The Comics Curmudgeon

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Don’t make Mary angry — you wouldn’t like her when she’s angry

Momma, 7/7/09

Oh, let’s review the biography and career of Nero’s momma, shall we? Agrippina the Younger was born into Rome’s first imperial dynasty, the Julio-Claudians. She was married off to an aristocrat at the age of 13, and gave birth to her only child at 22. After her brother Caligula became emperor, rumors were that he was sleeping with all three of his sisters and offering them up to his friends at orgiastic dinner parties. Later in his reign, Agrippina and her sister Livilla conspired with their cousin Lepidus (who was sleeping with both of them) to assassinate Caligula; the plot failed, and the sisters were stripped of their fortune and exiled to a small Mediterranean island, where they had to learn to dive for sponges for a living. When Caligula was successfully assassinated, they were recalled to Rome, and Agrippina eventually seduced the new Emperor Claudius (who was also her uncle) and became empress; the emperor adopted her son Nero. Claudius eventually died — poisoned by his young wife, it was rumored — and 17-year-old Nero became emperor. Mother and son quickly became embroiled in a power struggle, as Agrippina had apparently thought she would be running the empire; she tried various tactics for keeping him under her thumb (including, it was rumored, sleeping with him), until he finally decided to kill her. He arranged for her to take a sea voyage on a booby-trapped boat, which sunk, but Agrippina’s swimming talents allowed her to swim safely to shore, so Nero just sent assassins to stab her to death. Later, he viewed her corpse and remarked on how beautiful she was.

Now, much of this — particularly her supposed intimate relations with her son, and the story that she killed Claudius — is thought by modern historians to be propaganda put out by Agrippina’s political enemies. But still, it adds an interesting bit of deep historical background to the strip’s typical Oedipal horrorshow.

Mary Worth, 7/7/09

Wow, there are exactly two instances I can remember when Mary looked this mad, and that’s when she dropped the capisce-bomb on Aldo and when drunken Rita broke her precious swans. Clearly Mr. Smith is going to end up either at the bottom of a gorge in a heap of twisted metal or exiled to the hellscape that is the Downtown Women’s Shelter. But by the way the two adversaries are sizing each other up in panel two, I’m hoping that first there’ll be a no-holds-barred martial arts battle, with lots of Hong Kong-style wire work.

Crankshaft, 7/7/09

Ha ha, Crankshaft is an angry old dick with no customer service skills! Actually, though, he’s subbing for a friend in the ice cream truck for the summer; I think he might find if he checks some of those unmarked boxes in the back, that the truck is in fact funded by pixie dust, or other two-word phrases that end with “dust.”

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 7, 2009 at 08:01 pm and is filed under Crankshaft, Mary Worth, Momma.

140 responses to “Don’t make Mary angry — you wouldn’t like her when she’s angry”

Rusty
July 7th, 2009 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

Mary looks like a peevish gerbil in that second panel. This will be fun.
Tim
July 7th, 2009 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

Not content with blowing up his neighbor’s yard, Crankshaft sets out to drive his friend’s ice cream truck business into the ground.
survivor
July 7th, 2009 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

Oh hello, Mrs. Worth

Hello, Mr. Smith. Er. Um. I mean, MY NAME IS NEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Adam
July 7th, 2009 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

Mr. Smith looks like one of the Karate Kid bullies out of his black uniform. Mary might be readying herself for a crane kick.
survivor
July 7th, 2009 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

It seems that you’ve been living two lives. One life, you’re Mary Worth, resident of the Charterstone Condominium Complex. You have a social security number, pay your taxes, and you… help your landlady carry out her garbage. The other life is lived in meddling, where you go by the alias “Neo” and are guilty of virtually every meddling crime we have a law for. One of these lives has a future, and one of them does not.
Victor Von
July 7th, 2009 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

Charley may be even creepier than Mary Worth herself. That’s probably the reason for her seething rage… at Charterstone, no one is allowed to outdo Mary at anything.
Dragon of Life
July 7th, 2009 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth: Characters whose faces have the humanity of a viper and the animation of Dr. Doom’s mask. Hey, Mary IS kind of Reed-Richards-ish now that I think about it…. oh god, flexible Mary Worth ABORT UNDO DELETE EXPUNGE HELP
It's time to pay the price
July 7th, 2009 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

Seeing as the speech balloons are coming out of their temples in that second panel, I’m going to assume that they’re communicating telepathically. Perhaps they were old partners in the psi ops before things tunred sour. The best we can hope for this story line is that it ends off in a epic physic duel to the death, all while Delilah sits there in her skanky little outfits, blissfully unaware.
Black Drazon
July 7th, 2009 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth is almost as great with characterizing their villains as Mark Trail! With Mark it’s hair-related, but with Mary it’s the propensity to look evil even though you don’t know you’re doing something Mary considers evil, like perma-sneer here. I can’t wait for tomorrow when Mary maces him for stiltedly flirting with a married woman who hasn’t mentioned that she’s married.
Black Drazon
July 7th, 2009 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

Also, let me be the first to point out that Nero’s fiddle playing during the burning of Rome was probably also propaganda and that he actually enacted efforts to save it, probably after realizing a shoreside stabbing ambush would be much more effective than fire, if not as satisfying.
Sed
July 7th, 2009 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

Mama makes me want to Claw-Claw-Claw my eyes out (apologies to Derek Jacobi).
Jackuul
July 7th, 2009 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

People with skin colored eyes should never be trusted.
Sed
July 7th, 2009 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

Er, Momma, that is.
idathefossil
July 7th, 2009 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

This scene really needs some new dialogue: “Hey, Mrs. Worth-I was just thinking it’s so hot outside, Mary Worth must be outside! How about, it, Mrs. Worth? I love kickin’ it “old school” if you know what I mean.” OMG I’m so going to H-e-double-hockey sticks. And deserved\y so.
150
July 7th, 2009 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

It says a lot about Momma that someone thought adding in a dash of B.C. would make it better.
Muffaroo
July 7th, 2009 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

MY NAME IS NEEEEEEEEEEERRROOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Comrade Denny
July 7th, 2009 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

“I’m hoping that first there’ll be a no-holds-barred martial arts battle, with lots of Hong Kong-style wire work.”

I’m pulling for a knock-down, drag-out They Live! style brawl.
buckyswife
July 7th, 2009 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

17 Comrade Denny: And I’m hoping it’s NOT a Borat-style nekkid fight scene.
Loopina
July 7th, 2009 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

MW: That is a smile not to be trusted. Is Mr.Smith TJ’s long-lost dad?
Jeremiah
July 7th, 2009 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

MT – “Really? I’m an environmentalist? But my business cards all say ‘professional badass.’”

MW – I think the bad blood between Mary and this Mr. Smith has to do with Charley breaking into Mary’s condo and pilfering her candy-striper blouse.
Uncle Lumpy
July 7th, 2009 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

What’s “Mr. Smith” got behind his back there? It’s not drawn that way by accident — booze? Is it booze? If so, Delilah you trollop, fly fly to your Lawrence’s arms and beg — BEG — for his forgiveness. If he’s home. Which, as I recall, he’s probably not. Oh, what the hell, it’s five o’clock somewhere, how about a little nip, sweetie?
bats :[
July 7th, 2009 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

I think Mary’s just misunderstood, perhaps of the “generation gap” — she’s a real pussycat….or maybe a tiger…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3699029573/sizes/o/
sugarpie
July 7th, 2009 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

MW! I was all set to give up on Mary for the rest of this story and spend the next few weeks reviewing The Phantom’s Croco Island chapter. Not no more!

I agree with Dingo in that this level of venom only results from a particularly drunken, fraught, yet wildly gratifying, one-nighter. Of course it was followed by a desperately hungover blow-off. The question is who dumped who?

I’m puttting $ on Mr. Smith having sent Mary packing after waking up, head pounding, on the cold terrazzo floor of her condo foyer. One look at ol’ Mar coming at him with a plate of fried eggs and grits and he snapped. Too bad she let him take some those lurid polaroids; wait till Delinah sees those! From the look on Mary’s face, he’s shown them to everyone else at Charterston. Hussy.
sugarpie
July 7th, 2009 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

bats :[ Ooops! Sorry! I was madly hunting and pecking, but you are waaaaay too fast for any of us! “Fornicator.” Ha!
Johnny Cat
July 7th, 2009 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

I really get a kick out of visiting the classic posts. Same great wit, and proof that Mary Worth needs a return to interesting, crazy plotlines.
Dr Pill
July 7th, 2009 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

Wow. I learned more about Mary Worth today than I’d ever dreamed possible. Or nightmared. Ah, the joys of following the CC.
Get Fuzzy: I’d buy a T-shirt that says “There is no shame in fearing that which sucks indiscriminately.”
Jamus The Bartender
July 7th, 2009 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Today in For Better Or For Worse history: This strip marks the first….and last time….Elly would use the phrase ” strokin’ off” in a situation which didn’t involve trying to wake up Michael for school in the morning. That’s a For Better Or For Worse history moment.
Lael
July 7th, 2009 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

Aside from all the other issues, including the fact that making a joke about Nero playing the fiddle while Rome burned isn’t really funny or timely, it bothers me that the set-up for this is that Nero’s Momma’s friend thinks the fiddle is too expensive. I am sure that the biggest concern of Nero’s mother was the expense of a luxury object.
Jamus The Bartender
July 7th, 2009 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

Luann: Thank you, Greg Evans.
Jamus The Bartender
July 7th, 2009 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

Judge Parker: Okay, I was out of town for a few days, so I kinda skimmed the past few day’s strips looking for any Cassandra or Luann girls in swimsuits,so I may have missed it… and I just have to ask….did Sophie actually DO any cheerleader routines?
Lenoxus
July 7th, 2009 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

Huh, no comments yet about the Mark Trail pop-culture reference, to “the Internet”? You know, the place where you can find more information about Mark Trail?

Well, now there’s one. So there.
Dave
July 7th, 2009 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

EnDust?
Smokehouse
July 7th, 2009 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

In panel one Mary’s hand appears to be disappearing into her blouse and Charley is suspiciously keeping his behind his back. I think we’re looking more at a knife fight.
Dicky
July 7th, 2009 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

One-eyed Wolfdog, y108: Woof~ Nice legs~~

Crankshaft: I knew that truck looked familiar. On page 10 of the collection, Crankshaft, from 1992, over two strips, Crankshaft is driving an ice cream truck. The truck has that same large ice cream cone near the rear with the ice cream coming out of the back. It’s also emblazoned with the same stars, notes and the tag words “Kool Kones,” but the old version of the logo is gaudier.
In a testament to the changes in parenting, his one pictured customer in the old strips is an adolescent, pubescent female, getting a dark colored bar ice cream on a stick, while being yelled at by her mother from off-panel that she ought not to be buying ice cream so close to dinner. But at least, Crankshaft has one of those belt-slung coin dispensers in the old comics, though the fact that the ice creams are exposed when coming from a truck is somewhat disturbing.
Lisa
July 7th, 2009 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

I am finding My Cage to be particularly poignant. I wonder how long this will go on before he either gets back with Bridget or gets with the kitty girl friend.
Vince M
July 7th, 2009 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

30: Oh man, you missed it? It was the cheerleading routine that was so awesome it COULDN’T BE SHOWN! We the readers could only catch the reflection of the greatness in the glow of the adoring crowd – it was like a solar eclipse, or the Medusa, apparently.
Anonymous
July 7th, 2009 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

#18 buckyswife:

That makes me think of Dick Tracy for some reason.
Red Greenback
July 7th, 2009 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

Ed Crankshaft, The Bad Humor Man.
Comrade Denny
July 7th, 2009 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

#37 was me.
Violet
July 7th, 2009 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

I can’t quite make out the writing on the side of the truck in Crankshaft but based on what letters I can see my money’s on “Blood Machine.”

So I just shamed my ancestors and mankind in general by going back to check out the backstory to this characteristic vignette. In my defense, I was hoping to find that Crankshaft had near-mortally wounded the ice-cream man with his incompetent fireworks wrangling and this was his intolerable punishment. What I did find was that the friend he’s subbing for is whimsically known as Rocky Rhodes. Yeah, I know. My sides are still aching. But I’m really wondering what ‘Shaft’s adorable ice-cream-man handle will be. Rum Resentment? Bitter Brickle?
Mary Worthless
July 7th, 2009 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

MW – From Mr Smith’s clothing, it would seem that he was involved in an “incident” a while back with Mary, concerning an order for a Big Mac with fries gone horribly awry.
Mac
July 7th, 2009 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

Josh, can we really like her less when she’s angry than we do the rest of the time?
scamps
July 7th, 2009 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

God, Mary has MASTERED the ultimate skill of bitchface. I wish I could scowl like that.
Ktrout
July 7th, 2009 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

Am I the only one who read it as “I’m terrified now that I’ve run into you?”
Mibbitmaker
July 7th, 2009 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

Just supposin’….

Ritzilla is our Megaweapon.
Aldo is our Torgo.
Charley is our… Mr. B Natural?

Correct? Wrong order? Discuss…
Poteet
July 7th, 2009 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

MW — Apologies, because I’m sure this has been observed already, but Delilah seems to be pinching her own nipple. Charlie’s right arm is oddly-shaped and Mary’s hand-wringing is strange, but the nipple-pinching says more about Delilah’s marriage and current state of mind than I ever wanted to know.
commodorejohn
July 7th, 2009 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

#45 Mibbitmaker – No, no, Charley is Deathstalker. The visual resemblance isn’t that strong, but the smarmy, sleazy attitude is unmistakeable. The big question: are potatoes what Delilah eats?
Jackuul
July 7th, 2009 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

Can someone direct me to the fonts used in Blondie, Mark Trail, Mary Worth, and Rex Morgan?
Charterstoned
July 7th, 2009 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

MW – I agree that the disposition of hands in panel one is mighty interesting. Mary is doing her imitation of Napoleon, Delilah is adjusting her left nipple, and Charley is…well, it looks to me like he might have his hand up his ass. Just another walk down Memory Lane at Charterstone, where everyone wears clothes from two decades ago and the men even wear dresses from two decades ago. I do think that Margo Quotes might be called for in panel two, as in: Hello, “Mr.” Smith. Mary’s thinly veiled contempt is AWESOME.
Izzy
July 7th, 2009 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

Pixie Dust…?
Izzy
July 7th, 2009 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

Luann: My, Tiffany has terribly tiny tootsies… (try saying that 3 times fast)
Charterstoned
July 7th, 2009 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

MW – And speaking of Memory Lane, Josh, I really enjoyed visiting the Santa Royale Women’s Shelter again. Just seeing Mary in her amoeba shirt…scoping out all the local ne’er-do-wells…seeing the well deserved misery on the face of that despicable Swan Killer–it was like an armchair travelogue!
jnoble
July 7th, 2009 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

Luann: Even though Evans may be setting this up to seem like an inevitable three-some when the lucky foreign exchange student finally comes by, we all know that won’t happen. It’s ‘Luann’…sex is only a vauge concept cruelly hinted at, not actually done.
Rock Ripsnort
July 7th, 2009 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

Momma: That’s no fiddle– IT’S A GUITAR, IT’S A GUITAR, IT’S A GUITAAAAAARRR!

I’m sorry, that just bugged me for some reason.
Joe Btfsplk
July 7th, 2009 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

So that’s where the broken-swans thing comes from. Thanks for the lookback there; that was a bit before my Curmudgeon time. Always wondered what that was all about.

And of course I went and read the whole rest of the story arc, all the way into October ‘05. Holy Mother was that a slog…
Crankenstank
July 7th, 2009 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

OOO! ooo ooo! I am looking forward to the Mary Worth-Incredible Hulk crossover! I mean, wandering the earth, solving other people’s problems: check. Obvious victim of some sort of hideous lab accident: check. Turns into a gigantic green globulous shrieking mound of irrational pounding when angered: check, at least when the colorer has an off day. Why didn’t we see it before?
Jilliterate
July 7th, 2009 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

Woooooo-eeeee, Summer Mayhem in the comics has begun, and it’s clear that Mary Worth has blasted out of the gate, with sizzling tension that is surely going to lead to an altercation and police interference. Meanwhile, Gil Thorp, apparently assured in its status as Reigning Champ of Deranged Summer Antics, really dropped the ball today as Gil fumbled around like a jackass, trying to pinpoint the source of some mysterious sound.

If Gil wants to catch up now, he’s going to have to bring it, cause when Mary plays, she plays for keeps.
Sandy
July 7th, 2009 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

Not to mention, the fiddle had not yet even been invented at the time Nero ruled. So… not even possible.
P
July 8th, 2009 at 12:21 am [Reply]

FC:

What

The

Hell?

http://www.citypaper.com/comics/story.asp?id=5269
Poteet
July 8th, 2009 at 12:28 am [Reply]

7/8 FC — Jeffy is starting to reveal more and more about his ghastly childhood. Now we see that even an innocent remark could elicit a Mary-Worth-caliber glare. In the next panel, the one we aren’t shown, he gets picked up and drop-kicked into a wall.
Digger
July 8th, 2009 at 12:29 am [Reply]

I’m guessing that the reason Mary is staring daggers through Charley is because she once tried to meddle in his life, and he is the one person who actually said “mind your own business, you nosy old hag!” As revenge, Mary is transmitting an image of herself naked into Charley’s brain, and he will see this image whenever he tries to make sexual advances on Delilah. Oh, Charley, if you think your Powers Of Creepiness are any match for Mary’s Mega-Meddling, you are sadly mistaken.
True Fable
July 8th, 2009 at 12:35 am [Reply]

Chick Magnet YESSS Woody has answered all our pleadings to see Neddy! And will she bring SuperCedric with her? Time will tell! Neddy’s going to be there next week in strip-time, so… I can’t wait for spring!!
Rex Morgan, Man Whore Uhh… can’t be sure, but I think the blond doctor’s in heat or something.
Meddle House Boy, is Mary pissed! I like this guy already. Sure, he’s smarmy and sports a perpetual leer and wicked brows, but anyone who sets Mary’s teeth on edge is someone I can’t help but champion.
Margo 3-D Say, bats :[! Is Roger related to Count Morgu? there is a striking family resemblance…
Flaky Weinersnort So what is Mopey Dick’s damage? Or is this just one of those classic Batuik Depress-a-thons?
Children of the Circle I notice that people like the Coverlys who visit the Keanes, never seem to have children. Evidently they took the Warning from God seriously. “This Could Be YOU!”
Dennis Schmenace What is with the pose? I have NEVER seen a kid stand that way, especially when his wrist is broken in half like that.
Army of One Miss Buxley has an expense account? Oh yeah – she does refer to her gentlemen friends as ‘clients’.
Scenes from Suburban hell The Flagston kid is tripping on LSD again.
Fist O Justice theater Oh HO! WHAT is Mark doing, dancing with the pretty (sic) company president? At least I guess they are dancing; hard to tell if it’s that, judging from the couples in the background they could very well e preparing to join in an orgy. Wait wait – *slap* this is Mark Trail, Fable! I mean, the members of the flock are preparing to display their colorful plumage for the females of the species!
Meanwhile, Brother is being scolded by someone powerful enough to speak with a yellow phone balloon. Sir, yes SIR!
Poteet
July 8th, 2009 at 12:35 am [Reply]

A3G — Good-bye, Lu Ann! It’s clear that you’ve been booted offstage again. By the time you reappear, maybe your daddy will have gone bankrupt and sold the ranch and you’ll be wandering around like Ophelia, strewing wildflowers and babbling to yourself. Or not. You’re not Margo, so who cares?
True Fable
July 8th, 2009 at 12:39 am [Reply]

I, Platypus Seriously Norm? Beggars can’t be choosy.
Batman Beatles
July 8th, 2009 at 12:39 am [Reply]

MW – At least Mr. Smith doesn’t have a skinny mustache or oily hair. That spells trouble.
Poteet
July 8th, 2009 at 12:45 am [Reply]

7/8 MT — I do believe they’re on the Lawrence Welk Show. Have fun, Mark and Boss Lady! Give my regards to Bobby and Cissy!
True Fable
July 8th, 2009 at 12:48 am [Reply]

PMP I took one look at this and thought of Dingo.
The Amazing Wolverine Wolverine is a good argument for the posit that some people should never bother to smile. He looks about as menacing as Dennis Mitchell, and you know how the kid flunked out of MenaceWatch. And there’s just something about the way Logan looks in panel two that tells me it’s an image that belongs in bats:[ ’s clip file under “Wussy Images”.

#66 O Poteet, my queen! – “Let’s give a welkomme to the Lovely Lennon Sisters as they are singing “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction!”
Poteet
July 8th, 2009 at 1:04 am [Reply]

7/8 H & J — Fellings….nothing more than fellings…trying to forget mah…FELLings of LOOOVE…
Mariko
July 8th, 2009 at 1:05 am [Reply]

#34 Dicky–
Wow, the silhouette of Crankshaft and the girl in the second panel of the old strip is . . . interesting.
Poteet
July 8th, 2009 at 1:07 am [Reply]

# 67 Sir Fable MTK…Yes, dear knight, you clearly understand. And they’d sing it with big smiles, dressed in adorable identical bright blue dirndls. I know this because my local PBS station still airs Lawrence Welk every week, and I occasionally watch some of it while folding laundry and such. (Six channels, what can I say.)
the angry black woman
July 8th, 2009 at 1:10 am [Reply]

OMG you guys, this MW plotline is getting interesting! Yay for Mr. Smith whom Mary clearly hates. in the 7/8 final panel she is about to poke through her own face with her finger. Yay!
Poteet
July 8th, 2009 at 1:10 am [Reply]

# 70 — And my theory is that the people on Lawrence Welk are/were aliens from an impossibly cheery planet, which explains why some of them have never actually aged. And when I start propounding that theory, it’s time for bed.
True Fable
July 8th, 2009 at 1:32 am [Reply]

Cockroach OMG, Mex Morgan is channeling bats:[!

Baby, you are a trendsetter.
bats :[
July 8th, 2009 at 1:37 am [Reply]

61. Digger: don’t count Charley out yet! (Damn, this is what happens when the Rex doesn’t show up in his own darn strip!)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3700566488/
Mibbitmaker
July 8th, 2009 at 1:54 am [Reply]

Ythread Old School Alleycat: 16 years of FW? You’ve been reading Funky Winkerbean the whole time it’s sucked! Wow. Remibds me how lucky I am to’ve started reading it in the ’70s.

Ythread commodorejohn: Another hetero Abba fan here! Not a see-the-movie-musical or listen-to-its-soundtrack fan — but a listen-to-the-original-songs-I-liked-from-top-40-radio fan.
Mibbitmaker
July 8th, 2009 at 1:55 am [Reply]

#75: reminds! reminds! Post button trigger finger.
sarah
July 8th, 2009 at 2:10 am [Reply]

I don’t think Charley’s arm is drawn behind his back. I think the artist just forgot to extend it past his side. He just didn’t care. Nor should he. Nor should he.
Mr. Nice Guy
July 8th, 2009 at 2:20 am [Reply]

Crankshaft is subbing for a friend? You mean Crankshaft has a friend?
Dicky
July 8th, 2009 at 2:22 am [Reply]

Mariko, 69: Good lord. In all the years in which I have had access to this collection, I never noticed that. You have broken my brain, because you’re right; it’s a damnably suggestive silhouette if that’s where you’re mind is.
Frozen
July 8th, 2009 at 2:26 am [Reply]

Hot damn! Its about time Crankshaft got back to its roots.
Mibbitmaker
July 8th, 2009 at 2:42 am [Reply]

7/8th Blunders of the World:

S-M: If you squint reeeeally tight, he does slightly resemble Bluto…

666CL: Oh, shut up with the arrogant bloviating, Thorax — and STOP SKINNY-DIPPING!! Is that your head or a hideous wart on a headless torso-like blob?

A3G: Relentless women fascinate Margo… provided they’re her.

Curtis: Insanity isn’t just for Kwanzaa anymore.

ReFOOB: The husband is just a dog. Another day in the world of Lynn Johnston…

FW: WHAT???

Garfield: Dr. Gene Scott LIVES!

GT: Cue Robert Klein “spooky” sound.

MW: Catty, childish soap opera thoughts. Mary’s just warming up, folks…
Nurse with a penis
July 8th, 2009 at 3:11 am [Reply]

MW – Wed – This “Charley Smith” character, seems to look increasingly like John Edwards. What Charles do any of us know goes by “Charley” (that particular spelling) anyway? Perchance the John Edwards resemblance is the ingredient needed to drive Mary’s next high-handed moral tale. What’s with Delilah’s “I Dream of Jeannie” outfit? It’s all so very absurd, and slightly annoying, which makes it all so “Mary Worth” and the reason I can’t stop reading Mary every ding dong day.
KarMann
July 8th, 2009 at 3:16 am [Reply]

@Lenoxus #31: MT: Taken care of yesterthread.

@Vince M #36: JP: So, the tryout audience was all stoned?

@Poteet #46: MW: Tell me about it! I had to compare back and forth between Bats:[’s mashup and the original to be sure she’d adjust the hand ever so slightly.

@Charterstoned #49: MW: I was assuming that ~~Charley~~ Mr. Smith was preparing to pull something out of his ass.
Danny Lilithborne
July 8th, 2009 at 4:28 am [Reply]

Momma is now the dubious prize holder of “Danny Lilithborne’s Worst Joke in the History of Time and Space”. Congrats, Mr. Lazarus, you win the prize. It’s at the bottom of this cliff. Please jump.
Hobbes Fan
July 8th, 2009 at 5:05 am [Reply]

Cranky: So, now Ed’s gonna have a Thorpian wacky summer vacation adventure?

FW: This week Batiuk has decided to do away with both plot points and pun-based gags and just go for random snapshots into the lives of the characters. Tomorrow we will see not one but three wonderful panels of Les talking about going out to check the mail and then doing just that.

GT: “Then it must have fallen from the baseball tree.”

MW: “Meddle Sense tingling!”
Ms Avery
July 8th, 2009 at 5:42 am [Reply]

I’m crushed: I thought Crankshaft got blown up the other day?
KarMann
July 8th, 2009 at 5:56 am [Reply]

7/8:
GT: A baseball? In Gil Thorp?! How shocking!!
Batiuldo: Given the past week’s Batiukan turn, I’m going to have to point out that fainting could also be caused by a stroke, or a tumor.
MW: Charley: “Let’s exchange numbers!”
Delilah: “Oh… sure! 36-26-36. And you? How many inches?”
Monty: It obviously needs more levity.
Peanuts: Mary Worth could learn a thing or two from Snoopy! (But then, she just wouldn’t be as much fun.)
Pluggers: At least he didn’t show us the Plugger’s built-in bald spare tire!
S4th: Could be quite amusing, depending on what cartoon appears above S4th where you read it. Anyone have anything good?
Tank: Could he be any lazier with these first panels?
mojo
July 8th, 2009 at 6:19 am [Reply]

Momma: One more way Lazarus COULD have made a more Momma-ish observation—rumor has it (at least as I recall in I, Claudius the book), when the soldiers came to stab her to death, Agrippina demanded they first stab her in her uterus, which had harbored such a Momma-hating monster as Nero.

Now THAT sounds more like the Momma we know and llo… uh … the Momma we know.
mojo
July 8th, 2009 at 6:33 am [Reply]

…and speaking of Julio-Claudian soap operas, let’s hear it for Mary Worth as Livia, the poison-happy wife of Augustus! Looks like Mr. Smith there might have his eye on the Imperial Throne ahead of Tiberius!

Sorry, Charley. Only the progeny of Livia get to be Emperor. Oh, wait, it’s just Delilah? Well, I’m sure she could use the practice, anyway.

Time to call Siân Phillips and tell her “baby, do we have a part for YOU….” Nobody can look daggers like Siân Phillips.
Jimmyleg Jehosephat
July 8th, 2009 at 7:06 am [Reply]

It seems Mr. Smith is either wearing a dress or the plumber’s-butt-proofing t-shirt
http://www.duluthtrading.com/95587.aspx

As Leave It To Beaver was too chaste to show Eddie Haskell in drag, but we know it was not beyond him, Smith evokes Eddie quite well today.
Little Guy
July 8th, 2009 at 7:23 am [Reply]

MC: Hey, at least Jennifer Dove Hewitt has her boobies.
Dingo
July 8th, 2009 at 8:00 am [Reply]

#67 True Fable: As a former Chicagoan and now North Shore suburbanite, the true horror of that comic strip is not the difference in price for the two types of hot dogs. Nay, it is that the hot dog vendor is squirting ketchup onto a hot dog. Ketchup is for fries; only mustard should glaze the skin of a weiner.
smacky
July 8th, 2009 at 8:06 am [Reply]

Great. We get to watch the tension build this week until Batiuk reveals why Comic Book Guy (like the rest of the town) is suicidal.

Did his one-armed wife die off-panel? Did her “dead” husband return from Iraq after 10 years as a POW?

It’s astounding the lengths this strip goes to demonstrate that life is just endless pain and shit.

Then the Phantom of the Opera dances you away, only to make you return and haunt your loved ones.
gleeb
July 8th, 2009 at 8:14 am [Reply]

Dick: And the story winds down, in typical Dick Tracy fashion, for far longer than anyone is still interested. And Dick’s slowing down; he only killed two people this time.

‘bean: O, Heavens. Now do we have to put up with a self-pitying aria from this irremediably unlikeable character? Even if it’s about his guilt over killing Wally and seducing his wife, it won’t be worth it. Can’t we just have a three-months-long arc about visiting a bondage dungeon that William Marston, creator of Wonder Woman, once rented for the summer?
Whippersnapper
July 8th, 2009 at 8:16 am [Reply]

FW: What’s this? Unspecified misery in Funky Winkerbean? I’m shocked! What’s next? Malapropisms in Family Circus? Curmudgeonly asshattery in Crankshaft? Rage-inducing inanity in Cathy? Oh, wait…
Charterstoned
July 8th, 2009 at 8:22 am [Reply]

MT – I believe the man on the phone with Joey meant to say “I would advise yez NOT to tell him anything!” At any moment, I’m expecting Edward G. Robinson to make his entry.
Tracer Bullet
July 8th, 2009 at 8:56 am [Reply]

The third panel of today’s Judge Parker (7/8) needs only five more words to make it perfect: “Suddenly, a shot rang out.”

I can only hope tomorrow’s strip includes any or all of the phrases, “pool of blood,” “lodged in his spine” and “brains sprayed on the sidewalk.”
buckyswife
July 8th, 2009 at 9:04 am [Reply]

BB: And THAT’S what’s known as “defrauding the government”! (And what the hell is the general’s secretary—sorry, administrative assistant—doing with an expense account? So she can buy golf balls for him?)

MT: Mark Trail’s dancing? The only logical explanation: He never sat down at the table, and Miss Williams, CEO, got up and starting dancing with him to relieve the awkwardness. Mark, of course, just stands there woodenly (and no, there’s NO “woody” pun intended there, believe me).

I was going to snark on Joey’s using a pay phone, and then I remembered that all these mob activities occur via pay phone. At least, that’s what Tony Soprano tells me.

DtM: No child, in the history of the universe, has ever spoken the words “I’d love to have a tour of your home.”

SM: Weather girl? Huh? Does that mean that Spidey’s powers of prediction suck? Or that his skills as a theater critic are so bad that he might as well be a weather girl? Either way, I think that the connection works for Spidey as a superhero, too.

MW: I got nothin’ to say—I just laughed out loud at the look on Mary’s face. Funniest thing in the comics today.
buckyswife
July 8th, 2009 at 9:05 am [Reply]

87 KarMann, re S4th: Hey, you’re right! In the WashPost, Hillary is pointing up at Baldo!
buckyswife
July 8th, 2009 at 9:15 am [Reply]

97 Tracer Bullet: Suddenly, a shot rang out. In all the excitement over her victory, Sophie had forgotten the team of assassins—the ones she’d hired in case her routine didn’t work as well she’d planned. They’d agreed on an “abort” signal, of course, but they hadn’t anticipated the crowds or the mob-scene orgy of joy. And so Team Slay-the-Cheerleader proceeded with their plan. Sophie pushed through the screaming, panicked crowd, and found Marcie, former head cheerleader, prone on the sidewalk outside the gym, twitching slightly, a bullet lodged in her spine. Sophie smiled grimly; it really was better this way, she thought. But then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw red—lots of red. And a cowboy hat, covered in gore. To her horror, she realized that a stray bullet had hit Rocky Ledge, and his brains were sprayed across the sidewalk. As Godiva wailed in grief above Rocky, positioning herself for the approaching news cameras, Sophie backed away. She took a breath to calm herself; she’d known when she got into it that cheerleading was an ugly business.
Dan Coyle
July 8th, 2009 at 9:33 am [Reply]

Today’s FW: The comic book guy is depressed! Because he sells comics for a living!

Christ, Batiuk, I hate you so MUCH.
John C Fremont
July 8th, 2009 at 9:39 am [Reply]

JP – Neddy’s coming home?! Oh, man, this was so worth it!! Sure, I started to lose faith after Sunday’s “tryouts” but now I take back all the horrible things I almost said. Hope she helps with the trying on of cheerleading outfits!

MW – Man, this guy’s good. Not just good. He’s Meeno Peluce good.
Dingo
July 8th, 2009 at 9:40 am [Reply]

Oh, Mary. Mary, Mary, Mary. Panel two today is proof. You and Mr. Charley got it on, girl, and now you’re bustin’ cuz he’s makin’ a move on another. Save that self pity and show Delilah that y’all got the chops!
Niall
July 8th, 2009 at 9:44 am [Reply]

My Cage: I actually shouted out (at home, not work) “No! Ashley, dammit!” Maureen is so not him. I’ll disagree with Fable, Norm can do better. (So can Maureen. Definitely.)
Rebochan
July 8th, 2009 at 9:53 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: Wow. You know Batiuk’s reaching when he’s run out of horrible, unfunny jokes of his own and started stealing worn-out jokes from the past.
Mary Worth Discussion Group
July 8th, 2009 at 9:53 am [Reply]

Don’t blame Charley for this encounter. Delilah is a TRAMP..she is some sort of cross of these three:
Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island
Betty Paige
Monica Lewinsky
un malpaso
July 8th, 2009 at 10:06 am [Reply]

Observe, students! Today, on Planet Worth, we have a stand-off between Betty White and the evil Davy Jones of the Monkees (as opposed to Davy Jones-Prime, who, as we all know, has neutral good alignment). The object of the conflict is the yellow-haltered Marlo Thomas, who, as we have seen in previous episodes, is a slut and will talk to just any guy she sees on the street.

The impending battle will take place over the course of many weeks, and will take the highly stylized form of Japanese Noh drama. Betty White will attempt to emasculate the loud-shirted intruder with pointed asides and passive aggressiveness, while he tries to get into Marlo Thomas’ go-go pants.

Although the young Davy Jones will enjoy a brief moment of satisfaction at the height of his plan, dramatic convention declares that this will simply occur as a prologue to his humiliating fall at the hands of our Protagonist, who will then claim the yellow-shirted female as a token of her victory.

As we have learned, his type of narrative device is called “foreshadowing,” which is an old draftman’s term meaning “making someone’s eyebrows really dark to show that they’re Evil.”
Little Guy
July 8th, 2009 at 10:08 am [Reply]

102: Good God, the Meeno Peluce shoutout made my day.
KarMann
July 8th, 2009 at 10:17 am [Reply]

@buckyswife #100: I believe you left out the part where somebody’s dying words are gasped out: “I did it… for Johnny!”
“Johnny? Who’s Johnny?”
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 8th, 2009 at 10:17 am [Reply]

7/8

MW: Looks like Charley is familiar with Lawrence’s testicles too.

RMMD: Hi kids. This is your old pal Woody Wilson, and I have a very serious message. Don’t marry your fraternal twin. Oh sure, you have plenty in common. But sooner or later things will get stale, and it will all be contemptuous looks and missed dinners.

9CL: Not that MontyGod has come off very well, but hearing Thorax’s pretentious theorizing while being grazed by his manboob isn’t something I’d wish on anyone.

WofI: Actually kind of funny. At least the joke hasn’t been milked to death anyway.

A3G: Marty Moon sighting in panel two. What’s he doing there? Maybe the pressures of local public access TV stardom were getting to him. Or maybe he was curious about the city in India he’d heard was even whiter than Milford.

DtM: Meet Andy, Dennis’ personal “strike a dramatic pose” trainer.

GA: What? Upton O. Goode and Ramona Lisa have a telepathic link? They instantly became the most interesting characters in… Well, okay, it’s a low threshhold.

Agnes: I guess it’s wise to give a wide berth to any eight year old with a pierced septum.

BB: That’s funny. On Beetle’s expense accounts Miss Buxley is known as “beard.”

SFx: Standing on top of an unsecured ladder with an attack dog leashed to it? Someone is eager to file a workman’s comp claim.
mojo
July 8th, 2009 at 10:25 am [Reply]

#107 un malpaso: Serendipity! Just replace “Retirement Funds” with “Delilah’s Stain-Smeared, Funky-Smellin’ Reputation”:

http://roflrazzi.com/2009/07/07/celebrity-pictures-betty-white-retirement-funds/
Muffaroo
July 8th, 2009 at 10:35 am [Reply]

9CL – McAlmighty. McEldowney…

Nah. Nobody could be that deluded.

AD – So I guess he’s waiting for a bailout from Ba-rock.

DTracy – Okay, so Tracy was able to fool someone dumb enough to say okay when Tracy said “We’ll use MY deck!” Can we be done now? And can we stop looking at D.Vo Plenty?

Smirky Schadenfreude – Oh, god! He had to take off early, so he went… for a walk! In the PARK! By the GAZEBO! Oh, man, I’d better switch knees now. This one’s getting all slapped out!

Pluggers – A plugger keeps his smaller spare tire in the back of his truck.

R=R – I’m guessing Mimi landed on her head. She got the Lucky Charms knocked out of her, and she’s speaking in pointless phonetics. This supports my thesis that those people get knocked on the head an awful lot.
Muffaroo
July 8th, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

Jamus @30 – No, Sophie didn’t do any cheerleading on camera, but today we learned that there are photos, so look for some jaw-waggin’, finger-pointin’ action as they describe them to each other, possibly with exclamation points.

Red Greenback @38 – By me, circa 1983:

the Bad Humor man

??First you’ll hear somebody snarling,
?Then a clash of cacophanous bells.
?Frozen dill pickes and vinegarsicles?
Are what the Bad Humor Man sells.

He yells, “All you brats quit that shouting!”
?And he smacks any kiddie who sings.
?Cold curdled custard and horseradish mustard?
Are what the Bad Humor man brings.

He carries a silver cop whistle
?And he sneers that all children are crooks.?
Birds fly away, and the puppies won’t play?
When they catch his bad-humored looks.

The special today’s cubes of topsoil
?Bedecked with a relish of dills?
Stuck to the foil you’ll find cold castor oil?
And a garnish of saccharine pills.

He never gives anyone change back?
And he takes nothing smaller than dimes.?
Take it from me, you’re wisest to flee?
When you hear the Bad Humor Man’s chimes.

Violet @40 – For Crank’s ice-cream-pornstar name, I modestly nominate “Vinegarsicle.”

Poteet @68 – Two minds with one thought. I strike my H&J comment. I should’ve known.
queek
July 8th, 2009 at 10:46 am [Reply]

9CL, panel 4: a gift to bats:[ and photoshippers everywhere. Move Monty a bit to the right, and you’ll have a H&J scene. . . .

JP, panel 3: the look that several Mudgeons got when Neddy was mentioned.

Luann: just thank you.

NS: ROFL! possibly the best NS ever.

RwO: you’ve done better puns than that. ( an old joke about a “golf gun” comes to mind as well.)

SpeedBump: speaking of old jokes. . . . .this one is part of the fossil record.

Lio: *gigglesnort* Love the facial expressions.

SF: unseen panel 3: back to the makeouts.
Old School Allie Cat
July 8th, 2009 at 10:46 am [Reply]

FW – How could we all have been so stupid? Of course Wally isn’t dead. We never saw his ghost enjoying a pizza, or watching the band in yet another pointless parade. His spirit never looked on as John and Becky bumped fuzzies late into the night, never once stood by his son as he waited for the school bus.

Wally Winkerbean never waltzed with Masky McDeath.

I was blind, but now I see!
Married Agnostic Woman
July 8th, 2009 at 10:52 am [Reply]

Luann: Huh? I don’t get it.
Comcis Fan
July 8th, 2009 at 10:52 am [Reply]

You’re right, Allie Cat. Funky’s going to the airport, Becky’s husband is depressed — Wally must be back. (Bumped fuzzies? Ewww.)
Comcis Fan
July 8th, 2009 at 10:53 am [Reply]

FW p.s.: What I don’t understand, though, is why there’s no big banner, party, etc. Maybe because it’s all so complicated?
Lawyerbob
July 8th, 2009 at 11:03 am [Reply]

There is, of course, a long backstory to the seething enmity between Mary and “Mr.” Smith. It all began a few years back at the Charterstone Fashion Show. Mary was dressed to the nines in her scotch-plaid jumper, when Smith appeared out of nowhere in a paisley nehru jacket. Since then, they never go out without checking each other’s outfits, always seeking to outdo the other in style. Here, Mary thought she was dressed to the nines in her dress with the pink cannabis leaf pattern, only to see Smith outdo her again in that red-stripe full-length shirt thing or whatever it is. As Smith enjoys his triumph, Mary can only silently rage and plot her next outfit. What will it be? Or maybe she’ll just set fire to his unit and laugh as he’s consumed by the flames.
Hogenmogen
July 8th, 2009 at 11:04 am [Reply]

MW: Love Cheatin’ Charlie Charterstone Smith, but I was hoping for the rage-a-licious Mary Wrath personna to stay in control of Mary’s brain. Instead, the personality rising to the surface today is Mary Make-Snide-Comment-Via-Thought-Balloon. Well, it’s only Wednesday, maybe there’s hope that it will re-emerge before the end of the week.

Actually, I’ve seen several women who deluded themselves and the guy hitting on them into thinking that their banter was just some innocent flirtation. Then they come up with some flimsy excuse that they were giving signals to leave, but the guy just wasn’t taking them. “I kept thrusting my breasts at him in a vaguely threatening manner. I don’t know how he could have misinterpreted that as being interested in him.”

9CL – He keeps saying he’s God. I say “Prove it.” Sister Bitterness scared him into the water, but if he were God, he’d walk on it.

Crank: At least this kid doesn’t bitch about the price.

Many decades ago, outside the poolside snack bar, a group of really bored lifeguards and I began to make up the worst varieties of ice cream imaginable. All I remember from that list were
Okra-Pecan
Honey Tar Swirl
Cookies-n-Cockroach
Chip Whittle
July 8th, 2009 at 11:09 am [Reply]

Ah, so the Fake Reverend Upton isn’t actually all that dumb on his own; he’s been aided by possibly years of having his personality quashed under the psychic massmind manifesting itself with Ramona Lisa as the queen. Now if she can absorb Slim into the collective they could have an unstoppable psychic-genius gestalt entity, if they also absorb a genius.

Ah, so it’s holographic ghost children from another dimension for this this season? Well chosen, Mister Thorp, that will get us off to a good start.

Archie is starting a story! That’s unprecedented, like Brooke McEldowney finishing a story!

Dog Eat Doug has been enjoying a lovely bit of Star Trek fantasizing this week and deserves some attention since it’s cute.
Mooncattie from Berlin
July 8th, 2009 at 11:09 am [Reply]

FW – I have just finished reading two weeks´s worth of Funky at one go, from today´s strip backwards, with Dan Gibson´s “Songbirds at Sunrise” playing in the background here. The overall impression is playing at being God, looking down at everything and anything that is Nice, and evaporating it with the point of a finger. Each day is a mini-masterpiece of misery – even winning the damm ballgame was a downer. Who can we bring down tomorrow?

Luann – But hey, what about that Bernice barefoot action?? More! More!
Calico
July 8th, 2009 at 11:10 am [Reply]

MW – Crouching Asswipe, Hidden Meddler

H & L – Why are they always abandoning their youngest child outdoors to get crippling sunburn? Someone pleeeease call Child Welfare Services.

MT – Why are you dancing with this woman?
I think the good ol’ Supper Club format is a thing of the past.
And why doesn’t big exec Joey have a cell phone?
I really feel like I’ve been time-transported back to 1951 in this strip.
Hogenmogen
July 8th, 2009 at 11:10 am [Reply]

Comic non-events of the day

BB: It’s Wednesday, and Buxley appears.
FW: A man walks out of work into a park.
Luann: Luann and friends wait for a guy at a pool.
Spidey: Wolverine hated the play.
Rex: The husband of a side character has to work late. Speculation is rife that he, too will walk into a park.
Hagar and Eddie are on the same island that they visit every other week.
Marmaduke is still a BIG DOG
Some Guy
July 8th, 2009 at 11:12 am [Reply]

Following on from “Shortpacked does Funky Winterbean“, comes “Something Positive does Family Circus“.

http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp07082009.shtml
Hogenmogen
July 8th, 2009 at 11:13 am [Reply]

Gil: How did a baseball go “BLAM!”
Calico
July 8th, 2009 at 11:16 am [Reply]

#120 – Well, you could also go with El Bulli’s scrambled egg ice cream.
I know, Ferran Adria is a genius and all that, but still…sounds like something Mary would make for the almighty Pool Party.
CanuckDownSouth
July 8th, 2009 at 11:23 am [Reply]

#120-hogenmogen re: ice cream The 308-flavours in Coquitlam had something dark marked ’salmon’, but I swear the taste had a chocolate overtone.

Only taste spoon I couldn’t finish.

Why you ask? Because it was there – and conceivably salmon or cream-cheese salmon wouldn’t have been utterly gross, but chocolate-salmon? for real?!
Calico
July 8th, 2009 at 11:24 am [Reply]

#40 – How about “Saltpeter Crunch”?
Or maybe “Sulfuric Acid Swirl.”
Comcis Fan
July 8th, 2009 at 11:25 am [Reply]

#48 Jackuul. I think it’s Comic Sans MS, or something in that group.
Mooncattie from Berlin
July 8th, 2009 at 11:27 am [Reply]

MW – The angry triffid has emerged from between Mary´s breasts, and it is hungry for the blood of the Un-Worthy! Blood! Blood!
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
July 8th, 2009 at 11:30 am [Reply]

MW: What the hell is Mr Smith wearing? I’ve been reading for a couple of days now — granted, only here, so I may have missed something — and I have yet to see pants on this guy, just a shirt with a really low hem. What is he, some kind of stripey Casanova Ziggy?
Calico
July 8th, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

#35 – I know, when Norm cried yesterday at his Mom’s grave it just about tore my heart out. Poor guy.
Mr. Batuik, please take notice as to how Mr. Power writes this kind of scene.
queek
July 8th, 2009 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

126: by being bounced off the house.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 8th, 2009 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

#125 Some Guy,
I love that Something Positive. The look on Jeffy’s face is perfect. It shows that he’s shroomed out of his mind, and his mind was Jeffy’s to begin with.
AirForbes
July 8th, 2009 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

I could see a baseball going BLAM! if it was rigged with explosives, but this one appears intact.
Birthmark Hal
July 9th, 2009 at 8:04 am [Reply]

[b]Mibbitmaker[/b]: Are you crazy? Aldo is totally our Zap Rowsdower. Frank the Fence guy is our Torgo, Mark Trail is our Slab Hardcheesef/Punch Speedchunk/Big McLargehuge and Margo shall forever be our Gamera.

[b]Momma[/b]:Too soon!!!

[b]Crankshaft[/b]: You’re doing it totally wrong. If you want to be a corrupt ice cream man you just let the kids come to you and short change them. Five Year olds are horrible at arithmetic and some can’t even determine cash denominations. There’s no way in hell they’re going to stop and do the math with a rapidly melting rocket pop in their hand.
Birthmark Hal
July 9th, 2009 at 8:06 am [Reply]

*Facepalm* wrong markups.
Sterling
July 10th, 2009 at 3:13 am [Reply]

“What would you do for a Klondike bar…?” Would you sock a crotchety old misantrhope in the teeth?
Dr. MAD
July 12th, 2009 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

Ah Josh, Suetonius rocks! Post Clinton I have noticed historians are not so ultra-confident as they once were about the ‘propaganda’ and ‘implausibility” of these ancient scandals. Read Will Cuppy’s “The Rise and Fall of Practically Everybody” for an hilarious synopsis of the whole sordid scene. A fellow sufferer.

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