The Comics Curmudgeon

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Tales from the can

Curtis, 8/11/09

Today’s Curtis is a truly epochal event! It’s not because Barry casually implies that Michelle is some kind of sinister pagan priestess, performing voodoo rituals in her lavishly appointed apartment. Ha ha, no, that’s just standard-issue Curtis madness. And it isn’t because we catch a rare glimpse of Curtis’s head without his hat perched upon it, though that’s always intriguing. (It is kind of amusing that he’s carefully combing it into place only to cover it up with his trademark chapeau for the next 23 hours.) No, what’s really important is that this is the probably the first newspaper comic in living memory in which the punchline (or, at least, the unsettling sentence occupying the space where the punchline would normally be) is being delivered by someone who’s urinating. Since I blessedly grew up an only child, I have to ask: did any of you ever wander into the bathroom and engage in banter with your sibling, and then one of you just stone cold started peeing? Because that’s … that’s gross. It’s gross if you did that.

Mary Worth, 8/11/09

“Yes, it’s true; my lectures, while inspiring and life-affirming, tend to attract the worst kind of perverts: relationship voyeurs. Always trying to overhear sincere conversations between two beloveds, getting their rocks off on emotional intimacy … YEAH, YOU IN THE GLASSES! YEAH, I SEE YOU! SICKO! I’M NOT SIGNING YOUR BOOK NOW!”

No, but seriously, I certainly hope that this blonde lady is either a snoopy reporter about to question Lawrence about his many monstrous crimes or carrying Lawrence’s love child. Because if we’ve got four days ahead of us of Lawrence and Delilah emoting weepily in Lawrence’s hotel room about the depth and majesty of their love, after all the promise this storyline had, I will be … not so much angry as just disappointed.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 11, 2009 at 09:46 am and is filed under Curtis, Mary Worth.

393 responses to “Tales from the can”

buckyswife
August 11th, 2009 at 9:59 am [Reply]

Josh—I grew up with sisters, so I think the dynamics are different. However, when I was in college at Berkeley, I went into the (coed) dorm (coed) bathroom on my first day, and there was a guy standing at the urinals. He said hi and gave me a jaunty wave with his free hand. I probably said something, but what I remember was backing out of the bathroom very quickly. I quickly became accustomed, though, to not only being in the same room with guys peeing but conversing with them while they did so. So, yeah, people do this.
luluchappel
August 11th, 2009 at 9:59 am [Reply]

Yes, yes I did that and I’m sure others did too. If you have siblings but only one bathroom, well, something’s gotta give.
zenvelo
August 11th, 2009 at 10:02 am [Reply]

hey, when I was in a fraternity, you were considered shy if you couldn’t pee and tell a joke athe same time. We called it multitasking…

what’s more confusing is the use of the term “chicken embryo” – isn’t that an egg?
Cranky
August 11th, 2009 at 10:04 am [Reply]

Yeah, it’s a gross panel. But imagine what we’ll get to see when Marvin actually starts successful potty training. (shivers)

On the other end of the great continuum of life, let’s imagine what we’ll see when Mary Worth goes incontinent.

Billingsley is going to seem like a quaint pioneer, I tell ya.
Dingo
August 11th, 2009 at 10:09 am [Reply]

Josh, Josh, Josh. You’re an only child (pity), must have never been in a fraternity, nor the armed forces. Most men can carry on a conversation and urinate at the same time. It’s part of being a man, like masturbating together to straight porn (but keeping your eyes on the screen) or half-seating a turkey leg in your anus and then announcing to your buddies you’re about to pass the world’s largest turd. Am I gonna have to round up some of the curmudgeons, drive to Maryland, and give you an all-guy weekend?
Justin Fowler
August 11th, 2009 at 10:09 am [Reply]

Yes. On a class trip to Quebec in the eighth grade, we stayed in a hostel with coed bathrooms. I was using a urinal when an old lady, who looked not unlike Mary Worth, wandered over, said hello, and struck up a conversation. I wish I were joking about this. But, horrifyingly enough, I am not.

Indeed, I’m surprised that the real Mary Worth has managed to resist meddling with people on the toilet for so long. Surely she has some advice to give about which way to unravel the toilet paper?
teddytoad
August 11th, 2009 at 10:12 am [Reply]

Hopefully, tomorrow, Del picks up one of her husband’s books and cries, “W-whoa! That’s… philosophy of a kind… I suppose…”

Lawrence: “I forgot you weren’t into the more posthumanist epistemology! Some things never change… hmm?”
Nekrotzar
August 11th, 2009 at 10:13 am [Reply]

We will honor your Halloween ritual by paying homage to the symbolic vegetable orb. We will cease dispensing the canned consumables. It is permissable to dispense fried chicken embryos?

Apple bobbing. Mebst. Mebst.
buckyswife
August 11th, 2009 at 10:14 am [Reply]

3 zenvelo: What I thought of when I read “chicken embryo” was balut; it’s a Filipino food—a fertilized chicken (or duck) egg that’s kept around for a while, sometimes buried, until it kind of ferments. There’s a half-formed bird in there; it’s neither egg nor chicken. And then you eat it. (Or, in my case, you’re really really drunk and you decide to be tough and try to eat it, and it stops right at the top of your throat and refuses to move, and your friend videotapes you as flail, gasp, and turn red.)
Patrick
August 11th, 2009 at 10:15 am [Reply]

My fondest wish is that, while Lawrence and Delilah are sitting in their hotel room, declaring their love for one another, Barry saunters in from another strip and nonchalantly takes a piss while cracking wise at both of them.
mvg
August 11th, 2009 at 10:19 am [Reply]

6: Frankly, I think everything in MW unravels enough on its own w/further help.

By her collar, maybe the blonde in the glasses is a minister. Del & Lawrence can renew their vows of married celibacy … or get an annulment to further reduce the chances of their having intimate contact … or have the demon Astaroth exorcised from Lawrence so he can regain the soul he sold in exchange for making millions as the platitude-spouting professor-without-a-doctorate.
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 10:20 am [Reply]

Josh – You never had PE and been in a locker room?
The Dead Acorn
August 11th, 2009 at 10:24 am [Reply]

The blonde lady in panel 1 of Mary Worth appears to be wondering why her purse has to have straps, while Del’s seems to defy gravity and just float next to her.
Dingo
August 11th, 2009 at 10:24 am [Reply]

buckyswife, maybe this could start a new trend. Instead of eating fried chicken while watching porn, people could eat balut. Oh, that reminds me, Josh. As a gay male, I had a gay roommate in my mid-twenties. A bodybuilder. He would come into the bathroom while I was brushing my teeth or taking a shower. Neither of us thought anything of it. He also had the largest collection of porn I’ve ever seen outside Malcolm Forbes’ mansion. Can’t remember how many nights he’d stop at Popeyes, get himself a ten-piece bucket, and sit on the couch in his cotton whites masturbating with one hand while eating chicken with the other. I’d pretend it was France and that this was just the way of the world and walk through. To this day, I cannot think of porn without visualizing spicy fried chicken.
Canaduck
August 11th, 2009 at 10:27 am [Reply]

I’m female and grew up with a younger sister and brother, but none of us ever hung out peeing in the bathroom together. In fact, once while visiting an old mountain town in Colorado, my sister and I freaked out about having to use toilets which were separated only by a nearly non-existent wall. We could still see each other a little.

We DID, however, have two bathrooms in the house, so that may have had something to do with it.
survivor
August 11th, 2009 at 10:28 am [Reply]

So Lawrence banged the blonde chick, eh?

Boy, Delilah’s gonna feel foolish when she finds out. She missed a golden opportunity for guilt-free, hot Charley Smith lovin’ at a sweet pad.
bats :[
August 11th, 2009 at 10:29 am [Reply]

7. teddytoad: there’s just no satisfying Delilah…

12. Sequitur: or been in a Turkish prison?
Shlomo
August 11th, 2009 at 10:29 am [Reply]

Mary Worth- Lawrence must have grabbed Del and spun her around the room because of the excitement. Why else would Betty Cooper have switched from being on Lawrence’s right side to his left?

Josh, I think peeing is a great method of conversing with people. I follow my boss to the bathroom all the time whenever we really need to talk. Sure, she gets a little offended, but at least I get her attention.
sully
August 11th, 2009 at 10:31 am [Reply]

The only thing remotely amusing about this Curtis ‘joint’, is the fact that the toilet bowl is noticeably higher than Barry’s crotch in panel 3, which means that warm urine is splashing against the bowl and down his legs in panel 4. Oh, the hilarity!
Ed Dravecky
August 11th, 2009 at 10:32 am [Reply]

The shocked blonde in today’s Mary Worth is Lawrence’s publisher. She’s just realized that he’s only sold one copy of The Big Pink Book O’ Platitudes and her company will be financially ruined.
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 10:32 am [Reply]

Pluggers
Ha. Ha. Pluggers think parking meters are slot machines.
buckyswife
August 11th, 2009 at 10:33 am [Reply]

15 Canaduck: But don’t you do the stereotypical chick thing when you’re out with your girlfriends? You know, go to the restroom together, chat between stalls? (I certainly do; I’m a walking stereotype that way.)

14 Dingo: “I’d pretend it was France” could probably apply to a lot of situations; I think I’ll use it (mentally) in any awkward moment: “La di da—I’m just gonna pretend this is France!”
tbiggs
August 11th, 2009 at 10:34 am [Reply]

We’ve only had one bathroom in our house, and our kids never share the bathroom while one is using the toilet, much less have jaunty conversations.

Frat houses are one thing, but it’s creepy with siblings.
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 10:36 am [Reply]

17. bats:[
Hey, those Turkish prisons are not what they’re adversited to be. Or as B. Racoon would say, “Yes.”
zenvelo
August 11th, 2009 at 10:37 am [Reply]

Lawrence is going to be in trouble when the hooker he scheduled for “Professor and the School Girl” tells her pimp that the john has found someone else to play “the married virgin.”
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 10:40 am [Reply]

I think Pig is in France.
NoahSnark
August 11th, 2009 at 10:40 am [Reply]

The author of Curtis reveals his genius in this strip. Just imagine how many newspaper comics would be improved if their last panels were accompanied by a warm stream of urine.
Josh
August 11th, 2009 at 10:42 am [Reply]

#1 buckyswife et al. — somehow (and I know it’s illogical) public bathrooms (including dorm bathrooms, where I’ve peed in mixed company many a time) don’t count in this regard in my head, mostly because you have more space and partitions or at least urinals that give the pee-er a modicum of privacy. Something about being in the close quarters of an apartment bathroom and just peeing in a bowl don’t seem right. I admit that it’s almost certainly my problem.

Josh
Sebastian
August 11th, 2009 at 10:42 am [Reply]

The only reason to continue with this Mary Worth story line now that Charley is off somewhere furtively masturbating to showtunes is if when Lawrence says “let’s talk” he has something really awesome to drop on her. The possibility that the blonde is carrying Lawrence’s love child just isn’t interesting enough. Some suggestions

1) Same basic talk as Troy McClure/Selma Bouvier: “Gay? I wish!” (Lawrence sleeps with the fishes)
2) This little cult he’s been building up through “philosophy” books is planning a horrific act of domestic terrorism. The last panel is just Lawrence going “Mwa ha ha haaaaa!”
3) He pulls off his face and turns out to secretly be an alien lizard bent on enslaving humanity. Same last panel as #2, but, y’know, more lizardy.
Uncle Lumpy
August 11th, 2009 at 10:42 am [Reply]

#10 Patrick, #7 teddytoad –

. . . Barry saunters in from another strip and nonchalantly takes a piss while cracking wise at both of them

saying, “Hey, Lawrence, I got yer posthumanist epistemology right here.”
tbell61
August 11th, 2009 at 10:43 am [Reply]

Let’s not forget in the days before indoor plumbing, many outhouses were “two-holers”, built for more than one person at a time answering the call of nature. Even when the toilet moved indoors, few families outside of wealthy ones had more than one bathroom…so yeah, more than one person in the bathroom, and one of those persons probably peeing is not THAT unusual.
Uncle Lumpy
August 11th, 2009 at 10:45 am [Reply]

#28 Josh –

It’s OK — just pretend it’s the one place in the world that isn’t France.
buckyswife
August 11th, 2009 at 10:46 am [Reply]

29 Sebastian:
4) His “little cult” is actually the Heaven’s Gate, The Revival, and the reason they can’t have children is that he’s been neutered.
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 10:47 am [Reply]

The ultimate pee camaraderie is at sporting events when, between innings or during a time out, all the guys swarm to the facilities but there’s more guys then receptacles. So, they all stand around a drain together and let it fly.
buckyswife
August 11th, 2009 at 10:49 am [Reply]

34 Sequitur: “ultimate pee camaraderie”—ha! (So many great turns of phrase from this site, so few places to use them outside of this site….)
Terry
August 11th, 2009 at 10:49 am [Reply]

Actually, my local grocery store DOES carry chicken embryos. We call them “eggs”.
Komerade X
August 11th, 2009 at 10:50 am [Reply]

Funky Zoloftbean: And as the depressed former couple slogs through the Garden O’ Death, little do they know that a giant asteroid is approaching the Earth with a projected impact point of Westview. This will have the benefit of reducing the town to a cloud of plasma and a monatomic fog, while also ending all life on earth as we know it. All of this will happen just after DeadSkunkHead eats a shotgun in the town gazebo. Hey, it’s called writing.
RSR
August 11th, 2009 at 10:55 am [Reply]

#28 Josh
Once upon a time, I was like you and appalled by the idea of peeing with anyone nearby. Someone in the same room would have been a no-go. And then I had four children. I haven’t peed alone in six years.
Phred22
August 11th, 2009 at 11:02 am [Reply]

One of my first cynical insights as a kid was wondering if Blondie and Dagwood were aware of how deprived they were since their bathroom seemed to lack a toilet. Curtis and Barry don’t know how lucky they are.
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 11:02 am [Reply]

35. buckyswife
Thanks. I forgot to add that while this scene around the drain is taking place, someone is bound to say, “Hey, be careful not to cross streams. Remember what happened in Ghostbusters.”
El Diablo Sombrero
August 11th, 2009 at 11:03 am [Reply]

I’m finding a disturbing level of similarity between the current Judge Parker “storyline” (Pornstar has sex with a horse) and the ongoing Brad/Toni story arc from Luann. Both started interestingly enough but then degenerated into strip after strip of pointless euphemisms and build up going (hopefully) nowhere.

The sad thing is that while bestiality is a disgusting and degrading act that is essentially animal cruelty, “Godiva and the Horse” is still less repulsive and pathetic than “Brad and Toni”.
mvg
August 11th, 2009 at 11:04 am [Reply]

buckyswife: 14 Dingo: “I’d pretend it was France” could probably apply to a lot of situations; I think I’ll use it (mentally) in any awkward moment: “La di da—I’m just gonna pretend this is France!”

Given my strong German ancestry on both sides, you probably don’t want me pretending anyplace is France. Anyplace you like, that is. (Ah, German, the language of romance, in which “I love you” sounds like “Rev up the tanks, Heinrich!”)
Dingo
August 11th, 2009 at 11:08 am [Reply]

Sequitur, you must be a Cubs fan, too. I can’t imagine Josh having to go into a Wrigley Field bathroom. Difficult to hold your cock in one hand and your smellin’ salt handkerchief in the other when guys are elbow to elbow with you… and ACROSS from you. It’s like pissin’ into grandpa’s old tub together with a group of strangers. Granted, I could see Delilah in the middle of it in her yellow fishnet outfit but it’s sorta cool when every guy is in a Carhartt jacket.
Old Goat
August 11th, 2009 at 11:10 am [Reply]

31: Two holer? Is that a pilot-to-copilot configuration or a pilot-to-bombardier arrangement? (Pilot-to-bombardier preferred by most.)
Mischief Maker
August 11th, 2009 at 11:10 am [Reply]

So all this time with the “you changed my life” life-affirming lecturing wasn’t setting up a new plotline where Mary finds herself locking horns with a man who meddles on an industrial scale?

Instead it’s a ludicrously heavy-handed way of telling the audience that the graying Brylcreamed man 20 years Del’s senior is a better choice than the man who decorates his apartment with child-scarring pornography and greets visitors with a leer that looks like he’s going to bite off their face?

BOOOOOO!
Suspicious Patron
August 11th, 2009 at 11:15 am [Reply]

Does anyone find it odd that Lawrence stays behind the desk the entire reunion? His wife flies across the country to reconcile a marriage on the brink of collapse and he finds it too cumbersome to step a few feet to the side? Ah well, I guess now we see the only physical intimacy of which both Del and Mary Worth approve: fully clothed, upper torso contact only, genitals kept at as a far a distance as possible, preferably seperated by a table and/or chastity belt. No wonder Del’s head ignitied with horror at the mere sight of Charley’s specially commissioned cheesecake painting.
Charlene
August 11th, 2009 at 11:16 am [Reply]

Why is Curtis still holding his hairbrush in the second panel? Is he planning to comb out his hat?
Ben the Cartoon
August 11th, 2009 at 11:18 am [Reply]

What I’M wondering is what happened to Barry’s hair in the last panel.

It goes from short and round to tall and flat in mere seconds!
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 11:20 am [Reply]

43. Dingo
I live in Texas but have nothing against the Cubs and wish them well. I understand the frustration (not to the extent of Cubs fans) since I’m a Texas Rangers fan.
Actually, down here everyone is dressed in T-shirts and shorts with flip-flops. Let me tell you, those foamy flip-flops do absorb things.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 11th, 2009 at 11:23 am [Reply]

MW: It’s possible that Lawrence and Delilah are just going back to the hotel room to fuck. Not sure that’s an improvement, though.

Curtis: I’m an only child (separately raised half-sisters notwithstanding) myself, so I don’t know if this is a common practice. It’s foolhardy on Barry’s part, though. Curtis has the perfect opportunity to knock Barry into his own stream.

A3G: “Oh, don’t worry Mr. Powers. I’ll be sure to wear a rubber… I mean a seatbelt. Yeah a rubber seatbelt while I’m penetrating… while I;m driving Lu Ann to the airport.”

OBH: Eloise here is pretty competitive. She doesn’t seem to realize that she and Ruthie aren’t in competition. I mean, if you sell completely different products you’re not really competing, if logic has any say in the matter.

DtM: So Dennis is an autistic savant who remembers all directions on how to get anywhere? That’s the new concept? Sounds… scintillating.

JP: Sophie’s eyes in the final panel say it all. “Too weird. Back away, slowly. I was never here.”

HtH: In today’s kneeslapper, Hagar and Lucky Eddie are going to starve to death. Well, at least whichever lives longer can satisfy his curiosity about the taste of human flesh.

FW: Dead but still walking around? Wally’s a native of Westview all right.

GT: Buck up, Marty. You never know when Mimi might add “garage cleaning” to your list of chores.

Phantom: Ghost-Who-Leaves-Scars-on-the-Inside-Too has his own special trademark injuries? The Jungle Patrol is basically Police Brutality Fantasy Camp.
BigTed
August 11th, 2009 at 11:26 am [Reply]

Really, lady! Go stare at the wall, like the others. We’ll get back to our brainwashing… er, philosophy meeting as soon as I’ve inducted this new member.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 11th, 2009 at 11:29 am [Reply]

#14 Dingo,
Have you related this story to the Popeye’s chain. I’m thinking their marketing department could find an angle.
Toby
August 11th, 2009 at 11:30 am [Reply]

At least Barry isn’t sitting down to drop a few boys off at the lake. Now that would be out of line.
vanya
August 11th, 2009 at 11:31 am [Reply]

Is it really not screamingly obvious to everyone that old Lawrence has been having an affair with the blonde bespectacled woman? Hence her shock at seeing him talking to a brunette and Larry’s haste to get upstairs. I’ll be pretty embarrassed if I’m wrong about this.
mvg
August 11th, 2009 at 11:32 am [Reply]

52: If not Popeye’s, maybe Jack in the Box.
gnome de blog
August 11th, 2009 at 11:36 am [Reply]

Orangey McSniper is woodcrafty enough to realize that something startled the crows. Imagine that…Mark Trail bested on his home turf by a city feller. It’s inconceivable that someone good enough to deliberately shoot Joey in the shoulder instead of the chest would miss.
Will
August 11th, 2009 at 11:36 am [Reply]

There are two things I don’t get in today’s Curtis. Where’s the hat in the first panel? There’s no gigantic green thing anywhere, but it spontaneously appears on Curtis’ head in the next one.
The second, and more disturbing, is that Barry’s either peeing on the floor, or trying to arc the stream up and over the rim.
Crisatunity
August 11th, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

Judging by the look on the blond, I think Larry thought he was “on a break”.
gnome de blog
August 11th, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

Raking leaves? In August? I thought Gil Thorp was set in Michgan, not Siberia.
Tim O'Shenko
August 11th, 2009 at 11:44 am [Reply]

MW: That blond lady isn’t eavesdropping, she’s just trying to lose the chandelier that’s been following her across the lobby.
buckyswife
August 11th, 2009 at 11:46 am [Reply]

54 vanya: See the excellent illustration of that thought (by bats :[ , of course) in the yesterthread.
Lawyerbob
August 11th, 2009 at 11:48 am [Reply]

31 tbell61: I recall that at the Boy Scout camp I went to, the outhouses had both urinals and a “two-holer” for, er, #2. If two of us scouts were using the outhouse at the same time, we would refer to it as a “double-header.”

That said, Josh, I never shared the bathroom with my brother, and I haven’t notice my kids sharing either. I mean, ew.

MW: Delilah seems to be listening to her ipod the whole time, which sort of puts the lie to her protestations of love. “Lawrence, I’ve always loved you . . . ‘I was made to love her, yeah, yeah, yeah’ . . what, your room?”
Calvin's Cardboard Box
August 11th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

@ 42 mvg

Actually, if more Germans had been willing to pretend that Alsace and Lorraine were in France about 100 years ago, a whole lot of bad stuff might have been avoided.
shMerker
August 11th, 2009 at 11:51 am [Reply]

The largest house I ever lived in the “boys” bathroom had two sinks, a toilet in a stall, and a urinal. There was no lock on the door and my two brothers and I would frequently use it together, especially in the morning and before bed. I think we even shared the urinal sometimes. “When ya gotta go…”
Thageegee
August 11th, 2009 at 11:51 am [Reply]

I grew up with an older sister, so I was never in the bathroom when she was…

But, I was in the marine corps where we were (truly) forced to share urinals. You got very good at focusing on yourself only, and not peeing on your fellow recruits’ boots.

After that, and with close friends, peeing with someone in the bathroom isn’t a problem. It’s just a matter of being comfortable with someone.

Pooing while in the bathroom with someone is just gross, unless you’re married, of course.

Maybe, though, it’s an East Coast/West Coast thing. We out here on the Left Side are more casual and into loving those we are with. Y’all Right Siders are more prone to being old fashioned.
Red Greenback
August 11th, 2009 at 11:53 am [Reply]

Old Goat@#44:“Two holer? Is that a pilot-to-copilot configuration or a pilot-to-bombardier arrangement? (Pilot-to-bombardier preferred by most.)”
Regardless the configuration, either one or both parties involved have the potential of being the “bombardier”.
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 11:53 am [Reply]

Ist das Ihr gebratenes Hühnchen? Ich muss mich in Frankreich.
(Is that your fried chicken? I must be in France.)
Calvin's Cardboard Box
August 11th, 2009 at 11:54 am [Reply]

MT – I guess one absurdity that hasn’t been mentioned in this storyline is that Mark KNOWS the guy he is stalking is armed and is a crack shot with the rifle. So, he climbs a tree and stirs up a lot of noise, pretty much guaranteeing that the sniper will know he is being followed and have a nice, stationary target to aim for.

Mark, the fist-o-justice weapon can deal out a fair amount of damage, but the range factor is pretty limited. So, a good tactic would be to try and remain CONCEALED, using your superior tracking ability to catch the city person BY SURPRISE in close quarters.
StrangeRover
August 11th, 2009 at 11:54 am [Reply]

FOOB: Before FBoFW, Lynn dabbled in one-panel comics. I think the final panel of today’s FBoFW is the finest example of her single-panel work.
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 11:58 am [Reply]

MT – Didn’t Mark bring in Andy The Dog so he (Mark) could avoid climbing trees and such? Dumb, dumb, dumb.
buckyswife
August 11th, 2009 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

68 Calvin’s Cardboard Box: Oh, ye of little faith. Like some human Star Wars Missile Defense System, Mark will punch those bullets right out of the sky, and they’ll fall harmlessly to the ground. Meanwhile, Andy is still stalking The Man Who Shot Joey Williams, and he’ll sneak up on him (Sneaky taught him a few moves), pounce, take away his gun, and keep him pinned until Mark returns to ~~finish the job~~ take all the credit.
fnord3125
August 11th, 2009 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

While my first thought was “doesn’t chicken embryo = egg?” I think buckyswife is more on target. An egg sold in a grocery store is unfertilized, and thus, can’t really be called an embryo. And I suppose he didn’t want to say “fertilized egg” because that wouldn’t make it clear what KIND of egg it was, so he *obviously* had to say “chicken embryo.” You know, for the sake of clarity and precision. I’m sure that was Barry’s goal.
Dingo
August 11th, 2009 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

When I was in grad school a few years ago (2004-2006), one of the projects I suggested making was a documentary on urinals and men’s relationship to them. I had asked my father a question: four men walk into a restroom at the same time to urinate. There are five urinals and two stalls. What’s the order? My father, who is 74, just stared at me. He didn’t get it. I posed the same question to some guys in their twenties and they all answered “center, far right, far left, stall.” Men my father’s age have no concept of buffer urinals. Most men my age (45) don’t either. I thought it’d make a great project because I know this differs based on West Coast versus East Coast versus the South versus mountains. Internationally, Americans are seen as very prudish with their bathroom habits (try using a public restroom in Japan). Well, the chair of my department told me in no uncertain terms that he would not allow me to make that project under his watch. Instead, I made my documentary on 1031 Like-Kind Exchange laws and the growing sprawl across America. That project turned out well but I’d still have liked to explore the urinal issue.
Isaac
August 11th, 2009 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

Barry is astute, but not astute enough- it appears the one doing evil magic is not Michelle but Curtis, who has magically summoned his hat in panel 2, much in the way a witch summons her cat.
StrangeRover
August 11th, 2009 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

67. Sequitur. “Ich muss in Frankreich sein.” Your sentence reads: “I must ME in France.” Also Germans don’t use ‘i must’ to mean “I surmise that I am”; it just means “it is imperative that I do.”
mvg
August 11th, 2009 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

75: “It is imperative that I do France.” Yep, that sounds like a German to me.
Dr. Shrinker
August 11th, 2009 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

My brother and I used to specifically try and time our pisses so we could go together and have “sword fights” with the streams (this was before Ghostbusters).

Getting back to this comic masterpiece, though: besides the bizarre continuity issues with Curtis’ hat and his brother’s hair, does anyone get what the freakin’ hell this “joke” even means?
Darth Paradox
August 11th, 2009 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

To hell with delivering a punchline while urinating – I’m more concerned with the fact that Barry, being too short to reach the bowl and too lazy to go get a stepstool, is just letting go against the side of the bowl.

I recall a running gag in Curtis where Barry would wet the bed that he and Curtis shared, often on purpose just to piss Curtis off (so to speak). Apparently he’s decided to broaden his horizons and test out new ways of terrorizing his brother using only the power of his urine (and his missing sense of shame).
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

73. Dingo
It’s true what you say. In the company rest room closest to my cubicle, there are three urinals. If I go in and no one else is there, I’ll purposely use the middle urinal. I do this to see the reaction of anyone who comes in after me. There is always a hesitation before said person makes a decision. Usually it’s to the urinal on my right. Occationaly, this flusters some people to the point that they’ll go to the commode and shut the door rather then be next to someone while doing their business.

75. StrangeRover Sorry. My German is really rusty (actually, it’s always been rusty and oil doesn’t work).
UncleJeff
August 11th, 2009 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

66 red greenback: Old Goat@#44:“Two holer? Is that a pilot-to-copilot configuration or a pilot-to-bombardier arrangement? (Pilot-to-bombardier preferred by most.)”
Regardless the configuration, either one or both parties involved have the potential of being the “bombardier”.

I hear in Iowa, they still have two story outhouses where if the first floor is occupied, you just go to the second floor.
Ol'Froth
August 11th, 2009 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

My memory fails me, who was it who wrote, “English is the language to conduct business in, French the language to write poetry in, Italian the language to conduct love in, and German the language to drive the hogs in?”

Or something along those lines.
UncleJeff
August 11th, 2009 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

42 mvg: Given my strong German ancestry on both sides, you probably don’t want me pretending anyplace is France. Anyplace you like, that is. (Ah, German, the language of romance, in which “I love you” sounds like “Rev up the tanks, Heinrich!”)

COTW nominee!
AmazingThor
August 11th, 2009 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

Today’s Curtis doesn’t seem all that ground breaking. Pretty much every Marvin ends with him soiling himself, you just can’t tell because of the diaper.
AmazingThor
August 11th, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

And where I went to elementary, the boys bathroom had a feeding trough style urinal where all the boys had to line up and pee into the same tub. It was horrific.
bats :[
August 11th, 2009 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

And now for something completely different: When he was growing up, mr. bats :[ shared a bedroom with his kid brother (standard twin bed arrangement). Kid brother was such a lazy a-hole that if he had to pee in the middle of the night, he’d roll to the side of his bed and arc his pee onto mr. bats’ :[ bed.
Yeah. a-hole then. a-hole now.
aldos
August 11th, 2009 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

Barry’s last-panel urination would indeed be a milestone for the comics page if it wasn’t for every Marvin strip ever written.
aldos
August 11th, 2009 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

And of course someone like 2 posts above me just said that. My bad.
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

To tie all this together, when I was six years old, our family went to visit relatives in Germany. One day I was playing outside where we were staying and a German boy about my age came along. We started “talking” and when the other boy perceived I was an American, he promptly whipped out his Prussian rod and pissed on me.

Thanks one and all for bringing back that “wonderful” memory.
True Fable
August 11th, 2009 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

*raises hand* Lifelong Cubs fan here. I am also a fan of the Greater Metropolitan Roopville Goat Ropers, so I know all about snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

The goat curse was supposed to have been lifted from Wrigley Field recently, but unfortunately the Cubs don’t play that way. I still love ‘em, they’re my boys.

What is this, early August now? Yeah, the Cubbies won’t start folding until mid September, if history and tradition serves. Always a little heartbreak just before September, like some sort of evil Charlie Brown cosplay, or a goddamn Tom Batuik comic. Brrr.
Pig In A Box
August 11th, 2009 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

I enjoyed the homage today in Shylock Fox to Moose & Molly.
Old School Allie Cat
August 11th, 2009 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

#67 – Sequitur – that sounds a lot like the useless phrases I learned for my trip to Germany. My favorite roughly translated into, “Where is the ambulance? It’s asparagus time!” It drove my sweet husband, who has a minor in German, insane.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before on this site, but the Germans do have the greatest word for bagpipes:

Dudelsack.

You’re welcome.
Donkey Hotey
August 11th, 2009 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

I had a sister, and we didn’t generally enter the bathroom when the other was peeing, but my friends who had brothers did. It didn’t seem odd.
Donkey Hotey
August 11th, 2009 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

I mean, I HAVE a sister.
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

True Fable – Did you get my message to you on yesterpost?
Edgy DC
August 11th, 2009 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

I can’t see how you don’t see this as one more instance of the roving eyes that keep Lawrence on the road and drove Del to turn to Beefsteak Charley’s Lovenest to relieve her hunger for attention.

It’s like, “Del, let’s talk in my room. It’s more pri… Why, HEL-LO THERE, Ms. Sexy Female Episcopal Priest. You know, it’s funny because I was just thinking about the Synod of Whitby and… Oh, right, Del. My room is this way. The champagne is, um, a gift from my publisher. So is the underwear.”
McManx
August 11th, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

Curtis — Everyone is just assuming Barry is taking a pee. Since Curtis is hogging the sink, seems a fair possibility that Barry is just washing his hands for the morning breakfast.

M Trail — No need for Elmer Fudd to waste a shell on Mark. The flock of angry crows will probably have Mark skeletonized in moments.

M Worth — Who is the nosey blond in purple? Seems awful interested in Del and Lawrence’s lovemaking. Candidate for a threesome?
TheDiva
August 11th, 2009 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

Maybe what we’ve always assumed is Curtis’ hat is, in fact, an overly elaborate hairstyle? That would explain how it manages to stay perched precariously on his head under the most extraordinary circumstances. Whatever it is, though, my question is: how in the Hell does Curtis plan on getting his shirt on over it?
buckyswife
August 11th, 2009 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

73 Dingo: Boy, you’re not kidding about those international bathroom habits. Never mind the urinal protocol; I traveled to places in rural SE Asia where the bathroom was a room with a concrete floor and a drain in the middle. (And yeah, it was hot, wearing sandals… eewwwww.) I lost a lot of my American squeamishness then, although I’ve probably regained it now. But the physical circumstances aside, the socio/psychodynamics are fascinating.

And as a teacher, I don’t understand why some people in my profession encourage the boring topics instead of the interesting ones…..
The Mighty Captain E
August 11th, 2009 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

Dingo, my man, you are a wealth of unique and interesting anecdotes. You brighten my day and, now, will make my bathroom visits a much more rich and rewarding experience. Thanks.
And speaking of too much information…I grew up in a family with six kids and one bathroom. Whattayagonnado? My brother and I were also stream crossers. My sisters always insisted on going before us for some reason.
Josh
August 11th, 2009 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

#73 Dingo — Hah, this is an issue that has always interested me as well! (As if my squeamishness expressed above wouldn’t make that clear.) My assumption is always that if you come into the bathroom and someone’s peeing at a urinal, if possible you don’t take one next to him. But if you come into a bathroom and two people are peeing at urinals, you try to go between them rather than closer to one than the other, because otherwise you seem to be choosing someone to stand next to, which might be weird.

#81 Ol’Froth — The Holy Roman Emperor Charles V, who had a very international life, supposedly said “I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men and German to my horse.”

#91 Old School Allie Cat — Before I went off to live in Germany for a few months, my German-fluent roommate told me that there were only three things I needed to understand: geschlossen (closed), verboten (forbidden), and in ordnung (in order).

(And now I realize that it sounds like I am talking smack about German and Germans, which I’m not! I had a fun time in my five months in Berlin, and at the Prolog Sprachschule. At least German is spelled exactly the way it sounds, which is more than I can say for French.)
Edgy DC
August 11th, 2009 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

Wait a minute. Let’s give credit where it’s due. Think about all we know about Crankshaft for a moment and you realize that Barry is merely the first character to deliver a punchline while voluntarily urinating.
Josh
August 11th, 2009 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

#95 Edgy DC — when I was in grad school, I took a class on late 4th century church politics (yes, this is the sort of thing I went to grad school for) that was co-taught by two profs, one from Berkeley (where I was in grad school) and one from the Graduate Theological Union (a cluster of seminaries just north of Berkeley’s campus). I had a bit of a crush on the lady from GTU, which felt harmless enough and was obviously going nowhere because she was older and married and my professor to boot. Anyway, one day about halfway through the semester she was running late and came into class still decked out in her Episcopal clerical robes. Somehow I had missed the fact that she was a priest; I guess I had just assumed that seminaries had layperson historians of church history on staff and that she was one of them. Anyway, at that point my sinful feelings felt very wrong indeed.

So I feel for Lawrence, is what I’m saying.

Josh
Ian C.
August 11th, 2009 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

So, looking at the art in Curtis, either Barry’s got a penis as long as his leg, or he’s stone cold peeing on the floor.
Talking Squirrel
August 11th, 2009 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

Curtis: I don’t know where his hat went in the first panel, but I have a pretty good hunch what Barry was doing in it, wherever it was. Carpe diem, baby.

As for balut, yep, try to swallow one whole and you’re beggin’ for a café coronary. Gotta chew it, CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH
NSP
August 11th, 2009 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

I wonder what Lawrence’s DVD collection is like?
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

105. NSP
I think it might be very symetrical.
Dan
August 11th, 2009 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

Oh lord, it finally happened. Funky Winkerbean has given up all pretense of providing a framing sequence for misery, and devolved into two characters just walking through a graveyard and talking about hopelessness. I can only assume that Wally and Becky will step off the borders of the cemetery into a formless grey purgatory, where they will march endlessly through a purposeless existence and weep silent tears for the rest of eternity.

And we get to watch. For three panels a day, every day. Forever.
Dingo
August 11th, 2009 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

Who knew that such a conversation could start over my use of the phrase “I’d pretend it was France.”

Sequitur, I, too, am German. Alas, I got the smooth-chested Hitler youth German and not the hairy pecs and arse German genes. Plus, my relatives emigrated just before World War I and the only time my grandmother would hear them speak German was on Christmas Eve when they’d give each of their daughters (six!) an orange and father would sing, “O Tenenbaum.” The only trait that’s been passed down is the emphasis on order. I. Love. Order. I’m like a Pembroke Welsh Corgi. Newcomers to my residence cower in fear of the precise corners at which everything sets. I may be the only person who cheered when Kathy Bates turned the penguin back and then whacked Jimmy Caan’s legs. He deserved it.
migellito
August 11th, 2009 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

Josh – I was also an only child. I also think it’s gross. Interesting, isn’t it? I also, due to knee problems, was granted the nigh-godlike power to avoid gym class for the entire time I was in school.
Talking Squirrel
August 11th, 2009 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

#102 Josh: Yeah! I still haven’t forgiven that putz Theophilus of Alexandria for dragging Origen’s reputation into his vendetta against Chrysostom, and then going and talking smack about Origen at the Council of Alexandria and even to Pope Anastasius. Fuckin’ meddler.
Baka Gaijin
August 11th, 2009 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

#91 Old School Allie Cat: Wow, what a coincidence. As I read your post, I had another window searching for trains to Edinburgh. Dudelsack! Dudelsack! DudelSACK!!!!
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

Dingo. Even though my mother is German (Northwest Germany), her ancestry is Norwegian on her father’s side and English on her mother’s side. My dad’s ancestry is mostly English with a bit of French (shudder) thrown in. I think it’s okay since it’s French Canadian. So, I’m not really German German.
But to get back to the comics, this only goes to show how one little act of peeing can lead to a whole bowlful of discussion. Ray Billingsley, I’ve got to hand it to you. Or, maybe you handed it to us.
Perky Bird
August 11th, 2009 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

Is Becky now going to show Wally the grave where her arm is buried?
Steve L
August 11th, 2009 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

That is definitely Lawrence’s one-night-stand.
Saluki
August 11th, 2009 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

Being an only child I guess Josh hasn’t heard of “fighting swords.” Having 3 brothers I can proudly claim to being a regular Errol Flynn.

I suppose brother now a days call them light sabers.
buckyswife
August 11th, 2009 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

104 Talking Squirrel: Goodness, no, I didn’t try to shove the whole thing in my mouth (a la Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke but with, you know, balut). That was just a bite that I couldn’t get down.

But that one bite ranks high on my list of Worst Things I Ever Put in My Mouth.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
August 11th, 2009 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

Childhood, hell. My girlfriend insists on following me to the bathroom now.

Maybe it’s an aspie thing?
Aviatrix
August 11th, 2009 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

I grew up in a house with one bathroom and until the kids hit our teens the whole family would be in there using all the standard bathroom appliances and trying to get each other to move their elbows.

Two holers, for those wanting to know, were/are side by side. Sometimes there’d be a kind of board up in between for privacy but sometimes it’s just board with two holes in it.
Dingo
August 11th, 2009 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

buckyswife, you must’ve never dated an uncircumcised carnie who wanted oral sex at the end of his shift. After that, balut would be a Charlotte Russe!

(And, no, it wasn’t me. It was my older sister.)
DAS
August 11th, 2009 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

Since I blessedly grew up an only child, I have to ask: did any of you ever wander into the bathroom and engage in banter with your sibling, and then one of you just stone cold started peeing? Because that’s … that’s gross. It’s gross if you did that.

Not generally, but sometimes when you live in a house with three other people (even if there are two bathrooms), you need to share.

What is even more gross (but it happens) is that this happens with my wife and I (although we live in a one bathroom apartment — with one bedroom as well). And I don’t think my wife is an aspie …
UncleJeff
August 11th, 2009 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

I grew up with five brothers and we never played “crossing streams” and you never tried to engage someone in conversation when they were in the bathroom.
Now, I go into the public toilet and hear guys talking on their cellphones while they are in the crapper!
And all of this thanks to Mr. Billingsley.
Well, at least he didn’t have one of the boys pretending he was Margaux Hemingway in the “reacharound” scene in “Personal Best.”
NightRaven
August 11th, 2009 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

#73 Dingo: “and they all answered “center, far right, far left, stall.”

Really? I’d have answered: stall, stall, far left, far right.
UncleJeff
August 11th, 2009 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

121 me: Oops, I meant Mariel Hemingway. You know, the one who could actually “act”.
Josh
August 11th, 2009 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

#110 Talking Squirrel — Man, don’t get me started on Gregory of Nazianzus, the one guy I studied relatively in-depth who I liked less the more I studied him. What a bitter, passive-aggressive snob — the Crankshaft of the Cappadocian Fathers. Gregory of Nyssa was at least funny, but still ultimately kind of a douchebag.

Josh
Chip Whittle
August 11th, 2009 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

Re: bathrooms. Three siblings over here; we didn’t share except maybe for washing hands and brushing teeth at least once past the age that parents would bathe two or more simultaneously for efficiency. Kind of grossed out by the idea, thanks.

Re: comics.

Bo Nanas: I can understand the symbolic value of getting less busy by throwing out the datebook, or in buying one to leave empty. But buying an empty one to throw out? Maybe I’m just cheap but that seems really ineffective. And someone finding the name and writing in a lunch date is just weird.

Dinette Set is dropping little search puzzles in, like Bizarro or Slylock Fox suddenly. This should help those strips where it’s hard to figure out the joke because the panel is too crammed full of detail and side jokes.

Love Is … created by people raised with secondhand, distant, poorly formed impressions of what Love Is? This might actually win the “insulting its fans” contest over Pluggers this week. Well, it might if that were at all possible.

PC and Pixel: remember, there’s no need ever to seek out, much less even begrudgingly accept, new customers when you can simply wait for the old ones to die of old age and bile. I bet they even think they’re interesting on TwitterBookPageSpace!
kthnxbye
August 11th, 2009 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

We have three sons and only one bathroom for the five of us. I’m happy whenever I get to take a shower without anyone coming in and going pee at the same time. Usually there is snappy conversation, too!

Josh, I think you’re in the minority as far as pee-talking goes. Now if Barry was going “big bathroom” that would be another story. And gross.
Chip Whittle
August 11th, 2009 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

And forgot one:

Heathcliff: “They’ve tried everything to control the squirrel population, so now we’ve decided to just let the cartoonists not take their medicines, which is why the squirrels all look like they have bushy whiskers for the Wilfred Brimley Squirrel convention.”
farnsworth
August 11th, 2009 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

…did any of you ever wander into the bathroom and engage in banter with your sibling, and then one of you just stone cold started peeing? Because that’s … that’s gross. It’s gross if you did that.

Especially if the sibling was standing in such a way that the pee had to be coming from his nipples, or from some orifice on his head.
Dingo
August 11th, 2009 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

Chip. Oh, Chip. How many strong-hearted American men and women haven’t fantasized about Wilford Brimley entering their bedroom late at night and kneeling naked next to their bed, fully erect, fondling their naughty bits and whispering, “It’s the right thing to do.”
commodorejohn
August 11th, 2009 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

So there I was, in the thrift store, browsing the record section, as is my wont. And what should I find but not one, not two, but three copies of South Pacific, one of which was packaged as a double album with Oklahoma! Though the ethereal, otherworldly records tugged at my purse-strings, I resisted and got the hell out of there. God only knows what would’ve become of me if I’d purchased anything in a thrift store blessed by Mary Worth.

A3G – You can tell this guy apart from all the other men because his hair is white.

Crankshaft – Tom Batiuk says “thbppppt! So there, Internet! Mock my Writing, will you? Now excuse me, I’m off to my Internet Happy Box.”

FW – Yes, so we gathered.

GA – …legal!? THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS. IT’S NOT 1678 ANY MORE. Moral, yes (depending on who you ask.) Legal, no. God, in what other comic than Gasoline Alley would two criminals be introduced to a storyline only to perform exactly no criminal hijinks and wind up less interesting than they started?

JP – “You don’t know the half of it, honey!”

Love Is… – letting slip a little more about your personal life than you probably intended.

MT – Yeah, brilliant plan there, Mark. You just better hope his bullets have mustaches.

RMMD – I would like this storyline so much more if it turned out that this really was some kind of conspiracy, but at the very least it’s more sensitive and less melodramatic and morbid than Crankshaft’s handling of the subject.

Edison Lee – I refuse to believe that such a broken child, so utterly ingrained with commercialism and the uber-importance of popular culture that every other thing he does is an attempt to sell someone something, has any more idea what a book is than his grandfather does. Less, probably.
Amateur
August 11th, 2009 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

MW: Isn’t it obvious? The blonde is one of Mary’s minions, sent to spy on the happy couple and make sure their reunion went smoothly. You didn’t really think Mary would allow herself to be shut out of the story at this point, did you?

(Although the point about the chandelier mentioned at #60 did make me snort. You’re right, it’s following her!)

As for Curtis, I’m just wondering how many little kids use terms like “hard-pressed.”
Islamorada Girl
August 11th, 2009 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

Josh–Surely you’ve noticed when you’re out to dinner, women go the bathroom in clusters? We’re in there peeing and talking about you guys. In different stalls, but we’re talking. About the men. This should ahem, relieve many male minds.

But thanks to Dingo, I’m never going to look at friend chicken in quite the same way again. Is this what guys mean when they say “choking the chicken?”
Digger
August 11th, 2009 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

MW: the blond woman is simply there to represent us, the readers. Any one of us would react with the same look of shock and horror if we saw two people having such a nauseating conversation in public.

I grew up as one of six kids and there were many situations where the bathrooms were all occupied. Sharing was sometimes a necessity, although as we got older we learned the value of holding it in for a few extra minutes.
Islamorada Girl
August 11th, 2009 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

Josh–Surely you’ve noticed when you’re out to dinner, women go the bathroom in clusters? We’re in there peeing and talking about you guys. In different stalls, but we’re talking. About the men. This should ahem, relieve many male minds.

But thanks to Dingo, I’m never going to look at fried chicken in quite the same way again. Is this what guys mean when they say “choking the chicken?”
Islamorada Girl
August 11th, 2009 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

$@#&#!@!!! Sorry.
MDT
August 11th, 2009 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

Anyone else notice that this has to be the shortest storyline in Mary Worth history? Its been less than a month! Mary didn’t even get to deliver any of her boring sermons. Maybe even writer is bored with this storyline and Del’s ugly matching outfits?
Comcis Fan
August 11th, 2009 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

Beetle Bailey: “What’s taking you so long?”
“You want me to do it faster?”
“Yes!”
“Pay me by the potato.”

Pay me by the potato — the new innovation in talking dirty, or the latest wage demand by the Amalgamated Sex Workers Union (ASWU)?
buckyswife
August 11th, 2009 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

119 Dingo: I did date a carny one summer—but he didn’t make the list.

134 Islamaroda Girl: I LIKED it when it said “friend chicken”! =-)
Dingo
August 11th, 2009 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

Cookie will be played by… Wilford Brimley!
mvg
August 11th, 2009 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

Beetle could be played by Bob “Gilligan” Denver. (”Lemme introduce you to my ‘little buddy’…”)
Old School Allie Cat
August 11th, 2009 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth – So, here’s something that will perhaps give you a laugh…

We’re moving out of my current office building and into a new one at the end of the month. I started cleaning all of the detritus out of my office yesterday, and three layers down on my cork board, I uncovered the safe shopping pamphlet I printed off of that amazing website – Enormoushop.com.

Now that was a story line! Toby cowering in the corner, Mary bringing in an expert to assuage Toby’s fears, Chinbeard giving his dim wife an affectionate cuddle as they watched a Sean Finnerty DVD.

Still, I miss Aldo.
Baka Gaijin
August 11th, 2009 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

How many other message board feature posts containing both of these phrases: “I still haven’t forgiven that putz Theophilus of Alexandria” and “half-seating a turkey leg in your anus.” We run the gamut from the serious to the, uh, ~~silly~~ sublime?
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

135. Islamorada Girl
According to Dean Booth’s cussing translator, you just said AOKPKIOIII.
sugarpie
August 11th, 2009 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

Until this thread I had forgotten about sharing the bathroom with my brother as a kid. Thanks? We seemed to have grown out of it when I turned 9 or 10, as I recall.

The odder thing to me is that neither Curtis nor Barry can be bothered to shut the f’ing door. Can’t imagine Diane standing for that.
Niall
August 11th, 2009 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

Sunday Hi & Lois: Cartoonists of WalkerBrowne (Non)Humor Amalgamated LLC, please seek professional help. Crushing children’s accomplishments in such a fashion is emotional abuse and not funny.

Now, for more sleep after Worldcon.
buckyswife
August 11th, 2009 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

145 Niall—Welcome back (and sweet dreams!).
Doug Puthoff
August 11th, 2009 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

8-11 Alt-FC caption: “Charles Manson is not out there my @$$! If it hadn’t been for my pepper spray, I’d be corpse with “Piggies” written on it in my blood.
Doug Puthoff
August 11th, 2009 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

GT–Yeah, Gil is paying him what Pakistanis receive for making soccer balls.
Bryan
August 11th, 2009 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

I think it’s weirder that Curtis and Barry share a bed.
Ktrout
August 11th, 2009 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

In response to the pee question: as the oldest of three kids- yes, it has happened.
Uncle Lumpy
August 11th, 2009 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

#141 OSAC –

Apparently, the http://www.enormoushop.com domain is for sale.
AeroSquid
August 11th, 2009 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

BB: Perhaps I’ve been too liberal in my suspicions that ‘Camp Swampy’ is a Retro-Military B&D Getaway Spa for the ultra-rich. The reality is far too horrible to wrap my brain around.

‘Cookie’ (Sarge’s half-wit cousin), is looking especially un-hygenic today as he forces Beetle to increase the speed in which he skins an impossibly large mountain of potatoes. Normally Beetle would be sitting naked, his potato-weevil bitten flesh exposed to the sewage-puddled floor to ensure that he does not sneak one out to his fellow hostages, but today ‘Cookie’ is feeling magnanimous.

This place is a military-themed torture camp for the ultra-rich, AKA ‘Hostel’.

Don’t believe me ? In an adjacent room, we find a naked ‘Sgt Lugg’, Otto and a mountain of dead cats.
mojo
August 11th, 2009 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

Jeeezus! Lawrence and Delilah are STILL making up? I think people have died of terminal illnesses in Funky Winkerbean faster than this!

But I am encouraged that Delilah uses the word “hope” in discussing the deep feelings she still has for her husband. So uplifting. I think “Gee, honey, there’s always hope” is situated on the passion scale somewhere between “Meh” and “Um, well, gee… I… —I GUESS so.”

Oh, and Josh—Episcopal ministerial persons are totally free to date and marry and all that fun stuff. So any sinful feelings you might have experienced have nothing to do with her denomination.

And on the other matter entirely, I grew up with three siblings and I personally can’t STAND it when people try to carry on conversations with me while I’m trying to pee. Ms. Shy Bladder here shuts right down. This is one girl who thanks God for locks.
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

151 Uncle Lumpy
Whoo-hoo! We shut it down!
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

Here’s a good one. The Dallas Morning News just added JUMBLE. They put it in the classifieds at the end of the Business section.
Wenkelmobil
August 11th, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

Curtis puts his hat on before his shirt. Is he rubbing glue in his hair in the first panel?
Dingo
August 11th, 2009 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

Bryan, where would literature be without bed sharing? Jane and Elizabeth Bennet in Pride & Prejudice (or the new Pride & Prejudice & Zombies which I’ve read and is hysterical) or Abraham Lincoln and Joshua Fry Speed.

Over the mysteries of the shared bed there is drawn a veil best left undisturbed. But, just like Mary Worth, let’s disturb! Let’s disturb!
mr 12 oz can
August 11th, 2009 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

glasses mahoney was just going out to get some birth control when lawrence signaled some how his dumb wife just showed up . glasses knows lawrence will be at the toledo holiday inn next week where for sure del wont show up . glasses might bring some superglue like those gals in wisconsin
spike
August 11th, 2009 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

commodorejohn @ 130: Interesting take on C’shaft. I took it as Batiuk’s warning to be careful when selecting a web site as a reference source. The hazards of being a librarian, I suppose…
Lou Shumaker
August 11th, 2009 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

Is Pig done with his Internet happy box yet? This is the most cringing I’ve done since the Straight Dope posters spent a lonnnng thread discussing back-zit popping!

(I’m not that disgusted, I admit. I’m fascinated. But my toes haven’t unclenched yet and it’s been an hour!)
Uncle Lumpy
August 11th, 2009 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

#155 Seq. –

Say what you will about The Jumble (and I have), it’s a rare strip that keeps its content timely within the confines of a proven formula. Foob, Get Fuzzy, and Gasoline Alley should do as well.

Plus, occasionally the authors sneak in a real howler.
Bryan
August 11th, 2009 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

157, Dingo:
I had actually thought of Anal Abe getting his rail split by Josh Speed, but that was the 19th century and people regularly shared beds back then. Here in the 21st, it seems a little odd. I know that the Wilkinses are portrayed as being breathlessly poor. Why they live in the same building as the apparently uber-rich Michelle is not gone into.

But poverty doesn’t really explain it. You can buy two twin beds for nearly the same price as one double and, if you don’t mind buying used, the Salvation Army always has beds, mattresses and frames for sale cheap.

This is only going to cause more trouble when Curtis hits puberty (he’s, what, 11 now?) and starts pounding his meat in bed next to Barry. Or worse! Frankly, Barry’s the one I feel sorry for.
Sequitur
August 11th, 2009 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

161. Uncle Lumpy
Oh, I like the JUMBLE. I’m glad it’s in the paper. Now I don’t have to copy and paste and print it from the Chronicle.
I just thought it was a funny place to put it. The Dallas Morning News could just as easily put it on the comics pages by getting rid of Love is….
Anonymous
August 11th, 2009 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

Josh, I’m amazed that you got upset by Barry taking a PISS, in Today’s CURTIS Comic Strip.
Would you rather he’d taken a DUMP??

_______________________

DEATH to TJ!
Will
August 11th, 2009 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

Speaking of Crankshaft, this lady seems to have taken a page out of Ed’s book.
gleeb
August 11th, 2009 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

Five people with one bathroom, sometimes you have to sacrifice the artificiality of modesty.

A3-G: Cody himself can die on the way back as far as Ol’ Pop is concerned. I wonder if Taft has a line of caskets?

Archie: Sure, we can all see the AJGLU leering at us from panel three, but look closer at panel one: I think that may be its true form.

Dick: We’ve got to warn this Ringo Somebody, and fast!

‘bean: Good, Wally and Lisa will be able to have nice long chats about haunting Ohioans.

Gas: The minister is relieved. If he can get these two apart, they can be compelled to testify against one another.

Godiva, equestrienne!: Ask Rocky.

Pearls: Man, make one little joke about raccoons…

Other Coast: That is one huge flounder.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
August 11th, 2009 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

#68 Calvin’s Cardboard Box:

Mark, the fist-o-justice weapon can deal out a fair amount of damage, but the range factor is pretty limited. So, a good tactic would be to try and remain CONCEALED…

Yes, if only Mark had read “The Zombie Survival Guide”, he would know, as I do, to never expose one’s location. If the shooter doesn’t get him first, the zombies will congregate around the tree and wait him out.
Tabby
August 11th, 2009 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

So how long before the intrepid Bekka discovers that all the “residents” are being drugged while their retirement accounts are looted? Will she get the message to Abbey the wonder dog in time? Will Andy leave Mark in his tree with the giant crows to come help?
Bing
August 11th, 2009 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

#73 Dingo…

A few years back (it was given to me on a 3.5″ floppy disk, so definitely been a while), there was a computer quiz making the rounds where you would be presented with different urinal and stall configurations and have to choose the correct option. The interesting part was that there was a wrong answer for each scenario. You are not alone.

Because I know that things that got e-mailed around in the 90s must still live on today, I searched for, and found, a similar quiz.

http://www.drinknation.com/fun/urinaltest
Dr. Weird
August 11th, 2009 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

162 Bryan -

You can’t apply real-world logic to “What the writer thinks should happen.” I’ve been shouting into the storm about Funky Winkerbean the exact same way and it never…

OK, Curtis’s dad spends all their income on the rent for the posh apartment building to keep up appearances, leaving almost nothing for luxuries like proper furnishings.

Damn.
cheech wizard
August 11th, 2009 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

Speaking of urinals at ballparks – Tiger Stadium had these grimy, industrial-era bathrooms with long trough urinals where six guys or more would stand elbow-to-elbow and pee into the same trough. There’s a great story, probably apocryphal, about a Wayne State med student who brought in a pickled cadaver penis in his pocket, stood at the urinal for a minute or two feigning embarrassment, and when the guys waiting behind him started ribbing him about stage fright, he flung the severed member in the trough, yelling “this thing never works!” and stalked out the door.

Before they tore it down, they auctioned off a bunch of stuff from the old stadium. Don’t know what the urinals went for.
queek
August 11th, 2009 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

169: I think that I know the one that you’re referring to, but that link isn’t it. It did save me the effort of trying to find it for link-posting, however! :-)
queek
August 11th, 2009 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

*sigh*

http://gamescene.com/The_Urinal_Game_game.html

this looks about it.
bats :[
August 11th, 2009 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

160 Lou Shumaker: maybe this will help:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3811908822/sizes/o/
Dr. Weird
August 11th, 2009 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

171 – I can’t tell you what they went for, but I can tell you where they went TO… I saw them in modern facilities in Los Angeles, just last month, like the subway system and the new convention center. Couldn’t believe it when I saw them.
True Fable
August 11th, 2009 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

#94 sequitur re:Y45 – GOAT! Goat in a disturbing mention about lashing them to fiber optic cables and floating them in the Atlantic or some damn thing!

Well, that was certainly….random! Thanks! I…I think. :)

Bathroom tale:
Years and YEARS ago I spent my tender childhood on a farm (what’d you expect!) where we had an outhouse down the path a ways. Y’all just don’t know how much I appreciate running water and plumbing now. It wasn’t the fact of an outhouse so much, it was the presence of regenerative wasp nests up under the eaves in the back of the little house that unnerved me. There is nothing quite like trying to express oneself while battling winged creatures with stingers, all while searching through the Sears catalog for the softer pages with the underwear on it, rather than the glossy hard-to-crumple fashion sections! And no, let’s not speak of thunder mugs in the middle of a winter night on a cold back porch, or plowing through knee-deep snow to get to the can in the daytime.

Modern Greater Metropolitan Roopville, I am proud to say, boasts a delightful display of padded toilet seats in Featherham’s Department Store and Farm Supply with not a thunder mug in sight. We’re uptown now, baby, and don’t yew fergit it.
HighPlainsDrifter
August 11th, 2009 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

I used WIndows’ FIND feature to see how many times the string “pee” appeared in these comments. I lost count. I think “Josh Speed” turned up 3 times in my quest. When everything that can be said has been said, this is the kind of comment you make. I’ll now search for “piss”.
HighPlainsDrifter
August 11th, 2009 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

Piss poor results on THAT search! Maybe 5 occurrences, including my post. Uh, make it 6 now.
Bryan
August 11th, 2009 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

True Fable:
I’m not calling shennanigans or anything, because I have certainly lived the rustic life myself, but where (and when) did you grow up that you used the pages of the Sears Roebuck catalog as TP?
Maybe I’m all fucked up about this Curtis/Barry sharing a bed thing because I would have thought both of those things went out with the modern age, but if I’m wrong on one then why not t’other?
True Fable
August 11th, 2009 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

#179 Bryan – No kidding, it’s true, from the True part of my name. I grew up in Oklahoma (OK!) and we used both Sears and Montgomery Ward catalogs in our little spot of hell. You must remember, this was half a century ago when Sears still put out a catalog. It had the most wonderful soft newsprint pages, but it was relatively small. It went fast because there were eight of us in the family. That left the MonkeyWards brand and OMG, you talk about getting branded! People complain today about scratchy toilet paper, and I just laugh at them. They don’t KNOW from scratchy.

In fact, 98% of the Bathroom Tale was not a fable at all, it was the truth. Seriously.

… Okay, I will confess that Featherham’s probably does have a thunder mug somewhere in it. But that is only because Sid Earl Featherham eats a big breakfast and he is Old School all the way.
NJP
August 11th, 2009 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

I can’t help but feel Mark Trail would be more exciting if Jack Elrod and Dick Locher traded strips. Once the sniper gunned Mark down from the tree, how many days in a row would we get a panel or two of Mark’s body splayed out on the forest floor? 14? A full month?
Black Drazon
August 11th, 2009 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

“As long as we feel that connection between us, there’s always hope.” Now, let us walk into the all-consuming null-matrix that will erase all memory of us from all with whom we have every communicated, while our physical bodies will be recycled into a set of new, troubled characters in an attempt to keep the hell-beast unaware of its perpetual imprisonment in the place called “Charterstone”.
AeroSquid
August 11th, 2009 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

Well Ed, that’s what you get for going to Twinkerbee.com:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2427/3813316194_c5077e3e9a_o.jpg
sugarpie
August 11th, 2009 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

179, Bryan You want rustic? I remember visiting, as a kid, relatives in the mountains of Eastern Kentucky back in the late 60’s. They kept a bucket of corn cobs in their two holer. No wasps though, or not that I remember. Of course the corn cobs have overidden most memories of that trip.
JP (not Judge Parker)
August 11th, 2009 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

This thread has reminded me that I had a few showers interrupted during my teenage years by urgent requests from family members to take a piss. At the time I was too timid to say no, but today, I would say, “Fuck you, go to the woods.” Seriously, we had no neighbors. And I never interrupted *their* showers, for goodness sake – about half the shower door was totally clear (I just hid behind the not-clear part during the interruptions I received). But yeah, if I were at the sink brushing my hair and one of them came in thinking they were going to use the toilet, that would be a big no-no, then or now. I would just leave if they needed to piss that bad.

However, with my guy friends, it’s a totally different story. As one of the undisputed guys of the group despite being female-bodied, my friends and I have maintained conversations while one of us was pissing in a personal bathroom, motel room, on the side of a building, etc. My total ease with this is probably a combination of having actual affection for them (as opposed to my family) and not sharing blood with them. Ditto all of this for my sig other – that is just a given in my mind.

I have done the standard talking in a women’s public restroom, but to me talking between stalls isn’t the same as two people being in someone’s home bathroom or whatnot.

And I have been in the bathroom while a guy friend was dropping some kids off at the pool. Privacy regarding any matter is about the last thing this guy cares about, though.

I love this thread. Great comments, especially Dingo’s. It’s a shame your professor wouldn’t allow you to do that study.
AeroSquid
August 11th, 2009 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

Hell, when I was a kid growing up in NYC, I learned to hold it in because most of the public bathrooms in the ’70’s looked like the set from ‘Saw’. Plus I was an only child so communal potty antics did’nt enter my world I was stationed in Japan where gender assigned ‘Benjos’ and ‘Totos’ were just a precautionary guideline.
Hairhead
August 11th, 2009 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

I came from a family of five (four brothers, one sister), and there was simply NO TIME for bathroom shyness. For one blunt example, when the family was going off on a long car ride my mother would say, “All right, EVERYONE (meaning all of the boys) into the bathroom and pee! And all of us brothers would stand in a semicircle around the toilet bowl and pee. And we would sometimes have piss-fights with the streams! There was NO WAY my parents were going to wait for four individuals to enter the bathroom, close the door, urinate, flush, wash, etc.

There simply wasn’t time.(Hmm, could that be a new family-oriented daily cartoon which, unlike the Family Circus, would show what it was really like in a multiple-child family?
AeroSquid
August 11th, 2009 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

….and nothing disturbs me more than a guy in the next stall talking on his blackberry about N.Korean strike contingency & global conflict resolution solutions…..why are we taking about this again ? Has ‘mudge turned into a German doo-doo forum ? Do I need a credit card now ?
True Fable
August 11th, 2009 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

#184 sugarpie – That’s one thing I’m glad to say I never experienced. Papa Fable refused to introduce corn cobs in the family loo. He said something about life being enough of an emotional asstear without adding to it, or something like that.

And for a man who read Dick Tracy every day, that’s saying something.
Anthony
August 11th, 2009 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

My older brother was very very private and we never peed at the same time as far as I can remember. (I believe having a gay younger brother…. and I was obvious from about age 4 onwards… made him reticent to be in the bathroom with me).

My only family pee story is, ironically enough, set in France. (Real France, not gay-roommate-eating-and-choking-the-chicken-at-the-same-time France). We arrived late to Boulogne (we HAD to fly through London and get an English rental car.. don’t ask).

We end up in a small workmen’s hotel (I think my mother described it as “basic” which was her most damning review). We took two rooms, one for the boys and one for the girls. The room that my father, my brother and I shared had only a sink and the three of us peed in there. I can’t imagine what my mother and sister did in the other room though I have a feeling they got a room with a bathroom (Zee Maree Antoinette Sweet… 4 francs extra).

Needless to say this father son peeing occurred in the 70s before we learnt that seeing the adult human body was a sex crime. I wonder if I turned Dad in now to America’s Most Wanted I could get a reward? Maybe a free croissant?
AeroSquid
August 11th, 2009 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

I pity the therapist that has ‘pee privacy issues’ to look forward too every week.
Niall
August 11th, 2009 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

…I think I will just go quietly and watch my animated LOTR DVD* while eating supper now. And come back when this thread is over.

(*I didn’t know until recently that Peter Beagle of Last Unicorn fame actually wrote the screenplay for this movie (saving it from abandon, which would have robbed us of the Peter Jackson ones). And got squat for it. I found the website selling copies with a good portion of the money going to Beagle himself, as he’s in financial difficulties.)
AeroSquid
August 11th, 2009 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

I’m looking at ALL of you !

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2581/3813465494_e197a2bded_o.jpg
buckyswife
August 11th, 2009 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

174 bats :[ —I was going to ask whether it would still be an Internet Happy Place with this current thread in there, but then I realized that yes, remarkably, it would!
buckyswife
August 11th, 2009 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

193 AeroSquid: Ha! (Hmmm… maybe you disagree with my #194?)
AeroSquid
August 11th, 2009 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

#195 buckyswife: Nah. I’m just as culpable (I contributed stories)
AeroSquid
August 11th, 2009 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

buckswife: The funny thing is: Pastis monitors this thread. One time I got an e-mail from him. =)
TheDiva
August 11th, 2009 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

All this discussion of urinals and pee stream fights has made me very, very, very glad I’m female.
mr 12 oz can
August 11th, 2009 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

before mr orange coat can shoot mark andy and a family of crows will descend on him . andys balls will rest on the shoooters chin and the crows will peck out his eyes . mark will go get joey out of the hospital first because they will force mr crowpecked eyes to remove the toxix waste fropm the lost trail
buckyswife
August 11th, 2009 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

198 TheDiva: I agree—and will continue to do so right up until the moment when I really need to pee and the most convenient place would be up against a nearby tree.
AeroSquid
August 11th, 2009 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

#198 TheDiva: You obviously have never been to Thailand, The stories I could tell. There was this one time in Pattaya Beach, when three dancers got on stage and……huh ? What ? New internet censorship laws ? I’m an AMERICAN ! Leggo of me ! My lawyer will PEE on you !
AeroSquid
August 11th, 2009 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

Why does mr 12 oz can sound like a spam e-mail for Malaysian animal porn ?
True Fable
August 11th, 2009 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

I am looking forward to tomorrow’s snark fodder. Hopefully Barry will have finished peeing, the Pattersons will have brought diapers for Lizzie and Marvin will…. oh never mind; Marvin will NEVER be potty trained.

But! WILL Mark get shot out of the tree? WILL Pig find happiness in a cardboard box? WILL the strangers outside the Driver residence commit coitus interruptus and therefore cheat Abbey out of sex with her now-interested husband? WILL Luann ever get out of South Dakota? WILL the other Luann get fed up with Bernice and slap a bitch? WILL we have to spend another buzzkill day in the graveyard with Wally and Becky? WILL Crankshaft still be grinding bees before the ladies’ club? WILL the Keanes finally lose a kid to a bear? WILL Hi & Lois continue the downward spiral of despair in Suburban Hell? WILL the mystery blonde come forward and confess her affair with Lawrence?

These and other questions will soon be answered…!
Uncle Lumpy
August 11th, 2009 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

#202 AeroSquid –

Why does mr 12 oz can sound like a spam e-mail for Malaysian animal porn ?

Ooh, ooh! I know this one! “Because he includes lynx!”

What? Oh.
AeroSquid
August 11th, 2009 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

#204 Uncle Lumpy: It took me about 45 seconds on that one….*pissshh* (sound of another beer opening …or pee…whatever)
AeroSquid
August 11th, 2009 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

….wait….I didn’t mean a can of pee….can we change subjects !?
commodorejohn
August 11th, 2009 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

#198 TheDiva – It makes me glad for how apparently atypical my brothers and I were. o_O

#202 AeroSquid – Judging by mr 12 oz can’s other recent post(s), I believe it is an emergent artificial intelligence of some kind. Perhaps we can begin training it to replace the ALGJU3K.
AeroSquid
August 11th, 2009 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

#207 – commodorejohn: The Google Semi-Autonomous Targeting System has finally become self-aware
commodorejohn
August 11th, 2009 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

#308 AeroSquid – Oh, God help us all. Skynet just wanted to kill us…imagine what’ll happen when we’re overrun by an army of robots trying to sell us things.
AeroSquid
August 11th, 2009 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

#209 commodorejohn: Biig ptnis, balls for horse ladyz allnite or i dstry ceties.
Vince M
August 11th, 2009 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

180: Fable – at least the Christmas season must’ve been a time of plenty for you and yours…
Talking Squirrel
August 11th, 2009 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

211 Vince M: Strangely, the idea of using Christmas cards was one that totally escaped us.
Hellfish
August 11th, 2009 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

What a bunch of wusses! Back when I worked for the Chronicle I used to crap with LBJ all the time. Dan Rather was just a young punk back then but he’d crap with us too. Lyndon would try to guess what we’d had for dinner the night before, from the smell, see? “Meat loaf?” Lyndon would call out. “Bullshit, Congressman,” Rather would laugh. “That’s a corned beef sandwich if I know anything.” And Rather was right! That boy had a nose for news even back then.

Peeing was nothing. Many’s the time at Lyndon’s ranch he would slap his big hand on my shoulder and say, Abe, come piss with me. So we’d go out back and pee on the same prickly pear cactus. All this time we’d be still talkin’ politics. Come to think of it, he gave me a damn jar of prickly pear jelly every year for Christmas; said Ladybird made it. That bastard.
mollificent
August 11th, 2009 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

This thread is totally hilarious. :)

I have to confess, I don’t really know where I stand on the pee modesty issue. I have no problem peeing in the same room with female friends and family…we’ll chat in separate stalls, or one person can brush their teeth while the other sits, etc. BFD. Though I DO draw the line at talking on the phone while peeing…isn’t that weird?

But for some reason, I’m very self-conscious with the opposite sex. The staff bathroom at work is right next to the repair shop, with very thin walls, and if I have to use it I get VERY embarrassed at the thought that either of the repair guys (both of whom are good friends of mine!) might *gasp* HEAR ME PEEING (or, god forbid…I can’t even say it!). Good grief.
Uncle Lumpy
August 11th, 2009 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

#213 molli –

Some Japanese toilets have acoustic “flush simulators” so ladies won’t waste water trying to mask their personal sounds.
mollificent
August 11th, 2009 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

Maybe I’ll just take a pennywhistle in with me next time and play tunes. ;)
AeroSquid
August 11th, 2009 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

215 uncle lumpy – And some Japanese toilets say: “Thank you for depositing your waste. Please proceed to wiping station.”
TheDiva
August 11th, 2009 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

214 mollificent: I find talking on the phone while in the bathroom weird as well, for some strange reason. Mr. Diva was telling me about an incident at his work recently where the guy in the stall next to him was not only on the phone, but very obviously having some, er, difficulties taking care of business (and I’m not talking about whatever he was discussing on the phone). If I were the person on the other end of the line, I would definitely not want to be subjected to anyone’s constipated grunting and straining.
Jumper
August 11th, 2009 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

“Up and over” the rim is pretty easy at that age in the morning.
Uncle Lumpy
August 11th, 2009 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

Worst are the Japanese toilets that get together on the Internet and mock your shit.

That’s some hurtful stuff, right there.
AeroSquid
August 11th, 2009 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

Dear Lord…I pray that Barry does NOT have the runs tommorrow morning while accusing Michelle of human sacrifice.
Farley's Revenge
August 11th, 2009 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

I grew up in a family of six in a single wide trailer with one bathroom. The bathroom was the one place in the house we could go to get any sort of privacy at all. My mother was militant about one person in the bathroom at a time, which meant that sometimes we were reduced to dancing in the hallway and exhorting the person in the bathroom to hurry.

To this day, and after umpty years of marriage, I still have difficulty having another person in the bathroom with me. Fortunately, this house has a water closet, an upscale outhouse, only it’s in the house.

When we lived in the Azores, one house had a second bathroom that was outside and around the corner of the kitchen. It was completely enclosed and even contained a sink and a family of spiders in the corner. Every time I had to go out there at night I was reminded of Jeff Foxworthy’s observation that one of the signs of being a redneck was that going to the bathroom involved shoes and a flashlight.

On a comic related note: I think Curtis’ hat is a sentient being. It seems capable of independent movement, if its constantly shifting position is any indication.
AeroSquid
August 11th, 2009 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

Hey everyone ! Horse sex over at JP’s ! Nothing pee related !
kris
August 11th, 2009 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

wtf is with rex morgan?? last thing i remember we are on a cruise ship worried about a lost (found ) kids mom and next thing i know we are involved in some bizarro story about a nursing home…again i say…wtf?
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
August 11th, 2009 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

No, what’s really important is that this is the probably the first newspaper comic in living memory in which the punchline (or, at least, the unsettling sentence occupying the space where the punchline would normally be) is being delivered by someone who’s urinating.

You should amend that to “…urinating, not in his pants” in order to exclude any Marvin strips. Frankly I don’t trust that kid not to be peeing at any given moment.
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
August 11th, 2009 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

Dingo: I was reading your fried chicken story, and something in there just wasn’t computing to me. It’s not the oddness of combining those two particular activities, nor the doing it in the living room when the roommate is home (though certainly both of those things are weird to me); ultimately it’s just that I really can’t do anything with my left hand. I would need to put that chicken leg down.

I hope this comment does not lead to a spate of over-sharing about where our left hands have been.
Toronto
August 11th, 2009 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

Foo: I’m not ambidexterous, in the sense of being able to do things with either hand, but I do some things with my left hand, such as painting or using a wrench, and other things with my right, such as writing or mousing or using a screwdriver.

Then again, I lost use of my right hand when I was about 2 years old (due to a bad burn) so maybe that’s when I started painting and repairing bicycles.

I eat chicken with either hand.
True Fable
August 12th, 2009 at 12:51 am [Reply]

Sam Driver, Chick Magnet! Abbey descends the stairs positively basking in afterglow, and right off the bat she’s asking after Rocky and Godiva. Why? Is she lookiing to challenge them in a cockfight? Who can go the most rounds? Or did she make a bet with Sam that Godiva would choose the horse over Rocky?

Go for it, Woody. You know you want to write a really big story twist!

Mary Bringer of Meddle Will Del tell him she nearly knocked boots with STD Slim?

Fist O Justice Theater Mark has apparently found a nest of bees, because I can hear them grindiing all the way in Greater Metropolitan Roopville.

Sentient Hat The good news: Barry is no longer taking a piss. The bad news: that pain in the ass Michele is going to show up soon.

Flukey Winkydink I wonder if Wally’s going to shout “First Dibs!”

And I just don’t get why, if she loves Wally so much and mourns him so much, why isn’t she nullifying her marriage to Comic Book John? Am I being an insensitive butthead? I mean he’s back now; it wasn’t his fault he was captured, and he certainly didn’t declare himself dead, the Army did. She hasn’t said anything about being in love with CBJ, just that he’s wonderful to the kids. I mean hell, you could say the same about a really good babysitter. You’d think she’d be thrilled about having Wally back, but Nooooo.
Deena in OR
August 12th, 2009 at 1:04 am [Reply]

Farley’s Revenge…When and where did you live in the Azores???????
Deena in OR
August 12th, 2009 at 1:05 am [Reply]

…asks Deena, LHS class of ‘79…
He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
August 12th, 2009 at 1:06 am [Reply]

It’s probably been said a million times in this thread, but I can’t take the time to look for them and even if so I must join the chorus:
THE TOILET RIM IS ABOVE BARRY’S CROTCH. THE TOILET RIM IS ABOVE BARRY’S CROTCH. THERE IS NO WAY THERE IS NOT ABOUT TO BE PEE EVERYWHERE.
Rat
August 12th, 2009 at 1:18 am [Reply]

PBS has been really lame lately. And today’s strip is pathetic!
Ed Dravecky
August 12th, 2009 at 1:48 am [Reply]

@232: Sure, but that mouse character’s taste in websites is impeccable.
Citric
August 12th, 2009 at 1:49 am [Reply]

I may be entering the pee question late, but I actually cannot physically go if someone is standing next to me.
Poteet
August 12th, 2009 at 1:53 am [Reply]

MW — Please, Delilah, don’t answer “Because I’m ovulating.” Please.
Jumper
August 12th, 2009 at 1:58 am [Reply]

Oh, you’re late all right. See, you gotta practice. In private, imagine a fierce Doberman pincer is flying through the air with teeth bared slavering headed right at you. Then, while you’re imagining this, pee. It takes some practice. After a while, in public, just imagine the Dobie. With all that practice, it’ll turn on like a faucet.

p.s. and if a real Doberman is fixing to attack, you’ll know exactly what to do.
AirForbes
August 12th, 2009 at 2:05 am [Reply]

PBS: Anonymously??? He just posted under his own name!
Shave Ezra
August 12th, 2009 at 2:18 am [Reply]

Anyone get the feeling we’re about to get a lot of new visitors?
bats :[
August 12th, 2009 at 2:33 am [Reply]

Humpday observations:

CS: oooh, finger on the pulse of bee-keeping, A&B. CCD has been pretty much diagnosed as a problem that can be treated with the antibiotic fumagillin.

Of course, allowing the basic European honeybee (which is very susceptible to the infection) to interbreed and hybridize with KILLER BEES is one of the most natural ways of producing stronger bees that can resist the infection (and still produce honey), but that would require people to be aware of their surroundings and find swarms that are looking to colonize new areas (and have beekeepers remove swarms before they get too large), and just being a little careful.

Eh, just buy your honey in a jar at the A&P, Crank. You’ll be in a home in a few years — who cares if the planet collapses without bees as pollinators.

(Ackpththth…I’m going to bed; this was kind of a rotten day, and CS doesn’t help.)
Minx
August 12th, 2009 at 2:37 am [Reply]

This is the probably the first newspaper comic in living memory in which the punchline is being delivered by someone who’s urinating.

Well, except every Marvin strip. And the occasional Crankshaft.
Jason1981
August 12th, 2009 at 2:44 am [Reply]

Well, Rat, it could be worse–at least PBS isn’t the Spider-Man comic strip…..or the FOOB comic strip…..or the Mary Worth comic strip…or the Everybody Dies or Has a Crappy Life (otherwise known as Funky Winkerbean) strip, or the…..ah, I think you get the idea.
Mr. O'Malley
August 12th, 2009 at 2:53 am [Reply]

Another peeing in France story. We pulled into a rest area on the freeway. I peed against a wall with a gutter at the bottom, which in itself isn’t too strange. But the only thing separating me from the gaze of everyone driving down the freeway was a wall that was only waist high. I’ve heard of sidewalk pissoirs with the same setup but I never saw one. It turned out I was the lucky one because on the other side, although the wall went all the way up to the roof, all they had were holes in the floor.

Dingo’s research project: I believe that Americans attempt to find a position equidistant from the people who are already there. Same thing when taking a seat on the bus. It becomes uncomfortable when people who were there at first go away, leaving behind them an asymmetrical arrangement. On buses at least, people will sometimes change seats in this situation. There are other cultures where, if you got on a bus that had only one passenger, you would naturally sit right next to them.

And the funniest thing of all is just coming up. Today is the day that Stephan Pastis nominates us in print as Rat’s “favoritest web site ever”, so thousands of new people will be flooding the site looking for savage eviscerations of the comics they hate, and unless Josh gets a new thread up pronto, what they will find is people’s reminicences of their childhood urinations and Dingo’s fried chicken story. We may never live it down.

I’d better say something comics-related …

Lockhorns: I believe the proper term is “enchiloso”. “Caliente” just means temperature, not spiciness as in English.
Uncle Lumpy
August 12th, 2009 at 3:09 am [Reply]

#242 M. O’M –

Well, as ol’ great-uncle Lumpy used to say, “If you can’t live it down, live it up!”
Sheila Sternwell
August 12th, 2009 at 3:14 am [Reply]

Anonymous THIS, Pastis!
True Fable
August 12th, 2009 at 3:19 am [Reply]

Scenes from Suburban Hell I want some of whatever the Walkers and Chance are smokin’ that would produce this random result.

Bacon Before Breakfast Shoutout!!

Hello, new people. Have a goat.

Shallow People I still do not understand why Luann is stil friends with Bernice, but then I do not understand what is so glamorous about Luann that every male in the strip is wild about her.

WTF GT Who are these people? Ah, we must have returned to the glory days of Gil Thorp, when the artist couldn’t draw worth a shit and we used to draw straws in order to decide what gender people in the strip are! Good, I don’t have to pretend to understand what the fuck is going on, then!.

I, Platypus I enjoy Ashley. Today I even like Norm, even though I usually feel kind of tepid about him. That is my normal reaction to whiners but today Norm’s got his A game on..

Ugly Squatty Old Hag If Francis goes walking in the woods, does anyone care?
Farley's Revenge
August 12th, 2009 at 3:19 am [Reply]

I can imagine thousands…okay, hundreds…perhaps tens? A few, anyway, comics’ readers scanning PBS and wondering what the heck a “Comics Curmudgeon” is.

Then they might come here and find the assembled Mudges deep in a discussion on group peeing.

Do we know how to make a first impression or what?
Mr. O'Malley
August 12th, 2009 at 3:23 am [Reply]

243. Good motto. I wonder if the Daily Cartoonist will quote you?

226. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo. According to the translator’s notes in a collection of Latin poetry I read a while back, the ancient Romans used the left hand, to the extent that almost any reference to the left hand can be interpreted as an insulting insinuation about the inability to find a sexual partner.

Excepting Gaius Mucius Scaevola, of course.
ChattyGenes
August 12th, 2009 at 3:24 am [Reply]

I can’t comment on guys’ peeing customs since I am female. But I’m in my fifties and I’ve lived in Japan for thirty years now, and I have to say that the public toilets in general here have improved in cleanliness and technological innovations by leaps and bounds. We just returned from a four-day sight-seeing trip to a hot-spring area, and although there are still toilets of the traditional, older type (more on that in a minute) we were happy to find MANY very nice, easy-to-use, clean toilets.

Now for the traditional, older type of toilet: Many public schools here still have the “squat over the bowl in the floor” type of toilet. My daughters attended public schools and sometimes I envy them because thanks to this fact, they are able to perform all manner of eliminations in that position. I, on the other hand, though I can use the squat-toilets for the most “common” sort of toilet event, usually need to find a western-type toilet for more “major” events.

Anyway, back to the public schools. Most kids these days have cell phones, and with squat-toilets, it’s A LOT easier to accidentally drop your phone into the toilet. One of Daughter #1’s favorite stories concerns a classmate of hers who did this as the toilet was flushing, and so lost her phone forever. She called her phone later (to see what would happen, I guess), only to hear the recording which announces that the phone was now in a place where reception was not available:-)
Farley's Revenge
August 12th, 2009 at 3:25 am [Reply]

#229Deena in OR:

Farley’s Revenge…When and where did you live in the Azores??????

We were there from 1995-1998. We lived in Praia for a while, about a block up from the beach. Then we bought one of the infamous cottages on Santa Rita hill. Loved the island. Still miss the clear nights and even miss the 120mph windstorms in the winter.
Farley's Revenge
August 12th, 2009 at 3:26 am [Reply]

Er-we lived on Terceira. I automatically assume everyone knows that, even though the Azores is a group of islands.
True Fable
August 12th, 2009 at 3:27 am [Reply]

But Rat… here at the Comics Curmudgeon, we aren’t rude to each other; just to the people who churn out crappy comic strips!

Hey, if you are new here, READ THE POSTING AND DISCUSSION POLICY FIRST! And then do some stretches; it takes agility to recoil in horror from the carnage at Dick Tracy, and hurl at the treacle that is Family Circus.
True Fable
August 12th, 2009 at 3:34 am [Reply]

Children of the Circle Speaking of treacle and horror – Bil looks especially rough today – and check out that surly expression! Who knew that when he took off those dead-expression glasses, he’d look like a serial killer?

just the sort of thug Mary Worth needs to meet, bats :[! (hint hint)
Farley's Revenge
August 12th, 2009 at 3:56 am [Reply]

MW: Larry asks, “What prompted you to come here tonight?”

Translated: “Of all the nights for you to decide you don’t want to get down and dirty with someone who might be the slightest bit interested in you. Instead, you decide to track me down so you can babble incessantly while I fantasize about the hot blonde who was going to be waiting for me after I signed my book. God, I hate you.”
Mr. O'Malley
August 12th, 2009 at 3:57 am [Reply]

176. True Fable. Wasps’ nests under the eaves? What makes me appreciate indoor plumbing is that, since black widow spiders are pretty common around here, I did a little research on the topic, and it turns out that the frequency of black widow bites has declined quite a lot since the demise of the outhouse. Makes sense since spiders would naturally want to locate where there are a lot of flies. But … ewww … I don’t want to think about it.

I can’t find the reference, but there was a governor of Tennessee (?) in the 1930s (?) who was running for reelection, and to show what a man of the people he was, he used an outhouse on a farm, where he was bitten by a spider, which put him out of commission for the last weeks of the campaign, causing him to lose the election.

(Southern hemisphere version)
left of the pyle
August 12th, 2009 at 4:30 am [Reply]

MT: “I don’t see anything suspicious.” Really Mark? What about that guy decked head to toe in hunter’s orange pointing a rifle at your head? “Oh no… that’s not suspicious. Why that’s a bolt action Winchester .270 with a Bushnell 2-7×32 scope… an all American hunting rifle. If he were a criminal, I’m sure he’d be using some Soviet surplus rig.”
True Fable
August 12th, 2009 at 4:31 am [Reply]

#254 Mr. O’Malley – We had spiders too – geez nearly every creepy crawly there is, frequented the place. You may have something there, spiders like dark places and moisture and yes, flies.

I’d like to live in the country again and you can bet there’d be indoor plumbing this time, plus other amenities. And goats, there would be plenty of goats.

Tomorrow’s topic: spitting! :D
Doug Puthoff
August 12th, 2009 at 5:32 am [Reply]

8-12 Alt-FC caption: While you’ve been passed out drunk, Charles Manson tried to stab me. I dodged just in time, so he just punctured my mattress. Then I kicked him in the peanuts.
Doug Puthoff
August 12th, 2009 at 5:36 am [Reply]

8-12 PBS–Gee, Rat, why don’t you something constructive like write down rude alternate dialogue/captions to the comics you don’t like?
Zla'od
August 12th, 2009 at 6:17 am [Reply]

Lawrence is on the right and Delilah on the left in both panels, yet our viewpoint has shifted from the side *away* from the observing blonde woman, to the *same* side as her. So great must have been their joy, that the happy couple must have embraced and twirled one another around.
curlyfries
August 12th, 2009 at 6:51 am [Reply]

#232 Rat, I’m surprised you haven’t stolen Pig’s safe haven yet and promoted it as your own idea! Oh wait, I forgot, “Dick In A Box” is already taken…
John C Fremont
August 12th, 2009 at 7:01 am [Reply]

#246 Farley’s Revenge – Yes. Yes, we do.

Your comment made me laugh so hard I scared the kitties. Then one of them threw up. Good times.

Sorry to have missed the peein’ and poopin’ conversation. I had so much I could have contributed, but some memories really are better left suppressed.

PBS – B-b-but we love you, Stephan!
Little Guy
August 12th, 2009 at 7:03 am [Reply]

PBS: Pastis’ “Comics Curmungeo….” heyyyyyyyyy…….!

MT: shoothimshoothimshoothimshoothimshoothimshoothim…

Buxley Humpday: bats:[, please pick up the white mashup courtesy phone….
Little Guy
August 12th, 2009 at 7:05 am [Reply]

Pearls Before Mungeons: Yeah, but you totally missed our obsession on boobalicious womenfolk in Rex Morgan and Judge Parker. Now, if you excuse me, I’ll be in my Internet Happy Box with Braless Abbey.
moderately selassie
August 12th, 2009 at 7:38 am [Reply]

Quite frankly I don’t think the words “Chicken Embryos” appears in comics enough.
Old School Allie Cat
August 12th, 2009 at 7:50 am [Reply]

PBS – What’s neat is that for once, I’m ahead of the cool kids on this new trend by about 3 years!

MW – The Delilah/Lawrence saga may not be over by a long shot, if she decides to tell him that she was chillin’ with Charley and found his obscene art and whiskey drinkin’ too unwholesome for her pallid palate. Husbands hate hearing that shit,
queek
August 12th, 2009 at 8:16 am [Reply]

*waves to all the newcomers*

of all the threads to start with. . . .
Omny
August 12th, 2009 at 8:21 am [Reply]

I like to imagine that Curtis is shouting, “If that’s any of your business, WORM!” in a deep, guttural, orc-like voice.
gleeb
August 12th, 2009 at 8:21 am [Reply]

Dick: Have forensics look at it, Tracy, after you’ve rubbed your suddenly-huge thumb all over it.

‘bean: So, again, she’s choosing the dumpy juvenile-serial-fiction retailer over the slim, attractive, genuine war hero. Completely plausible. But only if you assume she wanted someone to help tie her shoes.

Pearls: Was it something Josh said? Or is he getting backlash from the occasional really horrific pun? Because if it’s the pun thing, I have little sympathy.

Rex: Charterstone: The Real Story.
Honeypot
August 12th, 2009 at 8:27 am [Reply]

Hey, we’ve been pwned. Thanks a lot, Pastis!
You’re right, queek – the timing couldn’t be better. I’ve been thinking this thread was a classic anyway.

So what’s up with Mary Worth? This wrap-up is going on WAY too long, with no set-up for the next meddle. I’m very suspicious about this.
mvg
August 12th, 2009 at 8:27 am [Reply]

MW: “What prompted you to come here TONIGHT?”

Oh yeah, Lawrence had a hankering for roleplaying the Episcopal Minister & the Naughty Altar Boy w/Blondie McGlasses & now he has to settle for playing scenes from “South Pacific” w/Del yet again. Talk about removing the lead from yer pencil…

FC: If you tilt the circle slightly so the tent flaps are straight up & down, you can pretend that’s the open doorway fo a boxcar going up a hill & Billy’s whining to a bipolar hobo who’s about to toss him from the train.

Wiz of Id: Ha ha, it’s funny cuz the king likes to kill people for no good reason.

FW: “I started a new life. So get lost. Go kill yourself. I don’t care. God, I hate life. I want my arm back, you bastard.”

FW(2): Batty: Your whole premise fails! DNA! DNA! DNA! DNA!

PBS: Rat’s justing acting out cuz he doesn’t have some Euro hottie in a tiger-print tanktop swooning over him the way Sultan does over in JP.
vanya
August 12th, 2009 at 8:31 am [Reply]

#228:“You’d think she’d be thrilled about having Wally back, but Nooooo.”

Come on, this is Funky we’re talking about. Wally didn’t come back right, and marriage with him will be no picnic. We’ve already been told he has severe face recognition issues. He probably has short term memory loss and God knows what other brain damage. So Becky now has the choice of devastating the kind loyal man who’s raised her child, or pulling out the last prop keeping a mentally damaged man from taking his own ruined life. Wait, who said this was a depressing strip?
8th Man Fan
August 12th, 2009 at 9:04 am [Reply]

At this point, all I can say is thank God I’m a city boy! And, even at Wrigley Field, I used the stall.

PBS: My take is that Pastis is just demonstrating solidarity with comic strip creators like Moy, Giella, Keane, Johnston, Batiuk, etc., who probably, on the basis of hearsay or occasional peeks, consider the snark here the usual nasty, personal, anonymous-poster attacks. Compare this to just about any news site’s comments section and you’ll see this place doesn’t even come close (well, there was that unfortunate Election Day thread, but still). So, it’s a misrepresentation, but there’s no such thing as bad publicity, right?
buckyswife
August 12th, 2009 at 9:06 am [Reply]

There’s a comment about today’s PBS and CC on the WashPost’s comics blog, too.

So, if you’re new and curious and snarky, welcome! (And please read the threads and the yesterthreads so we all don’t have to suffer the symptoms of “Eyepatch Syndrome”!)
athena
August 12th, 2009 at 9:07 am [Reply]

I tweeted the PBS callout of this site (yeah, we use Twitter to promote the magazine I edit), and in return I was blocked from following Josh’s Twitter feed. And here I was hoping to leaven my Twitter page with witty non-work-related insights. Sigh.
Lulu
August 12th, 2009 at 9:09 am [Reply]

Aw, this is Rat’s favorite website? Must be a lurker, like myself as I never see him on here. Either that or he’s secretly…who?!
buckyswife
August 12th, 2009 at 9:14 am [Reply]

BB: Note to Mort Walker: A stupid meta-joke is just meta-stupid.

Nothing in that office, including the people, seems to be grounded in any kind of actual physical space. It’s like a knock-off David Lynch fever dream.

FC: As the days go on, Bil’s and Thel’s faces increasingly reveal their growing despair, their dead eyes reflecting their lack of hope and their faith only in a bleak and empty future. After a week in the woods with the passel of melonheads, all existence becomes meaningless, and a deep, marshmallow-fueled nihilism takes hold. Sartre’s got nothin’ on Bil Keane.

MT: So, the crows are in cahoots with the squirrel mafia, huh? I should have known; they already have infiltrated the garbage industry.
Talking Squirrel
August 12th, 2009 at 9:17 am [Reply]

#264 moderately selassie says: Quite frankly I don’t think the words “Chicken Embryos” appears in comics enough.

That’s because the setup doesn’t happen often enough. It takes an oblivious Curtis who, obsessing over Michelle, dumps a particularly nasty deuce and then ambles forgetfully over to the mirror to re-glue his hat.

Meanwhile, Barry moseys up to the pot and happens to glance in before letting fly. Bloody chicken embryos turned out to be the first thing that came to his mind.

Thankfully, we cannot expect this confluence to occur more frequently than, say, the rollover of the Aztec calendar.
Kinghasnoclothes
August 12th, 2009 at 9:29 am [Reply]

Flukey Wankerstain–This can only go one way: one-armed chick stays with comic-book guy; comic-book guy kills himself to make way for the-man-who-wouldn’t-stay-dead; there’s a dramatic one-panel combination re-wedding and funeral; the-man-who-wouldn’t-stay-dead starts drinking and beating his one-armed wife; the little adopted war orphan whacks the dude to protect one-armed mom; girl goes to trial and is found guilty and sentenced to death by injection; this leads to a Pulitzer Prize winning anti-capital punishment series which is published as a book.
Talking Squirrel
August 12th, 2009 at 9:40 am [Reply]

Li?: Got some win in it today. Of course, if you hold a skull up to your ear, what you hear is the River Styx.
Sequitur
August 12th, 2009 at 9:44 am [Reply]

Whoa! Logged off at 4:30 Central time yesterday. A lot of catch-up, and now Rat.
Didchaknow R-A-T spelled backwards is T-A-R?
I, I have no idea what that means but… didchaknow? Huh? Huh?
Perky Bird
August 12th, 2009 at 9:46 am [Reply]

A3-G: The small airport is so small, it doesn’t even seem to have a plane. I’m guessing the travelers just climb up that big mountain in the background, strap on some cardboard wings, and jump off.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 12th, 2009 at 9:48 am [Reply]

8/12

A3G: A tender goodbye between lovers as Lu Ann waits for her ski lift back to New York.

SFx: “On behalf of all the fish I’d like to thank the aquarium for putting us in a coffin-size tank with ol’ Jabberjaws here. Seriously, having a lifespan of ten minutes is awesome. Woo!”

HtH: So the lord of the castle they’re raiding wants to watch his mother-in-law have sex with a Viking? The guys a sick twist.

DT: Will Dick have to join the circus to fill the labor void? Are we going to see the expressionless detective juggle bowling pins between the other performers’ choruses of “It happened” and “We’re scared”? Could we really be that blessed?

GT: Kaz reports to the golf course in electric plaid pants and platform boots. I don’t know what the country club says, but he’s doing right by the readers.

SSmith: Well, maybe milk tastes kind of off when you regularly dose the cow with ecstasy.

C-Shaft: Well, in theory it’s good of Fast Ed to educate his gardening peers on a very real ecological issue (that tney probably knew about already.) Unfortunately his audience has stuffed their ears with paraffin in order to avoid hearing his abysmal puns.

GA: The reverend stares in awe at the couple with the combined IQ of negative 150.

S-M: Aha. Doc ock has Wolverine just where he wants him now! And after about twenty minutes of sodomizing the hairy mutant he’ll say to himself, “Wasn’t there something else I wanted to do? Ah, couldn’t be that important.”
buckyswife
August 12th, 2009 at 9:48 am [Reply]

MW: As Delilah and Lawrence enter his hotel room….
“Lawrence, I learned something back in Santa Royale. Something…. new.”

“What, Delilah? Was it…. philosophical?”

“No, darling. I saw this…. piece of what you might call art. And it gave me some ideas.” Delilah opens her shoulder bag and pulls out a white one-piece bathing suit.

Lawrence stares, and blushes. “Del, are… are you sure?”

She touches his cheek tenderly and gazes into his eyes. “Yes, Char–I mean, Lawrence, I’m sure. Now, cue up the South Pacific dvd while I go change.”
queek
August 12th, 2009 at 9:54 am [Reply]

279: Renegade or Grand Illusion? Oh, its Lio, so definitely Mr. Roboto.
Sequitur
August 12th, 2009 at 9:57 am [Reply]

281. Perky Bird
Actually, I think they use a BIIIIIIIIIG RUBBER BAND! You know, like in Dilbert.
Baron Bizarre
August 12th, 2009 at 9:57 am [Reply]

Artist formerly known as Ben @ 282:

“Sodomizing the hairy mutant” sounds like a euphemism for something. Can’t quite think what, though.
Sequitur
August 12th, 2009 at 10:03 am [Reply]

286. Baron Bizarre
I think it may have something to do with what Dingo was talking about yesterday.
Butch
August 12th, 2009 at 10:04 am [Reply]

GT: Did you notice Gil and Kaz are using the kerchief signal system. I wonder if they know about Papa Keene?
Dingo
August 12th, 2009 at 10:09 am [Reply]

288 posts ahead of this so I’m sure I’ll be closing out the thread. John, my other half, and I went to Grant Park last night for the Chicago Outdoor Film Festival showing of Psycho. Grrrreat crowd. About 5,000 people showed up for a free film in the park. Lots of Janet Leighs in the crowd (black slip and bra). After the shower scene was done, I had to find a bathroom (the joys of congestive heart failure medication). The men’s room at Grant Park had about twelve urinals in a row and ALL of them very close together. With the amount that everyone was drinking and the fact we all wanted to get back to the screen, no one cared about buffer urinals.

I can’t imagine what the new people finding us today must think.

Li’l Bunnë FooFoo, I can eat with either hand, especially chicken. I’m sinister (look it up, Latin heads) when it comes to writing or using a mouse. I’m strictly right-handed with scissors, my guitar, or those moments when I imagine Pastis being sodomized by Wilford Brimley in a Panama hat.
buckyswife
August 12th, 2009 at 10:11 am [Reply]

287 Sequitur: Almost exactly my thought! (Which was, “Ask Dingo.”)
Sequitur
August 12th, 2009 at 10:12 am [Reply]

HOLY CRAP! Pig, Rat, Goat, Croc, Zebra ain’t got no pants! I’m not sure about Pastis.
Bootsy
August 12th, 2009 at 10:14 am [Reply]

Late to the Pee Thread: My nuclear family – seven girls, two boys, one mom, one dad. Add in an occasional live-in grandmother or grandfather + two bathrooms = ’nuff said.
Dingo
August 12th, 2009 at 10:18 am [Reply]

Well! Cody has some nerve! That man, wearing white? Who does he think he’s foolin’? A cranberry kerchief and Bryl cream ‘do tell your tale, mister. What’s it gonna be once Luann’s in the air? The Rough Rider Saloon or Cap’n Leather’s? White! Egads.
Niall
August 12th, 2009 at 10:18 am [Reply]

Wednesday!

Beetle Bailey gets meta again. But the General is staring; in his universe, words are silent, and he can see Ms Buxley. Only we readers lose this game.

Dick Tracy: Meanwhile, we readers are afraid, period.

Gil Thorp is now the most sadistic person on the comics page. If there’s a Gil-Margo showdown, I don’t know who’d win.

Judge Parker: I read almost a week’s worth of strips all at once, and with today it gets even worse – it seems Godiva has now initiated Sophie to the joys of horses. Or else just asked her to guide Sultan; touching is just the first part. JP is now the most perverted strip on the comics page. And we imagine everything in it in glorious Barretto-vision.

Mary Worth: nice to see the Disembodied Claw is still collecting a paycheque for random appearances.

My Cage: Okay, this makes it official. When’s their first kiss? I predict August 25.

Pearls Before Swine: Okay everyone, be nice to the slew of newcomers to our little site. :)

Phantom: Someone spilled a vat of orange all over the strip, but it miraculously didn’t touch any flight outfit.

Sally Forth: nice lampshading.
Dingo
August 12th, 2009 at 10:32 am [Reply]

Circle of Hell: Gots to admit, today Daddy Keane looks hot. I’m afraid, though, that too many Josman comics involving fathers and sons on camping trips gives this an ominous air. The next words out of his mouth are gonna be “You want me to fill it, Jeffy?” and he won’t mean that mattress.

Speaking of sodomy, Gil Thorp looks all set to have Marty clean out his garage (new people, you’ll have to look this up on your own).

Gil: Getting tired of Manuel labor, Marty?

Marty: Good guess. And damned racist.

Gil: Want to try something else? My ass hairs haven’t been raked in weeks. A young stud like you… well.

Marty: Show me the lube and show me the hole. I’ve got chicken to fry.

Gil: Bon apetit!
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 12th, 2009 at 10:36 am [Reply]

Baron Bizarre and Sequitur,
Apparently I’ve been using the word “euphemism” wrong all these years.
Niall
August 12th, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

(I’ll still not read anything from before today’s date…)

242. Mr O’Malley: I somewhat agree with you. But hey, if the newcomers are to be exposed to all the weirdness we’re liable to have, this thread is pretty much a good sampler.

245 True Fable: I think Jamus has enjoyed Ashley more than all of us…

294. Me, on BB: Words are invisible, not “silent”. Gah.
buckyswife
August 12th, 2009 at 10:44 am [Reply]

297 Niall: I LIKED “silent”; I imagine the old coot is pretty deaf by now.
Sequitur
August 12th, 2009 at 10:45 am [Reply]

JP – I’m waiting for Godiva to break the 4th wall, look at the readers and say, “Oh, you dirty minds. Grow up!”
‘Cause yaknow, everyone’s thinkin’ it.
mvg
August 12th, 2009 at 10:47 am [Reply]

271 vanya: Maybe we’re missing the “Three’s Company” possibilities of FW, aka “Becky Has 2 Husbands.” W/that much “help,” she wouldn’t even notice the missing arm anymore.

Nah, Batty would never go for anything that might have an up side. It’ll be depression & probably a suicide or 2…

S4th: The strip explores the possibilities of downsizing to eliminate Sally entirely (or replace her w/Aria). So far, I ahve no complaints.
Chip Whittle
August 12th, 2009 at 10:51 am [Reply]

I like how LuAnn’s kiss of Cody in Apartment 3-G, 57501 doesn’t come anywhere near having lips touch lips, or particularly near cheek, or even kind of near head. It’s like they were drawn on separate animation cels and poorly registered together.

So Mark Trail climbed the tree, saw nothing, and disturbed crows which he thought would arouse The Man Who Shot Mister Joey Williams. Was there even any need to climb the tree without Marrissa Picard pushing him on?

I can’t tell if The Spectacular Doc Ock here is being stupid or smart. I wonder if Wolverine is rethinking that whole “Off-Broadway Play” idea.

Meanwhile, Spider-Man visits the comic strip Bozo in order to have a friendly neighborhood dinner with The Astounding Faceless Woman.

Dog Eat Doug shows what the squirrels are up to when they aren’t talking about Mark Trail.

Working Daze: I’ve had days at work like this. Come to think of it, I’ve had jobs like this.

Ziggy, I bet, also wonders how a jump rope can be hi-fi.

Heathcliff’s cartoonist pleads for help for the second day in a row.
Dingo
August 12th, 2009 at 10:51 am [Reply]

JP: Someone, someone, has to utter that wonderful SNL phrase “Hey, Brown Sugar, you wanna see where the horse bit me?”
buckyswife
August 12th, 2009 at 11:00 am [Reply]

301 Chip Wittle: Luann has lips? Is that what those flesh-colored protuberances are?
Sequitur
August 12th, 2009 at 11:06 am [Reply]

You want to see lips? Check out Sherman’s Lagoon.
FE
August 12th, 2009 at 11:10 am [Reply]

FW: “So, what I’m trying to say is, ‘You’re dead to me.’ Thanks for stopping by. No, you can’t come in. I’ll send you a card for Veterans Day. Bye now!”
buckyswife
August 12th, 2009 at 11:12 am [Reply]

304 Sequitur: Gah! I’m not sure that’s a superior color choice.
Hogenmogen
August 12th, 2009 at 11:17 am [Reply]

#270 – mvg “removing the lead from the pencil”

I never understood that. If you took the lead out, wouldn’t you still have a woody?

Marm: “My shoes just melted”
“No, that black goo isn’t melted rubber, it’s dogshit. But it smells the same.”

Pluggerz: Should read “vacation plans” not “retirement plans”. What, are they charging for babysitting and living off the income?

BBailey: I can’t decide if Lt. Blip is using her speech balloon to block readers from seeing Buxley’s curvy, yet poorly drawn shape under her torn dress or if Blip is using her relatively homely physique to block the general from leering at the BuxBod 3000.

Oh, and I pee.
Amateur
August 12th, 2009 at 11:28 am [Reply]

PBS: I can’t make up my mind whether that was a compliment or a complaint. But either way, it means more hits.
Sequitur
August 12th, 2009 at 11:29 am [Reply]

306. buckyswife
What did you expect? It’s an Olsen twin.
kevinbapp.com
August 12th, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

Viewing today’s Curtis, I can only think of three possible explanations:

1. Curtis’ brother’s penis comes out of his sternum
2. Curtis’ brother has an exceptionally long and hose like penis, that can be pulled up and over the toilet bowl
3. Curtis’ brother is making a mess!

By the way, forgive me for not knowing his name (though perhaps it’s actually “Worm”, which would lead me to believe the explanation is number two?), but I do have a life. Just not one rich and full enough to keep me from thinking about cartoon character’s penises, apparently.
TheDiva
August 12th, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

C’shaft: Sure, it’s a serious problem that could spell ecological disaster, but that’s no reason not to make a lame pun about it! I’d almost rather have the constant angst and griping over at Funky Winkerbean…almost.

FW: This is going to end with Wally taking his service rifle to Montoni’s and opening fire at random before turning the gun on himself, isn’t it? Actually, that’s probably the most positive ending we can hope for at this point.

HotC: Actually, Dean, don’t Google “slave.” Not without Safe Search on, anyway.

PBS: Hey, what about us? We’ve just been ripped in a comic strip many of us read online. Make room in the Happy Box, Pastis!
Sequitur
August 12th, 2009 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

Hey Welcome Newbees! Here’s a quiz.

1. Hi (from Hi & Lois) uses a computer program to do his taxes. He uses
(a) Bat Taxer
(b) Tax Bat
(c) bats:[

Mary Worth makes a delicious treat for all the residents of Charterhouse. It is
(a) Onion circles
(b) Salmon squares
(c) Dingo balls

In Pearls Before Swine there’s a character that resembles a goat. He is called
(a) Ram-a-lamb-a-ding-dong
(b) Goat
(c) True Fable

For the answer to these puzzlers, see yesterday’s and today’s Crankshaft.
odinthor
August 12th, 2009 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

Peeing, the Saga Continues. — The first time I went to Scandinavia, my first real activity was to visit a “folk park” (historic structures in appropriate settings) which had a large bisexual rest room, meaning not so much a rest room for large bisexuals as one of increased dimensions and for both sexes. But all did not mix promiscuously, as I thought would be the case when I strolled in. The ladies, as if by instinct, all clustered way way at the stalls at that end of the room, while we gents were clearly in command of the stalls at this end of the room. Meantime, the urinal, long and trough-like, extended for a good length along the room’s center; but the men clustered at the extreme nearest the stalls the men were using rather than to fan out to the far end which was nearest the stalls the ladies were favoring. This accustomed me to the idea of gender-blind restrooms such that, at the next stop on my trip, I saw a restroom and simply walked in, only to find myself quickly shooed out by a number of women outraged that I was in the ladies’ restroom. The moral of this story is: Remember! There’s an “i” in the middle of “urine.”

GT. — Psst, Kaz—you forgot the oversized white gloves and flop shoes.

SlFo. — Just up and over with Elma Sue, Mr. Smith, and watch the fun! You know you want to.
Harold
August 12th, 2009 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

(Hmmm, this didn’t post the first time, and then I was told that I couldn’t post it because it was a duplicate comment.)

I am wondering if Josh can add an Internet Happy Box next to the Cockpit for those of us who want to take a break from the madness of the Internet. (Is the Cockpit still around?)

Welcome to Jo Shreads, everybody who just heard about the site from Pearls Before Swine! (And we all really, really love PBS! Now, Family Circus, on the other hand…)
spike
August 12th, 2009 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

Amateur @ 308: Take it as a compliment. He likes us! Pastis really likes us!

Diva @ 311: What? No cancer sideline? And can Wally take out Funky first? Please?
TheDiva
August 12th, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

Spike 315: Even Batiuk has to mix things up once in a while. So many ways of dying horribly, so little time, you know?
Stripes55
August 12th, 2009 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

I figure the context of the shoutout in PBS was the best way Pastis could think of to work this site into his strip. Plus, it does make since, as Rat is ripping on a cartoonist, and well, that IS what we do a lot of here. Hence the title of this little blog.

And to all the new people: welcome. Be sure to ask us about being “chained to a log” sometime…
Stripes55
August 12th, 2009 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

Arrgh! “Since” = “sense” in 317.
Marvin's Mom
August 12th, 2009 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

Boo. Am I the only one who thought Beetle Bailey was clever? I mean, look at the source, people.

I think the Pastis thing was a compliment. He knows it’s publicity, first of all, and secondly, no one trashes PBS here. It’s poor Lynn Johnston that needs the Happy Box.
Poteet
August 12th, 2009 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

I’m back, more or less. Yay! I only regret that I don’t have time to catch up on all the fine, fine snarking. I do belatedly congratulate Windier. E. Megatons on that excellent COTW, and ditto to the highly-amusing runners-up.

And I’m grateful to this urinary thread for reminding me of how wonderful it is, after decades of sharing various bathrooms with various others, to have my own. An old, modest bathroom, but mine.

As for my worst moment along this theme, it had to be back in the early Seventies when I began one extremely cold snowy New Year’s Day at 5 am by having to fish out the wooden lid of an old wooden outhouse seat from down inside the outhouse, where I had dropped it. Fortunately or unfortunately, the tank was very full, so I didn’t have to reach in very far. Every subsequent New Year’s Day has started out much better. Yay again.
Dingo
August 12th, 2009 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

Marvin’s Mom, Lynn Johnston hasn’t had a Happy Box since her husband took his love elsewhere. Lynn Johnston hasn’t had a Happy Box since before Mary Worth’s husband swanned her on their honeymoon night! The last time Lynn Johnston had a Happy Box, Batiuk still wrote happy stories.

Oh, and Dingo balls aren’t for the faint of heart. They had one at Netherfield and the Bennet sisters haven’t been the same!
Sequitur
August 12th, 2009 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

So, who do we have in the happy box (in no particular order)?
Tom Batiuk (FW & ‘Shaft), Lynn Johnston (FOOB), Jack Elrod (MT), Dick Locher (DT), Bil Keane(FC), Hank Ketcham(DtM), Greg Evans(Luann), Brad Anderson (’Duke), Gary Brookins (Pluggers), Karen Moy & Joe Giella (MW), Woody Wilson & Graham Nolan (RMMD), Neal Rubin & Rod Whigham (GT), Brooke McEldowney (9CL).

I’m sure I’m forgetting some. I didn’t include Eduardo Barreto and Woody Wilson from Judge Parker. This strip is too much fun to watch. However, I suspect Brooke McEldowney has a different idea about what a “Happy Box” is.
commodorejohn
August 12th, 2009 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

A3G – Wow! Direct cheek-to-cheek contact with lips in the general vicinity of each other but not actually touching! Isn’t that a little racy for a family paper?

A&J – What really impresses me about this is that the teenage son is being treated as a character in his own right, rather than filling the typical sitcom slot of being the stand-in for Those Kids Today that the writers want to keep reading the strip but can’t be assed to understand or actually relate to.

BB – Metafictional sexual harrassment…? My brain hurts.

Crankshaft – Well, if the last troubled species to make an appearance was any indication, the bees will presently turn into rampaging, bloodthirsty killers despite all information on bee behavior, and Crankshaft will kill them all with a flamethrower, then act smug about it.

FW – Ha ha!

GA – WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF PLOT IS THIS

Love Is… – OH MY GOD THEY SPEAK

MT – “I want to get the drop on the shooter! Therefore, I will climb a tree with no leaf cover whatsoever and put myself in plain sight!” “I want this stranger to not find me! Therefore, I will shoot him!” I think this is going to come down to who can out-stupid who.

MC – I love the chemistry between these two. It’s one of the funniest things on the funny pages.

PBS – Rat understands the Internet much, much more than any other comics character ever.

SF – Froot Loops? You don’t know your father, Hil. It would’ve been something more along the lines of Mr. T cereal. (Yes, really.)

Edison Lee – wishes it were Bloom County so very, very much.
150
August 12th, 2009 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

I was under the impression that in Marvin, every punchline is delivered by someone who’s urinating.
Zipper the mule
August 12th, 2009 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

#5 – !
dingo, I will pay you to come to Baltimore and help Josh man-up by attending a boy’s night out and sticking a turkey leg up your ass. I know the perfect Baltimore street corner for just such antics.

C’mon Josh. It’ll put hair on your little Napoleon Dynamite chest.

Zip
Red Greenback
August 12th, 2009 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

Dingo, I beg of you, please utilize the term “thermos full of calf blood” in one of your comics riffs.
Thanks in advance.
Deena in OR
August 12th, 2009 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

@250-Farley’s Revenge…

My family rotated out in ‘87. You might be interested in this site.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/group.php?gid=59495612386
tb4000
August 12th, 2009 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

Haha, that PBS plug is a double edged sword. On the plus side, Josh gets some well deserved publicity to the average joe. On the negative side, Josh…gets some…well deserved publicity to the average joe.
Baron Bizarre
August 12th, 2009 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

I shouldn’t think Pastis would be hostile to this site – going through some of my PBS colleections, I find that he’s ripped on the “legacy” strips often enough himself.
Mooncattie
August 12th, 2009 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

I’m so late, late, late…

Y4 mollificent and Y5 sugarpie – thank you so much for your kind comments

Y9 bats:[ GAAAAAAAAHHHHHH

YCurtis – Kid, if that’s your real tongue, you won’t have to worry about needing money to buy anything for Michelle.

A3G – This week’s touching farewell with Lu Ann, her Dad, and Cody is presented in the finest tradition of this strip. Her prairie flower painting trip to the Dakotas was planned for months, she’s been there the better part of a year, and now she’s returning to New York City – and in all that time, I’m pretty sure that nothing actually happened of any consequence, unless there was a sub-plot involving a murder at a rodeo, the family farm being foreclosed, and some adult games involving kerchiefs, bedposts and a John Deere tractor on that Wednesday in July when I was walking in the Alps.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 12th, 2009 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

Okay, this thread has gone on long enough. Time for me to kill it.

9CL: Easy way to improve this comic: 1) Print it out. 2) Take a black Sharpie and censor out the word “chest.” 3) Use your imagination. You’re welcome.

BF: Got to hand it to this strip… it’s got the most realistic breasts in comics. (Note that “most realistic” does not mean “best”… Barretto’s creations, though wondrous, are far from realistic.)

(WT)DT: “That’s pretty much the definition of ‘not my problem,’ Ringo.”

EC: Though I’m not British, I’m going to add the word “whinging” to my vocabulary, specifically to describe this strip. Coming up: Two weeks of whinging about cutting down a tree.

thorps. Oh, if only GT was in color, then we’d finally know which way Kaz swings. (No, I’m not referring to golf.)

HtH: Ha, ha! It’s funny ’cause, y’know, men would do anything to get rid of their mothers-in-law! Amirite, fellahs? Who’s with me? You know it!

H&J: “OK, let me define what I mean by ‘elusive’… ‘psychic psycho-stalker.’ ”

Big Dog: If that dog stops short, Mr. Hilter’s going to end up rammed in there up to the shoulders.

Mutts: I’m a shark! I’m a shaaark! [NSFW!] I’M A SHAAAARK!

MC: Norm, don’t get your hopes up. The best you can hope for from Ashley is a surprise drunken kiss that neither of you will ever mention again. …Or so I’ve heard.

SFx: I’m a shark! I’m a …Oh, wait, sorry.

S-M: Someone remind Stan Lee that sleepy gas does not work on someone with a mutant healing factor.
cheech wizard
August 12th, 2009 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

Speaking of bathroom horror stories – when I worked at Monkey Ward’s back in the 80s, we had this tired old salesman who would take a dump with the stall door open so he could talk with whoever came in. One of those worn-out, gone-to-seed old jocks with sagging, basset-hound eyes. And a foil strip of suppositories dangling between his fingers. You see that looking over your shoulder in the mirror, you’ll give up washing your hands.
cheech wizard
August 12th, 2009 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

Big Dog – Presumably, there are still some things you cannot do in the funny papers because they are read by children. Apparently, showing a head-on shot of an enormous dog’s asshole is not one of them.

GA – Anyone else recognize this as an Al Capp shout-out? Marryin’ Sam’s variously priced weddings?
Dingo
August 12th, 2009 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

cheech wizard, I would like to see Monkey Ward man as a new character in any given sitcom. Wouldn’t Friends have been much better if he was in the john at the coffeehouse? Think of the conversations he and Chandler could have. Or Dick Van Dyke! Morey Amsterdam had to get his jokes from somewhere. Make him a Catholic priest and the foil pack of suppositories could be his to-go rosary.
Poteet
August 12th, 2009 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft — Actually, colony collapse disorder involves bees disappearing, not dying, though it’s safe to presume they are dead, and it’s occurring in North America and Europe, not all over the world. But compared to the rattlesnake debacle, Crank is doing great. Really great. Please, Batiuk, get through this latest nature story without making me crazy again.
Islamorada Girl
August 12th, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

Die, thread! Die, die!
Uncle Lumpy
August 12th, 2009 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

#326 Red –

I beg of you, please utilize the term “thermos full of calf blood”

In these troubled times, I rely on you, sir, to explore the far distant outer limits of kink. So I don’t have to.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Poteet
August 12th, 2009 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

# 335 — And speaking of the rattlesnake debacle, please note, Batiuk, that even the PV residents of Camelot, faced with a really huge people-killin’ herp, still manage to come up with a plan and a leader that show far greater respect and appreciation for herps than you and your extremely creepy protagonist. Plus really nice art.
Poteet
August 12th, 2009 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

# 336 Islamorada Girl — What, you don’t like threads about peeing?
Sheila Sternwell
August 12th, 2009 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

#322 Sequitur – I’d say Gil Thorp is so weird and Dick Tracy so surreal that they may not merit inclusion into la boîte de plaisir.
Honeypot
August 12th, 2009 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

Okay, I have some time to add to the great pee stories. I have also experienced the glory of Japanese restrooms, but they just can’t touch Mexico City. I visited there nearly 30 years ago but I remember with absolute clarity how Things Were Different there.

First was in a Denny’s type knock off restaurant in the Zona Rosa. Their women’s room featured about 20 toilets – no stalls, just a room full of toilets. It didn’t seem to bother anyone else, so I dropped my drawers and sat there uneasily. While I was enthroned, a plumber entered and started busily to fix a clog in one of the johns. No one paid him any notice at all, and he appeared completely uninterested in anything but the clog.

The second one was in a fabulous restaurant with a beautiful cobblestone courtyard. The women’s room was a one-seater with a large picture window at head level. While seated doing your business, you had a full view of the courtyard, and anyone in the courtyard had a full view of your head. Good times.

At our house, peeing was no big deal but we sought privacy for other options.
Comcis Fan
August 12th, 2009 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

FW: Story not leading anywhere good, unless there’s a crossover with Doonesbury and Wally Sr. and the female soldier fall in love before she heads back to a war zone and decide to settle into a good civilian life together. I hope the current soldiers and recent war vets are not looking at this strip. For goodness sake, TV soap operas and dramatic films with downer story lines have more levity than this “comic.” At least these two left the cemetery before finishing their conversation. Oh the hilarity.
Aviatrix
August 12th, 2009 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

Poteet, I thin kit’s not so much that Islamorada Girl wants to escape the current thread. as that the death of this thread is brought about by more Josh snarkage, and we’re all eager to confirm that Josh has survived the shock of a PBS homage.
Perky Bird
August 12th, 2009 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

# 335 Poteet: Wait a second, the bees don’t really die, they just disappear? But people think they’re dead anyhow? And the same guy writes Crankshaft and Funky, right? Oh, I see where this is going. We’re going to have a weird Crankshaft/Funky cross-over strip, where a colony of bees missing and presumed dead returns to the hive after ten years, only to find that the queen bee has taken up with a new drone and started a new hive. Then the whole colony dies of cancer.
Red Greenback
August 12th, 2009 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

337-UL: Eew! Perhaps I should have been more clear. Please use the the term “like a thermos full of calf blood” as an anatomical description, etc. Still, Eew!, but not quite as Eew!-y as what you are implying.
Dingo
August 12th, 2009 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

The shock of a PBS homage or his thoughts about an all-weekend manparty in Baltimore where we teach him what for*?

* Fifteen years ago, I worked for 1st Chicago bank. My glorious job was serving as the assistant to a woman I referred to as “my angel… of darkness.” The first two words I’d say in front of her and the second two when she turned. There was no light as dim nor special child as stupid as Carole. Once, Carole came out of a meeting with her boss and said that she might file a sexual harrassment charge against him. Mary, the petite assistant v.p. who served as Carole’s lapdog was aflutter. What did he do? What did he say? Carole said that he had referred to her by a deragotory sexual term. When pressed, she confided that he had called her “wet fur.”

I looked at her and said, “Carole, isn’t Glenn from Missourah?” She looked at me and said, “Glenn is from Missouree but that shouldn’t excuse his language.” I then asked, “Did Glenn say, ‘Carole, if you don’ git that job done in the time I gave ya, I’m gonna give you wet fur.’” She said that, yes, that was what he said.

I stood there for five minutes attempting to explain the phrase “what for” to her. The more I spoke, I could see in her eyes that my shirt and tie were gone and my slacks had become a pair of bib overalls. I was barefoot and holding a piece of straw between my teeth. My foreskin amazingly grew back. For the rest of the time I worked for her, she never looked at me the same again.
cheech wizard
August 12th, 2009 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

334/Dingo – he would be a great character in any sitcom. But I would not want to see him again. Ever. Those baggy basset eyes haunt me still. You could cast him as the neighbor guy in Home Improvement and he would still be disturbing.
Farley's Revenge
August 12th, 2009 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

Since the pee thread is still going strong-HAHAHA!-First time I went into a Turkish bathroom(in Turkey, of course), I was introduced to the Turkish toilet. Lovely porcelain hole in the floor, with places for feet, a faucet to hold on to while assuming the position, and little squares of what looked like the tissue paper used to wrap gifts.

I learned some very useful things that day, such as roll up the pants’ legs, never wear sandals in Turkey, and keep a supply of TP on hand at all times. Those lessons stood me in good stead for the entire time we lived there.

There were, in some places, “western” type toilets but since the cleaning crews generally just hosed down the bathroom, one couldn’t guarantee that the western toilet wasn’t breeding a new lifeform that planned to take over humanity the next time someone sat down on the seat(if there was a seat).
Calico
August 12th, 2009 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

#335 – It’s Crankshaft vs. Mark Trail in the nature Dept.!

Mourez, soie, mourez!
Islamorada Girl
August 12th, 2009 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

339:Poteet: No, I think this is fascinating. I just want some new Josh snark. But since we’re talking about pee, let me share this one with the crew.
I think my worst pee experience was on a Mexican train at the end of a holiday weekend. The train was crammed with vacationers returning to Mexico City from Merida. About halfway through, every toilet on the train stopped up, and stuff, liquid and solid, was running from the toilets, all the way down the aisles between the seats. I held it as long as I could, then had to squat above the overflowing bowl to let loose all that Negro Modelo. When we got to Mexico City, I threw those shoes out and boiled myself in the hottest water I could find. It was without a doubt, the most disgusting experience of my iife, and I have had many, many disgusting experiences.
Talking Squirrel
August 12th, 2009 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

Snuffy Smith, now please don’t pout
‘Cause your beard just will not sprout.
A thermos of calf’s blood every night –
That’ll make it grow, all right!
Burma Shave
Little Guy
August 12th, 2009 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

322: Woody Wilson & Graham Nolan are out of the Happy Box when June is out of her clothes. Nuff said.
Islamorada Girl
August 12th, 2009 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

And by the way- – - I’m pleased to see Barry has at least put the seat up. I bet the wrath of Diane, when she stumbles into the bathroom late at night and sits on a wet toilet seat is a sight to cast fear into the strongest heart.

Why can’t you men put the seat down when you’re finished?
Niall
August 12th, 2009 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

312. Sequitur: THAT was FUNNY.

323. commodorejohn: That almost makes me want to see today’s Love Is. But I do seem to remember seeing a collection (oh sweeet lord it just came back to me my braiiiiiin) in which a few did have speech balloons.

330. Mooncattie: That comment on the other hands, definitely makes me want to go see yesterthread to see what bats :[ has concocted yet again… ahh, I see it’s a promise of more fun. And admit it, Mooncattie, you knew perfectly well the dangers and are happy about it. :)

331. Spider-Brick: If Ashley gets drunken and brazen, she won’t stop at a kiss. …maybe a little trip to the McGuffin summer party with a vial of single malt is in order… *ahems*

As for peeing… (might as well join in!)

We were brought up by my mother to not think of our bodies as unnatural or ugly things, or things to objectify; so we didn’t have a nudity taboo, and could use the bathroom if someone else was in the shower. (Except our dad. No way. At all.) I only recall one minor incident in which I learned How Things Are in other houses; I had closed the door (signal at our place to not be disturbed), but didn’t know that in some places, the door to the bathroom is always closed (such things are not to even be seen in daily life!), but are to be locked when in use.

What has nothing to do with that, or even with living with my mother for 17 years, is that I will nearly always sit down to urinate. Hey, it gives me ten seconds of rest! (And allows a much more thorough bladder emptying because of said rest.) So the lid is never up. (Lid always down, makes chocolates, can give massages, straight, and I’m still single at 42. Some are probably thinking that I may not be perfect and that it’s a sign of something seriously wrong with me… and I’m not sure they’re wrong.)
Marty Moon
August 12th, 2009 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

#353: Yeah, I settled that issue years ago. Now I piss in the sink. No muss, no fuss.

BTW in my elementary school, each classroom had its own toilet — built into the corner of the room, with a wooden enclosure not much bigger than a telephone booth. You had visual privacy, but it stopped several feet short of the ceiling so any auditory or olfactory privacy was only by mutual pretense.
Uncle Lumpy
August 12th, 2009 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

A thermos of calf’s blood,
A bottle of wine.
Door open or closed, bud –
You’ll pee like the Rhine.
Dingo
August 12th, 2009 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

Okay, so far all I can come up with is Luann going to a party at Tiffany’s house (I know, I know) and holding a thermos of calf’s blood between her thighs. At some moment during munching of the crudite, she announces cramps and asks Tiff for a tampon. As Tiff returns with the goods, Luann undoes the thermos top, shouts, and let’s loose. All hell commences with kids running everywhere except for Gunther, who’s turned on by the spectacle.
Farley's Revenge
August 12th, 2009 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

I’m wondering how long it will be before a guy comes along and retorts “Well, why can’t you women leave the seat UP?”

That’s the usual response I’ve heard and received when I make the same complaint. Of course, I live in a house filled with males. ‘Nuff said.
Uncle Lumpy
August 12th, 2009 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

#353 I-Girl –

Yeah, well everybody knows the toilet paper goes over the top of the roll where you can see to grab it. But you women insist on having it unspool from the bottom for no good reason. Sheesh!
Dingo
August 12th, 2009 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

Wait, wait. Niall, you’re straight? Man, have I been getting the wrong signals all along.

My personal preference for urination is the great outdoors. There’s just something about whipping out your cock on a snowy January morning while hiking in the woods and marking your territory. Very manly. I realize cold snow wouldn’t be a hoot’n'holler for the ladies but I think a lot of men that I know – gay and straight – enjoy a ticklin’ breeze on their boys as they pee with the wind.
cheech wizard
August 12th, 2009 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

Leaving it up is a good idea – because you never know if the next guy to come along is going to be too lazy to raise it.
Sequitur
August 12th, 2009 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

354. Niall
The only problem with males sitting down is if one does not point the nozzle downward, a stream will erupt between the seat and the bowl.

359 Uncle Lumpy
You might decide to have it come out underneath if you’ve ever had a cat that decided that spinning the roll is a fun thing to do.
athena
August 12th, 2009 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

It’s telling that the longest thread in a while consists largely of people sharing tales of communal peeing. What did we do before the internet, eh?
Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
August 12th, 2009 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

Apropos of all this urination and peeing tales and whatnot:
I remember an old Doonesbury series in which Lacy Davenport’s husband says to Lacy: It sounds like this has turned into a p—ing contest! And she says to him, Speak up, dear! You know I can’t understand you when you use hyphens! I can’t recall the context of that exchange.

Sounds like this long list of snarks has turned into a p—-ing contest.

Just for the record, in The Bronx, 55 years ago, we little boys used to pee into the gutter, from the curb. I don’t think that’s done much, any more. The girls had to go upstairs to go.
LUJBEM FEJF
August 12th, 2009 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

Well played Pastis, well played. Look for a Comics Curmudgeon Jumble coming in November! Nah, never mind. Back to lurking…
buckyswife
August 12th, 2009 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

340 Sheila Sternwell: “Internet happy box” sounds so sweet. “La boite de plaisir” sounds so…. dirty. And fun.

348 Farley’s Revenge: Turkish toilets sound like Thai toilets (besides the alliteration, I mean). I had a delightful few days traveling around the Thai countryside with a bladder infection—so I got to see what seemed like every gas station toilet in northern Thailand. (They were, to my delighted surprise, remarkably clean.)
Red Greenback
August 12th, 2009 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

Well, someone eventually had to post this. Howzabout these fine examples?
Lou Shumaker
August 12th, 2009 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

174: Thanks Bats! That was helpful.
buckyswife
August 12th, 2009 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

Where is Josh, anyway? Do you think that Pastis’s implicit rebuke has shamed him into renouncing snarkage and being nice from now on?

Pastis, you fiend!
Sequitur
August 12th, 2009 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

367. Red Greenback
I guess those Nun urinals are for you boy who went to Catholic school.

Are we gonna hit 400?
Sequitur
August 12th, 2009 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

eh, you boys
AhClem
August 12th, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

My two-cents worth on the ongoing discussion: As a relatively new bridge inspector, I’ve quickly learned why most work trucks have two doors on each side. With the truck parked close to the rail, and both doors open, you do have some semblance of privacy between them, even on bridges with lots of traffic.

However, when you’re hanging under the bridge in a Snooper basket, there are often more opportunities to …um, hang.
mvg
August 12th, 2009 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

Ahclem (372): Sounds like you wouldn’t wanna be in the basket hanging below where the truck’s parked, though…
Hogenmogen
August 12th, 2009 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

You can say what you want about Barry’s stance as he pees. Or his ability to arc the stream high enough to get it in to the bowl. But the part that annoys me greatly is that he clearly didn’t close the damn door. And, the fact that Curtis doesn’t mind standing shirtless in the bathroom as his brother urinates, but for some reason he rushes to put his massive and unstylish hat on. It would be as if you covered the statue of David with a fig leaf, but put it on his bald spot – which isn’t even bald.
Sheila Sternwell
August 12th, 2009 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

I thought I didn’t have a pee story, but I suddenly remembered mine! Maybe it’ll kill this thread.

In high school we had a “biology” course that was really just an excuse to go to Colorado and hike. The first time I had to go pee in the woods I walked around until I found what I thought was a decent fallen log to lean against. I couldn’t go out of self-consciousness, so I stood and zipped up and turned… to see most of the rest of the class walking about 50 feet away on a trail in clear view of my naked butt.

It amazed me that no one said anything to me about that. I don’t know if no one noticed, or if they were too embarrassed, or what. All I know is that 22 years later I’m still mortified.
Sheila Sternwell
August 12th, 2009 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

Yay, it did kill the thread!
Lou Shumaker
August 12th, 2009 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

Thank God!
Poteet
August 12th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

# 343 Aviatrix — PBS homage?? Dang, I gotta get caught up with the rest of the comics now..

# 344 Perky Bird — Bwahahaha!

# 348 Farley’s — Thanks for the memories. Unfortunately, the similar toilet in the seventy-five-cents-per-night hotel where I stayed in Marrakesh in 1972 didn’t have places for feet. I never did figure out the right way to use it, if there was one.

# 350 Islamorada Girl — You have just made that Marrakesh toilet look good, which I didn’t think was possible.

# 360 Dingo — Don’t get me started on the cosmic unfairness of how much easier it is for guys to relieve themselves outside. I have been on many a long Christmas bird count when I would have been thrilled to be able to write my name in the snow so easily.
Bob
August 12th, 2009 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

Pssh. Only child. OF COURSE we all pee around each other. It’s a requirement in a family of ten. I recall occasions when three or four of us would surround the toilet and use it at the same time due to urgent need and limited space. It was horrible – you had to concentrate to make sure your streams didn’t cross because if they did the space-time continuum would collapse or you’d have to read Mary Worth for a week. Either way, scary.
Comcis Fan
August 12th, 2009 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

Sheila #376: Aren’t you glad there were no Internet and camera phones then?
Islamorada Girl
August 12th, 2009 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

Poteet: Didn’t your mom teach you early and often how to squat over a public toilet so you don’t touch it? Mine did, and it’s a great skill to have outdoors and on workboats.

This is the Thread That Wouldn’t Die.
Poteet
August 12th, 2009 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

# 382 I-Girl — No, alas. But at least I haven’t had to display my lamentable lack of such skill on any workboat. I salute you.

Thread still undead.
Niall
August 12th, 2009 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

360 Dingo: I can’t tell if you were sarcastic or not, but that may very well explain one reason so few women approach me.

362 Sequitur: Um, it would take what is for me an inordinately lazy male to sit down for business and not point things downwards. Are you telling me some men actually sit down and touch nothing and let go? I’d think only children might do this, but not anyone with an ounce of sense…
Dicks Badenov
August 12th, 2009 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

Since Curtis’ brother is so short, and the toilet bowl so high, I believe that he’s spraying his urine in an arc to compensate for the height difference. That must have taken a lot of time to perfect, so he’s proud enough to do it right in front of Curtis, and anyone else he’s trying to impress.
Rana
August 12th, 2009 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

#254 Mr. O’Malley; #256 True Fable

It’s not just spiders and flies that like the cool, dark, dampish places – what I keep running into in various out-house-ish facilities are (1) frogs, and (b) lizards. It’s bad enough sitting there while some goggle-eyed critter stares at you from the wall, but imagine the excitement of going to the bathroom in the dark, and sitting yourself on the toilet to do your thing, only to discover that some poor frog was hanging out in the bowl!
Rana
August 12th, 2009 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

#360 Dingo – speaking as a female semi-outdoorsy person, peeing in the snow isn’t all that much fun, but there are two advantages: you’re less likely to splash your boots, and the wipe-up with snow is a huge improvement over sticks or leaves.

(The how-to book _How to Sh*t in the Woods_ is a truly awesome resource for this sort of thing.)
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
August 12th, 2009 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

Mr. O’Malley:
Best left-handed trivia ever. Thanks! And I think the word you want is picante? I think that would be more common than enchiloso but then what do I know really. I can’t even eat chicken with my left hand.
Jumper
August 12th, 2009 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

Did you know you can put “Penis Van Lesbian” in the Washington Post’s comments but a censoring robot forbids comments mentioning Dick Van Dyke?
Anonymous
August 13th, 2009 at 11:36 am [Reply]

Barry’s peeing on the floor.
V
August 13th, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

How could you skip today’s A3G? With Lu Ann’s wonderful “Oh, Daddy!” moment?! My only question…in a world where basically all men look the same, does it still count as incest?
L>
August 13th, 2009 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

I think everyone is missing the fact that Barry is actually pissing on the floor, because the toilet bowl is at torso height.
kay
August 17th, 2009 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

dixie dugan comic was in the 50’s in the bullitin……i did her clothes once and it was in the sunday paper with her mom and dad…i have it framed….the man who made the comic let kids send in clothes for dixie….i sent in purple outfit…this was so nice for this man to do….some one should do it again,,,,any one know of this ???? this was phila bullitin news paper….
lisliasm
August 19th, 2009 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

I came from a family with one bathroom, and it was not unusual to have three (or more) people in the bathroom at the same time.

Next week, when Curtis’ parents step out of their joint shower, we’ll realize that this final panel in fact depicted the entire tableau of base human bodily functions. You may cringe, but THIS is the kind of gritty, urban realism that Curtis tries to provide its readership.

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Tales from the can

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