The Comics Curmudgeon

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Too much space, not enough funny

Beetle Bailey, 5/15/05

Here’s what offends me about today’s Beetle Bailey: the joke is not only par-for-the-BB-course lame, but could have very easily been made into a daily strip (just take panels three, four, five, and eight) without reducing the meager humor content at all. C’mon, Walker (Walkers?): while you were idling on the links, Bill Watterson was fighting tooth and nail to get you extra non-fungible Sunday space! The least you can do is take advantage of it. Since Beetle Bailey has a well-known affection for single-panel strips that presumably take less time to draw, you’d think the strip could at least offer mega-panel Sunday editions that would allow more loving detail to be lavished on Miss Buxley’s breasts.

Here’s what doesn’t offend me about today’s Beetle Bailey: the idea that Sgt. Snorkel is going to be disappeared into to some Abu Ghraib-style hole, locked in a cage, forced to wear a dog collar, and interrogated by military intelligence until he begs for mercy. That’s just good clean fun. Go easy with the glow-sticks, boys!

I do have to say that the center panel reminds me that I like the shoes in Beetle Bailey. It’s like the Keep On Truckin’ Guy joined the army and moderated his stride a bit. Also, General Halftrack’s over-the-phone thought balloon joins Mary Worth’s earlier soundless sound in the annals of cartoon oddity:

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 15, 2005 at 04:04 pm and is filed under Beetle Bailey.

55 responses to “Too much space, not enough funny”

Incident
May 15th, 2005 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

I remember when Corporal Yo used to be the responsible outsider; now he’s Sarge’s best bud and confidant-in-crime. Truly, capitalism works wonders.

I was going to make a crack about how in the 21st century, we have telephones that can put people on hold… but then I remembered this is the US Army we’re talking about here. We’re lucky they’re not still using rotary.
Mystery Meat
May 15th, 2005 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

For some reason this reminded me of a Dilbert strip with the timing and Beetle’s poleaxed response in panel 8. But I’m not really sure I believe that. But it feels like it at any rate.
Anonymous
May 15th, 2005 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

“About a dog” is a retarded setup line.
Troubado
May 15th, 2005 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

Army hierarchy plays out nicely through the phones. General Halftack gets three more buttons than the Sarge. Given his rank, he may have to dial the operator.

And did the MPs actually beat Sgt. Snorkel in the stands? Now there’s your story!
TwoClubs
May 15th, 2005 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

Josh recommends using panels 3, 4, 5, and 9? Wait now, does the title panel count? and if so, why would 3, 4 and 5 fit in?
Just asking? Curious minds need to know
Josh
May 15th, 2005 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

Thanks for pointing that out, TwoClubs. While I was writing, I kept waffling as to whether to count the title panel or not. I fixed.

jf
violencejackal
May 15th, 2005 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

Yeah, but wouldn’t it be just as “funny” if you just used the first panel where the General golfballnose is like “omg ware is teh repotre~!1!” and Buxomly is like “he seid dog 8 it~!!!1″ and then the last panel where they are like “omg wat” and the general is like “put him in pound KEKKEKEKEKEKE >D “? It’s essentially the same joke but in only TWO panels. Possibly funnier, because you don’t know that Sarge’s dog didn’t eat the report that way and it looks like the general just randomly has people beaten up and sent to the pentagon.

Does the pentagon actually HAVE a dog pound? And why are we using cord phones still? Do the Walkers not own a cordless?
Shrub
May 15th, 2005 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

it looks like the general just randomly has people beaten up and sent to the pentagon.

And this is bad because?
Sophie M.
May 15th, 2005 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

I’m glad to see Sunday’s Beetle Baily in its entirety. In my newspaper (Chicago Sun Times), they left out the second panel. Granted, the second panel doesn’t make the strip any funnier (only an act of God could accomplish that miracle) but now at least it makes sense…Somewhat.
johnwhorfin
May 15th, 2005 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

When was the last time in the past history of BB that General Halftrack actually got anything accomplished, besides playing golf? This is a Major development with regard to the heirarchy of Camp Swampy. Usually Gen. H. is the last to pick up on anything. Maybe he’s reacting to the recent military installation closings that were announced the end of last week? No, that would be impossible, this strip is probably written weeks in advance.
The Rhino
May 15th, 2005 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

All these years and R. Crumb still gets no respect for “Keep On Truckin.”
Hysterical Woman
May 15th, 2005 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

“Tell him I went to the Petagon to see about a dog”
That makes it sound like he’s going to the Pentagon to use the bathroom.
Frank Drackman
May 15th, 2005 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

This has bothered me since the 70’s…growing up on and later working on multiple Army bases..I’ve NEVER seeb the Red/White helmets that the MP’s are wearing.
daChipster
May 15th, 2005 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

Unfortunately, this is all going to end bad. Miss Buxley will be photographed holding Sarge’s leash and pointing at Otto’s genitalia, there’ll be this big scandal, Halftrack will be found to be a crossdresser, and Rumsfeld will have something else on his resume he’ll refuse to resign for.

And here I thought Funky Winkerbean was depressing.
Peaches
May 15th, 2005 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

Kelpforths! Meet the Kelpforths!
They’re a page right out of Foob history!
From the town of Milsboro
They’re a French Canadian family!

#

Maybe someday, Melville will win the fight
And the Pattersons will be quiet for the night!

Thumpa-dabba-doo!
daChipster
May 15th, 2005 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

As I practiced my silent reading today on FBoFW (silent laughing, too, for that matter) it suddenly came to me why Mike Patterson has no cojones.

They’re on Gwampaw’s chin.
Zanzibar
May 15th, 2005 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

I remember that in one of the separate Beetle Bailey comic books, about fifteen years ago, there was a storyline about how the lieutenant with the broken nose had everyone switch to the red and white helmets, I think for aesthetic reasons. But I also seem to recall seeing them in strips written before that time, so maybe at first Walker only included them because they looked better in the Sunday strips, like the trenchcoats in Dick Tracy.
Dub Not Dubya
May 15th, 2005 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

I think the Keep on Truckin’ guy may have inspired the art for the drunk guy’s feet in this fun flash game: http://www.wagenschenke.ch/ . Note: I have nothing to do with the website other than wasting hours playing the game.
Lor
May 16th, 2005 at 12:04 am [Reply]

Okay, I take back what I said about the Mikespawn being well supervised. Meredith was riding a “toy” at the top of the stairs, and no one stopped to think that might be dangerous? Have Mike and Dee never heard of child safety gates?

Gotta love Mrs. Saltzman though. Lady’s got some nice rejoinders.
Lor
May 16th, 2005 at 12:07 am [Reply]

Of course, she does have a scary-looking mouth. But only when she’s panicked.
Lor
May 16th, 2005 at 12:08 am [Reply]

And come to think of it, why aren’t they calling 911? (Is it 911 in Canada?) Don’t they know the first rule is not to move the victim?

Canada Social Services, get out here fast!
Incident
May 16th, 2005 at 12:16 am [Reply]

Cripes, is this woman recording dubs in her room or what? You live in the city, skank, it’s loud.

on to Apartment 3G, Scott Gaines loses a lot of raw sexuality when not behind glass. In this harsh unforgiving office lighting his Leave it to Beaver looks start to come out. And all these freakin’ ellipses are driving me crazy. “…our service project…” The only reason you should end a sentence like that is if you’re going to scream out the words “OF DOOM!” three seconds later.
Incident
May 16th, 2005 at 12:21 am [Reply]

My prediction for next CC post: Today’s Gil Thorp. This is too sublime a moment to pass up.
Dub Not Dubya
May 16th, 2005 at 12:22 am [Reply]

Mary Worth is not wearing a lifejacket! She may well illustrate the circle of life very soon if Dr. Jeff finally decides he can’t stand the frustration anymore and pulls a very fast turn that ends up tossing her overboard. And once that happens, she cannot run to high ground, and she is doomed.

All of that aside, I’m a relative newbie to that strip, so can someone tell me who her loved ones pictured in the circle (of life) around her are?
Incident
May 16th, 2005 at 12:26 am [Reply]

Dub: Those are all of her “personalities.”

Looks like the chick in Between Friends just read Gil Thorp, too.
Incident
May 16th, 2005 at 12:40 am [Reply]

Ugh, so many comics to comment about, I can’t stop.

You people want proof that the writers of Rex Morgan have been reading this blog? HERE’S YOUR DAMN PROOF.

Mary Worth finally reveals the truth about why she does what she does… Meddling in other people’s pathetic lives makes her feel better about her own pathetic life. She’s going to be canonized, right? That is, shot out of a cannon?

9 Chickweed Lane: Why is it a lot of the time when gay couples are shown in popular culture, one of them has a beard? Do heterosexuals somehow find this less threatening? If so, why? Cite your answers using MLA style.
Matt
May 16th, 2005 at 1:35 am [Reply]

It’s possible I missed it previously, but this is the first reference to Calvin and Hobbes I’ve ever seen here. I can certainly see why you’d want to avoid it, though, as comparing it to any of the regularly featured strips encourages self-termination of the most brutal sort.
Hysterical Woman
May 16th, 2005 at 4:20 am [Reply]

That Rex Morgan is hillious. “We’re a couple of dopes!”
Islamorada Girl
May 16th, 2005 at 6:46 am [Reply]

Mary’s wine and whine lunch must have gone on way too long. She’s sitting on the flying bridge of Dr. Jeff’s trawler, having visions of the floating heads of all her Charterstone pals. Have another bottle of Merlot, Meddling One!

Meanwhile, in Judge Parker, Father Whatever and Sam are heading off to the jungle packing heat.
Unfortunately, their piece is just a shotgun.
While effective point blank, I’d rather see them carrying S&W .38 Chief’s Specials, just like Bree in Desperate Housewives.
Firearms? They don’t need no stinkin’ firearms!
Peaches
May 16th, 2005 at 6:47 am [Reply]

Or maybe Mary’s experiencing a little mal de mer? Up comes that coq au vin!
daChipster
May 16th, 2005 at 6:59 am [Reply]

Oh my god, no WONDER my state sucks!

Our Governor, Rod Blagojevich, has just signed a long term contract to appear in Apartment 3G as Scott Gaines.

http://www.epa.state.il.us/images/gov-blagojevich.jpg
yellojkt
May 16th, 2005 at 7:26 am [Reply]

Apt 3G hit a new low in Sunday strip recycling. Was there one word in Monday’s Apt 3G that did not appear in Sunday’s strip? Any slower and the plot would actually go backwards.
Monkeys Uncle
May 16th, 2005 at 7:36 am [Reply]

I must say that is a lovely pink cravat Mary Worth is sporting while remembering her dead or (I wish they were dead) friends.

On another note seeing, Merideth injured was not a satisfying as I had imagined it would be. I got a bigger kick out of Ms. Saltzman putting that Kelpfroth b%@$# in her place.
Firegoat
May 16th, 2005 at 7:39 am [Reply]

Frankly I think we should ban any comment on BB until Josh goes back and addresses the Sunday BB strip involving the rifles that like to be cleaned after being used like any nice person.
fluffytufts
May 16th, 2005 at 8:37 am [Reply]

Mary Worth, Rex Morgan, Judge Parker, Mark Trail…feh.
Sourbelly
May 16th, 2005 at 8:38 am [Reply]

That Mrs. Melville Kelpfroth is so gosh darn evil! Complaining about the noise while a sweet widdle girl lies dying in a pool of her own blood and excrement! (I’m assuming the shock and pain caused Mewedith to lose control of her bowels.)

Kelpfroth doesn’t sound Francophone, but those Frawgs are crafty. You can just smell the Frenchness on her!
J.Po
May 16th, 2005 at 8:43 am [Reply]

Some more observations (,mule!)…

RMMD: Do the Morgans not have mail service at home? Do ya think Pus-Boy gave June the letter so that she could stick it in her purse and forget about it? Of course, I believe the Kollege long ago suspended belief that Pus-Boy might just be able to walk to a MAILBOX and mail it himself.

(Sorry, figured that Wilson and Nolan would have bold-faced “mailbox.”)

In any event, the surprise lines emanating from June and Rex in panel 1 clearly show that they ARE dopes, since the rest of the planet recognized and accepted this long, long ago.

One final question: could June stick her breasts out any further in panel 2 without falling over?

OK, two final questions: speaking of breasts, who was it that got me hooked on Brandy in Liberty Meadows? OMG. Thank you.

Mary Worth: why is it that a lunch with Rita Begler takes days but, one strip after “You’ll Never Walk (or Do Anything Else) Alone,” it’s now been SEVERAL days since lunch?

And regarding the Illinois governor: What happens to him between panels 2 and 3 that turns him from an adult to a 12-year-old? Does he have a mysterious ability to turn into a Fred Savage impersonator at will?
J.Po
May 16th, 2005 at 8:50 am [Reply]

Congrats on Comment of the Week, Kardinal yellojkt!
daChipster
May 16th, 2005 at 9:06 am [Reply]

Kardinal Po – That is indeed a well-known power held by our esteemed Gov. Blaygo. I hesitate to call it a super-power because he uses it for neither good nor evil. It just happens at random and annoys the aitch-ee-double-hockey-sticks out of the political establishment.

Somehow it appears to endear him to bubble-headed Lu Ann types, and blue-haired meddling Mary types as well.

I think he was hoping to ride it into a VP nomination in ‘08, but it may not even work for him in his re-election next year. A-G Lisa Madigan’s daddy is more powerful than Blaygo’s daddy-in-law, so she may actually whup the sitting guv’s moptop in the primary.
daChipster
May 16th, 2005 at 9:10 am [Reply]

Kudos to Kardinal yellojkt – you bring honor to the whole Kollege.

And sympathies to peaches, who ended up being the “comment of the long weekend.” Josh is like the mummy who gives you two dimes as change for a quarter: Egypt you!
Flasshe
May 16th, 2005 at 11:23 am [Reply]

I saw today’s Mary Worth strip as a homage to those old Avengers covers with the floating heads. If you squint your eyes, the guy with the beard almost looks like Thor.

Haven’t looked through all the various comment threads in detail yet today – has anybody mentioned the National Reading Week theme in many of today’s comics? And how Family Circus and Drabble have the exact same joke?

Congrats, Kard yellojkt!
Flasshe
May 16th, 2005 at 11:52 am [Reply]

I posted that in the wrong thread. Yeargh.
Jeff R.
May 16th, 2005 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

That Sunday space isn’t non-fungible. A lot of local papers use a smaller version, cutting off the title panel and the first two, which is why in many sunday strips the first two panels is mini-gag only vaguely related to the rest of the strip. [Doonesbury is also this way.]
Lor
May 16th, 2005 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

Re the Patterspawn: her name is henceforth MeriDEATH.
yellojkt
May 16th, 2005 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

Victory Dance!

Rookie luck, but I’ll take it.
yellojkt
May 16th, 2005 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

The only problem with an honor like Comment Of The Week, is that I can’t share it with any of my coworkers, because then they’ll know what I’ve really been doing.
Inkan
May 16th, 2005 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

It’s a rerun!!

I had a book of “Beetle Bailey” comic strips when I was in grade school. It had a comic strip that was exactly the same as this strip, except that it was Captain Scabbard who got busted, and Scabbard’s alibi was that he was in the hospital with a head injury. But the phone scene, Beetle looking, and the game scene are all the same.
Sourbelly
May 16th, 2005 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

MeriDEATH. Nicely played, Lor.
Mibbitmaker
May 16th, 2005 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

Reason Crumb’s famous cartoon is echoed in Beetle Bailey is that it’s similar to the Walkers’ saying:

“Keep on… Phoning it In!”
johncomic
May 17th, 2005 at 2:07 am [Reply]

Hey, if you’re gonna pick on BB for trying to fill the Sunday space with a daily, then fair’s fair: much as I love Darby’s work, Get Fuzzy routinely uses the “Sunday as a big tall color daily” technique, right down to “only three panels in the strip”…
not_me
June 19th, 2005 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

why the hell does it look like they’re talking from their ass sometimes?
Huh?
August 1st, 2005 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

It “offends” you that a comic isn’t funny enough for you???? It should take a whole lot more than that to offend you… Does this offend you: GET A LIFE!!!!! If you don’t like a comic strip, don’t read it!!! Is this too complicated??? Do you have nothing better to do than to whine about the trivial decisions of a cartoonist….. Cartoons are not real life…
R warth
December 15th, 2005 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

I cannot find the humor in Sarge beating Beetle Bailey.
I think it shows disrespect for the military.
Prehumous
February 10th, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

Sarge didn’t beat Beetle Bailey. General Halftrack had Sarge taken to a secret location in order to be beaten to death by robots.
nemoErensenuT
February 10th, 2008 at 5:28 am [Reply]

I’d prefer reading in my native language, because my knowledge of your languange is no so well. But it was interesting! Look for some my links:

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Too much space, not enough funny

55 responses to “Too much space, not enough funny”

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