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Careful where you point those things!

Zits, 11/18/05

There’s an issue that’s been percolating in the comments for some time, but I’ve decided that it’s finally time for me to take a stand on it. And that issue is as follows: Momma Zits’s breasts: What’s the deal with them? I mean, the comics section is full of breasts that could not possibly occur in nature, but at least I understand why those boobs are the way they are: because the artists who draw them are desperately lonely horn-dogs. Momma Zits’s boobs, on the other hand, are just strange and disturbing to me. I suppose that someone out there finds them sexy — there is a lid for every pot, after all — but still … they’re awful … pointy. Like, eye-gougingly pointy. Be careful with the hugging there, Jeremy.

The effect is lost in this colorized version of the strip, but when you see Momma Zits in the paper, her shirt (other than that band around her chest) and her skin are the same color, which makes it look as if she’s wearing some kind of ultra-small tube top. This does not help matters.

Good to see that teenage cruelty has been kicked up a notch since my days bearing the brunt of it: rather than just slap a post-it note on his back, Jeremy’s tormentors actually took the time to scrawl their cruel epithets directly onto his omnipresent purple shirt. Nice.

By the way, I’m well aware of the fact that, unlike most cartoon clans, the Zits family members all have actual first and last names. As usual, I’m just too lazy to look them all up.

70 responses to “Careful where you point those things!”

  1. My first comment woohoo
    November 18th, 2005 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    First! Hah!

  2. Anonymous
    November 18th, 2005 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    coulda been first!

  3. Kaliflower
    November 18th, 2005 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    The shape of Momma Zits’ tits in the last panel seem to be more disturbing than usual. There they seem to be even smaller and pointier than usual. If this strange pattern continues I can only assume that in a few short months her breasts will take the shape of arrows.

  4. yellojkt
    November 18th, 2005 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    That tube top was very ewwww! Abby in Edge City also gets her bras used from Madonna’s prop closet.

  5. sephohnek
    November 18th, 2005 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    if i see any more of this thoughtful, understanding teenager shit in zits im going to need to start rethinking all of the hilarious stereotypes they conditioned me to believe.

  6. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    November 19th, 2005 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    And in Saturday’s Rex, we have the luscious Becka and June in the same strip.

    Gotta go…

  7. Marc
    November 19th, 2005 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    Momma Zits is Connie.
    Daddy Zits is Walt.

    Connie from Zits has boobs as pointy as Jane Hand’s finger! There is something wrong!!

  8. Sharkbait
    November 19th, 2005 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    I’m going to have trouble thinking of Drusilla the same way after seeing this Pibgorn strip:
    Pibgorn 11/18/05

    Was there a Drusilla in your life, Dr. Jeff? How about you, Rex? Et tu, Wilbur? Talk to the Hands. And how long ago did Mr. Kelpfroth’s cigar go out?

    Ted Forth? Asked, and answered.

    Why are the desires of these comic characters so twisted?

    Thanks for letting me comment. I need to go now and work on my life-sized paper mache model of Cherry Trail.

  9. edgeways
    November 19th, 2005 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    well she IS a Succubus, so that strip makes sense in a way, it still was a little… unexpected, and amused me greatly

  10. rich
    November 19th, 2005 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    Nor could Mamma Zits’ nose, eyes or jaw possibly occur in nature! – though I agree, her breasts are her most disturbing characteristic.

    (On the other hand, there’s Git Sum Girl, who’s distracting the hell out of me as I try to type this post – though curiously enough is driving those images of Mrs. Zits’ tits right out of my mind…)

  11. Shannon
    November 19th, 2005 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    When girls are little they sometimes strap on one of mom’s bras and stuff a pair of socks in there – practice for the future, I imagine.

    Looks like Momma Zit stuffed hers with shards of broken glass.

  12. rich
    November 19th, 2005 at 2:45 am [Reply]

    In today’s panel 4, April Patterson is apparently being tormented by one of those evil freaky ventriloquist dummies. (Why doesn’t she just say to him “Where do you get off criticizing MY looks, evil freaky ventriloquist dummy”?)

  13. mooselet
    November 19th, 2005 at 5:46 am [Reply]

    Her boobs look like they belong in an Austin Powers movie, with little machine gun tips pointing out where her nipples should be. I would think Jeremy would be more embarrassed by “those” then anything else his mother does; can’t you just see all his friends coming over to ogle his mother’s freakish gravity defying breasts?

  14. Marc
    November 19th, 2005 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Since I also get Sunday’s strips today, I see April has a lovely zit-free face. There are punk rock ducks in Rose is Rose, and the front door in Hi and Lois changes style and shape in every strip (you got some quick handymen Flagston’s!)

    Aren’t you semi-disgusted by today’s Marmaduke. “Here comes Rita!” and Marm goes outside and is flying around like in the Wizard of Oz. Second of all, what does this teach young girls or anyone for that matter “Stand in front of large glass windows during hurricanes, because it’s fun too watch your annoying dog fly away?”

  15. Marc
    November 19th, 2005 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    For the Hi and Lois thing, i mean’t panel, not strip (which is also true).

  16. King Folderol
    November 19th, 2005 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    You’re dead on about how her breasts lose something in color – they’re much freakier in B&W. In color, they look like a small shelf that she can keep spices and ingredients on while she’s cooking dinner for her unappreciated family. Makes sense, seeing as Pappa Zits, though he certainly gets along with his wife, doesn’t seem to view her as anything more than a domestic drudge.

  17. Big Ben
    November 19th, 2005 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Well, Momma Zits isn’t the only one with freakish breast problems–all the females have the same style breasts.

    Another comic strip with breasts that could never occur in nature is Rhymes with Orange. Little “bumps” do not count as boobs, dang it! I want more Blondie!

  18. Rusty
    November 20th, 2005 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    Rhymes with Orange shares some similarities with Cathy, in that both are drawn by female artists with zero ability to actually draw anything. In that sense, Cathy is actually a ground-breaking comic for it incredibly bad draftmenship and ignorance of perspective. To stay on topic, the women in Cathy have no breasts whatsoever, apparently because Guisewite cannot draw even an approximation. She has the same issue with noses. (And I like Rhymes, BTW, it is always quirky and often funny, but hey, hire somebody to draw the damn thing).

  19. Marc
    November 20th, 2005 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    I think Rhymes with Orange has a cool drawing style. Cathy is just horrible. She haunts me in my sleep. How does she taste the food that she jams down her throat and makes her plump? Maybe she thinks if she eats more she’ll taste it? What about when Irving makes her preggers. How will you tell? Will baby Irving Jr. have no nose also?

  20. mooselet
    November 20th, 2005 at 7:15 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s MT:

    Not only do we have talking animals in today’s lesson, but talking dead animals. That turkey is not only dead but plucked, stuffed and ready to be roasted!! At least I hope it’s not cooked yet, because that is the pinkest flesh I have ever seen and the Trail family is in for a lovely case of salmonella if they eat Talking Turkey as is.

  21. Gravy Sucking Pig
    November 20th, 2005 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    An artist with a sense of humor would have drawn a hint of blood on teenage Jeremy’s shirt after his chest cavity was punctured by the arrowhead-like breasts.

    On the positive side, Momma Zit would serve quite nicely as can opener in an emergency.

    .

  22. Lor
    November 20th, 2005 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    Yikes! Did you see Mama Z.’s breasts today? In the title panel, I mean. Look closely and it looks like you can see the outline of her actual boobs inside the D-Cups-of-Death. Nips and all.

  23. Marc
    November 20th, 2005 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    Comics porn in the paper. Tits, Tits, uuhhh I mean, Tsk, Tsk, Tsk.

  24. Kaliflower
    November 20th, 2005 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Sunday’s Mary Worth:

    Check out Wilbur’s crazy-ass keyboard today; that’s certainly not your standard 104 key affair. In fact, there looks to be space for little more than 40 keys on that layout. My guess is Wilbur has replaced the standard keyboard with a far more effecient one that has keys only for the most used functions of an advice collumnist. He’s whittled his advice down to a few key fundamentals and placed keys that bring them up readily. That’s the only explanation I can think of for that poorly rendered thing.

  25. Kaliflower
    November 20th, 2005 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    And just because I have more time than I know what to do with I’ve created what I think would be the best rendering of Wilbur’s keyboard’s layout: here

  26. grendell
    November 20th, 2005 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    haha, great, i want to be an advice columnist now.

  27. Marc
    November 20th, 2005 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    Oh I loved Chip’s challenge!! I too wondered why the keyboard looked so mis-shaped.

  28. Bill Peschel
    November 20th, 2005 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    What, no p0rn key?

  29. Marc
    November 20th, 2005 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    Probably because his who-ha would get in the way and push the wrong advice key.

  30. Mibbitmaker
    November 20th, 2005 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    You’ve heard of Connie Conehead from the original SNL? Well, meet Connie Conebreasts.

    11/18′s Pibgorn: Well, at least it looks like characters in ONE of the artist’s strips are ‘gittin’ sum’!

  31. Sassy_Rocks
    November 20th, 2005 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of breasts that could not possibly occur in nature, Gitsum Girl was not born with hers. Those are of the “rock in a sock” synthetic variety.

    Wilbur Weston needs the one handed keyboard so that Palmetta is free for online ask Wendy onanism.

  32. RBF-at-home
    November 20th, 2005 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    no comment.

    except Grow up Guys!

    get over the boobies.. never mind

  33. Nina the weena
    November 20th, 2005 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    I think the girl in the gitsum ad is Eliza Dushku, who has said she wouldn’t get surgery: DUSHKU SLAMS PLASTIC SURGERY does anyone know if that is actually her or not?

  34. joeyjoejoe
    November 21st, 2005 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    Wait…you guys actually think that “GitSum” girl is attractive? I hate to be the one to say it, but: butterface.

  35. Pha-Q
    November 21st, 2005 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Dude, It’s just a comic strip.

  36. bubujin
    November 21st, 2005 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    Check out the 21 November Phantom strip: Not only is the Ghost Who Walks playing grab ass with a woman not his Mrs., but his fingers appear to have a tight grip on the place between her cheeks.

  37. joeyjoejoe
    November 21st, 2005 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Lynn. I hate to keep broaching the same subject, but…um, jokes?

  38. Lulu
    November 21st, 2005 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    No 14: OK, not to be too over-the-top about this, but the fact that April has a crystal clear complexion in Sunday’s strip is exactly what bugs the HELL out of me about FBOFW. Because Ms. Johnson just loves to spew her sanctimonious, look-at-me-and-see-how-I-understand-teen-angst bullcrap, yet if we take her strips at face (ha!) value then April in actuality is a spoiled princess who is complaining because, God forbid! her perfect complexion has been temporarily brought down to the levels of the common teenager and she has to now be seen as one with the unwashed masses. I’ll start sympathizing with April if she is drawn with her acne for, oh, the next 5 years, and I’m not talking a few zits here or there, either. I’m talking flaming patches of puss-oozing whiteheads with permanent pox marks, to boot.

    Er, what was that I said about being over-the-top?

  39. rich
    November 21st, 2005 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    25 – Good one, Kaliflower. Here are some more keys:

    “Oh, dear…”

    “Vibrate”

  40. MotoMike
    November 21st, 2005 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    Re: #38
    Um …. Not to dispute your thoughts about April, but there might be another explanation for the difference in April’s complexion; my understanding is that daily strips and Sunday strips occupy a different timespace due to the fact that some newspapers and some subscribers may only carry or subscribe to the paper on Sundays only. This leads to the amusing phenomenon of, say, Wally (in FW) JUST ABOUT TO TAKE HIS FOOT OFF THE LAND MINE on Saturday, and Sunday’s strip being another hilarious laff fest of how cute Les’s kid is, or how stupid Montoni (who, is, incidentally, the only guy in town that has actually built and keeps running a business – boy, how brain-dead must HE be!) is on a good day. Then Monday’s strip continues as if Sunday never happens. So April’s complexion in FBOFW on Sunday – and, by extension, the whole “joke” – bears no relationship to anything that happened during the previous week.

    Nice OTT rant, though.

  41. csr
    November 21st, 2005 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    Good point, Moto! In our local paper we get Foxtrot during the week, but not on Sunday, and Hagar the Horrible on Sunday, but not during the week. All I can say about that is “Gahhh! What the…!?” (to quote one of the bad guys in today’s Phantom). Hey, Josh, can we get that on a t-shirt?

  42. rich
    November 21st, 2005 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Phantom is another example of the Sunday/weekday “disconnect”. He carries on two separate adventures, often on different continents, with no hint as to how they fit together. (Maybe one is an “Earth-2″ Phantom…) And they’re not even by the same artist!

  43. leathermessiah
    November 21st, 2005 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Wow. Check out the last panel in today’s Rex Morgan. Is it just me, or is Rex a perpetrator of Fairy Wrist here? And, of course, the fact that the strip’s creator felt it necessary to put this exchange in at all baffles me. *plotplotplotplotOHLOOKFOOD!plotplotplot* Buh?

  44. Sassy_Rocks
    November 21st, 2005 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    Gloria Sanchez looks different. I know it’s understandable after her prison stay that her devo-esque hair might become disheveled, but even her face looks different. It would make sense if there were a new artist in Judge Parker, but the other characters look the same as always. Maybe she joined Eon or something…

  45. Mibbitmaker
    November 21st, 2005 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    Today:

    FW: Uh-oh. *That* can’t be good.

    …… even in Batiuk’s continuity, the media’s got to spout the same shopworn stereotypes about comic books.

    Spiderman: That dopey and unnecessary narration sounds waaay too much like the announcer at the end of part 1 of an old Batman show (1966-8). Is it any wonder I hate superheroes?

    FC: Is little Dolly channeling Dana Carvey’s Grumpy Old Man here on Grandma’s behalf?

    FBOFW: “I wish I was invisible.” So do we, April, so do we (at least until your “teenager face” clears up).

    A3G: Bearded old guy: “No, thank you, lady, you’ll just go back to being a shallow Reagan immitator again just like after your silly sweatshop adventure the last time you became stricken with humanity!”

  46. Mibbitmaker
    November 21st, 2005 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    DTGT: No, lunkhead, they either have a guy, or a woman after menopause. [Oliver Hardy sarcasm]“(Do) they have a girl?”[/Ollie]

  47. MotoMike
    November 21st, 2005 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    Re: #45
    I took another look at FW and took a close look at the blonde in the first panel. Then I soaked my newspaper in a special solution that enables one to enlarge it to 3-D, and rotate the view at the same time that it magnifies it, to make sure it was who I thought it was – it’s Cindy (Summers?) (Funky’s ex-wife), showing up to cover the proceedings on [the FW version of] CNN! So they’re all gonna be on TV, Les’s wife will win the case (because no judge or jury will want to actually convict the proprietor of a comic-book, excuse me, graphic novel, store of obscenity on nationwide TV, plus she’ll bring in some devastating final evidence, like it was his wife’s fingerprints on the glass – whoops, wrong courtroom scene -) and wallah! Not guilty, baby! What happens in Comix Corner stays in Comix Corner.

    … however, as a comical coda, the TV equipment truck will be backed into by Crankshaft’s bus. No getting around it. Won’t happen till next week, though.

  48. Marc
    November 21st, 2005 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    I think hormones run in the Patterson family. Elly has been “a flappin’” since April was 2, and I bet April is going to have foob acne well into her 30′s, if not mid 40′s.

    Look! brief references to today’s pop culture in Family Circus!

    An iPod? But he’s not wearing the earbuds, so Apple can’t sue him for copyright issues. Hey Dolly, here’s an idea! Leave Daddy alone so he can listen to his youth and not deal with his “precious handfuls.”

  49. Sassy_Rocks
    November 21st, 2005 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    Gitsum Girl= Eliza Dushku? Someone has exceeded their bandwith with that quantum logic leap. Unless Eliza went back on her word (a la Brittany) and got surgically altered in the face and chest, she is not Gitsum Girl. Has anyone else actually clicked on the gitsum.com link?

  50. csr
    November 21st, 2005 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman… what about Dr. Self-serving there? He’s been fooled into thinking there’s a fire, yet he’s more concerned about Peter Parker’s blood than his wife who went upstairs to bed? “Let her burn, I need to save that blood!” Maybe she’ll end up writing to Dear Wendy in a comics crossover.

  51. Josh
    November 21st, 2005 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    Sassy — the Git Sum girl has gotten over 1,000 clicks since she first showed her face on my site about 10 weeks ago. This is by far the highest click-through rate of any ad that’s ever been on my site. Y’all are perverts.

    Josh

  52. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    November 21st, 2005 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    The Gitsum Apparel Corporation seems to make do with the local talent. We might be able to see more and better at the local mall, but some of us lead such silently desperate existences that this is the best we can do.

    Gotta go Gitsum…

  53. Marc
    November 21st, 2005 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    I think it’s time for a new post. There was so much today.

  54. Ian
    November 21st, 2005 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    Big thanks from me to
    Sharkbait,
    Big Ben,
    and
    Lor.

    I like it when people provide links to the comics they are talking about, it makes it much less confusing.
    and much more convienent.

    Thanks again.

  55. Fireball
    November 21st, 2005 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    I’m so stoked about today.

    Good news #1: Get Fuzzy is now in the Des Moines Register.

    Good news #2: It replaces Cathy!

    Woo woo!

  56. Rosscott
    November 21st, 2005 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    I just found your site through the BLC podcast. I’m catching up on the archive, good stuff!

    -rosscott

  57. BigJoe
    November 22nd, 2005 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    #55 – Your paper removed Cathy? Man, I’m so jealous!

  58. Linus
    November 25th, 2005 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    Hello! If you’re new, welcome to the anti-For Better or For Worse site. If you’re here, you must hate FBOFW, or you’re nothing but a good, decent human being who must be shot at by us. We are the evil ones who hate the Pattersons, and we will complain and complain until everyone gets tired of us and leaves the Comics Curmudgeon in droves! We have no real lives except to hate the Pattersons! We’d like to admit the comic stopped being good only a few years back, but we must hate the comic all the time because we will be nothing successful like the Pattersons! Fear us!

  59. Scocad
    November 27th, 2005 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    A paper had the guts to give annoying Cathy the axe?? Outstanding! Now can they so the same with smug Sally Forth? Brain dead, bible thumping BC? Sappy, condescending, patronizing, fooby For Better or for Worse? Racist and hateful Boondocks? One-note political cartoon Doonesbury?

    Our paper won’t kill any comic, no matter how horrible it is, if it has a small but whiny audience.

  60. Holden
    December 8th, 2005 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, it took my paper 6 years to get rid of *Shudder* The Rugrats! [It was a strip, believe it or not] Now, If my paper could get rid of Baby Blues!

  61. BFrank
    December 12th, 2005 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Today’s feature (12/12/05) presents an even more frightening view of the effects of gravity on Jeremy’s mom. I couldn’t find a link to it but perhaps someone else might be able to?

  62. Dan Perducci
    January 4th, 2006 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me or is Luann’s mother way hotter than the mom in Zits?

    Besides, Zits sometimes becomes too cliche in the way Jeremy’s contempt for his parents almost borders on the homicidal. Case in point – when the charity pick up guy comes to pick up stuff and Jeremy ponders offering his Dad as junk.

    Is teenage contempt for their parents (ala ‘Simple Rules’) the new Henny Youngman-style schtick in comedy (Take my parents, please!)

    Back to Luann’s momma – she’s got hot pouty lips and perky breasteses! Luann’s dweeby dad is lucky!

  63. You all suck
    May 28th, 2006 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    you guys are fucking retards. Its a god dammed comic strip. Calm the fuck down.

  64. Beth
    June 21st, 2006 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    Geez, i agree with “You all suck”, wtf is with you people. if you don;t like the comic DONT READ IT DUH!!.
    i find them halarious, maybe you should lighten up abit..

  65. G-dog
    December 1st, 2006 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Some people don’t get it that strips are parodies. Why are Momma Zit’s breasts more sacred than Jeremy’s feet? When you get to be fifty and your breasts look like Momma Zits’s, maybe you’ll catch on.

  66. Caddy Daddy
    December 8th, 2006 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    Momma Zits [Connie] breasts are know in the ‘trade’ as “Banana boobs” for their shape. And yes, some real women do have similar shaped ones. How do I know? I’m a pervert that loves looking at them.
    Btw, Jeremy’s girlfriend, Sara, has similarly shaped ones.

    And hey, it is just a comic.

  67. Caddy Daddy
    December 8th, 2006 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Almost forgot: When they get real pointy, they’re known as ‘eye pokers’. Really.

    Enjoy.

  68. BKH2007
    December 23rd, 2009 at 5:25 am [Reply]

    “Why are Momma Zit’s breasts more sacred than Jeremy’s feet?”

    Zis occasionally makes fun of Jeremy’s big, stinky feet:

    http://www.statemaster.com/encyclopedia/Zits-(comic-strip)

    I remember one strip where Jeremy was walking and suddenly noticed his shoes were squishy. Turns out his Odor Eaters threw up!

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