The Comics Curmudgeon

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Fear and loathing on Sunday

Blondie, 8/2/09

Like many victims of abuse, this dedicated civil servant seems to take the horrible injuries dished out by Dagwood to be merely his lot in life. Blondie slips easily into her role as enabler, assuring poor Mr. Beasley that her monstrous husband “doesn’t mean it” and “it’s not his fault, he’s just late,” and “he won’t do it again” — platitudes that neither of them believe.

Hi and Lois, 8/2/09

Never have the Flagstons done so well at their appointed task of representing the typical middle American family: their insatiable appetite for entertainment — entertainment that can only be achieved through conspicuous consumption — leads them to go on vacations that they simply cannot afford, leading inevitably to financial ruin.

Hagar the Horrible, 8/2/09

“Oh … that Paris! My band of Viking warriors burned it to the ground, slaughtering the inhabitants who resisted us and enslaving the survivors! Why do you ask?”

Marvin, 8/2/09

Cementing his place as the most hated character on the comics page, Marvin attempts to have the municipal animal control service impound and euthanize the family pets. Fortunately, he’s only able to thought-balloon into the phone, leaving him to stew in his own impotent rage (and, since this is Marvin, presumably in his own excrement).

Mary Worth, 8/2/09

And that was the day that Charley removed the last non-porn DVD from his collection, as it apparently scares the ladies off. Delilah, meanwhile, hearing the lyrics “never let her go,” returns to her true love: Mary Worth.

The Phantom, 8/2/09

The Sunday Phantom plotline for the last God knows how long has focused on the royal love triangle summed up with admirable economy in the throwaway panels above; the “other woman” is in fact Captain Lara, Rex’s personal bodyguard, and Rex King is in fact a monarch (thus the name — get it? Is it obvious enough?). Anyway, I haven’t been covering this plot, because it’s been pretty dull, so you can imagine my surprise to see it resolved by Lara simply gunning down her rival in a lover’s rage.

Judge Parker, 8/2/09

Oh, and Judge Parker is still about horse-fucking, FYI.

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 2, 2009 at 10:59 am and is filed under Blondie, Hagar the Horrible, Hi and Lois, Judge Parker, Marvin, Mary Worth, Phantom.

360 responses to “Fear and loathing on Sunday”

cvk
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:05 am [Reply]

Are we to believe that Charley’s DVD collection is all porn, plus “South Pacific?” Dang, that’s a lot of porn. It makes me more upset that this character is my own namesake.
TheDiva
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:06 am [Reply]

Rex King? Come on, even JK Rowling isn’t that obvious with her character names.

What’s really sad about Marvin is that the dog-filled pool and the cat-filled sandbox are both probably cleaner and more excrement-free than they are when Marvin uses them.
cvk
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:08 am [Reply]

Also, and I hate to admit it, but the rhythm of the “comedy beets” in Blondie is actually sort of pleasantly funny. I think it’s because said rhythm continues beyond the end of the strip, but not ad infinitum.
Hank
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:08 am [Reply]

RE: Josh on Mark Trail (repost from yesterthread): Josh said:

Many of you weak-kneed liberals have been demanding that Mark call the so-called “police” in regards to the tragedy unspooling in Lost Forest, or involve the EPA or some other big-government bureaucracy to right these wrongs. You fail to understand that justice flows from only one source in this realm: not from laws drawn up by the people’s duly elected and appointed representatives, but from Mark’s own preternaturally clear vision of right and wrong.

Are you sure that Mark isn’t a bleeding heart liberal? A guy who hangs out in the words, “off the grid,” and resorts to vigilantism to protect the environment and his animal friends sounds a lot more like “ELF,” “PETA” or even an exaggerated version of Greenpeace than it does, say, Rush Limbaugh or Ann Coulter.
Hank
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:14 am [Reply]

RE: 9CL: Apparently, Funky Winkerbean and FOOB aren’t the only strips having a time slip. The male students at Professor Burber’s college all dress like they’re from the Eisenhower era, while the women are wearing get-ups right out of the first two seasons of the Mary Tyler Moore show.
Josh
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:14 am [Reply]

You know what, everybody, I don’t mean to sound rude, but these threads can be hard enough to follow as it is for newcomers without everyone reposting identical messages on consecutive threads. Apologies for not posting on some kind of mechanical schedule, but there it is. People do read the previous threads, you know. There’s no need to post the same thing multiple times.

Josh
AeroSquid
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:15 am [Reply]

The I-ching of A3G:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2446/3780669951_47f69fdffe_o.jpg
AeroSquid
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:17 am [Reply]

Film Noir ‘Shaft.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3463/3780601835_4aea084efd_o.jpg

FIN
AeroSquid
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:18 am [Reply]

I am now officially embarrassed Josh. =)
Dragon of Life
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:19 am [Reply]

Marvin wants to play in cat shit.

Scene.
Calico
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:24 am [Reply]

Wow, Sunday fare, and lots of it!

If Evil Charley has “South Pacific” in his collection, he’s almost certain to have a copy of “American Beauty” as well.

Glad Delilah left-how long does it take to prepare a bowl of chips anyway? Time for some Scampi!
Das Storminator
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:28 am [Reply]

You know, what if Charley really has been pining doe Del all these years? He’s been wallowing in filth and despair since she was gone, but now she’s here, and he can be whole again. Except he’ll come back from the kitchen to once again find himself home alone with his huge porn collection and booze.
Das Storminator
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:29 am [Reply]

pining FOR Del, sheesh.
OKStan
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:31 am [Reply]

#2 (Heh!):
I don’t believe the sandbox will be entirely excrement free with those cats in it. On the other hand, it gives Marvin a chance to wallow in filth that isn’t of his own creation. This represents a BIG change (HEH, HEH!) for the little tyke.
Calico
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:36 am [Reply]

Yes, cats love:
Yer new garden
Yer sandbox
Yer new screen door
The new couch
etc. etc.
teddytoad
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

Are we agreed, then, that the mysterious child-scarring porn picture is the blonde in panel 7 getting done doggy style?
AeroSquid
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

HTH: Did he have a good time in Paris ? Yes he did. Paris, however, had no memory of it.
Digger
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:38 am [Reply]

H&L – it’s obvious there is no love left in the Flagstons’ marriage, as Lois no longer consults Hi about family plans and calls for him only when she needs some heavy lifting done.

Marvin – What is Marvin complaining about? He’s got a pool full of dog urine and a sandbox full of cat poop. He should feel right at home.

MW – Given the way Charley has been portrayed as the Devil Incarnate this week, I’m surprised he offered Delilah chips and not baby seal or some other endangered species.
Trix
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

Am I getting edgy or what? I thought Charley slammed the front door locking Delilah in to have his way with her. There is “nothing like a dame”. Bad girl, Trix.
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

The other DVD in the second throwaway panel appears to be from the Terminator series, which (coincidentally) also featured a prominent “Once you have found her, never let her go” theme – in a sense that’s probably far more relevant to the current storyline. (And I can easily picture Mary stepping in as the T-1000).
Jumper
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

“No need to stay out here! Why don’t you and Sultan use the guesthouse?!”
NoVan
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:43 am [Reply]

Since I am reading today’s Phantom without the proper context, I am forced to assume that Alicia and/or Lara are the king’s cousins.
The Divine O\'F
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:43 am [Reply]

Apologies for going off-topic, but from two yesterthreads ago:

CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE©:
To Truman Fable and Jackuul for EXCELLENT anti-Batiuk rants; and to bats:[ for an EXEMPLARY Mutts mashup. Among them, you guys almost made me forget that horrifying image from The Strip That I Can No Longer Bear Even to Name.
gleeb
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:44 am [Reply]

Y11 (Uke Ike): No, no, I was referring to the series of Baldo strips from a year or two back, drawn in a soap-strip style, in which Tia Carmen flirts and shares coffee and kumquats with an attractive gentleman. Of course, since Baldo is a mediocre comedy strip, and Tia Carmen herself a supporting character, she cannot grow or change in any way, so the whole thing was never mentioned again. Hence “no kumquats for anyone”.
NoVan
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:45 am [Reply]

Judge Parker: “Stay as long as you like! You’re friends, so we’ll give you a discount on the hourly rate!”
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:45 am [Reply]

MW: Perhaps the porn reflected Charley’s obsession with the teen Delilah? And she understood she couldn’t compete. She doesn’t need either Charley or her hubby.
Stripey Butt: The bodyguard isn’t afraid of the blonde competition here – she spies the assassins fronted by Rupert of Hentzau in the bushes.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:46 am [Reply]

Slylock Fox: Chock fulla win today!
Consider the following elements of win: Pastis Mountain, fish skeleton, banana peel, Rodney Rat’s open collar and grotty tail, and the friendly look Rodney, as he’s breaking up furniture, gives the home invading authorities: “Well, hello! Welcome to my abode!”

And thanks, Dean Booth, for your magical Time Tunnel what lets me see the Chron on Sundays!
Chief Instigation Officer
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:47 am [Reply]

Sorry is this is being covered elsewhere, but why are we not covering Crank V. Snake? I’m salivating with the possibility that The Crank could be put out of our misery, except for the fact that we just got a vision of him a decade from now and he’s still alive. Silent, immobile, but still alive.

I’m still rooting for the snake.
Wolf Shepard
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:48 am [Reply]

Due to syndicate censorship, you can’t see that the hot blonde chick on the wall is wearing fur-lined handcuffs, but Charlie singing “never let her go” is a clear signal that he is into BDSM. And “SLAM” is a clear signal that Del is not.
Adam
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:48 am [Reply]

The 2nd Panel of today’s BC would make an excellent out-of-context panel. Just Sayin’
Steve S
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:50 am [Reply]

I see The Flagstons are so hard hit by the recession that their “portable TV” is a 1990s computer monitor with an extension cord running all the way back to the house. Yeah, Hi sure does love poverty!
curlyfries
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:51 am [Reply]

#12 Das Storminator, Charley’s apparently been masking that despair quite well while busily breaking up two Charterstone marriages. Holy wedlock (aka boredom) there doesn’t stand a chance against bathing suit foyer porn, “Good Will Humping” and plenty o’ booze.

I’m just thankful we were spared Delilah’s spying Charley’s over-notched bedposts and lecturing him on getting the Orkin man in to cope with those pesky termites.
NoVan
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:51 am [Reply]

Spotted Horse, Jungle Steed: Don’t forget the sausage with the knife in it!

(Oh, and I apologize for mangling your username, but I can’t do that Scandanavian O.)
survivor
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:52 am [Reply]

11- Calico

ARE YOU INSANE?!? AMERICAN BEAUTY?

Dude, one only needs to look at Delilah’s open mouthed horror in Panel 7 at the fully clothed picture of a lady to know how she would react to an American Beauty DVD. And we all remember what happened when she *gasp* saw a wall picture of a lady in a swimsuit.

So it does not take a lot of imagination to predict her reaction if she saw a woman’s navel on the cover of an American Beauty DVD. And if there was a picture of Mena Suvari naked and covered with rose petals anywhere on the packaging then look out. Delilah would scream, projectile vomit, run away home with arms flailing about, and hide underneath her bed while sucking on her thumb for days.
Madeline
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:52 am [Reply]

MW: It’s not porn. This is Mary Worth, where a picture of a woman in a one piece bathing suit is the most shocking thing that Delilah has EVER. SEEN. Given that standard, I expect that Charley’s collection consists of PG-13 movies from the 1950s.
Ned Ryerson
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

Hey Marvin, there’s bound to be another convenient pile of shit to play in around here. I suggest you find it and shut the hell up.

Marvin reminded me of something from when I was a tyke. I went over to my friend’s house and we were playing in the sandbox (which is retroactively squicking me out to the point where I reaching for the Phisohex) and we spotted some animal excrement. I said something like, “ewww, dog poop!” and my friend’s mother scolded me and said, “We don’t say that word, it’s dog dirt.”

On the plus side, when all those cats retire to some other venue, Marvin can scamper over to the sandbox and build an entire replica log cabin out of cat turds.

Ah the splendor of a scatological Sunday morn….
zerowolf
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

Del entered Charlie’s building by a double doors and is in a hallway when she knocks on his door. As she slams the door on her way out we see a window next to his door. Who designs a building with window overlooking a hallway?
Larry McAwful
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:56 am [Reply]

Today we learn that Marvin lives somewhere in the Rust Belt, since he says “need removed” instead of “need to have removed,” as runs the dialect. We also learn that Hi and Lois apparently live in New Hampshire, since their car’s license plate has a “+” in it, which New Hampshire allows on vanity plates. (North Carolina does this, too, but they don’t have front plates, so they can’t live there. Does Virginia allow it? If so, then maybe they live in Virginia. The colors would be right; New Hampshire plates have green letters; Virginia’s are either a dark blue or black.)

That’s my nerding out for today. I’ll try not to do it again.
Dan
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:59 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: Delilah’s shock at Charley’s bathing-suit clad woman’s picture is now clear – given his extensive porn collection, flamboyant fashion sense, love of musical theater, and perfectly sculpted (and surgically enhanced?) chin, it is obvious: Charley is gay, and the bathing-suit clad woman had an obvious erection.
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

That one dog in the middle panel of Marvin does have a certain measure of cartoony cuteness. Pixel-for-pixel, that makes about 1.3% of today’s strip tolerable; slightly more if you include the soothing white space at the top, which was almost certainly a mistake. Probabilistically, I believe we can expect something like a 3- to 4-year wait before Marvin hits another dazzling high peak like this. I’ll check back then.
Alfred E. Neuman
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

#290 Baka Gaijin (Friday thread)— Thanks! Somehow, I’ve never associated “Mary Worth” with “vagina”.

#291 ChattyGenes, #306 Katya— I appreciate the kind words. I am always amazed that there are Curmudgeons around at the odd hours when I usually post. I considered re-posting, but since Josh has just issued an ex cathedra fatwa against such skullduggery, I’ll just leave it there.
Carly
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

Definitely needed that FYI, there.

I’m intrigued by Delilah’s mess of facial expressions there after she discovers the CD. She appears to go from sad to angry to horrified. Probably it’s going to turn out that South Pacific’s music is “theirs” (hers and her husband’s) but I’d like to imagine that she had a bad experience with that song, possibly at prom.
curlyfries
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

#37 Zerowolf, I figured since there’s also a good-sized window in the door as well, Delilah’s just exited into Charley’s bathroom.
White Rabbit
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

What is it with the preoccupation with Rodgers and Hammerstein in Mary Worth? “Oklahoma” would be a better movie for Charley, since it’s all about sex. (Yes, it is, just watch it.) “South Pacific” is about racism.
seismic-2
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

MW: What is inspiring the look of utter horror on Delilah’s face in the next-to-last panel? It can’t be the blue non-nude in the blue frame on the blue wall, since she’s already seen even worse decor in Charley’s apartment (and all over Charterstone, for that matter). No, she must have been horrified by something else, such as Charley’s stepping out of the kitchen, demonstrating his “eclectic tastes” that inspired him to add Rodgers and Hammerstein to his porn collection. I’m just sorry that we didn’t get to see the same thing that Del did, since Charley must have cut an impressive figure indeed, dressed in his “Sound of Music” nun’s habit.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

#33 NoVan: How’d I miss the sausage wiffa knife innit (Bob Weber Jr., you magnificent bastard!)

The observation skillz, alas, are not so mad.
Anonymous
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

Today we learn that Marvin lives somewhere in the Rust Belt, since he says “need removed” instead of “need to have removed,” as runs the dialect.

Hmmm. “I need them removed” is perfectly standard. You have to factor in the fronting and elision of the relativizer (”that” or “which”), the first of which is required and the second of which is optional and standard. In other words, Marvin’s un-elided statement is “I’ve got a yard full of varmints WHICH I need removed” – and that doesn’t allow us to pinpoint his dialect. It’s not like he said “They need removed”.

Also – Sultan will be kicking down that door and trampling Rocky before morning, mark my words…
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

Charley’s interior design is so “eclectic” you’d need a periscope to watch TV from the couch.
Red Greenback
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

BlonDDD: (9:31:16 AM) “Oh, no! I have two right foot shoes on!”
Hi and Lois: Who has EVER thought “I’m lovin’ this economic downturn.”? And wth is wrong with Chip’s nose?
Hägar the Horrible: “You Know! Hilton!”
Marvin: “Your line is temporarily disconnected.”
Worth: “Delilah uneasily waits for Charley as he fixes a snack for them in his kitchen” -Karen Moy
Phantom Rex King! That’s, um…like two dog’s names. Or something.
Da Judge:
Godiva: “Rocky and I haven’t been alone in months!”
Abbey: “How many months?”
Godiva: *Stomps foot on ground 7 times*
queek
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

I particularly liked Frazz today, a very nice Peanuts ref. The artwork in PV was even better than usual.

Foxtrot isn’t in the same ballpark as Baretto art-wise, but holy heck, the blonde reminds me of the cheerleader from Daria, the one that falls face-forward whenever she does the splits. o_O
buckyswife
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

MW: Hunh. I figured that Delilah would flee Charley’s apartment, prompted by some further outrage. I figured that outrage would be something like, oh, Charley emerging from the kitchen wearing nothing but a grin and perhaps a bit of Cool Whip in his erect member, saying, “Say, Del, do I have a snack for you!” I did not expect that the final straw in the “what will it take to make Delilah leave” narrative would be Rodgers and Hammerstein lyrics. But I suppose that, what was it, “otherworldly”?, strikes different people in different ways.

A3G: Apparently, Margo still isn’t fully clear on what fate befell Eric. Let’s hope that Young Lamas don’t need competent story-telling skills in order to carry out their assigned duties.

MT: Yes, folks, those pesky environmentalists would disapprove, but you can get a tasty, meaty whale steak in a more enlightened country like Japan.
Wasabi Jane
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

“Yes, he won’t be coming back! He’s got everything he needs! So, Mr. Postman, how can I ever make this all up to you? Surely you’ve got some… needs that I can fulfill?”
survivor
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

Is Princess Alicia ALSO Luke Skywalker’s sister?
buckyswife
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

PBS: Sigh. I wish I could get tenure….
lovetoykilljoy
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

Charley deserves better.
ms. docweasel
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

Funny, I interpreted the Mary Worth episode as the girl watching the movie, then at the moment of the song “Never Let Her Go” the guy slamming the door on his sex-slave dungeon, having at last captured the object of his desire. Next week: she begins her training and ritual tattooing, mutilation and degradation.
seismic-2
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

#54 buckyswife: But then some scheming Assistant Professor will try to free up a slot on the faculty, by shipping you off to an Alzheimer’s ward. Be sure to hang onto your explosives, so that you can blast your way out. If not, at least try to enjoy the drugs more than Mr. Winters apparently does.
Connie
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

Maybe Charley’s large collection of Japanese bukkake porn plus the South Pacific soundtrack made Del realize she might end up having to “wash that man right out of her hair.”
The Divine OF
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

49 Red Greenback re Godiva’s answer:
BWAHAHAHAHA!
True Fable
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

Pardon me, but I just have to say this:

Happy Birthday to Galevav Fable! May your goats never be pushy, son.

and #23 The Divine O’F – Your praise is a balm to my Batuik-weary soul, O Divine One! Many thanks!
Calico
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

#34 – Haha!
You know what would bring me to do the same (i.e., thumb-sucking, hiding under bed, etc.)?

Seeing Mary Worth naked amidst a pile of rose petals.
(Desperately tries to scrub brain with Oxi-Clean ™)
Calico
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

Phantom – Cameo by Cedric the Canadian Butler! Yay!
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

DtM:
– Dad, can I have a little brother?
– That’s a risky proposition.
– How come?
– Your mother took certain… precautions… after you were born.
– ??
– Look, just read Snow Crash when you’re a little older, OK?
buckyswife
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

I’m trying to sort out the dynamics of the Delilah-Lawrence marriage. They can’t agree on kids, he travels too much for her, she runs off all the time, they can’t communicate with each other, she comes this close to rekindling an old relationship—but Rodgers & Hammerstein lyrics will save their marriage.

So I guess I’ve come to a moment of emotional clarity, thanks to the wisdom of the Worthyverse. The real source of the issues in my own marriage? We don’t share the same tastes in musical theater.
Hank
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

RE: Josh, August 2nd, 2009 at 11:14 am , actually, Josh, from what I’ve seen reading this blog for the past two years, once you start a new day’s post, the comments on the previous post pretty much get ignored and whither on the vine. Your blog, you can do what you want, but I’ve never understood why you dont just do a single weekend blog post instead of two on Sunday in rapid succession.
Ned Ryerson
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

Back at Mary’s condo….

Delilah?! Come in. I’ve been wondering when I’d see you. I was just about to put out some snacks. I’ve a few more salmon squares….

No snacks, Mary, please!

Why Delilah, dear, whatever’s come over you?

Oh Mary, it was awful. First I talked to Lawrence on the phone and he was all “when are you coming home” and all “how committed are you to this marriage” and all “don’t call me again until you know what you want” and he hung up on me using some sort of new phone app that produces a very pushy and controlling “CLICK!” So I did the first thing that came into my mind. I changed into a slinky purple jumpsuit and I headed over to Charley’s.

Charley’s!? Oh dear.

Mary, I saw things there that….oh Mary. I can’t even..

Calm down Delilah. Look can you put this on hold for one sec, that scampi from last week is calling me from the fridge and if it doen’t get eaten in the next fifteen minutes….

Damn you and your scampi, Mary! I’m going to be scarred for life by some of the things I saw. There was this print on the wall of a very aroused tranny and all these swedish DVDs and he was drinking clear scotch and then he offered me snacks, Mary. Snacks!

Snacks? What kind of snacks?

What the hell difference does it make Mary? I don’t know, chips or something.

Chips? I always figured Charley for more of a fondue person. Maybe rumaki. Chips are hardly a snack. I’m sorry, dear what were you saying? It’s really hard to focus when I’ve got all that scampi in there…

Mary, please! I haven’t even gotten to the worst part.

Oh dear, what was it? Roofies? Spanish fly? Did he take one of those blue pills?

No Mary, he sang Rodgers and Hammerstein. He was crooning from the kitchen as he prepared the snack!

Well, one doesn’t really “prepare” chips now, does one? I suppose if he was arranging them on a tray with an assortment of dips…but I still wouldn’t call that preparation.

Mary, you insufferable cow! Did you hear me? He was singing Rogers and Hammerstein! Rodgers and Hammerstein, Mary! That’s my thing with Lawrence, remember.

Well, really darling, I didn’t want to say anything before, but it had crossed my mind that if you wanted to have an exclusive thing with Lawrence, you might have wanted to skew it a little further away from the mainstream. I mean I like them too.

Did you ever hear them sung in the presence of a tranny poster?

Well, no.

Then spare me the lecture Mary.

Look dear, if we’re going to hash this out right now, I’m going to need food. You have yourself a seat at the table and I’ll go whip something up.

Whatever Mary.
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

S4th: Hil would be forced to recalibrate her standards for ‘creepy’ one evening when Sally walked past her half-closed bedroom door, saying simply, “Cucumber.”
spazmodeas
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

Carly@42: Maybe Delilah’s head got doused in a bucket of pig’s blood while “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair” was playing.
Lolsworth
August 2nd, 2009 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

Was there even a Paris in the early ADs? This advances my theory that Hagar is set in the present day in a forgotten archipelago in northern Scandinavia, and Hagar and co are like the Japanese soldier who doesn’t know the war’s over.
TheDiva
August 2nd, 2009 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

#14 OKStan: I did say more excrement-free, not completely. I have no doubt at least a few of those cats have taken to using the sand box as an impromptu litter pan, I just think they’d be neater about it than Marvin. If nothing else, they would have buried their waste.
Aijaz
August 2nd, 2009 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

Josh:

I haven’t been following the comments too closely, so I’m sorry if this has been discussed earlier (couldn’t find it on Google):

FYI: In the past week or so, I’ve noticed the site layout doesn’t flow correctly. The first comic usually overlays the first paragraph, rendering it unreadable. I’m using Firefox 3.0.12 on a Mac, and this may have started when my machine upgraded to the latest version of Firefox. I notice this problem on Linux as well. The only way to read the first paragraph or two is via an RSS reader.

Oh, btw, love the site.

Thanks,

Aijaz.
Numbat
August 2nd, 2009 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

Ned @66: LOL Thank you. That scene plays so true.
Larry McAwful
August 2nd, 2009 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

47. Anonymous—Dropping the “to have” is dialect. Are you from western Pennsylvania or near it, by any chance?
buckyswife
August 2nd, 2009 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

66 Ned Ryerson—Hee! I can just see our Mary coming out of the kitchen with a platter of scampi sandwiches on white bread…..
Uncle Lumpy
August 2nd, 2009 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

#71 Aijaz –

Overly-aggressive AdBlock Plus settings can cause layout problems. If you’re using it, try turning it off. If it solves the problem, you can reinstate the settings one by one to find the culprit.
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 2nd, 2009 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

FC: Needs “Pokes badger with stick” and “Gathers moss to staunch bleeding” on the legend.
Wenkelmobil
August 2nd, 2009 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

Zits: Though I admit that my relationship with my mother was never perfect, and, were I in a particularly foul mood, I might even say she crushed a few of my dreams, I can safely say that she never attached my head to a giant flying condom.

Rose is Rose: Clem will find solace among the fat feshistists by blogging his eating disorder, but he will still die lonely and morbidly obese, his orange topknot peeking from under the rolls of flesh.

Foxtrot: Peter’s raging hormones will lead him to date attractive yet vapid women for most of his life leaving him empty and bitter, while Jason’s obsessions will leave him lonely but with an odd sort of fulfillment.

Pickles: Nelson will grow old having no idea how to treat his erectile dysfunction.

Prince Valiant: My band will be called Scaly Mother, the first album will be Precious orb, and the first song on said album will be “How badly do you want your whelp?”
A New Day
August 2nd, 2009 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

Wikipedia on Tom Batiuk: “His stories often involve strong drama elements combined with generally rosy outcomes.”
If the little dog in Crankshaft dies, I think this statement will have outlived its last shred of credibility.
dreadedcandiru2
August 2nd, 2009 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

Canadian Zombie Monday: Tomorrow’s strip shows John being a ~~regular dumb guy from the sticks~~evil bonehead dork who ~~would rather Elly stay home and not embarrass herself by totally sucking at any job she might attempt and getting fired before lunchtime~~wants to oppress poor Elly and keep her down because ~~his chivalrous impulses compel him to protect her from herself~~he’s evil and jealous of her brilliance.

(That’s right: John Patterson is Hank Goddamned Hill.)
George Tirebiter
August 2nd, 2009 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

One can only say that Marvin is, “Craptivating!”

MW: Maybe we have the storyline wrong. It could be she rushed out to get some condoms or one of those fertility testers.
Ktrout
August 2nd, 2009 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

Well done, redundancy squad! Why not call him King King? Or, for that matter, Rex Rex?
commodorejohn
August 2nd, 2009 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

So, do you think that Karen Moy actually believes that Rogers & Hammerstein hold some sort of mystical power?
Larry McAwful
August 2nd, 2009 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

82. commodorejohn—She might think that, but it’s Rodgers & Hart who do.
Toby
August 2nd, 2009 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

Is it Mary Worth or Sally Forth? Are they really the same person? Scream of Conciousness
Talking Squirrel
August 2nd, 2009 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

MW: Del’s pissed at seeing original, signed Baretto art all over Charley’s walls. The nerve! Del’s every bit as entitled to be drawn by an artiste, and she’s not about to play second fiddle to Dixie and Godiva.

In fact, she’s so pissed, she steals the welcome mat on her way out the door. “Now ain’t that too damn bad!”

Marvin: Gonna triangulate the dialect debate. Seems to me “varmints I need removed” is one form of standard usage. If it were “varmints that need removed”, (or “a varmint that needs removed”) — there’s the Rust Belt dialect.

Of course I think the singular version is the one that best suits the future of the Marvin strip. Just my 2 cents.

Blondie: They know this is their Sunday strip, right? I mean, Sundays just don’t work like that.
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 2nd, 2009 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

To Mooncattie, two threads ago: I simply cannot see the name of that place with the words “You are Gunther Heindriksen from Appenzell. You moved to Grindelwald to drive the cog train to Mürren. Can you repeat that?” instantly materializing in my head.
Talking Squirrel
August 2nd, 2009 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

Stripey Butt: Hey, I was just on an eight hour flight and read the Sky Mall catalogue cover to cover, and I sure would like to know where Captain Lara found that binoculars-to-Beretta transformer. That’d be a handy toy. Go birdwatching, see a likely-looking one, shoot it for dinner. No, warden, he’s not dead. He’s just pining for the fjords.
AeroSquid
August 2nd, 2009 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

Comics seem dirtier in web-German.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2605/3781281097_4f793a66eb_o.jpg
Baka Gaijin
August 2nd, 2009 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

#14 OKSta: My first thought too.

#36 Ned Ryerson: The key is not to convince Marvin they’re Lincoln Logs (tee hee) but unwrapped Tootsie Roll Miniatures! Eat up, buddy!

#39 Dan, last sentence: OH MY GAWD! Have you been taking “Dingo lessons?”

#41 Alfred E. Neuman: No one wants to think of “Mary Worth” and “vagina.” I don’t know about Katya, but ChattyGenes is quite a few time zones away from the US and I’m quite a few in the other direction. It’s not the middle of the night for us.

#61 Calico: Don’t bogart all the Oxi-clean.

#66 Ned Ryerson: Great use of shrimp scampi.

#67 One-eyed Wolfdog: Don’t go giving Ces ideas now.
DavidMac
August 2nd, 2009 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

#4 Hank: I agree; MT is a lib, an associate member of PETA and undercover agent for ELF. Josh mis-read MT’s ideology . . . or did he? Maybe Josh is a fellow traveller, simply providing cover for MT as he wreaks havoc throughout the Lost Forest.
C. Havoc
August 2nd, 2009 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

Re: Hank and Josh:

Usually, if I have something really funny to say on a Saturday thread, I just plan to hold off until the Sunday Thread starts, since past history has indicated that the Sunday Thread always follows very quickly.

All this would work very well, except that I never actually think of anything funny.

Oh, to be on the float some day…
C. Havoc
August 2nd, 2009 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

Also, I love the guy that goes back and puts “Last!” on all the dead threads.

Funny.
Cheeky Wee Monkeys
August 2nd, 2009 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

I guess the whole point of Hi and Lois is SPEND SPEND SPEND. There was a strip a few years ago where the wife angsted that her husband didn’t get her anything when on a business trip, in spite of the fact that business trips aren’t company-paid adventures (and therfore, he didn’t have the time). I fantasize about a strip where she gets eaten by sharks. Cruel of me? Yes. But when you make a character that is THAT UNLIKABLE…

…

…see, it even distracted me from the cats that are probably peeing in the sandbox. SHE’S THAT ANNOYING.
AeroSquid
August 2nd, 2009 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

Nobody dosn’t like showtunes !

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3477/3782187182_cbe2510119_o.jpg
Jackuul
August 2nd, 2009 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

@78: He outlived that as soon as he killed off… everyone around Shaft that was his own age, and then made fun of rape.

It should read:
“His stories often involve depressing and hacked drama elements stolen poorly from strips with better execution combined with general misanthropy and cruelty to animals with lousy outcomes”
Cup O Joe
August 2nd, 2009 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

Judge Parker: I’m glad Lum finally left that lech Ataru.
dreadedcandiru2
August 2nd, 2009 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

I’ve been following the current ~~abomination~~ story line in Funky Winkerbean ever since Batshitnuts had Les stumble by that vending machine that said “Soldiers taken hostage” so I’d like to remind us of the one thing that he isn’t going to do. He isn’t going to have Becky tell Wally “It’s nice that you’re alive and everything but my life is with John now so you’ll have to leave.” He might not realize that the militants aren’t the Vietcong or that Wally’s death would have been shown on YouTube or that the Army would do DNA tests on recovered remains so they get the right man in the right box or that this question should wait a while because Wally will be in therapy for a year or so but at least he’s not stupid enough to turn this into a remake of that episode of the Simpsons where the townspeople ran the real Seymour Skinner out of town because they liked the fake one better. If he were to do that, we’d be forced to complain to his syndicate for turning in inferior work.
AirForbes
August 2nd, 2009 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

Marvin: No debate – Marvin has already revealed that he lives in Indiana.

MW: Judging by Delilah’s expression in the first panel of the bottom row, I’m guessing that the real problem is Charlie’s singing. She’s leaving in disgust, rather than listen to him butcher another song from one of her favorite musicals.

Phantom: Prince Rex and Princess Alicia look like characters from a Disney movie. Their dual royal blondness is sort of disturbing considering the story takes place in Africa. It’s like some statement on colonialism and socioeconomic repression and other deep things I don’t expect from the Phantom. Fortunately the last panel delivers what I do expect from this strip – a hail of bullets.

I know Lara just actually shot the people who were going to assassinate the Prince, but I’m enjoying the crazy-ex-girlfriend misdirect here.

Judge Parker: Subtext that’s barely “sub” anymore.
AeroSquid
August 2nd, 2009 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

FW: Maybe we will have a new character in Montoni’s. It stands to reason. Khan held Wally in Afghanistan and got a job there with little to no hard feelings.

Abdul: “Wally Piggerbean. I have held you at gunpoint for eleven years away from certain lingering death in Ohio. May I have a job at one of your pizza cafes ?”

Wally: “Yeah. Sure. I might have to ask my wife first.”

Abdul: “About that…..”
Joe Blevins
August 2nd, 2009 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

HTH: Wow, this Hagar is just layer upon layer of crazy. Let’s start with those throwaway panels in which Hagar returns home in a chipper mood, and Helga greets him with an eyes-narrowed, brow-furrowed “So I see…” that should chill the very blood within your veins. This leads to an extended rant in which Helga bizarrely pauses in the middles of sentences and screams such words as “wine” and “gourmet cooking” as part of some ill-advised rhetorical device. (This might be the only recorded instance in which the words “gourmet cooking” have ever been screamed in anger at this level of intensity outside of the Cordon Bleu or possibly Kitchen Nightmares.) Hagar, having unsuccessfully feigned innocence, quite literally tunes all of this out. His eyes are actually replaced by some sort of test pattern. Hagar snaps out of this hypnotic trance after four panels (a small eternity in Sunday comics time), only to make another attempt at feigning innocence. In the last panel, a dramatic lighting change seems to signal some kind of resolution. But what are we to make of the evil smile on Helga’s face or the ominous shadows on her helmet-horns? Is she relieved her husband has no memory of Paris, or is she planning to kill and eat him? We cannot be sure.
Greenbrastic
August 2nd, 2009 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

Marvin: I like that this comic presents funny situations that every family can relate to. Who hasn’t, as a child, found that his wading pool has been overtaken by a party of dogs who won’t let you in without an invite? Who hasn’t, as a child, tried to play in her sandbox, only to find it cordoned off by a cabal of haughty cats moving their bowels?

Beetle: The joke’s on you, Lt. Flapp! Obama may be commander in chief, but Camp Swampy’s racial culture remains proudly in the pre-civil rights era, where an intelligent black Lieutenant gets to be treated with less respect than the eponymous lazy (but white!) Private. Laffs!

Luann: You mean you are going to research books… on a computer? What crazy paradoxes the computer age has brought upon us!
Mars
August 2nd, 2009 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

No comments about Pickles? I know that rarely ever gets talked about on joshreads, but today’s strip wasn’t even a joke. It was just Opal covering a little boy’s eyes from a naughty TV show or commercial or whatever. That’s it.
mordock999
August 2nd, 2009 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

08/02/2009

Blondie — One question: Is that “WHOOSH” below Dagwood a reflection of his High-Speed DASH out the door, or DID He just Fart???

Hi and Lois — Aw Hi, ENJOY your personal belongings today because when Your Government quietly RAISES your Taxes in the next 12 months you’ll NO longer be able to afford ANY of it, you Fun-Lovin’, Happy-Go-Lucky, Middle-Class, TOOL.
_______________________

DEATH to TJ!
Alison
August 2nd, 2009 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

I was absolutely positive today’s “Marvin” was going to end with Marvin peeing in the pool, grossing out all the dogs and making them run away while Marvin sat there with a smug grin. I actually prefer the ending that was used.
GG
August 2nd, 2009 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

Here’s a fun game to play: reading the current Mary Worth strip while pretending to have no knowledge of previous ones. The effect makes it seem like something created by David Lynch.

We’ve got a woman conversing with a disembodied voice the entire time. When this voice suddenly decides to start singing Rodgers and Hammerstein, she grows enraged (seriously, she looks pissed in panel 6). Then she suddenly stares in open-mouth horror at a picture of a woman in a strapless dress on the wall, for no apparent reason. Meanwhile, the singing continues. She finally flees the apartment.

In addition, there’s all the odd angles, extreme close-ups, weird coloring, and the fact that she looks like a member of a Mormon polygamist cult. I’d say it makes the whole thing surreal, but it doesn’t get much weirder than the general view of human relations espoused by Mary Worth.
Joe Blevins
August 2nd, 2009 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

H&L: Where the hell are the Flagstons going on their vacation? “Okay, kids, we’re off to spend a week playing baseball and basketball simultaneously while singing folk songs in a canoe! Ladies, don’t forget your shoeboxes full of cobalt!”

MW: Has anyone mentioned that the movie version of South Pacific is, in fact, pretty lousy and if it’s the only non-porn movie in your DVD collection, you are a complete dumbass? South Pacific, of course, is most infamous for having scenes shot through colored filters, which makes the entire movie look like…. well, just like panel one of this Mary Worth! Okay, now I get it! Brilliant choice!

By the way, Delilah, it’s a smart movie sniffing that DVD for drugs in panel 5. That’s exactly the kind of place a weirdo like Charley would hide his stash.
Toxic
August 2nd, 2009 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

Honestly I think Charley lucked out on this one. Sure, the vintage cheesecake posters might not be in the best taste in the world, but if your date goes into a deep moral panic at the sight of a couple of Marilyn Monroe posters and you drinking a scotch on the rocks, you’re better off with her leaving on her own before she tries to get you to watch the complete filmed work of Kirk Cameron or something.
Calico
August 2nd, 2009 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

I meant to mention, panel 7 in MW is fantastic.
Is Delilah morphing into a fish? Or did Charley get her to play a few rounds of “Chubby Bunny”?

And Re: Marvin in panel 5, our house and yards are always like that, sans sandbox – cats, cats, and more 9demanding) cats. We’re super-magnets for Felis Domesticus, as is my Mom.
sully
August 2nd, 2009 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

I have to question the veracity of that particular Marvin strip. It’s a well-known fact that cats are rather particular about where they defecate. If the area is contaminated by another creature’s feces, they will look for another spot to eliminate. Assuming that Marv has left several turds and puddles of urine in and around the sand box, the cats would vacate the premises in search of more pristine, uncontaminated surroundings. I don’t like cats, but I despise Marvin.

Plus, why does Blondie’s mailman look exactly like their neigbour Herb?
OKStan
August 2nd, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

#70 True, true!
After the cats leave, Marvin can play “Captain Pirate”, and dig for buried treasure!

* searchs frantically for brain bleach *

Well, this has become a scatological Sunday afternoon, hasn’t it! It’s all Marvin’s fault!
bats :[
August 2nd, 2009 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

Apparently “South Pacific” isn’t one of R&H’s big favorites around CC (not like “Oklahoma” or “The Sound of ~~Nazis Running Amok~~ Music”).

I thought we might’ve been treated to (to the tune of “Bali Hai”)

Charley Smith is stalking
Charterstone every day
In your ear, you’ll hear him whisper
“Here I am, babe…let’s go play!”

But then, I’m no fan of this musical, either.
OTOH, how can it go wrong when there’s a character called Bloody Mary?!
Joe Blevins
August 2nd, 2009 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

These so-called “Sunday comics” represent nothing less than a monument to filth and depravity, which I shall now handily prove with this impromptu collage.
Talking Squirrel
August 2nd, 2009 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

103 mordock999 says: Blondie — One question: Is that “WHOOSH” below Dagwood a reflection of his High-Speed DASH out the door, or DID He just Fart???
————

Well, considering his dietary indiscretions (as Daisy seems to be doing), and the fact that his last name translates as “Ass Place” — which option gets your vote?

This might also explain Dithers’ cigars.
The Ridger
August 2nd, 2009 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

Apologies: that anonymous comment at #47 was me. Not sure how that happened.
Eldaglass
August 2nd, 2009 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

#111 bats :[

I had this strange picture in my mind Delilah skipping away singing, “Bloody Mary is the girl I love. Bloody Mary is the girl I love…” I’m glad I’m not alone in this house of horrors.
commodorejohn
August 2nd, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

#105 GG – I called the Lynch thing in the last thread, but it got post-jumped while I was at church ;) Yeah, even though I’ve been following Mary Worth for over two years, today’s installment really threw me off. I’m used to stilted, non-human-intelligence type strangeness from this strip, but the weird, pseudo-symbolic fever-dream feel of today’s is entirely new.
Katya
August 2nd, 2009 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

Hi and Lois:

Hey, Josh, living beyond one’s means is the American Way! Get with the program, guy.
The Ridger
August 2nd, 2009 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

Dropping the “to have” is dialect. Are you from western Pennsylvania or near it, by any chance? “I need these things removed” sounds perfectly standard to me. (And I’m not from Pennsylvania at all.) Like “I need some flowers delivered”.

Now “They need removed” isn’t standard, but it needs “to be”, not “to have”. Do you think “I have some things I need to have removed” (which is fine) is the only way to say it?
anonymous
August 2nd, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth: I think whatever pictures are hanging on the wall, they are so depraved and obscene that they can’t be portrayed. So the innocuous pinup pictures are substituted. Sort of like a black bar is put over the naughty bits? You have to imagine the pinup pictures as a coverup for the depraved obscenity.

Phantom: I’ve been following this Rex and Pretty Pretty Princess storyline for weeks now. I don’t get Capt. Lara. Week after week she is show with obvious male pattern baldness in the hairline. I theorize she is a MAN, baby, and jealous of either Rex or his bride to be.
bats :[
August 2nd, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

28. Chief Instigation Officer: I’m sure the CS vs. TR will pick up on Monday. The Sunday strip tends to stand alone for those papers which have the good sense only to run the Sunday CS.

Nevertheless:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3779564501/
(sorry, you’ll need to “size up”)

60. True Fable: wow, I thought it was keen to share the same natal day as Peter O’Toole…but now Galevav, too! Yay, fellow Leos!

88. AeroSquid: dang, that IS filthy!

Oh, yeah, Marvin: more timber rattlers in the rose bushes, mule!
Talking Squirrel
August 2nd, 2009 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

JP: Happy horse fuckers they are, happy horse fuckers they have been, and happy horse fuckers they will always be. And then there’s the small matter of today’s art. Not just the “comics art” facets, but the draftsmanship and coloring are all exemplary. Last panel’s particularly atmospheric.
AeroSquid
August 2nd, 2009 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

H&L: WTF ? After Hi apparently mans up and puts his foot down about vacation, his wife secretly packs enough crap to wait out a hurricane in a nearby FEMA camp. What’s up, Hi ? Did she not answer you when you said: “No vacation.” Now she throws the old “It’s OUR vacation, too.” crap. In other words, she promised “MY children, too !” that vacation was still a go and don’t listen to silly daddy. What Hi did’nt have the ‘Nads to tell Lois was that Foofram Industrial Sealants laid off 75% of their workforce and his ‘Staycation’ was actually ‘Funenployment’. Guess whose credit and debit cards will be rejected at the World’s Largest Proctology Finger in Hurlyville Gift Shop.

You sicken me, Hi.
Katya
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

Judge Parker:

Yeah, it definitely still is about horse-…whatever. Jeez, could it be any more, like, obvious?

I had a horse as a teenager, but he was one mean…whatever. There was absolutely no love lost between us. I had to be careful around him every moment if I didn’t want to get bitten, kicked or have him run away with me.

Actually, he was so damn barn sour, that sometimes, on the way back to the stables, I would let him have his head and get out of control. It was about the only time he’d gallop!

So, I kinda envy Godiva…but not in the way you think. Ha, ha!
Dangerous Danny Dumbutt
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

It’s difficult to read through every one of the comments, but the biggest thing I noticed this morning was that Hi and Lois are STILL driving that STATION WAGON that they got way back in the 1960’s (at least). No “cash for clunkers” in that household!
AeroSquid
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

120: Bats :[ – Only if you try and translate it back.
Katya
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth:

Amazing! Delilah finally had the sense to hightail it out of that den of iniquity. I didn’t know she had it in her.

Funny that it was “South Pacific” that finally drove her over the edge, though.
UncleJeff
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft: I know that comic strip artists do Sunday strips separately from their weekday storylines (although many readers wouldn’t)…but it still looks like the cat was scratching around a hastily dug (but well-manicured) grave for Little Yappy Dog.
MW: I am disappointed. I thought the horrifying picture by the door would be Lawrence getting done doggy-style.
JP: Horsey-style? Absolute (but well-drawn) filth.
AeroSquid
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

MW: Other tracks from the South Pacific soundtrack that could have sent Delilah running:

A Cockeyed Optimist

Bloody Mary

Honey Bun

You’ve Got To Be Carefully Taught

This Nearly Was Mine
Shermy Glamrocker
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

I think “Scatological Sunday” would be a great theme, and judging by the comments on this blog, not that difficult to bring about.

(Almost wrote, “not that hard to pull off,” but that would be more appropriate for “Masturbation Monday.”)
Baka Gaijin
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

#121 AeroSquid: A storyline ripped from the today’s headlines!
seismic-2
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

Actually, what drove Delilah over the edge was the realization that the previous Charterstone marriage that Charley broke up was that of her very dear friends Sam and Janet Evening.
AeroSquid
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

#130 Baka Gaijin: NOT SEXY !!! NOT SEXY !!!! *AURGHHHHHHH*
Katya
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

#118 — The Ridger et al.:

Pleeeaaase…nooooo! Not another grammar discussion.

I know I can be directly implicated in at least one here, but I’m just getting over it all. I think I’ve learned my lesson (it only leads to fights and hurt feelings) and will try to stay out of such in the future. (Unless I simply can’t help myself, which could very well happen.)

I do understand the temptation, though. :)

This site is so awesome that getting into verbal jousts with one another is a shame.
Baka Gaijin
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

#130 AeroSquid: Uh, what did you expect? It’s exactly what you said in post 121. Right, yeah, you’re right, that article is about as sexy as Mary Worth getting a colposcopy. Pass the Oxi-clean again, please.
Joe Blevins
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

“I’m a man with eclectic tastes, Del!”

Tell me about it! Charley’s into both blondes and brunettes! In Santa Royale, that qualifies him as bisexual… which in turn, violates his lease at Charterstone. So problem solved!
Talking Squirrel
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

130 Baka Gaijin — I think it’s touching and sweet that on the first occasion, the perp fell asleep next to his equine conquest. Or maybe he “swooned”.

It was also quite amusing to click on the linked keyword “Buggery” in the article, and have it pop up a NetFlix window! Didn’t realize they’d branched out into that area.
Lisa
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

{I particularly liked Frazz today, a very nice Peanuts ref.}

Me too. I wonder if today is an anniversary of some kind, re Schulz.
Lisa
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

Oh, and it’s a nice ending for the garage sale series, with everything being sold for five cents.
Joshua
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

#102 Mars: The “joke” in Pickles is that the offensive content is not part of a program, but a type of commercial.

The structure of the strip could be improved, though; it would make more sense for Opal to first cover her grandson’s eyes and ears, and then start shouting for her husband to get the remote control and change the channel. This would convey the idea that Opal found something on television offensive earlier, and then allow a buildup toward the “joke” that the offensive content was a commercial. As the strip was actually written, it looks like the grandson would have gotten to see and hear at least 10 seconds of the commercial before Opal covered his eyes and ears.
Winky's Spleen
August 2nd, 2009 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

I think a lot of y’all have the wrong idea about Marvin: He doesn’t just want to wallow in any filth; li’l narcissist that he is, it has to be his own filth. He’s furious with the animals for soiling the play areas before he’s had the chance to do so.

Otherwise, the strip brings back some nasty memories: When I was a kid, we had this awesome sandbox in our back yard, until the local cats discovered it. Possibly, as sully (#109) suggests, it was one cat, but judging by the number of little cat presents that turned up, it would have had to be a single cat that was getting a lot of fiber in its diet.

Prick City: A coyote getting a Brazilian wax? Okay, Opus used to subject himself to such things. But you, Prickly City, are no Bloom County.
Loopina
August 2nd, 2009 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

MW: I read that as “Do you want some CHiPS?”

Lockhorns – The little red car reminds me of my old 1995 Ford Escort, complete with damage. It’s also the most well-drawn thing in the strip.

Bizarro – would have been funnier about 7 years ago. Maybe.
He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
August 2nd, 2009 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

I see Young and Marshall have discovered copy/paste.
Charterstoned
August 2nd, 2009 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

MW – In the second to last panel, Delilah’s jaw has dropped open in horror. This is because 1) the girl in the picture on the wall is enjoying something behind her that we can’t see, 2) the girl in the picture is actually a live miniature girl in a shadowbox (and I’m thinking this is the answer because in the last panel the girl has shifted position and closed her eyes in ectasy), or 3) Delilah is anticipating Charley trying to hit that high note on the word “go” and she knows for sure he’s not going to make it and she’s not going to stick around to hear ANYBODY ruin Rodgers and Hammerstein’s otherworldly music, no matter WHAT.
Lawyerbob
August 2nd, 2009 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

#49 Red Greenback: When my mother was a girl, all of the family dogs were named “Rex.”

MW: I may not have been the greatest ladies’ man back in the day, but even I knew that singing Rodgers and Hammerstein would make any woman flee in horror.
Jaime Weinman
August 2nd, 2009 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

Nosy Mary is my friend from birth!
Nosy Mary, her last name is Worth!
Nosy Mary soon will rule the earth!
So keep your bachelor pad!
Nosy Mary never sets me free!
She’s opposed to infidelity!
Nosy Mary knows what’s best for me!
So keep your bachelor pad!
‘Cause, Charley, you’re damn baaaaaadddd!
Steve the Pocket
August 2nd, 2009 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

I was once informed, by Ayers himself, that the Batiuk/Ayers features are completed an entire year in advance. That was about a decade ago, so I don’t know if they’ve narrowed that gap since then, but if they haven’t, or if it’s still pretty big, then there’s really no good reason to not write Sundays and dailies at the same time — and no excuse for the unfortunate coincidence in Crankshaft today.

On the lighter side, I bet some little old ladies are gonna pitch a fit over it. And as we all know, little old ladies who pitch fits are the only people newspapers and syndicates listen to anymore.
bats :[
August 2nd, 2009 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

145. Jaime Weinman: clap clap clap clap clap! Great stuff!
Rock Ripsnort
August 2nd, 2009 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

Maybe I’m crazy, but wasn’t it Mary Worth herself who first sang the praises of Rogers & Hammerstein in this storyline? Could it be that the woman in THAT picture is a young MARY WORTH HERSELF, the woman Charley has always loved? Now THAT would scar children’s minds!
boojum
August 2nd, 2009 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

Rock Ripsnort @ 148: Now you’ve hurt my thinky thing.
Birthmark Hal
August 2nd, 2009 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

Hi should thank his wife for making him go on vacation. Five hour after sitting down on his lawn chair and watching TV he would grow a snout. Seven hours into his “staycation” his skin would develop a thick coating of fur and by the next morning he would experience complete, irreversible and total transformation into a Plugger.

Blondie, just buy one of those post mounted mailboxes that goes near the front of the yard. It’ll prevent future injuries and joke repetition.

Speaking of repetition, did Dean Young and/or John Marshall only learn how to draw one type of bag in their fancy schmancy cartooning school? Putting a handle on the postman’s messenger bag does not turn it into a convincing briefcase.
Tess
August 2nd, 2009 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

Marvin is eager to pee in the pool and poop in the sandbox, I see.
Sheila Sternwell
August 2nd, 2009 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

#141 Loopina – Me too! I just stared at the “CHiPS” for a while trying to figure out what kind of fake porno name it was. Then I thought maybe it was one of those weird promotional tie-in snacks from the 70s.
boojum
August 2nd, 2009 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

JP: Somebody’s guest house is about to get wrecked.

MW: Moy has misquoted Charley here; Delilah heard what he was really singing:

Once you have bound her, never let her go;
Once you have bound her,
Never
Let
Her
Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!!!
tb4000
August 2nd, 2009 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

Blondie:

USPS Office Manager: Beasley, why do you always have bruises when you return from your route?

Beasley: Uh….I fell down some stairs.

USPS Mgr: EVERY DAY?

Beasley: ……yes.
Echo
August 2nd, 2009 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

MW: Delilah was all smiles about the porn, but when she found South Pacific, that was the final straw.

The only way I can read this that makes any sense, is that Delilah wanted a completely guilt-free carefree lay. When she finds out Charley is actually a somewhat complex person with varied tastes, a sense of romance and a wonderful singing voice, and not just a leer attached to a penis, she has to run away. That’s way too much emotional involvement for her!

Delilah, for a “prodigy” you sure seem pretty stupid. The solution is obvious: you need to move to Vegas to become a prostitute. That’s the only way you’ll get the dirty sex you crave without the yucky human emotional intimacy stuff you fear.
Donald The Anarchist
August 2nd, 2009 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

Blondie Notice Dag doesn’t collide w/ Blondie, ever. This is because he knows Blondie has a knee ready for his crotch should he even have a near miss.

H&L Good Lord, Hi. It’s not like she can force you into the car at gunpoint. I mean, I enjoyed going on trips as a child, but there were also endless hours w/ three kids crowded in the back seat, often w/ a dog draped over our laps, dead zones where no more than three radio stations could even be detected, usually one of them religious and not the hip, Christian Rock, stuff you hear nowadays, either just the most steadily droning sermons you could imagine, and no good way to balance the desire for potty breaks with the desire to make good time…but I digress. Oh, and sorry, Dad.

HTH Has Helga been possessed by the pre-incarnate spirit of William Shatner?

Marvin Ha-ha! The whole family is happy, because they know they can push Marvin around and he’s too weak to resist! Go, family!

MW Perhaps Delilah is merely countering Charley’s South Pacific with a little Onyx “SLAM! duh-duh-dit, duh-duh-dit, let the boys be boys!” Maybe she can bring him into the nineties at least.

Phantom Of course it’ll turn out that the shots were fired from the bushes or the grassy knoll or maybe from an open manhole cover but the Phantom will get in a room with the ghosts of Earl Warren and Gerald Ford and they’ll decide it was a real magic bullet and arrest the local witch doctor, who will be completely taken aback because he spent the entire afternoon tweaking on magic berries.

JP “Yeah, every time I want to be alone, there’s Rocky! Maybe I can convince him to go for a walk or something. I’m really tired of his ass!”
xrayguy
August 2nd, 2009 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

JP:Finally, bestiality in the comics. Now I dont have to cover my webtracks from my wife on the home computer! Just read JP and get it in full color.
MW: What is Charley pouring out of that bottle that he has to completly invert it to make it flow? Must be some pretty stout booze to flow that slow
Carlye
August 2nd, 2009 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

I don’t know why everyone is baffled that Delilah went running after Charley started singing “Some Enchanted Evening”! That would make me run, even if it were only back to Mary Worth’s!
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 2nd, 2009 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

MW: Funny old world, innit? Delilah could sort of deal with the pinups, the drinking, the porn DVD’s. But the eerie sound of a straight male singing “Some Enchanted Evening”? That was the last straw.

Blondie: You can feel sorry for Mr. Beasley, but I have the feeling he’s about to have the last laugh. And by “laugh” I mean “orgasm between Blondie’s shuddering thighs.”

HOTC: All this time I’ve thought Ruthie was the child psychopath on the funny pages. Now here’s Heart decapitating her dolls. Go figure.

Ziggy: Again, I can’t work up any sympathy for the neighbors. Any couple who would install a picture window next to what they know is Ziggy’s yard deserve what they get.

OBH: Ruthie should get that bratty redhead’s number. If she can work some “good performance art” into the “Good Art by Ruthie” business model, it opens up a whole new world of grant money.

MT: So now you readers with a hankerin’ for whale meat know where to take your next vacation.
xrayguy
August 2nd, 2009 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

Pickels: Yeah, what was Gramma so worried about the kid seeing on the TV? Adult diapers, hair removal products, porn? Did something in the first panel get censored? The whole joke just fell flat.
OId School Allie Cat
August 2nd, 2009 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

Phantom I never read this strip, and when I saw the first few panels, they reminded me of one of the fake fairy tales Rick Detorie would tell in One Big Happy.

Crankshaft – Seriously, Effexor is dirt cheap and very, very effective. I’d send you some of mine, but I have to read your strips tomorrow, so I’ll need them for myself.

Mutts- I believe if left to her own devices, my dog would be this clever.

MW – It occurs to me that Delilah probably prefer the Mandy Patinkin or Robert Goulet versions of South Pacific over the Ezio Pinza/Mary Martin OCR. Which is the only thing keeping me from throwing up in my mouth.
Aijaz
August 2nd, 2009 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

#75 – Uncle Lumpy

Disabling AdBlock did it. Thanks! Now I can go back to enjoying the comics, the blog, and the comments all from the same page.
Poteet
August 2nd, 2009 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

# 41 Alfred — I enjoyed your South Pacific mashup greatly Thank you.

PHANTOM — Is anyone in this strip actually sane? Never mind.

# 60 Sir Fable MTK — I went to a goat field day and was able to pet one of the goats who were heroically munching a stand of European buckthorn into oblivion on public conservation land, even though some of the goats were having foot problems because of the debris. All hail, noble goats. And you are cute, too.
buckyswife
August 2nd, 2009 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

130 Baka Gaijin: “Cross species sex crime”: there’s a phrase that, fortunately, I don’t have much use for—but that unfortunately, is gonna stick in my brain.
Joe Blevins
August 2nd, 2009 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

Charley’s version of South Pacific seems to be about a young man giving another young man a backrub. For the record here is what the actual South Pacific DVD looks like.
queek
August 2nd, 2009 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

131: that may just be the worst pun this site has ever seen, and that includes many a MG&Groan and RwO attempt.

well done!
buckyswife
August 2nd, 2009 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

I just read that Jeremy from Zits will turn 16 this month, after being 15 for the duration of the strip thus far.

I’m sure that the jokes will be radically different from now on.

Then again, I’m delusional.
Red Greenback
August 2nd, 2009 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

Marvin: Those two dogs are making sexy-time in the pool.
Poteet
August 2nd, 2009 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

MARVIN — Warning, ickyness ahead. (Well, it is MARVIN, after all.) My wonderful vet, who I see fairly often since I have elderly cats, posted an article on one exam room door which I have skimmed a few times. It tells the cheery story of a little boy who was diagnosed with partial loss of sight in one eye due to a parasitic worm, the source of which was traced to a sandbox in a public park which contained the eggs of that parasite because dogs (I think the named perps were dogs) had pooped there. The little boy had somehow transferred the eggs from the sand to his mouth.

Apparently the blindness consequence is pretty rare, but I am glad I don’t play in sandboxes anymore, and that a lot more of them are covered when not in use than was the case when I was a child. And now that I think about it, I wonder if the actual perps might not have been raccoons.

Sorry.
Poteet
August 2nd, 2009 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

# 167 buckyswife — I’m not optimistic about ZITS becoming a lot more humorous, but at least Jeremy is being allowed to grow, however slowly. Whereas Luann, unlike her brother, is stuck in high school forever and ever and ever. And not gracefully.
Poteet
August 2nd, 2009 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

# 163 Sir Fable MTK — Sorry for any confusion. I meant to refer to the goats as being cute. But from your occasionally-appearing photo on this site, you’re not bad yourself:-).
mr 12 oz can
August 2nd, 2009 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

did del steal the lamp that was next to the couch and why would charlie leave the blind up on the window next to the door that wasnt there last week. i also wonder what other snack charlie was gonna offer before he decided on chips. vienna saucage maybe ?
Irving
August 2nd, 2009 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

Here’s your second weekly update on Cathy:
7/27: Again with the “We’re too stupid and/or lazy to download photos from our digital camera” joke. And still not funny.
7/28: Another joke about how the new technology is no better than the old technology, especially if you’re really stupid. And still not funny.
7/29: Another joke about how men are from stupid-Mars, while women are from stupid-Venus. And still not funny.
7/30: see 7/29
7/31: see 7/29
8/1: see 7/28
8/2: Another joke about how the fashion industry is cruel to women, especially when they have self-esteem issues; plus, a bonus lesson on never wearing new clothes without washing them first, since you never know how much Cathy sweat they might contain. And still not funny.
buckyswife
August 2nd, 2009 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

#170 Poteet: Well, the bad news is that the writers plan for much of the humor to be about Jeremy driving—in essence, same stuff but with his van, you know, moving. The good news: They say that there will be more strips without Jeremy’s parents, which I hope translates to less “teenagers are so damned annoying” humor.
Gabe
August 2nd, 2009 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

Confession: I like Zits, always have. Sue me. I’m excited about this change, I kind of figured it was coming with the foreshadowing and all.

I used to like Baby Blues, but its gotten….I dunno, mediocre. I don’t have snark for it, but it ain’t what it used to be.

In other news of people with multiple strips, I throw my hat in to the Eff Crankshaft ring. I will follow this story out, and then I’m done, regardless if the dog lives or dies. I detest this storyline, so, so much. I will follow Funky for the snark value of the doom and gloom, but I’m done with Cranky. Sad, it was the one of the two strips that actually could make me chuckle on occasion.
Mibbitmaker
August 2nd, 2009 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

Tune in to Mystery Phantom Theater 3000 for the movie “Rex: The King of Fate”, riffed on by Josh and his robot puppet friends (namely, us), only on Curmudgeony Central.

(Of course, we all know that our “Manos” was the Aldo Kelrast saga. Just humor me…)
Dr. Weird
August 2nd, 2009 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

160 xrayguy -

My guess was an ad for Viagra or the many other male enhancement products. They start off innocuously enough, but by the end are talking about erections lasting longer than four hours, which one might not want a young grandson exposed to.
Winky's Spleen
August 2nd, 2009 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

Gabe #175 – Agree about Baby Blues; it used to have some real humor and bite to it. I think they jumped the shark with the third kid; since then it’s gotten to be a hyrid of Marvinesque potty humor and FOOBian maternal self-pity.
True Fable
August 2nd, 2009 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

# 171 O Poteet, my queen! – Oh. Well, of course you meant the goats. Goats are cute; this is a verifiable fact.
Mibbitmaker
August 2nd, 2009 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

Blondie: This is going to keep going on for a while; Dagwood is in one of his Clara Harris moods.

JP: Godiva’s being treated like royalty there — or, more appropriately for her, Russian royalty….
Poteet
August 2nd, 2009 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

# 174 buckyswife — Thanks. And, aha. I did wonder if being able to drive at sixteen had something to do with this decision.

I do wonder more frequently why I bother reading ZITS, when life is short and I’ve recently found more strips I like better. So within a few months, I may not care what the new ZITS humor is about, because ZITS will have joined CATHY in my out box.

Speaking of which, if Cathy ever divorces, has a kid, or dies, I hope CC will let me know. Otherwise, I don’t care. If only giving up chocolate could be so easy.
buckyswife
August 2nd, 2009 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

181 Poteet: See, the difference is that chocolate is good.

Oh, and 179 True Fable: If you’re half as cute as goat #2—well, you must be quite cute indeed.
Lisa
August 2nd, 2009 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

(Speaking of repetition, did Dean Young and/or John Marshall only learn how to draw one type of bag in their fancy schmancy cartooning school? Putting a handle on the postman’s messenger bag does not turn it into a convincing briefcase.)

No, that’s the way the strip was originally drawn in the 30s, and, even though 3/4ths of a century has gone by, and the strip has laptops and stuff, clothing and briefcases and stuff like that have to stay the same. Continuity, you know.
seismic-2
August 2nd, 2009 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

#183: Not only is Dagwood’s briefcase pretty much the same satchel as Mr. Beasley’s mailbag, but also Mr. Beasley himself is pretty much the same person as Dagwood’s next-door-neighbor Herb Woodley. However, today we see clearly that Mr. Beasley is more nearly completely bald. Whew! I’m glad that after only 75 years, we finally got that cleared up! It must have been so confusing for Tootsie all those years, being unsure of whether she was cheating on her husband with the mailman or vice versa.
Katya
August 2nd, 2009 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

#148 — Rock Ripsnort:

Or perchance you mean:

“Now that WOULD scar children’s minds!”

Oh, my God. I’m so far gone as a result of this site that now I’m mixing and matching my comics, something I’ve noticed a lot of you doing the last couple of days, to great comical effect.

Your version and mine could both make perfect sense, as opposed to a certain strip that needn’t be named here. (Think waaay misplaced emphasis on words.)
Katya
August 2nd, 2009 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

#149 — boojum:

Your “thinky thing,” huh?

Well, I’ve always heard it said that men think with their d****.
Comrade Denny
August 2nd, 2009 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

#117 – Katya

Agreed. If Mary Worth offers us a well-treated window into the sterility and artifice of bourgeois convention, the “keeping up appearances,” the “fake it ’til you make it,” ethos of the upper-middle class, Hi and Lois offers us a bust garage door into the self-destructive consumerist frenzy that underlines the guiding spirit the lower-middle class, or, in this phase of post-capitalist social evolution, those formerly middle class who are rapidly being proletarianize. As for going on vacation, Guy Debord has some keen insights into this need for people to escape their own lives by “vacating” them as buying ersatz experiences.
Lael
August 2nd, 2009 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

Just to agree with some other comments: I can’t imagine that a large group of cats would want to sit in a sandbox and pee/poop together/continue to sit motionless, but upright in the waste.
Alfred E. Neuman
August 2nd, 2009 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

#107 Toxic Re: Delilah’s Puritanism— I think you’re on to something. If Delilah’s husband wants to end the marriage relatively cheaply, I expect that he could get an annulment rather than a divorce, because the marriage has not been consummated. No wonder he’s “out of town” so much.

#163 Poteet— You’re certainly welcome! The sad part is that I can sing or hum most of those songs. I hope that doesn’t make me a Plugger.
Katya
August 2nd, 2009 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

#166 — queek:

Agreed! It was so subtle it went right over my stupid head. But I was probably reading too quickly; just shows me I should slow down so as not to miss any gems!
Poteet
August 2nd, 2009 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

# 179 Sir Fable MTK — Thanks for another dose of cuteness!

# 189 Alfred — Hey, I know the melody and lyrics to every one of those songs. That’s the kind of useful, practical brain I have. And I say knowing R & H songs has nothing to do with Pluggerness.

And if there is ever a global disaster of hideously huge proportions, such that humanity is reduced to scattered small colonies of traumatized survivors desperate for any form of entertainment to escape the grim reality of their marginal existence, then, when they decide to put on a rag-tag version of SOUTH PACIFIC, maybe, if I’m still around, I can play Bloody Mary. I’m sure not going to get to warble “Bali Hai” on a stage any other way:-).
Bobdog
August 2nd, 2009 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

That is a strange collection of expressions on Delilah’s part — going from drugged out daze (”where am I?”) to sarcastic/dismissive (”showtunes… really?”) to watery eyed melancholy (”oh, but my husband used to love show tunes”) to shifty eyed suspicion (”he’’s not really going to sing, is he?”) to barely contained rage (”he is god damn butchering my favorite song!”) and then finally abject horror (”OMFG he’s not wearing any pants!”).
Poteet
August 2nd, 2009 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

# 191 — And if the Global Disaster rag-tag musical festival continued, I’d also like to play Vera Charles in MAME. And then I’d like to play Fraulein Schneider in CABARET. It would have to be a really, really huge global disaster. Okay, I’m done.
Katya
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

#187 — Comrade Denny:

Thanks for expanding (brilliantly, I might add) on my simple statement. The “…consumerist frenzy…” part resonated with me in particular.

I haven’t heard of Guy Debord, but will look into it. The topics about which you say he has written sound interesting.
Married Agnostic Woman
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

Hi and Lois: My paper prints this strip without the top row of panels, and I’m trying to decide if that makes Lois into less of a greedy bitch or not.
zooby
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

Why do I get the feeling that if Rex Morgan had continued for one more panel, Godiva would’ve said “Awesome! I’ll just be out here in the barn, having sex with this horse!”
zooby
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

ARGH. I mean Judge Parker. GOD. I am the WORST at commenting this week.
xrayguy
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

Dr Weird/177
Yes, yes, thank you, good, good, I can work with that now.
Aviatrix
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

I was so disappointed to see Delilah storm out today. I was really looking forward to her and Charley getting down and dirty on the rug in front of the sofa-sized blob picture, or, failing that, I could have enjoyed weeks more of Delilah being shocked and horrified by every day objects. (Relax, honey, it’s just a rolling pin).

I was going to have to leave the comics page unfulfilled, but Judge Parker saved the day. Now I can imagine Delilah running out to the Charterstone stables. Surely Sultan has enough to go around.

Dan @39: best explanation yet.

Josh @6: Thank you! I keep wondering why some people think their posts are soooo important that the have to post them twice. I delete those on my own blog. And Hank @65, it’s not true that yesterday’s comments go unread. You see plenty of responses to day-before posts, labelled Y for yesterday.
buckyswife
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

191 & 193 Poteet: I just finished reading The Road, and I’m picturing, to frightening effect, a Cormac McCarthy – Rodgers&Hammerstein crossover. Of course, then the famous song would be “I’m Gonna Wash that Man’s Brains Right Out of My Hair.”
sinshine
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

re: the phantom, am I the only one who thinks Alicia has a harelip?
Mdgoldrush1984
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

#141, #152:

I just assume Charley is a big fan of the late 70’s Erik Estrada vehicle CHiPs.
LaziestManOnMars
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

Today’s Blondie has quirky comic timing, creative layout, and a great sense of movement. No doubt a re-tread of one of the original strips. Anyone who’s ever had any personal creative equity in Blondie is long, long, dead.
seismic-2
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

#197 zooby – don’t worry about it. If Woody Wilson can write a crossover story arc between his two strips whereby Sultan the Stallion meets Nurse June, well, my computer will have a new screensaver, you bet. Just sayin’.
bats :[
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

192. Bobdog: I hope you don’t mind, but I thought your analysis of Delilah’s expressions really enhanced comprehension of today’s strip:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3783152753/
noname (pronounced \
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:17 am [Reply]

Quickly, before it’s Monday…

Blondie: A weird bit of continuity: Dagwood mentions his “lucky pen”, and I remember when I was about 7, I read a Sunday strip where Dag was having a full-blown tantrum becuse he’d lost his favorite pen and couldn’t work without it. At the time I thought it was hilarious to see a grown man act so childish.

FoxTrot: WHOA. In real life, you’d be seeing Blond Girl’s areolas.

Lio: Legitimately terrifying.
noname (pronounced NOH-nah-mee)
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:18 am [Reply]

^That’s what my name should be.
Frank Parsnip
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:50 am [Reply]

A3G: How exactly did Eric give his life to save Lodi’s? The buildup of Eric telling Lodi repeatedly not to turn around no matter what and to keep on going no matter what he hears sounds a hell of a lot more like a suicide than a simple avalanche. And if Margo figures this out, there isn’t going to be a single monk living through the day.

MW: The last airplane that tried to get away with offering expansive window views was the de Havilland Comet, and if you don’t know what happened, that’s okay. Just keep in mind that airliners have had itty-bitty windows for a long time as a direct result.

MT: A burned out car? Do you have any idea how much pollution came out of those burnt plastic seat covers, floor mats and dash? The release of air-conditioning fluid from this 1970s-era car, alone, has probably doubled the size of the hole in the ozone. When Mark finally finds the shooter, he’s going to use those fists of justice to fist the hell out of him.

DtM: Dennis talking about staying on Mr. Wilson’s “good side”? Not menacing.

Mandrake: Who says there’s nothing left to explore? Nick Bliss, adventurer and sportsman, will find that with a few of Mandrake’s hypnotic gestures he will be able to explore all sorts of new spaces within his own bellybutton.

Die Phantom Betrogen: Unfortunately for the Phantom, no matter how carefully you leap up to a tin roof, it still makes one hell of a racket.

FC: Jeffy’s ready for the food pinata action to begin.

BB: Judging from the prisoners’ feldgrau uniforms and the jagdpanzer in the background, I’m guessing Beetle has infiltrated the German army to bring back these prisoners.

Krankschaft: The poor masochistic dog took the snakebites for Cranky and then took the hoe blows to save the snake. And thus the snake and Crankshaft shall live to fight again another day.

Funky Pantysniffer: The only way Funky could look even more like a dick while saying he hardly recognized Wally is if he were to borrow Sam Driver’s sunglasses and tip them down just a bit so he can peer over the frames.

Slylock Fox: Betty Beaver, by the way, is not her “porn name”.
Gold-Digging Nanny
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:36 am [Reply]

SFx — I am so excited about the latest addition to the rogue’s gallery! (Not to mention Pastis Peak.) I wonder if he’s related to Reeky? Either way, you’ve gotta like Rodney’s style, from the ridiculous sunglasses, unbuttoned shirt and mullet to the way he uses salami in lieu of a butcher block and wantonly throws chair legs into the fire. “So, you’re going to arrest me, copper? Uhh!” (Breaks chair leg.) “See what I did to that chair? That’s you!”
Bobdog
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:44 am [Reply]

#205 bats :[ — Coolness. I am deeply flattered.
Mibbitmaker
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:51 am [Reply]

Ate Three Oh,nine:

JP: “…and by ‘Rocky’, I meant ‘Sultan’.”

FW: Hey, Wally, join the club!

BBailey: Forget waterboarding — that’s torture.

Curtis: About time!

The … Mindmeld of Edison Lee: No, idiot, you’re supposed to use the original cast for that one. That’s the way George Takei wrote it.

Cranky: Noble sacrifice, my ass!
True Fable
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:55 am [Reply]

Fist O Justice Theater Holy Mackrel, why didn’t I notice it burning the other day?

Meddle House *blinks* That’s it? No “What should I do, Mary?” for four or five days? No “But you misunderstand me, Del!” No satisfying meddle session from The Worthy One? Wow. Call it in, Karen.
Jackuul
August 3rd, 2009 at 3:56 am [Reply]

He spares no visage of the gruesome cruel unnecessary death of a dog to an outlandish plot about an aggressive snake. He truly is the most vile comic creator to grace the Sunday pages. Not even Marvin stoops to these levels of imagery – even when attempting to call Animal Control.

This is truly the most vile I have seen from any of these, and even though there is indeed antivenin – I know this dog is doomed.
Frank Parsnip
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:12 am [Reply]

jackuul (213): So many ways to show the same sort of thing without the frickin’ snake wrapping its mouth around the dog. The good news is that Batiuk is already planning weeks of further coverage that will eventually win him plaudits from the Snakebite Survivors’ Society.
True Fable
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:14 am [Reply]

Belly-High

Some salmon-colored evening
You will meet an old friend
You will meet a bold friend
out by the party pool

And surely he’ll flirt
with anything in a skirt
And Mary’s wide panties will get in a twist

In a salmon-colored outfit
You will talk to Mary
Then you’ll be contrary
on a long-distance call

And then you will go
And see your old beau
Who’ll give you bad one liners, porn and a leer

Once Mary’s meddled, she’ll never let it go
Once Mary’s meddled, she’ll never quite let go!
True Fable
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:17 am [Reply]

Okay, so it was “Some Enchanted Evening” and NOT “Bali-Hai”, but I couldn’t recall how Bali-hai went and I wanted to name it something. Meh, who cares!
Erik
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:23 am [Reply]

On the plus side cats are actively filling up his sandbox with shit as we speak. For once Marvin’s scatalogical horrors are being turned back against him.
Alfred E. Neuman
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:15 am [Reply]

Monday stuff
Crankshaft— So the family dog dies to protect a human life. We’ve seen this before, Batiuk. Who do you think you are, Lynn Johnston? Well I know Lynn Johnston, and believe me, you are no L…
Oh crap, you really ARE Lynn Johnston.

FC— Hey, where’s Billy? Funny, that bag is just about his size, and there’s a recently used axe over there. Hmm, probably too good to be true. On the other hand, Thel is missing, too.

JP— “I wouldn’t mind sleeping in the stall with Sultan!” Godiva is obviously anxious to begin rehearsing her next stage act, soon to appear at the Blue Fox nightclub in Tijuana.

I may be overestimating the influence of Comics Curmudgeondom, but do you do you think that Woody sometimes writes just for us?
gleeb
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:18 am [Reply]

A3-G: With Eric lost, Margo immediately starts wondering how she can benefit from Lodi. She’s a rock.

Beetle: Careful, Beetle, that clarinet might go off!

’shaft: No snake corpse? Whitewashing.

Doonesbury: Furtive? Sen. Ensign lives there.

Edge City: Creativity and vivaciousness lose out again to doing just as she says. Just because he had a few too many beery lunches with his unemployed friends.

‘bean: “He kept calling me ‘Dinkle’!”

Mary: She’s going to be disappointed when she realizes Bali Ha’i isn’t a real place.

Slylock: M le Comte realizes he should get better household help, but where else are the reanimated dead going to get a job? Oh, and he’s probably not wrinkled or something. I’m sure Slylock will make a thorough search.

Zippy: He seems to have a lot more fun in Red Meat.
Loopina
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:30 am [Reply]

OBH: Ruthie’s been reading JP.

Momma: Wait, what? Did I miss a technology again?
Talking Squirrel
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:31 am [Reply]

Zits: 174 buckyswife says: “Well, the bad news is that the writers plan for much of the humor to be about Jeremy driving—in essence, same stuff but with his van, you know, moving.”

Oh cool, we can look forward to a decade of opportunistic traffic stops and searches. Your right rear tire looks a couple pounds low, son. Mind if I take a look inside your hubcaps?

Crank: 146 Steve the Pocket says: “I was once informed, by Ayers himself, that the Batiuk/Ayers features are completed an entire year in advance… [If so,] then there’s really no good reason to not write Sundays and dailies at the same time”

True, yet it seems they were aware it was a Sunday strip. The evidence is that they reprised the snakebite scene this morning. (Classy!!) No obvious reason they’d do that unless they knew the original scene would appear on Sunday.

MW: “Meanwhile, at the airport,” Del boards an Amtrak train. I love the balustrade on the boarding steps, but where’s the conductor with his vest and pocketwatch? (George Wilson, central casting’s been trying to reach you.)

BB: General Halftrack, resting the back of your wrist on the top of your gun holster in that fashion sends a bit of a mixed message, don’t you think — a message like “Gee, I hope someone remembered to bring the skin creme…”
Scherzo
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:35 am [Reply]

RE: Crankshaft
I liked it a LOT better when I thought Crankshaft himself was gonna die. Just sayin’.
DebiDawg
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:36 am [Reply]

#216 True Fable – no matter, still pretty funny imho
mojo
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:38 am [Reply]

Oh, great. Delilah’s at the airport. I am *soooo* glad right now I’m not an airline attendant. “Hello, I’d like a ticket to South Pacific… No, I did *not* say ‘more specific’, I said ‘South Pacific’… I don’t know any cities or towns, it’s just ‘South Pacific’. I think there’s a Navy base there or something… What do you mean, there’s no such place? There *is*, and it’s MAGICAL! …Okay, never mind, just get me on the next flight to Siam. I said, SIAM. SIAM, goddammit! What’s WRONG with you people?”
Little Guy
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:45 am [Reply]

yPhantom: For a woman scorned, Captain Lara has a nice booty.

Oh, and if I remember my Phantom origin stories, Rex was a foundling who Kit declared “Twice the King”, hence “Rex King”. He could have gone for the triple as “Rex King Del Rey”.

9CL: Dr Julli in just a jacket chatting with Faux Sky Bully about theology…. no buying it.
curlyfries
August 3rd, 2009 at 8:05 am [Reply]

#225 Little Guy, that’s former nun Diane, not Juliet, in Monty’s jacket. Not buying it either.
anonymous
August 3rd, 2009 at 8:11 am [Reply]

Pluggers: Today we see a typical Plugger stuffing his face with apple pie and ice cream (fruit and dairy being part of a healthy diet). You go, Plugger! And then you will spend the rest of your miserable life sorting out your various prescription pills into a week-of-the-day container. Diabetes, heart pills, high cholesterol pills, blood thinners…. Well, that IS a Plugger’s most engrossing hobby, isn’t it?
crazyjerseygirl
August 3rd, 2009 at 8:26 am [Reply]

Just want to shout out a quick thanks to everyone covering the snakebite bit in Crankshaft. Seeing critters harmed really bothers me, and it was nice to be able to avoid reading the comic once this business began.
So for once a comic wouln’t give me nightmares.
~Crazy, who still finds Dick Tracy somehow awesome
The Divine OF
August 3rd, 2009 at 8:30 am [Reply]

Waaaaah. Like many of you, I will see how the story plays out, then I’m pulling the plug on Crankshaft. Over the last year I have quit so many comics, mostly out of boredom. This will be the first one I’m quitting out of principle and outrage.

I am still very upset and even more so when I think about the little kids who will have undoubtedly been following this horrible, horrible tale.
rkoldewyn
August 3rd, 2009 at 8:48 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: Personally, I’m hoping the story next deals with Crank’s heavy fines and the legal repercussions of destroying the habitat and then killing an endangered species,in OH, but that could just be me.

About 20 years ago, I’m pretty sure I had an actual encounter with a Timber Rattler in Northern OH, but unlike in Crankshaft it ended with me backing up down the path I was walking on and going the opposite direction. All danger easily avoided.
Jonny Quest
August 3rd, 2009 at 8:59 am [Reply]

Judge Parker:

Godiva: We would love to stay in your guest house, but our luggage is at the hotel.

Abbey: I can loan you a nightgown and bra. We appear to be the same size. By the way what is your cup size?

Godiva: 38D

Abbey: So am I! Let’s compare.

Godiva: Ooh Abbey, you must be quite proud of those.

Abbey: You should be quite proud yourself.
AhClem
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:17 am [Reply]

I can’t help wonder how many snakes, venomous or otherwise, are going to be killed as a direct result of Batuik’s Comic O’Misery. Way to go, Tom.

#208 Frank Parsnip – The main problem with the Comet wasn’t so much the size of the windows as the fact that they had square corners, causing stress concentrations leading to fatigue failure. This was corrected in later models. Unfortunately for Delilah (and fortunately for us), she’s boarding one of the earlier variants.
Old School Allie Cat
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:18 am [Reply]

‘Shaft – Don’t flatter yourself old man – the dog is lower to the ground, ergo an easier target. The dog wasn’t trying to save your wrinkled old ass, the dog was just unlucky.

FW – Don’t feel bad, Funky – we read your strip every day and hardly recognize you. Go eat a doughnut.
buckyswife
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:27 am [Reply]

MW: What? No platitudes? No weeping? No outrage? No Charley waltzing out of the kitchen with his mixing bowl of chips, looking dumbfounded at the empty room, and then shrugging his shoulders, grabbing his glass of clear Scotch, and popping South Pacific into the DVD player? I feel so… so…. well, probably so much like Charley felt when he waltzed out of that kitchen, thinking that he’d be bumpin’ uglies with Delilah by the time “There’s Nothing Like a Dame” came around.

A3G: You can just see Margo pondering the Young Lama’s offer. “Hmmm… well, you can start by getting these damned cows off the road.”

MT: Holy mackerel! If Mark himself is going to track Joey Williams’ shooter by scent, why did he have to drag Andy into this?

JP: Abby doesn’t yet realize that for the next week, her sleep will be disturbed by the sounds of shouts, moans, crashing furniture, and whinnying–lots and lots of whinnying.

Curtis: Thank you, Diane, for voicing the pain of the 1 million readers.
buckyswife
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:33 am [Reply]

Come to think of it, this might be Mary’s biggest Meddle Fail ever. She drove Delilah into Charley’s arms; Charley was the one who convinced Delilah to run back to Lawrence. If the goal all along was to save the Magical Marriage of Lawrence and Delilah, then Charley’s the hero here.

Does this mean that the strip will now become “Charley Smith”—the story of how Charley’s failed seductions lead to life changes for the various women, men, beasts of the field, etc., that he encounters?
Balto
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:34 am [Reply]

Seriously, I think Batuik needs professional help. His strips have become more morbid and macabre every day, and only a serious mental condition could cause such imagery on a regular basis. His strips aren’t entertaining…they’re disturbing!

Sorry, more of a rant than a snark…
Jamus The Bartender
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:49 am [Reply]

Judge Parker
Sleepin’ in the stall with Sultan
Sleepin’ in the stall ya knowwhoawhoawhoa..
Sleepin’ in the stall with Sultan
Godiva is a ho
THANK YOU…
Jamus The Bartender
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:50 am [Reply]

Slylock Fox: * Snicker* Count Weirdly in a towel with a laser….Betty Beaver…* snicker* I was gonna try for something funny here….but Cassandra made the angry face….
UncleJeff
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:56 am [Reply]

Baby Blues: Laugh out loud funny today!
Arlo & Janis: Nice way to reintroduce a plot line that had to be wrapped up this summer.
Crankshaft: C’mon Batiuk. Let’s see the dog get bit again. C’mon. You waana do it
Little Guy
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:09 am [Reply]

#226: I can’t tell these self-righteous twits without their clothes on. Including Thorax.
Chip
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:18 am [Reply]

I LOVE the idea that Charley can remotely close and lock his front door from the kitchen!

More realistically, though, I wish there was another row of panels so we could have seen Charley exit the kitchen, chips in hand, sans pants, saying “Is it hot in here, or is it just me?”
queek
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:21 am [Reply]

it’s a rare day when JP isn’t the sexiest thing on the funny pages, but today’s MyCage? o MY!

What can I say, I’m a sucker for anime-blue waist-length hair.

Sadly, the buzz was wrecked several strips later, after seeing Count Weirdly in naught but a towel. Didn’t we have a strip recently with the same “water level” clue?

Mr Fable, that song parody above was wonderful. applause and goats!
Chip
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:29 am [Reply]

For those of you who say that Blondie’s mail man should just alter the timing of his route to avoid these encounters- I can tell you that the Post Office is the most bureaucratically bogged down operation around. As a cop I knew a mail man who was required to park in a certain spot to do his route. The Village made that area a no parking zone, and one day he asked if I would ticket him if he parked there. I asked him why he couldn’t park a block up and walk, and he told me that he wasn’t allowed.
I’ll bet Blondie’s mail man has asked a hundred times to change his route and has been turned down.
seismic-2
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:37 am [Reply]

Why was “Peeping Tom” the tailor born one thousand years too late? Because in the eleventh century, he just got to see Godiva mount a horse.
Sequitur
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:38 am [Reply]

MyCage – Guest appearance: Porky Pig with a ’70’s hairdo (in the back, at the bar).
seismic-2
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:38 am [Reply]

Er, make that one thousand years too earlry. Clearly it’s about 2 or 3 hours too early for me, too.
Calico
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

Don’t taze me, Count Weirdly!
And get your ass to the gym once in a while.
TheDiva
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:46 am [Reply]

FW: Can you blame him, Funky? I mean, Wally suffered a decade of imprisonment, torture, and malnourishment–what’s YOUR excuse?

MW: Delilah’s going to be embarrassed when she finds out she’s boarded an Airstream trailer.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:46 am [Reply]

8/3

JP: Readers who want to see Rocky and Godiva alone together be warned. It’s likely to involve Rocky wearing a feedbag and Godiva saddling him.

A3G: Margo is giving serious consideration to smacking Lodi so he’ll stop repeating himself over and over. Or just ‘cuz.

Ziggy: Nice job with the slight distortion of the “Tartar Sauce” label. But Tom, we can still read it. Let Ziggy save himself a couple of syllables.

FC: Actually it’s just for the squirrels, raccoons, and bears. If you want to keep Jeffy away from the food, you just put a crudely painted sign on it reading “Not fud!”

BB: See, that’s how you stay on the army brass’ good side. Always call them up when your about to summarily execute a couple of recruits.

FW: “I mean my name is Funky, not Chunky. Is that so hard to remember?”

OBH: Ruthie and Joe’s minds have been warped by reading Judge Parker.

Luann: I’m surprised Bernice was even able to stay awake during the recap.

Popeye: Good one Olive! We readers know that you have no friends. Wonder why.

MW: That’s it. After a week with Mary, a chilly phone conversation with Lawrence, and a few minutes alone with Evil Horny Jay Leno, Delilah has had it with North America. Hello Peace Village! Hope you need a former teen prodigy.

SFx: What the…!? Apparently Count Weirdly is really pink. And so, I’m guessing, is his “rooftop laser device.” Yeah, you know he just waited for Betty Beaver–for real?–to walk by, then whipped off the towel and shouted, “Woo-hoo! Check out Count Weirdly’s wiggly! You know you want it baby!”
Perky Bird
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:57 am [Reply]

That’s right, hang your food in the tree to keep it away from squirrels and raccoons. After all, everyone knows squirrels and raccoons can’t climb trees!
Vosh
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:02 am [Reply]

#169 Poteet: It was likely raccoons. To quote the CDC: “Should you suspect you may have ingested raccoon feces, seek immediate medical attention.” Personally, I’m hoping this is the next Mary Worth (or Gil Thorp) plotline.
Sequitur
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:04 am [Reply]

FC – I think that bag is in the “standing up” range of a black or brown bear. If a grizzly bear comes along, it’ll just eat whatever’s in the tents.
Shoshi
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:09 am [Reply]

65 Hank – That’s been my observation, pretty much, as well. Once I see a new post is up, I stop reading the previous post’s comments.
The Dark Cheetah
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Dr. Weird @ 177 re: Pickels My guess was an ad for Viagra or the many other male enhancement products. They start off innocuously enough, but by the end are talking about erections lasting longer than four hours, which one might not want a young grandson exposed to.

No kidding. I watch a lot of sports so I suffer through a lot of these (from a semi-annoyed woman’s perspective of ‘Gee, I don’t see anyone hawking *female* enhancement products now, do I…?’ :P). I keep imagining some 8 year old kid (wearing a Brett Favre Jets jersey) asking, “Daddy? What’s ‘priapism’?”

buckyswife @ 235 re: MeddleFail. It’s probably a bit too soon for Charlie to actively take over the strip (or have a spinoff). The author should really make sure he has enough “staying power” *wink wink nudge nudge*. However, in the meantime Charley could be a recurring supervillain in Charterstone: playing the Doctor Octopus to Mary Worth’s Spider(wo)man, perhaps?

JP: well, if she still prefers Rocky to Sultan after all this gushing, then I guess that answers any question about how ol’ Rocky is hung. No male enhancement needed!
Jackuul
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:24 am [Reply]

‘Shaft is dead to me. And you wonder why less people buy newspapers. Its not the bad reporting or the internet – it’s the Cancerbean Deathshaft universe.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:25 am [Reply]

#208 Frank Parsnip,

When Mark finally finds the shooter, he’s going to use those fists of justice to fist the hell out of him.

o_O
commodorejohn
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:27 am [Reply]

A3G – That cold, appraising stare is Margo calculating exactly how much force needs to be expended for her to punch straight through his head. She wouldn’t want to waste any unneccessary energy, after all.

BB – Sooo…they’re wearing exactly the same uniform as Beetle. Is Halftrack taking his own soldiers hostage to indulge his power fantasies?

Crankshaft – Poor snake. We’ll never forget you, little guy.

Curtis – Yeah, that’s what we said, Diane, but it seems to have kept going nonetheless.

DT – I think Dick’s last line is less related to the killing that has been done than the killing he’s going to do. Well, at least he tries to keep his home and work lives separate.

FC – God help me. I actually laughed at The Family Circus today. Of course, this is because apparently the Keanes view Jeffy in the same category of creature as feral scavengers, but still…

FB – So is Fred Basset really such a huge thing across the pond? Does he actually have gangs of juvenile devotees who go around committing acts of vandalism in his name? Maybe Fred Basset Upfucked is right and he really is the reincarnation of Hitler.

FW – Ha ha!

Garfield – “Being a completely unkillable marketing juggernaut has its advantages. For example, you can copy and paste the same God-damned panel three times and add one single thought balloon and not get your sorry ass fired.”

GA – WHAT THE BLOODY FUCKING HELL WAS THE POINT OF THIS STORYLINE

JP – Holy shit is that some art in the second panel.

Luann – Bernice: the only sane woman in the strip.

MW – I suppose this is kind of a lame ending to the story, but on the other hand, Mary meddled Delilah so hard in one little session that she had to make the Mary-approved decision hours later, quite some distance away. She’s getting stronger, people. God knows what terrifying feats of meddling she’ll be displaying next.

Momma – Uh…what!?

MC – Yeah, this is why I never bother dressing up.

OBH – o_O

Popeye – Die in a fire, Olive.

SFx – There’s a semi-infinite number of awesome little details today, but I think my favorite has to be the “Hotel Transylvania” embroidered on the towel.

WoI – …and despite the awkward setup, I laughed at The Wizard Of Id today, too. What have I become?
Sequitur
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:28 am [Reply]

‘Shaft – Same old story throughout the ages. Beatin’ your snake with a hoe.
kevinbapp.com
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

I suspect that whatever porn Delilah saw on Charlie’s DVD, the scene’s opening was eerily familiar to Judge Parker’s.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:43 am [Reply]

MW: Del is going to Chatsworth to do porn?
odinthor
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:46 am [Reply]

MW. — Del’s going to pick up a hot flight steward. Go for it, Del! He’ll be happy to teach you what’s “got to be carefully taught.” Repeatedly.
mollificent
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:46 am [Reply]

Chron comics today…meh. Not much to say.

But I have one thing to say to Randall Munroe (whose strip I normally adore): You bastard.

http://xkcd.com/618/
Mac
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:50 am [Reply]

GT: Marty DeJong doesn’t have HEALTH INSURANCE? Where is Rex Morgan, MD, when you need him? Is it because Marty’s 24, and thus past his prime?
buckyswife
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:57 am [Reply]

Hey Guys! It’s Charley Smith’s Guide to Scoring with teh Ladiez!

1) Wear stripes. Everyone knows they’re elongulating—and you want the chicks to think “long” when they think of you!

2) Chat them up when they’re with someone uptight and boring—such as an old lady. You’ll look cool and wild in comparison.

3) When she shows up at your door (and she will!), get her a drink. If she wants alcoholhol, score! You’ll have her semi-conscience (with pleasure!) on your waterbed in no time. If she just wants a soda, don’t feel bad. Try this suav-ay move: Bring the glass to her lips for her to drink—and cop a feel while you do it!

4) Put sexy art on youre walls. Nothing gets a chick hornier than pictures of other chicks who are hotter than she is.

5) Have lots of movies and don’t hide the porn! Ladies like a man whose interested in sex, whether its doing it or watching it. But make sure youre collection is ecelectic just so she doesn’t think your some kind of perv.

6) Offer her some snacks. Chips or crackers are good because their crumbly and if she drops some on her boobs you can be a gentleman and brush them off. (Dollars & cents hint: Sexy foods—your strawberries, Cool Whip, honey, pudding—are expensive, so in this economy, don’t bring them out until everyone is naked.)

7) Pet her hair. Hair is a known androgynous zone, so don’t ignore it!

8) Sing show tunes. Yeah, it sounds dumb, but chicks dig them cuz they think they’re romantic. And it’s all about the romance, am I right dudez?

9) If you do all these steps and she still ~~escapes~~ has to leave, don’t give up! As a wise man once said, there are plenty of fish in the ocean. So get out your pole and go fishing!

10) If you’re going thru a real dry spell, don’t forget the old ladiez! For advice on scoring wit da oldsters, see my bud Jeff Corey’s (he’s a doctor!) book, Dating in Your Later Years: Lessons I Have Learned (or, For Godssake Run Now While You Still Can!).

Score!
gleeb
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:59 am [Reply]

You know, it just struck me: yesterday Ziggy and today Count Weirdly. It’s a special time of summer when all the caftan-wearing characters take their baths, I think.
Buchholz Surfer
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

Reading Crankshaft has turned me bitter and mean.

FC: Hanging your food from a tree limb to keep it away from squirrels? Yeah, that’ll work, dumbass. I hope you all die of rabies.

Winky Funkerbean: Yo failure, he didn’t recognize you because you’re nothing but a fat sack of crap.

‘Shaft: I was hoping that a horrible reptilian menace would die violently in that garden, and it did, but it turned out to be the wrong one.
Calico
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

#261 – So does this mean that Del is going to be a member of The Mile High Club in short order?
Jackuul
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

@262: http://xkcdcouldbebetter.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=general
Calico
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

#251 – That would work in FC too,during their rehashed summer Grizzly Adams adventures.

I’d like to see the Keane Kidz and Marvin rolling around in Wild Parsnip as well.
Saluki
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

Monday’s Mark Trail: Lost Forest – where smoke goes to die.
Winky's Spleen
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

Vosh #251 – “Should you suspect you may have ingested raccoon feces, seek immediate medical attention.”

That’s the best advice I’ve heard all day. Granted, it’s early, but it’s still darn good advice. Something one should always bear in mind when eating at Jack in the Box.
Sequitur
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

269. Calico
Now you’ve gone and made me look up why wild parsnip is bad. (scroll down to Dangers connected to wild parsnips)

Maybe we’ll be lucky and they’ll roll in poison hemlock instead.
commodorejohn
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

#268 Jackuul – …wow. That’s…really not funny at all.
Alegna
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

I’ve thought for years that there was something going on between Blondie and the mailman. This strip justs points more to that for me. I’m totally imagining it becoming “Let’s get you inside and get these cuts taken care of. Why not slip out of that uniform and get comfy?”
Darkefang
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

A3G: Thanks Tenzin, for rubbing in our faces that all of last week’s strips could be summed up in one sentence. Those are minutes of my life that I’ll never get back.
Professor Fate
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

MW: So she’s off to tibet to become a buddist nun? what?

Crank: “The dog saved my life” It’s always all about you isnt’ it.

FW: “He didn’t recogonize me” It’s always all about you isn’t it.

I have to add – if Wally was kidnapped in Afganistain – how the hell did he get to Iraq? Iran is in the way and last time I heard they weren’t too firendly with anybody. I guess the lack of memory will be used to cover the lack of pausablity.
Ginger Yellow
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

SF: You know, it doesn’t really matter or not whether Weirdly’s towel is dry or not. The guy has a “rooftop laser device”. I’m pretty sure that’s enough to haul him in right there. I mean, it’s a lot stronger grounds than it usually takes for Slylock to send someone to the slammer.
Amateur
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

MW: Anyone else getting the feeling that Delilah’s a little impulsive? She runs away from Lawrence repeatedly. She runs to Mary’s place, from whence she runs off to Charley’s without a word, and then she runs away from Charley’s without a word, and leaves a note and runs away from Mary’s.

I’m not sure I like the idea of this chick having kids. They might wake up one morning and find a note saying that Mommy is in Timbuktu.
Gary
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

Very clever of those Walkers. The insert of Hi’s face looks to be in response to anything ranging from Lois’ babushka, the random boat oars still to be loaded in the Family Truckster (”you think you hate it now, just wait ’til you drive it”), Chip’s insistence on bringing that “gol dang guitar” or the fact that he forgot to renew the vanity “H&L” plates on the Truckster, but really it was the result of the realization that he forgot to get a digital converter box for his portable TV, thereby ruining his staycation anyway. Sweet.
Poteet
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

CRANKSHAFT — ^*#$%@*!

*head explodes*
Mibbitmaker
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

#264 (buckyswife):

10a) And if you don’t run right away, then, for heaven’s sake, YOU MUST RUN if she and/or her friends mention “intervention”.
Katya
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

Buh-bye, Delilah. Sorry to see you go before you flagrantly violate your marriage vows and impulsively have wild sex with Charley…um, I mean before you give Mary time to solve all your marital woes.

You lightened things up at Charterstone for a bit but, given your lack of any semblance of personality, I guess that’s not saying much for Meddle House.
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

Baby Blues was really %*@#! funny today.
colonial
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

Saw a shocking comics find yesterday while having dinner with my wife. I’d have pictures, but the location of the find gave me second thoughts on snapping the cell phone camera.

The find: FC strips ABOVE THE URINALS IN A P.F. CHANG’S MEN’S ROOM

This wasn’t an example of restaurant management posting today’s newspaper on the wall — these were large-scale FC comic strips.

One was a 1994 strip where Dolly makes a joke about snow peas at a restaurant — A “P.F. Chang’s” is prominently featured on the menu Dolly is holding — looks like it was added in long after the strip was published.

Strip #2 features the family sitting in a restaurant, and Billy complaining that he didn’t have a fortune cookie. The script below the “circle” is done in an “Asian stereotype” font and a personal message to P.F. Chang’s from Bil Keane is written above the circle.

Very weird.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

#262 & 268,
I just didn’t get that xkcd. There were no polynomial equations in it, but maybe some reference I’m not getting.
commodorejohn
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

#285 Artist formerly known as Ben – The clue is in the alt text.
Sequitur
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

283. One-eyed Wolfdog
According to Dean’s Comic Booth cussing decoder, %*@#! spells LROKI. I know that’s what I always say when I get a cramp in my leg.
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

Also, yeah, fuck that xkcd.

“It has done me good,” said the fox, “because of the color of the wheat fields.”
Katya
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

#264 — buckyswife:

That was great! I love the way you deliberately made all those mistakes in the writing, just as our Charley most likely would.

I have only one problem with the whole thing. Although Charley clearly doesn’t know the meaning of “androgynous,” he managed to spell it correctly. Do you really think he is capable of that? :)
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

#286 commodorejohn,
Ah. I can see now that the flower was a visual clue, but it didn’t hit me before.
Toxic
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

The Terminator dvd is kind of what snapped it for me. Here is what we have actual evidence of that ole Charlie did:

1) Has two photos of women in what is by today’s standard fairly modest swim suits.
2) Enjoys a fine scotch on the rocks
3) Possess an extensive DVD collection, filled with such freakishly immoral oddities as the Terminator film.
4) His one redeeming characteristic is that he possesses a fondness for mid century musicals.

I really can’t help but picture the author of this comic as a 70 year old woman, hunched from osteoperosis, a shut in crammed into to her ramshackle 70s style hovel, so far behind the times and twisted she thinks of the Terminator when she tries to think of movies that scream “creepy immoral sex pervert”. The most relevant film she can think to represent virtue is a musical from 1959, which also happens to be the last year she got laid.

The author of Mary Worth is a cramped, crabbed old biddy who descends into some moral fugue the moment she sees any indication that Eisenhower isn’t the President anymore.

Like I said, Charlie is lucky she walked on her own. I get the feeling she’s like a lamprey, and once she decided to latch on Charlie would be on the receiving of 50 years of repressed sexual psychosis and xenophobia.

Or maybe I’m reading too much into it.
aloria
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

My hatred for xkcd knows no bounds. When it tries to be romantic, it is glurgey, when it tries to make a statement, it’s preachy, and Randall seems to have lost his knack for clever nerd jokes. Now all he does is regurgitate stale old memes and pull random weird scenarios out of his ass.

What’s sad about it is I could treat it as just another mediocre web comic if every.single.person.alive. didn’t insist on linking it in every vaguely related forum thread. I can’t get away from the damned thing!
Jackuul
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

@292: Well that forum looks to be made up of misanthropes that hate his comic just as much – thus their mission is to make it better. Some of the parodies are not funny, others have made me laugh harder than the original ever did (RAPE! RAPE! ABORTION!) and many of them expose the uh… obsession the creator of XKCD has with someone named Megan. There is also a blog called XKCD Sucks, which analyzes each strip.

It’s lulzworthy entertainment for me. Personally my favorite parody on there is in the “Mission to Culture” thread. “I done a bad thing George”. But pretty much anything that references Steinbeck will make me laugh if it is done right.

Maybe there should be a “Crankshaft Could Be Better” forum, where the Cancerverse is mocked and mutilated to “make it better!”.
Poteet
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

# 200 buckyswife — BWAHAHA! It’s such fun to hang out here with people more well-read than me. I did pick up a copy of THE ROAD at a friend’s house, and just skimming a few pages scared me silly. Oy, I hate to think what that kind of crossover could mean for “Honey Bun.”
Poteet
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

# 251 Vosh — What a great piece of advice. And I really, really share your hope.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

#291 Toxic,
The writer? My guess is that she’s smirking all the way to the bank.
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

Marvin: “My mother-in-law is so fat…”
“How fat is she?”
“She’s so fat one time her speech balloon got loose, it crushed a tree. “
mvg
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

276: No no, Afghanistan was the FIRST time Wally was taken prisoner. The SECOND time was in Iraq. Only in the Winkerfunkverse could a soldier who’d escaped as a p.o.w. be sent back into combat & then get captured AGAIN. What the heck did Wally do get all the medals on his dress uniform? He sounds like a pretty crappy soldier if he keeps getting captured. (I could make a cheap crack about possible French ancestry, but I’ll give it a miss.) Either that or he discovered he just can’t get that kinda constant cornholing back in Westview.

As for Wally not recognizing you, Funkster, maybe it’s cuz the last time he saw you, you were drawn as a lean, slightly balding, brown-haired guy — & now you’re a much balder, gray-haired sack of dough. If other characters didn’t call you “Funky” periodically I doubt anyone reading the strip before the Big Jump would recognize you either. Well, aside from the narcissism, self-pity & bitterness. Oh wait, those make you pretty indistinguishable from everyone else in Funktown…
Poteet
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

9CL — Don’t be so quick to diss cockroaches, Brooke. I can think of several kinds of invertebrates that are more interesting and fun to watch than your strip has been in recent months.
Poteet
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

DT — Apparently going to the circus has caused Dick to grow a sixth finger.
Niall
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

Back from NJ, driving 8 hours through thunderstorms was… interesting, and buzzed me enough to not sleep all night. And I’m at work for two days before going to Worldcon. (Probably the only Mudgeon to go, I’d wager.)

I just caught up on the strips… holy cow. Primo Snarking Material for days on end – no wonder the comments pile on so high so quickly!

I won’t be able to read much, as it would be suicide to attempt to read two weeks’ worth of comments…
commodorejohn
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

#299 Poteet – I’m having difficulty thinking of invertebrates that aren’t.
gzuckier
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

blondie:”come on in you big hunka man in uniform and let me tend to your wounds, if you know what i mean. my husband won’t be back for hours”
buckyswife
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

289 Katya—Artistic license: I wanted to be sure it didn’t look like the right word, “erogenous,” and so I had to be sure it did look like “androgynous.” (And thank you for recognizing that those errors aren’t mine; I even avoided semi-colons on purpose because I knew Charley couldn’t use them.)

294 Poteet: Read it! It’s the bleakest book I’ve ever read, but also one of the most powerful, and it’s beautifully written. But yes, scary as hell.

301 Niall: Welcome back!
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

DT: “The trapeze artist has been shot IN CASE I DIDN’T MENTION IT, oh, and there’s an army of mermen advancing on us from the background. And I don’t know if you noticed, but the trapeze artist has been shot. Say, do you have one of those cannon thingies for launching people up in the sky? …no reason, I just had a funny feeling it would come in handy in a couple of weeks. After all, the trapeze artist has been shot. We could probably use a flaming hoop or two, if you have some handy.”
Jamus The Bartender
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

Welcome back Niall. You’ll want to check this out.

http://joshreads.com/?p=3675#comment-708727
gnome de blog
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

Wally is time-looped. He was captured in Afghanistan in 2002, later released, and captured again in Iraq in 1999.

(If someone has already pointed this out, sorry. I missed it)
Poteet
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

# 269 Calico — Ooh, what a thought. Since we have an “Everybody Hates Jeffy” theme going on, maybe the other melonheads could rub Jeffy with it. And then they could roll him around in tall grass with chiggers.
Jason1981
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

Luann: So Elwood was mad at Quill, Tiff was mad at Luann , and Quill was supposedly “gushing” or some cr** because she was dressed as Zeye.

…..Except we saw none of that. If it weren’t for the lack of word-play and stupid puns, I would’ve thought Lynn Johnston did today’s strip.
Poteet
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

# 301 Niall — Glad you’re here again, and hope your head will clear soon.
Poteet
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

# 302 commodorejohn — HAR!
UncleJeff
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

FW: I think Wally is going to find himself to be the real version of the Dixie Chicks “Earl” (as in “Goodbye, Earl”) — “He was a missing person that nobody missed at all.”
The Trapeze Artist
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

I’ve been shot.
UncleJeff
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

I guess I should’ve previewed.
FW: I think Wally is going to find himself to be the Winkerworld version of the Dixie Chicks’ “Earl” (as in “Goodbye, Earl”) — “He was a missing person that nobody missed at all.”
Baka Gaijin
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth: It’s not too late for some leering foreigner on the plane to think about groping Delilah. If we’re lucky, she’ll get thoroughly flustered, lock herself in the nearest lavatory and:

1. Get sucked out the vacuum toilet.
2. Get a broken neck during an especially violent clear air turbulence event.
3. Get a nasty case of VD from the toilet seat.
4. Join the mile high club because a predatory pervert didn’t lock the lavatory door.

PS-Damn you, #208 Frank Parsnip and #232 AhClem. I came here to enlighten everyone on this topic.

Apartment 3-G: Margo has that gleam in her eye. “More zippers, mule!” is in someone’s future.

Luann: Bernice, please stop reading Crankshaft. Your spirits will brighten immensely.

Mark Trail: This episode of “Blindingly Obvious Theater” has been brought to you by Star Kist’s newest creation, Holy Mackerel!

One Big Happy: I see James heard about this guy.

Slylock Fox: Who wears a top hat in the tub? I mean really. Where’s Fashion Police when I need her/him?

Sally Forth: Could this be the beginning of The Forth’s Summer to Remember™? Sally’s mom visits, confronts Hilary about her budding lesbianism then confronts Ted about his beard at work.
Paul1963
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

Sunday Hagar: This week, I happened to visit this site after I had read the comics in the Sunday Sun, and finally noticed (after several months) that the Sunday Hagar didn’t make the cut when they crammed the comics into the back half of the TV listings.
Also, I think Paris was still called “Leutetia” back then.

xkcd, Monday 8/3: The joke is that the asteroid hurtling towards Earth, a la Armageddon, is the home of de Saint-Exupery’s Little Prince.

Sunday Hi & Lois: At least the folks whose papers cut the throwaway panels don’t get the contradiction implicit in the full version: Hi says they can’t afford to go away on vacation, and ten minutes later Lois announces that they’re going away on vacation, no discussion necessary, car’s already half-packed.

As if the Funky story weren’t horrible enough, let’s all recall that the reason Wally was in Iraq was that the Army realized he still had a week left to serve when he returned after his previous capture and escape. So they told him to report for duty and shipped him off to Iraq. So, because they sent him home a week early, he got to spend a decade as a prisoner of war. Lovely.
UncleJeff
August 3rd, 2009 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

While over at Tribune Media Services to see if the Trapeze Artist is still lying dead in the Center Ring (still there)…..I found
Annie: New story line. Those damn whiny liberal hippies are protesting Oliver Warbucks’ fine new ideas for killing machinery.
GA: Is that woman in the final panel the same large-breasted woman we saw Upton O. Goode with at the start of this story line?
And of course, Love Is: Discovering you have in common flat feet…as well as flat faces, flat bottoms and flat chests.
Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
August 3rd, 2009 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

Is that Sam Driver in the final panel of The Phantom? After his success (for a limited definition of “success”) in resolving the Dewey Cheatham murder, has he become determined to interfere with every gruesome shooting that appears on the comics pages? Or maybe he just heard about all the gorgeous, busty women in The Phantom and dropped by to ignore them.

I like how in Mary Worth Charley’s word baloons are attached to the sort of jagged stems that usually indicate electronic communication. Perhaps Charley has already taken off for some less hesitant conquest and will continue to woo Delilah via intercom over the weeks he will no doubt need to get her in bed.
Chip Whittle
August 3rd, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

To be honest I kind of expected more comments about Family Circus abandoning Jeffy to starvation in order to better the herd.

Momma: Francis doesn’t know how long-distance phones work, although he is finally beginning to understand the concept of foreign countries.

As often happens, Peanuts teaches the still-living cartoonists what they’re doing wrong. Note to Batiuk: see how Schulz puts in a dose of whimsy and even triumph in the midst of a sad story? Notice how this makes the funny and the tragedy better? Get it?

Annie: Wait, the Pentagon is sending a laser bomber to take out Daddy Warbucks? That’s almost Dick Tracyish in its irony, particularly if Tracy doesn’t actually have anything to do with the horrible death other than smirking at it awkwardly.

Ink Pen: I was in this rainstorm yesterday.
commodorejohn
August 3rd, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

#317 UncleJeff – Not to mention flat groins.
UncleJeff
August 3rd, 2009 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

320: commodorejohn: given the reactions of horror we get whenever we mention “Love Is”…I refrained.
Deathbysalmon
August 3rd, 2009 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

Rex King? That’s like an Arabian Horse named Sultan! Or a conservationist named Trail! Or . . . oh, wait.
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 3rd, 2009 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

#316 – Paris would have been known as such long before the Viking Age, I think. But Lutetia is well-known to anyone who reads good comics.
Poteet
August 3rd, 2009 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

PHANTOM — I’ve been having a little trouble with insomnia lately, and am thinking of copying the last month of daily strips and using them as a sleep aid.
Poteet
August 3rd, 2009 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

A3G — I wondered if Margo were studying Lodi to see if he’d make a reasonable new fiance.

No, Margo! Please! Not in the face!
Professor Fate
August 3rd, 2009 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

okay now I’m really confused – from what I understand – after Lisa died – Batiuk did a 10 year time jump – however everybody is still in the 2007 now so what really happened was that Lisa’s death was shoved back ten years to 1997 – which was when we saw the little newspaper headline about american soldier kiddanped in Afganistain while Les was getting robbed – but not beaten alas after dumping Lisa’s ashes in Central Park (the New York water supply thanks you).

This of course ignores we didn’t have troops in Afganistan in 1997 expect for Embassy Personal and special forces and spooks whose kiddnapping would not be reported in the press since they weren’t there in the first place (officially that is).

So this doesn’t make any sense at all.
Not one bit.
Batiuk is a complete hack who has mistaken gloom for seriousness – with the odd dead dog tossed in as a crouton in his sald of awfuness.
Alfred E. Neuman
August 3rd, 2009 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

#316 Paul1963 Re: FW— Not only that, but no one in Wally’s circle of friends and relatives raised a single protest to their elected representatives or to the Army about his unfair treatment when he was sent to Iraq. They obviously don’t care about him, which explains their complete lack of joy about his safe return.

Here’s a question that I’m hoping someone here can answer: What is Wally’s relationship to Funky? He’s been dropped from the list of “cast members” on the FW website, so that’s no help. Other sites list him as Funky’s brother, cousin, or nephew. Anyone know for sure?
Another question: Why do I care?
Sequitur
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

327. Alfred E. Neuman
If I remember correctly, Wally is Funky’s nephew. But, as you said, why care at this point.
Chip
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

What the Hell was up with Crankshaft last week? When I saw the snake I thought maybe last weeks strips were run out of order and we were seeing ‘Shaft’s convelescence after getting bitten, but now they went and killed the dog… So I still have no idea what that was all about.
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

I believe Batiuk is just getting caught up on responding to some of the old comments here.
commodorejohn
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

#326 Professor Fate – You nailed it. Batiuk seems to know just as little about the chronology of his time-jump as we do, the difference being that (A) he wrote the damn thing and (B) he won’t cop to it.
bats :[
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

230. rkoldewyn: but see? Your intelligent method of avoiding the timber rattler explains why there isn’t a comic strip named “Rkoldewyn”.

262. mollicent: sick, but a nice subtle reference.

MW: I’m just disappointed with the outcome. I was hoping at least for a little fists of chastity beating on Charley’s chest…
anty a
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

JP: Maybe this has been said, but if one is going to purchase an expensive purebred horse, is the choosing traditionally done late at night over glasses of wine? I guess I wondered if, in the real world, it might involve something like, oh I dunno, maybe taking the horse out for a ride or something. Like, in the daylight. I can’t believe an opportunity has been passed up to further portray Godiva galloping around in that tube top. Either with or without Sultan.
Sequitur
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

Batiak is insane. This stuff has got be stopped. I can’t really blame the crazy man but the editors at the North American Syndicate should be pulling the plug on both his strips. There are other “drama” strips out there like Mary Worth, Judge Parker, Mark Trail, Apartment 3G, etc. but they are at least fun to read because they’re fun to snark. Even Lynn Johnston would attempt humor from time to time. But what Batiak has here is both confusing and depressing. This has no place on the “funny pages.” It would be better if the Syndicate ran old Funkys from the ’70’s and ’80’s when Batiak was actually funny.

Okay. I’ll get off the soap box now. The view is actually better down here.
Sheila Sternwell
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

#329 Chip: My theory — and I confess I realized this only after someone else pointed out the dog was likely to take the bite to save Crankshaft (which proved true today) — is that last week was the “this could have happened if Crankshaft had been bitten” week. The dog has probably spared Crank from such a horrible fate.

Or we’ll never see reference to last week again and never know what it was about.

I’d quit Crankshaft out of principle, but I already did that last year along with FW. I’ve been glancing in at these recent panels because I have such a hard time believing Batiuk is such a shit. I’ve never liked him, never felt sorry for him despite all his “woe is me with the cancer and the death” publicity, never believed for a moment that the overwrought story lines were anything more than publicity stunts. But THIS just turns him from malevolent to downright creepy.
Jamus The Bartender
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

333. You have a good point, anty a, but, as F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, or Dorothy Parker may or may not have said, The rich really ARE different from you and me. Me, i’m just gonna relax and enjoy until Sam Driver has some Clark Kent lookalike over to the office for a week.
buckyswife
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

333 & 336: For this crowd, I suspect that purchasing a horse is not unlike sitting in front of the computer, glass of wine in hand, perusing, say, zappos.com—in other words, it’s a casual purchase. (Of course, one notable difference might be that I don’t want to sleep with my shoes after I buy them….)
seismic-2
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

#333 – True, but you have to remember that this horse isn’t being purchased for its gate or its speed. From what we’ve seen in recent days, clearly this horse is being purchased for stud.

#335 – It’s still possible that last week’s incident with the snake and dog will lead to the week-before-last’s representation of a feeble old non-communicative Crank slouched in a wheelchair in a nursing home, if Rose is so furious at Crank about the dog’s death that she cracks him over the skull with the hoe. At least that’s what the entire readership of this miserable strip is hoping will happen, I’d wager.
SandyH
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

This is being done on purpose, there is no doubt in my mind. The man is possibly certifiable but showing us a DEAD DOG?? I mean, come on!

I will resist the laughing all the way to the bank cliche, because how much do comic strip artists make?

He is LOVING this. And that’s a good point, where is the syndicate in all of this? LOVING it, as well.

I HATE THEM ALL. I am so flustered that’s the best I could do.
Little Guy
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

Luann: I’m just amazed that Daddy and Mommy Arms Akimbo weren’t outraged enough to make a cameo in this arc.
Niall
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

Many threads ago (”Gift from the comics”), Y^x 178. buckyswife: I used to have stripey shirts, but friends convinced me of the error of my ways. (I only have stripey overshirts now.) As for Scotch, I just returned from New Jersey with a bottle of Double wood Balvenie single malt whiskey. (Plus some premium junmai daiginjo saké, and some interesting US mead.) …I’ll stay silent as for the third part. What that all makes me, I have no idea.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

MW — Is Del getting on an airport tram or one of those old De Havilland Comet aircraft with the square windows that kept blowing out?

One could hope for the latter, I suppose…
Poteet
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

# 333 anty a — I think JP is largely a fantasy about what life would be like if one had jaw-droppingly ginormous amounts of cash and/or seriously bodacious tatas. And some other fantasies are thrown in just for fun, like Sophie’s ability to ace cheerleading tryouts merely by deciding to be a cheerleader. And if Sultan just happens to win the Triple Crown and gets to service dozens of great-looking mares, it can be a horse fantasy too.
Alfred E. Neuman
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

#326 Professor Fate, # 331 commodorejohn— Theoretically, the current FW could be taking place in 2019, and of course, we still have troops in Iraq. (We withdrew them in 2011, but President Palin had them re-invade in 2017 because legions of angry FW readers demanded that Wally be found.)
If you visit the FW website (doesn’t everyone?), Batiuk’s “Where’s Wally” blog has a stock answer to these questions and criticisms. He claims (twice), “It’s called writing.”
buckyswife
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

341 Niall: Re: stripey shirts, please see my #264 above. As for the Scotch—well, I’m a big fan (especially the peaty stuff), although I’ve become more of a bourbon gal lately.
seismic-2
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

#344: “It’s called writing.” Sorry, Mr. Batuik. In the immortal words of the late Truman Capote, with respect to the novels of Valley of the Dolls author Jacqueline Susann, “That’s not writing, it’s typing.”
gnome de blog
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

We have all assumed that, since Batiuk declared a 10-year time jump, everything that happened before was now 10 years ago. Suppose that instead, everyone in the Winkerverse (except Cindy) was held in a space-time irrelevancy. 10 years passed for them, but no time at all elapsed in the outside world. No wonder they’re all gloomy, depressed and cranky.

Hey – it makes as much sense as Abbey Spencer. Hell of a lot less fun though.

Speaking of Abbey, I shall be really incensed if we have a whole 4-month story about Godiva and the stallion and she doesn’t take a ride through the village.
anty a
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

336, 337, and 343:
But…but….if JP is all about potraying fantasies, then whose fantasies are they? All these story lines do is annoy me. I get my trademark “WTF” furrow in my brow that’s going to require botox someday when a nerd lives the cheerleader dream (which as Josh pointed out wasn’t what a real nerd would have dreamed anyway) and a Barbie doll casually purchases an expensive horse based on a glance. There! It happened again! I furrowed my brow. Damn comics.
AirForbes
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

The thing I don’t understand about Batiuk and Lynn Johnston is that although they both claim “it’s called writing”, they then proceed to repeat the same plots. Wally gets captured yet again, Liz marries her childhood sweetheart just like Mike and Gordon. It’s not called writing – it’s called re-runs.
heraldguy
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

From Wikipedia (the source to end all sources): “Rattlesnakes are born with fully functioning fangs capable of injecting venom and can regulate the amount of venom they inject when biting. Generally they deliver a full dose of venom to their prey, but may deliver less venom or none at all when biting defensively. A frightened or injured snake may not exercise such control. Young snakes are to be considered more dangerous, as they have less control over the amount of venom they inject. A young rattlesnake will often simply inject all its venom, which might be a lethal dose, depending on the size of the bitten animal.”

Also, “Rattlesnakes consume mice, rats, small birds and other small animals. They subdue their prey quickly with a venomous bite as opposed to constricting. The venom will immediately stun or kill typical prey. Rattlesnake venom can kill in 20 seconds, but a rattlesnake will follow prey that does not quickly succumb to the venom and attempts to escape.”

Which means the rat dog could live, but I doubt it.
UncleJeff
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

350 herald guy: All well and true, sir but we are talking Batiuk here.
The dog dies.
An agonizing death that lingers over 3 more days.
At the end, Ed Crankshaft sheds a tear and delivers a sickening pun at the eulogy.
And somebody smirks.
Disingenuous Penguin
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

I almost thought Deliah was going to get Rick Rolled, but I suppose that’s asking too much of a comic which thinks Roger and Hammerstein is “otherworldly.”
Red Greenback
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

342-Al of the CSJP: I also hope the pilot made a pre-flight stop at Wine’s Liquors.
Katya
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

#304 — buckyswife:

Well, like, DUH, you wouldn’t make those mistakes!

But I still say there’s no way ole Charley could spell “androgynous.” I know you were jokingly implying that he meant “erogenous,” but I think you give the guy too much credit. I doubt he would even have heard of “androgynous.”

So, c’mon…this is fun! There are so many creative ways to mangle the language. Here’re some lovely options:

How about something like “androgenous”…or “androginous”…”androganous,” “androgonous,” androgunous”…

For added amusement value, he could delete the “o” at the end (e.g., “androganus”)! Fun, fun, fun!
Katya
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

Re: me @ 354:

And I missed a quotation mark in my haste. I’ll never learn to proofread before I post!
Katya
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

Hah! I laugh, LAUGH, I say, at all you poor people!

I’m so glad I don’t read either “Funky Winkerbean” or “Crankshaft.” I’m FREE, FREE from all the depression and horror that greet all of you on a daily basis!

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Katya
August 3rd, 2009 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

#301 — Niall:

Speaking of hellish experiences, here’s what I did late last night:

Like poor Poteet, I too suffer from insomnia. If you’re an insomniac, one thing you’re not supposed to do is continue to lie in bed indefinitely attempting futilely to fall asleep. Doing so supposedly only reinforces in your mind that your bed is evil ‘cuz you can’t fall asleep in it.

Instead, one is advised to get up and do something, no matter what time it is, how tired you are, or what you have to do the next day. The whole theory is termed “sleep hygiene.”

So last night I dutifully got up. There were a million productive things I might have done, but nooooo…

I keep reading on here about “Aldomania,” but sadly never read “Mary Worth” before accidentally stumbling onto this site a couple of months ago. Well, last night that all changed. I determined that I would educate myself on this important subject.

I found a site that has old “Mary Worth” strips dating back a number of years. From reading postings here on CC, I seemed to remember that Aldo appeared sometime in 2006. I did my detective work and found the pertinent strips!

It seems that Aldo first showed up in the strip on July 5, 2006 and was the daily topic until sometime in the middle of October! I read every single one! I am definitely up on the Aldo story.

But what really struck me is that that particular storyline played out for approximately 3 1/2 months! Yet for all the time devoted to it, one realizes when reading the whole thing at one time, not much actually happened.

I know this bit of info comes as no surprise to any Curmudgeon; it’s rather obvious when reading one day’s strip of any of the serials how slowly the plots progress. It was just interesting to fly through them like I did last night and see how meager the content really is.

No matter, though; it’s still fun to read them just to be able then to snark on them!
Paul1963
August 4th, 2009 at 10:25 am [Reply]

One-eyed Wolfdog @323: Yes, that’s where I learned about Lutetia myself. The 24 Goscinny-Uderzo albums are things of joy forever. I have the late-70s-early-80s Dargaud Canada editions with the Bell-Hockridge translations.
A_Ron
August 7th, 2009 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

This is kind of out of left field, but can anyone explain Sunday’s “Mother Goose and Grimm” strip? It’s got Wonder Woman before the Superhero Alliance, saying, “I have a complaint about the Flash.” What?
9090
August 19th, 2009 at 9:02 am [Reply]

ugg nightfall
ugg roxy

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