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Mary will drag you to righteousness, harlot

Mary Worth, 7/10/09

Bless you, Charley Smith! Bless your stripey shirt and your $11 haircut and your transparent attempt to work your way into Delilah’s insane pants! Bless you for showing us a side of Mary Worth that we’ve never seen before — something bordering on flustered panic, as she sees her meddlee slipping out of her grasp and, in desperation, physically drags her to safety. I love the fact that Mary is continuing with the verbal niceties of a normal, polite conversation, despite the fact that she’s practically breaking her poor boarder’s wrist in a desperate attempt to save her from her own horny misjudgment. I’m pretty sure in the final panel she’s on the verge grabbing Charley’s phone number away from Delilah with her teeth and eating it to prevent the two of them from ever communicating again.

Gil Thorp, 7/10/09

This, on the other hand, I do not care for. You want Gil to coach baseball? Don’t you remember how boring that was during actual baseball season? The whole point of the summer storylines are to get away from that sort of thing. I suppose it might be acceptable if Gil is put in charge of a team of impoverished, ill-mannered youths with sassy mouths, and if an embittered Shep Trumbo comes to games dressed as a hobo just to harass them.

Apartment 3-G, 7/10/09

Even with all the Tibet-themed madness that’s been going on in this strip for months, if you had asked me what celebrity would make a special guest appearance in Apartment 3-G, the Dalai Lama would not have been my first guess. I don’t buy his claim that his English not so good — he’s deploying a semicolon, after all, which is at least an intermediate-level move. No, I think that the real reason for his quick exit is that’s he’s afraid to share narrative space with Margo, and with good reason. I imagine that the powerful combination of arousal and terror that anyone would feel in her presence would make it very difficult to maintain a Buddhist sense of non-attachment.

295 responses to “Mary will drag you to righteousness, harlot”

  1. KayJayWhy
    July 10th, 2009 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Is that a young Scott McCloud in panel two? I think it is.

  2. Yellow Cat
    July 10th, 2009 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    When I saw this Something Positive cartoon, my first thought was “I have to post this on Comics Curmudgeon”. Imagine my delight to find that Josh had listed it on the front page of the post!

    And while the previous comic is also something that has been referenced here, I somehow think that the very first SP cartoon would also be appreciated by the folks here.

    -YC

  3. Chyron HR
    July 10th, 2009 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp – “The county got a grant.” “You mean money?” “No, just… Grant. He can bat pretty well, though.”

    Apartment 3G – “My English not so good; Fred MacMurray speak now.”

  4. Joseph J. Finn
    July 10th, 2009 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t that the comic shop guy from Funky Winkerbean in the second panel of GT?

  5. Talking Squirrel
    July 10th, 2009 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary must have competed as the “Masked Meddler” in those WW2 USO ladies’-wrestling tours.

    She’s got a wristlock on Del that she’s workin’ like a claw. Her signature move’s next — the “Heavy Meddle Piledriver”. And Mary has adamantium piles.

  6. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 10th, 2009 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    Margo: “What do you mean, his holiness? How can those words even belong together? Plus, I’m already standing right here. Confusing, to say the least.”

  7. Winky's Spleen
    July 10th, 2009 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Old School Allie Cat @ y169 – COTW, in my heart at least.

    And I have one thing to say to all y’all scratching your heads over today’s Bizarro in the previous thread: I don’t get it either.

    A3G – I’m sure I’ve seen footage of the Dalai Lama speaking, and it seemed better than the stereotype Asian ESL depicted here. Well, that’s not fair; at least he wasn’t shown saying “Engrish”. But still, maybe it’s time for Margo to give her own artist a talking to.

  8. zenvelo
    July 10th, 2009 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    the theme music for today’s Apartment 3G-

    “oh Lord, stuck with Lodi again…”

  9. lunarhalo
    July 10th, 2009 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3G

    Om Maneater Padme Hum

  10. the good ship thetis
    July 10th, 2009 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Yep, that kid with the fuzzy hair and the lightning bolt on his t-shirt has “poor” written all over him.

  11. BigTed
    July 10th, 2009 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    So the Dalai Lama — the ultimate practitioner of inner peace and compassion — is meeting Margo Magee? I’ve heard of yin and yang, but this is ridiculous.

  12. Talking Squirrel
    July 10th, 2009 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “What kind of country is this! Why, there’s lamas walking right in the street!”

    Actually, this strip is coming to us from some other brane if they’ve put the Dalai Lama in Lhasa. This jolly-faced swine can only be a ChiCom plant. The only detachment he can muster is the detachment of PLO behind the green curtain, just awaiting his signal to corral Margo.

    And nary a serendipitous taser-laden scullerymaid in sight…

  13. Raul
    July 10th, 2009 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: OOOh, Del’s in trouble now. Wonder what is going to happen to her. My bet’s on a 2 hour lecture on how she made Jesus cry. No dinner and praying her knees till they bleed.

  14. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 10th, 2009 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Ted is proving his cred to the street kids by using a length of stolen copper pipe in place of a traditional bat. And throwing the horns at them, for some reason — maybe he’s a little mixed up about what ‘metal’ means in that context.

  15. Black Drazon
    July 10th, 2009 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Gotta love Mary “Delilah’s Overbearing Mom” Worth here. Of course, you really have to love the Dalai Lama narrowly avoiding the matter/antimatter explosion that occurs whenever Margo touches something holy.

  16. Lawyerbob
    July 10th, 2009 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Margo and His Holiness can not appear in the same panel. Matter and antimatter cannot coexist–when they combine, the result is total annihilation! And remember, it’s Margo who matters.

    MW: I’d like to think that Mary, Delilah and Smith are dancing the Hora in panel one, or maybe doing the Hokey-Pokey.

  17. Lawyerbob
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    15. Black Drazon: You beat me to the punch. Curses!

  18. BigTed
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    Today’s strip looks like nothing so much as a dance number from the long-awaited “Mary Worth” Broadway musical:
    Mary: “This man does not have your best interests at heart! You’ll stay away from him if you know what’s smart!”
    Delilah: “But, Mary, that’s why I’m dressed up like a tart!”
    Smith: “Come with me, away from these Charterstone farts!”
    All: “Where could this be going? A threesome? Let’s start!”
    [Disgusted gasps from the audience as the curtain falls]

  19. Marthas Rolling Pin
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    #9 COTW!

  20. Chip Whittle
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    They’re mostly kids who’ve never played in organized leagues, Gil, so you’re perfect to keep up the level of disorganization. Now, none of that marching them to their heat-stroke deaths, ‘kay?

    The trumpet would play a taunting wah-wah-waaaaaaah for Dick Tracy except it’s too confused by the relentless explanation of the scheme to understand it’s time. Also, B.O. Plenty’s scheme didn’t actually have anything to do with their almost getting killed except that he kept going to casinos where he kept winning.

    The trumpet would play a taunting wah-wah-waaaaaaah for Gasoline Alley except it’s waiting to see whether Slim or Upton is the first to pass out after forgetting how to breathe.

    Meanwhile Zits is breaking out all over…or are breaking out. Well, they broke into Moderately Confused and into Rip Haywire today. Tomorrow it will be in nine strips, then 27, then 81, and soon will have taken over the world, so, hope you like Pierce.

    They called Hippolyta mad when she created a magic belt with the mind of a Burmese python, and they were pretty much right, but the result does have its moments.

  21. Poteet
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    MW — If Delilah were a normal human being, I do believe her expression in the second panel would be that of a seriously-annoyed adult, not a startled three-year-old who’s being dragged into the house after hitting a playmate and calling him “Stinky-Poopy-Pants.”

    But it’s much more entertaining this way.

  22. survivor
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Mr. Smith: You killed Aldo, Mrs. Worth. You watched him die…. with some satisfaction, I might add.

    Afterwards, I was aware of the rules. I knew what I was supposed to do, but I didn’t. I was compelled to stay- compelled to disobey. And right now, here I stand because of you, Mrs. Worth. Because of you, I’m no longer an Agent of this system. Because of you, I’m unplugged. A new man, sort of speak- like you. Apparently free.

  23. AirForbes
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    GT: “These are mostly kids who have never played before, so it won’t matter that your coaching consists of sitting in a lawn chair drinking booze from a thermos! We tried to get Clambake, but he’s batting coach for the Red Sox this season.”

  24. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    This sort of cheerful obliviousness is a difficult tactic to counter. Clearly, Mary could pull Delilah’s arm out of its socket like an overdone turkey leg (which she seems quite close to doing) and this guy would just take it blithely in stride — “Hey, I’ll stop by some time to see how that’s healing up, OK? The lopsided look is very good on you! Give me a call if you can get someone to dial the phone for you!”, etc. Well, I say it’s difficult to counter… but the glow in Mary’s eyes says we’ll soon see just how little this sort of bluff psychological shielding does to stop short-wavelength, hundred-kilojoule laser pulses at close range.

  25. walty
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: With the book world of Harry Potter completed, the characters only employment options in this crappy economy must be guest appearances in heavily-lined teen-based comics. At least their not being used as puns in Family Circus.

  26. AirForbes
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    #4 – no, but that is Harry Potter! The glasses, the hair, the lightning bold shirt…

  27. Talking Squirrel
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    MT: The last balloon should really read, “That’s birdshit, Mr. Williams — it’s got Jack Elrod’s name written all over it!”

    And Mr. Elrod’s been too long traipsin’ the fields, jedgin’ by how it’s become impossible to distinguish his cityscapes from his factoryscapes. His vague silos have been overscribbled with vague skyscrapers, and in the place of his vague water tower is a vague clock tower.

    And so, despite those fancy-café interior scenes, the last panel appears to have them dining in the dirofilaria culture incubation room.

  28. AirForbes
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    Harry has sort of this, “What, no brooms?” look of disappointment about him.

  29. Josh
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    #12 Talking Squirrel — Actually, they’re in Dharamsala, the town in India that’s the capital of the Tibetan diaspora, and where the Dalai Lama lives when he’s not touring.

    Roger is Margo’s dad’s friend, and, if I’m remembering right, a high-level guy at the US embassy to China; it strikes me as preposterous that anyone at the China embassy would be hanging out with Tibetan exiles, as that strikes me as a good way for the Chinese government to not let you back into the country.

  30. Shlomo
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    I love how Mary switches which hand of Delilah to inflict pain, when she moves her away. It is Mary’s way of saying, you will never wave to Mr. Smith again.

  31. Ms Avery
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    I am entirely in love with Panel 1 of Mary Worth: the way Mary is standing sideways like an Egyptian tomb painting; the way Whatsername and That Guy are being epically sundered like legendary lovers, rather than people who just met; the fact that it somehow looks like there are gale-force winds blowing or some sort of unearthly gravitational force at play, sucking the two women off into the lower right-hand corner while That Guy waves affably. Classic.

  32. Bud
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    GT: So that’s where Billy Batson and Steve Rogers have been lately.

  33. Poteet
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    # 27 Squirrel — And yet the Elrodball seems to have forgotten that meadowlarks don’t usually sit in trees. Methinks it ought to roll around outside more often in general, visiting both rural and urban areas.

  34. Calico
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Calling Mark Trail and Bats – it’s party / mashup time!

    (I wonder if Mark has ever laid eyes on a Llama:
    http://www.wlky.com/news/20012815/detail.html

  35. Pozzo
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    Careful — Mary; if you pull at Delilah any harder, her button’s going to pop, and I won’t be answerable for the consequences.

  36. Anonymous
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    #4 – Mr. Finn, I thought the SAME THING this morning. Great minds!

  37. Poteet
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    # 24 Wolfdog — BWAHAHA!

  38. Wasabi Jane
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    See, Josh? See? It’s Harry Potter! What part of this summer’s Gil Thorp doesn’t have magical written all over it?

  39. Wasabi Jane
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    #1 KayJayWhy You’re actually probably right about Scott McCloud. But calling him Harry Potter is funnier.

  40. Poteet
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    MW — Oh, how I hope Delilah brought more outfits like that one. Charley, on the other hand, should decide on one forearm size and stick with it. He’s been swelling and contracting since we first met him.

  41. Marthas Rolling Pin
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    Y206 P: Extra bonus on the old JP strips: Further up the page, there are old FW’s with the original John/Becky budding romance story that’s about to blow up post-jump.

  42. buckyswife
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Charlie “swelling and contracting”? Given his facial expressions, I imagine you’re right.

  43. Calico
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    #34 – Or a Lama, for that matter.

  44. Tim
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    This MW is great, but I’m having trouble with how to read “For sure!” Maybe it’s just my poor grasp of non-idiomatic English.

  45. Poteet
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    # 42 buckyswife — HAR!! I can’t believe I did that.

    And re your yesterthread question, you definitely have a point. I wouldn’t care to spend ten minutes alone with Mr. Smith, let alone a month. But given what we’ve seen and heard of Delilah…well, I think it might be different for her.

  46. mojo
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure who in Mary Worth I’m enjoying more right now! We’ve got Mary’s absolute FURY like I’ve never seen before…. Charley Smith’s cheerfully oblivious smarm (he’s sort of like a chunkier, less likeable version of Quagmire (Giggity!))…. or Delilah herself, who—being some sort of genius married to a genius, she likes to perpetuate the myth that geniuses are too busy thinking to bother their brilliant minds with what they’re wearing—is nonetheless perfectly fine with the idea of a grown, adult woman getting yanked about like a baby chimp in a custody battle.

  47. UncleJeff
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    MW: Have you noticed that Charlie Smith, Aldo and Chinbeard salute with their drinks in the same fashion? Y’know, arm unnaturally extended.
    Shoulders hunched. Related? Or is it just natural for Charterstone men to always have an alcoholic drink in their mitts?
    A3G: Doesn’t the Dalai Lama wear glasses?

  48. Darkefang
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Margo is Hispanic. This storyline is taking place in India. The two monks are from Tibet. And yet everyone here looks like they just stepped out of Ozzie and Harriet. The only vaguely Asian guy is named “Roger.” Frank Bolle knows there are other ethnicities than caucasian, right?

    Also, I’m glad to see that India has been generous enough to provide the new Lama with an ample supply of Dapper Dan.

    Baby Blues: A poop joke? Apparently the people who do Baby Blues got confused and thought they were the creative team behind Marvin.

    MW: I can see why Mary’s so pissed. It takes decades of meddling and condescension to get a reputation as the worst person in Charterstone. Now this Charley guy swoops in and within minutes, he’s sunk to depths of sleaze and depravity that Mary has only dreamt of.

  49. buckyswife
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    45 Poteet: I think you’re right. Perhaps there’s a Delilah-suitable analogy here: Going to Mary for advice = Going to Charlie for intimacy. It will be hard, fast, repetitive and uncomfortable, but with any luck, there will be a pool party when you’re done.

  50. Charterstoned
    July 10th, 2009 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    MW – Today’s strip puts me in mind of those old cut-out dolls and their assorted outfits–you know, the ones with tabs that you could put on to change their look. (I think there were a few comics that actually printed Sunday versions of this, such as Tillie the Toiler and Dixie Dugan, if memory serves.) Anyway, I think the same thing could be applied to Mary Worth with very satisfactory results (you certainly could do no worse, considering what they are wearing now). For instance, what if we attired today’s threesome in ice skating outfits? Or, for a real out-of-this-world look, space suits?

  51. kris
    July 10th, 2009 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    ok…do these people in mary worth really have a history in the comic? were they in it before and i have forgotten them? i just can not remember any of them from previous strips. maybe it was years ago or something.

  52. Digger
    July 10th, 2009 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    MW: Poor Delilah. She has to choose between the trappings of a loveless marriage, the advances of a stripe-shirted lecher, or the physical abuse of a crazed, meddlesome old prude. What’s a fish-netted girl to do?

    GT: No doubt Coach Thorp is eager to spread his message about the evils of the Internet to a fresh group of youngsters: “Remeber, kids, stay away from that Internet, except of course for my Tweets!”

  53. UncleJeff
    July 10th, 2009 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    44 Tim: I think you’re supposed to read it like you’re four sheets to the wind and actually ready to rip the haltertop off Delilah: “Fer SHUUUURRR”!

  54. Batman Beatles
    July 10th, 2009 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    I just thought of something. Mary Worth looks like the head mistress of that ballet school in Suspiria.

  55. Poteet
    July 10th, 2009 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    # 49 buckyswife — I am so glad I finished my glass of water before I read that.

  56. buckyswife
    July 10th, 2009 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    51 kris: More experienced MW readers can correct me if I’m wrong here, but I think that most MW characters are “new” to each plot, except for the old standbys of Toby, Ian, and Dr. Jeff and his spawn/replicants. That gives the authors a good month of backstory explanation to use to stretch out the narrative.

  57. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 10th, 2009 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    I’ve think I’ve got Bizarro figured out. The guy thinks it’s an enticing trail leading to his girlfriend, and he’s right… but actually it was a sadistic vampire who left the trail, after killing the girl, tossing her out the window, and arranging the resulting splatter into a loose, sketchy heart shape (adorned with lily petals) for maximum ironic cruelty.

    So, it’s funny because that’s not what he’s expecting.

  58. Sly Robbie
    July 10th, 2009 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    A3G: If you see the Buddha walking down the street, finger quote the Buddha!

  59. doug rogers
    July 10th, 2009 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Youda thunk 3G coulda taken a moment to Google image search that Tibetan Monks…. of whatever persuasion, don’t actually wear bathrobes.

  60. monkey.dave
    July 10th, 2009 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I love that even a conversion to contemplative Buddhism can’t dislodge the hair of a generic A3G male character.

  61. Jack Parsons
    July 10th, 2009 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Notice Mike Allred’s “Madman” downward lightning logo in the middle panel of GT. (A great underknown comic book).

  62. PhantomPlugger
    July 10th, 2009 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Pluggers was a lot funnier once I realized that “55″ is a reference not to vehicle speed in MPH, but to life span in years, and “Ole Red” is a nickname not for this Plugger’s pickup, but for his rapidly deteriorating, cholesterol-encrusted heart. It also gives the panel a touch of morbidity, something the strip could use a lot more of, frankly.

  63. Jack Parsons
    July 10th, 2009 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    Margo: “I’ll downward dog you, mofo!”

  64. Jack Parsons
    July 10th, 2009 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    The people who did the Mary Worth movies would do a great job on this and Aldomania.

  65. compass rose
    July 10th, 2009 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    #50 paperdolls! – what if we dressed them in western square dance clothes? top hats and tails? scuba gear?

  66. Anonymous
    July 10th, 2009 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    22 survivor: “Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with its surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply, and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area.”

  67. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 10th, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Baldo 1: “…and the doctor said this banana can do amazing things for your prostate, too, Papi!”

    Baldo 2: “For info on prevention and treatment of anvilicious writing disorder, call 1-800-INTRNETS.”

  68. Niall
    July 10th, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    31. Ms Avery: actualy, according to the plot, these two people did meet before, and used to be lovebirds, but the crazy extremes they’re showing is as if Delilah had not touched a penis in years and suddenly she remembers what it can do for/to/with/in her, and she hungers.

    49. buckyswife: I call a floater comment here.

    61. Jack Parsons: Madman, Flash, Harry Potter, Mage… the list of characters using that bolt image is pretty long.

    22. survivor: If he’s Mr Smith, does that mean we’ll be seeing an underground orgy scene with Mary, Chinbeard, Toeby, Jeff and Salmon squares?

  69. Lloyd S.
    July 10th, 2009 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Is that supposed to be the actual Dalai Lama? Because to the best of my recollection, his English is pretty darned good.

  70. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 10th, 2009 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Cathy: Ah, sweet character-based humor. That is just so like… yeah, OK, who the fuck is this guy, anyway? Well, I’ll give you this, sweaty strawman guy — whoever you are — “re-evaluate my search engine” is a pretty damn stealthy way of saying “cruise for porn”.

  71. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 10th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    It took Herb weeks of surreptitious after-hours forays into the neighboring superhero comics to steal enough exclamation points to make today’s strip possible. But he just can’t get enough of that popular new punctuation everyone’s been talking about lately.

  72. Ktrout
    July 10th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    #69 I agree, he speaks it pretty fluently in interviews. Not only that but he’s rarely without his trademark glasses and he frankly looks nothing like this impostor.

    In fact, I’m willing to bet that this is just the resurrected corpse of Yul Brynner, pining for his glory days in “The King and I,” pissed as hell by the fact that he wasn’t even given a cameo in the Jodie Foster/Chow Yun-Fat remake (perhaps on account of his being very dead) and willing to play even the most dubious of Asian roles in order to get back some of that Rogers and Hammerstein magic.

  73. survivor
    July 10th, 2009 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    68 Niall – “We are still here! Today, let us send a message to Mary Worth. Tonight, let us shake this cave with our insane fishnet stockings and one-button tops. Tonight, let us tremble these halls of earth, steel, and stone, let us be heard from red core to black sky. Tonight, let us make Mary Worth remember, THIS IS ZION AND WE ARE NOT AFRAID!

  74. Muffaroo
    July 10th, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Charterstoned @50 – Mom had a collection of cut-out paper dolls. Some were apparently originals, and most of the rest came from Sunday papers. My sister has ended up with them and had started scanning them. She sent me some “Boots” figures. They were very small — nowadays, they’d be microscopic.

    Sly Robbie @59 – Moo! And a one-handed round of applause.

  75. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 10th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    RwO: If “masculine protection” means what I think it means, that would be a pretty hilarious way of bundling small quantities of M&M’s to distribute at Halloween.

  76. Don, the Rebel without a Blog
    July 10th, 2009 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    My English not so good; my robe bitchin’!

  77. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 10th, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    #1 KayJayWhy,
    I knew that kid looked familiar. I wonder how much of an intentional shout-out it is.

  78. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
    July 10th, 2009 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    #48 Darkefang:

    Baby Blues: A poop joke? Apparently the people who do Baby Blues got confused and thought they were the creative team behind Marvin.

    p()()ping kids r alwayz p()()ping

  79. Bootsy
    July 10th, 2009 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    Sly Robbie, I must say as a big reggae fan, I love your nom de blog.

  80. Izzy
    July 10th, 2009 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    Eh, the Dalia Lama owns a standard QWERTY keyboard… so what?

  81. Trovatore
    July 10th, 2009 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Mary, Charley, and Delilah appear to be in the middle of some sort of Lindy Rueda move, with Mary as a leader. Where is the rest of the Rueda circle?

  82. wagmore barkless
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    I just want to say the the art alone in today’s Mary Worth is enough to cause me to forgive every visual sin this strip has committed: every impossible interior angle, every mango polyester ensemble, and yes, even the mustard colored sofa. I haven’t laughed so hard at one comic strip since Chester went to the vet for his xray.

  83. Brick Bradford
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    MW: Refraining from meddling in the last arc has drive Mary batshit crazy and I am loving it. I can’t wait for her to get Delilah home so that the beatings can begin.

    Bizarro: This poor schlub thinks his wife/girlfriend/cleaningwoman/whatever is leaving a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, and she has actually stripped herself off to jump out the window. Why nudity is an advantage to jumping out a window I do not know.

  84. Old School Allie Cat
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    #75 – One-Eyed Wolfdog – I actually really liked today’s RwO, though I think condoms filled with M&Ms are a waste of both M&Ms and condoms.

  85. mojo
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    MW: Oh, NOW I get it. Some Mary-Worthesque syndicate censor cut Delilah’s word balloon out of the second panel. If you look closely, you can still see the outlines of her saying, “But–but Mary… PENIS! I want PENIS! Yo quiero PENIS! Donnez moi PENIS! Click click bloody click PENIS!”

  86. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    All I can say is, this had better be the storyline where Mary receives her terrible come-uppance and realizes what an awful, controlling bitch she is. The Dr. Adrian storyline was bad enough, when we learned that fully-grown, intelligent, educated women cannot be trusted to choose their own romantic partners, as they will inevitably be seduced and used by terrifying criminals they meet on the hellscape that is the internet. Now we find that fully-grown, intelligent, educated women, once they have settled down with whatever “good stock” a responsible male (or Mary Worth) has chosen for them, cannot even be trusted to have any contact whatsoever with males, as they will inevitably be seduced, used, debauched, etc. No, they can’t be trusted to live alone, and can only have contact with the outside world by taking walks around the fenced grounds of Charterstone with a chaperone. I feel like I’m reading The Handmaid’s Tale.

  87. queek
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    ok folks, trying an experiment. Please forgive the crudity of execution, but I give you a meme-tastic mashup of two of today’s strips:

    lama lama duck

  88. queek
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    second attempt

    ok, that one works.

  89. yanni576
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    I can’t begin to describe the kind of joy I’d feel if tomorrow Delilah actually tells Mary off and hooks up with Charlie despite her warnings.

  90. MsCynical
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    S-M: So Wolverine threatens some poor security guard so he can go backstage to shamelessly hit on MJ, which is perfectly in character, and Spider-man/Pete hasn’t been in the comics all week to ruin it with his egotistical whining. Best week of Spider-man ever? I think so.

  91. JupiterPluvius
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    The bad lettering in panel #2 of GT made me think he was working with “poop kids” at first.

    That would be kind of awesome, sort of like The Bad News Bears meet G. G. Allin.

  92. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    PS: Angry Kem, if you’re listening, today’s Mary Worth is just begging for Medievalization.

  93. Mibbitmaker
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Wait….. that’s not the Dalai Lama! It looks like….. George Schultz? ….no…… it’s…. It is! That’s the Chief! And Lodi is really Maxwell Smart. It’s a Control operation! RUN, Margo…!!!

  94. Baka Gaijin
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth has the potential to equal or, shudder, surpass Aldomania. Weeks hence, will this storyline end:

    With Charlie found dead in his closet with a noose around his neck and “little Charlie?”

    With Charlie found dead in the Charterstone pool, surprisingly not from drowning but from SSS (shrimp scampi suffocation)?

    With Mary, Toby, Chinbeard, Delilah, and an old geezer wearing a red windbreaker and matching trucker’s cap walking from the cemetary, lamenting how, for want of 3 screws in a talking fish plaque, Charlie died in that freak “accident” at the Bum Boat?

    With Charlie dropping Delilah after he spots some blonde chickie with a screwed up half-ponytail and ice skates slung over her shoulder?

    With Charlie dropping Delilah after he spots a helment-haired woman with obvious low self esteem, attracting her with the simple entreat of “Queenie?”

    With Charlie having episodes of uncontrolled excitement, depression and inability to swallow water, everyone mistakenly thinks he’s eaten a batch of Mary’s salmon squares. In reality, a specially trained beagle returns for revenge on his kidnapper a year an a half after gaining freedom. The canny canine got himself bitten by a racoon then bit the leering lothario by mistake because Mrs. Worth gave him a pink scarf and we know how much Chester loves pink scarves! Charlie knows he’ll never be as fashionable as Blaze Wright so he just dies.

    With a completely out of character Mary Worth left hook, Charlie is flung into the smokestack of a passing paddlewheel riverboat?

    With an asteroid dropped on Charlie by a whimsically-named helicopter piloted by colorful veteran, hell with it, a stolen asteroid flung by trebuchet, missing Charlie, smashing Mary’s gold 1972 Chevy Impala with white vinyl seats, Charlie literally laughs himself to death?

    Something involving a silk-covered foot, octogenarian labia flapping in the breeze, and glass swans?

  95. KayJayWhy
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Hell, let’s get even more detailed. Standing next to Scott McCloud, Jr. is Charlie Brown, incognito in his blonde toupee and the T-shirt he stole from Homestar Runner. And just behind the two of them? HE IS IRONBOY!

  96. Carly
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    I thought Charley was kind of creepy at first, but now I see that he’s really just getting his chuckles by pissing Mary off (look how happy he looks in today’s strip!) and that’s okay by me.

    And I’m sure I’m not the first one to make this observation, but: is Harry Potter making a guest appearance in GT? I see glasses, scruffy dark hair, and a lightning bolt, albeit misplaced.

  97. Baka Gaijin
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    I had a lot of fun reliving those halcyon days of late 2007 researching the Chester storyline for my last post. Chewed up scarf, dog fight between two small dogs, a Margo doppelganger, complaints about having to buy dog food. What’s not to love?

  98. Mibbitmaker
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    Wait… I’ve seen that supposed holy man once in California. He was gravitating to some sleazy operator reject from “3’s Company” until some huffy old lady dragged her away like a bat out of Hell. That’s……… the Delilah Lama!

  99. Mibbitmaker
    July 10th, 2009 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    Take 2….

    Wait… I’ve seen that supposed holy man once in California. He was gravitating to some sleazy operator reject from “3’s Company” until some huffy old lady dragged him away like a bat out of Hell. That’s……… the Delilah Lama!

  100. Violet
    July 10th, 2009 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    Ted began to have second thoughts when Gil started rubbing his face with kittenish affection against his sandwich.

  101. Izzy
    July 10th, 2009 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    Okay folks, bare with me on this aesthetic exercise:
    In panel two of Mary Worth, look at that little lump of grass… watch its outline become one with the hem of Mr. Smith’s candy-striped shirt… then skip a millimeter to resume as the lining of Delilah’s outrageously trampy shirt/vest-y thing… only to cross over into the other hemisphere of same yellow monster… while zooming up her face… into the palm tree leaves… only to be stopped dead by the “Goodbye, Mr. Smith” word balloon. Ah, little black outline, we hardly knew ye!

  102. Islamorada Girl
    July 10th, 2009 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    The real mystery of Mary Worth’s batshit insane storyline isn’t skanky desperate housewife Delilah and the oily, 70’s- era swinger Charlie. No, the real mystery is why anyone under the age of 80 is living at Chatterstone, which seems to entomb the newly wed and the nearly dead and no one between those two poles.

  103. Izzy
    July 10th, 2009 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and in panel one, they are apparently playing Red Rover, Red Rover, let Mary take over… Delilah’s mind and libido!!

  104. evil_bacteria
    July 10th, 2009 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    Eleven dollar haircut? But, I pay fifteen dollars for mine! That makes me more sophisticated, right?

  105. Winky's Spleen
    July 10th, 2009 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    Brick Bradford #83 re: Bizarro – Less wind resistance???

  106. Patrick
    July 10th, 2009 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    With Mary manhandling Delilah out of the scene, I have to assume that Delilah is incapable of e-mailing, using the telephone, or leaving Mary’s apartment. I fully expect next Monday’s strip to feature Delilah handcuffed to Mary’s piano while Mary plays hymns and screams, “Hold your water, Delilah!”

  107. Joe Blevins
    July 10th, 2009 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    I’m charmed by the fact that the A3G artist had a shaky grasp on what the Dalai Lama actually looks like and, in a pinch, used as his model the second most beatific celebrity he could think of: Al Eisen of the 2000 Flushes commercial.

  108. Crunchy Frog
    July 10th, 2009 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    #58 for COTW!

  109. migellito
    July 10th, 2009 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    MW – In today’s second panel, Mary looks really hot. As in good looking.. attractive.. another word I can’t bring myself to say.

    And now I’m off to seek counselling. Wish me luck!

  110. commodorejohn
    July 10th, 2009 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    #933 Mibbitmaker – My God, you’re right!

  111. commodorejohn
    July 10th, 2009 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    Uh, #93, that is.

  112. zerowolf
    July 10th, 2009 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    From the looks of those eyes, the grant money went up this guy’s nose. Which explains why, despite the grant, he’s reduced to recruiting Gil to be the coach.

  113. zenvelo
    July 10th, 2009 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    are we sure “Lodi Gyatso” isn’t Tibetan for “Goatse”? His hands aren’t together in prayer- they look like he is showing how wide something might be stretched….

  114. IrisNotIris
    July 10th, 2009 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    #16 lawyerbob — You may be right about the Hora or the hokey-pokey. My first impression was the hoedown from “Oklahoma!” which at least is somewhat more tension-filled and less predictable than Mary Worth.

  115. Citric
    July 10th, 2009 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    One Big Happy: I’m more interested in the boy staring longingly into the flower shop in panel 3. Ever since he was small, he liked flowers. Pink ones, white ones, blue ones, it didn’t matter, he loved the look, the smell, the texture, the way the water dripped off of them in the morning dew. He wanted to be a florist when he grew up, and arrange flowers all day. Unfortunately, one day his father got injured in an accident at work, and discovered his son’s budding interest in flowers. One day, as he carefully tended to his posies in the back yard, his father limped on his artificial leg outside, grabbed the pot and smashed it.

    “Men don’t like flowers, boy!” he said, before beating his son savagely with the remains of the clay pot.

    Soon, all of the flowers were gone from the house. If he even so much as looked at a stray carnation he knew he would be beaten, until eventually he gave up and enrolled in a welding course to make his father happy.

    He considered running away, sure, but he knew that he never could. He couldn’t bear to let his mother live alone with that one-legged man. He was a nice guy before, so he had been told, but after the accident he changed. What was once a nightly drink turned into day long binges, and disjointed, incoherent rants about flowers and topiary.

    He always wondered why his father was so insistent that he stay out of the flower business. He liked girls, he liked race cars, and he liked all manner of other, stereotypically male things. He just loved flowers, why couldn’t his father understand?

    One day, as he tried to smuggle a stray rose into his bedroom, his mother stopped him. Once, before he was injured, his father loved flowers too. When he saw his son tend to his garden so carefully, it filled him with pride, and he was happy to know that the family would stay in the flower business well into the future.

    However, then the accident happened.

    See, his father was assigned with arranging the decorations for a grand wedding of a senator’s daughter. What he didn’t know was that he was that the senator was corrupt, and that on the day of the wedding some of the people with whom he had shady business dealings decided they wanted to punish him for an unknown business problem. They broke into the church, guns ablaze, killing everyone and anyone in site. His father hid under a piano, and he escaped the bullets, but the leg of the piano was shot off, falling on his leg. It had to be amputated.

    It wasn’t an accident, he was very nearly killed, and he could never allow his son to get into the flower business. It he got good, he could have the same thing happen! He had to get that love of flowers out of him, by any means necessary.

    Suddenly, the boy understood, and forced himself to finish welding school. After a while, he even liked it, even if it wasn’t flowers. He never mentioned flowers again, knowing the pain they caused his dad.

    Still, on the way home from work, he stares at the florist shop, remembering a life that could never be.

  116. Red Greenback
    July 10th, 2009 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    A few anagrams for “Charley Smith”:
    Alchemy Shirt
    Methyl Chairs
    Slim Hatchery
    Hit My Larches
    Reach My Hilts
    Sly Mire Hatch
    Sir Ethyl Mach
    Hey Clam Shirt
    Shay McHitler

  117. Charterstoned
    July 10th, 2009 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    116 – Given the fashions we’ve seen in this strip, I think “Hey Clam Shirt” is probably the one they meant.

  118. Citric
    July 10th, 2009 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    Err…whoops, I meant panel 4.

  119. bats :[
    July 10th, 2009 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    114. IrisNotIris: funny you should mention Oklahoma!:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3708284840/

  120. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 10th, 2009 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    Cry “Lame Shit”
    is kind of an obvious one.

  121. Alison
    July 10th, 2009 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    Delilah’s outfit is killing me. Barbie doll clothes circa 1981. How does her top even stay on?

  122. Foraz
    July 10th, 2009 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    I just came up with the perfect finish to Mary Worth:

    Beginning with the current storyline people begin telling her to mind her own business and shunning the old lady. She becomes more and more depressed, and after a severe stroke is left by everyone to assisted living for the rest of her days.

    Think about it: it’s a real opportunity for a serious, dramatic ending to an otherwise never-ending cesspool of garbage.

  123. Jamus The Bartender
    July 10th, 2009 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’m anxiously awaiting the swordfight between Mary and Charley Smith atop the eighteen wheeler.

  124. Dalai Lama
    July 10th, 2009 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    Me no speakum the good English. Me be very big support man of this blog. Me likey the comics!

  125. sugarpie
    July 10th, 2009 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    Josh Wow! I’ve just spent an hour going through the comments on todays’s post. Laughed my ass off- what a great week in the comics!

    And another thing…good luck with building a big enough float on Monday.

  126. buckyswife
    July 10th, 2009 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    125 sugarpie–I agree; I’ve been riveted! Say what you will about our Mary, but she’s great inspiration!

  127. Islamorada Girl
    July 10th, 2009 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    121: I keep waiting for Fashion Police, our very own Anna Wintour, to comment on Delilah’s skank apparel in MW. But I think FP took one look at that hideous outfit and passed out under the desk, too overcome with horror to snark.

  128. Poteet
    July 10th, 2009 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    I’m so sorry, Fashion Police. Here, let me help you sit up. Have a few sips of this, and you’ll start to feel better. We all do sympathize, truly. And don’t look at Delilah’s outfit again until you feel ready. Or maybe just glance at it occasionally while doing some deep breathing.

  129. buckyswife
    July 10th, 2009 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    Delilah’s outfit: To use a borrowed phrase, it’s “ho couture.”

  130. Anonymous
    July 10th, 2009 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    #4: Exactly what I was thinking. That is definitely pre-leap John Howard. I don’t know what that logo is supposed to be; it looks like it was meant to be The Flash’s symbol but whoever described it to the artist wasn’t specific enough.

  131. Red Greenback
    July 10th, 2009 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    I think those pants Delilah’s wearing are called “meddle pushers” *ducking and covering*

  132. Poteet
    July 10th, 2009 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    I bet one of the twisted geniuses here could turn Delilah into a very interesting paper doll. Not that I would ever suggest such a thing.

  133. KarMann
    July 10th, 2009 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    @zenvelo #113: You’d have to ask True Fable, he’s the expert on such things around here. Goats, that is!

    When I saw the guy with the lightning shirt in GT panel 2, I thought of Captain “SHAZAM!” Marvel, just because we were talking about him here a post or two ago.

    I expected Fashion Police to have something to say about Sally Forth’s sister the other day, myself. No sign yet, though.

  134. Jilliterate
    July 10th, 2009 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    5. Talking Squirrel says:

    MW: Mary must have competed as the “Masked Meddler” in those WW2 USO ladies’-wrestling tours.

    She’s got a wristlock on Del that she’s workin’ like a claw. Her signature move’s next — the “Heavy Meddle Piledriver”. And Mary has adamantium piles.

    This made me laugh so hard, I almost toppled my laptop out of my lap.

  135. Red Greenback
    July 10th, 2009 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    Lodi Gyatso sounds like a cool and tasty Italian confection. Mmmmm… Lodi Gyatso!

  136. J
    July 11th, 2009 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    margo and the dalai lama in the same strip?! oh ye fools know not how close we came to oblivion! pray yet they remain in separate panels, lest the conflict ‘tween good and evil escape the funnypages and consume us all!

  137. Poteet
    July 11th, 2009 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    7/11 MW — Oh, rapture.

  138. bats :[
    July 11th, 2009 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    7/11 MW: my god, Mary has resorted to using Delilah as a human shield!

  139. Poteet
    July 11th, 2009 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    # 138 bats:[ — You’re right, she has,and against what? The Melonheads? The Death Cat? The Black Riders of Mordor? What kind of insane crossover are we heading into?

  140. bats :[
    July 11th, 2009 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    139. Poteet: well, when Stan Lee gives you a knock-out picture of Wolverine, this is the kind of crossover you get!
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3708437919/
    or even this:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3708446321/

  141. tb4000
    July 11th, 2009 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    Mary Whatisworth – Love me, hate me, say what you want about me, all the boys and all the girls are begging to if you seek amy.

  142. Mibbitmaker
    July 11th, 2009 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    The date named after a convenience store chain:

    666CL: They’ll change their minds when they find out what insufferable blob is already skinny-dipping in there…!!

    FW: WILLYOUGETONWIDDIT, NORTON??!! (Sheesh, whadda grouch!)

    MW: Mary acts like she’s literally in a war zone. I haven’t seen a famous woman ducking imaginary deadly ammo being lobbed at her like this since… well, Hillary Clinton reminiscing during the campaign last year. Is Mary in Kosovo?

    BBailey: The male snakes find that look kinda sexy.

    DT: Tess, you are not in Mark Trail. Stop that!

    ReFOOB: It’s already metaphorically happened, John.

    GA: Also, if those two reproduce, the baby will be a cockroach.

    GT: Hey, made up your mind, sound effect!

    HotC: That’s “Sold to an American”, stupid!

    S-M: Frankly, I’m surprised it’s not “Wolverine the Accountant” in this strip.

  143. Just Me
    July 11th, 2009 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    The Dali Lama has just seen Margo and identified her as a human form of Yama, the Buddhist demon lord of death.

  144. Ahura Mazda Miata
    July 11th, 2009 at 2:47 am [Reply]

    Perhaps His Holiness the 3G Lama fears Margo[t] because she is an asura. Asuras are, according to Wikipedia, Buddhist deities/demons, possibly analogous to the Greek titans, who are “subject to the passions to some degree” and “have become addicted to them, especially wrath, pride, boasting and bellicosity.”

  145. AuntJed
    July 11th, 2009 at 3:03 am [Reply]

    A3G: “I think we’re about to begin, Margo. Here comes His Holiness”. Worst pillow-talk ever.

  146. KarMann
    July 11th, 2009 at 3:44 am [Reply]

    7/11:

    @Mibbitmaker #142: ReFOOB: It’s already metaphorically happened, John.

    What, John’s been symbolically cast… as the bad guy in this strip?
    Baldo: Aaand, so much for the PSA of yesterday’s strip! All undone by this one.
    BB: And speaking of being symbolically cast… as the lousy golfer, it looks like the General is missing both his balls!
    Cranky: I think that settles it; the point of this story just has to be Ed ruining his friend’s business, right?
    EC: Please tell me we’re not in for a whole week plus of Twitter jokes (loosely speaking) here now, like we were the Facebook ones? Pretty please?
    FW: Great! Montoni’s is here with the pizza! Let the festivities begin!
    GT: Oh, Rubin, you tease! You think we’ll fall for this again?
    RMMW: 15 men and 42 women? I don’t care about the quality of care at the place, that’s where I’m going when it’s my time for the home!
    S4th: Hey, Mr. & Mrs. Forth, I know this place called Charterstone that you might like to visit! (Bats:[, I think this one’s got your name on it!)
    Id: Now I’m wondering, could this be a response to Palin’s resignation announcement so quickly?

  147. Baka Gaijin
    July 11th, 2009 at 5:14 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s Strips:

    Mary Worth: Just keeps getting better and better. I can’t wait until Monday!

    Sally Forth: Your “gate wasn’t locked in any serious fashion.” Gold!

    My Cage: “Less ‘onion-y’ than I thought.” In front of the guy, no less. Everyone in this strip is way more menacing than Dennis.

    Frazz: Nice meta, last frame.

  148. Ukulele Ike
    July 11th, 2009 at 6:25 am [Reply]

    BrS: Yow. Who knew poor Brenda had such knobbly knees?
    FW: Everyone is sad because it is impossible to play the slide trombone with only one arm.
    Phantom: “That’s no ‘PATROLMAN’ at the controls! That’s a METER MAID. A METER MAID is flying this helicopter!”
    Crankshaft: I think the idea here is that is a drawing of what goes for low-income housing in Northeast Ohio, and that lovable old Cranky is playing mint-chip philanthropist to the Poors.

  149. Charterstoned
    July 11th, 2009 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    MW – What the hell is Mary doing with her left hand in today’s strip? It looks like Mary, in her haste to wrest Delilah away from the predatory Charley, has jammed her left arm under Delilah’s left arm and now has her thumb inside Delilah’s shirt. Way to rip that flimsy…whatever the heck that thing is…off Delilah right in front of Charterstone’s resident lecher!

  150. True Fable
    July 11th, 2009 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    Margo 3-D Little did Margo realize that since Eric’s mission was originally to get into her pants, she was now destined to be shtooped by many countless friends of Dali Lama Jr.

  151. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 11th, 2009 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    FW: Ding-dong! Singing cancergram!

  152. True Fable
    July 11th, 2009 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    Bizzzzaro I rarely comment on this comic, but today’s has me intrigued. I get that everyone’s rhetorically announcing they are home, but just what is the dog planning to start? A riot? An orgy? A twisted round of hide-the-kibble?

    C’haft Ah ha ha ha, C’haft’s going to cause his ‘friend’ to lose his ice cream business due to poor sales. Yeah that’s pretty fucking funny these days.

    Dennis the damned OSHA rep Shut your mouth, kid; rodeo’s already suffered enough under the “but they’ll get hurt” umbrella. Well yeah; it’s fucking RODEO. Damn city kid.

    Dunesbury Alex has also looked like the end stage of some sort of deadly illness, come to think of it.

    Children of the Circle Jeffy will later get the bright idea to wear the socks until the crust forms the sock to his feet, and then he can easily tell them apart.

    Canadian Zombie John fears Elly will chop his dick off, and he’s probably right.

    Frantic Windystory Start the drum roll; it’s either Wally with a Late Excuse or just another red herring. I’d guess the latter, but I could be wrong.

    Sam Driver, Chick Magnet and Friends “I never talk about my children…wherever they are right now.”

    Sweet ‘N Shallow ‘N Easy At first I thought the box Luann offered him read “Kuntz” but then I realized naaaw, the only box she’s offering is…her own.

    Fist O Justice Theater Mark doesn’t understand economics, Mr. Williams. Just feed him a bowl of Nuts & Berries with Marshmallow Fists, then hand him a glass of Old Overcoat and direct the conversation to the dietary habits of the common grackle. We did the same sort of thing to our Phys Ed teacher back in high school, and it worked like a charm.

    Meddle House As Charlie prepared to strike the classic SNF disco pose, Mary grabbed Delilah’s shoulders and ducked. She bore an uncanny resemblance to Sgt. Fury ducking for cover in anticipation of a bomb blast, but then Mary always was a bitch of a dance judge.

    Kit Walker, Costumed Ranger She looked, she got thrown out of the Jungle Patrol, and peace settled in once more in the land of The-Ghost-Who-Apparently-Owns-The-Law-In-These-Parts.

    S4th Ted Forth, a man for all seasons.

    The Amazing Wolverine MJ’s pretty calm about having a man with adamantium claws walk into her dressing room. Maybe she likes it rough, and really really scratchy.

  153. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 11th, 2009 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    When Tia Carmen says “caldo de res”, it means “caldo de rata” – because poverty is just as funny as diabetes!

  154. Brick Bradford
    July 11th, 2009 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    MW: Gee, unca Josh, this is the best Mary Worth EVER! They’ll be putting the old dear away if this keeps up.

    FW: “Knock knock”! “Who’s there?” “Abject misery and despair”. “Again?”

    DT: I still can’t get over the fact that Dick took a prisoner.

    SM: Given Wolvie’s heightened mutant senses, shouldn’t he be able to smell Peter on MaryJane?

    I’m sorry.

  155. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 11th, 2009 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    GT: “He’s great with kids, but he keeps driving them off with that silly banishment spell of his.”

  156. True Fable
    July 11th, 2009 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    #154 Brick Bradford – Re:Spider-Fail – I suppose residual odors from hugs linger. My first thought at your statement was “who says Peter is smart enough to have Parker’d MJ?” and realize you could be right.

    Then I remembered any of the hundreds of ways this comic strip fails the list of practical superhero memes, and know today’s strip falls right in step with its own miserable track record.

  157. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 11th, 2009 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    H&J: “You might see me, but I doubt I’ll see much of anything with my pupils outside my eyes.”

  158. Ethan Shuster
    July 11th, 2009 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    May I suggest that based on Mary seeming so crazed in this story, that Mary herself we be taught something? She will learn about the new concept of what the very topical author will likely call “free love”.

  159. Baka Gaijin
    July 11th, 2009 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    #142 Mibbitmaker: It’s “Sold, American!” if Heart is a 100+ year old tobacco auctioneer. That phrase was used in countless Lucky Strike commercials that sponsored the Jack Benny Show. More information about “Sold, American!” can be found on the Internet.

  160. Whippersnapper
    July 11th, 2009 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    FW: Liar! This is Winkerworld- no one is ever okay.

    MW: You might as well throw away that phone number right now, Delilah, because by engaging in small talk with Charley like a common harlot, you’ve guaranteed that you’ll be spending the summer locked in Mary’s spare bedroom, wearing a chastity belt that she’s going to order from enormousshop.com as soon as you two get home.

  161. Old School Allie Cat
    July 11th, 2009 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    FBoFW – Thus begins the slow, steady emasculation of John Patterson.

    FW – #154 Brick said it truer and funnier than I could have. If this were a film noir, it would be called Misery Always Knocks Twice.

    Luann – Luann appears to be offering Quill a snack of Kuntz(tm) brand crackers – then again, it’s early, I don’t have my glasses on.

    Doonesbury – Alex, you wanna look like Ali McGraw? Start by brushing your hair for a change. Then we’ll talk about a nose job.

  162. professor fate
    July 11th, 2009 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    FW: Why it’s Masky McDeath! At last!

  163. gleeb
    July 11th, 2009 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    ’shaft: I assume the ice cream will be adulterated with something.

    Dick: Tess is speaking in a Zippy-like word salad.

    ‘bean: I think she was all right until you started rubbing up against her like that, Tubby. Anyway, assuming that this is all about Wally, it’s too late. I don’t really care any more. Batiuk left the noodles in the water too long, and they turned into mush, as usual.

    Godiva and Rocky: Never talking about her children must make pediatrician’s office visits difficult.

    Mary: Serpentine, Mary, serpentine!

  164. Chert the Chort
    July 11th, 2009 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    I’ve seen the Dalai Lama speak twice, and his English is fine – at least as good as some of the mumbling idiots that have attached themselves to Margo of late.

  165. John C Fremont
    July 11th, 2009 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    A3G – Just for a moment there in the first panel Lodi actually looks different from all the other 3G men. He looks like – like Lu Ann. Thank goodness he gets down to the business of looking just like every other guy in A3G by the second panel. Very Eric-y.

    MW – “We wants it! We needs it! Must have The Precious!

    Luann – She must be getting serious. She’s offering him some of her Kanz. Not some generic Kanz knockoff, but real Des Kanz. Hope she doesn’t scare him off.

    (I’d just like to point out that I spent waaay too much time staring at Luann’s box, so to speak, and I stand by my spelling of said snack treat… even though Kuntz is funny, and Kanz, well, not so much. But it’s the principle, darn it. And I’m all about the principles here. Principles and brutal honesty. And a habit of beating a dead horse… The three things I’m all about are principles, brutal honesty and a habit of beating a dead horse. And an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope. The four – no – Amongst the things I’m – I’ll come in again!)

    9CL – So he wants to get naked in front of a couple of pudgy old guys, one of whom is naked himself? Brooke, honey, I’m really worried about you.

    Pluggers – Thanks to Mike Goode of Canton, NC for pointing out that people bump into things when it’s dark.

  166. Talking Squirrel
    July 11th, 2009 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    121 Alison says: “Delilah’s outfit is killing me. Barbie doll clothes circa 1981. How does her top even stay on?”

    She glued it to her girls using some of the mucilage that Mary uses to keep her face on. It hasn’t worked too well for Mary lately, what with the gigaHz hate-waves vibrating out of her cranial vault causing frequent slippages. But it’s resilient and rubbery enough to lap up Del’s globalicious low-frequency resonances and keep that top where it really doesn’t belong.

    I think Gil Thorp better consider buying some for his sweetheart too — since it seems that when he does something that makes her irritated, her rack crashes to the floor.

  167. dreadedcandiru2
    July 11th, 2009 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Sunday ReFoob Advisory: In tomorrow’s strip, Elly’s friend Anne brings her son with her when she comes over for coffee; this fills Elly with despair because Annie’s being an attentive mother gets in the way of gossiping about Connie.

  168. Muffaroo
    July 11th, 2009 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    I wasn’t expecting John C Fremont @165!

    9CL – Billy Jack held out a lot longer before doing what we all knew he was going to do anyway. I should be grateful that the story isn’t moving more slowly, but all he’s going to use the time for is his usual shtick anyway — Fanselfservice.

    A3G – The green umbrella is a nice touch. Extra banana for the colorist tonight.b>BBailey – Does this mean the General has found his balls? Miss Buxley’s in for a surprise this Wednesday.

    Bizarro – What are the telltale signs of a stroke again?

    DTracy – Okay, it’s time for Bar Kerr and his Sideshow of Crime! Gasp in amazement as they enter a bank, promise amazing and incredible sights, then exit with the loot, leaving disappointed spectators in their wake. No refunds! Keep moving along!

    Dbury – Since we’re bringing Al Gore into the strip, I expect to start hearing demands of equal time for Bonzo. (”But Bonzo isn’t like other chimps! He’s good and kind!”)

    Smirky SchadenfreudeDing! D… Aw, curse you, Wolfdog!

    GThorp – I get it now. They’re hearing thunder from Gasoline Alley.

    (Why is this strip in black and white? It was clearly drawn so as to be colored with crayons.)

    HtHorrible – Will Shaxpur just can’t catch a break.

    6Chix – This is really Fred Basset in a dress, isn’t it?

    SSmif – I like The Cat in the Visor best. They should have lettered “Spam” in all caps, so it wouldn’t look so much like “sperm.”

    Mibbitmaker @142 – In addition to what Baka Gaijin says at 159, I seem to recall that The Dillards had a song called “Sold American” as well (”We’re all bein’ SOLD American…”)

  169. Will
    July 11th, 2009 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    MW: I’m eagerly awaiting Monday’s comic, when Mary clocks Delilah, slings her over her shoulders in a fireman’s carry, and sprints back to her apartment.

  170. Crankshafs funky smelling corpse
    July 11th, 2009 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    FW: Oh Jeebus, its the return of Wally Guerre. This is going to be so fucking dumb. What hideous universe.

  171. scamps
    July 11th, 2009 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Mary’s just jealous, is all. She hasn’t gotten any for decades, I bet.

  172. Old School Allie Cat
    July 11th, 2009 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    #172 – Not true, Scamps – Jeff takes Mary to the “Bum Boat” every Friday night.

    …aaaaaand then they go home and get their freak on.

  173. Kallista
    July 11th, 2009 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Does that helicopter have a yoke instead of a cyclic in Phantom? Cool!

  174. AirForbes
    July 11th, 2009 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    GT: The Thorps’ home seems to be haunted by a poltergeist who’s likes baseball.

  175. commodorejohn
    July 11th, 2009 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Dude, Lodi just aged about twelve years in the space of one panel.

    BrS – This is a recipe for awesome.

    Crankshaft – So, wait, earlier this week ‘Shaft was charging three bucks for a cone, and now four kids come out to less than ten bucks? He’s arbitrarily changing the prices around to screw with his customers, not that that’s a surprise. (What is a surprise, of course, is that he’s giving it away. Doubtless this is just a lead-up to framing them for theft.)

    F- – What does it say about me that I would totally buy these?

    FW – Ding-dong! It’s Masky McDeath, come to pay the whole family a visit.

    GA – God is pouring out His wrath on Gasoline Alley. It’s about time.

    GT – Dude, if a Gil Thorp summer plot, even a B plot, has to do with the Thorps being haunted by a poltergeist, I could totally get behind that.

    MW – Oh. My. GOD. I have never seen Mary as out of it as she is today. She’s not just dragging Delilah away, she’s shoving her like the guy is going to come running after them and pounce on her. I revise my theory yesterday; she’s not taking Delilah to a secluded tower, she’s taking her to the Meddlecave underground bunker underneath Charterstone, where she will shut the three-foot-thick concrete doors and activate the mines in the entryway. Mary can not let that man have a chance at cutting in on her meddling.

    MC – Okay, yesterday was pretty good, but the follow-up is just hilarious. Nice job, Ed and Melissa!

    SM – “Wolverine the accountant” is making me shudder, because it’s such a plausible idea for this strip.

  176. TheDiva
    July 11th, 2009 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Baldo: Turns out Dad won’t have to worry about the diabeetus; he’ll be dropping from a heart attack any day now.

    C’shaft: Look, Batiuk, just because once in a blue moon you show Cranky throwing a bone to some poor soul(s) does not make him any less of a bitter, hateful old man. In fact, I’d soon believe that “it’s on the house” means that he’ll be blowing up his unsold stock in the barbeque the moment he gets home.

    FW: Wow, the suspense is killing me….no, not suspense, what’s the phrase I’m looking for? Total boredom and apathy? Yeah, that works.

    MW: Is Mary trying to physically block Obviously Evil Charley’s blatant extramarital overtures? Or is she finally collapsing from a stroke and leaning on Delilah for support?

  177. TheDiva
    July 11th, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Or, sooner believe, rather…

  178. Zach
    July 11th, 2009 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    And Frazz takes a swipe at one of his betters today.

  179. Winky's Spleen
    July 11th, 2009 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Any chance McEldowney had sex for the first time in his life a few months ago? It would explain a lot. Don’t get me wrong; I like sex. But yeesh, give it a rest on occasion – I get tired of my morning paper smelling of spooge and thesaurus.

    Bizarro – I didn’t get this one, either. At least the strip is living up to its name.

    Candorville – Yeah, a lot of the over-hyped over-sentimentalizing of the recently departed could have benefited from some sock-full-of-quarters therapy.

  180. Motorposus
    July 11th, 2009 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    FW: I have absolutely no recollection of this Wally cat, but I wasted enough time on the internet learning about about Becky, her arm, the car wreck, Afghanistan, land mines, Iraq, innuendo about terrorists, blah blah that I’m really not looking forward to meeting the person behind that door…unless this turns out to be a Monkey’s Paw scenario, and Wally’s corpse has returned to claim his trombone.

  181. Talking Squirrel
    July 11th, 2009 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    152 True Fable: “Canadian Zombie — John fears Elly will chop his dick off, and he’s probably right.”

    You know how she likes to air their mildewed laundry in public? Now she’s gone nationally “NO”torious just like our Mayor-for-Life …

  182. Winky's Spleen
    July 11th, 2009 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth – You’d figure Ted would be handy with just the right Simpsons quote for any occasion.

  183. Poteet
    July 11th, 2009 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    # 140 bats:[ — Excellent!

    Now that I see him again, I think I saw Wolverine in a bar in Akron one summer night in 1975.

  184. queek
    July 11th, 2009 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    178: nah, just returning the favor from about a month back, when Pastis had a maniac biker that just happened to be named “Jeff” in the strip. ;-)

  185. queek
    July 11th, 2009 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    178: ah, here it is. better search terms FTW!

    http://comics.com/pearls_before_swine/2009-06-02/

  186. Citric
    July 11th, 2009 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    179 – I think it’s more likely that ol’ Brooke hasn’t had sex since the mid-80s and is rather frustrated by the development. The whole ‘doin’ it in front of two creepy old men’ angle is a glimpse into his psyche that I didn’t want.

  187. Mila
    July 11th, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Why the hell does Ted Pearse look like Steve Irwin? I sense a faked death and new life theme coming on… oh, wait… that’s right… that would interesting. Nevermind.

  188. Edgy DC
    July 11th, 2009 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    Panel two of Gil is rich. “I was homeless once, Coach, and now I’m running a sports program for poor kids — white ones of course — and they all seem to think they’re superheroes. It’s insane. The county chalks the field perfectly, even for practice, but I’m forced to use a lead pipe instead of a bat.”

    Not only that. But panel two is also the easiest “Where’s Waldo?” ever.

  189. Poteet
    July 11th, 2009 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    9CL — I’ve been skinny-dipping a few times with friends. It was, dare I say it, rather innocent. I am ordering my brain to completely separate my skinny-dipping memories from what Brooke is doing. Eww.

  190. Winky's Spleen
    July 11th, 2009 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    Citric #186 – Quite possibly so, but something seems to have changed in his life in the past year or so that’s caused him to turn what was once a rather charming and enjoyable strip into an endless polysyllabic barnyard rut. Well, guys have biological clocks, too; midlife crisis strikes again? Maybe we should take up a collection and buy Brooke a little red convertible.

  191. AMC
    July 11th, 2009 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth – As I understand the last panel today, Charley is shooting geese with his invisible bow and arrow, and Mary is saving Delilah from a sudden absence of gravity by forcibly holding her to the earth.

    re-Foob: If only she’d had him fixed, he wouldn’t have run off with the help.

  192. Dingo
    July 11th, 2009 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    I put out a query about a week and a half ago but got no responses. I’m going to try once more and hope that it was not seeing the message instead of being afraid of me (or worse). Do any curmudgeons live near Lac Seul, Ontario? I’ll be up there for a week in mid-August.

    Dingo

  193. Calico
    July 11th, 2009 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Mary – you are getting so agitated that your head is about to pop like a champagne cork.

  194. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 11th, 2009 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    7/11

    9CL: Edda didn’t mention the part about Thorax’s franks ‘n beans staring you in the face through cool clear water. That would be the dealbreaker for me, but I’m not Amos, Hallelujah!

    DT: Wait, I think I’ve got this one. The circus is in town, right? Am I good, or what? Note to coulrophobes: Dick Tracy clowns are bound to be high-test nightmare fuel, so you may need to take a few weeks off.

    RMMD: Two girls for every boy-oy-oy!

    SFx: Pity the poor fish who gets that lunatic face as the last thing he ever sees.

    FC: Fun fact: The very first preserved example of written language is Jeffy Keane making this very joke in Sumerian.

    Luann: Since Bernice mentioned a chill, I’m tempted to say something about her nipples stiffening. But obviously, that would be wrong.

    H&L: Today, Crankshaft went pro bono with the ice cream truck. But that’s okay, because Hi is standing around being snotty while his right fielder gets beaned with a fastball. The balance of assholishness on the comics page has been maintained.

    S4th: Wouldn’t it be wild if this were the same family whose reunion picnic Curtis had crashed?

    A3G: You can tell the crowd is getting antsy.
    “Boring!”
    “Make with the walking on hot coals, already!”

  195. Bryan
    July 11th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: This was a great storyline, back when it was a Home Improvement episode.
    Mary Worth: That second panel is just about the greatest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’m a 500-year old immortal Highlander. I can’t wait to see the fun Bats and Dean Booth have with it.

  196. Zach
    July 11th, 2009 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    Queek- There are lots of Jeffs out there, not nearly as many Pastises. Plus the cyclist in the strip is MUCH humbler than the guy who writes Frazz.

  197. Baka Gaijin
    July 11th, 2009 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    #192 Dingo: If it didn’t sound like a disease Batiuk will inevitably spring on one of his characters, I’d probably make the trip.

  198. KarMann
    July 11th, 2009 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin #197: Lack Soul? Sounds more like what Batiuk has himself, rather than gives one of his characters.

  199. Baka Gaijin
    July 11th, 2009 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    #198 KarMann: Oh, “lack soul” is what that means? I thought it was a large abscess in an embarassing spot. Overhearing the ER doc mention “volcanic” to the med tech assisting him does not relax you.

  200. Winky's Spleen
    July 11th, 2009 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    Doesn’t Lac Seul mean Lonely Lake? Nice of Dingo to keep it company, then.

  201. queek
    July 11th, 2009 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    196: true, but given that Jeff Mallett is a triathlete, and the whole biking theme in Frazz, I’d be shocked if Pastis wasn’t referencing him in that June strip. Its not like Pastis isn’t known for taking shots or making japes at other cartoonists.

  202. Annon
    July 11th, 2009 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    #148 on Crankshaft: Exactly what I thought. Add to this the young mother with 4 children and the stereotype is complete. Except for the neon sign that says “Abandon hope all ye who enter.”

  203. dreadedcandiru2
    July 11th, 2009 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: As you may or may not know, Batiuk’shomepage has an e-mail feature that allows you to write to BadNews himself. Last Tuesday, I told him I suspected that Wally might factor in the strip again. His response was that I was close; I was also one of the first to catch on. This tells me that the only people that write to him on a regular basis are so stupid, they need to take their shoes off to count past ten.

  204. Editer
    July 11th, 2009 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Bizarro: She didn’t jump out the window, she’s trying to entice her husband/BF to go out the window. As ingenious as it is simple.

    Just think of that Far Side where the dog has made a sign saying “Cat Fud” pointing into the dryer and you’ll get the idea.

  205. IrisNotIris
    July 11th, 2009 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    #119 bats: Well, THAT explains it! When stressed, Mary Worth indulges in a short sexual fantasy about Curly, and involuntarily begins a dance… unwilling participants be damned!

  206. Mary Worth Discussion Group
    July 11th, 2009 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    Question I hope this isn’t politically incorrect… Is Delilah of Vietnamese heritage? Is she one of the children Jeff fathered in that Peace Village?

  207. Dingo
    July 11th, 2009 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    Lac Seul – Lonely Lake or Lake Alone. Ironically, I already found a guy on ManHunt who lives there. With my father with me, I’d rather spend time with curmudgeonistas. Or Bruce Coburn (shivers).

  208. bats :[
    July 11th, 2009 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    207. Dingo: I haven’t the foggiest idea who Bruce Coburn is, but he has been awarded the Order of Canada, just like Lynn Johnston! Does that help? No?
    Nuts.

    (Oh. Is Bruce Coburn = Bruce Cockburn? Like R=R?)

  209. Mibbitmaker
    July 11th, 2009 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    Re: “Sold, American” v. “SoldtoanAmerican!”

    I get my really old pop cuture from the old WB cartoons, where it’s often said like I wrote above (2nd example). Mel Blanc couldn’t be wrong about something, could he……?

    Aw, well… this is a pop culture where Nixon would say “Well, I’m not a crook!”, but everybody always parodies it as “I am not a crook!”, after all.

  210. Poteet
    July 11th, 2009 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    # 207 Dingo — I don’t live anywhere near, but I hope you’ll have a wonderful time.

  211. Poteet
    July 11th, 2009 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    7/12 PV — Why not just give her egg back to Big Herp and get out of her way so she can leave? Am I missing something?

  212. sugarpie
    July 11th, 2009 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    192 Dingo. Indeed, have a great time fishing with your dad (and not Bruce Coburn. But how about Sasquatch?). ManHunt seems to be like Pittsburg Paint in that it covers the world.

  213. Islamorada Girl
    July 11th, 2009 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    Prince Valliant’s plot is a shoutout to Godzilla. Or plaigarism or something. Did they really think no one remembers? I can only hope Mme. Monster takes down Gawaine before she takes her egg home in a huff.

  214. Aqua Karen
    July 11th, 2009 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    RE: #185, 196, 201, etc. Frazz & Pastis Ongoing Discussion

    I’m kind of happy to see this brought up (enough I came out of perpetual lurkdom) because Frazz’s comic seemed so much more mean-spirited and serious than the earlier Pearls Before Swine. In fact, the followup to the little nudge at (possibly) the Frazz author and bikers in general was another comic where the PBS characters were shown to be, well, fat and lazy.

    I don’t think it’s likely the open call-out of “Pas-tis” (versus a “friend,” “Jeff”) as “slanderous” and portraying him as shouting from a car random insults at bikers will be followed up by a “But sometimes bikers are rude too” joke to soften things, since it’s a Sunday tomorrow. Maybe the joke of it is just going over my head, the overuse of lawyers perhaps, but Frazz’s fairly calm reaction to the suggestion (and to the use of the word “slander”) give me the feeling the author of Frazz took PBS’s more subtle poke more seriously than it was intended. The strip can be a little preachy, but if he’s this humorless about other people and strips poking fun, it really disappoints me.

    None of this is funny at all. I–I completely fail at the purpose of this site, don’t I? This is why I lurk. But if I told people outside of this site “I’m upset, I think the guy who writes Frazz was too mean to the guy who writes Pearls Before Swine… those are newspaper comics, see…” they’d think I was insane.

  215. Dingo
    July 11th, 2009 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Oy. I typed too fast. Bruce COCKburn, not Coburn. Granted, it’s pronounced Co-burn. Who’d've thought that I would forget cock.

  216. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 11th, 2009 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    Aqua Karen #214, plus other ‘mudges I’m too lazy to type,
    When Pastis attacks–or playfully nudges in certain cases–he usually does it in an obvious way. Also he shows their characters rather than the creators. That’s not to say the self-righteous cyclist in the strip couldn’t be Jeff Mallet, but it seems more passive aggressive than I’d expect from PBS.

  217. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 11th, 2009 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    #215 Dingo,
    Have no doubt, when he was in high school the other kids pronounced it Cock-burn.

  218. brb
    July 11th, 2009 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    214 I don’t think there was anything subtle about Pastis’ strip, other than the fact that many people would have no idea that Mallett is a cyclist, even if they knew who he was. And, I didn’t see the strip as showing that the PBS characters were fat and lazy, rather that the hyper-cyclist would think everyone else was fat and lazy.

    But, besides all that, I think that Mallett and Pastis are friends, and that both of these were intended as good-natured shots. I actually liked the Frazz, particularly knowing that Pastis was a lawyer. It isn’t subtle though, it could have been a little more so if he had read the vanity tag as “past is”. And ask yourself if two cartoonists who didn’t like each other would pose for a picture like the one with this article.

    http://cagle.msnbc.com/hogan/features/roundtable/roundtable.asp

  219. dyslexic dog
    July 11th, 2009 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

  220. dyslexic dog
    July 11th, 2009 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    #215 — Dingo

    Oy!

  221. P
    July 12th, 2009 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    FW: I have a feeling this will be like Cast Away.

    JP: Rats! I was looking for a repeat of “I’LL DENY YOU, MISSY!”- Celebrity Edition.

  222. KarMann
    July 12th, 2009 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    @dyslexic dog #219: I dunno. From the looks of that outtake picture, it looks like Pastis and Coverly might have made Mallett feel left out and spurned when they got together, leading to the kind of frustration revealed in today’s Frazz. You know what they say: Hell hath no fury like a cartoonist scorned!

  223. KarMann
    July 12th, 2009 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    me #222: Or, as Pig might end up saying in one of the Sunday PBSs, “Alas no furry likes a cartoonist’s corns.”

  224. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 12th, 2009 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    Hm. Maybe I stand corrected. The links that brb and dyslexic dog provide make it look more like Pastis was portraying Jeff Mallet, but that the reference wasn’t particularly hostile. I’m still hoping for actual crossovers between the two. Maybe Caulfield finding a croc in the school swimming pool.

  225. bats :[
    July 12th, 2009 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    Sunday Sunday!

    FW: ooh. Quel surprise.

    MW: that’s IT?!? You go all Black Hawk Down-rescue on Delilah, and **this** is the extent of your tongue-lashing, Mary?
    No nookie with Wolverine for you!

    MT: sorta, kinda cool! Not only a TAPIR in a supporting role, but all about jaguars! And, yes, the information on a mature male jaguar (”Macho B”) being captured not far south of Tucson and subsequently, being prematurely euthanized at the Phoenix Zoo, is true (there’s still an ongoing investigation concerning this Major Fuck-up — http://www.azgfd.gov/w_c/jaguar/MachoB.shtml ).
    Damn. Now I’m upset all over again because of this. Sucks.

    S-M: oh, boy, more Wolverine. Lookin’ dapper, dude!

  226. Jackuul
    July 12th, 2009 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    I hope one day the comics will make me laugh again.

  227. dyslexic dog
    July 12th, 2009 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    #226 — Jackuul

    That’s why you come here. (tickle, tickle)

  228. sugarpie
    July 12th, 2009 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    A3G This has to be the most depressing coloring job ever. It’s as though it’s happening in Soviet Russia.

  229. KarMann
    July 12th, 2009 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    7-12:
    Bizarro: Oh, after those last couple of weekday head-scratchers, this is excellent!
    Blondie: I wish I knew how to quit you, Dithers & Company!
    Cranky: Gettin’ mediæval on us.
    Crock: I suppose it’s to much to ask that the creators know the first thing about actual deserts before using them as a setting. That is supposed to be the Sahara, right? With a cactus, rather saguaro-like? Bats:[ knows what I mean, I’m sure!
    FC: Jeffy remembers that day, Bil. Oh yes, Jeff remembers that day.
    FW: I’m going to overlook the obvious, to wonder again how this will be handled in papers that usually skip the throaway upper half. I’ll find out tomorrow morning.
    JP: The last panel reminds me, given that my RL name is Randy, I definitely know which CC merchandise I’m getting first! Must… have… the shirt.
    MW: ZOMG! Did Mary just get through all that… without mentioning dearly beloved Lawrence even once?!?
    MC: Putting the “anthro” back in “anthropomorphization”!
    Stripey-butt: Of shoes—and ships—and sealing-wax—
    Of cabbages—and kings (hey, that’s me!)—
    And why the sea is boiling hot—
    And whether pigs have wings.
    DT: Yep, looks like it’s the circus, all right.

  230. KarMann
    July 12th, 2009 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    Must… close… the tag. Oops.

  231. sugarpie
    July 12th, 2009 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    A3G Seriously. I couldn’t even finish reading it, it’s so ugly. This is really fucked up.

    If you’re not going to bring any sort of coherant writing to the table, you better bring something to at least look at.

  232. Niall
    July 12th, 2009 at 1:50 am [Reply]

    192. Dingo: Wow, halfway between the Sault and Winnipeg, then north? Pretty remote for mudgeons…

    207. Dingo: By the way, it’s.. *sees it’s mooted by 215 and just laughs*

  233. Zach
    July 12th, 2009 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    Even if I knew that the guy who wrote Frazz had the first name “Jeff,” I still wouldn’t have taken the Pearls strip as a swipe at him, playful or otherwise. Frankly, I still don’t think it was. There are tons of people named Jeff, and I’d bet quite a few of them are cyclists. I don’t think either group is statistically small enough for the intersection of the two to be meaningful.

    Frankly, though, Frazz is just too poor of a comic to be able to get away with replacing a joke with a personal swipe at the creator of a better comic.

  234. Aqua Karen
    July 12th, 2009 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    218/brb, I meant that the strip printed the day after the biker’s accusations showed Pig as being so fat that he deformed the strip itself, while Pig cheerfully declares he’s stopped rolling since he hit a wall in the house–showing that “Jeff” of the previous strip might have had a point about the characters being fat and lazy, why I felt it was a follow-up (and the next PBS comic goes to another subject altogether.)

    It does seem unusual that Pastis would use a creator instead of a character, now that Artist Formerly Known as Ben mentions it; I don’t think I can recall him doing that before. But it also seems pretty likely that it was meant to be Jef Mallett given the fact that both are bikers named Jef/f and that Mallett obviously thinks it was him. (Then again, maybe not, which would make it particularly sad on Mallett’s part.)

    Maybe I’m just not in on a conspiracy, but it seems odd that the timing on this Frazz comic is also so much later, as if the “Jeff” PBS was being responded to with the usual lag of weeks, not a co-planned mutual friendly spar with a few days which I’d expect more from comic banter. (Who but crazy people… and people here, who are not all crazy, of course, just me… would remember that PBS strip after all this time and recognize the name Pastis so immediately? The joking interaction would need closer timing planned out to work as a recognizably mutual thumbing of the nose, I think, part of why it I don’t think the Frazz comic for Saturday is particularly funny, even if both creators wrote me letters declaring their undying love of each other and each others’ comics.)

    I still think Pastis meant it as a light jab to his “friend Jef[f],” maybe even not using the comic’s character since he considered them on friendly terms (unlike with Cathy, ACK) and it was responded to with “Pastis is a big jerk, but I’m going to be the bigger man and just roll my eyes via my avatar Frazz here.” If Pastis is a lawyer, and Frazz dislikes lawyers (or the thought of calling himself one–hey, that’s sort of a pun, which is almost a joke!) it’s just another, more obscure shot in Pastis’s direction than the license plate… so if the strip was just meant as friendly, I suppose it’s more joking banter, but it seems so gosh darn sincere. Maybe I should take that as the joke, but the whole strip feels weird to me on the whole compared to the usual Frazz fare.

    I don’t know why photos taken of a bunch of cartoonists a while back would relate to these particular comics; it’s a cute little promotional shot, but it was taken in 2004, a liiiiittle before this.

    I seriously need to just let this go, considering I’m on a site dedicated to mocking comics with absolutely no mercy. You’d think I was Mary Worth discovering that Jef Mallett was a married man about to speak to a divorcee from my concern over this silly thing. Um… and how about that Mary Worth! She certainly is portrayed in a humorously unrealistic manner, I find. And the art quality of several of these strips leaves me quite startled at their publication altogether!

  235. Niall
    July 12th, 2009 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    …was this Sunday’s My Cage meant to go last week, as prelude to the down-in-the-dumps story which is now done?

  236. KarMann
    July 12th, 2009 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    Aqua Karen #234: Who but crazy people… and people here, who are not all crazy, of course, just me… would… recognize the name Pastis so immediately?

    Well, apparently enough that Conley went to the trouble of putting Pastis’ name into Get Fuzzy on the caller ID when Bucky was saying “Don’t answer that! It’s probably a crazy person!” I’m still wondering if anyone noticed that, though, so you might be right. Besides, then there’s that question of qualifying as “not crazy” here….

  237. Zach
    July 12th, 2009 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    Karen- “I’m going to be the bigger man and just roll my eyes via my avatar Frazz here.” seems to be a pretty accurate summation of the Jeff and the entire Frazz comic.

  238. Aqua Karen
    July 12th, 2009 at 2:42 am [Reply]

    I’m definitely way too wound up into this. I’m going to have a hot drink and think about something that isn’t related, like how I used to have a huuuuge crush on Wolverine when I was 13.

    Even with him getting a slight bit of his Loganly groove back in the past few comics, I don’t think anything’ll ever make my youthful memory recover from seeing him smack noggins with Spidey and then go feed pigeons in the park.

    It’s like reading about Wolverine after Professor X finally decided to get him fixed.

  239. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2009 at 4:33 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Strips:

    Sally Forth: Clearly Ted’s id has hogtied his superego.

    Cow and Boy: “Competitive parakeet licking?” You’ve been standing too close to Ted Forth, Boy.

    Pluggers: Oh PUH-LEEZE! If there’s anything Pluggers don’t do, that’s moving outside their familiar safe little ruts while driving their overly familiar 40 year old falling apart pickup trucks.

    Mary Worth: Oh my God, oh my God! You know that behind Mary’s sad face, she’s preparing for Delilah’s comeuppance for ignoring her gossip sage advice from the earlier panels. Will it involve shrimp scampi, the Bum Boat, or the courtyard at Charterstone?

    Pickles: Just end it at panel 3. Trust me.

  240. Mr. O'Malley
    July 12th, 2009 at 5:47 am [Reply]

    EC: Anti-intellectualism for the summer!

    FC: Here’s a little slice of life. Bil is chatting with his hippie neighbor who lives in a 6000 sq ft house, trying to drop a hint that he might be interested in buying some pot. But he has to speak in code lest the melon-heads overhear. “Daddy can’t ring the church bells on Sunday because he can’t find his bong!”

    FW: Real or fantasy? Since I’m not a FW oldtimer, my main point of curiosity is what are they going to do with the trombone?

    SFo: You begin to feel sorry for Shady Shrew, trying to provide a rich developmental environment for the youngsters in his extended family, but thwarted at every turn by the selfish bourgeoisie and their running dog lackeys.

    Dingo: This coming Friday we are heading out, doctors willing, for a trip through upstate New York and Quebec. It’s a long way from Lac Seul though. Seems like a cool place to visit. If circumstances were different I could see going there, even though I don’t have much interest in fishing, besides consuming the end product. I hope you enjoy your trip.

  241. Braniff
    July 12th, 2009 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    FC–Could Daddy’s neighbor be the well-known “Uncle Roy” who, in this case, is able to distract Daddy from his work and entice him into some same-sex orgies.

    This would not be the case in Vermont, Iowa or Massachusetts. Were the Family Circus set in those places, Daddy would have dumped Mommy and the melon-heads a long time ago and moved in with “Uncle Roy”.

  242. Ukulele Ike
    July 12th, 2009 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    A3G: Oh god, this is always a struggle to read even when it’s full of rampaging armed dope addicts and ectoplasmic American impressionist painters. I took one look at today’s boring story, ugly art, and dull color and decided it wasn’t worth it. Wake me up when something interesting happens.

    FW: I’m no Batuik-lover, and I’m pissed that he expects me to know who this is supposed to be. Is it One-Armed Band Conductor’s old husband, back from the wars to find her re-married to Comics Nerd? Or is he a gently smiling “Your Husband’s Dead” Army Guy? Or something else entirely?

    EC: If even an educated professional Jewish suburbanite can’t bring herself to read Tolstoy without falling asleep, this country is in big trouble. One hundred years ago the Wobblies ran reading rooms so that day laborers and hobos could have access to good books and lecturers…NOW look at us.

    Phantom: “Why doncha kiss her instead a talkin’ her to death!”

    DT: Oh yes, by all means, get a BIG dog. For security. Why not five? You’ll be five times as secure, right?

    Sinfest: My, this is just lovely today. THIS is what you can be doing with words and pictures and imagination. How come Tatsuya can’t get a newspaper contract? (Given, he’d have to tone down those Devil Girls in schoolgirl uniforms….)

  243. Amateur
    July 12th, 2009 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    MW: A reputation around Charterstone? Isn’t that like getting a reputation around the nursing home?

  244. True Fable
    July 12th, 2009 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Freaky Wingdingbean And then what happened.

    Scenes from Suburban Hell “Why are there so many great golf jokes?….and why don’t we ever tell any of them?”

    Rex Morgan, Man Whore I used to work at an Alzheimer’s facility, so I can identify with some of this. The biggest difference is, we never had nurses with curves like that.

    Meddle House “Charlie’s developed a REPUTATION around Charterstone! He’s quite the JACKANAPES! What a BOUNDER! Why, he’ll attempt to BESPOIL you until no decent man will have you! And then you will have to date old doctors and eat at the Bum Boat….not that I know anything about all that.”

  245. crazyjerseygirl
    July 12th, 2009 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    FW: Leave it to Batick to make a seemingly happy moment like a war hero returning to the states feel like impending doom.

    Phantom: Sunday’s phantom feels like everyday luann.

    Hi&Lois: Sunday’s strip feels like FW

    This is far to confusing for me, I’m gonna leave the rest of today for more experienced snarkers.

  246. professor fate
    July 12th, 2009 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    FW: So someone who has been missing for 10 years and presumed dead comes back? And he’s in the Army which I guess forgot about him?

    Right – only in a world where a Doctor Mixes up the X-rays of cancer patients and not only isn’t sued for every dime her practice has the Doctor continues to treat said patient until she dies. (which considering the level of expertise show isn’t a surprise).

    Coleridge wrote about the willing suspension of disbelief – this plot twist is inevitable hackery causing utter disbelief because Batuik thinks this is gonna work.

  247. John C Fremont
    July 12th, 2009 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    I’m just glad I don’t read Frazz…

    “Oh, the Pastis and the Mallett should be friends!
    Oh, the Pastis and the Mallet should be friends!
    Something-something-something Anis,
    Something-something Conrad Janis,
    But that’s no reason why they cain’t be friends.”

  248. monsieurjohn
    July 12th, 2009 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    What the Funky Winkerbean is going ON THIS WEEK? Every damn day is a new mystery I couldn’t care less about.

  249. 8th Man Fan
    July 12th, 2009 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    A3G: Google Images search for “Dharamsala.” Google Images search for “Dharamsala press conference.” Memo to artist Frank Bolle: Sure, you can do crowd scenes from 1960s TV shows in your sleep, but would a few mountains, local details, and Indians or Tibetans be so much to ask?

    JP: “…Are you planning to adopt more foreign children?” Foreign? Well, I suppose Serbia and Croatia are foreign compared to Hollywood.

  250. 8th Man Fan
    July 12th, 2009 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Then again, A3G’s vision of India and JP’s idea of “foreign” is quite in keeping with ‘Shaft’s depiction of an Ohio ghetto. I know cartooning is a solitary job, but this is beginning to make me wonder what color the sky is in their bubbles.

  251. Old School Allie Cat
    July 12th, 2009 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    FW – Is this like the video game that blew Wally up? Or is this real? Fucking Batuik.

  252. AeroSquid
    July 12th, 2009 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    FW: Ten years have passed since Wally Winkerbean was declared MIA/KIA. Many questions remain. Why does it seem like the slot machine and comic book guy no longer live together ? It’s supposed to be the year 2019. Is Sgt Wally a DOD generated MS/Google Anthropomorhic Holo-Form showing up at Becky’s door to inform her that all benefits have been cut off due to 14 years of financial mismanagement ?

  253. Muffaroo
    July 12th, 2009 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    Mibbitmaker @209 – More than ten years ago, when I was Number One Monkey at an animation apa [more information can be found], I was made aware of Eric Costello’s amazing reference, the Warner Brothers Cartoon Companion. I got Eric’s permission to serialize it in the publication, and the plan was to make my files available to him so nobody would have to retype it all again after me. My term came to an end before it was finished, as I recall. Anyway, Eric took his act on the net, and his pages have popped up repeatedly, only to vanish again (repeatedly). However, they exist and can be found RIGHT HERE. Bookmark that! It could be one of the most valuable references you have. In fact, you should probably copy the whole thing off and keep it safe somewhere.

    Anyway, within these august pages, we find

    “SOLD [TO] AMERICAN!”

    Tagline used in radio commercials commercials for Lucky Strike cigarettes, which were manufactured, then as today, by American Tobacco Company. In many commercials, Speed Riggs, a tobacco auctioneer, would launch into a high-speed spiel, concluding with “Sold American!” Raymond Scott composed one song, “The Tobacco Auctioneer”, which mimicked the delivery of Riggs with a muted trumpet.

    Gags based on this are seen in Porky Pig’s Feat (Tashlin, 1943) by Daffy after the hotel manager reels off the bill in a high speed voice and Crazy Cruise (Avery/Clampett, 1942) by the tobacco bug. The Private Snafu short The Infantry Blues (Jones, 1943) has Technical Fairy First Class using phrases based on these commericals to transport Snafu first to the Tank Corps, then the Navy, and finally the Air Corps.

    Somebody should really give Eric one of those there genius grants. Just saying.

    Dingo @215 – Just so you’ll get it right after this, go write “cock” on the board 100 times. You already have? Oh. Well, that’s good, I guess.

  254. Agent 07
    July 12th, 2009 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Hey, I just had an idea: you know how they used to put Doonesbury on the op-ed page? Wonder if we can get Funky Winkerbean moved to the obituaries?

  255. AeroSquid
    July 12th, 2009 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    FW: “Greetings. I am WALL-E (Not affiliated with PIXAR/Disney Inc). Your Spousal Death Benefits have been revoked due to (REMARRIAGE). You owe the government $72,0000. Please remit immediately or face financial unpleasentries. I am WALL-E.”

  256. TheDiva
    July 12th, 2009 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Cathy: Sure, you just keep blaming your complete inability to be intimate on technological distractions. I’m sure if nothing else, the judge will get a good laugh out of reading “My Blackberry and iPhone” in the “Reason For Divorce” line.

    FW: Um….yay?

    MW: I just feel sorry for everyone who doesn’t get the throwaway panels–they’re missing Charley’s delightful and spontaneous rendition of “Springtime for Hitler” in the background.

    Pluggers have no regard for trail signs and regulations, and will be found three weeks later when the Forest Service finally stumbles across their half-consumed remains.

    Zits: According to my (admittedly very limited) growth and development education, teens sleep a lot because their body is devoting a lot of energy to modifying and improving their mental functions. But I suppose “Leave me alone, my brain is busy weeding out unnecessary information” doesn’t make for a very good punch line.

  257. mollificent
    July 12th, 2009 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Hmmm…I laughed at yesterday’s Frazz, taking it as another lighthearted trading of insults. Then again, I tend toward the Pollyanna-ish, and it didn’t really strike me as mean-spirited.

    But then again, I’m a big fan of Frazz. Sorry to disappoint, Zach.

  258. sugarpie
    July 12th, 2009 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    257 Mollificent Ditto! (Minus the Pollyanna-ish-ness.) And when reading the above mentioned article it seemed they were very cordial to one another…mountains, molehills, etc.

  259. gleeb
    July 12th, 2009 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Cornered: NEWSPAPERS?

    Pluggers: …frighten other animals and trample undergrowth on a whim.

    Slylock: Grass, right. It’s really because the fox plays favorites among the rodent-like species.

    Sally: Ted’s been at the paint thinner again. Actually, this is one a several redecorating/chores-avoidance comics today, and clearly the best.

    Phantom: Even 17-year-old boys who rule comic-opera kingdoms are doofuses. That’s all the message I’m getting from this.

    Rex: AWRIGHT! Oh, wait, that “lowdown”, not “down low”.

    Godiva & Rocky and April & Randy: A dull but necessary segue strip today, but I do admire Barreto’s eye for the retreating figure of a woman.

    ‘bean: Meh. It’s still too much buildup for this.

    ’shaft: Batiuk, I came here for misanthropy and malapropism. If I’d wanted to read Cathy, I would have.

    Bizarro: Thank goodness. After two inexplicable days, I thought I was going to end up reading Cathy.

    H&J: Ah, there’s the “downlow”. Seriously, whatever happened to that nice firefighter Jamaal was seeing?

    5th Wave: The elusive jaguar!

    Dick: A large dog is you best security bet if you’re threatened by squirrels, or by criminals who don’t know dogs are mortal. Also, I gotta start answering the phone like that: “Hi, Bonnie Braids. What is coming to town?”

    My Cage: His depression and misery are hilarious.

    Baldo: But Gracie’s father speaks perfect English. And I don’t think he even has a job (I assume he’s living on investments). And the whole family is of Mexican extraction, not Puerto Rican. But other than that, yeah, it’s a scary similarity.

  260. Niall
    July 12th, 2009 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back mollificent!

  261. Bryan
    July 12th, 2009 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Sunday Phantom: Isn’t this kid supposed to be about 15? I thought he was the same age as the twin diaper babies. And isn’t Captain Lara (who is secretly June Morgan, RN’s long lost twin sister) supposed to be at least in her late 20’s?
    I had thought, at first, that this plot was going to be a case of “Teen boy falls in love with older woman and is devastated when she turns him down, yet he finds true love with someone closer to his age.” In this case the person closer his age would be the princess girl.
    But then it turns out that Captain Lara is just as hot for him as she is for him and it’s going to be a “Will the or won’t they?” situation. I’m certainly not judging anyone, but that seems a little late night for the Sunday funnies.

  262. commodorejohn
    July 12th, 2009 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    AS – Okay, in the interest of fairness, I have to say that today’s Argyle Sweater is clever, funny, reasonably well-drawn, and (apparently) original. Now if only the rest of them could be like this.

    BrS – Aww, Zombie Urchin looks just adorable. Also, is Brenda about to learn about the “casting couch?”

    Crankshaft – NO JEFF THAT IS NOT WHY. STOP MAKING TORTUROUSLY LOOSE CONNECTIONS IN THE SERVICE OF A PUNCHLINE THAT IS NOT EVEN FUNNY.

    Crock – Today’s Crock is distubing on so many levels.

    DT – Dick Tracy says “Hey, people! A large dog is still your best security bet! After all, what’s the accidental death of a small child or three or a hobo mauling compared to the safety of your home?”

    FT – You know, I already love FoxTrot, but there are days when it goes beyond that and is just the best thing in the world, period. Today is one of those days.

    FW – A-yep. Now the question is, will it be the movie version or the album version of Tommy that will be played out here? (In other words, who’s going to get shot?)

    Garfield – Okay, Davis, if you’re going to act like there are honest-to-God plot developments underway, you’d better be prepared to back it up.

    GA – Uh, when he said “impotent job” and then mentioned a “bank,” my mind went off in a completely different direction.

    HOTC – Wow, it’s like a Tom Batiuk strip, only competent and not maudlin and suicide-inducing.

    JP – Woo, April’s back! Now if we could have her, Abbey, and Godiva team up for a giant battle with the high-tier Eon cult leaders after they confront Mimi at the cliff-house…c’mon, Woody. Throw us a bone here.

    MW – Ooh, Mary is one clever biddy! I must admit, I thought she’d completely abandoned subtlety back there, but now she transitions back into lower-key meddling, skillfully turning Delilah’s own uncertainty about her relationship into a tool for regaining control over her. No power in the ‘verse can stop her.

    Pluggers – Pluggers will later be found as various skeletal bits scattered around the den of a mountain lion.

    PV – Now they just need a Model T and a container of nitroglycerin…

    RMMD – Wow. That is the brownest room I have ever seen.

    SF – But Sally, you haven’t even heard his plan for the underground doom fortress yet!

    SM – I’m almost ready to cry here. Wolverine hitting on Mary-Jane as a lead-up to a battle with Spider-Man should. Not. Be. This. BORING.

  263. Uncle Lumpy
    July 12th, 2009 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    #262 cj –

    That is the brownest room I have ever seen.

    Clearly, you were spared the Seventies.

  264. commodorejohn
    July 12th, 2009 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    #263 Uncle Lumpy – Actually, I kind of wish I’d grown up in the ’70s, as I could have seen all my favorite bands in their prime and gotten in on the halcyon early years of personal computing. But I have to admit that the interior decoration of the period is one of the things that definitely gives me pause.

  265. Mibbitmaker
    July 12th, 2009 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    So, we have Jef Mallett (Frazz) and Bil Keane (FC) in the comics. It’s like, when naming them, their respective parents were just being fat and lazy.

    FW: AWK-warrrrrrrrrrrrrd!

    A3G: The Dalai Lama looks even more like Chief than yesterday.

    MW: So Charley has ruined two marriages, huh? Well, from the look of him in the title panel doing really insulting stereotype moves, it appears Charley wanted to take a shot at this gay marriage thing he’s been hearing about. The fundies are thinking of letting same-sex marriage stand just to see what carnage Charley can do.

    MW, only much shorter and less controversial: In throwaway panel 2, Dalilah is trying to eat Mary’s earring.

    JP: Godiva is forming a club with Madonna and Angelina Jolie.

  266. dreadedcandiru2
    July 12th, 2009 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    Canadian Zombie Warning: Tomorrow’s strip has Elly angrily deny Mike’s simple request and thought-bubble about how bad she has it. Tuesday’s strip has Mike do an end-run around her and get what he wants from John; this, of course, causes her face to be frozen in the Bug-Eyed Glare of Existential Horror because she didn’t see that coming.

  267. Lorem Ipsum
    July 12th, 2009 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    According to Pastis, He and Mallet are good friends, so this would explain the friendly jibes in their respective strips. Hey I read it on the interwebs, so it must be true!

  268. bats :[
    July 12th, 2009 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    239. Baka Gaijin: “Mary Worth: Oh my God, oh my God! You know that behind Mary’s sad face, she’s preparing for Delilah’s comeuppance for ignoring her gossip sage advice from the earlier panels. Will it involve shrimp scampi, the Bum Boat, or the courtyard at Charterstone?”

    Geez, this sounds like a comics version of “Clue”:
    ‘Mary Worth, at the Bum Boat, with the lobster bib.’
    ‘Toby Cameron, beside the Charterstone pool, with the salmon sqare.’
    ‘Delilah Whatshername, in Charley’s apartment, with a ruined crop top.’

    FW: I’d apologize for the clumsy rigidity of the mashup, but it kinda reflects the storyline:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3713798766/

  269. Jackuul
    July 12th, 2009 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @227 Not even the parodies or the jokes here are helping too much. My closest and best friend died yesterday

  270. Doug Puthoff
    July 12th, 2009 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Jeff is right, the Dalai Lama wears glasses that make him look disturbingly like Phil Silvers. FAIL!

  271. Calico
    July 12th, 2009 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    #208 – The other white Bruce. : )
    He wrote some lovely songs, like “Lovers in a Dangerous Time”, covered by the Barenaked Ladies, and “Waiting for a Miracle”, covered very poignantly by Jerry Garcia.
    There’s also “Wondering Where the Lions Are” and “If I had a Rocket Launcher”, which is Mary Worth and Margo Magee’s theme song.
    He’s extremely anti-corporate and outspoken about it.

  272. Dingo
    July 12th, 2009 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    Wow. Who’s the bear that Daddy’s talking to in Family Circus? And how ’bout that provocative bent-over pose?

  273. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2009 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    #268 bats :[ : If Mr. Peacock shows up with a candlestick…

  274. Calico
    July 12th, 2009 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    #272 – Have a good trip Dingo-Lac Seul is quite far away from my home turf (Quebec City).
    Catch some big ones and have fun (Walleyes, that is)! ; )

  275. Izzy
    July 12th, 2009 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    #273 – How about Jeffy smacking his daddy’s ass?

  276. Izzy
    July 12th, 2009 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    I meant #272… though it oddly fits the candlestick comment.

  277. Poteet
    July 12th, 2009 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    # 256 TheDiva — Thank you for that deft Pluggers comment. I was about to make the same basic point, but via griping and pontificating.. Yeesh, I’m turning into Mary Worth. *shudder*

  278. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2009 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    #276 Izzy: Jeffy in the garden smacking his daddy’s ass with…the lead pipe?

  279. Poteet
    July 12th, 2009 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    9CL — Oh, for crying out…here’s an idea, Brooke. Do a Sunday strip entirely in black, and start out with a narrative box asking readers to imagine all the characters in 9CL walking around completely naked and leering at each other. Readers who share your tastes can then stare at the black panels and let their imaginations go wild, and the rest of us can move on.

  280. dyslexic dog
    July 12th, 2009 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    #269 — Jackuul

    My sincerest condolences. Hang in there.

  281. Poteet
    July 12th, 2009 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    # 269 Jackuul — I’m so sorry.

  282. Calico
    July 12th, 2009 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    I think Jeffy, with Thel’s go-ahead, is ready to shove that rake handle up his Dad’s butt.
    And yes indeedy, that is a very provocative pose.

  283. John C Fremont
    July 12th, 2009 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    #269 – Sorry to hear the news, Jackuul. Hope you’re able to laugh again soon. We’ll all be here when you’re ready. Until then, take care, man.

  284. Calico
    July 12th, 2009 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    #249 – I was thinking the “extras” in 3G the last several days look like the cast from the 80’s TV movie “The Day After.”

  285. Calico
    July 12th, 2009 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    #269 – I am sorry.
    My condolences and peace to you.
    Take care of yourself.
    (((((((())))))))

  286. Calico
    July 12th, 2009 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    #269 again – I just read your blog. Another hug for you.

  287. Poteet
    July 12th, 2009 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    S-M — I dunno. I think I’d rather date a real wolverine. At least a real one wouldn’t keep reminding me how lucky I am that he’s around.

    MW — Assuming for one cold-blooded moment that Delilah is in the mood for a very short-term extramarital fling, I do believe Mary just gave Charley a good recommendation.

  288. Braniff
    July 12th, 2009 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    269–My sympathies are with you during your time of loss. Best wishes.

  289. Amateur
    July 12th, 2009 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Jackuul, I’m so sorry.

  290. Wake3d
    July 12th, 2009 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    The Gil Thorp strip becomes more entertaining if Gil’s first line is “That sandwich is made from children!”

  291. kkarenb
    July 12th, 2009 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    yBeetle Bailey – Unfortunately, this can really happen. Snakes do swallow eggs from nests and have inadvertently eaten golf balls by mistake. I remember reading a Dave Barry column a long time ago which mentioned a snake which had swallowed a couple of golf balls. Fortunately someone found the snake and took it to a vet.

  292. Red Greenback
    July 12th, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    Jackull- My sympathies and thoughts going out to you and your friend’s family. I can’t imagine what you are going through as we all deal with loss in our own ways. I lost my Mom on January 27th, and for me, this blog and the wonderful people here helped a lot with my healing. For that I thank you all so much.
    Like John C. said above. We’ll be here when you need us.

    Take care and may peace be with you.

  293. queek
    July 12th, 2009 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Bootsy, Poteet, and the other gals here who often lament the dearth of proper beef-flavored cake in the funny pages, there’s always today’s My Cage. It’s furry beefcake, but its still beefcake. ;-)

    on the other side, Candorville also manages to work in a nice booty shot today.

  294. Kiyote
    July 14th, 2009 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Waly is back and he hasn’t aged a day! Iraq must exist outside of the time-jump continuum. Hello Rip Van Wally! You’ve fallen asleep and it’s now 2017, possibly 2019!

  295. Zach
    July 14th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Mollificent- Oh, I agree that in a vacuum that strip isn’t particularly mean spirited. It’s not particularly light hearted either, and it certainly doesn’t work as the response to what was basically a completely unconnected comic. Yes, Pastis used the same first name, but he uses the names of his relatives for all of Pig’s dead family members, and it’s never been taken as a direct swipe at them, no matter how jocular.

    But Frazz has been, from the start, a passive aggressive swipe against everyone who thinks differently, and especially everybody who works with children. It’s nothing but the peanut gallery that constantly talks about how much better everything was in “their day,” completely failing to take into account the realities of the situation.

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