Metapost: Comics-on-comics violence, plus COTW!
Hey kids! COTW in a moment, but first a Monday Fun Link! Do you like it when syndicated comics artists make fun of other syndicated comics artists? Obviously you do, which is why you should check out last week’s installments of the excellent Watch Your Head, if you haven’t already. Start with Monday’s and then move forward in time with the arrows! DO IT!
And now, your comment of the week!
“At first, I thought Margo was yawning at the news report, which is much more in character. ‘Yeah, yeah, lama, Tibet, whatever. Hmm — Eric Mills? Didn’t I used to know someone by that name?’” –Lawyerbob
And the funny runners-up!
“Let’s be more optimistic. By ‘hit,’ she could mean ‘rob at gunpoint.’ Maybe this is the plugger Bonnie & Clyde. After a succession of daring daylight robberies, they will return home to make love on a pile of stolen swag (beefy T’s, tube socks, giant sacks of peat moss), while being serenaded by the smooth, reassuring voice of Mr. Pat Sajak.” –Joe Blevins
“Pluggers, with an apparent lack of irony, can present the stultifying sameness of suburban consumer culture as if it were a blessing. It’s like they’re suffering from Stockholm Syndrome and their kidnapper was ennui.” –Mr. Majestyk
“Not only is ‘I am the Second Officer!’ the most hilariously braggadocio-filled attempt at intimidation EVER, it would frankly be much better suited to Spider-Man’s strip. Just imagine. Spidey takes a cruise because of the endless food and tons of lounge chairs free for the sittin’, but then must confront the evil Second Officer and his nefarious plan to … eh, whatever. Spidey would inevitably forget he had his suit on under his swim trunks and then have to undergo a week’s worth of wacky hijinks to conceal his secret identity. MJ would meanwhile have to star in the ship’s dinner theater after the lead actress breaks a leg. Then Spidey would defeat the Second Officer by accidentally spilling a mai tai on him. I … kind of want to read this now.” –MsMolly
“Today’s Archie is much funnier if we assume Mr. Lodge was ‘testing’ the water for hepatitis. Those chills are a side effect of their circulatory systems shutting down.” –It’s time to pay the price
“Who am I? I’m fucking awesome, Blondie, and that’s all you need to know. I’m ruggedly handsome yet mysteriously inobtainable. Now are you going to get your boss or do you want to watch breathlessly as I punch some random shit in your office?” –EdgyDC
“My dad revealed recently that he likes Crankshaft. A few days later, he mentioned that his newspaper runs in amongst the obits, which are especially large and numerous. I think this really shows the value of context and location.” –Les of the Jungle Patrol
“In a more audacious comic, this might be a setup for Luann to lose her virginity in a sheep pen. In this one, we’re just sort of left with a vague, lingering suspicion that Gunther already has.” –One-eyed Wolfdog
“The smell of the fair is popcorn, crackerjack, wax lips and makeup, cotton candy machines, animal poo, diesel exhaust, and marijuana. There’s no smell like it.” –Jimmyleg Jehosephat
“Um, if ‘there will be no stirring of passions’ then why are you lubing up your knees? Just askin’.” –Judas Peckerwood
“I think you guys are being a little hard on Mary and her ‘temporary bobble in an otherwise sea of calm.’ To me she seems pretty lucid for someone on her seventh tequila sunrise. I’ll bet by tomorrow she’s gonna be all ‘You know what? Delia and Larvance can go fuck themselves! I’m going to astronaut camp! Why don’t you ever love me, Tony?’” –Violet
“Les: [Silence.] Funky: [Silence.] Les: [Polite cough.] Funky: ‘Um, did you just touch my hand?’ Les: ‘Maybe. Did you want me to touch your hand?’ Funky: ‘Maybe.’ Les: ‘Everyone who loves me dies.’ Funky: ‘Please stop touching my hand.’” –idathefossil
“Well, Josh, judging by Gramma’s heavy-lidded expression, I’d say the ‘it’ in question is heroin.” –Red Greenback
“My guess for tomorrow’s Funky Winkerbean is that Les and Funky discover that they’re trapped on the roof. Other characters, numbed by years of being in the comic strip, are unable to respond to the pair’s desperate pleas for help for a week. The next week Les and Funky eat the last pigeon egg from the nest in the clogged storm gutter and begin to hallucinate about dead people who they knew due to fatigue and malnourishment. The week after that, five straight days of folding chair battles and cannibalism.” –Birthmark Hal
“Note the intense concentration Dolly is giving Billy during his lecture. Since she can’t possibly understand what day it is, let alone grasp the concept of ‘tomorrow,’ I’m betting she is simply staring at his single nostril.” –True Fable
“Toby says she hopes Delilah doesn’t stay too long, because she wants her to reconcile with Lawrence. Hold on! Have we just witnessed Toby finally coming to realize that the more time anyone spends in Mary’s clutches, the less able they’ll be to resume any kind of normal human relationships? No wonder she’s taking a sudden trip to ‘Scotland,’ or wherever the deprogramming center actually is.” –BigTed
“I’m pretty sure Mary just put of coat of pink paint on some nuggets of dog crap and is making Toby not only eat them, but praise them and beg for more. I’d say it was all a sick game of Mary’s but is anything ever not some kind of sick game of Mary’s?” –Bryan
“The true malevolence of the seagull in MT can only be recognized when we realize that, with this being MT, the passing bird is endowed with the power of speech and therefore is perfectly capable of following the panel’s instructions for saving someone caught in the riptide by shouting out directions. Yet this flying monster chooses to pass in smirking silence, allowing our bikini’d victim to die horribly, out of sheer spite. I wouldn’t be surprised if the seagull took a moment to defecate on her head, to add insult to fatal injury.” –Nekrotzar
“Santa Royale City Ordinance 09-084: All interior paint, upholstery, items of clothing, and comestibles to be worn, possessed, or consumed by city residents shall be salmon-colored and/or salmon-flavored. Mustard-colored sofas are exempt from this rule.” –wagmore barkless
“At first I thought that the bolded first letters of each tip in this Mark Trail were meant to form some sort of acronym that might help hapless swimmers find their way to safety, but it seems more likely that ‘HHWODHII’ is the sound that our friend in the water is making as the sea claims another victim.” –Gerritt
“Shame on you, Mr. Magee! Although it gladdens our little pink heart that you are civilized enough to put on a necktie for a sixteen-hour airplane voyage, loosening it is worse than not wearing one at all. Where are your standards, sir?” –Fashion Police
I give prodigious thanks to those who put some money in my tip jar — you know who you are! I’d also thank our advertisers … if there were any who bought BlogAds ads, and who thus get thanked every week! Sadly, there aren’t any this week — maybe next week I’ll be thanking you! To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.
gnome de blog
June 15th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Congratulations to the float-riders one and all! Especial kudos to lawyerbod. Who knew attorneys could be funny?
gnome de blog
June 15th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
#1 – me:
Lawyerbod? Did I say “lawyerbod?” You have a lot to live up to, lawyerbob.
Or maybe you don’t.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
June 15th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
You can’t make me!!
………….Dammit.
*click*
Little Guy
June 15th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Josh: That should be “Watch Your Head”.
Josh
June 15th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
#4 — Ack! Fixed! Apologies both to the excellent Cory Thomas and the excellent Beastie Boys.
Josh
Naked Bunny with a Whip
June 15th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Dang, no Pluggers.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
June 15th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
P.S. Congrats to those on the COTW list. I almost forgot. Curse my job for distracting me from important stuff.
Jamus The Bartender
June 15th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Spider Man: “My Wife. My Kids. My porn stash that will be found by them!!”
FC: Aww…so cute, Little Billy takes over drawing the strip. And he’s even hidden the whiskey bottles….aww…
JP: Godiva and the Cheerleader Moms….sounds like a band name whose albums I would buy if only for the covers.
Oh, and Congratulations to Lawyer Bob and all the rest :)
gnome de blog
June 15th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Lisa’s dead. Sorry, but not too much.
Wally’s MIA, and presumed dead.
Cindy Summers has been exiled to Europe and further places. She might as well be dead. You don’t suppose she will turn up in Afghanistan and discover the long-lost Wally, do you?
Nah, Batiuk would never go for a plot that contrived.
Would he?
Comrade Denny
June 15th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
#8 – Jamus:
One wonders what Peter would be thinking were he facing imminent death. Probably, “My cable! My TiVo! All the shows I never watched!”
Dr. Weird
June 15th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
9 gnome de blog –
There’s another reason we won’t see an international travel story in FW. I think the budget for out-of-town backgrounds is quite limited. Les is the only one who gets to leave town, and the last time, it was him going to the same places in New York that he’d been to before.
gnome de blog
June 15th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
11 Dr. Weird – We’ve seen Wally on location before. Remember the land-mine explosion when his erstwhile enemy Khan rescued him, and was later rewarded with the night manager job at Montoni’s?
gnome de blog
June 15th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
11 Dr. Weird –
Oh, and I forgot. Funky and Tony went to Italy for the World Pizza Championship. Maybe they blew their whole background budget on that.
Fashion Police
June 15th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
We hope Wally has gone native. He’d be cute in traditional Pashtun garb.
Amanda M
June 15th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
and I thought I had some funny ones this week. You’ve ruined my birthday, Josh! ;-) Just kidding. Congrats, you guys!
Comrade Denny
June 15th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
#13: Or it could be that Westview is under government quarantine to prevent its especially virulent strain of despair from spreading.
Poteet
June 15th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Enthused applause for Lawyerbob and the gleeful crowd on the float. I bow to your funniness, folks.
Sequitur
June 15th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
If Wally were dead, wouldn’t he be hanging around “Lisa style?”
True Fable
June 15th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Congratulations to Lawyerbob and all the float riders!
*does happy goat dance*
#1 gnome de blog – Lawyerbod? – what, do you mean Sam Driver won COTW?! The Chick Magnet, Himself?! cool!
# 2 gnome de blog – oh. Well, still cool!
Sequitur
June 15th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
19 True Fable Is this what it looks like?
boojum (formerly Second Officer)
June 15th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Yea!! New COTW float riders — and many of my week’s favorites are there! I fear I disgraced myself all over again, just reading them. Congrats, all!
Now I’m wondering: exactly what would a lawyerbod be like? More pale and squishy, as on Boston Legal? Or diamond-hard and emitting a faint golden glow, like Jimmy Smits-era LA Law?
Speaking of diamond-hard (ahem), my self-imposed limit of one week as Second Officer is at an end. Time for me to fold my luminous wings, put off my gorgeous if borrowed plumage, and become just plain boojum.
Gentlemen, it’s been an honor.
NoVan
June 15th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
YES. Watch Your Head is the best thing to happen to the comics since Cul de Sac. Both of which came from the Washington Post. Eat it townies; my paper’s better than yours!
bats :[
June 15th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
boojum, we salute you!
COTW float riders, we salute you!
20. Sequitur: and after watching several GOAT videos, I’ve come to the conclusion that goats are the shopping carts of the animal kingdom — I think it is physically impossible for one to walk in a straight line for more than a few steps. Then it’s crash into the canned beets, sidle into the Fritos display, and bound into the “reduced for quick sale” bin.
Sequitur
June 15th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
23 bats :[ And you can have your kid (no pun intended) ride in/on it!
NoVan
June 15th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Um, sorry about the “townies”. Heat of the moment?
Toni
June 15th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
Another favor to ask of fellow Comic Curmudegeons regarding the ongoing saga in the Northland of Minnesota of trying to bring back Judge Parker to the Duluth News-Tribune’s comics page.
The Executive Editor, Rob Karwath, is considering returning it to the paper, but is wrestling with what other comic should go or if it should go somewhere else in the paper (ie: classifieds).
Appreciate any emails to him with creative suggestions. Beetle Bailey and Hagar the Horrible just came back, so are untouchable. Here is the DNT’s comics lineup weekdays:
Strips: For Better or For Worse, Sally Forth, Peanuts, Garfield, Hi & Lois, Funky Winkerbean, Baby Blues, Grand Avenue, Zits, Pickles, Rex Morgan, Wizard of Id, Blondie, Dilbert, One Big Happy, Beetle Bailey, Hagar the Horrible and B.C.
Panels: Dennis the Menace, Non Sequitur, Close To Home and Family Circus.
Doonesbury is on the Editorial page.
If you would email him that you think Judge Parker should return, what comic could go away or if the Judge should go elsewhere in the paper (classifieds?).
rkarwath@duluthnews.com or news@duluthnews.com
Thanks. :)
Artist formerly known as Ben
June 15th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
Thanks for the link to the WYH parodies. The idea of Grandpa Keane as a vengeful wraith… Well, it makes things add up.
And congrats to the COTWers, afore I forget.
Bitter Scribe
June 15th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
I dunno about “Watch Your Head.” I want to like it, mostly because the art is so terrific–unique, yet perfectly suited for the medium. But it might as well be called “Scratch Your Head,” because that’s what I often end up doing as I try to figure out the joke. The guy could use a writer.
Crankenstank
June 15th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
Everybody PLEASE follow Josh’s advice and read Watch Your Head this week. I snorted milk out of my nose while reading this, and I wasn’t even drinking any milk at the time!
gnome de blog
June 15th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
#26, Tony:
Done. It was a terrible temptation not to address the email to “Dear Mr. Karwash,” but I didn’t think it would help the cause.
By the way, folks, this is a great opportunity to admonish another paper to dump FOOB. Two for the price of one.
True Fable
June 15th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
#20 Sequitur – Just like that! In Greater Metropolitan Roopville it’s known as ‘ballet’. I myself am quite the Barnyard Baryshnikov.
#23 bats :[ – not to mention that they tend to wander around a big open area outside until they are rounded up by harried people, and herded into their corral.
#26 Toni – ohhh, just let me at ‘em!
AhClem
June 15th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Marvin – Marvin’s parents, having finally reached their limit, have started mixing powerful hallucinogens into his formula. How else to explain the fact that he is talking to an animated blue toilet with eyes and legs that can speak English?
Toni
June 15th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
#30 gnome de blog: Thank you!
Evidently our comics survey in the DNT, which they never fully published said to bring back Beetle and Hagar. And, Judge Parker and Gil Thorp were the odd strips out. Not sure what else scored low, since the paper never printed the full results.
Supposedly the support for Judge Parker’s return is much greater than Gil, according to someone I spoke with at the paper.
But, Mr. Karwath (or Karwash) is weighing his choices in terms of returning Judge Parker (or not).
boojum (formerly Second Officer)
June 15th, 2009 at 7:14 pm
I think I would like, at least once in my life, to go Full-Contact Grocery Shopping with bats.:[ That would be hi-larious.
Islamorada Girl
June 15th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
The Watch Your Head week was hilarious! Love that WaPo!
bats :[
June 15th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
35. boojum: I use coupons, too.
sugarpie
June 15th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Congratulations to Lawyerbob and all the runners up! A horrific week at work but thanks to Josh and you all I’ve had some major laughs-it helps. Thanks!
Lawyerbob
June 15th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
#1&2 gnome de blog: Thanks. On the internets, no one can see your bod (but if Margo asked, I wouldn’t say no!).
True Fable
June 15th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
#38 Lawyerbob – It’s true when they say that Margo will steal your heart. Typically, she removes it with a singular rip while it still beats inside your chest.
That’s a handy caveat to know.
True Fable
June 16th, 2009 at 12:20 am
Fist O Justice Theater That’s it? The barrels have the same initials on them as her company does? Why not Westchester Community College or West Coast Choppers, the first two hits on the ‘net that I got? Oh oh oh – Mark has the Bad Guys Finder version of Google for Lost Forest use, the Gaggle.
chica
June 16th, 2009 at 12:27 am
I have seen
horriblehilarious things today: Comic PSAs!“Rex Morgan talks about: Your unborn children”
http://alternativecomix.blogspot.com/2007/09/rex-morgan-talks-aboutyour-unborn.html
“Dennis the Menace – Coping with family stress”
http://alternativecomix.blogspot.com/2007/09/dennis-menace-coping-with-family-stress.html
“Dennis the Menace takes a poke at POISON!”
http://alternativecomix.blogspot.com/2007/09/dennis-menace.html
“Spider-man was sexually abused as a youngster”
http://alternativecomix.blogspot.com/2007/09/spider-man-has-secret.html
True Fable
June 16th, 2009 at 12:36 am
Sam Driver, Chick Magnet Get to the cheerleaders and the catfight, dammit.
Rex Morgan, Man Whore Get back to June in the bikini and the diaphanous robe, dammit.
Meddle House Don’t feed her those rank old leftover salmon squares, dammit.
Apartment Revolving Door Oh HELL no, not Ruby and Tommie! zzzzzzt….dammit.
left of the pyle
June 16th, 2009 at 12:37 am
MT 6/16: Rules o’ Evidence? What’s that? I’ve got Fists o’ Justice!
True Fable
June 16th, 2009 at 12:41 am
IFHZ Oh come on, Sara; you two don’t even have chins, how’s he supposed to tell where your lip is?
True Fable
June 16th, 2009 at 12:53 am
Dont Ask Dont Tell Next on Skinemax: Sarge and Beetle pitch a tent!
Fatty Wankerstinger So we leave Les and Funky on the roof and cut to Bull failing on the field? Looks like Batuik was as bored of one brand of whine and went to a fresh one.
Children of the Circle I hope tomorrow Billy shows the one with Bil diving into a bottle of Old Overcoat as Thel trots out the door for a secret tryst with Hi Flagston! Kids are so honest! And they make the best blackmailers, so we might not see that after all.
True Fable
June 16th, 2009 at 1:08 am
Canadian Zombie Unspeakable Filth! as Mikey dons an O face while molesting Farley in panel two.
See for yourself if you don’t believe me!
Dear Lynnie Baby,
My, my, babe – I had no idea you had it in you! And neither, apparently, did Farley. Still – so much for your “family friendly” strip. ‘Cuz DAMN baby, your family is waaaay friendly.
You keep that boy the hell away from my goats.
Truman A. Fable
Fable for the Excruciating Treatment of Assholes (FETA)
bats :[
June 16th, 2009 at 1:15 am
41. chica: those are great!
Strangely enough, others in the series weren’t as popular…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3631744406/sizes/o/
True Fable
June 16th, 2009 at 1:25 am
#47 bats :[ – I’d pay cash money and goat cheese for that issue!
p.s. have I told you lately that I worship the pixels you snark with?
Baka Gaijin
June 16th, 2009 at 1:29 am
Tuesday’s Strips:
Marvin: It’s getting increasingly creepier by the day. “Buddy bonding” with a toilet? Uh, ewwwwww?
Mary Worth: Speaking of creepy, Mary’s got a steaming load of leftover pink squares on the table for Dee.
My Cage: Full of win!
Rose is Rose: Are those kitties balancing mini-bagels on their noses? What’s up with that?
Zits: Damn, today’s would be a perfect strip if it ended at panel 2. Perfect.
Sequitur
June 16th, 2009 at 1:36 am
46 True Fable – Dennis totally agrees with you.
True Fable
June 16th, 2009 at 1:42 am
#50 Sequitur – Bwahahaha!
bats :[
June 16th, 2009 at 2:16 am
And only because I like goat cheese (and True Fable), and because I’m waiting for Spinal Tap to perform on the Tonight Show, I’ve discovered that some individual issues did evoke an interest…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3631056027/sizes/o/
Talking Squirrel
June 16th, 2009 at 3:19 am
Zits: 52 bats:[, your T.Y.G. image provides the perfect counterpoint to the inescapable conclusion that Sara isn’t Mensa material. She will never in her life find anyone other than Jeremy who’ll be able to get both her mosquito bites in his mouth at once. By rights she ought to be swooning.
Talking Squirrel
June 16th, 2009 at 3:24 am
Zits: In addition, I’m counting my blessings that comic strips don’t come with embedded audio. The sound of Sara’s zits going off like popcorn in panel 2 — now that would definitely be S. Clay Wilson territory.
True Fable
June 16th, 2009 at 3:36 am
# 52 bats:[ – Nothing made my day, nay my WEEK, more than seeing Andy say “You are a stupidly lucky man, Rex!”
omg, I laughed until I wheezed! Thank you, bats :[, you honeybunch you!
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
June 16th, 2009 at 4:32 am
Bizarre – bet Batiuk is only going to hint on Soldier-related or Nation holidays re: Wally? What retarded clue will he leave us on the 4th of July. Oh – Last I checked – Les was still creepy.
Mr. O'Malley
June 16th, 2009 at 4:42 am
A-3G: If only we could get Tommie to move to Denver, we could have blessed months of interior shots of an empty apartment with no dialogue. It could be the indoor East Coast version of All Over Coffee.
Doonesbury: You’re missing the big opportunity! Stuttering is rock’n'roll gold! “Why don’t you just f-f-f-fade away!” “B-b-b-baby, you ain’t seen n-n-n-nothing yet!”
FC: If this is supposed to be an imitation of The Lockhorns, it’s missing the obligatory feeble punchline.
MT: “But our company buys all our drums from the Zublinsky Drum Works! They are all labelled ZDW. You must be thinking of the Wonder Container Corporation!”
MW: “I am still learning … how to drop pretentious quotations from Michelangelo into my conversations. Oh well, oggi in figura, domani in sepoltura. Today in person, tomorrow in a grave. L’abito non fa il monaco. The habit doesn’t make a monk. Lontano dagli occhi, lontano dal cuore. Far from the eyes, far from the heart. L’erba cattiva non muore mai. Bad grass never dies.”
The Romans had a term for it: facere ostentationem. How old is this child prodigy supposed to be now? How long since the cradle-robbing professor whisked her into his book-lined lair?
She looks … extremely stoned. But that would be understandable if she’s getting ready to spend a few months with Mary. I hope she really stocked up on Italian proverbs. She’s going to need them. It looks like we’re just about ready for the Return of the Salmon Squares. Non domandare all’oste se ha buon vino. Don’t ask the host if he has good wine.
Pluggers: Mostly vultures.
RMMD: I don’t believe that a birth certificate is an acceptable form of ID to enter the US any more.
Mr. O'Malley
June 16th, 2009 at 4:52 am
Parody/tribute of/to All Over Coffee here.
gleeb
June 16th, 2009 at 6:05 am
Lio: Words, words, words.
Edge City: It’s a newspaper bottle. So you can drink in the events of the day.
John C Fremont
June 16th, 2009 at 7:09 am
MW – “I have everything prepared?” That’s just – odd.
RMMD – “Tell him to book a seat on the first plane to Barbados! I have everything prepared!”
A3G – “Sir down and I’ll explain. I have everything prepared.”
Pluggers – Looks as though she has everything prepared.
SF – Hilary didn’t have everything prepared.
Me – Okay, break it up, son. Joke’s over, y’hear?
mordock999
June 16th, 2009 at 8:01 am
Today’s Luann 06/16/09
Shannon – (Touching Brad’s cast) – “Does this Hurt?”
Brad – (Making a sweeping backhand motion with his cast, knocking little Shannon end over end into the next room) – “Why no, Shannon. Did THAT?”
____________________________
“DEATH to TJ, DEATH to TJ!” — Shouted by Young Iranians in the streets of Tehran
Muffaroo
June 16th, 2009 at 9:07 am
DTracy – If Big Ace was really a dedicated Tracy villain, he’d paint his nose black.
FBasset – “…at the epicentre”? Jock is some distance above the center of the fight?
HtHorrible – It must be a comfort for Lucky Eddie that it won’t eat him after it kills him.
Marfield – You ‘bonding’ with Marv sounds good to me, Mister Excrevore! Go get the Krazy Glue.
Momma – Presumably, she objected to the arithmetical ignorance in your statement, F. Doubling the number of women will let them do twice as much of something OR do it in half the time, not both.
Pluggers – If this was Rose is Rose, she’d be sorting the seeds into different buffets, making little umbrella drinks, spending every waking moment with them (that she didn’t spend cultivating relationships with squirrels, caterpillars, and potted plants), and patiently chipping the lumps out of their suet. Pluggers are lazy pikers, and probably borderline sane.
R=R – Speaking of nutso. Looks like Twinklesparkleypoo has interrupted a secret meeting of Cats with Emoticon Faces Anonymous.
SSMif – For failing to react with an open-mouth, tongue-lolling yak-yak laff in the last panel, Jughaid’s teacher is currently in a reeducation camp.
bats :[ @47 & 52 – I feel smarter already, and I only saw the covers! (And a tip of the hat to chica for inspiring those with the links.)
One-eyed Wolfdog
June 16th, 2009 at 9:21 am
#62 I believe the well-known formula (N+C) = k * W^2 justifies Francis’s arithmetic there, actually.
Anonymous
June 16th, 2009 at 9:58 am
#28 Bitter Scribe, it’s actually written by a specially assembled team of recent immigrants for a nominal fee.
Cory Thomas
June 16th, 2009 at 9:59 am
#64 As evidenced by the fact that I can’t even type my own name.
Hogenmogen
June 16th, 2009 at 10:01 am
MW: Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur. Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.
Dennis: Ha ha! A five year old does not completely understand fractional nomenclature and thus makes a mathematical mistake! Ha ha! So menacing, Dennis, to use poor computational skills! You’re now almost on par with Diane from 9CL, who uses deliberately incorrect grammar as her undefeatable bludgeon. You use weapons of math destruction! Ha ha!
FC: I really laughed out loud at today’s FC. We get Billy’s insight into the Keane Kompound and find that all is not as saccharine as it appears under Bil’s depictions. There’s the arguments about money, cooking, child rearing responsibilities, extramarital affairs, the beatings, the blood, and oh God the screamingthescreaming-can’t-get-it-out-of-my-nightmare-the-screaming-makeitstop!
Marvin’s parents just totally strung him out on Ritalin. He’s having halucinations but is too stoned to even pay attention.
Mark Tatulli
June 16th, 2009 at 10:07 am
Dear Mr. Gleeb (#59):
LIO is not a comic strip sold as “wordless,” but one “with no dialoge.” Here is Universal Press’ official sales pitch:
http://www.amuniversal.com/ups/features/lio/index.htm
LIO has included words in the images since the beginning and is not being sold as a”wordless” feature.
However, if LIO’s use of words on signage, boxes and such contuinues to offend you, you may lodge an official complaint with the BOARD OF COMIC STRIP RULES AND PRACTICES. I thank you.
Darkefang
June 16th, 2009 at 10:16 am
A3G: Normally, a plot synopsis like “Tommie eats Ruby’s sticky buns” would make me sit up and pay attention. Unfortunately, this is Apartment 3-G, so we know this is just going to be a bunch of boring exposition about events we’ve already seen.
DT: “Dead sick?” I guess Dick can’t manage to muster up even a semi-clever pun unless he’s murdered the criminal himself. Maybe once he’s personally murdered Big Ace in some remotely ironic way he’ll find his inspiration.
FC: Family Circus might actually be worth reading if it continues to run drawings produced during Billy’s child psychiatrist sessions.
FW: Wasn’t Bull being forced to take over coaching duties of the softball team part of last year’s plot? Is this supposed to be the same season? No wonder nobody ages gracefully in this strip: The Funkyverse operates on the Neptunian calendar.
TheDiva
June 16th, 2009 at 10:23 am
FW: Batiuk’s delusion that misanthropic old people are inherently funny continues.
Marvin: has apparently decided to ride through the potty hallucination with the cynical detachment he brings to everything.
MW: “Hope you like pink!”
smacky
June 16th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Three cigarettes should be about two too many to get cancer in Crankville, right? And let’s not think about how a megadose of nicotine will react when it mixes with the myriad of other narcotics in that woman’s bloodstream.
Old School Allie Cat
June 16th, 2009 at 10:25 am
GT – Molly, it’s kind of disingenuous of you to wear a smiley face shirt when clearly you are very angry. Also, why the hell are these kids still in school?
MW – Mary, nobody likes your cooking. Your applesauce cake is atrocious, your salmon squares are sickening, and your beige lumpy casserole…well, what the hell is that? It’s nasty. This girl has enough problems without you trying to feed her.
kkarenb
June 16th, 2009 at 10:29 am
57 Mr. O”Malley – A birth certificate was acceptable seven months ago, when this four-day cruise started.
Cory Thomas
June 16th, 2009 at 10:34 am
Serious answer to a common complaint, though (since we’re doing Artists’ Corner):
WYH is more of a continuity strip than a gag-a-day one. Most of the time, jokes are character-based. So, if you don’t know the characters or, more importantly, follow their storylines you’ll be understandably bewilder if you’re plunged into the middle of it.
Either that or I need a writer. I never should’ve freed my dolphin.
Cory Thomas
June 16th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Aagh. Bewildered. The case against me is mounting.
Hogenmogen
June 16th, 2009 at 10:49 am
#57 – Mr. O’: re:MW
“The Romans had a term for it: facere ostentationem.”
Why would the Romans have a term for throwing around cliches in Latin? And I would have used the term “Mariworthe Chartersoniem”.
Spiderman the Incompetent: So Doc Oc only has to walk away in the other direction and he gets to keep his bag of loot? He won’t, of course. So we’re now watching two idiots duke it out on the streets of a deserted NYC. Meanwhile Wolverine, the selling point of this bland story line, walks around in sweatpants.
JP: Ok, here’s the plan. Sam and Rocky create a diversion, drawing the moms in to a mass-swoon. Godiva approaches from the north, and Abbey attacks from the south, catching them in a classic pincer maneuver. …Then the gold and jewels shall be mine!!
Hogenmogen
June 16th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Marvin: Marv’s hallucination continues as he’s visited during the night by the ghosts of diapers past. Some are mighty angry to have been defiled in such a heinous manner.
There’s little excuse for this miserable strip, but if anything can save it, that thing would be a calvacade of smelly, talking diapers.
commodorejohn
June 16th, 2009 at 10:57 am
A3G – *insert joke about Tommie “eating sticky buns” here*
BB – In the weeks following the exposé, various members of Congress did a lot of finger-pointing and reiterating that they never knew about the conditions at the camp, until it was discovered that Camp Swampy had not been an active military base since 1957. The entire place was run by Snorkel and Halftrack, a scheme to satisfy their mad lust for power. Both were given prison sentences, Halftrack’s lasting until well after his death. But in the years after their imprisonment, the staff at the penitentiary wondered among themselves why Private Bailey was often spotted lingering by the back fence, staring at one particular window. Nobody ever approached him, but some of the guards swore that, from a distance, it almost looked like he had a wistful expression on the part of his face that wasn’t obscured by the faded, battered hat.
BrS – Plot point?
DT – So this casino racket is run by a gorilla? Seriously?
FC – I think this is an elaborate scheme by Jeff to make Glen look like some sort of family rabble-rouser.
FB – Fred Basset says “tell, don’t show.”
FW – The…brown…bombers? Ew.
GT – Uh…who is this, again?
Lio – keeps the awesomest company.
Luann – Psst, Shannon, he’s a total pushover. You could probably get him to let you re-break the arm if you suggested it would make Toni throw herself at him. Don’t forget to rub it in that he does not, in fact, have any other friends.
MT – Why isn’t Mark’s mouth moving when he talks? Is he punching the air with his head to generate sound waves?
MW – I like panel two, which clearly shows Delilah seeing Mary’s soul-chilling expression and realizing that she’s gotten herself in way, way deeper than she can handle. Yeah, you better worry, woman.
MC – Good gravy, would anything survive a natal experience in Violet? Wouldn’t the sheer force of her scorn be deadly at such close range?
RMMD – Ooh, where can I buy a Wilson + Nolan calendar?
SF – This is way more familiar than I like to admit.
SM – Really, we don’t even need Wolverine to make Spider-Man look pathetic; he does that all by himself.
Sequitur
June 16th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Garfield – “Don’t ever let me do that again”
That’s how I feel every time I mow the lawn. Yet, I keep doing it.
Calico
June 16th, 2009 at 11:06 am
FOOB would have been funny today if the sound Farley made was “FART!”
Just try that with Marmaduke, kid.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
June 16th, 2009 at 11:10 am
JP – Just keeps getting more ridiculous. Now the Cheerleader Moms are going to confront the Rich family and their celebrity friends over the Jr-High cheer tryout.
Why even have a tryout? It’s all about grades, isn’t it? So the Head Cheerleader, with her C-average, is automatically voted out. Why make Sophie even go through the motions? Especially since she has never actually rehearsed any of the moves.
I’m still hoping to avoid a Sha-non/FBOFW style ending where Sophie climbs on a table, kicks her way through a sis-boom-ba routine, wins the Head Cheerleader spot, and is then carried off on the shoulders of the cheering masses, who have learned a Very Special Lesson about underestimating spoiled little rich girls.
Artist formerly known as Ben
June 16th, 2009 at 11:12 am
6/16
FB: So they’re just straight up doing a word of the day calendar now?
DtM: Someone should do a high school followup on Dennis, showing his expression when he finds out the combined math and verbal on his SATs adds up to 50.
GT: Poor guy. His classmates are ostracizing him, his girlfriend hates him, and his hand is frozen in a splayed open position.
9CL: Now we know why Monty is never seen in Gasoline Alley.
Momma: Maybe it’s for being uninformed and a bad citizen.
MW: Delilah is well and truly memorized now. I do hope she’s wearing the garlic clove necklace.
BB: Guys, you can see all this any day of the week. Why are you watching it on TV? Are you Peter Parker or something?
RMMD: Our thanks go out to Wilson and Nolan for highlighting the ordeal of refugees. Cute white refugees stranded on luxury liners, who were apparently US citizens all along. Society as a whole needs to wake up and pay attention to their plight.
Braniff
June 16th, 2009 at 11:17 am
FC–Billy’s illustrations, depicting the end of the horror of his household life, will probably end up as key exhibits in the case of State vs. Daddy Keane, which will take place in Judge Parker’s courtroom. Hopefully Judge Parker will sentence Daddy Keane to life in the state penitententary without parole.
wagmore barkless
June 16th, 2009 at 11:26 am
I see a flaw in Mark’s logic. The barrels in the picture are blue, whereas Miss Williams is female. Ergo, the Williams Chemical Company’s barrels must be pink.
Winky's Spleen
June 16th, 2009 at 11:36 am
9CL – Epic, epic fail. Okay, maybe it’s not as bad as fantasizing about shooting Victor Lazslo of Casablanca between the eyes. But lousy grammar as the way to bring down a dweebishly wrathful god? Just dumb, and for a strip that prides itself on its pretentiousness, that’s unpardonable.
DtM – Uh, I guess an ignorance of basic arithmetic is a little menacing, maybe.
FC – How is this even trying to be funny?
Prick City – Dutifully spouting the talking point.
Get Fuzzy, on the other hand, I liked today.
Sequitur
June 16th, 2009 at 11:39 am
D the M – Dennis has been listening to Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers who have three halves to their show.
Sequitur
June 16th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Dagwood – Damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t.
Comrade Denny
June 16th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
6/16’s
Marvin: You’re going about this the wrong way, Acid Trip Potty. Just because Marvin is a sick, sadistic, sociopath doesn’t mean he’s going to sh*t in your mouth. Actually, the fact that you want him to sh*t in your mouth denudes it of any pleasure for him. A better tact would be to ask him to do anything but sh*t in your mouth, in which case his ODD and ASPD will compel him to do just that. Just ask his mom.
MW: Just what kind of child prodigy was Delilah, and did it get her a full-ride to the Clare Quilty School of Performing Arts?
#86 – Sequitur: Dagwood – just plain damned. Still, his wife’s hot.
TheDiva
June 16th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
# 77 commodorejohn re: MW: I’m sure Delilah’s horror stems from the realization that Mary is coming on to her. Between Mary sitting on the bed and invitingly patting the space beside her in panel one to the solicitous yet possessive shoulder grab and assurance that “everything is prepared” in panel two, the poor girl is racking her brain trying to come up with the Latin phrase for “I am totally f*cked.”
commodorejohn
June 16th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
#88 TheDiva – Ooh. Ugh. It’s difficult to imagine a worse fate. Even Aldo got off easier than that.
gnome de blog
June 16th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
67 Mark Tatulli:
I don’t want to get involved in the wordless vs. no dialogue debate. I just want to say that Dean is “Heart” is just about the best kid in the comics these days. Thank you.
One-eyed Wolfdog
June 16th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Liō is so far above the run-of-the-mill shit on the page that griping (incessantly) about the presence of words in it should earn you an honorary degree in Missing the Fucking Point Studies. Graduates, step forward.
Comcis Fan
June 16th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
FC: “Mommy has found invoices for fancy gifts that Daddy purchased for someone named Lucy. Mommy kept saying, ‘You bought all this for that, that Lucy woman?’ I think there was also a lady named Victoria, with a secret, and another one named Tiffany. That one made Mommy especially mad. She kept saying, `Tiffany’s? Tiffany’s?’ And that’s why Daddy has the week off.”
Comrade Denny
June 16th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
A fun game for Mary Worth. I call it And She Goes Back to Lawrence. In the game, one explains the reason for Delilah & Lawrence’s marital problem(s) and how Mary will meddle the problem away. Each scenario ends with “..And she goes back to Lawrence.” Here’s an example:
Delilah is upset because she never became accomplished in the field of what she was prodigious at, and she resents Lawrence for it because she married too young and was subsumed into his life and career. Mary will then explain that Delilah is in fact blessed to have such a successful philosopher husband, that she should count her blessings but not her chickens before they’re hatched, that every cloud has a silver lining but that all that glitters is not gold, that it’s darkest before the dawn but that rosy-fingered dawn comes on her own time, and that one can in fact derive an ought from an is, and Delilah needn’t worry about fulfilling her dreams, realizing her potential, or anything other than pasting on a smile and nodding politely at the cocktail parties. Delilah will think, “Well, if this meddlesome, unmarried old biddy whom I trust for some unfathomable reason says so, it must be true!” … and she goes back to Lawrence.
AhClem
June 16th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
#77 commodorejohn RE: MT -
I find Mark Trail to be much more entertaining if I imagine everybody talking in a Clutch Cargo-style animation; i.e. static images in which only the lips are moving. Try it!
queek
June 16th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
67: win.
PBS: yup, sounds about right for some of the junior colleges around here.
Ghost-who-needs-better-colorists: Hawa isn’t white.
A&J: good old Arlo and his one track mind. :-)
Bootsy
June 16th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
OK, comrade Denny, here we go
…Delilah is upset because she thinks Lawrence is old and that philosophy is boring. She spends ten minutes* in the company of Mary Worth, and she discovers what “old” and ‘boring” really look like.
And she goes back to Lawrence.
*until next Mardi Gras
Mark Tatulli
June 16th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Look, I’m not making excuses for my work and I love this sight and the snarkiness…and I certainly don’t think LIO is above the snark…but GLEEB keeps writing that LIO is being sold by my syndicate as a wordless strip; that somehow I’m not delivering what they are promising. And that simply is incorrect. Just setting the record straight, is all. But you can all snark away regarding content, on both my strips.
Vince M
June 16th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
94: I always hear Mark Trail in my mind with a bland, soothing soundtrack to a ’50s nature documentary looping over and over, independent of the ensuing action or lack thereof. Now and then a Hoyt Axton-type will be singing a ballad of the Right Fist o’ Justice.
Poteet
June 16th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
S-M — Doc Ock has a timeless quality in that he looks exactly the same as I remember him from decades ago. But in this case, I wish “timeless” meant “he’s not getting any more time in S-M because he’s a ranting boring dork.”
Baka Gaijin
June 16th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
#97 Mark Tatulli: First time caller, long time listener. I loved your promotional video with the other newspaper syndicate. I also love when Heart wears those huge sunglasses.
Old School Allie Cat
June 16th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
MW – Great Quotes for Our Times:
Interferia Ergo Sum – I meddle, therefore, I am.
Liberté, égalité, fête de piscine! Liberty, equality, pool parties!
Après Mary, le déluge du bavardage. – After Mary, the deluge of gossip.
Marthas Rolling Pin
June 16th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Re the Great Debate about words/dialogue, there has probably never been a truly wordless comic strip. Three classic strips with wordless main characters still use sound effects, signs, speech balloons from other characters and combinations of the above. Ferd’nand is probably the closest to absolute wordlessness, but still has to use an occasional word or sound to get the gag across. Lio is completely within the tradition of its worthy predecessors in the dialogueless/mute main character tradition.
I concur with Mr. One-eyed Wolfdog at #91. Let’s enjoy the inventiveness of Mr. Mark Tatulli in bringing new (if strange) life to a grand old comic tradition. Snark where snark is deserved by all means, but cease quibbling about the presence of words.
Comrade Denny
June 16th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Other quotation from Publia Maria Virtus:
Veni, Vedi, Vexi!
Tua culpa!
Mens pusilla in corpore intiger.
and
Dulce et decorum est pro condominium mori.
Comcis Fan
June 16th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Blondie: At this point, Dagwood either becomes aroused or pretends he’s at home on his couch and curls up in the fetal position.
SF_Reader
June 16th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Wow! Where did that come from?! That is so cool! Someone in Mary Worth speaking Italian! Alora, mi piace Mary Worth!
Unless of course it means that Delilah will speak with her hands, eat nothing but spaghetti and meatballs, and have a cousin in the Mafia.
commodorejohn
June 16th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
#105 SF_Reader – Don’t the characters in MW already speak with their hands? There’s more absurd gesticulating in a given Mary Worth strip than even a caricature Italian character.
Carbunicle
June 16th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
“cease quibbling about the presence of words”
Word!
bats :[
June 16th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
102. Marthas Rolling Pin: thanks! I was wondering how “silent” the old strips like Henry and Ferd’nand were.
OTOH, there are some that are entirely too verbose! (This one’s for you, Old School Allie Cat :)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3633493134/sizes/o/
boojum (formerly Second Officer)
June 16th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
103 Comrade Denny:
Tua culpa is my favorite — and Mary’s!
Hogenmogen
June 16th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Tatulli: I don’t care if it is wordless or dialogue-less. Just don’t make it humorless.
So far you’ve done a good job on that scale. Lio is a little different, whimsical and inventive. We do not need any more strips about suburban parents, bratty kids and talking dog/cat/penis/baby.
In Mel Brooks’s “Silent Movie”, there was even a word of dialogue. When asked if he would appear in the movie inside the movie, Marcel Marceau said “NO!”
Calico
June 16th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
#80 – This JP reminds me of a Richie Rich story I may still have in my girlie comix collection from the early 70’s (Archie, Little Dot, Richie, etc.) where his Dad decides to place the poor kid in a snooty private all-male school where they learn absolutely nothing of intrinsic value – he hates it and eventually goes back to his lil’ local public school with all of his average middle-class friends.
(Except that Richie didn’t have other crazy rich family friends in the picture!)
OK, TMI. Sorry.
Hogenmogen
June 16th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Not to be upstaged in the foreign language department, tomorrow the Lockhorns will evoke the common Hindi phrase “Daed saw i hsiw i”, which means “Leroy surfs for porn in front of his wife’s houseguests”.
Comrade Denny
June 16th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
#109 – boojum: You got demoted? Those bastards! First Kronstadt, and now this…
Also, let’s not forget Mary’s proclamation when asked how to tell the invitees from the crashers at last year’s pool party: Caedite eos. Novit enim Charterstone qui sunt eius.
SF_Reader
June 16th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
#106 – Visit Dean’s comic booth – They speak with their hips!
http://comicbooth.com/blogengine.net/
Paul1963
June 16th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Watch Your Head, 6/16: So, Omar is Huey Freeman from The Boondocks, only ten years older?
Sequitur
June 16th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
110. Hogenmogen – And even Darryl and Darryl said a word in the last episode of Newhart. They said “QUIET!”
queek
June 16th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
102: there’s also the traditional “words appearing on a yellow shirt.” (nice post, btw. *applause* )
97: quality is hard to snark on. ;-) Keep up the good work, Lio is one of the best strips out there, and HotC is pretty darn good most days as well. (and that’s coming from someone who generally loathes the standard “3 generations of cuteness & gags” strips.)
Paul1963
June 16th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
Me @ 115: Not a dig at the strip, which (in the eight episodes I’ve read) is quite nicely drawn and pretty funny, just an observation based on that one strip.
Luann: Brad is getting exactly what he should have expected when he handed an eight-year-old a giant Magic Marker to sign his cast.
Fashion Police
June 16th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
All hail Dean Booth for seeing that Mrs. Worth is properly dressed for her dialogue with Toby.
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September 22nd, 2009 at 4:28 am
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Oes Tsetnoc
September 29th, 2009 at 7:14 am
This is good information. I really love to read comics. But it is bad if you read some violence especially to the children
Oes Tsetnoc