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BIG COACH IS WATCHING YOU

Gil Thorp, 5/22/09

There is something hair-raisingly creepy about the last panel of today’s Gil Thorp, in which Gil’s empty chair faces a computer monitor lit up with pictures of his student athletes in happier, naughtier times. “There’s no such thing as privacy or anonymity anymore! You have to assume that your every move, your every transgressive behavior, is going to be scrutinized by prying eyes, watching silently as your delighted young faces light up when you press the limits of childhood and discover what it means to be an adult, breath quickening, palms sweating … uh … I gotta get back to my office. Shep, you’re in charge until I get back. Try not to get drunk or anything.”

Funky Winkerbean, 5/22/09

It’s true that infidelity usually ends in tears and shattered lives, so you’d think it would be a natural subject for a Funky Winkerbean plot. I don’t think it’s ever been tackled in this strip, though, possibly because affairs do generally begin with a jolt of joy, no matter how short-sighted and self-destructive that happiness might be. Thus, I’m curious to see whether or not the now remarried Funky and his ex are going to get it on in one of Montoni’s filthy plastic booths, or if their tryst will be nipped in the bud by weeping and impotence, only to be discovered and end in divorce anyway.

190 responses to “BIG COACH IS WATCHING YOU”

  1. Esther Blodgett
    May 22nd, 2009 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think the words “I’ll drop her by later” actually form a sentence. But that’s OK; trying to rearrange them into something that made sense was more enjoyable than actually reading the strip anyway.

  2. Rusty
    May 22nd, 2009 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    FW: Cindy will have to explain why she is the only character with no visible aging from the 10 year jump in time. Botox? I don’t even want to think about Funky fumbling around his long-neglected genitalia in a drunken attempt to revisit past glories.

  3. Rusty
    May 22nd, 2009 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    Also, key in mailbox = foreshadowing? You know what they say about showing a gun on a table in act one, it better get used by act two. I smell violent home invasion.

  4. BillCinSD
    May 22nd, 2009 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    The key phrase in FW is “We’ve gotta change that” Funky will drop her by but the people that went home early will interrupt a burglary and be killed in the resulting mayhem. That’s the Funky way

  5. Bryan
    May 22nd, 2009 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Or you could just not post compromising pictures of yourself on Facebook.

  6. Gal Friday
    May 22nd, 2009 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    GT: I like how, 2 days ago, Gil didn’t even know what Facebook was, and today, he’s intoning “I’m the expert in cyber-lack-of-privacy” buzzkill speeches!

  7. Dekster
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Shep in panel 2: Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. I make this face, for example. And, uh, yeah…that’s pretty much the extent of it.

  8. Alan's Addiction
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Gil Thorp, in which it’s creepily revealed that Gil has a bizarre obsession with constantly monitoring his team of high school boys, suggests that either he was involved in a high-level law enforcement agency (probably the FBI or NSA) or that he’s a disgraced and outed priest. Either way, both of those lengthy back stories are far more interesting than a look at underage drinking in the 21st century (teens experimenting with substances still happens, shockingly enough).
    I don’t know which is worse; today’s Funky Winkerbean that bored me to tears, or Josh’s horrible commentary that forced me, briefly, to consider the sex lives of the characters in Funky Winkerbean. I spent the following three hours sobbing and hugging myself in the bath tub, and I probably won’t sleep for the next few months.

  9. Cranky
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    And now, I will make today’s snark even creepier through the magic of selective editing.

    There is something hair-raisingly creepy about… Gil Thorp, in which Gil’s… lit up with… his student athletes in… naughtier… transgressive behavior… scrutinized by prying eyes, watching… you.. the… adult, breath quickening, palms sweating… uh … I gotta get… drunk… get it on in one of Montoni’s filthy plastic booths… in the bud… weeping.. impotence, only to be discovered… anyway.

  10. Calico
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    No, snark really, but my 3 Google ads above are:
    “How to stop an affair.” (Really now?)
    “Puppy Behavior Problems”
    “How to survive infidelity”

    Sounds like “Mary Worth” on steroids.

  11. Perky Bird
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Les’ habit of keeping a spare key in his mailbox is a sign of how lonely and desperate he is. He keeps a spare key in his mailbox, because there’s never anything else in it—no letters, postcards, invitations, not even any bills, because even the utility companies find him creepy and don’t want to have anything to do with him. Either that, or Les is so lonely and desperate that he places the key in such an easy-to-find place in the hopes that someone will find it, break into his house, and murder him, thus freeing him from his lonely, pathetic excuse for a life.

  12. druidbros
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    MW – I fully expect Dr Jeff to admit to his tryst 20 years ago with Sam and to begin crying because he wanted to see Sam again. Oh the guilt.

  13. BigTed
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    If you really want to get grossed out by the idea of Funky’s upcoming tryst, think about how it will probably involve the use of pizza sauce.

  14. thurston unger
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    FW: The colorist apparently has an obsession with gray and rust, which is damned fortunate, given that this is Funky Winkerbean, where “gray” and “rust” are not only colors, but plot devices, and, in the not too distant future, probably major characters that we’ll grow to not care about, if not openly loathe.

  15. zenvelo
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Les didn’t put the key in the mailbox- the “sainted” Lisa put it there long ago, so Funky could get in the house for their afternoon trysts when they played hide the pepperoni. Pitiful Les has left it there because he won’t alter anything related to Lisa’s life, even blatant signs of her infidelity.

  16. zenvelo
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    what’s with us all using the word “tryst” today?

    with apologies to Arlo Guthrie:

    You know, if one person, just one person does it they may think he’s really sick and they won’t take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony, they may think they’re both faggots and they won’t take either of them. And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people posting in Josh’s blog using the word tryst. They may think it’s an organization.

  17. AeroSquid
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    FW: My Spidey-Stink lines detect a magnum of fortified wine, a table candle and an angry, grudging attempt at anal penetration. Then the police come.

  18. Uncle Lumpy
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    FW — Les never disappoints: “. . . tonight is a school night”, not “I’ve got work tomorrow.” Never grow up, you adorable miserable infantile shell of a man, you.

  19. Harold
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Gil and the boys don’t seem to realize that the latest trend is to set Facebook and MySpace accounts to “private” so that only designated friends can view pictures and whatnot. Keeps transgressions hidden from the prying eyes of strangers, teachers, employers, and Internet snoops like me.

  20. Comrade Denny
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    #16 – zenvelo:

    And can you imagine fifty – fifty people a day coming onto Josh’s blog and using the word “tryst?” Why, they might think it’s a movement. And that’s what it is friends, the Comics Curmudgeon anti-Winker-tryst movement, and all you have to do to join is use the word “tryst” next time you come around the comments section. Here it comes …

  21. Baka Gaijin
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    QUOTE OF THE DAY:

    Pickles: “…Grampa’s like a delicatessen. He’s full of baloney and he smells of old cheese.”

  22. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    GT: “There’s no such thing as privacy or anonymity any more.”

    Is Gil telling me to put on pants when I use my webcam, or hoping I won’t?

  23. zenvelo
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    we’re all just “trysting the night away…”

  24. Steve S
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    “Do you still keep that spare key in the mailbox?” is a euphemism. To most people, it would be sex-related. In Funky Winkerbean, it means “Prepare to discover that Cindy and I are long-lost siblings. Also, you have a tumor.”

  25. Ned Ryerson
    May 22nd, 2009 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    GT: Please join this group: Bring back the old Fakebook.

  26. Red Greenback
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    That Comic Strip: Do you know what team Jamaal used to play on? The Generals.

  27. Comrade Denny
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    FC: I’m amazed that no one’s notice Thel being penetrated from behind by a mustachioed anarchist using a picture frame! Look at that those motion lines around her head! Her facial expression tells us that she is disturbed … but intrigued. HAWT! So hot, in fact, that the other mustachioed anarchist, stealing a peak over his shoulder, has to have his way with that guitar right then and there.

    GT: Indifference is effort. Playoffs are playdowns. Losing is winning.

  28. CanuckDownSouth
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Y-147-Niall (off-topic re:division) Sounds like “number doing the division” = denominator, then interesting tidbit is that both francophone (long story) and French Immersion schools in Manitoba put it on the left.

    Trying to return to topic: In the end, regardless of whether Coach Thorp wants to just suspend Shep for a bit, if this is really supposed to be “real-life cautionary tale” then the admin is likely to expel Shep and Thorp will learn he’s not the final word at school. There’s no privacy to the coach’s actions either, they’ll find out…

  29. Comrade Denny
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    #24 – Steve S:

    I left my key in the mailbox,
    But won’t nobody open my door.
    I left my key in the mailbox,
    But won’t nobody open my door.
    Though I’m married to a ghost,
    What I need is a big-legged whore.

    That Funky gets the funky,
    My wife gets cancer, so I lose.
    That Funky gets the funky,
    My wife gets cancer, so I lose.
    He gets the ol’teen sweetheart tryst,
    An’ I got them Funky Winkerbean Blues!

  30. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    #10 Calico – Hmm. My Google ads are:
    Electronic Monitoring
    Betrayed by an affair?
    Internet Privacy Laws

    Looks like Google is monitoring this website.

  31. skullcrusherjones
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    “Now, no one can say I’ve never gotten Funky in a Toni’s Pizza booth. God, I need a shower.”

    You and me both, sister.

  32. tb4000
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Downer Winkerbean: Les keeps that key hidden for the ghost of Lisa. Because in the Funky-verse, even the dead have it so rough that they can’t even phase through things.

  33. Muffaroo
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    DTracy“B.O. Plenty’s home?” THAT’s the surprise? Cripes, why not make that “little surprise before you die” something more exciting, like:

    “Our sign out front has a typo, and nobody ever notices!”

    “I have two eyes; I just keep this one closed!”

    “I’ve taken out a big insurance policy. Strike me down now, and my heirs will grow more wealthy than you can imagine!”

    “Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, is the only city in the U.S. with an apostrophe in its name!”

    “You actually drive in a driveway, just not very far!”

    “Snuffy Smith’s still has a crank lab hidden in it!”

    FCircus – Thel’s reached that stage of punchiness where she walks around with her head bobbing like a pigeon’s. Better give her some coffee, or she’ll start making animal noises.

    H&Jamaal – The charge is “Driving While Indefinite.”

    Love is… – …when the guy next door “specks” you out. (“You know, the other cons drew three dots just like that my back in the Big House! Say, would you like me to show you my favorite knothole?”)

  34. Muffaroo
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    MTrail – And so, the cycle of life among the criminals continues as the older crook explains the plot in detail to the younger crook. This is educational for the younger crook, but also serves an important purpose. If anything happens to the bigger crook, the younger crook will still be able to hold the hero captive and explain the plan to him while he works his way out of the death trap. It’s another day just like any other in “The Cliché Kingdom” !

    And you know, just as criminals must act out their appointed roles in the approved way to insure their continued existence as doomed ciphers, so should we all live up to expectations for our own societal roles. This is where Mutual of Omaha’s “Lifestyle Insurance” comes in. Here’s Jim with more on that…

    Pluggers – Pluggers try to paper over the squalor of their existence by renaming everything as something better. Thus, the rusty lawn chairs are plugger La-Z-Boys; the iced Nestea is a plugger margarita, and the partially vivisected chicken is a plugger hottie. When she’s snoring, the dog plugger will log onto Hot Kitties and have a solo party, also known as a plugger orgy.

    S-Man – “Oh, nuts! Don’t tell me I was wearing half my mask all the time I was talking to MJ! Let’s see… I’ll bet I stuck it on when I slapped myself a minute ago. I’ll just take it off re-eal slow, and nobody’ll notice…”

    Zits – Best start from the back of the book, where the loser schools are.

    MaryAnnTheRest @Y133 – My problems with my first-grader’s homework are mainly (1) not giving her the answer straight out, and (2) explaining things in words she actually knows. (2) is the tougher one.

    Esther Blodgett @Y140 – So we’re back to Tom Lehrer and “New Math”? (“It’s so simple / So very simple / That only a child can do it!”) I see that queek linked to that in Y154, with some guy lip-synching for Lehrer. I thought there was a real video of this (there is one of him explaining metric system to Britain, to the same tune.)

  35. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Phrase of the day: SF: “Preadolescent Alopecia.”

    Dang. A comic strip made me learn a new word today.

  36. Anna Nimity
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: Will someone please tell Sweaty Bathrobe Guy to put on some CLOTHES?! He’s creeping me out…

  37. Niall
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    It seems I owe an apology – I was mistaken in the new math thing. After checking with my older sister who’d remember such things, we did indeed get the whole New Math, but tempered with plenty of Old Math concepts that were anchored first. We did long divisions by hand and only introduced sets and diagrams and a little bit of non-10 bases in high school. (The latter was immediately useful when introduced to the reality of computers and its binomic and base 16/hexadecimal counting.) Grade 10 math problems had space in which we had to show our work to get full marks – but the correct answer remained by far the biggest margin of points attributed. So maybe I got a slightly saner version, and later than in the US. So my question is now: at what level did the teach New Math in the US in the 60s, and at what age are they now teaching different ways to multiply and divide today?

    Y151. Charterstoned: I think I buried most of the mole theory… :) :) But seriously: I actually don’t remember having trouble with that particular concept. In fact, the results of my free testosterone tests came back in “micro-moles per litre”, and I had a fairly good intuitive idea what that meant.

    28 CanuckDownSouth: Gah, denominator! Yeesh, I suck at terminology, or at least at coaxing it out of my memory when needed. (Recognising it, however, is no problem.) I would believe that Manitoba as a whole puts it on the left, as I’m suspecting our right-denominatoriation may come from France more directly…

  38. Niall
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Reading as quickly as I can today’s snark shows that my mind on Marmaduke has finally sunk to, well, pretty much everyone else’s levels, seemingly…

    Been quiet otherwise as I’m trying to prepare for a trip to Montreal tomorrow, where I’ll scope out chocolatiers for a walkabout guide for the SF Worldcon there this August. I have three new places to visit, and I’ll look at the rest to ask questions and take more notes. Fun day! No, I mean it – it’ll be a really fun day! :)

  39. Gal Friday
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    #36 He’s sweatballing! And Rex likes it.

  40. PeteMoss
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Calico @10
    I’ve got “Food for Workplace,” “Electronic Monitoring,” and, of course, “How to Stop and Affair.”

  41. Old School Allie Cat
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    It’s funny that Josh said that Funky’s tryst with Cindy “nipped in the bud” becaue Holly’s maiden name was Budd.

    Bwahahaha.

    This and other random dumb facts about the funnies are courtesy of the fact that no one in management is at the office today, so there’s nobody to authorize sending us home early, even though half the staff and most of our customers took off early for the holiday weekend.

    Man, am I BORED.

    And boring!

  42. Digger
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    FW: The mailbox isn’t a very good place to hide a key. And I suspect Les knows that. He is probably hoping for a break-in so he will be killed and put out of his misery (not to mention hang out with GhostLisa and her good pal, Masky McDeath).

    GT: Gil deeply resents the Internet for being the tool of his widespread embarrassment. So by God he’s going to use it against as many kids as he can. And then maybe they’ll learn that the Internet is EVIL.

  43. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    41 Old School Allie Cat – I know what you mean. I’m in the central time zone but most of the clients I work with are on the east coast. They’re long gone and I’m stuck here for another 30 minutes.

  44. Billy
    May 22nd, 2009 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    I’m a little confused as to why Funky is the one asking if Les still keeps a spare key in the mailbox. Is he going to bring Cindy back to the Moore household for a night of lechery, or does he plan on ransacking the place to support his crumbling pizza empire?

  45. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2009 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    Billy @44 – Funky’s pizza empire is crumbling because he no longer makes the dough.

    Rats. Still 20 minutes to go.

  46. teddytoad
    May 22nd, 2009 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    Everyone agrees Gil’s overstating his case, right? He could have rested with, “Don’t expect privacy if you post proof of illegal behavior online.” His approach is a bit like a police officer knocking politely on a door, presenting a valid warrant, making a by-the-book arrest, and suddenly screaming at the suspect, “Don’t you get it??! The Fourth Amendment’s just a scrap of paper! I can do anything I want to you!!!

  47. Winky's Spleen
    May 22nd, 2009 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    H&L – Is this a rerun from 1985, or does Walker-Browne Enterprises honestly believe break-dancing is the latest thing? I’m guessing the latter.

  48. Uncle Balustrade
    May 22nd, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    I’ve gotta say: The LAST place I expected to find a concise statement of Orwellian thought was in “Gil Thorp”!

  49. Uncle Balustrade
    May 22nd, 2009 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    GT again: There should be a clock striking thirteen in there somewhere. Wait a minute; how would one illustrate that? Never mind…

  50. Brick Bradford
    May 22nd, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    This tryst will not end only in tears, but but also tumors.

  51. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2009 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    #49 Uncle Balustrade – Like this!

  52. Uncle Balustrade
    May 22nd, 2009 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    #51 Sequiter: Far out! Much better than my ideas, which mainly consisted of drawing the sound effect “Bong!” in the second panel thirteen times. There would be room for such a thing in there, though.

  53. Sheila Sternwell
    May 22nd, 2009 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    #14 thurston – I think I love you.

  54. Uncle Balustrade
    May 22nd, 2009 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    Sequiter = Sequitur. I am suffering from the “Sins of Shep” at the moment. Latin gets rusty. English as well.

  55. AeroSquid
    May 22nd, 2009 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    Next ! on Funky Winkerbean ! Rumours ! Tumours ! Canadians !

  56. Vince M
    May 22nd, 2009 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    34: Hey, Coeur d’Alene! Ever hear of L’Anse, Michigan?
    Yeah, you’ve got the apostro-opoly, huh? In your apostroFACE!
    Sorry, I get defensive as a former Michigander.
    Still, I can’t believe Hawaii doesn’t have an apostrophe-laden town or two, like between two vowels.

  57. gnome de blog
    May 22nd, 2009 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    Cindy may have avoided premature aging, disease and death by leaving Westview at an early age, but she’s paid the price. She’s a desperately lonely woman. She’s hanging out with her fat alcoholic ex-husband and his friend the school doofus. Next she’ll hop over to Pittsville and seduce Brad deGroot.

    Where’s Holly? Wasn’t she Cindy’s best friend in high school? Did she say to the Funkster, “no, that’s all right dear. Go out and have a good time with your ex-wife who hasn’t gotten fat, dumpy and old. I’d rather stay home. I don’t want to miss the American Cancer Society telethon.”

    What we can believe is that Funky was too stupid to understand what she meant. He was supposed to say, “No honey, you have to come. It won’t be the same without you.”

    Holly knows about the key in the mailbox. Fireworks a-comin’. Maybe we’ll get lucky and she’ll blow up the whole damn town.

  58. Sequitur
    May 22nd, 2009 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    #54 Uncle Balustrade – No problem. English is my second language. Unfortunately, I don’t have a first one.

  59. professor fate
    May 22nd, 2009 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    FW: Oh god – I just got over the image of the Funky getting pity sex from his wife now he’s going to try to get pity sex from his ex? There is no god.

  60. Donald the Anarchist
    May 22nd, 2009 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    GT Unfortunately, it wasn’t until Gil started checking the girl athletes’ panties on a regular basis that even the parents decided maybe it was time to reinstate the concept of privacy…

    FW Yeah, Summer. No telling what might happen if someone walked in on you and your dad. But we were really hoping you’d rebel, not go all Elektra on us…

  61. druidbros
    May 22nd, 2009 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    #16 – what’s with us all using the word “tryst” today?

    It must be something in the collective conciousness.

  62. Mibbitmaker
    May 22nd, 2009 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    Zippy the Pinhead, after reading these comments:

    “Tryst! Tryst! Tryst!!”

  63. Mibbitmaker
    May 22nd, 2009 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    Let’s tryst again
    like we did last summer
    Let’s tryst again
    like we did last year…

    (sorry, Chubby)

  64. Uncle Balustrade
    May 22nd, 2009 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    If I knew how to spell “serreptitious rendevous”, I would still say “tryst”.

  65. Angela in Alaska
    May 22nd, 2009 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    Shep drinks, and knows photoshop like the back of his hand. Gil, a facebook page with your cross-dressing coachy ass all over it, is on the way.

  66. AMC
    May 22nd, 2009 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean, Debtor-In-Possession: “Well Cindy, now you’re alone, and I need a loan. So, we still have that going for us….

    Am I going to get some tonight? Cash, I mean. I’ve got a bad case of blue bills Baby.”

  67. Muffaroo
    May 22nd, 2009 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    Vince M @56 – I don’t think the truth or falsity of the statement disqualifies it as a candidate for the Dick Tracy strip, but if it comes up again, we shall substitute “Westfield, Massachusetts, was once the world’s largest producer of buggy whips.” Anything for the state my mom was born and died in.

  68. True Fable
    May 22nd, 2009 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    I brake for trysts.

  69. Toronto
    May 22nd, 2009 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    Tryst it, you’ll lykes it.

  70. Uncle Balustrade
    May 22nd, 2009 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    I hear that there is a new “Funny Face ” drink mix coming out : “Loud Mouth Tryst”.

  71. Sister Sestina
    May 22nd, 2009 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    Vince M @ 56 -
    Hawaiian uses an “okina” between some vowels, and sometimes before one, which isn’t considered the same as an apostrophe although that’s sometimes used to portray it. How to render it most properly in English punctuation terms is debated. Where I work (we’ve been doing some Hawaiian street maps lately) we use a left single quotation mark, the thing that looks like an apostrophe turned upside down.

  72. NoahSnark
    May 22nd, 2009 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    Whenever you hear a coach say “there’s no such thing as privacy or anonymity anymore” you should start looking for video cameras in the gym shower.

  73. Winky's Spleen
    May 23rd, 2009 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    Silly Funky; trysts are for kids.

  74. Red Greenback
    May 23rd, 2009 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    Try new Trysts!… It’s three cysts in one!

  75. bats :[
    May 23rd, 2009 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    I guess I picked a good week to be absent. Mark Trail is slowly gearing up to another thrilling adventure, Mary Worth is setting up for an arranged marriage, the Phantom is doing something, Judge Parker is getting ready for a nice chicken dinner (now with extra breasts!), and Rex Morgan is Willy-free. Sort of:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3555245313/sizes/o/

  76. sugarpie
    May 23rd, 2009 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    bats :[ 75 Hee hee ‘Taint’ I wondered when bats would jump in! Tee hee hee- ‘Taint’!

  77. sugarpie
    May 23rd, 2009 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    Yay! As long as I know bats :[ is back on the job, I can go to sleep.

  78. Joe the Plugger
    May 23rd, 2009 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    9CL: In any other comic, it would be a no-brainer… but I can’t figure out which one of these two is pregnant…

  79. Mr. O'Malley
    May 23rd, 2009 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    Punctuation: Lynne Truss (“Eats, Shoots and Leaves”) did a series of 15 minute shows on punctuation this week on BBC Radio 7 called “Cutting a Dash”. BBC7 shows can be heard online for one week after broadcast. I haven’t listened to it yet but I suspect it could be amusing.

    New Math: I supposedly studied new math but, as far as I could tell, all it meant was that we would spend the first two weeks in September talking about “sets” and then we would go on to the same old math that people learned back in the 1920s. Nevertheless I managed to pass a class in differential equations (which has never been of any use to me whatever) and to appreciate jokes like:

    There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary numbers and those who don’t.

  80. J
    May 23rd, 2009 at 2:56 am [Reply]

    call me a ludite, but doesn’t coach’s lesson really only apply to people who use myspace and such? and even then, only those who use their real name and post pictures of themselves?

  81. Charlene
    May 23rd, 2009 at 3:17 am [Reply]

    #80, ask Michael Phelps. His photo was on someone else’s page.

  82. Mr. O'Malley
    May 23rd, 2009 at 3:26 am [Reply]

    75. bats :[ Please (remembering that picture that someone did of Cassandra Cat a couple of years ago) no extra breasts! Two each will be just fine.

    Now on to Saturday’s comics…

    9CL: I don’t follow this strip regularly, so can anyone explain why this woman has two sets of eyebrows?

    Bizarro: Good today!

    FC: The kids have the right instincts. Those boots have definitely got to go. The rest of the Mary Worth Collection won’t be missed either. As a matter of fact, Thel … lose the bell-bottoms!

    FOOB: Screw the polar bears, I’m saving fifteen minutes so I won’t miss my soaps!

    GT: I only check out this strip when the buzz mounts up about it, so now I’m all “atomic liniment”?

    JP: “Check out some horseflesh and meet the wife”? Not very flattering!

    MW: This is really disgusting. FOOB pushed the idea that you must marry someone you knew in kindergarten. Now we have the concept that you can only date people whose parents knew your parents before you were born.

    Now can that idea be reconciled with the observation that the part in Jeff’s hair tends to leap from one side of his head to the other from one moment to the next?

    NS: I like the concept. I’m an “alternate reality” kind of person.

    Pluggers: That reminds me of a business plan a friend and I came up with a few years ago: a theme park for nervous people—Wimp World. One of the features would be that all the food available would be white. So a sandwich of tater tots, macaroni and Miracle Whip on white bread with a side of steamed cauliflower over rice and a glass of milk would do just fine. Maybe we would allow a little mozzarella for the more adventurous.

    RMMD: “Civilian cleaning crews”? Is this a military cruise ship? “Don’t let any dirty civilians on board this ship, bosun!”

    SaFo: This is a kind of subset of the general range of SF strips (See? I told you I knew about sets!) which could be titled “Preteen Anthropologists”. I like it though.

  83. Charlene
    May 23rd, 2009 at 3:41 am [Reply]

    FC: Those outfits are actually quite stylish and attractive. Too bad Thel has never been seen wearing either of them.

  84. Baka Gaijin
    May 23rd, 2009 at 4:05 am [Reply]

    * * * BUCKET ALERT…BUCKET ALERT * * *

    IF YOU READ SATURDAY’S CATHY, YOU WILL NEED A BUCKET. IT’S SO DISGUSTINGLY HORRIBLY WRONG YOU’LL BE PUKING UP STUFF YOU ATE IN SECOND GRADE.

    * * * END ALERT…END ALERT * * *

  85. Baka Gaijin
    May 23rd, 2009 at 4:10 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s Marvin: Go on, dog! Testify! Now rip his smug little face off and thrash it around like a dead bunny. You know you want to.

  86. Eric the baker
    May 23rd, 2009 at 6:09 am [Reply]

    FC: Thel has better get in the house and stop those kids before they get to Bil’s closet and bring his gimp mask, assless chaps and ball gag out to the sale tables.

  87. mojo
    May 23rd, 2009 at 6:29 am [Reply]

    Since when have coaches of sports teams gotten so concerned about their player’s off-field hijinks that they throw them off the team on suspicion they MIGHT have done something bad at some point in their lives? I always thought it was the coach’s job to ENABLE so long as the kid played well. In the good old days it always took the asshole math teacher giving the kid a flunking grade, or a big ol’ class-action lawsuit from multiple rape victims to pull someone off the team. And even then, if the kid had any talent for the game, the coach was always the first shrieking that the kid should STILL be allowed to play…

  88. mordock999
    May 23rd, 2009 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann – 05/23/09 -

    “Luann. If you think Brad looks ‘Dippy’ now, you should have seen the expression on his face when I was ‘Priming His Pump’ a few moments ago.” — Toni

    _______________________________

    DEATH to TJ!

  89. True Fable
    May 23rd, 2009 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    9 Chickmonths Lane What a relief to finally get shed of Thorax and Monty, and back to Fr. Francis and Sister Sister. I have always liked this couple so PLEASE Brooke, don’t screw it up.

    Apartment Revolving Door Good news in this comic strip? What, are they going to kill Alan again?

    Warmed-over Foobs This is the second Canadian comic strip to depict every single character as whiny stupid jerkass sons of bitches. *shudder* Come on, Canada; I know you have better cartoonists up there than this.

    I Haz Mah Wife’s Comik Bob Ross guests today.

    C’haft The Lockhorns, the Early Years.

    Children of the Circle Gee, so many possible snarks on this one today. “And then Jeffy’s going back into the closet”, “because Billy said they look Faaaabulous on him” and “Do you want to sell your Dominatrix look, too?”

    WTF GT Sliding pads? Looks like he’s been slammed in the balls.

    Sam Driver, Chick Magnet “gonna check out Abbey and meet the horseflesh.” I hope there’s going to be a major catfight or at least a growling, hissing, clawing panel or two soon. Let’s see some Action, Jackson.

    Sweet and Shallow Well, it had to be either Luann or TJ to make the cockblock move, although in all fairness, you have to have a cock to block and Brad apparently let his in his other pants.

    Fist O Justice Theater Doesn’t Mark ever tire of saving nature or posing for Gentleman Hiker’s Quarterly?

    Meddling Heights Oh for God’s sake, just kiss him already.

    Kit Walker, Saddle Bronc Rider She’s the best rider AND the best ridden!

    Spider- WHAT!?!
    Dear Stan Lee and whoever else is at fault here:

    Would you just cut this shit out right now? Why did you go back in time just to put Stupid-man with MJ all over again? Why is your writing so FUCKING LAME in this strip? What the hell kind of soul-killing notion makes you keep wizened old Aunt May alive and kicking, but you killed off Gwen Stacy and haven’t even got the sense to go back to before she died and put her into the mix? Or add Betty Brandt or hell, just about ANYONE else? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always liked MJ, which is why I hate to see her stuck in this moronic piece of poo you call a comic strip. Give Peter Parker a damn LIFE, give him some decent BRAINS or at least a HEROIC deed or two. We don’t give a shit about him, the strip is not named Peter Parker, now is it?!? NO, it is the Amazing Spider-man but right now the only amazing thing about him is that the syndicate is paying for readers to see how big a narcissistic ASSHAT Peter Parker is.

    What do you mean, “What would it be like to be married to MJ – You’re gonna find out on Monday, Spidey!”?!? Has this been some sort of fucktard Bobby Ewing dream sequence all this time? Is he going to tell her his big news, because if he is I hope like hell that she says, “Well, I figured anybody as lame as Spiderman must have some weinie like you as his alter-ego.”

    Wake UP, Stan; end this comic strip or bring in someone who can actually work in the medium. I’ve seen more action in an average strip of Cathy and if that isn’t the most damning thing you’ve ever heard concerning your work, I don’t know what is.
    /rant

  90. Hibbleton
    May 23rd, 2009 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    Marm: when my dog eats some non-food item (like a rug) it usually does look pretty interesting after it’s passed through his poop-shoot. However, I don’t then pick it up with my bare hands and bring it in the house to show the bastard.

  91. gleeb
    May 23rd, 2009 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Lio: “Jumbo paper clips” “100 smooth” “Big pak” “Rubber bands” “Free balloons” Man, the “pantomime” strip is just packed with needless signs and labels today.

    9CL: I commend McDowner for not spending a week on this woman pissing on a stick. I guess that’s not one of his things.

    Rocky Ledge, flapjack chef: He mentions horses before people. No wonder Godiva’s sick of him.

    Sequitur: Please. Any award that Glenn and Gary McCoy can win isn’t worth having.

    Phantom: She honed her riding skills back when she was slinging hash. Look, I understand that she’s brave and smart, but when was she supposed to have learned to ride?

    Pluggers: …don’t know where rennet comes from.

  92. Lance
    May 23rd, 2009 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    MW: Sicko dad: “It’s amazing Scott! Looking at you is like looking at my wonderfoul, old dead friend (who it appears I didn’t even know was dead)!”

    Weirdo cop: “I know, I totally look like him! I like to think he’ll be looking down on me from heaven banging your daughter doggie-style in the alley behind the Bum Boat!”

    Sicko dad: “Me, too! You couldn’t have a better role model; your dad got himself lots of trim back in the day. And you like the Bum Boat! Awesome! Here take take the key to my daughter’s chastity belt, you’re going to need it. Don’t worry, she’ll put out if I tell her to.”

    And scene.

  93. nerowolfgal
    May 23rd, 2009 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    MW – That will teach you girl! You are to only marry men that are sons of your father’s friends. I don’t care that you are a 30 year old doctor, FATHER knows best and every Muslin fundamentalist is right.

  94. Talking Squirrel
    May 23rd, 2009 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    32 tb4000: “Les keeps that key hidden for the ghost of Lisa. Because in the Funky-verse, even the dead have it so rough that they can’t even phase through things.”

    Plucky Lisa, bucking the odds, has learned to sneak in via the toilet trap, like a New York roof rabbit. This is how Les knows she’s around, by the lingering H2S molecules that cling to her angelic evanescence.

  95. ladadog
    May 23rd, 2009 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    I just caught up on the past two days of comics and am about to tackle the yesterthreads, but, I have been struck by the common theme:

    RMMD: Two boring men talking
    JP: Two boring men talking
    MW: Two boring men talking
    MT: Two boring men talking
    Apt3G: Two boring men talking

    The reason I have had to catch up on the comics (and thanks to my lingering unemployed state I usually read them first thing) is that I am paying constant attention to my new cat – a 9 month old, black and white domestic short hair (with black nose) that I got at the shelter yesterday. Yes, she looks like the Death Cat for Cutie, but, she is awful sweet and very affectionate.
    I know I am living the stereotype, but, what the hell.
    Uh, gotta go, kitty is squeaking…..

  96. Calico
    May 23rd, 2009 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    #81 – Now I understand how he could eat 11,000 calories for breakfast.
    Mmmmm, Choco-chip pancakes! Take that, Cherry Trail!

  97. harshit
    May 23rd, 2009 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    hey..id like to play shep…
    whose the coach here??

  98. Calico
    May 23rd, 2009 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    #96 Ohmygawd I just read your post-congratulations on being adopted by your new cat! : )

    We have a black & white that found us in 2005. His name is Renoir, or Renny for short (refer to the Jalna series of books).

    What is your new kittie’s name?

  99. Vince M
    May 23rd, 2009 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    …and that diet is why they’re called Pluggers.

  100. Harry Pothead
    May 23rd, 2009 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Dear Baka Gaijin,
    I am a fool for ignoring your warning about Saturday’s Cathy.
    I thought that I could handle whatever my eyes were to experience.
    I was ….blargghghgh…very….blerhrhghghg….wrong!
    Excuse me while I replace my keyboard…
    Sincerely,
    Harry Pothead

  101. Hollasa
    May 23rd, 2009 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Subtlety, thy name is not Mary Worth.

  102. Vince M
    May 23rd, 2009 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Muffaroo @67: And the word ‘whip’ occurs 174 times in the Old Testament!
    Joseph Finsbury of ‘The Wrong Box’ has taught me much…

  103. Daniel
    May 23rd, 2009 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    “It’s true that infidelity usually ends in tears and shattered lives, so you’d think it would be a natural subject for a Funky Winkerbean plot”.

    They could go ahead with that plot idea, but in order to make it a true Funky Winkerbean plot, both these lovers should contract cancer; a special type of new cancer that spreads like the flu.

  104. Calico
    May 23rd, 2009 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    FC – Oh Jeffy, those Dale Bozzio boots are still a little too big for you, honey.

  105. ladadog
    May 23rd, 2009 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    #99: Thanks Calico! My little nieces and I are in a round robin, text-mad frenzy over the name. I was toying with Miss Moxie, which one niece voted for, although Rosie is becoming a 2-1 favorite. However, I’m now thinking Daisy….or CC (for Cape Cod, where the shelter is) or Arly (Animal Rescue League). This is the trouble with consensus decision-making.

  106. commodorejohn
    May 23rd, 2009 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    BBlue – Ha ha! Children ruin everything! Ha ha ha!

    Crankshaft – Christ, what an asshole.

    FC – No, dear, those are from Daddy’s bedroom closet.

    FW – Tom: THAT DOES NOT MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS.

    GA – You know, this strip could have been done in, like, one or two panels if Gasoline Alley didn’t have to use large print for its target audience.

    JP – Um…is it normal to use the phrase “horseflesh” in casual conversation? I’m going to jump to a conclusion and say “no.”

    Luann – I think we’re witnessing the setup for Greg Evans’s fantasy threesome.

    MW – “This man speaks kindly of an old acquaintance of mine! He must be trustworthy!”

    PBS – Still not as bizarre as the woman in my town who carries a miniature Pinscher around zipped up in her jacket.

    RMMD – Forget who he was in Panama, who is he now? Who will he be next week?

    SM – Watch out, Lieber! Joey Q is gonna come after you for daring to posit the existence of a married Spider-Man!

  107. Baka Gaijin
    May 23rd, 2009 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    #101 Harry Pothead: I tried to warn you but noooo. Just like that putz in Zits, you just HAD to do what you’re told you shouldn’t do and now what. You have to head to Walmart for a new keyboard and a gallon of Gatorade to replenish your fluids.*

    It’s really not your fault. Who could have thought there was something worse than Cathy in a bathing suit dressing room. Two Cathy’s in bathing suit dressing rooms, one of whom is emitting sweatballs and is much fatter than the ordinary Cathy, that’s what, and what are the chances of that?

    *Just joking, of course.

  108. TheDiva
    May 23rd, 2009 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    BaBl: You’re supposed to learn that after you have kids? I figured that one out with my first house.

    FW: I don’t understand. Is Cindy planning an on-air suicide?

    MW: “To Hell with my daughter–you’re taking me out tonight, sweet cheeks!”

    PCity: So, changing political affiliation = changing species. Got it.

    Pluggers have the same culinary tastes they did when they were seven.

  109. TheDiva
    May 23rd, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: No, it’s just that your father never possessed a single scrap of affection for you (or indeed, any member of humanity) and therefore cannot bother with being concerned for your welfare. Nothing personal.

  110. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 23rd, 2009 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Archie: What is it Veronica and Betty see in this moron? I can only guess that Archie has the biggest schwantzschtucker in the tri-county area.

    BF: I hope the conclusion of this infuriating plotline involves knives. That’s the only way it could make up for having made me read it the past two weeks. That, or having Barretto take over the art duties. Then, I wouldn’t care what happened to Maeve, long as I got to see her change tops now and then.

    (WT)DT: He’s holding that gun awfully close to his face. I sense an Injury to Eye Motif coming on.

    Luann: “You two”? “YOU TWO”?! If Brad’s trying to shoo them both out of the house, he must be loopy. Either that or he’s addressing Luann’s breasts.

    Big Dog: I don’t know who he’s talking to, because I sure as hell ain’t interested.

    6C: I’ve concluded that whichever of the Chix handles Saturdays is nine years old.

    S-M: So much for the reboot.

  111. buckyswife
    May 23rd, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    SM: So, what, now we’re going to jump into the future/present/who-the-fuck-knows again? Who do you guys think you are—Lost? Because if so, you’ll need to incorporate some other elements, such as plots, unexpected twists, interesting villains, and complicated protagonists who occasionally act like protagonists–heck, who occasionally ACT.

  112. bats :[
    May 23rd, 2009 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    96. ladadog: congratulations and blessings on you for adopting a kitty! Is she a tuxedo type? We adopted our first tux (Tobu, Japanese for “jump,” since she’ll do a little hop to meet your hand to be petted) two years ago–never quite realized what a ‘tude they can have (no wonder Death Cat and Chat (sorta) Bleu and Mooch are all tuxes), but cool cats anyway.
    And something to pass the times when the soaps are all white guys talkin’ and curvaceous bimbos are just out of panel.

  113. John C Fremont
    May 23rd, 2009 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    #82 Mr. O’Malley – You know, tater tots, macaroni and Miracle Whip on white bread sounds kinda good right about now.

    #88 – Britney Spears Desnuda, indeed, my spammy friend!

    #92 gleeb – I’m not sure, but I think there was some mention during that whole “We’re joining the Jungle Patrol!” business about the waitress (Kay? Hawa? Flo?) having grown up riding horses and how that somehow qualified her for Jungle Duty. Or maybe I dreamed it one night, but that would mean I dream about The Phantom, and I’m not ready to deal with that possibility right now.

    # 103 Vince M – Yay! A Wrong Box reference!

    Work kept me from chiming in yesterday when it was relevant, but “Unloading here will save us a long trip and also a lot of money!” is now my new motto. Much better than my previous motto: “F#@k the head!”

    JP – “Let’s check out some wifeflesh and meet the horse, Sam!”

    Oh, and – Kitties!!

  114. Poteet
    May 23rd, 2009 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    #l 96 ladadog — Congratulations! I’m so happy for you and your new kitty. May you have many happy years together, loaded with purring.

  115. ladadog
    May 23rd, 2009 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    #112, bats & #114, Poteet,

    Thank you both. She is not a tuxedo cat, but, she is terribly cute all the same, especially with the black nose and chin. I hope she likes it here. She is quite a purr-er. I am telling people that unlike Smitty the Kitty, my late, beloved black & white of 17 1/2 years, who meowed in protest every single time I picked her up, this one, meows if you DON’T pick her up.

  116. Uncle Lumpy
    May 23rd, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Spam removed at #88. And not very good spam either, frankly. For future reference, spammers, “desnuda” ≠ “deskimpy.” You guys better step up your game, or we’ll send Dingo out there to, um, educate you.

  117. John C Fremont
    May 23rd, 2009 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    I found it!

    It’s a beautiful day outside. I could have spent my morning enjoying the weather and the squirrels in the yard and life in general. Instead, I spent it going through Phantom archives because it seemed like a good idea at the time. What’s wrong with me?

    Desnuda, everybody!

  118. Calico
    May 23rd, 2009 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    #108 – FW – Oh no, not a Budd Dwyer copy cat.
    (He wasn’t a newsman, but did it to himself on air in ’87 – very very sad, really. And messy.)

  119. Poteet
    May 23rd, 2009 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    # 117 John — Thank you for that flash from the past. I wasn’t following PHANTOM back then. I’d say my life is now richer and fuller, but we know that’s not the effect PHANTOM has on a person.

  120. bats :[
    May 23rd, 2009 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    116. Uncle Lumpy: and you just KNOW how Dingo values *education*…

  121. Poteet
    May 23rd, 2009 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    S-M — It would appear that Aunt May is participating in an experiment based on the theory that if eating less enables a person to live longer, eating a lot less enables a person to live a whole lot longer. But Aunt May, I think you’re pushing the envelope a little.

  122. Batman Beatles
    May 23rd, 2009 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    S-M : I think Aunt May is beginning to look like Mrs. Bates.

  123. Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
    May 23rd, 2009 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I feel like I’m being beaten over the head with a giant sledgehammer. Seriously? Are you that lazy at writing?

  124. Charles
    May 23rd, 2009 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    I love it when Gil Thorp tries to be current. It’s like watching your parents neck.

    I can’t believe I just said that. I meant I loathe it. Loathe.

  125. sugarpie
    May 23rd, 2009 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft I’m not going to rant on this strip since it is universally acknowledged as the worst sort of pernicious crap. That said, I just can’t figure out where all the vitriol is coming from between Pam and her husband in this weeks arc.

    The violent reactions and accusations are way out of proportion to the 35 year old crime of whatever Pam was wearing under her graduation gown. It’s turning into an suburban Ohio version of Who’s Afraid of VIrginia Wolf. Have they all just finally snapped (like the dragons)?

    Usually Im not as stupid as I look, but geeeeeeze, this has me more puzzled I normally am.

  126. bats :[
    May 23rd, 2009 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    125. sugarpie: I went back and read two weeks’ worth of Crankshaft (surprise! it’s not on my daily read list). I dunno. I think. I think the husband is just being snippy and sarcastic (there are days when I’m the same way — I’m just going to snipe, even if there’s “nothing wrong”).
    OTOH, if the mom is worried about her underachieving daughter’s future, maybe she should encourage her to streak. There are always openings for “models” and “dancers” and “wait staff” at men’s clubs…

  127. cranky
    May 23rd, 2009 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    Today Marmaduke, attempting to taste Hitler’s ass flesh, sadly comes millimeters short in his quest.

  128. Talking Squirrel
    May 23rd, 2009 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    106 commodorejohn: “PBS – Still not as bizarre as the woman in my town who carries a miniature Pinscher around zipped up in her jacket”

    The organist at a church I used to attend would put her miniature poodle in her purse and set it down next to her on the organ bench during the service.

    If the dog got to barking during the service, she’d shut the zipper on the purse. Lemme tell ya, if a barking purse doesn’t send you running to the arms of Jesus, nothing will.

  129. dimestore lipstick
    May 23rd, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    I suppose it was only a matter of time before my city produced a contribution to Pluggers. It’s a pretty plugger-filled burg.

  130. Winky's Spleen
    May 23rd, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    The Shaft – Once Mr. Warmth has gone to sleep, a Bobbitization is looking to be in order.

  131. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 23rd, 2009 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    5/23

    MW: If Adrian has any sanity or dignity–big if, I know–she’ll back off from this creepyfest as her dad starts to make out with Detective Hewlett.

    6C: Any child theoretically reading this is going to get some confusing notions about the rate of plant growth.

    HtH: Chris Browne’s homage to Waterworld.

    WofI: “Jousties”, of course, meaning “scavengers who hover around jousts to pick valuables off whoever doesn’t make it.”

    C-Shaft: If anything, Josh has been underselling the bilious hostility between these two. In the last panel, Pam looks like she’s thinking, “You can go ahead and cut your dick off with that trimmer. It won’t make any appreciable difference in my life.”

    9CL: You can buy the missing panels directly from Brooke at defrockednunspeeing.com.

    Archie: Jeez, you’d think Veronica pushing her knockers together in the first panel would pep him up a little.

    RMMD: I will be so totally shocked if the smuggler in charge turns out to be Guido.

    MC: Oh, this is a beaut.

    DtM: “Anyway, we figure we’ll do more damage to the windshield and headlights than to the clubs.” (Yeah, like we’re dealing with a real menace here.)

    Blondie: That is one huge afro. Dagwood usually doesn’t look like he has that much hair on his head. Where did the barber get…………Oh God, NO!

  132. Winky's Spleen
    May 23rd, 2009 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    AFKABen’s Blondie note for COTW. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go clean the diet coke off my monitor.

  133. Baka Gaijin
    May 23rd, 2009 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    #131 Artist Formerly…on Blondie: You had to take it there, didn’t you. I was perfectly content to think the barber wove spoiled vermicelli into his scalp. But nooo. Now I’m all thinking of something else. Something not nice. Thanks a lot.

  134. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 23rd, 2009 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    #132 &133,
    I’ll be optimistic and think that I made Winky’s Spleen laugh rather than vomit. But either way, a reaction is a reaction, I guess.

  135. Islamorada Girl
    May 23rd, 2009 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    Tryst. Tryst! TRYST!

  136. Jamus The Bartender
    May 23rd, 2009 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    84/Cathy: Okay, back in the nineties, I remember a coffee table book being published by some progressive people who wanted to explore the erotic in “plus sized” ladies. I don’t have a copy of the book, but I do remember seeing some pictures, thinking it was pretty cool, and applauding their efforts to deconstruct Madison Avenue’s ideas of beauty.
    This just sucks like a cheerleader.

  137. Jamus The Bartender
    May 23rd, 2009 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Yeah….okay, see, here’s the thing. If I offend any individual belief systems here, I apologize in advance, but…okay, let me begin. When the Family Circus kids talk about Granddad looking down at them from heaven, it’s basically cute. Treacally sweet and saccharine, but cute. It’s what we’ve come to expect. When His voice booms down at the cavemen from BC, same thing.
    When two grown men talk about a late parent looking down at them from heaven….I really don’t know….maybe this isn’t the place to discuss the nature of God….

  138. Anonymous
    May 23rd, 2009 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb #91:

    9CL: If history is our guide, all of next week will feature the various male 9CL characters looking at her pregnancy result and then peeing on it themselves…

  139. dreadedcandiru2
    May 23rd, 2009 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    Sunday ReFoob Advisory: The source of the alleged humor in tomorrow’s strip rests on these three stupid plot points:
    1) Lizzie locks herself in the john.
    2) John and Elly open the door in a ridiculously inefficient manner.
    3) After doing so, Lizzie locks herself in the bathroom again.

    Enjoy.

  140. Uncle Lumpy
    May 23rd, 2009 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    We are in a maze of trysty passages, all alike.

  141. Dr. Weird
    May 23rd, 2009 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    Anonymous 138 -

    You’re w… you’re wrrr…. OK, I can’t say you’re wrong.

  142. Mibbitmaker
    May 23rd, 2009 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy: Polly’s been reading this week’s Thorax ‘n’ Monty Show in 9CL.

    9CL: Edda being sensible. Don’t get used to it.

    S-M: Just read your own comic strip from before you time-jumped, Petey, and you’ll know. And you’ll also know what you’ve put us through.

    SFx: “He’s got facial hair — that’s how you know it’s The Bad Dude.” — Mark Trail

    R&R: That’s one creepy dawg!

    Popeye: Wimpy the excessive eater doesn’t even want to cook his own dinner? How lazy can you get?!
    It’s like I have a twin!

    Ghost-Who-Is-About-To-Have-Some-Help: The colonel has no choice but to sent her — otherwise, she’d destroy him with her giant fists.

    Garfield: I’ve warned you about wandering into Mutts, Garfield.

  143. Gojira
    May 23rd, 2009 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    5/22 L.A. Times: “Comic strip artists feeling the squeeze”

    My science fictiony hope for comics is that someone develops low-cost flexible electronic paper, configured as a four-page folio. It would serve as a receptacle for either comic books (two side-by-side pages when oriented horizontally) or newspapers (one big page when oriented vertically).

    The content would come from electronic sources (via disk or Internet) and would change depending on what the user wanted to have at hand. This way, the reading experience would be similar enough to print to make it more marketable. Between packaging the content with some advertising and reducing the cost of mass-producing physical copies of publications, it may have enough profit potential to encourage publishers to make the initial investment.

    Maybe someone’s working on something like this, maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part. Maybe the future is animated, “blinking-eye” comics or multimedia productions with sound and video.

    I’m old enough that I still like the traditional comics-reading (heck, just plain reading) experience better. At a time when there are more and more reports about “The Death of Print,” I’m hoping something like flex e-paper will provide way to make books, newspapers, and comics more viable.

    Of course, that would mean comics like today’s Blondie or Cathy on e-paper, so I might have to give this more thought.

  144. Mac
    May 23rd, 2009 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

  145. Gojira
    May 23rd, 2009 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Odds and ends:

    Brewster Rockit: Can you handle the truth?

    MyC: But doesn’t that describe the comments section of most news sites and blogs out there? (thankfully, not this one, except for that one post last year…)

    By the way, did you know this creepy thing is still online?

  146. Black Drazon
    May 23rd, 2009 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    So I open the Toronto Star comics today to see their reorganized comics page and a full page spread ad for the online comics and thought… wait a minute, Rex Morgan is a doctor? I thought he was some sort of freeloading vacationer!

  147. TheDiva
    May 23rd, 2009 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    136 Jamus: That’s because there’s several galaxies of difference between “anyone can be sexually desirable regardless of body type” and the “you’re fat and should be embarrassed to be seen in public wearing something as revealing as a swimsuit” sentiment which forms a vital part of Cathy’s “humor.”

    Which brings up my question: what does Cathy do with all those swimsuits, anyway? Every year about this time we see her dutifully marching to the store and “ack”-ing in the dressing room, yet for the life of me I can’t recall any instances of her going someplace where a swimsuit would be required–certainly not often enough that she would need a new one every summer. (Then again, I tend to ignore Cathy on general principle, so I may be mistaken.) Is this just a manifestation of her shopaholic tendencies? A twisted need to torture herself (and us) by reminding herself how much she hates her body? Probably one of those things we’re better off not knowing.

  148. Poteet
    May 23rd, 2009 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    5/24 PV (hey, it’s available online already, yay!)

    I’m enjoying this story, especially the good drawing and snappy pace. But it does leave me puzzled as to the nature of the large green beast. Seems to me it could just as easily have made land and then wandered around the rural countryside living a potentially easy life by gulping down livestock (or wildlife) and napping in the sun. Why deliberately confront a castle where the food items are so annoyingly angry, armed and armored? It’s not typical of most real reptiles to go looking for trouble like that.

  149. queek
    May 23rd, 2009 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    143: nice link. Interesting that they had QC as the webcomic quote. Would be interesting to see the conversation at the bar between Pastis and Guisewite, wouldn’t it? :-)

  150. Rock Ripsnort
    May 23rd, 2009 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    5/23 FW: OK, this is the second time this week Funky’s been referred to as an “Ex-man”. Did “he” have an operation I really don’t want to know about?

  151. Angry Kem
    May 23rd, 2009 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    Shoe is all medieval and stuff. My head hurts.

    Black Drazon: I haven’t had a chance to check out today’s Toronto Star. What’s happened to the comics? And…I went to the online comics section, and it’s the same as the Times Union‘s (which I use sometimes when I need larger versions of the strips). How lazy is that? And how horrifying is the fact that consequently, the Star is now actively promoting the existence of Crock? Helllllllp meeee…

    Even more egregiously, the Times Union and the Star appear to be offering motion comics. I hate and fear motion comics (possibly because I have heard people cheerfully explaining that they can’t stand comics but will be trying Watchmen: The Motion Comic because it’s, you know, the next best thing to a film). What the hell is the point of a motion comic, anyway?

    No, I am not a hypocrite who mocks cartoonists for grousing about new technology and then grouses about new technology. I just don’t like people who apologise for comics, and “motion comics” seem to me to be apologising for comics by forcing them to become more like films…as if the comic form is itself defective and needs to be made more exciting. News flash: the deficient content of many newspaper strips is not the fault of the form but of how unimaginative people use that form.

    I’ll stop ranting at this point. My head hurts even more now.

  152. Dingo
    May 23rd, 2009 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    Unca Lumpy and bats, I haven’t been on this weekend due to a member’s night at the Art Institute of Chicago yesterday (believe me, I know six-year-olds who can paint better than Twomby) and spending today playing with the dogs. I didn’t get to see the spam. Darn my luck! I’d like to think I’d leave them cowering in fear with urine-soaked pants… just like in my teaching days.

  153. True Fable
    May 23rd, 2009 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    #150 Buck Ripsnort = Funky is Cindy’s ex-husband, so there is the most direct reference to the Ex-man. Divorce apparently grants Funky the ability to look twenty year older than his actual age, and behave like a complete butthead to the world.

    Now just why he is cozying up to Cindy when they had such a disastrous history together can only mean one thing in Cancerville: somebody is about to have their horrible, prolonged, agonizing death that is foreshadowed like nobody’s business.

  154. True Fable
    May 23rd, 2009 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    I am one of those fellows who can take two otherwise coherent sentences and smush them together into an unreadable mess.

  155. True Fable
    May 23rd, 2009 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    Let’s try again:

    Now just why he is cozying up to Cindy when they had such a disastrous history together can only mean one thing in Cancerville: somebody is about to have their horrible, prolonged, agonizing death foreshadowed like nobody’s business.

  156. Dingo
    May 23rd, 2009 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    Oh, good God, Dr. Cory, just SUCK HIM OFF!

  157. Mr. O'Malley
    May 24th, 2009 at 12:08 am [Reply]

  158. True Fable
    May 24th, 2009 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    Sunday Fist o Justice Theater Mark Trail has yet to address the Bee Grinding phenomenon of the comics industry. Some nature writer HE is.

    Sam Driver, Chick Wrangler! Here comes Bitchslap 2009?

  159. sugarpie
    May 24th, 2009 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    152 Dingo You are wrong, wrong, wrong! What six year old do you know who could incorporate allusions to mythic Greek battles and excerpts from fleur de mal into an homage to the water lilies of Giverny while…uh oh! Oh shit! I just totally pissed myself. Nevermind…

  160. Muffaroo
    May 24th, 2009 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    FBasset – “Eliza! Where the devil are my slippers?”

    HtHorrible – Behold! An unmodified “But THIS is ridiculous!” in the wild. These were hunted nearly to extinction decades ago, and had to go underground. Perhaps this appearance signals the re-emergence of this doughty trope.

    Momma – And so we leave Circle Eight, Bolgia Two; the flatterers, doomed to spend eternity buried in excrement. Please stay with the group, as we tour the next hell-larious section of Momma’s Inferno.

    N Seq – Well, it’s a fantasy I can get behind. Callouts to Mell and Pastis included.

    6Chix – This cartoonist shows up once a week? Why do I feel like she’s also selling these to “My Weekly Reader”?

    SSmif – Yak! Yak! We can’t sing worth crap! Aw Aw AWW! We’re Bodacious!

    S-Man – Yank us to the left!
    Yank us to the right!
    Backwards, forwards,
    Just don’t fight!

    Id & Ziggy – Unusually humorous, and unusually well drawn today, respectively. Ziggy feels like a genuinely solid lump of melted wax existing in some sort of three-dimensional space.

    Mr. O’Malley @82 – Years ago, my best friend used to make himself Wonder Bread and mayo sandwiches with four pieces of bread. Ironically, this is the same person who used to sometimes say to me, “You disgust me.”

    Vince M @102 – Actually, they may have revised that figure after someone pointed out that ‘begat’ didn’t mean ‘whipped.’ Still, it’s hard to go wrong watching or reading ‘The Wrong Box.’

    Spider-Brick @110 – You’re close. Thanks to a steroid-induced rampage Big Moose went on a couple of years back, Archie has the only Schweinstucker in the Riverdale environs.

    Islamadora Girl @135 – Tryst: Ann & Isolde.

    Anomymous @138 – Okay. Bucket time.

  161. True Fable
    May 24th, 2009 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    Re: sunday C’haft : Fuck you, Batuik and Ayers. Fuck you both.

    I would give anything to have Mama and Papa Fable back, alive and kicking and ready to go goat-wrangling with me. Don’t give me any of this “let me get back to you” shit; either Grumpy McKilljoy can bring the folks to his daughter’s graduation or he can leave them at home, whatever, but did you HAVE to make it sound like he would rather prefer they were dead? Here’s an idea, you assholes: Why don’t you just KILL OFF Crankshaft and the old lady and be done with it? Sweep them out of the strip, rename it “Crankshaft’s family” or something. Pass on your family-hating, depressing bile to the next generation of whiny, loathsome characters who will probably stand around not adding anything worthwhile to society either because you won’t let a positive thought happen.

    I am sorry you never knew Papa Fable and his legendary cheerful inability to keep a car running, or Mama Fable and her infinite patience with her youngest child. But DAMN, you fellows: You could at least TRY to meet seniors who are not crusty old farts whom your own characters wish would die.

    Fuck you, Batuik and Ayers. Fuck you running.
    /rant

  162. Dr. Weird
    May 24th, 2009 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    FW

    In regard to the “Ex-Man” line Funky has trotted out, has FUNKY ever been a comics reader? Sure, the author is, but has the character ever shown a history of comic geekery?

  163. Muffaroo
    May 24th, 2009 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    The above snarks are for yesterday. I thought I had posted them @151, but I looked a minute ago and they weren’t there. I went back in the browser until I found the page where I had them previewed (before inexplicably wandering off like an untended sheep) and hit POST, lest they truly vanish forever. The perfect end to what has been, on balance, a day.

  164. bats :[
    May 24th, 2009 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    152. Dingo: awww, the Art Institute rocks hard! Lucky you! (even for a less-than-stellar exhibit)

    Not much to snark on for Sunday. MW is tickin’ the heck out of me, and MT is too talky (JP shows some promise, though).

    PV: somehow, I’m reminded of Wall of Voodoo’s “Mexican Radio,” for all the obvious reasons:
    Wish I was in Tiajuana
    Eatin’ barbecued iguana

    RMMD: since I haven’t gotten the week’s panels and smarmy subtext out of my system yet:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3557217168/sizes/o/

    And that studly yet sincere final panel in the Sunday RMMD…yow! So practical on so many levels!
    Exhibit A: http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3558737170/sizes/o/

  165. kurt
    May 24th, 2009 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    SM: Now that there’s apparently no plot continuity (week-week PP’s married, single, married, divorced, etc)…

    What happens when readers start yellin “Awww, Electro should have ZAPPED Spidey DED! WE WANNA REMATCH!”

  166. Mr. O'Malley
    May 24th, 2009 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    151. Angry Kem. I checked out the “motion comics” at the Star and I don’t see the point. It’s annoying because I could read the comic in a quarter the time and I didn’t like the voices either.

    On the other hand, comics that are designed to be animated can be quite effective, such as the work of Mark Fiori. But this is a different art form than a comic.

    I was surprised to see the Star comics include Henry. I didn’t know it was still running. A note for the Lio-scoffers—this is the original pantomime comic and it uses a sign for the payoff gag.

    The Star online is a strange experience. I know that Toronto has municipal politics, entertainment and cultural events, etc., not to mention national and international news, but the only stories the Star seems to do online are murders, crimes and accidents.

  167. Angry Kem
    May 24th, 2009 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    #166 Mr. O’Malley: Yeah, Mark Fiori is actually deliberately using elements of comics and animation to make his point. Zero Punctuation does something similar (here’s one about gaming webcomics. It is most emphatically not safe for work). I’ve got no problem with that. These guys are using a whole different form. It’s the whole “comics aren’t exciting enough, so let’s make them MOVE and SPEAK!” thing that gets to me. There’s also the fact that especially with something like Watchmen, the arrangement of the panels carries meaning in and of itself. Motion comics destroy that meaning by removing the element of panel juxtaposition.

    (Apropos of nothing, I was at a Scott McCloud panel a week or so ago. McCloud apparently believes that motion comics are the Devil. I remember my reaction in March when some of my students presented on the form–I think my mildest remark was probably, “What the hell?“–and I am not inclined to blame him.)

    Re. the Star online: well, there are little tabs at the top of the page, and if you click on them, you will come across stories that are not about murders, crimes, and accidents. I do find that the Star’s online layout is not particularly user-friendly; you sometimes have to hunt for non-murder-related articles.

  168. Joe Blevins
    May 24th, 2009 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    I don’t know how many of you CCers are also readers of Don Markstein’s Toonopedia, but there’s a new entry for a rather obscure comic called Vengeance Squad that you should see.

    The representative panel chosen to illustrate this article is pure comic awesomeness. My immediate thought was, “That looks just like A3G! And is that Margo with a Dorothy Hamill ‘do?” Then I saw the art credit, and it all became clear. Thanks, Don Markstein, for bringing this classic bit of Americana to light.

  169. Mr. O'Malley
    May 24th, 2009 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    FC: I wonder what “living next door” to the Keanes means, when you can see that the house is not in the same neighborhood Sunday as it was last Monday when Thel was illegally hosing down the driveway. (Well, it’s illegal here, as the city has just been reminding us.) Not only that, but the front door has suddenly appeared on the left end of the house where there was no front door before.

    If I had a reconfigurable house, I would put the garage at one end or the other, not in the middle. But perhaps Bil and Thel like to have the garage between them and the children’s rooms.

  170. Baka Gaijin
    May 24th, 2009 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Comics:

    Apartment 3-G: “Smile, Honey, it’s good news…they’ve offered me a position…at their Denver hub.” What Gary McBlandface is really saying is, “It’s good news…they’re paying me to work somewhere the girls put out. You lost your chance, bitch.”

    Mary Worth: Whaaaa? “Core values and beliefs?” Dr. Cory and Daddy Hewlett must have graduated from Saint Pointy Haired Boss High School. He sounds like an Accenture consultant.

    Sally Forth: I didn’t see that coming. Not at all. Well done, Ces.

  171. Orinoco
    May 24th, 2009 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    This has probably been mentioned before. I just saw ‘Death Wish’ for the first time. Jeff Goldblum plays ‘Freak No 1′ (or 2, I can’t remember) who kills Charles Bronson’s wife, which sets the whole plot in motion, and all the while he is wearing a JUGHEAD HAT!

    Is Jughead a freak? A killer? Both?

  172. Mr. O'Malley
    May 24th, 2009 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    167. Angry Kem. Some of the more imaginative comic artists play around with the layout of the panels very effectively. And even they don’t, I think most artists try to develop balance and visual interest over the strip as a whole, not one panel at a time. It’s really a most ineffective way of presenting a comic.

    The only one I looked at was Sunday’s Zits, and in the last panel they first show Mom looking steamed, and then pan down to the shoes. It’s not as funny as seeing the entire panel at one time.

    I suppose the idea is to appeal to today’s youth who were brought up on television. But just about everyone under the age of 65 was brought up on television, so that can hardly be blamed for the decline of comics.

    I can’t imagine anyone finding this method of presentation anything other than annoying.

    Although in the right hands

  173. Amateur
    May 24th, 2009 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    MW: Now we need this exit line for Scott: “Yes, sir, my father was a great man. Too bad I’m nothing like him. Come on, Adrian.”

  174. True Fable
    May 24th, 2009 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    If at first you don’t succeed, tryst tryst again.

  175. Angry Kem
    May 24th, 2009 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    #172 Mr. O’Malley: I know. Even (decent) artists who don’t vary panel layout much often use regular panels to build up a rhythm ending in a joke. Panel juxtaposition is important. Motion comics destroy it…as well as imposing sounds and movement upon us instead of letting us imagine them. Motion comics dumb comics down, making them seem lazy and stupid.

    But yeah, people should mock Mary Worth in every way possible.

  176. Vince M
    May 24th, 2009 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Mr. O’Malley @166: re. the Star – wow, Henry is one thing, but they also run the Katzenjammer Kids? That’s just…bully!

  177. gleeb
    May 24th, 2009 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    117 (Fremont): I am corrected. Why was she slinging hash, then, instead of utilizing these riding and shooting gazelles skills? Wait, don’t answer that; enjoy your day instead.

    Brenda: Ah, India. A vibrant, bustling country where they still use old-fashioned zombie newsies.

    Lio: Truly wordless, but since when does Lio care about others?

    Sequitur: Newspapers.

    Slylock: The fox suspects Harry, because M le Comte Wierdly is not around to blame. Also, he doesn’t want to risk the wrath of the gay Irish marsupial civil rights community. Meanwhile, despite the owl’s warnings, the actual thief hides in a tree until the ruckus dies down.

    Phantom: Since this is continuing like an old costume drama, the tallest counselor is played by the late C Aubrey Smith.

    Neddy,Center of the Storm: It must be nice to have cheerleading tryout protesters be your biggest problem.

    Dick: GAH! Never open your eyes again, Tracy!

  178. Master Softheart
    May 24th, 2009 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    JP: Today is rather disappointing for Judge Parker fans. Either Woody or someone who handles lettering seems to have confused Sophie and Neddy, resulting in a bizarre scene of mother’s protesting cheerleader try-outs.

    Not that I would mind seeing Neddy come back from her romantic art school life with Cedric and Parisian street-toughs whose French is amusingly bad to put on a cheerleader’s outfit and wow Sophie’s Jr. High School, but I don’t think that was the intention. Poor show, Judge Parker Amalgamated Enterprises, LLC.

    FW: Marginally advancing a plot not yet revealed to the reader and showing that Cindy may or may not still have feelings for Jabba after they, presumably, talked Platonically the night before. Was this strip really necessary? Honestly, isn’t it time to admit that no matter how much death and human misery you pile on, this whole “drama” thing isn’t working out and go back to talking leaves and jokes about band candy? These characters were designed for a gag a day strip; mangling them in car accidents, blowing them up in Afghanistan, giving them alcoholism, and killing them slowly with tumors doesn’t make them deeper and more interesting. It’s just kind of sad.

  179. John C Fremont
    May 24th, 2009 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    #177 – I know I’m not supposed to answer that question, but my guess is that the dad-burned guv’ment made gazelle shooting illegal, robbing Kay (or Hawa) of her only means of income. Her choices were to turn to a life of crime (just like Dr. Horrible’s friend Moist) or to explore the exciting and dynamic world of professional waitressing. Clearly, she made the wrong choice. This is just a guess, though. I will not rummage through The Phantom’s archives again to find out. Jacqueline Susann was wrong – Once is enough!

    JP – So apparently The Punisher works at Spencer Farms. I can see where that could come in handy given the turn of events in the cheerleading tryouts.

    RMMD – That is not June in that second panel, that’s – no, it couldn’t be! It’s – it’s Adrian Cory!

    “A Trystcuit! A Trystcuit! Delicious whole-wheat Trystcuit!”

  180. commodorejohn
    May 24th, 2009 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    A3G – Whoa, this is dragged out like a Sunday Shoe. I do like the fact that they’re apparently twirling around like a pair of skaters while discussing a promotion, though.

    BB – “You’ve failed me for the last time, Julius.” *ka-click*

    Blondie – They fight a lot, but they stay together because the sex is so good.

    Crankshaft – Ha ha! Jeff wishes his parents were dead because they don’t like getting dragged along to a profoundly boring ceremony! I can’t wait until he slits their throats to the infinite droning of “Pomp and Circumstance!”

    DT – Gasp! What a shocking twist!

    FW – And Funky watches his ex-wife go, realizing that she’s the only person his age who actually looks her age, and thinking about what he lost, and wondering if getting that surgery out of depression was really such a good idea after all.

    JP – I think that second panel is meant to represent Abbey’s state of mind upon realizing that she’s going to get a visit from an alleged hunk who might believably show sexual interest in women. Also, I’m not sure Mary Davis and company are going to get very far with their protest when they can’t tell the Spencer sisters apart. Ladies, it’s simple: Sophie is the insufferable geek, and Neddy is the drunken would-be socialite. Who is, y’know, in France at the moment.

    Lio – What are you doing, Lio!? Don’t stop them!

    MT – “DUCKS! THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!”

    MW – Today’s Mary Worth is so horrifyingly creepy that I can’t help but wonder if Moy is in on the joke. I mean, Mary is pushing Adrian towards the guy, for God’s sake.

    RMMD – What’s with the parting clouds and radiant light? Is Rex the Messiah?

    SM – Finally! So the thing we learned here is that unmarried Spidey is just as incompetent, but more of an asshole. Can’t say I’ll miss him.

    Edison Lee – Wow, the first four panels didn’t totally blow. The Brilliant Mind Of Edison Lee hasn’t been this good since that way cool mosquito drawing last year. I suggest that henceforth, this strip abandon its entire odious cast and setting and focus on depicting nature, natural processes, and animals, like a second Mark Trail Sunday strip.

    Ziggy – Is this a reference to something, or has Tom Wilson just started putting his personal fetishes down on paper?

  181. TheDiva
    May 24th, 2009 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: As someone who recently lost her own grandfather before he had a chance to see my cousin’s wedding this August or the great-grandchild that will be coming in September, I’d like to join Fable (#161) in a hearty FUCK OFF. (Of course, Grandpa Diva was a gregarious, frequently cheerful man whose life was as full and well-lived as anyone could hope, as opposed to the misanthropic, bitter bringer of despair and discontent that is Crankshaft.)

    FW: Umm…you DO realize Funky’s remarried, right? Jeez, it’s like FOOB all over again, only older, fatter, and even more depressing.

    Lio: I hope Lio’s stopping them because he wants to join in, or has found an even more effective way of tormenting the Keane spawn.

    MW: Did Scott get his severe jaundice from dear old dad too? Also, do people actually use the phrase “salt of the earth” anymore?

  182. John C Fremont
    May 24th, 2009 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    MT – I’ve never seen a deer and coyote collision, on the ground or anywhere else, but I seem to remember seeing a coyote/roadrunner collision on television when I was a kid.

  183. Mibbitmaker
    May 24th, 2009 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    #178 (Master Softheart): You’ve perfectly summed up the sad fate of Funky W. since 1993 or so. Tommyboy had a cool strip going there in the ’70s and ’80s (though later overuse of Band Candy Guy — now DeafBandleader,Ret. — did bring things down some beforehand), but got a bad bout of selfimportantitis and made it all a morbid mess with now-inappropriate wacky names intact.

    Worse still, attempts at humor nowadays don’t even come close to the good old days. I’m not entirely sure he’s even capable anymore. I’d trade a Self-Satisfied Smirk for a Chuck Jonesian Weary-Eyed Subtle Shift Of The Pupil To The Reader In The Punchline Panel any day.

  184. Baka Gaijin
    May 24th, 2009 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Thanks all for mentioning Lio. I was up before all the comics were awake this morning. You reminded me to read the laggards. Lio was great.

    Arlo N Janis: Beard? Have I been whooshed? Is Arlo gay or is Janis? Both? One swings both ways? I am so confused.

    Luann: Maybe the romance is gone because you’ve been horrified by the offspring that resulted from the last time you bumped uglies.

    Pearls Before Swine: Again with the sweet ending. You do know how to use all of your panels to tell a story, Pastis. This is in direct opposition to today’s Hagar the Horrible, which rightly should have been told in a maximum of one panel.

    Dilbert: I’ve had to do the “Wally Defense” in my career.

  185. teenchy
    May 24th, 2009 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    Re the comments re Lio in this thread: I guess it goes to show that given enough time, all comics will suck.

  186. bats :[
    May 24th, 2009 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    182. TheDiva: I suspect when Mary Worth is involved, “salting the earth” is much more appropriate, making all things barren and unlivable. Like Charterstone.

  187. Joe the Plugger
    May 24th, 2009 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    D’oh! I forgot to put my name in… 138 9CL-snark was me…

  188. Anonymous
    May 24th, 2009 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    GT: You know, I didn’t look very closely at the last panel, and I thought he had posted the picture on the junbotron, which would have been an awesome move of jerkitude.

  189. Foolster41
    May 24th, 2009 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    Bah. #188 is me.

  190. Fletch
    May 25th, 2009 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    JP – I know Sam’s not like me (thank God!), but if he were, he would take offense at Rocky’s remark “Let’s check out the horseflesh and meet the wife, Sam!”

Comments are closed for this post.