The Comics Curmudgeon

Main content:

The man with the iron teeth

Zits, 7/8/09

True story: I got braces at the age of twelve, and for the first few days the experience was so painful and disorienting that I couldn’t really eat anything more solid than well-boiled pasta. This is almost certainly typical, but nobody had really warned me about it in advance, so it sort of freaked me out, and I began to worry that I’d be spending the next two years eating things that didn’t require much chewing; thus, before my mother returned from work one evening, I staged my suicide in protest. It wasn’t a particularly elaborate simulation — a florid “Good bye, cruel world that I can no longer masticate properly” note and me sprawled dramatically on the couch — and my mom’s first reaction was laughter, which means either it was wholly unconvincing or other things I don’t care to think about.

Anyway, this is my way of saying that I may be biased here, but I don’t think Dennis is telling some hilarious anecdote in panel one. The way he’s pointing at his metal-caged mouth is particularly troubling to me, and I imagine he’s actually saying “I think you made it too tight! Oh, God, the pain is unbearable!” But, accustomed to having his feelings on the matter ignored, he just slouches off with a resigned “schormz,” knowing that the discomfort will subside just in time for his next appointment, when the cycle begins again.

Family Circus, 7/8/09

Wait, a vegetarian … and all that shaggy hair … my God, have the Keanes allowed a dirty hippie into their home? The animal cracker bit may indicate that his mind has been reduced to pudding by the demon reefer, but more likely he’s just making a joke (which is also entirely unacceptable in polite company, because it confuses the children). I also suspect that if he heard Jeffy referring to him as “Mr. Coverly” he’d say “Hey, call me Jack, little guy! My dad is Mr. Coverly.” Anyway, why would our family of upstanding patriots allow this sort of person to sit in their living room and eat their generic potato chips? I suspect that he’s a new neighbor, and the clan patriarch is giving him one last chance to renounce his hateful philosophy and get a job that requires a tie; failing that, his long-haired head will be put on a spike on the Keane Kompound’s walls, as a warning to others.

Beetle Bailey, 7/8/09

I was going to make a crack about illegal use of a work-related credit card here, but on the scale of corrupt Defense Department spending, this is probably as low as it gets, even if Beetle and Miss Buxley are eating at an establishment that makes waiters wear tuxedos to serve soup. Anyway, I’m guessing she’s paying because she thinks that this way he’ll have to put out. Good luck with that, sweetie!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 8, 2009 at 11:27 am and is filed under Beetle Bailey, Family Circus, Zits.

171 responses to “The man with the iron teeth”

odinthor
July 8th, 2009 at 11:33 am [Reply]

GT. — “But, darling, don’t we have children?” “Oh, you mean those things we locked into the attic just after Christmas? Now that you mention it, it did get awfully quiet up there about February. So, yeah, I guess I’ll stick with it: there aren’t any kids in the neighborhood.” “So . . . maybe the baseball came from some adult.” “Ha ha ha! What adult plays with baseballs?!?!? Um . . . oh yeah. Heh.”

MW. — Oh, Mary—-harboring negative, sarcastic thoughts just because some skanky lech is coming on to someone else’s wife! I’m deeply shocked.

Baldo. — Which reminds me of what was to me, in Ancient Tymes when I was in the early years of grade school, a mind-altering, creativity-spurring puzzle:

What’s this a picture of?

—O—

A ~~Mexican~~ wide-brimmed-hat-wearing person, not necessarily Spanish-surnamed, on a bicycle.

Had I known that, years later, it* would lead to medical tragedy in Baldo, I would have gouged my eyes out and joined a monastery.

*Bicycle-riding, or maybe grade school.

Spider-Man, featuring ~~Snuffy Smith~~ Wolverine. — No, no, no, Wolvie, dude. Didn’t you see Frenzy? You’re supposed to say, “You’re . . . my type . . . of girl . . .”
Muffaroo
July 8th, 2009 at 11:33 am [Reply]

No doubt “Brace” is the kid’s name, in keeping with the spirit of the strip.
zenvelo
July 8th, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

why assume the Keane’s generic chips are made from potatoes? I thought they just ate flaked and formed food like substances.

(and no jokes please about Thel eating Bil’s flaked and formed meat-like substitute.)
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
July 8th, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

Years ago I got up early to catch a flight out of Malaga, Spain. At 5am we stopped into a local coffee shop for coffee, cocoa, and churros. Most of the other patrons hadn’t been to bed yet, and the waiter was wearing a tuxedo.

So what I’m saying is, maybe Beetle and Buxley are in Spain.
commodorejohn
July 8th, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

Y104 Niall – Got to defend the One True Pairing, eh? Well, for what it’s worth, I agree completely. (Besides, Maureen is mine.)

A3G – Startling revelation! Nora has been dead all this time!

Archie – Wow. Two days in and I’ve already written this off as botched. That’s got to be some kind of record.

BB – I don’t think she’s quite got the hang of the whole “talking dirty” thing.

Crankshaft -

Customer: What items are available for purchase?
Vendor: (Default item, large list of other options.)
Customer: None of the non-standard options listed appeal to me. I will purchase the default item.
Vendor: Hate!

FB – Well, despite consisting of the cast of Fred Basset, they’re still more menacing than Dennis.

FW – Ha ha!

GT – Gripping suspense!

JP – What the hell is up with panel three? I mean, yay, Neddy’s coming back, but seriously, what?

Love Is… – tossing the baseball bat before she gets any ideas.

MT – Wow. Just when you think Mark Trail’s adversaries can’t get any dumber…

MW – *glee*

MC – This is why you should never ask advice from dead people.

RMMD – “Things are heating up!?” That’s like something a cartoon supervillain would say when burning the residents’ home down.

Ziggy – Ha ha! Ziggy is about to have his organs sold on the black market!
Patrick
July 8th, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

Miss Buxley is obviously using U.S. government funds to pay for the other half of the booth that she and Beetle made disappear in the Tuxedo Diner.
zenvelo
July 8th, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

I think Beetle and Miss Buxley are having post-coital cereal; Miss Buxley needs write-offs to go against her billing Beetle’s credit card for “laptop maintenance”.
sully
July 8th, 2009 at 11:40 am [Reply]

Beetle’s known as ‘Miscellaneous’, Killer’s known as ‘Business’, Plato’s known as ‘Promotion’… Miss Buxley, camp skank.
He Whose Laughs Last
July 8th, 2009 at 11:43 am [Reply]

I never knew that Shaggy’s last name was Coverly.
Joe Blevins
July 8th, 2009 at 11:45 am [Reply]

BB: The fact that they’re seated on a couch behind a coffee table makes me think that this is not a restaurant at all but rather Miss Buxley’s living room. Apparently, she and Beetle are spicing up their relationship with a little “dinner-and-misappropriation-government-funds” role playing, and the “waiter” is some sort of hobbyist they found on Craigslist.
Chip Whittle
July 8th, 2009 at 11:48 am [Reply]

I didn’t know Shaggy from Scooby-Doo’s last name was Coverly.
Chip Whittle
July 8th, 2009 at 11:50 am [Reply]

My apologies, #9 He Who Laughs Last; I didn’t see your comment when I posted.
Dingo
July 8th, 2009 at 11:53 am [Reply]

I feel pity for Mr. Coverly’s attractive blonde gal pal. A man with that lame of a sense of humor is not the sort of man who will masticate your tender loins until you achieve orgasm. He puts on the Dido album, undoes his drawers, flops Mr. Peter against you and rubs until it’s hard, and then you have two to three minutes of unbearably boring sex where you imagine yourself being tied to a tree by Al Franken and bofo’d by Harry Reid before Mr. Coverly unceremoniously announces that the act is done and – say, you got any more of them corn chips? The best she’ll be able to ask for is coffee every morning with Thel and ribald tales of college sex before marriage, suburbia, and the brood.
One-eyed Wolfdog
July 8th, 2009 at 11:56 am [Reply]

I swear, the furniture in the Keane house only appears when they have guests to observe it. Otherwise the place is completely bare. It also rearranges its basic layout on a daily basis. And the special magic of The Family Circus is that it can take exciting macroscopic quantum furniture effects and sentient, highly mutative organic architecture and still render them out as a thin homogenous Paste of Blandness (if consumed roll to save vs. lethal boredom). It’s an awesome and terrible force of nature we’re poking at here.
Storminator
July 8th, 2009 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

Another sign the Spider-Man strip writers are not that familiar with the Wolverine character. Wolvie likes his chicks underage, Asian, or both.
tb4000
July 8th, 2009 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

#15 – You been following me on Friday nights or something, man? =P

Zits: The nonsensical words I am fine with, but the constant slobbering as he speaks is what really makes me uneasy.
littlefox
July 8th, 2009 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

Something Positive parodies Family Circus today: http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp07082009.shtml

Hurry and click that link before the Keane lawyers make him remove it.
UncleJeff
July 8th, 2009 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

Luann — Bernice is giving Luann a good ogling. Will she make her move?
Annie — Will somebody please find Annie and Oliver Warbucks and put an end to this crap?
Dick Tracy — WTF?
TheDiva
July 8th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

I never had problems talking with braces. I did, however, have a difficult time maneuvering the toothbrush around those things, which led to my dentist taking me aside in his office, showing me the Diseased Tooth Book and lecturing me on what a terrible person I was for not taking care of my gums properly. I started crying because on top of the jaw pain and not being able to eat anything chewy and having a terrible close-lipped smile in all my school pictures, I was now convinced it wouldn’t matter because my teeth were going to fall out anway. Ah, the joys of adolescence.

C’shaft: Don’t blame him, Cranky, it’s your own damn fault for not having a menu posted in the first place. (Seriously, what ice cream truck carries all those flavors, anyway? The ones that case my neighborhood just do the pre-wrapped stuff like Drumsticks and Astro-Pops…)

FW: If this week doesn’t end with Comicbookguy taking a gun to his head, I for one will be sorely disappointed.

MW: Where in that tight little ensemble was Delilah keeping a pen and pad of paper, anyway? You know what, don’t tell me, I don’t think I want to know.

Mary’s catty inner monologue, meanwhile, provides yet more evidence of a torrid Dangerous Liaisons-esque relationship between Obviously Evil Charley and herself. Expect Mary to promise OEC the privilege of her favors on providing evidence of naive little Delilah’s seduction.
Les of the Jungle Patrol
July 8th, 2009 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

Is it wrong that I find comment #13 arousing?
ScienceGiant
July 8th, 2009 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

FC: You know, I look at Thel pouring a big bag of chips into the bowl and I think, that’s to sate the munches after hitting the bong. And then I see her wearing her groovy ’70s turtleneck and her “T” necklace (”T” for “Thel”?) And I thinkk, the Keanes are… wife-swapping?!?
Niall
July 8th, 2009 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

Y35. Lisa: Good, I’m not the only one leaning to pair Norm and Ashley. :)

5. Commodorejohn: Well, not so much quite as bad as OTPing, but just reading the hints dropped off over the last few months. There has been some about Norm and Maureen, when he interacts with Lily, but even she doesn’t think much of him. Mind you, it wouldn’t be the first time Ed Power would pull off a twist…
Dragon of Life
July 8th, 2009 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

Beetle’s not taking the brutal destruction of his last shreds of manhood well, to judge by his expression. Are we about to see a new age of awesome name puns stemming from Beetle finally snapping? General Halfdead? Kill*ed*? Chaplain Staneglasswithhisownorgans?
Calico
July 8th, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

#9, #11 – I too was waiting for the Other Big Dog to make a cameo appearance.
Hank
July 8th, 2009 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

RE: Storminator, July 8th, 2009 at 12:02 pm : Another sign the Spider-Man strip writers are not that familiar with the Wolverine character. Wolvie likes his chicks underage, Asian, or both.

Not exactly. Wolverine’s had an unrequited crush on Jean Grey for most of his history with X-men. Jean, like MJ, is a good-looking redhead. Therefore, a comment that MJ’s his type is perfectly in character as a reference to that crush.
Storminator
July 8th, 2009 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

Hank, #25:
http://www.uncannyxmen.net/images/article/relationship/relationshipmapv1.htm
Mibbitmaker
July 8th, 2009 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

#19 (TheDiva): Who was your dentist, the guy from “Marathon Man”?
commodorejohn
July 8th, 2009 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

#22 Niall – I know, I’m just ribbing ya ;) I’m fairly certain that Norm is going to wind up back with Bridget when all is said and done, but in the meantime, I think plenty of laughs (and not a little character development) could be gleaned from a relationship with either or both of the other main girls. Whatever the outcome, I look forward to seeing what Ed has in store.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 8th, 2009 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

repost revise
y125 Some Guy,
I love that Something Positive. The look on Jeffy’s face is perfect. It shows that he’s shroomed out of his mind, and his mind was Jeffy’s to begin with.
Charlene
July 8th, 2009 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

Is there a reason why John is depressed?

I mean other than being a character in Funky Winkerbean.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
July 8th, 2009 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

Josh, TheDiva, when I was a youngun with braces, I was, ahem, a bit of a maverick. When the pain became too much, why, I just pulled out my dad’s trusty needlenosed pliers and yanked the wires out. Sure, the orthodontic treatment ultimately failed, and I had to get braces as a young adult, which necessitated learning to smoke whilst wearing headgear. But it was worth it.
Baka Gaijin
July 8th, 2009 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth: Two days and 3 contiguous panels of stern disapproval on Mary’s face. This could presage a summer of fun approaching, but not surpassing, Aldomania. ALDOMANIA!!!!!

Luann: Yeah, no subtle lesbian subtext THERE. The only way this could get any more blatant is if Bernice whipped out a double ended foot-long dildo.

ALDOMANIA!!!!!
KarMann
July 8th, 2009 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

FC: Hey Thel, tell Jeffy to go ask Shaggy if he’s a humanitarian next. It’s not exactly a proper malapropism, but the ensuing anguish should be most delightful!
BigTed
July 8th, 2009 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

I think today’s “Beetle Bailey” is a commentary on the gross underpayment of U.S. soldiers, demonstrated by the fact that a civilian secretary makes far more than a G.I. who may be called upon to fight for our country in another 50 years or so.
BigTed
July 8th, 2009 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

“You know those new clear plastic braces that are painless and practically invisible? Yeah, I don’t carry those. Why should your grubby little slacker generation have it better than mine did? You with your skinny bodies and full heads of hair and false sense of entitlement! We created the Internet and went to Hands Across America for you! But do you appreciate it? No! Now, brace yourself — this one is gonna hurt a little!”
Pozzo
July 8th, 2009 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

That won’t be the last time this night that Ms. Buxley will be saying, “Let me take it this time, Beetle.” Knowing how often Sarge makes Beetle “take it,” she’ll take pity on him and let him be the top for once. After which, of course, she’ll break out the strap-on.
indichik
July 8th, 2009 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

Mr. Coverley’s next piece of “wit” will also be drawn from one of those tired “Did you ever wonder?” Internet forwards floating around since 1992, like “Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?” At which point poor Jeffy’s head will explode, this being the deepest philosophical conundrum he’s ever been exposed to.
Ross
July 8th, 2009 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

A3G: Margo has found a soul mate, or at least a worthy adversary.

Archie: I think the AJGLU 3000 is using this week as a writing sample for a spot on the Archie comic book staff.
Amateur
July 8th, 2009 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

Curtis: Oh my Lord, Curtis has finally lost it. I’m not sure which is more disturbing: the fact that he’s made up an entirely new family, or the fact that he’s in complete hysterics over the mere memory of their lame family-reunion jokes.
Hogenmogen
July 8th, 2009 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

No mention that FC is a rerun? Yesterthread comment #59 by P dug up a pre-Josh comic commentary site (that strangely runs out of pages right around the time that CC got going). Referenced is a description of today’s FC. I’d link to the July 2001 strip, but the Chron doesn’t seem to have those archives public anymore.

#37 – Indichick: I once gave a 4 year old a mind blowing moment when I asked her how Ariel the Mermaid went poop.
Hogenmogen
July 8th, 2009 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

Curtis: I bet his “new family” is Asian or Latino, and he’s just hanging with them because they have better food. The jokes are still pretty lame, but at least he hasn’t heard them 80 times yet.
commodorejohn
July 8th, 2009 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

#40 Hogenmogen – “I once gave a 4 year old a mind blowing moment when I asked her how Ariel the Mermaid went poop.”

I’m sure more information on the subject can be found on the Internet…
Hogenmogen
July 8th, 2009 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

#38 – Ross – I smell the Archie plot line will end up that they’re really tracking their oalfish friend Moose. That doesn’t explain the hair in the pool, though. I’m almost on the edge of my seat wondering how Archie’s newfound story arc is going to wrap up, and then I remember that it’s Archie, and incapable of ending in any way that doesn’t involve the word “sucks”.
Gene
July 8th, 2009 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

FC – At first I thought Mama Keane was wearing a cross, but a closer inspection reaveals(at my best guess) the symbol for half-life, which is a fitting measure of the length of time something has been decaying to half its initial value.(or as close as I can explain it). She wears it as a reminder that the decay of Family Circus is immeasurable, even in half-lives.
Poteet
July 8th, 2009 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

Before I got braces at the age of eleven, I had four perfectly good teeth yanked out of my head because I had large teeth (thanks, Dad) in a small mouth (thanks, Mom).

Now I’d like to have those teeth back. Plus I was cavity-free until the braces went in, and the braces really hurt. Nerts.

# 2 Muffaroo — Per yesterthread, it was an honor to do a mind-meld with you, if only briefly.
Hogenmogen
July 8th, 2009 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

When I first saw that the continuously cantankerous couple in Marital Mirth was at an attorney, I thought “No, not a divorce, you’re destroying my faith in marriage!” Then I realized it was simply a discussion on who would enjoy the sweet silence of the tomb more. To find something remotely interesting about this panel, my mind decided that Leroy and Loretta’s matching death black outfits next to each other made it look as if a mini Leroy was growing out of Loretta’s stomach like a giant tumor that had gained sentience. I’m sure Hoest had other punch lines in mind, but that’s about all I got from it.
Poteet
July 8th, 2009 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

FC — What I don’t understand is why Jeffy is getting the stink-eye. Except on general principles.
Hogenmogen
July 8th, 2009 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

#44- Gene, until I realized that it was a “T”, presumably for “Thel”, you know, to fit in with those hippies in her living room, that’s the suburban mom’s idea of “bling”.

Originally, though, I thought it was a ’shroom, which would also ingratiate her with her new hirsuite pals from the Wiccan clan next door.
Bill
July 8th, 2009 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

Mr. Coverly resembles Washington Post editorial cartoonist Tom Toles. Tom, what are you doing in The Family Circus? Is this some kind of weird crossover?
DeGroot of All Evil
July 8th, 2009 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

If you check the current Luann plot, it is still July 4th and Tiffany and Quill have a fireworks date. Since this is Luann, I predict: the fireworks will never happen, and Evans will get out of it by switching the story to Delta and Puddles urging for more fire hydrants at the Community Volunteers meeting.
Steve S
July 8th, 2009 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

No, you don’t understand. The Keane’s “animal crackers” are actually made from whatever poor creatures the kids manage to club to death during their Lord of the Flies-style ritual hunt. Judging from Thel’s pissed-off expression, subsequent guests will be offered a snack of “Jeffy Peanut Butter.”
Gene
July 8th, 2009 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

#48 – Hogenmogen – I thought it was a T also, but I thought it was a little too obvious for the brain trust that is family curcus.
Chert the Chort
July 8th, 2009 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

Why is momma Keane wearing a Tau cross? Are the Keane’s lay Franciscans? As a friend of many lay Franciscans, I would be appalled to learn this – as would pretty much all the lay Franciscans I know, all of whom are confirmed dirty hippies, complete with vegetarianism. The mind boggles.
Darkefang
July 8th, 2009 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

Archie: What is the deal with Archie’s obsession with Bigfoot lately?

DT: We’ve had two weeks of exposition to explain three days of action, and I’m more confused now than I was before the explanation. Was there any reason whatsoever for Dick to pose as one of Big Ace’s men other than to give him a chance to murder someone?

GT: Milford High School’s parents should probably be concerned that the head baseball and softball coaches appear to be unable to identify the strange object in their yard as a baseball.

JP: Neddy’s only been in France for nine days in Judge Parker time. Has she already flunked out of school?

MT: It appears that yet another highly successful professional woman has fallen for Mark’s wooden boy scout charm and swampy animal musk.

MW: If I had to choose the best aspect of Mary Worth, it would be the strip’s attention to subtlety and nuance. Take today’s suitor for Delilah’s attentions. All he needs is a handlebar mustache and he’s ready to head to the railroad tracks
Dingo
July 8th, 2009 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

I nominate Darkefang’s MW comment for COTW.
Shlomo
July 8th, 2009 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

Mr. Coverly looks like the guy from Doonesberry.

#47- Thel is giving Jeffy the evil eye because while Dad gets to hear about Mr. Coverly’s most recent sexual escapades, she has to talk to her douchebag son about animal crackers.
Roto13
July 8th, 2009 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

What kind of restaurant has both bright pink booths AND waiters wearing black ties and carrying napkins or towels or whatever?
Joe Btfsplk
July 8th, 2009 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

Dick Tracy – I don’t understand anything that’s happened here in the last two weeks or so.
Josh
July 8th, 2009 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

#40 Hogenmogen — Er, I missed that comment. But for the (lack of) background on the overlap between me and the Funny Paper column, see here (the original name of my blog was “I Read The Comics So You Don’t Have To”, the memory of which is still encoded in the joshreads.com domain). I’d add that that column (which ran in the Baltimore City Paper alt-weekly) and my blog, while arising independently, do have a common origin in the old Baltimore Sun’s glorious four pages of comics, including all the soaps; repeated cuts have reduced that to a single, cramped, soap-less page that I can’t even bring myself to look at these days.

And as to the question of how Ariel pooped, may I direct you to one of the Onion’s least recommended toilet training books for children, “Mermaids Are Girls Who Pushed Too Hard (And Other Stories).”

Josh
Jeremiah
July 8th, 2009 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

It looks like the characters of both “Zits” and “Beetle Bailey” are stuck in the same plane of blaring whiteness. Unlike the cast of “Apartment 3-G”, they weren’t taken in by that background scenery salesman. “These pea green awnings add spice to any comic strip! Watch readership soar to the tens as they behold the majesty of your hordes of blue zombies!”
Strangefate
July 8th, 2009 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

The orthodontist sort of looks like how I’d picture Han Solo thirty years after RotJ.
Niall
July 8th, 2009 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

55. Dingo – ditto. If it doesn’t make the float, there’s no justice. Darkefang, that was inspired. I’m still giggling. The big question is, who would we prefer tied to the tracks, Delilah or Mary? Discuss.
buckyswife
July 8th, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

62 Niall: Tie Delilah to the tracks, and then let the meddle train that is Mary run her over.
Jesse C
July 8th, 2009 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

true story. Mort Walker thought of that joke when he saw the “miscellaneous” charge on his credit card bill from an Atlantic City hooker.
Toby
July 8th, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

“Mr. Coverly” is a tip of the hat to Reuben Award winner Dave Coverly, creator of Speed Bump.
DeGroot of All Evil
July 8th, 2009 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

It appears that Mary Worth has started a count up from one to five. You don’t want to know what happens if she gets to five young man!
Donald the Anarchist
July 8th, 2009 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

Zits Haw, haw, the joke’s on the orthodontist! The kid is aphasic and nothing he said made sense anyway!

FC Hee hee, the jokes on the vegetarian! Those chips are fried in beef tallow! Tallow made from veal calves.

BB Ho ho ho! The joke’s on…oh shit, my bad. There is no joke in this strip. Unless ‘miscellaneous’ is slang for something really, really dirty.
Old School Allie Cat
July 8th, 2009 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

FC – I’ve entertained many, many times and I have never, no matter how stoned my guests may have been, thought to pull out Animal Crackers. Geez, Thel, would it have killed you to throw a little “DIP” brand dip in with the chips?

And maybe pull the stick out of your ass while you’re at it.
TheDiva
July 8th, 2009 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

27 Mibbitmaker: Honestly, it felt that way sometimes. I remember one time the dental assistant was scraping plaque off my teeth when she jabbed that hook think into my gums–and a few seconds later said “Oh, your gums are bleeding, you must have gingivitis.” No, my gums are bleeding because you just gouged them with a sharp object, you harridan…

I already feel sorry for my son-to-be, as he has both sides of the gene pool going against him in the tooth department and will most likely have to be subjected to this sort of thing eventually.
TheDiva
July 8th, 2009 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

“…hook thing,” gaaah.
airish
July 8th, 2009 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

Here is Beetle living the [General Halftrack's] dream…not only is he is planning on occupying a position between Miss Buxley’s taut, smooth thighs in a very short while, but she is even picking up the tab. Beetle is also wondering if she will also agree to pick up a six pack for him to drink after their session. The perfect date!!
yanni576
July 8th, 2009 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

This is the first time I noticed Mrs. Keane’s letter ‘T’ necklace. Maybe that why she looks so pissed.
McSmeag
July 8th, 2009 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

I find myself unable to articulate any thoughts other than that I am positively quivering with anticipation of CharleyMania 2009 in Mary Worth.
Cranky
July 8th, 2009 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

Good catch, Ziggy. Too bad you didn’t notice that before the prostate exam.
Lisa
July 8th, 2009 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

Am I the only one who didn’t realize that Jeremy’s dad was an orthodonist?
Shaenon
July 8th, 2009 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

Toby is correct: “Mr. Coverly” is definitely a tip of the hat from National Cartoonists’ Society president Jeff Keane to this year’s Reuben winner, Dave Coverly. He really does look like Shaggy.
One-eyed Wolfdog
July 8th, 2009 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

One tiny little thing I’ve noticed in life: Chip bags. Not usually wider than they are tall. Also generally filled to about 60% of their volume, not 160%.
CanuckDownSouth
July 8th, 2009 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

#75-Lisa – it’s been a while since it was important, but Jeremy’s dad’s profession used come up a fair bit in Zits: my favorite was the Gingivitis band story arc.
Dean Booth
July 8th, 2009 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

#7, zenvelo: “Beetle and Miss Buxley are having post-coital cereal“
Uncle Lumpy
July 8th, 2009 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

#75 Lisa, #78 CDS –

There was also a really spooky mancrush between Walt and Jeremy’s friend Pierce, based on their mutual fascination with metal body ornamentation. Brr.

Lost cause, I know, but I stand up for the honor of Zits and Sherman’s Lagoon — good old-school draftsmanship, fleshed-out characters and relationships, and the occasional vein of comedy gold in the joke-a-day format that grinds lesser writers and artists beneath its merciless heel.
Nomstrosity
July 8th, 2009 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

Strangely, I find myself fixated on Thel’s necklace in Family Circus today. Bil surely endorses the Biblical injunction against whorish adornments, so it can’t be for decoration. It looks oddly like a T, or a crucifix with the top part, where Jesus’ head rested, missing. I can think of two reasons for Thel to desecrate the cross this way: 1. As a plaintive symbol of her mindless acquiescence to the family orthodoxy – sure, she may dutifully love, honor and obey the family patriarch, but her head, her mind, is strangely absent from this doltish devotion. 2. As a rebel yell of resistance and revolution, foreshadowing her casting off her religious oppression by cutting off its very head! “T” is for Thel, as well – perhaps she’s soon to found a fertility cult with herself as supreme leader/goddess, and is slyly pursuing Mr. Coverly (anagram of “Love Cry”) and his busty blonde companion as her first converts.
commodorejohn
July 8th, 2009 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

#80 Uncle Lumpy – I’m not so sure about Sherman’s Lagoon, but Zits is, at least, one of the few gag-a-day strips that doesn’t completely suck. I haven’t followed it in a while, though; it seemed to be exhibiting something of a depressing decline into “HUR HUR THE TEENAGERS THEY ARE ODD,” and I decided to quit following it before it got excruciating, as I did when it became clear that Get Fuzzy was turning into Garfield form 1989. Still, even if it hasn’t improved since then, it’s definitely orders of magnitude funnier than dreck like Beetle Bailey or The Wizard Of Id.
gnome de blog
July 8th, 2009 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

Jef Keane is president of the National Cartoonist’s Society? That explains a lot.
Jimmyleg Jehosephat
July 8th, 2009 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

Thelma Keane has lowered her eyebrows enough to make it clear she is angry. Angry at having to serve non-meaty snacks to hippies. She believes in the death penalty for vegetarians, and can’t understand why Papa Bil is suffering their presence in her home. In passive aggressive protest, she serves childish cookies to them and yet is again rebuffed. She determines to never be forced to entertain these nonconformists again.
Talking Squirrel
July 8th, 2009 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

Barffield: Actually, Jon, you look three times more like the ass end of a caterpillar seen from underneath.
Izzy
July 8th, 2009 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

I pity da fool who messes wit’ Mama Keene!
Talking Squirrel
July 8th, 2009 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

FC: Actually, I just assumed that “pendant” of Thel’s was the valve key for the helium tank that she keeps in the pantry, so she can readjust her tit pressure whenever she feels the urge.
Brick Bradford
July 8th, 2009 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

Today’s Pearls Before Swine is a comic masterpiece. I will laugh about it for weeks.
Married Agnostic Woman
July 8th, 2009 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

Family Circus: Not shown, the “A” embroidered on the seat of her pants.
rkoldewyn
July 8th, 2009 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

Re: FC and the animal crackers.. actually back in the good(bad?) old days, Animal Crackers ™ use to be made with lard just like all the other Nabisco cookies and so they wouldn’t be vegetarian.

Maybe Mr. Coverly, saw that teal couch and was afraid the cookies were of the same vintage.
Morndew
July 8th, 2009 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

FC-Why does Thel look so…angry?
NV
July 8th, 2009 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

FC: Oh, please. The Kompound would never open its gates to a filthy hippie. Though I must for that reason worry for Mr. Coverly; certainly he could have found a less troublingly seditious excuse to avoid eating pasty crackers smeared with Jeffy’s grubby thumbprints and the soggy crumbs of their devoured boxmates.
Jamus The Bartender
July 8th, 2009 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

15. Oh, the writer is dead on here. Wolverine’s always had a thing for redheads. Witness Origin by the Kubert brothers, and any early X-Men.
Jamus The Bartender
July 8th, 2009 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

FC: That’s a stylized ” T” for Thel, folks. Everyone’s thinking too hard :)
Eldaglass
July 8th, 2009 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

I love that Mary Worth is back to doing what it does best: portraying characters so sleazy that we feel justified in wishing Mary’s glare of righteous indigition to incinerate them.
zerowolf
July 8th, 2009 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

Restaurants with waiters in tuxedos never have something as “low class” as booth seating.
sally
July 8th, 2009 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

$35 Big Ted — For Josh and Diva and anyone else who might be out there thinking that the new clear plastic painless things are an improvement over what you went through, I’d just like to point out that they are the Hotel California of braces — once you start wearing them, you have to wear them at night for the rest of your life or the effect reverses. At least the old metal gizmos come off eventually.
jonnya
July 8th, 2009 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

Recent events at Charterstone, plus learning how to use a sampler, plus getting a new mac all on the same day inspired the creation of this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aNr5I55uC8

Trippy.
Niall
July 8th, 2009 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

98. jonnya: oh OW my BRAIN watched this in the dark full-screen and

…..

….

large Charley head mary in the corner and the pulsations my brain interpretated as the convulsions of mary’s vulva at the prospect of So Much Meddling to do

my braaaaiiiiin
Entophile
July 8th, 2009 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

GT: Where in the world did all of the children go? This is a very good question. Maybe in the world of Gil Thorp all humans under a certain age are required to attend some intense summer sports themed camp, perhaps as a punishment for all their naughty utube “shenanigans” and sexting “goings-ons.”
Poteet
July 8th, 2009 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

# 97 sally — The straightening effects of those old metal braces can disappear, partly or fully, over time. I now prefer to think that teeth that aren’t perfectly straight have, um, character.
KarMann
July 9th, 2009 at 12:00 am [Reply]

@Entophile #100: Bear in mind, Jerry Jenkins of rapture novels Left Behind (in)fame wrote for Gil Thorp for a time. Perhaps, they’re using a storyline of his that was written up when he was still with the comic, but never drawn (loosely speaking) until now. This could be a form of rapture in which the disappearance of children and Real True Christians leaves a vacuum behind, hence the “BLAM” of the implosion where the boy with the ball used to be.

Note: If this turns out to resemble the actual plot following this in the least, I will be gouging my eyes out, though I’m not sure whether as reward or punishment.
DavidMac
July 9th, 2009 at 12:12 am [Reply]

The curvaceous Miss Buxley isn’t paying the dinner check with DoD money (GS-4’s don’t have expense accounts). She’s putting it on her GoodNite Escort Service expense account.
sugarpie
July 9th, 2009 at 12:15 am [Reply]

Poteet, et al While I wait for the new Mary Worth to materialize, Lord, soon please…

I had braces put on at age 12, and then a year later we moved half way across the country. Finding an orthodontist in our new town was delayed for a ~~few~~ eighteen months. When the new orthodontist got a look inside my mouth the first thing I remember him saying was “Uh Oh.”

I still weep at the sight of rubber bands.
Peter Hillock
July 9th, 2009 at 12:28 am [Reply]

MW: Wait, is that Mary’s spider-sense tingling?
Poteet
July 9th, 2009 at 12:44 am [Reply]

For those with a taste for the unusual, the current (so to speak) LI’L ABNER on comics.com is backwards. It makes less difference than I would have expected.
bats :[
July 9th, 2009 at 1:18 am [Reply]

Some Thursday observations:

Slylock: honestly, that little girl tossing out the love note is just *so* sweet, button nose and all!

MW: you know, Mary, “kindness may be your religion,” but sometimes you just have to look out for Number 1. Numero Uno. La Grande Mary. Particularly in the face of adversity — learn to cut your losses. I think you’ll be a much less angry person.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3702804807/sizes/o/
sugarpie
July 9th, 2009 at 1:23 am [Reply]

M Worth A friend from high school who was divorced back in the early 90’s still refers to his ex-wife as “The Plaintiff.”

I’m loving Charlie.
Spiderman Defense League
July 9th, 2009 at 1:23 am [Reply]

#61: Strangefate

I hate this place. All the clever repartee that comes to me is long since taken before I get here. I guess the only thing for it is to reload the page every five minutes so I can eventually get one in under the wire.
commodorejohn
July 9th, 2009 at 1:34 am [Reply]

Well, I’ve got a road trip tomorrow and I’m not sure if I’ll have Internet or not, so…

A3G – Oh my. Margo is getting it into her head that she should help. Look out, India. Look out, China. Look out, world.

Archie – …and just like that, the storyline is abandoned. Well, it was ~~probably~~ definitely for the best.

Baldo – So…um…what’s the moral here? “Don’t blame yourself for causing your dad to faint and get a concussion, it’s really his ethnicity that’s to blame?”

Boondocks – Hands up, everybody who’s actually done this.

BrS – Are they going to a Jetsons-themed costume party?

Crankshaft – It’s funny because Crankshaft is stalking young ladies!

FC – Dolly perceives nature only as a sub-par form of entertainment.

FB – I refuse to believe that this is any less unfunny for people who actually know what the hell he’s talking about. (If such exist.)

GA – Please, guys. You’re our best hope for Slim’s death since the drowning.

H&L – “Then bake at 450° for three hours or until tender. Serve with a nice Chianti.”

JP – Please be Cedric, please be Cedric…

Luann – Ha ha! Mock the poor straw woman! Ha ha ha!

MW – Mary is radiating waves of pure spite today as Delilah continues to meddled by this interloper. She’ll fix him but good.

Popeye – Special challenge: use today’s Popeye and yesterday’s to play Six Differences.

SF – Aw yeah do I enjoy the occasional peek at Jackie’s life.
sugarpie
July 9th, 2009 at 1:35 am [Reply]

108 I mean I’m loving Charlie ’cause he’s such a pig. It’s obvious that Mary will destroy him.
Mibbitmaker
July 9th, 2009 at 1:57 am [Reply]

New Comics:

666CL: Plus, she’s not buying the bullshit. The real God would’ve had the decency to clothe Thorax and sent him on his way by now.

Agnes: She’s been reading old Rex Morgan strips again.

A3G: “…Uh… who and whose husband, Margo?”

FW: WHAAAAT???…

GA: Hey…you two are criminals. Kill him! ……Slim, you idiots!

H&J: …As Joe Biden always says.

JP: Ce-dric! Ce-dric! Ce-dric! (Now there’s cheerleading!)

Luann: “…And he keeps on saying, ‘Turn me on, dead man. Turn me on, dead man…’ I mean, what’s up with that?”

MW: “…She found out that I played Lyle the page on the Letterman show and she couldn’t be in love with me anymore.” Meanwhile, Mary’s being animated by Chuck Jones all this week.

OBH: THIS… is CNN!

Ziggy: “Whaddaya think that is, birdbrain? Snoopy’s doghouse??”

Zits: “… Also, Sgt. Snorkle beat me up.”
Mibbitmaker
July 9th, 2009 at 2:04 am [Reply]

7/9 MW: My, aren’t we queen of the reaction shots lately.
Hobbes Fan
July 9th, 2009 at 2:10 am [Reply]

FW: Well, I guess we now know who got to keep the head.

MW: She’s about to go Joe Pesci on both of them.

Also, when exactly did Beetle Bailey become so fat?
KarMann
July 9th, 2009 at 2:35 am [Reply]

7/9:
Baldo: Well, diabetes isn’t quite Batiukan in its suffering, but pretty close.
Crankshaft: Oh Batiuk, no! Just, no! Is that camel-toe in Crankshaft? For the love of God, no!
FW: It’s all starting to come together, isn’t it? *sigh*
GT: Umm, WTF happened to that whole ball-BLAM thing? Is this a flashback? Or maybe just the last two panels are flashback? If so, what’s supposed to have brought Ted Pearse into it? If this isn’t flashback, I guess ball-BLAM went the way of Bigfoot in Archie.
H&L: Woo hoo! H&L finally endorses cannibalism! Coming next spring: The Hi & Lois Family Cooking Cookbook: To Serve Trixie!
Lockhorns: Don’t. Go. There. Just don’t. Oh, dear Lord, you did.
MT: Gee, it sure is a good thing Mark did all that back-and-forth with the camera and the photography and the investigatin’! If he hadn’t been so slow to notice those letters, there might not be evidence. How convenient!
MW: Those aren’t spider-sense tingle lines, Peter Hillock! Those are meddle-sense tingle lines!
Or else they represent Mary’s shame at having broken up Charley and the ex-wife with her drunken tryst with him.
Real Life Adventures: Umm… I just have to say, much like Josh could relate to the braces thing, I can relate to this one. Except in my case, it was acetylene, not some wimpy marshmallows.
And, for what it’s worth, the smell of burnt nostril hair is among the foulest there are. Just sayin’.
S4th: Quick! What’s the number for the Fashion Police? And while we’re at it, for 911?
AS: Is trying real hard to be The Far Side.
Other Coast: Turns into Mutts for the day.
True Fable
July 9th, 2009 at 3:04 am [Reply]

Sam Driver, Chick magnet We are officially starting Cedric Watch. Day 1: Neddy is bringing “a friend” home with her! This could be it!!

Dear Woody,
Please let this friend of Neddy’s be Cedric the Butler. We’ve all been good little boys and girls and we would really really like our favorite butler to show up and strip down a pair of Parisian punks in an alleyway again! Or have him trying to escape his nutjob wife, that would be cool! Sure, let Sam Driver, Chick Magnet have his hands full worrying about Neddy OR Abbey OR Sophie falling under Cedric’s influence, yeah! Since you killed off Dixie Julep, it’s the least you could do, buddy.
Truman
meddle house Mary’s meddling sense is tingling as Charlie tells a whopper! Look out, Mary! He’s about to spill the beans about his steamy and decidedly desperate affair with you!
True Fable
July 9th, 2009 at 3:18 am [Reply]

Finders Weepersbean Becky finds her other arm!
gleeb
July 9th, 2009 at 6:17 am [Reply]

It’s a cold, loveless day in the comics.

Baldo: So, who just got diagnosed, Cantu or Castellanos?

’shaft: ’shaft sees a stop sign and he wants to paint it black./No colors anymore, ’shaft wants to paint them black./’shaft sees the girls go by dressed in their summer clothes./’shaft has to drive the block until his darkness goes.

Curtis: Yes, it was another family’s picnic. Everyone reading this knew that from the first strip.

Dennis: Dennis revels both in the bird’s death, and in it’s imagined indifference towards the world.

Dick: Whaddaya mean “part”? If One-Eye’s thugs couldn’t get them away from Gertie the Bringer of Death, how will you?

‘bean: Benjamin Raspail’s head!

H&L: Ditto rejects love.

Sequitur: Wiley finally admits there’s something bad about NEWSPAPERS.

Phantom: “Going to Ivory Lana, along with Sally Decker, andChatu, and…”

Rex: Becka fears some sick arrangement where lecherous old men eat tuna wiggle off her back as she must keep still.

Spidey: So, this trespassing, violent-threat-making guy is a super-hero? Yeah, right.
John C Fremont
July 9th, 2009 at 7:01 am [Reply]

#98 jonnya – Trippy, indeed. More, please!

MW – Did Mary just get stung by a wasp? Does she have a toothache? Did she just receive a prank call from her home planet? Is she about to go all Carrie? As Jack Elrod might say, WHAT is going on here?

Charley-in-the-box really ought to tint his roots. At least, I guess that’s what the kids are calling it these days.

FW – Oh, crap…
prospero
July 9th, 2009 at 7:10 am [Reply]

Mary Worth’s spidey sense is tingling today,.
Charterstoned
July 9th, 2009 at 7:17 am [Reply]

When my two sons got braces, it was the initial wire placed behind their teeth that made them crazy. It took them about a week to get used to having that “thing” in their mouth, and I don’t think it was the pain that made them nuts (although it certainly hurt) as much as the fact that they couldn’t eat or talk properly. It made them frantic. I think the whole process should come with the disclaimer that patients will act like crazed weasels trying to get out of a burlap sack–at least that’s how my guys flung themselves about. Thank goodness we’re done with all but the retainer! Sympathies to all you patients (and parents!) who are just starting.
smacky
July 9th, 2009 at 7:25 am [Reply]

CS: If there’s ANY other way to read today’s strip without the meaning that he’s circling the block staring at girls at least 50 years younger than him (possibly while working his “crankshaft”) I’d like to hear it.

Seriously, who would find that strip amusing? His face is concealed in the shadows… it’s just sinister.
Little Guy
July 9th, 2009 at 7:28 am [Reply]

JP: Why is everyone not stating the obvious… she’s bringing her girlfriend. Hello? Welcome to the 21st Century? Sam gets DoMA overturned due to Sophie’s awesome cheerleading ability in front of the Supreme Court.

9CL: Because Brooke likes scarn, er, scary nuns.

Classic Online Peanuts: I weep because even *I* don’t know a current famous bowler.

MT: Plausible deniability. And you thought Kate Beckinsale ruled the underworld. Never underestimate Mark Trail.

GT: I bet he got that self-shoutout from Twitter. Or YouTube. Or the local BBS dialup.

MC: Hey, Ed, I *like* “Can’t Hardly Wait”. And “Ghost Whisperer”, until they killed off the husband….

(and she lost her boobies, until she found them at the local animal perserve…)
Little Guy
July 9th, 2009 at 7:30 am [Reply]

Luann: If Nathan Parsons and Daniel Goddard show up, I’m outta here.
smacky
July 9th, 2009 at 7:31 am [Reply]

JP: Cedric would be great, but so would a 19-year-old French female. An entire summer of bad influences and attempted seductions!
Chyron HR
July 9th, 2009 at 7:52 am [Reply]

TRUE TALES FROM THE VAULT OF COMICS HORROR DEPT.

Things you don’t want to hear your 57-year-old mother say: “Do you read the comic strip ‘Chickweed Lane’?”
KarMann
July 9th, 2009 at 8:02 am [Reply]

@Chyron HR #126: You didn’t, by any chance, recently accept a contract to appear in comic strips from either Batiuk or Lazarus (Momma), did you? Whether or not, that sounds COTW-worthy to me!
Tim
July 9th, 2009 at 8:31 am [Reply]

Wow! Wolverine is going to break into Mary Jane’s room, Spider Man will have to come to her rescue, a huge fight between Wolverine and Spidey will ensue. They’ll eventually have to join forces to defeat Doc Oc in an epic several-day battle. Or Mary Jane’s door will be locked and Wolverine will go back to feeding the pigeons for a few weeks.
Some Guy
July 9th, 2009 at 8:46 am [Reply]

I’m pretty sure Wolvie hit on MJ in the comics as well, back when he and Spidey were in the New Avengers, and Pete and MJ were staying in Avengers Tower.
Amateur
July 9th, 2009 at 8:54 am [Reply]

MW: If Charlie gets that expression on his face on a regular basis, Dana probably ran away screaming.
Old School Allie Cat
July 9th, 2009 at 9:05 am [Reply]

MW – There’s something unseemly about Charley’s leer and the “um” before “irreconcilable differences”.

It’s as if his next words are going to be, “Yeah, Dana’s vajayjay couldn’t reconcile my enormous schlong! Am I right, or am I right? Aw, c’mon Mrs. Worth, relax, I’m just joking. Or am I? Call me Del! Laters!”
Calvin's Cardboard Box
July 9th, 2009 at 9:09 am [Reply]

Luann – The Waiting for Godot vibe would be working for me if this wasn’t clearly just an excuse for several days of drawing teenage girls in swimwear. Today he even gets a money shot for Bernice past the censors. Don’t bother rubbing that stuff in, Bern.

’shaft – Ha ha! ’shaft likes to stalk underage girls! Tomorrow we will see him in the bushes by the swimming pool checking out Tiffany.

MW – Ol’ Mare may have met her match. Charlie obviously intends to keep upping the ante until her head literally explodes. He’s almost there – just keep rubbing your hands together! I’ll bet that if he tells Del he always admired her “bodacious rack” he will be showered with little bits of Mary’s skull and cerebellum.
Nuklhd
July 9th, 2009 at 9:39 am [Reply]

Mary Worth is using her supersonic senses to call all other judgmental types to the area. Shame circle! Sweet!
Muffaroo
July 9th, 2009 at 9:40 am [Reply]

Archie – Was Bigfoot all a dream? Or is Jughead now dreaming that his mom has had a 75% makeover? Or is this all just a gag-a-day comic strip that momentarily lost its bearings?

Cshaft – “Is it my imagination, or is there a rhythmic thumping from the cab of that truck that’s not in time with the music?”

Curtis – Nice bottom burp there. Real class.

Smirky Schadenfreude – “Ah… I knew there was some semblance of a plot around here somewhere.”

HtHorrible – The guest cipher is nonplussed because there’s never been a barn in any shot of the Horrible house. Helga actually sends Hagar out foraging, and he usually ends up eating at the Braxxton barn, where they believe he is a prize bull named Bardo.

Mduke – “When it rains, it bores.”

MWorth – Mary’s building up a good head of righteousness. Wisps of steam will emerge from where her hair is joined to her head, and those beads around her neck will explode sequentially like popcorn kernels. Oddly, the ensuing stream of platitudes will only be half baked.

Phantom – What, the wimp country he’s in now doesn’t do torture? Time for extraordinary rendition, Phantom style!

R=R – The spiritual descendant of Diana the Huntress: Gumbo, the Fucking Moron.

sugarpie @104 – I still remember when I started living on my own and figured I should see a dentist, and he looked in my mouth and said “You’re going to hell in a handbasket.”

Little Guy @123 – The only ‘famous bowler’ I can remember is Turkey Bowinkle, and that was a throwaway name on the old BATMAN show. Also, I think Sherlock Holmes was partially named after a bowler, but I don’t think they were talking about ten pins on a polished wood lane there.
buckyswife
July 9th, 2009 at 9:42 am [Reply]

DtM: And if he’s NOT stuffed, he can fly over and rip your throat out for telling that lame duck. Therefore, we should save the owls.

MT: If the moon is involved in this, Joey might really be in trouble; Mark can punch hard, but can he punch far?

S4th: I’m pretty disappointed that the cat isn’t wearing the trademarked Sally-Forth Smirk.

SM: So Wolvie whips out the adamantium claws every time someone annoys or impedes him. I’d like a pair of those, too, please. Just imagine: “Wait—you have 25 items in the 15-item-or-less line? SNIKKK.” “I told you, no texting in class! SNIKKK.” “Way to take up two parking spaces, Bub. SNIKKK.”
buckyswife
July 9th, 2009 at 9:43 am [Reply]

me @ 135: Lame duck? What the hell? lame joke
buckyswife
July 9th, 2009 at 9:46 am [Reply]

107 bats :[ –This bodes well for Mary Worth’s summer narrative madness; it’s only just begun, and you’ve already found a wealth of great material.
colorado
July 9th, 2009 at 9:47 am [Reply]

JP – Neddy’s coming home? She’s only been gone a week, right?
Hank
July 9th, 2009 at 10:03 am [Reply]

RE: Crankshaft. Creepy old man in ice cream truck stalking teen-aged girls in skimpy clothes=comedy gold in Batuikverse, cheap horror movie everywhere else.
Uncle Lumpy
July 9th, 2009 at 10:26 am [Reply]

#138 CO –

JP – Neddy’s coming home? She’s only been gone a week, right?

Almost two weeks! Here is a chronology of the eight days from 1/1/2007 to 6/19/2008. Since then, we’ve had Sam in AZ for two or possibly three days ending on the day of Randy’s party, Randy’s first day on the job (also Sophie’s New Look), and today’s tryouts.
Hogenmogen
July 9th, 2009 at 10:27 am [Reply]

AD tries to get all “with it” in this economic situation, by showing a store going into foreclosure. Sure, there’s humor, but – a telegram?? Doesn’t that sort of defeat the purpose of showing that you’re up-to-date?
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2009/7/9&name=BC

Gil: So that’s it? No closure on the “BLAM” baseball incident? The mysterious thrower is still on the loose? And I had such hopes that it would be tied back to that Mexican exile kid from last summer.
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2009/7/9&name=Gil_Thorp

9CL: I couldn’t cower in fear to a balding accoutant-type who has been standing in a pond with a fat naked dude for three days now. I’m with the nun. Rap his knuckles, already.
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2009/7/9&name=9_Chickweed_Lane

‘Shaft: I’m your ice cream man
Stop me when I’m passin’ by
Oh my my

I thought Wolverine was supposed to be keeping a low profile or something, because people don’t like mutants. But there he is, not only showing off his claws, but making threats and then adding insult when the threat works. Yeah, that gets you friends.
Little Guy
July 9th, 2009 at 10:27 am [Reply]

Muffaroo @134: I grew up on ABC’s PBA Tour, so the names Nelson Byron (Sr & Jr), Earl Anthony, Larry Laub, and Marshall Holman come to mind. However, the current crop are a mystery to me.

At least Charlie Brown’s dad doesn’t bowl *and* golf like John Daly.
Calico
July 9th, 2009 at 10:37 am [Reply]

#116 – I am so hoping Cedric will be in Neddy’s luggage.

MW – Mary is so positively glowing with anger I have to run to the Fallout Shelter now!
Calico
July 9th, 2009 at 10:41 am [Reply]

#135 – I actually like “Lame Duck.”

#142 – How about Pete Weber (Dick’s son) and Parker Bohn?
For a time, Pete was a bonafide madman…
Raul
July 9th, 2009 at 10:44 am [Reply]

Mary Worth:Come on Mary, is Delilah a 12 year old Catholic schoolgirl?!! She LOOKING for guys. Look at how she’s dressed and the fact that she has a notepad and pen ready. Why? So she can give out her phone number. The one you should be trying to “protect” is Charley. The devil only know what sort of sick fantasy she dreamt of while she was alone watching soap opera and porn.
buckyswife
July 9th, 2009 at 10:49 am [Reply]

145 Raul: Or “soap opera porn.” Is there such a genre? If not, there should be.
UncleJeff
July 9th, 2009 at 10:56 am [Reply]

FW: Let’s see Comic Book Store Owner is creeping by the pagoda, looking for a good place to hang a noose. One-Armed Band Leader Lady found her old .45 in the storage bin. All we need now is for Funky to get another text message from his doctor and we’re headed for a fun-filled weekend in Winkerville!
JP: Sam’s mind boggles! Who’s Neddy? he asked.
Phantom: Let’s see. Breaking and entering. Assault. Kidnapping. Extralegal extradition. Yep. It’s Phantom. Judge, Jury and Executioner for These Troubled Times.
Annie: Calling Dick Tracy. Tracy, find Annie and Warbucks and get their asses back in their strip!
UncleJeff
July 9th, 2009 at 10:59 am [Reply]

GT: What is causing Gil’s eyes to pop out like that? BLAM! Did Mr. Pease whip out something that got Gil’s attention? And what was it? A wad of cash? A multi-colored business proposal? A bright, shiny object? Or just his dong.
KarMann
July 9th, 2009 at 11:08 am [Reply]

@buckyswife #135: MT: Depends on whether the punchee is named Alice or not.
Baron Bizarre
July 9th, 2009 at 11:10 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: Wow, Stripeshirt doesn’t just look deranged in the second panel, he looks Renfield deranged. Like, eating-flies-and-”No, Master, I never betrayed you” deranged. Of course, that would make Yellowshirt (Delilah? Jemimah?) Mina Murray, and Mary, Van Helsing. Still, if it means this storyline will end with Mary driving a stake through someone’s heart, that’d be cool.
TheDiva
July 9th, 2009 at 11:13 am [Reply]

C’shaft: Ah, so Crankshaft REALLY took this job because he needed a cool place to store the bodies from his latest serial killing spree.

FW: “The murder/suicide pact, right where I left it…”

Luann: Tiffany is being set up as the stupid one here, yet it’s Bernice who’s going to end up with a blotchy, painful sunburn over the half of her face not slathered with SPF 500.

MW: “I believed in wife swapping and she didn’t…”
TheOnlySaneOne
July 9th, 2009 at 11:20 am [Reply]

Oh sweet baby Jesus. If you thought the Something Positive parody of the Family Circus was incredible, wait until you see today’s Mary Worth:

http://somethingpositive.net/sp07092009.shtml

The stuff that dreams, and nightmares, are made of.
Lou Shumaker
July 9th, 2009 at 11:30 am [Reply]

Ditto on the Mary Worth parody. I loves me some Something Positive, but this one is frightening!
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 9th, 2009 at 11:46 am [Reply]

7/9

C-Shaft: You know, in all the unpleasant character traits Fast Ed demonstrates, you don’t see much “Crankshaft is a dirty old man,” or “Crankshaft uses the ice cream truck to stalk scantily clad teens.” The novelty of it works, and by “works” I mean “makes my flesh crawl.”

FW: Please please PLEASE let Becky be finding the Lost Ark of the Coventant. It’s about time angry spirits melted everyone’s face off.

MW: Ha ha! Stew in it, lady!

Agnes: MRSA? Is this a belated Rex Morgan shoutout?

FT: Red hot mouse on pad action!

DtM: Henry Mitchell brings Dennis to visit old fraternity brother Norman Bates. Who knows? If all goes well the boy may get an apprenticeship.

Baldo: Papi will at the very least live long enough to make the little suck-up the prime beneficiary in his will.

GA: At this point Upton is wondering if he should do the merciful thing and shoot Slim in the head. Of course the bullet would probably whistle through without hitting any vital organs.

H&L: Lois, if you’re not dying, no one will feel the need to listen to these saccharine homilies of yours. The good news is that your idiot son seems cool with being cannibalized.

GT: So apparently Gil’s summer adventure will involve… going full-on brokeback with an ex-student. What will Mimi do? Hold the camera, presumably.

S-M: The world isn’t already paranoid enough about mutants. Oh no, Wolverine has to go and use his long freakish claws to threaten a stagehand while stalking an off-Broadway actress. When the news hits, I can only imagine that Charles Xavier will wash two valium down with a glass of Pepto Bismol.
Comcis Fan
July 9th, 2009 at 11:50 am [Reply]

FW: Is Wally back? Or only his remains? If it’s Wally, why does he need an old briefcase first thing? If it’s his remains, why do they need an old briefcase first thing? Are his medals in the briefcase? Nah, she wouldn’t keep his medals in a rented storage unit, would she? Have they all known of Wally’s whereabouts the whole time, he’s been off somewhere, not quite himself, and now he’s back and it’s no big surprise to these people?
Dingo
July 9th, 2009 at 11:51 am [Reply]

I’m going to make the creator of Something Positive a kettle of soup! Maybe sex, too, if he’s desperate and willing.
Paul1963
July 9th, 2009 at 11:52 am [Reply]

TheOnlySaneOne @152: Oh, that is so very, very wrong.

~~Zits~~ Braces and Spit: It actually took me a few seconds to realize that kid was wearing braces. All those tiny little lines reproduced so poorly I thought he was talking with his mouth full and had chocolate smeared on his face.

Fairly Weepybean: Ah, shit, I’ll bet it’s the anniversary of Wally’s death, disappearance, maiming or institutionalization.

Curtis: I’m waiting for the explosion that should occur when the Wilkinses come to the realization that their son has been walking around begging strangers for food. That level of parental embarrassment should be enough to keep Curtis sulking on his bed until school starts.
One-eyed Wolfdog
July 9th, 2009 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

Super classic Bloom County today (at least at gocomics; I don’t know if everyone runs them on the same schedule or what).
Chert the Chort
July 9th, 2009 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

RE: the “T” thingy in FC: I dealt with it in #53. If it’s a cross it’s a Tau cross, associated often with Franciscans, all of whom are dirty hippies (all the ones I know are, and I know an oddly large number).

Since that would associate the Keanes with the Franciscans, and thus animals and hippies, it is highly unlikely that it is, in fact, a cross. So who the hell knows. Anyone have an email for the artists? ANSWERS!
CanuckDownSouth
July 9th, 2009 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

Actually, Monty’s 9CL monologue would be impressive if he actually did something “almighty” rather than jump in ponds at a cross stare. End o’ Book Of Job this ain’t.

I get the impression Brooke has about as much experience with religious belief as with healthy intimate relationships.
One-eyed Wolfdog
July 9th, 2009 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

Norm maintaining eye contact in panel 2 may be the singular most heroic feat of willpower in the history of malekind.
gnome de blog
July 9th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

160 CanuckDownSouth: – Brooke strikes me as a really intelligent 14-year-old.

As for JP, Cedric is great, but Paris is his beat. Bring home Sociology Girl.
Calico
July 9th, 2009 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

#152 – Oh Lordy.
colorado
July 9th, 2009 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

#140 – Thanks Uncle Lumpy! I knew not too much time had passed in the JP universe, just not how much…
Poteet
July 9th, 2009 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

9CL — I wonder who actually owns that pond. If it were mine, I’d be seriously annoyed.
Uncle Lumpy
July 9th, 2009 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

#165 Poteet –

Pray for leeches.
Raul
July 9th, 2009 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy #166: to heck with that, alligators!!
Professor Fate
July 9th, 2009 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

FW: So she’s spoken to Dr. Lector as well.
bats :[
July 9th, 2009 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

Wow! I’m stunned (in a good way) at Something Positive. Lovely and awful all in one comic!

Oh, yeah, where was I?
117. True Fable: well, gee, thanks for sending back to the PhotoShop desk!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3704154169/sizes/o/
Winky's Spleen
July 9th, 2009 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

#144 – Sorry, Calico; about the only rule around these parts is, No discussing the Lame Duck.
Melissa G
July 10th, 2009 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

For the record, “schormz” is my new catch-phrase.

Please read the posting and discussion policies before posting. You are not required to supply an e-mail address to comment; however, doing so decreases the likelihood of your comment being flagged as spam. E-mail addresses will never be made public or seen by anyone but the site writers, who may use them to communicate with commentors.

Archives:

Comment of the week:

Main navigation:

Main content:

The man with the iron teeth

171 responses to “The man with the iron teeth”

Leave a Reply

All the cool kids…

Randomly Selected Post O’ Mystery