann?
Nathan
May 12th, 2009 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

It took me a minute to realize what was wrong with Tommie in the second panel. I thought Margo had used a Darth Vader grip on her for daring to show emotion (read: weakness) in her presence.
teenchy
May 12th, 2009 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

The Evil Duck (HC) #64: Sorry ’bout that. Try this one.
Niall
May 12th, 2009 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

77. The Evil Duck: I may not have an insane love, but I do have a fascination. So much of popular culture stems from those weird crazy experiments in art, it’s not even funny. I do remember the one time I went to DC and I led my friend through the museum of fine art, and I had just finished (or rather, got booted from) my fine arts university program, and I gave her a very quick course on art history as we progressed through the rooms, connecting the various paintings in her mind in a cultural and historical narrative, of which she had never knew existed.

We started on MOMA, but time ran out, so I never saw more than one room over a decade ago.

82. bats :[ : No, no, you don’t think of these things, but you manage to portray them so beautifully. Make them flesh, so to speak. So you’re as bad. We’re your photoshop enablers, and we partake of the sweet drug of your mashups, so it’s a giant party. :)
Niall
May 12th, 2009 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

…and Josh is our pimp.
Niall
May 12th, 2009 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

Pimp Pope. Someone draw or photoshop that, please. :)
rhymes with puck
May 12th, 2009 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

MT: So this morning while at the dentist I’m watching the news on a TV they put on the ceiling for me to watch during my procedure. They were discussing a problem that an airport in Colorado was having with prairie dogs, which attracts birds and also their burrowing can cause problems with runways. One of the extermination methods involved blowing up the burrows and, of course, any critter lucky enough to be in their at the moment, which I have to admit looked really cool. So here I am, in the middle of having an old root canal re-rooted (a highly technical term I just made up) and all I can think is “who the hell does Mark Trail need to punch to stop this!”

Argyle Sweater: Across the country, little boys and girls are looking at their parents and asking “Mom, Dad, who is Liberace?” And the parents pause, look at their kids, and say “I don’t know, let’s call Grandma to see if she knows.” Way to stay timely, Hilburn!

Sally F: I would make fun of this except I had pretty much the same conversation with my daughter, minus the jigsaw puzzles. And the ugly shirt.

Phantom: Couldn’t you just say “they call me on my cell phone?”

Luann: Brad should have quoted a line from Blazing Saddles instead – “why, you use your mouth better than a $20 whore!”

Marvin: Marvin’s parents finally cracked and dropped some LSD into his milk.
Fashion Police
May 12th, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

One can only presume that Mr. McEldowney has recently become personally acquainted with the pleasures of absurdly high heels and feels the need to evangelize. One further presumes he has never had to walk more than 15 feet in them. However, he doesn’t yet understand that six-inch stilettos lose their shock value with trousers, and Amos is poorly proportioned for, say, a little black dress.

#80, Bootsy: We are deeply honored. Thank you.
sugarpie
May 12th, 2009 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

Evil Duck Too fine to see someone who appreciates the Dada-ists on CC. Here in Houston is a small but intense museum called The Menil Collection. The architect was Renzo Piano.

Their depth of dada, surrealism, Oceana (which seemlessly, somehow, supports the other parts of their collection) post-expressionist and contemporary schools is unparalleled if idiosyncratic. No admission fee and its easy-as-pie to pop in for twenty minutes and visit a favorite piece or see what’s newly installed. Easily worth a trip to our dubious city (which is sort of a dada experience itself-irritating and interesting at the same time).

It’s taken me some time to fully ‘get’ dada-still working on their Twombly collection-challenging. The urinal always makes me laugh though-genius in a disturbed way.
Donutzilla
May 12th, 2009 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

9 Kinkwood Lane – Of course he had some stiletto shoes.
In the subject of Girly Men, I’m not sure who draws the most feminine men, Brooke McEldowney, Lynn Johnston, or Tom Batiuk. Of course the most feminine men are in Sally Forth but they were designed by a previous artist.
Bootsy
May 12th, 2009 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

Evil Duck, I appreciated the discourse. I learn a lot on this site – art, fashion, swans, history, shrews. Long list.

comrade denny and Captain Thunder – great stuff yestethread!
Niall
May 12th, 2009 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

92. sugarpie: I’ve only passed through Houston’s airport en route to Austin. When going back up in the air, I saw the sprawl whcih is Houston, and way at the horizon line amidst the August fog, some skyscrapers of “downtown”. Then, and only then, did I understand why some people I knew part of a group in Houston rarely meet – because of the 2+ hours of commuting, none on highways, it would take to get to anyone else’s place and back. Doubtless there’s plenty interesting there, of course. It’s getting to it which seems the challenge… (Going from Austin to San Antonio taught me why Everything Is Big In Texas. The space. holy crap. A town made up of malls made up of factory outlets. A Wal-Mart distribution centre that must have its own microclimate due to its size. My mind, it was blown.)
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 12th, 2009 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

I saw the Argyle Sweater that a few others (commodorejohn, rhymes with puck…) have brought up. Initially I was stunned by the (eyeless) Liberace girlfriend, and its alleged humor. But there’s a pretty easy explanation. Liberace is dead. Many other famous gay men are alive. There’s a mix of not being fully open about their sexuality and not wanting to get drawn into a fifth-rate Far Side ripoff. Liberace is beyond caring about the fomer, and can do nothing about the latter.
Old School Allie Cat
May 12th, 2009 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft – Could it be that Mindy got knocked up and doesn’t want folks to see her baby bump?

No wonder the ten-year time jump Mooch was so reticent on her whereabouts…

Most likely she’s sneaking in a flask or a beach ball or something.

Back in “the day” ™, the fun prank at my High School’s graduation was to palm the principal something when shaking his hand. Tiny Tootsie Rolls were a popular choice. Pennies were good. And with graduating classes in the 500 student range, it got hairy.

Ooh, we were such rebels!
Ranger
May 12th, 2009 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

RMMD: This cruise has it all, sickness, crew strikes, passengers working as bartenders, old drunk authors, and a little Willy that June won’t get to see.
Esther Blodgett
May 12th, 2009 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

#82 bats :[
To quote Mary Worth…wow.
seismic-2
May 12th, 2009 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

Wow, I haven’t been able to read (much less post to) the site for the last 3 weeks, and so I missed the ‘They Buried Beethoven Alive!” thread altogether. Did anyone remember to recycle the famous Pete Barbutti joke about the guy who set out to dig up Beethoven’s corpse?
rhymes with puck
May 12th, 2009 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

95 – Niall

As a Houstonian, I take offense at the remark “Then, and only then, did I understand why some people I knew part of a group in Houston rarely meet – because of the 2+ hours of commuting, none on highways, it would take to get to anyone else’s place and back.” I want you to know that we have plenty of fine highways on which we have 2+ hour commutes.
Dr. Weird
May 12th, 2009 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

Phantom

Perhaps the diaper is a motivational tool for future Phantoms. After wearing one for most of your life, you’ll work hard to take up the Phantom mantle, with its striped speedo and purple body stocking, just for a change.
boojum
May 12th, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

sugarpie: I grew up 40 miles north of Houston — also known as The Greater Houston Area. (Really.) How I wish that someone had let me in on the secret of considering the city as a dada masterpiece in continual process of devolution and transfiguration!

That would have made trying to get to the Katy freeway a whole lot easier.

I think; ergo, I was perpetually going the wrong direction. Usually on a one-way street.
Turgid Gloppage
May 12th, 2009 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

Crank: Nothing shows! Except these 6″ high heels at the bottom, of course.

Phantom: How do you know when people need help?
I usually wait until they start screaming “Help! Help!” But, then again, I get there a little too late.
Turgid Gloppage
May 12th, 2009 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

The Microfiber Sweater: That’s not what Chupacabra looks like, Scott.
Turgid Gloppage
May 12th, 2009 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

MT: Least threatening villian ever:
“… but your dog stays in the car!”

Suddenly, realizing his opportunity, Sassy takes the wheel and savagely runs down the two hapless homo sapiens who do vaguely menacing things and have some fuzzy plan for generalized evil of some kind. Mark, unable to recall his Fist o’ Justice once it has been armed, launches it against the car, which seems to have come alive of its own free will. Sassy is killed at the wheel in a fiery wreck, but is buried as a hero. A 30 ft. squirrel says the eulogy. The end.
Zach
May 12th, 2009 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

What truly impresses me the most about “They Buried Beethoven Alive!” was that they managed to do the whole thing without more than an offhand Elvis reference. Also no Michael Jackson jokes, not even Thriller based ones.
Muffaroo
May 12th, 2009 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

Sugarpie @92 – When I lived in Houston, my cousin was renting a house across the street from where the Menil collection apparently ended up. I went to see the Rothko Chapel once, and it was every bit what I expected, having very low expectations and all. The most interesting thing was out front where some artist had made a grandiose installation called “Broken Obelisk,” which was a seemingly random broken shaft, but which in reality needed to be broken just so at the one, perfect angle, in order to express the artist’s fierce and individualistic vision. So there was no obelisk there at all.

Remembering my art studies, I wanted to one-up DeKooning and put a tablet on the site, declaring that it was a piece of art by me, called “Removed Obelisk.”

My cousin’s roommate had a collection of intricate plastic Japanese wind-up toys that performed an impressive array of motions. Somehow, they had a small fire that didn’t hurt the place, but melted the toys. Cousin wanted to try winding them up to see if they’d do anything pathetic or freakish, but was sensitive enough not to ask.

My cousin’s best friend had his dad over to help him remove a couch when my cousin and his roommate left the place. They went to the Rothko Chapel, and reportedly, his dad had a great laugh over the solemnity surrounding the absurd artworks. He had a fatal heart attack a few hours later, but at least Rothko gave him a good chuckle before the end.
wagmore barkless
May 12th, 2009 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

#97 Old School Allie Cat: re. Crankshaft: That was my first thought, too, but then I remembered this is a Batiuk strip. It’s a tumor!
Captain Thunder
May 12th, 2009 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

#107 – Zach: I’m just slightly disappointed I couldn’t work in any references to Hawkwind, Glenn Miller, or Deerhoof. Maybe next time.
Zach
May 12th, 2009 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

110-Captain Thunder-

Just to clarify, I was complementing you for avoiding the obvious “undead musician” jokes, not complaining.
wagmore barkless
May 12th, 2009 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

MT, offscreen:

Giant talking squirrel #1: The two men and the kid are getting out of the car, but I told them to leave the dog inside.
Giant talking squirrel #2: Why?
Giant talking squirrel #1: That’ll make them easier to chain to the log!
jnoble
May 12th, 2009 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

Luann: between his offer to have her help him use the bathroom, and today’s reference to a ‘flush’, Brad’s going to learn the hard way that Toni isn’t into what he’s into. What’s next, he slyly tricks her into watching ‘Two Girls One Cup’?
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
May 12th, 2009 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

97 — Allie Cat — Let me get this straight… you gave food AND cash to your principal? Musta been one heck of a guy/gal…
Poteet
May 12th, 2009 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

PHANTOM — Presumably there comes a day in the jungle, every quarter century or so, when the Phantom who looks, say, about fifty, suddenly appears to be about, say, twenty-five. Doesn’t anyone ever notice?
Sans Sense
May 12th, 2009 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

MT:

Charmingly Inept Villian #1: Do you see anything that looks suspicious?

CIV #2: No, no one uses this old road… the tree just fell from being rotten.

————————————————————————-

Trojan #1: Do you see anything that looks suspicious?

Trojan #2: No, it’s just a wicked cool horse statue. Bring it on in!

————————————————————————

Lincoln: Do you see anything that looks suspicious?

Bodyguard: No, it’s just that guy Booth. He does an AWESOME Hamlet.

__________________________________________
Donutzilla
May 12th, 2009 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

Funky Deepfunkbean – I just looked at the Rothko Chapel on Wikipedia. The article said that Mark Rothko committed suicide during the construction. It must be a bummer of a place. I theorize that Tom Batiuk goes to Houston every couple of months to sit in the Rothko Chapel and writes weeks and weeks of Funky strips. Just a theory.
gnome de blog
May 12th, 2009 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

Inept Villians #1 and #2 obviously plan to chain Rusty to a log. Nothing would be more satisfying.

Later, at Lost Forest:

Mark: Well, I found Rusty.

Cherry: Oh? Where?

Mark: He was chained to a log. It was a bit of trouble, but Andy and I dragged it home.

Cherry: Do you like my new hairstyle?

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