The Comics Curmudgeon

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God said “Screw you”

Family Circus, 6/19/05

On Father’s Day, the Family Circus once again trots out the tired old “Billy takes over for a day” gag; what with Billy’s little brother Jeffy actually writing the strip now, the actual point of this exercize in meta is becoming increasingly difficult to parse. However, this strip does have one thing going for it, in that it features the patriarch of the good Family Circus family being spurned by God himself. Who hasn’t wanted to see Bil Keane get the big thumbs down from the Almighty? One wonders if Yahweh’s rejection of the Keane clan is the result or the cause of Dolly’s flirtation with patriotic Wicca.

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 19, 2005 at 10:39 pm and is filed under Family Circus. |

195 responses to “God said “Screw you””

RBF
June 19th, 2005 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

Yeah, what better Father’s Day gift is it when your bratty kid says, “I can do your job better than you do, muhawwhawwhhha!”

Happy Father’s Day! I’m counting the days ’til you die!
Joe D.
June 19th, 2005 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

Does anyone find it odd that Billy has mastered the rules of grammar when it comes to apostrophes but has trouble figuring out which way the letter S points?
PizzaBagel
June 19th, 2005 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

Me, I liked the last “panel,” in which Papa Keane has what appears to be stumps for legs.
PizzaBagel
June 19th, 2005 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

Rex and June ruminate on why Pus Boy won’t identify his attacker. I’ll tell ya why: Cuz it was Widdle Sawah. (Notice the smug expression on her oversized head in panel one.) Buck/Chuck is too embarrassed to admit he was pummelled to within an inch of his life by a three-year old.
Chad
June 19th, 2005 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

Did I just see an admission here that Family Circus cannibalizes itself?
PizzaBagel
June 20th, 2005 at 12:09 am [Reply]

Or maybe it just engages in self-mutilation. Serves it right!
Ron
June 20th, 2005 at 12:27 am [Reply]

At an admittedly lazy glance, Dad asleep in his recliner looked oddly like Doctor Who’s old robot sidekick, K-9.
clashkid
June 20th, 2005 at 12:39 am [Reply]

More being shun by oneâ€™s god, mule!
Anonymous
June 20th, 2005 at 12:44 am [Reply]

I have to say that when it comes to The Family Circus, Bill Keane and I are evidently in full agreement, as noted in Panel 1. “No good!” “Boo!” “nothin here!”
grover96
June 20th, 2005 at 12:53 am [Reply]

Why is Dad sleeping on a dragon in “panel” two?
Dave
June 20th, 2005 at 1:11 am [Reply]

In what level of hell is this a nice Father’s Day cartoon? Billy(7), demonspawn if not the antichrist himself, stuts his narcissistic ass into Bil’s study and draws his own greatness as a gift for his dad. The kicker is dad berating himself for not doing it for him. Look at the rays coming off Bil’s head in the last panel–very similar to the sweat in panel 5. Billy(7)’s comin’ back and there’ll be a price to pay…
Lor
June 20th, 2005 at 1:46 am [Reply]

On the other hand, I actually laughed at Shoe today (well, yesterday).
J.Po
June 20th, 2005 at 6:17 am [Reply]

Beat me to it, PizzaBagel – what IS it with widdle Sarah’s grotesquely oversized head in panel 1 today? Was there some banned chemical involved in the installation of the Insta-Fence™ that caused this horrible mutation?
Adam-12
June 20th, 2005 at 6:42 am [Reply]

Isn’t “tired old gag” a synonym for “Family Circus?”

It’s clear now why widdle Sarah is kept locked in the house; her oversized head is an embarassment to the image-conscious Morgans. Hence the tall wooden fence; they can let her outside and nobody can see her.

9CL: With a history as the shy, awkward dork, I usually root when one of my people gets the hot chick. But fer cryin’ out loud Amos!! You’re making the rest of us look bad!! Edda, please kick him out to the curb, this is getting ridiculous.

Why is Bizarro Spock doing play-by-play for the game in Gil Thorp?

Is “Captain Murphey” a joke? Come on, this can’t be a real comic, can it? Is his next mission to Planet X to look for the shaving cream atom?
yellojkt, the backsliding Eddaluster
June 20th, 2005 at 7:08 am [Reply]

Hey, guess what folks? Theme parks are expensive. Both Drabble and Edge City tell us that today. The “edge” in the variation on a “theme” competition goes to Drabble for slipping in a ridiculously named ride. Unless the Dirigible of Doom is a new torture method.

Wait til the Forths price theme parks. France won’t look so outrageous.
yellojkt, the backsliding Eddaluster
June 20th, 2005 at 7:28 am [Reply]

More Monday morning quick shots. discuss amongst yourselves:

1. When are the Pattersons going to do somthing about Mewidiths speech impediment? Elmer Fudd has better elocution.

2. Are we supposed to be more sympathetic to Margo because she has taken to running around in lingerie? With her half dressed and Luann walking in, cue the porn movie soundtrack. The dialog required to get Margo out of the rest of her clothes is left to the reader’s imagination.

3. It takes Mark Trail and Bob Crane three weeks to find the magpie tree, but Mark can call the sherrif, get the AIR EVAC HELICOPTER, land inconspicously, and sneak up on hard-of-hearing Bob between panels. This isn’t a movie, give us some action. It doesn’t cost more to actually show us the AIR EVAC HELICOPTER. The only time anything has moved other than a ginormous chipmunk and it happens off-stage.

4. The giant head on Sawah is to keep us form asking where she is. That girl is down right scary. Since Rex is a medical doctor and not a vet, it’s understandable he can’t diagnose Nutritional Secondary Hyperparathyrodism, but you would think he has some clue something is wrong.
Monkeys Uncle
June 20th, 2005 at 7:40 am [Reply]

God has something more important to do, like go to Johnny Harts house for dinner. As we all know Mr. Hart and God are tight. The rest of us pagens are going to burn, burn, burn. (You too Billy)
Smitty Smedlap
June 20th, 2005 at 8:24 am [Reply]

When did the Morgans adopt Edna “E” Mode from “The Incredibles?”

In the FC “Genius at Work” panel, Billy appears to be a little flatulent. His genius manifests itself in his ability to create stinky air.
laughing on the inside
June 20th, 2005 at 8:27 am [Reply]

Yellojkt, Margo strikes me more as the “take without asking type.” So I was very surprised that she asked LuAnn if she could borrow the blouse. Here’s the rest of the story.

Margo says, “can I borrow the blouse you bought last week?”

Margo thinks, “That shirt is sure to look 100 times better on me than you so it should be mine. But I’d better cover up this camisole with a shirt or you will discover that I’ve gone through your lingerie drawer and taken all the pieces I liked.”

LuAnn thinks, “I bought a shirt last week? Wow, I sure like Margo’s cami. Wish I had one like that.”
Adam-12
June 20th, 2005 at 8:52 am [Reply]

Yellowjkt, (re: #16, verse 3) I thought the same thing. How did Bob Crane not hear the helicopter? Does Sheriff Bushybrow have stealth capabilities?

Furthermore, they still have absolutely no evidence of anything illicit or criminal. Just because Mark and the sheriff think (and we all know) Bob Crane was gonna swipe it doesn’t mean anything. Assuming he’s a trusted employee, why would the insurance company believe a hick sheriff over their long-time investigator?
Barry
June 20th, 2005 at 8:54 am [Reply]

Actually, if you take out all the captions in the strip and add a beer bottle on the floor in the second panel, an entirely different strip emerges. Daddy gets angry at work, drinks until he passes out, overeats out of anxiety, and is spurned by the lord. That’s why he shouts at me through the window.
yellojkt, the backsliding Eddaluster
June 20th, 2005 at 9:06 am [Reply]

And Boondocks wins the post-verdict Michael Jackson shout-out derby. Good planning on McGruder’s part or plain dumb luck?
dimestore lipstick
June 20th, 2005 at 9:17 am [Reply]

You would think that between them our two doctors would have heard of a little, reasonably common condition called post-traumatic anterograde amnesia:

http://www.memorylossonline.com/glossary/posttraumaticamnesia.html

But no, they leap immediately into multi-layered conspiracy theories…
barrett
June 20th, 2005 at 9:28 am [Reply]

Why does Evil Spock announce the games in Gil Thorp?
TJ
June 20th, 2005 at 9:30 am [Reply]

Man, no wonder Fence Post Frank charges so much – he got about 500 feet of 12-foot fence up in one day! I thought they just wanted to keep the skunks out. That fence would stop a charging Rhino (or THE Rhino, for that matter).

Abbey the wonder dog can probably still jump it though – she is a “rescue dog” you know.
yellojkt, the backsliding Eddaluster
June 20th, 2005 at 9:35 am [Reply]

Overheard in the Wilson/Nolan studios:

W: These jerks on the web keep making fun of Rex neglecting Sarah. Let’s put her in a couple of panels to shut these people up.

N: Sure. Hey, it’s been awhile. What does she look like, anyway?

W: There are some studies in the file. Just copy one of those.

N: Damn copier. The reducer button won’t work.

W: Just paste the head on the tricycle sketch. No one will notice.

N: Thanks, I guess that’s why we get the big syndicated artist bucks.
fluffytufts
June 20th, 2005 at 10:01 am [Reply]

Wow. I can’t begin to go back and read all the posts I’ve missed. Damn you General Motors! Damn you straight to hell! I still don’t have time to join in any reindeer games, fellow Cardinals. I’ve even missed the last couple of 9CLs, so you know I’m swamped. Thought I’d just stop in and whimper. *sniff sniff*
Adam-12
June 20th, 2005 at 10:03 am [Reply]

I think Rubin/McLaughlin must use a similar process over at “Gil Thorp”:

R: “What’s the story for today?”

M: “I dunno, have the kids playing poker?”

R: “Ummm, weren’t they playing baseball yesterday?”

M: “Oh yeah, I guess so…who was playing?”

R: “Uh, I don’t remember. Just use the same face and change the hairstyle. No one reads this crap anyway.”
daChipster
June 20th, 2005 at 10:22 am [Reply]

Mary Worth always does this one in the encore section of her heavy meddle concert. She also has a kewl acoustic version. Order them both from Cardinal Bootlegger(tm) Records and Tapes.

(and you kids out there, I will NOT respond to “what’s ‘Records and Tapes?’”)

If you wake up and don’t want to smile
If it takes just a little while
Open your eyes and drink Tanqueray
You’ll see things in a different way

Don’t stop drinkin’ until tomorrow
Don’t stop it’ll soon be here
It’ll be here better than before
Yes, your Fay’s gone! Yes, your Fay’s gone!

Why not drink you lazy bum
So you don’t about things that you’ve done
If your think life was bad to you
When you wake up you’ll still be screwed

Don’t stop drinkin’ until tomorrow
Don’t stop it’ll soon be here
It’ll be here better than before
Yes, your Fay’s gone! Yes, your Fay’s gone!

All I want is to see you go
So that you don’t seduce my beau
I know you don’t believe that it’s true
Touch Jeff and I will harm you

Don’t stop drinkin’ until tomorrow
Don’t stop it’ll soon be here
It’ll be here better than before
Yes, your Fay’s gone! Yes, your Fay’s gone!
fluffytufts
June 20th, 2005 at 10:22 am [Reply]

Miss you too, Lor.
Flasshe
June 20th, 2005 at 11:01 am [Reply]

Eventually, widdle big-headed Sarah is going to procreate with the similarly-proportioned kid from Mark Trail (my brain cell containing the kid’s name was destroyed by alcohol this weekend) and soon the comics pages will be overrun with giganto cranial mutants like God (and Johnny Hart) intended. And as a bonus, they’ll be able to control things with their minds. In fact, maybe Sarah put up that fence all by herself, using her latent telekinetic powers…? Something to think about.
Islamorada Girl
June 20th, 2005 at 11:07 am [Reply]

And my personal prize for the “It’s All Right, I’ll Sit in the Dark” Martyrdom Award goes to….RITZILLA!

(shout out to Lor!)
fluffytufts
June 20th, 2005 at 11:14 am [Reply]

Okay – I know I’ve missed a lot, but Sunday’s 9CL should completely demolish any argument re Edda vs. Rose. Panel 4 alone makes my entire case. And as for Juliette bulldogging Amos – maybe she’s insulted that this hopeless dork-boy takes Edda for granted and doesn’t realize how lucky he is that she even speaks to him. I think…I think…I think I’m over analyzing a comic strip. Oy. Beasely, if you’re reading this, mea culpa.
Wren Wah
June 20th, 2005 at 11:14 am [Reply]

How can anyone focus on Widdle Sarah with June silhouetted in profile?
Wren Wah
June 20th, 2005 at 11:19 am [Reply]

Fluffytufts:

I sent this out on Friday while you were MIA, but after your latest post I think it deserves a replay.

Eddaâ€™s effect on our friend FluffyTufts
Is to turn his breathing to huffy puffs.
For her creamy white skin
Makes him contemplate sin
And God knows her boyfriendâ€™s not buff enough.
Islamorada Girl
June 20th, 2005 at 11:23 am [Reply]

I’m with barret on the burning question of why Leonard Nimoy is calling the games in M*lf*ord.
Maybe it’s because Gil Thorp is an unsolved mystery?
Flasshe
June 20th, 2005 at 11:23 am [Reply]

Indeed, Wren. Another panel for the Mrs Dr Morgan Shrine. Although it’s going to be hard cropping Sarah’s huge noggin out of the panel.
RBF
June 20th, 2005 at 11:24 am [Reply]

Our would-be embezzling Acme Insurance guy (as well as the hick sheriff and Mark Trail) has a short memory when he says “You have nothing on me”

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/mark.asp?date=20050617
daChipster
June 20th, 2005 at 11:37 am [Reply]

COMING SOON (like, in the next couple of days or so)

The Red Bird Detective Agency #2: A Body to be Named Later

Preface (i.e. teaser trailer): Murder Most Fowl?

Several non-prominent just-under-the-celebrity-radar people receive invitations to a mysterious island mansion known only as â€œThe Conclave.â€ Their host: a comical curmudgeon â€“ identity unknown. Suddenly, and without warning, the Conclave is plunged into darkness.

A scream is heard, followed by a shot, a thump, a tearing sound, a maniacal laugh, Bandar drums, a thud, tookie tookie birdcalls, a shriek, a gurgle, a cock crow, a chainsaw buzz and then….silence.

When the light comes on again, their mysterious host is missing – presumed dead – and all that is left behind is a shell casing, a lead pipe, a torn piece of canvas, bagpipes, an empty bottle of Bandar medicine, a bowling ball, a pile of sawdust and…

various tookie tookie and chicken feathers!

Clearly fowl play has been done. But was it murder? And who’s responsible?

And how come no one heard bagpipes?

Early suspicion focuses on the inconspicuous servants Ida Know and Not Me, but when they are nowhere to be found, it shifts to the guests themselves.

Was it Jack Elrod, a talentless hack known for his inane Animal Planet montages featuring ginormous fauna?

Was it Rueben McLaughlin, a talentless hack known for his inane Sports Channel ripoffs featuring ginormous hair styles?

Could it have been Gisella Moy, a talentless hack known for her inane Lifetime TV wannabe-stories featuring GINormous drinking problems?

Or was it Billy Keane, a talentless hack known for his inane Hallmark Channel renderings featuring ginormous heads with teeny tiny features?

Might it have been Belle Trusiani, a talentless hack known for her inane Oxygen Network homages featuring absolutely nothing ginormous at all?

And what about the mysterious preacher, Parson Hart, a talentless hack known for his inSane CBN rants featuring ginormous anachronisms, and who just happened to be selling Day-Glo “Here I am, Lord!” Rapture T-shirts door to door when the lights went out?

Luckily, several members of the Red Bird Detective Agency are on a camping/fishing (i.e. drinking) trip right on that very island.

Hilarity to ensue.
Brucker
June 20th, 2005 at 11:40 am [Reply]

Max Cannon has riffed in this bit in “Red Meat” a few times:
http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/2004-02-17/index.html
http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/2003-04-22/index.html
http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/2002-05-14/index.html
daChipster
June 20th, 2005 at 11:42 am [Reply]

Gilford is playing the Jefferson JEFFS?!?

What idiotic kind of a lame-ass nickname is that?

Oooooooo, DEATH to Gil Thorpe.
fluffytufts
June 20th, 2005 at 11:49 am [Reply]

Wren – excellent! That tingling senation I feel must be, um, my pride at being a noted Eddaluster. Yeah, pride…heh heh heh.
RBF
June 20th, 2005 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

DAC You’re on a roll again – TOO GOOD!

You people make Mondays SO much easier to bear.

And fluffy I know how you feel. I miss a day or two here and feel like I’ve been out of touch for 6 months. Glad I’m not the only one.
RBF
June 20th, 2005 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

Someone (Smitty) mentioned flatulence earlier – check out the runner in panel 3 of (death to) Gil Thorp. YIKES!

http://www.chron.com/content/chronicle/comics/archive/showComic.mpl?date=2005/6/20&name=Gil_Thorp
Adam-12
June 20th, 2005 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

daChipster, that’s reality TV they should be producing!

RBF (re #38), merely contemplating doing something naughty in and of itself is not necessarily bad. After all, how many minds has Edda wandered through around here, even to the point of a whisered “Edda” uttered during a fitful and restless night……………uh-oh, I thnk I’m hooked.
Adouble
June 20th, 2005 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

“No one reads this crap anyway.â€

The thing about comics is someone is always reading them, no matter what the author tells himself. Back in college, the school newspaper ran some rather lame sci-fi strip. The author was graduating, and wrapped it up with a big reveal that the whole thing was just some nerds role-playing the whole time (take that surprise twist “The Usual Suspects”). Well, apparently the guy got bombarded with angry letters about the cliched-but-still-innovatively-awful ending, which the author countered with “I didn’t realize anyone was actually reading this”.

Life lesson to learn all you cartoonists.
daChipster
June 20th, 2005 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

Nominations are now open for the Cardinal (besides yourself) that YOU would most like to see in RBDA #2: Nominations will close whenever I log on this evening after work, chores, dinner and a cocktail or 4. Then I start writing and destroying (or building up!) reputations.

As always, decisions of daJugde are final, irrevocable, arbitrary and often non-sensical, but I want you all to feel as though you’ve contributed, anyway.
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
June 20th, 2005 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

It’s hard to believe that one could read Gil Thorp for long and not recognize the heckuvadecalegendary Marty Moon, Truth-Teller and broadcaster par excellence. He tells the truth to all of Mill-ford!
Nom du Jour
June 20th, 2005 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

Pus Boy knows who came up to his camp, while he was asleep, in the dark, and whomped him upside the head with a fence post. Sure Rex.

You probably could find out who the attacker was if YOU LOOKED IN THE CUPBOARD!!!

or asked Abbey the Wonderdog™ I’m sure she knows the score.

We all know it was Widdle Sarah® That’s where she has been the past few weeks (months?) hiding the evidence.
Wren Wah
June 20th, 2005 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

I think that all of the Cardinals need their own signature Limerick. Howâ€™s this:
Initials like WTF
Are common on blogs so you see if
RememberByronFrost
Is too long it gets tossed
For the much more concise RBF.
BTW, some of your names are bloody hard to rhyme. This may take a long time.
Islamorada Girl
June 20th, 2005 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

Okay, so J.Po, Chipster and Yelojkt all walk into this mystery novel and. . .

RBF and Lor are the dames.
Not just any dames, but the kind of dames who would make a Cardinal kick a hole in the Morgans’ fence. . .
daChipster
June 20th, 2005 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

DaChipster: a Cardinal well-versed
In writing and rhyming, but cursed.
Death was, it is said,
Self-inflicted. His head,
Which was very prone to swell, burst.
Wren Wah
June 20th, 2005 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

I like I-Girl’s nominations. I also think Nom or Gnome might make a good villian, or at least a red herring to chase for a few chapters.

Another Cardinal Limerick:

Thereâ€™s a Girl down in Islamorada,
And the natives say nobodyâ€™s hotta.
In her blue bustier,
She gets things her own way.
If you saw her youâ€™d say that she oughtta.
Nom du Jour
June 20th, 2005 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

The FC is written and drawn in ten minutes by a child.

Certainly looks like it on most days.
Gilmore Guy
June 20th, 2005 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

I… um… hate to admit it… but… er… I sort of… liked Sunday’s Family Circus. It was kind of sassy and funny and yes, that “Billy Takes Over” gag is way past its shelf date but I liked the attitude of this one.

Why are you all looking at me like that?
yellojkt, the backsliding Eddaluster
June 20th, 2005 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

I think M*lford should be playing the Jefferson Miscegenators.
Toonhead!
June 20th, 2005 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

I remember how upset I got when I was a kid when I noticed that Billy hadn’t aged from one Father’s Day to the next. I smelled a rat big time and got pissed that Bil would pull this kinda cutesy crap on me.

Damn you, Bil! Not Me ain’t gonna haul your sorry ass out of the fire this time!
yellojkt, the backsliding Eddaluster
June 20th, 2005 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

I say Anne did it in the trophy room with the fencepost.

Not THAT it! The murder. For DaC’s story. Buncha pre-verts.
RBF
June 20th, 2005 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

We have a winner in the male villain category, Gilmore Guy.

And thanks for the shout-out Wren and I/Girl.

Hope to have more time AFTER work to submit other nominees – sure hope I can beat ‘dat deadline.
J.Po
June 20th, 2005 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

I think any good Cardinal yarn should include Anne Nonymous also…though we may have to give her a shout-out next week since she’s away, sans e-mail!
Wren Wah
June 20th, 2005 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

Nobody has mentioned Fluffytufts for the novel, or maybe we should hold him out for the thrid in the series. Perhaps he could get a job as body guard for a certain dancer at Juilliard.
J.Po
June 20th, 2005 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

I second the nomination of Mr. Tufts and apologize that I hadn’t mentioned it earlier (once I saw my name in nomination, my twisted mind immediately decided that I would nominate only women from that point forward). Welcome back, fluffy!
yellojkt, the backsliding Eddaluster
June 20th, 2005 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

So in Sunday’s 9CL, who is the poor guy trying to scam on Edda? She is totally fricasseing and serving him his own Rocky Mountain Oysters. What a cajone-busting b witch. No can has a chance with her if she is gonna play grammar cop on every marble-mouthed goof-ball that comes along. Why do we adore her so much?

Oh yeah, the eighteenyearoldlithefirmalabasterthighs, and the perky 34B rack. Sigh. Life’s cruel.
fluffytufts
June 20th, 2005 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

Hey! I could do that! For free! “Bodyguard” sounds a lot better than “stalker.”
yellojkt, the backsliding Eddaluster
June 20th, 2005 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

No Red Bird Mystery would be complete without an appearance by Wren the Wrhymster.
fluffytufts
June 20th, 2005 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

yellojkt – re Sunday’s 9CL: I think Edda’s such a b-yatch to that poor, out-classed simp on the rock b/c she’s so hopelessly besotted with dork-boy Amos that anyone else is just an irritation. Ms. Mensa’s twin 34-B perkies probably have a combined IQ higher than that guy’s.
fluffytufts
June 20th, 2005 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

Thank you for the mention, Wren and J.Po. Its an honor just to be, well, you know.
Wren Wah
June 20th, 2005 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

Thanks for thinking of me yellojkt.
yellojkt
June 20th, 2005 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

Wren,

Just don’t use “whack it” when you write limericks about me.
Frank Drackman
June 20th, 2005 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

Darn, I wanted to see Granpa up in heaven observing Dads plight. I enjoyed the Roman Style “Thumb down” from God.
Wren Wah
June 20th, 2005 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

Well, you are a big Cubs fan aren’t you.
yellojkt, the backsliding Eddaluster(tm)
June 20th, 2005 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

If the creep on the rock is such a mental midget, why did Edda even climb up there with him? Either she is an incredibly bad judge of character, way too naive and trusting, or a frosty cold {choice-of-phallic-euphamisms}-tease.

None of which is an attractive personality trait in a young lady even if she has lithefirmalabasterthighs.
Islamorada Girl
June 20th, 2005 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

Why, thank you, Mr. Wah! How you do carry on! Jus’ makes a girl blush!

I think Mr. Wah, Mr. Tufts and Ms. Nonymous should be the characters in the third installment.

Surprise guests should include Mr. Guy, Mr 12, and M(?) du Jour.

Ms.The Mule should be the client who sends our PI on the chase.

But what do I know?
Wren Wah
June 20th, 2005 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

Perhaps Edda wanted him to just shut up and do what Amos can’t/won’t. Once she realized she had another all talk kind of guy, there was no sense putting up with his other failings.
yellojkt, the backsliding Eddaluster(tm)
June 20th, 2005 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

Cubs fan? There’s a landmine question. I live in Baltimore, like to see the Yankees lose, and always root for the underdog. Divine those tea leaves anyway you want.

Maybe I’m more of a University Cheerleader Barbie.
Wren Wah
June 20th, 2005 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

I just call them like I see them (in my minds eye), I-girl.
Islamorada Girl
June 20th, 2005 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

Maybe Edda is just another annoying professional virgin.
Wren Wah
June 20th, 2005 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

There is certainly nothing more annoying than a profesional virgin.
yellojkt, the backsliding Eddaluster(tm)
June 20th, 2005 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

I-girl,

Ding-ding-ding. We have a winner! You are right on the money. As Mr. Joel says:

Come out Edda, don’t let him wait
You Catholic girls start much too late
Ah but sooner or later it comes down to fate
Amos might as well be the one

Well they bought you a piano and taught you to play
They sent you to Julliard to learn some ballet
Ah but Seth never told you why he went away
And let Amos tango up some fun

Only the good die young
That’s what I said
Only the good die young
Only the good die young

Amos is kinda wimpy, but at least he tries
He ain’t too pretty, he ain’t too wise
He canâ€™t ever look you in the eyes
Ah but he never kissed no one

So come on Edda, throw him a bone
Set up the Scrabbleâ„¢, he’ll run back home
Those flannel PJâ€™s you’re hiding behind
Have a button undone

Darlin only the good die young
I tell you only the good die young
Only the good die young
fluffytufts
June 20th, 2005 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

Whatever the Divine Edda may or may not be, one thing’s for certain: She’s gonna go postal road-side style if she doesn’t get some headboard-bangin’ lovin’ soon. Growing up around a hot, randy mom who’s always making out with her boyfriend on the couch; all those late-teen hormones going off the Richter scale; and now finding herself living with a man who looks like a god but would rather be a goddess. Geeze Louize – her only chance at sating her wildly pulsating sex-drive is to either make the year of some random, vaguely handsome guy (like the one from Sunday’s strip) who’s clearly unable to match her mentally, or chose Uber-Dork Amos, who, though her academic equal, can’t take his left hand off of his winkie and his right thumb out of his butt long enough to softly caress one of those poke-you-in-the-eye 34-Bs (after washing said hands, of course). Add to that the fact that she’s the target of a near-constant barage of “hey, baby’s” that probably make Beavis and Butt-head look sophisticated. AND – that creepy European guy at Julliard is scammin’ on her as well. What, oh what will the poor girl do? Why – hire a bodygaurd, of course!
Wren Wah
June 20th, 2005 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

It’s a good thing I was only drinking water, I’d never get my screen clean if all that stuff on it was coffee. Thanks for the laugh yellojkt. (I’ll try to have your limerick manana.)
Sassy_Rocks
June 20th, 2005 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

Wren Wah, I was wondering about the your name. I studied Chinese in Taiwan, where the mandarin expression “Wah!” is equivalent to the english “Wow!”.It is humorous hearing little kids on TV exclaiming “Wah!” in junk food commercials. Could the “wren” part of your name could be related to the youngest child in Baby Blues?
Islamorada Girl
June 20th, 2005 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

Death to the Yankees!
Birds rule!

Since 9CL is a G-rated strip, Edda won’t go roadside until she gets married.

No ring? No zing!
daChipster
June 20th, 2005 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

okay wait wait now, this is very important.

Lor’s a girl? Short for Lorie and not Data’s brother?

Wren’s a boy?

What’s Pizzabagel?

And are nom & gnome the same person or two people – and a he, she or a they?

I’m so gender-confused! No, wait, not that way. Not that there’s anything wrong with…. it’as just I’m… uh…

WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE POST A SCORECARD!!!!

Before I have people in the stories hooking up and all, I need to know what, you know, team they play for, and if they pitch, catch or switch hit. Boy baseball is a great metaphor for life.
Islamorada Girl
June 20th, 2005 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

Better yet, where’s Pizzabagel?
Wren Wah
June 20th, 2005 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

Sassy_Rocks,

Wow! (Or should I say Wah!) You’ve now officially put more time into thinking about my name than I put into creating it. It goes back to college (which way pre-dates Baby Blues as a comic, let alone its latest addition). A friend had a bad print of “By the Seashore”, by Renoir, hanging on his wall. We used to take turns writing pithy sayings in a bubble over the girl’s head. We named her Wren Wah. When I started commenting on this blog I thought about that bubble and the connection to comics felt right.

Chip,
Yes I have an X chromosome. I am oriented exclusively toward those with two Y’s. Sorry that the name is confusing – see above explanation.
RBF
June 20th, 2005 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

I second pos 73 from Islamorada Girl (dammm, m ke board won’ prin cer ain le ers,
ikes!)

Dam u sco ch!
RBF
June 20th, 2005 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

And J.Po should pla male hero (dam, no kidding re: ke board)
And Islamorada Girl for femme heroine
RBF
June 20th, 2005 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

Sass-, sa- -he name Wren Wah ou- loud, is a pla-
on -he ar-is-, Renoir,, ver- clever
RBF
June 20th, 2005 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

OK, let’s try this again,, yes, MUCH BETTER!
I have my T and K back,,, happy day!!
RBF
June 20th, 2005 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

Post#88 should read: J.Po. plays male hero and Islamorada Girl for heroine.
Post#89 should read: Sassy, say the name Wren Wah out loud, is a play on the artiste, Renoir, very clever

and BTW Chip, I feel your pain re: gender-benders, lol
RBF
June 20th, 2005 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

and what IS it with widdle Sarah Morgan’s humongous head today?

Have read most of the comments and wonder if the people who write the strip (too lazy to look it up) got tired of us Cardinals referring to her as “widdle”.
RBF
June 20th, 2005 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

Is this thing on? did my screwed-up keyboard cause even more mayhem than I can imagine and prevent my seeing other comments?

AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! I surely missed ‘da deadline for nominees on daChipster’s new installment…
RBF
June 20th, 2005 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

Guess I’ll sit in the dark with Ritzilla
Lor
June 20th, 2005 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

I’ll join ya RBF, and I’ll even bring the Scotch.

Thanks for the shout-outs, fluffy & I-Girl! (did I miss anyone?).

daChipster – I too am gifted with an X chromosome, but if you’re going to feature me in an upcoming Red Bird story, I should probably play the trash-talkin’ waitress at the local greasy spoon. My dream in life is to have a snappy comeback ready whenever I need it, instead of hours later.

And I must join the chorus: what IS it with Widdle Sarah? I thought Mewedith’s bug-out eyes were bad enough, but der Morganspawn is the ugliest child I’ve ever seen.

I think “Sarah” is actually a runaway circus midget in disguise who’s found a comfy berth with the Morgans. He (the midget) sold the real Sarah to gypsies, and the Morgans never spend enough time with her to know the difference. No child of Rex and June could look as hideous as that.
gnome not Nom
June 20th, 2005 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

Yellojkt needs a star turn too, down the road; a tale about a Ramblin’ Wreck.
2fs
June 20th, 2005 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

Re #83: Since 9CL is a G-rated strip, Edda wonâ€™t go roadside until she gets married.

Right. But a few houses down, at 69 Chickweed Lane…
daChipster
June 20th, 2005 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

Okay, sentiment seems to run generally with my inclinations on this one, and genders seem to be what I was assuming they were. I could not imagine a manly man taking the name of Wren. Maybe Wrench, but not Wren.

It’s all I-girl’s fault, anyway, she called you Mr. Wren in #73.

Gots to tell you, dears, that ALL humans have at least 1 X chromosome, which they get from their mother. The other X or Y hales from the dad, and is the determinent of gender. So if you go for guys who are two Ys, they are extremely mutant and probably cannot lift their knuckles from the ground.

The polls are closed, the last graveyard votes have been treble-counted and the results are in.

J.Po and Yellojkt were a lead pipe cinch. Only which one is Cisco and which one is Pancho, which is Holmes and which Watson, which Jack Cates and which Reggie Hammond, which Superchicken and which Fred… I don’t yet know.

RBF has already had a star turn. I-girl had a solid supporting role, and will get her own spotlight later. So Wren and Anne Nonymous will feature prominently in story 2.

Other Cardinals may play small but vital roles. Or provide comic relief, more likely.

So sit back, relax, and wait for the installments, prolly beginning tomorrow. And enjoy the following:

1 Part Blue Curacao
2 Parts Bombay Sapphire Gin
4 Parts Sweet & Sour Mix
Shake, then pour (over ice if desired)
Garnish with a sprig of mint.

I call it the Electric Blue Bustier!
Josh
June 20th, 2005 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

I just thought I’d stick my head in here to clear up some chromosome confusion:

Men’s sex chromosomes are XY.
Women’s sex chromosomes are XX.
A very few men are XXY (this is known as Klinefelter’s syndrome) or XYY (there’s no special name for this), and a very few women are just X (this is known as Turners Syndrome). No one with a YY sex chromosome pair could survive, as there’s important stuff on the X.

So some of you might want to restate your chromosomal situation before daChipster embarks on his next epic, or you’ll end up being portrayed very, very differently than you might expect.

By the way, Chip, I’m a boy, and I like the ladies. (Well, going forward, I like one particular lady, but you get the picture.) And if you still have the full text of your last long-form thing lying around, please do e-mail it to me. I’ll set up a part of the site for long-form stories for anyone who’s interested in preserving them.

jf
Sassy_Rocks
June 20th, 2005 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

Rex Morgan’s butt ugly hydrocephalic freak spawn’s grotesque elephantitis ridden head bears an uncanny resemblance to the hand puppet Fay made when she was a child. At least now with the fence they won’t have to worry about what the neighbors think of their “special” child.

Wah! If only I had said “Wren Wah” out loud!
Islamorada Girl
June 20th, 2005 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

Didn’t I once read something about serial killers having a missing Y chromosome?

I’m a girl, if anyone writes me into anything.
J. Po
June 20th, 2005 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

I’m honored, daChip, for the co-starring role in the next oeuvre, and hope to bring honor to your work. (I so need to bring honor to something.)

Thanks too, RBF, for the shout-out…I’m hoping I can still be your hero, even if it’s not in print…
Joe D.
June 20th, 2005 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

Possible plot lines for Gil Thorp tomorrow:

1. Andre Hamm gets a base hit to win the game against the Jefferson Jeffs. His teammates carry him off the field on thier shoulders, and his past crimes of cheating at cards are forgiven. This proves that cheaters, in fact, win.

2. Andre Hamm strikes out to end the game. M-ford loses the game against the Jeffs. Andre Hamm is beaten to death by his teammates, who still are holding grudges because he stole their nickels and dimes. He is buried in a shallow grave after a snapshot has been taken of his corpse. The photo is sent to his old teammates at St. Fabian’s. Coach Thorp covers for his players and Andre Hamm is never spoken of again.

Either way it plays out, it will be poorly drawn.
susie
June 20th, 2005 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

Chet McCord, I’ve been wondering.

Do you defend wildlife full or part time?
RBF
June 20th, 2005 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

wtg J.Po and Islamorada Girl in DAC’s newest novelette!

And kudos to Josh for the “God says, screw you” — way too late, damm these brain cells that die due to booze and nicotine!

welcome back, Lor, hear you re: I think of the good come-back 2 hours later (three months in comics time)
RBF
June 20th, 2005 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

and my timing seems to be off too, I post when ppl eating dinner, etc
then I post again after they go beddie-bye,
my timing sucks

Guess I’ll sit in the dark with my ~~diet coke~~ Johnny Walker Red
fluffytufts
June 20th, 2005 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

Anybody see The Family Guy tonight? Stewie was wearing a diaper made from newspaper and anounced he was crapping on The Family Circus. Then he says something like, “Who pooped on Jeffy? Ida know!” I laughed for 3 minutes. Or so.
fluffytufts
June 20th, 2005 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

Okay, okay it’s body guard from an earlier post, and announced from #107. Spellcheck has ruined better writers than me.
PizzaBagel
June 21st, 2005 at 12:00 am [Reply]

To quote Navin Johnson: “I’m somebody!”

Just to be mentioned by two of the Curmudgeon-worthiest Cardinals, daChip and I-Girl, made my day.

For the record, daChip, I’m a male (last time I checked) – as in “Pete’s a bagel.”

Where was I, you asked, I-Girl? Unfortunately, unlike many of the other commentors at this fine blog, I don’t have the luxury of being on all day. I’m usually here only on weekdays around 1-2 in the afternoon, sometimes 7:30-8 PM, and again much later in the evening (~10 or 11 to whenever) – all Eastern Time. Weekends, who knows?

Lastly, to echo I-Girl: Death to the (Damn) Yankees! (My favorite teams are the pitiful Mets – the boys in orange and blue – and whatever team is playing the Stinkees, er, Yankees.)
PizzaBagel
June 21st, 2005 at 12:19 am [Reply]

Re today’s Family Circus: Isn’t this basically the same “gag” as the one which was featured on May 30th? This time it’s Jeffy pleading the case for a handicap, not Billy. It looks like when Bil tried to create today’s strip he didn’t go back too far into his files for ~~insperation~~ an idea. Next month, Dolly will insist that Daddy play hopscotch with her – but only if he is kneeling.
Occam's Gillette
June 21st, 2005 at 12:37 am [Reply]

Islamorada Girl: Studies have shown that the prison population has a significantly higher number of XYY males (1 in 35) than the population in general (1 in 1000), leading some to wrongly conclude that XYY males tended to be criminals. A few clever lawyers have even used an XYY genetic makeup as a defense. While XYY males do tend to be more aggressive, no study that I know of has been done comparing the number of XYY vs XY males in other “aggressive” populations, like sales, stockbrokering, or comix commentary!
Zanzibar
June 21st, 2005 at 4:31 am [Reply]

If you cut out the inane caption, the 6/21 strip is actually quite a nice work of cartoon landscape. The light blue sky and distant green foliage even give it a bit of the quality of a John Wesley painting.
Islamorada Girl
June 21st, 2005 at 6:30 am [Reply]

Tipping the orange watch cap to Occam. Thanks!

In other news, it’s really
time for the Phantom to administer the roofie roo roo to the Nazi and move on.

I guess I’m in a bad mood because Mark Trail didn’t give Bob Crane the old right hook!
yellojkt
June 21st, 2005 at 6:57 am [Reply]

Mina’s gonna wake up not knowing where she was or what she did. But don’t you think she’ll be a little suspicious about the rectal bleeding?
J.Po
June 21st, 2005 at 6:58 am [Reply]

Me too, Isla. I mean, outside of the occasional ginormous beaver shot, there’s nothing that brings one back to Mark Trail more than the promise of fisticuffs.
J.Po
June 21st, 2005 at 7:07 am [Reply]

Another example of the fine-quality “art” in Gil Thorp: why is it that whenever, for example, Margo in 3-G is surprised, she is surrounded by motion lines as if she’s hooked up her vibrator to a Die-Hard® battery, but when a third baseman dives for a hard-hit ball, it appears that the scene has been posed, or perhaps he was napping on the infield dirt and then was elevated 6 inches, remaining in the same position, devoid of any motion whatsoever?

Or is the artist trying to say, “my skills are so trained, I can duplicate a shot with ASA 1600 film at 1/1000 shutter speed?”

Naah, strike that.
J.Po
June 21st, 2005 at 7:09 am [Reply]

Yello, were it not for the fact that I’ve just spewed 12 ounces of Starbucks™ french roast all over my workspace, I might suggest it’s a little early in the morning to use the phrase “rectal bleeding”…
yellojkt
June 21st, 2005 at 7:17 am [Reply]

Today’s Drabble- Edge City face off.

Drabble: Theme parks are crowded.
Edge City: Theme park themes are wacky.

Edge City ties up the series 1-1.
J.Po
June 21st, 2005 at 7:20 am [Reply]

Tiebreaker: Abby Ardin’s high, pointy breasts.
yellojkt
June 21st, 2005 at 7:36 am [Reply]

Six signs you may have been sexually assaulted by the Phantom:

1. Last word you remember were, â€œTake this, it will help you understand the hieroglyphics.â€
2. Pygmies keep pointing and giggling when they donâ€™t think youâ€™re watching.
3. You donâ€™t remember putting on purple underwear that morning and youâ€™re missing your favorite â€œRoadsideâ€ thong.
4. Every time you hear the phrase â€œpurple passionâ€, you involuntarily vomit.
5. Pictures of you naked wearing only a bamboo hat appear on the internet.
6. You have a skull shaped scar visible only with a proctoscope.
Monkeys Uncle
June 21st, 2005 at 7:37 am [Reply]

9CL:
What with the sorting? Get to the sticky part!

Mary Worth:I’m gagging on the melodrama, Rita should consider a job in dinner theatre.
Nom du Jour
June 21st, 2005 at 7:58 am [Reply]

Couple of items:

As for Ritazilla “No one wants to hire an old has been like me”

to which Meddlin Mary will reply, “A breakthrough!! You are starting to realize your limitations and your total dependence on me. Here, have a scotch.”

And in FC, I think that “Dad” has a real problem. He has to beat his kids at everything.

“Race you to the corner!”

“Watch me blast one off your lame pitching.”

“Punch me as hard as you can and then I get to punch you as hard as I can.”

The guy is a psychopath. When the kids get older, you are going to see them go Menendez all over him. When the police show up, they will have their story straight.

Sheriff, “Do you know who did this?”

In unison, “Not Me.”

Sheriff, “Anyone else?”

In unison, “Ida Know.”

And as for me, lets me check, oh yes, I am a . . .hmmm. . . male, no relation to gnome (I don’t think), p***ed o**ed that the summer intern sits behind my desk and can see my monitor so I have to do actual work and not write bad limericks and read the last two years worth of Worth, ticked off that it is summer an my kids stay up late monopolizing the creaky dialup connection at home, oh yes, a Yankees fan.
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
June 21st, 2005 at 7:58 am [Reply]

Susie: I only defend falsely accused wildlife, so it’s only part time. The rest of the time I read Mark Trail, Gil Thorp and Mary Worth. Keeps me hoppin, I must say.
Wren Wah
June 21st, 2005 at 8:00 am [Reply]

OK, I’m sure that it is too late to clear this up for Chip’s novel, but I AM A MAN!! I obviosly am a man who:

a) Did not pay enough attention in Biology class
b) Should not try to be witty about chromosomes
c) Picked a very confusing name

Chip, if it is not too late do a search and replace on my name. If it is too late maybe I could get a trip to Sweden before the next installment.
J.Po
June 21st, 2005 at 8:06 am [Reply]

More sexual misidentity, mule!
Wren Wah
June 21st, 2005 at 8:10 am [Reply]

It occurs to me that I think Mosey is fem and is more derserving of a place in Cardinal Literature than I am anyway.
fluffytufts
June 21st, 2005 at 8:11 am [Reply]

I’m a guy also. I know, I know – my Eddalust had everyone wondering.
Wren Wah
June 21st, 2005 at 8:21 am [Reply]

A3G â€“ I think that early bird special is at the Pretty Kitty Hotel and Margo is the entrÃ©e.

Mary Worth â€“ Donâ€™t you have to have once been something before you can be a has been? I think the line should have been â€œNo one wants a dried up old husk of a booze hound like me!â€
Skip Tracer
June 21st, 2005 at 8:52 am [Reply]

I’m back from vacation and catching up.

Question: Did Josh read the weekend FBOFW? The one with Meridith doing a dance of joy on Daddy’s stomach at some ungodly hour of the morning, to celebrate Father’s Day?

More Life In Hell, with the Pattersons.
JohnnyC
June 21st, 2005 at 8:56 am [Reply]

I’m afraid! In the 6-21 strip, Mary Worth is beginning to look like trans-gendered Mike Nomad! (pecs, vestigial gray flat top, broad shoulders…)
daChipster
June 21st, 2005 at 8:57 am [Reply]

Wren, sorry dude – yes, biology is a very tricky subject. Think about the implications gynandomorphic parthenogenesis! In the 60’s we’d have had an aSexual Revolution, and you could burn your bra AND your draft card with the same match.

I *will* have to do a re-write, which is tough on you, because there was a Wah family fortune involved. But no big. You’ve just given me a wealth of subtextual nonsense for RBDA #3:

Wren & Fluffy go to White Hen.

Exit Wren Wah, girl detective. Enter Mo Esy.

(insert “enter” joke here)
(enter “insert” joke here)
(Merkin!)
Wren Wah
June 21st, 2005 at 9:19 am [Reply]

Chipster, I owe you one. I know this puts you through a lot of extra work. I was starting to feel like Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie. I finally get my big break and it’s as a girl. From now on I’ll google my scientific references before committing them to binary.
Zorba the Geek
June 21st, 2005 at 9:28 am [Reply]

Josh- back in the dark ages when I took human genetics in college, xyy males were called “super-males” and xxx females were called “super-females” or “metafemales.” I think they usually just call them “xyy syndrome” and “xxx syndrome” now. Apparently, everything has become a “syndrome”. What syndrome does widdle Sarah-of-the-enourmously-large-head have? Not to mention FC’s Dolly-of-the-very-low-forehead. I think it’s remarkable how many obviously handicapped- excuse me, disabled- oops, excuse me again, “differently abled” characters the comic strips have in them.
Wren Wah
June 21st, 2005 at 9:35 am [Reply]

The AFIâ€™s latest endeavor in quantifying minutia (the 100 Greatest Movie Lines of All Time) got me thinking about the best comic lines of all time. The first one that came to mind, Pogoâ€™s â€œWe have met the enemy and it is usâ€, of course is actually a misquote. Pogoâ€™s actual statement is much longer and I did not commit it to memory. My other favorite is when the Reverend in Doonsebury was citing his civil rights credentials and announced loudly â€œI was In Chicago!â€ to which Zonker replied meekly â€œThatâ€™s in Illinois, right.â€
Nom du Jour
June 21st, 2005 at 9:37 am [Reply]

They did not celebrate Father’s Day in FBOFW, they celbrated FOBBER’S© Day. It is a much cuter holiday.

And just where the heck were the Kelpfroths? Widdle Mewedeaths antics should have brought the THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!™ out in force. I guess now that Mike cranked out his major comic opus, the Kelpfroths have been kiboshed.

And, not trying to put too much logic in FBOFW (my brain hurts enough), if peace and quiet are so dear and precious to Mike, why would he be having problems with the Kelpfroths? Wouldn’t he be banging on widdle Mewedeaths door telling her to shut up cause daddy is trying to work/sleep/write/edit/ruminate/or just whatever Mike does all day.
Isaac B2
June 21st, 2005 at 9:57 am [Reply]

We can all learn a lesson from the Almighty.
daChipster
June 21st, 2005 at 10:04 am [Reply]

Okay, folks, Chapter 1 is in the can. Wren has been excised without mercy, and callously replaced by a real girl, Moesy. Kind of like replacing Darren on Bewitched.

The story arc is written, too The good news is I’ve actually figured out who lives, who dies, whodunnit and, most importantly, who gets laid.

The bad news is that it’s going to take a while longer to channel Agatha Christie than it did to channel Dashiell Hammett. I’ll try for short chapters, but chapter 1 was longer due to introductions.

Disclaimer: The use of peopleâ€™s blog names is done all in good fun and I try not to make them appear badly â€“ however my definition of badly may differ from the norm. Iâ€™ve taken great liberties with creating characters and traits which in all probability donâ€™t actually accrue to them. I in no way mean any disrespect to real people who are portrayed herein by taking these fictional liberties.
Zorba the Geek
June 21st, 2005 at 10:08 am [Reply]

The original Pogo quote was from the forward to his book, The Pogo Papers. It was later shortened to “We have met the enemy and he is us,” which became itself first a Pogo poster, then the title of one of his Pogo books. The quote is: â€˜There is no need to sally forth, for it remains true that those things which make us human are, curiously enough, always close at hand. Resolve, then, that on this very ground, with small flags waving and tiny blasts of tiny trumpets, we shall meet the enemy, and not only may he be ours, he may be us.â€™ I go Pogo!
Wren Wah
June 21st, 2005 at 10:14 am [Reply]

Thanks for finding the complete reference Zorba.
daChipster
June 21st, 2005 at 10:24 am [Reply]

And of course, that was a restatement of the famous quote by Commodore Oliver Hazard Perry in his report on the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812: We have met the enemy, and they are ours: two ships, two brigs, one schooner, one sloop.

Other cool American Naval Quotes:

I have not yet begun to fight
J.P. Jones
Bon Homme Richard v. Serapis

Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!
Adm. D. Farragut
Battle of Mobile Bay, Civil War

You may fire when ready, Gridley
Commodore Dewey
Battle of Manila Bay, Spanish American War

And my favorite:

I intend to go in harm’s way.
Jones again.
Zorba the Geek
June 21st, 2005 at 10:33 am [Reply]

My favorite quote (this is of the “famous last words” variety) is not naval, but it is Civil War: “They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist…”
- General John Sedgwick, Union commander, as he was watching Confederate troops during the Battle of Spotsylvania Court House
Wren Wah
June 21st, 2005 at 10:34 am [Reply]

Upon re-reading Pogo’s full quote, maybe CES’s predecessor is way cooler than we thought and had Pogo in mind when he named his creation.
gnome de blog
June 21st, 2005 at 10:34 am [Reply]

Apologies to Dylan, daChipster and other laureates. Let â€˜er go, boys:

The best that you can do my friend is get out fast
You think sheâ€™s squirrelly now but sheâ€™s completely gassed
You thought she dug you for your fashion sense
It just turns out that she is kind of dense
Your familyâ€™s wealth has left her in a stew
So itâ€™s all over now, Electric Blue.

You thought Luann was lovely, thereâ€™s no doubt of that,
But then she saw Picasso hanging in your flat
She canâ€™t talk about poor children any more
Sheâ€™s nervous now, she knows the score
Youâ€™ve likely lost your chance to make roo roo,
But what can a rich boy do, Electric Blue?

The worst is yet to come, â€˜cause she has roommates too
And one of them canâ€™t wait to get her hooks in you
Sheâ€™s quick and deadly like the fer de lance
Thatâ€™s crawling up Sam Driverâ€™s pants
She says she thinks youâ€™re weird but sheâ€™s no fool
Yeah, Margoâ€™s coming after you, Electric Blue.

Youâ€™re just a custodian in the upper school
You never figured some evil chick would Google you
Head for higher ground, admit youâ€™ve lost
Unless somehow you can dig up Byron Frost
You might as well just flush it down the loo,
â€˜Cause itâ€™s all over now, Electric Blue.
daChipster
June 21st, 2005 at 10:35 am [Reply]

deep breath
The Red Bird Detective Agency #2: A Body to be Named Later

Chapter 1: A knock at the flap.

The moon would have bathed them all gently in its light, and dazzled their eyes as it shimmered off the gentle ripples of the sound. The warm, fragrant late-May air would have let them feel quite comfortable in shirt-sleeves, even this late. The not-too-heavy smoke of the campfire, and the fragrant smoke of the menâ€™s cigars, would have kept away any early mosquitoes. It would have been the perfect end to a perfect day of camping for the four members of the Red Bird Detective Agency, if there had been a moon instead of clouds, ripples instead of wind-swept waves, and warm dry air instead of a driving downpour, which precluded campfires and cigars, yet somehow allowed mosquitoes to fly. In other words,

It was a dark and stormy night.

For all that, it wasnâ€™t as bad as it could have been. The four detectives had a large tent, light, cards and liquor.

Jay Po was dealing. A graduate of the school of hard knocks, he made his way through life with an easy manner and graceful style. He riffled the cards deftly, smirking to himself as if he had something on the Queen of Hearts and meant to work it.

Yel Lojkt watched Jay intently. Yel didnâ€™t think he would cheat his partners at cards, that was more Dac Hipsterâ€™s style. But Jay was as smooth with the deck as he was with the ladies, and that was often too smooth by half.

Yel was the Agencyâ€™s deep thinker. Analytical, cool under pressure, and a deft hand with a knife or gun, Yel had come to Red Bird by way of a government agency where, just like in high school and college, field assignments, credit and promotions went to the jocks, while the back-office brains did all the real detecting.

The lithe, attractive woman spreading her hand and frowning slightly came from money. She had come far from money, running away from a trust fund, and a bevy of overbearing mothers, hers and several others who were pushing their sons at the Esy family fortune. She came to light in Chicago, answered an ad she thought was for secretary work, and got hired as an apprentice detective which is a story in itself.

Maureen Esy, Mo to her friends, was an intuitive, empathetic detective, whose expertise was in connecting with people and discerning truth from lie. Except with her friends, who were a mystery even to her.

Perhaps the biggest mystery to her was her closest friend, Anne Nonymous, the fourth person in the tent and currently the holder of most of the table stakes. Anne was a sassy, tough, sarcastic gal with no discernable weaknesses. From experience, Mo knew that such people often concealed a heart of gold beneath the brassy, hard-bitten exterior. She knew Anne was a good person and a good friend, but she feared maybe the brass ran through and through.

Suddenly, through the noise of the rain they heard a polite â€œahem, hello?â€ and a wet thwacking as someone slapped the side of the tent.

â€œHark, is that someone gently rapping at our chamber flap?â€ said Jay, â€œWho is it?â€

â€œIda Noe,â€ came the reply.

â€œThatâ€™s much better than â€˜nevermore,â€™â€™â€™ said Po evenly.

â€œCome back when you know,â€ Anne called, â€œwhoâ€™s deal is it?â€

â€œIâ€™m Ida, Ida Noe. I work at the Conclave, the mansion up the hill.â€

â€œThereâ€™s a mansion up the hill?â€ Jay gasped.

â€œCome in,â€ said Yel, shooting his pal a look.

A ghostly pale woman of about 50 stepped into the tent. Obviously shaken, she looked from one to the other apprehensively.

â€œSit down,â€ Mo said gently, draping a towel over her shoulders, â€œwould you like coffee?â€

â€œYes, please. Are you the detectives?â€

The four exchanged a glance. â€œYes we are,â€ said Anne, â€œHow do you know that?â€

â€œI work with Not Mei. We take care of the mansion. He saw you arrive.â€

â€œThe little Chinese man who helped us dock,â€ said Yel, â€œWe remember him. Just the two of you take care of that whole mansion?â€

â€œOh yes, weâ€™re responsible for everything.â€

â€œIs there something we can help you with?â€ Anne asked, shuffling the cards impatiently.

â€œIâ€™m not sure. You see, something has happened up at the Conclave. We think thereâ€™s been a murder.â€

â€œâ€™You think?â€™â€ Yel asked, â€œHow come youâ€™re not sure?â€

â€œWell no oneâ€™s dead,â€ Ida replied, â€œthat we know of.â€

â€œSounds like you need a detective,â€ Jay said. â€œYou guys know where we can find one?â€

Anne chucked the deck aside and sighed. â€œLetâ€™s go,â€ she said.

Next: Body, body, whoâ€™s got the body?
J.Po
June 21st, 2005 at 11:31 am [Reply]

â€œThatâ€™s much better than â€˜nevermore,â€™â€™â€™ said Po evenly.

You are a master, daChip. We anxiously await more…
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
June 21st, 2005 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

I always liked:

“Not in this man’s Navy, mister”

– John Wayne, Hellcats of the Navy, In Harm’s Way, or some such thing.
PizzaBagel
June 21st, 2005 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

I’m looking forward to “Mary Worth: The Musical,” in which the titular meddler belts out “Tomorrow” and “High Hopes” to the has-been, never-was Rumzilla.
Bookworm
June 21st, 2005 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

Wren, I was just this week thinking about doing a poll of all-time favorite comic strips/lines. In the spirit of some earlier posts on this thread, I’m submitting the following Far Side:

A group of natives are carrying two American women up the side of a volcano and one woman says to the other: “Ha! And you were worried they wouldn’t like Americans…Why, these people just lit up when I explained we were Virginians!”
daChipster
June 21st, 2005 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

Two of my favorite comics lines came from Dilbert:

Dilbert gets a date and the devil appears (*POOF*) to say hell just froze over.

Dilbert: “It’s Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light!”

Dogbert threatened the accounting trolls to release Dilbert or he’d wear a ballcap backward so their little hardwired brains would explode. Next panel, Dilbert asked him what that popping sound was.

Dogbert: The sound of a paradigm shifting without a clutch.
yellojkt
June 21st, 2005 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

Heaven forbid Edda and Amos ever visit that island. Although the two of them are spending a lot of time stranded on second base.
yellojkt
June 21st, 2005 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

I have a t-shirt of a Far-Side with a kid pushing on a door clearly maked “pull.” He is trying to get into the Midvale School for the Gifted. My wife is a gifted and talented teacher. I don’t wear the shirt to her office functions.
daChipster
June 21st, 2005 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

There’s only one thing left for Mary to do. Take Rita down to the beach, get her drunk, bury her up to her neck in the sand, and wait for the tide.

Then yell, “Look, a tsunami! Run to high ground, Rita! HA ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa.”

I loathe Rita Begler with the molten-hot fury of a thousand Krakatoas.
daChipster
June 21st, 2005 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

Rex Morgan: I can see Dac Hipster’s gonna have to spend some time around the Morgan homestead. June is looking extremely M!LFish these last coupla days, boy, HOWDY!

He’ll break the ice by complimenting her on her Easter Island child. Was it a c-section, he’ll hope hope hope?
J.Po
June 21st, 2005 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

daC: Spewed beverage alert!

June certainly is striking some tres coquettish poses in panels 1 and 3 today…
yellojkt
June 21st, 2005 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

By request, the number one song on the Charterstone Cabaret Jukebox:

The rumâ€™ll taste better
Tomorrow
Bet your last rent dollar
That tomorrow
Iâ€™ll still be scum!

Just drinkin’ until
Tomorrow
Keeps me from gettingâ€™ sober,
Down the whiskey
‘Til there’s none!

When I’m stuck a day
That’s gray,
And lonely,
I just slit my wrists
And Grin,
And Say,
Oh!

Iâ€™ll drink more scotch
Tomorrow
Iâ€™ll nurse my hangover
‘Til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya Tomorrow!
Iâ€™ll soon be
Embalmed
Like Fay!
Zorba the Geek
June 21st, 2005 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

I have a Pearls Before Swine that I like. Pig complains that Pigita dyed his lamp blue; Rat tells him to speak up for himself. Pig says “What am I supposed to do?…Get mad at her? Rat: Of course! Rage!! Rage against the dying of the light!!” Goat strolls in and says, “This strip needs help…seriously.” I just like horrible puns; I can’t help it.
Wren Wah
June 21st, 2005 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

People are looking at me strangely while I try to recover my breath after “The rum’ll taste better tomorrow”. We must come up with a warning signal for that kind of over the top humor. How about DSCA for Drink Spewing Content Ahead?
Wren Wah
June 21st, 2005 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

J. Po, I missed your earlier comment. “Spewed Beverage Alert” is perfect.
barrett
June 21st, 2005 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

Next on “For Better or For Worse” – Jesse wishes Liz into the cornfield.
Alan TheFamily
June 21st, 2005 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

My favorite comic strip line is a Far Side of two spiders who’ve just completed a web across the end of a children’s slide, and one says “If we pull this off, we’ll eat like kings!”.
Nom du Jour
June 21st, 2005 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

The moral of the FBOFW storyline this week,

I just want to get the h*ll out of here and away from you people for 3 months. There is no way I am going to stay around here. Will I be back in the fall? Only if the teaching job at a real school in the Big Smoke falls through.
yellojkt
June 21st, 2005 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

Spewed Beverage Notice, Disclaimer, and Release of Liability

The following post contains material that may or may not be deemed humorous by the reader. By reading further, the reader accepts all liability for the results of reading the post, including but not limited to loss of hot or cold beverage, incidental damage to computer equipment and furniture, and all financial consequences of being detected by employers, coworkers, or household members. Poster shall not be held liable for any loss of income, demotion of rank, or termination if reader laughs out loud with hearing range of boss or other supervisory person(s). Reader accepts all risk for use of company equipment, time, infrastructure and resources associated with all activities related to this post including following embedded links, posting replies, and engaging in all other forms of witty repartee. Youâ€™ve been warned.

Sorry. After all that, I got nothing.
Zorba the Geek
June 21st, 2005 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

yellojkt, Josh should keep this permanently posted on his website. It’s great!
Anne Nonymous
June 21st, 2005 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

A brief hello from travels- I’m staying today and tomorrow with friends who have graciously allowed me to use their computer. They think I’m checking my email (I’m doing this first- I know my own priorities). Miss you guys. I’ve only had time to read this thread, but there’s great stuff here, as usual. Chippy, baby, I’m awed to be in your ouvre! Sniff, sniffle, waaaah, blubber. (Not to self: Anne, you’re supposed to be “tough,” “brassy” and “hard-bitten.” Knock it off, fer chrissake, you’ll ruin your image). Okay, that’s enough of that. Chip, what do you want? My first-born? Although, I’ll warn you, if she’s at all like me, she’ll be quite the handful. That’s all for now- I’ll catch up with you Thursday night.
Zorba the Geek
June 21st, 2005 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

Does anyone know why “Cathy” and Irving sold both their houses and are now interminably engaged in buying another? Why didn’t they sell one house and just live in the other? This is getting old, fast.
yellojkt
June 21st, 2005 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

That’s who I bought my house from. Mr. and Mrs. Middle-aged Newlywed had to buy an “ours” rather than a “his” or “hers”. I lost a good neighbor to the same unwritten pre-nuptial pact. Ms. Guisewaite is determined to milk this gag for all it’s worth since she doesn’t get a second shot at this storyline.
Sassy_Rocks
June 21st, 2005 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

Cathy is just as mind numbingly stale and predictable as “Classic Peanuts” reruns and Kathy Guisewite is still alive! I sure hope I don’t live long enough to see “Classic Cathy”. Not surprisingly, her mentor was Charles Shultz.
J.Po
June 21st, 2005 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

I have successfully developed the ability to avert my eyes from Cathy on the comix page, as it was always horribly insipid and got progressively worse as the wedding day arrived. I prayed to God to have mercy on us all and to have their plane crash on the way back from their honeymoon, but nooooooooo…
J.Po
June 21st, 2005 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

Hey, RBF, how are you? Let’s try and keep the Johnnie Walker Red out of the keyboard tonight, huh? Or else we may have to change your moniker to RitaBF….(just kidding)
daChipster
June 21st, 2005 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

Next chapter, and that will be it for a bit. I have a meeting tonight – engaged on the people’s business!

Chapter 2: Habemus Papum?

On the way to the Conclave, the four Red Birds discussed tactics while Ida led the way ahead with an umbrella and a flashlight. Theyâ€™d usually worked individually, though Jay and Yel teamed up occasionally. â€œHey gang, I have a plan,â€ said Mo.

â€œZoinksâ€ said Jay.

â€œJinkies,â€ said Yel.

They paused and looked at Anne. She blinked at them and snorted â€œDaphne? Yeah, right!â€

In the end, they adopted Moâ€™s approach because she was the best interrogator and they had no time to think of a better; theyâ€™d arrived. Jay Po intoned â€œAh, a singularly dreary tract of country and here, at the end, is the melancholy house of Usher.â€

â€œPope,â€ said Ida.

â€œNo, Poe,â€ said Po.

â€œYou said Usher, Mr Po.â€

â€œNo, Poe said Usher.â€

â€œWell, itâ€™s not Poe or Usher, sir. Mr. J.F. Pope owns this house.â€

â€œAh! Ida Noeâ€¦â€

â€œSir?â€

â€œThird base.â€

Upon arriving, the detectives found the guests gathered in the spacious library where the disappearance had occurred. To Mo it felt like they hadnâ€™t moved since the incident – save to freshen their drinks – like overgrown, overdressed children in a strange game of Statues. She shivered momentarily as she thought of the ghostly-looking animal statues sheâ€™d seen outside.

Per her plan, the four friends let the group tell the story themselves, organically, so that they could watch the interplay. Later theyâ€™d split the witnesses up and go over it again.

Pope had barely welcomed the guests when Ida had brought the preacher in, mistakenly assuming he was a guest. Parson Hart had introduced himself, then started his spiel. Pope had interrupted and moved aggressively towards him when the lights went out and the mayhem began.

That was it.

â€œHow did you know to send for us?â€ Anne demanded.

â€œThatâ€™s moy fault, sheila,â€ said Jack Elrod.

â€œAnne, my name is Anne.â€

â€œNah, in Aâ€™strylia â€˜sheilaâ€™ is a term of affection, yâ€™know, loike callinâ€™ a gal â€˜me little kookaburra. Roight, mate?â€ he said, slapping Billy Keane next to him on the shoulder.

Keaneâ€™s glasses started to slip off; he grabbed for them and dropped his drink. Elrod barely paused.

â€œYâ€™see, Iâ€™d been off walkabout whin I sawr yer arroivinâ€™. Soâ€™s whin this â€˜appened I was guessinâ€™ maybe you stryngers were the culprits. I was gone be on yer loike a croc on a dingo, but olâ€™ Not Mei said yer was detectives, so we invoited yer up, loike.â€

Both Yel and Anne had the same thought. â€œWhat part of Australia are you from?â€ he asked. Anne put it more bluntly â€œCanâ€™t you make up your mind? Are you Aussie, Irish or Cockney? Didjer lern yer â€˜Strylian from an Outback Steakhouse commercial? Ya think youâ€™re Steve Irwin or something?â€

Elrod sat down grumpily and started a fresh Fosterâ€™s.

They tried to get back to the story but there was not much else to tell. A quick search of the house had yielded no Pope, dead or alive. The end. The detectives huddled briefly to discuss next steps. â€œNo phones to the mainland,â€ whispered Yel. â€œNo taking boats over in these seas, either. No cops coming, weâ€™re it, guys.â€

â€œWell, itâ€™s a good thing weâ€™re all in Conclave,â€ sighed Jay.

â€œWhy?â€ asked Yel, too preoccupied with thought to notice a setup.

â€œâ€™Cause weâ€™re short a Pope.â€

Anne punched him on the shoulder, hard.

Next: The Nutcracker.
Curious George
June 21st, 2005 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

“I have not yet begun to fight
J.P. Jones”

This was before he jumped ship to play bass for Led Zeppelin, obviously.
gnome de blog
June 21st, 2005 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

Nice work, daChipster. Clever way to work “J.F. Pope” into the plot. And allegedly killed off in Chapter 2, as well. Does this hint of insurrection? Reformation? Clearly there are doctinal differences between Pope and Parson Hart. Nah, too obvious. My money’s on Not Mei, on the theory that the butler did it.
ComicsFan
June 21st, 2005 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

Favorite comic line (one of them): Pearls Before Swine- Rat: I’m broke. Goat: it’s said that no one is poor as long as he has friends. Rat: I’m bankrupt.

Hilarious stuff today. Writing whilst sitting on a tarmac at airport on delayed departure–seatmate thinks I might be insane …
ComicsFan
June 21st, 2005 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

Favorite comic line (one of them): Pearls Before Swine- Rat: I’m broke. Goat: it’s said that no one is poor as long as he has friends. Rat: I’m bankrupt.

Hilarious stuff today. Writing whilst sitting on a tarmac at airport on delayed departure–seatmate thinks I might be insane …
gnome de blog
June 21st, 2005 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

All-time favorite comic (at the moment): Calvin announces in a loud voice that he will plaster Susie with a water balloon unless he gets a sign from the universe within 10 seconds. Susie walks by, he plasters her, she pummels him to within an inch of his life.

Calvin moans: “why does the universe give you the sign *after* you do it?”
RBF
June 21st, 2005 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

Excellent work again DaChipster (but we have the luxury of taking that for granted – you’ve spoiled us).

Hey J.Po! Yep, keeping the Johnny Walker OFF the keyboard tonight, but no guarantee it won’t end up on the monitor (again) if any of you witty comedians comment again ‘ere I retire for the night. There’s WAY too much talent here.

Until I can regenerate brain cells from hellish day at work, the only comment I have at the moment is to agree with whoever pointed out the fact that “how can you be a has-been if you never were” re: Ritzilla, the suffering martyr. Poor Meddlin’ really bit off more than she can chew this time. Brain cells are spinning trying to figure out how in hell Mary will EVER get rid of her (legally).
Zorba the Geek
June 21st, 2005 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

I often find Pearls Before Swine quite funny, but does anyone else think that it has jumped the shark with this constant crocodile-zebra thing? Is Pastis getting too lazy to think up other storylines? Actually, it doesn’t even rise to the “jump the shark” level; it’s not spectacularly bad enough for that, just boring. Maybe it simply “jumped the minnow.”
RBF
June 21st, 2005 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

good one Zorba! I haven’t read that one, but love your coined phrase.
RBF
June 21st, 2005 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

How creepy is this arm growing out of the baseball player’s head in Panel 2?

Talk about steroids, YIKES, more like stem-cell research gone amok.

http://www.chron.com/content/chronicle/comics/archive/showComic.mpl?date=2005/6/21&name=Gil_Thorp
Nom du Jour
June 22nd, 2005 at 7:51 am [Reply]

Favorite Calvin and Hobbes line shows Calvin standing at the coffee table, hammer in hand, with a bunch of nails driven into the top.

“Is that some sort of trick question, Mom?”
Wren Wah
June 22nd, 2005 at 8:45 am [Reply]

â€œI have not yet begun to fightâ€, reminds me of a Mad Comics where the Admiral is uttering the famous line whilst standing on a ship in obvious distress. The sailor next to J. P. J. says â€œWell donâ€™t you think itâ€™s about bloody time you did?â€

My favorite C & H is a single panel winter scene with Calvin in a snow suit returning from behind a tree smiling evilly. His father says â€œThat was fast.â€ My wife never got that one.
TJ
June 22nd, 2005 at 10:13 am [Reply]

Zorba – I’m with you on the zebra/crocs in PBS. I liked it much better when the crocs were always eating the zebras. However, Pastis says he’s getting about 20-1 emails from people LIKING the strips. He said this in the latest Gene Weingarten “chatological humor” feature on washingtonpost.com: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2005/06/14/DI2005061401138.html

He also says to look forward to next week’s strips – no crocs, but “plenty of characters from another strip”. Let’s see if Cathy shows up again. Now maybe if she was eaten by the crocs….
Lady Miss Crow
June 22nd, 2005 at 11:13 am [Reply]

#151, re Midvale School for the Gifted: I have that coffee mug. Had Gary Larson drawn a dorky little girl instead of a dorky little boy, that single panel would be the story of my life.
Islamorada Girl
June 22nd, 2005 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

Thump! Thump! Thump!
Skip Tracer
June 22nd, 2005 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

DaChipster, let the record show that women are attracted to me – I think it’s my aftershave.

Sadly, I’ve had no luck with Edda of the softalabasterthighsâ„¢, even when I quoted entire sections of Spinoza and Kant to her.
ComicsFan
June 22nd, 2005 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

The PBS zebras are definitely old news at this point. My 10-year-old daughter likes them because they’re silly, and probably because they’re preditable. FC is a favorite at that age too, and she likes my jokes, so there’s no stock to be put in that source.

I would guess the 20-1 in favor of the zebras is the same crowd that, in the Dallas Morning News top 20 comics poll, selected Luann as the #1, and FBOFW as #2 or 3. The DMN actually used the opportunity to kill off several of the less popular comics to save money. All my favorites got killed, and now I have to read them online. Then they gave readers a chance to “save one deleted comic” and the popular choice was “Love Is…” the little naked man and woman one that I thought had died in the 70s. I actually changed my vote from “Rudy Park” to “Close to Home”, not because it was a favorite but because it was the only one close to beating “Love is…”

Here’s a possible crossover comic–Hagar the Horrible actually behaves like the Viking that he is on a visit to “Love is…” and spears the defenseless naked-no-genital people while they declare that “Love is dying together”. It would give Hagar a chance to stretch himself a bit, as Helga keeps a firm hand on him–I keep expecting her to adopt Lois’s Job Jar idea she uses to keep Hi down.
Islamorada Girl
June 22nd, 2005 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

It’s Dallas. What do you expect? I guess all those big haired former beauty queens did a massive campaign to protect Love Is.

Isn’t that the paper that fired Molly Ivins and Joe Bob?
ComicsFan
June 22nd, 2005 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

Yeah, I think they did fire those guys, though before I got here. The latest editorial genius is to summarize the national syndicated opinion writers rather than actually printing them. “William Raspberry writes that ….” Covers 4 or 5 in the space of one normal column. Painful, but nothing to do with the comix, after all.

I wonder how different it would come out in other cities though? A cadre of sentimental old folks mixed with a contingent of tweenagers seems to have driven the vote, while discriminating comic readers of any sort stayed on the sidelines. I suspect this same dynamic might play out in other cities given a voluntary survey.

BTW, the DMN top 10 is (now that I’m home to look at it):

1. Luann
2. Crankshaft (Ouch!)
3. FBOFW
4. Classic Peanuts
5. One Big Happy
6. Zits (OK, one good choice)
7. B.C. (spare me the buckle on the Bible belt comments, please)
8. Pickles
9. Dilbert (OK, 1.5)
10. Get Fuzzy (OK, 2–GF is a little hit and miss)
fluffytufts
June 22nd, 2005 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

You know, sometimes I read through these posts and discover I have no idea what half the other Cardinals are talking about. My creaky dial-up makes switching from thread to thread an agony of waiting. I think I’m missing parts of conversations. Dammit! I feel left out! I want my broadband! Whaaaaa.
Skip Tracer
June 23rd, 2005 at 11:27 am [Reply]

fluffytufts, I feel the same way, except I DO have broadband.

Maybe my mind is the problem…
RBF
June 24th, 2005 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

me too – I recently got BB, but it still doesn’t give YOU any more time, which is what we strive for (pardon grammar)
RBF
June 24th, 2005 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

I should have said, still doesn’t give ME any more time
Dee
September 29th, 2005 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

does it disturb anybody that little billy is indeed dyslexic(pook at lanel 3)? You’d think that housewife mom of his would take a look at this comic and see her boy had a problem, but I guess she was too busy gettin’ ready for church (glug glug)……
florian
July 1st, 2006 at 3:48 am [Reply]

the story is good but make something better next time
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September 25th, 2008 at 7:07 am [Reply]

snorts Jesuitized semiconductors Knutson man:slanting anxiously,

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