It’s the politically expedient thing to do, and an emotionally unhealthy way to do it
Judge Parker, 10/13/05
So Judge Parker has moved on from stultifying jungle adventures to stultifying domestic drama. See, “Randy,” our current blue-haired protagonist, just spent all of last week being berated by “Horace,” an amusingly freakish Wilford Brimley look-a-like:
To make an agonizingly long story short, Horace thinks Randy should be a judge, but the only thing holding him back (other than his obvious total disinterest in the idea) is that he isn’t married. Yes, in order to get the high-profile, high-pressure job he doesn’t want, Randy needs to finally tie the knot with “Mimi,” the fianceé that he doesn’t really seem inclined to marry. So you can understand why he looks like he wants to shoot himself in panel two. There’s some other details that I can’t really keep straight right now about Randy’s blonde secretary, who has what appears to be a little mustache and may be a CIA agent in training or something and no doubt really loves him. I’m sure we’ll get it all straightened out in relentless, repetitive detail over the next few months, and may even learn why Randy decided to propose some sort of sham marriage to Mimi rather than immediately reporting Horace to the EEOC.
But what I want to know about — what’s shamefully actually got me interested in Judge Parker — is this “Eon” thing. CIA-Secretary-True-Love girl mentioned it in passing too. What is Eon? Is it like EST? Is it like Scientology? Please let it be like Scientology! Please let the minister performing their Eon wedding be a thinly disguised John Travolta, or perhaps Beck! This being Judge Parker, it’s going to take forever for it to actually come out, and then it will be boring and we won’t care, but for the moment I’m clinging to my dreams.
Update: Yes, Beck is a Scientologist.
Nom du Jour
October 13th, 2005 at 3:04 pm
It will take an eon to find out just what an EON Wedding is.
lyndon
October 13th, 2005 at 3:04 pm
Clinging to dreams yes….
Like how every day I open the paper and look to the area that family circus inhabits
Hoping for something
3-G
Mark Trail
Dennis the Menane
Hell, even a blank spot on the page would be more satisfying, less confusing, and less bizarre than family circus can be.
:checks the paper:
…damn
Kaliflower
October 13th, 2005 at 3:11 pm
Does Randy care about anything? Maybe he and his ‘fiance’ will visit a beach house and he’ll wind up killing an Arab on the beach. Then maybe Judge Parker will step up the excitement to a .1 from it’s current 0.
Kevin
October 13th, 2005 at 3:20 pm
I keep staring at the last panel, trying to will more letters–or different letters–or something to appear. Or for my eyes to cross so that I can see the hidden picture. Or anything at all that might transmogrify “Eon Wedding” into something that makes sense.
But it won’t. It just won’t make sense, I can’t make it make sense, and that’s that…
…ooh! Ooh! I know! Maybe Mimi has been in touch with the Mt. Foob Office of Invented Lingo, which graciously let her borrow one of their unused coinages.
You see, Liz was going to provide a few days of filler, once upon a time, by going on about how Mike and Deanna were planning this big goofy Eon wedding, which was, like, so foob of them, because they were already like totally roadside…and so on, and so forth.
But those strips were spiked because the Estrogen Palace didn’t want to burn so many cool new words so soon. Most of the brilliant coinages were instead carefully parcelled out to us over time, in other contexts…but “eon wedding” wound up still on the shelf, gathering dust. Until one day when Mimi stopped by Mt. Foob for afternoon tea…
Okay, I don’t know about you, but I’m already much more interested in figuring out more of this scenario than in what’s coming up in “Judge Parker”…and that’s still not very interested…
hacky
October 13th, 2005 at 3:54 pm
Beck is a Scientologist? Dang.
el duende
October 13th, 2005 at 4:23 pm
wilfred brimley is, of course, a notorious right-winger…
Risha
October 13th, 2005 at 4:46 pm
I’m sure that this is entirely unrelated, but EON happens to be the name of a small pharmacutical company currently being absorbed by a much larger one (which I know about for a work related reason that I won’t go into in case one of my client contacts happens to read this).
Maybe they can sue the creators of “Judge Parker” for violating their copyright. They’ll probably only get about $0.58 from it though, since I can’t believe that those creators are getting rich from this awful strip, syndicated or not.
Chawunky
October 13th, 2005 at 5:19 pm
My sentiments exactly when I read that about Beck, hacky. And here I was listening to Guero and everything. Bleah.
As to the strip proper, where the heck is that taking place, some ramshackle wharf on Cape Cod Bay? Actually, I just noticed the fish net behind eon woman…and the Brimley panel is sheer genius in its microcosm. Heh heh.
Sheila
October 13th, 2005 at 5:22 pm
Silly — an “eon wedding” is like what Cathy and Irving had: it takes a frickin’ EON to get it over with, given that it takes place in comic-strip time! Stand by to watch the bride fuss about her flowers for two weeks straight, for instance. Another two weeks agonizing about whether she can fit into a size 4 by D-Day. And so on and so on. Mothers-in-law will join the cast. Hilarity will ensue.
Thank heavens the P-G doesn’t carry JP, or I’d get all sucked in and everything.
Tommyp
October 13th, 2005 at 5:29 pm
If Randy does wind up succeeding his dad I’ll bet you dimes to doughnuts the artist will immediately add a dash of grey to his temples and, overnight, he’ll look IDENTICAL to the current Judge Parker. Please give me a reason to keep reading this rubbish…
gnome de blog
October 13th, 2005 at 6:09 pm
Randy has already aged from a fresh-faced ingenue (ingenu?) to a wrinkly-browed geezer just in the last couple of weeks.
Islamorada Girl
October 13th, 2005 at 6:21 pm
Please don’t blame estrogen for Mt. Foob. Suckiness is not a gender related trait; it’s an equal opportunity awfulness.
I personally blame it on Prozac. Lots of Prozac.
Tom T.
October 13th, 2005 at 6:35 pm
When did judgeships become hereditary anyway?
Frankly, it’s hard for me not to see this as a metaphor for poor little Jeffy Keane reluctantly feeling compelled to shoulder the burden of Bil’s threadbare yet still smothering lifework.
Gradioc
October 13th, 2005 at 6:43 pm
Prediction: Eon will turn out to be some God-awful Wedding Planning service that all the local debuttentes are all atwitter about. These blood-suckers get 10% of the cost and then guilt the parents into spending more. “Of course, if you don’t want your baby to have the best…” Poor old spinster Gloria never got her dream (Sam Driver), so it’s time for the legal secretaries’ revenge. Shouldn’t take more than 2 years at most to resolve.
Gradioc
October 13th, 2005 at 6:46 pm
Prediction: Eon will turn out to be some God-awful Wedding Planning service that all the local debuttentes are all atwitter about. These blood-suckers get 10% of the cost and then guilt the parents into spending more. “Of course, if you don’t want your baby to have the best…” Poor old spinster Gloria never got her dream (Sam Driver), so it’s time for the legal secretaries’ revenge. Shouldn’t take more than 2 years at most to resolve. IT WILL MAKE CATHY”S WEDDING SEEM LIKE AN EYEBLINK. God help us all.
Gradioc
October 13th, 2005 at 6:50 pm
Ooops. Sorry about the double post. Thought I stopped it in time.
wensly
October 13th, 2005 at 8:05 pm
Well, that ruins my hopes of you explaining to me wtf Eon means. The only thing that occured to me from context (”i liked her in Eon” “only for a little while, I wasn’t much of a follower”) is that Eon was some sort of Sci Fi show that Mimi was on and now she’s planning some sort of Eon convention like wedding where everyone dresses up in costume in homage to some long defunct show. Unfortunately, I think that would be way too odd and interesting for Judge Parker.
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
October 13th, 2005 at 9:11 pm
I have no idea what’s going on here. Isn’t that Sam Driver? I thought he and Maggie(?) were married long ago. And I haven’t read Judge Parker since his prostate surgery and the unfortunate outcome thereof.
Lor
October 13th, 2005 at 9:15 pm
I tried googling “eon wedding” and only came up with advice from Satan:
http://www.brunching.com/satanonweddings.html
which, come to think of it, might be just what this couple needs.
Islamorada Girl
October 13th, 2005 at 9:19 pm
Isn’t Eon some kind of weird cult? Or a spa or a cult that owns a spa or. . . oh, who cares? He’ll end up with the platinum blonde secretary anyway. Like about around April or May, when we dont care anymore what he does or who he does it with, as long as this hideous story drags to a close before our sanity does.
I’m starting to miss the jungle already.
mooselet
October 13th, 2005 at 10:03 pm
Ooooo, if it’s a Scientology wedding, do you think Tom Cruise will stop by to jump on a few couches while encouraging Katie not to make a sound while passing something the size of a bowling ball through an opening the size of a gumball? Cos then I won’t turn up.
My guess is that EON stands for EveryOne Nuptuals, which means everyone you have ever know comes to your wedding so you can show off how much money you’ve blown on an event that lasts less than 12 hours.
ikkt!
October 13th, 2005 at 10:23 pm
off-topic, but is it my imagination, or is Dr. Would-be Blood Patenter actually posed to *inject*?
3G – Unfortunately, Scott has met a lead-exposed lady in dire need of US citizenship for herself and her darling lead-exposed baby. Sorry Luann, higher duty calls. Again.
Admiral Halsey
October 13th, 2005 at 11:14 pm
I’m not getting a Wilford Brimley vibe from Horace as much as I’m getting a Geppetto vibe.
Chawunky
October 13th, 2005 at 11:34 pm
Well, in Beck’s defense (read the update Josh posted–it’s detailed), he was raised by Scientologists, so he probably didn’t have much of a chance of extricating himself. His fame subsequent to his lapse doubtless led to their redoubled efforts to bring him back into the fold. It only steams me that I’ve essentially donated to the CoS’s dirty tricks squad by buying his last two records–never mind my Jackie Harvey moment.
mooselet
October 13th, 2005 at 11:45 pm
10/14 FBOFW:
Ok, so lemme get this straight. Michael gets up at 6am and works all day, gets home at 7pm, eats and goes back to work up in his attic till 11pm and this is killing him??
Wuss… That’s 7 hours of sleep, very reasonable.
Ok, maybe if he was doing heaving lifting or something, but he’s writing. Now I have the greatest respect for writers, I do. I love to write – see my frequent posts as evidence. I get up every day at 6am, no weekends off, and don’t go to bed most nights til 11pm. I’m a mother and like every other stay-at-home mother (including Mike’s wife, I might add) the vast majority of that time is NOT spent sitting on my backside eating bon-bons. Ok, right now I’m on the computer, but I’m doing household stuff like bills… honest…
I’m just saying, have Mike do something else if you want me to feel for him. Otherwise, suck it up!! Or visit the nice doctor to make a couple of tiny little cuts in your nether regions to stop making babies.
Ron
October 14th, 2005 at 12:26 am
Mooselet beat me to it — if Michael’s wife thinks he’s dying on seven hours of sleep, she’s led an incredibly sheltered life.
The other thing that’s really bugged me about this week’s series is Michael’s insistence that the evil downstairs neighbors wouldn’t recognize themselves because he changed all the names. Yeah, well, including YOUR OWN, nimrod? What, they’re going to think you’re talking about the OTHER people who live underneath you?
Mibbitmaker
October 14th, 2005 at 2:06 am
An Eon is a machine that shrinks people to elf size. They’ll use it on Sam Driver, turning him into a (wait for it….)
Mini Driver!
Mibbitmaker
October 14th, 2005 at 2:34 am
10/14:
FW: Great, Batiuk! How about referencing an INDY comic book for a change? …Or at least do something with the Comic Book Guy2/censorship storyline? Lynn Johnston brought back the Kelpfrothatthemouths, f’ cryin’ out loud.
FBOFW: Dee, you’re in the wrong comic strip. “You don’t have to die in order to make a living”?? You want Mary Worth a few strips down…
A3G: Uh-oh… THE Scott Gaines is using guilt to get Lu Lu to relocate in the third world. This IS the end of the relationship!… or else it’s going to be “2G” starting next week.
Curtis: Another lucid observation about Michelle, doomed to disintergrate in the next nanosecond… There it goes. Bye-bye, lucid observation….
Mibbitmaker
October 14th, 2005 at 2:39 am
Uh… that should’ve been “disintegrate”.
And I thought that one had COTW potential, too. Damn.
Chris
October 14th, 2005 at 6:27 am
BC 10/14: He’s saying, “Well…duh!”, because… he’s offended at people with two legs who can kick?
Or he has so little faith in his team that he doesn’t need an extra point kicker? Then why is he a coach?
Or is he saying “Well…duh!”, because he just turned into, as Fred Sanford says, a dummy?
Or was he already a dummy?
I know the strip was drawn by one.
Chris
October 14th, 2005 at 6:40 am
A3G 10/14: So that’s how it ends with Scott!
laska
October 14th, 2005 at 6:50 am
It’s not that Randy isn’t into Eon, it’s that he found something else he was into in the jungle, judging by the dialogue he had with the priest.
Good golly- has Dr. Jeff discovered the secret of turning on Mary, I mean Mrs. Worth! Even his hair wants a piece of the action.
Kaliflower
October 14th, 2005 at 6:57 am
The librarians smiling visage in the third panel of One Big Happy today is possibly the most frightening thing I’ve ever seen.
Kevin
October 14th, 2005 at 6:58 am
Islamorada Girl (#12):
I agree with you that suckiness is not a gender related trait–in the sense that both males and females can, and do, equally and calamitously suck.
But sometimes they suck in their own unique fashion. Especially in a collaborative creative process (such as appears to go on up on Mt. Foob), either estrogen poisoning or testosterone poisoning can warp the final product in distinctive ways.
And if I ever had any doubts from reading the strip that the former was very much in effect…the “Studio Tour” part of the FBOFW website clinched it.
(Don’t miss the “Hollywood” glamour-shots of Lynn and Rob if you could use a good laugh. Now why do I find the glamour-shot of Executive Director Nancy so disturbing…?)
(Oh, and a shout-out here to brave, brave graphic designer Kevin Strang, who has entered the sacred precincts of the Estrogen Palace while the regular graphic designer is on maternity leave. God help him if he ever leaves the toilet seat up. :-) )
yellojkt
October 14th, 2005 at 7:03 am
In Judge Parker, our young John Roberts wannabe has been stringing along this young thing for awhile completely oblivious to the fact that she belongs to a bizaree quasi-religious cult. Good to get all that information out before the marriage begins. What have they been talking about for years up til now?
Dennis Jimenez
October 14th, 2005 at 8:41 am
10.14.2005
MW – Judging from the look on Dr. Jeff’s face, it’s hard to imagine what Mary’s doing with her right hand hidden behind the steering console.
A3G – So, now that the indictments have been handed down, Tom Delay, er, Scott Gaines thinks it might be best to move to the Dominican Republic, or some other Latin American country without an extradition treaty with the USA.
FBOFW – Don’t you see the irony here, Lynn – you don’t have to make me gag to do a comic strip.
RMMD – WTF?
yellojkt
October 14th, 2005 at 9:21 am
BC actually makes sense. They would have to score a touchdown in order to need a point-after kicker. On most teams the field goal kicker is also the point-after kicker, so maybe the team never even gets into range for a field goal either.
Still not funny. But at least coherent.
Karl the Idiot
October 14th, 2005 at 10:19 am
Unless you mean that he’s impartial to the idea of being a judge — which is rather a good trait to have, judge-wise — then I think you mean that he’s uninterested in being a judge.
Kaliflower
October 14th, 2005 at 10:26 am
I’m with yellojkt @ #35 here. How could you not realize that your fiance is a member of a cult? Especially considering the apparently protracted nature of this engagement. One would think that it would have come up at least once or twice. True he seems to know that she’s a member but he also seems fairly dismissive of it in today’s strip, ‘Oh you know, I’m not really into that.’ Dude, she’s in a cult, she’s not going to get out because of your incredible disinterest.
Nom du Jour
October 14th, 2005 at 10:40 am
I think he is waiting for Harriet Miers to be asked to withdraw her nomination for the Supreme Court. Randy knows that all the money he funneled into CREEP will pay off.
Zorba the Geek
October 14th, 2005 at 11:06 am
I see Mimi in the Tom Cruise role and Randy as Katie Holmes. Mimi brainwashes Randy into buying into her cult, distancing himself from friends and relatives, and giving lots of money to the Scientol….er, pardon me, the Eonists. Is there anyone who doesn’t think this is going to end in a broken engagement and an exposé of Eon? I can only hope that it also winds up with an indictment of Mimi. Run, Randy, run away, before it’s too late!
Skooter
October 14th, 2005 at 11:12 am
RMMD – Why is Rex so stressed? Do you think that Rex was a draft-dodger in a previous life? This is a real political statement for Rex, what happened to his group for poor, underinsured patients?
Canadian Misty
October 14th, 2005 at 11:13 am
Mooselet! Great comment on FBOFW, I love writing too! I could do it from 6-11 too with a few breaks to eat, bathroom, and maybe go for a drive make that walk with the gas prices what they are.
I think what Mike’s wife is trying to tell him you need to give me a break with the kids. As a full time SAHM (Stay at home mom)we would love to have a bath without kids constantly interupting or to do anything for a half hour with out kids I am with them 24/7 if my husband wasn’t the kind to give me a break.
Something else that bothers my about FBOFW, is Elizabeth is 24 years old has been teaching for over a year, and still does not own a car mommy has to drive her. I got my first car at 18 and now at 26 I traded it in for a minivan. My friends are 22 to 28 and ALL of them have cars or trucks. Two are still in college and bought their own cars. I guess if you are a Patterson you have no need or will to be free of parental control LOL. I have to have my own ride though.
Misty
Nom du Jour
October 14th, 2005 at 11:22 am
But in FBOFW Deanna says that Saint Mike works until 11 or LATER. So, c’mon cut the guy some slack. Sometimes he doesn’t hit the sack until 11:05 or 11:10. And sometimes he burns the candle right down to 11:30.
It won’t matter soon when he gets dumped as an editor for writing such a potentially litigious article. Then he can sit and write in his loft from 9 to 5.
Library Cat
October 14th, 2005 at 11:35 am
re #33
Yes that is a scary face, maybe the mouse just ran up her skirt. But more importantly, I think I got a shout-out!
Mibbitmaker
October 14th, 2005 at 11:53 am
Randy’ll learn once he’s “assigned” a “companion” to “hang out with” 24/7/365 (6 in a leap year)/forever. (Sorry ’bout the “s, but they were unavoidable. Something about Scien – uh – Eyawn that requires the cheap irony stuff.)
Hmmmmm…I wonder if gallstones require quiet w/o drugs………?
Nom du Jour
October 14th, 2005 at 12:27 pm
If a wedding party involves matching track suits and Nike™ sneakers, run, don’t walk, RUN away as fast as you can.
gnome de blog
October 14th, 2005 at 12:44 pm
Re 13: Wilfrid indicated that Randy would have to stand for election, but if he did so the Establishment would back him and he’d be a shoo-in. Elections for judgeships are usually pretty cut-and-dried affairs, at least in my part of the country.
Having Randy participate in a love triangle with the cult-infested Mimi and prospective CIA agent April while slowly morphing into his father while moving inexorably toward the judgeship will keep the Judge Parker gang bubbling along for years. I wonder if he will get married before Neddy graduates from high school?
I love Judge Parker. It’s so goofy.
Kaliflower
October 14th, 2005 at 12:49 pm
re: #45
I believe you just volunteered to run up the school librarian’s skirt.
Library Cat
October 14th, 2005 at 12:54 pm
re #49
Damn the irony of it all!!!!!!
ronniecat
October 14th, 2005 at 1:12 pm
Loving the FBOFW comments but can somebody tell me what the hell the last panel in today’s Preteena
http://www.ucomics.com/preteena/2005/10/14/
is supposed to be?
ronnie
Dark Star
October 14th, 2005 at 1:32 pm
Today’s Mary Worth (10/14)
Mary’s giving all the signals that she’s hot and wet (well, as wet as an old bag can get) and wants the doctor to take her now! Right here on the deck of the boat! THE HORROR!
KevinTMC (just \
October 14th, 2005 at 1:36 pm
Preteena – I sure can’t tell what it is. Obviously, what we have here is a failure to communicate. Or, more to the point…illustrate.
JP – Oh my goodness. I did some catch-up reading of the last month and there it is…Eon isn’t just “a” cult, it’s *her* cult. That she runs.
Well, obviously Horace knows what every politically-savvy operator knows: you can’t get elected as a judge unless you’re married–not just engaged–to a woman who runs a cult.
This could get interesting, both in and outside the strip. I bet the Scientology legal team already has King Features on speed-dial.
FBOFW – Nice idea, Canadian Misty…but I don’t think that’s Deanna’s point. Her point is that her hubby’s a Patterson, goshdarnit…and so he oughtn’t be working so awfully hard to put bread on the table and get his employer sued for libel. The bread and the complaint ought to just materialize of their own accord, in recognition of the saintliness of the Pattersons.
Now of course Deanna *ought* to be making the point you raise. In my life I’ve spent time in both Michael’s and Deanna’s positions…and while they’re both rough, I’d take the workload and stress of the former any day.
(But I’d relish the rewards of the latter more…being able to spend so much time with one’s children as they grow and develop is worth more than any writing job I know of short of being the man who wrote the Yellow Pages.)
Zorba the Geek
October 14th, 2005 at 1:50 pm
KevinTMC: that is just such a sweet sentiment. I bet you’re a great dad.
Nealbar
October 14th, 2005 at 2:37 pm
FBOFW–Gee, I hate to be crude, but in the last panel does anyone notice how much Dee resembles one of those $49.00 blow-up dolls? Not that I have any first hand experience, in fact Melissa doesn’t look anything like that…I mean I know some guys who have actually named their rubber women Melissa. Whoo, I think I got out of that one without anyone noticing.
yellojkt
October 14th, 2005 at 3:12 pm
Platitude Crossover Alert: When does Deanna say “No one ever says on their deathbed, “I wish I spent more time at the ofice.’?”
Or come up with anti-workaholic pithy saying. Like anyone on this comment board is a workaholic.
KevinTMC
October 14th, 2005 at 3:48 pm
Hey, yellojkt, I’m a workaholic.
It’s just that the “work” I’m -aholic about tends to be the kind I don’t get paid for. Like reading blogs, posting on message boards…
gnome de blog
October 14th, 2005 at 3:58 pm
Re 57:
“It isn’t work unless someone makes you do it.”
-Calvin
Sheila
October 14th, 2005 at 4:19 pm
What about that middle panel, huh? Rex… all alone in that chair… in the middle of that room… is that SIGNIFICANT or what???
As for MW, HOW COME her ascot is a-blowin’ in the wind but her rigidly coiffed hair is, um, rigid? Meanwhile, Dr. Jeff’s forelock is stationary or blowing to the right in the first panel (where the ascot’s blowing to the left), but it’s blowing up (to the left?) in the second panel (where the ascot is stationary). Is there something we should KNOW about that ascot???? or about the forelock???
Sheila
October 14th, 2005 at 4:20 pm
Oh, yeah, Judge P: Mimi is CLEARLY drunk in the last panel. Randy should get her some black coffee and take her home to sleep it off.
2fs
October 14th, 2005 at 4:36 pm
FBOFW: Deanna is, in her subtle and Canadian way, suggesting that Michael needs to spend more time in bed. Not necessarily sleeping.
Islamorada Girl
October 14th, 2005 at 5:30 pm
#59–As for MW, HOW COME her ascot is a-blowin’ in the wind but her rigidly coiffed hair is, um, rigid?
Because Dennis, as a good Republican matron, she has helmet hair, a wash and set job sprayed so thoroughly into a hard shell that it can stand up to Hurricane Katrina and not move a strand. And I’m betting she gets a blue rinse, too. All the good reactionary politician’s wives have that ‘do.
It gets secret signals from Newt Gingrich at night when they put in their rollers.
Monkeys Uncle
October 14th, 2005 at 5:59 pm
I think a ‘Mary Worth(tm)helmet head wig with kicky, wind blown cravet action set.’ woulld be a great idea for a halloween costume.
In my local paper there was an article about Chewbacca coustumes being the hottest seller this year. What comic strip character would make the best coustume? The detailed “Opus” XL penguin body suit with nose extension? Maybe a subtle, vintage 80’s OP T-shirt and stethescope ala Rex Morgan? How could you make a good coustume out of Gil Thorp?
Islamorada Girl
October 14th, 2005 at 6:07 pm
“How could you make a good coustume out of Gil Thorp? ”
Remember Silence of the Lambs? Something along those lines should do nicely. Remember to make him put on lots of lotion first!
gnome de blog
October 14th, 2005 at 6:21 pm
“What comic strip character would make the best costume?”
PURPLE SPANDEX!!!
Sheila
October 14th, 2005 at 6:30 pm
Dennis?
Beasley
October 14th, 2005 at 7:49 pm
I’m going to take a moment to plug our ancient (made years ago and never updated), primitive website that my wife created years ago which highlights her own pride an’ joy. No need to be critical…we already know how it can be improved (we just haven’t gotten around to it in…ohhhhh…6 years or so). ;) Behold, Babar !
http://www.angelfire.com/art/babar/index.html
Canadian David
October 14th, 2005 at 7:51 pm
Misty (#43)
Where to begin? If you’re looking for things to be bothered by in FBOFW, I could give you a few more important ones. . .
I’m in my thirties. Some of my friends do not own cars. One or two don’t even have a driver’s license. I know you may find this hard to believe. They manage to get by OK in this unimaginable state of existence.
Why does Liz need a car? She’s able to borrow a motorbike in the summer, and she has no real need for one where she’s teaching. Most of the people in that town don’t have cars. Hers would sit mostly unused all winter long. Plus! Maybe she actually enjoys having her Mom or whomever give her a ride to and from, a couple times a year. They’re a loving family; they like each other’s company.
Give her time. By the time the strip is done, Liz may have her sainted minivan yet, to cart around all those piglets Constable Wright has planned for her to pop out. Then all will be well in the world.
Marc
October 14th, 2005 at 9:23 pm
Why am i still lauging about the title “He’s like to test her resiliency!
??
I see FBOFW ending when Liz gets married, or April goes roadside and has to get anabortion. Grandpa Jim dies finally and (freak guitar accident) and Iris falls off the balcony. John sells the practice, and Elly sells the toy shop. John and Deanne move to a house and the end. Now, I just have to e-mail Lynn…
Bookworm
October 14th, 2005 at 10:12 pm
In the Foobiverse everyone must get their full 8 hours of sleep and poor Mikey is being cheated out of it. This is just another attempt to emphasize the earnest, hard-working, virtuous lives the Patterson live.
“You don’t have to die in order to make a living,” but Lynn’s “living” is making some of us long for death – the death of at least one Patterson (and Grandpa doesn’t count). Death To Mike Patterson!
mooselet
October 14th, 2005 at 11:18 pm
10/15 FBOFW:
The death theme continues with “drowning” in work the punchline today.
Yesterday I had a little sympathy – very little, mind you, but still measurable in microscopic amounts – but today it’s all gone. Poof…just like that. I assumed Deanna was staying at home to care for her offspring, but we find today she is back at work full-time. So Mike is working two jobs why????? Hoping to achieve a quicker death and therefore sainthood before Mom, perhaps? Cos that’s my only explaination.
Cut back to part time, loser, before you burn your bridge of full-time employment. Or don’t bang out the freelance so hard. Or survive on only 6 hours of sleep a night and build up a lovely nest egg. I think I may have prefered the Mtigiwannahackaloogie slide show.
In panel 3, is Mike trying hard to not slap Deanna for being so patronizing? Why does he look so constipated? And I think it’s safe to say we now know where Meredith gets her collagen lips from… look at Deanna in the last panel. It looks like she has a cleft lip. It is the most freakishly drawn laugh this side of Hell.
Mibbitmaker
October 15th, 2005 at 5:13 am
#55: The 10/15 FBOFW has a last panel where she looks EVEN MORE like that! It’s like it’s her Monica Lewinsky face, if y’know whaddImean?
Mibbitmaker
October 15th, 2005 at 5:35 am
10/15:
FC: Dol-ly’s go-ing-to He-ell! Dol-ly’s go-ing-to He-ell…[/sings]
Spiderman: Well, at least you’ve got that half a costume, Pete. Then you can be revealed as the stupor-hero and nullify that mad scientist doctor of yours.
A3G: Who, Tommie, that sketchy squiggle in the “photograph” in panel 3? Just tell me it’s not Margo! It’d be your chance to escape the bobble-headed buttinski, just TELL ME IT’S NOT MARGO!!
Beetle Baily: “Caddyshack” this ain’t.
Garfield: Comic strip, you’re disgusting, and I’m not content.
Curtis: For a girl as dangerously obsessive and stalkerish as Curtis, himself, that’s sure a non-commital expression on Chutney’s face. Chut, Curtis had a lucid observation about prissy-girl and now he’s willing to sneak out to hang around with you! Do I have to say it in caps, Chut???
Aw, she knows all lucid observations he has about Michelle are fleeting…
Chris
October 15th, 2005 at 5:50 am
#71 Someone was angry at Michael a while back for not working hard enough… and now this post. Is anyone going to be satisfied from reading this cartoon?
The chorus from Rick Nelson’s “Garden Party” springs to mind.
Kaliflower
October 15th, 2005 at 7:47 am
And today, Luann’s love triangle plot jumps the shark.
yellojkt
October 15th, 2005 at 7:49 am
FBOFW Sunday preview:
Elly huffs, squats, turns red in the face, and flaps her arms. What biological function or process are we watching?
Kaliflower
October 15th, 2005 at 7:57 am
Apartment 3-G today seems to be hinting at a possible solo plot jaunt for the oft ignored Tommie but I’m not getting my hopes up. I get the impression that that’s just a red herring for Luann to, yet again, steal the spotlight from Tommie and smash her redheaded dreams. When will you learn Tommie? Blondes have ALL the fun.
Meanwhile I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that the Rita drunk plot is FINALLY finished. Today’s comic features the infamous coda heads wherein Rita has now joined the miasmatic floating visages of other famous individuals Mary’s decided to stick her nose in.
mooselet
October 15th, 2005 at 7:57 am
Chris (#74),
In a word, no. But perhaps one day… nah!
I still fail to see how he is working hard – that’s my point and has been all along. Lynn is merely trying to turn him into the male version of his mother-martyr Ellie.
To whom do you refer in your reference of “Garden Party”? If it’s Lynn, could she please find a less sanctimonious way to do it? If it’s Michael, then stop complaining on how you’ve given up sleep when you really get 7 hrs a night. Complain about how you never see your kids or wife, or have a reason for working two jobs.
Dammit, I thought I smashed my soap box ages ago. Think I’ll torch it this time…
mooselet
October 15th, 2005 at 8:06 am
Could someone explain 10/15’s Get Fuzzy to me?
I’m originally from Massachusetts and the only reason I could see for not making a belt buckle shaped like one is that it’s not a tough-talkin’ monster-truck-racin’ kind of state…. more of a let’s-tax-the-hell-outta-everything state. So what’s he talking about when he says “sell the image of a…”? A Kennedy? I could see how the Red Sox shirt (damn Red Sox, blew it again) and cowboy hat just didn’t go together and where it was going then, but the copyright line lost it for me.
Ouch, my head hurts from thinking about this too much. Comics should not be this hard!
Sheila
October 15th, 2005 at 9:26 am
Spider-man: Jeez louise, what is Peter being so dang PASSIVE for? The doctor wants to study his blood. Well, tough titty for the doctor! Peter’s under no obligation at all to go along with this. He came in for a check-up to see if he were healthy enough to qualify for health insurance. He obviously is. Doctor needs to initial the dang form and then Pete goes home! If Peter doesn’t want to participate in this “study” — and he OBVIOUSLY DOESN’T! — he can just say “sorry” and walk out!
How old is he? I thought people stopped with the knee-jerk deference to “authority” by roughly age 21!
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
October 15th, 2005 at 9:43 am
I, too, puzzled over Get Fuzzy for a while. At first, I thought a Massachusetts belt buckle would be too phallic. But then I concluded that they’re just commenting on his inept attempt at a cowboy look.
ikkt!
October 15th, 2005 at 11:18 am
mooselet (79) – here I was all set to nominate Satchel’s comment for comic strip quote of the month! Maybe being from Texas helps.. Chet McCord’s got it right in 81 (the second part :), and Rob doesn’t get it – only reason he can come up with for no MA belt buckles is that it might be hard to get the rights to sell the image of the state. But it just ain’t right.
Marc
October 15th, 2005 at 2:55 pm
I think the way to interpret Get Fuzzy today is that Rob looks queer in the cowboy hat, and massachusettes is a gay marriage state. Thats how i see it.
I’m not dissin’ mass.Thats just how i see it.
Islamorada Girl
October 15th, 2005 at 3:04 pm
Well, Princess Eon in Judge Parker is having a big old spoiled girl hissy today. Just look at that face in the last panel. This is another strip with helmet hair.
Haven’t these two been a couple for years now? Don’t you think this issue of cultworld would have come up before this? I too was once in a mixed marriage–I was human, he was Klingon…
Chris
October 15th, 2005 at 5:52 pm
#75: I disagree on that one. I’m interested in how the storyline will develop, more so than any of the storyline involving Luann. That’s the problem with a strip titled after a main character that’s boring, where everyone else is interesting. They shouldn’t have to carry the strip, she should.
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
October 15th, 2005 at 6:43 pm
85: isn’t the main character usually the least interesting?
Sheila
October 15th, 2005 at 7:32 pm
Chris, think Charles Dickens… Oliver Twist, David Copperfield, Pip, et al., were HANDS DOWN the most boring characters in their respective books, while the colorful minor characters carried the plot and the readers’ interest… what can I say, it’s a LOOOOOONG tradition :-)
MOP
October 15th, 2005 at 8:19 pm
I hate to bring it up again, but in Zits the mom’s breasts look like they could put an eye out.
Also, Bill Amend needs a sabbatical, ‘cuz he’s really recycling the punchlines recently. Today is a perfect example. I swear he’s used that joke at least 3 times.
Marc
October 15th, 2005 at 9:46 pm
Number 88.
Connie Duncan (Zit’s mom) has pointy boobs as with its other female characters. lol
When Mr. Amend can’t think of anything, he always leans back on the “Jason and Paige hate each other” fact. He recycles them, but reworks the words.
Dub Not Dubya
October 16th, 2005 at 2:19 am
#76 yellojkt:
“FBOFW Sunday preview:
Elly huffs, squats, turns red in the face, and flaps her arms. What biological function or process are we watching?”
Answer: gallstones. I’m actually only half-joking. Back when I had them, the attacks would go on for hours, the pain so bad that it would wake me up from a sound sleep, and there was seemingly nothing I could do to stop the pain. I’m sure I did try flapping my arms at one time or another, as I certainly tried everything else on earth.
In all seriousness, if she is going through The Change, I’m a bit surprised they would introduce that on a Sunday since my understanding is that the Sunday strips aren’t particularly connected to the daily strips. And did someone else recently mention that she already went through menopause? I can’t remember…
Chris
October 16th, 2005 at 8:16 am
#87 – Sorry, I just kind of compare it to music. For example, on Elvis’s “Here Comes Santa Claus”, the background singers are energetic, while Elvis sounds bored. Should they be upstaging Elvis here?
mako
October 16th, 2005 at 8:22 am
And in MW today we see that Jeff has remembered to bring a bottle of hair dye on the boat trip, opting for the lovely poop brown.
Islamorada Girl
October 16th, 2005 at 8:37 am
In Sunday’s Judge Parker, last panel, Neddy seems to have been stricken with some terrible eye disease. Or maybe she’s just really, really stoned. The effect is disturbing, to say the least. She looks like Ashlee Simpson after a long bar crawl.
More bad inking, mule!
Marc
October 16th, 2005 at 9:13 am
Yes, poop brown hair dye. It looks soo natural. I wonder where her got it? haha!
I thought Elly was having hot flashes or something. It really creeped me out!
Kaliflower
October 16th, 2005 at 9:58 am
Is it terrible of me to hope that at some point in the burgeoning Rex Morgan MD story line Jack will blurt out an ‘Arrr!’?
Library Cat
October 16th, 2005 at 10:20 am
re: #90
FBOFW: Elly’s been going through The Change for years now, at least once every two months we are treated to another one of her hot flash in the middle of night episodes.
Judge Parker: They’ve been waiting so long to order Mimi’s hair is now the same silver fox color as Mary Worth’s.
A3G: Appropriate head bobble alert!
MW: Bring on the Perfect Storm. I predict Jeff’s demise.
Marc
October 16th, 2005 at 10:29 am
I read a bio (out of boredom) on A3G. Did you know it meant “Apartment 3-Girls?
Nom du Jour
October 16th, 2005 at 10:32 am
MW Actually, the technical name for the color of his hair dye is poop deck brown.
rich
October 16th, 2005 at 11:39 am
First we get Mary’s “Debbie Downer” moment (”Smooth sailing, Jeff? Yeah, but I wish I could say the same about LIFE! Life SUCKS, man!!”)
Then Jeff *finally* scores big in the Platitude Slam, with a nicely improvised number about “Life’s storms will come and go”! Mary gasps for breath – slips him some hand. Nothing makes Mary Worth melt like pseudo-philosophical greeting card spoutings!
After all this action, Jeff should be ready for a cigarette and a nap. Check back in 2007 to see if he gets to first base…
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
October 16th, 2005 at 12:22 pm
#96: Hot flashes can indeed go on for years.
It is good to see that Mary and Jeff are still waxing away on the uncertainties of life. I wonder if they’ve run over any swimmers during their platitude-o-rama.
Zorba the Geek
October 16th, 2005 at 2:29 pm
# 96: “FBOFW: Elly’s been going through The Change for years now, at least once every two months we are treated to another one of her hot flash in the middle of night episodes.” Library Cat, if they’re at night, they’re called “night sweats.” During the day, they’re “hot flashes.” Some menopausal and post-menopausal women call them “power surges.” But, indeed, they’ve been going on a long time- menopause is worse for some women than others. She needs to see her gynecologist.
Zorba the Geek
October 16th, 2005 at 2:31 pm
P.S. I recommend increasing consumption of soy products, and black cohosh. That and good genetics worked for me.
Library Cat
October 16th, 2005 at 2:49 pm
re: #100 & 101
Yes I know hot flashes and night sweats can go on for years but #90 asked if she had just started The Change which as regular readers are well aware she has been going through for a while now.
mooselet
October 16th, 2005 at 4:08 pm
Zorba (#102),
Perish the thought!!! I just had a visual of a week of Ellie goes to the GYN strips, and it wasn’t pretty. We would have the Ellie up in stirrups viewpoint… with vaginia humour instead of toilet jokes.
AAAAAACK!!! The horror… must…begin… drinking.
mooselet
October 16th, 2005 at 4:09 pm
MW: Never mind Jeff’s dye job everyone… in panel 2 Mary has a hair out of place! Call the National Guard, quick! Surely this will loose her her Repulican Matron card.
Marc
October 16th, 2005 at 4:31 pm
Elly from FBOFW in Stirrups. Gag.
GYN: Elly, i see some rather large strech marks. Been going roadside?
Elly: No!! But from being a nosy mother and reading my daughter’s “real blog” her friend Becky is roadside.
—
I’d rather hear her 3 week long schleppy Mtigwackilakiedookiwville story all over again. This time don’t spare any details!
Islamorada Girl
October 16th, 2005 at 4:37 pm
How dare the universe inflict eternal menopause on a Saintly Patterson?
There will be retribution from Mt. Foob!
Marc
October 16th, 2005 at 7:57 pm
Put Elly in a chicken suit, and she could stand outside KFC. Perfect job for her. Passing out flyers and free samples.
KevinTMC
October 16th, 2005 at 9:13 pm
MW: Dang! My Platitudinometer(TM) had been emitting a high-pitched whine for a few days now…but when Jeff got the two-way platitudinizing going in the Sunday strip, the thing up and exploded.
I’d just had the unit serviced, too. Damn you Mary and Jeff!
KevinTMC
October 16th, 2005 at 9:16 pm
More MW: File this one under Lines That Would Be Perfect But Will Never Be Said:
Jeff really ought to quote Annette Bening’s character in “Bugsy”…
“Do you always talk this much before you do it?”
ComicsFan
October 16th, 2005 at 10:06 pm
#109–But the hand-touching action in the final panel is suggestive in a Fellini-esque sort of way. Sort of got me going. Think I’ll go see what the Mrs. is up to.
joeyjoejoe
October 17th, 2005 at 2:25 am
Curtis, 10/17: Okay, who’s taking bets on the identity of the person with the gun in the last panel? I say it’s either Mrs. Nelson, finally fed up with a school system that doesn’t prevent the kind of unchecked bullying that “Derrick” and “Onion” partake in, or Barry, just back from the “Rap” store (cleverly disguised as a laundromat, since each time the parents discover where it is, they get together and “torch” it), where he listened to DJ Gunhaver’s latest single, “Kill a Bunch of Kids at Your School.”
What do the rest of y’all think?
walt
October 17th, 2005 at 6:07 am
Josh is busy boning his bride whilst Brick is
(justly) imprisoned. Oh the humanity!
Lee
October 17th, 2005 at 6:27 am
A3-G: It looks like the Headbob Virus is spreading. I’m fully expecting the world to be overrun by it in some Romeroesque apocalypse.
(Am I the only one at least a little annoyed that the last panel was so badly plotted out that Margo’s identity has become a pointless mystery?)
MW: Leo Laporte returns as Jeff, still grim at the prospect of another “special” meal with Mary that will, in fact, revolve all around Rita and offer him no solace of any kind (least of all the kind he wants). This strip is beginning to make FBOFW look like non-stop action.
(I’m working from the assumption, of course, that Liz’s going to the police was never discussed again.)
yellojkt
October 17th, 2005 at 7:00 am
Peter Parker leaves his Spiderman suit at home this time, but still remembers to bring along his web shooters. Where was he hiding those in the exam room?
Nom du Jour
October 17th, 2005 at 8:39 am
Smug Saint Mike Patterson is going to get his face bashed in if he don’t watch out.
laska
October 17th, 2005 at 9:12 am
Peter Parker leaves his Spiderman suit at home this time, but still remembers to bring along his web shooters. Where was he hiding those in the exam room?
He was hiding them in his Spidey Underroos.
As to Judge Parker, is marrying into a cult really going to help his judgeship?
Sourbelly
October 17th, 2005 at 9:20 am
#79: The idea of a Massachusetts belt buckle is a direct (though not necessarily intentional) rip-off of a Simpson’s gag. Bart and Lisa befriend a retired cowboy movie hero. He asks Lisa whether he should go with the Texas belt buckle or the Massachusetts one. The joke being that a cowboy would never wear a Massachusetts belt buckle.
Dennis Jimenez
October 17th, 2005 at 9:23 am
MW – On 10.14.2005, I thought we were “heading” for that old nautical expression, “There she blows!” But the only thing in this insipid strip that blows is my lunch as Mary spouts still more platitudes and the only head we get are those mysteriously floating around her on 10.15.2005….
Kaliflower
October 17th, 2005 at 10:20 am
Brick in GT talks like a stupid person expects smart people to talk. ‘…if you would kindly extricate me from this cubicle.’ Dear Mr. Rubin, AutoThesaurus is never a good idea.
Islamorada Girl
October 17th, 2005 at 10:37 am
Death to Gil Thorp!
Give the kid a swirlie!
Dennis Jimenez
October 17th, 2005 at 10:41 am
RE: #121 – A royal (as in flush) in my neck of the woods….
Library Cat
October 17th, 2005 at 10:54 am
Could someone explain today’s Brevity comic strip to me? I don’t get it. Thanks
rich
October 17th, 2005 at 11:15 am
123:
That’s the straw that broke his/her back.
Regarding Spider-Man: Can’t he fashion a mask out of webbing? I seem to recall him doing that once when forgot his costume.
Library Cat
October 17th, 2005 at 11:36 am
Thank you Rich, damn I must need some more coffee. They even had the little look-at-me lines around the straw and everything.
Monkey
October 17th, 2005 at 11:45 am
The Stuffed Flounder Plate Special at “The Bum Boat”! FAAAAAN-CY!
Zorba the Geek
October 17th, 2005 at 12:00 pm
What’s with the hooded guy in the background of the first panel of today’s Judge Parker? Is it raining heavily inside the airport, or is he some kind of cultist collecting money? Maybe he’s from Eon. And catch Sam Driver’s chest hair- all he needs to complete the look are a few heavy gold chains.
Dennis Jimenez
October 17th, 2005 at 12:40 pm
There has to be some tasteless witticism to be formed with flounder, stuffed, and bum, but I’m to lazy to work it up today….
Nom du Jour
October 17th, 2005 at 12:47 pm
ol doc jeff is smelling flounder and bum.
one word.
yeeeeecccccchhhhhhh
gnome de blog
October 17th, 2005 at 1:26 pm
#127: He’s an Eon operative shadowing the known associates of Randy Parker. In due course (several months from now) Sam will be back in the jungle trying to save Randy from a shotgun wedding and a kool-aid communion.
Either that or it’s just a suburban teen-ager with gangsta fantasies.
Nom du Jour
October 17th, 2005 at 1:35 pm
#127, it is actually L. Eon Hubbard stalking his prey.
The Rhino
October 17th, 2005 at 2:57 pm
#124 Spider-Man
He needs to fashion some UNDERWEAR out of webbing — loved the flashing panel on Sunday.
The Rhino
October 17th, 2005 at 2:58 pm
I’ve also never seen (nor been in) such a full-coverage (front and back) hospital gown.
gnome de blog
October 17th, 2005 at 3:07 pm
L Eon Hubbard. Good one, Nom.
gershwin
October 17th, 2005 at 3:23 pm
Most all the hairstyles in Judge Parker have always been interplanetary. Maybe it’s *that* kind of cult?
Nom du Jour
October 17th, 2005 at 3:40 pm
Nikes and matching sweatsuits and a wait for the next comet. That is the next Parker arc.
Marc
October 17th, 2005 at 4:30 pm
Stuffed Flounder at the ‘Bum?
Let’s rework this sentence:
Flounder stuff at the ‘Bum?
no.
‘Bum stuff at the Flounder?
no.
Stuffed Flounder in the ‘Bum..
Hmmm…
Euphamisms. Euphamisms.
That’s the first time that I know of where it could be sexual inuendo, but food is mentioned. Only things that can be ingested that have been mentioned in MW are “Stuff” from Tommy, or Ritzilla’s booze.
And what is the flounder stuffed with?
Date rape?
If Dr. Cory can afford to dock his boat at a Marina with large boats (that seems to change size even from the same perspective), then he can afford to slip the chef “x” amount of dollars to use a “special” stuffing.
Mary’s hair wont be the only thing that is rigid.
Sassy_Rocks
October 17th, 2005 at 5:01 pm
The only way Doc Jeff can possibly get some physical intimacy out of that old bag is with the assistance of some potent Bandar date rape medicine for her and a can of stay hard aerosol spray for himself.
Monkey
October 17th, 2005 at 5:10 pm
Oh, Sassy, I think you gave me my very first personal head bobble.
Anne Nonymous
October 17th, 2005 at 6:08 pm
So, where’s our own little Curmudgeonly leader, Josh? He hasn’t written anything in four days. Busy extending your honeymoon with the missus, are you, your Popeness?
heynoni
October 17th, 2005 at 7:26 pm
Out of interest, I did a Google search for EON WEDDING. Only a couple of links showed up, but one took me straight to a hardcore porn site! That puts a nice edge on the cartoon strip.
Dub Not Dubya
October 17th, 2005 at 7:53 pm
Zorba, I think the hooded guy is supposed to be the Unabomer. See, this was written before he was caught, so all they had to go on was the sketch from the Wanted poster. Who would notice if Judge Parker was actually written years ago? Not Me! Yeah, I know they had a cellphone down in the jungle, but that could have been a quick rewrite.
Islamorada Girl
October 17th, 2005 at 8:03 pm
The hooded guy is Death. The airline lost his scythe, and it’s on it’s way to Istanbul.
Zorba the Geek
October 17th, 2005 at 8:03 pm
Dub, re: # 142: *snicker* *snort* Yeah, the lead time on some of these strips is pretty long.
Kaliflower
October 17th, 2005 at 8:53 pm
I don’t know who the behooded dude is, however, I think it’s pretty clear that the guy with cowboy hat is none other than Juan Valdez. Unfortunately his beloved burro has been misplaced in transit and is now wrecking havoc on Istanbul with Death’s scythe.
Bookworm
October 17th, 2005 at 9:04 pm
#112 Your comment confused me at first because my local paper ran a reprint of Curtis today, not the “hand with a gun strip.” I had to look it up online to see what you were talking about. Anybody else run into this? Any thoughts on the reason?
Kaliflower
October 17th, 2005 at 9:36 pm
Well holy crap. My paper ran a repeat as well and subsequently I had no idea what #112 was talking about either. Perhaps some papers are not running this story arc because of some potential violence that will arise. Personally I’m guessing that’s Chutnee (or whatever). It looks like a Chutnee arm.
Chris
October 17th, 2005 at 10:37 pm
No, no, it’s Gunk, people, Gunk!
“I have been sent from aliens who act as natives of Flyspeck Island to kill you.”
Islamorada Girl
October 19th, 2005 at 10:14 am
Istanbul used to be Constantinople
Istanbul used to be Constantinople
Constantinople long time gone
nemoErensenuT
February 9th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
I’d prefer reading in my native language, because my knowledge of your languange is no so well. But it was interesting! Look for some my links: